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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,246 --> 00:00:03,392 Hello. 2 00:00:03,494 --> 00:00:05,120 Hey, Rob. Steve. 3 00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,270 Oh, hiya. How are you? 4 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,455 Good. Good. 5 00:00:07,559 --> 00:00:10,973 Uh... listen, are you free next week 6 00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,093 to go away? 7 00:00:12,198 --> 00:00:13,725 Where? 8 00:00:13,831 --> 00:00:15,653 It's kind of a tour, tour of the North, 9 00:00:15,751 --> 00:00:17,758 restaurant tour, really good restaurants. 10 00:00:17,863 --> 00:00:19,806 Right. Why me? 11 00:00:19,911 --> 00:00:22,627 Well, Mischa is unavailable. 12 00:00:22,726 --> 00:00:24,353 You've met Mischa, haven't you? 13 00:00:24,454 --> 00:00:26,559 Uh, is she your assistant? 14 00:00:26,663 --> 00:00:28,158 No, that's Emma. 15 00:00:28,263 --> 00:00:29,888 No. No, Mischa's my girlfriend. 16 00:00:29,991 --> 00:00:31,899 Oh, yeah, yeah, the Australian girl. 17 00:00:32,006 --> 00:00:33,981 No. God, no. That was ages ago. No. 18 00:00:34,087 --> 00:00:35,363 Anyway, it doesn't matter. 19 00:00:35,463 --> 00:00:38,245 Mischa can't come, and I don't want to go alone. 20 00:00:38,343 --> 00:00:42,369 I've asked other people, but they're all too busy, 21 00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:44,805 so, you know, do you want to come? 22 00:00:44,903 --> 00:00:47,074 Uh... well, don't know, really. 23 00:00:47,175 --> 00:00:48,451 I'd have to ask Sally. 24 00:00:48,551 --> 00:00:50,210 It's a job. 25 00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:51,904 I'm not asking you to go on holiday with me 26 00:00:52,007 --> 00:00:53,055 or anything weird. 27 00:00:53,158 --> 00:00:54,368 It's for The Observer Magazine. 28 00:00:54,470 --> 00:00:55,517 Right. 29 00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:56,964 They're gonna pay for everything, 30 00:00:57,062 --> 00:01:00,805 and there's a small fee, which I'll split with you 60-40. 31 00:01:00,902 --> 00:01:02,529 When is it? 32 00:01:02,631 --> 00:01:03,493 Next Monday. 33 00:01:03,591 --> 00:01:05,281 Oh. 34 00:01:15,879 --> 00:01:18,245 Rob, Steve's here. 35 00:01:24,391 --> 00:01:26,015 - All right? - Hey, yeah. 36 00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:26,980 - Hi, Steve. - We're off. 37 00:01:27,079 --> 00:01:28,289 Hello. Hi. 38 00:01:28,391 --> 00:01:30,114 Ah, you know Sally and Chloe. 39 00:01:30,214 --> 00:01:31,742 - Yeah, yes. Hi. Hello. Hi. - Nice to see you. 40 00:01:31,847 --> 00:01:32,895 How are you? 41 00:01:32,999 --> 00:01:33,860 Very good. 42 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:35,039 - Nice to see you. - Hello. 43 00:01:35,143 --> 00:01:37,051 What is that? 44 00:01:37,158 --> 00:01:39,330 This, just pickax handles. 45 00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:41,504 - Seriously? - Climbing gear. 46 00:01:41,606 --> 00:01:43,100 - Yeah, just in case we... - We're climbing? 47 00:01:43,207 --> 00:01:44,549 Got you a set of crampons too. 48 00:01:44,647 --> 00:01:45,541 I'll ring you, okay? 49 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,061 Oh, yes, please do. I love you. 50 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,491 Look after mummy. Give me a kiss. 51 00:01:51,590 --> 00:01:52,453 Have fun. 52 00:01:52,551 --> 00:01:53,828 Give him a kiss. 53 00:01:53,927 --> 00:01:57,540 If you haven't heard anything from me in five days, 54 00:01:57,639 --> 00:01:58,882 alert the authorities. 55 00:01:58,983 --> 00:02:00,576 I'll send out a search party. Drive safely. 56 00:02:00,679 --> 00:02:01,791 - Okeydoke. - Bye-bye. 57 00:02:01,895 --> 00:02:03,683 - Have a good time. - Give a little wave to you. 58 00:02:03,783 --> 00:02:05,507 I give a little wave to you. 59 00:02:05,607 --> 00:02:06,654 No? 60 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:08,702 I'm gonna give another little wave to you. 61 00:02:08,808 --> 00:02:11,010 - Oh, I'm going. Bye-bye. - Bye. Bye. 62 00:02:11,111 --> 00:02:11,972 Bye-bye. 63 00:02:12,071 --> 00:02:13,598 Can you say good-bye to Dad? 64 00:02:13,703 --> 00:02:15,393 Say good-bye. Are you gonna wave? 65 00:02:15,495 --> 00:02:20,480 I thought we'd go M1, M6, come off at junction 31, 66 00:02:20,582 --> 00:02:27,042 and there's a short drive on the A59 to Clitheroe. 67 00:02:27,143 --> 00:02:31,136 From there, it's a very short hop to Whitewell. 68 00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:32,449 And how long will that take? 69 00:02:32,550 --> 00:02:33,695 - About four hours. - Four hours? 70 00:02:33,798 --> 00:02:34,813 That's not very much. 71 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:36,773 Why aren't we using sat nav? 72 00:02:36,871 --> 00:02:37,798 I've always liked maps. 73 00:02:37,894 --> 00:02:39,204 When we would go on holiday as kids, 74 00:02:39,304 --> 00:02:41,126 my dad would plan the route, you know, 75 00:02:41,224 --> 00:02:43,296 and show us on the map what the route was, 76 00:02:43,398 --> 00:02:44,543 and we'd all follow it, you know? 77 00:02:44,647 --> 00:02:45,661 It was great. 78 00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:47,458 The good news is, I've found the M1. 79 00:02:47,559 --> 00:02:48,966 Ah. 80 00:02:49,063 --> 00:02:51,682 I wouldn't have had you down as having a four-wheel drive. 81 00:02:51,784 --> 00:02:52,644 It's not mine. 82 00:02:52,743 --> 00:02:54,685 Mischa thought it would be good. 83 00:02:54,790 --> 00:02:56,700 She thought it would be useful in the Lake District, 84 00:02:56,807 --> 00:02:58,333 the Yorkshire Dales. 85 00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,228 You know, it's not like down south, Rob. 86 00:03:00,327 --> 00:03:02,531 There's a lot of bumpy roads up there. 