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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,006
Guys, I did it!
2
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:06,468
- Yay!
- Amazing!
3
00:00:06,536 --> 00:00:08,437
You have no idea
what I'm talking about, do you?
4
00:00:09,839 --> 00:00:12,174
I got the liquor company
to sign off on my big idea.
5
00:00:12,242 --> 00:00:14,028
Oh, come on.
6
00:00:14,094 --> 00:00:15,561
I told you about it last night.
7
00:00:15,631 --> 00:00:16,712
You said, "Wear something cute."
8
00:00:16,779 --> 00:00:19,515
Oh. I always say that
when I'm not listening.
9
00:00:19,582 --> 00:00:21,350
Refresh our memory, so we can join
10
00:00:21,417 --> 00:00:22,898
in your excitement, please?
11
00:00:22,947 --> 00:00:25,521
So, on St. Patrick's Day,
I was doing a...
12
00:00:25,588 --> 00:00:27,789
let's call it a-a research crawl.
13
00:00:27,857 --> 00:00:29,892
And I noticed that
all the really packed bars
14
00:00:29,959 --> 00:00:31,527
had liquor sponsorships.
15
00:00:31,594 --> 00:00:34,463
So, long story short,
I got one for Mitzi's.
16
00:00:34,531 --> 00:00:36,465
And they said
I could keep the sponsorship fee
17
00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:37,733
as a bonus.
18
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,169
Ooh. What kind of bonus are we talking?
19
00:00:40,236 --> 00:00:41,503
"New Mercedes" bonus
20
00:00:41,571 --> 00:00:44,072
or "the story wasn't worth it" bonus?
21
00:00:44,140 --> 00:00:46,708
More like a "baby rhino" bonus.
22
00:00:46,776 --> 00:00:48,377
Oh, I don't think
that's very practical, Jackie.
23
00:00:48,444 --> 00:00:50,212
You see, I used to own two baby rhinos.
24
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,414
And they're great, like,
for the first couple of months,
25
00:00:52,482 --> 00:00:56,919
and then you're basically
dealing with full-sized rhinos.
26
00:00:56,986 --> 00:00:58,921
I'm not buying one.
27
00:00:58,988 --> 00:01:01,256
We're gonna visit one
at the San Diego Zoo.
28
00:01:01,324 --> 00:01:04,026
Sammy's been obsessed
with their new baby rhino,
29
00:01:04,093 --> 00:01:05,527
and I want to take him there.
30
00:01:05,595 --> 00:01:07,162
We never get to take a vacation,
31
00:01:07,230 --> 00:01:09,698
but with this bonus,
we could actually go.
32
00:01:09,766 --> 00:01:12,668
Well, wear something cute.
33
00:01:12,735 --> 00:01:14,403
Uh, what event is the sponsorship for?
34
00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:15,938
- Oh, you're gonna love this.
- Oh.
35
00:01:16,005 --> 00:01:17,773
Cinco de Mayo.
36
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,408
Uh-oh.
37
00:01:21,277 --> 00:01:23,579
Cinco de Mayo, you say?
38
00:01:23,646 --> 00:01:25,581
Yeah. And I'm gonna need
everybody's help at Mitzi's.
39
00:01:25,648 --> 00:01:28,083
Oh, super easy. All you have
to do is push some tequila,
40
00:01:28,151 --> 00:01:29,718
and we're gonna hang up
some Mexican decoration...
41
00:01:29,786 --> 00:01:31,300
May I?
42
00:01:32,589 --> 00:01:34,790
Ooh. Mustache sticks.
43
00:01:36,359 --> 00:01:39,228
And-and mini novelty sombreros.
44
00:01:39,295 --> 00:01:40,762
This is perfect
45
00:01:40,830 --> 00:01:42,831
to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.
46
00:01:44,601 --> 00:01:47,002
Which is a celebration of what again?
47
00:01:48,304 --> 00:01:50,973
Mexican Independence Day, right?
48
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,741
Uh-oh.
49
00:01:52,809 --> 00:01:55,244
No. No, Jacqueline.
50
00:02:08,324 --> 00:02:10,559
So I'm guessing that's a no.
51
00:02:10,627 --> 00:02:14,162
Luis, could you please
Mex-plain the actual history
52
00:02:14,230 --> 00:02:16,265
of Cinco de Mayo to Jacqueline?
53
00:02:16,332 --> 00:02:19,268
Cinco de Mayo celebrates
the Battle of Puebla,
54
00:02:19,335 --> 00:02:21,503
when an undermanned band
of Mexican fighters
55
00:02:21,571 --> 00:02:23,639
defeated a much larger French army.
