Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:02,668
You're watching The Simpsons.
2
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,370
You know your life sucks.
Just get drunk
like you always do.
3
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:06,973
Catch all-new episodes Sundays.
4
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,814
And check outour other Fox programs,
5
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:11,609
Brooklyn Nine-Nine,
Bob's Burgers and Family Guy.
6
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,512
What is this,
and how can I make the rest
of my life about it?
7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,745
Only on Fox.
8
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:22,351
(men screaming)
9
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,630
(exclaiming)
10
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,299
(school bell ringing)
11
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,304
(grunts)
Hey!
12
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:41,535
(theme music stops)
13
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,542
(theme music resumes)
14
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:43,543
(whistle blows)
15
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,544
(yells)
16
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,545
(choking)
(theme music stops)
17
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,707
(body thuds)
18
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,705
(theme music resumes)
19
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:51,746
(playing the blues)
20
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,415
(blows wrong note, grunts)
(theme music stops)
21
00:00:57,425 --> 00:01:00,085
(theme songs resumes,
tires screech)
22
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:02,834
(Marge screams)
23
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:06,333
(chicken clucking)
24
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,840
(theme music stops)
25
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:21,248
♪ ♪
26
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,678
Hello?
Hello?
27
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,248
Oh, finally, I get the remote.
28
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,316
♪ ♪
29
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,763
Hmm.
Hmm?
30
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:41,195
Homer, are you ever planning
on putting this stuff together?
31
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:45,542
Sure, right after
I watch this DVD.
32
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,109
(clicks tongue, groans)
Just what are you watching
33
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,638
that's so important?
34
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,112
Outstanding CollegeMascot Fights?
35
00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:52,912
S.E.C. edition.
36
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:54,953
(marching band music plays)
37
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:55,979
(blows landing)
38
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,083
The top-heavy mascots
always lose.
39
00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,045
Unless they're fighting
something with no arms.
40
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,094
See?
The Stanford Tree
41
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:05,059
is no match for
the Tulane Green Wave.
42
00:02:05,059 --> 00:02:06,129
(gasps)
43
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,257
There's people inside.
44
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,591
Marge, do you see?
45
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:11,096
(gasps)
Maggie!
46
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:12,258
That's it, mister.
47
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,126
You're putting everything
together today.
48
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:15,125
Marjorie,
49
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,436
isn't it a little sexist
50
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,237
to expect me to do
all the carpentry?
51
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,070
Or you can take Bart to the mall
to get fitted for...
52
00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:24,306
(power drill running)
Sorry, the drill is too loud!
53
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,411
I can't hear the options!
54
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,583
(groans)
55
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:31,821
(grunting softly)
56
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,289
(phonetically):
"Vous avez 'termine'"?
57
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,948
"Vous avez
'termine'"?
58
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,116
"Du ar klar"?
59
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,824
"Du bist fertig"?
60
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:41,356
"You are 'fini-shed'"?
61
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,762
Oh, I am finished!
62
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:43,763
Whoo-hoo!
63
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,504
(grunting)
64
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,499
D'oh!
65
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,770
I'm trapped.
66
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:50,168
(worried grunting)
67
00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,601
(high-pitched):
Here, boy. Come here.
68
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,635
Who's a good Allen wrench?
69
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,141
You's a good Allen wrench.
70
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,142
Come here.
71
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,213
(sucking in)
72
00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,882
Come on.
73
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,880
(choking)
74
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,183
(loud cough)
75
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,945
Huh? That isn't the same
Allen wrench I swallowed.
76
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,724
(grunting angrily)
77
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,822
(line rings)
78
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,794
Hey, Barney, how's it going?
79
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,363
Fine.
How are you?
80
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:18,361
I need help.
Can you come right over?
81
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,465
Homer, you should use
the Choremonkey app.
82
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:22,998
People do all your chores,
83
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:25,403
so you're free
to follow your dreams.
84
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:29,836
My dream right now is beer
and toilet paper.
85
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:33,053
Mr. Gumble,
because I'm a decent person,
86
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:35,247
this is the last beer
I'm going to bring you.
87
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,019
I'll just use Uburp.
88
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,077
(belch sound)
89
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,475
(cat yowling)
90
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:42,316
Stop eating me,
I'm not dead yet!
91
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,863
(cat yowling loudly)
92
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:46,427
Choremonkey to the rescue.
93
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,657
Oh!
94
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,391
Oh, thank you.
95
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:52,996
I think this is the beginning
of an unhealthy dependence.
