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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:02,202 >> Biscayne: TONIGHT ON 2 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:03,503 "NEWSREADERS," YOUR PARANOIA WAS 3 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:04,144 RIGHT. 4 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,338 THOSE GUYS IN THE LOCKER ROOM 5 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,439 ARE TRYING TO STEAL YOUR 6 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,210 COMBINATION. 7 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:07,538 ALSO... 8 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:08,441 [ WHISTLE BLOWS ] 9 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:09,312 ...WE INTERVIEW 10 00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:10,580 TERRENCE HERNDON, A BLACK COP 11 00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,208 WHO DIRECTS TRAFFIC WITHOUT ANY 12 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:13,383 OF THE SOULFUL MOVES WHITE 13 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:14,521 PEOPLE HAVE COME TO EXPECT. 14 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,475 [ WHISTLE CHIRPS ] 15 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:18,623 ALL THAT AND MORE TONIGHT... 16 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,519 ON "NEWSREADERS." 17 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,304 FIRST TONIGHT, OVER THE YEARS, 18 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,300 WE'VE SHOWN YOU MANY 19 00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:34,501 INSPIRATIONAL STORIES OF THE 20 00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:35,742 HUMAN SPIRIT TRIUMPHING OVER 21 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:38,466 ODDS RANGING FROM ALL TO SOME... 22 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,242 LIKE THE STORY OF THE REMARKABLE 23 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,641 YOUNG MAN WE MET MANY YEARS AGO 24 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,342 WHO WENT ON TO WIN THE WORLD 25 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,484 SERIES OF PINBALL. 26 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,178 >> YOU REALLY DO PLAY BY 27 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,220 INTUITION, TOMMY. 28 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,476 >> Biscayne: BUT WE HAD YET TO 29 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,193 MEET SOMEONE AS INSPIRATIONAL AS 30 00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:52,545 YOUNG BRANDON GIFFORD. 31 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,663 [ CROWD SHOUTING AND CHEERING ] 32 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,156 FROM AN EARLY AGE, 33 00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,728 BRANDON GIFFORD WAS A FOOTBALL 34 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:02,256 PHENOMENON -- PEE WEE FOOTBALL 35 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,733 MVP, ALL-STATE AT AGE 6. 36 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,342 BY 8, MIDDLE-SCHOOL COACHES HAD 37 00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,665 STARTED RECRUITING HIM. 38 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,569 FOR BRANDON'S PARENTS, EDDIE AND 39 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,371 JULIE, IT'S BEEN ALL FOOTBALL 40 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,413 ALL THE TIME. 41 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,477 >> PEOPLE LIKE TO SAY THAT 42 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,535 BRANDON CAME OUT OF THE WOMB 43 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:16,683 PLAYING FOOTBALL. 44 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:18,611 >> I LIKE TO SAY HE CAME OUT OF 45 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,212 JULIE'S "BEAVE" IN AN "I" 46 00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,584 FORMATION -- AN "I" FORMATION, 47 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,752 AS IN, "I'M GONNA PLAY 48 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:23,450 FOOTBALL." 49 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,651 >> MM. 50 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:26,152 AND THAT'S HOW IT'S BEEN EVER 51 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,394 SINCE -- EDDIE TELLING STRANGERS 52 00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:29,358 ABOUT MY COOCH AND BRANDON 53 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:30,357 PLAYING FOOTBALL. 54 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:31,558 >> PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM. 55 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:32,359 >> MM-HMM. 56 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,660 >> TWO GREATEST THINGS IN MY 57 00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:34,261 LIFE. 58 00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:35,802 >> Biscayne: BRANDON WAS ASSURED 59 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,426 A STARTING POSITION ON THE 60 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,271 FRESHMAN TEAM, BUT THEN TRAGEDY 61 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:39,797 STRUCK. 62 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,640 >> ONE DAY, BRANDON WAS MESSING 63 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,495 AROUND INSIDE THE CLOTHES DRYER. 64 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:44,414 >> IT'S ONE OF THOSE 65 00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:45,405 FRONT-END-LOADING DEALS. 66 00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:46,406 >> Biscayne: [ CHUCKLES ] 67 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,507 >> AND HIS BROTHER TURNED THE 68 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,678 DRYER ON WHILE BRANDON WAS STILL 69 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:49,276 INSIDE. 