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1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,667
Announcer:
You're watching the simpsons.
2
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,600
You know your life sucks.
Just get drunk
like you always do.
3
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,036
Catch all-new episodes sundays,
4
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:09,481
And check out our other fox
programs, brooklyn nine-nine,
5
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,607
Bob's burgers and family guy.
6
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,512
What is this,
and how can I make the rest
of my life about it?
7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,745
Only on fox.
8
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,156
Homer:
Come on, marge, where's dinner?
9
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,529
What's the holdup
in there?
10
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,027
(to "charge" fanfare):
♪ pot-pop-pot-pot pot pies!
11
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,360
A pie for bart...
12
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,804
Come on,
put them down already.
13
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:33,069
...A veggie pie
for lisa...
14
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,797
Why do you have
to describe everything?
15
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,202
...A baby pie for maggie.
16
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,973
The pies know
who they're for.
17
00:00:37,972 --> 00:00:39,812
A dog pie for
santa's little helper.
What? The dog...
18
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,067
The dog before me?
19
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,075
Now, be sure to
cut it open first
20
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,977
So the pie has time to cool.
21
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:46,409
(screams) I'm done.
22
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:49,424
I know you're in a hurry to go
to the bar to watch football,
23
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,147
But first I want you
to put the kids to bed.
24
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,193
(groans loudly)
25
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,547
(strains, grunts)
26
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,385
"everything after the tornado
was a dream. The end."
27
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:00,329
(tires screech)
28
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:01,687
Announcer:
Going into halftime,
29
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,525
It's springfield atoms 7,
boston americans 10.
30
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:07,402
Oh, come on,
we cannot lose again
31
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,241
To those no-good
boston cheaters!
32
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:12,667
I-I can't stand that
pretty-boy quarterback.
33
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,343
Thinks he's so handsome,
34
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:16,411
Just 'cause he's
drop-dead gorgeous.
35
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:19,040
The only boston wins
is because they cheat!
36
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:21,076
Listening in
on our teams' headsets,
37
00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:22,252
Fattening our cheerleaders.
38
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,919
You know,
for three games last year,
39
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,048
Boston used a volleyball
painted brown.
40
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,023
(boston accent):
That was never proven,
41
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:30,222
You springfield screw-job.
42
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,794
Ugh, boston fans.
43
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,632
In town for the
dennis lehane book tour.
44
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:37,898
Go kiss a kennedy, you rule-
breaking cranberry squeezers!
45
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,228
We don't cheat.
46
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,203
We won 12 division
titles in ten years,
47
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:42,702
Fair and square.
48
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:46,443
You dorks are just jealous
of all our championship rings.
49
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,140
All:
Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
50
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,543
You're the one
who's jealous.
51
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,114
I only wish I could be
as jealous as you.
52
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,614
Geez, jay, this place has got
53
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,275
More knobs
than a hardware store.
54
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,423
I hate this town.
55
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,589
So don't I.
Friggin' doorknobs.
56
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,388
(laughter)
automatic.
57
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:04,159
Both:
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
58
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:06,291
Announcer:
It's fourth and long,
59
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,633
The americans' last chance
60
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:08,758
For a miracle.
61
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,932
Come on, springfield,
put it away!
62
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,131
We're gonna win one.
We're finally gonna win one!
63
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:15,134
Announcer: The qb handsomely
takes the snap,
64
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,636
Sexily steps back to pass,
65
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,897
And with god-given good looks,
fires it downfield!
66
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,466
But there's no one there
to receive it!
67
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,414
(groaning)
68
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,178
(scoffs)
nice pass.
69
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:26,247
What a first-ballot
hall-of-fame loser.
70
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,277
Announcer: But the ball is
caught by the americans' mascot,
71
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,752
Flappy the flag!
72
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,520
Flappy running unopposed
into the end zone
73
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:34,249
For a surely illegal touchdown.
74
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,155
Throwing to the mascot?
75
00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:39,957
After further review,
flappy the flag is listed
76
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,800
On the americans' 53-man roster
and reported eligible.
77
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,597
The result of the play
is a touchdown.
78
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:46,669
(crowd cheering)
79
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,867
Announcer:
Once again, the americans
80
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,098
Found a way to win.
81
00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:50,803
(chuckles)
oh, that'll put a smile
82
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,104
On coach bonderchuck's face.
