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1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:02,119
[MUSIC - THEME SONG]
2
00:00:02,115 --> 00:00:05,355
Another Sunday morning,
hey look where I am.
3
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,410
Waking up with you
like it's my religion.
4
00:00:08,410 --> 00:00:10,950
I don't truly trust you,
but you run a good scam.
5
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:14,595
And I'm walking into danger
like a New York pigeon.
6
00:00:14,602 --> 00:00:17,522
You never know from
looking my true IQ,
7
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,428
but a girl can't think
under these conditions.
8
00:00:20,434 --> 00:00:25,294
No, it's not exactly what I had
in mind when I rubbed the lamp
9
00:00:25,294 --> 00:00:26,754
and made the wishes.
10
00:00:26,752 --> 00:00:30,322
I bet you got eyes in the
back of your head the better--
11
00:00:30,324 --> 00:00:31,074
[CELL PHONE DINGS]
12
00:00:31,074 --> 00:00:32,924
--to watch while I'm misled.
13
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:37,880
You're the big, bad wolf,
I'm the girl in red.
14
00:00:37,881 --> 00:00:39,271
(ON PHONE) MacKenzie Barker, hi.
15
00:00:39,270 --> 00:00:40,710
My name is Todd Sharpe.
16
00:00:40,710 --> 00:00:43,150
I'm calling from the Halston
Edwards Fellowship Committee.
17
00:00:43,147 --> 00:00:45,477
We just wanted to inform you
that you have been selected
18
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,880
as one of the 10 finalists
for the writing fellowship
19
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,080
and grant.
20
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,840
I will be emailing you an
information packet later today
21
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:53,750
as well as some event dates.
22
00:00:53,751 --> 00:00:56,331
But we are looking forward
to getting to know you.
23
00:00:56,334 --> 00:00:57,754
Congratulations,
Miss Barker, this
24
00:00:57,750 --> 00:01:00,570
is quite the accomplishment.
25
00:01:00,570 --> 00:01:02,710
Holy shit.
26
00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,624
[PHONE RINGING]
27
00:01:04,622 --> 00:01:05,532
(ON PHONE) Hello.
28
00:01:05,531 --> 00:01:06,031
Hey, mom.
29
00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:06,960
It's me.
30
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,020
I just wanted to call--
31
00:01:09,017 --> 00:01:09,597
you know what?
32
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:10,730
I'm going to call you back.
33
00:01:10,725 --> 00:01:11,515
Hi, how are you?
34
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:12,650
Oh, I need some good pants.
35
00:01:12,645 --> 00:01:13,645
Oh good.
36
00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:15,570
Yeah, I'll be
right with you, OK?
37
00:01:15,566 --> 00:01:16,066
Mmm-hmm.
38
00:01:21,990 --> 00:01:23,310
Excuse me.
39
00:01:23,310 --> 00:01:24,540
What color is this?
40
00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:25,770
Navy.
41
00:01:25,770 --> 00:01:26,340
It's navy?
42
00:01:26,340 --> 00:01:27,090
Uh-huh.
43
00:01:27,090 --> 00:01:29,340
I think I got this top
on sale at Barneys.
44
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,259
You know, they have this
one sale at Barney's.
45
00:01:31,255 --> 00:01:31,755
Oh, OK.
46
00:01:31,755 --> 00:01:34,355
[PHONE RINGING]
47
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:34,861
Hey.
48
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:37,570
(ON PHONE) What's the name
of the guy from The Matrix?
49
00:01:37,570 --> 00:01:38,870
Hey, where are you?
50
00:01:38,867 --> 00:01:40,357
Hurry.
51
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,220
Keanu Reeves, I don't know.
52
00:01:42,220 --> 00:01:42,840
Yes.
53
00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:44,705
I think he's in front
of me at the juice bar.
54
00:01:44,710 --> 00:01:45,420
Cassie, hurry up.
