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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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00:00:10,198 --> 00:00:13,599
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:17,169
♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:17,170 --> 00:00:20,172
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:20,173 --> 00:00:23,676
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:23,677 --> 00:00:26,812
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:26,813 --> 00:00:28,380
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
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(CROWD CHATTERING,
LIVELY ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
12
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:45,231
Ah, the Feast of San Gennaro.
13
00:00:45,232 --> 00:00:47,266
Every child here has seen a relative
14
00:00:47,267 --> 00:00:48,934
murdered in a barber chair.
15
00:00:48,935 --> 00:00:50,591
Step right up!
16
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:53,567
Teach an old Italian
lady how to use an iPad!
17
00:00:53,568 --> 00:00:55,708
Now, that sounds like
fun. I'll give it a try.
18
00:00:55,709 --> 00:00:58,544
Hey, how are you? Look
what I got for you.
19
00:00:58,545 --> 00:01:00,735
What is it? It's a tablet computer.
20
00:01:00,736 --> 00:01:01,770
I don't want it.
21
00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,122
But you don't even know what it is.
22
00:01:03,123 --> 00:01:04,123
I don't want it.
23
00:01:04,124 --> 00:01:05,557
But you can watch movies on it.
24
00:01:05,558 --> 00:01:06,625
My eyes hurt.
25
00:01:06,626 --> 00:01:08,327
I'm trying to do something nice here!
26
00:01:08,328 --> 00:01:09,928
For the last time, I don't want it.
27
00:01:09,929 --> 00:01:12,598
I bet you if Joey was giving
it to you, you'd take it.
28
00:01:12,599 --> 00:01:13,832
Don't you bring him into this.
29
00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,234
Joey was a good boy.
30
00:01:15,235 --> 00:01:16,869
Oh, yeah, yeah, Joey was a good boy?
31
00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:19,271
You thought he was making 100
grand a year hauling lumber?
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00:01:19,272 --> 00:01:20,439
Don't you start with this.
33
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:21,774
He was dirty, Ma!
34
00:01:21,775 --> 00:01:23,842
I can't hear this! I won't hear it!
35
00:01:23,843 --> 00:01:25,611
- He was an angel!
- Oh, that's right.
36
00:01:25,612 --> 00:01:28,013
"Angel Joey," great
Joey, perfect Joey.
37
00:01:28,014 --> 00:01:29,548
I got to go to the church.
38
00:01:29,549 --> 00:01:30,849
Oh, yeah, sure, light another candle.
39
00:01:30,850 --> 00:01:31,850
That'll bring him back.
40
00:01:31,851 --> 00:01:33,118
You watch your tongue.
41
00:01:33,119 --> 00:01:35,854
Admit it, you wish it was me
in that car instead of him!
42
00:01:35,855 --> 00:01:37,890
Just take your little TV and go!
43
00:01:37,891 --> 00:01:39,558
It's an iPad, you dumb cow!
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00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:40,826
(GROANS)
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00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:43,829
I guess I don't have any sons now.
46
00:01:43,830 --> 00:01:46,398
Ma! I'm sorry, Ma!
47
00:01:46,399 --> 00:01:48,765
Ma! Ma!
48
00:01:49,135 --> 00:01:50,903
Hey, Bri, look over there.
49
00:01:50,904 --> 00:01:53,005
That guy looks like Frank Sinatra, Jr.
50
00:01:53,006 --> 00:01:54,340
Stewie, this is Federal Hill.
51
00:01:54,341 --> 00:01:56,484
Everybody looks like
Frank Sinatra, Jr.
52
00:01:56,485 --> 00:01:57,076
Well, then who's that guy
53
00:01:57,077 --> 00:01:58,877
who looks like a young Frank Sinatra?
54
00:01:58,878 --> 00:02:00,713
Oh, that's Woody Allen's
son, but you're right,
55
00:02:00,714 --> 00:02:03,048
that other guy behind him
is Frank Sinatra, Jr.
56
00:02:03,049 --> 00:02:04,683
Stewie! Elliot!
57
00:02:04,684 --> 00:02:06,318
(CHUCKLES): It-it's actually Brian.
58
00:02:06,319 --> 00:02:08,187
We've-we've met many times before.
59
00:02:08,188 --> 00:02:09,747
Then who's Elliot?
60
00:02:09,748 --> 00:02:11,299
I-I really wouldn't know.
61
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:13,258
This is a bad start to
whatever we're doing.
62
00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,661
Well, now, what brings you
fellas to the festival?
63
00:02:15,662 --> 00:02:17,830
My dad will drive long
distances for ice
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00:02:17,831 --> 00:02:19,164
with colored liquid in it.
65
00:02:19,165 --> 00:02:20,299
PETER: They got blue!
66
00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:22,067
And we all love the Italian food.
67
00:02:22,068 --> 00:02:23,969
Oh, you like Italian food?
68
00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:25,337
Want a meatball?