83
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:54,806
(crowd cheering)
84
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,808
(cheering)
oh, not again!
85
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,210
They cheated! You cheated!
86
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,553
Did not. You got to
cover the mascot.
87
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,379
Use your noggin. Play smart.
88
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,154
Flappy's on the roster.
89
00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,022
(chanting):
On the roster!
90
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:10,521
On the roster!
On the roster!
91
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,394
On the roster, my butt.
92
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,693
Once again,
those boston cheaters
93
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,695
Think the rules
don't apply to them.
94
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,997
And they're so smug
about winning.
95
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:21,699
If I ever won anything,
I wouldn't be smug about it.
96
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,872
I'd be class
all the way,
97
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:27,071
Like mark harmon--
pure american elegance.
98
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:30,014
I tell ya, the next
boston fan I see,
99
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,340
I'm just gonna lose it.
100
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,045
Lose it so hard.
101
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,407
And... What the...
102
00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:37,178
What is... How could...
103
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,994
That hat! Your head!
104
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,147
That team.
105
00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:43,055
My son!
106
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,017
Hey, dad, caught
the game last night.
107
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,385
Tough loss
for your guys.
108
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,063
Guess we just
wanted it more.
109
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,202
(sarcastically):
Oh, am I in the right house?
110
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,897
Because no one
in my house
111
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:56,669
Would ever be caught deadwearing boston americans gear.
112
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,240
Dead!
113
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,499
I feel ya, homer.
114
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,006
Sucks to be a loser.
115
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,378
Unlike the six-time
mega-bowl champion
116
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,877
Boston americans.
117
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,408
Mwah! (smooches)
118
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,953
Ring, ring, ring.
119
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,178
(frustrated grunts)
120
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:10,423
Give me that hat.
121
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:13,294
(growls)
122
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,247
(grunting, snorting)
123
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,116
Olé!
124
00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:22,455
(sighs) your father never
could resist an "olé."
125
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,233
Eh, he'll run out
of steam soon.
126
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:27,001
(homer groaning)
127
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:31,044
(laughter)
128
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,268
Get in.
129
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,143
(milhouse and nelson scream)
130
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,311
(gulps)
131
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,079
Look around, son.
132
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,737
This is your hometown.
133
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:41,876
And the springfield atoms
are your hometown team--
134
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,122
Since 2003, when we stole them
135
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:46,218
In the middle of the night
from portland.
136
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,250
What kind of life
can you have here
137
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:49,985
As a boston fan?
138
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,120
See?
139
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,455
Why are you wearing
that boston hat?
140
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,430
This is
atoms country, bro!
141
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:59,429
I would pluck out my own eyes
if I did not have a call-back
142
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:02,703
For a web-only
olive garden commercial.
143
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:07,441
They're just trying
to hat shame me.
144
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:10,741
Face it, dad, boston is
the bart simpson of cities.
145
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,744
All those awesome southies
in the departed,
146
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,476
(chuckles)
those are my people.
147
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,981
People? The dog and the
baby are your people.
148
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:21,115
(sighs) it all goes back
to the boston tea party,
149
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,821
A prank so kick-ass
it started a country.
150
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,024
(tires screech)
151
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,955
Come on, pal, what do you say?
152
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,330
Just lose the hat,
for your old man.
153
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,565
Nope, I think I'll stick
with the bad boys.
154
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:40,013
Get it off before god sees.
155
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,937
(whimpering)
156
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,183
(groans):
Oh!
157
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:50,447
And the people from boston
are so obnoxious.
158
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:53,451
They think their stupid city
has the best everything:
159
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,854
Bands, comedians, chowder,
160
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,716
Their so-called cream pies,
which are actually cakes.
161
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,326
And there's...
Why don't you let me
162
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,957
Take your mind off
your problems?
163
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,633
And what's
with aerosmith?
164
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:06,371
That's not how
you spell "arrow."
165
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,667
The... Oh.
166
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,368
(both moaning)
167
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,601
(confused grunting)
168
00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:15,710
(whimpering)
169
00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:21,352
Do your job, homer.
170
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:23,218
(homer screams)
171
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:25,677
Bart, you're my son.
172
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:27,586
There's no neck
tattoo so crass,
173
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:30,158
No gender reassignment
too ambiguous
174
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,587
That I would not love you.