55
00:01:45,418 --> 00:01:47,818
The color blind lady's here
and I just can't deal right--
56
00:01:47,820 --> 00:01:50,520
Oh, I think I'm
going to be late.
57
00:01:50,522 --> 00:01:52,812
No, you are late, hurry.
58
00:01:52,805 --> 00:01:54,445
Hi, can I try this on?
59
00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:57,870
Yes, absolutely.
60
00:01:57,870 --> 00:01:59,060
What color is this?
61
00:01:59,060 --> 00:01:59,560
Burgundy.
62
00:02:03,228 --> 00:02:05,178
Just right in here.
63
00:02:05,180 --> 00:02:06,210
Are you sure?
64
00:02:06,206 --> 00:02:07,576
Let me know if
you need any help.
65
00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:09,470
I'd say more of a Chianti.
66
00:02:09,470 --> 00:02:11,080
Oh, OK.
67
00:02:11,084 --> 00:02:13,404
So did you go to college?
68
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,180
Me?
69
00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:15,170
Yes.
70
00:02:15,170 --> 00:02:17,050
Yeah, definitely Chianti.
71
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,200
Sorry.
72
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,020
Sorry.
73
00:02:19,015 --> 00:02:21,885
Mom's been giving all of
the aloe water to the cat.
74
00:02:21,890 --> 00:02:24,940
So I had to go the Juice G. And
then Keanu what's-his-face was
75
00:02:24,941 --> 00:02:25,441
there.
76
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,520
And he was all like, stop taking
my picture, stop calling me
77
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,373
Keanu.
78
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:32,025
OK, well that's
not Keanu Reeves.
79
00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:33,320
Can you just help her, please?
80
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,780
Because I just
don't have it in me.
81
00:02:34,778 --> 00:02:36,048
Oh my god, definitely.
82
00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:38,530
Did you find out about
that writey thing?
83
00:02:38,530 --> 00:02:39,950
Oh, I actually found out--
84
00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:41,240
Hon, I am so sorry.
85
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,980
But you're going to
be great next year.
86
00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:47,900
And when you get a chance,
will you look at my vagina?
87
00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:49,310
OK.
88
00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:53,430
Everybody's being a
little judgey today.
89
00:02:53,430 --> 00:02:55,650
Have you guys got this in blue?
90
00:02:55,650 --> 00:02:58,140
[MUSIC PLAYING]
91
00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,780
And these kids are never
going to get out of debt.
92
00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:05,560
Oh, totally.
93
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,410
I mean, my parents were
on a scholarship fund.
94
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:11,740
But sometimes I wonder, are
we actually helping poor kids?
95
00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:14,290
Or are we just teaching
them to be lazy?
96
00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:16,180
These people, they
think everybody's
97
00:03:16,180 --> 00:03:18,220
got to go to
college, everybody's
98
00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:19,210
got to get a degree.
99
00:03:19,210 --> 00:03:21,130
Then they take out
a second mortgage
100
00:03:21,130 --> 00:03:25,050
so their kid can learn how
to be an actor or a writer.
101
00:03:25,053 --> 00:03:27,463
Ha, it's so irresponsible.
102
00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:29,290
Oh, that's what MacKenzie did.
103
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:30,610
Right, Mack?
104
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:31,480
She's a writer.
105
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:32,950
And she's an [INAUDIBLE].
106
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,676
Oh, you're a writer?
107
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,940
Would I know any of your work?
108
00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:37,670
Probably not.
109
00:03:37,669 --> 00:03:38,959
But actually I just found out--
110
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:39,590
[PHONE RINGING]
111
00:03:39,585 --> 00:03:41,075
Oh, just a sec.
112
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,580
Hello, Steven.
113
00:03:42,576 --> 00:03:44,556
(WHISPERING) It's my husband.
114
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,170
Yeah?
115
00:03:46,170 --> 00:03:47,100
Yeah?
116
00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:49,743
OK, I'm on my way.
117
00:03:49,742 --> 00:03:51,592
OK.