70 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,407 >> Biscayne: [ Laughing ] OH, 71 00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:51,381 NO! 72 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:52,579 >> BY THE TIME WE COULD PULL THE 73 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:53,810 PLUG OUT OF THE WALL, BRANDON'S 74 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,354 HEAD HAD FALLEN CLEAN OFF. 75 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,190 >> Biscayne: [ LAUGHS ] 76 00:01:58,186 --> 00:01:58,486 SORRY. 77 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,246 I WAS LAUGHING AT THE FIRST PART 78 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:00,794 OF THAT STORY. 79 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,488 SO, HIS HEAD CAME CLEAN OFF. 80 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:03,420 >> COMPLETELY. 81 00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,264 >> Biscayne: I NOTICED YOU SAID 82 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,289 "FRONT-END LOADER" BACK THERE, 83 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,304 BUT YOU DIDN'T MAKE A REFERENCE 84 00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:10,255 TO YOUR WIFE'S VAGINA. 85 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,334 >> [ LAUGHS ] YOU GOT ME THERE. 86 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,343 YEAH, I -- I LOVE TO LOSE MY 87 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,465 HEAD IN JULIE'S FRONT LOADER. 88 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,699 >> [ LAUGHS ] 89 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,574 >> Biscayne: AMAZINGLY, BRANDON 90 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,272 SURVIVED THE ACCIDENT, AND 91 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,714 THANKS TO THE LOVE AND SUPPORT 92 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,579 OF HIS FAMILY, HE HAS BEEN ABLE 93 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,207 TO LEAD A FAIRLY NORMAL LIFE. 94 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:26,413 >> OHH, WATCH YOUR FINGERS. 95 00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:27,754 >> Biscayne: DESPITE HIS INJURY, 96 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,618 BRANDON WAS DETERMINED TO PLAY 97 00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:30,747 FOOTBALL AGAIN. 98 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,521 >> YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW SURPRISED 99 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,850 I WAS WHEN BRANDON APPEARED IN 100 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,324 MY OFFICE. 101 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:36,763 I'LL NEVER FORGET IT... 102 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,487 MOSTLY BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE A 103 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:38,762 HEAD. 104 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,489 >> Biscayne: AND WHY WAS HE 105 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:40,864 THERE? 106 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,701 >> HE WANTED TO PLAY FOOTBALL! 107 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:43,726 [ CHUCKLES ] 108 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,331 THAT BOY HAS AN UNBREAKABLE 109 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:45,703 SPIRIT. 110 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,399 >> Biscayne: I GUESS YOU COULD 111 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,741 SAY WHAT HE LACKS IN HEAD, HE 112 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,466 MORE THAN MAKES UP FOR IN HEART. 113 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:52,542 >> WELL, THAT SEEMS KIND OF 114 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,810 CRASS. 115 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,408 >> THEY SAID HE COULDN'T PLAY 116 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:57,710 BECAUSE OF THE MANDATORY HELMET 117 00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:58,351 RULE. 118 00:02:58,346 --> 00:02:59,346 >> BRANDON CAN'T WEAR A HELMET. 119 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:00,407 >> Biscayne: BECAUSE HE DOESN'T 120 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:01,254 HAVE A HEAD. 121 00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:01,649 >> RIGHT. 122 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,319 >> Biscayne: BUT IS THERE NO 123 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,247 MANDATORY HEAD RULE? 124 00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,492 >> NO. WE CAUGHT A BREAK THERE. 125 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:06,316 >> Biscayne: MM. 126 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,390 >> BUT EDDIE AND I HAVE A 127 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:08,658 MANDATORY HEAD RULE. 128 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,716 5:00 ON SATURDAYS, HE'S DOWN IN 129 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:11,594 MY MAN-TRAP. 130 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,292 >> Biscayne: THE BREAKS KEPT 131 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,504 COMING FOR BRANDON. 132 00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:15,795 HIS TEAMMATES REFUSED TO PLAY 133 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,496 WITHOUT HIM, AND THE SCHOOL HAD 134 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:18,768 NO CHOICE BUT TO WAIVE THE 135 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:19,896 HELMET POLICY. 136 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,500 >> WHEN WE FOUND OUT BRANDON WAS 137 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:22,542 ABLE TO PLAY, WE DECIDED, 138 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,766 WHENEVER WE GET TO CALL A TOSS, 139 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,841 WE WILL NEVER CALL HEADS. 