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>> THIS COUNTRY WASN'T BUILT BY
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ROBOTS, PEOPLE.
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IT WAS BUILT BY HUMAN BEINGS
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THAT HAD HEARTS AND BRAINS AND
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PENISES AND VAGINAS.
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BUT NOW WE'VE GOT THESE ROBOTS
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THAT ARE STEALING OUR FACTORY
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JOBS, AND WE ARE NOT GONNA STAND
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FOR IT.
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>> SHUT THEM DOWN!
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>> SHUT THEM DOWN. THAT'S RIGHT.
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TOMORROW, WE'RE GONNA GO PROTEST
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AT THE FUNERAL OF ONE OF THESE
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ROBOT SYMPATHIZERS, AND THEN, IN
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THE AFTERNOON, WE'RE GONNA GO
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PROTEST OUTSIDE AN APPLE STORE.
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>> SHUT THEM DOWN!
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>> SHUT THEM DOWN!
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NOW, PEOPLE, LET'S SETTLE DOWN
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JUST A MINUTE, 'CAUSE THIS IS A
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VERY SPECIAL DAY.
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WE HAVE A NEWCOMER TO OUR
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PRO-FLESH MOVEMENT RIGHT HERE.
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WHERE ARE YOU FROM, SON?
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>> OH, UM...SAN DIEGO.
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>> EW. SAN DIEGO.
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AWFUL LOT OF BOTS THERE, RIGHT?
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WERE YOU BORN AND RAISED THERE?
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>> ACTUALLY, NO.
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I WAS MANUFACTURED IN INDONESIA.
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>> DID YOU SAY "MANUFACTURED"?
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[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
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>> BORN.
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LIKE THE -- LIKE THE REST OF
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YOU, THROUGH A -- A HUMAN
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UTERUS.
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I WAS -- I WAS BORN.
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>> BRETHREN, I THINK WE HAVE A
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CIRCUIT-FILLED SINNER RIGHT HERE
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AMONG US.
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SHUT HIM DOWN.
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>> KEEP ME ON.
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[ PEOPLE GASP ]
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[ Robot voice ] IT'S TIMES LIKE
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THESE I WISH I REMAINED A TiVo.
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>> DIEGO!
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>> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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* OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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>> DIEGO!
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>> Kove: ROBOT S.A.M.'s COVER
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WAS BLOWN, AND NOW HE'S BEEN
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KIDNAPPED BY A GROUP OF TEXAN
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ROBO-HATERS.
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>> Alphonse: IN HINDSIGHT,
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PROBABLY NOT THE BEST IDEA TO
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SEND OUR LONE ROBOT IN TO
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INFILTRATE AN ANTI-ROBOT HATE
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GROUP.
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>> Sam: WE'VE GOT TO MOVE FAST.
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S.A.M.'s BATTERY ONLY LASTS
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ABOUT 48 HOURS IN THE FIELD.
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AFTER THAT, HE GOES INTO A
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ROBO-COMA, A CONDITION ALSO
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KNOWN AS "OFF."
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>> Kove: WE NEED TO GET INTO
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TEXAS UNDETECTED AND RESCUE
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S.A.M.
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>> WE COULD PRETEND TO BE A
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MOVIE CREW SCOUTING LOCATIONS
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ACROSS THE BORDER.
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>> Trent: A FILM CREW?
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[ SCOFFS ] NO.
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FILM'S A DEAD MEDIUM.
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I SAW A MOVIE ABOUT IT.
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>> Kove: TRENT'S RIGHT.
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NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE MOVIES.
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NO.
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WE ARE GOING TO POSE AS A
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VIRAL-VIDEO CREW.
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>> Alphonse: KOVE, WE'RE GONNA
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NEED AN EXPERT.
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>> Kove: NONSENSE.
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I HAVE MY OWN YouTube CHANNEL,
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AND I'VE RECEIVED A NUMBER OF
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HITS, AND THIS IS HOW WE'RE
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GOING TO RESCUE S.A.M.
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>> LOOKS LIKE NTSF IS ABOUT TO
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GO...VIRAL.
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>> Trent: WAIT A SECOND.
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DID YOU STEAL MY GLASSES?
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I'D LEAVE THEM OUT IN GOOD FAITH
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THAT NO ONE WILL TAKE THEM,
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'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE AN INSIDE
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POCKET.
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DAMN.
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>> Sam: SHE STOLE YOUR THING.
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>> Alphonse: LET'S CHECK OUT
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KOVE'S YouTube PAGE.
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>> Kove: HEY, THIS IS KOVE,
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UNBOXING THE NEW KAMCHUNG
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GRAVITY 5C SMARTPHONE.
