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1
00:00:02,041 --> 00:00:03,671
TOMORROW, I'M GOING TO THE GROOMER.
2
00:00:03,750 --> 00:00:07,580
A LITTLE TRIM, A LITTLE BLOWOUT.
GONNA BE A FULL DAY OF BEAUTY.
3
00:00:07,667 --> 00:00:10,577
NOT THAT YOU CAN IMPROVE ON PERFECTION.
TSK, TSK.
4
00:00:11,375 --> 00:00:12,875
I JUST HOPE I DON'T MISS ANY FUN.
5
00:00:12,959 --> 00:00:15,669
THE KIDS DO SOME
CRAZY THINGS AROUND HERE.
6
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,830
WELL, THAT WAS WEIRD.
7
00:00:34,959 --> 00:00:36,169
( screaming )
8
00:00:54,959 --> 00:00:57,419
FINALLY, A MOVIE WE CAN ALL WATCH.
9
00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,710
A HIGH OCTANE ACTION ADVENTURE...
10
00:00:59,792 --> 00:01:01,172
ROMANTIC COMEDY...
11
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,750
WITH RAINBOW PONIES.
12
00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:06,127
- ( Stan sneezes )
- All: BLESS YOU.
13
00:01:06,792 --> 00:01:07,752
All: WHAT?
14
00:01:08,417 --> 00:01:10,287
IT CAME FROM OVER HERE.
15
00:01:16,291 --> 00:01:18,251
- KARL?
- YOU'RE SPYING ON US?
16
00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:20,213
WHAT? NO.
17
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:22,710
OKAY, MAYBE A LITTLE.
18
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,209
I'M GONNA SEND THIS PHOTO TO YOUR MOTHER.
19
00:01:26,291 --> 00:01:28,791
NO, DON'T. MOTHER HATES WHEN I SPY.
20
00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:30,535
SHE ALSO HATES WHEN I CHILLAX,
21
00:01:30,625 --> 00:01:32,825
AND THE FACT THAT I WAS
CHILLAXING WHILE SPYING
22
00:01:32,917 --> 00:01:33,917
WOULD INFURIATE HER.
23
00:01:34,583 --> 00:01:38,213
IF YOU TELL HER,
I'LL TELL EVERYONE YOUR BIG SECRET.
24
00:01:41,875 --> 00:01:45,665
BIG SECRET? THERE'S NO BIG SECRET.
THAT'S CRAZY.
25
00:01:46,834 --> 00:01:48,254
THAT SHOULD BE MADE OBVIOUS
26
00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:50,543
BY THE ABSURDLY LARGE AMOUNT
OF LAUGHING I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.
27
00:01:52,917 --> 00:01:56,037
OKAY, I ADMIT, THERE'S A SECRET.
28
00:01:56,125 --> 00:01:58,165
I PLAY THE AIR BANJO.
29
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,460
( imitates plucking banjo strings )
30
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:03,630
THAT'S NOT A SECRET.
31
00:02:03,709 --> 00:02:05,919
YOU INVITED ME TO YOUR
COUNTRY AIR JAMBOREE.
32
00:02:06,917 --> 00:02:09,167
OH, YEAH. THANKS FOR COMING.
33
00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:10,670
THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
34
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,170
THE SECRET I'M REFERRING TO IS,
35
00:02:15,709 --> 00:02:19,249
I KNOW YOUR DOG STAN CAN TALK.
36
00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:22,825
( theme music playing )
37
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:42,130
STAN CAN'T TALK. THAT IS RIDICULOUS, KARL.
38
00:02:42,208 --> 00:02:43,628
ISN'T THAT RIDICULOUS, TYLER?
39
00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:45,459
YEAH, YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY
40
00:02:45,542 --> 00:02:48,332
THAT WE HAVE A BEAR WHO COOKS GRILLED
CHEESE SANDWICHES.
41
00:02:48,417 --> 00:02:50,997
WHY DID I SAY THAT? NOW I WANT A GRILLED
CHEESE SANDWICH.
42
00:02:51,333 --> 00:02:52,503
I WISH WE HAD A BEAR.
43
00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:55,963
PLEASE, I'M NOT STUPID.
44
00:02:56,041 --> 00:02:59,381
I'M THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD
WHO POSSESSES A KARL FINK-LEVEL INTELLECT
45
00:02:59,458 --> 00:03:00,998
ON THE KARL FINK SCALE OF INTELLECTS
46
00:03:01,083 --> 00:03:03,333
ONE TO KARL FINK,
KARL FINK BEING THE HIGHEST.