140 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:26,809 >> Biscayne: BECAUSE BRANDON 141 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,477 DOESN'T HAVE A HEAD. 142 00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,477 BRANDON REJOINED HIS TEAMMATES, 143 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,509 AND THE FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON 144 00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,384 WAS JUST A FEW DAYS AWAY. 145 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:36,523 >> WE'VE LEARNED SO MUCH MORE 146 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,687 FROM BRANDON THAN HE WILL EVER 147 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:38,485 LEARN FROM US. 148 00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:39,686 >> FOR INSTANCE, WE TOLD HIM A 149 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,317 MILLION TIMES NOT TO PLAY IN THE 150 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,522 CLOTHES DRYER, BUT HE WOULDN'T 151 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:43,693 LISTEN. 152 00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:44,861 AND NOW HE CAN'T LISTEN. 153 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,558 >> Biscayne: BECAUSE HE HAS NO 154 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,530 EARS. 155 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:52,628 >> BECAUSE HE HAS NO EARS. 156 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:53,633 >> Biscayne: NOTHING ABOUT 157 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,304 JULIE'S VAGINA? 158 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,374 >> HEY, TIME AND A PLACE, PAL. 159 00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,642 >> Biscayne: WE WERE THERE FOR 160 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:00,870 BRANDON'S BIG GAME. 161 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,314 >> GO, BRANDON! 162 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:04,580 BRANDON, WE'RE ALL HERE! 163 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,308 HONEY! 164 00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:06,753 >> THAT'S MY SON, THE ONE 165 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:07,677 WITHOUT THE HEAD! 166 00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,321 >> AND AT HALFBACK, NUMBER 77, 167 00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:10,377 BRANDON GIFFORD! 168 00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:11,894 >> Biscayne: AND IN THE FIRST 169 00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,845 QUARTER, BRANDON'S DREAM FINALLY 170 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:14,624 CAME TRUE. 171 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:15,462 >> THE SNAP. 172 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:16,716 HANDED TO GIFFORD! 173 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:17,534 [ THUD ] 174 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:18,555 [ WHISTLE BLOWS ] 175 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:19,559 GIFFORD'S DOWN! 176 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,430 >> BRANDON! 177 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,528 >> BRANDON GIFFORD IS DOWN! 178 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,559 THIS IS A TRAGEDY. 179 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:24,604 BUT WHAT DID WE THINK WOULD 180 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:24,868 HAPPEN? 181 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,965 I MEAN, THAT KID HAS NO HEAD. 182 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,637 HE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALIVE, 183 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:29,336 RIGHT? 184 00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:30,797 I MEAN, WHERE'S THE DAMN BRAIN, 185 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:31,444 HUH? 186 00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:32,539 >> Biscayne: HE MAKES A GOOD 187 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:32,770 POINT. 188 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,343 CUT IT. 189 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,782 I KNEW THIS STORY SEEMED TOO 190 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,706 GOOD TO BE TRUE. 191 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:38,711 WE'RE HAPPY TO REPORT THAT 192 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:39,812 BRANDON GIFFORD WILL BE OUT OF 193 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,753 HIS BODY CAST IN FOUR TO SIX 194 00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:42,879 WEEKS. 195 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,693 WELL, ONE THING YOU CAN NEVER 196 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,515 REALLY RECOVER FROM IS IDENTITY 197 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,820 THEFT, EVEN IF YOU ARE AN 198 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,461 IDENTITY THIEF. 199 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,587 AMIR LARUSSA HAS MORE. 200 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,732 >> THIS IS SERGEI KIEV. 201 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,797 HE'S A THIRD-GENERATION IDENTITY 202 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,726 THIEF AND A SINGLE FATHER OF 203 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:58,531 FOUR. 204 00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,972 FOR SERGEI, THERE WAS A TIME NOT 205 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,698 TOO LONG AGO WHEN EVERYTHING WAS 206 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,513 HIS FOR THE TAKING. 