All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S02E16_English

Guess who's the parent
volunteer heading up

this year's school carnival?

-Don't care.
-That's right, it's your mom.

Got the binder, so you know it's official.

Officially don't care.

Then you'll be even more excited to hear

that I'm gonna be changing
things up this year.

Not listening.

By which I mean
you're not listening to me.

Last year's carnival
was horribly dangerous.

Oh, man, eight injuries, Tyler.

Eight. Not this year.

I'm gonna make this year's carnival

the safest carnival ever.

In fact, I'm gonna call it
the "care-nival."

Safe one, Ellen.

Tyler gave me $5 to sit here.

Guess who's the parent volunteer

heading up this year's school carnival?

Don't care.

Stan: all this talk about
safety has me feeling

a little cautious.

And not just for me.

For Robert too.

Yes, it is necessary.

Yes, it is.

Yes, it is.

See?

( theme music playing )

I think for the talent stage
at this year's carnival,

we should definitely all wear hats.

You and your hats, Lindsay.

What are you hiding under there?

Nothing.

Certainly not a roll of toilet paper

that's much softer than
what the school provides.

Uh, so, Avery, what do you think

we should do for the talent stage?

Huh?

Our song for the talent stage.

I'm thinking country.

Which country?

'cause Turkmenistan has
some very gloomy folk music

I'm fond of.

Oh, I'm not singing
with you guys this year.

I don't want anything
to cut into my time with Wes.

I assumed you guys knew
I was going with him.

I should've seen this coming.

This is just like when my older sister

turned her back on the family
and moved in with her husband.

Whatever makes you happy, Becca.

Avery, you've been
totally blowing us off for Wes

since you started dating.

You guys, nothing between us has changed.

We're still friends. We still hang out.

Like right now.

There's Wes.

Hey, boyfriend.

You excited for the carnival Friday?

I'm not sure if I'm going to the carnival.

I haven't decided yet.

Oh, I just assumed
we were going, together.

Maybe. Uh, I don't know.

Look, I have to go to class.

Well, I have to go to the bathroom!

That did not make me feel less awkward!

Hmm, good move, Chlo-ster.

Yes, it was, daddy-pants.

Mommy's wearing a lab coat, goggles,

and holding a mallet.

Am I having a normal childhood?

No, honey. No, you are not.

Don't worry, sweetie.

I'm just testing all these
carnival games to see

which ones lead to serious
injury and pain.

Will it ever be normal?

Let's cling to the hope.

It's what keeps us going.

Ah! My clavicle!

Don't yell out funny-sounding body parts

if you want sympathy.

-I win.
-Congratulations again, Chloe.

Oof! My air sac!

Now, what did I say about
funny-sounding body parts?

This softball hurt.

Now I'm gonna need a medicine ball

to make it better.

Ow!

Curse my hilarious wordplay.

I am banning all these dangerous games

from the carnival, Bennett.

Come on, let's go ice you up.

Ah, ah! Clavicle, clavicle!

Honey, your whole body is not a clavicle.

Well, it feels like it is!

Stan, I don't mean to brag,

but I'm pretty darn good at checkers.

Chloe, I don't want to destroy

your already abnormal childhood,

but sometimes, parents let little kids win

to build up their confidence.

What?

So, does that mean all my wins are a lie?

Every time I beat him in a foot race,

pinned him in wrestling,
blocked his jump shot?

Chloe, I'm sure your dad just lets you win

because he loves you.

Love is for losers. I want victory!

I demand a checkers rematch.

I'm not a little kid anymore.

I'm a young lady.

A young lady who wants
to win for realsies!

And who spits a little when she's angry.

And check, and check.

Hmm, come back to that one.

-Stan, something really weird is going on.
-What?

Wes isn't talking to me,
and I don't know why.

Oh, I thought you were
gonna say it was weird

I'm sitting on your bed,

taking a personality test
from a ladies magazine.

Turns out I'm an intuitive extrovert

who would make
an excellent crisis counselor.

Come on, Stan, I'm freaking out!

Everybody, calm down, okay?

Take a deep breath.

You see? These things don't lie.

What is going on with Wes?

I mean, has he stopped
liking me for some reason?

Do I smell? Do I talk too much?

What is he thinking?

Come on, crisis counselor, counsel!

