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>> ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT.
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A LITTLE SHAKING, A LITTLE
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NOISE, AND WE'RE HAULING OUR
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BUTTS TO GREEN CHEESE.
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>> READY FOR LAUNCH.
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T-MINUS 15, 14, 13...
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[ ENGINES RUMBLING ]
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12, 11, 9...
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>> 9?
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>> ...8...
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OH, NO. SORRY.
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[ ENGINES STOP ]
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UH, 10, 9...
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>> W-WHAT, ARE YOU PURPOSELY
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SABOTAGING THIS REHEARSAL?
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UH, Y-Y-Y-YOU CAN'T EVEN COUNT
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BACKWARDS, CAN YOU, YOU MORON?!
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>> OH, SORRY, MR. HANKS.
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UH, SHOULD I SKIP TO ONE?
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>> UH, FORGET IT. SCREW YOU!
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WHERE THE HELL IS RON?
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WE NEED TO SHOOT THIS. NOW!
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>> WELL, HE'S IN HIS DRESSING
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ROOM ON AN IMPORTANT CALL.
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>> IMPORTANT?
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I'M IMPORTANT!
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I'M TOM EVER-LOVIN' HANKS!
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>> SORRY. HE'S IN TRAILER 9.
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UH, I MEAN 10. SORRY. SORRY.
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HEH. DAMN IT.
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[ BOTH MOANING ]
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>> WHO ARE YOU?!
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>> Woman: UH, I'M RON.
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>> UH-HUH.
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>> Woman: RON HOWARD.
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>> GOOD.
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>> Woman: CHILD STAR...
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FULL HEAD...
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>> UH-HUH.
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>> Woman: ...OF HAIR.
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>> OH, YEAH.
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>> Woman: SQUEAKY-CLEAN IMAGE.
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>> [ MOANING ] SAY IT AGAIN.
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MAKE ME BELIEVE YOU!
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>> Woman: RON -- CHILD --
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>> UH-HUH.
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>> Woman: HAIR -- SQUEAK --
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>> NO! NO! CUT!
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>> Woman: HUH?
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>> I MEAN, "STOP."
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STOP HAVING SEX WITH ME.
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>> Woman: OH. OKAY.
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>> UGH, IT'S NOT WORKING.
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>> OF COURSE IT'S NOT WORKING.
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>> TOM! HI!
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UH, I WAS JUST AUDITIONING, UH,
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JASMINE HERE FOR A --
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>> OH, COME ON, RON.
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A MIRROR ON THIS HOOKER'S FACE?
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THAT KIND OF STUFF NEVER WORKS.
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NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, IT
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AIN'T GONNA BE YOU, KID.
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I KNOW.
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I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING.
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>> "FRANKENSTEIN'S MAD
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OPERATIONS LTD."?
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>> THERE'S A MAP OF THE NEAREST
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FRANKENHOLE ON THE BACK OF THE
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CARD.
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GO TO FRANKENSTEIN AND ASK HIM
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TO MAKE YOU A CLONE THAT YOU CAN
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SCREW WHENEVER YOU WANT!
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>> OH, I-I DON'T THINK I WANT
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THAT.
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>> RON, GUYS LIKE US NEED AN
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OUTLET FOR OUR PERVERSION, OR
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ELSE OUR TRUE GROSSNESS STARTS
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SHOWING UP UNDERNEATH THESE
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WHOLESOME PERSONAS OF OURS.
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THEN HOW ARE WE EVER GONNA PLAY
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NICE GUYS WITH AIDS OR RETARDED
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HICKS?
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>> BUT, TOM, I JUST WANT TO BE
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YOUNG AGAIN.
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CAN HE DO THAT?
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>> WELL, HE CAN DO THIS --
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TOMMY?
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>> YES, DADDY?
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>> HEY, THAT'S YOU FROM
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"BOSOM BUDDIES"!
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YEAH, HE CAN PROBABLY HANDLE
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MAKING ME YOUNG AGAIN.
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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>> OKAY, LOWER THE MIRROR,
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SWEETHEART.
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[ ZIPPER UNZIPS ]
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WHOOPS!
