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In the past week

I ruined my chance to go to college

I lost all my friends

I almost ruined my parents' marriage

The one girl l ever cared about will probably never talk to me again

I also got my face kicked in

But...

after everything I've done

I probably got off easy

You believed in me

and I betrayed you all

Amy

I want you on band try-outs and theater auditions

It's Pippin this year, right?

Great show... Jules

I need you on the student parking permits Please, they confuse the hell out of everybody

Can you do that for me?

There's a new cafeteria policy.

Due to last year's brawl at McDonald's

Nobody's allowed off school grounds for lunch Not even the seniors.

We're stuck inside all year

That sucks

It's okay. I'm gonna do an op ed on that

Gonna interview the principal it's obviously a hot-button issue

Kev, what do you got, bud?

Football and wrestling previews, Gav. And

I'd love to do a feature on the state wrestling champ at a hundred sixty eight pounds

who happens to be you

Alright. Well you'll probably gonna want photos with that

so meet me in the gym after school I'll let you shoot me in my tux

I got a sports story

but it ain't no goddamn puff piece

It's gonna be in 2-inch type

right underneath the masthead

steroids

good to see you, Gilman

Steroids, huh?

I'm gonna go undercover on the football team as assistant equipment manager

blow the lid right off this bitch

I'm gonna find out who's juicing, where they got the stuff

What evidence do you have that anyone's using steroids?

Statistics

It's an epidemic now on the high school level

the high school football team went 2 and 12 last year

nobody cares enough to cheat

maybe they don't wanna go 2 and 12 this year

ever think about that?

It's a ridiculous reach. Forget it.

At least read the data

I don't need to read the data. Thanks.

Who are you trying to protect?

Cough if up, Riley.

How far up does this thing go?

Take it easy, Oliver Stone. I just don't want you bugging my friends with your bullshit

Okay, guys. These stories are due Friday. You can just e-mail them to me, alright?

Okay, we table the steroids thing.

What am I gonna do?

You beat me out for editor, Riley, but I still need to make my mark this year

First of all, Gilman, take a giant step back

You're in my area. We discussed this

Okay

Why don't you just do a simple 'back to school' piece?

'Another year dawns on Parker Prep' whatever just

make sure you include the changes on the academic calendar

Back to school piece

it's simple, it's elegant

I'll really to put my finger on the pulse of the student body

Yes. Fine. Look, if it's good enough, I'll even put it on the cover

Just don't get carried away

Gonzo Gilman with the Courier. Another year dawns, let's talk about it

Gonzo Gilman with the Courier. Do you have one minute?

Gonzo Gilman with the Courier. What are your hopes and fears...

Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.

What are your hopes and fears for the new year?

I hope that you get out of my face and I fear that you will not.

- Gonzo Gilman with the Courier. I was hoping - No

- Can I quote you on that? -No

Got her digits, man. Damn, she's hot.

My friend, Rob. You will have to undress that girl with a small crane

You've no vision, Gonzo. Okay that girl loses this much baby fat, she'll have the sweetest ass in the entire school

- And I will be leading the ground floor - Hmm..interesting.

- You working on a story? - Undercover. I told you.

- 2-inch type - right underneath the mast head.

- Hi, Rob. - Hey, gorgeous. Welcome back.

- This is gonna be such a good year. - Dude, she's like the elephant man

- You're the Don Juan of the physically-deformed - Don't hate, okay?

-Please, you're better than that. -Guys, come quick. It's Schneeman.

Bastards! How can you all just stand there?

Schneeman, I'm coming!

-Third year in a row. My underwear is about to rip... -I know, I know. Don't try to talk right now

I'm gonna have to lift you... gently

Got it. Come on down. Here we go.

here...we... go.

You okay, Schneeman?

Did they do this to you?

Gavin Riley wasn't there

- Listen Schneeman. This isn't gonna happen again -I know.

- That is the last time I wear underwear to school - No, that's not what I mean

Okay you geniuses, here's your reminder

The submission deadline for the Van Buren price is October 20th

This is the most prestigious history award in the country

Parker Prep has had two previous winners

Gavin's two older brothers -Marcus and Shawn.

- Are you gonna continue the family dynasty? - They'll disown me if I don't.

Well you're gonna have some tough competition this year. Isn't that right, Mr. Shneeman?

Okay, back to Napoleon...

another man who had his eyes on the price namely, the military domination of Europe...

Another year dawns on Parker Prep, the 150th in the school history

For most students, it's a time to set goals both academic and personal

a time to dream when everything seems possible

For others, however, school is already a waking nightmare, a hellish abyss

where bullies prey sadistically on the weak.

unpunished, their victims, too afraid to identify.

- Hey - Hey, how was the meeting? Did you settle?

And a hearty good evening to you, Diane. No, we did not settle

- In fact, they threw the whole thing out. - What?

Okay, so what happens now? You don't get paid?

- You've been working on this case for 6 months. - That's the high stake world of personal injury law.

Arthur, c'mon. This has got to stop. You need to start getting compensated for your time.

and I'm talking about actual money

I'm not talking about Fernando working off your fee by doing the hedges

or king Popi giving you that car truck thingie with the boat attachment

That's an 87 El Camino, babe. It's a chariot

Look, I know how hard it is for you to say no but you're not working pro-bono at LegalAid anymore

-This job is supposed to pay - Di, I'm taking every case I can possibly take

I'm taking criminal, divorce, liability

I'm practically chasing ambulances down the street. What else do you want me to do?

