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1
00:00:05,625 --> 00:00:08,791
Wake up to your inner goddess.
2
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:13,041
The power of the feminine
is always within you,
3
00:00:13,125 --> 00:00:16,832
demanding you take control
of your narrative
4
00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:21,250
and break the iron shackles
of the patriarchy.
5
00:00:21,332 --> 00:00:23,375
Take it from me.
6
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:27,041
I'm a witch, a mentor, a healer,
7
00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:30,250
a suburban shamaness,
a spirit guide,
8
00:00:30,332 --> 00:00:32,290
and an artist.
9
00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:33,957
And an actress.
10
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,375
My God.
11
00:00:57,665 --> 00:00:59,375
I'm just giving you
fair warning...
12
00:00:59,457 --> 00:01:01,915
I will be telling Megan to
step up her parenting tonight.
13
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,915
Babe...
No, I'm not gonna be
the quiet husband
14
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,415
on this anymore, okay?
I'm not.
15
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:09,415
Babe, go easy. Her and Mark
are... having tension,
16
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:11,750
and when you get passionate,
things backfire.
17
00:01:11,832 --> 00:01:14,000
It's like that time in Cabo
when she started
18
00:01:14,082 --> 00:01:16,141
calling you "Hurricane Joe."
Who bought light tampons?
19
00:01:16,165 --> 00:01:17,415
And when it's about her kids...
20
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:20,082
I said, which one of you
bought light tampons?
21
00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:21,915
I did.
Good morning, sweetie!
22
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,750
I thought "light"
sounded more comfortable.
23
00:01:23,832 --> 00:01:26,165
My God.
No one uses them.
24
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:27,790
They literally invented them
25
00:01:27,875 --> 00:01:30,750
to make you hate yourself
for having a normal flow.
26
00:01:30,832 --> 00:01:32,457
How do you not realize this?
27
00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:34,290
Yeesh.
Okay, big girl.
28
00:01:34,375 --> 00:01:36,332
I'll get you king-size
next time.
29
00:01:36,415 --> 00:01:38,332
I'm so over this man bullshit.
30
00:01:38,415 --> 00:01:41,125
I'm suffocated
by male energy.
Are you?
31
00:01:41,207 --> 00:01:45,457
Do you know what my existence is
like being the only woman ever?
32
00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:48,125
The toilet seat always up?
33
00:01:48,207 --> 00:01:49,582
My boobs scratched and bleeding
34
00:01:49,665 --> 00:01:51,250
'cause you don't wash
my bras right
35
00:01:51,332 --> 00:01:53,207
and it makes the wires poke out?
36
00:01:53,290 --> 00:01:55,750
It's actually abusive.
37
00:01:55,832 --> 00:01:58,750
Sounds to me like
now would be a great time
38
00:01:58,832 --> 00:02:01,290
for you to learn how
to do your own laundry.
39
00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:02,625
How 'bout it?
40
00:02:02,707 --> 00:02:05,832
You're not listening.
Which is also abusive.
41
00:02:05,915 --> 00:02:09,000
I'm trying to say
I'm drowning in maleness.
42
00:02:09,082 --> 00:02:11,415
This is such interesting
information to receive
43
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,832
from the human life
we have raised without thanks
44
00:02:14,915 --> 00:02:16,332
for 16 years.
45
00:02:16,415 --> 00:02:20,165
And FYI, you're not
the only woman in the house.
46
00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:21,415
What about Harper?
47
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:24,375
Dogs aren't women.
That's so sexist.
48
00:02:24,457 --> 00:02:26,177
Okay, I think
we can calm down with the s...
49
00:02:26,207 --> 00:02:29,875
"Calm down"?! You know who else
was told to calm down?
50
00:02:29,957 --> 00:02:32,832
Rosa Parks, Hillary Clinton,
51
00:02:32,915 --> 00:02:35,250
and Kesha, just to name a few.
52
00:02:35,332 --> 00:02:37,750
I'm sorry my vagina
is such a problem for you.
53
00:02:37,832 --> 00:02:41,000
I swear, if you don't let me
have a girls' night sleepover...
54
00:02:41,082 --> 00:02:43,707
You can have a sleepover.
55
00:02:43,790 --> 00:02:47,165
You just interrupted my threat.
56
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,707
I'm sorry.
Finish your threat.
57
00:02:50,875 --> 00:02:52,290
Now you don't deserve it.
58
00:03:00,957 --> 00:03:04,375
Shut up! We need to stop
debating and decide our theme,
59
00:03:04,457 --> 00:03:06,040
or we will end up with a fiasco
60
00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:07,665
like last year's Garden of Eden.
61
00:03:07,750 --> 00:03:09,875
Under the Sea has the most
decorating potential.
62
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,016
But we can't let Winter
Formal look like a kids' party.