207 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,735 >> YOU TALK TO ME A MONTH AGO, 208 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:06,869 BRO, I WOULD SAY THESE DAYS, 209 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,744 IT'S EASY TO STEAL IDENTITY, 210 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:09,712 BRO. 211 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,850 IT'S LIKE, UH, PFFT! 212 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,445 >> THAT DOES SOUND EASY. 213 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:14,877 >> WELL, "PFFT" IS RUSSIAN FOR 214 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:15,552 "EASY." 215 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:16,819 >> YOU MUST HAVE STOLEN A FEW 216 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,487 GOOD IDENTITIES ALONG THE WAY. 217 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,786 WHICH ONE WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 218 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,617 >> WILLOW SMITH. 219 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,492 >> OH! 220 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,031 THAT'S AWESOME. 221 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,485 >> PFFT! 222 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:27,634 >> PFFT! 223 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:28,598 >> NO. 224 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:28,926 "PFFT." 225 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:29,629 >> PFFT. 226 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:29,960 >> NO. 227 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:30,703 IT'S "P." 228 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:31,028 P-FFT. 229 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:31,631 PFFT. 230 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,402 >> WE COULD LOOK AT FOOTAGE, AND 231 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,501 IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME. 232 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:36,542 >> BUT THESE DAYS, NOTHING LOOKS 233 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,767 THE SAME TO SERGEI. 234 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:38,941 >> THINGS HAVEN'T BEEN SO EASY 235 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,439 FOR YOU RECENTLY, HAVE THEY? 236 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:43,511 >> OH, BRO. 237 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:44,611 NO. IT'S BEEN BAD. 238 00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,412 >> IT'S NOT SO "PFFT" ANYMORE. 239 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,784 >> IT'S NOT "PFFT," NO, BRO. 240 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,882 >> "BRO" MUST MEAN "YES" IN 241 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,054 RUSSIAN, OR MAYBE LIKE "ALOHA," 242 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,463 IT MEANS SEVERAL THINGS. 243 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,526 HE USES IT A LOT. 244 00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:58,855 >> MY PROBLEM WAS, I STOLE A 245 00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:02,729 REALLY TERRIBLE IDENTITY -- 246 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,970 FRED BARKLEY. 247 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,665 >> WHEN SERGEI STOLE RETAIL 248 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,497 CLERK FRED BARKLEY'S IDENTITY, 249 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:09,902 HE GOT MORE THAN HE BARGAINED 250 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,673 FOR. 251 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,612 S-STOLE FOR? 252 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:15,077 STOLE FOR? 253 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,445 STOLE FOR. 254 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,075 >> OH, STEALING THIS BARKLEY -- 255 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,879 I MEAN, BIGGER MISTAKE THAN 256 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,821 CLEANING LADY WHO PUT MY TRACK 257 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,816 SUIT IN THE DRYER. 258 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,958 MY LIFE IS RUINED. 259 00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,955 >> 'CAUSE OF THE TRACK SUIT? 260 00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:31,827 >> NO, I'M WEARING. 261 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,085 IT'S OKAY NOW. 262 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,103 I IRONED IT. 263 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,555 >> SO, YOU STOLE THE WRONG 264 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:36,864 IDENTITY. 265 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:37,704 >> YEAH. 266 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,498 >> AND HE'S BEEN PAYING FOR THAT 267 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,470 MISTAKE EVER SINCE. 268 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,899 >> I'M STUCK PAYING ALL THESE 269 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,573 BILLS, THOUSANDS OF PARKING 270 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:46,473 TICKETS. 271 00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,114 AND THOSE DEBT COLLECTORS ARE 272 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,638 RUTHLESS, BRO. 273 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,853 8:00 A.M. THEY CALL EVERY DAY. 274 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,645 AND WEEKENDS, TOO. 275 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,517 AND ALWAYS DURING DINNERTIME. 276 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,047 AND NOW I HAVE HIS SUBSCRIPTION 277 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,522 TO NETFLIX. 