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[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
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[RADIO CHATTER]
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JOSEPH: And also Buckingham Palace
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have been in touch to ask
if we can have another look
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at their firewall because
the queen's still receiving
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pop-ups for erectile dysfunction.
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MARY: I once took one of
those tablets by mistake.
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- Did it work?
- Yes.
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JERRY: Happy Valentine's Day.
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JOSEPH: Oh. Are they all yours?
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JERRY: No. A lot of these are
international arrest warrants.
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I just didn't want to miss anything.
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JOSEPH: Oh. Anything in
there with my name on it?
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- Why? What did you do?
- Oh, God, no. Nothing.
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JOSEPH: It's just me
and Charlotte from GCHQ
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been having had a little bit of
e-mail back and forth recently.
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MARY: Is that the tall
girl with mad cow disease?
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JOSEPH: No. Who's that?
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- Morning, everyone.
- Oh, shit. Did someone die?
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CHRISTINE: Yes, about 80 million people.
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This week, we're celebrating 76 years
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since the end of World War II.
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JERRY: By dressing as
Hitler and his dentist.
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EVELYN: [SNICKERS]
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Wait. I have to wear
this for a whole week?
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CHRISTINE: Yes.
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This is a Women's Auxiliary
Air Force pilot's uniform,
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used to belong to
your great-grandmother.
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JERRY: Wow, so your
grandmother could fly.
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CHRISTINE: Yeah. Does that surprise you?
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JERRY: No. I just didn't
know women were allowed
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to fly planes back then.
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I'd worry about how safe that was.
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TUVA: Lots of kamikaze
pilots were women.
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JERRY: Exactly, because
they're the best at crashing.
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CHRISTINE: Also, I
was very pleased to see
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that last week's Hinkley Point success
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featured heavily on page
3 of the "Telegraph."
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JERRY: Wait. Why wasn't
I asked to pose for that?
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CHRISTINE: It's not that sort of paper.
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What they didn't report
is that, despite GCHQ
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regaining full control of Eternal Blue,
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a hybrid weapon is already
being rebuilt by the Russians
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with the capacity to disrupt air traffic
control services across the globe.
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MARY: Gosh.
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JOSEPH: That's exactly what
happens in "Die Hard 2."
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JERRY: Did they even mention
me by name in the article or...
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CHRISTINE: No.
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Here at GCHQ, we prefer
individuals to remain anonymous.
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JERRY: Well, it's certainly working.
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By the way, who are you talking
to at the NSA about this?
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- Aled Jones.
- "The Snowman"?
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JERRY: Well, if you want Jonesy
and me to put our heads together,
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I'm sure we can locate these guys.
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Besides, I'd love to
take a crack at saving
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the whole world, not
just this little island.
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CHRISTINE: Well, we can
discuss that with Rupert later,
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but personally, I feel your ego
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may prove to be too
much of a distraction.
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JERRY: Oh, come on, Chris.
Give me a little credit.
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It's not always gonna be about...
Oh, my God, are those for me?
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UMA: Yeah. They've just arrived.
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JERRY: Wow.
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Oh, what?
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[SNIFFS]
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Oh, my this is so embarrassing.
Thank you so much.
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UMA: They're not from me.
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JERRY: No, but still, I mean,
it's just so sweet of you
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to give me these flowers.
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UMA: They're not from me.
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JERRY: No. I know, but the
way you handed them to me
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was just so sweet.
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- Can I go?
- Yeah.
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JERRY: I don't even remember your name.
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Wow. Oh, these are incredible.
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Thank you. Look, a card.
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JOSEPH: Did I not even get,
like, an arrest warrant, then?
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JERRY: So sorry, buddy.
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"To Jerry. Mwah! Love... "
question mark.
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I just want to say, if
the person who got me these
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happens to be in this room,
from the bottom of my heart...
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MARY: [GIGGLES]
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JERRY: Thank you.
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CHRISTINE: Surely, you're not serious.
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[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
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JERRY: Yeah?
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- Hey.
- Hey, what's up. I'm busy.
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JOSEPH: Oh, not much. Oh!
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I'm just a little bit lonely and bored.
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Do you mind if I sniff your flowers?
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JERRY: No. Knock yourself out.
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JOSEPH: Oh, this is something.
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[SNIFFING]
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[SNIFFING CONTINUES]
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[SNIFFING CONTINUES]
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Very nice.
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You know these weren't from me, yeah?