56
00:02:23,706 --> 00:02:24,973
Mexican independence was declared
57
00:02:25,041 --> 00:02:26,975
more than 50 years earlier.
58
00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:28,110
Exactly.
59
00:02:28,177 --> 00:02:30,145
Cinco de Mayo's
barely observed in Mexico.
60
00:02:30,213 --> 00:02:33,081
But, here, they make it a
celebration of Mexican culture.
61
00:02:33,149 --> 00:02:35,083
Which would be a beautiful thing,
62
00:02:35,151 --> 00:02:39,121
except no one knows what
the hell they're celebrating!
63
00:02:39,188 --> 00:02:40,322
Hey. Hey.
64
00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:42,357
The whole commercialization
of Cinco de Mayo
65
00:02:42,425 --> 00:02:45,527
was driven by the American beer
companies in the late 1980s.
66
00:02:45,595 --> 00:02:47,296
And we're both very upset about it.
67
00:02:49,999 --> 00:02:52,501
- Wow. I had no idea.
- Mm.
68
00:02:52,568 --> 00:02:55,003
I-I was gonna ask you to be the emcee,
69
00:02:55,071 --> 00:02:56,505
but I understand if that
would make you comfortable.
70
00:02:56,572 --> 00:02:57,706
The emcee?
71
00:02:57,774 --> 00:02:59,141
In other words, a chance
72
00:02:59,208 --> 00:03:01,343
to properly teach the people of Reseda?
73
00:03:01,411 --> 00:03:03,545
Well, uh, more like welcome them,
74
00:03:03,613 --> 00:03:07,049
make sure they're drinking,
host a pepper eating contest...
75
00:03:07,116 --> 00:03:09,151
Which I will do, along
with crowd-friendly jokes
76
00:03:09,218 --> 00:03:10,786
and educational songs.
77
00:03:10,853 --> 00:03:12,888
- I didn't say songs.
- You didn't have to.
78
00:03:13,956 --> 00:03:18,031
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
79
00:03:18,061 --> 00:03:20,562
I just miss the days when Cinco de Mayo
80
00:03:20,630 --> 00:03:22,831
was simply five days before Mother's Day.
81
00:03:22,899 --> 00:03:24,232
Ooh, Mother's Day.
82
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:26,525
I wonder what Bijou's
going to get me this year.-
83
00:03:26,636 --> 00:03:29,404
Mm. I'm just remembering
how my whole family
84
00:03:29,472 --> 00:03:32,074
will celebrate mi mam� at our
beach house for Mother's Day,
85
00:03:32,141 --> 00:03:34,710
which everyone will be doing this year...
86
00:03:35,044 --> 00:03:36,745
without me.
87
00:03:36,867 --> 00:03:38,714
You know, maybe not.
88
00:03:38,781 --> 00:03:40,382
My little birds told me
89
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,217
that your Abuela Rosa told T�a Carla
90
00:03:42,285 --> 00:03:44,986
that your mam� told Gia
at Paprika Hair Salon
91
00:03:45,054 --> 00:03:47,656
that she wishes to see
you this Mother's Day.
92
00:03:47,724 --> 00:03:49,237
- Really?
- Really.
93
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:50,659
You should e-mail her.
94
00:03:50,727 --> 00:03:52,928
You won't be asking for anything
except for a plane ticket
95
00:03:52,995 --> 00:03:54,429
followed by a short speedboat to land,
96
00:03:54,497 --> 00:03:56,264
where Jeff Probst will
take you to the house
97
00:03:56,332 --> 00:03:58,233
in time for the family games.
98
00:03:58,301 --> 00:04:00,369
Thank you, mi coraz�n.
I will write to her.
99
00:04:00,436 --> 00:04:02,771
And then I'll get to work
on my Cinco de Mayo performance
100
00:04:02,839 --> 00:04:04,973
- for Jackie.
- Not a performance.
101
00:04:05,975 --> 00:04:07,175
Thanks for watching Sammy.
102
00:04:07,243 --> 00:04:08,510
Oh. No problem.
103
00:04:08,578 --> 00:04:12,214
Um, although could we talk
real quick outside?
104
00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:14,194
Yeah. Sure.
105
00:04:16,152 --> 00:04:19,221
I just... I, uh, you know,
wanted to talk to you about
106
00:04:19,288 --> 00:04:22,791
how, the other day,
we almost, you know...
107
00:04:23,192 --> 00:04:24,726
kissed.
