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00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:02,535
Biscayne:
TONIGHT ON "NEWSREADERS,"
2
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:05,510
WE'LL MEET A FORMER
FORMER PORN STAR...
3
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:09,279
AND LATER, SOME THOUGHTS
FROM HUMORIST JIM DAVIDSON.
4
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,010
SO, I'M AT THE ABORTION CLINIC
THE OTHER DAY,
5
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,345
AND I HAVE TO SNEEZE.
6
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,610
AND I DO WHAT I THINK IS
THE NORMAL THING --
7
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:14,847
[ SNEEZES ] YOU KNOW?
8
00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:16,782
NO. THEY'RE LIKE,
"NO, USE YOUR ELBOW.
9
00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:17,917
"THAT'S THE NEW THING.
10
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:19,521
COVER YOUR SNEEZE
WITH YOUR ELBOW."
11
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:23,163
AND I'M LIKE [SCOFFS] "WHAT KIND
OF ABORTION CLINIC IS THIS?"
12
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:25,591
ALL THAT AND MORE THAT,
13
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,526
TONIGHT ON "NEWSREADERS."
14
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:40,044
THEY SAY YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE
HOW THE SAUSAGE IS MADE,
15
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,444
BUT THEY WOULDN'T SAY THAT
16
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:44,445
IF THEY WATCHED TONIGHT'S
"XANDRA'S TECH ZINE."
17
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,194
SAUSAGE DOESN'T GROW ON TREES,
18
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:54,360
BUT HOW COOL WOULD IT BE
IF IT DID?
19
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:58,088
NO, SAUSAGE IS MADE HERE
AT NEO SAUSAGE INDUSTRIES.
20
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:01,356
THE COMPANY WAS STARTED BY
IVAN FOLANGE AND CHIP DUNSTREET.
21
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,495
ONE OF THEM
HAS A COOL SURFER LOOK,
22
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:05,801
AND THE OTHER HAS GLASSES
AND A CARDIGAN,
23
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,343
WHICH HE TOTALLY PULLS OFF.
24
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:10,538
THESE GUYS ARE IN THE BUSINESS
OF MAKING TASTY TREATS
25
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,641
FOR YOUR EMPTY SAUSAGE HOLE.
26
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,073
I JUST SAID, YOU KNOW,
27
00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:15,408
"THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY
TO MAKE SAUSAGE."
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00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:16,713
TOTAL SAUSAGE FEST.
29
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,014
[ CHUCKLES ]
YEAH, YEAH.
30
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,405
LIKE MOST IDEAS
THAT START OUT L-O-L-ABLE
31
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,618
BUT TURN OUT TO BE
TOTES AMAZEBALLS,
32
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:25,450
DUNSTREET AND FOLANGE
CAME UP WITH THEIRS
33
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:26,716
IN A BAY AREA GARAGE,
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00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,424
EXCEPT INSTEAD OF A GARAGE,
35
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:31,556
THEIRS WAS ACTUALLY A DIVE BAR
CALLED GARAGE.
36
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,762
THEY TOOK A LOOK
AT THE SAUSAGE INDUSTRY
37
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,964
AND COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW
HORRIBLE THE CONDITIONS WERE...
38
00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:38,867
[ WORKERS GROANING ]
...FOR THE WORKERS.
39
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,829
SO, WITH A VENTURE-CAPITAL
INVESTMENT,
40
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:44,068
THEY BOUGHT THIS MEAT PACKING
PLANT IN OMAHA, NEBRASKA,
41
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,514
AND APPLIED
THE RAD BUSINESS PRACTICES
42
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,610
THAT HAVE MADE SOFTWARE
COMPANIES SO SUCCESSFUL.
43
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,513
IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE PRODUCT.
IT'S ABOUT...
44
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,805
Both: PEOPLE.
AND WE STARTED NEO.
45
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,677
NAMED AFTER MY SECOND FAVORITE
CHARACTER FROM "THE MATRIX."
