All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S03E11_English

( music playing)

STAN: So ever since Karl Fink
found out I could talk,

we've been hanging out a lot.

Avery doesn't get it.

But then again,
she doesn't get mech suits!

She also doesn't get
mech suit apple picking!

The thing is, Karl and I
were having so much fun,

I forgot all about
a very important event...

Stan, there you are.
You missed my birthday party.

Oh, my gosh, was that today?

I can't believe it. I'm so sorry.
Uh, what's your favorite present?

I guess this sweater.

It's from all of us.

Avery, I can't believe
I missed your birthday.

-I'm sure you have a very good reason.
-Um...

It's not like you were
somewhere goofing around.

-Uh...
-Or hanging out with Karl again.

Derp.

I mean no, no.
I was, uh-- I was on a date with Princess.

Yeah, we were walking in the park,

gazing into each other's eyes,
eating each other's vomit.

You know, romantic stuff.

I guess it's okay you missed my party.

Are you sure you're not upset?

-Yes.
-Are you sure?

-Yes.
-Are you sure?

Yes.

-Are you sure?
-Yes!

( theme music playing )

Oh, Stan, stroke of genius.

We wear our mech suits
to the Huntington Gardens for high tea,

then when the check comes,
transform into cars and roll out.

First of all, yeah!

Secondly, I'm feeling pretty guilty
about missing Avery's birthday party.

Avery had a birthday party
and did not invite me?

I've been saving this noisemaker
since I was three,

just hoping to be invited
to a birthday party.

No, not yet, Karl.
Patience, patience. Your day will come.

Sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have
told you about the party.

It's all right. I'm not upset with you.

-Are you sure?
-Yes.

-Are you sure?
-Yes.

Okay, I'm convinced.

I just need to find a way
to make it up to Avery

for missing her party.

And maybe I could find some gesture
that shows what a good friend I am.

The cupcakes are really popular right now.
I could pelt her with those.

I'm not very good at this friends thing.

We can discuss it over high tea.

Oh, I just remembered,
there's a dress code at the Huntington.

We'll have to wear sport coats
over our mech suits.

Where are we gonna find
two sport coats size 104 long?

To Mother's closet! Exeunt!

Mom, I overslept!

My Pinchy the Party Crab alarm clock
didn't play his beach party music.

Pinchy, you have one job, wake me up.

Okay, two jobs, wake me up and party.
And you did neither.

Is that beach party music
coming from your room?

No wonder my morning dreams
are set to the song Crabbin' USA.

That's not a song he plays.

Oh, then I'm back to having a problem.

Because I overslept,

I missed the team van heading
to my first pro BMX competition.

Now I have to get up to
Northern California on my own.

I'll drive you.
Mother-son bonding weekend!

I'll just borrow Dad's car.

-Nope.
-Why not?

Well, partly because you're 17
and you can't drive 400 miles by yourself.

But mostly because
it's mother-son bonding weekend!

Fine. But when we get to the competition,
you don't get to go in.

You won't even stop the van.

I'll ride my bike out the back
like an '80s action movie.

My code name will be Chet Fierro

and you will be known
only as "The Syndicate."

Or it could be Trixie Le Deuce.

She's wanted by the law,
but she fights for justice.

And she also wants to sit
in the stands and cheer for you.

But, Mom, every time I try to pull off
a difficult trick,

you scream things like
"be careful" and "watch out"

and "I had boots like that
in high school!"

It's distracting.

This is my first professional competition.
Don't you want me to do well?

I do, Chet. I do.

Okay, I'll drop you off
and stay far away from the event.

( clock playing music )

TYLER: Oh, now you go off, Pinchy.

Trixie, please.

-Good luck at the competition, Tyler!
-Drive safe, hon!

You won't ever make me go
on a weekend bonding trip

with Mommy, will you?

No, Chloe,

it's so sweet that you think
I have that kind of power.

So, Daddy, what should we do now?

Well, I get to watch 30 hours
of professional wrestling I've recorded.

And you get to not tell Mommy about it.

Yay! I love doing things I'm not supposed
to tell my parents about.

-What?
-What?

So why can't I tell Mommy?

Mommy doesn't like it
'cause I get a little carried away,

especially when I do
my Reverse Atomic Suplex.

