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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:11,711 >> [ GURGLING AND COUGHING ] 2 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,282 >> All: WHOO! 3 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,751 >> ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL VICTIM 4 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,248 OF THE WATERBOARD SHOT! 5 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,290 [ ALL CHEER ] 6 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:18,145 >> YEAH! 7 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:18,822 >> HEY-O-O-O! 8 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,149 WELCOME TO TIG BITTLEY'S -- 9 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,224 WHERE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, 10 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:22,392 YOUR SPRING BREAK, AND YOUR 11 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,320 BAR MITZVAH ALL ROLLED 12 00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:23,764 INTO ONE. 13 00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,157 GET IN HERE AND LET'S GET SOME 14 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:25,459 FOOD! 15 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:26,789 OKAY, HERE WE GO -- 16 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,504 ONE COYOTE SHRIMP STEAK 17 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,896 WITH DYNAMITE-INFUSED 18 00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:31,297 [BLEEP] SAUCE AND SOME 19 00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:32,399 CHIPOTLE EJACULATE. 20 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:32,900 ANYTHING ELSE? 21 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:33,900 >> UH, YEAH. 22 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,501 WHERE'S OUR NACHOS? 23 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,743 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW, BUT, 24 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:37,807 LIKE SEÑOR DICKS, THEY GIVE 25 00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:38,905 YOU, LIKE, A FREE NACHOS. 26 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,466 >> HMM. YEAH. 27 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,144 [ Mimicking ] OH, SEÑOR DICKS. 28 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:43,413 OH, OH. MY VAGINA HURTS. 29 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,251 HEH HEH HEH HEH. 30 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,345 >> I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA. 31 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,406 >> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING 32 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:47,424 ABOUT SEÑOR DICKS, ALL RIGHT? 33 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,915 IT'S RUN BY A TWO-BIT SHYSTER 34 00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:50,746 WHO DOESN'T KNOW THE FIRST THING 35 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,191 ABOUT FAMILY-FRIENDLY, 36 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,686 PARTY-CENTRIC, SPORTS-THEMED, 37 00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,257 LARGE-PORTION, AFFORDABLE 38 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,686 RESTAURANT HOT SPOTS. 39 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,190 JERK-OFF! 40 00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,932 >> BUT WE DO KNOW HOW TO KEEP 41 00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:01,427 OUR CUSTOMERS HAPPY. 42 00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:03,199 ENJOY THIS NACHOS AND SALSA 43 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,597 FLIGHT, COMPLIMENTS OF 44 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:05,298 SEÑOR DICKS. 45 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:06,269 >> WOW, THANK YOU. 46 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,297 >> NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING 47 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,372 ABOUT MY FINE ESTABLISHMENT? 48 00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:11,371 >> BROGER -- [ CHUCKLES ] 49 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:11,812 GOOD TO S-- 50 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:12,665 WHEN DID YOU COME IN? 51 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:13,213 >> Shh! 52 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,877 >> I DIDN'T -- 53 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,646 >> I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THIS PLACE 54 00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:19,546 DOWN. 55 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,477 UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU WANT TO 56 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,352 END UP LIKE THE LAST MANAGER 57 00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:24,321 OF TIG BITTLEY'S. 58 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:25,688 >> WHAT? HE ACCIDENTALLY GOT 59 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,456 TANGLED UP IN SOME ROPE AND FELL 60 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:28,815 INTO HIS TRUNK AND THEN DROVE 61 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,462 OFF THE CORONADO BRIDGE. 62 00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:31,288 DIDN'T HE? 63 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,492 >> NO, I MURDERED HIM. 64 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:33,333 >> [ GULPS ] 65 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:36,197 >> [ WHISTLES ] 66 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,981 [ BODY THUDS ] 67 00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,806 THE TRUTH IS, I DON'T LIKE 68 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,311 YOUR BRAND. 