87 00:03:04,423 --> 00:03:06,244 Where... why isn't she here? 88 00:03:06,342 --> 00:03:08,961 'Cause she's... she had to go back to America. 89 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,340 Oh, dear. 90 00:03:10,439 --> 00:03:11,934 Have you... you haven't separated? 91 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,244 It's in limbo, you know? It's in limbo. 92 00:03:14,342 --> 00:03:15,619 So is it all over? 93 00:03:15,718 --> 00:03:16,799 No. I don't know. I don't know. 94 00:03:16,903 --> 00:03:18,212 It's just... it's all... 95 00:03:18,311 --> 00:03:20,614 Well, let's go here. Let's get some breakfast here. 96 00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:23,875 Ah, oh, no, let's not. 97 00:03:23,975 --> 00:03:26,844 I've been up since half past 5:00 with Chloe, 98 00:03:26,951 --> 00:03:28,293 and I've not eaten a single thing. 99 00:03:28,390 --> 00:03:29,471 Really? 100 00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,524 You could write about it. 101 00:03:30,631 --> 00:03:31,940 Why don't you review the food and say, 102 00:03:32,039 --> 00:03:34,407 "I'm staring off by talking about what real people eat"? 103 00:03:34,504 --> 00:03:36,029 No, that's been done. 104 00:03:36,135 --> 00:03:37,346 That's been done before. 105 00:03:37,447 --> 00:03:39,781 It's 2010. Everything's been done before. 106 00:03:39,879 --> 00:03:42,051 All you can do is do something someone's done before 107 00:03:42,152 --> 00:03:44,355 but do it better or differently. 108 00:03:44,455 --> 00:03:46,725 To some extent, that's correct. 109 00:03:52,071 --> 00:03:53,532 Why are we listening to this? 110 00:03:53,639 --> 00:03:54,654 That's what I've chosen 111 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:59,014 for the soundtrack for this landscape. 112 00:03:59,111 --> 00:04:00,158 It's not expected. 113 00:04:00,263 --> 00:04:02,500 You think of that as industrial, of sort of... 114 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:03,974 associate that kind of music normally 115 00:04:04,072 --> 00:04:05,151 with an urban landscape. 116 00:04:08,232 --> 00:04:15,619 # Walk in silence # 117 00:04:15,719 --> 00:04:19,909 # Don't walk away # 118 00:04:20,007 --> 00:04:24,001 # In silence # 119 00:04:24,103 --> 00:04:27,781 # See the danger # 120 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:32,004 # Always danger # 121 00:04:32,103 --> 00:04:35,716 # Endless talking # 122 00:04:35,816 --> 00:04:39,908 # Life rebuilding # 123 00:04:40,009 --> 00:04:41,796 # Don't walk away # 124 00:04:52,936 --> 00:04:53,797 This looks lovely. 125 00:04:53,896 --> 00:04:55,204 Beautiful, isn't it, eh? 126 00:04:55,303 --> 00:04:58,173 It's the sort of place you'd shoot a Miss Marple. 127 00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,556 Hello. 128 00:04:59,656 --> 00:05:00,735 Hi. Hi. 129 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:03,392 Should be a reservation under the name "Coogan." 130 00:05:03,495 --> 00:05:05,885 - Hi, Mr. Coogan. - Two rooms under "Coogan." 131 00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:11,078 Sorry, we only have one double room for you. 132 00:05:11,176 --> 00:05:13,248 Uh, it may be under his name, Brydon. 133 00:05:13,352 --> 00:05:14,912 Is another room under the name "Brydon"? 134 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,918 No. No Brydons. Sorry. 135 00:05:18,024 --> 00:05:19,878 I thought there should have been two rooms booked. 136 00:05:19,976 --> 00:05:21,088 - Hello. Hi. - Hi. 137 00:05:21,192 --> 00:05:22,370 This is Mr. Brydon. 138 00:05:22,472 --> 00:05:24,097 Can we book another room? 139 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,955 I'm sorry, but we're fully booked tonight, sir. 140 00:05:26,054 --> 00:05:27,779 Can share. That's all right. 141 00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:30,050 - No, we can't. - It's a big room. 142 00:05:30,151 --> 00:05:32,966 Right, I'm gonna call Emma and get to the bottom of this. 143 00:05:33,064 --> 00:05:34,920 I just said, seriously, I don't mind sharing a bit. 144 00:05:35,016 --> 00:05:36,324 There's no signal here. What do I do? 145 00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,430 Sometimes you can get it outside. 146 00:05:38,535 --> 00:05:39,681 - Okay. - At the back. 147 00:05:39,784 --> 00:05:42,501 Okay. All right. I'll try and sort this out. 148 00:05:42,599 --> 00:05:44,967 Oh, dear me. 149 00:05:46,503 --> 00:05:47,551 Hello. 150 00:05:47,656 --> 00:05:48,965 - Hi. - Hiya. 151 00:05:49,064 --> 00:05:51,398 Emma, listen, I'm at the inn at Whitewell. 152 00:05:51,496 --> 00:05:52,609 Yeah. 153 00:05:52,712 --> 00:05:53,792 There's only one room. 154 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,969 Well, you can stay with Mischa, can't you? 155 00:05:56,072 --> 00:05:58,492 I'm not with Mischa. I'm with Rob Brydon. 156 00:05:58,599 --> 00:05:59,547 Well, this is lovely. 157 00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:00,833 I mean, I'd be happy to sleep here. 158 00:06:02,791 --> 00:06:04,069 Put a little bed down there, 159 00:06:04,168 --> 00:06:05,794 and I'd sleep there very happily. 160 00:06:05,896 --> 00:06:07,554 So are you friends or... 161 00:06:07,656 --> 00:06:09,085 - No, we work together. - Okay. 162 00:06:09,192 --> 00:06:11,047 So I'm just, you know... I'm just with him. 163 00:06:11,143 --> 00:06:12,071 Are you his assistant or... 164 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,163 In a way, yes. 165 00:06:16,264 --> 00:06:17,923 I thought you said you were going with Mischa. 166 00:06:18,025 --> 00:06:19,550 No, I said I was thinking of going with Rob. 167 00:06:19,655 --> 00:06:20,516 I told you. 168 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,557 Okay, look, I'm sorry. 169 00:06:22,664 --> 00:06:25,283 Now I'm left having to share a room with Rob for the night. 