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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>> [ SCREECHES ]
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>> [ HOWLS ]
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>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME
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* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL
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* IS THE WORLD
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* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE
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[ BOTH SCREAM ]
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>> AAH!
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>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND
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* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL
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* TAKE MY HAND
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* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE
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FRANKENHOLE *
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>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
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[ HINGES CREAK ]
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>> Polidori: YES?
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>> UH, RON HOWARD FOR VIC...
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>> Polidori: FOLLOW ME...
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>> ...TOR FRANKENSTEIN.
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>> Polidori: I GIVE YOU...
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HERR FRANKENSTEIN.
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[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES, POP! ]
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[ BABY SCREAMS ]
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>> WHAT IS IT?
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>> Frankenstein: IT'S ALIVE.
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BACK TO WORK, MOTHER THERESA.
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>> ALL RIGHT.
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>> Frankenstein: AH, MR. HOWARD.
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WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
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>> I DON'T HAVE FUN GETTING OFF
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ANYMORE.
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YOU SEE, I WAS SO CUTE AS A KID
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THAT I WOULD JUST MASTURBATE TO
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MY OWN REFLECTION.
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IT WAS EASY.
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>> Polidori: WELL, THOSE DAYS
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ARE SURELY OVER.
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>> YEAH, AND NOW I EVEN STRAP
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HAIRY MIRRORS ONTO WOMEN WHILE I
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SCREW THEM.
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NOTHING WORKS FOR ME.
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>> Frankenstein: [ SIGHS ]
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SO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU HAIR.
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>> NO, NO, NO, NO!
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I MEAN, THAT WOULD BE OKAY,
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BUT I WANT SOMETHING ELSE.
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I WANT MY YOUTH BACK.
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>> Frankenstein: MR. HOWARD --
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>> CALL ME RONNY.
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>> Frankenstein: "RONNY"?
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TRUST ME -- YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A
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"RONALD."
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>> NO, NO. I DON'T LIKE RONALD.
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>> Frankenstein: WELL, GET USED
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TO IT.
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YOU LOOK LIKE ONE.
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>> NO, I DON'T! I HATE RONALD.
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I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A RONALD.
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OKAY, SO I LOOK A LITTLE LIKE A
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RONALD.
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HOW ABOUT NOW?
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HEH. RONNY, RIGHT?
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>> Frankenstein: LOOK AT YOU,
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GRASPING DESPERATELY AT YOUR
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YOUTH!
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>> COME ON.
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I JUST WANT TO BE CUTE AGAIN.
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>> Polidori: YES, DO US ALL A
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FAVOR.
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>> Frankenstein: ALL RIGHT!
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WE'LL NEED SOME OF YOUR DNA SO
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WE CAN CLONE YOU FOR EXTRA
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PARTS.
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>> OH, WELL, HERE.
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I, UH, MADE SOME SPERM WHILE I
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WAS IN THE FRANKENHOLE.
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>> Frankenstein: EW!
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GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!
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>> Polidori: MY, WE ARE RANDY,
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AREN'T WE?
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>> Frankenstein: THAT'S SO
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GROSS.
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>> GROSS?
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I THOUGHT YOU WERE A SCIENTIST.
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>> Frankenstein: YEAH, BUT NOT A
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GAY SCIENTIST.
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>> Polidori: UGH! FINE!
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I'LL TAKE IT.
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>> Frankenstein: THIS IS HOW WE
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GET DNA AROUND HERE -- THE MANLY
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WAY.
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>> THAT DOESN'T SEEM SO MANLY TO
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ME --
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BLBLBLBLB! STOP IT! CUT IT OUT!
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>> Frankenstein: GIVE ME THREE
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WEEKS FOR THE CLONING.
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>> THREE WEEKS? THREE WEEKS?!
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ARE YOU MAD?!
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I CAN'T WAIT THREE WEEKS!
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I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE,
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I TELL YOU!
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YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
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TO LIVE WITH THIS CURSE!
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OHH, WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
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>> Polidori: REMIND YOU OF
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ANYONE?
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>> Frankenstein: HMM. YGOR!
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HERE -- PUT THIS TOOTHBRUSH
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SOMEWHERE SAFE UNTIL WE'RE READY
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TO USE IT.