Look, Avery, if you learned anything

from all your miscommunications with Wes,

it should be don't drive

yourself crazy trying to figure it out.

Talk to him.

You're right.

I should talk to him. Thanks, Stan.

No big, I'm a crisis counselor.

Uh, check that, I added up wrong.

I should be a high powered businesswoman.

Look out, glass ceiling.

Whoa!

No bounce house at the care-nival!

Hey, boyfriend.

-Avery, what--
-So, you haven't been returning my texts.

I thought this might be a fun,

and not the least bit
crazy way to bump into you.

So, can we talk?

By the way, I corrected
some of your bio homework

while I was in there.

A lot of people get reptiles
and amphibians confused.

Easy mistake, you're welcome.

Look, Avery, I just can't talk right now.

-Tyler.
-Dab.

-Cute shirt.
-Cute shoes.

Together: Thanks.

Okay, let's get down to business.

You've got to do something about your mom.

Hey, my dad loves her. What am I gonna do?

No, about the care-nival!

All: Yeah!

Look, no one wants
this carnival to be unsafe.

I faint when I see people get hurt.

Because I'm very empathetic
and I think it's gross.

But we've all been talking,

and she can't take all the games
and rides away.

All: Yeah!

Because I also faint
when I'm not having fun.

Wait a minute, are,
are you asking me to talk to my mother?

Is that really what you're asking?

She's gonna ask me how my day was,

what I learned at school.

( gasps )

What's new?

Look, I'm not saying I won't do it.

I'll do it.

I just want you to know
what you're asking.

That man is a hero!

Avery?

You guys, I feel so awful
about this whole Wes thing.

We knew you'd come around and apologize.

I didn't. I wrote you off.

You were dead in my heart.

Apologize?

No, I'm upset because Wes
is acting super weird.

So, this is all about Wes?

Dead in my heart again.

And I thought you were ready to work

on our song for the carnival.

Why don't you just do your thing,

we'll do ours, and,

and you don't have to waste
your time with us anymore.

Fine, leave!

I have to go to the bathroom anyway!

Why do I keep doing that?

I want you to really play.

It's not fun to win
unless I'm really winning.

I don't want to be treated
like some punk baby.

Okay, did you know that every--

Yes, I've been told.

Okay, if you want me to try to win,
maybe it's time

for you to learn how to lose.

You're a big girl.

The key is to lose with grace and dignity.

No!

And that is how not to lose gracefully.

I hope you were paying attention,

because next time, I'm gonna win.

Set it up.

Wait, wait, wait! No, no, no, no, no, no!

We're going again.

Chloe gave me $5 to sit here.

Okay, here goes.

I win.

I got this.

It's funnier when you do it and go...

Hey, Mom. Hey, Tyler.

Just trying to figure out
the exact serving size

of snow cone that will not
cause brain freeze.

( grunts )

-Brain freeze?
-No,

I just remembered
I forgot to pay the cable bill!

So, how was your day?

What did you learn at school? What's new?

( sighs )

Listen, Mom, everyone at school
is mad at me

because you're making
the carnival really uncool.

I have friends who are
planning on staying home

and reading, that night.

They may have been
exaggerating to make a point,

but still, it's really serious.

Well, Tyler, those kids
all look up to you.

If you say the care-nival's cool,

then they'll all get on board.

-Unless...
-Unless what?

Unless you're not that cool.

( scoffs )

Fine. I accept the challenge.

I can make anything cool.

I accidentally wore one of
your shirts to school one day,

and thus began the trend
of the urban blouse.

Wish I had that kind of
influence as a teenager.

I would have used it for good.

No, you wouldn't have.

Wait, how did Chloe
take losing at checkers?

I couldn't win.

All these years, I thought
I was letting her win,

but apparently, I'm just really bad.

I am a grown man with a PhD,

who cannot beat
a seven-year-old at checkers

when we play for realsies!

Oh, Bennett, don't make me laugh.

You know my air sac's tender.

I tried talking to Wes
like you said, Stan,

and he just blew me off again.

And then I got a text from him saying

he's coming over here to talk to me.

Ooh, that's not good.

Talking's always bad.

You told me to talk to him.

And look what happened.

He's coming over here
to break up with you!

Break up with me?

Whoa, who said that?

-You said that!
-Well, don't listen to me.