170 00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:26,758 I'm sorry. I messed up. 171 00:06:26,856 --> 00:06:29,278 Make sure all the other hotels have got separate rooms, right? 172 00:06:29,385 --> 00:06:30,398 Okay. 173 00:06:30,504 --> 00:06:32,096 All right. Thank you. All right, love. Bye. 174 00:06:32,199 --> 00:06:33,060 Yeah, bye. 175 00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:34,021 I'm sorry. 176 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,232 It's a bit of a warren here. 177 00:06:35,336 --> 00:06:38,184 No, it's part of its charm. 178 00:06:38,281 --> 00:06:40,419 Thank you. 179 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:41,763 So what's your name? 180 00:06:41,864 --> 00:06:42,725 - Magda. - Magda. 181 00:06:42,824 --> 00:06:45,125 - And yours? - Steve. 182 00:06:45,223 --> 00:06:49,664 Yes, none of this "Mr. Coogan" nonsense. 183 00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:53,469 - So here it is. - Oh, very nice. 184 00:06:53,575 --> 00:06:54,437 Beautiful, yeah. 185 00:06:54,536 --> 00:06:55,397 Very nice indeed. 186 00:06:55,496 --> 00:06:57,089 It's a very nice view. 187 00:06:57,192 --> 00:06:59,713 Look at that. Very big. 188 00:06:59,817 --> 00:07:02,020 So... 189 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,356 There we go. Come on. Up you jump. 190 00:07:04,456 --> 00:07:06,081 Okay, I'll leave you to it. 191 00:07:06,184 --> 00:07:07,461 - Thank you. - And here is the key. 192 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,763 - Thanks, Magda. - Bye. 193 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,101 This is a huge bed. We could easily share this bed. 194 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,173 It might be huge to you. 195 00:07:14,279 --> 00:07:16,418 It's average size to me. 196 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,717 Oh, that's right. I forgot. You're considerably taller. 197 00:07:19,817 --> 00:07:21,791 What's the problem, anyway? 198 00:07:21,897 --> 00:07:23,271 What do you think is gonna happen? 199 00:07:23,368 --> 00:07:25,506 Eh? 200 00:07:25,608 --> 00:07:27,036 You might touch my bottom. 201 00:07:27,144 --> 00:07:28,224 - All right. - Even an accident. 202 00:07:28,328 --> 00:07:29,473 Were you an altar boy? 203 00:07:29,576 --> 00:07:30,951 Yes, I was. 204 00:07:31,047 --> 00:07:32,477 - Seriously? - Yes. 205 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:33,861 Oh, all right. 206 00:07:33,961 --> 00:07:35,585 Well, I'll go on the sofa if you want, if it's... 207 00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:38,209 Sorry, I didn't realize we were into Oprah Winfrey territory. 208 00:07:38,312 --> 00:07:40,352 Are you seriously saying you were abused as a child 209 00:07:40,455 --> 00:07:41,634 when you were an altar boy? 210 00:07:41,736 --> 00:07:43,624 Only verbally. 211 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:44,834 And physically. 212 00:07:44,937 --> 00:07:46,310 But not sexually. 213 00:07:46,407 --> 00:07:48,709 You know, just punched... 214 00:07:48,807 --> 00:07:49,823 by a priest. 215 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,945 There's no signal here. You won't get a signal. 216 00:07:55,048 --> 00:07:56,803 I'm on wireless. 217 00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:00,252 Ah. 218 00:08:00,359 --> 00:08:01,604 Yes, who's having scallops? 219 00:08:01,705 --> 00:08:03,046 I am the scallops. 220 00:08:03,144 --> 00:08:04,671 Thank you very much. 221 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:05,889 And the soup. 222 00:08:05,993 --> 00:08:06,854 Thank you. Lovely. 223 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:07,813 - Okay. - Yes. 224 00:08:07,912 --> 00:08:08,773 Enjoy your starters. 225 00:08:08,872 --> 00:08:11,044 Thank you. 226 00:08:11,144 --> 00:08:12,573 Soup of the day. Can't go wrong. 227 00:08:12,679 --> 00:08:13,607 Yeah. Yeah. 228 00:08:13,704 --> 00:08:15,493 Yours looks more interesting, but... 229 00:08:22,665 --> 00:08:24,159 Mmm. What's yours like? 230 00:08:24,264 --> 00:08:25,955 Well, it tastes of tomatoes. 231 00:08:26,056 --> 00:08:28,162 Not a connoisseur, are you, with food? 232 00:08:28,265 --> 00:08:29,638 Look, the reason I was doing this trip 233 00:08:29,736 --> 00:08:30,783 was to bring Mischa along. 234 00:08:30,887 --> 00:08:32,611 She's passionate about food. She loves food. 235 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:33,956 She's the food buff. 236 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,390 She's the food... she's a very confident foodie, 237 00:08:36,488 --> 00:08:37,862 and I thought she could help me, 238 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,156 and I wanted to show Mischa the... 239 00:08:41,256 --> 00:08:42,685 you know, the North, 240 00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:44,735 show her a piece of me. 241 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,117 You're from Manchester. 242 00:08:46,216 --> 00:08:50,210 You could take her round and show her the gun crime sites. 243 00:08:50,313 --> 00:08:51,239 I'm from the North. 244 00:08:51,335 --> 00:08:53,921 The North has an identity of itself. 245 00:08:54,024 --> 00:08:56,839 Yeah, not the same way that Wales does. 246 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:57,798 I think it does. 247 00:08:57,897 --> 00:08:58,911 I think the North had... 248 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,446 The North could be a different country. 249 00:09:00,553 --> 00:09:02,210 It has as much of an identity as Wales. 250 00:09:02,312 --> 00:09:04,930 Are you seriously saying that you think the North of England... 251 00:09:05,032 --> 00:09:08,098 hang on... a stronger identity than Wales? 