47
00:03:05,041 --> 00:03:06,251
IF MY LAST NAME WERE FINK,
48
00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:08,083
I DON'T THINK I'D SAY IT
AS OFTEN AS YOU DO.
49
00:03:08,959 --> 00:03:12,289
I'VE SENSED FOR A WHILE
THAT SOMETHING WAS AMISS REGARDING STAN,
50
00:03:12,375 --> 00:03:16,035
SO I LAUNCHED OPERATION:
KARL FINDS OUT STAN'S SECRET.
51
00:03:16,125 --> 00:03:18,205
IT'S NOT A CLEVER TITLE,
BUT IT REALLY DRAWS YOU IN
52
00:03:18,291 --> 00:03:20,041
BY TELLING YOU EXACTLY WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
53
00:03:20,875 --> 00:03:23,495
AND I'VE SEEN SOME AMAZING THINGS.
54
00:03:59,667 --> 00:04:04,247
SERIOUSLY, NO ONE NOTICES
THAT A DOG IS DEEJAYING?!
55
00:04:05,542 --> 00:04:08,672
STILL PROVES NOTHING.
PLENTY OF DOGS WHO CAN'T TALK
56
00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:10,920
DEEJAY, GO ON SPY MISSIONS,
DANCE IN CLOGS,
57
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,540
PUNCH GROWN MEN IN THE FACE,
58
00:04:12,625 --> 00:04:14,535
LINT BRUSH SOFAS AND DRIVE CARS.
59
00:04:14,959 --> 00:04:16,919
- THEY DO?
- OF COURSE. YES.
60
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,710
NOT COUNTING CARTOONS?
61
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,792
NO, PROBABLY NOT AS MANY.
62
00:04:23,917 --> 00:04:25,667
HI, HON, DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT.
63
00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:27,580
SO YOU'RE STILL WRITING YOUR BOOK
64
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,457
ON BLENDED FAMILIES, HUH?
65
00:04:29,542 --> 00:04:33,002
YEAH, THAT IS GREAT. JUST GREAT.
66
00:04:33,917 --> 00:04:35,497
REALLY, REALLY GREAT.
67
00:04:36,834 --> 00:04:37,924
WHAT IS IT?
68
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,960
I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO TELL MY HUSBAND I'M CONCERNED
69
00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:44,081
HE'S GOING TO TELL STORIES IN HIS BOOK
THAT MAKE OUR FAMILY LOOK FOOLISH,
70
00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:45,496
BUT HOW DO I DO THAT?
71
00:04:45,583 --> 00:04:48,793
HOW DO I DO THAT?
72
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,500
- WHEN HAVE WE EVER LOOKED FOOLISH?
- WELL...
73
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:16,287
MAMA'S GOIN' DOWN!
74
00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:17,748
( thump )
75
00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:21,384
SO WE HAVE FUN. I WOULDN'T SAY
WE'RE OVER THE TOP.
76
00:05:21,458 --> 00:05:23,128
EXACTLY. YOU WOULDN'T,
77
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:25,998
WHICH IS WHY I NEED TO HAVE
SOME INPUT ON THIS PROJECT.
78
00:05:26,083 --> 00:05:28,383
- SOME INPUT?
- YES. I CAN'T JUST BE
79
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,708
YOUR BEAUTIFUL AND ALLURING MUSE.
80
00:05:31,583 --> 00:05:33,213
I NEED TO BE INVOLVED IN THE WRITING.
81
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,787
LIKE I'M... WRITING SHOTGUN WITH YOU.
82
00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:38,415
( laughs ) LITERARY ONE, ELLEN.
83
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,290
OF COURSE, THERE'S THAT TIME IN THE PARK.
84
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,918
THE DOG JUST DANCED THE TANGO,
AND NO ONE IS QUESTIONING IT?
85
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,460
YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD US
ONE TIME STAN WAS TALKING.
86
00:06:22,542 --> 00:06:24,252
LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE THEN, SHALL WE?
87
00:06:24,458 --> 00:06:27,378
- I WAS THERE WHEN...
- WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?
88
00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:29,708
WOULD YOU GIVE ME A SECOND?
I'M WONDERING IF I SHOULD TALK.
89
00:06:40,417 --> 00:06:42,037
THAT WAS ALL YOUR IMAGINATION.
90
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:43,705
I DON'T HAVE AN IMAGINATION.
91
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:46,130
THAT'S SO SAD.
92
00:06:46,208 --> 00:06:48,628
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT
MY IMAGINARY FRIEND.
93
00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:49,920
RIGHT, MRS. GRIMMONS?
94
00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:52,998
( exaggerated British accent )
RIGHT YOU ARE, CHLOE.