No money, no work. It's very simple

- Where's the boy? - He's in his room. Eddie, dinner!

I call for a boycott on all boys' varsity sports events

until the culprits step forward and take responsibility for their actions

we can no longer let this aggression stand

-What? I'm working.

-Dinner's ready. -I'll eat later. I'm on a roll

Hey mom?

Can you just grab me a Red Bull?

Rob, do me a favor and read it aloud

"Another year dawns on Parker Prep The 150th in the school history"

"For most students, it's a time to set goals both academic and personal"

"a time to dream when everything seems possible."

- Keep going. - That is the end of the article.

-No, it's not. It's continued on another page or something. -I don't think so. There's a period there.

What's the matter, Gilman? It's on the cover, isn't it?

- You cut the whole thing?

You had no right to do that! - I told you what I wanted and that's what I printed.

You're just protecting your neanderthal friends. It's the same reason you tabled my steroids story.

- That's not what a newspaper is for! - You're in my area, Gilman. I'm warning you.

A newspaper is for everybody. It's a public trust!

- I told the truth in that article. - Back off, freak! I'm serious.

You think this is just gonna go away? That this is just gonna be over?

We're still gonna get justice for Schneeman, Riley. You can't stop us!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!

It's gonna be a nightmare, Riley.

You think you can challenge me, huh?

You're out of your league. Nobody cares what you think. You understand that?

You better watch your back.

Are you out of your mind? I thought you wanted to go to Columbia for Journalism.

How is getting kicked off the paper one week into school gonna help?

You know there are students with 4.0 averages, who spend their summers workign with lepers in India

who have a hard time getting into college What the hell are you gonna do?

-This was your one extra-curricular selling point. -Mom, one notch, okay? Do me a favor?

- Oh, am I being shrill -Yes

I'm sorry. It's just that we're killing ourselves to put you into this fancy private school you have to hold up your end

I'm a victim of injustice, mother. What do you want me to do?

Why don't you apologize? Get back on the paper.

- Apologize? - Yeah

I will never apologize to Gavin Riley. I'll say that right now.

I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees.

"Die on my feet, live on my knees." That's pretty good. Did I just make that up?

- Zapata. Emiliano Zapata. Mexican revolutionary.

Is that all you have to say?

Have you even read this, Diane? He's standing up for the underdog.

Can't believe they'd cut a word of this

-I hope you're sending this to the dean at Columbia. -Oh yeah, I send everything I write to Dean Herbert

No response yet but I know he'll respect my stand

Thanks, Arthur. That's very helpful

- I love you very much. -[phone rings] Hello. This is she.

Yeah, I'm showing it a week from Tuesday.

Your mother's right. We have sacrificed a lot.

Small things like dignity and a sense of shame but

for me this isn't about getting into college. It's about how far you're willing to go.

There's always gonna be some asshole standing in your way

If there's something you need to do, you have to find a way to do it.

-Alright? -Yeah.

Don't you have any pride... as a professional?

I don't cook this crap. I just serve it.

Great. What do you recommend? The stew?

Mac n' cheese? Not the mac 'n cheese either

what about this vienna sausage that looks pretty tasty. Is there anything...?

Well, man. I can't really eat saltines all year.

Just give me one of those sandwiches.

Russian roulette, bro.

Oh man, sloppy joe. Excellent. Let me get some of that. Mmm

So what are you gonna do about Riley?

Sit down

It's not just that they cut my article, or the heinous way they defiled Schneeman

We've been going to this school for three years and it's like we've never even existed

This year was supposed to be different, remember?

Two weeks in they've got their feet on our necks already? No way!

We're gonna start a fucking revolution in this place.

- How are we going to do that? - With a newspaper.

With our own underground newspaper

Screw Gavin Riley!

Gavin Riley owns this place.

He'll crush us like bugs.

He's just a man, Schneeman.

He's got strengths and weaknesses like anyone else.

Too many narcs in here. Let's meet at the usual place, okay? After school.

There are only 10 people in this school that anybody knows or cares about.

I'm gonna write about everyone else

"The unsung heroes of Parker Prep"

That's my idea. Alright. Anybody else?

Any ideas? Anybody?

Rob, why don't you do something on that mutant harem of yours?

-That'll be a real killer. -Yeah, yeah. Okay. Cool.

Great. Rob. Mutant harem...

Ming. C'mon. What do you got?

Well...

Nobody even thinks I can speak English

so they blab their whole lives in front of me like I'm not even there

Some of these girls you wouldn't believe

They act like they're so perfect

But I see every single flaw

Ridiculous clothes and hideous hair

And they're just awful terrible people

Spoiled two-faced back-stabbers. Those godless whores

It's all I can do not to vomit or scream at their faces

I just wanna like rip out their hair

Sometimes I take pictures of them with my camera phone

It's my dream of showing the world the truth

Wouldn't it be funny to see them cry tears

boohoohoo... boohoohoohoo

So like a gossip column? Are you talking about doing a gossip column?

Okay cool. Ming Na, gossip column.

Mr. Schneeman? Mr. Scott Marshall Schneeman.

I'm gonna need your full story, man. On the record. Names and everything.

Is this the McCarthy hearings? - Schneeman, you gotta fight back now.