252 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,183 Yeah... yes. 253 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,095 Industrial Revolution, 254 00:09:13,192 --> 00:09:15,810 the very first railway in the world in Manchester, 255 00:09:15,912 --> 00:09:17,320 which revolutionized the world 256 00:09:17,416 --> 00:09:19,358 probably more than anything else in the last 200 years. 257 00:09:19,465 --> 00:09:20,326 Richard Burton. 258 00:09:21,417 --> 00:09:23,075 Man from being ex-prison admiral... 259 00:09:23,177 --> 00:09:24,670 napkins like God. 260 00:09:24,776 --> 00:09:26,151 Anthony Hopkins. 261 00:09:26,248 --> 00:09:27,557 I want a room with a view. 262 00:09:27,657 --> 00:09:28,518 I want to see a tree. 263 00:09:29,704 --> 00:09:31,592 I think anyone over 40 who amuses themself 264 00:09:31,689 --> 00:09:32,703 by doing impressions 265 00:09:32,809 --> 00:09:34,914 needs to take a long, hard look in the mirror. 266 00:09:35,016 --> 00:09:38,312 Well, broadsheet journalists have described my impressions 267 00:09:38,409 --> 00:09:40,099 as stunningly accurate. 268 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,148 Well, they're wrong. 269 00:09:41,256 --> 00:09:42,664 I've not heard your Michael Caine, 270 00:09:42,761 --> 00:09:44,616 but I assume it would be something along the lines of: 271 00:09:44,713 --> 00:09:46,468 My name's Michael Caine. 272 00:09:46,568 --> 00:09:47,648 That is where you are so wrong, 273 00:09:47,752 --> 00:09:49,246 and you can look at my live video to prove... 274 00:09:49,352 --> 00:09:51,360 because that's the very thing I don't do. 275 00:09:51,464 --> 00:09:52,708 I say that he used to talk like that. 276 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,663 - Do your Michael Caine. - Okay. 277 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,582 I say Michael Caine used to talk like this 278 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:57,890 in the 1960s, right? 279 00:09:57,992 --> 00:10:00,676 But that has changed, and I say that over the years... 280 00:10:00,776 --> 00:10:02,151 Michael's voice... 281 00:10:02,248 --> 00:10:03,493 has come down... several octaves. 282 00:10:03,593 --> 00:10:04,575 Let me finish. 283 00:10:04,681 --> 00:10:06,437 And all of the cigars 284 00:10:06,537 --> 00:10:08,511 and the brandy don't... let me finish... 285 00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:10,274 ...can now be heard... - Okay. 286 00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:12,232 I've not fucking finished. 287 00:10:12,328 --> 00:10:13,441 In the back of the voice, 288 00:10:13,544 --> 00:10:14,472 ...and the voice now... - Okay. 289 00:10:14,568 --> 00:10:17,024 Will... I've still not finished. 290 00:10:17,129 --> 00:10:19,778 'Cause you're panicking. You know I'm about to... 291 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,190 Because you look like 292 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,237 you're about to bloody talk! 293 00:10:22,344 --> 00:10:23,653 Let me finish. 294 00:10:23,752 --> 00:10:26,022 Right, so Michael Caine's voice now, 295 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,436 in the Batman movies and in Harry Brown... 296 00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,511 I can't go fast, because Michael Caine... 297 00:10:32,616 --> 00:10:38,280 talks... very... very... slowly. 298 00:10:38,377 --> 00:10:39,870 Right, this is how Michael Caine speaks. 299 00:10:39,976 --> 00:10:42,911 Michael Caine speaks to his nose like that. 300 00:10:43,016 --> 00:10:46,148 He gets very, very specific. It's very like that. 301 00:10:46,249 --> 00:10:49,566 When it gets loudly, it gets very loud indeed! 302 00:10:49,673 --> 00:10:51,046 It gets very specific. 303 00:10:51,144 --> 00:10:52,388 It's not quite nasal enough 304 00:10:52,488 --> 00:10:53,732 the way you're doing it, all right? 305 00:10:53,833 --> 00:10:56,353 You're not doing it the way he speaks! 306 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,464 You're not doing it with the kind of... 307 00:10:58,569 --> 00:11:00,543 And you don't do the broken voice 308 00:11:00,649 --> 00:11:01,858 when he gets very emotional, 309 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,619 when he gets very emotional indeed. 310 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:07,234 She was only 16 years old. She was only 16... 311 00:11:07,337 --> 00:11:10,119 You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! 312 00:11:10,217 --> 00:11:11,679 That's Michael Caine. 313 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,168 Excuse me. Sorry. 314 00:11:19,274 --> 00:11:20,866 - Thank you very much. - Was everything okay? 315 00:11:20,969 --> 00:11:22,147 Oh, it was very nice indeed, yeah. 316 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:23,109 Quite tomato-y. 317 00:11:23,209 --> 00:11:26,023 - And soupy. - Thank you. 318 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,583 Hotter than I was expecting. 319 00:11:27,689 --> 00:11:29,063 More heat in the chili sauce. 320 00:11:29,161 --> 00:11:31,812 There was a lot of heat in my scallops. 321 00:11:31,913 --> 00:11:34,595 - My scallops were hot. - There's a joke there. 322 00:11:34,696 --> 00:11:36,290 Plenty of heat 323 00:11:36,393 --> 00:11:38,116 in my scallops. 324 00:11:38,217 --> 00:11:39,078 Heat. 325 00:11:39,177 --> 00:11:41,763 Pacino. De Niro. Michael Mann. 326 00:11:41,865 --> 00:11:43,239 What do you got? 327 00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:47,591 Four bodies in a morgue. I'm out there every fucking day. 328 00:11:47,688 --> 00:11:49,118 Ugh. 329 00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:50,086 - Yeah? Heat. - Yeah? 330 00:11:50,185 --> 00:11:52,553 A movie where De Niro and Pacino 331 00:11:52,650 --> 00:11:54,144 are running a celebrity magazine. 