69
00:02:25,338 --> 00:02:27,473
Yeah, I'm gonna pass on
that, but it's a shame
70
00:02:27,474 --> 00:02:30,142
we can't get good Italian
food like this in Quahog.
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00:02:30,143 --> 00:02:32,411
Well, maybe the three
of us ought to open
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00:02:32,412 --> 00:02:34,079
an Italian restaurant there.
73
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,220
Open our own Italian restaurant?
74
00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:37,916
I say, that sounds fun.
75
00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:40,919
You, uh, you keep
meatballs in your jacket?
76
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,760
Oh, yeah, all my pockets are
lined with Reynolds Wrap.
77
00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:45,395
I learned that from my old buddies:
78
00:02:45,396 --> 00:02:47,731
Dean Martin, Jr., Joey Bishop, Jr.,
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00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:49,565
and Sammy Davis the Third.
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00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:52,235
Hey, where's Chris?
81
00:02:52,236 --> 00:02:54,137
He's over there playing
that carnival game.
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00:02:54,138 --> 00:02:55,438
(ITALIAN ACCENT): Step right up!
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00:02:55,439 --> 00:02:58,408
Everybody take a chance
on Whack-a-Big-a-Pussy!
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00:02:58,409 --> 00:03:01,645
(REPEATING RAPIDLY): Hey, Ton'!
85
00:03:01,646 --> 00:03:03,947
This is not what I thought it was!
86
00:03:03,948 --> 00:03:06,349
(YELLS)
87
00:03:06,350 --> 00:03:09,010
Oh, my God, Chris is out of control!
88
00:03:09,011 --> 00:03:09,719
I know!
89
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,355
It must be all the violence
in movies and sex on TV.
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00:03:12,356 --> 00:03:13,557
Oh.
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00:03:13,558 --> 00:03:15,024
See, I listen. (CHUCKLES)
92
00:03:20,364 --> 00:03:22,232
Peter, we need to talk
about what happened
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00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:23,300
at the street fair.
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00:03:23,301 --> 00:03:25,035
Lois, it's an Italian festival.
95
00:03:25,036 --> 00:03:26,503
You're supposed to yell "Bella, Bella"
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00:03:26,504 --> 00:03:28,538
and grab as much fat ass as you can.
97
00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:30,440
No, I'm talking about Chris.
98
00:03:30,441 --> 00:03:33,343
I had no idea he had so
much pent-up aggression.
99
00:03:33,344 --> 00:03:36,179
We have to deal with his anger
issues before he hurts himself.
100
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:37,581
Ah, that's good thinking, Lois.
101
00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:38,782
I've seen what happens
102
00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:40,784
when people hold in their
aggression for too long.
103
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:43,085
Don't forget, I was in
that elevator with Jay-Z.
104
00:03:44,255 --> 00:03:46,056
Hey, could you have
your guy hit "two"?
105
00:03:46,057 --> 00:03:47,924
I got to get down to
the business center
106
00:03:47,925 --> 00:03:49,326
to print out my boarding pass.
107
00:03:49,327 --> 00:03:51,461
Oh! Hey! That's gonna leave a mark!
108
00:03:51,462 --> 00:03:53,229
(CHUCKLES) That's from a movie.
109
00:03:53,230 --> 00:03:55,799
So, you girls traveling
with your dad here?
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00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,267
Hey, don't kick him, Muddy Shoes.
111
00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:58,902
He's got a white suit on.
112
00:03:58,903 --> 00:04:01,438
Hey, look, I don't know if you
guys are really staying here,
113
00:04:01,439 --> 00:04:04,073
but you can't get into the
pool without a room key.
114
00:04:07,712 --> 00:04:10,080
Okay, Chris, your mom
and I want to help you
115
00:04:10,081 --> 00:04:12,549
get out some of that aggression,
so I thought you and me
116
00:04:12,550 --> 00:04:14,450
could huck rotten
apples at passing cars.
117
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,589
Oh, I didn't know we had
brown apple in the forecast.
118
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:21,390
Welp, we needed it.
119
00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:26,295
Wow, can I have a turn?
120
00:04:28,399 --> 00:04:29,632
(TIRES SCREECHING)
121
00:04:33,104 --> 00:04:35,972
Hey, which one of you threw
that apple at my car?
122
00:04:35,973 --> 00:04:37,741
He did it. He dragged me out here.
123
00:04:37,742 --> 00:04:39,275
I wanted to be in school, sir.
124
00:04:39,276 --> 00:04:41,311
Where'd you get a
cannon like that, kid?
125
00:04:41,312 --> 00:04:43,613
I work out my right arm
three times a day.
126
00:04:43,614 --> 00:04:44,748
Mm, Free weights?
127
00:04:44,749 --> 00:04:47,550
No, mostly JPEGs of Helen
Hunt on my hard drive.
128
00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:49,719
Well, I'm Coach Doyle, and I
head up the baseball team
129
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:50,787
at James Woods High.
130
00:04:50,788 --> 00:04:53,156
What fake class do they
also make you teach?
131
00:04:53,157 --> 00:04:55,191
- Driver's ed, right?
- No, wood shop.
132
00:04:55,192 --> 00:04:56,760
Ah, that was my second guess.
133
00:04:56,761 --> 00:04:58,595
Tell me, son, how would
you like to pitch
134
00:04:58,596 --> 00:04:59,896
for the high school team?
135
00:04:59,897 --> 00:05:02,265
Baseball's the sport people
play while eating, right?
136
00:05:02,266 --> 00:05:04,768
Oh, yeah, sometimes I even
watch a whole Blacklist.
137
00:05:04,769 --> 00:05:06,970
I don't know, I've never
played baseball before.
138
00:05:06,971 --> 00:05:09,039
Oh, come on, Chris, you got to do it.
139
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,440
If you don't, you'll regret it.
140
00:05:10,441 --> 00:05:13,710
Just like Jesus' friend, Evan,
who bailed on the Last Supper.
141
00:05:13,711 --> 00:05:15,979
Aw, they did a painting?
142
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,631
I would've gone if I knew they
were gonna do a painting.
143
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,320
Here we are, fellas.
144
00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:27,724
The future site of Quahog's
newest Italian restaurant.
145
00:05:27,725 --> 00:05:29,626
Wow, this is a great location.
146
00:05:29,627 --> 00:05:30,927
Can we afford this?
147
00:05:30,928 --> 00:05:32,095
Sure we can.
148
00:05:32,096 --> 00:05:33,797
I set up one of those Kickstarters.
149
00:05:33,798 --> 00:05:35,498
Then I realized how stupid that is
150
00:05:35,499 --> 00:05:38,068
and I went to the bank for
a loan like an adult.
151
00:05:38,069 --> 00:05:40,770
Now, fellas, the tables should
all be bolted to the floor
152
00:05:40,771 --> 00:05:42,172
to prevent theft.
153
00:05:42,173 --> 00:05:43,907
You know, most restaurants
go out of business
154
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,109
because people are
stealing the tables.
155
00:05:46,110 --> 00:05:48,678
The toilets should also
be bolted to the floor.
156
00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:50,780
I think that's pretty
standard, Frank, but okay.
157
00:05:50,781 --> 00:05:52,849
Great. Now let's go find
some chump's restaurant
158
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:55,050
and steal his tables and toilets.
159
00:06:03,728 --> 00:06:06,496
James Woods is winning for
now, but y'all never know
160
00:06:06,497 --> 00:06:08,732
what might happen in
the moments to come.
161
00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:10,900
I mean, look, there's
two baseball guys
162
00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:12,602
out on the bases right now.
163
00:06:12,603 --> 00:06:15,070
What if they's run to
the scoring place?
164
00:06:18,609 --> 00:06:20,944
BRUCE (OVER P.A.): Oh,
here comes a new boy.
165
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,545
All right, Chris!
166
00:06:22,546 --> 00:06:24,814
Wow, I've never seen him
run onto a baseball field
167
00:06:24,815 --> 00:06:27,751
when he wasn't chasing a duck
or being chased by a duck.
168
00:06:27,752 --> 00:06:29,119
That a duck over there?
169
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,120
Ah, come on!
170
00:06:30,121 --> 00:06:31,654
What the hell's Coach Doyle thinking
171
00:06:31,655 --> 00:06:33,457
bringing in that fat slob?!
172
00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:34,416
You know what?
173
00:06:34,417 --> 00:06:38,428
I bet you a hundred bucks that
"fat slob" strikes this kid out.
174
00:06:38,429 --> 00:06:40,229
Ha, you're on.
175
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:44,501
Strike one!
176
00:06:44,502 --> 00:06:46,468
(CROWD MURMURING)
177
00:06:48,272 --> 00:06:49,640
Strike two!
178
00:06:49,641 --> 00:06:50,791
BRUCE (OVER P.A.): Ooh!
179
00:06:52,109 --> 00:06:53,075
(EXHALES)
180
00:06:58,682 --> 00:07:00,016
Strike three!
181
00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:02,051
(CHEERING)
182
00:07:02,052 --> 00:07:04,354
BRUCE (OVER P.A.): Three
strikes and he's out,
183
00:07:04,355 --> 00:07:06,955
just like my cousin
Freddie with the drugs.
184
00:07:08,025 --> 00:07:10,560
Holy crap, a hundred bucks!
185
00:07:10,561 --> 00:07:11,860
Hey, nice going, Chris!
186
00:07:13,664 --> 00:07:16,099
Wow, look how proud my dad is.
187
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,733
Oh, my God, a duck!
188
00:07:19,136 --> 00:07:20,503
It was a trap!