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AND MAKE SURE NO ONE ELSE GETS
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THEIR DNA ON IT.
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>> Ygor: YOU GOT IT!
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>> WHY?! WHY ME?!
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>> WHY?! WHY ME?!
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>> WHY MUST I LIVE LIKE THIS
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ANOTHER DAY?!
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>> WHY MUST I LIVE LIKE THIS
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ANOTHER DAY?!
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>> WHY DOESN'T MY ECHO SOUND
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LIKE MY VOICE?!
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>> WHY DOESN'T MY ECHO WAIT FOR
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ME?!
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>> Both: WHO ARE YOU?
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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>> WAIT, SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT
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YOU WENT BACK IN TIME AND
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INTERACTED WITH A YOUNGER YOU?
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>> YEAH. AND DON'T YOU SEE?
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I GAVE MYSELF THE CURSE --
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THE CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF.
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>> OH, THAT SEEMS IMPROBABLE.
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>> [ German accent ] ACTUALLY,
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IT'S COMPLETELY PROBABLE.
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YOU SEE, THERE ARE AN INFINITE
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NUMBER OF EACH OF US --
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>> WOW!
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>> OH, YOU INTERRUPTED ME.
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>> ALBERT EINSTEIN! HA!
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
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>> NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! MNH!
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>> WHOA.
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ANYWAY, THIS IS GETTING GOOD.
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>> [ Thinking ] UGH!
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I HATE INTERRUPTIONS.
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FIRST I GET INTERRUPTED BY
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NAZI GERMANY AND NOW THIS
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DUMB-DUMB.
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SCREW HIM.
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I'LL JUST GO ON WITH MY FUN
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FRANKENHOLE RESEARCH INSTEAD OF
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TELLING HIM THAT, ACCORDING TO
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MY NIFTY LITTLE THEORY OF
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RELATIVITY, ALL HE HAS TO DO
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IS --
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>> ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO BACK
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IN TIME, FIND A YOUNG ME, AND
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KIDNAP HIM TO...
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>> YES, USE HIS YOUNG BODY TO
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PUT YOUR CURRENT BRAIN INTO.
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>> YEAH. HA!
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HEY, HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS GONNA
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SAY THAT?
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>> WHAT ELSE WOULD ONE DO WITH
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SOMEONE'S YOUNGER VERSION OF
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THEMSELVES?
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[ Thinking ] GOD, I HATE YOU
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00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:50,030
MORE THAN ANYTHING, YOU UGLY,
267
00:05:50,033 --> 00:05:50,433
BALD --
268
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,473
[ Aloud ] CAN I TAG ALONG?
269
00:05:51,467 --> 00:05:52,527
>> COULDN'T HURT, HAVING AN
270
00:05:52,533 --> 00:05:53,203
EINSTEIN ALONG.
271
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,770
>> AND I'M A GOOD ONE, TOO.
272
00:05:54,767 --> 00:05:56,527
>> AREN'T YOU COMING, LAWRENCE?
273
00:05:56,533 --> 00:05:58,833
>> NO, I'M JUST GONNA SIT HERE
274
00:05:58,833 --> 00:06:00,303
AND DRINK MY TROUBLES AWAY.
275
00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:01,400
>> THAT GUY'S A REAL
276
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,230
THOMAS EDISON.
277
00:06:02,233 --> 00:06:02,873
>> EDISON?
278
00:06:02,867 --> 00:06:04,367
OH, IS THAT THE TERM EINSTEIN
279
00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:05,297
USES FOR "DUMMY"?
280
00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:06,800
>> MM-HMM -- BELIEVE ME, I'VE
281
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,170
GOT A MILLION OF THEM.
282
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,627
COPERNICUS, HIPPOCRATES,
283
00:06:09,633 --> 00:06:10,533
NOSTRA-DUMBASS.
284
00:06:10,533 --> 00:06:11,273
>> HA HA HA.
285
00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:12,427
I LIKE THAT LAST ONE.
286
00:06:12,433 --> 00:06:13,973
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
287
00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:16,297
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
288
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,530
THANKS FOR COMING ALONG, ALBERT.