332 00:11:54,249 --> 00:11:55,394 What do you got? 333 00:11:55,498 --> 00:11:59,294 I need a photo exclusive of Katie Price having a botox. 334 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,921 Ain't got it, Al. We can't do it. We can't do it. 335 00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,269 It's not looking... 336 00:12:03,369 --> 00:12:05,192 What do you mean it's not looking good? 337 00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:08,158 I got to have her on the front page right now! 338 00:12:08,264 --> 00:12:10,207 Every day I'm there! 339 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,068 Hey, calm it down. All right. Sorry. 340 00:12:14,153 --> 00:12:15,811 It's all right. They don't mind. They love it. 341 00:12:15,914 --> 00:12:17,921 Yeah, well, not sure about that, but anyway... 342 00:12:18,025 --> 00:12:19,367 Ever worked with Michael Mann? 343 00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:21,352 I don't work with mainstream Hollywood directors. 344 00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:22,343 I work with auteurs. 345 00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:23,651 Like in Rain Man? 346 00:12:23,753 --> 00:12:25,640 Oh, I'm an excellent director. 347 00:12:25,737 --> 00:12:26,665 I'm an excellent director. 348 00:12:26,762 --> 00:12:28,768 I directed the whole movie in one go. 349 00:12:28,872 --> 00:12:30,050 No, that's autistic. 350 00:12:30,152 --> 00:12:31,135 I know that. 351 00:12:31,241 --> 00:12:32,767 I wonder... that's autistic savant. 352 00:12:32,873 --> 00:12:35,143 Is there such a thing as an autistic impressionist? 353 00:12:35,241 --> 00:12:36,354 'Cause if there is, 354 00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:39,523 I think that might be the key to your condition. 355 00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:41,991 Maybe you're right. 356 00:12:42,088 --> 00:12:47,272 I don't know, but I see a guy with something stuck up his ass 357 00:12:47,370 --> 00:12:52,552 who's too uptight to let go. 358 00:12:52,649 --> 00:12:55,550 No, I like humor. I like levity. I like brevity. 359 00:12:55,658 --> 00:12:56,606 I just like to... 360 00:12:56,713 --> 00:12:58,720 Gravity? Where do you stand on that? 361 00:12:58,825 --> 00:13:01,475 Um, firmly. On terra firma. 362 00:13:01,577 --> 00:13:04,447 You like levity, brevity, and gravity. 363 00:13:04,553 --> 00:13:06,080 It's great to meet you. 364 00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,200 It's terrific to meet you. 365 00:13:07,304 --> 00:13:08,799 I got to tell you, you're a terrific actor. 366 00:13:08,906 --> 00:13:09,800 I like your work. 367 00:13:09,897 --> 00:13:11,490 I caught your work the other day. 368 00:13:11,594 --> 00:13:14,212 I was watching the television in my room, and I said, 369 00:13:14,313 --> 00:13:15,655 "Who is this guy? 370 00:13:15,752 --> 00:13:17,728 "He's not as tall as Coogan, but he's better. 371 00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:19,655 I like him a lot." 372 00:13:19,753 --> 00:13:24,008 Do you find as you get older... 373 00:13:24,105 --> 00:13:26,440 food gets stuck in your teeth more? 374 00:13:26,537 --> 00:13:27,814 Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. 375 00:13:27,913 --> 00:13:29,889 - More readily? - You know why that is? 376 00:13:29,993 --> 00:13:32,676 - Why? - Receding gums. 377 00:13:34,153 --> 00:13:38,212 Revealing the crack, the gap, between the tooth and the gum. 378 00:13:38,314 --> 00:13:40,069 As you... look, look. Look how much... look. 379 00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:44,103 What are you showing me? 380 00:13:44,201 --> 00:13:45,956 My gums. 381 00:13:48,585 --> 00:13:51,684 Those look all right, you know. 382 00:13:51,785 --> 00:13:54,568 Can you see them receding? 383 00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:55,843 - Mm, yes. Yeah. - Yeah? 384 00:13:55,945 --> 00:14:00,037 Well, that is a honey trap for morsels of food. 385 00:14:00,138 --> 00:14:01,381 That is an open invitation. 386 00:14:01,481 --> 00:14:04,515 A bit of food sees that, he goes running towards it. 387 00:14:04,618 --> 00:14:06,242 It's not good if you're on a date. 388 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,556 You still go on dates, do you? 389 00:14:07,657 --> 00:14:09,064 Yeah, if I want to pick my... what I do is, 390 00:14:09,161 --> 00:14:10,109 I normally go to the toilet. 391 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:11,494 I take a toothpick, go to the toilet, 392 00:14:11,594 --> 00:14:13,120 and just get every little bit out of my teeth, 393 00:14:13,226 --> 00:14:15,398 or I try to avoid foods that get lodged in your teeth, 'cause... 394 00:14:15,498 --> 00:14:16,578 Really? 395 00:14:16,682 --> 00:14:18,175 You don't want to try and go and kiss a girl 396 00:14:18,281 --> 00:14:20,387 with a big lump of chicken stuck inside of one of your molars. 397 00:14:20,489 --> 00:14:23,009 See that strikes me as odd, that a man at our age 398 00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:25,699 would be thinking about trying to kiss girls. 399 00:14:25,802 --> 00:14:27,460 - Hi, sorry. - Hello. 400 00:14:27,561 --> 00:14:29,449 It's your lucky day. 401 00:14:29,545 --> 00:14:31,203 - Why? - We've had a cancellation. 402 00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:32,615 You don't have to share a bed tonight. 403 00:14:32,714 --> 00:14:34,023 I'll drink to that. 404 00:14:34,121 --> 00:14:38,213 Shall I leave you in room 15 and move Mr. Brydon into 7, or... 405 00:14:38,314 --> 00:14:39,741 Which is the better room? 406 00:14:39,849 --> 00:14:42,883 7 is a bit bigger, but I prefer 15. 407 00:14:42,985 --> 00:14:44,196 Maybe you want to see it? 408 00:14:44,297 --> 00:14:46,534 Um... yes, I think I would. 