189
00:07:20,504 --> 00:07:22,137
(LOUD QUACKING)
190
00:07:27,782 --> 00:07:30,317
Guys, tonight the drinks are on me.
191
00:07:30,318 --> 00:07:33,086
I just won a hundred bucks
off Chris's baseball game.
192
00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:34,788
Really? How'd you do that?
193
00:07:34,789 --> 00:07:37,457
This dad took one look at
Chris and thought he'd suck,
194
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,593
but it turns out Chris
is a great pitcher.
195
00:07:39,594 --> 00:07:42,362
I'm so proud of the money
I won betting on him.
196
00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:44,865
You know, I bet there are
plenty of other baseball dads
197
00:07:44,866 --> 00:07:46,467
who'd also assume Chris stinks.
198
00:07:46,468 --> 00:07:47,801
Peter, we could make a lot of money.
199
00:07:47,802 --> 00:07:50,604
Yeah, we could make
Toni Braxton money.
200
00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:52,406
Is that... is that a lot?
201
00:07:52,407 --> 00:07:54,742
It's a lot, and then nothing.
202
00:07:54,743 --> 00:07:58,130
And then a record whose proceeds
go directly to creditors.
203
00:07:58,514 --> 00:08:01,048
("CENTERFIELD" BY
JOHN FOGERTY PLAYING)
204
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:08,122
♪ Put me in, Coach ♪
205
00:08:08,123 --> 00:08:10,692
♪ I'm ready to play ♪
206
00:08:10,693 --> 00:08:12,093
♪ Today ♪
207
00:08:12,094 --> 00:08:14,729
♪ Put me in, Coach ♪
208
00:08:14,730 --> 00:08:17,465
♪ I'm ready to play ♪
209
00:08:17,466 --> 00:08:18,866
♪ Today ♪
210
00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:20,968
♪ Look at me ♪
211
00:08:20,969 --> 00:08:22,303
♪ I can be ♪
212
00:08:22,304 --> 00:08:23,637
♪ Centerfield ♪
213
00:08:26,175 --> 00:08:29,477
♪ Well, I spent some time
in the Mudville Nine ♪
214
00:08:29,478 --> 00:08:32,213
♪ Watching it from the bench ♪
215
00:08:32,214 --> 00:08:34,082
♪ You know I took some lumps ♪
216
00:08:34,083 --> 00:08:36,516
♪ When the Mighty Casey struck out ♪
217
00:08:39,021 --> 00:08:41,355
♪ So Say Hey Willie ♪
218
00:08:41,356 --> 00:08:42,857
♪ Tell the Cobb ♪
219
00:08:42,858 --> 00:08:45,693
♪ And Joe DiMaggio ♪
220
00:08:45,694 --> 00:08:47,729
♪ Don't say it ain't so ♪
221
00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:51,064
♪ You know the time is now. ♪
222
00:08:58,160 --> 00:08:59,540
Frank, where the hell is everybody?
223
00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:01,409
This was supposed to be
our big opening night.
224
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,144
I'll tell you what the problem is.
225
00:09:03,145 --> 00:09:06,146
Every successful restaurant
has a hook or a gimmick.
226
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:07,348
That's what we're lacking.
227
00:09:07,349 --> 00:09:09,183
(GASPS) No, we're not.
228
00:09:09,184 --> 00:09:11,554
Frank, you're the hook! That's right.
229
00:09:11,555 --> 00:09:13,875
We just need to make you the
face of the restaurant.
230
00:09:13,876 --> 00:09:16,204
It may be the five
loaves of garlic bread
231
00:09:16,205 --> 00:09:19,674
I ate this morning talking, but
I think that's a swell idea.
232
00:09:19,675 --> 00:09:22,643
(TUNE OF "I WISH I WERE
IN LOVE AGAIN" PLAYING)
233
00:09:26,749 --> 00:09:28,483
♪ You'll love the meal ♪
234
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,118
♪ The fancy feel ♪
235
00:09:30,119 --> 00:09:33,388
♪ The showbiz stories
while you eat your veal ♪
236
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:36,558
♪ It's family dining
with a mobster feel ♪
237
00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:39,127
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
238
00:09:39,128 --> 00:09:40,128
Junior!
239
00:09:40,129 --> 00:09:41,763
♪ The wine is red ♪
240
00:09:41,764 --> 00:09:43,465
♪ With lots of bread ♪
241
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:46,968
(AS MARLON BRANDO): And portions
bigger than a horse's head.
242
00:09:46,969 --> 00:09:50,238
♪ You'll burp up sausages
tonight in bed ♪
243
00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:54,042
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
244
00:09:54,043 --> 00:09:55,643
♪ Here's a toast ♪
245
00:09:57,246 --> 00:09:59,313
♪ To our host ♪
246
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:03,985
♪ The food's not great, but ♪
247
00:10:03,986 --> 00:10:06,755
♪ Drink enough and you won't know ♪
248
00:10:06,756 --> 00:10:10,125
♪ The guests will swoon
and Frank will croon ♪
249
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:13,161
♪ A "beep-bop-dooby-dop"
Italian tune ♪
250
00:10:13,162 --> 00:10:15,230
♪ You dine like royalty ♪
251
00:10:15,231 --> 00:10:18,766
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
252
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:25,407
♪ We got big plans
to please our fans ♪
253
00:10:25,408 --> 00:10:28,844
♪ Our cocktail waitress
has enormous cans ♪
254
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,446
♪ A men's room servant who
will dry your hands ♪
255
00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:34,883
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
256
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:38,553
♪ Our pizza pies could win a prize ♪
257
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:41,623
♪ The jukebox catalog is double size ♪
258
00:10:41,624 --> 00:10:44,392
♪ It plays both Capitol
and, yes, Reprise ♪
259
00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:45,594
That's "Repreeze."
260
00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:48,096
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
261
00:10:48,097 --> 00:10:51,198
♪ Gorgeous views ♪
262
00:10:52,268 --> 00:10:55,137
♪ And top-shelf booze ♪
263
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:57,739
♪ Yes, we serve Jews ♪
264
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:01,476
♪ Um, that was never an issue ♪
265
00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:03,311
♪ So, raise your glass ♪
266
00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:05,080
♪ You'll have a gas ♪
267
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:08,116
♪ But seating's limited,
so move your ass ♪
268
00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:09,951
♪ And plant it firmly ♪
269
00:11:09,952 --> 00:11:14,789
♪ Here at Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
270
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:17,792
♪ Frank's restaurant ♪
271
00:11:17,793 --> 00:11:24,132
♪ Frank's res... taurant. ♪
272
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:25,466
(MUSIC ENDS)
273
00:11:33,142 --> 00:11:34,743
(CHUCKLES) Wow!
274
00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:36,144
Look at this, guys.
275
00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:39,080
I can't believe we made
all this in one game.
276
00:11:39,081 --> 00:11:40,448
Yeah, I'm having a great time
277
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,517
handling this money and
then touching my eyeball.
278
00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:45,654
Jerome, another round
for my blurry friends.
279
00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:47,189
Yeah, we got a good thing going.
280
00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,224
We just have to keep
Chris's talent a secret.
281
00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:51,159
TOM TUCKER (OVER TV):
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
282
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,695
Our top story tonight, the
James Woods High baseball team
283
00:11:53,696 --> 00:11:55,797
is headed to the
district championship,
284
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,267
thanks to their secret weapon,
star pitcher Chris Griffin.
285
00:11:59,268 --> 00:12:01,870
Ah, crap, now everyone
knows Chris is a ringer!
286
00:12:01,871 --> 00:12:04,005
Tom Tucker just ruined everything.
287
00:12:04,006 --> 00:12:06,807
This sucks even worse than
when I stubbed my toe.
288
00:12:08,277 --> 00:12:09,611
Aah!
289
00:12:09,612 --> 00:12:12,714
Why does everything bad
always happen to me?!
290
00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:16,384
Answer me, guy in box
and guy on cross!
291
00:12:16,385 --> 00:12:18,352
(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING)
292
00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:21,355
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
293
00:12:22,925 --> 00:12:24,526
Stewie, can I talk to you?
294
00:12:24,527 --> 00:12:27,062
Look, Brian, I affectionately
pat all the waiters on the ass.
295
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:28,930
And if anyone has a problem with it,
296
00:12:28,931 --> 00:12:30,298
they should come to me directly!
297
00:12:30,299 --> 00:12:31,566
No, no, it's not that.
298
00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:32,867
I-I've been going
through our receipts,
299
00:12:32,868 --> 00:12:34,502
and we're actually losing money.
300
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,071
Well, yeah, duh.
301
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,505
Frank comps every meal.
302
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:38,974
Look, he's doing it again.
303
00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:40,976
Little-known secret
about Charlton Heston.
304
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,744
Never used toilet paper.
305
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:44,379
Just drop and go.
306
00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:46,780
Uh, here, let me get
that check for you.
307
00:12:50,953 --> 00:12:52,187
(SIGHS)
308
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,388
Well, it's official.
309
00:12:53,389 --> 00:12:55,657
Nobody wants to bet against Chris now.
310
00:12:55,658 --> 00:12:56,992
Damn it! I can't believe my kid
311
00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:58,426
isn't making money for us anymore.
312
00:12:58,427 --> 00:13:00,862
I feel like Jessica Simpson's dad.
313
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,897
Well, there are plenty
of guys willing to bet
314
00:13:02,898 --> 00:13:05,333
on James Woods High to
win, I'll tell you that.
315
00:13:05,334 --> 00:13:08,570
The only way we could ever make
money now is if Chris lost.
316
00:13:08,571 --> 00:13:10,730
Wait a minute, Joe, that's it!