289
00:06:17,533 --> 00:06:18,703
I COULDN'T DO THE KIDNAPPING ON
290
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:19,100
MY OWN.
291
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:20,030
>> WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?
292
00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:21,073
I'M NOT GONNA HELP WITH ANY
293
00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:21,597
KIDNAPPING!
294
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:22,270
>> OH, COME ON!
295
00:06:22,267 --> 00:06:23,097
>> NO. NO WAY, JOSE.
296
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:24,300
>> ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS BASH HIS
297
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:24,730
HEAD IN.
298
00:06:24,733 --> 00:06:25,373
>> ALL RIGHT.
299
00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:25,767
>> YAY!
300
00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:26,897
OHH, LOOK AT ME OVER THERE.
301
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:27,630
>> [ WHISTLING ]
302
00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:28,633
>> WE CAME BACK TOO FAR.
303
00:06:28,633 --> 00:06:29,833
I CAN'T PUT MY BRAIN IN THAT.
304
00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:30,433
>> WHOOPSIE!
305
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:30,833
>> CUT!
306
00:06:30,833 --> 00:06:32,073
SORRY. RONNY TRIPPED A LITTLE.
307
00:06:32,067 --> 00:06:32,997
L-LET'S TAKE IT AGAIN.
308
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,230
>> OHH, SON OF A BITCH!
309
00:06:34,233 --> 00:06:35,773
YOU CAN'T EVEN WALK, CAN YOU,
310
00:06:35,767 --> 00:06:36,427
YOU MORON?!
311
00:06:36,433 --> 00:06:39,603
>> SORRY, MR. GRIFFITH.
312
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:40,300
HI.
313
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,130
>> UM, HI.
314
00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:43,133
>> DO YOU WANT MY AUTOGRAPH OR
315
00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:43,973
SOMETHING?
316
00:06:43,967 --> 00:06:44,927
>> UH, SURE.
317
00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:46,273
UH, HERE, SIGN MY, UH...
318
00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:48,127
>> I CAN SIGN YOUR BALDNESS.
319
00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:49,503
>> [ SIGHS ] YEAH, WHY NOT?
320
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:50,830
NOT GONNA BE USING IT MUCH
321
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:51,733
LONGER, ANYWAY.
322
00:06:51,733 --> 00:06:52,873
>> WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
323
00:06:52,867 --> 00:06:54,597
>> RON -- UH, EE -- ER, ALD.
324
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:55,730
>> RONNYALD?
325
00:06:55,733 --> 00:06:56,703
>> RONALD. RONALD.
326
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:57,570
[ SQUEAKING ]
327
00:06:57,567 --> 00:06:59,227
>> OH, THAT'S KIND OF LIKE MY
328
00:06:59,233 --> 00:07:00,733
NAME, ONLY OLDER AND UGLIER.
329
00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:02,173
>> YEAH, WELL, I GOT TO LIVE
330
00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:02,727
WITH IT.
331
00:07:02,733 --> 00:07:04,203
>> YEAH, 'CAUSE IT'S ON YOUR
332
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:04,800
BALDNESS.
333
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:05,370
>> THANKS.
334
00:07:05,367 --> 00:07:06,667
>> DO WE BASH HIS HEAD IN NOW?
335
00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:07,797
>> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
336
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:08,970
>> I REALLY WANTED TO NOW.
337
00:07:08,967 --> 00:07:10,127
>> HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
338
00:07:10,133 --> 00:07:11,633
>> NOTHING. YOU WOULDN'T GET IT.
339
00:07:11,633 --> 00:07:14,333
IT'S, UH, IT'S GROWN-UP JUNK.
340
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:15,603
[ SIGHS ] OKAY, I'M YOU FROM THE
341
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:16,700
FUTURE, AND WE WERE TALKING
342
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:17,970
ABOUT KILLING YOU AND PUTTING MY
343
00:07:17,967 --> 00:07:19,227
OLD BRAIN INTO YOUR LITTLE BODY.
344
00:07:19,233 --> 00:07:19,703
>> NEAT!
345
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:20,570
>> NO, IT'S NOT NEAT.