409 00:14:46,634 --> 00:14:47,976 Do you mind excusing me? 410 00:14:48,073 --> 00:14:50,015 I could come as well if you want. 411 00:14:50,121 --> 00:14:51,430 Nah. 412 00:14:56,649 --> 00:14:57,544 Yeah, it's open. 413 00:15:02,153 --> 00:15:03,647 - Sorry. - Okay. 414 00:15:03,754 --> 00:15:06,885 Okay, so this is room number 7. 415 00:15:06,986 --> 00:15:08,131 That's nice, yeah. 416 00:15:08,234 --> 00:15:09,826 Beautiful room. 417 00:15:09,929 --> 00:15:12,001 - Nice view. - Yeah? 418 00:15:12,105 --> 00:15:14,407 I find the view is very important. 419 00:15:14,506 --> 00:15:16,164 You can't go wrong around this area. 420 00:15:16,265 --> 00:15:17,727 Everything's beautiful. 421 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,557 It is. I know. It's true. 422 00:15:22,345 --> 00:15:23,426 It's pretty high, isn't it? 423 00:15:23,529 --> 00:15:24,958 It reminds me of The Princess and the Pea. 424 00:15:25,065 --> 00:15:26,080 Do you know that? 425 00:15:26,185 --> 00:15:27,560 - Yes, I do. - Hans Christian Andersen. 426 00:15:27,658 --> 00:15:29,218 Do you have... Do you know him in Poland? 427 00:15:29,322 --> 00:15:31,941 Of course. Of course we read. 428 00:15:32,042 --> 00:15:33,568 Yeah, no, we do read. 429 00:15:33,673 --> 00:15:35,235 Right. Okay. Where is he from? 430 00:15:35,338 --> 00:15:37,672 - Um... Denmark. - Denmark. That's right. Yes. 431 00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:39,296 Denmark. Yeah. I don't like the Danish. 432 00:15:39,402 --> 00:15:41,158 No, it's like that, isn't it? 433 00:15:41,257 --> 00:15:42,185 No, it's like that. 434 00:15:42,282 --> 00:15:44,136 Through the nose. Through the nose. 435 00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,339 Michael Caine's voice is through the nose. 436 00:15:46,441 --> 00:15:48,231 So how long have you worked here? 437 00:15:48,329 --> 00:15:50,020 - Long? - Almost a year. 438 00:15:50,122 --> 00:15:51,496 Right. Okay. 439 00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:53,220 So you and Rob, do you work a lot together or... 440 00:15:53,323 --> 00:15:54,184 Very rarely. 441 00:15:54,282 --> 00:15:55,394 If I can avoid it. 442 00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:57,440 I mean, you seem to know each other quite well. 443 00:15:57,546 --> 00:15:59,618 It's all right, but the relationship's purely platonic. 444 00:15:59,721 --> 00:16:01,282 So what should we do? 445 00:16:01,386 --> 00:16:03,174 Well, which is the one you liked? 446 00:16:03,274 --> 00:16:04,649 15. Yeah, I prefer 15. 447 00:16:04,747 --> 00:16:05,924 I think we should go with that. 448 00:16:06,025 --> 00:16:07,880 Do they accommodate you here, or do you have, like... 449 00:16:07,977 --> 00:16:10,629 There are cottages for the staff at the main house, 450 00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:12,290 so yes, I live nearby. 451 00:16:12,393 --> 00:16:13,255 Well, that's handy. 452 00:16:13,354 --> 00:16:15,045 I'm very nearby, yeah. 453 00:16:15,146 --> 00:16:16,552 Hi, is that Greg? 454 00:16:16,649 --> 00:16:17,511 It is, yes. 455 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:18,471 - Hey. - Hey, how are you? 456 00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:19,431 Very good. 457 00:16:19,529 --> 00:16:21,253 You emailed me, asked me to call. 458 00:16:21,353 --> 00:16:22,947 Can you hear me, Greg? 459 00:16:24,490 --> 00:16:25,603 No, I can't... 460 00:16:25,707 --> 00:16:28,771 Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? 461 00:16:28,873 --> 00:16:30,335 Yes, yes. I can hear you. 462 00:16:30,442 --> 00:16:31,554 Okay, I'll stay here. 463 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,446 Right, Doctor Who are very keen again. 464 00:16:33,546 --> 00:16:36,612 Doctor Who? What, is it the baddie? 465 00:16:36,714 --> 00:16:37,641 Yep. 466 00:16:37,738 --> 00:16:39,265 I don't want to do British TV. 467 00:16:39,369 --> 00:16:40,831 Well, I mean, all you need is... 468 00:16:40,937 --> 00:16:42,213 you just need one film, Steve, 469 00:16:42,313 --> 00:16:43,175 and that will propel you. 470 00:16:43,274 --> 00:16:44,932 I've done ten. 471 00:16:45,034 --> 00:16:46,211 You need the right film. 472 00:16:46,314 --> 00:16:48,289 You see, you've got a huge amount of momentum 473 00:16:48,395 --> 00:16:49,571 behind you. 474 00:16:49,673 --> 00:16:51,561 Yeah, you get momentum when you're going downhill. 475 00:16:51,658 --> 00:16:53,087 Well, yes, but... 476 00:16:53,194 --> 00:16:55,333 I want to be in films, 477 00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:56,328 good films. 478 00:16:56,426 --> 00:16:58,433 Where exactly are you at the moment? 479 00:16:58,538 --> 00:17:01,156 I'm in the Trough of Bowland. 480 00:17:01,257 --> 00:17:04,673 Rather appropriately, Greg, I'm in a trough, 481 00:17:04,778 --> 00:17:06,338 literally and metaphorically. 482 00:17:06,441 --> 00:17:08,711 Yeah, is Mischa with you? Is she enjoying it? 483 00:17:08,811 --> 00:17:13,382 Yes, she's... yes, she's... yes, she is, yeah. 484 00:17:59,914 --> 00:18:00,775 Hello? 485 00:18:00,874 --> 00:18:02,663 Hello? 486 00:18:02,763 --> 00:18:04,137 Hey, it's me! 487 00:18:04,235 --> 00:18:06,241 What time is it? 488 00:18:06,345 --> 00:18:11,202 It's, uh, it's 12:00, your time. 489 00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:14,089 Oh, shit. I'm late. 490 00:18:14,186 --> 00:18:16,325 Oh, you just got up? 491 00:18:16,425 --> 00:18:18,116 Yeah, I had a really late night. 492 00:18:18,218 --> 00:18:20,968 I guess I got in at, like, 3:00 or 4:00 maybe. 493 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,343 Where'd you go? 494 00:18:22,442 --> 00:18:26,435 I told you, I went to this, uh, magazine party, 495 00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:28,032 this magazine launch. 