118
00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:53,360
Bye, Suzanne.
119
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,070
My god, Suzanne is the best.
120
00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:57,910
What is going on?
121
00:03:57,909 --> 00:03:58,449
I don't know.
122
00:03:58,450 --> 00:03:59,510
Will you look at it?
123
00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:00,790
No I won't.
124
00:04:00,790 --> 00:04:01,720
It really hurts.
125
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,630
It's like I cut
myself down there.
126
00:04:04,630 --> 00:04:07,060
But then dipped
it in lemon juice.
127
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:09,290
And it smells like broccoli.
128
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,030
And I bought one of
those yeast tests
129
00:04:11,030 --> 00:04:12,530
but I just don't
want to take it.
130
00:04:12,530 --> 00:04:12,680
What?
131
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:13,330
When?
132
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:14,560
Go take it.
133
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,170
What if I need help?
134
00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:18,000
Why would you need help?
135
00:04:17,998 --> 00:04:19,848
[MUSIC PLAYING]
136
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:24,880
OK, do not perform
the test if it
137
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,430
is less than 48 hours
after sexual intercourse
138
00:04:27,430 --> 00:04:28,650
or vaginal douching--
139
00:04:28,650 --> 00:04:30,580
Wait, what?
140
00:04:30,580 --> 00:04:33,770
Did you have sexual intercourse
in the last 48 hours?
141
00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:35,090
The douching.
142
00:04:35,090 --> 00:04:36,380
I douched.
143
00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:37,370
When?
144
00:04:37,370 --> 00:04:38,990
I don't know.
145
00:04:38,990 --> 00:04:41,000
After coffee?
146
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,600
Would you wash your hands?
147
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:43,520
Yes.
148
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,400
OK, make sure that
the swab tip does not
149
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,230
contact anything
before insertion
150
00:04:48,230 --> 00:04:49,670
into the vaginal entrance.
151
00:04:49,670 --> 00:04:50,630
The what?
152
00:04:50,630 --> 00:04:53,230
Separate the vaginal
outer skin layers
153
00:04:53,230 --> 00:04:55,460
so the vagina is exposed.
154
00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:57,070
Stop saying vagina.
155
00:04:57,070 --> 00:05:01,180
Insert the swab until your
fingers reach the outer skin
156
00:05:01,181 --> 00:05:02,431
of the vagina, approximately--
157
00:05:02,430 --> 00:05:03,750
Stop saying vagina!
158
00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:07,380
--2 inches into the
mid-vagina and rotate
159
00:05:07,380 --> 00:05:08,620
the swab several times.
160
00:05:08,615 --> 00:05:09,235
[PHONE BUZZING]
161
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,370
Did she say mid-vagina?
162
00:05:11,370 --> 00:05:14,230
(ON PHONE) Miss Barker?
163
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,640
Shit, shit.
164
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:16,760
Hello?
165
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:17,830
Mid?
166
00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:19,370
(ON PHONE) Yes, uh, Miss Barker?
167
00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:21,910
Yes, hi.
168
00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:24,390
Did you say mid or
did you say thick?
169
00:05:24,385 --> 00:05:25,385
(ON PHONE) Hi.
170
00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:28,660
Yes, this is Todd Sharpe with
the Playwright's fellowship.
171
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:30,120
I just needed to
verify your email.
172
00:05:30,119 --> 00:05:31,659
Did you say mid or
did you say thick?
173
00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:33,640
(ON PHONE) The one we
have isn't going through.
174
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,760
OK, thank you so
much, Mr. Sharpe.
175
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,090
I'm in thick, I'm in real thick!
176
00:05:38,090 --> 00:05:39,750
Is everything all right?
177
00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:41,070
It's fine.
178
00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:42,810
Mayday!
179
00:05:42,811 --> 00:05:44,301
Mayday!
180
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:47,782
The platoon is all in and
it's been fully absorbed!
181
00:05:51,757 --> 00:05:53,687
If you could just sign here.