-( lamp smashing )
-Oh.

There is another thing
you get to not tell Mommy about.

Yay!

( music playing )

So we've narrowed down the nice things

we could do for Avery's
belated birthday surprise

to taking her bungee jumping,

doing a flashy song and dance number,

or getting her a big, hairy tarantula.

Now why did I write down tarantula?

Oh, this is my list
of soft things that eat birds.

So the tarantula's out
and bungee jumping--

Why is a tarantula out and bungee jumping?

What are you plotting, Karl?

Plotting? I'm not plotting.

Stan?

Um, we're taking tarantulas

who can't spin
their own webs bungee jumping

so they can experience
the exhilaration of spider flight.

Fine, don't tell me.

But you better be careful, Stan.

Don't let Karl pull you
into some elaborate scheme.

-It's not that elaborate.
-We don't even know what it is yet.

TOGETHER: What scheme?

My arch nemesis
and my talking dog becoming friends.

It's every girl's worst nightmare.

That and her dad taking her bra shopping.

BENNETT: Avery, it's time to go!

That last example was not said randomly.

This is awful.

Now Avery's actually upset with me.

We really have to do something
great to make up for it.

Well, she's already heard
bungee jumping and tarantula,

so if we want to surprise her,
we have to go with song and dance.

But not in our mech suits.

Last time I did that,

I activated the chainsaw
and literally cut a rug.

Song and dance it is.

Oh, and by the by,

add me to the list
of soft things that eat birds.

I love me some chicken.

( music playing )

Dude, what happened out there?

I haven't seen a crash that bad
since the stock market crash of 1929.

What?

I know stuff.

Sorry about my riding, Red.

I was just distracted
thinking about my mom.

I could feel her out there. Watching me.

Telling cute girls about the time
I ran away from a hummingbird

because I thought it was a big wasp.

I thought you said
she was waiting in the car.

I asked her to,
but I just know she didn't listen.

I can sense her. She's somewhere close.

Here, Mom, can you hold this? Very close.

( screams )

Mom, I told you I didn't
want you at the competition.

Why didn't you wait in the van?

You're my son
and I had to see you compete.

And I didn't yell out to you
like you said not to.

Besides, I really wanted a corn dog.
I'll eat anything on a stick.

Little known fact about me,
I was raised without utensils.

Even though you weren't yelling,

I knew you were there
and it got inside my head.

I kept waiting for you to yell out
how cute I look in my little outfit.

You do look cute in your little outfit.

I know, I also have great hair
and Mediterranean good looks,

but I don't want to hear
about it while I'm riding!

I'm sorry, Tyler.

I'll go wait in the car
after stopping at the corn dog stand.

I have a problem, don't judge me.

I can't believe my mom.

I know.

She didn't mention how cute
I look in my little outfit.

But you shouldn't be so hard on her.

I wish my mom would come
to watch my competitions

instead of teaching
disadvantaged kids how to read.

Why has it always got to be about her?

Yeah, but you don't know
how embarrassing my mom is.

Dude, there's nothing embarrassing
about your mom being proud of you.

In fact, one day you just might think
it's cool to have her around.

And that's when you know you're an adult.

-Now let's get some cotton candy--
-Whoo!

( music playing )

Ugh, Stan, I had no idea
how difficult it would be to write a song.

Rock stars do it and they're idiots.

Karl, you're writing on the computer.
Why do you keep crumpling papers?

It gets out my frustration.
I can't crumple a computer now, can I?

Mother can, then microwaves,
small cars, the boy's dreams.

I think you're overcomplicating it.

We just need something
that says what's in our hearts.

I am not overcomplicating it.

Now help me find a rhyme
for "epistemological conundrum."

Ugh, we're gonna be here all night.

Stan, that's brilliant.

A sleepover is just what we need
to get our creative juices flowing.

My first sleepover!

I don't want to get you too excited,
but someone's a night farter.

His name is Tyler. More gossip to come.

( music playing )

So you see,

Python isn't gonna challenge Destroyer Dan
to another ladder match

even though he used an illegal
submission hold to steal his title

because it's all setting up
next month's Pay-Per-View.

Python, you sly taco.

Hey, let's have some fun.

You lie down on the floor

and I'll jump off the back of the sofa
and land on your face with my knees.