496 00:18:28,138 --> 00:18:29,153 I thought it'd 497 00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:31,625 be a good place to go and meet some people 498 00:18:31,723 --> 00:18:34,625 and pitch some of my ideas, and it was really good. 499 00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:38,046 I met some amazing people, and there's lots of interest. 500 00:18:38,153 --> 00:18:39,811 Yeah? Who'd you meet? Who was interesting? 501 00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:43,231 I met the, um, the editor of Esquire, 502 00:18:43,338 --> 00:18:45,641 and he, uh, 503 00:18:45,738 --> 00:18:48,520 he's interested in the story I did about the bikers 504 00:18:48,618 --> 00:18:49,992 when I went back home. 505 00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:51,683 Does he fancy you? 506 00:18:51,786 --> 00:18:53,096 God, you know what? 507 00:18:53,195 --> 00:18:54,820 That really pisses me off when you do that 508 00:18:54,922 --> 00:18:56,776 like I've got nothing else to offer. 509 00:18:56,875 --> 00:18:57,922 - I'm not saying... - Whatever. 510 00:18:58,027 --> 00:18:59,106 Listen, listen, I've got to go. 511 00:18:59,210 --> 00:19:01,316 - Hey, listen... - I'm gonna be late, okay? 512 00:19:01,418 --> 00:19:06,601 Okay. Hey, uh, uh, well, I miss you. 513 00:19:06,698 --> 00:19:09,251 Yeah, I miss you too. 514 00:19:09,354 --> 00:19:11,776 Good. 515 00:19:11,882 --> 00:19:12,897 I got to go. 516 00:19:13,002 --> 00:19:15,392 Listen, well, let's just speak later, okay? 517 00:19:15,498 --> 00:19:17,320 - Okay. - Okay, bye. 518 00:19:17,418 --> 00:19:19,207 - Bye. Bye, baby. - Bye. 519 00:19:52,075 --> 00:19:53,220 Bye. 520 00:19:54,857 --> 00:19:56,003 Bye. 521 00:20:06,410 --> 00:20:09,313 I thought we'd go up to Dunsop Bridge, 522 00:20:09,419 --> 00:20:11,306 up through the Trough of Bowland, 523 00:20:11,403 --> 00:20:14,534 through Abbeystead, get on the M6 at junction 33, 524 00:20:14,635 --> 00:20:17,220 then off at junction 36 a bit further up, 525 00:20:17,323 --> 00:20:20,388 and that'll take us almost all the way to Cartmel. 526 00:20:21,995 --> 00:20:27,875 Did you cement Anglo-Polish relations? 527 00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:32,867 There was a summit in my bedroom. 528 00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:33,986 I won't go into detail, 529 00:20:34,091 --> 00:20:35,880 but there were more than talks about talks. 530 00:20:35,978 --> 00:20:41,444 In fact, I'd go as far as to say there was an historic accord. 531 00:20:41,546 --> 00:20:43,783 "What joy it was to be alive, 532 00:20:43,883 --> 00:20:45,922 but to be young was very heaven." 533 00:20:46,028 --> 00:20:47,272 That's Wordsworth, I think, 534 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,475 going on about the French Revolution. 535 00:20:49,578 --> 00:20:50,985 That was when he was younger, 536 00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:53,253 before he started going on about daffodils. 537 00:20:58,474 --> 00:20:59,881 This is a wild and windy moor. 538 00:20:59,978 --> 00:21:00,839 It is. 539 00:21:00,938 --> 00:21:02,279 Misty moor, really, but, you know... 540 00:21:02,378 --> 00:21:04,135 - Christy Moore. - Christy Moore. 541 00:21:04,235 --> 00:21:06,089 Bobby Moore. Dudley Moore. 542 00:21:06,187 --> 00:21:07,781 Roger Moore. Kenneth Moore. 543 00:21:07,883 --> 00:21:09,192 Dudley and Peter. Peter and Dudley. 544 00:21:09,291 --> 00:21:10,238 Oh, God. 545 00:21:12,555 --> 00:21:16,200 both: # Out on the wild and windy moor # 546 00:21:16,299 --> 00:21:20,293 # We'd roll and fall in green # 547 00:21:20,394 --> 00:21:24,453 # You had a temper like my jealousy # 548 00:21:24,555 --> 00:21:27,937 # Too hard, too greedy # 549 00:21:32,074 --> 00:21:34,311 Hello. 550 00:21:34,411 --> 00:21:37,989 - Hi, it's me. - Hi, how are you? 551 00:21:38,091 --> 00:21:39,236 Where are you? 552 00:21:39,338 --> 00:21:42,916 I'm... we're just in the Trough of Bowland 553 00:21:43,019 --> 00:21:43,880 heading towards... 554 00:21:43,979 --> 00:21:45,157 - Cartmel. - Cartmel. 555 00:21:45,259 --> 00:21:47,811 Can you... can you talk to Joe? 556 00:21:47,915 --> 00:21:48,995 What? 557 00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:51,335 He's getting a bit out of hand. 558 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,507 He was drinking last night. 559 00:21:53,611 --> 00:21:54,887 Oh, Christ's sakes. 560 00:21:54,987 --> 00:21:57,256 I've had one of his friend's parents call me 561 00:21:57,354 --> 00:21:59,144 concerned about his behavior at their house, 562 00:21:59,242 --> 00:22:00,998 and he's been really ill this morning, 563 00:22:01,099 --> 00:22:03,107 and he won't go to school. 564 00:22:03,211 --> 00:22:04,072 Oh, Christ's sakes. 565 00:22:04,170 --> 00:22:05,447 So I need you to talk to him, 566 00:22:05,546 --> 00:22:07,303 because he just doesn't listen to me at the moment. 567 00:22:07,403 --> 00:22:08,330 Okay, I will do that today. 568 00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:09,801 Can you do that today? 569 00:22:09,899 --> 00:22:12,169 Yeah. Yes. I will do that today. 570 00:22:12,267 --> 00:22:13,674 - How's Mimi? - Well, I've got to go. 571 00:22:13,771 --> 00:22:15,527 Oh, okay. All right. Bye. 572 00:22:15,626 --> 00:22:16,488 Bye. Thanks. 573 00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:18,080 - Bye. - Bye. 574 00:22:19,787 --> 00:22:23,530 Well, it's none of my business, 575 00:22:23,628 --> 00:22:26,528 but I thought she was very unreasonable. 576 00:22:26,634 --> 00:22:30,409 Catherine manages to put me on the back foot from "hello." 577 00:22:30,507 --> 00:22:32,482 It's extraordinary skill. 578 00:22:37,802 --> 00:22:39,231 Do you like taster menus? 579 00:22:39,338 --> 00:22:40,583 - I'm not sure. - I do. 580 00:22:40,683 --> 00:22:43,979 I think when they're good, they're really good. 581 00:22:44,075 --> 00:22:46,628 And when it's not done well, it's very frustrating. 