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[ SIGHS ]
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UH...JUST A MINUTE.
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>> Alphonse: KOVE HAS NO IDEA
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HOW TO MAKE A VIDEO.
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YeahImCaleb95 -- THE #1 VIDEO
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CHANNEL ON THE INTERNET.
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>> [ High-pitched voice ] HI,
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EVERYONE!
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IT'S ME -- YeahImCaleb95!
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MY MOM'S TAKING ME TO THE ZOO
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TODAY!
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AAAAH!
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I LOVE ELEPHANTS!
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[ SCREECHING ]
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OH, MY GOD! MONKEYS! TIGERS!
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>> Alphonse: HE'S GOOD.
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HE'S REAL GOOD.
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AND HE'S JUST THE MAN WE NEED
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FOR THE JOB.
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IT'S QUITE THE SETUP YOU HAVE
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HERE.
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I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT
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MOST PEOPLE MADE VIRAL VIDEOS IN
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THEIR HOMES.
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>> [ Normal voice ] COMMON
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MISCONCEPTION.
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IT ALL TAKES PLACE HERE IN
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SAN DIEGO, VIRAL CAPITAL OF THE
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WORLD, AND I'M ITS SPIRITUAL
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LEADER.
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I TRY TO MAKE SURE EVERY VIDEO
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WE PRODUCE IS SMART, CHALLENGING
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AND ARTFUL.
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THE LAST THING WE WANT TO DO IS
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TALK DOWN TO OUR VIEWERS.
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>> AND ACTION.
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>> [ GRUNTS ]
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OW! I BROKE MY HAND!
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[ FARTS ]
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AND I FARTED.
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>> PERFECT. CUT.
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[ BELL RINGS ]
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>> Alphonse: BEAUTIFUL.
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>> NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT JUST
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HERE TO GIVE ME IN-PERSON LIKES.
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WHAT ARE YOU REALLY AFTER?
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>> Alphonse: I NEED YOUR HELP
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MAKING A VIRAL VIDEO, AND IF I
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DON'T GET IT, A GOOD FRIEND OF
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SAN DIEGO IS GONNA DIE.
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>> I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR
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SAN DIEGO.
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THE QUESTION IS, WILL YOU?
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>> [ FARTS ]
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OH! AND I FARTED AGAIN.
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>> PROSUMER GRADE SHOTGUN MIC --
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CHECK.
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HD-CAPABLE OFF-BRAND WEB
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CAMERA -- CHECK.
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GENTLEMEN, LET'S LOCK AND LOAD.
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>> Kove: ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.
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I RAN THE NUMBERS, AND WE CANNOT
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AFFORD TO SHOOT IN TEXAS.
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PER DIEM ALONE WOULD KILL US.
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SO WE'RE KEEPING THE PRODUCTION
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RIGHT HERE IN SAN DIEGO.
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>> Sam: WAIT.
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THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THIS ENTIRE
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MISSION WAS TO GO INTO TEXAS AND
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RESCUE S.A.M., AND WE'RE RUNNING
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OUT OF TIME.
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HIS BATTERY LEVEL'S AT EXACTLY
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50%.
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>> Kove: SAM, LET'S NOT GET
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CAUGHT UP IN SPECIFICS.
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THE MOST IMPORTANT THING RIGHT
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NOW IS TO CREATE A TIMELESS,
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LASTING, UNIQUE VIRAL VIDEO, AND
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DRIVE WHOLE NEW AUDIENCE TO MY
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YouTube CHANNEL.
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>> SO, UH, WHERE DO YOU PUT THE
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BULLETS IN THIS THING?
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>> Alphonse: 400,000 HITS
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EASILY.
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I'M READY. UPLOAD ME.
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>> READY?
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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YOUNG ALPHONSE HERE THINKS THAT
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HE'S READY TO UPLOAD A VIRAL
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VIDEO.
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COME. I HAVE MUCH TO TEACH YOU.
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CLOSE YOUR EYES.
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FEEL THE INTERNET COURSE THROUGH
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YOUR BODY.
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BROADEN YOUR BAND.
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>> Alphonse: [ GRUNTS ]
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>> NOW...ANSWER THIS.
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WHAT ARE THE FIVE ELEMENTS ALL
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VIRAL VIDEOS MUST TAP INTO?
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>> Alphonse: UH, CUTE ANIMALS,
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UH, UH, PARODY, UM -- OH, COME
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ON.
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I KNOW THIS.
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DAMN IT! I CAN'T DO IT!
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>> HOT GIRLS AND/OR CELEBRITIES
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WITHOUT MAKEUP.