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I just didn't know if you were
expecting a Valentine's gift
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just because we used to be married.
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JERRY: No, and listen.
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I'd rather you didn't
keep using that phrase
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"used to be married" because
it kind of makes it sound
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like it was for real, OK?
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JOSEPH: Right. What would
you prefer I use, then,
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"sort of recently separated"?
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- Again, I just don't think...
- "Widows?"
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- You know what?
- I'd be up for that.
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JERRY: How about you don't
refer to it ever again?
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JOSEPH: OK. You know, I'll try.
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JERRY: OK.
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JOSEPH: So you're not even a bit curious
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as to who they're from?
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JERRY: Yeah. I'm kind of
busy protecting all mankind
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right now, so...
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JOSEPH: [MOANS]
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I guess I was just secretly hoping
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that, you know, you wouldn't
get anything, either,
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and then we could be lonely together.
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You know what I mean?
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JERRY: Oh, my God, I almost forgot.
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Look what just arrived from... for
you in the internal mail system.
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- Oh, my God.
- I know. Go open it.
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JOSEPH: Oh, my God,
oh, is this from you?
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JERRY: Are you kidding?
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You think I'd, what, get you a
Valentine's Day card out of pity?
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JOSEPH: I wouldn't hold it against you.
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JERRY: No. I'm not that nice.
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JOSEPH: Oh, swear on your life.
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JERRY: I swear on your life, buddy.
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JOSEPH: Oh, my God.
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"Hey, sexy... " comma, "stay
amazing. Kiss," full stop.
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- There.
- Aww.
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JOSEPH: My God, do you think
it's from Charlotte, maybe?
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- Could be.
- Ohh...
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JOSEPH: but actually, we've never met.
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JERRY: So?
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JOSEPH: Well, so she's not
really had the full experience.
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- Right. Yeah.
- Yeah.
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JERRY: Still, it's possible.
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JOSEPH: Yeah. Maybe I'll
just text her and ask.
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JERRY: No. Don't. No. Don't do that.
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JOSEPH: No?
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JERRY: Nope, because what if it isn't?
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- Mm.
- Right, and if it is,
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JERRY: you don't want
her knowing that you know.
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JOSEPH: Maybe I'll just get
handwriting analysis done, then.
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JERRY: No. What? Where?
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JOSEPH: Here. It's downstairs.
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JERRY: No, absol... No, absolutely not.
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Do not to that. OK. Well, listen, buddy.
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Right now, that card
could be from anyone.
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It's almost more fun not
knowing who it's from.
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What's your wildest fantasy?
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JOSEPH: Meeting someone who could fly.
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JERRY: No. I mean, if that
card could be from anyone
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in the world, who would
you want it to be from?
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JOSEPH: I guess it'd be a toss-up
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between David Attenborough and
Princess Jasmine from "Aladdin."
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- The live action or...
- The cartoon.
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- The cartoon. There you go.
- Yeah.
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- Hey.
- You all right?
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JOSEPH: Yeah.
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I have a handwriting
sample that needs analyzing.
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I was told you were
the best person to ask.
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WOMAN: Case number?
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JOSEPH: Right. Yeah.
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It hasn't actually been
assigned a number yet.
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WOMAN: Why not?
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JOSEPH: I know it's
gonna sound really weird,
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but I think they've just run out.
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WOMAN: They've run out of numbers?
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JOSEPH: Well, no, not run out.
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I think they've just used
them all up on other cases.
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I don't know if you've
ever had that happen before.
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WOMAN: Who is the supervising
officer on the case?
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I can touch via scope here.
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JOSEPH: Right. Yes. Gosh,
I'm so bad with names...
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[TAPS TEETH]
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and there are so many now, aren't there?
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- There's only 4.
- There's only 4?
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JOSEPH: Oh. Seemed like...
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Well, I'm guessing...
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ma-male.
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- White?
- Yeah, probably. I mean...
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Or not. Or not.
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I mean, you know, they
could've been more like...
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or, you know... or the
color of this folder or not.
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WOMAN: Well, there are no
blue supervising officers.
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JOSEPH: And I think
that is so bad nowadays.
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WOMAN: Are you taking the piss?
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00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,210
JOSEPH: Oh, no. God, no. No.
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00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,131
I just, you know... I'm
on your side, obviously.
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00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:09,210
- What side's that, then?
- I'm like you, aren't I?
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00:08:09,251 --> 00:08:10,691
WOMAN: You're a Black woman?