I'm the one who suggested you talk to him,

and look how that turned out.

He's coming over here
to break up with you!

Why do you keep saying that?

I don't know!

What else would he want to
talk to you about at home,

that he couldn't say at school?

He doesn't want to make a scene.

That's right!

So, he's gonna come over here and say,

"Avery, it's not working.

You're high strung, and you
creepily hid in my locker."

And then you'll say,
"Wes, can't we just talk about it?"

And he'll say,
"There's nothing to talk about.

"We're breaking up.

You're acting crazy!"

-Hey, Avery, I--
-I'll show you crazy!

Hey!

-Stan: Bam!
-Ow!

What was that?

I just whacked you with a mallet, bro.

I came over here to apologize.

I blame the mallet.

I'm so sorry.

I just assumed you were coming over here

to break up with me.

( sighs )

it's almost as bad.

My family's moving.

Why didn't you tell me this was happening?

I wanted to. I just couldn't.

It would've made it too real.

We leave on Thursday.

I don't even get to go
to the carnival on Friday.

I can't believe this.

Stan: you know what I can't believe?

I have the same urban blouse.

You know, just 'cause
you're moving doesn't mean

we can't make this work.

We could email, text, video chat.

We're young. Our parents pay the bills.

This is our time.

The thing is, I've moved a lot.

And when you're not in the same school,

you pretty much lose touch.

Well, that's true for normal people.

But I'm abnormally determined.

I once won a staring contest with a fish.

Fish don't blink.

That's an important piece of
information for that story.

And we really like each other, right?

Right.

I like you even though
you threw snow cone at me.

It got all down my urban blouse.

I have an announcement.

Bunny slippers are now cool.

All: Yeah!

And they will henceforth
be known as street hops.

Yeah!

Cute.

You know what else is cool?

The care-nival.

All: Boo!

No way.

What? Come on,
I just made bunny slippers cool.

Over-the-top excessive
safety is even cooler.

What about the cotton ball toss?

Whoa, it's getting wild up in here.

( murmuring )

This is not the same guy who came up

with street hops and the urban blouse.

This is a real low point for you.

All: Yeah!

Avery, I'm still the same guy
who came up with street hops

and the urban blouse, right?

I'm just gonna say "yes,"
and move on to my thing.

Wes is leaving tomorrow,

so we're gonna have a long distance
relationship like you and Nikki.

Any tips?

Yeah, don't.

What?

It's too much.

Uh, right now, life is all about
what goes on at school.

You don't want to miss out
on your whole high school experience,

homecoming, prom,

spreading weird rumors about your sister.

Is that why everyone keeps
asking to see my whale spout?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Look, texting or talking
to a computer screen

is not the same as being with a person.

Trust me.

Well, if the long distance
thing is so bad,

then why are you and Nikki doing it?

Because she's coming back.

You look nice.

So do you.

I got my mom to make grilled cheese.

And I've got the tomato soup.

But don't worry, my mom didn't make it.

I wonder what lunch at your new school
will be like.

It won't be like this.

Or this.

Our hands will be a couple
thousand miles away.

You're still here, but it feels like
we're already apart.

I know.

All I can think about is
how sad I'm gonna be

when I leave.

I'm sorry this is happening.

It's not your fault.

I'm still sorry.

Is it possible you were right,

that we'll lose touch
if we're not in the same school?

I think so.

So, we're breaking up?

I'm really gonna miss you.

Me too.

So, how did checkers go?

I lost, but I did discover
a design flaw in the board

when you hold it out in front of you

and put your foot through it.

Took him a couple of times to do his.

I did mine on the first try.

Big girl in the house!

Hey, hon.

Well, I found out my cool has limits.

And a little bit of me died today.

Me too.

A dart went into my fourth toe.

And now, for some reason
I can't feel my right arm.

But it's all for the greater good.

That's why at this year's care-nival,

we won't be throwing darts at balloons.

We'll be throwing balloons at balloons.

Fun.

What a challenge.

Mom, no one's gonna show up
at the care-nival.

It's not gonna be fun.

Is no one remembering
last year's carnival?

So many people got injured. Is that fun?

No, it is not!

Well, look at this injury report.

Eight people.

Oh, look, the medic's
reports are all attached.

This one's me.

This one's also me.