96
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,030
Aw.
97
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,274
(Steely Dan's "Dirty Work"
playing)
98
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:58,899
HOMER: ♪ I'm a fool to do
my dirty work ♪
99
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,106
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
100
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:05,408
♪ I can hire all
these nerdy jerks ♪
101
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,782
♪ For free ♪
102
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,850
♪ ♪
103
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,119
(music fades out)
104
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,890
♪ I ain't gonna do
my dirty work ♪
105
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,090
♪ No more ♪
106
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:22,633
♪ Gonna leave my socks
and dirty shirt ♪
107
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,430
♪ On the floor. ♪
108
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,431
Homie,
109
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,772
I don't like that the house
110
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,927
is full of strangers
all the time.
111
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,436
And I-- wait, wait, why are you
taking out your phone?
112
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:32,438
(gasps)
113
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,039
No.
Don't you Choremonkey me!
114
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,612
Sweetie, you know
I'm no good at arguments,
115
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,441
so I brought in
a professional.
116
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,946
Hello, ma'am, my name's Blake,
117
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,548
and I'm a retired
FBI hostage negotiator.
118
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,550
I wouldn't say this is
a hostage situation.
119
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:47,723
Mm, no one said it was, ma'am.
120
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,221
I'm just here to listen.
121
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,923
So that was step one: listening.
122
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,094
Next, empathy.
123
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,092
I'm standing right
here, you know.
124
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,834
Mm, it must be frustrating
for you to hear me talk
125
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,160
like you're invisible.
126
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,665
It is.
It is.
127
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,428
Step three: I build a rapport.
128
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:05,266
You know, I love
the color scheme in your home.
129
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:08,442
I feel like you're saying that
just to build a rapport with me.
130
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,512
Wow, that's very observant.
131
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:11,811
Very wise.
132
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,582
Oh, well, thank you.
133
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:14,610
(softly):
Nice.
134
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:15,775
This ain't my first rodeo.
135
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:16,923
Marge, right now
136
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,147
I bet you wish you
were just back home
137
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:20,153
in your kitchen.
138
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,094
I am back home in my kitchen!
139
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,459
Then life is good.
140
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,457
Am I right?
141
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:25,788
Mm-hmm. You are.
142
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,263
While I'm here, could I also
fix your icemaker?
143
00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:29,262
Yes.
144
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:30,763
Oh, yes.
145
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,434
Blake, I adore you.
146
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,833
Shh.
It's over now.
147
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,534
Go get some rest.
148
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,136
Hmm.
149
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,437
Homer, can we
throw the ball around?
150
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,470
Oh, um...
151
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,805
By "we," I mean me
and your chore monkey.
152
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,381
(chuckling):
Oh, of course! Sure, buddy.
153
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,310
For you I'll get one
without a criminal record.
154
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:50,615
Which means I'll have
to use Choremonkey Gold.
155
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:51,847
(cash register dings)
156
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,287
Good one, Bart.
(grunts)
157
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:58,189
Wait, are you Heisman
Trophy-winner Matt Leinart?
158
00:05:58,192 --> 00:05:59,462
Yep, I am.
159
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,860
And you need this job?
160
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,831
Yeah, I haven't really been
smart with my money
161
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,231
after football.
162
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,902
(air hisses)
163
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,130
But what about your
broadcasting work?
164
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:12,496
Uh, sunk it all into my
Thai-Irish fusion restaurant,
165
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,966
Shamrock Spice.
166
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,380
(backup sensor beeping)
167
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,809
On the plus side, he taught me
how to throw a perfect spiral.
168
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:21,914
(grunts)
169
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,075
Yes!
170
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,553
Frozen rope, kiddo!
171
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,321
Aw, love you, man.
172
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,090
Ah, I love you.
173
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,918
Maybe I should play a little
catch with my son now.
174
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,194
Whatever, Hoss,
let's see what you got.
175
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,333
(grunts)
176
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:35,588
FLANDERS:
My zinnias!
177
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,896
(scoffs)
Annuals.
178
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,327
Wait, please, just
let me try again.
179
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:39,262
(groans)
180
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:40,666
(coughs)
181
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,997
Dad, you're embarrassing me
in front of Matt Leinart.
182
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,603
But...
Wow.
183
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:45,835
You made that for me?
184
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,609
No, it used
to be O.J.'s.
185
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:48,838
Yeah, Little Juice.
186
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,912
(groans)
Oh, stupid Choremonkey.
187
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,711
Another thing I overdo
bites me in the butt.