195
00:08:10,730 --> 00:08:12,371
JOSEPH: Well, no, not
quite, but I'm half.
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00:08:12,410 --> 00:08:14,011
- Are you half a Black woman?
- I'm just a complete mix.
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00:08:14,051 --> 00:08:15,451
- Of black and blue.
- Of Black and white.
198
00:08:15,491 --> 00:08:18,130
WOMAN: Oh, so you're gray.
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[CRUNCH]
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00:08:19,970 --> 00:08:23,370
JOSEPH: So I have a handwriting
sample that needs analyzing.
201
00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:24,771
Oh, God.
202
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,651
CHRISTINE: Please don't
tell me those are for me.
203
00:08:29,691 --> 00:08:31,051
JERRY: [LAUGHS]
204
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:33,931
No. No, of course not. These are mine.
205
00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:35,651
EVELYN: You've got
another bunch of flowers?
206
00:08:35,691 --> 00:08:37,171
JERRY: No. This is the same bunch.
207
00:08:37,210 --> 00:08:39,370
I just didn't want to
leave them lying around.
208
00:08:39,411 --> 00:08:41,171
It's just not safe.
209
00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:42,931
CHRISTINE: This is one of the
safest buildings on the planet.
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00:08:42,970 --> 00:08:44,811
JERRY: I just don't want
anyone tripping over them
211
00:08:44,850 --> 00:08:47,730
and risk hurting the arrangement.
212
00:08:47,771 --> 00:08:50,531
Do you mind if we
have a word in private?
213
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:52,571
- Evelyn.
- But I only just sat down.
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00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:53,890
CHRISTINE: You've been
sitting down all day.
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00:08:53,931 --> 00:08:55,931
- Yeah, but not like this.
- Please?
216
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,531
EVELYN: Ohh...
217
00:09:00,171 --> 00:09:01,850
JERRY: Thank you.
218
00:09:01,890 --> 00:09:03,730
Can I just say, for the first 6 months,
219
00:09:03,771 --> 00:09:06,370
I had no idea you two
were mother and daughter.
220
00:09:06,411 --> 00:09:07,850
CHRISTINE: Well, I try not to make
221
00:09:07,890 --> 00:09:09,811
too much of a song and dance about it.
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00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,171
JERRY: No. I completely get it.
223
00:09:11,210 --> 00:09:13,051
I'd be the same if I were your daughter.
224
00:09:13,090 --> 00:09:15,331
CHRISTINE: What can I do for you?
225
00:09:15,370 --> 00:09:18,130
JERRY: Well, given I
saved Britain last week...
226
00:09:18,171 --> 00:09:20,651
you're welcome... did
Jonesy mention anything
227
00:09:20,691 --> 00:09:23,730
about the NSA dropping
the case against me,
228
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:26,890
you know, that whole
election-fraud thing?
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00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:28,651
CHRISTINE: I thought you liked it here.
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00:09:28,691 --> 00:09:30,010
JERRY: Oh, no. Don't get me wrong.
231
00:09:30,051 --> 00:09:32,210
I love it here, and I adore your outfit.
232
00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,811
I'm just thinking,
hypothetically, if I managed
233
00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:37,210
to track down these Russian dudes,
234
00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:39,970
surely, that would paint
me in a better light, right?
235
00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:43,051
CHRISTINE: We'll just
have to wait and see.
236
00:09:43,090 --> 00:09:45,051
Any news about who might have leaked
237
00:09:45,090 --> 00:09:47,610
the NSA intel in the first place?
238
00:09:47,651 --> 00:09:48,970
JERRY: No, but I've been professionally
239
00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:51,250
interrogating people since I was 9.
240
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,090
Mary, I swear to God,
this is your last chance.
241
00:09:54,130 --> 00:09:56,730
Are you working for the Russians?
242
00:09:56,771 --> 00:09:58,610
- No.
- Right. That's it.
243
00:09:58,651 --> 00:10:01,130
JERRY: I want to waterboard
her. Mary, get up here.
244
00:10:01,171 --> 00:10:02,730
Tuva, are you recording all this?
245
00:10:02,771 --> 00:10:04,331
TUVA: Oh, fuck yeah.
246
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,010
JERRY: OK. No. Turn
around. You got to face me.
247
00:10:06,051 --> 00:10:08,531
This isn't an enema. This is serious.
248
00:10:08,571 --> 00:10:11,411
Now lie down flat.
249
00:10:11,451 --> 00:10:14,451
No, face up. Mary, flip over.