63
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,750
We'll Always Have Paris is
sophisticated and... and classy.
64
00:03:14,832 --> 00:03:16,125
But I think if we do...
65
00:03:16,207 --> 00:03:17,641
What if the slogan was
"Get Eiffel Tower'd"?
66
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:20,375
Dude, that's sick.
67
00:03:20,457 --> 00:03:23,250
Can I finish
a sentence, please?
Yeah, obviously.
68
00:03:23,332 --> 00:03:26,000
Do we really want to be
dancing
in a fake version of a city
69
00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:28,016
known for snobs and bombings
when we could be doing...
70
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,082
I'm just saying, we're
gonna have these memories
71
00:03:30,165 --> 00:03:32,457
for the rest of our lives.
72
00:03:32,540 --> 00:03:34,540
Sorry. Go.
73
00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:38,250
I...
But is Under the Sea
really the experience
74
00:03:38,332 --> 00:03:41,750
we as leaders want
to give to our school?
75
00:03:44,582 --> 00:03:46,875
Is there a word
for wanting to kill
76
00:03:46,957 --> 00:03:48,875
every man, boy,
and male human being?
77
00:03:48,957 --> 00:03:50,375
I don't know.
Progressive?
78
00:03:50,457 --> 00:03:52,375
My God, my God, my God.
79
00:03:52,457 --> 00:03:53,457
Hey.
80
00:03:53,540 --> 00:03:54,457
- Hey.
- Hey.
81
00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:56,750
Peace to you.
Peace to you.
82
00:03:56,832 --> 00:03:59,040
And peace to you.
83
00:04:01,125 --> 00:04:02,957
You good, D?
Your frequency right now...
84
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:06,500
Dash Alonzo!
You've been summoned!
85
00:04:06,582 --> 00:04:09,207
A very special girl
wrote a message for you
86
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,625
but lost it in this pool
of ping-pong balls.
87
00:04:11,707 --> 00:04:13,332
Can you find it?
88
00:04:22,665 --> 00:04:25,625
"Winter Formal?
Love, Malia."
89
00:04:25,707 --> 00:04:27,000
What do you say?
90
00:04:27,082 --> 00:04:28,082
Yes!
91
00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:29,500
Yikes.
92
00:04:29,582 --> 00:04:31,457
Everything's so embarrassing.
93
00:04:31,540 --> 00:04:33,457
I just hate this
girls-ask-guys thing.
94
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,701
I just wanna be the dance
version of a pillow princess.
95
00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:37,250
What's a pillow princess?
96
00:04:37,332 --> 00:04:39,707
Like when you're getting fucked
and you just lay back
97
00:04:39,790 --> 00:04:41,290
and let him do all the work.
98
00:04:41,375 --> 00:04:43,082
'Cause if it was guys-ask-girls,
99
00:04:43,165 --> 00:04:45,375
Cooper obviously would
have asked me by now.
100
00:04:45,457 --> 00:04:47,125
And it's so heteronormative.
101
00:04:47,207 --> 00:04:50,457
Also, why should women bear
the whole burden of courtship?
102
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:53,540
It was Eric Bass' idea.
He really rammed it through.
103
00:04:53,625 --> 00:04:55,100
I bet he thought
he was being feminist.
104
00:04:55,125 --> 00:04:56,933
I hate it when guys think
they're being feminist.
105
00:04:56,957 --> 00:04:58,665
This is my whole point.
Men suck.
106
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,540
Like, it's an actual problem.
107
00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:02,790
Three branches
of government in America...
108
00:05:02,875 --> 00:05:04,915
Legislative, executive,
and judicial.
109
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,208
Dude, I heard
Panda Express Girl goes here.
110
00:05:07,290 --> 00:05:09,000
Actually?
Who the fuck is it?
111
00:05:09,083 --> 00:05:10,665
I don't know.
Avery didn't know either,
112
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:12,833
but she said she heard
it's someone at La Palma.
113
00:05:12,915 --> 00:05:15,375
But I'm like, how could it
not be that girl at Katella?
114
00:05:15,458 --> 00:05:17,290
The one who fucked
that Mexican dude,
115
00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:20,040
but then he bailed when she
stuck her finger in his butt?
116
00:05:20,125 --> 00:05:22,375
What's "Panda Express Girl"?
117
00:05:22,457 --> 00:05:25,750
Apparently, some high-school
girl randomly had a baby...
118
00:05:25,832 --> 00:05:27,832
Alicia!
119
00:05:29,415 --> 00:05:33,832
The Supreme Court can overturn
unconstitutional laws,
120
00:05:33,915 --> 00:05:35,250
and the Justices are...
121
00:05:35,332 --> 00:05:36,875
At. Panda. Express.
122
00:05:36,957 --> 00:05:38,641
Nominated by the president
and confirmed by the Senate.