188
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,714
(Leinart and Bart grunting)
189
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:58,376
(Homer moaning and whining)
190
00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,215
HOMER:
Uh-oh.
191
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,890
You're late.
192
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,859
There's no
specified time, sir.
193
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,917
And you did receive
progress alerts.
194
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:06,786
Whatever, fine.
195
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:08,264
Just throw
the damn ball.
196
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:12,030
So, how was your day?
Pretty good.
197
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:15,402
I've thrown various balls with
six different middle-aged men.
198
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,472
All right, stop talking,
you're ruining it.
199
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,271
(grunts)
Nice pass, sir.
200
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,743
For someone your age.
201
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,311
Ju-- This isn't fun at all.
202
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,579
I'm done.
Fine.
203
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:26,947
You know the monkeys
also rate the customers.
204
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,577
Now everyone will know
what kind of man you are.
205
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,123
Good-bye, Tyler.
206
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,578
Jerk.
207
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,786
"Jerk." Bart used
to call me that.
208
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,188
(sobbing)
209
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:42,785
Be careful, Dad.
210
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,056
Being careful
is not going to get us
211
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,095
on America's FunniestHome Videos.
212
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,240
Now, when I nod,
you pull the bottom brick out
213
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,967
and the wall falls on me.
214
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,942
Then call
Vin Di Bona Productions,
215
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,411
then an ambulance.
216
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:57,939
Wait. Won't they know
this video is fake?
217
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,305
Why would I be filming
you making a wall?
218
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,154
Why didn't you
bring these things up
219
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,449
at the production meeting?
220
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:04,980
Well, it's too late now!
221
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,785
Oh, great!
222
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,787
Dad, can I get you one
of my children's Xanax?
223
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:13,160
What I need
is that $10,000 prize.
224
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,190
Not $5,000.
I already spent that on bricks.
225
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,756
Now pull that rope.
226
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:20,274
If I pull the rope
and it kills you,
227
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,127
I'll need a lot of therapy.
228
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,295
I'm not gonna die, son.
229
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:27,114
Uh, but if I do, can you play
"Nobody Does It Better"
230
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,107
at my funeral
on the recorder?
231
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,939
I can't be a
part of this.
232
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,484
Yeah, yeah,
you're right.
233
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,050
Luann, help!
234
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,878
I'm in a hurry.
235
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,145
Well,
at least I got it on video.
236
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,193
Delete.
237
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,958
(groaning):
Ah, come on.
238
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,517
Haw-haw!
239
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,856
(knocking on door)
240
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,362
Dad, it's me.
241
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,896
What are you doing here?
It's not pudding day.
242
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:58,242
(sighing):
My son doesn't want
to be with me anymore.
243
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:01,338
So you realize that's how you've
treated me all these years
244
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,511
and you've
come to apologize.
245
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,340
Look, Dad, I
would visit more
246
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,905
if I hadn't put you in
such a depressing place.
247
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:08,805
Whatever.
248
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:11,045
I've got a real
problem here.
249
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,721
I'm gonna be
a father again!
250
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,689
My girlfriend's pregnant.
251
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,688
(gasps)
That's insane!
252
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:19,690
I leave you alone for six months
and this is what happens?
253
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,263
How did you even meet her?
254
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,731
Oh, this home
just got the Internet
255
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,060
and everyone's using
senior dating sites.
256
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,226
Gray Date,
257
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,504
Friends with
Social Security Benefits.
258
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:32,703
Everyone's making whoopee
and hanky-panky.
259
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,066
A few are even having sex.
260
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,074
(whines)
261
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,335
WOMAN:
You can't leave me.
262
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,914
We started
a puzzle together.
263
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,783
My heart's bleeding.
264
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,082
Seriously.
265
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,683
Please call 911.
266
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,892
Abraham Simpson.
267
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,761
Are you skipping
town on me?
268
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,129
No, no.
I like you.
269
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,098
It's the baby I'm
skipping town on.
270
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,697
You don't want our baby?
271
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:02,099
Before you judge me,
look where my DNA leads.
272
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,602
I'm fine.
273
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,274
(grunting)
274
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,472
Hmm.
275
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,143
I think he's sweet.
276
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,941
Would he like to
play with my keys?
277
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,043
I am a normal person, and yes.
278
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,706
All right,
I'll man up.
279
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,745
But remember,
men of my generation
280
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,220
don't change a diaper,
attend a birth,
281
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,219
or talk to the child
before he's drafted.