69 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:52,983 >> AAAAH! 70 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,250 [ SIZZLING ] 71 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:57,748 >> DIEGO! 72 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:00,921 >> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH 73 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:04,931 * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH 74 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,725 >> DIEGO! 75 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:10,827 [ BOTTLE RATTLING ] 76 00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,431 >> Piper: SAVAGES TURNED OVER 77 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:13,273 THE NACHOS. 78 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:13,827 >> Trent: HEY. 79 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,004 I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD. 80 00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,342 >> Alphonse: P.O.T.N. IS IN 81 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:16,867 THE HOSPITAL. 82 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,240 HE'S...IN STABLE CONDITION. 83 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,340 >> THAT MEANS HE'S LIKE A HORSE 84 00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,381 IN A STABLE, WAITING TO BE SHOT 85 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:22,005 AND TURNED INTO GLUE. 86 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:22,879 >> Trent: YEAH, I KNOW. 87 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:23,606 I'M NOT AN IDIOT. 88 00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:24,681 >> Piper: WE NEED TO PROTECT 89 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:25,778 THIS PLACE UNTIL THE PRESIDENT 90 00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:26,709 OF THE NAVY GETS BACK ON 91 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:27,284 HIS FEET. 92 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,581 >> Trent: I'M OUT. 93 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,952 I VOWED NEVER TO STEP FOOT 94 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,620 IN A BAR AGAIN. 95 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:32,689 I WAS A "COOLER." 96 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,286 THEY BROUGHT ME IN WHEN BARS 97 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:34,918 GOT TOO HOT. 98 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,562 I HAD A LETHAL MOVE THAT STOPPED 99 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,687 ANYONE IN THEIR TRACKS. 100 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,861 >> HEY. I.D. 101 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,030 I.D., PLEASE. 102 00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:42,398 >> All: HEAD POP! HEAD POP! 103 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,466 >> Trent: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT... 104 00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,425 I'M NOT TOO PROUD OF. 105 00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:46,303 >> All: HEAD POP! 106 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,370 [ BLOOD SPLATTERS ] 107 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:48,768 >> OH, YOU KILLED HIM. 108 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,699 >> Trent: TURNS OUT, IT WASN'T 109 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,044 A SHORT, HAIRY BIKER. 110 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,309 IT WAS A DOG IN A HELLS ANGELS 111 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:54,608 VEST. 112 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:55,438 >> WHOA, HANG ON. 113 00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:56,643 HOW DO YOU MISTAKE A DOG 114 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:57,484 FOR A PERSON? 115 00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:58,548 >> Trent: YOU PUT SUNGLASSES 116 00:02:58,546 --> 00:02:59,576 ON ANYTHING, IT LOOKS HUMAN. 117 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,810 THAT'S WHY I NEVER COULD STEP 118 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:01,754 FOOT IN A BAR AGAIN. 119 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:02,979 >> Piper: I MEAN, TECHNICALLY, 120 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,323 YOU ARE IN A BAR RIGHT NOW. 121 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:05,048 >> Trent: GOOD POINT. 122 00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:05,992 I'M IN. LET'S DO THIS. 123 00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,316 >> Piper: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, 124 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,391 THE SOCCER MOMS ARE ABOUT 125 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:08,759 TO ARRIVE. 126 00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:09,816 WE'RE GONNA NEED A BOUNCER 127 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:10,493 AT THE DOOR. 128 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:11,631 SECONDLY, THE BAR NEEDS TO BE 129 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:12,285 LIVENED UP. 130 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,433 OTHERWISE PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE 131 00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:14,427 STARING INTO THEIR MUGS. 132 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:15,658 AND THIRDLY, ALL OF THE WAITERS 133 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:16,563 HAVE BEEN MURDERED. 