317
00:13:10,731 --> 00:13:12,340
All we got to do is take those bets
318
00:13:12,341 --> 00:13:13,934
and get Chris to take a dive!
319
00:13:13,935 --> 00:13:15,074
Wait, hold on, Peter.
320
00:13:15,075 --> 00:13:18,013
You're gonna ask your own
son to lose on purpose?
321
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:19,214
Damn, Quagmire!
322
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,849
Your fridge gives you
water from the door?
323
00:13:25,254 --> 00:13:26,988
Hey, champ, what you doing?
324
00:13:26,989 --> 00:13:28,590
My Spanish homework.
325
00:13:28,591 --> 00:13:31,470
Oh, well, then maybe I'll just
say this to you in Spanish.
326
00:13:31,471 --> 00:13:32,400
_
327
00:13:32,401 --> 00:13:37,197
_
328
00:13:37,198 --> 00:13:41,479
_
329
00:13:41,784 --> 00:13:42,783
_
330
00:13:42,784 --> 00:13:47,619
_
331
00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:50,175
_
332
00:13:50,176 --> 00:13:51,489
_
333
00:13:58,142 --> 00:14:00,279
Chris, what the hell are you doing?!
334
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,548
Calm down. This is how
they package Snapple now.
335
00:14:02,549 --> 00:14:04,383
They're trying to trick
kids into drinking it.
336
00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:05,818
You may not believe this,
337
00:14:05,819 --> 00:14:08,087
but there was a time when
Snapple ruled the nation.
338
00:14:08,088 --> 00:14:09,488
Preposterous!
339
00:14:09,489 --> 00:14:11,790
It's true. Even Jerry
Seinfeld drank it.
340
00:14:11,791 --> 00:14:13,893
And he was the president of the '90s.
341
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,195
But why are you so down?
342
00:14:16,196 --> 00:14:19,632
Dad told me I have to lose the
championship game on purpose.
343
00:14:19,633 --> 00:14:20,733
He what?!
344
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,102
Peter, get in here right now!
345
00:14:23,103 --> 00:14:25,604
Wow, someone's day-horny!
346
00:14:25,605 --> 00:14:26,772
Oh, hey, Chris.
347
00:14:26,773 --> 00:14:28,407
Did you tell Chris he had to lose
348
00:14:28,408 --> 00:14:29,742
the district championship?!
349
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,943
Let me just get a
garbage bag. Hold on.
350
00:14:35,315 --> 00:14:37,283
Okay, now that I'm decent.
351
00:14:37,284 --> 00:14:39,685
Yes, I did tell Chris
to throw the game.
352
00:14:39,686 --> 00:14:41,387
But it's okay; it's for gambling.
353
00:14:41,388 --> 00:14:44,256
What?! You're betting on
Chris's baseball team?!
354
00:14:44,257 --> 00:14:46,525
Technically against
Chris's baseball team.
355
00:14:46,526 --> 00:14:47,793
Are you crazy?!
356
00:14:47,794 --> 00:14:49,295
Do I look crazy?!
357
00:14:49,296 --> 00:14:51,163
What do you think puts
the food on our table
358
00:14:51,164 --> 00:14:52,631
and the garbage bags on our backs?!
359
00:14:52,632 --> 00:14:54,333
Chris, your father's a jackass.
360
00:14:54,334 --> 00:14:55,734
When you get on that field,
361
00:14:55,735 --> 00:14:57,903
you try your very
best and play to win.
362
00:14:57,904 --> 00:14:59,505
You understand me?
363
00:14:59,506 --> 00:15:01,640
Yeah. Thanks, Mom.
364
00:15:01,641 --> 00:15:03,242
But, Lois, if Chris wins that game,
365
00:15:03,243 --> 00:15:05,874
I'll be out a ton of money and
I'll have to kiss a fella!
366
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:07,504
I take all kinds of bets.
367
00:15:11,885 --> 00:15:13,686
Hey, Frank, we have to talk.
368
00:15:13,687 --> 00:15:16,255
You've got to stop giving
away all the food for free.
369
00:15:16,256 --> 00:15:18,324
Yeah, otherwise there's no way
we're gonna make a profit.
370
00:15:18,325 --> 00:15:20,359
Oh, we don't have to
worry about money.
371
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,895
I might be doing a Duets
thing with that Lady Goo-Ga.
372
00:15:22,896 --> 00:15:24,296
Uh-huh, that's wrong.
373
00:15:24,297 --> 00:15:25,698
Anyway, the restaurant's
gonna go under
374
00:15:25,699 --> 00:15:27,066
if you keep giving away food.
375
00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:28,500
All right, all right.
376
00:15:28,501 --> 00:15:29,802
Thank you, Frank.
377
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:31,836
I appreciate you trying it my way.
378
00:15:32,687 --> 00:15:34,187
Thank you.
379
00:15:34,188 --> 00:15:35,222
What was that?
380
00:15:35,223 --> 00:15:36,490
Oh, I get 40 bucks
381
00:15:36,491 --> 00:15:38,878
every time somebody says "my way."