282
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,462
I couldn't
ask for more.
283
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,858
(rattling)
284
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:29,291
I thought you
just rolled.
285
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,056
Those were my knees.
(rattling)
286
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,404
Rent six dollars?!
287
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,929
You can't even buy a
Monopoly set for that.
288
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,165
(chuckles)
Great commentary, Bart.
289
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,240
Love you, man.
290
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,508
I love you.
291
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:41,467
Hi, I'm Matt.
292
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,605
Milhouse.
293
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:43,939
I'm Bart's
best friend.
294
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,814
Aw, sounds like someone
wants an autograph.
295
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,253
I do.
296
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:49,478
Who are you?
297
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:50,653
I misspelled my name.
298
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:51,951
But that makes it
worth more.
299
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:54,022
Come on, Leinart,
get your head in the game.
300
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,821
Bart, I got a straight up swap.
301
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,792
How 'bout I give you
Boardwalk and Park Place,
302
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,661
and you give me Ventnor?
303
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:00,860
That's crazy talk.
304
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,131
Oh, yeah?
305
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,129
What "History of Board Games"
class did you take
306
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,761
when you were in college?
307
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:08,596
My friend, you have a deal.
308
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:11,797
You got Chance.
309
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,465
"Take a walk on the Boardwalk,"
310
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,113
which I now own,
and you're bankrupt
311
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,208
and I win.
312
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,339
Wow, you beat me
at every game,
313
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,845
even Heisman Trophy
Trivial Pursuit.
314
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,777
Oh! Can I play Bart next?
315
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:25,123
I carry my own little
top hat with me.
316
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,118
Oh.
317
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,449
Is this guy bothering you, Bart?
318
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:28,654
I'll make sure
he finds the door.
319
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:29,815
(gasps)
320
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,293
Could you throw me out
in a perfect spiral?
321
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,792
I can walk you out
in a straight line.
322
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:38,055
Wow! No one's gonna
believe that at school.
323
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,995
(cackles)
324
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,570
Huh?
325
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,070
"Always let him win"?
326
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,212
"Don't let him see this sheet"?
327
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,237
He called me the greatestreceiver he'd ever thrown to.
328
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,412
Was that a lie, too?
329
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,081
Get out there.
330
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,050
Hey, Mr. Simpson.
331
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,718
Hey, Milk Dud.
332
00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:59,377
Uh, listen, I got to go
change the oil in my car.
333
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,916
Don't you want
to get a Choremonkey?
334
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,391
They cut
me off.
335
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,719
I never dreamed when I gave
'em my credit card number
336
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,385
that they
would charge me.
337
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,993
You could help me
out if you want.
338
00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:09,864
I have an old shirt
you could wear.
339
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,533
An old shirt! Wow!
340
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,331
My dad doesn't have any
of those.
341
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,765
Wow.
342
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:19,600
Anyone ever tell you that
you're excellent at gluing?
343
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:20,936
Um, no.
344
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:24,041
And your rubber cement boogers
were very convincing.
345
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,084
Look, I know you're doing this
because you have to.
346
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,579
How would you like it
if the other team
347
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:28,911
had just let you win
all the time?
348
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,515
That would have
been really great.
349
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,577
(phone buzzes)
350
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,245
Listen, I have another
Choremonkey job.
351
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,593
I'll see you around.
352
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:35,918
(grunts)
(shouting)
353
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,092
(grunts)
354
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,590
Huh? Huh. Hmm.
355
00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:43,433
Wait, I don't think a bouncer
throws people into a bar.
356
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,100
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just bounce, all right?
357
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,598
I'll tell you which way.
358
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:47,770
LEINART:
Get in there.
359
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,128
(sputters)
Ralph.
360
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,636
Yay! I'm a
touchdown.
361
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,538
(Milhouse laughs)
362
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:54,940
Boop!
(laughs)
363
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,541
Look who's a greasy
guy! (laughs)
364
00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:00,484
Now you're greasy, too!
(laughs)
365
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,910
Look at you.
(laughs)
366
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,476
Bloop, bloop.
367
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:07,254
Well, hello, Tony Stark.
368
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,624
We've never had fun like that
in my whole life.
369
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:12,793
Oh, look! The engine block
pizza is almost done.
370
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,263
(sizzling)
371
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,931
(gasps)
Engine block pizza?
372
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,659
Car food is our thing.
373
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,004
Careful you don't
burn your mouth.
374
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,669
Oh. He never warns me.
