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♪ Whoa, Black Betty, Bam-ba-Lam ♪
2
00:00:02,233 --> 00:00:04,192
♪ Whoa, Black Betty, Bam-ba-Lam ♪
3
00:00:04,202 --> 00:00:06,194
♪ Black Betty had a child, Bam-ba-Lam ♪
4
00:00:06,204 --> 00:00:08,362
♪ The damn thing gone wild, Bam-ba-Lam ♪
5
00:00:08,373 --> 00:00:10,563
♪ She said, "I'm worryin' ♪
♪ outta mind," Bam-ba-Lam ♪
6
00:00:10,574 --> 00:00:12,733
♪ The damn thing gone ♪
♪ blind, Bam-ba-Lam ♪
7
00:00:12,743 --> 00:00:14,468
♪ I said "Oh, Black Betty," Bam-ba-Lam ♪
8
00:00:14,478 --> 00:00:15,836
♪ Whoa, Black Betty. ♪
9
00:00:15,846 --> 00:00:17,252
All right, Alan.
10
00:00:18,705 --> 00:00:20,088
You're not Alan.
11
00:00:20,708 --> 00:00:22,277
I am on the wrong plane.
12
00:00:24,205 --> 00:00:26,942
Tokyo, huh? Cool.
13
00:00:27,821 --> 00:00:28,856
Have a great flight.
14
00:00:30,693 --> 00:00:33,695
Jackpot Airlines.
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.
15
00:00:36,710 --> 00:00:39,756
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
16
00:00:46,386 --> 00:00:48,377
Papers, huh?
17
00:00:48,387 --> 00:00:51,013
I love papers: wall, toilet,
18
00:00:51,023 --> 00:00:52,882
failing New York Times.
19
00:00:52,892 --> 00:00:55,718
These are divorce papers,
so they're slightly less fun.
20
00:00:55,728 --> 00:00:56,953
Tough break, my friend.
21
00:00:56,963 --> 00:00:58,954
I'm in a state of shock about it, Artem.
22
00:00:58,964 --> 00:01:01,190
I just got served in the airport.
23
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,205
And the guy was very tricky about it.
24
00:01:03,216 --> 00:01:05,194
Colin McCormack, please pick up
25
00:01:05,205 --> 00:01:08,031
the nearest white courtesy telephone.
26
00:01:08,041 --> 00:01:09,766
Uh, excuse me. Are you Colin McCormack?
27
00:01:09,776 --> 00:01:12,969
- Yes.
- You've been served.
28
00:01:12,979 --> 00:01:15,070
Oh, there's no call. That was me.
29
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:16,482
Love when they go for the phone.
30
00:01:17,484 --> 00:01:21,743
So sad. I will hug you now.
31
00:01:21,753 --> 00:01:23,246
Okay, thank you. Thank you.
32
00:01:23,256 --> 00:01:25,814
Hey, oy! I'm good. Uh...
33
00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:29,151
Could you do me a favor and
not tell everybody about this?
34
00:01:29,161 --> 00:01:31,754
You know, I'd rather the whole
plane didn't know my business.
35
00:01:31,764 --> 00:01:34,424
Of course, don't worry.
I'm very good at keeping secret.
36
00:01:34,434 --> 00:01:36,593
I will hug you again.
37
00:01:36,603 --> 00:01:38,639
Oh. Okay. Thank you, Artem. Thank you.
38
00:01:40,740 --> 00:01:43,233
So did you hear we're gonna be
grounded in Vegas for the night?
39
00:01:43,243 --> 00:01:45,100
What? No. I had plans in L.A. tonight.
40
00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:46,969
I was gonna go to my friend Jeff's luau.
41
00:01:46,979 --> 00:01:49,805
- You hate luaus. -I hate Jeff,
too, but that's not the point.
42
00:01:49,815 --> 00:01:52,275
This was gonna be my first
night out in forever.
43
00:01:52,285 --> 00:01:54,110
God, this job makes it impossible
44
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,368
to have a social life.
45
00:01:55,379 --> 00:01:58,181
Right now, my only social interactions
are yelling at drunk passengers.
46
00:01:58,191 --> 00:02:01,016
- This iPad is broken.
- That's a magazine.
47
00:02:01,026 --> 00:02:02,593
It seems like you're doing all right.
48
00:02:02,604 --> 00:02:04,890
What about all those fun party
pictures on your Instagram?
49
00:02:04,901 --> 00:02:06,855
- I faked them.
- But I saw your legs on a beach.
50
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:09,425
Those were two hotdogs
and my Cancún screen saver.
51
00:02:09,435 --> 00:02:11,660
I take my like back.
52
00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:12,963
Hey, Captain Dave here.
53
00:02:12,974 --> 00:02:15,038
If you're looking for a little
female companionship,
54
00:02:15,049 --> 00:02:17,332
then head over to Madame's,
the oldest strip club in Vegas
55
00:02:17,342 --> 00:02:19,484
that's now Vegas's
newest retirement community.
56
00:02:19,502 --> 00:02:21,843
And those women could really use
someone to chat with.
57
00:02:21,854 --> 00:02:23,372
Tell them Craig sent you.
58
00:02:23,382 --> 00:02:25,641
'Cause that's what
they think my name is.
59
00:02:25,651 --> 00:02:29,479
Hey. I just wanted to come over
and see how you were doing.
60
00:02:29,489 --> 00:02:31,514
I'm good. How are you?
61
00:02:31,524 --> 00:02:34,317
Oh, I'm just asking because Artem
told me about the divorce papers.