108
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,862
I've been thinking about that, too.
109
00:04:26,929 --> 00:04:28,503
- Really?
- Yeah.
110
00:04:28,927 --> 00:04:31,559
That would've been a huge mistake.
111
00:04:33,536 --> 00:04:35,303
Exactly.
112
00:04:35,371 --> 00:04:37,639
Oh. Yeah. That's what
I was gonna say, too.
113
00:04:37,707 --> 00:04:38,974
So that's... Yeah.
114
00:04:39,041 --> 00:04:40,475
And I know what my reasons are.
115
00:04:41,598 --> 00:04:44,279
So, just kind of curious
what your reasons are.
116
00:04:44,347 --> 00:04:45,714
Well, I mean, you know,
117
00:04:45,782 --> 00:04:48,316
it's just that being a couple
does not work for us.
118
00:04:48,384 --> 00:04:50,051
But hating each other
119
00:04:50,119 --> 00:04:51,453
sucks, too.
120
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,081
So,
121
00:04:53,138 --> 00:04:54,756
I was thinking maybe we could
122
00:04:54,824 --> 00:04:56,658
just be friends.
123
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,587
Crazy.
124
00:04:58,652 --> 00:05:01,129
'Cause that... I was just about
to friend zone you, too.
125
00:05:01,197 --> 00:05:02,964
Jinx.
126
00:05:03,032 --> 00:05:04,733
Well, it's perfect now.
127
00:05:04,801 --> 00:05:06,301
- Perfect now.
- Hmm.
128
00:05:06,369 --> 00:05:07,969
- Friends.
- Friends it is.
129
00:05:08,037 --> 00:05:09,304
Jinx again.
130
00:05:10,373 --> 00:05:12,641
- Okay. Mm.
- Okay. All right.
131
00:05:18,298 --> 00:05:19,399
Testing, testing. Uno, dos. Uno, dos.
132
00:05:19,466 --> 00:05:21,034
General�simo Ignacio Zaragoza.
133
00:05:21,101 --> 00:05:24,604
? �General�simo Ignacio Zaragoza! ?
134
00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:27,123
Where can we plug this in?
135
00:05:27,148 --> 00:05:28,649
Mom said to find an outlet over there,
136
00:05:28,674 --> 00:05:30,141
but make sure your hands are dry.
137
00:05:41,048 --> 00:05:43,323
That wasn't terrifying at all.
138
00:05:43,348 --> 00:05:45,402
Oh, amazing news!
139
00:05:45,552 --> 00:05:47,344
I just got a text from my T�o Chuey
140
00:05:47,368 --> 00:05:48,902
that mi pap�'s pilot, Guillermo,
141
00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:50,471
told him that my father is considering
142
00:05:50,538 --> 00:05:51,638
my Mother's Day request.
143
00:05:51,706 --> 00:05:52,973
Tell Guillermo I said hi.
144
00:05:53,041 --> 00:05:55,642
- Yes.
- But not Chuey.
145
00:05:57,512 --> 00:05:59,079
Sammy, remember, when the bar opens,
146
00:05:59,147 --> 00:06:00,914
I'm gonna need you to
hang out in the office.
147
00:06:00,982 --> 00:06:03,650
Yeah, things are gonna get weird, son.
148
00:06:06,187 --> 00:06:07,521
Wow.
149
00:06:07,589 --> 00:06:09,156
Broke out the old poncho.
150
00:06:09,224 --> 00:06:11,091
You bet I did.
151
00:06:11,159 --> 00:06:13,127
You know,
152
00:06:13,152 --> 00:06:14,753
Cinco de Mayo's a big day for us.
153
00:06:14,863 --> 00:06:17,364
Remember, we-we first hooked up
on Cinco de Mayo.
154
00:06:17,432 --> 00:06:20,334
Mostly I remember Seis de Mayo
being a day full of regret.
155
00:06:22,546 --> 00:06:24,371
Listen, I know that I amigo zoned you,
156
00:06:24,439 --> 00:06:27,641
but, since it's Cinco,
we can make an exception.
157
00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:30,568
Friends but, you know, with benefits?
158
00:06:30,678 --> 00:06:32,446
Nope. Just like my job,
159
00:06:32,514 --> 00:06:34,586
this friendship has no benefits.
160
00:06:35,350 --> 00:06:37,017
Great. You passed the test.
161
00:06:37,085 --> 00:06:39,019
You've seen me at my sexiest,
and you've resisted.
162
00:06:39,044 --> 00:06:40,511
Nice job, friend.