95
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,710
MAYBE WHAT YOU HEARD
WAS LIKE SOMETHING ON THE INTERNET
96
00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,082
WHERE A DOG HOWLS AND IT
SOUNDS LIKE HE'S SAYING
97
00:07:00,166 --> 00:07:03,206
- I LOVE YOU.
- GOOD IDEA, TYLER. I MEAN...
98
00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:06,328
YEAH, THAT COULD BE IT. LIKE THIS.
99
00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:08,213
I ROVE YOU.
100
00:07:08,291 --> 00:07:10,791
All: I ROVE YOU.
101
00:07:12,291 --> 00:07:14,131
WELL...
102
00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:16,748
DID HE HOWL WHEN HE DID THIS?
103
00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:18,794
♪ I'M YOUR FURRY FUN TECHNICIAN ♪
104
00:07:18,875 --> 00:07:20,915
♪ HERE TO FIX YOUR DISPOSITION ♪
105
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,708
♪ POUTING CAN BE INFANTILE ♪
106
00:07:23,792 --> 00:07:29,672
♪ TIME TO MAKE THAT INFANT SMILE ♪
107
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,830
JAZZ PAWS.
108
00:07:32,917 --> 00:07:36,037
( singing Italian opera )
109
00:07:41,709 --> 00:07:43,749
( scatting )
110
00:07:46,625 --> 00:07:50,665
( rapping )
111
00:07:53,792 --> 00:07:57,542
♪ SHE'S THE POODLE FROM PASADENA ♪
112
00:07:57,625 --> 00:08:01,325
♪ SHE MAKES ALL THE DOGS GO WOOF ♪
113
00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:04,667
♪ MAKES THOSE CUCKOO DOGS GO WOOF ♪
114
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:09,500
♪ SHE MAKES ME GO WILD... YEAH ♪
115
00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:10,955
TRY THE KIBBLE.
116
00:08:12,750 --> 00:08:15,540
YOU HAVE A VERY SHOW-BIZZY DOG.
117
00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:17,671
FINE, KARL.
118
00:08:17,959 --> 00:08:21,289
YOU KNOW STAN'S SECRET.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF.
119
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:24,205
AVERY JENNINGS, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK
120
00:08:24,291 --> 00:08:27,001
THAT KARL FINK, YOUR
SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY,
121
00:08:27,083 --> 00:08:29,173
OTHER THAN RACQUETBALL,
BECAUSE YOU SOMEHOW MANAGE
122
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:31,080
TO DART ABOUT THE COURT LIKE A JACKRABBIT,
123
00:08:32,041 --> 00:08:35,751
DIDN'T MAKE RECORDINGS OF STAN TALKING?
( laughs )
124
00:08:35,834 --> 00:08:37,294
WELL, IF YOU HAVE RECORDINGS,
125
00:08:37,375 --> 00:08:39,495
WHY HAVEN'T YOU USED THEM AGAINST US?
126
00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:41,293
BECAUSE SOMETHING THIS BIG,
127
00:08:41,375 --> 00:08:44,205
YOU WAIT FOR EXACTLY THE RIGHT MOMENT.
128
00:08:44,709 --> 00:08:47,539
HOPEFULLY FRIDAY, SO I CAN SAVOR IT
OVER THE WEEKEND.
129
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:51,455
TOOTS. YES, I WAS HERE FOR THAT, TOO.
130
00:08:51,542 --> 00:08:53,962
- TOOTS.
- IS THAT SHORT FOR TOODLE-OO?
131
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:55,133
NO, I FARTED.
132
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:58,536
THOUGH THIS TIME,
IT WAS SHORT FOR TOODLE-OO.
133
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,415
CONSIDER YOURSELVES LUCKY.
134
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,920
- ( door slams shut )
- WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
135
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,710
IF WE GO UP TO THE WOODS,
WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO FIND A BEAR.
136
00:09:07,542 --> 00:09:09,422
I'M SORRY. I REALLY WANT GRILLED CHEESE.
137
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:13,504
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO
ABOUT HIM, MRS. GRIMMONS?
138
00:09:14,125 --> 00:09:16,535
( exaggerated British accent )
NOT MUCH WE CAN DO...
139
00:09:16,625 --> 00:09:20,535
ONE LITTLE GIRL
AND AN IMAGINARY CHAMBERMAID.
140
00:09:24,875 --> 00:09:27,375
BENNETT, ARE YOU THE TYPE OF PERSON
141
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,170
THAT LIKES THE BANDAGE
RIPPED OFF SLOWLY OR QUICKLY?