123
00:05:38,665 --> 00:05:40,375
Even though we have
three branches...
124
00:05:40,457 --> 00:05:41,957
This is so bad.
Do we tell her?
125
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,375
No, not without the full tea.
126
00:05:43,457 --> 00:05:45,707
I think I should text
Avery Kampfer right now.
127
00:05:45,790 --> 00:05:46,707
Hey!
128
00:05:46,790 --> 00:05:48,082
- Hey, girl!
- How's it going?
129
00:05:48,165 --> 00:05:49,332
What were you talking about?
130
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:50,790
- Nothing. Sleepovaaahh.
- Yeah.
131
00:05:50,875 --> 00:05:54,457
Ready to do spells
and cultivate power tonight?
132
00:05:55,582 --> 00:05:57,250
Aww. Your purity.
Don't worry.
133
00:05:57,332 --> 00:05:59,332
We won't tamper
in anything too dark.
134
00:05:59,415 --> 00:06:02,375
We're just innocent,
barely legal white witches.
135
00:06:04,375 --> 00:06:06,540
How the fuck
does white mean good?
136
00:06:06,625 --> 00:06:08,833
The whole world's so fucked up.
137
00:06:10,665 --> 00:06:13,540
Have you low-key been, like,
a witch this whole time?
138
00:06:13,625 --> 00:06:16,250
So, I follow this one witch,
139
00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:20,250
then suddenly,
my whole feed was all witches,
140
00:06:20,332 --> 00:06:21,582
but like, technically,
141
00:06:21,665 --> 00:06:24,125
I guess I've always been
a witch deep down.
142
00:06:24,207 --> 00:06:25,750
This is just my coming out.
143
00:06:25,832 --> 00:06:28,082
Okay, pick one
that speaks to you.
144
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,915
Ooh, wow! Okay.
No, that's you.
145
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,875
High Priestess.
So spiritual.
146
00:06:35,957 --> 00:06:38,750
Okay. Now...
147
00:06:40,540 --> 00:06:42,040
- Whoa.
- Vibe!
148
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:46,625
Okay, so, this to me is like
you're over men.
149
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,415
- Ooh.
- You're a strong woman...
150
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:49,665
Yes.
151
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,750
Who wants to bond
with other women.
Yes!
152
00:06:51,832 --> 00:06:54,290
And then also, you're, like,
super intense or whatever.
153
00:06:54,375 --> 00:06:55,415
Wait. What?
154
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,500
Dude!
155
00:06:57,582 --> 00:06:58,957
Hey!
156
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,125
You're all wanted in the
dining room for Frozé Friday.
157
00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:03,540
Don't kill the messenger.
158
00:07:03,625 --> 00:07:05,375
Naomi, your mom's here,
by the way.
159
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:06,875
Mnh.
160
00:07:06,958 --> 00:07:08,790
Well, there was
the real hurricane,
161
00:07:08,875 --> 00:07:11,235
and then there was the one we
shared our very relaxing villa
162
00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:14,125
with, which was you, mister.
163
00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:16,040
Girls! Hi.
Hi, hi.
164
00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,790
I want you to settle something
for us.
165
00:07:17,875 --> 00:07:19,540
Honey, I brought your retainer.
166
00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:22,165
So, which one
would you rather have...
167
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:25,290
Overbearing parents
who never leave you alone
168
00:07:25,375 --> 00:07:28,290
or parents who err on the side
169
00:07:28,375 --> 00:07:31,290
of staying out of their kids'
private business?
170
00:07:31,375 --> 00:07:33,957
Staying out of our
private business?
171
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,290
A-ha! See?
172
00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:39,625
Why would I involve myself
in my son's love life
173
00:07:39,707 --> 00:07:41,582
when he doesn't even want that?
174
00:07:41,665 --> 00:07:43,665
I will never understand
those parents
175
00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:45,470
who just want to be
their kids' best friend.
176
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,625
That's not a parent.
177
00:07:46,707 --> 00:07:48,665
I'm not saying
be Nathan's gal pal.
178
00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,457
I'm saying...
And believe it or not,
179
00:07:50,540 --> 00:07:52,082
I know a little bit
about this...
180
00:07:52,165 --> 00:07:54,183
That he's testing his mother's
support of his sexuality.
181
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:55,915
Please.
You sound like my husband.
182
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,625
Hey. I'm the proof.
I am the living proof.
183
00:07:58,707 --> 00:07:59,832
Hey, girls?
184
00:07:59,915 --> 00:08:01,500
Which of these
would you rather have...
185
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:03,625
Parents who are disapproving
of who you are
186
00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:06,625
or parents who accept you
no matter what?
Hypothetically.
187
00:08:06,708 --> 00:08:08,208
I guess love you no matter what.
188
00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:10,375
Look. Okay, okay, Joe.