163
00:06:41,092 --> 00:06:42,623
Attention, everyone.
164
00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,825
I'd like to introduce you
to a very special lady.
165
00:06:44,893 --> 00:06:47,661
This is Paula Perez
from Uncle Juan's Tequilla.
166
00:06:47,729 --> 00:06:49,897
Whatever she wants, she gets.
167
00:06:49,964 --> 00:06:54,234
'Cause I'm the manager of all of this.
168
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,171
Paula, I'm Jackie.
169
00:06:57,238 --> 00:06:59,573
It's so nice to finally
meet you in person.
170
00:06:59,641 --> 00:07:02,209
Derek, why don't you take
that big, giant check
171
00:07:02,277 --> 00:07:03,710
and put it upstairs in the office.
172
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,313
I don't have to do what she says.
173
00:07:06,381 --> 00:07:08,382
Because I'm the boss here.
174
00:07:10,285 --> 00:07:12,386
Do you want me to tell your mom
you're not listening to me?
175
00:07:12,453 --> 00:07:14,121
I do not.
176
00:07:15,223 --> 00:07:16,824
Sorry.
177
00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:18,392
He's, um...
178
00:07:18,459 --> 00:07:21,902
Anyway, um, thank you for sponsoring us.
179
00:07:21,972 --> 00:07:23,597
And, actually, here's our emcee.
180
00:07:23,665 --> 00:07:24,958
Paula, meet Javier.
181
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,366
Hi, Javier.
182
00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:28,202
- Hi.
- Just remember to keep things fun.
183
00:07:28,269 --> 00:07:31,338
Because isn't fun what this
holiday is all about?
184
00:07:31,406 --> 00:07:34,741
Eh, actually, it's about
an outnumbered Mexican army
185
00:07:34,809 --> 00:07:38,278
defeating a seasoned
French army in a battle.
186
00:07:38,346 --> 00:07:40,781
I think we're saying the same thing.
187
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,383
- Anyway, here's your script.
- Ah.
188
00:07:43,408 --> 00:07:45,385
Stick to that, and you'll get your bonus.
189
00:07:45,453 --> 00:07:48,215
I assure you, he will say
every one of those words.
190
00:07:48,265 --> 00:07:51,558
Yes. I have also prepared
some things to add to your words
191
00:07:51,626 --> 00:07:54,027
to give people, uh,
an authentic taste of Mexico.
192
00:07:54,087 --> 00:07:57,097
Okay. But at Uncle Juan's,
we usually stay away from words
193
00:07:57,165 --> 00:07:59,433
like "authentic" and "taste."
194
00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:01,869
You also stay away from correct spelling.
195
00:08:01,936 --> 00:08:04,238
Uh, there is only one "L" in "tequila."
196
00:08:04,305 --> 00:08:07,518
Well, Uncle Juan's
isn't technically tequila.
197
00:08:07,543 --> 00:08:09,243
I won't bore you with the details,
198
00:08:09,268 --> 00:08:10,835
but it's not made in Mexico,
199
00:08:10,860 --> 00:08:13,028
and it's not made with agave.
200
00:08:17,971 --> 00:08:19,539
Remember, this is for Sammy.
201
00:08:19,564 --> 00:08:21,502
Show the people at Uncle
Juan's some respect.
202
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:25,058
- Yes.
- And go hawk that crap.
203
00:08:34,469 --> 00:08:37,804
Welcome to Cinco de Mayo at Mitzi's!
204
00:08:37,872 --> 00:08:41,108
Brought to you by Uncle Juan's Tequilla.
205
00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:43,510
Okay, who's ready to party?!
206
00:08:45,380 --> 00:08:48,282
And get educated about Mexican history?!
207
00:08:48,349 --> 00:08:49,683
Nobody.
208
00:08:52,353 --> 00:08:53,687
Okay.
209
00:08:53,712 --> 00:08:56,981
Well, now here's a song
about Benito Ju�rez
210
00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:59,459
sung to the tune of "Cielito Lindo."
211
00:08:59,527 --> 00:09:00,594
Enjoy.
212
00:09:00,662 --> 00:09:05,465
? Benito Ju�rez ?
213
00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:09,126
? Was the Mexican presidente... ?
214
00:09:11,539 --> 00:09:13,373
What's with the face?
215
00:09:13,441 --> 00:09:15,042
You didn't drink this stuff, did you?
216
00:09:15,109 --> 00:09:16,643
I just accidentally spilled some,
217
00:09:16,711 --> 00:09:19,000
and it stripped the paint off the floor.