142
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:31,500
- QUICKLY.
- YOUR BOOK STINKS.
143
00:09:32,792 --> 00:09:36,542
- SLOWLY.
- ( speaking slowly ) YOUR BOOK STINKS.
144
00:09:37,208 --> 00:09:40,498
BUT I HAVE A SOLUTION.
I'M GOING TO CO-WRITE THE BOOK WITH YOU.
145
00:09:40,583 --> 00:09:43,503
I'VE JOTTED DOWN SOME GREAT STORIES
ABOUT MY MOTHERING EXPERTISE.
146
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,753
REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU AND TYLER WEREN'T
COMMUNICATING?
147
00:09:47,667 --> 00:09:50,537
AS I REMEMBER IT...
YOU TWO NEED TO TALK.
148
00:09:50,625 --> 00:09:52,915
COMMUNICATION IS THE LEGS
TO THE LOVE TABLE
149
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,880
AROUND WHICH WE AS A FAMILY EAT.
150
00:09:54,959 --> 00:09:56,379
BRILLIANT, HONEY.
151
00:09:58,291 --> 00:10:00,921
SON, I AM AWED BY
YOUR MOTHER'S TABLE METAPHOR,
152
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,330
AND ASHAMED THAT I SOMETIMES
FAIL TO HEED HER WISE COUNSEL.
153
00:10:04,417 --> 00:10:05,417
LOVE EACH OTHER.
154
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:11,785
MOM'S RIGHT, AND SMART AND BEAUTIFUL,
AND WITTY AS ALL GET-OUT,
155
00:10:11,875 --> 00:10:14,125
WITH THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL
AND THE HEART OF A SAINT.
156
00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:16,330
HOW DID SOMEONE LIKE YOU LAND SAINT MOMMY?
157
00:10:16,417 --> 00:10:20,127
DON'T PINCH ME, LEST I WAKE
FROM THIS WONDERFUL DREAM.
158
00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:22,791
SO THAT GOES IN THE BOOK.
159
00:10:22,875 --> 00:10:25,205
( laughs ) ARE YOU KIDDING?
160
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,631
THAT IS NOT HOW IT HAPPENED.
IT HAPPENED LIKE THIS.
161
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:29,920
BENNETT, I AM JUST A FLIBBERTY-GIBBET
162
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,790
WHO NEEDS HER MUSCLY ARMED
SMART MAN TO GUIDE OUR FAMILY
163
00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:34,455
IN WAYS THAT I CANNOT.
164
00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:36,042
I AM MUSCLEY-ARMED.
165
00:10:37,834 --> 00:10:39,424
AND BRILLIANT, SON.
166
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:43,710
WHY YOU SPOKE TO THE FLIBBERTY-GIBBET
IN THE FIRST PLACE DEFIES REASON.
167
00:10:43,792 --> 00:10:45,502
HIS ABS ARE MUSCLY TOO.
168
00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:49,331
MOM'S RIGHT. YOU ARE THE MOST FIT
169
00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:51,957
AND THE MOST BRILLIANT OF
ALL THE FATHERS IN MY AGE COHORT.
170
00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:54,375
WE FREQUENTLY TALK ABOUT IT AT SCHOOL,
AS DO THE TEACHERS,
171
00:10:54,458 --> 00:10:55,668
IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.
172
00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:58,250
WHO AM I TO ARGUE
WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE RIGHT?
173
00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:02,328
YOU MIS-REMEMBERED THE WHOLE THING.
174
00:11:02,417 --> 00:11:04,667
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER
TO LAUGH OR BE INSULTED,
175
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:07,130
SO I'LL DO BOTH. HA HA... HEY.
176
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:14,830
OKAY, THERE AREN'T ANY VENTS IN HERE,
SO WE CAN TALK WITHOUT KARL HEARING.
177
00:11:14,917 --> 00:11:17,247
I'M SO GLAD STAN'S AT THE DOGGIE DAY SPA.
178
00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:19,713
ALL THIS TALK ABOUT HIS SECRET WOULD
REALLY STRESS HIM OUT.
179
00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:23,422
PLUS, HE ALWAYS COMES BACK
WITH JUICY GROOMER GOSSIP.
180
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,710
THE WILSONS' IRISH SETTER... DYE JOB.
181
00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:30,253
CHLOE, WE ALL ENJOY STAN'S DOG DISH.
182
00:11:30,542 --> 00:11:33,462
( laughs ) I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT.
183
00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:35,633
BUT WE NEED TO STAY FOCUSED.
184
00:11:35,709 --> 00:11:38,629
HOW ARE WE GONNA KEEP KARL
FROM REVEALING STAN'S SECRET?