I mean for real!

They've already hung you by your underwear. What else can they possibly do?

That's what I'm worried about.

Is anybody gonna order food?

Absolutely, Errol. One slice of your famous cherry pie

and uh...four forks.

Evie Wallace.

What the hell does she want?

- Easy E. I heard she's been working at this joint - Oh, she's a waitress?

No. She's a hooker, man.

-She has sex with guys in exchange for money. -I know what a hooker is, Rob, but

No, I do not believe that. -No, that's like a 100% confirmed.

She sold her cherries to some Japanese businessman over the internet for $50,000

which is like 520,000 Yen

She doesn't dress like a hooker. Her clothes are flawless.

also for her first time she blew the entire wrestling team last year. 100% confirmed, multiple sources

Gavin Riley is an evil son of a bitch and anything that will knock him down a peg or annoy him a little bit, I'd like to be a part of.

Have a seat.

- I'm Gonzo Gilman, I'm in charge here.

I assume you all know who I am?

Well I don't really know how you found out about us but now that you're here, let me get you up to speed

We're starting a newspaper here and we plan on pissing a lot of people off

-No you're not gonna make a newspaper. -Why not?

Newspapers are dead, okay? You've gotta do a website or it's a total joke

No, we're not hiding behind usernames in cyberspace

this is gonna be a communal experience, something tangible

an actual thing that you can hold in your hands and get the ink on your fingers.

Newspapers are dead. You know no one really asked you anyway

You just walked in here you can go home and blog yourself

Dude, what are you doing? you know she could give us a lot of street cred

Okay, let me ask you something. How do you plan on paying for it?

Newspapers cost a lot of money to print, y'know.

Advertising.

We hit every mom and pop shop in this town getting crushed by these soulless chains

introduce them to a whole new consumer.

I'll take out an ad. Couldn't hurt.

It's 50 for a full page.

-How about 40. -Done.

See? Don't worry about the money. Covered.

Even the New York Times has a website component.

Talk-backs, videos, blogs...

I mean you wanna interact with your readers, right?

You want a reaction, don't you?

- I don't know anything about web design. - I do. I can format your whole newspaper

See, I have very specific ideas about the formatting. We'd have to work...very closely...together.

Are you gonna go all the way with this?

Or are you gonna punk out?

What do you think?

Uhm

I think we're all gonna go home... together...in this direction

You guys can stay here. We'll see you later

I have this pretty classic picture of Schneeman we should probably use for the cover

- Yeah, cool. Let me give you my email. - Yeah, absolutely.

The bubonic plague! You better double bag Gilman or your dick's gonna fall off.

You have no dick, asshole. Piss off!

- I hope you don't believe everything you hear - No.

You know if they're lying, you should write something too

-Set the record straight. -Yeah, maybe I will.

- What happened between you and Gavin Riley?

- That's nobody's business

- You're a motherfucker on that triangle, man. - Thanks

- What's your name? - Dave Melnick.

Dave, tell me. How'd you like to be a star?

I'd like to be a star.

Most people only see a block of stone

the artist sees the statue trapped inside

Kev, Julie's my best friend.

but you're so freakin hot.

I know.

You skanky little ho

"You can chain me, you can torture me, you can destroy my body"

"but you will never imprison my mind." Mohandas Gandhi.

Check it out. I finally landed us two ads.

RJ's records on Main St and that kid Django

who sells weed on the playground.

-I'll scan them in. -Yeah, good.

What are you up to, Gilman?

If this school's an ass,

That's my foot.

Triple tens

Pathetic.

-Evie. -Did you get it?

The double-thumb Gonzo Fist. Hunter S. Thompson. It really grabs the eye by the balls of the throat.

That doesn't make any sense but think I know what you mean.

I'm gonna stay up tonight and see if I can finish the whole lay-out.

Gonzo files no. 1

Oh my God, Evie

This looks so professional.

I love it.

Wait till you see the website.

I kinda hope Schneeman doesn't get murdered for this.

I know. Berserk.

This one's mine.

You might think it's stupid so

Evie

I have like 40+ moronic ideas every second

and I tend to express them all

A sex advise column?

This is cruel.

If they want a whore, I'll give them a whore.

Bastards.

Let them see how it feels.

Ever feel lost, lonely, weird, really ugly?

last to get the joke?

Ever wonder where the party is? Ever get a dodge ball on your face?

Pop a boner in your sweat pants?

Ever feel embarrassed about being smart?

Ever feel just like staying in bed all day, all week, all year?

You ever feel misunderstood, cheated, alone?

Ever wonder why nothing ever feels easy ever?

Well, this paper's for you

Welcome to the Gonzo Files

Hey that's me.

Look she's making herself puke.

-Thanks for the unrealistic body image, bitch. -What?

-I'm not bulimic, you asshole. I was puking my guts out from the cafeteria food. -Right, right.

-The Hendrix of the triangle? -Yeah.

Oh my God. That's brutal.

-Damn, they put him in a whole locker. -Who are these creeps?

You whore!

"I've had the misfortune of being bullied by Johnny Rock since he came to Parker in 9th grade."

"Over the years he has worked long and hard to perfect his patented wedgie technique."

"that combines elements of public humiliation and excruciating physical pain"

"into a veritable bouillabaisse of terror."

"Take it from me, in the world of raging assholes ..."