218
00:09:20,048 --> 00:09:22,049
No. Look down there.
219
00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:24,151
Barry is supposed to be working.
220
00:09:24,218 --> 00:09:26,453
He's being totally unprofessional.
221
00:09:26,521 --> 00:09:29,456
Yeah, this bar is all
about professionalism.
222
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:37,297
? But the Mexican army was not as easy ?
223
00:09:37,365 --> 00:09:42,069
? To beat as it seemed! ?
224
00:09:42,136 --> 00:09:43,570
�Muchas gracias!
225
00:09:43,638 --> 00:09:46,139
�Viva M�xico!
226
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:49,343
Now, every time I hit this,
227
00:09:49,410 --> 00:09:52,346
everybody takes a shot
of Uncle Juan's Tequilla!
228
00:09:54,983 --> 00:09:55,983
Look at him,
229
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:59,486
with his stupid poncho
and his stupid charm.
230
00:10:00,375 --> 00:10:01,355
Wait,
231
00:10:01,422 --> 00:10:02,923
why do you care?
232
00:10:04,826 --> 00:10:06,415
Did you guys hook up?
233
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,808
No.
234
00:10:08,299 --> 00:10:09,763
But we did almost kiss.
235
00:10:09,831 --> 00:10:11,231
What? Why didn't you tell me?
236
00:10:11,256 --> 00:10:12,656
'Cause you never listen when I talk.
237
00:10:12,681 --> 00:10:15,283
Well, you finally have
something interesting to say.
238
00:10:15,308 --> 00:10:17,810
The thing is I don't want to be with him,
239
00:10:17,835 --> 00:10:20,169
but I don't want him
to be with anybody else.
240
00:10:20,408 --> 00:10:21,842
Is that nuts?
241
00:10:21,909 --> 00:10:23,443
Not at all.
242
00:10:23,511 --> 00:10:25,445
I told Javi that if I die before him
243
00:10:25,470 --> 00:10:27,004
and he decides to see someone else,
244
00:10:27,029 --> 00:10:30,029
I will come back as a ghost
and curse his penis.
245
00:10:31,072 --> 00:10:32,586
I just got a text.
246
00:10:32,653 --> 00:10:35,088
Javier is not invited for Mother's Day.
247
00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:36,957
His father wants him
to prove himself worthy
248
00:10:37,025 --> 00:10:38,592
before being invited back to spend time
249
00:10:38,659 --> 00:10:40,456
with the family and Jeff Probst.
250
00:10:41,462 --> 00:10:42,963
Oh, no.
251
00:10:43,031 --> 00:10:45,098
Do you think Javi's
father's contacted him yet?
252
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,796
I'm gonna go with yes.
253
00:10:53,664 --> 00:10:55,531
Tragically, one year
after the Battle of Puebla,
254
00:10:55,599 --> 00:10:57,767
the French took over Mexico.
255
00:10:59,104 --> 00:11:03,438
Which proves nothing matters
and everything is terrible.
256
00:11:06,323 --> 00:11:09,986
Except the taste
of Uncle Juan's Tequilla.
257
00:11:11,215 --> 00:11:14,684
What doesn't tequila makes you stronger.
258
00:11:16,459 --> 00:11:18,486
What the hell's going on with your emcee?
259
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,178
People are getting depressed,
260
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,520
and not in a way
that makes them drink more.
261
00:11:22,544 --> 00:11:24,620
If you want your bonus,
you better fix this.
262
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:25,973
I'm on it.
263
00:11:25,998 --> 00:11:28,003
We will get back on track. Don't worry.
264
00:11:28,028 --> 00:11:31,384
And I'm sorry if poncho
guy is bothering you.
265
00:11:31,586 --> 00:11:34,347
Oh, no, I think he's cute.
266
00:11:34,431 --> 00:11:36,524
Can you believe he's divorced?
267
00:11:36,591 --> 00:11:38,893
Who would give that up?
268
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,385
Okay, what's next?
269
00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:44,395
Ah. The pepper eating contest.
270
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,255
- Who cares?
- Stop. Stop.
271
00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:50,504
Hi, everyone.
We're gonna take a quick break
272
00:11:50,572 --> 00:11:52,506
while I splash some water
on the big guy here.
273
00:11:52,574 --> 00:11:54,675
Luis, can you please take over?
274
00:11:54,743 --> 00:11:56,243
It is...
275
00:11:56,311 --> 00:11:59,213
Not really... my thing, but...
276
00:11:59,281 --> 00:12:02,216
All right, everyone!
277
00:12:02,284 --> 00:12:04,819
Hey! It's time for Uncle Juan's
278
00:12:04,844 --> 00:12:07,880
$1,000 hot pepper eating challenge!
279
00:12:09,991 --> 00:12:12,393
Let's meet our contestants.
280
00:12:12,461 --> 00:12:14,528
Just three white people?
281
00:12:15,009 --> 00:12:16,524
Just start already.
282
00:12:16,549 --> 00:12:18,530
Come on. Surely there's a Mexican here
283
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:20,156
who wants to compete.
284
00:12:20,181 --> 00:12:21,815
I don't know why they'd dare.
285
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,877
Max Lefleur has never lost
a pepper eating challenge.
286
00:12:25,902 --> 00:12:27,469
Lefleur?
287
00:12:27,742 --> 00:12:29,243
You're French?
288
00:12:29,311 --> 00:12:31,846
Well, I don't think
you're allowed to ask that,
289
00:12:31,913 --> 00:12:33,380
but oui.
290
00:12:33,778 --> 00:12:35,282
Come on!
291
00:12:35,307 --> 00:12:38,409
A French person can't win
on Cinco de Mayo!
292
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,022
When did I start caring about this?
293
00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,556
Javi, come on. Pull yourself together.
294
00:12:44,581 --> 00:12:46,783
Why? I have been rejected by my family.
295
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,130
Not your entire family.
296
00:12:49,197 --> 00:12:52,933
Not me, not Luis, not Sammy, not Jackie.
297
00:12:52,958 --> 00:12:55,860
Come on. Don't just feel sorry
for yourself and give up.
298
00:12:55,971 --> 00:12:59,573
Is this what Generalisimo
Zaragoza did at Puebla?
299
00:12:59,887 --> 00:13:02,776
Are you saying I should
challenge my father to a war?
300
00:13:02,844 --> 00:13:05,312
Because we already
did that, and look around.
301
00:13:05,380 --> 00:13:07,019
We're not winning.
302
00:13:07,842 --> 00:13:09,343
No. I'm saying take action.
303
00:13:09,368 --> 00:13:11,268
Don't wait for them to do it for you.
304
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:14,421
Buy a plane ticket
and go visit your mother.
305
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:18,197
My love, we sneak our own
hot dogs into the movie theater.
306
00:13:18,994 --> 00:13:20,995
We can't afford a plane ticket.
307
00:13:21,062 --> 00:13:23,931
Well... not yet.
308
00:13:26,425 --> 00:13:29,627
Please, there must be
one Mexican willing to compete.
309
00:13:29,652 --> 00:13:31,419
There is!
310
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:35,447
My name is Javier Frederico
Fayad Santiago Flores Gomez!
311
00:13:35,644 --> 00:13:39,914
And tonight, my mouth belongs to Mexico!
312
00:13:39,981 --> 00:13:42,283
Let's do this!
313
00:13:54,029 --> 00:13:55,529
Hey!
314
00:13:55,597 --> 00:13:58,332
"Uncle Juan's Tequilla abides
by the rules
315
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,935
of the International
Hot Pepper Eating Association."
316
00:14:01,002 --> 00:14:03,337
That cannot be a thing.
317
00:14:03,405 --> 00:14:05,172
"There are four rounds.
318
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,775
"Each pepper gets increasingly hotter.
319
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,801
The full pepper must be consumed."
320
00:14:09,826 --> 00:14:12,228
If you take a drink of milk, you are out.
321
00:14:12,253 --> 00:14:14,521
Might as well drink your milk now, baby.
322
00:14:14,716 --> 00:14:19,186
I only drink my milk warmed up
with a little bit of cinnamon.
323
00:14:20,255 --> 00:14:21,789
Our first pepper is
324
00:14:21,814 --> 00:14:26,084
the jalape�o with
a Scoville Heat Unit of 5,000.
325
00:14:28,029 --> 00:14:30,231
�Ol�! And go!
326
00:14:32,801 --> 00:14:35,302
He drank the milk! He's out!
327
00:14:37,196 --> 00:14:38,629
Onto pepper number two.
328
00:14:38,654 --> 00:14:40,822
- Things are going pretty well, right?
- Yeah.
329
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:43,415
Except you're supposed to
be working, not flirting.
330
00:14:43,612 --> 00:14:45,987
I have not been flirting.
331
00:14:46,012 --> 00:14:48,155
Please. I know all your moves.
332
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:50,718
Making her laugh and lassoing her.
333
00:14:50,785 --> 00:14:52,219
It was just disgusting.
334
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,189
Oh. You are jealous.
335
00:14:55,214 --> 00:14:57,262
- I am not.
- Yes, you are.
336
00:14:57,287 --> 00:15:01,242
J-E... middle letters, S.
337
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:04,236
Jealous. Thank you.
338
00:15:04,432 --> 00:15:06,305
I'm not jealous!
339
00:15:07,168 --> 00:15:09,242
I'm not jealous, either.
340
00:15:09,938 --> 00:15:12,406
But I think I know
how we can split 'em up.
341
00:15:12,474 --> 00:15:14,008
Do it.
342
00:15:15,593 --> 00:15:17,900
And we're down to the final pepper!
343
00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,582
Two contestants remain.
344
00:15:21,650 --> 00:15:23,884
One from the land where
ancient civilizations
345
00:15:23,952 --> 00:15:26,553
developed complex calendars
and architecture,
346
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:28,455
the other where ancient civilizations
347
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,581
didn't bathe for 300 years.
348
00:15:31,205 --> 00:15:33,841
For the record, I'm French-Canadian.
349
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:37,202
Shut your maple hole
and get ready to lose!
350
00:15:37,499 --> 00:15:39,466
Our last pepper is
351
00:15:39,534 --> 00:15:42,102
the Delaware Death-Stick,
created in a laboratory
352
00:15:42,127 --> 00:15:44,996
by a team of disgraced
Hungarian scientists.
353
00:15:45,021 --> 00:15:47,957
This little baby
has a Scoville rating of...
354
00:15:47,982 --> 00:15:49,316
one million.
355
00:15:52,147 --> 00:15:53,781
Put on your gloves
356
00:15:53,806 --> 00:15:56,074
and call your loved ones,
because this one's hot.
357
00:15:56,099 --> 00:15:58,901
"What's not hot is Uncle Juan's
extra mild pico de gallo...
358
00:15:58,926 --> 00:16:01,127
"now with real tomatoes and onions.
359
00:16:01,152 --> 00:16:03,820
Look for us on the bottom shelf
of your local gas station."
360
00:16:04,059 --> 00:16:05,626
Okay, here we go.
361
00:16:05,651 --> 00:16:08,219
Gentlemen, the first one
to go for the milk is out.
362
00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:10,130
Eat... that... pepper.
363
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:12,599
Javi!
364
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,001
You can do it!
365
00:16:25,647 --> 00:16:27,414
Javier wins!
366
00:16:27,482 --> 00:16:28,649
Javier wins!
367
00:16:28,717 --> 00:16:29,917
�Viva Mexico!
368
00:16:31,586 --> 00:16:32,820
You did it, honey!
369
00:16:32,887 --> 00:16:34,321
- Come here!
- Mmm.
370
00:16:36,382 --> 00:16:38,216
I'm on fire!
371
00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:44,320
All right, it's Cinco de Barry!
372
00:16:47,348 --> 00:16:48,815
What is Barry doing?
373
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,540
I got him away from Paula by asking him
374
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:51,839
to perform a few songs.
375
00:16:51,906 --> 00:16:53,312
You're welcome.
376
00:16:53,337 --> 00:16:56,105
- Can't you see what's gonna happen?
- Never.
377
00:16:56,130 --> 00:16:57,831
He's gonna perform, she's
gonna see him up onstage
378
00:16:57,856 --> 00:16:59,743
and think he looks super sexy,
and it's gonna remind her
379
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,335
of the first time they
met on Cinco de Mayo.
380
00:17:01,583 --> 00:17:03,317
- Like, an hour ago?
- And then forgetting
381
00:17:03,342 --> 00:17:04,942
all the promises she made to herself,
382
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:06,634
she's gonna go home with him
even though they decided
383
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,326
on the porch that they were
only gonna be friends
384
00:17:08,351 --> 00:17:11,286
- for the sake of their child.
- And when did they have a baby?!
385
00:17:11,526 --> 00:17:13,293
I've got to stop him from playing.
386
00:17:13,361 --> 00:17:14,703
I'm gonna cut the power to the amp.
387
00:17:14,790 --> 00:17:16,316
All right, you guys know me as the guy
388
00:17:16,391 --> 00:17:17,798
that's been slinging margs all night.
389
00:17:17,823 --> 00:17:19,288
Well, I hope you like 'em on the rocks,
390
00:17:19,313 --> 00:17:21,915
'cause we're about to rock out!
391
00:17:22,303 --> 00:17:23,670
All right, you guys
have to step back, though,
392
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,239
'cause I do jump around a lot.
393
00:17:25,306 --> 00:17:27,427
Which one is it? The-the orange
or the white or the gray?
394
00:17:27,452 --> 00:17:29,983
I don't know. I'm color-blind!
395
00:17:33,536 --> 00:17:35,182
All right, let's do this!
396
00:17:36,651 --> 00:17:38,585
Ow!
397
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,361
Hey.
398
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,242
Your knees feeling any better?
399
00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:48,101
Yeah. Feels like
400
00:17:48,126 --> 00:17:50,527
the caps are back
where they're supposed to be.
401
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,839
Thank you.
402
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,674
I'm sorry you didn't get your bonus.
403
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,644
Yeah. I think not being able
to get the power back on
404
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,846
and everyone leaving
was sort of a deal breaker.
405
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,067
Yeah.
406
00:18:03,111 --> 00:18:04,682
And me landing on Paula
407
00:18:04,707 --> 00:18:07,175
after my leap
probably didn't help, either.
408
00:18:08,547 --> 00:18:10,239
And you were right.
409
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:13,159
I was totally jealous.
410
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,128
I couldn't stand
seeing you flirt with her.
411
00:18:17,153 --> 00:18:19,788
Well, I was only flirting
to make you jealous.
412
00:18:21,112 --> 00:18:22,446
You're who I want.
413
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:25,670
I obviously still
have feelings for you, too,
414
00:18:25,695 --> 00:18:29,331
which is why this whole
friends idea is not gonna work.
415
00:18:29,356 --> 00:18:33,320
Okay, yeah, so... what are you saying?
416
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:34,979
Should we give us a try again?
417
00:18:35,004 --> 00:18:37,105
No. That won't work, either.
418
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:39,217
If we got back together, it would just
419
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,352
end up ugly like it always does.
420
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,354
I don't know. Maybe this time it won't.
421
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:46,891
If it was just you and me,
I might take that chance.
422
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:50,018
But I can't risk
putting Sammy through that.
423
00:18:51,781 --> 00:18:53,631
So where does this leave us?
424
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:57,368
We're a divorced couple raising a kid.
425
00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:59,804
When he's with me, he's with me.
426
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:03,307
When he's with you,
he's with you, and that's it.
427
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,512
Okay, I give up.
428
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:09,881
We'll do things your way.
429
00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:16,721
I'm not walking slowly to be dramatic.
430
00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:18,432
I'm just in tremendous pain.
431
00:19:20,604 --> 00:19:22,805
May I freshen that up for you?
432
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:25,930
No, no. No, thank you, Luis.
433
00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:27,956
I think my lips are functional again.
434
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:31,569
- Oh.
- Oh.
435
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:34,071
Oh. That hurt worse than
getting collagen injections.
436
00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:37,576
Um, or so I'm told.
437
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,077
Wow. It smells great in here.
438
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:43,214
Oh, Luis has prepared
an authentic Mexican meal.
439
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,916
It is nothing much: Chicken mole
440
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:46,551
which has been slow cooking
the entire day,
441
00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:49,120
platanos con crema and nopalitos.
442
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,856
I had my heart set
on nuking some fish sticks,
443
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,457
but this is good.
444
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,762
That's her way of saying thank you, Luis.
445
00:19:56,787 --> 00:19:58,847
I know. I'm actually quite touched.
446
00:20:00,652 --> 00:20:03,153
I just wanted to reiterate that
I've never gotten my lips done.
447
00:20:03,178 --> 00:20:04,645
Mm.
448
00:20:04,816 --> 00:20:07,317
- They're just naturally plump.
- Mm.
449
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:09,740
Speaking of lies...
450
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,544
...I just want to tell you
I'm really sorry
451
00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,646
that we can't take
that trip to San Diego.
452
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,148
Well, actually, you might be
453
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,817
taking that vacation after all. Luis?
454
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,620
Jackie, I have signed
this comically large check
455
00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:26,490
over to you, so now you and
Sammy can go see the baby rhino.
456
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,492
Thank you so much!
457
00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,718
Not that there's any take-backs here,
458
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:33,598
but weren't you gonna use this
to see your family?
459
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:35,624
Well, I have decided not to go.
460
00:20:35,649 --> 00:20:38,684
Yes, I miss Mexico, but
Elizabeth has helped me realize
461
00:20:38,709 --> 00:20:42,645
that I don't need to go away
to be surrounded by family.
462
00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:45,476
Are you sure, Javier?
463
00:20:45,501 --> 00:20:48,636
Mom, the tribe has spoken.
33842
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