189
00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:13,790
I hear you. I do.
I hear you.
190
00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:17,832
Arianna, your parents, they're
supportive of you, right?
191
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:22,415
You've never, say, wanted
to get a belly button ring
192
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,750
and your parents told you
you could
193
00:08:25,832 --> 00:08:27,750
if you got straight A's,
194
00:08:27,832 --> 00:08:30,540
and then when you did,
they backed out?
195
00:08:30,625 --> 00:08:31,540
Mom!
196
00:08:31,625 --> 00:08:33,332
What? Honey.
We're all just talking.
197
00:08:33,415 --> 00:08:36,207
Well, safety is one thing.
Identity is another.
198
00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:39,375
Safety. Right.
I'm learning so much tonight.
199
00:08:39,457 --> 00:08:43,750
And, Patrick, these frozés
are really so delicious.
200
00:08:43,832 --> 00:08:45,375
Thank you.
Do tell...
201
00:08:45,457 --> 00:08:46,915
When Nathan painted his nails
202
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,582
and you weren't
too thrilled about it,
203
00:08:48,665 --> 00:08:50,707
what type of concern
was that? Also safety?
204
00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:52,207
You enjoying this, girls?
205
00:08:52,290 --> 00:08:56,625
You know, your
strategy here is just...
206
00:08:56,707 --> 00:09:00,791
I cannot embrace things that...
207
00:09:00,875 --> 00:09:03,541
are against how we think.
208
00:09:04,791 --> 00:09:07,000
Well, isn't that... us?
209
00:09:07,082 --> 00:09:11,332
What? No. No!
Don't be silly.
210
00:09:11,416 --> 00:09:14,250
You're Patrick and Joe.
211
00:09:14,332 --> 00:09:15,750
No, what I'm saying is...
212
00:09:15,832 --> 00:09:17,207
My God!
213
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:20,207
The darkness that had!
Lighting sage immediately.
214
00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:22,082
Please!
215
00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:26,791
Can we just banish all parent
and male energy forever?
216
00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:28,916
Starting now?
217
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,166
Show us the way, witch.
218
00:09:59,457 --> 00:10:01,000
Did you just hear that?
219
00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:08,791
How the fuck did that happen?
220
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,500
How the fuck did this turn on?
221
00:10:12,707 --> 00:10:13,750
Aah!
222
00:10:15,291 --> 00:10:17,832
Ooh! Yes!
223
00:10:20,166 --> 00:10:23,457
"We coven high.
224
00:10:23,541 --> 00:10:28,332
@TheYorbaLindaWitch."
225
00:10:28,416 --> 00:10:30,832
Bitch.
Bitch.
226
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:51,250
You guys.
227
00:10:51,332 --> 00:10:52,582
You guys!
228
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,875
The Yorba Linda Witch
followed me.
229
00:10:55,957 --> 00:10:57,375
Other witches, too.
230
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,665
My influence!
231
00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:01,000
Whoa.
How many?
232
00:11:01,082 --> 00:11:03,291
Like 10.
233
00:11:03,375 --> 00:11:05,666
Wow.
234
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,250
Shit.
235
00:11:07,332 --> 00:11:08,875
This is like a sign.
236
00:11:08,957 --> 00:11:12,166
The witch community
wants this coven to happen.
237
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:15,541
We sent it into the world,
and it came back times three.
238
00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:17,957
I don't know
if this proves that.
239
00:11:18,041 --> 00:11:21,750
And I think I started my period
last night, so kill me.
240
00:11:21,832 --> 00:11:24,500
Same.
241
00:11:24,582 --> 00:11:26,041
Wait. Same.
242
00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:27,625
No!
Are we synced?
243
00:11:27,707 --> 00:11:30,000
Okay.
That feels like a sign.
244
00:11:30,082 --> 00:11:31,375
This is so witchy.
245
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:34,000
We have to do a spell,
like, now.
246
00:11:34,082 --> 00:11:36,707
What if we did a love spell
for you and Cooper?
247
00:11:36,790 --> 00:11:38,290
My God! Yes!
248
00:11:38,375 --> 00:11:40,707
I mean, not that I need one,
but just to be super safe.
249
00:11:40,790 --> 00:11:42,125
That's a great idea.
250
00:11:42,207 --> 00:11:44,540
Maybe Dominique
the Yorba Linda Witch
251
00:11:44,625 --> 00:11:47,540
can do it with us and teach us.
252
00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:49,415
You guys.
253
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,707
We're a fuckin' coven.
254
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:03,041
Holy shit. I felt that.
255
00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:06,166
That was really potent work.
256
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:10,250
I have such an intuition
about this young coven.
257
00:12:10,332 --> 00:12:12,582
You're connected somehow.
258
00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:14,375
So now we just wait for the wax?
