All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S01E04_English

Stan: So, a new family bought
the house across the street.

I marked that property so many times,
it should be mine.

Apparently my urine's not legally binding.

Still, I was very excited
to meet our new neighbors.

Whoo-hoo! Someone's here!
Someone's coming!

Oh, they're on the path!
They're approaching the door!

( doorbell rings )

What is it with you dogs
and getting so worked up

every time someone comes to the door?

What, do you think you're so exciting
I don't need a little variety?

Hello.

Are you a confused girl
who's here to see my father,

or a confused girl
who's here to see my brother?

Excuse me?

I'm sorry. My father is
a child psychologist,

and my brother just likes confused girls.

I'm Nikki Ortiz.

Avery Jennings.

I just moved here from El Salvador,

and I'm going door to door
introducing myself to my neighbors.

Oh, that's so sweet... and dangerous.

Stan: Nikki Ortiz, smart, beautiful...

There's only one way
she could be more perfect.

Come on in.

I love your country.

People offer me food
and trips to the beach,

and wherever I go,
young men keep giving me

their phone numbers and email addresses.

Yes, Americans are very open
with personal information.

Ah, she smells so good,

I can't believe she's not bacon.

I'm sorry, this is just Stan's way
of welcoming you to our house.

( laughs ) He's so cute!

Thanks. We just got him groomed.

I have a dog myself.

I even know a special spot
to scratch behind the ears.

Stan: Right, the mythical
doggy sweet spot.

Like that even exists.

Hot kibble with gravy, it does exist!

Oh, yeah! Yeah, scratch my brains out!

( theme music playing )

-You did great today, Rob.
-Thanks, Dr. James.

I'll see you next week.

I know that boy's been here a lot.
How's it going?

Well, without betraying
the doctor-patient confidentiality

by telling you his problem, stealing,

I would say we are making good progress.

Oh, well, great. Care for a little
celebratory coffee cake?

Oh, I think I have time
to reward myself with...

He stole my watch!

I don't deserve coffee cake.

Daddy! Daddy, Daddy!

Can you talk to my class
about your job on career day?

Oh, you must be proud
of your daddy's job, huh, sweetie?

Yeah, give me that cake.

Daddy, what kind of socks
are you going to bring to my class?

Socks? Why would I bring socks?

'Cause you're a "sock-ologist."

Take the cake.

Sweetie, I'm a psychologist,
not a "sock-ologist."

I solve people's problems.

Why?

Daddy helps people, honey.

Yeah, I'm a... Well, I'm like a superhero.

Yay! Daddy's a superhero!

Cake.

Daddy, have you seen my teddy bear?

I had it before that boy left.

Such a lovely tour, Avery. Thank you.

Oh, no problem.
You're gonna love Pasadena,

especially New Year's Day
and the Rose Parade.

If you camp out the night before,
you can get really good seats.

Oh, that sounds so nice to have seats.

I have to stand and wave from a float.

They asked me to be Rose Queen.

Wow. ( chuckles ) That's amazing.

you know, one year,
I actually got to glue gardenias

onto the Sierra Madre burro

and have my picture taken with
Pasadena comptroller Madge Gimmelstop.

( barks )

Evita, be polite.

No, it's okay. She's so cute.

I can't wait for our dogs to meet.

Hey, Stan, come here.

Stan: A friend!
I can't believe it! A friend!

( barking )

Stan: Is there a mute button
on this thing?

Stan, I'd like you to meet Evita.

Stan: Evita, I would like you
to meet a truck.

( laughs ) They're going to be
the best of friends, no?

-Stan: No.
-( barks )

Hey, Stan. Hey, Avery.

Hi, I'm Tyler.

Here's my phone number and email address.

Nice to meet you. I'm Nikki Ortiz.

I just moved here from El Salvador.

Well, that explains why
you're so "el salv-adorable."

( chuckles ) Here,
I'll just take that for you.

-( growls )
-Stan: Get away from me.

You're not getting my email address!

Uh, Nikki, maybe we could walk
our dogs in the park sometime?

-Okay.
-No, you don't have to do that.

You're the Rose Queen.

Just say good-bye
and use the parade-float wave.

Screw in the light bulb,

-screw in the light bulb.
-That sounds like fun.