346
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:21,727
YOU'D BE DEAD, AND THAT WOULD
347
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:22,133
STINK.
348
00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:23,333
SO I'M GETTING THE TEENAGED ME
349
00:07:23,333 --> 00:07:24,433
INSTEAD. SEE YOU LATER.
350
00:07:24,433 --> 00:07:25,273
>> CAN I COME ALONG?
351
00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:26,397
>> NO, YOU CAN'T COME ALONG.
352
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,600
THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
353
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:28,670
>> SURE, IT'S MY BUSINESS.
354
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:29,767
IT MIGHT BE THE YOUNGER YOU
355
00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:30,967
THAT YOU'RE DOING THIS TO, BUT
356
00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:31,967
IT'S STILL THE OLDER ME.
357
00:07:31,967 --> 00:07:33,167
THAT'S MY FUTURE YOU'RE TOYING
358
00:07:33,167 --> 00:07:33,867
WITH, BUDDY.
359
00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:34,927
>> HE'S NOT SO WRONG.
360
00:07:34,933 --> 00:07:37,633
>> YEAH, TECHNICALLY.
361
00:07:37,633 --> 00:07:38,933
OKAY, FINE, YOU CAN COME ALONG.
362
00:07:38,933 --> 00:07:40,133
BUT STAY OUT OF THE WAY, WILL
363
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:40,473
YOU?
364
00:07:40,467 --> 00:07:41,027
>> OH, BOY!
365
00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:41,903
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
366
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:43,770
>> Frankenstein: IT'S ALIVE!
367
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:47,297
ALIVE!
368
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,870
>> MNYAH!
369
00:07:48,867 --> 00:07:50,667
>> Frankenstein: YGOR!
370
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:51,897
>> Ygor: SORRY.
371
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:52,600
[ TING! ]
372
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:53,270
[ GUN COCKS ]
373
00:07:53,267 --> 00:07:54,367
>> Frankenstein: [ SIGHS ]
374
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:55,567
NOW WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND
375
00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:58,297
MORE OF HIS DNA?
376
00:07:58,300 --> 00:07:59,330
>> Polidori: OH, HERE!
377
00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,673
>> Frankenstein: YOU'VE BEEN
378
00:08:00,667 --> 00:08:01,867
HANGING ON TO THIS CRUD THE
379
00:08:01,867 --> 00:08:02,467
WHOLE TIME?
380
00:08:02,467 --> 00:08:03,897
>> Polidori: DON'T CALL IT CRUD.
381
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,070
I'VE GROWN ATTACHED TO THE
382
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,427
LITTLE FELLOW.
383
00:08:06,433 --> 00:08:09,003
[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYING ]
384
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,470
>> WOW. LOOK AT ME.
385
00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:12,067
SO YOUNG AND...
386
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:12,997
PRETTY.
387
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:13,730
>> WHOA!
388
00:08:13,733 --> 00:08:14,833
IS THAT ME IN THE JACKET?
389
00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:16,203
>> NO. THE GIRL HE'S DANCING
390
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:16,900
WITH IS YOU.
391
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:17,770
I MEAN, ME.
392
00:08:17,767 --> 00:08:18,397
UM, WE.
393
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,730
>> I TURN INTO A GIRL?!
394
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:20,273
>> NO, NO.
395
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,527
WE'RE ON THE "HAPPY DAYS" SET.
396
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:22,473
>> WHAT'S "HAPPY DAYS"?
397
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:23,667
>> IT'S A SITCOM ABOUT THE '50s.
398
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:24,797
>> YOU MEAN I COME FROM THE
399
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:25,900
PRESENT DAY IN THE '60s TO
400
00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:27,170
THE FUTURE OF THE '70s, AND THE
401
00:08:27,167 --> 00:08:28,397
TEENAGED ME IS PRETENDING HE'S
402
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:29,970
IN THE PAST OF THE '50s?
403
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:30,997
DRESSED LIKE A GIRL?
404
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,170
>> YES, AND ALL THAT IS THE
405
00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:33,227
LEAST CRAZY THING THAT'S
406
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:33,803
HAPPENING.
407
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:34,230
>> CUT!