62
00:02:34,327 --> 00:02:37,120
Oh, come on. He swore
he wouldn't tell anybody.
63
00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:39,188
Yeah, well, it's Artem,
so that's really on you.
64
00:02:39,198 --> 00:02:41,957
Anyway, you know, if there's
anything I can do...
65
00:02:41,967 --> 00:02:43,992
Ronnie, honestly, I'm okay.
66
00:02:44,002 --> 00:02:45,662
I just don't want anybody else to know.
67
00:02:45,672 --> 00:02:48,664
Hey. How are you, Colin?
68
00:02:48,674 --> 00:02:50,967
Ah, good. So you know, too.
69
00:02:50,977 --> 00:02:53,060
Look, I know this is a
really difficult time for you,
70
00:02:53,071 --> 00:02:54,803
but the good news is you now qualify
71
00:02:54,813 --> 00:02:56,306
for the Grapefruits Divorce Special.
72
00:02:56,316 --> 00:02:59,209
You get two free lap dances
and then they flatten your wedding ring
73
00:02:59,219 --> 00:03:00,376
into a souvenir coin.
74
00:03:00,386 --> 00:03:02,511
Ah, two free lap dances. Artem!
75
00:03:02,521 --> 00:03:05,647
Is there anybody else you told
about my impending divorce?
76
00:03:05,657 --> 00:03:07,416
Me? No. I swear.
77
00:03:07,426 --> 00:03:09,885
Hey, Colin
McCormack, this is your captain.
78
00:03:09,895 --> 00:03:13,422
Please report to the front galley
to discuss your impending divorce.
79
00:03:13,432 --> 00:03:14,969
Okay.
80
00:03:16,102 --> 00:03:19,361
I don't know why you're mad.
Everyone on this plane is Team Colin,
81
00:03:19,371 --> 00:03:22,231
even the cheerleaders
going to Vegas for competition.
82
00:03:22,241 --> 00:03:23,699
Isn't that right, girls?
83
00:03:23,709 --> 00:03:25,534
You should get a lawyer who will...
84
00:03:25,544 --> 00:03:28,604
Be aggressive! Be, be aggressive!
85
00:03:28,614 --> 00:03:30,740
- Thanks, mate.
- Yeah.
86
00:03:33,186 --> 00:03:35,912
- Ugh.
- What's up?
87
00:03:35,922 --> 00:03:37,413
I specifically took tonight off
88
00:03:37,423 --> 00:03:39,882
to hang out with my friend
Krystal, and she bailed on me.
89
00:03:39,892 --> 00:03:42,798
God, it's so hard having a social life
in the stripper world.
90
00:03:42,809 --> 00:03:45,108
I have the same problem because
of the weird hours, right?
91
00:03:45,119 --> 00:03:48,290
Yeah, and all the fun girls
get exported by Saudi princes.
92
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,693
So you're not doing anything tonight?
93
00:03:50,703 --> 00:03:54,097
- Not anymore.
- Me neither.
94
00:03:54,107 --> 00:03:56,466
Would it be crazy if we hung out?
95
00:03:56,476 --> 00:03:58,767
Mm, I don't know.
We've never hung out before.
96
00:03:58,777 --> 00:04:01,304
Although, I did have a dream
once where I braided your hair.
97
00:04:01,314 --> 00:04:02,955
I have the perfect face shape
for a braid.
98
00:04:02,966 --> 00:04:04,365
- That's what I said in the dream.
- Oh, my God!
99
00:04:04,376 --> 00:04:05,376
- Let's do it.
- Yay!
100
00:04:05,387 --> 00:04:07,944
And now you can finally post
some fun, real pics on Instagram.
101
00:04:07,954 --> 00:04:10,280
- Aw, you follow me.
- No, I follow Bernard.
102
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:11,447
Oh.
103
00:04:11,457 --> 00:04:16,119
So, I heard you got slapped
with the big "D."
104
00:04:16,129 --> 00:04:18,454
- Excuse me?
- Divorce. It's rough.
105
00:04:18,464 --> 00:04:20,555
I've been there.
I've actually had three big D's
106
00:04:20,565 --> 00:04:21,990
slap me right across the face.
107
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,893
You have to know
you're saying that wrong.
108
00:04:23,903 --> 00:04:27,963
The first month is the hardest.
You reevaluate everything.
109
00:04:27,973 --> 00:04:29,798
Month two, you start exploring.
110
00:04:29,808 --> 00:04:32,468
Go to Peru, do some ayahuasca,
buy a fun bowling shirt.
111
00:04:32,478 --> 00:04:35,437
And the next woman that gives you
attention, you marry immediately.
112
00:04:35,447 --> 00:04:37,406
But boredom brings that second divorce.
113
00:04:37,416 --> 00:04:38,975
You start drinking, get some tattoos,
114
00:04:38,985 --> 00:04:41,310
and on a bender,
you marry your tattoo artist.
115
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,413
But by the time the third divorce comes,
116
00:04:43,423 --> 00:04:45,081
you sign the papers at the dog track
117
00:04:45,091 --> 00:04:47,983
and realize Scientology's
got some decent ideas.
118
00:04:47,993 --> 00:04:49,285
Huh.
119
00:04:49,295 --> 00:04:51,086
Well, if I'm honest,
I am a little peeved
120
00:04:51,096 --> 00:04:53,256
at the way that my ex
has been handling things.
121
00:04:53,266 --> 00:04:56,459
Yup. Let it out. Build that fire.
