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>> JEFFERSON!
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AREN'T YOU DONE WRITING THE
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DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE YET?
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>> CALM DOWN, HANCOCK!
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I'M STUCK ON THIS WHOLE "ALL MEN
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ARE CREATED EQUAL" THING.
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IT JUST DOESN'T RING TRUE.
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>> WHY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
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>> WELL, I OWN SLAVES.
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>> OH, I SEE -- A MORAL DILEMMA.
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>> YES.
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HOW CAN ALL MEN BE CREATED EQUAL
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WHEN THESE BLACK MEN HAVE
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PENISES TWICE THE SIZE OF MINE?
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I'M GONNA TAKE A BREAK FOR A
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BIT, JOHN.
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I'VE GOT AN ERRAND TO RUN.
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>> WELL, CAN I JUST SIGN IT NOW?
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I'M CHOMPING AT THE BIT HERE.
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>> OKAY, BUT WRITE SMALL.
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I'M NOT FINISHED YET.
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>> THANKS, BUDDY!
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OH, BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY,
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OH, BOY!
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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>> [ SCREECHES ]
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>> [ HOWLS ]
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>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME
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* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL
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* IS THE WORLD
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* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE
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[ BOTH SCREAM ]
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>> AAH!
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>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND
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* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL
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* TAKE MY HAND
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* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE
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FRANKENHOLE *
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>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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>> Polidori: THOMAS JEFFERSON.
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BARON FRANKENSTEIN.
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>> Frankenstein: NOT NOW!
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I AM RE-ANIMATING THIS FRESHLY
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FED, FRESHLY DEAD SNAKE.
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>> Polidori: IT CHOKED.
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POOR THING.
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[ EQUIPMENT WHIRS ]
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>> Frankenstein: NOTHING.
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>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? LOOK!
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IT'S MOVING.
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>> Frankenstein: NO. YOU LOOK.
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[ SQUIRREL CHATTERS ]
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>> BUT -- BUT -- BUT-BUT --
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>> Frankenstein: BUT WHAT?!
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OH, WELL.
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ANYWAY, MR. JEFFERSON, WHAT
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BRINGS YOU HERE TO SOMEWHERE IN
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EASTERN EUROPE?
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>> I WANT TO ALTER MY...UM...
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JOHN ADAMS.
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>> Frankenstein: TERRIFIC.
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ANOTHER PERVERT.
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WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING MORE
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CHALLENGING, LIKE LEGS ON YOUR
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EYES OR A FEATHERED BRAIN OR
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SOMETHING?
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>> NOT SURE THAT STUFF IS BIG
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WITH THE LADIES.
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>> Frankenstein: FINE.
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WE'LL MAKE YOUR PENIS BIGGER.
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[ DRILL WHIRS ]
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HOP UP!
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>> ACTUALLY, I DON'T WANT MY
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PENIS BIGGER, PER SE.
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I WANT IT REPLACED ENTIRELY WITH
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THAT OF A NEGRO'S.
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>> Polidori: WELL, IT'S NOT AN
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EYEBALL WITH FEATHERS, BUT IT'S
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INTERESTING.
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>> YOU SEE?
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I'VE NOTICED THAT WHEN I FORCE
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MYSELF ON MY SLAVE WOMEN, THEY
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LOOK A LITTLE, WELL...UNEXCITED.
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>> Polidori: HMM. CURIOUS.
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>> I THINK THAT PERHAPS THE
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COLOR AND -- OKAY -- SIZE OF MY
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MEMBER MAY NOT BE WHAT THEY'RE
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USED TO.
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OH, PLEASE, FRANKENSTEIN, HELP
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ME SATISFY MY SLAVES.
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>> Frankenstein: ALL RIGHT,
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WELL, LET'S SEE.
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[ THUD! ]
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>> I WANT THE BIGGEST AND THE
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BLACKEST!
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HOW ABOUT HIM?
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>> Frankenstein: THE INVENTOR OF
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PEANUT BUTTER.
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>> Polidori: NOT THE MOST VIRILE
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OF OCCUPATIONS.