Screw in the light bulb.

I'll get ready and meet you in an hour.

Okay, but if "get ready" means
more body spray,

you are already very ready.

Come, Evita.

I can't believe you think
you have a shot with Nikki.

( laughs ) You're in
way over your hair in this one.

Please tell me you are not gonna take me
to the park with that yapping Pomeranian.

Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap!

Look, Stan, I'm gonna need you
to be my wingman here.

Do you know what a wingman Is?

If you're talking about chicken,
I like where this is going.

A wingman is a guy
who helps you get the girl

by spending time with her annoying friend.

He makes the ultimate sacrifice
for his buddy.

Wow, that sounds crazy noble. I'm in!

All right! Yes! Yeah!

Stan: WELL, THAT'S ODD.

Look, I don't mind
taking one for you here,

but if Evita becomes unbearable,
we need a signal to end this.

I'll just start barking like crazy.

( barking )

Okay, okay, I get it. But come on, Stan.

Evita's really not that bad.

You're right. I'll give her a chance.

( barks )

( barking )

Wow, Stan,
you're really excited to see her.

Stan: No, that was the signal!

Hey, Nikki.

You smell great.
What's that perfume you're wearing?

My skin.

It's like you took a bath in "awesome"

and powdered yourself with "wow."

( laughs ) You are so funny!

You make me jiggle!

You mean "giggle."

No, I mean "jiggle." It's how I laugh.

( both laugh )

( barks )

Stan: Would I be a bad wingman
if I ate her?

So, remember how excited Chloe got
when you said you were like a superhero?

Well, she told her whole class
that you are a superhero

and that that's what you're
coming in to talk about.

( chuckles ) Oh, that's funny. Really?

Yeah.

Chloe, can you come in here?

Her teacher thought it was funny, too.

In fact, she couldn't stop laughing
at the thought of you as a superhero.

Apparently she saw you run
that time at the school picnic.

Hey, when the bees are coming
at your face, you do this.

( screams ) Bees!

Chloe, come back! There are no bees!

Come here.

Sweetie, I'm not a superhero.

What I do do is help children,

children with feelings
they don't understand

or problems they can't solve,
and I make them feel better.

You said "doo-doo." ( laughs )

This was so much fun!

I'm glad we walked our dogs together.

Please tell me don't you use your dog
like this to charm all the senoritas.

No way, you're special.
I've never done this before.

Not with senoritas,
"junior-itas," or "sophomore-itas."

( laughs )

I think the dogs had a good time.

But why is Stan digging a hole over there?

It looks about the size of Evita.

Stan: What? Dogs dig holes.
It's perfectly normal.

So, I'd like to do this again sometime.

Me, too. I'll text you later.

Come on, Evita.

( barks )

Stan: So close!

Thanks, wingman.

You really came through for me.

Just get me out of this park
as fast as you can.

If I never come back here,
it'll be too... Oh, my dog!

She puts the "oodle" in "Poodle."

Tyler, you gotta take me over there.
She's magnificent!

Look how much ankle she's showing.

Oh, no way!
The girl with that poodle is Christie.

We can't go over there.

Why not?

Hi, Tyler!

Tyler! Tyler! Tyler, Tyler, Tyler!

That's why not.

She's the most annoying girl at school!

Really? Annoying?
Where have I heard that before?

Tyler! Tyler! Tyler! Tyler!

I thought the wingman was supposed to
spend time with the annoying friend.

I took a hit for you, man.
Now it's your turn.

Dude, that's not a hit,
that's a bus falling on my head!

The wingman code.

You're right. The wingman code.

Hey, Christie. What's up?

This is so fun to see you with our dogs.

This is so fun. This is so fun!

( barks )

Stan: I don't hear a signal.

( barking )

Let's be our dogs. That's fun!

( barks )

I gotta go now,
but let's totally hang sometime.

Tuesday? Tuesday, Tuesday?

( Stan whimpers )

All right, Tuesday it Is.

( gasps )

Mandy, come.

Don't forget! Tuesday!
Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday!

We're gonna need a bigger hole.

Check this out.

If you mistype "I'm popping popcorn,"

it'll auto-correct to say
"I'm pooping popcorn."