122
00:04:56,469 --> 00:04:59,329
I mean, we promised we'd be
civil to each other, you know?
123
00:04:59,339 --> 00:05:01,631
I mean, my parents,
they did their divorce right.
124
00:05:01,641 --> 00:05:04,466
My father grew a beard,
mother went on a food journey
125
00:05:04,476 --> 00:05:06,369
with her "special friend" Charlotte.
126
00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:08,170
No one gets out unscarred.
127
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:10,639
My first ex-wife took the dog.
My second wife took the cat.
128
00:05:10,649 --> 00:05:13,108
And my third wife took the dog
from my first ex-wife.
129
00:05:13,118 --> 00:05:14,377
Her lawyer was amazing.
130
00:05:14,387 --> 00:05:15,845
You know what you really need?
131
00:05:15,855 --> 00:05:17,846
A night out with your boys
to blow off some steam.
132
00:05:17,856 --> 00:05:20,316
Well, I don't have many "boys" anymore.
133
00:05:20,326 --> 00:05:22,651
I mean, honestly, it's tough
maintaining friendships
134
00:05:22,661 --> 00:05:25,221
when you spend every weekend
flying from L.A. to Vegas.
135
00:05:25,231 --> 00:05:27,122
I mean, really, I only do three things:
136
00:05:27,132 --> 00:05:29,826
sleep, teach, and fly out to see my son.
137
00:05:29,836 --> 00:05:31,127
Well, I only do three things:
138
00:05:31,137 --> 00:05:32,995
sleep, fly, and right wrongs
when I see them.
139
00:05:33,005 --> 00:05:34,297
And if you don't have boys,
140
00:05:34,307 --> 00:05:36,232
it's on me to take you out
for a guys night.
141
00:05:36,242 --> 00:05:38,067
- That is really not necessary.
- Too late.
142
00:05:38,077 --> 00:05:41,170
This bro-tisserie chicken is
already on the rack and rolling.
143
00:05:41,180 --> 00:05:44,240
Bernie, saddle up. We're taking
Colin out for a guys night.
144
00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:45,736
What's it gonna take you to go?
145
00:05:45,747 --> 00:05:48,264
Free drinks and you have to buy
ten tickets to my one-man show,
146
00:05:48,275 --> 00:05:50,011
Mother Eartha: The Eartha Kitt Story.
147
00:05:50,021 --> 00:05:52,081
LA Weekly said it was "lit well."
148
00:05:52,091 --> 00:05:53,249
Done, you're in.
149
00:05:53,259 --> 00:05:55,550
Hey, I want in on this night with men,
150
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,220
and I don't even care what we're doing.
151
00:05:57,230 --> 00:05:58,917
I just have crazy FOMO.
152
00:05:58,928 --> 00:06:00,797
- What are you guys talking about?
- Your mom.
153
00:06:00,808 --> 00:06:02,057
Oh, what a slut, right?
154
00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:04,694
No, we're talking
about guys night. Right?
155
00:06:04,704 --> 00:06:07,163
Guys night? I want to come. Please.
156
00:06:07,173 --> 00:06:09,365
- Fine, Alan. But no blow.
- What?
157
00:06:09,375 --> 00:06:11,834
Hold on, who's flying the plane?
158
00:06:11,844 --> 00:06:13,002
It's on autopilot.
159
00:06:13,012 --> 00:06:15,188
I save these hands
for takeoffs and landings.
160
00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:17,360
I mean, does a surgeon
do the middle of an operation?
161
00:06:17,371 --> 00:06:18,908
- Yes.
- You don't know. Come on, Alan.
162
00:06:18,919 --> 00:06:21,278
Let's look out the window
and play "Spot The Pools."
163
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,453
Hey, thank you
for lending me this dress.
164
00:06:35,464 --> 00:06:36,788
It's surprisingly heavy, though.
165
00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:38,911
Yeah, it's weighted
so I'm harder to kidnap.
166
00:06:38,922 --> 00:06:41,814
Your life is so cool. Like,
that's what I should be doing.
167
00:06:41,824 --> 00:06:44,350
I'm still young, I should be
afraid of getting kidnapped.
168
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,974
You really should. You're pretty enough.
169
00:06:45,985 --> 00:06:48,646
If you worked in the club,
you'd be that cocktail waitress that all
170
00:06:48,657 --> 00:06:50,742
the guys are like, "Why
isn't she stripping?"
171
00:06:50,753 --> 00:06:51,755
Aw. Thank you.
172
00:06:51,766 --> 00:06:53,627
I bet on the plane,
all the drunk passengers
173
00:06:53,637 --> 00:06:55,461
"accidentally" brush your butt
all the time.
174
00:06:55,471 --> 00:06:58,497
Yeah, and they "accidentally" get
hot coffee spilled on their junk.
175
00:06:58,507 --> 00:07:00,867
That is the only action I've
had in the last six months.
176
00:07:00,877 --> 00:07:03,369
So I'd love to meet someone
where the groping is mutual.
177
00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:04,653
Well, you know what?
178
00:07:04,664 --> 00:07:06,706
- We're gonna make that happen
right now. -What are you doing?
179
00:07:06,716 --> 00:07:08,507
This guy I'm sort of dating has a friend
180
00:07:08,517 --> 00:07:10,798
who'd be perfect for you,
so I'm gonna see if he's around.
181
00:07:10,809 --> 00:07:12,612
Wow, okay. Oh, wait.
182
00:07:12,622 --> 00:07:15,047
If he's just home with no plans,
does that mean he's lame?