375
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,266
ANNOUNCER: Vijay Singh
has chosen a seven iron
376
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,444
for his approach here
377
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,741
at the fifth on St Andrews.
378
00:13:30,744 --> 00:13:32,084
(siren wails)
379
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,308
BART: My zombies
have got you now.
380
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,454
(cackles)
Mm.
381
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,449
What's the matter?
Aren't you into the game?
382
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,081
Uh, yeah, yeah.
383
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,946
(dramatic music
playing onscreen)
384
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,016
(groaning)
(whirring)
385
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:49,126
Good luck
with that zombie Bing Crosby!
386
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,599
B-B-Brains.
387
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,657
(shouting)
388
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,367
Eh, I won. Whoo-hoo.
389
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,099
Huh? Didn't seem like
you were too excited
390
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,644
when you sliced
me in half.
391
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,369
It's just hard when you think
you're gonna be slicing
392
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:04,144
the same boy in half
all your life.
393
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,444
Uh-huh...
394
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,505
Well, I guess
I'd better get to work.
395
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,579
On a Friday?
396
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,324
(humming)
397
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:13,989
Why are you wearing
a fishing hat?
398
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:16,187
(gasps) Are you going
fishing without me?
399
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,989
(whimpers)
What is happening with us?
400
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:22,132
If you've got something
to say, just say it.
401
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:24,058
Unless it's boring.
402
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,904
Is there someone else?
403
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:29,399
Oh! Spare me
your melodramata!
404
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,472
(huffing)
405
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:36,878
♪ ♪
406
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:40,978
(tires screech)
407
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,222
Marge, I can't have a baby.
408
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,247
Coordinating our sleep schedules
will be a nightmare.
409
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:51,024
Plus, the only good relationship
I ever had was with my hat.
410
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,264
Then the wind blew it away.
411
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,590
You didn't have a good
relationship with your father?
412
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:56,925
Hmm.
413
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,930
(instrumental of
"Turkey in the Straw" plays)
414
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,032
Come here, sweet pea,
give me a burp.
415
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,274
Youse can do it.
416
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,239
(chortling)
(burps)
417
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,497
Aah! Youse got milk on me!
418
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:08,106
I'll murdalize ya!
419
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,738
(grunts)
420
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,284
(sizzles)
421
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,751
Oh... that was before
422
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:20,420
throwin' your baby into the sun
was considered child abuse.
423
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,920
So you see,
Simpson men just don't...
424
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,594
Wait a minute!
425
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,562
(both laughing)
426
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:33,330
Now yank the hook out and throw
him back because we're humane.
427
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,599
(growling)
428
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,235
I've never seen Homer
and Bart so close.
429
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,811
Maybe I can
finally be a good dad!
430
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,111
That's not Bart.
431
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,912
Don't ruin my epiphany!
432
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,654
♪ ♪
433
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,819
(sizzling)
Hey, Mr. Van Houten.
434
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:54,648
Oh, hey, Bart.
Milhouse isn't here.
I know.
435
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:55,954
And I don't care.
436
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:58,756
Are you making envelope soup?
437
00:15:58,758 --> 00:15:59,988
Envelope soup?
438
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:02,093
(chuckles)
That'd be silly.
439
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,055
No, I'm stamp mining.
440
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:06,764
You steam off the stamp,
color in the postmark,
441
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:09,396
and you just made
half a dollar. Almost.
442
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,402
Want to try?
443
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:15,739
Careful!
That's a forever stamp!
444
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,782
Could be worth
a fortune some day.
445
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,007
Well done.
446
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:20,482
And look at me.
447
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,750
I'm hangin' out
with Bart Simpson.
448
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,319
That's so cool.
449
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,817
I can't wait till
Wendell sees us hangin' out.
450
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,190
Oh, hey.
451
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,593
Oh, I built it up too much.
452
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:33,932
(crickets chirping)
453
00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:36,027
♪ What do you do
with a drunken Homer? ♪
454
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,929
♪ Make him watch
"Hunt for Red October" ♪
455
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:39,801
♪ Let him drive
in a lunar rover ♪
456
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,129
♪ Tickle his nose with a... ♪
457
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,434
Oh, hi, Marge.
458
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,265
Homer, why were you fishing
with Milhouse?
459
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:48,441
Because for once, I'm with
a kid who respects me.
460
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,481
One who doesn't
call me "Homer."
461
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,337
I didn't know
that bothered you.
462
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,105
It does. A lot.
463
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,484
Oh, Homer.
464
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,282
Feels good when
you say it.
465
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:58,723
Homer.