46
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:57,817
TOTALLY, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
47
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,191
[ CHUCKLES ]
YEAH.
48
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,920
TRINITY.
49
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,464
SORRY?
50
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,260
THAT'S MY FAVORITE CHARACTER
FROM "THE MATRIX."
51
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:07,462
I MEAN, I'M NOT A LESBO,
BUT TRINITY?
52
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:08,795
I'D GO DOWN ON THAT.
53
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,559
COOL. YEAH.
54
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:11,968
THEY THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING
55
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:13,969
TO CREATE
A NEW KIND OF WORKPLACE
56
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,801
WHERE EMPLOYEES COME FIRST...
57
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:16,996
[ TOILET FLUSHING ]
58
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:18,537
...FROM UNISEX BATHROOMS
59
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,072
TO DAILY YOGA SESSIONS
60
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,437
AND FREE DAYCARE
FOR ALL OF THEIR EMPLOYEES.
61
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,036
LET ME GET THAT
OUT OF YOUR HAIR.
62
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,747
AND THEY EVEN HAVE A SUSHI BAR
63
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:28,879
WITH ROLLS NAMED AFTER
PHILIP K. DICK NOVELS.
64
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,746
HE'S AN AUTHOR
THAT SOME PEOPLE LIKE
65
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,524
AND OTHER PEOPLE
PRETEND TO LIKE.
66
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:36,124
[ MEAT GRINDERS BUZZING ]
THE PACKAGING ROOM.
67
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,856
EXERCISE BALLS
ARE BETTER FOR THE BACK,
68
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,891
AND THEY HELP STRENGTHEN
THE CORE.
69
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,097
HERE. TRY ONE.
70
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:43,899
OOH. I CAN REALLY
FEEL IT WORKING.
71
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:44,931
[ GIGGLES ]
72
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,425
DON'T TOUCH MY BUTT.
73
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,137
TOUCH MY BUTT.
[ GIGGLES ]
74
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,898
[ PIGS SQUEALING ]
75
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,867
[ GIGGLES ]
76
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:55,335
ALL OF THESE CYBER MEAT OPS
ARE SO THESE PORK PIED PIPERS
77
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:58,006
CAN BRING JUICY LOVE
TO THEIR CUSTOMERS.
78
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,045
WITHIN FIVE YEARS,
WE'LL BE ABLE TO FULFILL
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00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,750
ALL OUR ORDERS
BY UNMANNED DRONE.
80
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,222
THAT'S HELICOPS COOL.
81
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,421
WE'RE REALLY COMMITTED TO
REDUCING OUR CARBON FOOTPRINT.
82
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:06,593
YOLO! [ GIGGLES ]
83
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,560
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]
84
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,559
HOLD THE PHONE.
85
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,360
IS THAT THE "F"
WHAT I THINK IT WAS?
86
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:13,633
IT WAS.
87
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,561
AN ATM WITH NO FEES!
88
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,956
AAH! [ SQUEALS ]
89
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,197
I CAN'T WAIT!
90
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:21,072
[ BLOOD SPLASHING ]
WHOO!
91
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,671
SUM UP NEO'S SAUSAGE PHILOSOPHY
IN ONE WORD.
92
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,214
AND "BOSS," "RADLICIOUNESS,"
"TOTES AMAZEBALLS,"
93
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,080
AND "HELLA MIN"
ARE ALREADY TAKEN.
94
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,578
Both: HUMANE.
95
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,010
BECAUSE OF THE WAY
YOU TREAT PEOPLE.
96
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,384
DEFINITELY.
YEAH.
97
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,153
AND WHAT ABOUT THE PIGS?
HOW ARE THEY TREATED?
98
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:36,821
IT'S DISGUSTING.
IT'S REALLY JUST --
OH, AWFUL. GOD AWFUL.
99
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,390
I MEAN, YOU SAW.
IT'S LITERALLY
A SLAUGHTERHOUSE.