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YOU HAVE TO FOCUS, ALPHONSE.
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YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
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THAT IS WHY YOU #FAIL.
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NOW, GET BACK ON THAT TINY,
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LITTLE BLOCK.
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>> STOP.
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>> HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
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>> [ GROANS ]
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>> YOU DISGUST ME.
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>> WHY DO YOU HATE ROBOTS?
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WE PROVIDE SO MUCH TO THE
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WORLD -- STRONG ASSEMBLY-LINE
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LABOR, DUBSTEP, THE ACTING OF
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TOBEY MAGUIRE.
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>> I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
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ONE OF YOU iBASTARDS KILLED THE
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LOVE OF MY LIFE.
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SHE WAS OUT SHOPPING FOR MY
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BIRTHDAY PRESENT, AND THEN IT
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APPEARED --
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SUNLIGHT GLISTENING OFF ITS
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METAL SKIN, BLOODLUST COURSING
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THROUGH ITS MECHANICAL BRAIN.
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THAT BREAK-DANCING ROBOT BASTARD
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MURDERED MY WIFE.
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>> BREAK DANCER?
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>> RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A
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SHOPPING CENTER.
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>> GARY, THAT WAS NO ROBOT.
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WAS HE WEARING A SILVER BOWLER
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HAT?
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DID HE WHISTLE WHEN HE MOVED?
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>> YES.
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>> ROBOTS DON'T HAVE LIPS, GARY.
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ONLY HUMANS CAN WHISTLE.
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WHAT YOU DESCRIBED IS A HUMAN
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DRESSED IN ROBOTFACE.
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>> NO!
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>> [ GROANS ]
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>> LIES!
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LIES AND ROBOT PROPAGANDA.
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MY WIFE WAS SLAIN BY ROBOT
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HANDS!
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SHUT HIM DOWN!
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>> Kove: SOMEBODY GET ME A BABY
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ON A TRAMPOLINE, AND IF THAT KID
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ISN'T CUTE AS HELL, THEN WE CAN
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KISS S.A.M. GOODBYE.
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>> Sam: WE LOST ALL THE FOOTAGE
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OF THE DANCING PRISONERS.
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AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL
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CONFISCATED IT BECAUSE OF THE
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WHOLE TORTURE THING.
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AND S.A.M.'s BATTERY'S DOWN TO
262
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,110
16%.
263
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,478
>> Trent: THESE KITTENS ARE
264
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:49,777
DEAD.
265
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,037
>> Kove: DID YOU POKE HOLES IN
266
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:51,614
THE BOX?
267
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:52,882
>> Trent: YEAH, I THINK THAT'S
268
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:53,980
WHAT DID IT.
269
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,621
>> Kove: [ GASPS ]
270
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,146
PULL IT TOGETHER, PEOPLE!
271
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,990
OR S.A.M.'s DEATH WILL BE ON
272
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,786
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR
273
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,658
HANDS!
274
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,532
>> YOU'RE NOT READY TO UPLOAD A
275
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:09,497
VIRAL UNTIL YOU GO THROUGH THE
276
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:10,627
TUNNEL OF HATERS.
277
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,531
>> Alphonse: HATERS GONNA HATE.
278
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,733
I CAN HANDLE IT.
279
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:16,104
>> MM-HMM.
280
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:31,217
[ LAUGHTER ]
281
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:32,548
>> EPIC FAIL.
282
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,223
>> LAME.
283
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,490
>> LAMEZORS.
284
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,058
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
285
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,186
>> EPIC FAIL.
286
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:40,090
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
287
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:40,763
>> LAME.
288
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:41,261
>> LAME.
289
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:42,761
>> I WANT TWO MINUTES AND
290
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,163
10 SECONDS OF MY LIFE BACK.
291
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:44,774
>> DIE.
292
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:45,495
>> STUPID.
293
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,029
>> Alphonse: YOU DON'T KNOW ME!
294
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,574
>> YOU SHOULD DIE.
295
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,039
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
296
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,567
[ LAUGHTER ]
297
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,179
>> CLICK ON MY LINK IF YOU WANT
298
00:07:57,177 --> 00:08:02,617
TO SEE SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY.
299
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:03,746
[ GASPS ]
300
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,221
>> FAKE.
301
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,758
>> Alphonse: AAH!
302
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:11,594
[ GASPS ]
303
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,232
SO MEAN.
304
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,555
>> DRINK THIS.
305
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:14,861
>> Alphonse: WOW.
306
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,032
>> THAT'S THE LONGEST ANYONE'S
307
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,229
EVER LASTED.