185
00:11:38,709 --> 00:11:41,879
I KNOW. WHAT IF WE COVER
KARL WITH PIGEON FEATHERS?
186
00:11:41,959 --> 00:11:44,289
THEN, WHEN HE TRIES TO
TELL PEOPLE THAT STAN CAN TALK,
187
00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:46,665
- NO ONE WILL BELIEVE HIM.
- WHAT? WHY?
188
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:48,380
WOULD YOU BELIEVE A PIGEON MAN?
189
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,002
I THINK I WOULD.
190
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:56,040
LOOK, KARL WAS AFRAID WE'D SEND
THOSE PICTURES OF HIM TO HIS MOM.
191
00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:59,125
WHAT IF WE TELL HER
HE'S BEEN SPYING ON US,
192
00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:01,788
AND ASK HER TO DELETE THE VIDEO RECORDINGS
ON HIS COMPUTER?
193
00:12:01,875 --> 00:12:04,375
- WHAT IF SHE LOOKS AT THEM?
- WE HAVE TO HOPE THAT SHE WON'T.
194
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:05,788
IT'S OUR ONLY OPTION.
195
00:12:05,875 --> 00:12:07,785
GUESS WE'RE BETTER OFF TRUSTING KARL'S MOM
196
00:12:07,875 --> 00:12:09,915
TO DESTROY THE RECORDINGS
THAN WE ARE TRUSTING KARL.
197
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,920
- STOP!
- ( all screaming )
198
00:12:13,959 --> 00:12:15,499
YOU WERE LISTENING TO US?
199
00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:18,383
I JUST CRAWLED IN AT THE END.
YOUR HOUSE IS NOT SECURE.
200
00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:21,786
DO NOT TEXT MY MOTHER
ABOUT THE RECORDINGS.
201
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:24,955
TOO LATE, KARL.
WE FIGURED OUT A WAY TO STOP YOU.
202
00:12:25,667 --> 00:12:26,957
AND... SEND.
203
00:12:27,041 --> 00:12:29,041
WHY? STOP ME FROM WHAT?
204
00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:31,665
I WAS NEVER REALLY
GONNA REVEAL STAN'S SECRET.
205
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,630
I'VE SEEN HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO YOU ALL.
206
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:36,669
STAN, AS BAD AS IT WAS
THAT I SAID YOU WERE JUST A DOG,
207
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:38,580
IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD JUST RUN AWAY.
208
00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:41,497
BUT I THOUGHT WE WEREN'T FRIENDS ANYMORE.
WE NEVER FOUGHT LIKE THAT.
209
00:12:41,583 --> 00:12:43,133
OF COURSE WE'RE STILL FRIENDS.
210
00:12:43,208 --> 00:12:45,208
YOU'RE THE FIRST REAL
FRIEND I'VE EVER HAD.
211
00:12:48,208 --> 00:12:51,168
I'LL ALWAYS BE YOUR FRIEND,
NO MATTER WHAT.
212
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:53,000
I'LL ALWAYS BE YOUR FRIEND, TOO.
213
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:03,290
IF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH STAN MEANS TO US,
AND YOU WEREN'T GONNA REVEAL THE SECRET,
214
00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:04,787
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT?
215
00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:06,745
BECAUSE IT WOULD DESTROY OUR RIVALRY.
216
00:13:06,834 --> 00:13:09,504
I CHERISH BEING
WORST FRIENDS WITH YOU ALL.
217
00:13:09,625 --> 00:13:11,535
OR WORSTIES, AS I LIKE TO CALL IT.
218
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,577
THINK OF ALL THE GOOD BAD TIMES WE'VE HAD.
219
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:17,625
♪ WHEN I LOOK AT YOU
I DON'T THINK YOU SEE ♪
220
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:22,539
♪ JUST HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME ♪
221
00:13:22,625 --> 00:13:26,535
♪ WHEN I THINK OF YOU
I'M NOT SURE YOU KNOW ♪
222
00:13:26,625 --> 00:13:30,495
♪ JUST HOW MUCH I LIKE YOU SO ♪
223
00:13:30,583 --> 00:13:35,253
♪ JUST HOW MUCH I LIKE YOU SO ♪
224
00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:39,498
OKAY.
225
00:13:39,583 --> 00:13:42,173
IS THAT WHY YOU KEPT SPYING, EVEN AFTER
226
00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:45,080
YOU COLLECTED ALL OF YOUR EVIDENCE
TO BE CLOSE TO US?
227
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:47,786
THAT, AND I ENJOY THE SNUGNESS
OF CLOSE SPACES.