Johnny Rock stands alone.

Congratulations, Johnny. You earned it.

Now if you'll excuse us, we're late for gym.

Physical education. It's important

Why aren't you dead right now?

Everyone knows Marlene Katsmeyer's curvy just not like this.

-Haters, eat your hearts out. -Damn, Elephant girl really is smokin'.

Horny Rob!

You go, boy!

Wait, listen to this.

"Dear Easy E, I have a very small penis."

"In fact, I'm one of the few guys who can actually pee on his own balls."

"Do you know of any procedures or exercise that can improve my length and girth?"

"Please help. I'm scared I'll never be able to please a woman."

"Sincerely, Ryan McCloud. That preppy guy who always wears rugby shirts."

This letter is bullshit!

I am long and strong!

No. I've seen your sad, SAD excuse for a penis.

Last year when I gave you a hummer in the boys' bathroom?

Don't you remember? I mean, that's what you told everybody.

What are you...you saying it's not true?

You're a nasty little liar, aren't you, Ryan?

Say it.

Say "I'm a nasty little liar and I deserve to be spanked."

Say it.

Say it. Say it.

Say it.

You can go to hell!

I want this written in English.

Attention. Attention students, will Edward Gilman please report to the principal's office.

Mr. Gilman.

You caused quite a commotion today.

But that's now always such a bad thing, yes?

We think it's cute what you did.

Cute?

You certainly hit a nerve. Have a seat.

Now there's a lot about your paper that is inappropriate.

and in very poor taste and I seriously considered disciplining you

but your essential message-saluting the unsung heroes of parker prep has real value

Gonzo

as long as you agree to tone it down...a lot

and to work under Gavin's supervision

We're prepared to give you a small budget and to make your little paper an official supplement to The Courier.

Well, what do you think?

Well, gentlemen

I'm flattered by your offer...really

But you see...

If I accept your money then I have to accept your rules and

Sorry but my readers will not allow the Gonzo to be censored by anybody.

Let me put it another way.

If you put out another issue, I'm going to suspend you.

I guess you'll do what you have to do and I'll do what I have to do.

Meeting adjourned? Great.

Big mistake, Gilman. Big mistake.

May I say it was fun.

It's been a really long time since I had fun.

Cute.

They called my paper "cute."

-Who? -Who do you think?

Riley? Who cares what that asshole thinks.

Don't let him get in your head, Gonzo. That's what he wants.

What if he's right?

What if people really do see this paper as just another prank

like streaking across stage during graduation

But that's not what this is.

Look, on the website people are already sending me letters

Real letters looking for advice.

And not just about perverted sex shit either

You have no idea how many girls were screwed over in this school.

I'm gonna try and help.

See that's cool.

yeah your thing is really cool

What did I write?

About some stupid shit about a triangle player.

Great reporters find great subjects, change things...

Give yourself a break. It's only the first issue.

This is the premise. Parker Prep was built over a graveyard for the criminally insane.

And now, these psychotic ghosts all rise up from the dead and killing everyone in school.

It's up to a band of brave students well-versed in the dark arts to save the day.

- These brave students are led by Hyperion? - That is correct.

- I have the first 16 issues ready. - Deadline's November 23rd. Next!

I device Rudoku, which is like Sudoku but for word lovers.

They're fiendishly clever.

I don't think so.

This is a manifesto on the coming environmental apocalypse

I wanna print it on the front page.

Every word.

That's cool, man...okay...

Glad someone's looking ahead. Planning for the future.

"It's called out and about in Parker Prep"

If you're in the closet, we will hunt you down and drag you out by force.

We're bullshit detectors too.

Right on.

His problem is he's not horny enough.

I want nudity. I want spycams in the girls' locker room kinda shit.

- I mean quit teasing me, man. - "More T and A". Duly noted, thank you very much.

You don't have to be dicks about it.

- I'm Stone. This is Malloy.

What are you guys, characters from a mid-70s cop show?

No, we're sophomores. And we love The Gonzo.

We want be your interns, y'know. Fetch you coffee.

-Run you errands, whatever. -We just wanna learn.

You guys wanna help? Get everybody in a line. Tell them they'll all get a chance as long as they order something to eat.

- You mean we're hired?

Correct.

Okay, people. You wanna talk, you gotta eat!

Take a menu and line your asses up.

Stone and Malloy. Good addition.

-Hey! Are you gonna tell me what's going on? -With what?

-With Easy.

- You're hanging out, right? -No.

C'mon. She 420-friendly, bareback-rider, fluent in French?

Dude, c'mon. Stop. She's not like that.

No. You're spending all of your time with her. You cannot tell me you're just friends.

We're...

Colleagues.

Yeah, colleagues.

Geez, you are an idiot!

You. Sloppy Joe-time, of course.

Fantastic! Thank you very much. I'm telling you, sir, you need to try this out. It's unbelievable.

Look, I bring my lunch from home.

I'll give you half.

-It's brain food. -Oh no!

No. That shit is nasty. Please. Just give my man the Joe.

- I think I want the Joe. - Give him the Joe.

Okay! Alright.

You want the Sloppy Joe? You got it.

Here, take a little more. Nice and sloppy

- How long's he been in there? - A while. He's been there a while. He's got a weak stomach.

- I hope he's okay. - Yeah, I'm sure he's fine.

- You okay. Doing well these days? - Yeah.

I've got it!

We do an investigative piece into the health conditions in our cafeteria.

They shut us in that lunchroom and then they poison us!

I bet a lot of kids have gotten sick this year.

We have to find out why.

I'm gonna give you a couple of breath mints.

Coz your breath really smell bad right now due to the vomit in your throat.

-This is the story. -Where do we start?

We have to get the school nurse's records.

- Gonzo! Those are confidential. It'll never happen.

Right. All part of the cover-up.

Yeah. Let me get my laptop. I got an idea.

-What's your idea? -Let's put a poll question on the website.

Let's see if we got any responses.

Sorry. Not a lot of people come up here.

No one, actually.

I'll be good. You won't have to hit me.

Oh my God, we have 11 hits already.

You're kidding me.

Look who's liking the site now.

I can see that it's a useful tool. I don't see why you have to rub it in my face.

Hey look, that cheerleader really wasn't bulimic. She was out of school for salmonella.

Salmonella is a really serious illness.

She probably got a doctor's note.

-That's hard evidence, we can print it. -and scan it.

This is really big.

We have to interview everybody.

Let's go over what we know.

The majority of these complaints

are about the sloppy joes, the taco or the burger.

So, class...

What do all these things have in common?

The meat. -The meat. -Meat.

- The meat! - Good job, Rob.

-Thank you. -Yeah, the meat.

The beef. I wonder what company Parker Prep uses.

You can ask Principal Roy about that.

No, I couldn't. He doesn't know we're doing another issue.

Only one way to find out.

My God, look!

Anybody in here?

Goddamn, Ratatouille! Every night with you guys!

Let's keep shooting. This stuff is gold.

Not only were conditions shocking but further investigation revealed this meat to be Grade D.

which is only used in pet food and school lunches.

The expirations dates were all slightly off.

Gonzo people demand answers. Gonzo people demand justice.

We will not stop until both are ours.

- Unacceptable! - I told you I wasn't lying.

This is why I puked, bitches.

Have you seen this?

This is disgusting. I'm never going in there again.

The ink work is insane.

- This is like early Steve Ditko.

Thanks, bro. I can put you in the next issue.

Any superpower you want.

I wanna see through walls.

Yes!

You're kidding me.

Okay, everybody! Listen up.

There are inspectors from the Board of Health in there.

They're shutting the cafeteria down! We won!

I don't think Roy can keep us inside anymore. We gotta eat somewhere, right?

Let's get the hell outta here.

Gonzo! Gonzo!

I'm hungry!

Get some mushu pork. Get a salad for christsake

You really think you can beat me, Gilman?

Please. You're playing checkers and I'm playing chess.

- I'm always 10 steps ahead. - Whatever, man.

Roy would like to see you. Now.

We had no idea he was even doing this. Doesn't that bother you?

Honey, you act like he's building bombs in the garage.

He's been suspended, Arthur. That means he can't make the honor roll.

His grades are slipping too. Columbia's gonna laugh at him.

You are like a robot now. Who's programming you? This is magic.

Okay? Some people never do anything this special their whole lives and you are missing it.

I'm not even sure they have a right to suspend you.

You should fight it. There are some first amendment issues there.

-Not the First Amendment. -He should be able to write what he wants to write.

No one's disputing the facts of the story.

Stop it! Do you want to make a bigger mess?

Let him get through high school then he can save the world.

Listen, Eddie. I know how special you are.

But you just can't act on every impulse.

If you don't plan for life and put things in place, you're gonna regret it. Trust me.

-Gonzo Gilman? The Parker Prep whistle-blower? -Yeah that's me.

I'm Charlie Ronald. I do a segment on "Local Heroes" on New York 3.

- Oh yeah. Charlie Ronald, "on the streets." - "And in your face." That's me, yeah.

- Mind if I ask you a few questions? - Yeah, sure.

Might wanna put some pants on first.

- How'd you find me? - You're not the only one chasing stories, kid.

Stencil. Here you go, man. That's yours.

Gonzo's like Nelson Mandela or John Gotti

Someone who fought for his people, ended up in jail because of it

And now it's all of our responsibility to spread the word, okay!

Are you with us, brother?

That's what I'm talking about.

We got 97 signatures. Roy's gotta know how we feel, man.

No justice, no peace!

Who said the revolution wouldn't be televised?

Now that's what I call lunch.

- Are you watching it?

It's insane.

27 code violations in this school's cafeteria but Principal Roy still refuses to comment.

We'll be making a full statement. We're not gonna do it in the parking lot.

Meanwhile Gonzo Gilman is sweating out the 4th day of a week-long suspension that many feel is unjust.

The question must be asked. Is the wrong person being punished here?

Does Parker Prep even have the right to censor him?

This is Charlie Ronald for New York Free News.

On the streets and in your face.

Charlie Ronald is your old college buddy. You made him do this, didn't you?

You know how Eddie gets carried away. You're just setting him up for a fall.

-I know your early decision at Brown, Evie. But check this out.

The dean from Columbia finally wrote me back.

He's impressed with my stuff and apparently, I'm on the shortlist.

I know, it's huge.

Dean fuckin Herbert on the Gonzo

Who says he's gonna fall?

Come back and see us again. I sing on Thursdays.

That's a good cup of coffee.

Busy day, huh?