250
00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:16,651
Joseph... you know what?
yeah, hold her down.
251
00:10:16,691 --> 00:10:19,370
Now, who has a towel?
252
00:10:21,531 --> 00:10:23,691
JOSEPH: OK. Sorry.
253
00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:26,291
OK, so the options are lovely,
little bunny rabbit one;
254
00:10:26,331 --> 00:10:28,811
one from the local school;
or just a plain, gingham one,
255
00:10:28,850 --> 00:10:30,291
but I don't know if it's clean.
256
00:10:30,331 --> 00:10:32,571
JERRY: Give me that.
257
00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:34,771
- You see the rabbit?
- Shut up.
258
00:10:34,811 --> 00:10:36,250
JERRY: OK. Mary, where's your mouth?
259
00:10:36,291 --> 00:10:38,771
- Uh, in here.
- OK. Do we have any water?
260
00:10:38,811 --> 00:10:40,291
TUVA: I got some Sprite you can use.
261
00:10:40,331 --> 00:10:41,931
JERRY: No. I don't think
it'll work with Sprite.
262
00:10:41,970 --> 00:10:43,931
- It blows me up.
- Shut up, Mary!
263
00:10:43,970 --> 00:10:46,331
- Is there water in the flowers?
- Do not touch the flowers!
264
00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:48,970
- My God.
- Yeah.
265
00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:50,490
JOSEPH: So where do you want this?
266
00:10:50,531 --> 00:10:51,691
JERRY: OK. You know what? Get up here.
267
00:10:51,730 --> 00:10:53,291
- Oh, my God.
- All right.
268
00:10:53,331 --> 00:10:55,130
JERRY: You want to position
it over her mouth, OK?
269
00:10:55,171 --> 00:10:57,531
- Yeah.
- OK.
270
00:10:57,571 --> 00:10:59,811
JERRY: What the fuck are you doing?
271
00:10:59,850 --> 00:11:01,531
JOSEPH: I'm so sorry, Jerry.
272
00:11:01,571 --> 00:11:02,970
It's just really difficult
trying to keep it upright.
273
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,651
JERRY: It's supposed to get on her.
274
00:11:04,691 --> 00:11:08,210
I'm being serious, Mary.
This is your last chance.
275
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,890
- [WHIMPERING]
- OK.
276
00:11:09,931 --> 00:11:11,370
JOSEPH: And I'm aiming
for the mouth, yeah?
277
00:11:11,411 --> 00:11:12,531
JERRY: Just pour it on the rabbit.
278
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,771
JOSEPH: Here we go.
279
00:11:14,811 --> 00:11:16,771
- What? Are you kidding?
- So sorry, Jerry.
280
00:11:16,811 --> 00:11:18,691
- I'm sorry. That's not clean.
- Goddamn it.
281
00:11:18,730 --> 00:11:20,771
JERRY: What? God... All
right. You know what?
282
00:11:20,811 --> 00:11:23,531
I'm gonna... OK. Are you good?
283
00:11:23,571 --> 00:11:25,090
- You're good?
- Yeah.
284
00:11:25,130 --> 00:11:26,970
JERRY: Go for it. Wait.
Let me just adjust your...
285
00:11:27,010 --> 00:11:29,931
- Gah! OK! Are you kidding?
- Jerry, I'm so sorry.
286
00:11:29,970 --> 00:11:31,370
CHRISTINE: What the hell's going on?
287
00:11:31,411 --> 00:11:32,931
JERRY: Oh, hey, Chris.
288
00:11:32,970 --> 00:11:35,130
I was just teaching the
gang interrogation techniques
289
00:11:35,171 --> 00:11:36,771
in case we find a mole.
290
00:11:36,811 --> 00:11:39,451
CHRISTINE: But Mary is a mole.
291
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,850
- What?
- Sorry.
292
00:11:48,755 --> 00:11:51,004
CHRISTINE: OK. I'm sure you've
all got lots of questions.
293
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:52,941
JERRY: Chris, you got
to let me handle this.
294
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,380
CHRISTINE: Absolutely not. Sit down.
295
00:11:54,421 --> 00:11:56,701
I just need you all
to listen. It's true.
296
00:11:56,740 --> 00:11:58,500
For a few weeks now,
Mary's position here
297
00:11:58,541 --> 00:11:59,781
has been compromised...
298
00:11:59,821 --> 00:12:02,100
JERRY: Son of a bitch! Aah!