228
00:13:47,875 --> 00:13:49,205
IT'S LIKE A LITTLE HUG.
229
00:13:50,041 --> 00:13:52,421
THE POINT IS, MOTHER WILL
LOOK AT THE RECORDINGS
230
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,330
ON MY COMPUTER AND TELL
EVERYONE ABOUT STAN.
231
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:55,627
SHE LOVES ATTENTION.
232
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,919
WHY ELSE WOULD SHE BE
A BODY-BUILDING STRONG WOMAN?
233
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,630
STOPPING CANNONBALLS WITH YOUR STOMACH
HASN'T HAD A REAL-LIFE APPLICATION
234
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,329
SINCE THE BATTLE OF ANTIETAM.
235
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:04,830
THAT'S TRUE.
236
00:14:04,917 --> 00:14:06,877
I THINK... I GUESS. I DON'T CARE.
237
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:10,002
YOU HAVE TO DELETE THE RECORDINGS BEFORE
YOUR MOM SEES THEM.
238
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,713
THAT MAY SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM,
BUT NOT MINE.
239
00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:13,582
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MOTHER
SEES THOSE PICTURES
240
00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:16,577
OF ME IN THE VENTS SPYING AND CHILLAXING?
241
00:14:16,667 --> 00:14:19,707
THOSE RECORDINGS OF STAN
ARE THE ONLY ASSURANCE I HAVE
242
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,042
THAT YOU'LL HELP ME GET THAT TEXT MESSAGE
OFF HER PHONE.
243
00:14:22,125 --> 00:14:24,415
FINE. WE'LL HELP YOU DELETE THE MESSAGE.
244
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:26,830
EXCELLENT. WE HAVE
A SMALL WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY.
245
00:14:26,917 --> 00:14:29,417
MOTHER'S COMPETING AT A STRONG WOMEN'S
COMPETITION IN THE PARK.
246
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,000
SHE WON'T LOOK AT
HER PHONE UNTIL IT'S DONE.
247
00:14:31,083 --> 00:14:32,253
WAIT. BACK UP A SECOND.
248
00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:34,245
YOU HAVE A BEAR COSTUME?
249
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,380
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
250
00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:38,745
MAYBE NOT TO YOU.
251
00:14:40,125 --> 00:14:41,995
WHO WANTS GRILLED CHEESE?
252
00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:44,665
I DO, I DO!
253
00:14:52,417 --> 00:14:55,167
SO I REWROTE YOUR WHOLE BOOK.
254
00:14:55,834 --> 00:14:58,634
I WAS ABLE TO REPURPOSE
SEVERAL CHAPTERS OF MY JOURNAL
255
00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:01,129
AND FILL IT OUT WITH PICTURES
FROM OUR TRIP TO OJAI.
256
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:03,208
REMEMBER THOSE TOMATOES?
257
00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:05,001
I ATE THEM LIKE THEY WERE APPLES.
258
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,540
ELLEN, YOU CAN'T JUST WRITE MY BOOK.
259
00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:10,495
DON'T WORRY, I'LL LET YOU
KEEP YOUR NAME ON IT.
260
00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:11,963
I DON'T WANT A LEGAL BATTLE.
261
00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:15,463
BESIDES, I'M NOT
WRITING IT, I'M FIXING IT,
262
00:15:15,542 --> 00:15:17,132
LIKE I FIX EVERYTHING AROUND HERE.
263
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:18,705
LIKE THAT TIME...
264
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:21,542
CHLOE, I'D LOVE
TO JUMP IN, BUT DADDY'S AFRAID.
265
00:15:21,625 --> 00:15:23,035
HONEY, COULD YOU PUSH ME?
266
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:24,710
I'M ALL READY.
267
00:15:24,792 --> 00:15:25,962
BUBBLES!
268
00:15:29,458 --> 00:15:32,328
I SEE YOU'RE ENJOYING
MY DELICIOUS SANDWICH.
269
00:15:32,417 --> 00:15:34,247
YOU'RE AN AMAZING COOK.
270
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,173
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
271
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:39,999
OH, I LOVE IT.
272
00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:41,753
I KNOW. MMM, YUMMY.
273
00:15:41,834 --> 00:15:43,964
MOMMY, YOU'RE A FANTASTIC COOK.
274
00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,582
MMM. SCRUMPTIOUS.
275
00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:51,705
OKAY, I'M GONNA ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS.
276
00:15:52,041 --> 00:15:54,791
WHAT IS YOUR NAME, WHAT YEAR IS IT,
WHO'S THE PRESIDENT?