308
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,530
YOUNG ALPHONSE, YOU ARE FINALLY
309
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:20,703
READY TO UPLOAD A VIRAL VIDEO.
310
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:21,871
>> Trent: [ Gruff voice ] I'M
311
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:24,269
NOT A CROOK.
312
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:27,711
I'M RICHARD NIXON.
313
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:28,638
>> Kove: [ GROANS ]
314
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:29,142
DAMN IT, TRENT.
315
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,082
THOSE WERE SURFACE-LEVEL
316
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:30,907
IMPRESSIONS AT BEST.
317
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:32,051
>> Trent: IT'S NOT REALLY IN MY
318
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,275
WHEELHOUSE.
319
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,720
I ONLY KNOW THREE CELEBRITIES --
320
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:35,815
RICHARD NIXON, BILL O'REILLY,
321
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,046
AND LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS, SO --
322
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,220
>> Sam: GUYS, WE'RE RUNNING OUT
323
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:38,748
OF TIME.
324
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:39,952
S.A.M.'s BATTERY IS DOWN TO WHAT
325
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,053
WE CALL "MILK PERCENTAGES."
326
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:41,924
>> Kove: [ SCOFFS ]
327
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,062
AM I THE ONLY PERSON HERE WHO
328
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,086
KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A VIRAL
329
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:44,631
VIDEO?!
330
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:45,825
>> Alphonse: YOU DO NOT BELIEVE
331
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:46,286
IN YOURSELF.
332
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,603
THAT'S WHY YOU #FAIL.
333
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:49,826
LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS COULD USE A
334
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:50,730
LITTLE VIRAL MAGIC.
335
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,731
SAY HELLO TO JASMINE,
336
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,903
SAN DIEGO'S CUTEST DOG.
337
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,342
>> Kove: LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE.
338
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,867
LET'S MAKE A VIRAL VIDEO.
339
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,920
OKAY, MY CHILD.
340
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:12,986
OPEN YOUR WINGS AND SOAR.
341
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,731
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
342
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,576
>> YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES, ROBOT.
343
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:46,354
I KNOW NOW THAT YOUR KIND DIDN'T
344
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,863
KILL MY WIFE.
345
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,286
BUT YOU KILLED THE LIE THAT I
346
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,120
WAS LIVING.
347
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,734
>> WE ARE NOT SO DIFFERENT.
348
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,186
YES, BLOOD RUNS THROUGH YOUR
349
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,304
VEINS, AND DATA THROUGH MY
350
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:58,126
WIRES, BUT WE BOTH --
351
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:00,871
[ POWERS DOWN ]
352
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:03,338
>> S.A.M. NO!
353
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,706
>> Kove: THE VIDEO HAD
354
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,966
500 MILLION VIEWS IN THE PAST
355
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,144
TWO HOURS AND FEATURED ON THE
356
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,311
FRONT PAGE OF REDDIT.
357
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,380
I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE.
358
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,308
>> Trent: WE DID IT.
359
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,152
WE SAVED DAISY.
360
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:13,976
>> I'M RIGHT HERE.
361
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:15,221
>> Trent: WE DIDN'T SAVE YOU?
362
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,375
WHAT THE HELL DID WE DO THIS
363
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,253
STUPID THING FOR?
364
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,250
>> Sam: TO SAVE S.A.M.
365
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,651
>> Trent: AH, YEAH. WHATEVER.
366
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:20,353
LET'S GET LUNCH.
367
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,763
>> Kove: THANKS, ALPHONSE.
368
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:22,715
YOU SAVED THE DAY.
369
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,163
>> Alphonse: ALL I DID WAS BRING
370
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,687
OUT WHAT WAS ALREADY INSIDE OF
371
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:25,993
YOU.
372
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,663
WE ALL HAVE GREAT VIRAL VIDEOS
373
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,161
IN US JUST WAITING TO COME OUT.
374
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,672
A GOOD FRIEND TAUGHT ME THAT.
375
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:32,995
>> YOU'VE DONE WELL, YOUNG
376
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,700
ALPHONSE.
377
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,002
>> Alphonse: HEY, CALEB, YOU
378
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:36,343
HUNGRY?
379
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,866
>> YEAH, I'M STARVING.
380
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,037
>> IT WAS A TUMULTUOUS TIME,
381
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,782
AND ROBOT-HUMAN RELATIONS WERE
382
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:44,877
AT AN ALL-TIME LOW.
383
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,678
AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THE
384
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,850
MEN AND WOMEN OF NTSF ARE HEROES
385
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,419
FOR WHAT THEY DID.
386
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,987
OH, AND I'M AN HISTORIAN.
23823
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