183
00:07:15,057 --> 00:07:16,885
Well, I didn't have plans,
so we're both lame.
184
00:07:16,896 --> 00:07:18,983
- Maybe this is a bad idea.
- He said he's available.
185
00:07:18,994 --> 00:07:21,454
- I'm in!
- Tequila soda!
186
00:07:22,699 --> 00:07:25,858
It is officially cool o'clock.
187
00:07:25,868 --> 00:07:28,194
- All right.
- All the homies are here.
188
00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:31,564
We're gonna pregame at the most
exclusive joint in town.
189
00:07:31,574 --> 00:07:32,631
- Cool.
- Nice.
190
00:07:32,641 --> 00:07:35,502
So, this is the most
exclusive joint in town?
191
00:07:35,512 --> 00:07:37,537
We're the only ones here, aren't we?
192
00:07:37,547 --> 00:07:40,740
It's got everything we need:
free drinks, free food,
193
00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:42,074
and sweet, sweet tunes.
194
00:07:42,084 --> 00:07:44,543
I just downloaded
this killer karaoke app.
195
00:07:44,553 --> 00:07:47,079
I got the Spin Doctors'
"Two Princes" all cued up.
196
00:07:47,089 --> 00:07:48,814
Bernie, you want to sing first?
197
00:07:48,824 --> 00:07:50,350
Do I look like I'm playing hacky sack
198
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:51,485
on the quad at Dartmouth?
199
00:07:51,495 --> 00:07:53,252
Good call. Rest the pipes.
In the meantime,
200
00:07:53,262 --> 00:07:55,655
the oxygen bar is open!
201
00:07:56,649 --> 00:07:59,412
Oh. So we're all
gonna share that, are we?
202
00:07:59,423 --> 00:08:01,649
Yeah, man. Puff, puff, pass.
203
00:08:05,762 --> 00:08:08,422
- Oh.
- Ah, they're cute!
204
00:08:08,432 --> 00:08:10,524
I think. I don't know;
it's so dark in here.
205
00:08:10,534 --> 00:08:12,759
Is it? Yeah, I spend
so much time in strip clubs,
206
00:08:12,769 --> 00:08:14,495
I can practically see in the dark.
207
00:08:14,505 --> 00:08:16,462
It's called stripper vision.
It's a real thing.
208
00:08:16,472 --> 00:08:17,697
- Hi!
- Babe.
209
00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:21,034
Ronnie, this is Justin and Thad.
210
00:08:21,044 --> 00:08:22,269
They're magicians.
211
00:08:22,279 --> 00:08:23,837
They have the hottest show in Vegas.
212
00:08:23,847 --> 00:08:26,539
I don't know about hottest,
but we're certainly...
213
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:27,875
on fire.
214
00:08:27,885 --> 00:08:30,009
Oh! What? What?
215
00:08:30,019 --> 00:08:32,046
Oh. Wow, that's crazy.
216
00:08:32,056 --> 00:08:33,447
That wasn't me.
217
00:08:33,457 --> 00:08:34,815
That was me.
218
00:08:36,242 --> 00:08:38,118
- Put it out!
- They were both me.
219
00:08:38,128 --> 00:08:42,009
Whoa. They did not teach that
in the magic kit that I had growing up.
220
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,446
I only knew the cup-and-balls one.
221
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,349
- That's not magic, that's
just good technique. -Hey.
222
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,717
Thad is the guy I was telling you about.
223
00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:50,096
Hi.
224
00:08:52,379 --> 00:08:54,598
Oh, Thad doesn't speak.
That's kind of our thing.
225
00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:56,207
Isn't that Penn & Teller's thing?
226
00:08:56,217 --> 00:08:58,596
Thad, don't yell. I got this.
227
00:08:58,607 --> 00:09:00,078
We're nothing like Penn & Teller.
228
00:09:00,088 --> 00:09:02,112
Their tall guy talks;
ours doesn't. Okay?
229
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:04,147
Okay. But you can talk tonight,
though, right?
230
00:09:04,157 --> 00:09:06,116
I mean, it's not like you're performing.
231
00:09:06,126 --> 00:09:09,453
Well, that's the about us...
we're always performing.
232
00:09:11,332 --> 00:09:13,625
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
233
00:09:13,635 --> 00:09:16,560
Oh, God. Now you're just
torturing that poor woman.
234
00:09:16,570 --> 00:09:18,261
Let's go eat.
235
00:09:18,271 --> 00:09:21,232
You sure about these guys?
236
00:09:21,242 --> 00:09:24,235
Oh, yeah. No, they're a little weird,
but they're completely harmless.
237
00:09:24,245 --> 00:09:26,304
I can spot a creep from a mile away.
238
00:09:26,314 --> 00:09:28,016
Stay away from that guy.
239
00:09:29,483 --> 00:09:31,976
Movie. Movie.
240
00:09:31,986 --> 00:09:34,746
- Mm-mmm.
- Artem, that means "movie" in charades.
241
00:09:34,756 --> 00:09:36,447
Oh, we're playing charades?
242
00:09:36,457 --> 00:09:38,082
Oh, I didn't know. Wait. Okay.
243
00:09:38,092 --> 00:09:41,118
I love charades. So I...
244
00:09:41,128 --> 00:09:43,520
Three words. I give you hint.
245
00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:45,656
It's a song.
246
00:09:45,666 --> 00:09:48,159
First word: "Stairway..."
247
00:09:48,169 --> 00:09:49,593
"To Heaven." I win. And as winner,
248
00:09:49,603 --> 00:09:51,596
I say it's time to get off this plane.