175
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:34,662
Which is why I must show you
the error of your ways,
176
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:38,931
Even if it means dragging
this family all the way to hell.
177
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:42,603
A vacation to boston?
178
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,943
No, not a vay-cation,
179
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,538
A hate-cation!
180
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:49,540
Where you experience
the worst a place has to offer,
181
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,713
And then say, "told ya!"
182
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:55,252
Hate-watching, hate-voting
and now a hate-cation?
183
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:58,019
Why can't everyone just
enjoy things they like?
184
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,048
Because things you like
don't fill you
185
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,923
With delicious,
delicious rage.
186
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,263
Hmm, I'm gonna
love this trip.
187
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,188
I'm gonna love it
right in your face.
188
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:09,063
That's it,
build it up in your head.
189
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:12,032
High hopes just make
the hate-cation stronger.
190
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,032
You're crazy.
191
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,033
Boston can't
be that bad.
192
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:19,911
(horns honking)
193
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:23,107
I've never loved
hating anything so much!
194
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,080
Move your
garbage car!
195
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,178
I got to get to the packy
before the b's drop puck!
196
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,278
Told ya!
197
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:41,290
See, boy? Notice how bostonians
aren't exactly ugly,
198
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:43,625
But they're not
sexy either.
199
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:47,130
Homer, your negative attitude
is ruining this hate-cation.
200
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,174
So, what to hate first?
201
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,239
The freedom trail?
202
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,167
The touch tank
at the new England aquarium?
203
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,612
Ooh, that could blow.
204
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,167
I want to go to southie.
205
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:58,605
That part of town has the
towniest townies of any town.
206
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,982
(scoffs) you think your
bostonians are so great?
207
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,351
Watch as your
beloved hooligans
208
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,950
Tear your innocent father
limb from limb
209
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,653
With just
the slightest provocation.
210
00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:13,362
Listen up, you clam-gargling
tea-tossers!
211
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,600
Fenway is a terrible ballpark!
212
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,097
Dad, don't!
213
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,028
Out of my way, ladies.
You're blocking my shot.
214
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:23,033
The seats at fenway park
are too narrow,
215
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:26,166
And many of them
face center field!
216
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:30,513
It's not charming,
it's a teardown!
217
00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:31,711
(boston accent):
The bobbleheads!
218
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:32,942
They're tippin'!
219
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,606
(boston accent):
Kid, mind the cart!
220
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,005
The what?
The cart!
221
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,976
The cot?
222
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,215
Cot!
223
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:43,049
(grunting)
224
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,186
No, don't struggle!
225
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,061
It only makes them
bobble harder.
226
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,159
They keep coming.
Bobblehead steven wright,
227
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:52,001
Bobblehead aimee mann,
bobblehead bell biv devoe!
228
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:53,999
The vibrations are killing him!
229
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,201
Don't worry, sweetheart,
230
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,672
I'm a doctor.
231
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,470
I'm also a doctor, kid.
232
00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:00,672
(groaning)
233
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,974
Mm, so many doctors.
234
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,476
He's got a pedro
lodged in his airway.
235
00:09:05,479 --> 00:09:06,749
(homer gasps)
236
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,177
He'll be fine, ma'am.
237
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:11,051
And because of our state's
super-socialized health care,
238
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:14,221
No matter how much your husband
abuses his body,
239
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,251
Someone else will pay for it.
240
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,916
What a relief for women
with hot-tempered,
241
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,886
Accident-prone husbands.
242
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,934
Oh, yeah, we got
a whole surgical center
243
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:25,930
For injuries from falling off
icy roofs and gutters.
244
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,603
Both:
Ooh.
245
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:33,366
While the doctors pull tiny
bruins helmets out of your skin,
246
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,273
Lisa and I are going to
explore the hub on our own.
247
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:38,576
Remember, this is
a hate-cation.
248
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,079
You better go
someplace bad.
249
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,610
Isn't mayor quimby from
somewhere around here?
250
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:47,286
(all muttering
with thick accents)
251
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:52,086
People are so fit here.
252
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,192
Everyone looks like they're
in a financial services ad.
253
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:58,695
Free sunscreen?
So progressive.
254
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,729
Do you vaccinate
your children?
255
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,874
Of course.
256
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,738
But not stupidprogressive.
257
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,638
(low buzzing)
what's that buzzing noise?
258
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:10,581
(gasps)
it's-it's nerds!
259
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:14,547
They've got every
recognized species of nerd!
260
00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:15,948
A jester-hatted
ferret preener!
261
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,749
A wild west-afarian!
262
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,581
A magic: The gatheringgathering!
263
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:20,886
Oculus rifters!
264
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:23,117
Yo-yo guys.
Yo-yo girls!
265
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,423
A chain mail ping pong player.
266
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,725
(giggles, squeals)
267
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,627
So much education.
268
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,659
If they did
a real housewiveshere,
269
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,764
It would be a total snooze.
270
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,896
Ah, it's like
heaven for people
271
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,971
Who don't believe
in heaven.
272
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,140
Homer:
What the crap is this bs?
273
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,069
What? I thought you'd want
to try candlepin bowling.
274
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,846
Hey, mccarthy,
nice half-worcester.
275
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,677
Get bent, mcdonald.
276
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,652
A lot of wood
to work with out there.
277
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,151
(sputters)
boston.
278
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,452
They even found a way
to mess up bowling.
279
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,654
Just try it.
280
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:56,856
(groans)
281
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,557
Eh, all right.
282
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,030
(grunts)
283
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:06,099
None of the usual pain
in my knees, back,
284
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,369
Wrist, shoulder,
neck, and chest.
285
00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:12,503
(grunts)
286
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:16,340
(groans)
one pin standing.
287
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,843
Story of my life.
288
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,344
Whoa there, pal.
289
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,376
Don't forget
your third ball.
290
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,651
Hold on, wait.
291
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,179
Wait. Hold on.
292
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,254
Wait.
293
00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:27,515
What?
294
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,651
This is candlepin bowling.
295
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:30,956
You get three.
296
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:33,217
Hmm? Hmm.
297
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,726
(grunts)
298
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:42,172
(gasps)
three balls.
299
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:45,039
I see it all so clearly now.
300
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,908
What, dad? What is it?
301
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,707
This regional bowling
with its one extra roll
302
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:53,510
Has knocked my misguided hate
into the gutter.
303
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:54,513
Mwah!
304
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:57,184
I like boston!
305
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,984
Dad, you and me are real
father-son southies, now.
306
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:01,916
Just like ben and casey affleck.
307
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:05,722
Son, show me everything
this town has to offer.
308
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,986
("the man in me" by bob dylan
playing)
309
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,925
♪ ooh ooh ooh ♪
310
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,671
♪ la la la la la la la la la
311
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,027
♪ ooh ♪
312
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,365
♪ la la la la la
313
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:17,599
♪ la la la la
314
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,804
♪ la la la la la la la
315
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,910
♪ la la la la
316
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,339
♪ ooh ooh ooh ♪
317
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,275
♪ la la la
318
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,310
♪ ooh ♪
♪ la la la la la la la la...
319
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,083
(gulps)
320
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,615
You know, for a cake,
321
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:37,120
This boston cream pie
isn't so bad.
322
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,024
Look at them. So innocent.
323
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,125
Not bart, but go on.
324
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:44,298
I never dared dream
about living somewhere
325
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:47,527
That values education,
with great health care,
326
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,234
And everyone's outdoorsy
327
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,396
But still pallid.
328
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,743
If it weren't crazy,
329
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:54,238
I'd say we should be
raising our kids here.
330
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,211
But no. No, no. That's crazy!
331
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,039
Is it?
332
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:01,154
(gasps) but I never thought
you, of all people...
333
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:04,248
Honey, this could be the chance
we never thought we'd get.
334
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:07,991
The chance to knock down
all of life's pins.
335
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,988
Are you saying what I think
you're saying?
336
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:15,661
I am. Fate is offering us
a third ball.
337
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,332
Do you mean it?
Are we going to move to boston?
338
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,931
I knew I didn't pay this
month's mortgage for a reason.
339
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,265
(both sigh)
340
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,340
(kisses)
341
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:33,379
(st. Elsewhere theme playing)
342
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:40,084
We did it!
We really did it!
343
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:41,986
We made a life change.
344
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:45,188
I love these colonial quilts
on the wall.
345
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:47,232
Now, I can take a nap
standing up.
346
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:55,129
Check it out, kid.
347
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,765
This movie's my life now.
348
00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:01,114
You want to rob
the harvard coop?
349
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,137
Why don't we just
break into fort knox?