182
00:05:53,690 --> 00:05:55,190
Yep.
183
00:05:55,190 --> 00:05:56,690
Is that the UPS guy?
184
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,690
Yep.
185
00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,620
Hey, Marco!
186
00:05:59,622 --> 00:06:00,962
Is she OK?
187
00:06:00,955 --> 00:06:01,485
She's fine.
188
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:01,986
Fine!
189
00:06:05,660 --> 00:06:08,630
OK, well have a good one.
190
00:06:08,630 --> 00:06:09,350
You, too.
191
00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:11,710
You, too!
192
00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:14,540
[MUSIC PLAYING]
193
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:17,382
You all right?
194
00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:18,610
Where's the test?
195
00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:21,110
[MUSIC PLAYING]
196
00:06:29,047 --> 00:06:29,587
[PHONE DINGS]
197
00:06:29,588 --> 00:06:32,078
[MUSIC PLAYING]
198
00:06:35,576 --> 00:06:37,586
[PHONE RINGING]
199
00:06:37,590 --> 00:06:38,990
Hey.
200
00:06:38,987 --> 00:06:39,817
(ON PHONE) Hi, dear.
201
00:06:39,820 --> 00:06:41,840
I need to talk to you
about your grandma.
202
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:42,930
What's wrong?
203
00:06:42,929 --> 00:06:44,849
(ON PHONE) Well, they
don't know what's wrong.
204
00:06:44,845 --> 00:06:47,615
But she's been admitted
to the hospital.
205
00:06:47,622 --> 00:06:48,872
OK, when?
206
00:06:48,865 --> 00:06:50,225
(ON PHONE) This afternoon.
207
00:06:50,230 --> 00:06:52,690
Mr. Bennett found her
unconscious on her back porch.
208
00:06:52,690 --> 00:06:56,120
They aren't sure if it was
a heart attack or stroke.
209
00:06:56,119 --> 00:06:57,539
I just thought
you'd want to know.
210
00:06:57,535 --> 00:06:58,405
Shit, OK.
211
00:06:58,405 --> 00:07:00,185
(ON PHONE) So why
did you call earlier?
212
00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:01,750
Did you need something?
213
00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:04,720
No, no, it was stupid.
214
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:05,700
It's nothing.
215
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:08,160
(ON PHONE) OK, dear.
216
00:07:08,159 --> 00:07:10,529
All right.
217
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,480
Let me know how grandma's
doing, I guess, OK?
218
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,720
(ON PHONE) OK, dear.
219
00:07:14,721 --> 00:07:15,221
Love you.
220
00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:16,980
All right, love you, too.
221
00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:19,170
All right, I'll
talk to you soon.
222
00:07:19,171 --> 00:07:19,671
Bye.
223
00:07:19,670 --> 00:07:23,530
[MUSIC PLAYING]
224
00:07:23,534 --> 00:07:24,984
I found it!
225
00:07:24,983 --> 00:07:26,433
[MUSIC PLAYING]
226
00:07:26,432 --> 00:07:30,302
(SINGING) Before it gets
better, it might get worse.
227
00:07:30,296 --> 00:07:33,996
So hold on to what you love.
228
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,115
How you doing there, champ?
229
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,600
[MUSIC PLAYING]
230
00:07:40,576 --> 00:07:44,046
(SINGING) I spent all
my money and rent.
231
00:07:44,048 --> 00:07:47,518
I don't have much left
for self-improvement.
232
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,330
So I buried my head
in my mother's arms
233
00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:51,980
and cried and cried that night.
234
00:07:51,984 --> 00:07:56,454
And I said please tell me
what is wrong and right.
235
00:07:56,448 --> 00:07:59,438
Or am I wasting all my time?
236
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:06,940
She said, ooh, my child
now you listen close.
237
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:10,300
And you will hear the
rhythms of the universe.
238
00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:18,510
Before it gets better,
it might get worse.
15461
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