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>> Frankenstein: HOW ABOUT THIS
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FELLOW?
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P. DIDDY?
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>> P. DIDDY?
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AT SCHOOL, THAT WAS THE VERY
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WORD WE USED FOR "TINY PENIS."
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NEXT, PLEASE.
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>> Frankenstein: OKAY, UM...
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HOW ABOUT HIM?
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>> WILT CHAMBERLAIN.
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>> Polidori: WELL, THE NAME
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"WILT" DOESN'T EXACTLY INSPIRE
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CONFIDENCE, DOES IT?
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>> YES, BUT LOOK AT HIS FEET.
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[ Laughing ] THEY'RE HUGE!
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>> Polidori: TRUE.
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>> Frankenstein: PLEASE.
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THE RELATIONSHIP OF THE FOOT AND
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THE PENIS ARE COMPLETELY
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INCONSEQUENTIAL.
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>> DOUBT THAT.
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BUT ANYWAY, CHAMBERLAIN'S NOT
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EVEN AN INDIGENOUS NAME.
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WE NEED TO FIND SOMEONE FRESH
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FROM DEEPEST, DARKEST AFRICA,
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WITH A NAME LIKE MBOUGWA OR
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GABA-GABA-GAWLLA OR...
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>> Frankenstein: BARACK OBAMA!
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>> PERFECT! HA HA!
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THAT ONE PROBABLY CAN'T EVEN
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SPEAK ENGLISH.
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WHERE IS HE?
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>> Frankenstein: AMERICA, 2009.
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AND I THINK YOU'LL BE SURPRISED
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AT HIS OCCUPATION.
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>> IN 2009? WHO CARES?
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HE'S PROBABLY A SPACE GARDENER
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OR SOME ROBOT'S BUTLER OR
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SOMETHING.
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AS LONG AS EVERYTHING'S BIG AND
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BLACK DOWNSTAIRS, I'M HAPPY.
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>> Frankenstein: LET'S GO, THEN!
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YGOR, PACK OUR BAGS FOR 2009!
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>> Ygor: I WAS JUST GETTING TO
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IT.
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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>> Polidori: LOVELY PLACE.
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>> THANK YOU.
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[ TOILET FLUSHES ]
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>> THAT WAS --
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I MEAN, IT JUST --
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IT JUST SWIRLED AWAY!
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BLOOP! GONE!
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NO FUSS, NO MUSS, NO CALLING FOR
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THE POOP SLAVE.
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BLOOP!
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>> Frankenstein: MR. JEFFERSON,
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MAY I INTRODUCE BARACK --
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>> HEY! IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE OUT
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OF A JOB.
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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MY POOP WENT AWAY ALL BY ITSELF.
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CARRIED OUT OF THE HOUSE.
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WHOOSH!
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>> Frankenstein: MR. JEFFERSON,
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MAY I INTRODUCE YOUR COUNTRY'S
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44th PRESIDENT.
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>> WELL, WHAT AN HONOR --
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>> RIGHT HERE, SIR.
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>> PRESIDENT?
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>> YES.
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>> OF THE UNITED STATES?
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>> YES.
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>> OF AMERICA?
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>> YES.
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>> ON EARTH?
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>> YES.
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LOOK, I AGREED TO SEE YOU AS
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SOON AS I LEARNED OF YOUR
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PROBLEM.
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>> OH, YES, OF COURSE.
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WELL, I'M GLAD YOU --
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>> I CAN HELP YOU FINISH THE
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CONSTITUTION.
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>> THE WHAT'S-TO-WHO-TION?
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>> THE CONSTITUTION, SIR.
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DON'T WORRY.
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I'VE GOT IT COMMITTED TO MEMORY.
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>> OH, YES, OF COURSE.
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UM...LET'S SEE.
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I WAS STUCK ON THE OPENING.
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UM..."WE THE BLAH-DEE-BLAHS"...
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>> "PEOPLE," SIR.
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"WE THE PEOPLE."
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>> AH, YES. PERFECT.
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NICELY DONE. THANKS.
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>> WELL, IF THAT'S ALL, I GUESS
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YOU'LL BE ON YOUR WAY, THEN.
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>> YES. GOODBYE!
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>> Frankenstein: [Coughs] PENIS!
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>> OH, ACTUALLY, THERE IS ONE
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MORE LITTLE THING.
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>> YES, SIR?
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>> I, UM...NEED YOUR...UM...
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>> Frankenstein: MR. JEFFERSON
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NEEDS TO GRAFT YOUR PENIS ONTO
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HIS BODY SO HE CAN BETTER
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SATISFY THE BLACK WOMEN ON HIS
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PLANTATION.
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>> YOUR...SLAVES, YOU MEAN.
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>> SEMANTICS.
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>> HMM.
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OKAY, I'LL DO IT.
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>> YOU WILL?!
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>> YES.
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SEE, YOU'RE A FOUNDING FATHER.
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ALL SIDES MUST COME TOGETHER AND
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SET ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES IF
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WE'RE EVER GONNA GET ANYTHING
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DONE.
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FOR AT THIS PIVOTAL STAGE IN
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AMERICAN HISTORY --
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>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER.
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ARE YOU BIG AND BLACK?
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>> WELL, NO ONE'S EVER
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COMPLAINED ABOUT MY SIZE.
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BUT I MUST USE FULL DISCLOSURE.
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MY MOTHER WAS WHITE.
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>> WELL, THAT MAKES PERFECT
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SENSE.
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YOUR MOTHER WAS WHITE.
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I -- [ GASPS ]
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YOUR MOTHER WAS WHITE?!
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HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
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>> IT WAS CONSENSUAL, SIR.
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>> LET'S GO GET
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WILT CHAMBERLAIN.
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I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT HIM.
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I THINK HE'S PERFECT.
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>> Frankenstein: YES, LET'S GO
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TO THE L.A. FORUM IN 1973 AND
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CATCH US THIS...BASKETEER.
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>> WILT CHAMBERLAIN?!
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[ BUZZER ]
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>> HO HO!
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I'M LIKE A KID IN A CANDY STORE!
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>> Polidori: KEEP IT IN YOUR
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PANTS.
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>> HOW CAN I KEEP IT IN MY PANTS
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WHEN IT'S NOT EVEN IN MY PANTS
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YET?
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HA HA!
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>> LOOK! THERE HE IS!
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>> WILT CHAMBERLAIN.
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THIS IMPRESSIVE SPECIMEN HAS
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ONCE AGAIN THRUST HIS ATHLETIC
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PROWESS INTO THE WET, WARM WALLS
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OF VICTORY.
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HOW DO YOU DO IT, WILT?
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>> IT'S JUST CONFIDENCE, HOWARD.
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I'VE BEEN SECURE WITH MY MANHOOD
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IN EVERY WAY.
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[ GRUNTING ]
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[ THUD! ]
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
267
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:17,967
>> OKAY, LET'S SEE WILT'S STILT.
268
00:06:17,967 --> 00:06:18,997
[ WHISTLE! ]
269
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,530
[ WAH-WAH-WAH! ]
270
00:06:21,533 --> 00:06:22,533
>> WHO COULD KNOW?
271
00:06:22,533 --> 00:06:23,573
HE'S GOT SUCH BIG FEET.
272
00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:24,697
>> Frankenstein: I TOLD YOU
273
00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:25,270
GUYS!
274
00:06:25,267 --> 00:06:26,797
>> SORRY ABOUT THIS, EVERYBODY.
275
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:27,570
[ POP! ]
276
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:29,067
>> YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED, SIR!
277
00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:30,227
>> YOU GUYS SHOULD TRY
278
00:06:30,233 --> 00:06:31,003
GARY COLEMAN.
279
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,430
BELIEVE ME.
280
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,203
>> COLEMAN? I'M ON IT!
281
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,170
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
282
00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:36,097
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
283
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,100
THANKS FOR THE PENIS.
284
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:38,230
>> WHAT YOU IMPLYIN'?
285
00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:39,433
[ STUDIO AUDIENCE CHEERS,
286
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,803
APPLAUDS ]
287
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,900
[ MACHINERY WHIRRING ]
288
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:45,400
>> Frankenstein: IT'S MOVING.
289
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:46,700
IT'S MOVING!
290
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,330
IT'S ALIVE!
291
00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:49,373
ALIVE!
292
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,527
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
293
00:06:50,533 --> 00:06:51,703
>> Polidori: MUST YOU ALWAYS DO
294
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:52,170
THAT?
295
00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:53,297
>> Frankenstein: YEAH, BUT IT'S
296
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,470
FUNNY THIS TIME BECAUSE IT'S HIS
297
00:06:54,467 --> 00:06:54,897
PEE-PEE.
298
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,070
>> Polidori: [ CHUCKLES ]
299
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,697
>> * OH, ZIP-A-DEE-DOO
300
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,300
AND DIDDLY-DOC *
301
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,070
* I GOT A HOT, HOT DATE
302
00:07:01,067 --> 00:07:02,497
AND A NEW BLACK... *
303
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,530
>> PENIS AND DOODLE-DOO!
304
00:07:04,533 --> 00:07:06,503
>> OH. HERE HE COME.
305
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,070
[ DOOR OPENS ]
306
00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:09,567
>> GOOD EVENING.
307
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:10,867
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS THING IS A
308
00:07:10,867 --> 00:07:11,397
DUD.
309
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,500
THEY STILL ACT LIKE THEY'RE NOT
310
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:12,870
INTO IT.
311
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,297
>> MR. JEFFERSON, PERHAPS IT
312
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,200
ISN'T THE PENIS.
313
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,570
PERHAPS YOU NEED ADDITIONAL
314
00:07:16,567 --> 00:07:18,067
BLACK ATTRIBUTES TO COMPLEMENT
315
00:07:18,067 --> 00:07:18,767
THE PENIS.
316
00:07:18,767 --> 00:07:20,227
>> YEAH, LIKE TWO PENISES.
317
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:20,733
>> NO.
318
00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:22,403
LOOK, RACE IS MORE THAN JUST A
319
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,230
PENIS OR TWO.
320
00:07:23,233 --> 00:07:24,173
>> THRE PENISES.
321
00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:25,967
>> NO! GET PAST THE PENISES.
322
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,127
>> Frankenstein: I THINK I KNOW
323
00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:28,803
WHAT PRESIDENT OBAMA IS SAYING.
324
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,600
WE NEED TO DISSECT DIFFERENT
325
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,530
SPECIFIC FEATURES FROM SEVERAL
326
00:07:32,533 --> 00:07:34,403
BLACK MEN AND MAKE YOU INTO A
327
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:35,900
BLACK EQUIVALENT OF MY
328
00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:38,400
MULTI-CADAVERED CREATURE!
329
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:39,000
>> FOU PENISES!
330
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,030
>> MAYBE IF YOU TRIED A LITTLE
331
00:07:40,033 --> 00:07:40,573
RESPECT AND --
332
00:07:40,567 --> 00:07:41,567
>> Frankenstein: YGOR, FOLLOW
333
00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:42,027
ME!
334
00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:43,973
WE HAVE SOME INTER-CHRONOLOGICAL
335
00:07:43,967 --> 00:07:45,767
KIDNAPPING TO DO!
336
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:47,167
>> Ygor: YOU GOT IT!
337
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,127
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
338
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,800
>> Polidori: I GIVE YOU THE
339
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,870
BROTHER OF FRANKENSTEIN.
340
00:07:59,867 --> 00:08:01,027
>> OH, BOY!
341
00:08:01,033 --> 00:08:02,573
THE HANDS OF O.J., THE HEART OF
342
00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:03,567
FREDERICK DOUGLASS!
343
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:04,667
[ Deeply ] THE VOICE OF
344
00:08:04,667 --> 00:08:05,367
BARRY WHITE.
345
00:08:05,367 --> 00:08:06,497
[ Normal ] I CAN'T FAIL!
346
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:07,600
>> LOOK, I-I-I REALLY THINK
347
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,770
YOU'RE GOING DOWN THE WRONG ROAD
348
00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:09,267
HERE.
349
00:08:09,267 --> 00:08:10,267
>> OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW,
350
00:08:10,267 --> 00:08:10,827
HALF-BLACK?
351
00:08:10,833 --> 00:08:12,133
>> MR. OBAMA'S RIGHT.
352
00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:13,173
>> OH, GREAT.
353
00:08:13,167 --> 00:08:14,427
ONE GUY AGREES WITH ME AND IT
354
00:08:14,433 --> 00:08:15,533
HAS TO BE IKE TURNER.
355
00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:17,003
>> SEE, YOU GOT IT IN YOUR HEAD
356
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,500
THE WAY TO PLEASE A WOMAN IS TO
357
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,900
SHOW HER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO
358
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,030
PLEASE HER.
359
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,773
AND, MY BROTHER, NOTHING COULD
360
00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:24,267
BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
361
00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:25,797
>> I DON'T THINK I FOLLOW.
362
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:26,830
>> IT'S LIKE THIS.
363
00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:27,933
[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]
364
00:08:27,933 --> 00:08:29,673
* YOU'VE GOT TO NEVER LET A LADY
365
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:31,497
THINK YOU CARE *
366
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,170
* YOU'LL NEVER WIN HER FANCY
367
00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:34,967
PLAYIN' SUAVE AND DEBONAIR *
368
00:08:34,967 --> 00:08:36,027
* THROW AWAY YOUR CARDS AND
369
00:08:36,033 --> 00:08:36,503
FLOWERS *
370
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:37,800
>> * GIVE THE GIFT OF GOLDEN
371
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:38,600
SHOWERS *
372
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,270
[ GUITAR STRUMS ]
373
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:42,097
>> * NEVER LET A LADY THINK YOU
374
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:45,230
CARE *
375
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,773
>> * NEVER SHOW A GIRL YOUR
376
00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:48,127
TENDER SIDE *
377
00:08:48,133 --> 00:08:49,333
* SHOW HER OSCAR
378
00:08:49,333 --> 00:08:50,073
* NEVER FELIX
379
00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:50,927
* HOLD THE JEKYLL
380
00:08:50,933 --> 00:08:51,673
* GIVE HER HYDE
381
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,027
>> * SHE'LL BE PUTTY IN YOUR
382
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,603
HANDS WHEN YOU'RE HITTING ON HER
383
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,170
FRIENDS *
384
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:57,067
>> * OH, NEVER LET A LADY THINK
385
00:08:57,067 --> 00:08:58,967
YOU CARE *
386
00:08:58,967 --> 00:09:00,267
>> NO, NO, NO.
387
00:09:00,267 --> 00:09:01,267
>> THAT'S NONSENSE.
388
00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:02,497
YOU'RE GOING DOWN THE --
389
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,900
[ BOTH SNORING ]
390
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:05,430
>> * ALWAYS BE WITHHOLDING OF
391
00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:07,133
AFFECTION *
392
00:09:07,133 --> 00:09:08,603
* RESERVE YOUR "I LOVE YOUs" FOR
393
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:09,800
WHEN SHE'S SERVICING YOUR
394
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:10,400
ERECTION *
395
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:11,600
>> * SHE'LL LEARN THAT SEX WINS
396
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:12,030
LOVE *
397
00:09:12,033 --> 00:09:13,833
* SURE AS A COOKIE FROM PAVLOV
398
00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:15,773
>> * NEVER LET A LADY THINK YOU
399
00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:18,867
CARE *
400
00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:19,867
>> * WE ALL KNOW HOW
401
00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:21,167
PRINCE CHARMING, WITH A KISS,
402
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:22,367
SAVED SLEEPING BEAUTY *
403
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:23,497
>> * BUT A REAL MAN WOULD HAVE
404
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:23,970
HELD OUT *
405
00:09:23,967 --> 00:09:25,567
* TILL HE TAPPED THAT NAPPIN'
406
00:09:25,567 --> 00:09:27,827
BOOTY *
407
00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:28,933
>> * AND, NO, WE DON'T MEAN
408
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:31,233
"TAP" LIKE FRED ASTAIRE *
409
00:09:31,233 --> 00:09:33,133
* NEVER LET A LADY THINK YOU
410
00:09:33,133 --> 00:09:36,003
CARE *
411
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,000
>> * GIVE HER LENNON,
412
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:37,770
NOT McCARTNEY *
413
00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:38,627
* HOLD THE ERNIE
414
00:09:38,633 --> 00:09:39,503
* GIVE HER BERT
415
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:40,670
>> * GIVE HER SISKEL OVER
416
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:41,127
EBERT *
417
00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:42,803
* ALWAYS COURTNEY, NEVER KURT
418
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:43,730
>> * GIVE GOOFUS
419
00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:44,473
* DON'T BE GALLANT
420
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:45,267
>> * ADD SOME ABBOTT
421
00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:46,497
* HOLD COSTELLO
422
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:47,500
>> * AND GIVE HER REAL
423
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:48,130
BILL COSBY *
424
00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:49,573
* NOT THAT FRIENDLY ONE WITH
425
00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:51,827
JELL-O *
426
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:53,303
>> * NEVER LET A LADY
427
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,370
>> * TAKE A TIP FROM
428
00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:55,367
WARREN BEATTY *
429
00:09:55,367 --> 00:09:57,067
>> * NEVER LET A LADY THINK YOU
430
00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:58,827
CARE *
431
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:02,570
>> BRILLIANT!
432
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:03,867
SO I DON'T NEED A BIG, BLACK
433
00:10:03,867 --> 00:10:05,297
PENIS OR ANY OF YOUR BODY PARTS
434
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:05,900
AFTER ALL.
435
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:06,700
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
436
00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:07,400
>> YOU GOT IT.
437
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,070
>> GREAT!
438
00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:09,427
I GUESS DR. FRANKENSTEIN CAN
439
00:10:09,433 --> 00:10:10,833
JUST RETURN THEM ALL TO THEIR
440
00:10:10,833 --> 00:10:12,203
ORIGINAL --
441
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,070
OH.
442
00:10:13,067 --> 00:10:14,227
UM...
443
00:10:14,233 --> 00:10:17,273
ANYWAY...BACK TO 1776.
444
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:20,227
I'VE GOT SOME NOT-CARING TO DO.
445
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:22,427
[ FUNK MUSIC PLAYS ]
446
00:10:22,433 --> 00:10:24,373
>> * THE DECLARATION
447
00:10:24,367 --> 00:10:26,197
OF MEN-DEPENDENCE *
448
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,330
>> * MEN-DEPENDENCE
449
00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:30,333
>> WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE
450
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:32,533
SELF-EVIDENT -- THAT ALL MEN ARE
451
00:10:32,533 --> 00:10:34,673
CREATED EQUALLY SUPERIOR TO THE
452
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:35,297
WOMAN.
453
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:36,100
CAN YOU DIG IT?
454
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:36,970
>> NO, HE DIDN'T.
455
00:10:36,967 --> 00:10:39,597
>> THAT THEY ARE WELL-ENDOWED BY
456
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,930
THEIR CREATOR, MR. GOD, WITH
457
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:44,833
CERTAIN UNALIENABLE RIGHTS, THAT
458
00:10:44,833 --> 00:10:48,033
AMONG THESE ARE LIFE, LIBERTY,
459
00:10:48,033 --> 00:10:50,973
AND THE PURSUIT OF WET, WARM --
460
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:51,897
>> SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
461
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:52,900
>> I'M TALKIN' ABOUT
462
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:53,800
MEN-DEPENDENCE.
463
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:54,870
>> * MEN-DEPENDENCE
464
00:10:54,867 --> 00:10:56,027
>> * THE DECLARATION OF
465
00:10:56,033 --> 00:10:59,333
MEN-DEPENDENCE *
28323
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