100
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,690
SO, WE SHOULDN'T
CHECK THAT OUT, OR...?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
101
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,492
OH, NO, NO, NO.
DEFINITELY NOT. TRUST ME.
102
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,994
YOU HEARD
THE SQUEALING.
THEIR SCREAMS
SOUND HUMAN.
103
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,656
THERE'S A LOT OF BLOOD,
WAY MORE BLOOD THAN YOU'D
THINK INITIALLY.
104
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,796
MOSTLY BLOOD.
IT'LL HAUNT YOU.
COOL.
105
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,701
'CAUSE I'M A PRACTICING VEGAN
WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR ME.
106
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,744
US, TOO!
OH, US, TOO!
YEAH. THAT'S SO COOL.
107
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:58,439
SO, HOW IS THIS SAUSAGE MADE?
WITH LOVE.
108
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:02,212
AND ALSO LIPS, INTESTINES,
NITRATES, RIBOFLAVIN,
109
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,982
AMOXICILLIN,
AND EVEN POO SOMETIMES,
110
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:07,452
BUT MOSTLY LOVE.
111
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,791
THANKS, XANDRA.
PERSONAL REQUEST --
112
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:16,621
SLAVE LEIA. THANKS.
113
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:19,827
PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU CAN PLAY
THE LOTTERY AND HIT IT BIG.
114
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,430
BUT DESPITE WHAT YOU MAY THINK,
115
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,262
THE LIFE OF A
MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR
LOTTERY WINNER
116
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:24,597
ISN'T ALL PRIVATE JETS,
117
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,102
PANDA MEAT SLIDERS,
AND LEATHER CRAYONS.
118
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,204
NO, THE REALITY OF WINNING
THE LOTTERY
119
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:30,396
IS QUITE THE OPPOSITE.
120
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,908
JUST ASK SHAWN SHERMAN.
121
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:35,039
TWO YEARS AGO, SHAWN SHERMAN
OF FRESNO, CALIFORNIA,
122
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,605
WAS JUST YOUR AVERAGE
MAINTENANCE MAN
123
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:37,754
AT A TRAMPOLINE PARK.
124
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:42,718
AND THEN HE WON THE $675 MILLION
LOTTERY JACKPOT,
125
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,390
AND EVERYTHING CHANGED.
126
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:48,188
MY WHOLE LIFE HAS CHANGED.
IT'S, UH -- IT'S AWESOME.
127
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,821
WE'VE ALL HEARD THE STORIES
128
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:52,157
ABOUT HOW WINNING THE LOTTERY
ACTUALLY TEARS LIVES APART.
129
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:55,502
WHAT KINDS OF BURDENS
HAVE YOU HAD TO FACE?
130
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:56,999
BURDENS.
131
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,400
UH, WELL,
WINNING THE LOTTERY
132
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:03,173
IS LIKE KANYE'S MONEY
IMPREGNATED JAY Z's MONEY
133
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:06,543
AND GAVE BIRTH TO A BUNCH
OF MULTIMILLIONETTES.
134
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,011
IS THAT A BURDEN?
135
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,182
WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY
A CONFUSING METAPHOR
136
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,850
ABOUT
ANTHROPOMORPHIC MONEY.
137
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:15,019
WHAT ABOUT THE TAXES?
OH, IT'S A PRIVILEGE
TO PAY TAXES.
138
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,348
WITH MY TAX DOLLARS,
139
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:19,724
THE CITY OF FRESNO
RE-PAVES ITS ROADS EVERY DAY,
140
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:23,123
AND ALL THE PUBLIC BATHROOMS
HAVE DISPOSABLE TOILETS.
141
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,686
WHAT ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO WIN THE LOTTERY
142
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:28,696
AND SUDDENLY FIND THEMSELVES
FACED WITH BANKRUPTCY,
143
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,529
DIVORCE, ADDICTED TO DRUGS,
BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
144
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,995
OH. WELL,
I FEEL BAD FOR THEM.