( grunts )

Right in the eyeball.

Mama's going down.

Clavicle!

Those were all just you.

Look, I'm fine with safety
when it makes sense.

I wear a helmet and pads on my bike.

But the carnival isn't unsafe.

You're accident prone.

Mom, do you really
want to be known as the woman

who destroyed the carnival?

Maybe I did go overboard.

I'll reinstate the games and rides.

Cool.

Ooh, tingly. It's waking up.

You're not going to the carnival?

I'm too sad.

But the carnival is
full of so much great food.

It'll take your mind off
your break up with funnel cake.

You mean Wes?

Isn't that what I said?

Come on, let's go to the
carnival, pickle on a stick.

It's not even about Wes at this point.

What's really crushing me is that

I pushed Max and Lindsay away.

Feeling bad about Wes has made me realize

that the two people

I need the most don't want
anything to do with me.

I lost my boyfriend and my best friends.

Come on, giant turkey leg
and kettle corn love you.

And if you've taught me
anything about friendship,

it's that when you're friends,
you forgive each other.

Just like you forgave me

when I threw up under your bed.

You threw up under my bed?

A wet burp got loose, we'll talk later.

You'll forgive me,
just like they'll forgive you.

You're right, Stan.

I'll see them and start to apologize,

and they'll say,

"Avery, just the fact that
you've come to us says it all.

We forgive you and accept your behavior

without question or judgment."

Thank you, guys, for forgiving me

and accepting my behavior
without question or judgment.

We haven't done any of those things.

Okay, phew, I thought I missed something.

Oh, right.

I'm so sorry.
I totally took our friendship for granted.

I will never do it again.

Can you please take me back
and let me sing with you?

What about your boyfriend?

Wes is moving.

So we broke up.

Well, I'm so sorry, Avery.

I'm sorry too.

If only it was Rick who was moving away.

Becca's husband.

Thanks, you guys.

I love that we're friends.

But you have to promise
when we have serious boyfriends

and blow you off, you have to forgive us.

You mean "long-term" boyfriends.

All my boyfriends will be serious.

By which I mean grave and pensive.

You know that.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Yes! Yes!

I did it!

I won!

Your clown's going home thirsty.

What?

Did daddy teach you how to lose?

Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did.

Yes--

it's okay.

I'm a child psychologist.

And she's been beating me
a lot at checkers.

Psst!

So, you threw that game to
make your dad feel better, huh?

Duh, I'm not some punk baby
losing at squirt-a-clown.

That's my jam.

Oh, careful.

Baby bites. Just keep it tiny.

Sorry I couldn't make the care-nival cool,

but I can still make
almost anything else cool,

including going on a ride with my mom.

Oh, that would be really nice, Tyler.

Hey, those look like my slippers.

Come on, Mom, you're not cool enough
to wear street hops.

♪ Don't pull on my ear ♪

♪ It's my number one fear ♪

♪ Don't tickle my chin ♪

♪ I have sensitive skin ♪

♪ Don't step on my shoe ♪

♪ Or I'll do it to you ♪

♪ We walk to our own beat ♪

♪ High-tops on the concrete ♪

♪ Under diamond skies ♪

♪ A pair of butterflies ♪

♪ Yeah, we go back a long time ♪

♪ Like shadows and sunshine ♪

♪ But with each perfect day ♪

♪ Comes a chance of rain ♪

♪ So if you lose your way ♪

♪ And think you're falling fast ♪

♪ Don't have to worry ♪

♪ 'cause I got your back, yeah ♪

♪ It's true that's just what friends do ♪

♪ You've got me, and I've got you too ♪

♪ Together we're complete ♪

♪ You can always count on me ♪

♪ Sometimes life can bring you down ♪

♪ But no matter what I'll be around ♪

♪ You know I'm here for you ♪

♪ That's just what friends do ♪

♪ What friends do yeah ♪

♪ That that's just what friends do ♪

Stan: So, Avery and her friends
patched things up

'cause that's just what friends do.

That thought is stuck
in my head for some reason,

don't know why.

The important thing is,

Avery realized how much
her friends mean to her.

'Cause in the end,
she really is a great friend.

I can vouch for that.

She won me a teddy bear.

Which I gave to my friend, Robert.

Don't tell Avery.

( music playing )

( boing )