Sweetie, professional wrestlers
know how to do that without getting hurt.

Plus, Mommy wouldn't approve.

Well, Mommy's not here right now.

Okay, I'm gonna show you one or two moves,
but we have to do it safely.

Let's start with a simple flip.

Here, take my hand.

-Hup.
-( Bennett grunts )

Whoa, drinking all that milk
is finally paying off.

Chloe, you didn't
actually make me do that.

I was playacting with you.

I was a college gymnast.

I drank all that milk for nothing?

You're gonna get Vitamin-D-stroyed!

That was on the carton!

-Aah!
-( Bennett grunts )

( screaming )

Say it's the milk!

Say it's the milk!

It's the milk!

Yeah, it is!

( music playing )

Oh. Hey, Stan.

It's time to get ready for bed.

Actually, I just came to get Robert.

I'm having a sleepover at Karl's tonight.

We're gonna gossip, but not about you.

On an unrelated topic,
can I borrow your diary?

You're sleeping at Karl's?

You've been spending
a lot of time with him,

plotting something devious
with tarantulas.

Oh, come on, Avery. Give Karl a chance.
He's a lot of fun.

Just last night we were
in our mech suits and then--

Wait a minute. Last night?

I thought you were with Princess.

Um...

You missed my birthday party
to hang out with Karl Fink?

-Uh...
-And then lied to me about it?

Derp.

Stan, I forgave you
for missing my birthday

when I thought you were
just being flaky and in love,

but you actually chose Karl over me.

No, it wasn't a choice.

I really forgot about your party.

I was just having a good time with Karl.

Well, you obviously knew
you had done something wrong,

or you wouldn't have lied to me about it.

You know what you are?

You are a bad--

Don't go there, Avery.

Don't call me a bad dog.

No.

You're a bad friend.

Avery, I--

You want to have your sleepover with Karl?
Go have your sleepover with Karl.

Obviously that's more important to you.

All right, I have to go retrieve Robert,

because he's a chew toy
and I'm one-eighth retriever.

But I'll be back
and we can talk about this.

( music playing )

Oh, there you are, Stan.

I didn't know where you were,

so I started
the slumber party without you.

I told myself a ghost story
and now I'm scared.

Man, the worst thing just happened.

Avery and I had a big fight

about me spending so much time over here
and missing her birthday.

Maybe I should just tell her
what we're doing.

No, Stan. The surprise is the fun part.

It's like being ambushed with merriment.

Like when a clown jumps out
of a bush and honks your nose.

I don't go to that park anymore.

When Avery hears the song
we've written for her,

I guarantee she'll forgive you.

I just hope you're right.

Of course I am.

It's also the perfect opportunity
for me to show her

what a good friend I can be.

You think that the guy who was developing
the world's first zombie virus

would have friends, and yet somehow...

I also love me some turkey.

( music playing )

That was really fun
wrestling yesterday, Daddy.

Yeah, too bad we already
took it as far as we could.

Unless...

Yeah!

Do you dare to get in the ring
with Dr. Pain?

Because I'm about to make a house call!

But only between the hours of 9 and 5.

( rock music playing )

The Scarlet Beetle is gonna
pick you up with her insect legs,

then communicate with other
insects using pheromones!

That's right, I read about beetles online!

We'll start on three.

One, two...

Never trust The Scarlet Beetle!

( both screaming )

Oh!

( screaming )

( screaming )

Whee!

Whee! Whee!

Whee!

Whee!

Dr. Pain's not through with you yet.

I've got some questions
about your insurance!

Come on, tag me out!

Who are you talking to?

My tag-team partner.

Huh?

Let's do this, Chloe.

Maximus Slammus!

You're my favorite wrestler.
What are you doing here?

He's my friend Darcy's uncle.

I gave her my Rockstar Rabbit doll
for this to happen.

Make it worth my while.

So I understand you've been
showing Chloe some moves.

-Well...
-I know a few myself!

Okay, let's do--

( screams )

This is awesome!

( music playing )

Well, here we are.
I'll pick you up after the competition.

I guess I'll drive around
and see what Stockton has to offer.

According to the pamphlet
I picked up at the motel,

it was named "The Best Tree City
in the Western United States."

Boy, I wish you were riding BMX
and I was getting to check that out.