249
00:09:51,606 --> 00:09:52,829
Dave, what's next?
250
00:09:52,839 --> 00:09:54,198
Oh, I got a great night planned.
251
00:09:54,208 --> 00:09:55,759
We're gonna get steaks at Ponderosa,
252
00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:57,535
then take a helicopter ride
over the Strip.
253
00:09:57,545 --> 00:10:00,038
But don't worry... if it's
too windy, I got a plan B.
254
00:10:00,048 --> 00:10:02,640
A buddy of mine can get us
into this corporate event.
255
00:10:02,650 --> 00:10:05,510
Apparently, Beyoncé and Jay-Z
are gonna play a set.
256
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,283
- What?!
- Bitch, that's plan A!
257
00:10:07,294 --> 00:10:10,006
No, I thought tonight was gonna
be about bonding over Colin's D,
258
00:10:10,017 --> 00:10:12,361
but if you guys want to go
to the party, let's bounce.
259
00:10:12,827 --> 00:10:15,731
- Oh, yeah.
- "Crazy in Love."
260
00:10:19,633 --> 00:10:22,559
Hey, what happened to Jetway?
261
00:10:22,569 --> 00:10:23,803
Yeah, are we stuck here?
262
00:10:23,814 --> 00:10:26,319
Dave, didn't you tell the Jetway
guys we were gonna be up here?
263
00:10:26,330 --> 00:10:27,521
I was planning a guys night.
264
00:10:27,532 --> 00:10:28,866
This is Alan's fault.
265
00:10:28,876 --> 00:10:30,735
I didn't even know
we were coming back here.
266
00:10:30,745 --> 00:10:33,915
That's your problem, Alan...
you don't anticipate.
267
00:10:37,127 --> 00:10:40,306
Good news: I spoke to the Jetway driver.
268
00:10:40,317 --> 00:10:44,044
Bad news: he's at his anniversary
dinner with his... wait for it...
269
00:10:44,434 --> 00:10:45,634
husband.
270
00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:47,720
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
271
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,290
Okay, so what does this mean for us?
272
00:10:49,301 --> 00:10:51,903
It means we can finally live in
a society where love can win...
273
00:10:51,913 --> 00:10:53,472
No, what does it mean for the plane?
274
00:10:53,482 --> 00:10:55,141
Oh. We're stuck for a couple hours.
275
00:10:55,151 --> 00:10:58,649
- - Oh, I have to cancel
my sunrise hike club.
276
00:10:58,660 --> 00:11:02,714
Guys, I'm bummed, too,
but tonight is about Colin.
277
00:11:02,724 --> 00:11:04,650
Right? We have
a unique opportunity here.
278
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:06,451
We have the whole plane to ourselves.
279
00:11:06,461 --> 00:11:10,155
Isn't there anything you ever
dreamed of doing on an airplane?
280
00:11:10,166 --> 00:11:11,491
Sit in the captain's seat.
281
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:13,193
Be serious, Alan.
282
00:11:13,203 --> 00:11:17,130
Now, we could spend the next
few hours being miserable...
283
00:11:17,905 --> 00:11:20,567
or actually having some fun.
284
00:11:21,406 --> 00:11:22,730
Which is it gonna be?
285
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,343
- Guys night!
- Yeah!
286
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,366
Blech!
287
00:11:28,561 --> 00:11:29,586
♪ One, two ♪
288
00:11:29,597 --> 00:11:31,756
♪ Princes kneel before you ♪
289
00:11:36,436 --> 00:11:37,994
♪ And go ahead now ♪
290
00:11:38,004 --> 00:11:39,063
♪ If you ♪
291
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,545
♪ Want to call me baby ♪
292
00:11:40,556 --> 00:11:42,300
- Okay. Okay, go. Wait.
- ♪ Just go ahead now ♪
293
00:11:42,311 --> 00:11:43,700
♪ And if you ♪
294
00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:45,542
- All right. Okay, close it.
- ♪ Want to call me baby ♪
295
00:11:45,553 --> 00:11:47,204
- Oh!
- ♪ Just go ahead now ♪
296
00:11:47,214 --> 00:11:48,271
♪ And if you ♪
297
00:11:48,281 --> 00:11:50,273
♪ Want to buy me flowers ♪
298
00:11:50,283 --> 00:11:52,042
♪ Just go ahead now ♪
299
00:11:52,052 --> 00:11:54,778
Is there, is there, is there
a catch? How does it...
300
00:11:54,788 --> 00:11:56,446
♪ Just go a... ♪ Guitar!
301
00:12:04,732 --> 00:12:08,392
Tell me how you do
the coin-in-the-box trick.
302
00:12:08,402 --> 00:12:11,015
Nichole, there is a magician's
code, and I cannot betray it.
303
00:12:11,026 --> 00:12:12,729
Well, if you tell me, I'll...
304
00:12:12,739 --> 00:12:14,632
Mirrors, it's all mirrors.
305
00:12:14,642 --> 00:12:16,819
Anyway, that's why
my friend Stacy has an eye patch
306
00:12:16,830 --> 00:12:19,233
and I'm permanently banned
from the Sunglass Hut.
307
00:12:20,147 --> 00:12:22,817
Good talk, Thad. What are you getting?
308
00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:26,410
Oh, good. Cards.
309
00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:28,478
This is a good one.
Pick a card, memorize it,
310
00:12:28,488 --> 00:12:29,724
- see what happens.
- Hmm.
311
00:12:37,898 --> 00:12:39,734
I don't get it.
