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1
00:00:02,210 --> 00:00:03,920
I just got an e-mail
from the school.
2
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,120
Crossing Guard Sandy
is having a "hip replacement."
3
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:10,120
Mama, I know this
means rehab.
4
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:12,620
Aww. My little girl
is growing up.
5
00:00:12,620 --> 00:00:14,170
Principal Ablin needs
6
00:00:14,170 --> 00:00:16,040
parent volunteers
to fill in for her.
7
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:17,420
Oh, my God, Mom.
Please don't.
8
00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:18,750
Don't you know
your own mother?
9
00:00:18,750 --> 00:00:20,580
For me, "volunteering"
is in the same category
10
00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,710
as cardio and quinoa.
11
00:00:22,710 --> 00:00:24,830
But you did volunteer to run
the Spring Gala.
12
00:00:24,830 --> 00:00:27,960
Only to endear myself to
all those idiot moms I hate.
13
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,460
Have you nailed down
a venue yet?
14
00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:33,710
So far, my only options
are the YMCA and...
15
00:00:33,710 --> 00:00:35,120
that's it.
16
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,040
I was hoping something was going
to come to me in that pause,
17
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:38,540
but nothing showed up.
18
00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:40,580
I'm really starting to worry
about finding a venue.
19
00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:43,210
I know my archenemies are
just waiting for me to fail.
20
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,580
Okay, Batman.
21
00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:46,420
How many archenemies
are you up to?
22
00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:48,670
Eight archenemies,
three nemesises...
23
00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:51,040
Nemeses.
24
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:52,830
Nemeses.
25
00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:55,040
And one more mom that
just started to turn on me.
26
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,750
She told me her daughter's name
was Poet.
27
00:00:56,750 --> 00:00:58,380
What am I supposed to do?
Not laugh?
28
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:00,330
Know your audience,
Poet's mom!
29
00:01:00,330 --> 00:01:03,000
You know, you should really
look at the Carson House.
30
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,710
It's a huge estate...
Gardens, room for dancing,
31
00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:07,670
and, on a historical note,
the outhouse is still there
32
00:01:07,670 --> 00:01:10,830
where Paul Revere took a rush
number two on his midnight ride.
33
00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:12,460
There's a plaque.
Hmm.
34
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:13,670
The Carson House is
under the domain
35
00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:14,710
of the Historical Guild.
36
00:01:14,710 --> 00:01:16,290
And as Guild
recording secretary,
37
00:01:16,290 --> 00:01:18,790
Stan was in charge of all
rental inquiries.
Hmm.
38
00:01:18,790 --> 00:01:21,120
I thought Stan moved to Nepal
to "find himself."
39
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,790
Oh, rehab!
40
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:23,960
If I do air quotes twice,
41
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,620
it means
"flee from bad marriage."
42
00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:28,040
Yes, but his seat was
taken over by his wife,
43
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,540
so that means
you're gonna need
44
00:01:29,540 --> 00:01:31,000
to get Chloe Brown Mueller
to sign off on it.
45
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,540
Ugh!
Chloe Brown Mueller?
46
00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:34,080
She is never gonna
say yes to me.
47
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,750
She's like
my number-one archenemy.
48
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:38,000
The Joker doesn't rent
Arkham Asylum out to Batman
49
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,040
for his bat-parties.
50
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:40,500
No, he does not.
51
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,000
I need to find someone
irresistible
52
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,000
to do my bidding.
53
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,120
Aren't you adorable?
54
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,330
Thank you.
55
00:01:47,330 --> 00:01:49,250
Can I speak to
Chloe Brown Mueller?
56
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:50,790
She's eating her lunch
right now,
57
00:01:50,790 --> 00:01:52,210
and she doesn't like to be...
Chloe: Maria, who is that?!
58
00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:54,000
I told you to never
reveal details
59
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,210
about my private life.
60
00:01:55,210 --> 00:01:57,080
Ugh, I forgot
after I haven't
61
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,210
seen you in a while
how rough you look.
62
00:01:58,210 --> 00:01:59,330
Get out of here.
63
00:01:59,330 --> 00:02:01,580
Oh, hi, Anna-Kat.
How can I help you?