Yeah, not so funny
when it actually happens to you.

I was butt-scooting for days.

-( phone chimes )
-Whoa!

Nikki just texted and she wants to
walk her dog with us again on Tuesday.

"Y-E-S."

Uh, are you forgetting we have a prior
with Christie and Mandy on Tuesday?

( Imitating Christie )
Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday!

You gotta cancel Nikki.

I can't cancel Nikki!

The wingman code.

Okay, honor is honor.

I'll just lie to Nikki.

-Yes!
-"Nikki, can't go Tuesday.

Have to study to pass
some horrible class."

-Happy now?
-Uh, very.

You just texted Nikki that you
"have to pass some horrible gas."

This bench was named for my grandmother.

She fell off a bridge.

Did she fall or was she pushed?

( laughs )

Tyler? You lied to me.

Give me a minute.

Hurry, hurry. I brought egg salad.

It's got coriander!

You said you couldn't
meet with me Tuesday.

You also said, "I never use my dog
to charm other girls."

And to think I was so concerned
about your horrible gas!

Look, Nikki,
I can explain everything, okay?

This all because I promised my dog
I would be his wingman

so he and that dog could be together.

I was just doing what my dog wanted.

-You must think I'm thick in the cabeza!
-No.

I think you have a fantastic cabeza!

Tyler, come look!

I've got ants stuck in my sunscreen!

And I've been trying to apologize,
but Nikki won't return my calls.

I tried texting her that I'm really sorry

and ended up telling her
that "I'm really Shirley."

Well, Shirley,
that would explain the hair.

Avery, I've been thinking
I should tell her Stan can talk

so he can explain
why I was with that other girl.

What?

Well, I don't see any other choice.

I've been turning it over
in my head all day.

Oh, that's what that noise was.

I thought the washing machine was broken.

I'm being serious.

So am I. You can't tell her Stan can talk.

Just move on to the next girl
like you always do.

No, but...
But Nikki isn't like other girls.

And I'm not just talking about her cabeza.

I like... what's up here.

Cabeza means "head."

Oh, then some of my other texts
do not make sense either.

Come on, Avery.
I've never felt this way about anyone.

What can I do to prove it to you?
Okay, I'll do anything. Just name it.

The whole head?

Totally bald.

And if I do this,
you'll let me reveal Stan's secret?

That's the deal.

Fine... if it'll show you
how much Nikki means to me.

No, stop!

You didn't have to do that!
I was just testing you!

You couldn't have told me that
two seconds ago?

No, no, it's okay, it's okay.

( chuckles ) It's really not that bad.

Look, we can't divulge Stan's secret,

but I can see how much this means to you,

so I'll talk to Nikki, okay?

I promise I'll make this right with her.

You can get her to forgive me for the lie?

I think I can. Of course,

it's really not gonna matter
once she sees your hair.

( screams )

-Shh.
-( whimpers )

There, there.

Daddy, it's not too late to go home.

The janitor told me]
he could pretend to be my daddy

after he cleans the toilets.

Honey, I'm gonna make you proud.

Good morning.
I'm Bennett James, Chloe's dad.

As a psychologist,

I utilize specialized
therapeutic techniques

designed to offer behavior modifications

for a wide range of organic

and social personality disorders.

Hey, who has a personality disorder?

Daddy, socks! Show them your socks!

Don't worry, sweetie, I got this.

Kids, psychologists help you
with your emotional boo-boos.

Some kids get sad because

daddy or mommy is away
on business all the time.

-( crying )
-Or they can't make friends.

( crying )

Or they always get
picked last for the team.

( all crying )

And if you bunch them up
before you put your toes in,

-they're a lot easier to pull up!
-( all crying )

-I found my real daddy.
-( all crying )

Don't worry, kids! I'll save you!

Super Mom is here, and my super power is
making it rain delicious treats!

( all cheer )

And here's my sidekick... Sock Man!

( all laugh )

( whispers ) Thank you.

Daddy, take me with you.

Avery, your flower is beautiful.

Oh, thanks. ( chuckles )

Yeah, yours is pretty good, too.

Is there anything that you can't do?

Well, I have never been able to whistle.

( blows )

You now you need to
use your tongue, right?

Oh!