312
00:12:44,437 --> 00:12:47,765
Hey, Nichole, do you want
to go get a drink at the bar?
313
00:12:47,775 --> 00:12:50,100
- But we have a waiter.
- Yeah, I know, but let's leave.
314
00:12:50,110 --> 00:12:51,645
Oh. Okay.
315
00:12:55,583 --> 00:12:57,775
You know, I was initially skeptical
316
00:12:57,785 --> 00:13:00,777
about what exactly tonight
was gonna be, but, um...
317
00:13:00,787 --> 00:13:03,647
turns out a bit of nonsense
was exactly what I needed.
318
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:06,284
See? Nights like this
recharge the system.
319
00:13:06,294 --> 00:13:08,752
Listen, I wish I had
some guys to take me out
320
00:13:08,762 --> 00:13:09,987
after my divorces.
321
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:12,190
I don't have many male friends, either.
322
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,458
I relate to women better,
323
00:13:14,468 --> 00:13:17,994
probably because I'm willing
to go there.
324
00:13:18,004 --> 00:13:20,464
Oh, I have so many friends.
325
00:13:20,474 --> 00:13:22,934
Too many. Actually,
I'm in the midst of a cull.
326
00:13:22,944 --> 00:13:25,169
- But you're all on the list.
- Well, at least
327
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:28,638
that is one good thing that
this... divorce hath wrought.
328
00:13:28,648 --> 00:13:29,944
That's not the only thing.
329
00:13:29,955 --> 00:13:32,644
Don't you feel like a weight has
been lifted off your shoulders?
330
00:13:32,655 --> 00:13:34,212
Dude, you're officially free.
331
00:13:34,222 --> 00:13:37,448
Yeah, the road has been paved
for you and Ronnie.
332
00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:40,017
Ronnie? Aw, come on, we're just friends.
333
00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:42,286
Friends that almost boned
in the bathroom.
334
00:13:42,296 --> 00:13:44,354
Guys, Ronnie and I
would drive each other mad.
335
00:13:44,364 --> 00:13:46,357
I mean, she's literally maddening.
336
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,892
She's-she's stubborn
and she's combative and...
337
00:13:48,902 --> 00:13:51,863
and then there are the days
when she goes out of her way
338
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,464
to do something incredibly thoughtful,
339
00:13:53,474 --> 00:13:55,999
like she'll, she'll leave you
the last airline magazine
340
00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:58,536
with a blank crossword,
and-and... you know,
341
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,137
you're left kind of amazed
that somebody so beautiful
342
00:14:01,147 --> 00:14:04,374
and delightful would spend
even 30 seconds of her day
343
00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:07,545
doing something just because she
knew it would make you happy.
344
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,314
And... and that makes
all the stresses in your life
345
00:14:10,324 --> 00:14:12,327
seem to fade away.
346
00:14:13,393 --> 00:14:15,685
I'm sorry, what was the question?
347
00:14:15,695 --> 00:14:17,988
None of us have talked
for, like, 20 minutes.
348
00:14:17,998 --> 00:14:19,080
Oh, dear God.
349
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:22,325
News flash, amigo: you dig Ronnie.
350
00:14:26,773 --> 00:14:29,934
Okay, why did you think
I would like that?
351
00:14:29,944 --> 00:14:32,103
- Well, he's a good listener.
- Can't argue with that.
352
00:14:32,113 --> 00:14:35,272
I mean, if you're not into it, no
worries. I can make him disappear.
353
00:14:35,282 --> 00:14:36,607
I made a joke my dad would like.
354
00:14:36,617 --> 00:14:39,377
No, I came here to have fun.
I'm gonna give it another shot.
355
00:14:39,387 --> 00:14:41,445
I just need a drink or two.
Probably two.
356
00:14:41,455 --> 00:14:42,891
Uh, you have something in your bra.
357
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,528
God, I'm surprised
he hasn't given me a paper cut.
358
00:14:51,409 --> 00:14:52,522
Rough night?
359
00:14:52,532 --> 00:14:56,823
Uh, yeah. It's probably rougher for
the two women my date set on fire.
360
00:14:56,834 --> 00:14:58,396
Oh, is he an arsonist?
361
00:14:58,406 --> 00:15:00,042
Magician.
362
00:15:01,142 --> 00:15:03,968
Oh. So an arsonist in sequins.
363
00:15:05,834 --> 00:15:08,638
You know, I thought I wanted
a crazy, fun night out,
364
00:15:08,648 --> 00:15:10,550
but this place is so douchey.
365
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,977
I mean, what is the theme?
Too loud and cocaine on the floor?
366
00:15:12,987 --> 00:15:15,278
You throw in jean shorts
and a Raiders jersey,
367
00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:17,080
and it's pretty much the theme of Vegas.
368
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:19,316
Maybe I'm trying too hard.
369
00:15:19,326 --> 00:15:21,651
I wish I'd stayed home and had
a grilled cheese and a beer.
370
00:15:21,661 --> 00:15:23,787
Hmm.
371
00:15:24,437 --> 00:15:25,898
Well, see you later.
372
00:15:25,909 --> 00:15:27,657
I hope your night gets better.
373
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:30,795
I'll keep on the lookout for any
cute blondes bursting into flames.
374
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,296
Well, if it ends the date,
I'm fine with it.
375
00:15:33,306 --> 00:15:35,414
Okay.
376
00:15:36,382 --> 00:15:37,568
Okay, here's what we know.
377
00:15:37,578 --> 00:15:39,670
I'm a little drunk, I like Ronnie,
378
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,571
and when I get nervous I like to recap.