134 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:17,634 >> Trent: ALL RIGHT, IF WE'RE 135 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:18,601 GONNA DO THIS, LET'S LOOK 136 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,399 THE PART. 137 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:23,896 WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE WE KEEP 138 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,074 BROGER'S MEN OUT, SO THERE'S 139 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,572 ONE RULE WE HAVE TO LIVE BY -- 140 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,644 PUNCH FIRST, ASK QUESTIONS 141 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:28,441 NEVER. 142 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,512 NOW, THERE'S THREE HOLES IN 143 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,481 THE HUMAN BODY -- THREE HOLES, 144 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,680 THREE WAYS TO DIE. 145 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,081 >> I'M SORRY, MAN. 146 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:36,422 THREE HOLES? 147 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:36,947 >> Trent: YEAH. 148 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,420 >> I MEAN, FROM TOP DOWN, 149 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,649 YOU GOT TWO EYES, YOU GOT 150 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,323 TWO EARS, YOU GOT TWO NOSTRILS, 151 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:41,922 AND A MOUTH. 152 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,522 THAT'S SEVEN IN YOUR HEAD ALONE. 153 00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:44,834 HOW THE HELL YOU COME UP WITH 154 00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:45,525 THREE? 155 00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:46,656 >> Trent: LOOK, I'M NOT AN 156 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:47,630 ANATOMY EXPERT, OKAY? 157 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:48,758 WHAT I AM AN EXPERT AT IS 158 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:49,832 KICKING ASS AND CRUSHING 159 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:50,530 TRACHEA. 160 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,971 >> I'M NOT CONFIDENT YOU EVEN 161 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,365 KNOW WHAT A TRACHEA IS. 162 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,667 >> Trent: MOVING ON. 163 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:59,606 >> SIR, THAT'LL BE $7, PLEASE. 164 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,437 WE'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE ANY MONEY 165 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:01,942 THIS WAY. 166 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,982 >> Piper: SWEET LITTLE DUMB 167 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,107 LITTLE DAISY. 168 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:05,952 >> WHOA -- HEY! 169 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:06,846 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 170 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:07,777 >> Piper: Shh! 171 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:08,781 IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO PAY, 172 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:09,722 THEN YOU'VE GOT TO GET 173 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:10,477 THEIR ATTENTION. 174 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,454 >> ISN'T USING YOUR BODY 175 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:11,992 JUST PROSTITUTION? 176 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,785 >> Piper: NO, NOT IF YOU'RE 177 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:14,487 INSIDE. 178 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,558 ALL RIGHT. 179 00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,016 >> * MY GIRL LIKES TO... * 180 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,364 >> Piper: FROM HERE ON OUT, 181 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,629 YOUR NAME IS RED, AND YOU LOVE 182 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:19,987 TO PARTY. 183 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,363 >> * SHE LIKES TO BUMP ME 184 00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,002 ALL THE TIME * 185 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:23,996 >> Piper: COME ON! 186 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,027 DANCE WITH ME, RED! 187 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:25,802 >> IT'S A BAR! 188 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:26,799 IT'S NOT FOR DANCING! 189 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,500 >> Piper: OH, THAT DOESN'T SOUND 190 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:29,902 LIKE SOMETHING RED WOULD SAY. 191 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,713 BE RED, DAISY. 192 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:32,905 BE RED! 193 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,776 >> I WANT TO BE RED. 194 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,142 >> Alphonse: WELCOME TO 195 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,143 TIG BITTLEY'S -- WHERE 196 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,014 THE BEERS ARE -- 197 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,611 >> SMILE FOR ME, SWEETIE. 198 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,010 >> Alphonse: MY NAME'S NOT 199 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,084 "SWEETIE," IT'S ALPHONSE. 200 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,052 >> YOUR NAME TAG SAYS 201 00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,150 THAT YOU'RE FROM ALASKA. 202 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,891 DO YOU HAVE ANY ALASKAN 203 00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:46,886 KING CRAB? 204 00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:47,887 >> Alphonse: I'M SO SORRY. 