466
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,348
Ah...
467
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,493
Honey, maybe
you should talk to Bart.
468
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,059
He's just behind
that wall.
469
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,487
BART:
Yeah, Homer!
470
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,962
Get your fat
ass over here!
471
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,230
You see? You see?!
472
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,028
It's not bad enough
he calls me "Homer."
473
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,560
He calls my
buttocks "ass."
474
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:15,065
Hmm. He probably learned that
at school.
475
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,698
You bet your
ass he did.
476
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,573
Maybe you and Lisa
can talk to him.
477
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:21,341
Lisa and I aren't
speaking right now.
478
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:24,081
I can't believe
you threw away my Utne Readers!
479
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:28,247
MARGE:
Oh, is that how
you pronounce it? Aah!
480
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:31,578
(birds singing)
481
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:35,094
For most of my child's life,
I'll be gone.
482
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:39,424
When you're cremated,
you feel it!
483
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,156
Warn everyone!
484
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,131
Aah.
485
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,325
Oh, Abe, hi.
486
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:48,903
I-I was about to call you.
487
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,902
I had an ultrasound today.
But...
488
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,774
♪ ♪
489
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,012
Does this mean...?
490
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:55,437
Yup, I'm the father.
491
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,842
And I thought she was
just using me for a beard.
492
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:00,144
♪ ♪
(gasps)
493
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,922
♪ ♪
494
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,718
I'm so sorry, Abe.
495
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,019
(sighs): Well, I just
want to say...
496
00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:11,362
Yes! I can't raise
my left arm,
497
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:13,357
much less a child!
498
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:17,259
Yippee! Not having kids
keeps you young!
499
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,133
Oh, I knew you'd come back!
500
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,698
(clears throat)
501
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,406
Kirk.
Homer.
502
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,238
Dad.
Fat Ass.
503
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,143
That is not my name!
504
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,735
Mm, mm, mm!
505
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,446
Let's roll.
506
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,488
Can't let 'em catch us.
507
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:46,289
♪ ♪
508
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,827
I can't take the pressure!
509
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,267
(gasps)
(tires screech)
510
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,599
Son, I'm so sorry!
511
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,604
I'm getting rid
of this stupid stop sign
512
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,866
before it hurts
somebody else!
513
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:03,975
(grunts)
514
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,837
(tires screeching,
horns honking)
515
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,446
I'm sorry, too, Dad.
516
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,078
(gasps)
You called me Dad!
517
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:11,853
There's a first time
for everything.
518
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,481
Also, a last.
519
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,786
Milhouse, I'd be lying if
I said riding in a go-cart
520
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:19,919
with Bart Simpson wasn't
the highlight of my life,
521
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,526
but you're my son
and I love you.
522
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,299
I love you, too, Dad.
523
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:26,957
You're my favorite guy
that Mom's brought home.
524
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:28,326
Aw...
525
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,844
Last one home
is a rotten father!
526
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,804
Those aren't yours to keep!
527
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:36,366
They take them out of our pay!
528
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,936
HOMER: We'll bring them back
when we get tired of them!
529
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,345
Oh, that never happens.
530
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,646
But, Chief, I...
I don't think those vehicles
531
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:48,022
are certified
for highway use.
532
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,021
Yeah, well, I don't
think you're certified
533
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:52,893
to understand the relationship
between a father and son, Lou.
534
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,892
Yeah, well, I have a son--
he lives in Baltimore.
535
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,394
What do you want,
a parade, Lou?
536
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,904
Listen, Maggie--
can I call you Maggie?--
537
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:06,702
is there a way I can get you
to put that pacifier down?
538
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,136
(chuckles):
Oh, don't worry.
539
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:10,141
I'll be here
as long as it takes.
540
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:13,014
You know, if you cooperate,
541
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:16,652
I can talk to your mother
about a reduced time out.
542
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:19,584
Look, you wanted a helicopter,
543
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,486
I got you a helicopter.
544
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,993
Okay, I've got your nose, and if
you want to see your nose again,
545
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,093
you'll give me that pacifier!
546
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,269
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
547
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,342
ANNOUNCER:
Swing and a miss! Strike two.
548
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,171
Sanchez batting .269.
549
00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:46,336
Fun fact: His father was
one of those soccer players
550
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:48,906
who ate his teammate
after a plane crashed
551
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,205
in the Andes.
552
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:51,976
Look at him bite
at the high fastball.
553
00:21:32,992 --> 00:21:34,692
Shh!
35205
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof