Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:02,671
Announcer:
You're watching the simpsons.
2
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,340
You know your life sucks.
Just get drunk
like you always do.
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:09,479
And check out our other fox
programs, brooklyn nine-nine,
4
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,607
Bob's burgers and family guy.
5
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,512
What is this,
and how can I make the rest
of my life about it?
6
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,745
Only on fox.
7
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:21,522
(patty and selma cackling)
8
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,056
(exclaiming)
9
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,966
(school bell ringing)
10
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:38,036
(barney belches)
11
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:39,299
(tires screech)
12
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:42,914
D'oh!
13
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:43,980
(tires screech)
14
00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:45,078
Ugh!
15
00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:52,253
I'm too fat!
16
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,820
Still too fat!
17
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:56,893
Ugh!
18
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,821
(groans)
19
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,886
♪
20
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,574
(tires screech)
21
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,840
Come on, sir. You'll be late
for your appointment.
22
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:14,509
Hush! No one must know I'm not
in perfect mental health.
23
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,408
The kaiser would
be furious!
24
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,580
♪
25
00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:22,851
(coin clanks)
26
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:29,793
Hip joints!
Who wants a hip joint?
27
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,790
Eyeballs! Can't see
without your eyeballs!
28
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:36,033
Euthanasia!
Sweet, sweet euthanasia!
29
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:37,800
Ooh. Can I buy it as a gift?
30
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:38,958
No!
31
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,374
Mm.
32
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,713
Hmm.
33
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:49,979
(groans)
34
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,777
Come on in, monty.
35
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:55,779
I believe last week we were
discussing your anger issues.
36
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,553
Anger issues?
37
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,551
Anger issues?!
38
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:00,993
Anger issues?
39
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,158
Anger issues?!
40
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:06,057
Yeah, all right, I'm afraid
our 50 minutes are almost up.
41
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:08,130
Sorry. You were saying?
42
00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:13,574
(sighs) monty, I give up.
43
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,967
After only 70 years of therapy?
44
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,000
You're never gonna change.
45
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,514
You-you will never have this.
46
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:22,567
A cheap piece of plastic
with photos of ugly people?
47
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:25,506
That is my family--
people who love me.
48
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:26,853
Yes, you're right.
49
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,907
I should consider
encasing people in plastic.
50
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:31,476
Then I could always see
the look of fear in their faces.
51
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,685
(chuckles)
yeah, we're finished
here. Get out.
52
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:36,257
May I remind you I'm paying you
five dollars an hour?
53
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,157
Oi! Why did I lock in
at that rate?
54
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,330
(door buzzes)
55
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,002
(groans)
56
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,028
(thud)
57
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:46,532
What? (gasps)
58
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,141
Hmm. No pulse.
59
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,897
Oh, wait, that's me.
60
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,939
Dead. So sad.
61
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,012
He was a true friend.
62
00:02:57,011 --> 00:03:00,151
Mm-hmm. Excellent.
63
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:02,377
(trumpet playing taps)
64
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:05,983
I can't believe
dr. Nussbaum's dead.
65
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:09,116
Um, we've had
a lot of therapists.
66
00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:10,563
Which one was he again?
67
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:13,488
He was the one who
helped us communicate.
68
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,864
You never listen
to a word I say!
69
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,002
I have to listen
all day at work.
70
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,457
You're not listening now.
I'm listened out!
71
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:19,965
What? "listened out."
72
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,667
Not listening,
not listening...
What does that even mean?
73
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:24,299
Let's hear what the children
have to say.
74
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,905
I'm gonna wet the bed
to get their attention.
Homer: Not listening...
75
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,067
You're the one
sleeping in it.
76
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,405
I didn't say
I'd wet my bed.
77
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:31,681
Please, marge!
Do we have to burden
78
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,679
Dr. Nussbaum
with our problems?
(all arguing)
79
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,881
Maggie talk!
80
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:35,882
The man has
problems of his own!
81
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,853
Maggie talk!
82
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:38,821
(arguing continues)
83
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:42,289
No one listen?
Maggie never talk again.
84
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:45,993
That's not what happened.
That's exactly what happened.
85
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,733
I believe I remember
what happened, marge.
86
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,988
How could you remember?
87
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,826
You were looking at your
phone half the time.
88
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,861
When you have four bar
wi-fi, you use it!
89
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:56,266
Oh, look. It's the ugly
people from the cube.
90
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,070
(gasps)
rabbi: Uh, if
we can begin.
91
00:03:58,072 --> 00:03:59,502
Oh, of course.
92
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,906
Oh, this man meant
a great deal to me.
93
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,739
And helping out
with the cost of this service
94
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,944
Was the least I could do.
95
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,245
(crowd murmurs)
very sweet.
96
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,707
Smithers?
97
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,216
(crowd booing loudly)
98
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:12,017
For shame! (grunts)
99
00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:18,286
(tires screech)
100
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,792
(sighs) stoned at a funeral.
101
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,264
Ooh, wow!
Where's the funeral?
102
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,525
(chuckles):
Oh! Just what I wanted.
103
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,334
Just get me home quickly.
104
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:33,936
("pomp and circumstance"
playing)
105
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:37,811
And this year's nobel prize
for physics goes to...
106
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,011
Professor john frink.
107
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,948
(crowd cheering)
108
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:46,388
(horn honks)
109
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,987
Frink:
Ah, thank you, queen sonya,
110
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,158
And all the people at hbo--
111
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,717
The, uh, higgs boson
observatory.
112
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:53,726
You'll see there.
113
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:54,727
(tires screech, car crashes)
114
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:55,958
Oi! Oiven!
115
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,003
I-I didn't mean
to hit him, sir.
116
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,998
Well, how could a man
in his right mind
117
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,000
Miss a car heading
right towards him?
118
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,002
(truck horn blares)
119
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,273
Man:
Idiot!
120
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:07,171
I think it's this headpiece
he's wearing, sir.
121
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,114
If I may ask, what makes
this device so enchanting
122
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,810
That you ignore
the real world?
123
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,482
Is there a milkmaid
skipping rope?
124
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:20,024
Oi! Gloivick!
125
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,650
The oculus frink--
or froculus--
126
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:26,356
Provides you with a complete
virtual reality experience.
127
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,630
(groans) letting you live
in a world of your dreams.
128
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,830
Goi!
129
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,501
(mutters)
130
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:37,837
To adjust the focus, turn
the dial on the side. Oi.
131
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,877
Now for the after-party!
132
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:46,447
(lively orchestral music
playing)
133
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,151
I must have it!
134
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,293
Oh, uh, can you
drop me off first?
135
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,631
♪
136
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:13,844
Hmm, not bad. Next?
137
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:15,841
This is still a new
technology, sir.
138
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,713
At the moment, it's really
just lots of pornography,
139
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,012
A roller coaster,
pornography, pornography,
140
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,914
Burger king ad,
pornography,
141
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,916
And... And this one.
142
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,918
♪
143
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:27,950
(dragon squawks)
144
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,920
(roaring)
145
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,086
(squawks)
146
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,404
Dragon porn.
147
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:37,997
(both moaning)
148
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,328
Oh, yeah.
149
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,233
Oh, yeah. Oh.
Oh, flame on, baby.
150
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,265
Flame on!
151
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,569
Hot! Hot!
152
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:44,900
Don't tell
my wife, okay?
153
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,195
Smithers:
Oh, sorry, sir.
154
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,936
This one is also pornography.
155
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,741
Oh, so boring.
156
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,743
(fabric rips)
157
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,344
Trim those nails, smithers.
158
00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:54,376
Uh, sir,
if I might suggest,
159
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,521
The last thing
your therapist said was,
160
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,747
"you need a family."
161
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,451
(chuckles):
I don't need anyone.
162
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,723
We could program
a virtual family for you, sir.
163
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,764
A virtual family. Yes.
164
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,189
Meanwhile, let me
see the one again
165
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,394
Where I shoot the
beloved lion in africa.
166
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,956
That was reality, sir.
167
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,574
Mm. I've lived
quite the life.
168
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:14,797
Quite the life.
169
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,472
Ooh!
170
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,040
(crow caws)
171
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,638
Uh, we only need three
children, thanks.
172
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,041
Oh, what kind of coal mine
you runnin'?
173
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:28,480
You, wife, look at me lovingly,
as if I'm your husband.
174
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,819
Eh, can you ask for a
look of indifference?
175
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,419
I think she can do that.
176
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,790
Luann, pretend
it's my birthday.
177
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,889
Next.
178
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,960
You promised me a job, dad!
179
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,129
I was gonna buy a fat barbie.
180
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,828
It's curvy barbie.
181
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,930
And that would mean
you have to buy all new clothes.
182
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,303
(crow caws)
183
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,571
Uh, this thing says
all families in the plant
184
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:50,970
Are required to try out.
185
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,301
So far, so good.
186
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:55,106
Two-and-a-half children,
wife with current hairstyle.
187
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,408
You're all hired.
188
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,480
Except you, fatso.
We don't need a father.
189
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,249
I'll be the rooster
in this henhouse.
190
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,907
That is so disappointing.
191
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,645
I've always wanted
to work for mr. Burns.
192
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,917
Okay, family scene.
193
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,663
And... Action.
194
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,118
(steam hissing)
195
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,186
(sucking noises)
196
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,370
This isn't a word I use
lightly, but... Excellent.
197
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,844
Oh, smithers, one favor:
198
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,242
Make the children
look like they're mine.
199
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,949
No, no, no!
It's too beautiful.
200
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,819
Like a supreme court
full of scalias.
201
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:40,048
Switch to something else.
202
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,655
Burns:
That's good.
203
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,160
What's the matter, homer?
204
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,561
Last night,
marge and the kids
205
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,733
Didn't get home
till 11:00 at night.
206
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,902
When I came back from
moe's at 11:05,
207
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,901
They were still taking
off their coats!
208
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:59,913
I hear old man burns is just
living in a fantasy world now.
209
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,467
En garde! (laughs)
210
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:02,865
Mm, must be nice.
211
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,136
Hey, there he is.
Wonder what he's watching now.
212
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,546
Home movies.
213
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:13,391
♪ happy birthday, dear burnsie
214
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:17,887
♪ happy birthday to you
215
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,161
♪ and maybe more.
216
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,690
(chuckles)
thank you, thank you.
217
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,526
Now, your mother's
going to take me upstairs
218
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:27,001
To give me... Her present.
219
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:31,374
(marge moaning suggestively)
220
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:34,541
Burns: Oh, smithers,
could you remove the ankle bar?
221
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:37,411
More. More. More.
222
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:38,981
(moans)
oh...
223
00:09:40,279 --> 00:09:42,109
(chuckles):
Oh, that was wonderful.
224
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,545
I'm picking up
your ten-year options.
225
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:45,921
Ten years?!
226
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,849
Oh, now, now, no discussion.
227
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,354
We're a family now.
228
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,630
Ugh! What is that?
A river otter?
229
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,755
(dog howls)
230
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,534
(groans)
we're not coming home, homie.
231
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:03,304
What? What do I do
without you here?
232
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,743
You can do what you did
with me there: Go to moe's.
233
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,370
Aw, it's not the same
234
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,405
If I'm not trying to avoid
some unpleasant chore.
235
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,941
Oh. You could
clean out the attic.
236
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,346
Going to moe's!
(line clicks, dial tone)
237
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:17,124
Eh, no one
to go home to, huh?
238
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,217
Yeah, take it from me,
that's rough.
239
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,219
Yeah.
240
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,720
Heading back to an empty house.
241
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,662
No one there
to tell you what to do,
242
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,417
No kids fighting all the time.
243
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,655
Wait a minute.
244
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,960
I can eat dinner
in any room of the house!
245
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,502
And not the scary ones like
the basement and bart's bedroom.
246
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,898
And I can drink at home!
247
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,300
Whoa, whoa!
You're twisting my words there.
248
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,803
That would be cheaper!
And I wouldn't have to drive!
249
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,405
And you are kind of mean.
250
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,467
No one calls me mean.
251
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,943
Moe, you're
proving my point.
252
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,406
Here we are talking, and
you pull a shotgun on me.
253
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,975
But there's never
any bullets in this. Watch.
254
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,018
Ha! Good gag, huh?
255
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,861
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
256
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,817
♪ bomp, bomp,
bomp, bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
257
00:10:58,825 --> 00:10:59,955
♪ I feel free
258
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,660
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
259
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:02,992
♪ I feel free
260
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,026
(muffled explosion)
261
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,461
♪ I feel free
262
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,095
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
263
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,200
♪ I feel free
264
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,771
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
265
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,940
♪ I feel free
266
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,597
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
267
00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:13,766
♪ I feel free
268
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,174
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
269
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,365
♪ I feel free
270
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,006
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
271
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,141
♪ I feel free
272
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,946
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
273
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,107
♪ I feel free
274
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:30,624
♪ feel when I dance with you
275
00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:34,534
♪ we move like the sea
276
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:41,195
♪ you, you're all
I want to know ♪
277
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,101
♪ I feel free
278
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:50,875
♪ I feel free.
279
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,881
Mmm, does that turn you on?
280
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,680
Oh, yes. That's hot.
281
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,023
(handles creak)
282
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,878
(laughs)
the perfect temperature.
283
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:02,987
(owl hooting)
284
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:07,089
Ah, snoopy knew what
he was doing, all right.
285
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,934
Woman: How you doing?
Aah!
286
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,529
Don't worry, I've
seen you naked
287
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,000
Plenty of times.
288
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,498
I live in the house
behind yours.
289
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,500
I don't think my wife
would like this.
290
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:19,373
Hey, I got a boyfriend,
and you're not my type.
291
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,042
Flanders:
Could you both keep it down?
292
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,371
I'm trying
to count pennies.
293
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,575
(scoffs) stupid flanders.
294
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,508
Flanders:
Oh! You made me lose count.
295
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,584
(both laughing)
296
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,553
Homer, it looks like
you're out of beer, pal.
297
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,621
(grunts)
298
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:35,922
Wow, can a man just be friends
299
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,092
With a woman?
300
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,220
Here are some pretzels.
301
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:39,415
Yes, he can!
302
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:46,464
(fence squeaks)
303
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,666
Aw, don't worry.
I'll fix that.
304
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:51,972
Have one.
I'm celebrating.
305
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,372
My boyfriend proposed.
306
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:55,113
Wow! You'll get to enjoy
307
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,578
The most magical part
of married life:
308
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:58,877
The beginning.
309
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,879
Mmm...
(slurping)
310
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,952
So, uh, where's
the lucky guy?
311
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,620
(sighs)
gone for the weekend.
312
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:06,789
He's an airline pilot.
313
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,547
Maybe he and I can
go out for beers
314
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,255
Before a flight.
Mm.
315
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,757
Where's your wife?
316
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,928
Uh, she's staying at
this billionaire's house,
317
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:15,887
Working as
a virtual reality actress.
318
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,026
You know, the usual.
319
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,227
Oh, homer?
320
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,972
Something's going on
with homer.
321
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,997
My spousal sense is tingling.
322
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,743
Mom, you blew the take!
323
00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:27,839
Okay, that's it.
I'll direct.
324
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,641
And I'll show you
how a pro does it.
325
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,643
You, daughter character,
say you love me.
326
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:32,635
(flatly):
I love you.
327
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:33,776
Like you mean it.
328
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,410
(flatly):
I really love you.
329
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:36,745
Once more, with feeling.
330
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:39,280
(flatly):
I... Really...
331
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:42,016
Love... You.
332
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,022
Blech.
333
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,123
This girl has
no chops whatsoever.
334
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,125
(a la katherine hepburn):
The existence of my chops
335
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:49,687
Is not for the likes
of yoto ascertain,
336
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:50,826
My good sir.
337
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,831
(shudders)
would you like some eggs
338
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,373
With that ham?
339
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,165
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
340
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,341
Looks like the old
make-out king's
341
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,440
Got a new queen, huh?
342
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,342
Guys, we're just friends.
343
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,114
It's purely catatonic.
344
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,352
"platonic."
345
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,277
That means
she's into me,
346
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,882
But I'm
keeping it cool.
347
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,894
I like you, but that's
not what it means.
348
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,487
Sure, right.
349
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,858
(italian accent):
Here you go, the antipasto,
350
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,288
To share.
351
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,862
Both:
Ooh...!
352
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,802
Would you fellas like
to join us?
353
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:25,897
(nervous stammers)
354
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,869
(sophisticated accent):
When did salad get so awful?
355
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,868
(sophisticated accent):
Kale ruined everything.
356
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,040
(mock sophisticated laughter)
357
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,838
(normal voice):
You're just like a guy.
358
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,970
You're funny,
you like to eat crap.
359
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,706
If I may get personal,
360
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,011
What's your
bowling average?
212.
361
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,713
Oh, my god, you're
my best friend!
362
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,016
And that's all.
363
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,177
Just friends.
364
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,575
Eh, we shall see.
365
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,386
There is one test
for a-romance
366
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,388
That never fails.
367
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,420
Enjoy it.
368
00:14:57,696 --> 00:15:00,196
That is not a-love!
369
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,400
This is the best--
we're friends,
370
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,202
No one has any reason
to get upset,
371
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,904
And no one gets hurt.
372
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,366
To no one getting hurt.
373
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,614
Smithers:
Smash-cut to marge!
374
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:11,438
"look, monty, our daughter,
the president,
375
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,014
Is delivering her speech."
376
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:16,413
Excuse me,
do I ever get a joke?
377
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,576
Keep rolling.
378
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,524
"mr. Vice president,
madam speaker,
379
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,290
"chinese overlords,
380
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:25,619
Years ago, our forefathers,
and foremothers..."
381
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,025
Burns:
Stick to the script!
382
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,627
Oh, you try to
give direction
383
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:29,788
To a bunch
of land apes
384
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,296
Who aren't worth
the ping-pong balls
385
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,699
Stuck to their
untalented asses!
386
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,471
Idiots!
Mountebanks!
387
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,369
Featherwits!
Poltroons!
388
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,601
(furniture crashes)
389
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:43,536
Saint francis himself
would vomit with rage!
390
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,143
Okay, you heard him,
people.
391
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,075
That was great,
just a little more energy.
392
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,050
Sir, I know you're
getting frustrated,
393
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,579
So we recorded some
future scenarios.
394
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,894
Yes, let's see what life
will be like when I'm old.
395
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:56,958
I'm going to build homes
for the homeless
396
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,887
With my boyfriend sean,
397
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,492
Then it's off to vassar
in the fall.
398
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,934
Irish boyfriend?
Helping the homeless?
399
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:06,600
Well, every family has
one black sheep.
400
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:07,929
Let's move on.
401
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,174
How did this happen?
(pacifier pops twice)
402
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,540
Don't you take
that tone with me.
403
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,569
A harvard man?
404
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,105
I was warned
there'd be nausea.
405
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,980
I don't need them.
My life is perfect.
406
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:25,348
My life is perfect.
407
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:28,822
49, 50.
My life is perfect!
408
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,662
Have you seen my
canadian penny?
409
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,188
Oh, darn it,
darn it, darn it!
410
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,104
Everyone out!
You're all fired!
411
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,297
Having a family is the most
meaningless experience
412
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,869
I could imagine.
413
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:41,967
Try acting.
414
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,198
Mm...
415
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,273
Come on, kids.
416
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,770
I'm taking
my bathrobe.
417
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,112
There's a dye pack
stitched in.
418
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,267
(loud pop)
419
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,214
Joke's on you.
I like this better.
420
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,010
Oh, go ahead,
take your robe.
421
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,882
But you'll never work
in single-viewer
422
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,910
Virtual reality
family melodrama again.
423
00:16:57,883 --> 00:16:59,453
Did you see
the guitar lessons sign
424
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,822
On the telephone pole?
425
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:01,990
I took a tab.
426
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:04,018
No, I'm not
gonna take the lessons,
427
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,194
I just needed
to blow my nose.
428
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,562
Ooh, my family's here.
Gotta go.
429
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,361
Hey, guys!
It's good to see you.
430
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,363
Hmm. Good to see you.
431
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,825
Who were you talking to?
432
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:14,873
My friend julia.
433
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,168
Julia? Like a girl?
434
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,570
She's not a girl.
435
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,511
She's three years younger
than your mother.
436
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:21,637
(irritated murmur)
437
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,211
Now, marge,
it's cool.
438
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,809
All we do is share
439
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,811
Our deepest thoughts
and feelings.
440
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:27,883
Mm-hmm.
441
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:31,081
Kids, could you
leave the room, please?
442
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,924
Faster!
443
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:34,990
Geronimo!
444
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:35,888
(retreating footsteps)
445
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,859
Marge, it's nothing.
446
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,817
She's just
my new best friend.
447
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:42,486
(groans angrily)
448
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:43,725
What the-- why--
449
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,330
Why are you mad
at those eggs?!
450
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,271
They didn't do anything!
451
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,767
Homer simpson!
452
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,998
(whimpering)
453
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:53,374
After all I've put up with
for all these years,
454
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,773
If I'm not
your best friend,
455
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,775
What is this marriage about?!
456
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,537
Okay, okay, you're
my best friend.
457
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,906
She's just somebody I call
when I'm mad at you.
458
00:18:02,881 --> 00:18:03,921
(screams)
(grumbling)
459
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,377
I mean, I'm never
mad at you.
460
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,945
Well, sometimes
I'm mad at you.
461
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:08,953
A little bit!
But I shouldn't call her.
462
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,785
I should just
drink it off at moe's.
(growling)
463
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,531
You'll never hear
the name julia again.
464
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,027
Hi, I'm julia.
Neh!
465
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,760
I just wanted
to introduce myself
466
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,965
And tell you you've got
a great husband.
467
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,897
I've got a nice
bicycle, too,
468
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,642
But I keep a lock on it.
469
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:28,437
I have no interest
in... Riding your bike.
470
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,081
But I want you to know
that your bike loves you
471
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,607
As truly as a bike can.
472
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,983
And, marge, I love you
as much as that bike.
473
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,583
You are the bike.
474
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,015
(gasps) wha...?!
475
00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:43,791
(door creaks)
476
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,820
I'm-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
477
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,385
Apparently, you didn't
do anything wrong.
478
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,904
But I'm not wrong for
getting mad at you either.
479
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:54,067
Marge, julia taught me lots
of stuff that could help us.
480
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,427
For example, I realize
that when you see me
481
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,936
Doing something stupid
and you don't
482
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,567
Say anything about it,
you know,
483
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,173
And you're just
being nice.
484
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,335
That's true.
485
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,983
And when something's
bothering you,
486
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:10,249
Sometimes I should just say,
"I understand,"
487
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:11,980
Instead of trying
to fix it.
488
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,345
Because all you
really need is
489
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:16,793
Someone to know
what you're feeling.
490
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:19,419
That is really,
really lovely.
491
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,485
(both moaning)
492
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:25,304
I have to confess, I did
see him naked on the roof.
493
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:28,498
I did, too,
and I was at 10,000 feet.
494
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,841
Now for the final fantasy.
495
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,938
(crying)
496
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:37,010
(gasps)
oh, my love, my love,
497
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:41,050
Losing you so young,
so beautiful.
498
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,877
Still no jokes.
499
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:48,993
(flatly):
I love you, and how.
500
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:52,288
(sobs) you're too
good for heaven, man.
501
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,762
(chuckles)
excellent.
502
00:19:56,962 --> 00:19:59,562
(creatures squawking)
503
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,026
(eerie shriek)
504
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:03,901
Welcome, monty.
505
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,643
I'd like to take
a selfie with you.
506
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,210
All right, but just one.
507
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,910
Hmm, it's not
plugged in.
508
00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:19,319
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
509
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,089
♪ bomp, bomp,
bomp, bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
510
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,517
(screams)
511
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:23,992
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
512
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,060
♪ I feel free
513
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,018
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
514
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:29,756
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
515
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:30,902
♪ I feel free
516
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,057
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
517
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,695
♪ I feel free
518
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,170
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
519
00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:36,268
♪ I feel free
520
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,839
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
521
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:38,997
♪ I feel free
522
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,835
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
523
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:41,940
♪ I feel free
524
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,511
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
525
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:44,609
♪ I feel free
526
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,381
♪ bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
527
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:47,909
♪ I feel free.
528
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,924
Captioning sponsored by
20th century fox television
529
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,917
Fox broadcasting company
530
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,920
And ford.
We go further, so you can.
531
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,993
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
532
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,823
Shh!
34510
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof