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1
00:00:02,246 --> 00:00:03,392
Hello.
2
00:00:03,494 --> 00:00:05,120
Hey, Rob.
Steve.
3
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,270
Oh, hiya.How are you?
4
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,455
Good.
Good.
5
00:00:07,559 --> 00:00:10,973
Uh... listen,
are you free next week
6
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,093
to go away?
7
00:00:12,198 --> 00:00:13,725
Where?
8
00:00:13,831 --> 00:00:15,653
It's kind of a tour,
tour of the North,
9
00:00:15,751 --> 00:00:17,758
restaurant tour,
really good restaurants.
10
00:00:17,863 --> 00:00:19,806
Right.Why me?
11
00:00:19,911 --> 00:00:22,627
Well, Mischa is unavailable.
12
00:00:22,726 --> 00:00:24,353
You've met Mischa, haven't you?
13
00:00:24,454 --> 00:00:26,559
Uh, is she your assistant?
14
00:00:26,663 --> 00:00:28,158
No, that's Emma.
15
00:00:28,263 --> 00:00:29,888
No.
No, Mischa's my girlfriend.
16
00:00:29,991 --> 00:00:31,899
Oh, yeah, yeah,the Australian girl.
17
00:00:32,006 --> 00:00:33,981
No. God, no.
That was ages ago. No.
18
00:00:34,087 --> 00:00:35,363
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
19
00:00:35,463 --> 00:00:38,245
Mischa can't come,
and I don't want to go alone.
20
00:00:38,343 --> 00:00:42,369
I've asked other people,
but they're all too busy,
21
00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:44,805
so, you know,
do you want to come?
22
00:00:44,903 --> 00:00:47,074
Uh... well, don't know, really.
23
00:00:47,175 --> 00:00:48,451
I'd have to ask Sally.
24
00:00:48,551 --> 00:00:50,210
It's a job.
25
00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:51,904
I'm not asking you
to go on holiday with me
26
00:00:52,007 --> 00:00:53,055
or anything weird.
27
00:00:53,158 --> 00:00:54,368
It's for The Observer Magazine.
28
00:00:54,470 --> 00:00:55,517
Right.
29
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:56,964
They're gonna pay
for everything,
30
00:00:57,062 --> 00:01:00,805
and there's a small fee,
which I'll split with you 60-40.
31
00:01:00,902 --> 00:01:02,529
When is it?
32
00:01:02,631 --> 00:01:03,493
Next Monday.
33
00:01:03,591 --> 00:01:05,281
Oh.
34
00:01:15,879 --> 00:01:18,245
Rob, Steve's here.
35
00:01:24,391 --> 00:01:26,015
- All right?
- Hey, yeah.
36
00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:26,980
- Hi, Steve.
- We're off.
37
00:01:27,079 --> 00:01:28,289
Hello. Hi.
38
00:01:28,391 --> 00:01:30,114
Ah, you know Sally and Chloe.
39
00:01:30,214 --> 00:01:31,742
- Yeah, yes. Hi. Hello. Hi.
- Nice to see you.
40
00:01:31,847 --> 00:01:32,895
How are you?
41
00:01:32,999 --> 00:01:33,860
Very good.
42
00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:35,039
- Nice to see you.
- Hello.
43
00:01:35,143 --> 00:01:37,051
What is that?
44
00:01:37,158 --> 00:01:39,330
This, just pickax handles.
45
00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:41,504
- Seriously?
- Climbing gear.
46
00:01:41,606 --> 00:01:43,100
- Yeah, just in case we...
- We're climbing?
47
00:01:43,207 --> 00:01:44,549
Got you a set of crampons too.
48
00:01:44,647 --> 00:01:45,541
I'll ring you, okay?
49
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,061
Oh, yes, please do.
I love you.
50
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,491
Look after mummy.
Give me a kiss.
51
00:01:51,590 --> 00:01:52,453
Have fun.
52
00:01:52,551 --> 00:01:53,828
Give him a kiss.
53
00:01:53,927 --> 00:01:57,540
If you haven't heard
anything from me in five days,
54
00:01:57,639 --> 00:01:58,882
alert the authorities.
55
00:01:58,983 --> 00:02:00,576
I'll send out a search party.
Drive safely.
56
00:02:00,679 --> 00:02:01,791
- Okeydoke.
- Bye-bye.
57
00:02:01,895 --> 00:02:03,683
- Have a good time.
- Give a little wave to you.
58
00:02:03,783 --> 00:02:05,507
I give a little wave to you.
59
00:02:05,607 --> 00:02:06,654
No?
60
00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:08,702
I'm gonna give
another little wave to you.
61
00:02:08,808 --> 00:02:11,010
- Oh, I'm going. Bye-bye.
- Bye. Bye.
62
00:02:11,111 --> 00:02:11,972
Bye-bye.
63
00:02:12,071 --> 00:02:13,598
Can you say good-bye to Dad?
64
00:02:13,703 --> 00:02:15,393
Say good-bye.
Are you gonna wave?
65
00:02:15,495 --> 00:02:20,480
I thought we'd go M1, M6,
come off at junction 31,
66
00:02:20,582 --> 00:02:27,042
and there's a short drive
on the A59 to Clitheroe.
67
00:02:27,143 --> 00:02:31,136
From there, it's a very short
hop to Whitewell.
68
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:32,449
And how long will that take?
69
00:02:32,550 --> 00:02:33,695
- About four hours.
- Four hours?
70
00:02:33,798 --> 00:02:34,813
That's not very much.
71
00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:36,773
Why aren't we using sat nav?
72
00:02:36,871 --> 00:02:37,798
I've always liked maps.
73
00:02:37,894 --> 00:02:39,204
When we would go
on holiday as kids,
74
00:02:39,304 --> 00:02:41,126
my dad would plan the route,
you know,
75
00:02:41,224 --> 00:02:43,296
and show us on the map
what the route was,
76
00:02:43,398 --> 00:02:44,543
and we'd all follow it,
you know?
77
00:02:44,647 --> 00:02:45,661
It was great.
78
00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:47,458
The good news is,
I've found the M1.
79
00:02:47,559 --> 00:02:48,966
Ah.
80
00:02:49,063 --> 00:02:51,682
I wouldn't have had you down
as having a four-wheel drive.
81
00:02:51,784 --> 00:02:52,644
It's not mine.
82
00:02:52,743 --> 00:02:54,685
Mischa thought it would be good.
83
00:02:54,790 --> 00:02:56,700
She thought it would be useful
in the Lake District,
84
00:02:56,807 --> 00:02:58,333
the Yorkshire Dales.
85
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,228
You know, it's not
like down south, Rob.
86
00:03:00,327 --> 00:03:02,531
There's a lot
of bumpy roads up there.
87
00:03:04,423 --> 00:03:06,244
Where... why isn't she here?
88
00:03:06,342 --> 00:03:08,961
'Cause she's...
she had to go back to America.
89
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,340
Oh, dear.
90
00:03:10,439 --> 00:03:11,934
Have you... you haven't separated?
91
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,244
It's in limbo, you know?
It's in limbo.
92
00:03:14,342 --> 00:03:15,619
So is it all over?
93
00:03:15,718 --> 00:03:16,799
No. I don't know.
I don't know.
94
00:03:16,903 --> 00:03:18,212
It's just... it's all...
95
00:03:18,311 --> 00:03:20,614
Well, let's go here.
Let's get some breakfast here.
96
00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:23,875
Ah, oh,
no, let's not.
97
00:03:23,975 --> 00:03:26,844
I've been up since
half past 5:00 with Chloe,
98
00:03:26,951 --> 00:03:28,293
and I've not eaten
a single thing.
99
00:03:28,390 --> 00:03:29,471
Really?
100
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,524
You could write about it.
101
00:03:30,631 --> 00:03:31,940
Why don't you
review the food and say,
102
00:03:32,039 --> 00:03:34,407
"I'm staring off by talking
about what real people eat"?
103
00:03:34,504 --> 00:03:36,029
No, that's been done.
104
00:03:36,135 --> 00:03:37,346
That's been done before.
105
00:03:37,447 --> 00:03:39,781
It's 2010.
Everything's been done before.
106
00:03:39,879 --> 00:03:42,051
All you can do is do something
someone's done before
107
00:03:42,152 --> 00:03:44,355
but do it better or differently.
108
00:03:44,455 --> 00:03:46,725
To some extent,
that's correct.
109
00:03:52,071 --> 00:03:53,532
Why are we listening to this?
110
00:03:53,639 --> 00:03:54,654
That's what I've chosen
111
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:59,014
for the soundtrack
for this landscape.
112
00:03:59,111 --> 00:04:00,158
It's not expected.
113
00:04:00,263 --> 00:04:02,500
You think of that as industrial,
of sort of...
114
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:03,974
associate that kind
of music normally
115
00:04:04,072 --> 00:04:05,151
with an urban landscape.
116
00:04:08,232 --> 00:04:15,619
# Walk in silence #
117
00:04:15,719 --> 00:04:19,909
# Don't walk away #
118
00:04:20,007 --> 00:04:24,001
# In silence #
119
00:04:24,103 --> 00:04:27,781
# See the danger #
120
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:32,004
# Always danger #
121
00:04:32,103 --> 00:04:35,716
# Endless talking #
122
00:04:35,816 --> 00:04:39,908
# Life rebuilding #
123
00:04:40,009 --> 00:04:41,796
# Don't walk away #
124
00:04:52,936 --> 00:04:53,797
This looks lovely.
125
00:04:53,896 --> 00:04:55,204
Beautiful, isn't it, eh?
126
00:04:55,303 --> 00:04:58,173
It's the sort of place
you'd shoot a Miss Marple.
127
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,556
Hello.
128
00:04:59,656 --> 00:05:00,735
Hi. Hi.
129
00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:03,392
Should be a reservation
under the name "Coogan."
130
00:05:03,495 --> 00:05:05,885
- Hi, Mr. Coogan.
- Two rooms under "Coogan."
131
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:11,078
Sorry, we only have
one double room for you.
132
00:05:11,176 --> 00:05:13,248
Uh, it may be under his name,
Brydon.
133
00:05:13,352 --> 00:05:14,912
Is another room
under the name "Brydon"?
134
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,918
No. No Brydons.
Sorry.
135
00:05:18,024 --> 00:05:19,878
I thought there should
have been two rooms booked.
136
00:05:19,976 --> 00:05:21,088
- Hello. Hi.
- Hi.
137
00:05:21,192 --> 00:05:22,370
This is Mr. Brydon.
138
00:05:22,472 --> 00:05:24,097
Can we book another room?
139
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,955
I'm sorry, but we're
fully booked tonight, sir.
140
00:05:26,054 --> 00:05:27,779
Can share.
That's all right.
141
00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:30,050
- No, we can't.
- It's a big room.
142
00:05:30,151 --> 00:05:32,966
Right, I'm gonna call Emma
and get to the bottom of this.
143
00:05:33,064 --> 00:05:34,920
I just said, seriously,
I don't mind sharing a bit.
144
00:05:35,016 --> 00:05:36,324
There's no signal here.
What do I do?
145
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,430
Sometimes
you can get it outside.
146
00:05:38,535 --> 00:05:39,681
- Okay.
- At the back.
147
00:05:39,784 --> 00:05:42,501
Okay. All right.
I'll try and sort this out.
148
00:05:42,599 --> 00:05:44,967
Oh, dear me.
149
00:05:46,503 --> 00:05:47,551
Hello.
150
00:05:47,656 --> 00:05:48,965
- Hi.
- Hiya.
151
00:05:49,064 --> 00:05:51,398
Emma, listen,
I'm at the inn at Whitewell.
152
00:05:51,496 --> 00:05:52,609
Yeah.
153
00:05:52,712 --> 00:05:53,792
There's only one room.
154
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,969
Well, you can stay
with Mischa, can't you?
155
00:05:56,072 --> 00:05:58,492
I'm not with Mischa.
I'm with Rob Brydon.
156
00:05:58,599 --> 00:05:59,547
Well, this is lovely.
157
00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:00,833
I mean, I'd be happy
to sleep here.
158
00:06:02,791 --> 00:06:04,069
Put a little bed down there,
159
00:06:04,168 --> 00:06:05,794
and I'd sleep there
very happily.
160
00:06:05,896 --> 00:06:07,554
So are you friends or...
161
00:06:07,656 --> 00:06:09,085
- No, we work together.
- Okay.
162
00:06:09,192 --> 00:06:11,047
So I'm just, you know...
I'm just with him.
163
00:06:11,143 --> 00:06:12,071
Are you his assistant or...
164
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,163
In a way, yes.
165
00:06:16,264 --> 00:06:17,923
I thought you saidyou were going with Mischa.
166
00:06:18,025 --> 00:06:19,550
No, I said I was thinking
of going with Rob.
167
00:06:19,655 --> 00:06:20,516
I told you.
168
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,557
Okay, look, I'm sorry.
169
00:06:22,664 --> 00:06:25,283
Now I'm left having to share
a room with Rob for the night.
170
00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:26,758
I'm sorry. I messed up.
171
00:06:26,856 --> 00:06:29,278
Make sure all the other hotels
have got separate rooms, right?
172
00:06:29,385 --> 00:06:30,398
Okay.
173
00:06:30,504 --> 00:06:32,096
All right. Thank you.
All right, love. Bye.
174
00:06:32,199 --> 00:06:33,060
Yeah, bye.
175
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:34,021
I'm sorry.
176
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,232
It's a bit of a warren here.
177
00:06:35,336 --> 00:06:38,184
No, it's part of its charm.
178
00:06:38,281 --> 00:06:40,419
Thank you.
179
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:41,763
So what's your name?
180
00:06:41,864 --> 00:06:42,725
- Magda.
- Magda.
181
00:06:42,824 --> 00:06:45,125
- And yours?
- Steve.
182
00:06:45,223 --> 00:06:49,664
Yes, none of this
"Mr. Coogan" nonsense.
183
00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:53,469
- So here it is.
- Oh, very nice.
184
00:06:53,575 --> 00:06:54,437
Beautiful, yeah.
185
00:06:54,536 --> 00:06:55,397
Very nice indeed.
186
00:06:55,496 --> 00:06:57,089
It's a very nice view.
187
00:06:57,192 --> 00:06:59,713
Look at that.
Very big.
188
00:06:59,817 --> 00:07:02,020
So...
189
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,356
There we go.
Come on. Up you jump.
190
00:07:04,456 --> 00:07:06,081
Okay, I'll leave you to it.
191
00:07:06,184 --> 00:07:07,461
- Thank you.
- And here is the key.
192
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,763
- Thanks, Magda.
- Bye.
193
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,101
This is a huge bed.
We could easily share this bed.
194
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,173
It might be huge to you.
195
00:07:14,279 --> 00:07:16,418
It's average size to me.
196
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,717
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
You're considerably taller.
197
00:07:19,817 --> 00:07:21,791
What's the problem, anyway?
198
00:07:21,897 --> 00:07:23,271
What do you think
is gonna happen?
199
00:07:23,368 --> 00:07:25,506
Eh?
200
00:07:25,608 --> 00:07:27,036
You might touch my bottom.
201
00:07:27,144 --> 00:07:28,224
- All right.
- Even an accident.
202
00:07:28,328 --> 00:07:29,473
Were you an altar boy?
203
00:07:29,576 --> 00:07:30,951
Yes, I was.
204
00:07:31,047 --> 00:07:32,477
- Seriously?
- Yes.
205
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:33,861
Oh, all right.
206
00:07:33,961 --> 00:07:35,585
Well, I'll go on the sofa
if you want, if it's...
207
00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:38,209
Sorry, I didn't realize we were
into Oprah Winfrey territory.
208
00:07:38,312 --> 00:07:40,352
Are you seriously saying
you were abused as a child
209
00:07:40,455 --> 00:07:41,634
when you were an altar boy?
210
00:07:41,736 --> 00:07:43,624
Only verbally.
211
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:44,834
And physically.
212
00:07:44,937 --> 00:07:46,310
But not sexually.
213
00:07:46,407 --> 00:07:48,709
You know, just punched...
214
00:07:48,807 --> 00:07:49,823
by a priest.
215
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,945
There's no signal here.
You won't get a signal.
216
00:07:55,048 --> 00:07:56,803
I'm on wireless.
217
00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:00,252
Ah.
218
00:08:00,359 --> 00:08:01,604
Yes, who's having scallops?
219
00:08:01,705 --> 00:08:03,046
I am the scallops.
220
00:08:03,144 --> 00:08:04,671
Thank you very much.
221
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:05,889
And the soup.
222
00:08:05,993 --> 00:08:06,854
Thank you. Lovely.
223
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:07,813
- Okay.
- Yes.
224
00:08:07,912 --> 00:08:08,773
Enjoy your starters.
225
00:08:08,872 --> 00:08:11,044
Thank you.
226
00:08:11,144 --> 00:08:12,573
Soup of the day.
Can't go wrong.
227
00:08:12,679 --> 00:08:13,607
Yeah. Yeah.
228
00:08:13,704 --> 00:08:15,493
Yours looks more interesting,
but...
229
00:08:22,665 --> 00:08:24,159
Mmm.
What's yours like?
230
00:08:24,264 --> 00:08:25,955
Well, it tastes of tomatoes.
231
00:08:26,056 --> 00:08:28,162
Not a connoisseur,
are you, with food?
232
00:08:28,265 --> 00:08:29,638
Look, the reason
I was doing this trip
233
00:08:29,736 --> 00:08:30,783
was to bring Mischa along.
234
00:08:30,887 --> 00:08:32,611
She's passionate about food.
She loves food.
235
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:33,956
She's the food buff.
236
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,390
She's the food...
she's a very confident foodie,
237
00:08:36,488 --> 00:08:37,862
and I thought she could help me,
238
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,156
and I wanted
to show Mischa the...
239
00:08:41,256 --> 00:08:42,685
you know, the North,
240
00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:44,735
show her a piece of me.
241
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,117
You're from Manchester.
242
00:08:46,216 --> 00:08:50,210
You could take her round and
show her the gun crime sites.
243
00:08:50,313 --> 00:08:51,239
I'm from the North.
244
00:08:51,335 --> 00:08:53,921
The North has an identity
of itself.
245
00:08:54,024 --> 00:08:56,839
Yeah, not the same way
that Wales does.
246
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:57,798
I think it does.
247
00:08:57,897 --> 00:08:58,911
I think the North had...
248
00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,446
The North could be
a different country.
249
00:09:00,553 --> 00:09:02,210
It has as much of an identity
as Wales.
250
00:09:02,312 --> 00:09:04,930
Are you seriously saying that
you think the North of England...
251
00:09:05,032 --> 00:09:08,098
hang on... a stronger identity
than Wales?
252
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,183
Yeah... yes.
253
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,095
Industrial Revolution,
254
00:09:13,192 --> 00:09:15,810
the very first railway
in the world in Manchester,
255
00:09:15,912 --> 00:09:17,320
which revolutionized the world
256
00:09:17,416 --> 00:09:19,358
probably more than anything else
in the last 200 years.
257
00:09:19,465 --> 00:09:20,326
Richard Burton.
258
00:09:21,417 --> 00:09:23,075
Man from being
ex-prison admiral...
259
00:09:23,177 --> 00:09:24,670
napkins like God.
260
00:09:24,776 --> 00:09:26,151
Anthony Hopkins.
261
00:09:26,248 --> 00:09:27,557
I want a room with a view.
262
00:09:27,657 --> 00:09:28,518
I want to see a tree.
263
00:09:29,704 --> 00:09:31,592
I think anyone over 40
who amuses themself
264
00:09:31,689 --> 00:09:32,703
by doing impressions
265
00:09:32,809 --> 00:09:34,914
needs to take a long, hard look
in the mirror.
266
00:09:35,016 --> 00:09:38,312
Well, broadsheet journalists
have described my impressions
267
00:09:38,409 --> 00:09:40,099
as stunningly accurate.
268
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,148
Well, they're wrong.
269
00:09:41,256 --> 00:09:42,664
I've not heard
your Michael Caine,
270
00:09:42,761 --> 00:09:44,616
but I assume it would be
something along the lines of:
271
00:09:44,713 --> 00:09:46,468
My name's Michael Caine.
272
00:09:46,568 --> 00:09:47,648
That is where you
are so wrong,
273
00:09:47,752 --> 00:09:49,246
and you can look
at my live video to prove...
274
00:09:49,352 --> 00:09:51,360
because that's the very thing
I don't do.
275
00:09:51,464 --> 00:09:52,708
I say that he used
to talk like that.
276
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,663
- Do your Michael Caine.
- Okay.
277
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,582
I say Michael Caine
used to talk like this
278
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:57,890
in the 1960s, right?
279
00:09:57,992 --> 00:10:00,676
But that has changed,
and I say that over the years...
280
00:10:00,776 --> 00:10:02,151
Michael's voice...
281
00:10:02,248 --> 00:10:03,493
has come down...
several octaves.
282
00:10:03,593 --> 00:10:04,575
Let me finish.
283
00:10:04,681 --> 00:10:06,437
And all of the cigars
284
00:10:06,537 --> 00:10:08,511
and the brandy don't...
let me finish...
285
00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:10,274
...can now be heard...
- Okay.
286
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:12,232
I've not fucking finished.
287
00:10:12,328 --> 00:10:13,441
In the back of the voice,
288
00:10:13,544 --> 00:10:14,472
...and the voice now...
- Okay.
289
00:10:14,568 --> 00:10:17,024
Will... I've still not finished.
290
00:10:17,129 --> 00:10:19,778
'Cause you're panicking.
You know I'm about to...
291
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,190
Because you look like
292
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,237
you're about to bloody talk!
293
00:10:22,344 --> 00:10:23,653
Let me finish.
294
00:10:23,752 --> 00:10:26,022
Right,
so Michael Caine's voice now,
295
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,436
in the Batman movies
and in Harry Brown...
296
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,511
I can't go fast,
because Michael Caine...
297
00:10:32,616 --> 00:10:38,280
talks... very... very... slowly.
298
00:10:38,377 --> 00:10:39,870
Right, this is how
Michael Caine speaks.
299
00:10:39,976 --> 00:10:42,911
Michael Caine
speaks to his nose like that.
300
00:10:43,016 --> 00:10:46,148
He gets very, very specific.
It's very like that.
301
00:10:46,249 --> 00:10:49,566
When it gets loudly,
it gets very loud indeed!
302
00:10:49,673 --> 00:10:51,046
It gets very specific.
303
00:10:51,144 --> 00:10:52,388
It's not quite nasal enough
304
00:10:52,488 --> 00:10:53,732
the way you're doing it,
all right?
305
00:10:53,833 --> 00:10:56,353
You're not doing it
the way he speaks!
306
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,464
You're not doing it
with the kind of...
307
00:10:58,569 --> 00:11:00,543
And you
don't do the broken voice
308
00:11:00,649 --> 00:11:01,858
when he gets very emotional,
309
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,619
when he gets
very emotional indeed.
310
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:07,234
She was only 16 years old.
She was only 16...
311
00:11:07,337 --> 00:11:10,119
You're only supposed to blow
the bloody doors off!
312
00:11:10,217 --> 00:11:11,679
That's Michael Caine.
313
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,168
Excuse me. Sorry.
314
00:11:19,274 --> 00:11:20,866
- Thank you very much.
- Was everything okay?
315
00:11:20,969 --> 00:11:22,147
Oh, it was very nice indeed,
yeah.
316
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:23,109
Quite tomato-y.
317
00:11:23,209 --> 00:11:26,023
- And soupy.
- Thank you.
318
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,583
Hotter than I was expecting.
319
00:11:27,689 --> 00:11:29,063
More heat in the chili sauce.
320
00:11:29,161 --> 00:11:31,812
There was a lot of heat
in my scallops.
321
00:11:31,913 --> 00:11:34,595
- My scallops were hot.
- There's a joke there.
322
00:11:34,696 --> 00:11:36,290
Plenty of heat
323
00:11:36,393 --> 00:11:38,116
in my scallops.
324
00:11:38,217 --> 00:11:39,078
Heat.
325
00:11:39,177 --> 00:11:41,763
Pacino. De Niro.
Michael Mann.
326
00:11:41,865 --> 00:11:43,239
What do you got?
327
00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:47,591
Four bodies in a morgue.
I'm out there every fucking day.
328
00:11:47,688 --> 00:11:49,118
Ugh.
329
00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:50,086
- Yeah? Heat.
- Yeah?
330
00:11:50,185 --> 00:11:52,553
A movie where De Niro
and Pacino
331
00:11:52,650 --> 00:11:54,144
are running
a celebrity magazine.
332
00:11:54,249 --> 00:11:55,394
What do you got?
333
00:11:55,498 --> 00:11:59,294
I need a photo exclusive
of Katie Price having a botox.
334
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,921
Ain't got it, Al.
We can't do it. We can't do it.
335
00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,269
It's not looking...
336
00:12:03,369 --> 00:12:05,192
What do you mean
it's not looking good?
337
00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:08,158
I got to have her
on the front page right now!
338
00:12:08,264 --> 00:12:10,207
Every day I'm there!
339
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,068
Hey, calm it down.
All right. Sorry.
340
00:12:14,153 --> 00:12:15,811
It's all right.
They don't mind. They love it.
341
00:12:15,914 --> 00:12:17,921
Yeah, well, not sure
about that, but anyway...
342
00:12:18,025 --> 00:12:19,367
Ever worked with Michael Mann?
343
00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:21,352
I don't work with
mainstream Hollywood directors.
344
00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:22,343
I work with auteurs.
345
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:23,651
Like in Rain Man?
346
00:12:23,753 --> 00:12:25,640
Oh, I'm an excellent director.
347
00:12:25,737 --> 00:12:26,665
I'm an excellent director.
348
00:12:26,762 --> 00:12:28,768
I directed the whole movie
in one go.
349
00:12:28,872 --> 00:12:30,050
No, that's autistic.
350
00:12:30,152 --> 00:12:31,135
I know that.
351
00:12:31,241 --> 00:12:32,767
I wonder...
that's autistic savant.
352
00:12:32,873 --> 00:12:35,143
Is there such a thing as
an autistic impressionist?
353
00:12:35,241 --> 00:12:36,354
'Cause if there is,
354
00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:39,523
I think that might be the key
to your condition.
355
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:41,991
Maybe you're right.
356
00:12:42,088 --> 00:12:47,272
I don't know, but I see a guy
with something stuck up his ass
357
00:12:47,370 --> 00:12:52,552
who's too uptight to let go.
358
00:12:52,649 --> 00:12:55,550
No, I like humor.
I like levity. I like brevity.
359
00:12:55,658 --> 00:12:56,606
I just like to...
360
00:12:56,713 --> 00:12:58,720
Gravity?
Where do you stand on that?
361
00:12:58,825 --> 00:13:01,475
Um, firmly.
On terra firma.
362
00:13:01,577 --> 00:13:04,447
You like
levity, brevity, and gravity.
363
00:13:04,553 --> 00:13:06,080
It's great to meet you.
364
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,200
It's terrific to meet you.
365
00:13:07,304 --> 00:13:08,799
I got to tell you,
you're a terrific actor.
366
00:13:08,906 --> 00:13:09,800
I like your work.
367
00:13:09,897 --> 00:13:11,490
I caught your work
the other day.
368
00:13:11,594 --> 00:13:14,212
I was watching the television
in my room, and I said,
369
00:13:14,313 --> 00:13:15,655
"Who is this guy?
370
00:13:15,752 --> 00:13:17,728
"He's not as tall as Coogan,
but he's better.
371
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:19,655
I like him a lot."
372
00:13:19,753 --> 00:13:24,008
Do you find
as you get older...
373
00:13:24,105 --> 00:13:26,440
food gets stuck
in your teeth more?
374
00:13:26,537 --> 00:13:27,814
Oh, yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah.
375
00:13:27,913 --> 00:13:29,889
- More readily?
- You know why that is?
376
00:13:29,993 --> 00:13:32,676
- Why?
- Receding gums.
377
00:13:34,153 --> 00:13:38,212
Revealing the crack, the gap,
between the tooth and the gum.
378
00:13:38,314 --> 00:13:40,069
As you... look, look.
Look how much... look.
379
00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:44,103
What are you showing me?
380
00:13:44,201 --> 00:13:45,956
My gums.
381
00:13:48,585 --> 00:13:51,684
Those look all right,
you know.
382
00:13:51,785 --> 00:13:54,568
Can you see them receding?
383
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:55,843
- Mm, yes. Yeah.
- Yeah?
384
00:13:55,945 --> 00:14:00,037
Well, that is a honey trap
for morsels of food.
385
00:14:00,138 --> 00:14:01,381
That is an open invitation.
386
00:14:01,481 --> 00:14:04,515
A bit of food sees that,
he goes running towards it.
387
00:14:04,618 --> 00:14:06,242
It's not good
if you're on a date.
388
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,556
You still go on dates, do you?
389
00:14:07,657 --> 00:14:09,064
Yeah, if I want to pick my...
what I do is,
390
00:14:09,161 --> 00:14:10,109
I normally go to the toilet.
391
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:11,494
I take a toothpick,
go to the toilet,
392
00:14:11,594 --> 00:14:13,120
and just get every little bit
out of my teeth,
393
00:14:13,226 --> 00:14:15,398
or I try to avoid foods that get
lodged in your teeth, 'cause...
394
00:14:15,498 --> 00:14:16,578
Really?
395
00:14:16,682 --> 00:14:18,175
You don't want to try
and go and kiss a girl
396
00:14:18,281 --> 00:14:20,387
with a big lump of chicken stuck
inside of one of your molars.
397
00:14:20,489 --> 00:14:23,009
See that strikes me as odd,
that a man at our age
398
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:25,699
would be thinking
about trying to kiss girls.
399
00:14:25,802 --> 00:14:27,460
- Hi, sorry.
- Hello.
400
00:14:27,561 --> 00:14:29,449
It's your lucky day.
401
00:14:29,545 --> 00:14:31,203
- Why?
- We've had a cancellation.
402
00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:32,615
You don't have
to share a bed tonight.
403
00:14:32,714 --> 00:14:34,023
I'll drink to that.
404
00:14:34,121 --> 00:14:38,213
Shall I leave you in room 15
and move Mr. Brydon into 7, or...
405
00:14:38,314 --> 00:14:39,741
Which is the better room?
406
00:14:39,849 --> 00:14:42,883
7 is a bit bigger,
but I prefer 15.
407
00:14:42,985 --> 00:14:44,196
Maybe you want to see it?
408
00:14:44,297 --> 00:14:46,534
Um... yes, I think I would.
409
00:14:46,634 --> 00:14:47,976
Do you mind excusing me?
410
00:14:48,073 --> 00:14:50,015
I could come as well
if you want.
411
00:14:50,121 --> 00:14:51,430
Nah.
412
00:14:56,649 --> 00:14:57,544
Yeah, it's open.
413
00:15:02,153 --> 00:15:03,647
- Sorry.
- Okay.
414
00:15:03,754 --> 00:15:06,885
Okay, so this is
room number 7.
415
00:15:06,986 --> 00:15:08,131
That's nice, yeah.
416
00:15:08,234 --> 00:15:09,826
Beautiful room.
417
00:15:09,929 --> 00:15:12,001
- Nice view.
- Yeah?
418
00:15:12,105 --> 00:15:14,407
I find the view
is very important.
419
00:15:14,506 --> 00:15:16,164
You can't go wrong
around this area.
420
00:15:16,265 --> 00:15:17,727
Everything's beautiful.
421
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,557
It is. I know.
It's true.
422
00:15:22,345 --> 00:15:23,426
It's pretty high, isn't it?
423
00:15:23,529 --> 00:15:24,958
It reminds me
of The Princess and the Pea.
424
00:15:25,065 --> 00:15:26,080
Do you know that?
425
00:15:26,185 --> 00:15:27,560
- Yes, I do.
- Hans Christian Andersen.
426
00:15:27,658 --> 00:15:29,218
Do you have...
Do you know him in Poland?
427
00:15:29,322 --> 00:15:31,941
Of course.
Of course we read.
428
00:15:32,042 --> 00:15:33,568
Yeah, no, we do read.
429
00:15:33,673 --> 00:15:35,235
Right. Okay.
Where is he from?
430
00:15:35,338 --> 00:15:37,672
- Um... Denmark.
- Denmark. That's right. Yes.
431
00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:39,296
Denmark. Yeah.
I don't like the Danish.
432
00:15:39,402 --> 00:15:41,158
No, it's like that, isn't it?
433
00:15:41,257 --> 00:15:42,185
No, it's like that.
434
00:15:42,282 --> 00:15:44,136
Through the nose.
Through the nose.
435
00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,339
Michael Caine's voice
is through the nose.
436
00:15:46,441 --> 00:15:48,231
So how long
have you worked here?
437
00:15:48,329 --> 00:15:50,020
- Long?
- Almost a year.
438
00:15:50,122 --> 00:15:51,496
Right. Okay.
439
00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:53,220
So you and Rob,
do you work a lot together or...
440
00:15:53,323 --> 00:15:54,184
Very rarely.
441
00:15:54,282 --> 00:15:55,394
If I can avoid it.
442
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:57,440
I mean, you seem
to know each other quite well.
443
00:15:57,546 --> 00:15:59,618
It's all right, but the
relationship's purely platonic.
444
00:15:59,721 --> 00:16:01,282
So what should we do?
445
00:16:01,386 --> 00:16:03,174
Well, which is the one
you liked?
446
00:16:03,274 --> 00:16:04,649
15.
Yeah, I prefer 15.
447
00:16:04,747 --> 00:16:05,924
I think we should
go with that.
448
00:16:06,025 --> 00:16:07,880
Do they accommodate you here,
or do you have, like...
449
00:16:07,977 --> 00:16:10,629
There are cottages for
the staff at the main house,
450
00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:12,290
so yes, I live nearby.
451
00:16:12,393 --> 00:16:13,255
Well, that's handy.
452
00:16:13,354 --> 00:16:15,045
I'm very nearby, yeah.
453
00:16:15,146 --> 00:16:16,552
Hi, is that Greg?
454
00:16:16,649 --> 00:16:17,511
It is, yes.
455
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:18,471
- Hey.
- Hey, how are you?
456
00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:19,431
Very good.
457
00:16:19,529 --> 00:16:21,253
You emailed me,
asked me to call.
458
00:16:21,353 --> 00:16:22,947
Can you hear me, Greg?
459
00:16:24,490 --> 00:16:25,603
No, I can't...
460
00:16:25,707 --> 00:16:28,771
Can you hear me now?
Can you hear me now?
461
00:16:28,873 --> 00:16:30,335
Yes, yes.
I can hear you.
462
00:16:30,442 --> 00:16:31,554
Okay, I'll stay here.
463
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,446
Right, Doctor Who
are very keen again.
464
00:16:33,546 --> 00:16:36,612
Doctor Who?
What, is it the baddie?
465
00:16:36,714 --> 00:16:37,641
Yep.
466
00:16:37,738 --> 00:16:39,265
I don't want to do British TV.
467
00:16:39,369 --> 00:16:40,831
Well, I mean,
all you need is...
468
00:16:40,937 --> 00:16:42,213
you just need one film, Steve,
469
00:16:42,313 --> 00:16:43,175
and that will propel you.
470
00:16:43,274 --> 00:16:44,932
I've done ten.
471
00:16:45,034 --> 00:16:46,211
You need the right film.
472
00:16:46,314 --> 00:16:48,289
You see, you've got
a huge amount of momentum
473
00:16:48,395 --> 00:16:49,571
behind you.
474
00:16:49,673 --> 00:16:51,561
Yeah, you get momentum
when you're going downhill.
475
00:16:51,658 --> 00:16:53,087
Well, yes, but...
476
00:16:53,194 --> 00:16:55,333
I want to be in films,
477
00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:56,328
good films.
478
00:16:56,426 --> 00:16:58,433
Where exactly are you
at the moment?
479
00:16:58,538 --> 00:17:01,156
I'm in the Trough of Bowland.
480
00:17:01,257 --> 00:17:04,673
Rather appropriately, Greg,
I'm in a trough,
481
00:17:04,778 --> 00:17:06,338
literally and metaphorically.
482
00:17:06,441 --> 00:17:08,711
Yeah, is Mischa with you?
Is she enjoying it?
483
00:17:08,811 --> 00:17:13,382
Yes, she's...
yes, she's... yes, she is, yeah.
484
00:17:59,914 --> 00:18:00,775
Hello?
485
00:18:00,874 --> 00:18:02,663
Hello?
486
00:18:02,763 --> 00:18:04,137
Hey, it's me!
487
00:18:04,235 --> 00:18:06,241
What time is it?
488
00:18:06,345 --> 00:18:11,202
It's, uh,
it's 12:00, your time.
489
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:14,089
Oh, shit.
I'm late.
490
00:18:14,186 --> 00:18:16,325
Oh, you just got up?
491
00:18:16,425 --> 00:18:18,116
Yeah, I hada really late night.
492
00:18:18,218 --> 00:18:20,968
I guess I got in at, like,3:00 or 4:00 maybe.
493
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,343
Where'd you go?
494
00:18:22,442 --> 00:18:26,435
I told you, I went to this,uh, magazine party,
495
00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:28,032
this magazine launch.
496
00:18:28,138 --> 00:18:29,153
I thought it'd
497
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:31,625
be a good place to go
and meet some people
498
00:18:31,723 --> 00:18:34,625
and pitch some of my ideas,
and it was really good.
499
00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:38,046
I met some amazing people,
and there's lots of interest.
500
00:18:38,153 --> 00:18:39,811
Yeah? Who'd you meet?
Who was interesting?
501
00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:43,231
I met the, um,the editor of Esquire,
502
00:18:43,338 --> 00:18:45,641
and he, uh,
503
00:18:45,738 --> 00:18:48,520
he's interested in the storyI did about the bikers
504
00:18:48,618 --> 00:18:49,992
when I went back home.
505
00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:51,683
Does he fancy you?
506
00:18:51,786 --> 00:18:53,096
God, you know what?
507
00:18:53,195 --> 00:18:54,820
That really pisses me off
when you do that
508
00:18:54,922 --> 00:18:56,776
like I've got nothing else
to offer.
509
00:18:56,875 --> 00:18:57,922
- I'm not saying...
- Whatever.
510
00:18:58,027 --> 00:18:59,106
Listen, listen, I've got to go.
511
00:18:59,210 --> 00:19:01,316
- Hey, listen...
- I'm gonna be late, okay?
512
00:19:01,418 --> 00:19:06,601
Okay.
Hey, uh, uh, well, I miss you.
513
00:19:06,698 --> 00:19:09,251
Yeah, I miss you too.
514
00:19:09,354 --> 00:19:11,776
Good.
515
00:19:11,882 --> 00:19:12,897
I got to go.
516
00:19:13,002 --> 00:19:15,392
Listen, well, let's just
speak later, okay?
517
00:19:15,498 --> 00:19:17,320
- Okay.
- Okay, bye.
518
00:19:17,418 --> 00:19:19,207
- Bye. Bye, baby.
- Bye.
519
00:19:52,075 --> 00:19:53,220
Bye.
520
00:19:54,857 --> 00:19:56,003
Bye.
521
00:20:06,410 --> 00:20:09,313
I thought we'd go up
to Dunsop Bridge,
522
00:20:09,419 --> 00:20:11,306
up through
the Trough of Bowland,
523
00:20:11,403 --> 00:20:14,534
through Abbeystead,
get on the M6 at junction 33,
524
00:20:14,635 --> 00:20:17,220
then off at junction 36
a bit further up,
525
00:20:17,323 --> 00:20:20,388
and that'll take us
almost all the way to Cartmel.
526
00:20:21,995 --> 00:20:27,875
Did you cement
Anglo-Polish relations?
527
00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:32,867
There was a summit
in my bedroom.
528
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:33,986
I won't go into detail,
529
00:20:34,091 --> 00:20:35,880
but there were more than talks
about talks.
530
00:20:35,978 --> 00:20:41,444
In fact, I'd go as far as to say
there was an historic accord.
531
00:20:41,546 --> 00:20:43,783
"What joy it was to be alive,
532
00:20:43,883 --> 00:20:45,922
but to be young
was very heaven."
533
00:20:46,028 --> 00:20:47,272
That's Wordsworth, I think,
534
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,475
going on about
the French Revolution.
535
00:20:49,578 --> 00:20:50,985
That was when he was younger,
536
00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:53,253
before he started going on
about daffodils.
537
00:20:58,474 --> 00:20:59,881
This is a wild and windy moor.
538
00:20:59,978 --> 00:21:00,839
It is.
539
00:21:00,938 --> 00:21:02,279
Misty moor, really,
but, you know...
540
00:21:02,378 --> 00:21:04,135
- Christy Moore.
- Christy Moore.
541
00:21:04,235 --> 00:21:06,089
Bobby Moore. Dudley Moore.
542
00:21:06,187 --> 00:21:07,781
Roger Moore.
Kenneth Moore.
543
00:21:07,883 --> 00:21:09,192
Dudley and Peter.
Peter and Dudley.
544
00:21:09,291 --> 00:21:10,238
Oh, God.
545
00:21:12,555 --> 00:21:16,200
both: # Out on the wild
and windy moor #
546
00:21:16,299 --> 00:21:20,293
# We'd roll and fall in green #
547
00:21:20,394 --> 00:21:24,453
# You had a temper
like my jealousy #
548
00:21:24,555 --> 00:21:27,937
# Too hard, too greedy #
549
00:21:32,074 --> 00:21:34,311
Hello.
550
00:21:34,411 --> 00:21:37,989
- Hi, it's me.
- Hi, how are you?
551
00:21:38,091 --> 00:21:39,236
Where are you?
552
00:21:39,338 --> 00:21:42,916
I'm... we're just
in the Trough of Bowland
553
00:21:43,019 --> 00:21:43,880
heading towards...
554
00:21:43,979 --> 00:21:45,157
- Cartmel.
- Cartmel.
555
00:21:45,259 --> 00:21:47,811
Can you...can you talk to Joe?
556
00:21:47,915 --> 00:21:48,995
What?
557
00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:51,335
He's gettinga bit out of hand.
558
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,507
He was drinking last night.
559
00:21:53,611 --> 00:21:54,887
Oh, Christ's sakes.
560
00:21:54,987 --> 00:21:57,256
I've had oneof his friend's parents call me
561
00:21:57,354 --> 00:21:59,144
concerned about his behaviorat their house,
562
00:21:59,242 --> 00:22:00,998
and he's been really illthis morning,
563
00:22:01,099 --> 00:22:03,107
and he won't go to school.
564
00:22:03,211 --> 00:22:04,072
Oh, Christ's sakes.
565
00:22:04,170 --> 00:22:05,447
So I need you to talk to him,
566
00:22:05,546 --> 00:22:07,303
because he just doesn't listento me at the moment.
567
00:22:07,403 --> 00:22:08,330
Okay, I will do that today.
568
00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:09,801
Can you do that today?
569
00:22:09,899 --> 00:22:12,169
Yeah. Yes.
I will do that today.
570
00:22:12,267 --> 00:22:13,674
- How's Mimi?
- Well, I've got to go.
571
00:22:13,771 --> 00:22:15,527
Oh, okay. All right.
Bye.
572
00:22:15,626 --> 00:22:16,488
Bye. Thanks.
573
00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:18,080
- Bye.
- Bye.
574
00:22:19,787 --> 00:22:23,530
Well,
it's none of my business,
575
00:22:23,628 --> 00:22:26,528
but I thought
she was very unreasonable.
576
00:22:26,634 --> 00:22:30,409
Catherine manages to put me
on the back foot from "hello."
577
00:22:30,507 --> 00:22:32,482
It's extraordinary skill.
578
00:22:37,802 --> 00:22:39,231
Do you like taster menus?
579
00:22:39,338 --> 00:22:40,583
- I'm not sure.
- I do.
580
00:22:40,683 --> 00:22:43,979
I think when they're good,
they're really good.
581
00:22:44,075 --> 00:22:46,628
And when it's not done well,
it's very frustrating.
582
00:22:58,347 --> 00:23:01,064
There we have some
little canapes to begin with
583
00:23:01,163 --> 00:23:04,709
with a duet of tapioca-based
crackers, spiced popcorn,
584
00:23:04,812 --> 00:23:07,495
and the lollipops are made
out of duck fat with peanuts.
585
00:23:07,596 --> 00:23:08,675
Thank you very much.
586
00:23:08,779 --> 00:23:11,048
Check on two covers,
lunch menu, please.
587
00:23:11,146 --> 00:23:14,147
That's a big piece of popcorn,
isn't it?
588
00:23:14,251 --> 00:23:15,200
It's very nice.
589
00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:21,512
I like that as well.
590
00:23:21,611 --> 00:23:23,782
Enormous green quaver.
591
00:23:23,883 --> 00:23:26,120
Duck fat lolly.
Well, why not?
592
00:23:26,219 --> 00:23:27,081
It's just like my comedy.
593
00:23:27,179 --> 00:23:28,389
It's, like... it's familiar...
594
00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:29,669
like, we all know
what a lolly is...
595
00:23:29,771 --> 00:23:31,494
but there's something
very different about it.
596
00:23:31,595 --> 00:23:32,871
And like lollipops,
597
00:23:32,970 --> 00:23:35,011
it's something that we enjoyed
a long time ago.
598
00:23:36,747 --> 00:23:37,729
Mm.
599
00:23:37,835 --> 00:23:40,683
To begin with, we have
a nice little appetizer.
600
00:23:40,780 --> 00:23:43,714
We've got the liqueur
made out of the mallow leaves
601
00:23:43,819 --> 00:23:46,372
topped with a fizz
which is made out of ginger beer
602
00:23:46,474 --> 00:23:48,777
with whiskey as well as chili.
603
00:23:48,876 --> 00:23:51,691
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
604
00:23:51,788 --> 00:23:52,997
That's nice.
It's like...
605
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:54,789
Tastes
of a childhood garden.
606
00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:57,258
Well, it's got a bit of
alcohol in it, so it tastes...
607
00:23:57,355 --> 00:24:00,323
Was there a lot of alcohol
in your garden as a child?
608
00:24:00,428 --> 00:24:01,475
I'm sorry, Rob.
609
00:24:04,779 --> 00:24:05,640
Everything's all right?
610
00:24:05,739 --> 00:24:07,714
It's lovely.
Delicious.
611
00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:09,129
Very different.
Very interesting.
612
00:24:09,228 --> 00:24:10,176
Yeah. Cheers.
613
00:24:12,460 --> 00:24:13,321
Mmm.
614
00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:15,207
It's got... it is a bit...
615
00:24:15,307 --> 00:24:16,169
I mean... I have to...
616
00:24:16,268 --> 00:24:19,017
the consistency is a bit like...
617
00:24:19,115 --> 00:24:22,115
is a bit like snot,
but it tastes great.
618
00:24:22,220 --> 00:24:23,746
They said it was delicious.
619
00:24:23,851 --> 00:24:26,120
What can I say?
620
00:24:26,219 --> 00:24:28,107
I can't get the image of snot
out of my head now.
621
00:24:29,292 --> 00:24:30,601
Every time I look at that,
I want to...
622
00:24:30,699 --> 00:24:31,747
That was lovely.
Really nice.
623
00:24:31,851 --> 00:24:33,226
Very nice indeed, yeah.
624
00:24:33,324 --> 00:24:34,502
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
625
00:24:34,604 --> 00:24:36,839
I use my tweezers for this.
626
00:24:42,955 --> 00:24:44,646
There we are, gentlemen.
627
00:24:44,747 --> 00:24:46,275
At the bottom
of those little sacks,
628
00:24:46,381 --> 00:24:49,281
you've got
some diced smoked hare
629
00:24:49,387 --> 00:24:52,005
as well as shredded radishes
630
00:24:52,107 --> 00:24:55,523
covered with a very smooth
duck foie gras mousse.
631
00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:56,741
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
632
00:24:56,843 --> 00:24:57,824
Thank you very much.
633
00:24:59,659 --> 00:25:01,220
Mmm.
That's fantastic.
634
00:25:09,995 --> 00:25:13,257
So your next course is what
we call the Humphrey's pool.
635
00:25:13,356 --> 00:25:16,902
It's a shellfish broth made
out of mussel, clams, cockles,
636
00:25:17,003 --> 00:25:18,530
which are cooked
in their own juices
637
00:25:18,635 --> 00:25:21,602
before to be garnished
with a shredded local seaweed.
638
00:25:21,707 --> 00:25:23,595
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
639
00:25:23,692 --> 00:25:26,408
I've never eaten
a shellfish broth before.
640
00:25:27,661 --> 00:25:29,733
He mentioned cooking
in their own juices.
641
00:25:29,836 --> 00:25:32,203
Imagine that, eh?
It's a lovely thought, isn't it?
642
00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:33,893
Being cooked in your own juice.
643
00:25:33,995 --> 00:25:35,271
I'll be honest,
644
00:25:35,371 --> 00:25:37,892
I don't think I could muster
more than a thimbleful.
645
00:25:41,739 --> 00:25:42,884
Then, of course,
with this one,
646
00:25:42,987 --> 00:25:44,776
you've got some
little Manx Queenies,
647
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:46,981
which are
baby queen scallops.
648
00:25:47,083 --> 00:25:49,801
They are resting
on grilled baby gem
649
00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:51,045
and parsnip coulis
650
00:25:51,148 --> 00:25:53,123
as well as a light,
creamy horseradish sauce.
651
00:25:53,228 --> 00:25:54,570
- Thank you.
- Lovely.
652
00:25:54,667 --> 00:25:57,351
Rather optimistic
to say they're resting.
653
00:25:57,452 --> 00:25:58,881
Their days of resting
have been and gone.
654
00:25:58,988 --> 00:25:59,937
They are dead.
655
00:26:05,388 --> 00:26:06,981
So what we'll have
at the base of the dish,
656
00:26:07,083 --> 00:26:10,978
we've got a goat cheese mousse
and a globe artichoke puree,
657
00:26:11,084 --> 00:26:12,196
and that is garnished
658
00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:14,274
with deep-fried
globe artichoke leaves
659
00:26:14,380 --> 00:26:16,997
as well as baby
Jerusalem artichoke.
660
00:26:17,099 --> 00:26:20,580
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
661
00:26:20,684 --> 00:26:23,368
Um... I don't like artichoke.
I should just say that.
662
00:26:28,780 --> 00:26:31,049
Drinking the wine makes me feel
quite sophisticated.
663
00:26:31,148 --> 00:26:33,515
A bit like, you know,
James Bond ordering a martini.
664
00:26:33,612 --> 00:26:35,553
I'd like a...
665
00:26:36,716 --> 00:26:40,426
Like a martini, shaken...
not stirred.
666
00:26:40,523 --> 00:26:43,142
I want it now.
667
00:26:43,245 --> 00:26:44,455
Don't make me wait.
668
00:26:44,557 --> 00:26:46,246
I'll have a vodka martini,
669
00:26:46,347 --> 00:26:47,395
shaken, but not stirred.
670
00:26:47,499 --> 00:26:48,928
I'll have a vodka martini,
671
00:26:49,036 --> 00:26:50,213
shaken, not stirred.
672
00:26:50,316 --> 00:26:52,139
- I'll have a vodka...
- I'll have a vodka...
673
00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:53,643
You look very worried.
674
00:26:53,740 --> 00:26:54,755
- So do you.
- No.
675
00:26:54,860 --> 00:26:56,235
You should
take a look at your face.
676
00:26:56,333 --> 00:26:58,568
I'll have a vodka
martini, shaken, not stirred.
677
00:26:58,667 --> 00:27:00,326
You look like
you're recovering from a stroke
678
00:27:00,428 --> 00:27:02,152
and learning how
to get mobility again.
679
00:27:02,251 --> 00:27:05,351
I'd like a vodka martini,
shaken, but not stirred.
680
00:27:05,452 --> 00:27:07,339
I can feel my legs.
It's a miracle.
681
00:27:07,436 --> 00:27:08,963
I'd like a vodka martini,
682
00:27:09,068 --> 00:27:10,530
shaken, but not stirred.
683
00:27:10,636 --> 00:27:12,644
I'd like a vodka martini,
684
00:27:12,748 --> 00:27:15,530
shaken, not stirred.
685
00:27:15,628 --> 00:27:18,214
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
686
00:27:18,317 --> 00:27:20,170
You derive just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.
687
00:27:20,267 --> 00:27:21,675
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
688
00:27:21,772 --> 00:27:23,495
you get just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.
689
00:27:23,596 --> 00:27:24,643
- I'm saying that bit.
- I know.
690
00:27:24,747 --> 00:27:26,275
When you say it,
just don't caricature it.
691
00:27:26,380 --> 00:27:27,274
Try and do it real.
692
00:27:27,372 --> 00:27:28,746
Come, come, Mr. Bond.
693
00:27:28,844 --> 00:27:30,021
Shut up.
Don't tell me how to act.
694
00:27:30,124 --> 00:27:31,269
- Well, I bloody should do.
- Why?
695
00:27:31,371 --> 00:27:32,778
Because sometimes
you tend to sort of,
696
00:27:32,875 --> 00:27:33,858
you know, crank it up a bit.
697
00:27:33,964 --> 00:27:36,964
Yeah, whereas you
are widely regarded
698
00:27:37,067 --> 00:27:38,726
as the king of understatement.
699
00:27:38,829 --> 00:27:40,073
All right,
I would do it like this.
700
00:27:40,172 --> 00:27:41,545
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
701
00:27:41,643 --> 00:27:42,789
you get just as much of...
702
00:27:42,892 --> 00:27:44,801
- Try and get the lines right.
- All right. I know.
703
00:27:44,907 --> 00:27:48,836
As a rule, it's more effective
if you don't fluff the line.
704
00:27:48,940 --> 00:27:50,795
I'll deliver it with
a nice bit of understatement.
705
00:27:50,893 --> 00:27:52,266
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
706
00:27:52,364 --> 00:27:54,087
you get just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.
707
00:27:54,188 --> 00:27:55,814
- That was the worst...
- Okay. All right.
708
00:27:55,916 --> 00:27:57,028
This is it.
This is it.
709
00:27:57,132 --> 00:27:58,506
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
710
00:27:58,604 --> 00:28:00,328
you get just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.
711
00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:01,835
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
712
00:28:01,932 --> 00:28:05,314
you get just as much pleasure
from killing as I do.
713
00:28:05,419 --> 00:28:06,946
Fucking yeah.
714
00:28:07,052 --> 00:28:09,157
No, you went up at the end
like you watch Australian soaps.
715
00:28:09,260 --> 00:28:10,405
Yes, did you see I did
on my face?
716
00:28:10,508 --> 00:28:11,916
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
717
00:28:12,013 --> 00:28:13,539
you get
just as much pleasure
718
00:28:13,643 --> 00:28:14,625
from killing as I do?
719
00:28:14,731 --> 00:28:16,139
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
720
00:28:16,236 --> 00:28:17,829
you derive just as much pleasure
from killing
721
00:28:17,932 --> 00:28:19,209
as I do.
722
00:28:19,307 --> 00:28:21,283
When I kill,
I kill for queen and country,
723
00:28:21,388 --> 00:28:22,915
though I admit, killing you...
724
00:28:25,004 --> 00:28:27,971
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
you derive just as much...
725
00:28:29,676 --> 00:28:31,945
Sorry, you derive just as much
726
00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:34,565
pleasure
from killing as I do.
727
00:28:34,668 --> 00:28:37,123
Hello?
728
00:28:37,228 --> 00:28:38,177
Hi.
729
00:28:38,284 --> 00:28:39,975
- Hey.
- Hey.
730
00:28:40,075 --> 00:28:41,221
It's me.
731
00:28:41,325 --> 00:28:42,601
Hey, how's it going?
732
00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:45,319
It's great. It's great.
I mean, yeah... yeah.
733
00:28:45,421 --> 00:28:46,281
Where are you now?
734
00:28:46,380 --> 00:28:47,362
I'm in L'enclume.
735
00:28:47,468 --> 00:28:48,645
No way.
736
00:28:48,748 --> 00:28:52,261
Yeah, I'm atthe fancy-schmancy restaurant.
737
00:28:52,364 --> 00:28:53,794
Oh, I really wanted
to go there.
738
00:28:53,901 --> 00:28:56,006
What's happening
with that editing thing,
739
00:28:56,108 --> 00:28:57,963
the job with the guy,
you know, and the...
740
00:28:58,060 --> 00:28:59,554
It's going really well,
I think.
741
00:28:59,660 --> 00:29:01,635
They gave me an assignment
in Las Vegas.
742
00:29:01,741 --> 00:29:05,286
Las Vegas?
What are you going there for?
743
00:29:05,388 --> 00:29:06,599
For work.I just told you.
744
00:29:06,701 --> 00:29:08,488
To do... what are you
gonna write about?
745
00:29:08,588 --> 00:29:11,687
I'm gonna go dothis really interesting piece
746
00:29:11,789 --> 00:29:13,730
on prostitutes in Vegas,
747
00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:17,317
that kind of, like, good girlsgone bad Vegas style story.
748
00:29:17,420 --> 00:29:19,275
Well, what if you become
a good girl gone bad?
749
00:29:19,373 --> 00:29:21,030
Oh, Jesus, Steve.
750
00:29:21,132 --> 00:29:23,020
What, do you thinkI'm gonna go to Las Vegas
751
00:29:23,117 --> 00:29:25,353
and become a prostitute?
752
00:29:29,739 --> 00:29:30,600
beep!
753
00:29:30,699 --> 00:29:32,456
Hey, Joe, it's dad.
754
00:29:32,557 --> 00:29:36,234
Just wanted to have a chat,
you know, see what's happening.
755
00:29:36,333 --> 00:29:39,332
So give me a call when you can,
right?
756
00:29:39,437 --> 00:29:41,346
Love you. Bye.
757
00:29:43,691 --> 00:29:45,765
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, fine.
758
00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:47,428
Yeah? All good?
Chloe okay?
759
00:29:51,115 --> 00:29:52,009
Hello?
760
00:29:52,109 --> 00:29:55,589
It's Steve Coogan. Hey.
761
00:29:55,692 --> 00:29:57,733
Ha-ha. Hey, Matt.
How you doing?
762
00:29:57,836 --> 00:29:59,014
I'm doing good, man.
How are you?
763
00:29:59,116 --> 00:30:00,327
Good. Good.
Yeah, great.
764
00:30:00,428 --> 00:30:02,184
Would you be up
for a bit of...
765
00:30:02,284 --> 00:30:03,396
a bit of phone sex?
766
00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:05,573
Ah, I might be.Hmm. Yeah.
767
00:30:05,676 --> 00:30:07,302
Could I... could I... could I...
768
00:30:07,404 --> 00:30:10,252
could I interest you in some
rather salacious sort of...
769
00:30:10,349 --> 00:30:12,617
If I sort of do this Hugh Grant,
might that sort of...
770
00:30:12,716 --> 00:30:15,848
get you,
as it were, going, if I...
771
00:30:15,948 --> 00:30:18,982
He doesn't do it for me.
772
00:30:19,085 --> 00:30:21,606
You know, it's likeI keep telling you,
773
00:30:21,709 --> 00:30:23,683
it's like the tortoise
and the hare, all right?
774
00:30:23,788 --> 00:30:25,697
What, so I'm a tortoise?
775
00:30:25,805 --> 00:30:26,666
Great.
776
00:30:26,765 --> 00:30:27,844
Speaking of boiled eggs,
777
00:30:27,948 --> 00:30:29,857
I'm not wearing
any pajama bottoms.
778
00:30:29,965 --> 00:30:32,485
Ah, you saucy boy.
779
00:30:32,589 --> 00:30:34,694
Don't say "ah."
780
00:30:34,797 --> 00:30:36,040
You should say "ooh."
781
00:30:36,140 --> 00:30:37,067
Fwah.
782
00:30:37,164 --> 00:30:38,790
Yeah, "fwah."
Thank you.
783
00:30:38,893 --> 00:30:40,137
Someone overheard
Nick Stevens
784
00:30:40,236 --> 00:30:42,855
at an Endeavor meeting,
and someone brought my name up,
785
00:30:42,957 --> 00:30:44,899
and he said, " I wish
I'd gotten hold of Steve Coogan
786
00:30:45,005 --> 00:30:46,248
when he was 35."
787
00:30:46,348 --> 00:30:48,999
I mean, I was...
788
00:30:49,101 --> 00:30:51,949
I thought, " Crikey, is that it?
Is it game over?"
789
00:30:52,044 --> 00:30:53,866
I mean, I'm 41.
790
00:30:53,964 --> 00:30:55,077
You're not 41.
791
00:30:55,181 --> 00:30:56,903
I'm not. No.
I'm 44.
792
00:30:57,004 --> 00:30:58,116
I've been 41 for three years.
793
00:30:58,220 --> 00:30:59,944
I've been telling people
I'm 41 for three years.
794
00:31:00,045 --> 00:31:03,558
You get yourself off
to Noddington,
795
00:31:03,662 --> 00:31:08,483
and I shall bed down here
with a rock as my pillow,
796
00:31:08,589 --> 00:31:10,759
the stars as my canopy,
797
00:31:10,860 --> 00:31:15,203
and this local barmaid
as my duvet.
798
00:31:17,261 --> 00:31:18,470
I like the way
you laugh at that
799
00:31:18,572 --> 00:31:19,946
like it's not a possibility.
800
00:31:20,044 --> 00:31:21,637
I know it's not gonna happen.
801
00:31:21,741 --> 00:31:23,148
What do you mean
it's not gonna happen?
802
00:31:23,244 --> 00:31:24,422
Well, I mean, it could.
803
00:31:24,526 --> 00:31:25,932
I pulled you.
804
00:31:26,029 --> 00:31:27,305
It's a good time for you,you know?
805
00:31:27,405 --> 00:31:28,648
It's a good timeto be Steve Coogan.
806
00:31:28,749 --> 00:31:30,025
Okay, good.
That all sounds great.
807
00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:31,553
- This is your year.
- I hope so.
808
00:31:31,660 --> 00:31:33,483
I can't do anythingwhen you're stuck over there,
809
00:31:33,581 --> 00:31:34,442
all right?
810
00:31:34,540 --> 00:31:35,751
So get your ass back here.
811
00:31:35,852 --> 00:31:37,609
Okay, we'll do that.
Thanks for the call then.
812
00:31:37,710 --> 00:31:40,578
- Ciao.
- Okay, bye.
813
00:31:55,629 --> 00:31:56,490
It's incredible.
814
00:31:56,589 --> 00:31:58,280
Everybody wants
to work with you.
815
00:31:58,382 --> 00:32:01,414
I get a call from P.T. Anderson.
I get a call from Wes Anderson.
816
00:32:01,516 --> 00:32:05,161
Noah Baumbach, Todd Haynes,
Alexander Payne, all of them.
817
00:32:05,260 --> 00:32:06,154
They're all auteurs.
818
00:32:06,253 --> 00:32:07,497
Yeah,
and they're all geniuses,
819
00:32:07,597 --> 00:32:08,971
and they want to work
with the genius.
820
00:32:09,069 --> 00:32:10,694
I want to do
mainstream movies.
821
00:32:10,798 --> 00:32:13,611
Well, the Farrelly brothers
want to work with you, okay?
822
00:32:13,708 --> 00:32:15,116
The Scotts, Tony and Ridley,
823
00:32:15,213 --> 00:32:16,358
they want to do
a movie together.
824
00:32:16,461 --> 00:32:17,803
Never done that before.
825
00:32:17,900 --> 00:32:20,006
They want to do a thing with you
where it's, like, the future,
826
00:32:20,110 --> 00:32:21,703
but it's 500 years in the past,
827
00:32:21,805 --> 00:32:23,266
and you're, like,
some guy who's, like,
828
00:32:23,373 --> 00:32:24,234
a warrior that came...
829
00:32:24,333 --> 00:32:25,260
I don't even know what it is,
830
00:32:25,357 --> 00:32:27,015
but they want
to do it with you, okay?
831
00:32:27,117 --> 00:32:28,328
It's incredible.
832
00:32:28,429 --> 00:32:30,120
Coens, calling up.
833
00:32:30,221 --> 00:32:32,294
Wachowskis, both of them
want to work with you.
834
00:32:32,397 --> 00:32:34,436
All the brothers, my man.
835
00:32:34,540 --> 00:32:36,908
All the brothers
want a piece of Coogs.
836
00:32:37,005 --> 00:32:39,077
It's like...
I can't believe it's happening.
837
00:32:39,181 --> 00:32:41,069
Well, Steve, guess what.
838
00:32:41,166 --> 00:32:43,587
Wake up.
Smell the coffee, all right?
839
00:32:43,693 --> 00:32:45,286
The dream is happening
right now.
840
00:32:45,389 --> 00:32:46,883
You're living the dream, Steve.
841
00:32:47,949 --> 00:32:48,811
It's all a dream.
842
00:32:48,910 --> 00:32:52,258
Come back.
Wait, come back.
843
00:32:52,365 --> 00:32:55,528
Can't. I got a thing.
But...
844
00:32:55,629 --> 00:32:58,313
I don't think I'll talk to you
later, but at some point, okay?
845
00:33:12,269 --> 00:33:14,179
So I thought we'd take the B5278
846
00:33:14,285 --> 00:33:16,195
along the west bank
of Windermere.
847
00:33:16,301 --> 00:33:17,510
Then when we get to Rydal,
848
00:33:17,612 --> 00:33:20,296
we're gonna take the A591
up to Keswick.
849
00:33:20,396 --> 00:33:23,496
I've printed out
some reviews...
850
00:33:23,597 --> 00:33:24,742
Oh, great.
Oh, that's good.
851
00:33:24,845 --> 00:33:27,660
For L'enclume, and basically,
with L'enclume,
852
00:33:27,758 --> 00:33:28,902
you can say whatever you want,
853
00:33:29,005 --> 00:33:32,518
because it goes from
the terrible to the wonderful.
854
00:33:32,621 --> 00:33:34,956
Victor Lewis-Smith.
855
00:33:35,053 --> 00:33:38,119
"Never mind all the talk
of inventiveness and variety,
856
00:33:38,222 --> 00:33:40,676
"the result was as formulaic
as McDonald's
857
00:33:40,781 --> 00:33:43,684
"with the same splatter
of Technicolor bird shit
858
00:33:43,789 --> 00:33:45,065
on every plate."
859
00:33:45,165 --> 00:33:46,823
- Then...
- That's a bit unkind.
860
00:33:46,925 --> 00:33:49,773
Giles Coren in The Times.
861
00:33:49,869 --> 00:33:52,869
"Love is not strong enough
to describe what I felt
862
00:33:52,973 --> 00:33:54,380
"about L'enclume in Cartmel.
863
00:33:54,477 --> 00:33:57,412
"I am breathless
with admiration, respect,
864
00:33:57,518 --> 00:34:00,998
"and awe for the skill,
imagination, and restraint
865
00:34:01,101 --> 00:34:03,916
"of the 20-odd plates
of Simon Rogan's food
866
00:34:04,012 --> 00:34:06,250
that I ate in my two visits."
867
00:34:06,349 --> 00:34:07,658
2/3 of the way through that,
868
00:34:07,757 --> 00:34:09,765
you were thinking of doing
Anthony Hopkins, weren't you?
869
00:34:09,869 --> 00:34:11,047
- Yes.
- Yeah, I heard it.
870
00:34:11,150 --> 00:34:12,808
- I heard it in your voice.
- Are you glad I didn't?
871
00:34:12,909 --> 00:34:15,243
I am glad you didn't.
I admire your restraint.
872
00:34:15,341 --> 00:34:16,803
" I was dazzled,
873
00:34:16,910 --> 00:34:19,975
"blown away by the originality,
integrity, and extravagance.
874
00:34:20,077 --> 00:34:22,924
"I found it the best restaurant
experience over the years.
875
00:34:23,021 --> 00:34:25,443
Love is not strong enough to
describe what I felt about it!"
876
00:34:25,550 --> 00:34:26,760
Please, Christ.
877
00:34:26,861 --> 00:34:28,771
Restaurant I would easily
promise to honor and obey!
878
00:34:28,877 --> 00:34:30,122
I will honor you, sir!
879
00:34:30,221 --> 00:34:31,650
I will honor you
and the restaurant, sir!
880
00:34:31,758 --> 00:34:35,499
No, sir! No, sir!
I shall not, ah!
881
00:34:35,597 --> 00:34:37,604
I'm breathless
with admiration and respect...
882
00:34:37,709 --> 00:34:39,084
All right. All right.
Jesus Christ.
883
00:34:39,181 --> 00:34:40,610
It's so early,
shouting like that.
884
00:34:40,718 --> 00:34:43,685
It's really horrible.
It's really unpleasant.
885
00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:45,316
Well, he is when he does that,
isn't he?
886
00:34:45,421 --> 00:34:48,171
I know. I know.
He is, and by default, you are.
887
00:34:48,269 --> 00:34:51,117
Well, yeah,
because I inhabit the role, sir.
888
00:34:51,214 --> 00:34:53,188
I'm not a turn, am I?
I inhabit the role.
889
00:34:53,294 --> 00:34:54,723
Yeah, no,
you're a real method actor.
890
00:34:54,830 --> 00:34:55,843
Yeah.
891
00:34:55,949 --> 00:34:57,378
You're right up there
with Pacino and...
892
00:34:57,485 --> 00:34:58,980
Oh, Christ,
I better be careful what I say.
893
00:34:59,086 --> 00:35:00,230
What do you got?
894
00:35:00,333 --> 00:35:05,735
Hello, hello,
there's method in my madness.
895
00:35:17,773 --> 00:35:19,365
Why are we self-catering?
896
00:35:19,469 --> 00:35:23,015
We thought we would go
and stay the night at Greta Hall
897
00:35:23,118 --> 00:35:25,835
when Mischa was gonna come
with me originally,
898
00:35:25,934 --> 00:35:28,203
because we thought
we could make love in the bed
899
00:35:28,302 --> 00:35:32,426
that Coleridge slept in
and made love in
900
00:35:32,526 --> 00:35:37,348
and that it would lend
a poetic, romantic frisson
901
00:35:37,454 --> 00:35:39,787
to our congress.
902
00:35:39,885 --> 00:35:42,701
Still be romantic,
just the two of us.
903
00:35:42,797 --> 00:35:44,936
- We can be chummy.
- Yeah, yeah, chummy.
904
00:35:45,038 --> 00:35:46,249
- Yeah.
- Chummy.
905
00:35:46,350 --> 00:35:47,463
Without the bum.
906
00:35:47,566 --> 00:35:50,151
- Bumless chums.
- Bumless chums.
907
00:35:52,397 --> 00:35:55,081
Coleridge left quite quickly
after he moved here,
908
00:35:55,182 --> 00:35:59,655
so Robert Southey had his wife
and Coleridge's wife
909
00:35:59,758 --> 00:36:03,467
and another Fricker sister
living here, plus the children,
910
00:36:03,565 --> 00:36:06,600
so he was the only man
looking after all these children
911
00:36:06,702 --> 00:36:08,807
and the wives as well.
912
00:36:08,910 --> 00:36:10,732
So he, you know, he had to...
913
00:36:10,830 --> 00:36:13,862
'Cause Coleridge was off
on his travels.
914
00:36:13,965 --> 00:36:15,591
Couldn't cope with
the domesticity of life.
915
00:36:15,694 --> 00:36:16,708
He found it very difficult.
916
00:36:16,814 --> 00:36:18,854
He found it very hard
to be creative.
917
00:36:18,958 --> 00:36:20,452
Yes, yes,
918
00:36:20,558 --> 00:36:22,215
there's bells ringing
all over the place here.
919
00:36:22,317 --> 00:36:23,845
He came back, though,
didn't he?
920
00:36:23,950 --> 00:36:25,892
Periodically, he would
come back and visit, uh-huh.
921
00:36:25,997 --> 00:36:27,275
Hmm.
922
00:36:27,374 --> 00:36:29,349
We don't think... well,
there isn't very much evidence
923
00:36:29,454 --> 00:36:30,883
that he actually had sent
any money back,
924
00:36:30,989 --> 00:36:32,267
which is a bit tricky.
925
00:36:32,366 --> 00:36:35,661
I'm very consistent
with my maintenance, Rob.
926
00:36:35,758 --> 00:36:37,351
Oh, no, you are.
I would never say anything.
927
00:36:37,453 --> 00:36:39,843
In case you wanted to draw
a parallel there.
928
00:36:39,950 --> 00:36:41,674
So this was Coleridge's study.
929
00:36:41,774 --> 00:36:42,635
Wow.
930
00:36:42,734 --> 00:36:44,076
And possibly his bedroom
as well.
931
00:36:44,173 --> 00:36:45,286
Hey.
932
00:36:45,389 --> 00:36:49,765
He would, like... probably had
opium in here maybe.
933
00:36:49,870 --> 00:36:51,048
Possibly laudanum,
934
00:36:51,149 --> 00:36:52,972
because that's what they
were taking at that time,
935
00:36:53,070 --> 00:36:55,044
initially as a painkiller,
but then perhaps he would...
936
00:36:55,149 --> 00:36:57,092
well, he did become
addicted to it.
937
00:37:06,349 --> 00:37:09,197
Oh, hey.
Look at that.
938
00:37:09,294 --> 00:37:10,155
See that?
939
00:37:10,254 --> 00:37:11,115
Beautiful.
940
00:37:11,214 --> 00:37:12,904
You can't paint that.
941
00:37:13,006 --> 00:37:14,152
Well...
942
00:37:14,254 --> 00:37:16,675
Well, you could,
but it'd be a bit rubbish.
943
00:37:16,781 --> 00:37:18,375
Probably sell it
for about 25 quid
944
00:37:18,477 --> 00:37:21,160
in one of the tourist shops
around here.
945
00:37:21,261 --> 00:37:23,815
Fuck.
946
00:37:23,918 --> 00:37:25,707
Why do you do that, eh?
Why?
947
00:37:25,806 --> 00:37:29,798
You know it's
physically impossible?
948
00:37:32,174 --> 00:37:34,476
My back.
949
00:37:36,047 --> 00:37:36,908
Are you ready to order?
950
00:37:37,006 --> 00:37:37,867
Yes, please.
951
00:37:37,965 --> 00:37:39,210
- Shall I go first?
- Yep.
952
00:37:39,310 --> 00:37:41,731
Could I have the scallops
to start, please?
953
00:37:41,837 --> 00:37:44,456
And then I'll have the pigeon
as the main course.
954
00:37:44,558 --> 00:37:46,948
I will have the rabbit,
please,
955
00:37:47,055 --> 00:37:48,299
followed by the lamb.
956
00:37:48,398 --> 00:37:49,477
Thank you.
957
00:37:49,582 --> 00:37:51,208
Nice image,
rabbit following a lamb.
958
00:37:52,014 --> 00:37:53,989
That's a bit weird.
Rob.
959
00:37:54,093 --> 00:37:55,075
A bit weird.
960
00:37:55,183 --> 00:37:57,157
Oh, yeah.
961
00:37:57,262 --> 00:37:58,789
Can we have a knife
for the butter, please,
962
00:37:58,894 --> 00:38:00,202
and a rolled-up �20 note
for the salt?
963
00:38:00,302 --> 00:38:01,579
Thank you.
964
00:38:01,677 --> 00:38:03,368
Gentlemen, your wines.
965
00:38:03,469 --> 00:38:06,765
The Cheverny
and the Chablis Premier Cru.
966
00:38:06,862 --> 00:38:09,252
Ah, marvelous.
967
00:38:09,358 --> 00:38:10,307
Premier Cru.
968
00:38:10,414 --> 00:38:11,558
I know that that means
it's good.
969
00:38:11,661 --> 00:38:12,524
Premier Cru.
970
00:38:12,622 --> 00:38:14,509
Premier, first, the best.
971
00:38:14,605 --> 00:38:17,802
Cru?
972
00:38:17,902 --> 00:38:18,763
Don't know.
973
00:38:20,495 --> 00:38:22,534
Mystery. Mystery.
But that's good.
974
00:38:22,638 --> 00:38:24,263
It's good to have mystery
about these things.
975
00:38:24,365 --> 00:38:28,195
It's a premier. That's good.
It's the first of something.
976
00:38:28,301 --> 00:38:31,466
Okay, service.
Table six, scallops.
977
00:38:31,567 --> 00:38:33,574
Lovely.
978
00:38:33,678 --> 00:38:35,139
This is Hazlett on Coleridge.
979
00:38:35,246 --> 00:38:40,461
"All that he had done of moment
he had done 20 years ago.
980
00:38:40,558 --> 00:38:42,250
"Since then, he maybe is said
981
00:38:42,350 --> 00:38:44,259
"to live on the sound
of his own voice.
982
00:38:44,365 --> 00:38:46,122
He is a general lover
of art and science."
983
00:38:46,223 --> 00:38:47,150
That's true.
984
00:38:47,246 --> 00:38:48,772
"And wedded to no one
in particular."
985
00:38:48,878 --> 00:38:51,726
Okay, it's about me.
I didn't realize, but carry on.
986
00:38:51,823 --> 00:38:53,732
" He pursues knowledge
as a mistress."
987
00:38:53,838 --> 00:38:55,082
Okay.
988
00:38:55,182 --> 00:38:57,254
" It was not to be supposed
that Mr. Coleridge could keep on
989
00:38:57,357 --> 00:38:58,471
"at the rate he set off.
990
00:38:58,574 --> 00:38:59,556
"A-ha.
991
00:38:59,663 --> 00:39:01,124
He could not realize all"...
992
00:39:01,230 --> 00:39:02,375
Is that written down?
993
00:39:02,479 --> 00:39:04,682
" And less could not fix
his desultory ambition.
994
00:39:04,781 --> 00:39:08,611
Other stimulants
supplied the place"...
995
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:10,540
Careful, you were going
to Jimmy Saville then,
996
00:39:10,638 --> 00:39:11,981
but I'll let it go.
997
00:39:12,079 --> 00:39:16,355
" Other stimulants supplied
the place and kept up
998
00:39:16,462 --> 00:39:19,496
"the intoxicating dream,
the fever, and the madness
999
00:39:19,598 --> 00:39:22,315
of his early impressions."
1000
00:39:22,414 --> 00:39:24,651
Right.
I don't do impressions.
1001
00:39:24,751 --> 00:39:28,362
I'm saying that it can be hard
to have a big success.
1002
00:39:28,462 --> 00:39:32,260
Bob Balaban said, " Never be hot.
Always be warm."
1003
00:39:32,366 --> 00:39:34,668
And a lot of the people that are
thought of as great had...
1004
00:39:35,790 --> 00:39:36,904
supernova moments.
1005
00:39:37,007 --> 00:39:38,216
Where do you go from there?
1006
00:39:38,318 --> 00:39:40,904
Well, it's difficult,
you know,
1007
00:39:41,006 --> 00:39:43,624
once you've achieved greatness,
to match that.
1008
00:39:43,726 --> 00:39:44,621
I imagine it is.
1009
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,020
Yeah,
and you'll always imagine,
1010
00:39:47,119 --> 00:39:48,362
because it's not a problem
1011
00:39:48,461 --> 00:39:49,640
you'll ever have
to contend with.
1012
00:39:49,743 --> 00:39:51,237
But that's not
a problem for me, why?
1013
00:39:51,342 --> 00:39:52,749
I'd rather be me than you,
1014
00:39:52,847 --> 00:39:56,359
because I'd rather have
these moments of genius
1015
00:39:56,463 --> 00:40:02,126
than a lifetime of mediocrity.
1016
00:40:02,223 --> 00:40:04,611
My career is not mediocre.
1017
00:40:04,718 --> 00:40:07,948
Doesn't matter
about the thyme.
1018
00:40:08,046 --> 00:40:09,224
- Scallops.
- Thank you very much.
1019
00:40:09,326 --> 00:40:11,236
Thank you.
1020
00:40:11,342 --> 00:40:12,771
Golly. Thank you.
1021
00:40:14,639 --> 00:40:15,816
I always think of Coleridge
1022
00:40:15,919 --> 00:40:17,926
as sort of a Richard Burton
type character.
1023
00:40:18,031 --> 00:40:20,845
In Xanadu did Kubla Kahn
1024
00:40:20,942 --> 00:40:23,081
a stately pleasure-dome decree
1025
00:40:23,183 --> 00:40:25,124
where Alph,
the sacred river, ran
1026
00:40:25,230 --> 00:40:31,014
through caverns measureless
to man down to a soundless sea.
1027
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,166
I'm very impressed with that.
1028
00:40:32,270 --> 00:40:33,797
You shocked me,
'cause I would have thought
1029
00:40:33,902 --> 00:40:35,496
that you would have preferred
1030
00:40:35,599 --> 00:40:38,729
Olivia Newton-John's
version of Xanadu.
1031
00:40:38,830 --> 00:40:41,286
I think both Newton-John
and Coleridge
1032
00:40:41,390 --> 00:40:44,619
tackled the subject of Xanadu
with varying degrees of success.
1033
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,304
They call it Xanadu.
1034
00:40:47,407 --> 00:40:48,355
Yes.
1035
00:40:48,462 --> 00:40:49,607
Xanadu.
1036
00:40:49,711 --> 00:40:51,948
Xaaaanadu.
1037
00:40:52,047 --> 00:40:53,704
In Xanadu.
1038
00:40:53,806 --> 00:40:55,235
First one, pigeon,
lamb encore,
1039
00:40:55,342 --> 00:40:56,903
followed by duck, lamb encore.
1040
00:41:04,208 --> 00:41:05,254
Thank you.
1041
00:41:05,358 --> 00:41:07,463
Golly, that does look nice.
1042
00:41:07,566 --> 00:41:08,712
That looks lovely.
What is that?
1043
00:41:08,815 --> 00:41:09,895
- Pigeon.
- Really?
1044
00:41:09,999 --> 00:41:10,947
Yeah.
1045
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:14,221
Mmm.
1046
00:41:14,319 --> 00:41:16,074
It's a little like haggis.
1047
00:41:16,174 --> 00:41:17,963
Yeah?
1048
00:41:18,063 --> 00:41:19,851
Anyone ever asks you
to go on a haggis hunt,
1049
00:41:19,950 --> 00:41:21,576
be careful what you say.
1050
00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:23,173
They've taken you for a fool.
1051
00:41:23,279 --> 00:41:26,148
Taken you for a fool.
1052
00:41:26,254 --> 00:41:28,141
As a bloody fool.
1053
00:41:28,238 --> 00:41:30,061
There's no such thing
as a haggis hunt.
1054
00:41:35,567 --> 00:41:37,638
I just imagined myself
pointing my knife upside down
1055
00:41:37,742 --> 00:41:40,971
and just pressing my head
onto it.
1056
00:41:41,070 --> 00:41:42,729
Desperate to be
taken seriously, aren't you?
1057
00:41:42,831 --> 00:41:44,140
No.
1058
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:47,535
You can't treat your entire life
like a Radio 4 panel show.
1059
00:41:47,631 --> 00:41:50,827
Buzz.
Yes, you can.
1060
00:41:50,927 --> 00:41:55,946
Alex James said he celebrated
his 20th birthday with alcohol,
1061
00:41:56,047 --> 00:42:00,171
his 30th with drugs,
and his 40th with food.
1062
00:42:00,270 --> 00:42:01,514
Is that how it is for you?
1063
00:42:01,615 --> 00:42:04,747
Um...
1064
00:42:04,847 --> 00:42:06,789
Well, don't you find
it exhausting,
1065
00:42:06,895 --> 00:42:10,440
still running around, going
to parties and chasing girls...
1066
00:42:10,542 --> 00:42:11,852
I don't run around
and go to parties.
1067
00:42:11,951 --> 00:42:13,195
I don't run around
and chase girls.
1068
00:42:13,294 --> 00:42:14,188
You do.
1069
00:42:14,287 --> 00:42:15,432
- No, I don't...
- You chase girls.
1070
00:42:15,534 --> 00:42:16,396
I don't chase them.
1071
00:42:16,495 --> 00:42:17,705
You make me sound
like Benny Hill.
1072
00:42:17,807 --> 00:42:19,880
But don't you find all that
exhausting at your age?
1073
00:42:19,984 --> 00:42:21,095
No.
1074
00:42:21,199 --> 00:42:22,824
Do you find it exhausting
looking after a baby?
1075
00:42:22,927 --> 00:42:24,171
Yes, I do.
1076
00:42:24,271 --> 00:42:26,889
Yeah, well...
1077
00:42:26,990 --> 00:42:29,380
everything's exhausting
when you're past 40.
1078
00:42:32,366 --> 00:42:33,828
Everything's exhausting
at our age.
1079
00:42:43,151 --> 00:42:44,395
Hi, Emma.
1080
00:42:44,494 --> 00:42:45,640
Hey, are you all right?
1081
00:42:45,743 --> 00:42:47,084
Yeah, I got a missed call.
1082
00:42:47,183 --> 00:42:48,525
Yeah, I was just phoning
1083
00:42:48,622 --> 00:42:50,314
to remind you
about the photographer.
1084
00:42:50,416 --> 00:42:52,139
She's gonna meet you
at Hipping Hall tomorrow.
1085
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,922
Okay. Well... hang on.
A photographer?
1086
00:42:55,023 --> 00:42:57,675
Yeah, for the photosfor the article.
1087
00:42:57,775 --> 00:42:59,880
We talked about itin the office, remember?
1088
00:42:59,983 --> 00:43:01,128
Yeah, it's on my itinerary.
1089
00:43:01,231 --> 00:43:02,442
Okay, yeah. Okay.
1090
00:43:02,544 --> 00:43:04,932
Her name's Yolanda,by the way.
1091
00:43:05,038 --> 00:43:07,460
And I'm gonna come up with her
tomorrow, so you'll see me then.
1092
00:43:07,567 --> 00:43:08,995
Oh, so I'll see you
tomorrow then, yeah?
1093
00:43:09,103 --> 00:43:10,380
Yeah, see you tomorrow.All right.
1094
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:11,341
- Good.
- Take care.
1095
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:12,388
Okay, bye. Bye.
1096
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,192
A-ha!
1097
00:43:24,399 --> 00:43:26,732
This is Langdale.
1098
00:43:26,830 --> 00:43:28,173
You know what that means?
1099
00:43:28,271 --> 00:43:30,693
It means "long valley"
in Viking.
1100
00:43:30,799 --> 00:43:33,189
- This would have...
- Oh!
1101
00:43:33,295 --> 00:43:35,335
All this was formed
in the last ice age,
1102
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,097
about 10,000 years ago.
1103
00:43:37,199 --> 00:43:38,759
Incredible, isn't it?
1104
00:43:38,863 --> 00:43:41,929
How far are we gonna go?
1105
00:43:42,031 --> 00:43:42,892
A little bit further.
1106
00:43:42,991 --> 00:43:43,853
Because it's late.
1107
00:43:43,952 --> 00:43:45,162
I know. I know.
1108
00:43:45,263 --> 00:43:47,149
As you can see, the sun is now
on the other side of the...
1109
00:43:47,246 --> 00:43:48,807
- Hello.
- It's okay. Hello.
1110
00:43:48,911 --> 00:43:53,963
Human history has been recorded
for, what, 3,000 years?
1111
00:43:54,063 --> 00:43:57,642
and yet, you know, right now,
we're in a warm period,
1112
00:43:57,744 --> 00:43:59,881
but there's gonna be another
ice age very soon,
1113
00:43:59,983 --> 00:44:02,056
in about, say,
another 3,000 years,
1114
00:44:02,159 --> 00:44:03,882
but that's the blink of an eye.
1115
00:44:03,983 --> 00:44:07,595
The rocks here were formed
400 million years ago.
1116
00:44:07,695 --> 00:44:09,069
400 million years ago.
1117
00:44:09,167 --> 00:44:11,022
It's like... where we are now,
1118
00:44:11,119 --> 00:44:13,640
this was a huge
volcanic caldera.
1119
00:44:13,744 --> 00:44:16,329
This was a volcanic lake
of molten volcano,
1120
00:44:16,431 --> 00:44:18,254
and it was on a land mass
called Avalonia
1121
00:44:18,352 --> 00:44:20,739
that drifted from the South Pole
all the way to where we are now
1122
00:44:20,847 --> 00:44:22,254
over sort of hundreds
of million years.
1123
00:44:22,351 --> 00:44:24,456
We shouldn't probably
go much further
1124
00:44:24,559 --> 00:44:26,022
just because of the light.
1125
00:44:35,824 --> 00:44:38,541
It's... isn't that beautiful,
that?
1126
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:40,495
Yeah.
1127
00:44:40,591 --> 00:44:43,625
I think it almost is
more beautiful in the mist.
1128
00:44:45,807 --> 00:44:49,637
It's like a...
It's like a Turner painting.
1129
00:45:11,823 --> 00:45:13,711
Let me get two tickets
for Dove Cottage.
1130
00:45:13,808 --> 00:45:18,696
I'm really sorry, sir,
but the last admission is 5:00.
1131
00:45:18,799 --> 00:45:23,371
Right, okay, well,
it's five past.
1132
00:45:23,472 --> 00:45:25,327
I'm really sorry, sir,
but these are the rules.
1133
00:45:25,423 --> 00:45:26,536
We'll be very quick.
1134
00:45:26,639 --> 00:45:30,088
Yes, I know, but that
really wouldn't be fair
1135
00:45:30,192 --> 00:45:31,402
on all the other latecomers.
1136
00:45:31,504 --> 00:45:33,293
What other latecomers?
I can't see anyone.
1137
00:45:33,392 --> 00:45:35,148
No, I know.
Not at the moment, but...
1138
00:45:35,247 --> 00:45:37,156
Please?
We've come from London.
1139
00:45:37,264 --> 00:45:38,442
Why didn't you come earlier?
1140
00:45:38,543 --> 00:45:41,959
Well, that's... because I got
stuck in traffic.
1141
00:45:42,064 --> 00:45:43,046
Well, I'm really sorry.
1142
00:45:43,152 --> 00:45:44,526
Perhaps you could
come back tomorrow.
1143
00:45:44,624 --> 00:45:46,631
- I can't come back tomorrow.
- Is this man troubling you?
1144
00:45:46,735 --> 00:45:48,742
What are you doing?
Honestly.
1145
00:45:48,847 --> 00:45:50,222
We just wondered
if we could pop inside
1146
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:51,628
and have a little look
at the cottage.
1147
00:45:51,727 --> 00:45:52,588
Mr. Brydon?
1148
00:45:52,687 --> 00:45:53,865
Yes, it is.
1149
00:45:53,967 --> 00:45:55,462
It's very nice to meet you.
1150
00:45:55,568 --> 00:45:57,094
Would you do something for me?
1151
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:59,338
Depends what it is.
1152
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:03,913
I have a grandson,
and he loves that tiny man...
1153
00:46:04,016 --> 00:46:04,909
Small man in a box?
1154
00:46:05,007 --> 00:46:06,666
Small man in the box
that you do.
1155
00:46:06,769 --> 00:46:08,807
Could you sign this for him?
1156
00:46:08,911 --> 00:46:09,772
Sure. Yeah.
1157
00:46:09,871 --> 00:46:11,181
Thank you. Thank you.
1158
00:46:11,279 --> 00:46:12,141
What's his name?
1159
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:14,061
His name is William.
1160
00:46:14,159 --> 00:46:17,476
Well, look, I'll sign this
for William, okay, if...
1161
00:46:17,584 --> 00:46:18,893
if my friend and I
1162
00:46:18,992 --> 00:46:20,846
can go take a look
at Dove Cottage.
1163
00:46:20,943 --> 00:46:22,121
What do you say?
1164
00:46:22,223 --> 00:46:24,842
I don't understand that.
1165
00:46:26,639 --> 00:46:28,680
Why do people
have to be like that?
1166
00:46:28,784 --> 00:46:30,856
She wasn't being
like anything.
1167
00:46:30,959 --> 00:46:33,131
It is only open
for another half an hour,
1168
00:46:33,232 --> 00:46:36,974
and that woman, in all fairness,
is probably bereaved.
1169
00:46:37,072 --> 00:46:39,308
Yeah, but why... it's not
my fault her husband's dead.
1170
00:46:39,408 --> 00:46:41,196
No, but you...
1171
00:46:41,295 --> 00:46:43,466
Old people, at some time...
not all old people,
1172
00:46:43,567 --> 00:46:46,153
but a lot of them...
seek out aggravation.
1173
00:46:46,256 --> 00:46:48,011
Oh, that's total rubbish.
1174
00:46:48,111 --> 00:46:49,454
She was lovely.
1175
00:46:50,992 --> 00:46:54,025
Looks not unlike yourself
in that picture.
1176
00:46:57,328 --> 00:46:59,237
Okay, ready?
One, two...
1177
00:47:12,944 --> 00:47:13,804
Want some?
1178
00:47:13,904 --> 00:47:15,081
Uh, no, thank you.
1179
00:47:15,184 --> 00:47:16,045
Sure?
1180
00:47:16,144 --> 00:47:17,485
Absolutely.
1181
00:47:17,583 --> 00:47:18,533
I never smoked.
1182
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:20,941
Mm.
1183
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,758
That's the trouble with you,
Rob.
1184
00:47:23,856 --> 00:47:25,579
You're not open
to new experiences.
1185
00:47:27,408 --> 00:47:30,824
I would remind you of the time
I had a Red Bull and Coke.
1186
00:47:33,936 --> 00:47:38,026
That's not what Coleridge
would have been imbibing.
1187
00:47:38,127 --> 00:47:40,517
He wouldn't have been having
a spliff, would he?
1188
00:47:40,624 --> 00:47:42,478
No, he wouldn't, but I mean,
if they'd been around...
1189
00:47:42,575 --> 00:47:43,820
He would
have definitely partaken
1190
00:47:43,921 --> 00:47:45,033
if they'd have been around.
1191
00:47:45,137 --> 00:47:46,826
If you really want
to pay tribute to him,
1192
00:47:46,927 --> 00:47:50,124
you should be having some opium.
1193
00:47:50,224 --> 00:47:52,679
What, that's...
1194
00:47:52,784 --> 00:47:54,060
Or its modern-day equivalent.
1195
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:55,142
This is... well, this is...
1196
00:47:55,248 --> 00:47:56,842
well, no, the modern-day
equivalent of that,
1197
00:47:56,944 --> 00:47:57,805
that's heroin.
1198
00:47:57,903 --> 00:47:59,332
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
1199
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,058
I'm not a junkie, Rob.
1200
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:04,681
I'm not encouraging you
to become hooked on heroin.
1201
00:48:04,785 --> 00:48:05,646
I'm just saying...
1202
00:48:05,745 --> 00:48:06,857
It sounds like you are.
1203
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,007
I'm not.
Why would I do that?
1204
00:48:08,111 --> 00:48:10,086
I don't know.
For a laugh.
1205
00:48:10,192 --> 00:48:11,817
Ha-ha.
It was a hell of a laugh.
1206
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:14,637
You know Steve?
You seen Steve lately?
1207
00:48:14,736 --> 00:48:15,914
He's living
at the council estate
1208
00:48:16,016 --> 00:48:17,064
curled up in his own shit.
1209
00:48:17,169 --> 00:48:18,859
Aye.
That was my doing, that was.
1210
00:48:18,959 --> 00:48:20,388
I suggested he try heroin.
1211
00:48:20,495 --> 00:48:22,536
Cracking idea.
1212
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:23,589
I would never do that.
1213
00:48:29,489 --> 00:48:34,955
Most creative... the most
creative people smoke, you know,
1214
00:48:35,056 --> 00:48:37,031
smoke marijuana, smoke hash.
1215
00:48:50,737 --> 00:48:52,012
Are you Steve Coogan?
1216
00:48:52,112 --> 00:48:52,973
Yes, I am.
1217
00:48:53,071 --> 00:48:54,282
A-ha!
1218
00:48:54,383 --> 00:48:55,846
A-ha.
1219
00:48:55,952 --> 00:48:57,610
- All right, man. How you doing?
- Fine, thanks.
1220
00:48:57,712 --> 00:48:59,087
Yeah, listen, do us a favor,
would you?
1221
00:48:59,185 --> 00:49:00,166
Will you sign that?
1222
00:49:00,273 --> 00:49:01,582
- Yes, of course.
- Make it out to Paul.
1223
00:49:01,681 --> 00:49:03,590
Okay.
1224
00:49:03,696 --> 00:49:05,900
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, of course, absolutely.
1225
00:49:05,999 --> 00:49:07,942
Is true,
what I read about you?
1226
00:49:08,049 --> 00:49:09,325
What do you read about me?
1227
00:49:09,425 --> 00:49:12,273
That you're a bit of a cunt.
1228
00:49:12,369 --> 00:49:13,545
Well, where did you read that?
1229
00:49:13,648 --> 00:49:16,398
It's in today's newspaper.
Here, look.
1230
00:49:18,032 --> 00:49:20,847
Uh, whoever said that
doesn't know me very well.
1231
00:49:20,945 --> 00:49:22,374
Are you sure?
1232
00:49:27,056 --> 00:49:28,005
What?
1233
00:49:28,112 --> 00:49:29,901
"Coogan is a cunt says dad."
1234
00:49:31,216 --> 00:49:32,164
"Cunt"?
1235
00:49:44,081 --> 00:49:47,048
Did you not sleep well
or something?
1236
00:49:47,152 --> 00:49:48,264
No.
1237
00:49:48,368 --> 00:49:50,638
I couldn't get off
'cause of the food,
1238
00:49:50,736 --> 00:49:51,784
and then when I did get off,
1239
00:49:51,888 --> 00:49:55,500
I was having awful dreams,
really bad dreams.
1240
00:49:55,601 --> 00:49:57,007
Blue cheese.
1241
00:49:57,104 --> 00:49:59,722
Coleridge was a poor sleeper.
1242
00:49:59,824 --> 00:50:05,192
I was reading his poem
called The Pains of Sleep.
1243
00:50:05,297 --> 00:50:07,565
"Sleep, the wide blessing,
1244
00:50:07,664 --> 00:50:10,894
"seemed to me distemper's
worst calamity.
1245
00:50:10,993 --> 00:50:14,571
"The third night, when my own
loud scream had waked me
1246
00:50:14,673 --> 00:50:16,102
"from the fiendish dream,
1247
00:50:16,209 --> 00:50:19,721
"o'ercome with sufferings
strange and wild,
1248
00:50:19,824 --> 00:50:22,791
I wept as I had been a child."
1249
00:50:22,896 --> 00:50:25,165
Yes.
Oh, I know that.
1250
00:50:25,265 --> 00:50:26,442
That's the drugs.
1251
00:50:26,544 --> 00:50:27,406
What?
1252
00:50:27,505 --> 00:50:28,453
Coleridge. The opium.
1253
00:50:28,561 --> 00:50:30,152
He was a big druggie.
1254
00:50:30,256 --> 00:50:31,664
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
1255
00:50:36,049 --> 00:50:38,470
You could have a costume drama
here, couldn't you?
1256
00:50:38,577 --> 00:50:39,885
I would...
1257
00:50:39,984 --> 00:50:41,413
Mel Gibson coming over
the hill.
1258
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:43,888
I would just love to do
a costume drama in these hills,
1259
00:50:43,985 --> 00:50:46,734
just leaping, vaulting over
dry stone walls with a scabbard.
1260
00:50:46,833 --> 00:50:48,295
This, like, dead look in my eyes
1261
00:50:48,402 --> 00:50:51,270
'cause I've seen so many horrors
that I'm just immune to it.
1262
00:50:51,376 --> 00:50:52,686
And they always say
something like,
1263
00:50:52,785 --> 00:50:54,311
Gentlemen, to bed.
1264
00:50:54,417 --> 00:50:57,581
Gentlemen, to bed,
for we leave at first light.
1265
00:50:57,681 --> 00:51:02,601
Tomorrow we battle,
and we may lose our lives,
1266
00:51:02,705 --> 00:51:06,861
but remember,
death is but a moment.
1267
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:08,869
Cowardice is a lifetime
of affliction.
1268
00:51:08,976 --> 00:51:09,959
Nice.
1269
00:51:10,065 --> 00:51:13,480
To bed,
for we rise at daybreak!
1270
00:51:13,584 --> 00:51:15,755
Very good. Very good.
Very impressive.
1271
00:51:15,856 --> 00:51:16,783
Always leave at daybreak.
1272
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:21,288
No, they never leave at,
you know, 9:30.
1273
00:51:21,393 --> 00:51:22,920
Gentlemen, to bed,
1274
00:51:23,025 --> 00:51:23,885
for we leave at 9:30.
1275
00:51:23,984 --> 00:51:25,445
- Ish.
- Ish.
1276
00:51:25,552 --> 00:51:29,381
Gentlemen, to bed,
for we rise at...
1277
00:51:29,488 --> 00:51:31,496
What time is the battle?
1278
00:51:31,601 --> 00:51:33,325
It's about, oh, 12:00?
1279
00:51:33,425 --> 00:51:34,734
Right, 12:00.
1280
00:51:34,833 --> 00:51:38,444
That's about, on horseback,
about three hours or something.
1281
00:51:38,545 --> 00:51:43,052
So we leave about 8:00, 8:30?
1282
00:51:43,153 --> 00:51:45,225
- 8:30 for 9:00.
- Yes.
1283
00:51:45,328 --> 00:51:49,125
Gentlemen, to bed,
for we leave at 8:30 for 9:00,
1284
00:51:49,233 --> 00:51:53,456
and we rise at just after day...
7:30, so just after daybreak.
1285
00:51:53,553 --> 00:51:57,807
Gentlemen, to bed, for we leave
at 9:30 on the dot.
1286
00:51:57,904 --> 00:51:59,366
On the dot.
1287
00:51:59,472 --> 00:52:01,196
Do you want to have a run,
sire, in the morning?
1288
00:52:01,297 --> 00:52:03,631
- Yes. Yes.
- To loosen up, sire.
1289
00:52:03,730 --> 00:52:05,322
You know the other thing
they never say is...
1290
00:52:05,425 --> 00:52:06,798
Right, well,
1291
00:52:06,896 --> 00:52:08,107
we'd better make a move.
1292
00:52:08,209 --> 00:52:11,885
I want to get back in daylight.
We'd better make a move.
1293
00:52:11,984 --> 00:52:16,010
To bed. Tomorrow we rise.
We leave at 10:00-ish.
1294
00:52:16,113 --> 00:52:20,620
But now to bed, unless you are
one of those people, like me,
1295
00:52:20,722 --> 00:52:24,616
who finds it very hard to get
off after he's eaten cheese,
1296
00:52:24,721 --> 00:52:27,754
in which case,
stay awhile by the fire,
1297
00:52:27,857 --> 00:52:29,580
talk of battles past and old,
1298
00:52:29,681 --> 00:52:34,831
and then and only then, sire,
go thee to bed.
1299
00:52:34,929 --> 00:52:36,489
And sleep well.
1300
00:52:36,592 --> 00:52:38,732
Sleep the sleep
of 1,000 martyrs.
1301
00:52:38,833 --> 00:52:40,359
Sleep well, my brother.
1302
00:52:40,464 --> 00:52:42,123
Sleep well, my sister.
1303
00:52:42,225 --> 00:52:44,526
Sleep with my sister.
1304
00:52:44,624 --> 00:52:45,518
Sleep well, my brother.
1305
00:52:45,617 --> 00:52:46,861
Sleep well, my sister,
but please,
1306
00:52:46,961 --> 00:52:48,303
do not sleep with my sister.
1307
00:52:48,401 --> 00:52:50,605
Leave my sister out of it,
all right?
1308
00:52:50,705 --> 00:52:51,784
Leave my sister alone.
1309
00:52:51,889 --> 00:52:54,092
Don't touch her.
1310
00:52:54,193 --> 00:52:57,488
Gentlemen, to bed,
for at daybreak, I will...
1311
00:52:57,585 --> 00:52:58,698
Breakfast.
1312
00:52:58,802 --> 00:52:59,663
We will breakfast.
1313
00:52:59,762 --> 00:53:00,710
- Sire, sire.
- Yes?
1314
00:53:00,817 --> 00:53:02,704
'T is a continental breakfast.
1315
00:53:02,801 --> 00:53:04,972
'Twill only take
20 minutes, max.
1316
00:53:05,073 --> 00:53:07,375
Thank you, Brother Rob.
1317
00:53:07,473 --> 00:53:09,066
Brother Rob?
Don't call me Brother Rob.
1318
00:53:09,169 --> 00:53:11,145
- I'd be Brother Jed.
- No, no, no.
1319
00:53:11,249 --> 00:53:14,063
Have you seen Rob Roy?
Liam Neeson in a kilt.
1320
00:53:14,161 --> 00:53:15,470
Of course you
could be called Rob.
1321
00:53:15,569 --> 00:53:17,162
Brother, tomorrow,
1322
00:53:17,265 --> 00:53:18,639
tomorrow we shall
have breakfast.
1323
00:53:18,736 --> 00:53:22,381
We shall rise at 9:00, and we
shall head off tomorrow morning.
1324
00:53:22,481 --> 00:53:24,848
Thank you, Brother Rob.
1325
00:53:24,944 --> 00:53:25,806
And let me say this.
1326
00:53:25,904 --> 00:53:26,765
Look into my eyes.
1327
00:53:26,864 --> 00:53:28,840
You are my brother,
1328
00:53:28,945 --> 00:53:31,814
and you sound a bit
like Billy Connolly.
1329
00:53:31,922 --> 00:53:36,296
I know.
I know. I can't help it.
1330
00:53:36,402 --> 00:53:37,645
Gentlemen, to bed,
1331
00:53:37,745 --> 00:53:39,850
for tomorrow we rise
at daybreak.
1332
00:53:39,952 --> 00:53:41,131
We rise at daybreak.
1333
00:53:41,234 --> 00:53:44,103
Why do they do that?
They always rise at daybreak.
1334
00:54:09,489 --> 00:54:11,594
They'd always... their
expressions would really match...
1335
00:54:11,697 --> 00:54:13,158
# Dee-ba dee
bop bop bop ba-dah #
1336
00:54:13,265 --> 00:54:16,015
Yeah, big, open-face.
Happy faces.
1337
00:54:16,114 --> 00:54:18,634
# Ooh, ba-da, bop bop ba #
1338
00:54:18,737 --> 00:54:19,631
It was nice.
1339
00:54:19,729 --> 00:54:21,223
It was a very un-cynical
kind of music.
1340
00:54:21,328 --> 00:54:24,198
I miss it.
I really miss it.
1341
00:54:32,082 --> 00:54:32,943
Hello.
1342
00:54:33,041 --> 00:54:34,285
- Hey, you all right?
- Yes.
1343
00:54:34,385 --> 00:54:35,815
This is Yolanda,
the photographer.
1344
00:54:35,922 --> 00:54:36,783
- Hi.
- This is Steve.
1345
00:54:36,882 --> 00:54:39,980
Nice to meet you.
1346
00:54:40,081 --> 00:54:41,291
- Rob.
- Hi.
1347
00:54:41,393 --> 00:54:42,636
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
1348
00:54:42,737 --> 00:54:43,632
Hi, Emma.
How are you?
1349
00:54:43,729 --> 00:54:44,907
I'm very good.
Are you all right?
1350
00:54:45,010 --> 00:54:47,114
Hello.
1351
00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:48,200
Good.
1352
00:54:48,306 --> 00:54:49,712
Don't do that.
That's very funny.
1353
00:54:49,809 --> 00:54:51,336
Yeah, there's been none
of that on the trip.
1354
00:54:51,441 --> 00:54:52,620
No, none of that.
Heavy petting.
1355
00:54:52,721 --> 00:54:54,412
- Heavy petting.
- We draw the line.
1356
00:54:54,513 --> 00:54:55,374
Pass the time somehow.
1357
00:54:55,473 --> 00:54:56,881
But no penetration.
1358
00:54:56,978 --> 00:54:58,734
- Very good.
- Absolutely.
1359
00:54:58,833 --> 00:55:02,281
Okay, it's just up here,
and I looked at all the rooms,
1360
00:55:02,385 --> 00:55:03,661
and yours is the nicest.
1361
00:55:03,761 --> 00:55:05,355
Good. Good.
1362
00:55:05,457 --> 00:55:07,846
What's Rob's room like?
1363
00:55:07,953 --> 00:55:08,936
It's nice. It's nice.
1364
00:55:09,042 --> 00:55:10,798
It's not as big as yours,
but, yeah.
1365
00:55:10,897 --> 00:55:12,937
Great.
1366
00:55:13,041 --> 00:55:14,318
There you go.
1367
00:55:14,417 --> 00:55:16,490
Oh, very nice.
Very beige.
1368
00:55:16,593 --> 00:55:17,641
Yeah, well, yeah.
1369
00:55:17,746 --> 00:55:19,087
The bathroom's through there.
1370
00:55:19,185 --> 00:55:20,843
There's, like,
a little study area,
1371
00:55:20,946 --> 00:55:22,571
and, yeah, it's all right.
1372
00:55:22,673 --> 00:55:23,982
Great. Great.
1373
00:55:24,081 --> 00:55:26,122
All right.
1374
00:55:26,225 --> 00:55:29,127
Listen, have I met
Yolanda before?
1375
00:55:29,234 --> 00:55:32,398
I don't know.
Maybe before my time maybe.
1376
00:55:32,498 --> 00:55:35,312
We need to get some sort
of a system going, you know,
1377
00:55:35,409 --> 00:55:37,514
about who I've met before
and who I haven't,
1378
00:55:37,617 --> 00:55:38,895
because they remember
meeting me,
1379
00:55:38,993 --> 00:55:40,237
and I don't remember
meeting them,
1380
00:55:40,338 --> 00:55:41,647
so that can get embarrassing.
1381
00:55:41,745 --> 00:55:43,601
- Do you want me to ask her?
- No, no, no. Don't ask her.
1382
00:55:43,698 --> 00:55:44,624
Okay. Okay.
1383
00:55:44,721 --> 00:55:47,656
Just see if
she mentions anything.
1384
00:55:47,762 --> 00:55:48,623
Right. Okay.
1385
00:55:50,161 --> 00:55:52,104
So is this all right?
Look okay?
1386
00:55:52,210 --> 00:55:53,158
Yeah, you look nice, yeah.
1387
00:55:53,266 --> 00:55:54,695
Look a bit like that guy
off Top Gear.
1388
00:55:54,803 --> 00:55:55,849
What, Jeremy Clarkson?
1389
00:55:55,954 --> 00:55:57,415
No, no, no, the other one.
1390
00:55:57,521 --> 00:55:58,383
Oh, Richard Hammond?
1391
00:55:58,481 --> 00:56:00,424
- Yeah, yeah.
- That's worse.
1392
00:56:00,530 --> 00:56:01,544
Well...
1393
00:56:24,147 --> 00:56:26,350
So how has the trip been
so far?
1394
00:56:26,450 --> 00:56:27,431
Rob?
1395
00:56:27,537 --> 00:56:28,945
I can honestly say
1396
00:56:29,042 --> 00:56:32,075
it's one of the most enjoyable
periods of my life.
1397
00:56:33,842 --> 00:56:36,297
Yolanda,
do you know who that is?
1398
00:56:36,401 --> 00:56:38,506
No, I don't.
1399
00:56:43,954 --> 00:56:45,329
Okay, who's this?
Ready? Who's this?
1400
00:56:45,427 --> 00:56:48,743
She was only...
She was only 15 years old.
1401
00:56:48,850 --> 00:56:51,435
She was only 15 years old.
1402
00:56:51,538 --> 00:56:54,670
She was only 15... listen
to the sound of the voice.
1403
00:56:54,770 --> 00:56:56,875
I'll give you a clue.
It's not a Muppet.
1404
00:56:57,939 --> 00:56:59,564
That's all I'm saying.
1405
00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:01,738
She was only 15 years old.
1406
00:57:01,841 --> 00:57:04,209
You're a big man,
but you're out of shape.
1407
00:57:04,306 --> 00:57:05,385
Right, but nowadays, he's...
1408
00:57:05,489 --> 00:57:07,377
Right, now, this is how
he sounds now.
1409
00:57:07,474 --> 00:57:08,848
The voice has gone...
1410
00:57:08,946 --> 00:57:11,728
Shall I prepare the Batmobile,
Master Wayne?
1411
00:57:11,825 --> 00:57:13,800
That is how he talks now.
Right?
1412
00:57:13,905 --> 00:57:16,011
I've just been to do
an Italian Job
1413
00:57:16,114 --> 00:57:17,640
with Hannah and Her Sisters.
1414
00:57:17,746 --> 00:57:20,397
On the way,
I had a bit of a Zulu,
1415
00:57:20,498 --> 00:57:21,871
so I had to pop to the loo,
1416
00:57:21,969 --> 00:57:25,831
and then, then, I...
I...
1417
00:57:25,938 --> 00:57:27,433
Not a lot of people know...
1418
00:57:27,538 --> 00:57:28,748
You know that?
1419
00:57:28,850 --> 00:57:30,792
- It sounds so familiar.
- He's an international star.
1420
00:57:30,898 --> 00:57:33,516
But I really... the thing is,
is it an actor?
1421
00:57:33,618 --> 00:57:34,795
Yes.
1422
00:57:34,897 --> 00:57:36,491
No, he's the man who comes
and does my boiler.
1423
00:57:36,594 --> 00:57:38,088
Yes, he's an actor.
1424
00:57:38,194 --> 00:57:40,715
He might as well be the guy
who comes and does his boiler.
1425
00:57:40,818 --> 00:57:43,305
Because if he is an actor,
in Spain, they dub the films,
1426
00:57:43,410 --> 00:57:44,271
so I really...
1427
00:57:44,370 --> 00:57:45,318
Oh, they... okay.
1428
00:57:45,426 --> 00:57:46,920
What, they dub the films?
1429
00:57:48,946 --> 00:57:49,807
Here we go.
1430
00:57:52,371 --> 00:57:54,062
Not a lot of people...
1431
00:57:54,162 --> 00:57:55,470
- That's not my accent.
- No, it's not.
1432
00:57:55,569 --> 00:57:57,991
No, no,
it's a rough approximation.
1433
00:57:58,098 --> 00:58:01,197
Do you like that racist
generalized interpretation
1434
00:58:01,298 --> 00:58:02,160
of Spanish?
1435
00:58:03,730 --> 00:58:05,040
Such an ass.
1436
00:58:05,139 --> 00:58:07,112
Right, ready, here's a clue.
This might give it to you.
1437
00:58:07,218 --> 00:58:09,674
My name is Michael Caine.
1438
00:58:09,778 --> 00:58:11,207
Okay. All right. Yeah.
1439
00:58:11,314 --> 00:58:12,263
- Who is it?
- Michael Caine.
1440
00:58:12,370 --> 00:58:13,231
Michael Caine.
1441
00:58:13,330 --> 00:58:14,541
Hey, wow.
1442
00:58:14,643 --> 00:58:16,813
Rob's was
a very entertaining version,
1443
00:58:16,913 --> 00:58:20,176
but I don't think...
I don't think it was as accurate
1444
00:58:20,273 --> 00:58:22,379
as mine.
1445
00:58:22,483 --> 00:58:25,744
She was only 15...
She was only 15 years old.
1446
00:58:25,842 --> 00:58:27,271
You're getting Michael Caine
in stereo.
1447
00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:29,996
- She was only 15...
- She was only 15 years old.
1448
00:58:30,097 --> 00:58:33,098
You were only supposed
to blow the bloody doors off.
1449
00:58:33,202 --> 00:58:36,072
She was only 15 years old.
1450
00:58:36,179 --> 00:58:37,934
Oh, my God.
1451
00:58:38,033 --> 00:58:40,685
Yeah, I do recognize him now.
1452
00:58:40,785 --> 00:58:42,990
Excellent.
Let's move on. Good.
1453
00:58:47,955 --> 00:58:49,776
Oh, wow.
Thank you very much.
1454
00:58:51,250 --> 00:58:54,992
I was thinking I could take
the photographs up in the hills.
1455
00:58:55,089 --> 00:58:57,261
I saw a place when I was coming,
very nice.
1456
00:58:57,362 --> 00:58:58,955
Oh, right.
Okay, yes. A lone walker.
1457
00:58:59,058 --> 00:59:00,749
Wandered lonely as a cloud.
1458
00:59:00,850 --> 00:59:03,151
Yeah, well, that sounds
a bit like I'm lonely.
1459
00:59:03,250 --> 00:59:04,461
You gonna change your clothes?
1460
00:59:04,563 --> 00:59:05,707
Again?
1461
00:59:05,810 --> 00:59:07,184
Well, actually...
1462
00:59:07,282 --> 00:59:08,527
I wouldn't wear that
in the hills.
1463
00:59:08,626 --> 00:59:09,488
No, you're right.
1464
00:59:09,586 --> 00:59:10,600
I've got proper walking gear.
1465
00:59:10,705 --> 00:59:12,975
I've got, you know, crampons.
1466
00:59:13,074 --> 00:59:14,503
Oh, might like to go
1467
00:59:14,610 --> 00:59:16,071
for a nice ramble, Lyn,
1468
00:59:16,178 --> 00:59:17,488
up Helvellyn.
1469
00:59:17,586 --> 00:59:21,776
Lyn, Lyn, where are my crampons?
1470
00:59:21,874 --> 00:59:25,933
Why have you brought tampons?
That's not what I said.
1471
00:59:26,034 --> 00:59:28,816
No, you fool, crampons.
1472
00:59:28,914 --> 00:59:30,159
Oh.
1473
00:59:30,258 --> 00:59:31,186
That's good.
1474
00:59:31,283 --> 00:59:32,558
You could have written
for the show,
1475
00:59:32,658 --> 00:59:35,920
'cause it's so up there
with the best stuff.
1476
00:59:36,018 --> 00:59:37,611
I've love to quote
your own stuff back at you,
1477
00:59:37,715 --> 00:59:40,049
but I just don't know any.
1478
00:59:40,147 --> 00:59:42,286
Odd, 'cause you were executive
producer on a lot of it.
1479
00:59:42,387 --> 00:59:43,727
And I still don't know any.
1480
00:59:43,826 --> 00:59:46,031
You never were that attentive
at work, were you?
1481
00:59:53,235 --> 00:59:55,569
So this is it, just kind of,
you know...
1482
00:59:55,666 --> 00:59:57,640
- Nice.
- Yeah, it's whatever.
1483
00:59:57,746 --> 00:59:59,241
It's creamy.
1484
00:59:59,347 --> 01:00:01,997
You like cream,
then you'll be happy.
1485
01:00:02,098 --> 01:00:04,554
I guess just a little
seating area there
1486
01:00:04,657 --> 01:00:06,446
and a bathroom.
1487
01:00:06,545 --> 01:00:07,757
Wow.
It's very nice.
1488
01:00:07,858 --> 01:00:09,003
Don't know why
I'm telling you.
1489
01:00:10,226 --> 01:00:12,648
Petit four.
Why are they called petit fours?
1490
01:00:12,754 --> 01:00:15,088
Little oven.
"Four" is French for "oven."
1491
01:00:15,187 --> 01:00:16,680
Ah.
1492
01:00:16,786 --> 01:00:22,187
Yolanda, did...
have we met before?
1493
01:00:22,290 --> 01:00:23,238
Yes, we have.
1494
01:00:23,347 --> 01:00:25,387
It was five years ago.
1495
01:00:25,491 --> 01:00:27,377
It was a photo shoot
for Time Out.
1496
01:00:27,474 --> 01:00:31,020
Right, and did we
do something afterwards?
1497
01:00:31,122 --> 01:00:33,457
- Yes, we did.
- Okay.
1498
01:00:33,555 --> 01:00:37,864
- You don't remember?
- No, I do remember.
1499
01:00:37,970 --> 01:00:40,141
- How are you?
- I'm okay. I'm fine, yeah.
1500
01:00:40,242 --> 01:00:41,584
- Good.
- Yeah.
1501
01:00:41,683 --> 01:00:43,144
Listen, I think I'm gonna
have a line.
1502
01:00:43,251 --> 01:00:44,746
Do you want one?
1503
01:00:44,851 --> 01:00:46,127
- Coke?
- Yeah.
1504
01:00:46,227 --> 01:00:47,209
No. No. No.
1505
01:00:47,315 --> 01:00:49,103
- Do you mind if I do?
- Oh, no.
1506
01:00:49,203 --> 01:00:50,729
Okay.
1507
01:00:50,835 --> 01:00:53,257
There's a bathroom there
with lots of marble, so...
1508
01:00:53,363 --> 01:00:55,534
Okay. All right. Thank you.
1509
01:00:55,635 --> 01:00:57,261
So they're picking clothes.
1510
01:00:57,363 --> 01:00:59,271
He's probably wearing
the crampons now.
1511
01:00:59,378 --> 01:01:01,745
He's up the side
of the wardrobe.
1512
01:01:01,843 --> 01:01:04,396
What do you think?
What do you think?
1513
01:01:04,498 --> 01:01:06,321
Does this look good?
1514
01:01:06,419 --> 01:01:07,945
Like Tom Cruise
in Mission: Impossible II.
1515
01:01:17,618 --> 01:01:19,310
- Yolanda?
- Mm-hmm?
1516
01:01:19,411 --> 01:01:21,777
I mean, this is kind of,
sort of, you know, outdoorsy.
1517
01:01:21,874 --> 01:01:23,184
Bit of the Shackleton...
1518
01:01:23,282 --> 01:01:25,071
It's a bit too bright.
1519
01:01:25,170 --> 01:01:26,577
Well, this is
what I would wear if I was,
1520
01:01:26,675 --> 01:01:28,049
you know, genuinely out walking.
1521
01:01:28,147 --> 01:01:31,725
The red's just
for safety reasons, really.
1522
01:01:31,826 --> 01:01:34,215
I've got darker stuff.
That's fine.
1523
01:01:34,322 --> 01:01:36,811
Okay.
You sure you don't want one?
1524
01:01:36,915 --> 01:01:39,151
No.
1525
01:01:41,843 --> 01:01:43,817
Uh... no?
1526
01:01:43,923 --> 01:01:45,745
No.
1527
01:01:50,323 --> 01:01:52,363
Reminds me
of the kind of place where,
1528
01:01:52,468 --> 01:01:53,928
like, Wuthering Heights...
1529
01:01:54,035 --> 01:01:56,369
Oh, Wuthering Heights.
Yeah.
1530
01:01:56,467 --> 01:01:59,500
- No, that's not far from here.
- Oh, really?
1531
01:01:59,603 --> 01:02:01,676
Yeah,
it's the Yorkshire Moors.
1532
01:02:01,779 --> 01:02:04,298
That's... yeah.
A place called Howarth.
1533
01:02:04,403 --> 01:02:05,264
Oh, okay.
1534
01:02:05,363 --> 01:02:07,086
Wuthering Heights.
1535
01:02:07,186 --> 01:02:09,674
So do you think
I could play Heathcliff?
1536
01:02:09,779 --> 01:02:10,640
Definitely.
1537
01:02:10,739 --> 01:02:11,600
Yeah.
1538
01:02:11,699 --> 01:02:13,390
I'd have to me more, like...
1539
01:02:13,492 --> 01:02:14,572
I'd like to play...
1540
01:02:14,675 --> 01:02:16,168
I think he's, you know,
he's interesting.
1541
01:02:16,274 --> 01:02:17,137
Very interesting.
1542
01:02:17,235 --> 01:02:18,512
- Kind of cruel.
- Mm-hmm.
1543
01:02:18,610 --> 01:02:23,946
Cruel, but, I don't know,
compelling, I guess, is...
1544
01:02:24,051 --> 01:02:25,775
There is something
very attractive about him.
1545
01:02:25,875 --> 01:02:27,184
Yeah.
1546
01:02:27,283 --> 01:02:31,211
Think I'm a little old
to play him, but I'd like to.
1547
01:02:31,315 --> 01:02:32,875
Are you sad
not to be in the picture?
1548
01:02:32,979 --> 01:02:34,889
I'm a tiny bit hurt
that he didn't want me to,
1549
01:02:34,995 --> 01:02:37,416
but I'm only saying that
because it's you.
1550
01:02:37,522 --> 01:02:41,232
I'm not at a level
that any human could notice.
1551
01:02:41,331 --> 01:02:43,698
Only dogs could detect my hurt.
1552
01:02:43,795 --> 01:02:44,656
Dogs and me.
1553
01:02:44,755 --> 01:02:47,537
Yes, and you're not a...
1554
01:02:47,635 --> 01:02:49,096
If you were a dog,
1555
01:02:49,203 --> 01:02:50,992
then I should be very happy
for you to...
1556
01:02:51,091 --> 01:02:52,781
gosh, to curl up in my basket
1557
01:02:52,883 --> 01:02:54,377
and chew my bone.
1558
01:02:56,371 --> 01:02:58,443
That sounds...
Yeah, sorry.
1559
01:02:58,546 --> 01:03:00,369
It's all right.
1560
01:03:02,514 --> 01:03:03,409
What's that?
1561
01:03:03,508 --> 01:03:04,685
Sorry, that's...
Can I take this?
1562
01:03:04,787 --> 01:03:06,696
- It's my American agent.
- Sure.
1563
01:03:06,803 --> 01:03:07,665
Hello.
1564
01:03:07,764 --> 01:03:09,999
Steve Coogan.Hey, man.
1565
01:03:10,098 --> 01:03:12,171
- Matt, how are you doing?
- I'm doing good.
1566
01:03:12,275 --> 01:03:14,478
What's the weather likein Steve Coogan land?
1567
01:03:14,579 --> 01:03:16,238
It's frigging cold.
1568
01:03:16,340 --> 01:03:19,241
Well, it's hot in Hollywood.I'll tell you that.
1569
01:03:19,347 --> 01:03:21,899
I wish I was.
I know the weather is.
1570
01:03:22,003 --> 01:03:23,377
Cut to the chase.Cut to the chase.
1571
01:03:23,475 --> 01:03:27,436
You have got co-leadin a drama series.
1572
01:03:27,539 --> 01:03:30,027
It's called... let me give you
the info here.
1573
01:03:30,132 --> 01:03:31,691
It's called...
1574
01:03:31,794 --> 01:03:34,413
Yeah, it's called Pathological.
1575
01:03:34,515 --> 01:03:35,692
Okay, you play a pathologist.
1576
01:03:35,795 --> 01:03:37,705
If it goes, it's seven years.
1577
01:03:37,812 --> 01:03:39,218
If it goes,you're a household name.
1578
01:03:39,315 --> 01:03:43,505
I think the pork belly
made me a little...
1579
01:03:43,602 --> 01:03:44,464
a little amorous.
1580
01:03:44,562 --> 01:03:46,702
- Did it?
- Yes.
1581
01:03:46,803 --> 01:03:48,745
- Pork will do that to you.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
1582
01:03:48,851 --> 01:03:49,931
Was that good news?
1583
01:03:50,036 --> 01:03:51,213
Yeah, kind of.
1584
01:03:51,316 --> 01:03:55,341
It's... they've offered me
a lead in a drama.
1585
01:03:55,443 --> 01:03:56,719
Oh, wow.
1586
01:03:56,819 --> 01:03:58,925
It's nice to, you know,
nice to get an offer like that.
1587
01:03:59,027 --> 01:04:01,449
Absolutely.
That's just fantastic.
1588
01:04:01,555 --> 01:04:04,206
I'm just... my chin's okay,
right?
1589
01:04:04,306 --> 01:04:06,379
- Your chin is absolutely fine.
- Okay.
1590
01:04:06,483 --> 01:04:07,344
It's beautiful.
1591
01:04:07,443 --> 01:04:09,712
I can... you know,
if you ever want to see
1592
01:04:09,810 --> 01:04:15,506
the Bronte sisters' house,
it's not so far.
1593
01:04:15,603 --> 01:04:18,221
If you want to go visit,
I'll take you there.
1594
01:04:42,419 --> 01:04:44,427
Have you noticed
as you get older,
1595
01:04:44,532 --> 01:04:48,043
older women
seem more attractive to you?
1596
01:04:48,147 --> 01:04:50,733
- And younger women.
- And younger women.
1597
01:04:50,835 --> 01:04:51,697
Women in general.
1598
01:04:51,795 --> 01:04:52,974
Well, yeah.
1599
01:04:53,075 --> 01:04:55,693
Younger women because
of their life-giving qualities,
1600
01:04:55,795 --> 01:04:58,250
and older women just 'cause,
you know,
1601
01:04:58,355 --> 01:05:01,672
'cause you appreciate
personality more.
1602
01:05:02,323 --> 01:05:04,908
I thought we'd try and avoid
the A roads, right,
1603
01:05:05,011 --> 01:05:07,281
and go up the B6255 to Hawes,
right,
1604
01:05:07,380 --> 01:05:09,200
and then cut down through
Oughtershaw,
1605
01:05:09,299 --> 01:05:10,509
Yockenthwaite, Buckden,
1606
01:05:10,611 --> 01:05:13,360
down the B6160
through Kettlewell,
1607
01:05:13,460 --> 01:05:16,045
then the B6265 through
Grassington to Pateley Bridge,
1608
01:05:16,148 --> 01:05:17,807
then up to Ramsgill
from there, right?
1609
01:05:17,908 --> 01:05:18,769
Yes, captain.
1610
01:05:18,868 --> 01:05:20,176
Can we use the sat nav tomorrow?
1611
01:05:20,275 --> 01:05:22,163
The thing about sat nav is,
you don't where you're...
1612
01:05:22,260 --> 01:05:23,504
you have no sense of geography.
1613
01:05:23,603 --> 01:05:25,992
Yeah, but it gets you there
the quickest way.
1614
01:05:26,100 --> 01:05:27,507
It's not about
the destination.
1615
01:05:27,604 --> 01:05:30,059
It's about the journey.
1616
01:05:31,795 --> 01:05:33,584
Ah.
1617
01:05:33,683 --> 01:05:36,270
Well?
1618
01:05:36,371 --> 01:05:37,418
Well?
1619
01:05:37,524 --> 01:05:39,728
Did you?
1620
01:05:39,828 --> 01:05:42,128
I meet women. I charm them.
I seduce them.
1621
01:05:42,226 --> 01:05:44,049
It's the aristocratic way.
1622
01:05:44,147 --> 01:05:45,008
Women are my windmills.
1623
01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:46,416
I tilt at them.
1624
01:05:46,515 --> 01:05:49,899
I'm like a knight, a knight
of old, wandering the land...
1625
01:05:50,004 --> 01:05:51,947
Don Quixote.
Yeah?
1626
01:05:52,052 --> 01:05:53,938
In a manner of speaking.
1627
01:05:54,035 --> 01:05:56,524
A British Don Quixote.
1628
01:05:56,627 --> 01:05:57,740
Don Coogan.
1629
01:05:57,843 --> 01:05:59,370
The Don.
1630
01:05:59,475 --> 01:06:01,745
Oh, Don Coogan.
1631
01:06:01,844 --> 01:06:03,730
I'm just gonna de-mist
the windows, Rob,
1632
01:06:03,828 --> 01:06:04,875
if that's all right with you.
1633
01:06:12,340 --> 01:06:13,834
See that there?
1634
01:06:13,939 --> 01:06:14,800
- That's a brook.
- Yeah.
1635
01:06:14,899 --> 01:06:16,208
You know what it's doing?
1636
01:06:16,307 --> 01:06:18,064
- Babbling.
- Yeah.
1637
01:06:18,163 --> 01:06:19,537
The only thing that babbles
is a brook.
1638
01:06:19,635 --> 01:06:20,814
And what else?
What else babbles?
1639
01:06:20,916 --> 01:06:23,153
- You.
- No. No, I ramble.
1640
01:06:23,251 --> 01:06:24,461
I ramble.
1641
01:06:24,564 --> 01:06:26,386
I ramble through the hills
and occasionally
1642
01:06:26,484 --> 01:06:28,491
at dinner parties.
1643
01:06:28,595 --> 01:06:31,313
They used to think this
was a collapsed cave,
1644
01:06:31,412 --> 01:06:34,543
but this was actually formed
about 10,000 years ago
1645
01:06:34,644 --> 01:06:36,618
by just traditional glaciation.
1646
01:06:36,723 --> 01:06:39,025
A big block of ice, say,
a kilometer thick,
1647
01:06:39,123 --> 01:06:41,993
would start to melt,
and normally,
1648
01:06:42,100 --> 01:06:44,401
the water would find
tributaries and sort of...
1649
01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:46,605
Whoa!
Look at that!
1650
01:06:46,707 --> 01:06:49,641
The limestone was too frozen
for the...
1651
01:06:49,747 --> 01:06:50,925
All right. Don't talk.
1652
01:06:51,028 --> 01:06:52,337
For the rivers to find
a way through.
1653
01:06:52,436 --> 01:06:53,646
Stop talking.
1654
01:06:53,748 --> 01:06:55,504
Yeah, but I'm just sharing
a bit of information.
1655
01:06:55,604 --> 01:06:56,651
You ought to...
1656
01:06:56,756 --> 01:06:58,413
I don't want to listen
to you all the time.
1657
01:06:58,516 --> 01:06:59,945
I don't want to listen to you
all the time,
1658
01:07:00,051 --> 01:07:01,393
but you give me all that.
1659
01:07:01,492 --> 01:07:03,347
I've been absolutely silent
all the way up here.
1660
01:07:03,444 --> 01:07:05,549
I'm telling you something
useful about what's made this...
1661
01:07:05,651 --> 01:07:07,245
Yeah, and I'd rather
you didn't explain.
1662
01:07:07,349 --> 01:07:08,754
I'd rather look at it
and appreciate it.
1663
01:07:08,851 --> 01:07:10,706
You're just annoyed because
you don't know about...
1664
01:07:10,803 --> 01:07:12,113
It's annoying you
that I know about...
1665
01:07:12,211 --> 01:07:14,284
I'm not annoyed.
I just want to look at it.
1666
01:07:14,387 --> 01:07:15,981
- Just be... shush.
- Okay. All right.
1667
01:07:16,084 --> 01:07:17,710
I never thought you'd tell me
to shush.
1668
01:07:17,812 --> 01:07:18,761
Christ.
1669
01:07:21,427 --> 01:07:22,802
Wow.
1670
01:07:27,571 --> 01:07:29,295
Five years have passed.
1671
01:07:29,396 --> 01:07:33,225
Five summers with the length
of five long winters,
1672
01:07:33,331 --> 01:07:36,463
and again I hear these waters
1673
01:07:36,565 --> 01:07:41,932
rolling from their mountain
springs with soft inland murmur.
1674
01:07:42,035 --> 01:07:46,793
Oft in lonely rooms
'mid the din of towns and cities
1675
01:07:46,900 --> 01:07:52,300
I have owed to them in times
of weariness sensations sweet.
1676
01:07:52,403 --> 01:07:54,924
You know where
that was written?
1677
01:07:55,028 --> 01:07:58,159
Tintern Abbey, Wales.
1678
01:07:58,260 --> 01:08:00,562
I know.
That's why I asked you.
1679
01:08:00,660 --> 01:08:02,700
Oft in lonely rooms
1680
01:08:02,803 --> 01:08:05,454
'mid the din of towns and cities
1681
01:08:05,555 --> 01:08:07,945
I have owed to them in hours
of weariness...
1682
01:08:08,052 --> 01:08:09,710
You're spoiling it.
You're spoiling it.
1683
01:08:09,811 --> 01:08:12,048
Why do you have to do it
in that voice?
1684
01:08:12,148 --> 01:08:14,515
Come on.
Let's head on up.
1685
01:08:14,611 --> 01:08:15,473
Where?
1686
01:08:15,571 --> 01:08:17,229
Up there.
1687
01:08:17,332 --> 01:08:19,275
- You serious?
- Yeah.
1688
01:08:19,380 --> 01:08:20,590
- No.
- Why?
1689
01:08:20,692 --> 01:08:22,798
It's too dangerous.
1690
01:08:22,900 --> 01:08:26,215
You've just got to make sure
you've got secure footing.
1691
01:08:26,324 --> 01:08:28,212
They've got hats
and backpacks.
1692
01:08:28,308 --> 01:08:30,412
The backpack makes it harder.
1693
01:08:30,516 --> 01:08:32,786
I sometimes get, like,
a fluttery heart,
1694
01:08:32,884 --> 01:08:34,706
like, an arrhythmic heartbeat,
and I've got it now.
1695
01:08:34,804 --> 01:08:35,819
I get it when I'm stressed.
1696
01:08:35,924 --> 01:08:38,412
All right.
Well, I'm going that way.
1697
01:08:38,515 --> 01:08:40,403
I'll be about a couple of hours,
right?
1698
01:08:40,500 --> 01:08:41,361
How long?
1699
01:08:41,460 --> 01:08:43,315
- Two hours.
- Two hours?
1700
01:08:43,411 --> 01:08:47,305
Yeah, if it gets to three,
then mountain rescue.
1701
01:08:47,411 --> 01:08:49,833
If you break your leg,
don't come running to me.
1702
01:08:49,940 --> 01:08:52,045
Ha-ha. Very good.
1703
01:08:52,149 --> 01:08:54,091
Steve.
1704
01:08:54,196 --> 01:08:57,065
Steve!
1705
01:08:57,172 --> 01:08:58,578
Be careful.
1706
01:10:03,188 --> 01:10:04,977
- Afternoon.
- Good afternoon.
1707
01:10:05,076 --> 01:10:06,156
Lovely day.
1708
01:10:06,260 --> 01:10:07,121
Beautiful, yeah.
1709
01:10:07,220 --> 01:10:08,082
Absolutely superb.
1710
01:10:08,181 --> 01:10:09,391
I know.
It's magical.
1711
01:10:09,493 --> 01:10:11,882
Yeah,
we're very fortunate today.
1712
01:10:11,989 --> 01:10:14,159
Have you been here, around
this area for a while, or...
1713
01:10:14,259 --> 01:10:16,627
Yeah, I'm aware of, you know...
1714
01:10:16,725 --> 01:10:18,132
Oh, that's excellent.
1715
01:10:18,228 --> 01:10:19,789
You know about
the limestone a wee bit
1716
01:10:19,892 --> 01:10:21,616
without being clever.
1717
01:10:21,717 --> 01:10:23,788
So you'll know that it started
off life in the Bahamas
1718
01:10:23,892 --> 01:10:26,314
somewhere around
that sort of line of latitude
1719
01:10:26,420 --> 01:10:28,013
south of the equator.
1720
01:10:28,116 --> 01:10:29,742
Well, the land mass
was part of Avalonia.
1721
01:10:29,845 --> 01:10:31,405
That's right, yeah.
Yeah.
1722
01:10:31,508 --> 01:10:34,127
Which had joined onto Laurasia,
of course,
1723
01:10:34,229 --> 01:10:37,262
and world famous
Malham limestone pavement,
1724
01:10:37,364 --> 01:10:38,542
I suppose,
you would describe it.
1725
01:10:38,645 --> 01:10:41,329
Malham Cove,
it's in many, many textbooks.
1726
01:10:41,429 --> 01:10:42,509
No, well aware of it.
1727
01:10:42,613 --> 01:10:43,790
And photographs.
Tremendous.
1728
01:10:43,893 --> 01:10:45,300
The only disadvantage
with limestone,
1729
01:10:45,397 --> 01:10:46,323
although a very hard rock,
1730
01:10:46,420 --> 01:10:48,722
road wearing
and all the rest of it,
1731
01:10:48,819 --> 01:10:51,570
coarse base stuff,
it dissolves in weak acid,
1732
01:10:51,668 --> 01:10:54,636
and the acid derives
from the water,
1733
01:10:54,741 --> 01:10:57,456
rainwater which combines
with carbon dioxide
1734
01:10:57,556 --> 01:11:00,524
in the atmosphere,
and then the rain falls
1735
01:11:00,628 --> 01:11:03,346
onto the limestone,
which is calcium carbonate.
1736
01:11:03,445 --> 01:11:04,492
Yeah.
1737
01:11:04,596 --> 01:11:06,025
And the features
that we're looking at,
1738
01:11:06,133 --> 01:11:09,231
these linear features,
begun as, basically,
1739
01:11:09,332 --> 01:11:10,576
cracks in the rock
as it lithified.
1740
01:11:10,677 --> 01:11:11,757
That's right. Yeah.
1741
01:11:11,860 --> 01:11:14,281
And of course,
they've dissolved into the width
1742
01:11:14,388 --> 01:11:16,047
that we see today,
as have the...
1743
01:11:16,149 --> 01:11:21,484
not only the longitudinal ones,
the east-west ones, same thing,
1744
01:11:21,588 --> 01:11:25,331
but the features on the surface
are, indeed, very famous indeed.
1745
01:11:25,429 --> 01:11:27,437
You'll see a number
of these little potholes.
1746
01:11:27,541 --> 01:11:28,686
Oh, yeah.
1747
01:11:28,789 --> 01:11:33,578
They are water solution holes
known as rundkarren.
1748
01:11:33,685 --> 01:11:34,830
Yeah.
1749
01:11:34,933 --> 01:11:38,828
The long features on
the surface are the rillenkaren.
1750
01:11:38,933 --> 01:11:41,169
Fantastic.
It's fascinating stuff.
1751
01:11:41,268 --> 01:11:42,195
Yeah.
1752
01:11:42,292 --> 01:11:43,470
Okay, I'll be on my way.
1753
01:11:43,572 --> 01:11:45,744
- Righto.
- Thanks. Cheerio.
1754
01:11:45,845 --> 01:11:46,793
Bye.
1755
01:11:55,316 --> 01:12:00,019
Here we are.
The Yorke Arms.
1756
01:12:00,116 --> 01:12:00,978
Wonderful.
1757
01:12:01,077 --> 01:12:02,025
Wow.
1758
01:12:05,205 --> 01:12:06,066
This is your room, sir.
1759
01:12:06,165 --> 01:12:07,987
Oh, beautiful. Yeah.
1760
01:12:08,085 --> 01:12:08,979
Oh, it's lovely.
1761
01:12:09,076 --> 01:12:10,539
The bathroom
is just over there.
1762
01:12:10,645 --> 01:12:11,506
Yeah.
1763
01:12:11,605 --> 01:12:13,710
Oak. Nice oak.
1764
01:12:13,812 --> 01:12:16,332
If you need anything,
we'll be in reception.
1765
01:12:16,436 --> 01:12:18,444
Okay, can you get
phone reception around here?
1766
01:12:18,550 --> 01:12:21,102
No, I'm sorry,
but if you go along the lake,
1767
01:12:21,205 --> 01:12:23,148
you can have some reception
there.
1768
01:12:23,252 --> 01:12:24,681
- Great. Lovely. Okay.
- Okay.
1769
01:12:26,741 --> 01:12:28,049
Hello?
1770
01:12:28,149 --> 01:12:29,010
Hey. Hey.
1771
01:12:29,109 --> 01:12:30,703
Where have you been?
1772
01:12:30,805 --> 01:12:32,082
I called you four timeslast night.
1773
01:12:32,181 --> 01:12:33,163
You didn't call me back.
1774
01:12:33,269 --> 01:12:34,129
I know, honey.
1775
01:12:34,228 --> 01:12:35,090
Listen... look...
1776
01:12:36,629 --> 01:12:40,491
These restaurants that
you've picked are great places,
1777
01:12:40,597 --> 01:12:41,676
but the phone reception sucks.
1778
01:12:41,781 --> 01:12:42,642
It's really bad.
1779
01:12:42,741 --> 01:12:44,236
Have you been doing drugs?
1780
01:12:44,341 --> 01:12:46,282
No.
1781
01:12:46,389 --> 01:12:47,469
No, of course not.
1782
01:12:47,573 --> 01:12:49,515
Look, if you couldn't get me,
I was...
1783
01:12:49,621 --> 01:12:51,858
You know where I am right now?
I'm in a field.
1784
01:12:51,957 --> 01:12:54,062
It's a very beautiful field.
1785
01:12:54,165 --> 01:12:55,856
It's really gorgeous,
1786
01:12:55,957 --> 01:12:57,778
but, you know,
I can't really enjoy it.
1787
01:12:57,876 --> 01:13:01,357
I'm with a short Welsh man
who does impressions.
1788
01:13:01,461 --> 01:13:02,770
It's not fun.
1789
01:13:02,868 --> 01:13:06,447
So are there lots of pretty
Northern waitresses up there?
1790
01:13:06,550 --> 01:13:09,898
No, there's no beautiful
Northern waitresses.
1791
01:13:10,005 --> 01:13:14,794
They're all Spanish or Polish
or from somewhere.
1792
01:13:14,901 --> 01:13:16,592
Great, so they're beautiful
1793
01:13:16,694 --> 01:13:18,220
Eastern Europeanwaitresses up there.
1794
01:13:18,325 --> 01:13:19,503
Perfect.
1795
01:13:19,604 --> 01:13:21,580
Yeah, well, yeah, listen,
you're the one who said
1796
01:13:21,685 --> 01:13:24,368
we were taking a break, so,
you know, what do you expect?
1797
01:13:24,469 --> 01:13:26,063
Does that meanyou've been with other girls
1798
01:13:26,165 --> 01:13:28,782
because we're on a break?
1799
01:13:28,885 --> 01:13:29,867
I wish you were here.
1800
01:13:29,973 --> 01:13:31,380
You could have been here
with me.
1801
01:13:31,477 --> 01:13:32,404
Yeah, I know.
1802
01:13:32,501 --> 01:13:33,745
You chose not to be.
1803
01:13:33,845 --> 01:13:37,490
Well, you know where I am.
You can come see me anytime.
1804
01:13:37,590 --> 01:13:40,971
Oh, Christ.
1805
01:13:41,076 --> 01:13:43,248
Look at the time.Got to go, Steve.
1806
01:13:43,349 --> 01:13:45,171
Hope you get reception againsometime soon.
1807
01:13:45,269 --> 01:13:47,244
All right. Yes. Thanks.
Bye, baby. Bye, bye.
1808
01:13:47,349 --> 01:13:49,683
Okay, bye, bye, bye.
1809
01:14:02,485 --> 01:14:04,012
What is that, a sonar?
1810
01:14:11,286 --> 01:14:12,146
It's got to be...
1811
01:14:23,798 --> 01:14:26,732
No, you sound like a submarine
clearing its throat.
1812
01:14:26,837 --> 01:14:29,074
Sound like a Scouse submarine.
1813
01:14:30,901 --> 01:14:32,527
Gentlemen, have you decided
what you'd like?
1814
01:14:32,630 --> 01:14:36,656
Could I have the souffl� to
start and then the lamb, please?
1815
01:14:36,757 --> 01:14:38,001
And the lamb to follow.
Thank you.
1816
01:14:38,102 --> 01:14:39,923
Tuna followed by the cod,
please.
1817
01:14:40,021 --> 01:14:42,705
And then the cod.
Lovely. Thank you very much.
1818
01:14:42,806 --> 01:14:43,700
I'll take those for you.
1819
01:14:43,798 --> 01:14:44,975
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
1820
01:14:45,078 --> 01:14:45,939
Just take that for you.
1821
01:14:46,038 --> 01:14:47,346
- Okay, thank you.
- Thank you.
1822
01:14:47,445 --> 01:14:51,155
Do you know the Abba song
The Winner Takes It All?
1823
01:14:52,885 --> 01:14:54,795
The reason that song
has so much pain
1824
01:14:54,902 --> 01:14:58,513
is because he wrote the words
for her to sing
1825
01:14:58,614 --> 01:15:00,817
about their breakup,
1826
01:15:00,917 --> 01:15:03,187
but he wrote the lyrics
from her point of view.
1827
01:15:03,285 --> 01:15:06,667
# I apologize #
1828
01:15:06,773 --> 01:15:10,570
# If it makes you feel sad #
1829
01:15:10,678 --> 01:15:13,132
# Seeing me so tense #
1830
01:15:13,237 --> 01:15:16,172
both: # No self-confidence #
1831
01:15:16,278 --> 01:15:17,705
But you see...
1832
01:15:17,813 --> 01:15:20,399
both: # The winner
takes it all #
1833
01:15:20,501 --> 01:15:23,535
It's a bit presumptuous
that he's saying
1834
01:15:23,637 --> 01:15:24,782
that she has no self-confidence.
1835
01:15:24,886 --> 01:15:25,747
She might say...
1836
01:15:25,846 --> 01:15:27,090
But wait,
1837
01:15:27,190 --> 01:15:28,433
I have plenty
of self-confidence.
1838
01:15:28,533 --> 01:15:29,743
I'm just sad
about the breakdown.
1839
01:15:29,845 --> 01:15:31,886
One tuna away, please.
1840
01:15:35,542 --> 01:15:37,844
# I don't want to talk #
1841
01:15:37,941 --> 01:15:40,592
both: # About things
we've gone through #
1842
01:15:40,693 --> 01:15:42,220
# Though it's hurting me #
1843
01:15:42,326 --> 01:15:43,537
All of her Ss are high.
1844
01:15:43,638 --> 01:15:45,777
Though it'ssss herding me...
1845
01:15:45,877 --> 01:15:46,738
"Herding"?
1846
01:15:46,837 --> 01:15:49,042
Now it'ssss hissstory.
1847
01:15:49,142 --> 01:15:51,629
Don't make her like the chef
from the Muppets.
1848
01:15:51,732 --> 01:15:53,326
# Though it's herding me #
1849
01:15:55,125 --> 01:15:56,238
He was Swedish.
1850
01:15:56,342 --> 01:15:57,552
He wasn't in Abba.
1851
01:15:57,654 --> 01:16:00,719
# Now it's hissstory #
1852
01:16:00,821 --> 01:16:02,544
# I played all my cards #
1853
01:16:02,645 --> 01:16:05,198
Now you sound like the Nazis
from Inglourious Basterds.
1854
01:16:05,302 --> 01:16:07,090
- Who I look like.
- Yes.
1855
01:16:07,189 --> 01:16:08,913
# I played all my cards #
1856
01:16:09,014 --> 01:16:10,639
Now it's hurting me,
1857
01:16:10,742 --> 01:16:12,978
and now I'm going to kill
some Jews under the floor.
1858
01:16:14,837 --> 01:16:16,724
Und that's what
you've done too.
1859
01:16:16,821 --> 01:16:18,316
That's what you've done too.
1860
01:16:18,422 --> 01:16:20,942
The winner takes it all,
Mr. Bond.
1861
01:16:21,045 --> 01:16:23,347
Come, come, Mr. Bond.
The winner takes it all.
1862
01:16:24,405 --> 01:16:25,780
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
1863
01:16:25,878 --> 01:16:28,944
you enjoy playing all your cards
just as much as I do.
1864
01:16:29,046 --> 01:16:30,224
When I play my cards,
1865
01:16:30,327 --> 01:16:31,985
I play for Benny and Bjorn.
1866
01:16:34,614 --> 01:16:37,777
I find the song quite moving.
1867
01:16:46,614 --> 01:16:50,126
Your roast cod
with truffle ravioli
1868
01:16:50,230 --> 01:16:51,757
and a spiced cauliflower.
1869
01:16:51,862 --> 01:16:54,283
A saddle of Nidderdale lamb
with mutton pudding.
1870
01:16:54,390 --> 01:16:55,916
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you very much.
1871
01:16:56,022 --> 01:16:57,069
Thank you.
1872
01:16:57,173 --> 01:16:58,034
Yeah.
1873
01:16:58,133 --> 01:17:02,160
Hopkins, Sheen,
Brydon, Burton,
1874
01:17:02,261 --> 01:17:04,782
the Port Talbot four.
1875
01:17:04,887 --> 01:17:06,195
- That's what we're known as.
- Really?
1876
01:17:06,293 --> 01:17:08,716
Yeah, Michael Sheen.
1877
01:17:08,822 --> 01:17:10,131
How are you?
1878
01:17:10,230 --> 01:17:13,013
Good evening.
1879
01:17:14,710 --> 01:17:17,459
We couldn't have done that
the way that Michael does it.
1880
01:17:17,558 --> 01:17:18,540
Let's face it.
1881
01:17:18,645 --> 01:17:20,019
- We could not have played...
- We? We? We?
1882
01:17:20,117 --> 01:17:21,776
We couldn't. We couldn't.
We're not the same.
1883
01:17:21,878 --> 01:17:22,739
We're different animals.
1884
01:17:22,837 --> 01:17:23,917
We couldn't play those parts.
1885
01:17:24,022 --> 01:17:25,397
No, you're not
the same as him.
1886
01:17:25,495 --> 01:17:26,836
I'm more similar to him.
1887
01:17:26,934 --> 01:17:29,170
Well, why don't you do
the sort of roles that he does?
1888
01:17:29,270 --> 01:17:32,466
Because no one
will give those roles to me.
1889
01:17:32,566 --> 01:17:33,876
I've got an albatross
around my neck,
1890
01:17:33,974 --> 01:17:36,559
and it's got the face
of Michael Sheen.
1891
01:17:36,662 --> 01:17:39,215
Do you try for those roles?
1892
01:17:39,317 --> 01:17:40,910
Yeah, and Michael Sheen
gets them all.
1893
01:17:41,013 --> 01:17:42,323
Michael Sheen is very good.
1894
01:17:42,422 --> 01:17:45,291
- Michael Sheen is always...
- Brilliant.
1895
01:17:45,399 --> 01:17:46,925
He's not brilliant; he's good.
He's solid.
1896
01:17:47,030 --> 01:17:47,891
He is brilliant.
1897
01:17:47,990 --> 01:17:50,739
I'm fucking brilliant!
1898
01:17:50,838 --> 01:17:53,041
Yes, but not
in the same way as...
1899
01:17:53,141 --> 01:17:55,378
Michael Sheen couldn't do
what you do.
1900
01:17:55,478 --> 01:17:57,485
Michael Sheen couldn't play
Alan Partridge.
1901
01:17:57,589 --> 01:17:59,084
Michael Sheen couldn't play
Pauline Calf.
1902
01:17:59,191 --> 01:18:00,302
All right?
1903
01:18:00,406 --> 01:18:02,229
But equally,
you couldn't play David Frost.
1904
01:18:02,326 --> 01:18:03,341
Huh?
1905
01:18:03,446 --> 01:18:05,868
I don't believe
that you really believe
1906
01:18:05,973 --> 01:18:07,218
that I couldn't play
David Frost.
1907
01:18:07,318 --> 01:18:09,260
I think you could play it.
Of course you could play it.
1908
01:18:09,366 --> 01:18:11,056
Bloody hell.
The waiter could play it.
1909
01:18:11,158 --> 01:18:12,816
But how well
are you gonna play it?
1910
01:18:12,918 --> 01:18:14,673
Very well.
1911
01:18:14,774 --> 01:18:16,050
Hello.
1912
01:18:19,351 --> 01:18:21,238
I mean, Michael almost
doesn't have to say the words.
1913
01:18:21,334 --> 01:18:22,281
He can just go...
1914
01:18:25,238 --> 01:18:26,764
And you know what he's doing.
1915
01:18:29,078 --> 01:18:30,834
You were just
jutting your chin out.
1916
01:18:30,934 --> 01:18:32,211
Mm, that's me.
1917
01:18:32,311 --> 01:18:33,935
If Michael did it,
people would go,
1918
01:18:34,037 --> 01:18:35,948
"Fucking hell,
it's David Frost."
1919
01:18:36,054 --> 01:18:39,632
Well, you know, I got down to
the last two for Peter Sellers.
1920
01:18:39,733 --> 01:18:41,327
Yes, you did,
and on that count,
1921
01:18:41,431 --> 01:18:43,219
as I've told you
many times before,
1922
01:18:43,317 --> 01:18:45,074
you would have been better
than Geoffrey Rush.
1923
01:18:45,174 --> 01:18:46,832
You know,
I was actually in that film?
1924
01:18:46,934 --> 01:18:47,981
Have I told you this?
1925
01:18:48,086 --> 01:18:49,679
I played Dustin Hoffman.
1926
01:18:49,782 --> 01:18:51,211
Oh, yes,
when he got his Oscar.
1927
01:18:51,318 --> 01:18:53,839
I had to do
a speech as Dustin Hoffman.
1928
01:18:53,943 --> 01:18:54,835
- Really?
- Yeah.
1929
01:18:54,933 --> 01:18:57,138
He says... and I learned this,
right?
1930
01:18:57,238 --> 01:19:01,167
I refuse to accept that
I'm better than Jack Lemmon,
1931
01:19:01,271 --> 01:19:02,252
than Peter Sellers,
1932
01:19:02,359 --> 01:19:03,886
than whoever else
the other one was.
1933
01:19:03,990 --> 01:19:05,397
He could have turned down
the award.
1934
01:19:05,494 --> 01:19:08,460
He could have turned down the
Oscar if he refused to accept...
1935
01:19:08,566 --> 01:19:09,974
Yeah, all right.
That's not the point.
1936
01:19:10,070 --> 01:19:12,077
I'm just saying that I was
in it, and I got cut out.
1937
01:19:17,333 --> 01:19:19,723
Oh, wow. Thank you very much.
Look at that.
1938
01:19:19,830 --> 01:19:21,717
It's a chocolate
inverted comma.
1939
01:19:21,813 --> 01:19:23,308
He's got an ironic dessert.
1940
01:19:23,415 --> 01:19:24,843
Thank you.
1941
01:19:24,950 --> 01:19:26,260
Your apple Breton
with lemon sorbet
1942
01:19:26,360 --> 01:19:27,635
and croque monsieur.
1943
01:19:27,734 --> 01:19:30,155
And your chocolate dessert
is a warm chocolate fondant,
1944
01:19:30,261 --> 01:19:32,084
chocolate tier,
chocolate Neapolitan,
1945
01:19:32,182 --> 01:19:33,360
and a chocolate
and caramel tart.
1946
01:19:33,462 --> 01:19:34,410
Thank you very much indeed.
1947
01:19:34,518 --> 01:19:36,045
Can there be
any more chocolate?
1948
01:19:36,151 --> 01:19:37,078
You want some of that?
1949
01:19:37,174 --> 01:19:39,475
Okay, yeah.
1950
01:19:39,574 --> 01:19:40,556
Good, isn't it?
1951
01:19:40,662 --> 01:19:42,188
I'm sure people think
we're gay.
1952
01:19:42,294 --> 01:19:43,342
I don't care.
1953
01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:47,309
No, I don't either.
I don't care.
1954
01:19:47,415 --> 01:19:49,421
Where are you?
I don't know where you are.
1955
01:19:49,526 --> 01:19:50,802
Somebody get me out of here.
1956
01:19:50,902 --> 01:19:52,975
Who'd have
thought that would catch on, eh?
1957
01:19:53,079 --> 01:19:54,355
Got an iPhone app
with that on it now.
1958
01:19:54,454 --> 01:19:55,533
Really?
1959
01:19:55,639 --> 01:19:57,133
Haven't launched it.
About to launch it.
1960
01:19:57,238 --> 01:19:58,667
What, to launch an iPhone app
with your...
1961
01:19:58,774 --> 01:20:01,108
Rob Brydon,
Small Man in a Box.
1962
01:20:01,206 --> 01:20:02,155
I'm not a good businessman.
1963
01:20:02,262 --> 01:20:03,472
I'm an artist.
1964
01:20:03,574 --> 01:20:06,389
I'm cursed to be flawed
in my business ventures, but...
1965
01:20:06,486 --> 01:20:07,795
I got to tell you,
1966
01:20:07,894 --> 01:20:09,455
the food here is terrible,
1967
01:20:09,559 --> 01:20:11,565
and such small portions.
1968
01:20:13,622 --> 01:20:16,524
Sex without love
is an empty experience,
1969
01:20:16,631 --> 01:20:19,947
but as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.
1970
01:20:20,055 --> 01:20:23,437
You know, sex between two
people is a wonderful thing.
1971
01:20:23,542 --> 01:20:24,972
Between three, it's terrific.
1972
01:20:26,231 --> 01:20:28,914
No, really, I enjoyed
making love last night.
1973
01:20:29,014 --> 01:20:32,428
It was the most fun
I've had without laughing.
1974
01:20:32,534 --> 01:20:34,923
You know, they tell me...
I hear my ex-wife
1975
01:20:35,030 --> 01:20:37,201
was violated in the street.
1976
01:20:37,302 --> 01:20:38,415
I said, " Knowing my ex-wife,
1977
01:20:38,518 --> 01:20:40,907
it was probably
not a moving violation."
1978
01:20:44,886 --> 01:20:45,747
Hello?
1979
01:20:45,845 --> 01:20:46,861
Hey, Joe.
It's Dad.
1980
01:20:46,966 --> 01:20:47,894
Yeah, I know.
1981
01:20:47,991 --> 01:20:49,452
Your name comes up
on the screen.
1982
01:20:49,558 --> 01:20:50,420
Oh, that's good.
1983
01:20:50,519 --> 01:20:52,046
I'm gonna cut to the chase.
1984
01:20:52,151 --> 01:20:53,710
I spoke to your mum.
1985
01:20:53,814 --> 01:20:55,669
She told me what happened
the other night.
1986
01:20:55,766 --> 01:20:58,100
I was just with some friends.You know, it was only a drink.
1987
01:20:58,198 --> 01:20:59,093
Just having a bit of fun.
1988
01:20:59,191 --> 01:21:01,808
You can't do that.
1989
01:21:01,910 --> 01:21:05,205
If you work hard and...
you know...
1990
01:21:05,302 --> 01:21:08,848
then you can always...
1991
01:21:08,950 --> 01:21:10,379
you know, enjoy yourself
at the weekend.
1992
01:21:10,487 --> 01:21:13,008
But you've got to rein it in
during the week.
1993
01:21:13,111 --> 01:21:15,053
You have to, all right?
1994
01:21:15,158 --> 01:21:17,613
Okay.
How's the trip?
1995
01:21:17,719 --> 01:21:19,541
Uh...
1996
01:21:19,639 --> 01:21:21,973
It's good.
1997
01:21:22,070 --> 01:21:26,129
You know,
it's kind of enjoyable.
1998
01:21:26,230 --> 01:21:29,078
Rob's being, you know,
sort of a pain in the ass,
1999
01:21:29,175 --> 01:21:31,695
but I tolerate him.
2000
01:21:31,798 --> 01:21:33,009
How long have you known him?
2001
01:21:33,111 --> 01:21:34,802
Rob?
2002
01:21:34,902 --> 01:21:37,935
11 years.
Something like that.
2003
01:21:38,038 --> 01:21:40,339
That's amazing.
2004
01:21:40,438 --> 01:21:41,366
Is it?
2005
01:21:41,463 --> 01:21:42,837
Yeah.
That's such a long time.
2006
01:21:42,934 --> 01:21:45,782
Yes.
2007
01:21:45,879 --> 01:21:47,788
Yeah, I suppose it is.
2008
01:21:47,895 --> 01:21:48,755
Yeah, he's...
2009
01:21:52,086 --> 01:21:54,225
Yeah, he's a, you know,
he's a good friend.
2010
01:21:54,327 --> 01:21:55,504
Yeah, I miss you.
2011
01:21:55,607 --> 01:21:58,258
Yeah, I miss you too.
2012
01:21:58,359 --> 01:22:01,325
Okay, listen, I'll be back soon,
2013
01:22:01,430 --> 01:22:04,496
and we'll have some
fun time together, yeah?
2014
01:22:04,599 --> 01:22:06,487
Constructive fun time,
all right?
2015
01:22:06,583 --> 01:22:08,241
Yeah.
2016
01:22:08,343 --> 01:22:10,514
All right, listen, love you.
2017
01:22:10,615 --> 01:22:13,168
Take care, and behave.
2018
01:22:13,270 --> 01:22:14,481
Yeah.
2019
01:22:14,583 --> 01:22:15,510
- All right, mate.
- See ya.
2020
01:22:15,607 --> 01:22:16,555
See ya.
2021
01:22:29,175 --> 01:22:32,436
I am once again bottomless.
2022
01:22:32,535 --> 01:22:34,061
Don't you ever get coldbeing bottomless?
2023
01:22:34,167 --> 01:22:35,028
No, no, I don't.
2024
01:22:35,127 --> 01:22:37,680
I think of you,
and I just let him free.
2025
01:22:37,783 --> 01:22:39,889
I let him off the lead,
as it were.
2026
01:22:39,991 --> 01:22:41,169
Let him run round the car park
2027
01:22:41,271 --> 01:22:43,573
in the hope that he sniffs up
something interesting.
2028
01:22:43,671 --> 01:22:44,914
He's under there now.
2029
01:22:45,015 --> 01:22:47,120
There's only a kind of
candlewick bedspread between...
2030
01:22:47,222 --> 01:22:50,158
Oh, candlewick bedspread?That's not very sexy.
2031
01:22:50,263 --> 01:22:52,402
Well, there's a phone
resting on him as well,
2032
01:22:52,504 --> 01:22:54,358
so if the phone begins to move,
2033
01:22:54,454 --> 01:22:58,230
I'll know that you're weaving
your magic, as it were.
2034
01:22:58,326 --> 01:23:00,017
Oh, help me.
2035
01:23:00,119 --> 01:23:03,436
I'm the small man
stuck in a box.
2036
01:23:03,543 --> 01:23:06,096
Oh.
2037
01:23:06,199 --> 01:23:07,824
I'm trapped in a box.
2038
01:23:10,455 --> 01:23:15,408
I'm trapped in a...
I'm trapped in a box.
2039
01:23:15,510 --> 01:23:19,024
I'm trapped in a box.
2040
01:23:24,823 --> 01:23:26,350
I'm stuck in a box.
What are you doing?
2041
01:23:26,455 --> 01:23:29,422
What's happening?
What's happening?
2042
01:23:29,527 --> 01:23:31,283
Small man stuck in a box.
2043
01:23:34,072 --> 01:23:38,741
I don't care
about silly voices.
2044
01:23:38,839 --> 01:23:40,366
They're stupid.
2045
01:23:47,320 --> 01:23:49,228
Why are we going so early?
2046
01:23:49,335 --> 01:23:53,110
Because I want to take in
Bolton Abbey
2047
01:23:53,207 --> 01:23:55,379
and then quickly say hi
to my parents.
2048
01:23:55,479 --> 01:23:57,552
You don't mind...
do you mind coming to say...
2049
01:23:57,655 --> 01:23:58,734
- Physically?
- Yes.
2050
01:23:58,838 --> 01:23:59,854
Actually visit them?
2051
01:23:59,959 --> 01:24:01,748
Well, I can't leave you
in the car.
2052
01:24:01,847 --> 01:24:05,589
You could bring me a lemonade
and a packet of crisps,
2053
01:24:05,687 --> 01:24:08,371
leave the window like that
so I don't get too hot.
2054
01:24:08,472 --> 01:24:10,478
Yeah, and I'll bring
my parents out to look at you,
2055
01:24:10,582 --> 01:24:12,722
and your nose is through the gap
there like that.
2056
01:24:12,823 --> 01:24:14,645
You can say,
"I would bring him in,
2057
01:24:14,743 --> 01:24:15,725
but he might make a mess."
2058
01:24:20,535 --> 01:24:23,796
From Bolton's
old monastic tower,
2059
01:24:23,895 --> 01:24:26,994
the bells ring loud
with gladsome power.
2060
01:24:27,095 --> 01:24:28,819
The sun shines bright.
2061
01:24:28,920 --> 01:24:30,196
The fields are gay
2062
01:24:30,296 --> 01:24:33,077
with people in their best array
2063
01:24:33,175 --> 01:24:36,306
of stole and doublet,
hood and scarf,
2064
01:24:36,407 --> 01:24:39,124
along the banks
of crystal Wharf.
2065
01:24:39,223 --> 01:24:46,676
And thus in joyous mood they hie
to Bolton's mouldering Priory.
2066
01:24:46,775 --> 01:24:49,109
Sir Ian McKellan.
2067
01:24:49,207 --> 01:24:51,477
Come, we shall walk together.
2068
01:24:51,576 --> 01:24:53,233
Is that why you went
to bed early last night,
2069
01:24:53,334 --> 01:24:54,480
so you could learn that poem?
2070
01:24:54,583 --> 01:24:57,070
Yes.
Mission accomplished.
2071
01:24:57,175 --> 01:24:58,158
I don't know why...
2072
01:24:58,264 --> 01:24:59,638
You weren't interested
in Wordsworth
2073
01:24:59,735 --> 01:25:00,717
before we went on this trip.
2074
01:25:00,823 --> 01:25:02,450
Or Bolton Abbey,
going on about Bolton Abbey.
2075
01:25:02,552 --> 01:25:03,828
This is lovely.
This is fantastic.
2076
01:25:03,927 --> 01:25:05,040
I know it is.
2077
01:25:05,142 --> 01:25:06,801
Why'd you have to do it
in Ian McKellan's voice?
2078
01:25:06,904 --> 01:25:08,148
It was a lovely poem.
2079
01:25:08,247 --> 01:25:10,451
What would have been really nice
is if you got up this morning...
2080
01:25:10,551 --> 01:25:12,307
If you learned that poem,
which I appreciate,
2081
01:25:12,408 --> 01:25:14,131
even though it was meant
to intimidate me.
2082
01:25:14,232 --> 01:25:15,792
If you got up this morning
and said the poem
2083
01:25:15,896 --> 01:25:17,488
in your own voice
and meant the words.
2084
01:25:17,591 --> 01:25:20,526
I chose a voice
to suit the mood.
2085
01:25:20,632 --> 01:25:22,868
I felt Sir Ian,
coming, as he does, from Bolton,
2086
01:25:22,967 --> 01:25:24,462
would be perfectly suited...
2087
01:25:24,568 --> 01:25:26,094
It's a different Bolton, Rob.
2088
01:25:26,199 --> 01:25:27,607
Yeah, well, same word.
2089
01:25:27,704 --> 01:25:30,518
I thought he'd be perfectly
suited for here.
2090
01:25:30,615 --> 01:25:31,508
And it is incredible.
2091
01:25:31,608 --> 01:25:33,713
I mean, look,
that is incredible.
2092
01:25:35,415 --> 01:25:38,284
Standing on a grave.
Sorry.
2093
01:25:38,391 --> 01:25:41,042
Will you be buried,
or will you be cremated?
2094
01:25:41,144 --> 01:25:43,893
I think I would like
to be buried,
2095
01:25:43,992 --> 01:25:46,097
so that I have a headstone,
like Elvis,
2096
01:25:46,200 --> 01:25:49,615
but I think
that when you have a headstone
2097
01:25:49,719 --> 01:25:53,397
and you're in a place, it puts
great pressure on your family,
2098
01:25:53,495 --> 01:25:55,600
your surviving family,
to visit you.
2099
01:25:55,704 --> 01:25:58,605
I'd be happy if you,
you know...
2100
01:25:58,711 --> 01:25:59,856
I'm happy with either.
2101
01:25:59,959 --> 01:26:02,065
If they buried you
or cremated you,
2102
01:26:02,168 --> 01:26:06,576
they would both suit me fine.
2103
01:26:06,680 --> 01:26:08,883
Would you come to my funeral?
Would you turn up, do you think?
2104
01:26:08,983 --> 01:26:10,609
Course I would.
Course I would. Yeah.
2105
01:26:10,712 --> 01:26:13,199
If only to pad out the numbers,
you know.
2106
01:26:13,303 --> 01:26:18,061
You know when someone dies
and they go to the funeral
2107
01:26:18,168 --> 01:26:19,890
and they say, you know,
2108
01:26:19,991 --> 01:26:21,551
"We should have done this
when he was alive.
2109
01:26:21,655 --> 01:26:22,768
He would have loved this."
2110
01:26:22,872 --> 01:26:25,457
What, cremated him?
2111
01:26:25,559 --> 01:26:29,040
No, you know,
hearing the eulogies.
2112
01:26:29,144 --> 01:26:30,518
That's what I'll say
at your funeral.
2113
01:26:30,616 --> 01:26:32,470
We should have done this
a lot when he was alive,
2114
01:26:32,567 --> 01:26:33,428
cremated him.
2115
01:26:34,872 --> 01:26:37,905
No riposte from you,
'cause you're dead.
2116
01:26:38,008 --> 01:26:39,732
I don't think
you should say that.
2117
01:26:39,832 --> 01:26:40,693
You really shouldn't...
2118
01:26:40,792 --> 01:26:42,165
- Yeah.
- In the box.
2119
01:26:42,263 --> 01:26:44,467
You wouldn't be able to come
back with your man in a box
2120
01:26:44,568 --> 01:26:46,804
even though it would be
fantastic if you had,
2121
01:26:46,903 --> 01:26:47,918
'cause you'd be in a coffin.
2122
01:26:48,024 --> 01:26:49,617
It would have been the perfect
place to do it,
2123
01:26:49,720 --> 01:26:50,898
but you wouldn't be able
to do it...
2124
01:26:50,999 --> 01:26:52,308
I would literally be a man
in the box.
2125
01:26:52,408 --> 01:26:53,618
I know, it would
have been great,
2126
01:26:53,720 --> 01:26:56,437
but I'd be safe in the knowledge
that I could do that,
2127
01:26:56,536 --> 01:26:58,030
and he won't come back
with his man in a box,
2128
01:26:58,135 --> 01:26:59,280
which would have been brilliant,
2129
01:26:59,383 --> 01:27:02,253
but he can't,
'cause he's brown bread.
2130
01:27:02,360 --> 01:27:04,978
I'd be there. I'd be there.
I'd be at your funeral.
2131
01:27:05,080 --> 01:27:10,034
And now, from one of Rob's
very closest friends...
2132
01:27:10,136 --> 01:27:13,584
you'll know him, of course,
as TV's Alan Partridge,
2133
01:27:13,688 --> 01:27:18,160
and he has asked specifically to
come up and take 25, 30 minutes
2134
01:27:18,264 --> 01:27:21,810
to talk about his friend Rob.
2135
01:27:21,913 --> 01:27:23,887
Ladies and gentlemen...
2136
01:27:23,992 --> 01:27:25,933
Steve Coogan.
2137
01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:28,527
Oh, you may
also know Steve
2138
01:27:28,632 --> 01:27:30,836
from some of his very good
art house films
2139
01:27:30,936 --> 01:27:32,180
that have been
very well reviewed
2140
01:27:32,279 --> 01:27:33,654
by some of
the broadsheet newspapers.
2141
01:27:33,752 --> 01:27:35,922
Steve Coogan.
2142
01:27:36,983 --> 01:27:38,893
Thanks. Thank you.
2143
01:27:38,999 --> 01:27:40,243
A-ha!
2144
01:27:40,344 --> 01:27:42,930
Somebody will shout that out.
One of my Welsh relatives.
2145
01:27:43,033 --> 01:27:44,723
Yes, yes.
2146
01:27:44,824 --> 01:27:46,351
Alan Partridge.
2147
01:27:46,456 --> 01:27:48,495
Very much alive
2148
01:27:48,599 --> 01:27:54,514
compared with our good departed
friend Rob Brydon.
2149
01:27:54,616 --> 01:27:58,063
Rob was an interesting guy,
2150
01:27:58,167 --> 01:27:59,248
very funny,
2151
01:27:59,352 --> 01:28:03,150
very entertaining,
and yet, at the same time,
2152
01:28:03,256 --> 01:28:04,979
there was something...
2153
01:28:05,080 --> 01:28:08,462
Although he made me laugh
and made us all laugh, I think,
2154
01:28:08,567 --> 01:28:11,634
there was something about him
that was lost,
2155
01:28:11,736 --> 01:28:16,471
something about him that seemed
unable to confront
2156
01:28:16,569 --> 01:28:20,627
the reality of life,
and so when I think of Rob,
2157
01:28:20,728 --> 01:28:24,111
I think of him with both a smile
2158
01:28:24,216 --> 01:28:26,965
at some of the funny,
pithy one-liners
2159
01:28:27,064 --> 01:28:29,301
he would come out with
on Radio 4 panel shows,
2160
01:28:29,401 --> 01:28:34,102
but also for the man inside,
2161
01:28:34,200 --> 01:28:40,048
because behind every little,
pithy, vaguely amusing joke
2162
01:28:40,152 --> 01:28:42,486
is a cry for help.
2163
01:28:44,631 --> 01:28:45,810
Not gonna finish there,
are you?
2164
01:28:45,912 --> 01:28:48,563
- I won't finish there, no.
- Jesus Christ.
2165
01:28:48,664 --> 01:28:50,072
Um...
2166
01:28:52,600 --> 01:28:57,489
But of course, let's not
remember a man who was lost,
2167
01:28:57,593 --> 01:29:00,276
desperately trying
to legitimize his life
2168
01:29:00,376 --> 01:29:03,540
by doing silly voices constantly
and not confronting the truth.
2169
01:29:03,639 --> 01:29:05,877
Let's remember
the other side of Rob,
2170
01:29:05,976 --> 01:29:08,562
the Rob Brydon the entertainer,
2171
01:29:08,664 --> 01:29:13,879
the Rob Brydon who gave
some levity to our life
2172
01:29:13,976 --> 01:29:17,904
and helped us avoid confronting
the harsh realities
2173
01:29:18,008 --> 01:29:21,357
and helped us avoid looking
at the brutal reality
2174
01:29:21,464 --> 01:29:22,708
of what life is.
2175
01:29:22,809 --> 01:29:24,848
All right, talk about
some of the characters.
2176
01:29:24,951 --> 01:29:26,839
Some of the characters.
2177
01:29:26,936 --> 01:29:29,140
Who can forget his Tom Jones
impression?
2178
01:29:30,328 --> 01:29:31,409
Who can forget that?
2179
01:29:31,513 --> 01:29:34,066
Think I better die now.
2180
01:29:34,168 --> 01:29:35,477
You could say that.
2181
01:29:35,576 --> 01:29:37,648
Think I better die now.
2182
01:29:37,752 --> 01:29:39,028
- That's good.
- Yeah. I know.
2183
01:29:39,128 --> 01:29:41,616
Well, I'll take over
when you're...
2184
01:29:41,721 --> 01:29:43,313
I'll do plenty of Tom Jones
when you're dead.
2185
01:29:43,416 --> 01:29:44,278
Don't worry about that.
2186
01:29:44,377 --> 01:29:46,797
Hoo.
2187
01:29:46,904 --> 01:29:48,148
Oh, well, thank you.
2188
01:29:48,248 --> 01:29:49,709
Oh, you're welcome.
2189
01:29:49,816 --> 01:29:50,961
But there'll be affection there.
2190
01:29:51,064 --> 01:29:54,862
I'd... I would never
stick the knife in.
2191
01:29:54,968 --> 01:29:57,106
I might just, like,
tickle you with a knife.
2192
01:29:57,208 --> 01:29:58,288
That's all good sport.
2193
01:29:58,392 --> 01:30:00,148
Exactly. Exactly.
Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.
2194
01:30:00,248 --> 01:30:02,037
Should it go the other way.
2195
01:30:02,136 --> 01:30:03,990
It's okay. We don't...
I'm not asking you to do that.
2196
01:30:04,088 --> 01:30:04,950
Let's move on.
2197
01:30:08,184 --> 01:30:09,591
No, I'm just saying,
if it did...
2198
01:30:09,688 --> 01:30:11,095
- Yeah, that's all right.
- I would be...
2199
01:30:11,192 --> 01:30:12,436
That's okay.
I don't need to know.
2200
01:30:12,536 --> 01:30:14,839
I'd rather that it be a mystery.
2201
01:30:17,785 --> 01:30:18,929
Oh, don't run it.
2202
01:30:19,032 --> 01:30:20,657
- What? What?
- Don't run!
2203
01:30:20,760 --> 01:30:22,997
- Why?
- There'll be moss.
2204
01:30:23,097 --> 01:30:24,340
Fucking hell.
2205
01:30:24,440 --> 01:30:26,263
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
2206
01:30:26,361 --> 01:30:31,030
You've got stuck halfway
towards your destination!
2207
01:30:31,129 --> 01:30:33,550
You're stuck in a metaphor!
2208
01:30:33,656 --> 01:30:36,591
I'm not.
2209
01:30:36,696 --> 01:30:38,966
You'll... Ooh!
Ooh!
2210
01:30:42,167 --> 01:30:43,379
Oh, fuck!
2211
01:30:47,385 --> 01:30:48,367
Fuck.
2212
01:30:48,472 --> 01:30:50,163
It's a metaphor!
2213
01:30:50,265 --> 01:30:54,355
It's not a metaphor!
Fuck.
2214
01:30:54,456 --> 01:30:55,831
Fuck.
2215
01:30:58,392 --> 01:31:00,498
You looked at home
in the water.
2216
01:31:00,601 --> 01:31:02,607
I could see you
perhaps branching out
2217
01:31:02,712 --> 01:31:04,240
into more action roles.
2218
01:31:15,959 --> 01:31:17,586
How come you've left
your black pudding?
2219
01:31:17,688 --> 01:31:20,689
I don't dislike it,
but I'm never sure about it.
2220
01:31:20,793 --> 01:31:23,444
I just naturally don't go to it.
2221
01:31:23,544 --> 01:31:24,973
That's 'cause there's
risk involved.
2222
01:31:25,081 --> 01:31:26,291
There's a taboo.
2223
01:31:26,392 --> 01:31:28,334
Mmm. Mmm!
2224
01:31:30,041 --> 01:31:31,732
This is just...
2225
01:31:31,832 --> 01:31:34,102
really...
2226
01:31:34,201 --> 01:31:36,916
glorious.
2227
01:31:37,016 --> 01:31:40,278
A sunny day in England
with a fried breakfast.
2228
01:31:40,376 --> 01:31:41,135
It doesn't get much better.
2229
01:31:42,137 --> 01:31:44,242
This is nice, but if I'm being
very honest with you,
2230
01:31:44,345 --> 01:31:46,647
I'm looking forward
to being home now.
2231
01:31:46,744 --> 01:31:47,857
You and me both.
2232
01:31:47,960 --> 01:31:51,703
The most important thing
to me is that I have...
2233
01:31:51,801 --> 01:31:55,892
that my children are healthy,
that I am healthy so...
2234
01:31:55,993 --> 01:31:57,748
That's more important
than any work,
2235
01:31:57,848 --> 01:31:59,572
any award, anything like that.
2236
01:31:59,672 --> 01:32:01,395
That actually puts everything
in perspective.
2237
01:32:01,496 --> 01:32:03,384
I dare say you'd throw away
all your awards if it...
2238
01:32:03,481 --> 01:32:04,342
I'd throw them in a river.
2239
01:32:04,441 --> 01:32:05,619
If you could exchange them
2240
01:32:05,721 --> 01:32:07,696
for knowing your children
would live a happy, long...
2241
01:32:07,800 --> 01:32:12,950
I would happily
throw all my awards in a river,
2242
01:32:13,049 --> 01:32:14,031
not the sea.
2243
01:32:14,137 --> 01:32:15,479
Corrosion.
2244
01:32:15,577 --> 01:32:17,649
No, they're gonna corrode,
but if I threw them in a river,
2245
01:32:17,753 --> 01:32:18,929
if push came to shove,
2246
01:32:19,032 --> 01:32:22,447
I could hire a team of
scuba divers to retrieve them,
2247
01:32:22,552 --> 01:32:25,814
but, you know, the gesture
is the important thing.
2248
01:32:25,913 --> 01:32:27,320
No, the family's
more important.
2249
01:32:27,416 --> 01:32:29,271
No, family's more...
of course it is.
2250
01:32:29,369 --> 01:32:31,092
I mean, if it was a choice
between winning an award
2251
01:32:31,192 --> 01:32:36,146
and my child being healthy,
I would absolutely, you know...
2252
01:32:36,249 --> 01:32:39,096
Other way around, what if...
2253
01:32:40,505 --> 01:32:44,400
If you were to allow
your child to have an illness,
2254
01:32:44,505 --> 01:32:47,188
you could win, say, a BAFTA.
2255
01:32:47,289 --> 01:32:48,631
You could have a film BAFTA if...
2256
01:32:48,729 --> 01:32:49,455
an illness the child
would recover from
2257
01:32:50,457 --> 01:32:51,536
but would have some discomfort.
2258
01:32:51,640 --> 01:32:52,885
- No.
- Yeah?
2259
01:32:52,985 --> 01:32:54,065
That's a disgusting idea.
2260
01:32:54,169 --> 01:32:55,827
Let me up the stakes.
2261
01:32:55,929 --> 01:32:58,831
Oscar, best actor.
2262
01:32:58,937 --> 01:32:59,951
Eh, best actor, Steve.
2263
01:33:00,057 --> 01:33:02,904
What, for having an ill child?
Of course not.
2264
01:33:03,001 --> 01:33:05,969
- Not to...
- What kind of illness?
2265
01:33:07,641 --> 01:33:09,102
Appendicitis.
2266
01:33:10,457 --> 01:33:11,318
What, I mean...
2267
01:33:11,417 --> 01:33:13,325
So they get...
"Oh, my stomach.
2268
01:33:13,432 --> 01:33:15,025
Oh, my stomach's really hurt.
Where's Dad?"
2269
01:33:15,129 --> 01:33:16,209
"Oh, he's on location."
2270
01:33:16,312 --> 01:33:17,906
"It's really hurting,
really hurting, ah."
2271
01:33:18,010 --> 01:33:19,220
Doctor comes in.
Off to hospital.
2272
01:33:20,953 --> 01:33:22,896
"Ooh, I'm weak."
Then they're better.
2273
01:33:23,002 --> 01:33:24,015
Meanwhile,
2274
01:33:24,121 --> 01:33:28,212
"Academy Award winner,
Steve Coogan."
2275
01:33:32,570 --> 01:33:35,766
Hmm?
2276
01:33:35,864 --> 01:33:38,384
Ah, now we glimpse
the real man.
2277
01:33:38,489 --> 01:33:40,115
What do you mean?
I'm just... what do you mean?
2278
01:33:40,217 --> 01:33:43,381
I'm thinking about it.
I was thinking it through.
2279
01:33:43,482 --> 01:33:46,961
I think the answer's probably
I still wouldn't, probably.
2280
01:34:08,793 --> 01:34:11,608
- Very nice.
- Yeah, lovely.
2281
01:34:11,705 --> 01:34:13,080
Lovely place to grow up,
you know?
2282
01:34:19,129 --> 01:34:20,405
Hello.
2283
01:34:20,505 --> 01:34:22,294
Hello.
2284
01:34:22,394 --> 01:34:23,539
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
2285
01:34:23,641 --> 01:34:25,300
- Hello.
- This is Rob.
2286
01:34:25,402 --> 01:34:26,808
- Lovely to meet you.
- Lovely to see you.
2287
01:34:26,905 --> 01:34:27,952
- Come in.
- Thank you very much.
2288
01:34:28,057 --> 01:34:29,518
- This is Molly.
- Nice to see you.
2289
01:34:29,625 --> 01:34:30,966
- Hey.
- Oh, what a lovely house.
2290
01:34:31,065 --> 01:34:32,887
Are you all right?
Oh, that's all right.
2291
01:34:32,985 --> 01:34:33,934
Hello.
2292
01:34:34,042 --> 01:34:35,383
This is Bernard, me dad.
This is Rob.
2293
01:34:35,482 --> 01:34:36,430
Nice to meet you.
2294
01:34:36,538 --> 01:34:38,393
Just saying
what a lovely house it is.
2295
01:34:38,490 --> 01:34:39,699
Rob Brydon off the telly.
2296
01:34:39,801 --> 01:34:41,973
Oh, there he is straightaway.
Look. Hall of fame.
2297
01:34:43,258 --> 01:34:44,664
Yeah.
2298
01:34:44,761 --> 01:34:46,584
Ooh, and a daughter.
She's a bonnie lass.
2299
01:34:46,682 --> 01:34:48,820
That's not a daughter.
That's our Steven.
2300
01:34:48,922 --> 01:34:50,776
Yeah, he's just trying
to be funny.
2301
01:34:50,873 --> 01:34:52,499
Making a joke, yeah.
2302
01:34:52,601 --> 01:34:54,194
Well, he is funny, isn't he?
2303
01:34:54,297 --> 01:34:55,246
Well, on occasions.
2304
01:34:55,353 --> 01:34:56,597
I'll go make the tea.
2305
01:34:56,698 --> 01:34:57,974
Oh, thank you very much.
Thank you.
2306
01:34:58,073 --> 01:34:59,088
Oh, this is great.
2307
01:34:59,194 --> 01:35:01,942
- Come on through into...
- Oh, a conservatory.
2308
01:35:02,041 --> 01:35:03,252
Into the garden.
2309
01:35:03,353 --> 01:35:05,295
- No, not the conservatory.
- No politics, thank you.
2310
01:35:10,009 --> 01:35:12,114
All right.
Here we are.
2311
01:35:12,217 --> 01:35:13,645
Tea for the troops.
2312
01:35:13,753 --> 01:35:15,542
- Lovely.
- Thank you.
2313
01:35:15,642 --> 01:35:17,168
This really is excellent.
2314
01:35:17,273 --> 01:35:19,991
Crikey. Crikey. Crikey. Gosh.
This is excellent.
2315
01:35:20,090 --> 01:35:22,512
I've been to Four Weddingsand a Funeral recently,
2316
01:35:22,617 --> 01:35:26,163
and I've not had, gosh, quite
such a substantial brew.
2317
01:35:26,265 --> 01:35:27,825
Oh, dear.
2318
01:35:27,929 --> 01:35:29,817
That's how you started,
didn't you, Steve?
2319
01:35:29,913 --> 01:35:31,222
- It is, yeah.
- With impressions.
2320
01:35:31,321 --> 01:35:33,177
Moved on now?
2321
01:35:33,274 --> 01:35:34,615
Well, yeah.
2322
01:35:34,713 --> 01:35:36,087
Quit while you're ahead,
you know?
2323
01:35:36,185 --> 01:35:38,258
It was a shock to all of us
when he started performing.
2324
01:35:38,361 --> 01:35:40,882
We thought it would be Deborah
or Martin, you know.
2325
01:35:40,986 --> 01:35:42,709
They were always the funny ones,
weren't they?
2326
01:35:42,810 --> 01:35:44,663
Yeah, you were always
the quiet one, weren't you?
2327
01:35:44,760 --> 01:35:46,354
Well, I was in my own
little world, you know,
2328
01:35:46,457 --> 01:35:47,919
sort of, you know, escape.
2329
01:35:48,025 --> 01:35:49,303
I was a daydreamer.
2330
01:35:49,402 --> 01:35:52,304
I used to daydream
constantly as a kid, you know,
2331
01:35:52,409 --> 01:35:55,278
growing up in New York,
and I never thought, you know,
2332
01:35:55,385 --> 01:35:57,752
I'd ever become
a great comedian, you know?
2333
01:35:57,849 --> 01:35:59,988
I just never figured I would,
you know, and...
2334
01:36:00,089 --> 01:36:03,701
whereas I, when
I was growing up in Edinburgh,
2335
01:36:03,802 --> 01:36:05,777
you know, before I became
Commander James Bond,
2336
01:36:05,881 --> 01:36:08,368
for me,
I was quite withdrawn also.
2337
01:36:08,473 --> 01:36:09,520
I, on the other hand,
2338
01:36:09,625 --> 01:36:11,349
grew up in the East End
of London,
2339
01:36:11,449 --> 01:36:14,067
and all I ever wanted to do
was blow the bloody doors off.
2340
01:36:14,169 --> 01:36:15,860
I've had to put up
with this all week.
2341
01:36:15,962 --> 01:36:19,223
Must be exhausting, keeping
all this going all the time.
2342
01:36:19,321 --> 01:36:20,248
Exhausting for everyone.
2343
01:36:20,345 --> 01:36:21,872
Listen, why don't you
stop for lunch?
2344
01:36:21,977 --> 01:36:23,352
Yes, that would be lovely.
2345
01:36:23,450 --> 01:36:25,359
Well, we should push on,
really.
2346
01:36:25,466 --> 01:36:26,578
Oh.
2347
01:36:26,682 --> 01:36:28,176
What route are you taking?
2348
01:36:28,281 --> 01:36:32,242
The... well,
getting on the M60 clockwise
2349
01:36:32,346 --> 01:36:35,248
and then on the M56, M6.
2350
01:36:35,354 --> 01:36:38,452
- You want to watch that.
- Why?
2351
01:36:38,553 --> 01:36:40,692
There's road works all the way
from junction 24 to 27.
2352
01:36:40,793 --> 01:36:42,615
It's terrible.
2353
01:36:42,713 --> 01:36:44,688
You'd be better off
going anti-clockwise.
2354
01:36:44,794 --> 01:36:46,898
Right. Okay. Yeah.
2355
01:36:47,002 --> 01:36:48,661
Yes, well, it's as broad
as it's long, isn't it?
2356
01:36:48,763 --> 01:36:51,609
- So, yeah, I'll do that.
- Good. Good.
2357
01:36:51,704 --> 01:36:53,014
- Really nice to meet you.
- God bless.
2358
01:36:53,114 --> 01:36:54,194
- Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
- Cheerio.
2359
01:36:54,297 --> 01:36:57,397
- Bye-bye.
- All right, see you, Mum.
2360
01:36:57,498 --> 01:36:59,058
How's Mischa?
2361
01:37:00,601 --> 01:37:01,878
She's in America at the moment,
yeah.
2362
01:37:01,977 --> 01:37:03,406
Oh, we thought
she'd be coming with you.
2363
01:37:03,513 --> 01:37:04,528
I know.
2364
01:37:04,633 --> 01:37:05,943
We're going through
a bit of a hiatus.
2365
01:37:06,042 --> 01:37:06,990
Oh, dear.
2366
01:37:07,098 --> 01:37:08,407
Rob's the substitute
girlfriend.
2367
01:37:08,506 --> 01:37:10,132
Oh, I hope not.
2368
01:37:11,897 --> 01:37:13,175
How's work?
Anything coming up?
2369
01:37:13,274 --> 01:37:16,340
Yeah, I've got a TV series
in America possibly, so...
2370
01:37:16,441 --> 01:37:17,969
- Really?
- Great.
2371
01:37:18,075 --> 01:37:19,089
Well, it would mean
2372
01:37:19,194 --> 01:37:20,688
spending a lot of time
over there, though.
2373
01:37:20,794 --> 01:37:21,973
That's the problem.
2374
01:37:22,073 --> 01:37:24,145
If you need anybody
to carry your bags around.
2375
01:37:24,249 --> 01:37:26,006
All right. Okay.
See ya, Dad.
2376
01:37:26,106 --> 01:37:28,048
Right. Yeah.
2377
01:37:28,154 --> 01:37:29,102
Oh, bye.
2378
01:37:29,209 --> 01:37:30,617
Now, listen, you take care
of yourself.
2379
01:37:30,714 --> 01:37:31,990
It's okay.
Nothing to worry about.
2380
01:37:32,090 --> 01:37:33,267
- All right.
- Everything's fine.
2381
01:37:33,369 --> 01:37:34,231
Bye, love. Bye.
2382
01:37:34,330 --> 01:37:35,191
See ya.
2383
01:37:35,290 --> 01:37:36,883
- Car's locked.
- What?
2384
01:37:36,985 --> 01:37:37,912
Locked.
2385
01:37:38,009 --> 01:37:40,825
Oh, sorry.
I thought I pressed it.
2386
01:37:51,163 --> 01:37:52,504
Bye.
2387
01:37:56,602 --> 01:37:59,417
Come on, let's get in.
2388
01:38:01,882 --> 01:38:04,087
So have you made a decision
about America?
2389
01:38:04,187 --> 01:38:06,225
Will you stay, or will you go?
2390
01:38:06,330 --> 01:38:08,370
I'm not gonna...
I don't know.
2391
01:38:08,474 --> 01:38:10,513
I love Mischa,
and I want to be with her,
2392
01:38:10,618 --> 01:38:13,880
but... I don't really want
to talk about it, to be honest.
2393
01:38:13,978 --> 01:38:16,083
You don't want
to talk about it.
2394
01:38:16,186 --> 01:38:18,007
You want to talk about
things you've gone through?
2395
01:38:18,105 --> 01:38:19,185
No. No.
2396
01:38:19,289 --> 01:38:20,784
Though it's hurting me,
now it's history.
2397
01:38:20,890 --> 01:38:24,151
# Now it's history #
2398
01:38:24,250 --> 01:38:27,762
both: # I've played
all my cards #
2399
01:38:27,865 --> 01:38:31,378
# And that's
what you've done too #
2400
01:38:31,482 --> 01:38:34,712
# Nothing more to say #
2401
01:38:34,810 --> 01:38:38,672
# No more ace to play #
2402
01:38:38,777 --> 01:38:41,560
# Tell me, does she kiss #
2403
01:38:41,658 --> 01:38:44,276
# Like I used to kiss you? #
2404
01:38:44,377 --> 01:38:46,200
That's a shiver down my arms
whenever I hear that...
2405
01:38:46,298 --> 01:38:47,159
Thank you.
2406
01:38:47,258 --> 01:38:48,502
both: # Does it feel the same #
2407
01:38:48,602 --> 01:38:52,180
# When she calls your name? #
2408
01:38:52,282 --> 01:38:54,387
# I was in your arms #
2409
01:38:56,570 --> 01:38:57,617
# Thinking I belonged there #
2410
01:38:57,722 --> 01:38:58,867
# Thinking
I'd be strong there #
2411
01:38:58,971 --> 01:39:00,530
Belonged there. Belonged there.
2412
01:39:00,634 --> 01:39:02,674
- # Building me a fence #
- I figured...
2413
01:39:02,778 --> 01:39:03,890
both: # Figured it made sense #
2414
01:39:03,094 --> 01:39:06,263
# Building me a fence #
2415
01:39:06,361 --> 01:39:08,118
# Ah, ah, ah, ah #
2416
01:39:08,219 --> 01:39:11,514
both: # Building me a home #
2417
01:39:11,610 --> 01:39:12,658
# Thinking I belong... #
2418
01:39:12,762 --> 01:39:14,834
# Thinking I'd be
strong there #
2419
01:39:14,939 --> 01:39:16,597
# Ah, ah, ah, ah #
2420
01:39:16,698 --> 01:39:17,559
# But I was a fool #
2421
01:39:17,658 --> 01:39:18,771
# Fool #
2422
01:39:18,874 --> 01:39:21,363
both: # Playing by the rules #
2423
01:39:21,465 --> 01:39:25,524
# The winner takes it all #
2424
01:39:25,626 --> 01:39:29,139
# The winner
takes it all #
2425
01:39:29,243 --> 01:39:32,591
# The winner takes it all #
2426
01:39:32,698 --> 01:39:33,974
# The winner #
2427
01:39:34,074 --> 01:39:35,350
# Takes #
2428
01:39:35,450 --> 01:39:36,312
# It #
2429
01:39:36,411 --> 01:39:40,918
# All #
2430
01:39:41,018 --> 01:39:42,807
Wow. Wow. I was up there.
2431
01:39:42,906 --> 01:39:43,766
Yeah.
2432
01:39:43,865 --> 01:39:44,760
I was up there.
2433
01:39:44,858 --> 01:39:46,035
I think you strained
a little bit.
2434
01:39:46,138 --> 01:39:47,065
I did strain. I did strain.
2435
01:39:47,162 --> 01:39:48,274
But I have a wonderful range.
2436
01:39:48,378 --> 01:39:50,266
- People... I could have done opera.
- How many octaves?
2437
01:39:50,363 --> 01:39:52,250
I don't know. Five. Five.
2438
01:39:52,346 --> 01:39:54,582
- Five? Five?
- How much is an octave?
2439
01:39:54,682 --> 01:39:55,630
All right, two.
2440
01:39:55,738 --> 01:39:58,455
Two... Pavarotti struggles
to do five.
2441
01:39:58,554 --> 01:39:59,415
One. One. I do one.
2442
01:40:00,474 --> 01:40:02,449
Three.
I don't know...
2443
01:40:02,554 --> 01:40:04,245
I don't know how much
an octave is.
2444
01:40:04,347 --> 01:40:06,070
Just get your lowest note.
2445
01:40:06,170 --> 01:40:07,828
# La, low #
2446
01:40:07,930 --> 01:40:09,359
Hang on. Wait. Wait. Wait.
That's not it.
2447
01:40:09,465 --> 01:40:11,288
- Get your lowest...
- Well, yes!
2448
01:40:11,386 --> 01:40:14,583
# Low #
2449
01:40:14,683 --> 01:40:15,544
Okay, do an octave up.
2450
01:40:15,643 --> 01:40:17,944
# Oh #
2451
01:40:18,043 --> 01:40:18,904
No, do an octave up.
2452
01:40:19,003 --> 01:40:20,464
Well, how much is an octave?
2453
01:40:20,570 --> 01:40:21,748
# Oh #
2454
01:40:21,850 --> 01:40:23,606
It means just the same note,
but an octave higher.
2455
01:40:23,707 --> 01:40:24,568
Hey, listen.
2456
01:40:24,667 --> 01:40:26,260
# Ba, ba #
2457
01:40:26,363 --> 01:40:27,442
That's an octave up.
2458
01:40:27,546 --> 01:40:29,040
All right, but don't do it
as Roger Moore.
2459
01:40:30,106 --> 01:40:31,514
# Ah #
2460
01:40:31,610 --> 01:40:33,104
Come, come, Mr. Bond,
2461
01:40:33,211 --> 01:40:35,600
you enjoy singing an octave
just as much as I do.
2462
01:40:35,707 --> 01:40:37,942
When I sing an octave up,
2463
01:40:38,042 --> 01:40:40,977
I sing it for queen and country.
2464
01:40:41,082 --> 01:40:42,031
Although, I admit...
2465
01:40:42,138 --> 01:40:43,284
Although, I admit,
2466
01:40:43,387 --> 01:40:46,037
singing an octave up with you
would be a pleasure.
2467
01:40:46,139 --> 01:40:48,473
Listen, it's do, re, mi,
fa, sol, la, ti, do,
2468
01:40:48,571 --> 01:40:49,748
and the next "do"
is an octave up.
2469
01:40:49,850 --> 01:40:52,272
# Do, re, mi, fa, sol,
la, ti, do #
2470
01:40:52,378 --> 01:40:53,939
That's an octave up
from the first "do."
2471
01:40:55,194 --> 01:41:00,791
# Do, re, mi, fa, sol,
la, ti, do #
2472
01:41:00,891 --> 01:41:01,970
No. What?
Do...
2473
01:41:02,074 --> 01:41:06,417
# Do, re, mi, fa, sol,
la, ti, do #
2474
01:41:06,522 --> 01:41:10,744
# Do, re, mi, fa, sol,
la, ti #
2475
01:41:10,842 --> 01:41:13,210
# Do #
2476
01:41:13,307 --> 01:41:14,997
Three.
2477
01:41:15,098 --> 01:41:17,138
Three. Three.
2478
01:41:20,058 --> 01:41:23,058
# Do, do #
2479
01:41:23,162 --> 01:41:24,918
# Do #
2480
01:41:25,018 --> 01:41:28,117
- # Do, re, mi #
- Terry Wogan is doing it now.
2481
01:41:28,219 --> 01:41:30,227
# Do, do, do #
2482
01:41:30,331 --> 01:41:32,370
They'll be doing
the floral dance.
2483
01:41:32,474 --> 01:41:33,620
# Do #
2484
01:41:33,723 --> 01:41:35,479
# Re, mi, fa, sol,
la, ti, do #
2485
01:41:35,578 --> 01:41:36,625
# Re, mi, fa,
sol, la, ti, do #
2486
01:41:36,730 --> 01:41:37,591
# Re, mi, fa, sol #
2487
01:41:37,690 --> 01:41:38,770
# La, ti #
2488
01:41:38,875 --> 01:41:39,890
That's not... that's...
2489
01:41:39,995 --> 01:41:42,265
# Ti #
Oh, fuck.
2490
01:41:42,364 --> 01:41:43,410
You're terrible.
2491
01:41:43,514 --> 01:41:45,140
Terrible.
2492
01:41:45,242 --> 01:41:46,650
I beat you. I beat you.
I beat you.
2493
01:41:46,747 --> 01:41:48,688
I... yeah.
2494
01:42:03,515 --> 01:42:07,890
You all right with the...
you all right with your bags?
2495
01:42:07,995 --> 01:42:09,653
- All right.
- Well, thank you very much.
2496
01:42:09,755 --> 01:42:10,616
Thank you very much.
2497
01:42:10,715 --> 01:42:11,992
Really appreciate
you doing this.
2498
01:42:12,092 --> 01:42:13,914
- Cheers.
- All right.
2499
01:42:14,011 --> 01:42:15,921
- Let's have a hug.
- Okay. All right.
2500
01:42:16,027 --> 01:42:17,849
Ah.
2501
01:42:17,947 --> 01:42:18,808
Really good. Really good.
2502
01:42:18,907 --> 01:42:19,769
No, no, I enjoyed it a lot.
2503
01:42:19,867 --> 01:42:20,729
And then, yeah.
2504
01:42:20,827 --> 01:42:22,682
All right, you're a good bloke.
2505
01:42:22,779 --> 01:42:24,121
I don't care
what they say about you.
2506
01:42:25,179 --> 01:42:27,032
- I'll see you.
- Okeydoke.
2507
01:42:27,130 --> 01:42:30,546
Give me a ring, and we'll,
you know, we'll get together.
2508
01:42:30,650 --> 01:42:32,658
- All right, mate.
- We could... all right.
2509
01:42:32,763 --> 01:42:34,072
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
2510
01:42:38,746 --> 01:42:40,208
- Ah.
- Hello.
2511
01:42:41,275 --> 01:42:43,315
The traveler returns.
2512
01:42:43,418 --> 01:42:44,912
Oh.
2513
01:42:45,020 --> 01:42:45,881
Hello.
2514
01:42:45,980 --> 01:42:46,841
Mm, sorry.
2515
01:42:46,939 --> 01:42:48,826
I've missed you.
2516
01:42:48,922 --> 01:42:49,784
We both missed you.
2517
01:44:18,171 --> 01:44:19,796
So how was he?
2518
01:44:19,899 --> 01:44:21,656
He was his usual self.
2519
01:44:22,715 --> 01:44:23,664
His usual self.
2520
01:44:37,083 --> 01:44:38,676
This is Mischa.
2521
01:44:38,779 --> 01:44:40,208
Shut up.
2522
01:44:40,315 --> 01:44:41,395
I'm Steve.
2523
01:44:41,498 --> 01:44:42,360
Mm.
2524
01:44:42,458 --> 01:44:44,793
This is delightful.
2525
01:44:44,891 --> 01:44:46,549
One of the most
delightful meals,
2526
01:44:46,652 --> 01:44:51,409
one of the most delightful
homecomings I've ever enjoyed.
2527
01:44:52,923 --> 01:44:57,745
Oh, well, it did stick
to the bottom of the pan a bit...
2528
01:44:57,852 --> 01:45:00,120
- Did it?
- Yeah.
2529
01:45:00,219 --> 01:45:02,488
Yes, might have to
give you a bloody good spanking.
2530
01:45:02,587 --> 01:45:03,667
In fact, I was rather hoping
2531
01:45:03,772 --> 01:45:06,805
I might stick to the bottom
of your pan later.
2532
01:45:15,675 --> 01:45:18,261
You've reached the officeof Matt Jacobs at WP.
2533
01:45:18,364 --> 01:45:20,469
Neither Matt nor his assistantare here to answer your call.
2534
01:45:20,571 --> 01:45:21,781
Please leave Matt a message,
2535
01:45:21,883 --> 01:45:23,377
and he will get back to youas soon as he can.
2536
01:45:23,483 --> 01:45:24,344
Thank you.
2537
01:45:24,443 --> 01:45:25,338
beep!
2538
01:45:25,436 --> 01:45:26,297
Hi, Matt.
2539
01:45:26,396 --> 01:45:27,508
This is Steve calling
2540
01:45:27,611 --> 01:45:29,881
just to say
I've thought it over,
2541
01:45:29,980 --> 01:45:34,202
and I'm not gonna do
the HBO pilot.
2542
01:45:34,299 --> 01:45:36,273
I'm not gonna spend
seven years in the U.S.
2543
01:45:36,379 --> 01:45:39,162
I've got kids.
2544
01:45:39,259 --> 01:45:41,626
Yeah, that's it.
Bye.
2545
01:45:41,724 --> 01:45:44,309
- Mm.
- Mm.
2546
01:45:44,411 --> 01:45:46,833
I don't like
being away from you.
2547
01:45:46,939 --> 01:45:49,241
No, I don't like
you being away from me.
2548
01:45:50,300 --> 01:45:51,161
Oh.
Hello, there we are.
2549
01:45:51,260 --> 01:45:52,121
There we go.
2550
01:45:52,220 --> 01:45:55,765
All present and correct.
2551
01:46:00,987 --> 01:46:05,362
I think three days
should be the maximum
2552
01:46:05,467 --> 01:46:06,646
that I stay away for.
2553
01:46:06,747 --> 01:46:08,340
Mm-hmm.
2554
01:46:08,444 --> 01:46:10,713
Not this long.
184333
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