299
00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:06,341
CHRISTINE: but only because
her mother has been captured
300
00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,620
by the Russian mob responsible
for last week's attack
301
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,821
and who have been blackmailing
Mary for inside intel.
302
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,620
JERRY: Well, I'm very
sorry to hear that.
303
00:12:13,661 --> 00:12:15,941
TUVA: I thought your mom passed away.
304
00:12:15,980 --> 00:12:17,581
MARY: Oh, so did I.
305
00:12:17,620 --> 00:12:20,020
[TYPING]
306
00:12:20,821 --> 00:12:22,581
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
307
00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:24,500
[EXHALES]
308
00:12:24,541 --> 00:12:26,061
Hello?
309
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:29,260
WOMAN: I'm ever so sorry.
Your mother's, um...
310
00:12:29,301 --> 00:12:30,341
[GUN COCKS]
311
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:31,620
passed away.
312
00:12:31,661 --> 00:12:33,620
MOTHER: [MUFFLED]
313
00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:35,061
JERRY: So your mom's still alive?
314
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:37,301
MARY: Yes, but now they keep threatening
315
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,741
to send one of her
fingers through the post.
316
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,380
JOSEPH: Why? What's
wrong with her fingers?
317
00:12:41,421 --> 00:12:43,740
CHRISTINE: Fortunately...
318
00:12:45,220 --> 00:12:49,100
Fortunately, Mary had the
foresight to buy us some time
319
00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:51,740
by sending the Russians
a lot of false leads.
320
00:12:51,781 --> 00:12:54,061
TUVA: So Mary's now a double agent?
321
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:55,661
CHRISTINE: Technically,
she's a triple agent.
322
00:12:55,701 --> 00:12:57,500
JOSEPH: That's right, so we
think she's working for us.
323
00:12:57,541 --> 00:12:59,020
The Russian thinks
she's working for them,
324
00:12:59,061 --> 00:13:00,500
but really, she's
working for someone else.
325
00:13:00,541 --> 00:13:04,020
- No. She's just working for us.
- Right. Good.
326
00:13:04,061 --> 00:13:05,740
JOSEPH: How's that different
from that she was doing before?
327
00:13:05,781 --> 00:13:06,980
CHRISTINE: Because the Russians believe
328
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,421
she's now working for them.
329
00:13:08,461 --> 00:13:09,980
JOSEPH: That's just
two things, isn't it?
330
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:11,500
CHRISTINE: Listen. All you need to know
331
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,301
is that we are keeping
Mary's cover a secret
332
00:13:13,341 --> 00:13:16,740
so that we can continue to
feed the Russians false intel
333
00:13:16,781 --> 00:13:18,661
and, in doing so, hopefully,
334
00:13:18,701 --> 00:13:20,461
prevent a future Eternal Blue attack.
335
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,781
MARY: Plus, I must
admit, it's quite nice
336
00:13:22,821 --> 00:13:25,661
for me and Quentin to have
a bit of space from Mum, too.
337
00:13:25,701 --> 00:13:27,500
JOSEPH: Oh, so you and Quentin still...
338
00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:29,661
MARY: Yes, every night.
339
00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:31,620
JERRY: Yeah, baby. What stage you at?
340
00:13:31,661 --> 00:13:32,941
- Please don't...
- 63.
341
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,140
CHRISTINE: answer that.
342
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:37,900
JOSEPH: Is that...
343
00:13:39,181 --> 00:13:40,860
JERRY: [MOUTHING]
344
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:42,581
- Forward.
- Aagh!
345
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:44,541
- Uh!
- Ugh! Die!
346
00:13:44,581 --> 00:13:47,020
- Nice shot, soldier.
- Targets are coming.
347
00:13:47,061 --> 00:13:49,781
- Cover me. Hah!
- Take that.
348
00:13:49,821 --> 00:13:53,140
- Get down.
- Take cover. Reloading.
349
00:13:53,181 --> 00:13:55,100
EVELYN: You're fucking kidding me.
350
00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:57,181
- Ugh...
- Game over.
351
00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:58,220
EVELYN: Fuck.
352
00:13:58,221 --> 00:13:59,661
[TYPING]
353
00:13:59,701 --> 00:14:02,581
- Tuva, I just want to say...
- They weren't from me.
354
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:04,341
JERRY: No. Sure.
355
00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:06,260
I'm just double-checking with
everyone I've ever, you know...
356
00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:08,100
TUVA: Disappointed?
357
00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:10,140
JOSEPH: So do you get paid more
for being a triple agent, then?
358
00:14:10,181 --> 00:14:13,701
MARY: No, but I am trying
to negotiate more holiday.
359
00:14:13,740 --> 00:14:14,980
JOSEPH: Oh, right,
360
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,181
and the Russians are
all right with that?
361
00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:17,941
MARY: No. They were very angry.
362
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:19,740
JERRY: You know I had
a friend who started off
363
00:14:19,781 --> 00:14:24,020
as a triple agent but then went
on to become an octuple agent
364
00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:25,500
almost overnight.
365
00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:28,781
JOSEPH: So who did that mean
they were working for in the end?
366
00:14:28,821 --> 00:14:31,380
JERRY: Well, they
thought that we thought
367
00:14:31,421 --> 00:14:36,740
that they thought that we
thought that they thought
368
00:14:36,781 --> 00:14:40,980
that... that... that we... that...
369
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:44,140
You know, I got to get
some water for these.
370
00:14:49,661 --> 00:14:51,380
Hey, how's it going?
371
00:14:51,421 --> 00:14:54,341
WOMAN: So do you want to go out
for a drink tonight, then, or what?
372
00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:58,581
JERRY: I mean, that's not why I
came to see you, but, yeah, I'm down.
373
00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,421
WOMAN: I'll call you back.
374
00:15:00,461 --> 00:15:01,980
[BEEP]
375
00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:06,260
JERRY: Jerry Bernstein,
NSA. It's Honey, right?
376
00:15:06,301 --> 00:15:11,421
So I just wanted to warn you
about this guy I'm working with.
377
00:15:11,461 --> 00:15:13,980
You might have seen
him scampering around.
378
00:15:14,020 --> 00:15:17,661
He's a tiny, little guy,
kind of like a Cinnamon Santa,
379
00:15:17,701 --> 00:15:21,260
I mean in terms of disposition, not...
380
00:15:21,301 --> 00:15:24,980
Anyway, I was just
wondering how this works.
381
00:15:25,020 --> 00:15:28,380
If he came to you with
a sample of handwriting,
382
00:15:28,421 --> 00:15:31,181
how quickly would you be able
to work out that it was mine?
383
00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:32,941
HONEY: So you're telling me it's yours.
384
00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:35,900
JERRY: No. No. I was just
saying that as an example.
385
00:15:35,941 --> 00:15:38,421
Like, would it help if I provided you
386
00:15:38,461 --> 00:15:41,740
with a sample of my handwriting
first just to rule me out?
387
00:15:41,781 --> 00:15:44,020
HONEY: Not if I already know it's yours.
388
00:15:44,061 --> 00:15:48,941
JERRY: Now... sure, but ignoring that...
389
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:52,140
I wish I'd never said it...
how can I help you avoid
390
00:15:52,181 --> 00:15:54,500
coming up with a false conclusion?
391
00:15:54,541 --> 00:15:56,781
HONEY: I'd need to know a bit
more info on your background
392
00:15:56,821 --> 00:15:58,781
and see a sample of your handwriting.
393
00:15:58,821 --> 00:16:02,220
JERRY: Absolutely.
That's what I thought.
394
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:21,140
Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late.
Couldn't fit in the elevator.
395
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,740
RUPERT: Jerry, just
wanted to congratulate you
396
00:16:23,781 --> 00:16:26,181
on the Hinkley Point success last week.
397
00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:28,061
- Great work.
- Thanks, Rupert.
398
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:30,341
JERRY: I can't believe
we've never met in the flesh.
399
00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:32,581
RUPERT: Well, I have been in
theater these past few weeks.
400
00:16:32,620 --> 00:16:34,100
JERRY: Oh, great. What show?
401
00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:37,181
RUPERT: No. I was in
a pony-riding accident.
402
00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:39,900
JERRY: Well, either way,
I'm sure it was fantastic.
403
00:16:39,941 --> 00:16:41,581
RUPERT: [CHUCKLES]
404
00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:43,900
Who's the lucky lady or fella?
405
00:16:43,941 --> 00:16:46,821
JERRY: Yeah, right. Right.
406
00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:49,541
I mean... I mean,
right. Right. Right on.
407
00:16:49,581 --> 00:16:51,940
I'm actually in touch
with thousands of women,
408
00:16:51,981 --> 00:16:54,781
so... who knows? it could
be from any or all of them.