382
00:15:38,879 --> 00:15:40,660
Nancy gets 60.
383
00:15:45,032 --> 00:15:46,700
What do you mean Chris
won't take a dive?!
384
00:15:46,701 --> 00:15:48,335
We already took a ton of bets!
385
00:15:48,336 --> 00:15:49,636
Look, I'm sorry, you guys,
386
00:15:49,637 --> 00:15:51,905
but my hot piece-of-ass
wife says no way.
387
00:15:51,906 --> 00:15:54,474
It's a weird time to brag
about your wife, Peter.
388
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,343
I don't know, I've just
been so horny today.
389
00:15:56,344 --> 00:15:57,978
Oh, man, I don't need to know that!
390
00:15:57,979 --> 00:15:59,246
Well, pull it together, Peter,
391
00:15:59,247 --> 00:16:00,981
'cause we're about to
lose a lot of money!
392
00:16:00,982 --> 00:16:02,616
(SIGHS) I know.
393
00:16:02,617 --> 00:16:04,351
We're screwed once
Chris takes the mound
394
00:16:04,352 --> 00:16:06,186
with that awesome arm of his.
395
00:16:06,187 --> 00:16:08,989
Wait, so what you're saying
is Chris isn't the problem,
396
00:16:08,990 --> 00:16:10,290
his arm is.
397
00:16:10,291 --> 00:16:11,591
I guess.
398
00:16:12,878 --> 00:16:15,195
Okay. We hear you, Peter.
399
00:16:15,196 --> 00:16:17,297
Loud and clear.
400
00:16:17,298 --> 00:16:19,766
Yeah, we'll fix this problem.
401
00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:21,401
You guys are creeping me out.
402
00:16:21,402 --> 00:16:23,303
All right, I'm gonna
exit while discreetly
403
00:16:23,304 --> 00:16:25,271
checking out the hot
chick by the door.
404
00:16:32,246 --> 00:16:33,880
You guys heard what I heard, right?
405
00:16:33,881 --> 00:16:36,216
Peter just asked us
to break Chris's arm.
406
00:16:36,217 --> 00:16:37,617
Well, he intimated.
407
00:16:37,618 --> 00:16:38,885
I don't know what that means,
408
00:16:38,886 --> 00:16:41,321
but let's go rough up a
teenager for beer money!
409
00:16:41,322 --> 00:16:43,389
Oh, I call biting!
410
00:16:49,397 --> 00:16:52,098
Okay, there's the baseball
team's locker room right there.
411
00:16:52,099 --> 00:16:54,367
Perfect! And we look like
regular high school students,
412
00:16:54,368 --> 00:16:56,335
so we'll fit right in.
413
00:16:58,205 --> 00:17:00,574
Joe, are you sure about these clothes?
414
00:17:00,575 --> 00:17:03,777
Trust me. I bought the absolute
latest issue of Archie comics,
415
00:17:03,778 --> 00:17:06,478
and this is what the kids are wearing.
416
00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:09,549
Oh, hey, fellow teens.
417
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:12,385
Wait a minute, teenagers
don't have wheelchairs!
418
00:17:12,386 --> 00:17:15,354
(SOBBING): No! Oh, no!
419
00:17:18,392 --> 00:17:20,627
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
420
00:17:20,628 --> 00:17:23,229
Okay, guys, we've served
our last free meal.
421
00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:25,531
Here I go with the check.
422
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:27,834
Oh, I'm sorry.
423
00:17:27,835 --> 00:17:29,169
Last time we ate here,
424
00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,538
Mr. Sinatra's son said it was free.
425
00:17:31,539 --> 00:17:33,239
Okay, uh, everyone, new policy!
426
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,241
As is the case with many restaurants,
427
00:17:35,242 --> 00:17:37,644
you're going to have
to pay for your food.
428
00:17:37,645 --> 00:17:40,280
What? This food ain't
worth paying for.
429
00:17:40,281 --> 00:17:43,182
Yeah, the only reason we eat
here is 'cause it's free.
430
00:17:44,418 --> 00:17:46,886
Look whose restaurant
thinks it's so good!
431
00:17:46,887 --> 00:17:49,756
Oh, yeah? If it was Joey's
restaurant, you would've paid.
432
00:17:49,757 --> 00:17:51,191
(CRYING)
433
00:17:51,192 --> 00:17:52,993
Ma!
434
00:17:52,994 --> 00:17:54,327
I'm sorry, Ma!
435
00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:56,392
Ma!
436
00:17:57,102 --> 00:17:58,637
I can't believe it.
437
00:17:58,638 --> 00:17:59,839
They hated us.
438
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,810
Well, fellas, we gave
it our best shot.
439
00:18:01,811 --> 00:18:03,770
If you need me, I'll be
back in Palm Springs,
440
00:18:03,771 --> 00:18:06,653
which has been completely
taken over by the gays.