64
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:04,040
Okay, first,
65
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,500
you need
to compliment the store.
66
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,710
What beautiful wares
you have here.
67
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,380
Finally,
68
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:13,380
someone with a good eye
for wares.
69
00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:19,290
Then you need to say something
nice about Chloe's looks.
70
00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:21,330
I love that haircut.
71
00:02:21,330 --> 00:02:23,000
It frames your face
perfectly.
72
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,830
And makes my cheekbones look
like Keith Urban's.
73
00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:28,790
It does.
74
00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:31,790
Then take a random shot
at Maria.
75
00:02:31,790 --> 00:02:35,000
Maria, there is such a thing
as teeth-whitening strips.
76
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,000
Good one, Anna-Kat!
77
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,540
Up top.
78
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,960
Once the table's set...
79
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,750
then you make the ask.
80
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,420
Oh, I was wondering.
81
00:02:47,420 --> 00:02:48,880
Can my mom please use
the Carson House
82
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,330
for the Spring Gala?
83
00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:53,170
Aww. You tell your mama
that I hate her guts
84
00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:54,580
and then laugh at her
like this.
85
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,750
She hates your guts.
86
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,540
I need that venue.
87
00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:14,250
Of all people, it had to be
Chloe Brown Mueller.
88
00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:15,750
Well, you got to come up
with something.
89
00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:16,960
The Gala's just
two months away.
90
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,080
Can you stop
screaming at me?
91
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,250
I'm not screaming
at you.
92
00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:20,670
You're totally screaming.
Doris?
93
00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:22,040
Yeah, you're making
a scene.
Mm-hmm.
94
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,380
Ugh, I hate it
when you guys do that
95
00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:24,960
"You're screaming" thing
when I'm not screaming.
96
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,170
It drives me crazy!
97
00:03:26,170 --> 00:03:27,580
Okay.
Now you're screaming.
98
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:30,290
You sent in a child
to do an assassin's work.
99
00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:33,330
Why not have Angela go
full-on lawyer on Chloe's ass?
100
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:34,580
Rough her up a bit.
101
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:36,210
I have her threaten people
all the time.
102
00:03:36,210 --> 00:03:38,000
What's that word you use
to intimidate people?
103
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,710
It sounds dirty?
Penal code?
104
00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:40,790
That's the one.
Yeah.
105
00:03:40,790 --> 00:03:42,290
Do you really think
106
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,380
that you can intimidate
Chloe Brown Mueller?
107
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:47,120
I could do it in my sleep.
108
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,920
I checked
the deed on your shop
109
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,210
and there are some issues.
110
00:03:51,210 --> 00:03:52,670
You have an easement running
through your property.
111
00:03:52,670 --> 00:03:55,040
Also, a problem with
your grantor-grantee index.
112
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,420
And no permit
for the add-on
113
00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:57,830
that encroaches
on city property.
114
00:03:57,830 --> 00:04:00,040
That's bad.
115
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,580
Wow!
116
00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:03,710
Could you intimidate
the guy at Yogurtland?
117
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,170
He keeps calling me out
for putting on extra toppings
118
00:04:06,170 --> 00:04:08,170
after he's already
weighed it.
119
00:04:11,790 --> 00:04:13,960
Right this way.
There we go.
120
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,920
Oh, my God.
My dad is filling in for Sandy.
121
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,460
Go ahead.
122
00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:20,330
Are you upset because
he's the crossing guard
123
00:04:20,330 --> 00:04:22,460
or because he's wearing
a lady's vest?
124
00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:24,000
Remember last year
when we did
125
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,170
the count-to-three rule
before you speak?
126
00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:27,710
It's back.
Safety first.
127
00:04:27,710 --> 00:04:29,040
Oh, no.
128
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,500
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
129
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,830
Okay. Come on.
130
00:04:32,830 --> 00:04:34,670
Hello, everybody.
Hi.
131
00:04:34,670 --> 00:04:36,170
Why is he doing this
to us?!
132
00:04:36,170 --> 00:04:37,710
What?
It's not that bad.
133
00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:39,540
Imagine if it was your dad
out there.
134
00:04:42,710 --> 00:04:45,170
Why did you make me
do that?