278 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,861 >> THAT LAST ONE DOESN'T SOUND 279 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:03,586 SO BAD. 280 00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:07,961 >> IT'S DVD ONLY, BRO. 281 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,531 >> HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! 282 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,730 >> SERGEI DIDN'T JUST ASSUME 283 00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:11,901 FRED BARKLEY'S DEBT. 284 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,599 HE ALSO TOOK IN BARKLEY'S 285 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,031 CHILDREN. 286 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,874 >> WHY DON'T YOU GIVE THE KIDS 287 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:16,869 UP FOR ADOPTION? 288 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,610 >> IF I DON'T LOOK AFTER THE 289 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:19,806 KIDS, BRO, WHO WILL? 290 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,677 >> SO, IF YOU'D GO BACK AND DO 291 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,635 IT DIFFERENTLY, WHAT WOULD YOU 292 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:24,914 DO? 293 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,752 >> I WOULDN'T STEAL IDENTITY I 294 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:30,917 FOUND ON BATHROOM WALL. 295 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,088 >> YOU FOUND IT ON A BATHROOM 296 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:32,685 WALL? 297 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,756 >> YES. WHERE'D YOU FIND YOURS? 298 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,625 >> I WAS BORN WITH THIS ONE. 299 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,025 >> OKAY. 300 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,886 >> SERGEI FOUND ALL HE NEEDED 301 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,834 HERE, IN THE BATHROOM OF A 302 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,970 RUSSIAN RESTAURANT POPULAR WITH 303 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,695 IDENTITY THIEVES. 304 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,040 WE TRACKED DOWN FRED BARKLEY, 305 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,766 WHO NOW GOES BY THE NAME... 306 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,641 JOHNNY HOGWILD? 307 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,841 >> THEY GOT EVERYTHING -- MY 308 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:58,913 STUDENT-LOAN DEBT, MY HOUSE, MY 309 00:07:58,912 --> 00:07:59,982 KIDS. 310 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,650 SO, I FIGURED THE BEST THING TO 311 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:02,849 DO IS JUST START A NEW LIFE 312 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,050 UNDER A NEW IDENTITY. 313 00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:05,651 I HAD TO SANDBLAST OFF MY 314 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:06,853 FINGERPRINTS, GET A NEW 315 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:07,724 PASSPORT. 316 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,191 I HAD TO GET 13 NEW CREDIT 317 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,159 CARDS, SO... 318 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,887 >> YOU HAVE A JET SKI IN YOUR 319 00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:12,562 HOUSE. 320 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:12,960 >> I DO. 321 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,800 >> DID YOU BUY THIS WITH THE NEW 322 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:15,655 CREDIT CARDS? 323 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,133 >> I DID, YES. 324 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,001 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOUR LIFE IS 325 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,070 CRAZY, WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR FAMILY 326 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,899 SLIPPING AWAY FROM YOU, WHEN YOU 327 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,144 DON'T KNOW UP FROM DOWN, 328 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,938 SOMETIMES THE SIMPLE COMFORTS OF 329 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,040 LIFE CAN HELP YOU TO FEEL SANE. 330 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,942 >> LIKE A DOG BUTLER AND JUST 331 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,784 ONE HORSE FROM A CAROUSEL? 332 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:33,810 >> YEAH. 333 00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,184 >> SADLY, LIKE SO MANY 334 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,182 IMMIGRANTS BEFORE HIM, SERGEI 335 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,624 NOW FINDS THAT HIS AMERICAN 336 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,820 DREAM HAS TURNED INTO A LIVING 337 00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:42,892 NIGHTMARE. 338 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,960 >> "NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VEGAS 339 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:45,928 VACATION." 340 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,956 [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] 341 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,131 >> RIGHT, ALWAYS, RIGHT IN THE 342 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,759 MIDDLE OF DINNER. 343 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,034 >> YOUR LIFE AS AN IDENTITY 344 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,102 THIEF TURNED OUT VERY 345 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,840 DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU EXPECTED. 346 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:55,995 ANY REGRETS? 