( whistling Beethoven's "Symphony No. 5 ")

Well, I guess now I can do everything.

Uh, like forgive Tyler.

Except that.

Come on, Nikki. I think there's
more to this than you realize.

-What?
-I can't tell you.

You are just as bad as he Is!

Don't say that!
I am nowhere near as bad as he Is!

He lies, and you keep secrets.

I thought you were my friend.

And no one does
the light-bulb wave anymore.

It's figure eight,
so you can get both sides of the street.

Good-bye!

No, Nikki, wait! I am your friend!

Didn't I teach you to whistle?

You're crazy! Tyler's crazy!
Your whole family is crazy!

No, no, we're not!
We're a perfectly normal family!

-It's Sock Man!
-And Super Mom!

My real dad's a janitor.

No, Nikki, wait!

I'm only sticking up for Tyler

because he had a very good reason
for saying what he did.

For lying that his dog told him
to be with another girl?

Look, it wasn't a lie.

I'm only telling you this because
I don't wanna lose you as a friend.

There's a secret we've never told anyone.

Even our parents don't know.

Stan did tell Tyler to be with that girl.

Tyler knows it because, um...

Tyler's a dog whisperer.

Tyler communicates with dogs?

Okay, that's just too crazy.

No, I know it seems that way,
but I can prove it.

Okay, Tyler, when Nikki gets here,

you'll be blindfolded
and I'll show Stan a couple of objects.

He'll "whisper" to you what they are

by whispering to you what they are.

And you'll identify the objects because,

well, you're a dog whisperer.

Yes! And then
Nikki will know I wasn't lying.

And she'll be my friend again!

So what do I get out of all this?

You can lick in between my toes
after my next hike.

I thought we weren't gonna
tell people about that.

( Nikki whistling Beethoven's
"Symphony No. 5" )

She's here!

Hey, Nikki, we are ready to show you

that Tyler can communicate with Stan.

I am just gonna hold up
a few objects here and--

No. If you want to prove to me
that Tyler can talk to dogs,

have him talk to Evita.

Both: Uh...

She's weak and she won't eat.

You can find out
what's wrong with her, no?

( scoffs ) Of course he can.

Uh, Avery, can I just talk to you

-for a second?
-Yeah.

-We'll be right back.
-Okay.

This will just take a second.

-( arguing )
-( groans )

I will now find out
what's wrong with Evita.

Help us.

( sniffs ) I smell something.

She has a bur in her paw.

How do I tell Tyler?

She's, uh...

Stan: It's the paw.
There's something in her paw.

Um...

Uh, she's screwing in a light bulb!

Uh, she wants to be the Rose Queen!

Okay, charades are out. Plan B.

Tyler: "There's a bun in her pan."

Stan: Give me a break, okay?
I'm writing fast and I don't have thumbs.

This is ridiculous. We are leaving.

No, no, no, wait. He can figure this out.

Okay, uh... ( clears throat )

I'm getting something.
I'm getting something.

-( Phone rings )
-I'm getting a phone call.

Dude, there's a bur in her paw.

Dude, there's a bur in her paw!

Yes, there Is!

-That was amazing!
-( Evita whimpers )

I got it out.

( barks )

Stan: Put it back in! Put it back in!

Evita and I will never forget this.

Mostly because it was weird.

I'm sorry I called you both liars.

I would never lie to you, Nikki.

Unless I had a very good reason.

Tyler, it really was amazing. Bravo.

-Well, thank you. Thank you.
-( gasps )

He... He donates strips of his hair
to men who can't grow beards!

Oh, that is so sweet!

I have three uncles who can't grow beards.
Will you help them?

Stan: So once again, I had my bro's back.

That's why there's no greater honor
than being a wingman.

Just like Tyler helped out Nikki's uncles.

I got a little something out of it, too.

You two wait right here.

I'll be right back
with some froyo... fo' yo'.

So he really doesn't study socks?

Nope.

Then what does he do for a job?

He makes kids cry
and then gives them treats.

Is there much of a living in that?

I mean, how can he afford
our beautiful house?

My mom's a superhero.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Rob, you come back with those!

( panting ) All right,
I'll see you next Friday.

( sighs )

( music playing )

( boing )