145
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,174
UH, SHOULD I WRITE THEM
A CHECK?
146
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,243
NO. DON'T.
THAT'S -- I'M...
147
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,566
YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT.
148
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,378
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
WAIT A SECOND.
149
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,750
THE TOILET ITSELF
IS DISPOSABLE?
150
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,079
YES, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT
IN ANYONE ELSE'S PEE.
151
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,145
YOU CAN JUST PLOP DOWN,
DO YOUR BUSINESS,
152
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,723
THEN THROW
THE WHOLE THING AWAY.
153
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:52,822
WE HAVE THEM HERE.
154
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,493
I MEAN, EVERYTHING
ABOUT MY LIFE IS BETTER.
155
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,992
[ CHUCKLES ]
156
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,533
BETTER?
OR WORSE THAN BETTER?
157
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,629
TAKE A STROLL AROUND
SHAWN'S PALATIAL MANSION,
158
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:03,201
AND YOU'LL SEE THE CORROSIVE
EFFECTS OF INSTANT WEALTH
159
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,900
AROUND EVERY CORNER.
160
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,132
[ INHALES SHARPLY ]
161
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:10,066
HE'S GOT AN ORGY DEN.
162
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:13,713
THAT IS AWESOME.
I HATE THIS GUY.
163
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,441
[ SIGHS ]
164
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:22,348
Biscayne: WHAT'S IT LIKE
HAVING ALL THIS MONEY?
165
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,582
Sherman: IT'S AMAZING.
166
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:24,947
I FEEL LIKE
I'VE WON THE LOTTERY.
167
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,385
YOU DID, AND IT'S CLEAR
168
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:29,020
THAT IT IS LEADING YOU
DOWN SOME VERY DANGEROUS PATHS.
169
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,086
YOU --
170
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:33,493
THAT'S...NOT YOUR WIFE?
NO.
171
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,527
TELL ME
THAT'S NOT YOUR WIFE.
172
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,833
THAT'S NOT MY WIFE.
THAT'S MY FIANCéE, LUCY.
173
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:41,395
[ TRAMPOLINE CREAKING ]
174
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,595
SHAWN, SHAWN...
175
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,337
[SIGHS]
SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER.
176
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:48,283
SHE'S USING YOU, OKAY?
177
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:49,908
NO. SHE IS USING YOU
FOR HER MONEY
178
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:54,623
TO SUPPORT HER IDLE, CUSHY,
TRAMPOLINE-JUMPING LIFESTYLE.
179
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,792
[ CHUCKLES ]
WHY'S SHE TOWELING OFF?
180
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,621
IT'S NOT LIKE
SHE GOT OUT OF THE POOL.
181
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:05,156
SHE JUST GOT OFF
OF A TRAMPOLINE.
SHE'S NOT EVEN SWEATY.
182
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,932
WELL, SHE JUST...
LIKES TO TOWEL OFF.
183
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:12,403
Biscayne: ANY FINANCIAL ADVISOR
WILL TELL YOU
184
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,242
ORDINARY PEOPLE SIMPLY CANNOT
HANDLE INSTANT WEALTH.
185
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,368
I SPOKE
TO SHAWN SHERMAN'S ACCOUNTANT
186
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,214
SO HE COULD TELL ME THAT
ON CAMERA.
187
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:23,339
MR. SHERMAN HAS SPENT OVER
$150 MILLION OF HIS LOTTERY WIN.
188
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,146
HMM. SO, AT THAT RATE,
189
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:28,048
HE'LL BE BROKE
IN LESS THAN A YEAR.
190
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,551
UH, NO.
191
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,753
HIS CURRENT NET WORTH
IS ACTUALLY TWICE AS HIGH
192
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,185
AS THE DAY HE WON
THE MEGA MILLIONS JACKPOT.
193
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,561
NO.
194
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,559
HE BOUGHT 70 MILLION
MORE LOTTERY TICKETS
195
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,431
AND THEN WON
THREE ADDITIONAL TIMES.
196
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,259
[ Laughing ] WHAT?
197
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,825
ARE YOU SHITTING ME?
198
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,095
I'M SORRY.
199
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,744
[ EXHALES SHARPLY,
GASPS ]
200
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,870
THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY.
MM-HMM.
201
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,265
EVERYONE KNOWS
IF THEY HAD ONE WISH,
THE SMARTEST THING TO DO
202
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,537
WOULD BE WISH
FOR A THOUSAND MORE WISHES,
203
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,377
AND THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT I DID.
204
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:01,211
YOU FOUND A GENIE, TOO?
205
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,978
NO.
206
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:07,186
BUT I DID WIN SEVERAL TIMES
ON THE GENIE SCRATCH-OFF.
207
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,660
OH, MY GOODNESS!
I WON AGAIN?
208
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:13,631
Biscayne: SO, FOR SHAWN SHERMAN,
LIFE IS AN ORGY OF WINNING...
209
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:18,771
AND AN ORGY OF REGULAR ORGIES.
210
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,912
OKAY. OKAY.
211
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:25,968
UM, YOU WIN. GREAT.
212
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,536
IT'S GREAT TO WIN THE LOTTERY.
YOU HAPPY?
213
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,036
WELL, YE--
DON'T ANSWER THAT.
214
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:33,448
OKAY. [ CHUCKLES ]
215
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,950
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
216
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,924
OKAY.
217
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:43,192
NOW SHE'S DRIPPING WET,
AND SHE'S NOT TOWELING OFF.
218
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,733
WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
219
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:46,758
[ CHUCKLES ] WINNING THE LOTTERY
HAS MADE ME SO --
220
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:49,164
IF I HEAR YOU SAY THAT
YOU ARE HAPPY ONE MORE TIME,
221
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:53,026
I'M GONNA SLAM MY CLOSED FIST
INTO YOUR MOUTH SO HARD
222
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,866
IT WILL COME OFF OF YOU!
223
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,842
YOUR MOUTH WILL COME OFF
OF YOUR FACE!
224
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,817
WELL, I AM HAPPY.
SHUT --
225
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,319
[ BOTH GRUNTING ]
226
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,091
UNH! UNH! UNH!
227
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,550
AAH!
UNH!
228
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:16,288
AAH!
YEAH!
229
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,033
WHY DOES THIS FEEL
SO GOOD?
230
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,328
[ GRUNTING ]
231
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:24,001
[ PANTING ]
232
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,000
I TOLD YOU!
233
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:33,541
WINNING THE LOTTERY
WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE!
234
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,083
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
235
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,683
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK
236
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:46,986
WHEN WE MEET A MAN WHO DOESN'T
HAVE A MOUTH ON HIS FACE.
237
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,290
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
238
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,191
[ GRUNTS ]
239
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,393
REAGAN BISCAYNE HAS BEEN PLACED
240
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,955
ON INDEFINITE
ADMINISTRATIVE LEAVE.
241
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:57,295
COMING UP NEXT WEEK
ON "NEWSREADERS,"
242
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,200
CIRCUS ANIMALS --
ARE THEY MISTREATED?
243
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,202
OR DO THEY ENJOYED BEING
DRESSED UP IN SPANGLY COSTUMES
244
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,795
AND TAUNTED WITH WHIPS?
245
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,367
WE'LL HEAR BOTH SIDES
OF THE STORY.
246
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:10,076
ALSO, IS MEDICINAL COCAINE
THE NEXT MEDICINAL MARIJUANA?
247
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,010
THIS MAN HOPES SO.
248
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,745
AND THE CHUPACABRA --
249
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:17,181
WHY IT TASTES MORE LIKE
ALLIGATOR THAN CHICKEN.
250
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,987
I'M AMIR LARUSSA.
GOOD NIGHT.
18377
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