205 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:48,818 THAT'S NOT ON THE MENU. 206 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,662 >> OH, IT'S NOT? 207 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,058 IT SHOULD BE. 208 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,689 YOU SHOULD PUT SOME KING CRAB 209 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:54,504 ON THE MENU. 210 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:55,495 >> Alphonse: OH! 211 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:56,656 >> YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? 212 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:57,704 'CAUSE I'M GONNA SUCK ON 213 00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:58,828 SOMETHING FROM ALASKA TONIGHT. 214 00:04:58,832 --> 00:04:59,502 >> [ LAUGHS ] 215 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,600 >> Alphonse: I AM A SERVER, 216 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:00,931 AND I -- 217 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,174 >> WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN HERE -- 218 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,039 SOME OF THAT PEPPER? 219 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,166 OH! [ Laughing ] OH HO HO HO! 220 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,511 >> Alphonse: NO ONE TOUCHES 221 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:05,936 MY GRINDER! 222 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:06,669 >> OH HO HO! 223 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:07,844 >> Alphonse: NO ONE TOUCHES 224 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:08,511 MY GRINDER. 225 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,679 >> WHY DON'T YOU BRING ME 226 00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:10,007 A BIB? 227 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,180 'CAUSE IT'S GONNA GET JUICY. 228 00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:12,878 IT'S GONNA GET REAL JUICY! 229 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,020 >> I'M GONNA JUST SAY IT, MAN. 230 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,445 BUTTHOLE. 231 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,550 >> Trent: CAN WE JUST DROP 232 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:18,521 THE WHOLE HOLES THING? 233 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,849 >> WELL, YOU BROUGHT IT UP, MAN. 234 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:20,953 WE'RE TRYING TO CREATE 235 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:21,894 A BASELINE HERE. 236 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,189 DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER. 237 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,860 >> Trent: LEGALLY, I CAN SHOOT 238 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:25,758 WHOEVER I WANT. 239 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,629 ANY OTH QUESTIONS? 240 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,198 >> I HEARD YOU KILLED A DOG. 241 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,056 >> Trent: YEAH, I KILLED A DOG. 242 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:31,874 BIG DEAL. 243 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:32,865 IT WAS DARK, HE WAS HEAVILY 244 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:33,766 COSTUMED, AND THAT'S ALL 245 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:34,867 EVERYONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT -- 246 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:35,768 "OH, YOU KILLED A DOG." 247 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:36,799 YOU KNOW, WE'VE ALL DONE IT, 248 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:37,614 RIGHT? 249 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:42,777 [ CROWD CHEERING ] 250 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,676 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] 251 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,950 >> * I'M GETTIN' HOT... * 252 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,918 >> Piper: WE'RE PARTYING LIKE 253 00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,117 CRAZY RIGHT NOW!! 254 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,118 >> * YOU WANT TO DO ME 255 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:54,819 WITH SOME ATTITUDE * 256 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,892 * YOU WANT IT HARD * 257 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,760 * DON'T LIKE IT SLOW * 258 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,129 * REV UP YOUR MOTOR * 259 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,057 * YOU'RE READY TO GO * 260 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,732 * TOO MANY GIRLS * 261 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,671 * THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE * 262 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,896 * BUT I'VE GOT A GIRL 263 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,470 THAT KNOWS WHAT TO DO * 264 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,569 >> DAISY? 265 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,940 >> DAD? 266 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,509 DAD, I CAN EXPLAIN. 267 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,907 >> MY ENTIRE LIFE, I THOUGHT 268 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,608 YOU WERE A LOSER, A REAL NERD. 269 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,750 BUT NOW, AFTER THIS, [SIGHS] 270 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,606 PROUDEST I'VE EVER BEEN. 271 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:21,114 >> REALLY? 272 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,754 >> GET BACK UP THERE AND... 273 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,250 MAKE YOUR FATHER PROUD. 