259
00:12:14,457 --> 00:12:18,541
We'll let that transfigure a
few hours and then check back.
260
00:12:18,625 --> 00:12:21,625
You three...
261
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:24,625
You really should take
262
00:12:24,707 --> 00:12:26,750
one of my voice
and movement classes.
263
00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:29,707
- Shit!
- Fuck!
264
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,957
What's happening?
What's going on?
265
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,832
What's going on?
266
00:12:39,165 --> 00:12:40,665
Um, so that pretty much
267
00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:42,350
feels like the worst sign
I can think of.
268
00:12:42,415 --> 00:12:43,915
Did everyone come into the spell
269
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,290
with good and pure intentions?
270
00:12:45,375 --> 00:12:47,207
So now what? Does Cooper
fucking hate me now?!
271
00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:48,750
Like, why the fuck
did this happen?!
272
00:12:48,832 --> 00:12:51,000
Is any ill will being harbored
273
00:12:51,082 --> 00:12:52,332
or secrets being kept?
274
00:12:52,415 --> 00:12:54,832
It's my fault!
275
00:12:54,915 --> 00:12:56,750
I didn't come into it
with pure intentions.
276
00:12:56,832 --> 00:12:59,125
I'm in love with Cooper.
What?!
277
00:12:59,207 --> 00:13:01,000
We'll call you back.
278
00:13:01,082 --> 00:13:04,125
I'm so sorry.
I feel so, so, so, so bad.
279
00:13:04,207 --> 00:13:06,207
I asked you like five times
if you had feelings
280
00:13:06,291 --> 00:13:07,582
for Cooper, and you said no!
281
00:13:07,666 --> 00:13:09,385
I know! I know!
I wasn't trying to be shady.
282
00:13:09,416 --> 00:13:12,750
I just wanted you to be happy.
I just care about you so much.
283
00:13:12,832 --> 00:13:14,457
And I'm a horrible
fucking person.
284
00:13:14,541 --> 00:13:17,207
Please don't hate me.
No, I could never hate you.
285
00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:19,832
Just the whole reason
I asked you about Cooper
286
00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:22,166
is I didn't want to stop you
if you liked him.
287
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,666
Because I care about you.
288
00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:26,332
I really want you to date him.
No, I want you to.
289
00:13:26,416 --> 00:13:28,666
I could never, ever
when you feel like this.
290
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:30,875
Plus, you, like,
laid out the groundwork.
291
00:13:30,957 --> 00:13:33,332
What we have here
is way too important
292
00:13:33,415 --> 00:13:35,250
to let a boy get in the way.
293
00:13:35,332 --> 00:13:37,415
Especially one who doesn't
shave his neck hairs.
294
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,750
Sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
295
00:13:41,832 --> 00:13:43,707
Can we promise to be honest
from here on out?
296
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:45,332
No matter what?
Even the bad stuff.
297
00:13:45,415 --> 00:13:47,207
We just tell each other?
298
00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:53,375
What?
299
00:13:56,290 --> 00:14:00,707
In the spirit of full honesty...
300
00:14:00,791 --> 00:14:03,166
we do have tea.
301
00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:06,416
A rumor did come to us
concerning someone
302
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:08,666
people call
"Panda Express Girl."
303
00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:11,207
I guess people are operating
under the belief
304
00:14:11,291 --> 00:14:14,541
that a high-school girl
gave birth in a Panda Express.
305
00:14:14,625 --> 00:14:15,832
Wait. No. How?
Did somebody...
306
00:14:15,916 --> 00:14:17,100
I don't know,
but don't freak out,
307
00:14:17,125 --> 00:14:18,582
because according
to Avery Kampfer,
308
00:14:18,666 --> 00:14:20,706
everyone thinks it's this girl
Kennedy from Katella.
309
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:23,832
So there's no reason
to even be upset at all.
310
00:14:23,916 --> 00:14:25,332
We just thought, as sisters...
311
00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:28,166
Fuck my life!
Everything is over.
312
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:30,875
- No, I...
- If kids at school know,
313
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,267
and then my parents
are gonna know, and then...
314
00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:34,500
No one knows.
No one's gonna find out.
315
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,040
And even if your parents
did find out, they're so cool.
316
00:14:37,125 --> 00:14:38,915
No, I know! It's just...
317
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,875
It's just I don't want
everything to change.
318
00:14:40,957 --> 00:14:43,165
They'd feel so bad
and be so worried.
319
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,707
And then, also, why didn't
I fucking tell them before?
320
00:14:45,790 --> 00:14:49,250
And then they'll also just
see me as, like, that way,
321
00:14:49,332 --> 00:14:51,082
and never not see me
as that way.
322
00:14:51,165 --> 00:14:53,875
I'm sorry. I'm feeling just,
like... Like, this is not
good.