Okay, Tyler. I can take a hint.

It's just that I'm so proud of you.

Good luck today, sweetie.

RED: There's nothing embarrassing
about your mom being proud of you.

Maybe you're right, Red.

But why are you wearing lederhosen?

I think you're remembering me and the girl

who sold us the giant pretzels
at the same time.

Oh, yeah. I do that sometimes.

Mom, you should come watch.

I'm sorry I told you to stay away.

There's nothing embarrassing
about my mom being proud of me.

If you want to cheer
when I'm riding, that's okay.

You've always supported me.

And plus, it's mother-son bonding weekend!

Aww. That's so sweet.
But that's really my bit.

I'm only letting you do it
because it's mother-son bonding weekend!

You see, that's how it's done.

ELLEN: Look out!

Oh, no, you're upside down!

It's okay, I can cheer when he's riding!

He said so!

Can I get a corn dog here?

( music playing )

Hey, what's that?

I won this when Maximus Slammus and I
beat Daddy in a King-of-the-Ring match

here in the family room.

Oh, Chloe, you have such
a wonderful imagination.

Never grow up.

You, too.

Avery, we have a very important message
we want to share with you.

And it goes
a little something like this...

♪ I'm really sorry
that I missed your party ♪

♪ I can't blame Tyler
like when I get farty ♪

♪ But worse than that
I lied like a rug to you ♪

♪ A horrible act you'd expect
for a pug to do ♪

♪ As friends go, I know
I'm not your bestest ♪

♪ But how could I not make
the cut on that guest list? ♪

♪ My party invite must
have slipped your mind ♪

♪ I live next door, really hard to find ♪

♪ What we're trying to say
through all of this fumbling ♪

♪ Freezing me out
was really a dumb thing ♪

♪ Avery Jennings ♪

♪ You really are something ♪

Yeah!

Karl, I didn't notice before,

but your part of our friendship song
is a bit negative.

Sorry, Stan, I'm trying to stay positive,

but Rome wasn't sacked and destroyed,

extinguishing the light
of western civilization

for an entire millennium in a day.

The fact that you guys
would go to all this trouble,

Stan, your heartfelt expression
and, Karl, whatever you were singing,

means more than I can say.

So I made you this.

( gasps )

I call it "My Friends."

Karl, I'm sorry that I didn't
invite you to my party.

You are my friend.

Friends? Us?

Oh, Avery, I'm touched.

The moment is finally here.

For those of you unfamiliar
with the term "anti-climax."

And, Stan--

Wait a second.

Avery, this painting is
of Karl and me performing our song.

How did you know we were gonna do that?

Were you spying on us?

Derp.

When Avery hears the song
we've written for her,

I guarantee she'll forgive you.

-I just hope you're right.
-Of course I am.

It's also the perfect
opportunity for me to show her

what a good friend I can be.

AVERY: Oh, my gosh.
That's why Stan's over here.

They're doing something nice for me.

I also love me some turkey.

So are you ready to get
to work on the song?

Yeah. I sure hope this shows Avery
how much I really love her.

I wish she knew that.

I wish she knew that no matter
how much time I spend with you

or anyone else,
I could never love anyone like I love her.

I'm sure she knows that, Stan.

If she did, she wouldn't
have said I chose you over her.

She wouldn't have shut the door on me.

I'm so sorry, Stan,
that I didn't trust how much you love me.

I'm sorry I called you a bad friend.

I'm sorry I lied to you
about why I missed your party.

Well, this is every boy's worst nightmare.

His arch nemesis and her talking dog
making him feel like a third wheel.

Get in here, Karl.

Oh!

STAN: Sometimes when friends have a fight,

they come out of it
closer than they ever were before.

And that wasn't the only
big win this weekend.

That's right.

I took care of a little fella
named Maximus Slammus.

And I was riding high
until someone snuck up behind me.

Never trust The Scarlet Beetle.

Good ridin', bro!

Yeah! Yeah!

What's up, man! Yeah!

( grunts )

Tyler, you were amazing out there.

My emotions ran the gamut

from anticipation
to exhilaration to exultation.

I mean, good ridin', bro!

Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah!

Whoo.

It's cool you let your mom watch,
but I didn't know she'd be so loud.

How do you keep your focus out there?

What?