441
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,709
So, want to grab whatever wine is left
442
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,111
and then burn the place down?
443
00:18:11,112 --> 00:18:13,113
Maybe, but first, let's
have an unearned
444
00:18:13,114 --> 00:18:15,248
end-of-the-series moment
where we turn out the lights
445
00:18:15,249 --> 00:18:16,715
on our own place.
446
00:18:18,986 --> 00:18:21,520
Sorry, pal, we're closed.
447
00:18:24,191 --> 00:18:26,158
(PIANO PLAYING SOMBER MUSIC)
448
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:34,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
449
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,492
Peter, we've got great news!
450
00:18:48,493 --> 00:18:49,826
Chris isn't playing!
451
00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:51,161
He's not? Why?
452
00:18:51,162 --> 00:18:53,274
Well, 'cause we broke his
arm like you told us to.
453
00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:54,943
Shattered. We shattered his arm.
454
00:18:54,944 --> 00:18:57,078
You what?! I never
told you to do that!
455
00:18:57,079 --> 00:18:59,114
You didn't? That's what
I thought I heard.
456
00:18:59,115 --> 00:19:02,117
Quagmire, this is humbling,
but it may be time
457
00:19:02,118 --> 00:19:04,619
for all of us to talk
about hearing aids.
458
00:19:04,620 --> 00:19:07,054
I feel terrible! I got
to go find my son!
459
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,326
Chris!
460
00:19:11,327 --> 00:19:14,395
Dad, my arm's broke!
And look, a Camaro!
461
00:19:14,396 --> 00:19:16,564
Oh, that guy must be so boss.
462
00:19:16,565 --> 00:19:19,400
But listen, Chris, I had no
idea this was gonna happen.
463
00:19:19,401 --> 00:19:21,369
Look, I was wrong to
bet on your games,
464
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:23,738
and it's even worse that
I told you to lose.
465
00:19:23,739 --> 00:19:25,006
I'm so sorry.
466
00:19:25,007 --> 00:19:26,374
Oh, that's okay, Dad.
467
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:28,409
I just feel bad that my arm is broken
468
00:19:28,410 --> 00:19:31,312
in so many places and hurts so much.
469
00:19:31,313 --> 00:19:33,581
No, Chris, I've been a
terrible dad lately.
470
00:19:34,146 --> 00:19:35,784
You found something you were great at,
471
00:19:35,785 --> 00:19:37,585
and instead of being happy for you,
472
00:19:37,586 --> 00:19:39,687
I tried to use it to make money.
473
00:19:39,688 --> 00:19:43,158
And now your arm is broken and
your baseball career is over.
474
00:19:43,159 --> 00:19:44,759
Not necessarily.
475
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,127
What? What are you talking about?
476
00:19:46,128 --> 00:19:48,329
Well, for the last few
weeks, since my right arm's
477
00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:52,300
been exhausted from pitching,
my left arm's had to, uh,
478
00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:55,164
pick up the slack in the bathroom.
479
00:19:55,905 --> 00:19:57,871
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
480
00:20:02,144 --> 00:20:04,912
(CROWD CHEERING)
481
00:20:08,304 --> 00:20:09,551
You see the pitcher?
482
00:20:09,552 --> 00:20:10,840
That's my kid.
483
00:20:15,057 --> 00:20:16,624
Aah! Son of a bitch!
484
00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:18,059
CHRIS: Oh, my God!
485
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:19,727
Sorry, Mr. Quagmire!
486
00:20:19,728 --> 00:20:21,529
I heard that bone break.
487
00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:23,664
My ears are fine.
488
00:20:27,469 --> 00:20:29,737
Well, Chris, we're very proud of you
489
00:20:29,738 --> 00:20:31,673
for making it to the
district championship.
490
00:20:31,674 --> 00:20:33,141
Thanks, Mom.
491
00:20:33,142 --> 00:20:34,642
It was really something, Lois.
492
00:20:34,643 --> 00:20:37,145
The next pitch Chris threw
hit his coach in the head,
493
00:20:37,146 --> 00:20:39,647
so there was no one to
take him out of the game.
494
00:20:39,648 --> 00:20:41,583
Chris walked the next 46 batters.
495
00:20:41,584 --> 00:20:42,851
State record.
496
00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:45,119
Wow, Chris! State record!
497
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,667
Yeah, they got crushed.
498
00:20:46,668 --> 00:20:48,256
But at least I didn't have to pay out
499
00:20:48,257 --> 00:20:49,924
all those bets and kiss a guy.
500
00:20:49,925 --> 00:20:52,789
But I saw you kissing the
driver of that Camaro.
501
00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:54,924
That... that-that was something else.
502
00:20:56,187 --> 00:20:57,522
(WEAKLY): Baseball!
503
00:20:57,523 --> 00:20:59,523
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
503
00:21:00,305 --> 00:21:06,674
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