323
00:14:53,957 --> 00:14:56,582
Like... Like, we have to do
something about this now.
324
00:14:56,665 --> 00:14:59,582
Like, this just...
This just can't happen!
325
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:03,082
This can't get out!
Can I say something?
Can I say something?
326
00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:04,875
I, um...
327
00:15:04,957 --> 00:15:07,582
I actually do think
the magic is real.
328
00:15:07,666 --> 00:15:09,791
Like, I just do,
but even if you don't...
329
00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:11,957
No, I do.
No, I know.
330
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:15,750
I just think, like,
call it magic or prayer
331
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,291
or manifesting or whatever.
332
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,375
Just, like, we need
to put it out there
333
00:15:19,457 --> 00:15:20,791
to protect this secret.
334
00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:25,041
Yes. Definitely. Please.
How do we do that?
335
00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:47,625
And in terms of where
to, like, do the spell?
336
00:15:53,832 --> 00:15:55,875
You good?
337
00:15:55,957 --> 00:15:58,000
I mean, this is weird.
But good.
338
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,500
I'm glad we're doing this.
339
00:16:00,582 --> 00:16:04,166
And thank you.
I love you guys.
340
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:07,250
Not to be the most cheesin'
bitch on the planet,
341
00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:08,916
but just...
342
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:14,166
I love you both so hard
and long and deep right now.
343
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:16,291
I know we're all,
like, emotional
344
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:18,166
being back here or whatever,
345
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,791
but I never thought
I'd want female friends again
346
00:16:20,875 --> 00:16:23,832
after fourth grade when
Lauren Silbey and Zoe Tassano
347
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:26,916
told everyone I had AIDS
'cause my dads were gay.
348
00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:33,332
You know what we can't do
but would be so epic?
349
00:16:33,415 --> 00:16:35,125
If we went to the dance,
350
00:16:35,207 --> 00:16:39,165
just us three, as a coven,
no boys.
351
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,500
I was literally
just thinking that!
We totally could!
352
00:16:41,582 --> 00:16:42,750
Wait. Actually?
353
00:16:42,832 --> 00:16:44,125
Actually!
Definitely!
354
00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:45,540
My God!
355
00:16:45,625 --> 00:16:47,100
I'm so in love
with you two right now!
356
00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:49,207
Aah! I know!
357
00:16:49,290 --> 00:16:50,790
Wow. Fuck boys.
358
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:52,415
Fuck boys.
Fuck boys.
359
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:54,832
Yeah!
Fuck boys!
360
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,457
You know that really
pregnant girl at school?
361
00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:04,976
I feel like
I should reach out to her.
362
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,601
I just feel like she could
probably use a friend.
363
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:10,375
I just know that she's about
to go through a lot, you know?
364
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:13,040
Even just, like, your boobs
getting bigger
365
00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:14,375
or your fingers getting fatter,
366
00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:18,208
and all the stuff
you don't even think of.
367
00:17:18,290 --> 00:17:20,665
Actually, can we go
bra shopping after?
368
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:22,415
I need new ones.
Yes.
369
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,583
My dads keep ruining mine.
370
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:39,040
You don't have to do this.
371
00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:42,250
No, I know.
372
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:44,165
But I want to.
373
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:49,833
I'll say it.
374
00:17:49,915 --> 00:17:51,625
I feel bad for this rumor.
375
00:17:51,708 --> 00:17:55,125
'Cause it's going straight into
the freezer like Dominique said.
376
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,250
And not just any freezer.
377
00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:58,415
My dads' garage freezer,
378
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:00,915
where it's gonna get
fucking forgotten.
379
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,665
Sorry about it.
380
00:18:14,665 --> 00:18:16,708
Okay, Delilah.
381
00:18:16,790 --> 00:18:19,958
State your intent
for this protection spell.
382
00:18:22,665 --> 00:18:24,415
I just need this to work.
383
00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:30,250
And so it shall be.
384
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:31,958
Hands.
385
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:06,208
Can we go shop for bras now?
386
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:07,583
No.
Yeah.
387
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:08,833
Unh-unh.
388
00:20:08,915 --> 00:20:11,290
This is all you, boo.
389
00:20:14,165 --> 00:20:16,583
That guy looks like your dad, D.
390
00:20:16,665 --> 00:20:19,250
Really?
Yeah. Totally.
391
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:22,333
Your dad's hot as fuck,
by the way, and your mom, too.
392
00:20:22,415 --> 00:20:24,583
Yeah.
I'd watch them do stuff.
393
00:20:24,665 --> 00:20:26,375
God! Ew!
394
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:27,750
Have you ever walked in on them?
395
00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:30,083
No! Stop!
I hate this conversation.
396
00:20:30,165 --> 00:20:32,125
'Cause I walked in on mine.
397
00:20:32,208 --> 00:20:33,458
Twice.