409
00:16:54,821 --> 00:16:56,981
RUPERT: Just like a tomb
of the unknown soldier.
410
00:16:57,021 --> 00:16:58,860
JERRY: I don't really
understand the reference,
411
00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:00,501
but yes, absolutely.
412
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,180
Thank you.
413
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:04,140
JOSEPH: Um, hi. Jerry, do
you mind if I have a quick...
414
00:17:04,180 --> 00:17:06,860
CHRISTINE: We're busy. What is it?
415
00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:11,021
JOSEPH: Oh, you know, it's
fine. I didn't know that you...
416
00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:13,180
RUPERT: Don't be silly.
We're all equals here.
417
00:17:13,221 --> 00:17:15,021
- You know, I really should...
- Come on.
418
00:17:15,061 --> 00:17:17,100
- Only if you're sure.
- Of course.
419
00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:18,860
RUPERT: We even get paid the same.
420
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:21,940
- Seriously?
- No. I earn a lot more.
421
00:17:21,981 --> 00:17:23,581
CHRISTINE: What do you want?
422
00:17:23,620 --> 00:17:25,940
JOSEPH: Oh, um...
423
00:17:25,981 --> 00:17:29,380
[WHISPERS] What do I want?
424
00:17:29,420 --> 00:17:31,620
[NORMAL VOICE] Well, I...
425
00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:35,021
I had some handwriting analysis done
426
00:17:35,061 --> 00:17:38,660
on the Valentine's Day
card that I received.
427
00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:40,021
JERRY: What?
428
00:17:40,061 --> 00:17:41,860
CHRISTINE: Sorry. Let
me get this straight.
429
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:45,860
You've been using GCHQ resources
funded by the UK taxpayer
430
00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:48,501
to find out who sent you
a Valentine's Day card?
431
00:17:48,541 --> 00:17:50,180
JOSEPH: In my defense,
that is exactly why
432
00:17:50,221 --> 00:17:52,180
I didn't want to say
it in front of you all.
433
00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:54,781
RUPERT: And?
434
00:17:54,821 --> 00:17:56,700
JOSEPH: Oh. Well...
435
00:17:56,741 --> 00:17:58,781
JERRY: No. That's not important.
436
00:17:58,821 --> 00:18:01,620
Shall we continue with
our high-profile meeting?
437
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,301
RUPERT: Hang on. You were saying?
438
00:18:03,341 --> 00:18:04,981
JOSEPH: Well, actually,
it turned out that it's...
439
00:18:05,021 --> 00:18:06,781
- D'oh! Aagh!
- Oh, my God, what's wrong?
440
00:18:06,821 --> 00:18:08,700
- Oww...
- Jerry, what's wrong?
441
00:18:08,741 --> 00:18:10,420
- Ooh...
- What's wrong?
442
00:18:10,460 --> 00:18:12,940
JERRY: Joseph, could you go...
could you go... Could you go?
443
00:18:12,981 --> 00:18:14,380
CHRISTINE: Oh, for heaven's sake, Jerry.
444
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,940
JERRY: OK. Look. I just
did it to cheer him up.
445
00:18:16,981 --> 00:18:18,900
- It doesn't mean anything.
- What do you mean?
446
00:18:18,940 --> 00:18:20,981
- So it was from you.
- Why?
447
00:18:21,021 --> 00:18:22,660
- They used to be married.
- Oh.
448
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,660
JERRY: Isn't that what the
handwriting analysis showed?
449
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:28,100
JOSEPH: No. I was about to say
the results were inconclusive.
450
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:30,940
JERRY: Oh, sorry. No.
That's what I meant.
451
00:18:30,981 --> 00:18:33,100
I mean, could've been
from anyone. Who...
452
00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:36,021
It could've been Chris,
could've been Rupert.
453
00:18:36,061 --> 00:18:38,620
RUPERT: Well, I've never
met him before, but...
454
00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:41,261
JOSEPH: You swore on my
life that it wasn't from you.
455
00:18:41,301 --> 00:18:42,940
JERRY: Eh, don't worry about it, buddy.
456
00:18:42,981 --> 00:18:44,380
It doesn't mean you're
actually gonna die.
457
00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:46,501
- I'm sorry about this.
- No. This is fun.
458
00:18:46,541 --> 00:18:47,900
JERRY: I thought you'd be pleased.
459
00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:49,021
JOSEPH: Yeah, only because you told me
460
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,341
it definitely wasn't from you.
461
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,061
JERRY: Oh, well, thank you very much.