274 00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:27,491 AND, HEY. 275 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,488 TAKE THIS. 276 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,089 IT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S GLOW STICK. 277 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,531 * ...BUMP AND GRIND * 278 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,786 >> WHOO! 279 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,034 >> Alphonse: YOU'LL NEVER 280 00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,028 BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED 281 00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:36,629 OUT THERE. 282 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:36,960 >> WHAT? 283 00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:38,104 >> Alphonse: THIS WOMAN SEXUALLY 284 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:38,768 HARASSED ME. 285 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:39,796 >> WELL, IT'S THE 5:30 RUSH. 286 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:40,930 THE KIDS ARE AT SOCCER PRACTICE, 287 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:41,974 AND THOSE MOMS WANT TO PLAY 288 00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,769 WITH BALLS OF THEIR OWN. 289 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,267 THOSE MOMS LOVE GETTING 290 00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:45,972 OFFSIDES. 291 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,113 >> Alphonse: I AM A SERVER, 292 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:47,777 NOT A WHORE. 293 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:48,805 >> PLEASE, HONEY. 294 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:49,779 YOU'RE A WHORE. 295 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,107 EVERY WHORE'S A SERVER, AND 296 00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,281 EVERY SERVER'S A WHORE. 297 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,649 KERI RUSSELL IN "WAITRESS" 298 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:54,207 WAS A WHORE. 299 00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,524 ALL OF THEM ARE. 300 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:56,616 YOU WANT MY ADVICE? 301 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,947 GIVE THEM THE GOODS, GET 302 00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,551 THE TIP, AND THEN GO HOME, 303 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,693 WASH OFF THE NIGHT. 304 00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:01,188 [ CHUCKLES ] 305 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,658 JUST LIKE MY MAMA USED TO SAY, 306 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:05,126 "86 THAT FROWN AND 69 IT 307 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,685 UPSIDE DOWN." 308 00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,504 [ SLAPS ] 309 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,130 [ TECHNO-STYLE "LA CUCARACHA" 310 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:15,972 PLAYS ] 311 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,869 [ ENGINE REVS ] 312 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,571 >> TRENT HAUSER? 313 00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,314 TODD BROGER, PROPRIETOR 314 00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,739 OF SEÑOR DICKS. 315 00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,014 >> Trent: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, 316 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,312 BROGER, AND YOU AND YOUR GOONS, 317 00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,653 THEY'RE NOT WELCOME HERE. 318 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:28,818 SO GET OUT. 319 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:31,046 >> YEAH, I HEARD ABOUT YOU. 320 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,091 >> Trent: SO WHAT? BIG DEAL. 321 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:32,815 I KILLED A DOG. 322 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:33,990 YOU MAKE A BIG, FEDERAL CASE 323 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:34,657 OUT OF IT? 324 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,555 EVERYONE'S DONE IT. 325 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,056 >> NO, YOUR BOUNCING SKILLS -- 326 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,087 THEY'RE UNMATCHED. 327 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,331 >> Trent: I DON'T DO THAT 328 00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:39,986 ANYMORE. 329 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,233 >> BUT YOU'RE DOING IT NOW. 330 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,029 >> Trent: RIGHT. 331 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,060 BUT THIS IS MORE OF LIKE 332 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:44,874 A LIMITED-TIME, 333 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:45,995 SPECIAL-ENGAGEMENT THING -- 334 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:46,999 LIKE A -- LIKE A McRIB. 335 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,570 >> SOMEONE WITH THE POWER 336 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,899 TO SHOOT OFF A MAN'S HEAD 337 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,243 COULD COME IN VERY HANDY 338 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,908 IN THE SLOW FAST-FOOD WORLD. 339 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:53,936 >> Trent: NO. 340 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,941 THESE HANDS WILL NEVER REMOVE 341 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,243 ANOTHER MAN'S HEAD. 342 00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,584 I PROMISED MYSELF AND THE PEOPLE 343 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,580 OF PETA THAT. 344 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:01,251 >> "NO." 345 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,348 [ SCOFFS ] 346 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,019 THAT'S A WORD I DON'T LIKE 347 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,217 TO HEAR -- JUST LIKE 348 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,088 "HYPOALLERGENIC." 