No!
398
00:20:37,250 --> 00:20:39,750
What?
399
00:20:39,833 --> 00:20:41,750
I just...
400
00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:43,250
Never mind.
401
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:45,540
Wait, now you have to say it.
402
00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:49,915
I was just, like,
looking at this,
403
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:54,708
and I know it's just an ad,
but it made me think.
404
00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:59,125
There are... and I can't believe
I'm saying this... throuples.
405
00:20:59,208 --> 00:21:02,040
Like, they exist. There wouldn't
be a word for it if they didn't.
406
00:21:02,125 --> 00:21:05,083
And there was this amazing
"Say Yes to the Dress" episode
407
00:21:05,165 --> 00:21:07,415
with a throuple, and...
I don't know.
408
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,665
I was just, like, thinking
about the Cooper thing.
409
00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:11,333
Wait, what?
410
00:21:11,415 --> 00:21:13,040
I know.
It's so stupid.
411
00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:14,790
No, what are you saying?
412
00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:18,790
Wait, are you saying...
How would that even work?
413
00:21:18,875 --> 00:21:21,000
Would we be dating each other?
414
00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:24,208
No.
We would just be, like...
415
00:21:24,290 --> 00:21:25,958
dating the same guy.
416
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,458
I don't know.
Like, alternate days?
417
00:21:27,540 --> 00:21:29,017
I don't know.
Is that, like, so Mormon?
418
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,125
Definitely.
419
00:21:30,208 --> 00:21:33,125
Or we could go on
three-way dates,
420
00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:35,833
which kinda sounds
really fun, honestly.
421
00:21:35,915 --> 00:21:38,226
I know. It's like dating, but,
like, with your best friend.
422
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:41,250
That's so funny.
And amazing.
423
00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:43,790
But, like,
we can't do it, right?
424
00:21:43,875 --> 00:21:45,433
Well, I mean, would he even
be into that?
425
00:21:45,458 --> 00:21:48,333
Well, he's straight, so it's
like a fantasy come true, right?
426
00:21:48,415 --> 00:21:50,333
Ooh, us going
on three-person dates,
427
00:21:50,415 --> 00:21:52,226
like, going to
the movies together?
Yes! I know!
428
00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:53,683
And he could sit in the middle.
My God!
429
00:21:53,708 --> 00:21:55,000
What? What?
430
00:21:55,083 --> 00:21:57,165
And we can ask him
to Winter Formal together!
431
00:21:57,250 --> 00:22:00,000
Yes! Wouldn't that be fun?
That would be so cute!
432
00:22:00,083 --> 00:22:02,875
Um...
433
00:22:02,958 --> 00:22:06,415
I thought we... we were going.
434
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:09,333
Right.
435
00:22:11,125 --> 00:22:13,083
My God.
Would you be mad?
436
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,750
Do you hate this?
I mean, this is just, like,
437
00:22:15,833 --> 00:22:17,458
kind of perfect and sisterly.
438
00:22:17,540 --> 00:22:19,833
But if you hate this,
we won't do it.
439
00:22:19,915 --> 00:22:20,790
No.
440
00:22:20,875 --> 00:22:22,458
I mean, you should do it.
441
00:22:22,540 --> 00:22:25,750
Ooh.
Really?
442
00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:27,333
Okay.
443
00:22:27,415 --> 00:22:30,040
My God. We have to ask him
in, like, some crazy fun way.
444
00:22:30,125 --> 00:22:32,058
Obviously.
Maybe we should do something
to his car.
445
00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:34,000
No puns, though. No puns.
No puns?
446
00:22:34,083 --> 00:22:36,375
No puns.
447
00:22:39,915 --> 00:22:41,208
Good night.
448
00:22:43,583 --> 00:22:45,915
You know, could you maybe,
just once,
449
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,290
say, like, an actual good night?
450
00:22:48,375 --> 00:22:50,000
Like I'm an actual human being?
451
00:22:50,083 --> 00:22:51,708
Sure, Dad, no problem.
452
00:22:51,790 --> 00:22:53,040
My God. What?
453
00:22:53,125 --> 00:22:55,915
Nothing. It's my fucking period
and my cramps,
454
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,665
and you don't know
anything about it.
455
00:22:57,750 --> 00:22:58,750
Joe, get the Midol!
456
00:22:58,833 --> 00:23:00,250
No, I don't want it.
457
00:23:00,333 --> 00:23:02,415
Just leave me alone.
458
00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:05,915
But thank you for the Midol.
459
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,875
No, she doesn't want it.
460
00:23:07,958 --> 00:23:10,875
Can you please
just leave me alone?
461
00:23:10,958 --> 00:23:14,000
No. We actually can't.
I'm sorry.
462
00:23:14,083 --> 00:23:16,333
It's like a parent thing.