Just like the old days before McDonald's and Pizza Hut moved in.

You couldn't get a table in this place.

This whole Gonzo thing must be good for you, huh?

Saved my business. I'll tell you that.

For now anyway.

Cuts both ways, doesn't it?

- What do you mean? - You are his biggest advertiser,right?

First advertiser too. I'm the one that got the whole ball rolling.

You see? He couldn't do it without you.

I guess we helped each other.

I'll say you have.

We're open in the backroom for the first time since '98.

We're gonna have a big party. Why don't you come.

Saturday night?

- Yeah. It'll be fun. - Maybe I'll check it out.

Is Gonzo here? He's coming, right?

He said he was coming but he's grounded so who knows.

Hey, dude!

We got Gonzo 30 seconds to stage.

Alright Melnick. Get his ass off the stage!

Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for.

My man, the freedom fighter from Parker Prep. Give it up for Gonzo Gilman!

My people!

What schools, and police and governments fail to realize

is that we've got the power!

You know what's a damn shame is when we forget that too.

You know what I'm seeing right now?

I'm seeing that we're starting to realize.

Do you see that?

Do you see what we can do?

You gonna print another issue?

What do you think?

I'm from North. He's from Central. She's from GW.

We wanna go Gonzo on our schools too. We wanna really blow some shit up that way.

Right on. We can just send you the lay-outs. All you have to do is pull 'em out.

Just tell the truth, brothers and sisters. That's all I ask.

Even if the truth hurts.

What's up, Gilman?

Riley?

I came to congratulate you, man.

You had an idea. You followed it through.

And it worked.

That's pretty cool, man.

Uh...Thanks, man.

Our humble little paper is coming out on Monday. It's not the Gonzo but

There's a really interesting article in there I think you should check out.

Okay.

Evie.

Evie Wallace!

You are glowing.

I'm really happy for you.

For both of you.

Monday.

We should get outta here, right? This party's totally dying down.

We can go back to my place. My parents are gone. After after party. Just the staff.

Yeah. Rally the troops.

You know, I've been working it

-I think tonight it's finally going down. -What?

Every man's fantasy

You know what the French call "eating for three?"

Robbie ...

I'll be right there.

Oh sweet Jesus, no. - Oh yes.

Pretty nervous. It's my first time but

I put my camera in there, I set it up so I'm just gonna film myself and watch it later and see how I did.

-Hey, I'll s how it to you if you want. -Oh no. That's really okay.

Wish me luck, man. Prayin for you.

-Let's hope there's enough of me to go around, right? -Yeah.

Are you a virgin?

What?

Have you ever had sex?

We're just really divin in there, aren't we?

Remember Elizabeth Frankel? She moved away last year. She's in our grade.

We've been best friends since elementary school. We made this pact to get it over with.

How was it?

Embarrassing...if truth be told.

There I was humping away

Thought I was doing great. Really thought I was championing that sex

I looked up at one point to see how she was liking it...

She had this confused, sorrowful look on her face

Turns out my dick was actually caught in her comforter.

- Get out! - I won't.

It was a really soft and satiny comforter. You've gotta believe me.

Anyway, then we finally got it in for real

You know that whole awkward dance

Just really trying to keep my flag flying

Finally she gets into it and she starts moving around and

It was over in like

Ten seconds...Seven seconds.

Yup. I was a real pleasure machine that night.

What about you?

You ever do it?

Evie, c'mon. I told you mine. You gotta tell me yours.

- Law of reciprocation. - Oh really, I didn't realize there are laws involved here.

Well now you know.

It's not a good story. I'm sorry I brought it up.

I think you brought it up because you really wanna tell me.

Evie, my first time was with a blanket.

Gonzo! Are you up there?

I need water!

Let's get some air.

Last year, I had to take this science class with Riley.

And I had this mad crush on him like all the girls.

And I was trying to flirt with him and everything

Finally he invited me to this really cool party

And I wore this little dress

And I got really drunk

It was stupid but I was just really nervous, y'know.

Anyway, I wind up losing my virginity to the guy...

Which was okay.

It was sort of what I wanted.

But it turned into this total nightmare.

I was so messed up that

I didn't notice his jock buddies were there cheering us on.

And after he was finished

This other guy tried to get in on me

I had to fight him off

I was crying. I was trying to get my clothes on. I was trying to get out of the house.

It was horrible.

And Gavin Riley acted like the whole thing was a joke.

He didn't defend me or anything

He laughed

He totally disputes it at school the next day

and all these rumors started that I did the whole wrestling team.

He ruined my life.

Son of a bitch.

Ever since then not only have I not had a boyfriend

I really don't have anybody.

Just sort of shut down, I guess.

Evie, listen...

Not everybody in this world is an asshole like Gavin Riley.

I'm not.

I know.

-Let's go slow, okay. - Yeah

Eddie! Breakfast!

Hey Mr. Sandman, get up! Get up!

Gilman!

You need a life.

- Gonzo, is it true? - Did you really do it, Gonzo?

Do what?

- What the hell? - Listen up, Gonzo

Riley has proposed the following chain of events

That Errol bankrolled your paper, and you broke into the school at night and planted the rats and roaches in the kitchen

The health inspectors came and closed down the cafeteria

necessitating that we eat at off-campus diner thus saving Errol's business.

- Riley claims that was your plan. - That is ridiculous!

Thing is Riley has a pretty good slam on us.

He's even got surveillance photos and everything.

But these are from when we got the footage. We didn't plant anything.

He actually expects people to believe this?

- You better be suspending Riley! - Calm down, Mr. Gilman.

Calm down. I got in trouble for telling the truth. This is nothing but lies. Don't tell me he's gonna skate.

There's gonna be a thorough investigation, believe me and I don't answer to you.

I'm gonna do a little thorough investigation of my own, if you don't mind.

I do mind.

In fact, if you respond with another issue of your paper, I'll kick you out of school.

You and all your sidekicks.

Consider yourselves warned.

This article is bullshit and you know it.

- Prove it. - Prove it? I'm gonna destroy you.

You better watch it, little guy. I've got the goods on everybody.

Take it easy.

- What was that about? - I don't know.

I don't wanna find out.

I have a plan, guys. I've been thinking about it all day.

We have to interview those health inspectors.

Get the nurse's full records. Do a background check on continental meats.

We gotta fight back. Okay who wants to do what?

Anyone?

- We've all been talking a little bit. -Behind my back?

No man, c'mon.

We just don't think that we should do another issue.

What?

We've already taken this so much further than we ever thought we could

- It's been awesome but - We cannot get expelled.

Shneeman, nobody's getting expelled. First amendment, man. Roy's bluffing.

Sorry, I can't risk it. I worked my whole life to get into Princeton.

- My parents will have a shitfit.

This might blow your minds guys but some things are more important than college.

-Riley's story is bullshit! -Yeah.

You're over-reacting.

Just put something on the website like:

"Anyone can make allegations without a shred of proof. We stand by our story 100%"

Stand strong.

You guys just aren't seeing the bigger picture here.

Gonzo Gilman isn't just your friend anymore. Okay? He's a public figure.

He's a public figure that stands for truth and justice and freedom.

And that is why if we don't prove that everything in that article is an outright lie

And the man who wrote them is a liar, my name is dirt!

And everything we've done together is dirt!

We need one more issue. Come on!

One little hit and you all fold.

What's wrong with all of you?

Well, this talking in the third person business is kinda creepy for one.

Gonzo ...

All you have to do is graduate and you get to go to your dream school

Are you really gonna let Riley ruin that?

Then he really wins.

You need to let this go.

Remember history.

If Napoleon had stopped at Austerlitz, he never would've had his Waterloo.

You're just scared of Riley. That's all this is. You know it.

So I got about 8 lbs. of it.

- What's wrong? - Nobody cares about the truth, dad!

- What? - Why didn't you tell me that?

Eddie!

- Would you like to try the capon, sir? - Looks delicious.

- Now that's what I call spread, Gav. - Fresh capon?

Belgian endive?

Okay folks, let's settle down.

We're gonna get started. Quiet down, folks. Let's sit down.

What fresh hole is this?

Today is a very proud day at Parker Prep.

Our own Gavin Riley has won the Van Buren Prize.

The most prestigious history award in the country.

It's for his paper "The History of Torture Tactics and Psychological Warfare."

Torture tactics and psychological warfare?

Incredibly, Gavin is the third member of his family to win this award.

And brothers, Shawn and Marcus, are with us today. Come on up, guys.

They're passing the torch. Let me see if I got this right.

Shaun is at Dartmouth? and Marcus is at Yale.

- And Gavin, you wanna tell us where you're going next year? - Stanford. Only decision.

Mr. and Mrs. Riley should write a book.

Gavin Riley, why don't you say a few words, please.

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

I just want to say that

Standing on this stage with my two brothers

... it's the proudest moment of my life.

Schneeman! You gonna tell me what's going on, man?

- What do you mean? - Psychological Warfare?

The history of torture tactics. Those are your twin passions.

You were gonna write your Van Buren paper on that.

Riley just had the same idea.

Schneeman, we have been through too much together.

Okay, man. Level with me.

Did you make some kind of deal with him?

This is totaly off the record. You can't tell anyone, okay? Promise.

I gave him my paper in exchange for protection from the bullies for the entire school year.

- What? You've gotta be kidding me! - It's true.

And honestly, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I'm living fear-free for the first time, floating on air!

It's like a terrible weight has been lifted.

- The onions on this guy! I swear... - Gonzo!

You can't tell anyone. Please. PLEASE!

Remember when you found out when Santa Claus didn't really exist?

That your father was really the toothfairy

or that Barry Bonds didn't get his muscles from eating spinach?

Well, my friends, today, sadly, another idol must fall.

Holy shit. Gonzo has completely lost his mind.

King, Gandhi or Parks I sort of understand but Patrick Henry has no historical relevance whatsoever.

Schneeman, you better look at this.

Scott Marshall Schneeman had enough.

Enough of the teasing, of the beatings, of the humiliations he had to suffer his entire life.

so when Gavin Riley came to him with a nefarious proposal

that would make his troubles magically disappear

Schneeman was more than ready to listen.

This is bad. So bad...

A pretty Parker Prep student, who shall remain nameless, made the mistake of falling for Riley's charms.

Last year, he invited her to a party and she accepted

expecting a night of fun, possibly even romance.

But what she experienced that night was a horror that changed her life forever.

All his academic records should be called into question

including his SATs. He should probably be tested for steroids too because he probably cheats at wrestling.