349 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,717 BUT I GUESS IF YOU WON'T JOIN 350 00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,732 US, THEN WE GO TO PLAN "B." 351 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:12,625 >> Trent: BROGER. 352 00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:13,586 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 353 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,704 >> HA HA! 354 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,625 [ GLASS SHATTERS ] 355 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:16,899 WITH ALL THE FRAMED POLYESTER 356 00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,197 HOCKEY JERSEYS IN THIS PLACE, 357 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,728 YOUR WHOLE RESTAURANT WILL BURN 358 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:20,903 TO THE GROUND IN LESS THAN 359 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:21,771 FIVE MINUTES! 360 00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:24,369 [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] 361 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:26,211 [ PEOPLE SCREAMING ] 362 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,136 >> Trent: ALPHONSE! 363 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,040 LOOK AROUND FOR ANYONE 364 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:28,711 WHO'S TRAPPED. 365 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:29,279 >> Alphonse: OKAY. 366 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,206 >> Trent: SAVE ANY SPORTS 367 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:31,210 MEMORABILIA YOU CAN FIND! 368 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,081 DAISY! PIPER! 369 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:32,879 STOP YOUR DANCING! 370 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:33,880 >> Piper: NO, WE'RE HAVING 371 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:34,951 THE TIME OF OUR LIVES, TRENT! 372 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:35,948 DAISY JUST MADE 373 00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,049 A FLAMING MOJITO! 374 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,290 >> Trent: NO, THAT'S AN ACTUAL 375 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:38,785 FIRE! 376 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:39,386 >> Piper: WHAT?! 377 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:40,986 >> Trent: THIS PLACE IS ON FIRE. 378 00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:41,658 >> [ GASPS ] 379 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:42,715 >> Piper: TRENT, WE'RE TOO 380 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:43,393 SCARED TO GET DOWN! 381 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,390 >> Trent: JUST IMAGINE THIS 382 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,132 WHOLE BAR IS A BAR... 383 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,997 AND DANCE YOUR WAY OUT. 384 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,996 USE THE KID ROCK MUSIC IN 385 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:51,898 YOUR HEAD... 386 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,129 TRAILER PARKS... 387 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,743 JACK DANIEL'S... 388 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,065 REBEL FLAGS... 389 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,139 TRIUMPH... 390 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,967 ONCE YOU WERE POOR, NOW YOU 391 00:08:58,972 --> 00:08:59,812 ARE RICH... 392 00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:00,837 TRAMP STAMPS... 393 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,941 VACATIONS TO VIRGINIA BEACH. 394 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,113 WAY TO GO, GIRLS. 395 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,081 >> Piper: RED, GO! 396 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,078 SAVE YOURSELF! 397 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,250 >> Trent: DRUMS... 398 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,848 STEEL GUITARS... 399 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,250 >> SHERELL! 400 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,351 WHERE ARE MY BITCHES?! 401 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,293 I'M DYING! HELP ME! 402 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,357 MY BEADS ARE CAUGHT ON 403 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,015 THE CHAIR! 404 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:16,663 ALPHONSE! 405 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:17,317 >> Alphonse: YOU! 406 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,194 >> I CAN'T MOVE! 407 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,361 PLEASE HELP ME. 408 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,189 PLEASE HELP ME. 409 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,093 HELP ME, ALPHONSE. 410 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,134 WHY DON'T YOU USE THAT 411 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,259 FISHING ROD THAT'S TUCKED 412 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,773 IN YOUR PANTS -- THAT ALASKAN 413 00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:25,325 FISHING ROD? 414 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,332 >> Alphonse: I AM A PERSON, 415 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,003 NOT AN OBJECT! 416 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:27,770 >> I'M SORRY. 