350
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:05,943
These snobs think mass ave.
Belongs to them.
351
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,006
It's our ave.
352
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:16,088
Whoa! I got to get one of those
"x" necklaces to kiss.
353
00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:20,386
This is all happening so fast.
354
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,033
Can we really afford
to live in a city
355
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,228
With a symphony and a pops?
356
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,561
(laughing):
Don't worry, baby.
357
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:29,195
I have a line on a sweet
safety inspector gig.
358
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,102
Very sweet.
359
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,646
Homer:
Can I get a test on batch six?
360
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,187
I'm finally living my dream
361
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,887
Of never not being around
batches of candy.
362
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,390
And unlike the nuclear plant,
363
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,861
If I screw up, no one gets hurt.
364
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:55,931
(screaming)
365
00:14:58,097 --> 00:14:59,857
Are you sure we have
to go to school here?
366
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,766
I sort of thought I'd go
straight to running numbers
367
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,068
For the irish mob.
368
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,069
Our school is in the heart
of what they once called
369
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,241
The combat zone.
370
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,039
The combat zone! Yes!
371
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,371
Combat rules!
372
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,036
Bart:
Charter what?
373
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,144
Here's my classroom.
374
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,583
The teacher is
doris kearns goodwin.
375
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:20,923
Today, we explore lincoln's 1861
suspension of habeas corpus,
376
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:23,761
Using dried macaroni
and pipe cleaners.
377
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,087
(gasps excitedly)
378
00:15:26,692 --> 00:15:28,362
Huh, now to get sent
to detention.
379
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,531
That's where I'll meet
my future bank-robbing crew.
380
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,071
(all gasping)
381
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,100
Ha! How do you like
them marbles?
382
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,735
Bart, we have a place
for kids like you.
383
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,011
Bring it on.
384
00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:47,153
(choir humming
"I'm shipping up to boston")
385
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,147
Bart:
Kids singing?
386
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,219
(humming continues)
387
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:55,546
What the hell?
388
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:59,055
Like you, these kids are gifted
with exceptional energy.
389
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,429
Which they've channeled
into a cappella.
390
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,328
♪ I'm shipping up to boston
391
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,460
♪ whoa!
392
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:05,664
(softly):
Departed.
393
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:06,995
These are the bad kids?
394
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,000
There's not a wahlberg
in the bunch.
395
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,342
I've never felt
more like I fit in.
396
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:13,938
People think boston's all
southies and hooligans.
397
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:16,440
But it's really teachers,
ph.D. Students,
398
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,643
Doctors, innovators,
philanthropists.
399
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,945
It's like living in
a giant classroom.
400
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,847
And every day
is a new test.
401
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,749
(groaning)
402
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,321
(thunder claps)
403
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,994
Theater?
404
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,191
Colleges?
405
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,233
Culture?
406
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:38,963
Oh, pauly,
407
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:39,955
If you could have known that
408
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,766
Boston was gonna turn out
so wussy,
409
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,998
You never would have
warned anybody.
410
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,610
Listen, my brother,
and you shall see,
411
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:50,977
This is a town not for you,
but for me.
412
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,437
(screaming)
413
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,446
Hey, but what about grampa?
414
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,448
He lives a thousand
miles away.
415
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:58,620
Great point.
416
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,178
Nobody tell him where we went.
417
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,216
Bart, you haven't touched
your clambake.
418
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,452
What's wrong?
419
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:06,716
This place is all p.C.
Brainiacs and subaru owners
420
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,186
Wearing fleece vests.
421
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,134
It's nothing at all
like the departed.
422
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,660
Oh, honey, I know
it's a big change.
423
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:16,365
But someday you'll understand
that providing our family
424
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,799
With a better life...
425
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:20,044
Something I've never
been able to do.
426
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,870
...Is the most important thing
in the world.
427
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,036
We've been given
a third ball.
428
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,305
Let's not throw it away.
429
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:29,513
(groans)
430
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:30,916
Same to you.
431
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,077
No one likes feeling
out of place.
432
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,246
That's how I felt
back in springfield.
433
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,585
But I sucked it up
for eight years.
434
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,660
Now it's your turn.
435
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,099
(grunts)
436
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,172
(gasps)
437
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:52,543
Yes! Finally.
438
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,209
A southie crew pulling a job.