135
00:04:45,170 --> 00:04:46,790
Has your dad ever been
a crossing guard before?
136
00:04:46,790 --> 00:04:47,790
Never.
137
00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:49,380
He's a natural.
138
00:04:49,380 --> 00:04:51,790
In all my years as an educator,
I've never seen his equal.
139
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:53,330
Here we go.
140
00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:54,920
My lord,
he ZZ Top'd it.
141
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:58,170
We have to put an end
to this.
142
00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:01,880
Hey.
143
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,000
What do you think
you're doing?
144
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,460
Chipping in,
giving back to the community.
145
00:05:04,460 --> 00:05:06,330
Well, knock it off.
Yeah, you're embarrassing us.
146
00:05:06,330 --> 00:05:08,040
Hey, the school needed
someone to help out,
147
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,120
my work schedule allowed for it,
so I stepped up.
148
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:11,540
Besides,
it's good for you
149
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:12,920
to be embarrassed
every once in a while.
150
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:13,830
Builds character.
151
00:05:13,830 --> 00:05:15,210
Just gimme the sign,
Greg.
152
00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:22,250
Is the baby sleeping
through the night yet?
153
00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:24,420
You'd have
to ask the night nurse.
154
00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,500
I put on a sleep mask,
pop two Ambien,
155
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,670
and, just to be safe,
I crash in the pool house.
156
00:05:28,670 --> 00:05:31,620
Sometimes, I don't wake up
until it's time to come here.
157
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:34,000
Hey.
158
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,580
So, did you get
Chloe Brown Mueller
to bend to your will?
159
00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:38,040
I went over to her shop
to talk to her,
160
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,120
you know,
play hardball?
161
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,920
The thing is, she played
hardball right back.
162
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,380
But you know what?
I don't give in.
163
00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:43,710
And she didn't, either,
164
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,420
and, well, one thing led
to another.
165
00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:47,500
What thing led
to what other thing?
166
00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:05,460
Maria, you're not on break!
Clean it up!
167
00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:12,500
Katie: Are you being
serious right now?
168
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:14,750
You hooked up
with Chloe Brown Mueller?
169
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,330
In front of Maria?
170
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:18,620
No, we just pre-gamed
at the shop.
171
00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:20,420
We ended back up
at my place.
172
00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:21,420
You know how
you're always telling us
173
00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:23,210
how selfish she is?
174
00:06:23,210 --> 00:06:25,670
That was not
my experience.
175
00:06:25,670 --> 00:06:27,330
Oh, my God.
176
00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:28,460
I want to know nothing
177
00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:29,830
and everything
at the same time.
178
00:06:29,830 --> 00:06:31,290
I can't believe
179
00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,540
you hooked up
with Chloe Brown Mueller.
180
00:06:33,540 --> 00:06:34,420
How does that
even happen?!
181
00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:35,830
Easy.
182
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,790
She's a lonely Westport
housewife in crisis.
183
00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:38,960
It's kind of
my bread and butter.
184
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,250
I'm glad you got
your bread buttered,
185
00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:41,710
but did you get
the contract signed?
186
00:06:41,710 --> 00:06:43,290
Oh, yeah.
That's why I was there.
187
00:06:43,290 --> 00:06:44,330
I forgot that part.
188
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,670
Angela, I sent you
to rough her up
189
00:06:53,670 --> 00:06:55,330
and get
the contract signed.
190
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:57,080
Well, I did
the first part.
Ugh.
191
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,080
So, are you guys gonna be,
like, an item now?
192
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,920
No.
Chloe and I both know
193
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,460
it was
a one-and-done thing.
194
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:04,380
I'm only asking because
here she comes.
195
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:05,920
Hi!
Oh, my God.
196
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,750
She stole my Tegan and Sara
sweatshirt.
197
00:07:07,750 --> 00:07:09,830
I feel like something magical
is about to happen.
198
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:13,120
I thought you might be here
with your little breakfast club.
199
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,210
Oh, please!
You have to sit here!
200
00:07:15,210 --> 00:07:16,960
Oh, thank you so much.
201
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:20,290
- I've worked up quite an appetite.
- Oh.
202
00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:22,290
So, did you tell them
about us?
203
00:07:22,290 --> 00:07:24,420
Oh, she told us
everything.
204
00:07:24,420 --> 00:07:27,080
And I just want to say,
you both look so good together.
205
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,040
Seriously.
You both are glowing.
206
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,420
Aren't they glowing,
Katie?
207
00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:32,620
It's hideous...
yet I can't look away.
208
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,920
- Listen, Chloe.
- Yes, Angie?
209
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,290
Angers? Angela!
210
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,920
I'm just trying out
a few nicknames...
211
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:40,040
Uh-huh.
...and I'll find it.
212
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,380
Just like you found it...
213
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:42,580
Mm.
...last night.
214
00:07:42,580 --> 00:07:43,620
Okay, well, listen.
215
00:07:43,620 --> 00:07:44,920
Can you sign
this contract
216
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,670
saying that Katie can use
the Carson House
217
00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:47,960
for the Spring Gala?
218
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,790
You know, normally,
219
00:07:49,790 --> 00:07:52,460
I would tell Katie
how much I deeply hate her
220
00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:55,000
and then I'd make some quip
about how her house
221
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,750
could be brought to school
as a diorama
222
00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:58,250
because it's a shoe box.
223
00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:00,290
But this morning...
I don't know...
224
00:08:00,290 --> 00:08:02,080
I'm feeling good.
225
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,210
Might have something
to do with...
226
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:06,080
how you made me
feel good last night.
227
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,380
Okay. Yeah, we know.
228
00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:09,330
You two are so cute!
229
00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:11,830
But the thing is,
230
00:08:11,830 --> 00:08:14,920
I have to scan the contract
and e-mail it for Stan to sign.
231
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,420
Wait, you can't sign it?
232
00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:18,420
No, but I'll hear from him
as soon as he wanders
233
00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:20,420
into one of those
Internet cafes.
234
00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:21,710
How long will that take?
235
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:22,790
Could be weeks.
236
00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:24,080
You know what?
237
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,580
I'm gonna go buy
something sweet...
238
00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:27,420
for my sweet.
Mm.
239
00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:28,880
Okay... Oh.
That happened.
240
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:29,790
Don't miss me too much.
241
00:08:29,790 --> 00:08:31,790
All right.
242
00:08:31,790 --> 00:08:34,420
Katie, I cannot deal with
a stage-five hetero clinger.
243
00:08:34,420 --> 00:08:36,210
I'm out.
Katie: What? No!
244
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:37,790
Angela, you have
to stay with her
245
00:08:37,790 --> 00:08:39,290
until Chloe gets
the contract signed.
246
00:08:39,290 --> 00:08:40,710
I really need this venue.
247
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:42,080
And I'm having fun!
248
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,920
She said it could
be weeks.
Suck it up.
249
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,420
I have to sleep with Richard
until I'm 50.
250
00:08:46,420 --> 00:08:48,080
Why 50?
It was in the prenup.
251
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,750
Also I'm only allowed
to gain 15 pounds.
252
00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:52,500
Angela, please.
I really need this venue.
253
00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:53,830
Fine.
254
00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:56,500
Oh, God.
Thank you.
255
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:59,540
A chocolate angel
for my chocolate angel.
256
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:00,750
Ooh.
257
00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:02,920
I am so glad
I woke up for this.
258
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,580
Mm-hmm.
259
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:13,000
Oh, my God.
He bought a whistle.
260
00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:16,620
Not all heroes
wear capes.
261
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,380
Oh, Harriet.
262
00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:22,290
Let me help you with
that backpack.
263
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:24,170
Whoa, is this a crosswalk
or a catwalk?
264
00:09:24,170 --> 00:09:26,120
Those are some great-fitting
jeans there, Steve.
265
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,620
Gayle, what do you got?
266
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:31,380
Ow!
267
00:09:31,380 --> 00:09:33,330
Franklin!
268
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,750
Kid, are you okay?
269
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,000
I think so.
270
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,040
I wish there was somebody there
to stop me.
271
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,540
Oh, my God. Franklin,
you have to be more careful.
272
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,880
You need to stop
victim-shaming me, Mr. Otto.
273
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:45,960
We'll take him to
the nurse, Dad.
274
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,670
I think he'll be fine.
Okay.
275
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,210
Anna-Kat: Here.
276
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,500
Good acting,
Franklin.
277
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,000
Thanks.
278
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,330
I've been hit by cars
multiple times.
279
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,960
I'm gonna need
your vest, Otto.
280
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,620
And your gun.
281
00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:08,210
You didn't give me a gun.
282
00:10:08,210 --> 00:10:10,080
Oh, good.
That's good.
283
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,880
Chloe?
Hi, guys.
284
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,080
Welcome to Angela's.
Come on in.
285
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,120
Shoes off!
286
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,540
I'm gonna go grab
some wine.
287
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,210
Okay.
288
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:28,710
Why did you invite us over here
if she's here?
289
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:30,880
Oh, I invited you here
because she's here.
290
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,380
You two are my buffers.
291
00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:34,830
Chloe: Hey, honey.
Where's the corkscrew?
292
00:10:34,830 --> 00:10:36,290
It's in the drawer
by the stove.
293
00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:38,080
Oh,
we are changing that.
294
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,790
I can't be around her
by myself.
295
00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:41,380
What makes you think
she wants to be around me?
296
00:10:41,380 --> 00:10:42,330
She hates me.
297
00:10:42,330 --> 00:10:43,380
Then if you want
that venue,
298
00:10:43,380 --> 00:10:44,880
you need to find a way
to change that.
299
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,170
Make nice with her.
300
00:10:46,170 --> 00:10:48,290
Ooh, Katie kissing up
to Chloe Brown Mueller!
301
00:10:48,290 --> 00:10:49,920
That sounds like
a fun show, too.
302
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:51,380
I'm back!
303
00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:52,920
Oh. Great.
304
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:57,380
Did you miss me?
'Cause I missed you.
305
00:10:57,380 --> 00:10:58,710
Um...
I did.
306
00:10:58,710 --> 00:10:59,620
Shut up, Katie.
307
00:10:59,620 --> 00:11:02,210
Chloe, listen.
308
00:11:02,210 --> 00:11:05,580
You make my best friend
very happy.
Aww.
309
00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:08,040
And I was thinking that
it would be for the best
310
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,830
if you and I
mended our fences.
311
00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:13,580
I couldn't agree more.
312
00:11:13,580 --> 00:11:16,380
I've hated you
for so long...
Mm-hmm.
313
00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:17,920
...and I started
thinking about it.
314
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,040
Why do I hate you
so much?
315
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,420
Is it because
you're poor,
316
00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:23,710
because you're
tragically sloppy,
317
00:11:23,710 --> 00:11:26,250
or maybe it's those
wide hobbit feet?
318
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,000
Mm-hmm.
And the answer is yes.
319
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,380
It's all those things.
320
00:11:30,380 --> 00:11:32,500
And you act like
you hate me,
321
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:36,290
but what's really going on
is you hate yourself.
322
00:11:36,290 --> 00:11:38,620
Yeah, it's just
my general appearance
323
00:11:38,620 --> 00:11:40,750
that has been
a real barrier between us.
324
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:43,210
But if we're gonna
spend time together,
325
00:11:43,210 --> 00:11:44,750
I'm gonna introduce you
to something called
326
00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:46,330
a "drink coaster."
327
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,540
'Cause I can't have those foam
beer sleeves
328
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,460
just laying around
my house.
329
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,620
All right, I'm gonna
grab some dessert.
330
00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:53,750
Yeah, you do that.
Okay.
331
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,580
I'm clay! Mold me.
332
00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:56,750
All right!
333
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,960
I can't do this.
Screw the Carson House.
334
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,330
I'll just do it
at the YMCA
335
00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:02,000
and tell the intramural
basketball league
336
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,960
that they can only have half
the court that night.
337
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,580
Who's ready
for some dessert?
338
00:12:05,580 --> 00:12:07,170
Oh.
339
00:12:07,170 --> 00:12:09,000
Thank you.
340
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,080
Oh, give me two scoops of that.
341
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,000
Okay.
342
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,080
I never want
this day to end.
343
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,670
Here you go.
Now, this isn't for you.
344
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,580
This is to teach you
some willpower.
345
00:12:19,580 --> 00:12:21,460
Okay, Chloe...
Oh, you know what?
346
00:12:21,460 --> 00:12:22,500
While I was
in the kitchen,
347
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,790
Stan e-mailed me back
the contract.
348
00:12:24,790 --> 00:12:25,920
He signed it.
349
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,250
Where is it?
350
00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:28,620
Oh, I just have to
print it out.
351
00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:30,250
I don't want to waste
another precious moment
352
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,580
of your alone time
with Angela.
353
00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:32,880
E-mail it to me,
and I'll print it at home.
354
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,330
No problem.
355
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:36,120
You and Chocolate Angel
have a nice night!
356
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,460
I'm coming with!
357
00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:39,380
Okay.
Ooh, yeah.
358
00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:40,920
Don't leave me.
359
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,170
I can't take another moment
with her.
360
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:43,830
Mnh.
Ha ha.
361
00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:48,620
So, should we retire
to the bedroom?
362
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,170
Might as well.
363
00:12:55,380 --> 00:12:58,040
I've got the signed document
from Stan.
364
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,290
The Carson House
is officially mine.
365
00:13:00,290 --> 00:13:01,670
Congratulations.
366
00:13:01,670 --> 00:13:03,170
At least you can show your face
at school.
367
00:13:03,170 --> 00:13:04,620
No one got mowed down
on your watch.
368
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:05,960
Try to think
of all the kids
369
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,040
who didn't get mowed down
on your watch.
370
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,420
You don't get it.
371
00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:10,880
You've never been
a man of the vest.
372
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,080
I should've been better.
373
00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:16,210
Wow.
374
00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:17,580
Dad is really
taking this hard.
375
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:20,080
Did we do
the right thing?
376
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,170
Hey, you two.
We did this for a reason.
377
00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:24,500
You want Dad out there
in that sash
378
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,620
representing this family?
379
00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:27,880
Smarten up.
380
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,080
Anna-Kat, we were...
381
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,040
- Smarten up.
- But we...
382
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,290
Smarten up!
383
00:13:37,420 --> 00:13:40,540
Katie: I got the venue,
and Chloe's out of my life.
384
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:42,830
Now all I need to do is
run away to Mexico
385
00:13:42,830 --> 00:13:45,580
and everything will be perfect.
386
00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:47,750
Gotta really throw this away.
387
00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:50,920
Nah.
I'll save it just in case.
388
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:57,290
Chloe?
389
00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:59,080
What are you doing here?
390
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,500
And crying?
391
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,460
Angela broke up
with me!
392
00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:07,790
Oh, my God.
393
00:14:07,790 --> 00:14:09,960
Cradle me like
a baby bird.
394
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,540
No.
395
00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:13,380
My wing is broken.
396
00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:15,750
Oh, God!
Your earrings are ugly!
397
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:17,540
Ugh.
398
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:24,420
I don't
understand what I did wrong.
399
00:14:24,420 --> 00:14:26,000
I mean, you know her better
than anybody.
400
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,000
Did she say anything
to you?
401
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,830
The connection we had
was so powerful.
402
00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:32,580
Why are you here?
403
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,670
You must have plenty of friends
to talk to.
404
00:14:34,670 --> 00:14:35,960
I don't.
405
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,620
I mean, I have my...
406
00:14:37,620 --> 00:14:40,250
hundreds of thousands
of Instagram followers,
407
00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:41,880
but they aren't
really friends.
408
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,330
And then there's Maria,
409
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:45,080
but she keeps changing
her phone number.
410
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,880
She said that the phone company
has to do that every month,
411
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,670
but that doesn't
make sense.
412
00:14:49,670 --> 00:14:53,120
Well, that is so sad.
413
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,960
You know the best thing
for that is?
414
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,080
A warm hug?
415
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,620
No.
416
00:14:57,620 --> 00:14:59,210
Drinking by yourself
417
00:14:59,210 --> 00:15:01,710
at your own home.
418
00:15:01,710 --> 00:15:02,830
I'm so alone.
419
00:15:02,830 --> 00:15:03,830
No, you're not.
420
00:15:03,830 --> 00:15:05,670
I'm here for you...
421
00:15:05,670 --> 00:15:07,330
in spirit.
Wait, I...
422
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,790
Greg, honey.
423
00:15:18,790 --> 00:15:20,880
I know you're upset
about the incident,
424
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,620
but you are
a great parent.
425
00:15:23,620 --> 00:15:25,210
Our kids are lucky
to have you.
426
00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:27,380
That school is lucky
to have you.
427
00:15:27,380 --> 00:15:30,120
And besides, even if you
had hurt that boy,
428
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,040
it's Franklin.
Thanks, honey.
429
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,170
I'm gonna go watch videos
of three-legged dogs.
430
00:15:34,170 --> 00:15:36,330
Their can-do spirit
really cheers me up.
431
00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:37,670
But first,
I'll play myself out.
432
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,830
Mom?
Mm-hmm?
433
00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:45,920
We might have had
something to do
434
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,040
with Dad losing his position
as a crossing guard.
435
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:50,880
They made me
go along with it.
436
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,210
It was your idea!
437
00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:53,290
And it was
a damn good one.
438
00:15:53,290 --> 00:15:55,540
Guys, I am so disappointed
in you.
439
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,830
I know that you didn't like Dad
filling in as crossing guard,
440
00:15:57,830 --> 00:16:00,460
but sometimes, even though
it's not good for you,
441
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,960
you have to do what's good
for someone else.
442
00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:05,710
Damn.
443
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:07,830
I just said something
that applies to me.
444
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:09,250
You guys are going
to have to find a way
445
00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:11,670
to make this up
to your father.
446
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,880
And I've got to go to
Chloe Brown Mueller's house.
447
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:16,960
I don't know how
to play the piano.
448
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,920
Why?!
449
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,380
Chloe?
450
00:16:28,380 --> 00:16:31,330
Oh. Oh, hey.
451
00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:33,880
Okay. Talk to me.
452
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,420
I'm here... for you.
453
00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:38,290
I don't know what I was doing
with Angela.
454
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:40,290
My life used
to be perfect,
455
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,500
and now everything's
upside down.
456
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,540
Within months, I'm single.
Mm-hmm.
457
00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:45,880
I'm dating women.
Mm-hmm.
458
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,670
And now, here I am,
with no one else to turn to,
459
00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:50,960
except you, my nemesis.
460
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,750
Nemeses.
That's plural.
461
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:53,880
Oh, I thought I had it.
462
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,210
Look, Chloe.
463
00:16:55,210 --> 00:16:57,040
You've just hit
a rough patch,
464
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:58,460
but you have so much...
465
00:16:58,460 --> 00:17:01,250
A house, a kid,
your shop.
466
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:05,250
And a sexual future that is,
frankly, uncharted.
467
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:06,920
You just doubled
your dating pool!
468
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,790
No, but nobody wants me.
469
00:17:08,790 --> 00:17:12,330
My husband left.
I screwed things up with Angela.
470
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,170
I mean, the only relationship
I haven't failed at
471
00:17:14,170 --> 00:17:15,620
is with
my cosmetic dentist.
472
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:18,210
See?
473
00:17:18,210 --> 00:17:20,250
You didn't screw things up
with Angela.
474
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:22,460
She was really into you
the first night.
475
00:17:22,460 --> 00:17:24,380
That's just what she does...
She's a one-and-done.
476
00:17:24,380 --> 00:17:26,710
Well, not with me.
We were 19-and-done.
477
00:17:26,710 --> 00:17:27,830
That's my fault.
478
00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:29,710
I wanted you
to sign the papers,
479
00:17:29,710 --> 00:17:31,120
so I forced Angela
to stay with you.
480
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,620
The last 18 were on me.
481
00:17:32,620 --> 00:17:35,330
Wait.
So it wasn't my fault?
482
00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:38,330
It was her fault
and yours.
483
00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:40,120
Yes.
484
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,880
That actually makes me feel
a little better.
485
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,540
If you think about it,
486
00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:47,120
I just did you a favor
by telling you.
487
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,500
So... maybe you could
do me a favor
488
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,500
and let me keep the Carson House
for the Gala.
489
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,170
I could.
490
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:55,920
But instead,
I'll just do this.
491
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,830
Ya poor.
492
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,120
Whoo!
She's back, everybody!
493
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,580
Hey!
Your Gala's gonna suck!
494
00:18:15,170 --> 00:18:17,380
Okay, time's up.
495
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:19,790
I gave you guys two days
to figure out a way
496
00:18:19,790 --> 00:18:21,790
to make it up
to your father.
497
00:18:21,790 --> 00:18:24,460
We figured out something
that Dad can do at school.
498
00:18:24,460 --> 00:18:25,960
It will make him happy
and, at least,
499
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,620
he's not in view,
so we won't be embarrassed.
500
00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:36,670
Greg:
As a friendly reminder,
501
00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:39,040
please do not leave
fish-based sandwiches
502
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,120
in your lockers overnight.
503
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,580
This has been
the morning announcements.
504
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:46,880
Before I go, I'd like
to take a minute to tell
505
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,210
my three favorite minutemen
to have a great day.
506
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:51,750
Don't say our names.
507
00:18:51,750 --> 00:18:53,960
My main man, Oliver Otto.
508
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,920
Oh, no.
My mom must have told him.
509
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,500
He's getting revenge.
510
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,250
Your voice changing is
just the beginning
511
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:01,620
of your journey into manhood.
512
00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:03,500
You got too much heat
on you, man.
513
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:06,000
I've gotta vámonos.
514
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,540
My big girl, Taylor Otto,
515
00:19:08,540 --> 00:19:11,290
who still won't let me
give away her Barbies.
516
00:19:11,290 --> 00:19:13,330
Not cool, Mr. A.
He can't hear you.
517
00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:16,960
Not cool, Mr. A!
518
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,170
And last but not least...
519
00:19:19,170 --> 00:19:20,210
Don't do it, Greg.
520
00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:23,170
...my baby girl,
Anna-Kat Otto.
521
00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:25,830
If anybody wants to see a slide
show of her baby pictures,
522
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:27,790
it will be up all day
in the gymnasium.
523
00:19:27,790 --> 00:19:30,120
In all my baby pictures,
I'm wearing a helmet.
524
00:19:35,540 --> 00:19:37,830
Anna-Kat, you have
a huge knot under here.
525
00:19:37,830 --> 00:19:39,500
You can't just brush
the top of your hair.
526
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:40,460
Yeah, yeah.
527
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,210
Oh, my God.
528
00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:47,290
Chloe Brown Mueller says
529
00:19:47,290 --> 00:19:49,290
I can use the Carson House
after all.
530
00:19:49,290 --> 00:19:50,750
That's great, Mama.
531
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:52,710
Why in the world
would she do that?
532
00:19:52,710 --> 00:19:54,460
She hates me.
533
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,620
What did you do?
534
00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:02,210
Ow.
His ankle!
535
00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:04,250
Oh, what happened?
536
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:05,880
He tripped over
your rug.
537
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,380
It wasn't
properly secured.
538
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,580
Of course it was.
539
00:20:08,580 --> 00:20:10,830
Maria! Tell them the rug
was properly secured!
540
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:13,290
I don't
own this place.
541
00:20:13,290 --> 00:20:16,670
His father is a judge.
This is not good for you.
542
00:20:16,670 --> 00:20:20,580
How are we going
to make this go away?
543
00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:22,960
You little...
544
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,460
She hates me.
545
00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:28,040
I'm raising myself,
and I love it.
546
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,170
Daddy's having
"Daddy time."
547
00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:38,580
Bowel issues.
548
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:39,670
Correct.
549
00:20:39,670 --> 00:20:42,080
Mama's gotta
"run a quick errand."
550
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,040
You're napping
in your car.
551
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,170
Yes.
552
00:20:44,170 --> 00:20:45,920
Taylor has a "situation."
553
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,460
Tampon mishap.
554
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:50,000
Good job, sweetie.
I'm proud of you.
555
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,380
Fake praise masking
"real concern."
556
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:54,330
Okay, we're done.
557
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:55,380
You're cutting this
off short
558
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:56,620
because you think I
"know too much."
39180
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