463
00:23:16,415 --> 00:23:18,750
When you love your kid too much.
464
00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:21,540
It's just a rule.
465
00:23:21,625 --> 00:23:24,875
I really don't want
to talk right now.
466
00:23:24,958 --> 00:23:27,083
Please don't make me.
467
00:23:30,333 --> 00:23:32,290
Okay.
468
00:24:47,750 --> 00:24:49,333
I can't believe us.
469
00:24:49,415 --> 00:24:51,500
Sister wives for life, yo.
470
00:24:51,583 --> 00:24:53,458
Um...
471
00:24:53,540 --> 00:24:54,958
What?
472
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,040
I'm gonna make sure there are
enough on the other side.
473
00:25:01,415 --> 00:25:04,125
Ooh. Can we get matching dresses
or something?
474
00:25:04,208 --> 00:25:06,017
Like, not the same, but, like,
in the same palette?
475
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,125
Yes. I love it.
476
00:25:07,208 --> 00:25:08,708
Okay. Yay.
477
00:25:08,790 --> 00:25:10,790
He's coming.
Arianna, start recording
on your phone.
478
00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:11,833
On your phone.
479
00:25:11,915 --> 00:25:13,208
Okay, we...
480
00:25:13,290 --> 00:25:14,583
Surprise!
Surprise!
481
00:25:14,665 --> 00:25:17,290
Wow.
What's... What's all of this?
482
00:25:17,375 --> 00:25:19,208
I don't know.
Read the message.
483
00:25:19,290 --> 00:25:21,165
Um...
484
00:25:23,458 --> 00:25:25,583
Who's asking me?
We both are.
485
00:25:25,665 --> 00:25:30,000
And not just to the dance,
unless you can't handle it.
486
00:25:30,083 --> 00:25:33,000
Are you guys pranking me?
487
00:25:33,083 --> 00:25:36,625
Is... this would be, like,
a three-person thing?
488
00:25:36,708 --> 00:25:38,415
Yeah, a throuple.
489
00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:40,851
So, like, if we go
to restaurants and stuff...
And at movies...
490
00:25:40,875 --> 00:25:43,267
we can just all three sit
at the same table.
you can just
sit in the middle
491
00:25:43,290 --> 00:25:46,833
and, like, have the big
popcorn. Wait, you haven't
even said yes or no yet. So...
492
00:25:46,915 --> 00:25:49,125
absolutely.
493
00:25:49,208 --> 00:25:51,083
Aww, yay!
Yes. Totally.
494
00:25:51,165 --> 00:25:53,250
Can you take pictures now?
Ooh, yeah.
495
00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:54,976
Wait, stand in the middle.
Yeah, like right here.
496
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,665
Are we cute?
Does my hair look weird?
497
00:25:56,750 --> 00:25:58,790
Yep. And nope.
498
00:25:58,875 --> 00:26:00,540
Okay, can we take some
of just me and D?
499
00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:02,833
Yeah.
Ooh, get on the car.
500
00:26:02,915 --> 00:26:04,915
Yeah. Okay.
501
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,375
We're insane, and I love it.
No. Go away. Go away.
502
00:26:07,458 --> 00:26:09,625
Go away. We're taking photos.
503
00:26:09,708 --> 00:26:11,267
I feel like
this is gonna be a whole new
504
00:26:11,290 --> 00:26:12,750
golden age of our friendship.
505
00:26:12,833 --> 00:26:14,583
I mean, for all of us.
506
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,458
Okay, goodbye. I'm leaving.
507
00:26:19,540 --> 00:26:20,540
Okay!
508
00:26:20,625 --> 00:26:23,125
Adios, bitch!
Love you!
509
00:26:23,208 --> 00:26:25,540
Ooh, do you guys
wanna go get froyo?
510
00:26:25,625 --> 00:26:26,958
Hell yeah.
511
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:28,875
Arianna Lewis-O'Farrell,
512
00:26:28,958 --> 00:26:30,915
you may not like
ze French theme,
513
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,875
but will you do me ze honor
514
00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:36,750
and go as my date to
We'll Always Have Par-ee?
515
00:26:36,833 --> 00:26:38,290
Seriously?
516
00:26:38,375 --> 00:26:41,458
You were the one
who made it girls-ask-guys.
517
00:26:41,540 --> 00:26:42,958
What kind of messed-up guy thing
518
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:46,125
makes you think the girl
you talk over every day in class
519
00:26:46,208 --> 00:26:50,375
wants to get nasty
and take couples pics with you?
520
00:26:50,458 --> 00:26:55,875
I swear, every boy on this dying
planet is a fucking parasite!
521
00:26:55,958 --> 00:26:59,790
And every girl who puts a boy
in front of her friends
522
00:26:59,875 --> 00:27:01,833
is diseased.
38248
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