439
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,408
I finally took that
spin class with miranda.
440
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,380
I was sweatin'
so friggin' hard.
441
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,409
Hey, try
this pressed juice, kid.
442
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:04,024
Ginger, cayenne...
Wicked cleanse, pal.
443
00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:05,717
Come on. Donny, tommy,
444
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,688
These solar laptops for rwandans
445
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:10,087
Ain't gonna donate themselves.
446
00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:13,986
It's time for me to ship
out of boston.
447
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,934
What a gorgeous day.
448
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,700
I hope it never ends.
449
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,968
So don't I.
450
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:24,067
You know, guys, I've picked out
the perfect boston activity
451
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:25,740
To help celebrate our move.
452
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:26,738
(marching band playing)
453
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:27,769
Ooh, a parade.
454
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,344
Not just any parade.
455
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:32,279
Homer:
The boston americans?
456
00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:36,112
Crowd (chanting):
Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!
457
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,076
It's a state holiday
because the league
458
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,915
Overturned the coach's
suspension
459
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,220
For using magnets
to affect the coin toss.
460
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:45,093
Pretty cool way to celebrate
our new hometown.
461
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,591
Right, dad?
462
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:51,333
(forced): As a bostonian,
I definitely support my team.
463
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:55,973
Hey, bonk!
Can we get a picture?
464
00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,069
Hell to the derrr, little bro!
465
00:18:58,071 --> 00:18:59,141
(grunting)
466
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:02,406
Come on, homer, put on the hat.
467
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,278
I can support my hometown team
without putting on a hat.
468
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:08,148
Hats go on your head!
469
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:11,048
If you're gonna live in boston,
you got to wear the hat.
470
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:13,617
(winces)
471
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,820
Okay.
472
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,151
(grunting, blowing)
473
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,092
You did this on purpose.
474
00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:24,095
My future is at stake.
475
00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:26,197
So don't is mine.
476
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:29,329
(struggling):
Just... A... Hat.
477
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:30,665
You can do it, homie.
478
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,140
Think of the candlepins.
479
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:34,668
This is our extra ball!
480
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,184
A... Better... Life.
481
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,478
(yells)
482
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,679
(all gasping)
483
00:19:43,882 --> 00:19:45,482
(quacking)
484
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,045
Derrr!
485
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,120
Stupid cheaters!
486
00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:50,222
You cheat,
487
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,363
You flip out when people
say you cheat,
488
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,558
And everybody knows
489
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,130
You're nothing but a big bunch
of cheaters!
490
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:59,129
(chuckling)
491
00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:00,902
You made us leave
that lovely city
492
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,070
Rather than just
put on a stupid hat.
493
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:04,539
It wasn't even fitted.
494
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,237
(sighs)
I just couldn't wear the hat.
495
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,010
Well, I'm still mad at you.
496
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:11,978
I never even got to experience
one of those boston winters
497
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,478
Everyone raves about.
498
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:16,049
Come on, baby, we could
never escape our problems
499
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,749
By moving somewhere else.
500
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:21,050
Our problems are who we
are, not where we are.
501
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,994
Well... Maybe.
502
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,089
The traffic was
pretty annoying.
503
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,491
Not to mention
the unspoken racism.
504
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:30,163
It wasn't that unspoken.
505
00:20:31,263 --> 00:20:32,903
At least someone
in this family
506
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,769
Is happy about
where they came from.
507
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,071
Oh, don't worry, lisa.
508
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,041
You'll get back
to boston someday.
509
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,909
What are you
talking about?
510
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,208
I never left.
511
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:45,509
I'm in boston now.
512
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:49,009
Welcome home, lisa.
513
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:50,675
Class is about to start.
514
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,653
(classical music playing)
515
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:54,689
Eh.
516
00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:04,931
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
517
00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:12,167
(choir humming
"I'm shipping up to boston")
518
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,464
♪ I'm shipping up to boston
519
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,260
♪ shipping up, shipping up ♪
520
00:21:36,262 --> 00:21:39,132
♪ I'm shipping up to boston
521
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:41,172
♪ shipping up to boston, whoa ♪
522
00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:43,127
♪ I'm shipping up to boston
523
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:45,436
♪ yeah ♪
524
00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:47,138
♪ shipping up to boston
525
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,140
♪ whoa! ♪
526
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:49,341
Departed!
34631
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