347 00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:57,713 >> SOME DAYS, I WISH I'D GOTTEN 348 00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,035 INTO MORE SENSIBLE FIELD, LIKE 349 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,969 HARVESTING IMMIGRANT ORGANS OR 350 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,844 SELLING COUNTERFEIT RETROVIRAL 351 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:04,883 DRUGS. 352 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,708 >> Biscayne: AND NOW SOME SAGE 353 00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:07,954 WORDS FROM SKIP REMING. 354 00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,618 SKIP. 355 00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:10,947 >> I'VE COVERED EVERY PRESIDENT 356 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,251 SINCE DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER WAS 357 00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,992 IN SHORT PANTS PLAYING COWBOYS 358 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,757 AND INDIANS IN HIS BACKYARD WITH 359 00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,686 REAL COWBOYS AND INDIANS. 360 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:18,861 AND WHEN YOU COVER THE 361 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,159 PRESIDENTS, THEY BECOME YOUR 362 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,090 FRIENDS... 363 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,834 EVEN CARTER. 364 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,160 AND LIKE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, WITH 365 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,874 PRESIDENTS, YOU SPEND A LOT OF 366 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,126 TIME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT ONE 367 00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:29,744 THING -- WHOSE WIFE WOULD I 368 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,167 REALLY LIKE TO NAIL? 369 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:34,141 SO, FOR ME, WHICH FIRST LADY IS 370 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:35,881 THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY? 371 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,776 WELL, BETTY FORD IS A GOOD PLACE 372 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:38,208 TO START. 373 00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,281 SHE WAS ALWAYS A LOT OF FUN. 374 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,250 JACKIE O. -- WELL, THAT WAS A 375 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,179 NO-BRAINER. 376 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,093 HER HUSBAND, JACK, WAS SO MOBBED 377 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,915 UP, YOU DIDN'T DARE UNLESS YOU 378 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,720 FANCIED BECOMING THE HAM IN A 379 00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,162 CUBAN SANDWICH SERVED IN A DINER 380 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,757 CALLED CAMELOT. 381 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,260 "LADY BIRD" JOHNSON? 382 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:57,101 WELL, THAT BIRD WAS A LADY, AND 383 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,727 SHE HAD NO INTEREST IN MY 384 00:09:58,732 --> 00:09:59,172 JOHNSON. 385 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,026 OF COURSE A LOT OF PEOPLE ALSO 386 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,104 ASK ME, "SKIP, IF YOU HAD A TIME 387 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,073 MACHINE, WHICH PRESIDENT WOULD 388 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,772 YOU GO BACK IN TIME TO 389 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,184 MAKE WEAR THE HORNS OF SHAME?" 390 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,735 THAT'S A STUPID QUESTION. 391 00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:13,214 THERE'S ONLY ONE ANSWER -- 392 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,883 OUR EIGHTH PRESIDENT, 393 00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:16,922 MARTIN VAN BUREN. 394 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,047 THIS SLICE OF SOUTHERN PEACH PIE 395 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,922 IS ANGELICA SINGLETON VAN BUREN. 396 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,692 SHE WAS MARTIN VAN BUREN'S 397 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,191 DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, AND BECAUSE 398 00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,162 VAN BUREN DIDN'T HAVE A WIFE, HE 399 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,230 MADE ANGELICA THE FIRST LADY AT 400 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,129 THE AGE OF 20. 401 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,931 AND IF I COULD BEND SPACE AND 402 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,233 TIME... 403 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,774 I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO TAKE A 404 00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,769 WALTZ IN HER ROSE GARDEN. 405 00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,071 YES, SIR. 406 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,312 >> Biscayne: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, 407 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,837 WHEN WE'LL TAKE YOU TO THE RED 408 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:42,982 CARPET AND FIND OUT WHY SIDE 409 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,206 BOOB HAS BEEN REPLACED BY SIDE 410 00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,782 BALL. 411 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:47,820 I'M REAGAN BISCAYNE. 412 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:48,815 GOOD NIGHT. 25680

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