Gavin Riley is a total fraud academically, personally, morally.

He needs to be unmasked in every conceivable way.

How could you do this...to us?

You turned out to be worse than Riley.

You did this alone?

In my office now.

You are suspended indefinitely pending an expulsion hearing.

- Schneeman, I'm coming, man! - No! NO! Get away from me!

You broke your promise. I'd rather stay here a week than be helped by you.

Leave! You're not my friend!

Leave! Why are you still here? Leave! Leave! Go! GO!

Good for you, Schneeman.

Evie, thank God. I've been calling you all day.

You're not gonna believe the day I'm having.

Fuck off!

- What? What's wrong? - Look at the website, asshole!

- Did Riley post this? - I told you to leave it alone but you wouldn't listen.

We can take this out. We can delete it from the site. We're the administrators.

It's all over Youtube!

Evie ... Fuck!

One time! ONE TIME I cheated and you had to bust me like that?

They're gonna take away my prize.

Stanford is gonna review my transcript. You fucked up everything!

-You shouldn't have done it. -You are nothing.

Nothing!

Nobody cares what you do.

My family ... I have to win.

You have no idea how much fucking pressure I'm under.

- How could you do that to Evie? - YOU did it to her, Gilman!

Hey. I just missed you at the hospital. My phone was off. Is he alright?

He's gonna be fine. He had to get a few stitches but he's gonna be alright.

You okay?

You were right. This is a total disaster.

I can't believe he might not graduate.

I just get so caught up, babe.

I just want Eddie to have an interesting life.

And try for great things.

Everything shouldn't be about pressure and stress and tests...

I know. I know. I tend to forget that.

You're not the only one who gets carried away.

Eddie?

Eddie.

Jesus.

Let me see.

Wanna tell me what happened?

I messed up so bad.

I hurt everyone I care about.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Sometimes you just have to look the world in the eye and say you're sorry.

You mean like throw myself at the mercy of the courts type of deal?

And pray they forgive you.

I've had a little practice of that myself.

- You need anything? - I'm fine.

'famous apologies'

I'm deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me

To every New Yorker and to all those who believed in what I tried to stand for I sincerely apologize.

Indeed, I did have a relationship with Ms. Lewinsky that was not appropriate

now this matter is between me, my wife and our daughter, and our God.

I must put it right. And I am prepared to do whatever it takes to do so.

I have sinned against you, My Lord.

And I would ask that Your precious blood

... wash and cleanse

every stain

'GONZO GILMAN ASSHOLE OF THE MONTH'

In the past week, I ruined my chance to go to college

I lost all my friends

The one girl I ever cared about will probably never talk to me again.

I also got my face kicked in.

But after everything I've done, I probably got off easy.

You believed in me

And I betrayed you all.

To the Gonzo staff - Rob, Ming Na ...

I'm sorry I let my stupid egotistical war get in the way of the beautiful thing we built together

Scott Marshall Schneeman, you told me something in confidence, man

and I sold you out.

I hope you can forgive me but if you can't

hey, I get it.

To the unnamed girl, The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.

I've never felt this bad about anything before in my life.

But that probably doesn't help you much.

I'll do anything.

I'll accept any form of punishment, the crueler the better.

just give me another chance.

Hey. I heard they let you back in.

Yeah, my mom sweet-talked Principal Roy at that hearing pretty hard.

There's no more Gonzo. That's for sure.

- We wanna start up again next year. - If that's okay with you.

We'll do it all online. There are no principals in cyberspace.

We feel it's our duty, Gonzo. The voice of the underdog must be heard.

- Power to the people.

- Riley been around? - Hasn't shown his face.

- What a pussy. - He should take his lumps like a man.

'MY HOUSE, 4PM'

Evie!

Thanks for seeing me.

- I just ... - Don't tell me you're sorry.

I know you're sorry.

And don't think your little video meant anything.

It was just another Gonzo Gilman Production.

All about you.

- The what am I doing here?

Let's talk in the car.

After I saw that clip of me naked at the party, I swore I'll never talk to you again.

I turned off all my lights. Put on some really depressing music.

Got under my covers. I was ready to say screw the world.

Shut everybody out.

Somehow it didn't feel right this time.

What?

Playing the victim.

It wasn't me anymore. I know how to fight back now.

No matter what...

... asshole ...

...ASSHOLE...

... thing you did,

you gave me that.

you and your paper.

That was big.

So what are you saying, Evie?

Are we friends again? Can we be friends again?

Can I trust you?

I mean really, really trust you?

My heart broke for you, Evie.

I know it did.

I learned my lesson.

What's so funny?

I'm just really relieved. This has been killing me.

Don't get so ahead of yourself. You still need to be punished.

Let's just say you better watch your back.

Okay. I think I can live with that.

- Do you want to get some food? - Yeah.

We should probably throw Errol some business.

- What's the deal with this car? - That is a whole other story.

- Did Riley post or Evie? - No, but I did.

You have to scroll down a little bit more.

- Bingo! There we go. - Oh no, Rob!

- Not the sex tape - Yup. I posted the tape of me having sex with women.

- Press play. - I really don't want to.

Push play

and you will see me communicating... with my body.

Okay ...

See this? This is my truth.

Isn't that what Gonzo was supposed to be all about?

- Okay, don't touch me, dude. - Okay. That's fine.

Watch the rest of it coz the end is really good.