462
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,341
JOSEPH: What else was I
meant to believe, Jerry?
463
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:54,781
JERRY: I don't know, maybe that
464
00:18:54,821 --> 00:18:56,180
your mother sent it out of sympathy.
465
00:18:56,221 --> 00:18:57,700
JOSEPH: Well, she died 20 years ago.
466
00:18:57,741 --> 00:18:58,781
JERRY: Maybe she postdated it. Look.
467
00:18:58,821 --> 00:19:00,380
I'll make it up to you, OK?
468
00:19:00,420 --> 00:19:02,261
I'll take you out to
dinner, somewhere real fancy.
469
00:19:02,301 --> 00:19:03,781
JOSEPH: You'll take me out
for dinner on Valentine's Day?
470
00:19:03,821 --> 00:19:04,981
JERRY: Well, no, obviously not tonight.
471
00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:07,581
- I've got plans.
- I don't.
472
00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:09,501
JOSEPH: But you'll take me
out at some point, right?
473
00:19:09,541 --> 00:19:11,981
JERRY: Yes, but not because I
sent you a Valentine's Day card.
474
00:19:12,021 --> 00:19:13,581
JOSEPH: But you did send
me a Valentine's Day card.
475
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,341
JERRY: Yeah, because I
wanted you to feel special.
476
00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:16,821
JOSEPH: I'll feel special when
you take me out for dinner.
477
00:19:16,860 --> 00:19:18,940
CHRISTINE: Why don't
you take him out now?
478
00:19:18,981 --> 00:19:21,180
This meeting is over.
479
00:19:21,221 --> 00:19:22,620
JERRY: Mm.
480
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:26,301
RUPERT: Have you been
wearing that all this time?
481
00:19:31,301 --> 00:19:34,420
- Good night, Jacinda.
- Good night.
482
00:19:36,021 --> 00:19:37,900
- Joseph...
- Yes?
483
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:39,460
CHRISTINE: it pains
me to have to say this,
484
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:41,620
but I'm seriously starting
to call into question
485
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:44,221
your position here at GCHQ.
486
00:19:44,261 --> 00:19:45,981
Do you understand?
487
00:19:46,021 --> 00:19:48,420
JOSEPH: Yes. Yeah,
absolutely, and listen.
488
00:19:48,460 --> 00:19:50,341
I just wanted to let
you know I'm well aware
489
00:19:50,380 --> 00:19:52,940
that we keep having these kind
of conversations every week now,
490
00:19:52,981 --> 00:19:54,981
but I promise you,
it won't happen again.
491
00:19:55,021 --> 00:19:57,061
CHRISTINE: It better not.
492
00:19:57,100 --> 00:20:00,180
JOSEPH: At least Valentine's
Day is only once a year.
493
00:20:00,221 --> 00:20:02,541
CHRISTINE: This is your final warning.
494
00:20:02,581 --> 00:20:04,741
- Do you hear?
- Yeah.
495
00:20:04,781 --> 00:20:07,261
CHRISTINE: Handwriting analysis.
496
00:20:07,301 --> 00:20:11,741
I mean, who else did
you think it was from?
497
00:20:11,781 --> 00:20:14,380
JOSEPH: Princess Jasmine.
498
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:21,860
[STATIC]
499
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,821
JERRY: Hmm.
500
00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:27,860
[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]
501
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:30,180
- Hi, Ma.
- Hi, sweetie.
502
00:20:30,221 --> 00:20:33,100
- Happy Valentine's Day.
- You, too.
503
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:35,460
MA: Did you get my flowers?
504
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:37,700
NOEL COWARD: ? Hooray, hooray, hooray ?
505
00:20:37,741 --> 00:20:39,380
? Misery's on the way ?
506
00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:43,180
? There are bad times
just around the corner ?
507
00:20:43,221 --> 00:20:47,061
? There are dark clouds
hurtling through the sky ?
508
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:49,221
? It's as clear as crystal ?
509
00:20:49,261 --> 00:20:51,180
? From Bridlington to Bristol ?
510
00:20:51,221 --> 00:20:55,021
? That we can't save democracy
and we don't much care ?
511
00:20:55,061 --> 00:20:56,981
? We'd better all learn the lyrics ?
512
00:20:57,021 --> 00:20:58,940
? Of the old "Red Flag" ?
513
00:20:58,981 --> 00:20:59,981
? And wait until we drop down dead ?
514
00:21:05,032 --> 00:21:09,582
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