277
00:15:54,875 --> 00:15:57,745
JUST TRYING TO DETERMINE
WHAT KIND OF DAMAGE I'M DEALING WITH.
278
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:01,794
VERY FUNNY, BENNETT. BUT THAT'S HOW THINGS
ARE AROUND HERE.
279
00:16:01,875 --> 00:16:05,165
NO, I AM THE ONE WHO MAKES THINGS
WORK IN THIS FAMILY.
280
00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:07,130
REMAIN CALM, SON.
281
00:16:07,375 --> 00:16:12,785
I WILL GET US OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT
WITH MY TYPICAL APLOMB AND INGENUITY.
282
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:21,132
WOW, DAD, YOU WERE RIGHT.
283
00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:23,754
YOU ARE MY HERO.
284
00:16:23,834 --> 00:16:27,174
AND YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN A FINER HERO.
285
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:30,460
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M GONNA GO AND NOT THROW UP.
286
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:36,498
LET'S SEE IF I CAN MAKE MYSELF TRIP
OVER THIS FENCE. WHEE!
287
00:16:38,041 --> 00:16:40,131
YES. GOOD JOB, BENNETT.
288
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,000
YOU'VE TWISTED ALL THESE THINGS
TO MAKE YOURSELF SEEM GREAT.
289
00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:47,543
IF I'M NOT GREAT, WHY DID YOU GIVE ME
THAT FATHER'S DAY CARD THAT SAID I WAS?
290
00:16:47,625 --> 00:16:50,575
BECAUSE THEY DON'T MAKE ONE THAT SAYS,
"YOUR WIFE HOLDS THIS WHOLE THING TOGETHER
291
00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:52,377
AND YOU'RE LUCKY TO HAVE HER, BUCK-O.
292
00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:54,165
LOVE, ELLEN."
293
00:16:57,250 --> 00:17:00,290
MOTHER'S PHONE IS PROBABLY IN HER BAG
IN THE WARM-UP TENT.
294
00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:02,325
OH, GOOD, SHE'S ONSTAGE RIGHT NOW,
295
00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:05,037
SO WE CAN SLIP IN AND GET IT
BEFORE SHE FINDS OUT.
296
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,875
WHOA, YOUR MOM'S LIFTING A CAR.
297
00:17:07,959 --> 00:17:09,669
IS THAT PART OF THE COMPETITION?
298
00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:12,080
NO, SHE PROBABLY CARRIED IT
ONSTAGE BECAUSE SOMEONE
299
00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:13,626
PARKED IN HER SPACE AGAIN.
300
00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:18,285
OH, LET THE PEOPLE
OUT FIRST NEXT TIME, MOTHER.
301
00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:21,501
LOOKS LIKE THAT BIG WOMAN'S
GUARDING THE ENTRANCE TO THE TENT.
302
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:23,133
HOW ARE WE GONNA GET IN?
303
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,578
IF ONLY I HAD A COUPLE MORE
HUNDRED POUNDS OF MUSCLE,
304
00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:27,747
I COULD CONVINCE THEM I WAS A CONTESTANT.
305
00:17:27,834 --> 00:17:29,424
I'M ALREADY PRETTY CUT.
306
00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:30,423
TRICEP.
307
00:17:31,959 --> 00:17:34,749
( Russian accent ) I WILL PRETEND TO BE
TATIA, THE TRAINER.
308
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:37,884
SQUAT, THRUST, SQUAT, THRUST.
309
00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:39,421
SQUAT, THRUST.
310
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:42,630
THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT.
THERE'S FOUR OF US.
311
00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:45,789
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP US
IF WE ALL RUSH AT ONCE. THREE, TWO, ONE.
312
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,750
WERE YOU WAITING FOR ME TO SAY "GO"?
313
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:53,504
- COME ON!
- OH, NOW THEY GO.
314
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,535
I GOT IT!
315
00:18:09,959 --> 00:18:11,379
HONEY.
316
00:18:13,083 --> 00:18:15,923
I'VE BEEN THINKING,
AND I'M SORRY FOR TAKING OVER YOUR BOOK.
317
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,710
I KNOW IT'S WHAT YOU DO.
318
00:18:17,792 --> 00:18:19,582
AND I'M SORRY FOR SAYING
YOU WERE ACTING LIKE
319
00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:22,997
SUCH A MEDDLESOME BUSYBODY,
STICKING YOUR NOSE IN MY BUSINESS.
320
00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:24,333
YOU NEVER SAID THAT.
321
00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:25,747
NOT WHILE YOU WERE THERE.