379
00:15:41,581 --> 00:15:43,507
- What do I do?
- You got to go tell her.
380
00:15:43,517 --> 00:15:44,909
What, now?
381
00:15:44,919 --> 00:15:47,636
This is the exact wrong time.
I just got my divorce papers.
382
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:50,115
This is the exact right time.
She's been texting me all night.
383
00:15:50,126 --> 00:15:51,729
She's on a terrible date
with a magician.
384
00:15:51,740 --> 00:15:53,150
You could swoop in and rescue her.
385
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,820
Hey, this is like the reverse
ending of a romantic comedy.
386
00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:01,459
You are at airport running to go
in other location.
387
00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,027
Do you really think I should do this?
388
00:16:04,367 --> 00:16:07,098
No, chico, you have to do this.
389
00:16:07,562 --> 00:16:09,967
Okay. I'm gonna do it.
390
00:16:09,977 --> 00:16:12,179
- That's right. We're trapped.
- I have an idea.
391
00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:16,218
According to the Jackpot handbook,
392
00:16:16,229 --> 00:16:18,608
as senior flight attendant,
it is within my authority
393
00:16:18,618 --> 00:16:21,664
to declare an emergency
and deploy the evacuation slide.
394
00:16:22,078 --> 00:16:24,453
Did you guys hear me?
We get to go down the slide!
395
00:16:25,191 --> 00:16:26,517
- Slide!
- Slide!
396
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:29,719
Slide, slide, slide,
slide, slide, slide!
397
00:16:29,729 --> 00:16:31,354
Slide, slide, slide, slide!
398
00:16:31,364 --> 00:16:33,067
Slide, slide!
399
00:16:35,835 --> 00:16:38,128
Rope made of pants.
400
00:16:38,138 --> 00:16:39,997
Rope made of pants.
401
00:16:40,007 --> 00:16:43,067
Rope made of pants, rope made of pants.
402
00:16:43,077 --> 00:16:44,702
Rope made of pants.
403
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,428
Rope made of pants.
404
00:16:53,928 --> 00:16:55,930
I just asked for a napkin, dude.
405
00:16:57,303 --> 00:16:58,779
I'm sorry for the wait.
406
00:16:58,790 --> 00:17:00,492
I'm sorry. I didn't actually order this.
407
00:17:00,502 --> 00:17:02,209
Uh, compliments of the chef.
408
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:04,167
- And that would be...?
- Me.
409
00:17:04,178 --> 00:17:07,938
Yep. Also the owner of this
whole loud, cocaine-y place.
410
00:17:07,948 --> 00:17:09,739
I love you guys, by the way.
411
00:17:09,749 --> 00:17:12,311
- Ah, you've seen our show.
- No.
412
00:17:12,753 --> 00:17:16,535
♪ The sky is blue, I ♪
♪ can taste the colors ♪
413
00:17:16,546 --> 00:17:17,580
♪ I know, I know... ♪
414
00:17:18,984 --> 00:17:21,118
- Oh, this is high.
- Almost there, Frenchy.
415
00:17:21,128 --> 00:17:22,402
- Aah!
- Whoa!
416
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:27,091
The rope. How will you get down?
417
00:17:27,101 --> 00:17:29,503
Don't worry about us.
Just go get the girl.
418
00:17:32,972 --> 00:17:36,100
And hamburgers! I'm hungry!
419
00:17:36,464 --> 00:17:37,968
Thanks for the grilled cheese.
420
00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:39,437
My date loved it.
421
00:17:39,447 --> 00:17:41,451
Well, you know,
that's not even my specialty.
422
00:17:41,462 --> 00:17:43,007
You should let me make you breakfast.
423
00:17:43,017 --> 00:17:45,508
That sounded sleazy. I meant to
say I'm really good with eggs.
424
00:17:45,518 --> 00:17:48,011
Let me try again. You're really cute.
425
00:17:48,021 --> 00:17:50,680
Let me make you breakfast.
No. That's the same.
426
00:17:50,690 --> 00:17:52,182
I'm gonna let it slide this time
427
00:17:52,192 --> 00:17:54,965
because I bashed your restaurant
right to your face.
428
00:17:54,976 --> 00:17:58,055
Well, you weren't wrong, you know.
This place isn't me.
429
00:17:58,065 --> 00:18:00,254
I opened the first restaurant
in Portland.
430
00:18:00,265 --> 00:18:02,793
Then Vegas threw a bunch
of money at me to open one here.
431
00:18:02,803 --> 00:18:04,661
And in Portland, we were farm to table.
432
00:18:04,671 --> 00:18:06,397
Here we're farm to freezer
433
00:18:06,407 --> 00:18:08,732
to truck to distribution center
434
00:18:08,742 --> 00:18:11,634
- to train to truck to here.
- Wow, so you're a sellout.
435
00:18:11,644 --> 00:18:13,203
Yeah, total sellout.
436
00:18:14,481 --> 00:18:16,574
Um, we took care of that grilled cheese,
437
00:18:16,584 --> 00:18:18,154
but I still owe you a beer.
438
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,495
You want to go someplace better
than this and grab a drink?
439
00:18:20,506 --> 00:18:24,849
Uh, thank you, but I shouldn't
leave my friend with those guys.
440
00:18:24,859 --> 00:18:27,852
If they try to cut her in half or
something, I'll feel responsible.
441
00:18:27,862 --> 00:18:29,853
It's cool. Totally cool.