408
00:08:34,233 --> 00:08:34,903
>> NO KIDDING.
409
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,070
AND NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE
410
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:37,327
FACT THAT THE '50s NEVER LOOKED
411
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,503
LIKE THIS, THE WHOLE PHYSICAL
412
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:39,500
PHENOMENON OF TRAVELING --
413
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:40,330
>> OOH, HERE I COME!
414
00:08:40,333 --> 00:08:41,503
>> BOY, I CAN'T GET A WORD IN
415
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,300
EDGEWISE WITH YOU.
416
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:43,030
>> RON!
417
00:08:43,033 --> 00:08:44,173
>> SORRY, NO TIME FOR AUTO--
418
00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:46,167
HEY! LITTLE RONNY HOWARD!
419
00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:47,397
I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL GROWN U--
420
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,930
WHAT'S GOING ON?
421
00:08:48,933 --> 00:08:50,333
>> BREAKIN' THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!
422
00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:51,673
>> I KNOW. THIS IS WEIRD.
423
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:52,467
>> AND YOU.
424
00:08:52,467 --> 00:08:53,867
ARE WE RELATED?
425
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,227
>> WELL, KIND OF.
426
00:08:55,233 --> 00:08:57,803
I'M YOU.
427
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:58,870
>> LET'S GO TALK IN MY DRESSING
428
00:08:58,867 --> 00:09:00,397
ROOM.
429
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:01,500
>> YOU TWO WAIT OUT HERE.
430
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,100
>> BUT WHY?
431
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,530
>> YEAH. THIS IS THE MONEY SHOT.
432
00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:04,003
>> OUT!
433
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,570
[ DOOR SLAMS ]
434
00:09:05,567 --> 00:09:07,067
SO...
435
00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,497
HELLO.
436
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:09,770
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
437
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:12,167
>> NO, NO. LEAVE IT ON.
438
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:13,097
I MEAN, I'M A DIRECTOR.
439
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:14,230
I KNOW WHAT A BOTHER IT IS TO
440
00:09:14,233 --> 00:09:15,933
DEAL WITH HAIR AND MAKEUP.
441
00:09:15,933 --> 00:09:17,603
I WON'T BE LONG.
442
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,870
I NEED YOU.
443
00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:19,997
YOUR YOUTH.
444
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,230
IT'S ALL [SNIFFS]
445
00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:22,373
QUITE ATTRACTIVE.
446
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:23,727
>> UH-HUH.
447
00:09:23,733 --> 00:09:25,933
I DON'T FOLLOW...I HOPE.
448
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,573
>> OH, I THINK YOU DO.
449
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,597
MASTURBATING MIRRORS?
450
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,500
>> OH.
451
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,530
WAIT. NO.
452
00:09:32,533 --> 00:09:33,933
UH. NO! DON'T! UH!
453
00:09:33,933 --> 00:09:35,233
>> [ GURGLES ]
454
00:09:35,233 --> 00:09:36,033
>> NO!
455
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:36,833
[ FABRIC RIPS ]
456
00:09:36,833 --> 00:09:37,503
I'M NOT GAY!
457
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,370
>> THIS IS MORE THAN GAY!
458
00:09:39,367 --> 00:09:40,967
>> WHAT AM I DOING IN THERE WITH
459
00:09:40,967 --> 00:09:41,297
ME?
460
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,300
[ CRASH! ]
461
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:44,130
>> PROBABLY NOTHING.
462
00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:45,033
[ ZIP! ]
463
00:09:45,033 --> 00:09:46,033
>> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
464
00:09:46,033 --> 00:09:48,303
THAT WAS THE MOST...
465
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:49,630
NARCISSISTIC THING I'VE EVER
466
00:09:49,633 --> 00:09:50,333
EXPERIENCED.
467
00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:51,233
>> OH, MY GOD!
468
00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:52,773
>> WHAT'S THE MATTER, BUDDY?
469
00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:54,197
GUILT FINALLY SINKING IN?
470
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,030
>> YEAH.
471
00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:56,173
REPRESSED GUILT...
472
00:09:56,167 --> 00:09:57,767
FROM MY TEENAGE YEARS...
473
00:09:57,767 --> 00:09:59,827
WHEN I WAS...MOLESTED...
474
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:00,803
BY ME...
475
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,630
JUST NOW!
476
00:10:02,633 --> 00:10:05,403
YOU ACTUALLY ENJOYED IT!
477
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,430
>> OH...MY...GOD.
478
00:10:07,433 --> 00:10:08,533
YOU'RE RIGHT.
479
00:10:08,533 --> 00:10:09,403
[ BOTH SOBBING ]
480
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,170
I'M AWFUL!
481
00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:12,727
>> AND DIRTY!
482
00:10:12,733 --> 00:10:14,203
[ SNIFFLES ]
483
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,270
OOH!
484
00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:17,127
IT FEELS GOOD TO FINALLY GET
485
00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:18,133
THAT ALL OUT.
486
00:10:18,133 --> 00:10:19,433
I'VE BEEN CARRYING THAT AROUND
487
00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:20,203
INSIDE ME FOR --
488
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,430
WELL, FOR ONLY TWO MINUTES,
489
00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:22,673
ACTUALLY, BUT IT FEELS LIKE
490
00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:23,167
DECADES!
491
00:10:23,167 --> 00:10:24,197
UH-OH.
492
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,170
>> WHAT?
493
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,227
>> LOOK.
494
00:10:27,233 --> 00:10:29,003
>> AND SO IT WAS THAT, BY THE
495
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,730
OLDER RON HOWARD CARNALLY
496
00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:32,003
VIOLATING THE YOUNGER
497
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,600
RON HOWARD, THE FABRIC OF THE
498
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,430
COSMOS HAD TORN AND UPSET
499
00:10:35,433 --> 00:10:37,203
THE TIME/SPACE CONTINUUM,
500
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,300
RESULTING IN THEIR OWN PERSONAL
501
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,130
VAST UNIVERSE OF INFINITE,
502
00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:43,133
VARIED-AGED-BY-MICROSECOND
503
00:10:43,133 --> 00:10:44,903
RON HOWARDS, WHO HAVE EXISTED,
504
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,630
AND WILL ALWAYS EXIST, IN THE
505
00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:48,273
VAST OCEAN OF CHRONOLOGY --
506
00:10:48,267 --> 00:10:49,267
>> Frankenstein: YEAH, WHATEVER.
507
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,267
>> GO AHEAD. INTERRUPT ME AGAIN.
508
00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:51,297
>> Frankenstein: I DON'T NEED IT
509
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:51,700
EXPLAINED.
510
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:52,570
>> OKAY, WHATEVER.
511
00:10:52,567 --> 00:10:53,727
I GUESS I'LL GO JUMP IN THE
512
00:10:53,733 --> 00:10:54,333
LAKE, THEN.
513
00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:55,203
HOW 'BOUT THAT?
514
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:55,930
>> Frankenstein: GEEZ, THAT
515
00:10:55,933 --> 00:10:57,633
GUY'S A REAL THOMAS EDISON.
516
00:10:57,633 --> 00:11:00,403
>> * RONNY, MY BABY
517
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,000
>> RONNY, MY BABY.
518
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,730
>> * HOW I LOVED YOU SO
519
00:11:04,733 --> 00:11:06,173
>> HOW I LOVED YOU SO.
520
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:09,067
>> * I PUT MY ARMS AROUND YOU
521
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,867
>> I PUT MY ARMS AROUND YOU.
522
00:11:10,867 --> 00:11:13,427
>> * WOULDN'T LET YOU GO
523
00:11:13,433 --> 00:11:16,233
>> AND WOULDN'T LET YOU GO.
524
00:11:16,233 --> 00:11:19,073
DON'T YOU SEE?
525
00:11:19,067 --> 00:11:20,827
YOU'RE THE ME I COULDN'T BEGIN
526
00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:23,403
TO POSSESS.
527
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,600
UNLESS I SPLIT A HOLE IN
528
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,430
TIME.
529
00:11:26,433 --> 00:11:27,873
AND SHOVED IT INTO YOUR PARTY
530
00:11:27,867 --> 00:11:29,597
DRESS.
32172
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