322
00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,834
BECAUSE THEY DON'T MAKE ONE THAT SAYS,
323
00:18:27,917 --> 00:18:29,577
"YOUR WIFE HOLDS
THIS WHOLE THING TOGETHER,
324
00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:32,747
AND YOU'RE LUCKY TO HAVE HER, BUCK-O.
LOVE, ELLEN."
325
00:18:34,125 --> 00:18:37,375
MAN, SHE IS ACTING LIKE
SUCH A MEDDLESOME BUSYBODY
326
00:18:37,458 --> 00:18:39,458
STICKING HER NOSE IN MY BUSINESS.
327
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,170
STILL, I FEEL BADLY FOR
WHAT I SAID ABOUT YOUR BOOK.
328
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,290
AND I'M SORRY ABOUT
DISCOUNTING YOUR CONTRIBUTION.
329
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,000
THE IMPORTANT THING
IS THAT WE ALWAYS END UP
330
00:18:50,083 --> 00:18:51,503
COMPLETELY IN SYNC.
331
00:18:52,458 --> 00:18:55,708
I AM SO GLAD SHE IS NOT GONNA
GET INVOLVED WITH THIS BOOK.
332
00:18:55,792 --> 00:18:59,132
I'M SO EXCITED I'M GONNA BE
WRITING THIS BOOK WITH HIM.
333
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:05,583
AH, ROBERT AND I HAD
THE MOST RELAXING TIME
334
00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:06,917
AT THE DOGGIE DAY SPA.
335
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,920
YEP, NOTHING IN THE WORLD
CAN POSSIBLY STRESS ME OUT RIGHT NOW.
336
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,250
KARL KNOWS YOU CAN TALK.
337
00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:13,173
WHAT?
338
00:19:14,875 --> 00:19:16,325
HELLO, STAN.
339
00:19:16,417 --> 00:19:19,497
EVERYONE BACK UP. ROBERT NEEDS SOME AIR.
340
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:22,673
IT'S OKAY, STAN.
341
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:24,500
WE GOT THE PHONE AND WE DELETED THE TEXT
342
00:19:24,583 --> 00:19:26,793
- BEFORE ANYTHING BAD HAPPENED.
- WHAT?
343
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,825
CHLOE, HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY OF THAT,
AND WE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING
344
00:19:29,917 --> 00:19:32,077
GIVEN ROBERT'S CONDITION.
345
00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:36,080
TYLER, YOU DO KNOW THAT ROBERT'S NOT...
346
00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:37,288
NEVER MIND.
347
00:19:38,667 --> 00:19:41,127
SO IS MY SECRET SAFE WITH YOU?
348
00:19:41,208 --> 00:19:42,668
FOR A PRICE.
349
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:44,630
I MUST KNOW WHERE YOU GET YOUR COSTUMES.
350
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:06,384
THAT'S ONE SECRET YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.
TOOTS.
351
00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:10,665
All: OH, STAN!
352
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:15,380
( exaggerated British accent )
CHLOE, GET US OUT OF HERE.
353
00:20:15,542 --> 00:20:17,252
( normal accent )
GOOD CALL, MRS. GRIMMONS.
354
00:20:21,125 --> 00:20:23,665
WELL, THE KIDS AND MY
RELATIONSHIP WITH KARL
355
00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:25,880
WILL NEVER BE THE SAME NOW THAT HE KNOWS.
356
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:28,789
WE'LL ALL HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL
HOW WE DEAL WITH HIM.
357
00:20:28,875 --> 00:20:31,745
OF COURSE, THERE ARE
SOME THINGS NONE OF THEM KNOW,
358
00:20:31,959 --> 00:20:33,879
'CAUSE THEY'RE ONLY IN MY MIND,
359
00:20:33,959 --> 00:20:35,329
AND ON MY BLOG.
360
00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:38,037
HI, I'M STAN, STAR OF FREAKY FIDO.
361
00:20:38,125 --> 00:20:41,705
I'M HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT A CAUSE
THAT'S DEAR TO MY HEART--
362
00:20:41,834 --> 00:20:44,084
FREE-RANGE BACON-WRAPPED CATS.
363
00:20:46,291 --> 00:20:47,711
( normal voice ) STAN.
364
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:49,422
( forcefully ) STAN.
365
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:51,460
( sexy ) STAN.
366
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:53,964
WAIT, WHAT AM I SELLING HERE?
367
00:20:54,041 --> 00:20:57,541
OH, RIGHT. KIBBLE.
I MEAN, ( sexy ) KIBBLE.
368
00:21:25,875 --> 00:21:28,165
THERE'S THE SUGAR!
28588
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