417 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:28,938 I HAVE A HORMONAL IMBALANCE, 418 00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:30,136 AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. 419 00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,137 AND I'M FREE! I'M FREE! 420 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:31,938 I WANT TO DIE... 421 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:32,969 >> Alphonse: [ STAMMERS ] 422 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,013 >> I WANT TO DIE DOING IT 423 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:34,437 WITH YOU! 424 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,681 >> Alphonse: NO. LET'S GO! 425 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:36,176 >> THANK YOU. 426 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,306 >> Alphonse: YOU DIDN'T EVEN 427 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,110 LEAVE ME A TIP. 428 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:38,851 >> Trent: [ COUGHS ] 429 00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:40,106 HEY, ANYONE HERE? 430 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:40,853 >> GUESS WHO? 431 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,118 >> Trent: WHAT ARE YOU DOING 432 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:42,445 HERE? 433 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,279 YOU STARTED THE FIRE. 434 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:43,953 GET OUT OF HERE. 435 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,291 >> I WANTED A FRONT-ROW SEAT 436 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,245 TO SEE THIS PLACE BURN! 437 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,819 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] 438 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:51,794 >> Trent: [ GROWLS ] 439 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,592 [ GRUNTING ] 440 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:55,995 NOTHING? 441 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,326 COME ON, THAT HAD TO HURT. 442 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,700 >> WHEN YOU'VE EATEN AS MANY 443 00:09:58,699 --> 00:09:59,899 DEEP-FRIED DISHES AS I HAVE, 444 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,970 NOTHING AFFECTS YOU ANYMORE! 445 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,136 ADMIT IT. 446 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,140 I WON. 447 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,481 THERE'LL BE ONLY ONE FAMILY 448 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,176 FAST-FOOD PLACE ON THIS BLOCK. 449 00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,748 UNLESS... 450 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,146 YOU HEAD-POP ME. 451 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,317 [ CHUCKLES ] 452 00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,915 BUT YOU WON'T DO IT, WILL YOU? 453 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,748 YOU'RE TOO SCARED. 454 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:20,823 [ FLAMES CRACKLING ] 455 00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:21,491 [ DOG BARKING ] 456 00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,858 >> Trent: SORRY, BUT I GOT TO. 457 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:27,700 [ ROAR! ] 458 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,508 >> Alphonse: TO SEÑOR DICKS. 459 00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:40,736 >> Piper: TO SEÑOR DICKS. 460 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:41,441 >> I GOT TO TELL YOU. 461 00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,441 I'M GLAD MY TIG BITTLEY'S 462 00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:43,812 BURNT DOWN. 463 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,784 I MEAN, THE INSURANCE MONEY 464 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,209 WAS SWEET, AND THIS PLACE 465 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:48,084 IS AWESOME. 466 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,351 I KIND OF REGRET GETTING 467 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,379 MY BRAND REMOVED. 468 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:51,793 >> Piper: YEAH, THIS PLACE 469 00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,115 LOOKS JUST LIKE TIG BITTLEY'S, 470 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,250 BUT WITH MORE SOMBREROS. 471 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,394 >> I DON'T GET WHY YOU HAD 472 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:56,188 TO KILL BROGER. 473 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:56,889 >> Trent: WHAT? 474 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:57,860 DAISY, FORGET IT. 475 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:58,958 I MADE A MISTAKE, OKAY? 476 00:10:58,959 --> 00:10:59,789 I LEARNED MY LESSON. 477 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:00,393 I WON'T DO IT AGAIN. 478 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,533 >> HEY, THAT GUY DIDN'T PAY 479 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:02,098 HIS CHECK! 480 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,195 >> Trent: I'M GONNA HEAD-POP 481 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:03,796 THAT GUY. 482 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,067 >> All: HEAD POP! HEAD POP! 483 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,765 HEAD POP! HEAD POP! 484 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,097 HEAD POP! HEAD POP! 485 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:08,941 HEAD POP! 486 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:09,436 >> AAH! 487 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,236 [ DOG BARKS ] 29381

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