442
00:18:29,863 --> 00:18:32,222
Everybody knows
getting cut in half sucks.
443
00:18:32,232 --> 00:18:34,357
Well, thank you for the grilled cheese.
444
00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:35,369
You got it.
445
00:18:38,238 --> 00:18:40,064
Where are you going?
He was totally into you.
446
00:18:40,074 --> 00:18:42,900
Yeah, he asked me out for a drink,
but I didn't want to bail on you.
447
00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:45,603
Thank you. I get it. Girl code.
Lena Dunham. Traveling Pants.
448
00:18:45,613 --> 00:18:46,941
But I came here to get you a guy
449
00:18:46,952 --> 00:18:49,110
and that's the kind of guy
you ditch your friends for.
450
00:18:49,121 --> 00:18:50,373
Aw, we're friends?
451
00:18:50,383 --> 00:18:51,574
Yeah. You're wearing my dress
452
00:18:51,584 --> 00:18:53,320
and we feel the same way
about Ryan Gosling.
453
00:18:53,331 --> 00:18:55,879
Hot but not sexy, except in Drive.
454
00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:00,383
You're crazy not to go out with
that guy. He's cute. He cooks.
455
00:19:00,393 --> 00:19:02,385
He's clearly willing to listen
to you complain.
456
00:19:02,395 --> 00:19:04,598
Why are you still standing here
talking to me?
457
00:19:06,865 --> 00:19:10,058
Excuse me, excuse me. Hello, hi.
Excuse me. Hi, I'm sorry.
458
00:19:10,069 --> 00:19:13,575
No, I don't have a reservation,
but I do have a, I have a...
459
00:19:21,876 --> 00:19:24,299
- Hi.
- Hi. Wow.
460
00:19:24,317 --> 00:19:26,906
I just realized I've never seen
you out of your uniform before.
461
00:19:26,917 --> 00:19:29,113
You look amazing.
462
00:19:29,123 --> 00:19:31,596
Thank you. What are you doing here?
463
00:19:31,607 --> 00:19:33,551
Oh, it's a long story.
I got trapped on a plane.
464
00:19:33,561 --> 00:19:36,487
I climbed down a-a rope
made of blankets.
465
00:19:36,497 --> 00:19:37,921
It was a whole situation.
466
00:19:37,931 --> 00:19:40,257
Yeah, I've had
a bit of a weird night, too,
467
00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:42,392
but things are looking up.
468
00:19:42,402 --> 00:19:43,893
Okay, that's...
469
00:19:43,903 --> 00:19:45,763
that's exactly why
I wanted to talk to you.
470
00:19:45,773 --> 00:19:47,096
- I...
- Ronnie, you ready to go?
471
00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:48,554
Yeah. Uh, this is Bryan.
472
00:19:48,565 --> 00:19:51,802
He owns the restaurant, and he saved me
from my terrible date.
473
00:19:51,812 --> 00:19:53,403
We were just about to go get a drink,
474
00:19:53,413 --> 00:19:55,605
but we-we could stay.
475
00:19:55,615 --> 00:19:58,508
No. No, God, no. No, you guys go.
476
00:19:58,518 --> 00:20:01,144
No, I've got my lads meeting me
here in a bit, anyway, you know.
477
00:20:01,154 --> 00:20:03,747
Actually, I hear this place
has really excellent...
478
00:20:03,757 --> 00:20:05,449
food.
479
00:20:05,459 --> 00:20:07,618
We do have food.
480
00:20:07,628 --> 00:20:10,854
Great, I will order some of that, then.
481
00:20:10,864 --> 00:20:12,989
All right. So, I'll see you Sunday?
482
00:20:12,999 --> 00:20:15,793
Yes. Yes. Get out of here,
kids, have fun.
483
00:20:15,803 --> 00:20:18,629
Hey, Colin. You missed the magic.
484
00:20:18,639 --> 00:20:20,965
Seems like I did.
485
00:20:20,975 --> 00:20:24,602
♪ There's a love in my heart... ♪
486
00:20:24,612 --> 00:20:26,336
Oh, no.
487
00:20:26,346 --> 00:20:28,605
She rejected you.
488
00:20:28,615 --> 00:20:30,708
Here comes another hug.
489
00:20:30,718 --> 00:20:32,709
No, I didn't even get to tell her.
490
00:20:32,719 --> 00:20:34,812
How did you guys all get here?
491
00:20:34,822 --> 00:20:35,890
Uber.
492
00:20:36,323 --> 00:20:38,015
Oh, you mean from the plane.
493
00:20:38,025 --> 00:20:41,118
The Jetway guy showed up
literally one minute after you left.
494
00:20:41,128 --> 00:20:43,053
So, you didn't get the girl,
495
00:20:43,063 --> 00:20:44,455
but you got something else:
496
00:20:44,465 --> 00:20:47,140
four ice-cold bros.
497
00:20:47,151 --> 00:20:48,609
That I did.
498
00:20:48,635 --> 00:20:51,027
You know, thank you all so much
for this, really.
499
00:20:51,037 --> 00:20:52,395
Of course.
500
00:20:52,405 --> 00:20:55,833
No one should ever have
to handle the big "D" alone.
501
00:20:55,843 --> 00:20:57,401
Yep, now I hear it.
502
00:20:57,411 --> 00:21:00,070
Oh, man. I said it
so many times tonight.
503
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,338
Well, here's to my four...
504
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:04,507
Hold on a second. Where's Alan?
505
00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:07,521
Yeah, where'd we leave that little man?
506
00:21:19,635 --> 00:21:22,244
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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