582 00:22:58,347 --> 00:23:01,064 There we have some little canapes to begin with 583 00:23:01,163 --> 00:23:04,709 with a duet of tapioca-based crackers, spiced popcorn, 584 00:23:04,812 --> 00:23:07,495 and the lollipops are made out of duck fat with peanuts. 585 00:23:07,596 --> 00:23:08,675 Thank you very much. 586 00:23:08,779 --> 00:23:11,048 Check on two covers, lunch menu, please. 587 00:23:11,146 --> 00:23:14,147 That's a big piece of popcorn, isn't it? 588 00:23:14,251 --> 00:23:15,200 It's very nice. 589 00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:21,512 I like that as well. 590 00:23:21,611 --> 00:23:23,782 Enormous green quaver. 591 00:23:23,883 --> 00:23:26,120 Duck fat lolly. Well, why not? 592 00:23:26,219 --> 00:23:27,081 It's just like my comedy. 593 00:23:27,179 --> 00:23:28,389 It's, like... it's familiar... 594 00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:29,669 like, we all know what a lolly is... 595 00:23:29,771 --> 00:23:31,494 but there's something very different about it. 596 00:23:31,595 --> 00:23:32,871 And like lollipops, 597 00:23:32,970 --> 00:23:35,011 it's something that we enjoyed a long time ago. 598 00:23:36,747 --> 00:23:37,729 Mm. 599 00:23:37,835 --> 00:23:40,683 To begin with, we have a nice little appetizer. 600 00:23:40,780 --> 00:23:43,714 We've got the liqueur made out of the mallow leaves 601 00:23:43,819 --> 00:23:46,372 topped with a fizz which is made out of ginger beer 602 00:23:46,474 --> 00:23:48,777 with whiskey as well as chili. 603 00:23:48,876 --> 00:23:51,691 - Cheers. - Cheers. 604 00:23:51,788 --> 00:23:52,997 That's nice. It's like... 605 00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:54,789 Tastes of a childhood garden. 606 00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:57,258 Well, it's got a bit of alcohol in it, so it tastes... 607 00:23:57,355 --> 00:24:00,323 Was there a lot of alcohol in your garden as a child? 608 00:24:00,428 --> 00:24:01,475 I'm sorry, Rob. 609 00:24:04,779 --> 00:24:05,640 Everything's all right? 610 00:24:05,739 --> 00:24:07,714 It's lovely. Delicious. 611 00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:09,129 Very different. Very interesting. 612 00:24:09,228 --> 00:24:10,176 Yeah. Cheers. 613 00:24:12,460 --> 00:24:13,321 Mmm. 614 00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:15,207 It's got... it is a bit... 615 00:24:15,307 --> 00:24:16,169 I mean... I have to... 616 00:24:16,268 --> 00:24:19,017 the consistency is a bit like... 617 00:24:19,115 --> 00:24:22,115 is a bit like snot, but it tastes great. 618 00:24:22,220 --> 00:24:23,746 They said it was delicious. 619 00:24:23,851 --> 00:24:26,120 What can I say? 620 00:24:26,219 --> 00:24:28,107 I can't get the image of snot out of my head now. 621 00:24:29,292 --> 00:24:30,601 Every time I look at that, I want to... 622 00:24:30,699 --> 00:24:31,747 That was lovely. Really nice. 623 00:24:31,851 --> 00:24:33,226 Very nice indeed, yeah. 624 00:24:33,324 --> 00:24:34,502 - Thank you. - Thank you. 625 00:24:34,604 --> 00:24:36,839 I use my tweezers for this. 626 00:24:42,955 --> 00:24:44,646 There we are, gentlemen. 627 00:24:44,747 --> 00:24:46,275 At the bottom of those little sacks, 628 00:24:46,381 --> 00:24:49,281 you've got some diced smoked hare 629 00:24:49,387 --> 00:24:52,005 as well as shredded radishes 630 00:24:52,107 --> 00:24:55,523 covered with a very smooth duck foie gras mousse. 631 00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:56,741 - Thank you. - Enjoy. 632 00:24:56,843 --> 00:24:57,824 Thank you very much. 633 00:24:59,659 --> 00:25:01,220 Mmm. That's fantastic. 634 00:25:09,995 --> 00:25:13,257 So your next course is what we call the Humphrey's pool. 635 00:25:13,356 --> 00:25:16,902 It's a shellfish broth made out of mussel, clams, cockles, 636 00:25:17,003 --> 00:25:18,530 which are cooked in their own juices 637 00:25:18,635 --> 00:25:21,602 before to be garnished with a shredded local seaweed. 638 00:25:21,707 --> 00:25:23,595 - Thank you very much. - Thank you. 639 00:25:23,692 --> 00:25:26,408 I've never eaten a shellfish broth before. 640 00:25:27,661 --> 00:25:29,733 He mentioned cooking in their own juices. 641 00:25:29,836 --> 00:25:32,203 Imagine that, eh? It's a lovely thought, isn't it? 642 00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:33,893 Being cooked in your own juice. 643 00:25:33,995 --> 00:25:35,271 I'll be honest, 644 00:25:35,371 --> 00:25:37,892 I don't think I could muster more than a thimbleful. 645 00:25:41,739 --> 00:25:42,884 Then, of course, with this one, 646 00:25:42,987 --> 00:25:44,776 you've got some little Manx Queenies, 647 00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:46,981 which are baby queen scallops. 648 00:25:47,083 --> 00:25:49,801 They are resting on grilled baby gem 649 00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:51,045 and parsnip coulis 650 00:25:51,148 --> 00:25:53,123 as well as a light, creamy horseradish sauce. 651 00:25:53,228 --> 00:25:54,570 - Thank you. - Lovely. 652 00:25:54,667 --> 00:25:57,351 Rather optimistic to say they're resting. 653 00:25:57,452 --> 00:25:58,881 Their days of resting have been and gone. 654 00:25:58,988 --> 00:25:59,937 They are dead. 655 00:26:05,388 --> 00:26:06,981 So what we'll have at the base of the dish, 656 00:26:07,083 --> 00:26:10,978 we've got a goat cheese mousse and a globe artichoke puree, 657 00:26:11,084 --> 00:26:12,196 and that is garnished 658 00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:14,274 with deep-fried globe artichoke leaves 659 00:26:14,380 --> 00:26:16,997 as well as baby Jerusalem artichoke. 660 00:26:17,099 --> 00:26:20,580 - Thank you very much. - Thank you. 661 00:26:20,684 --> 00:26:23,368 Um... I don't like artichoke. I should just say that. 662 00:26:28,780 --> 00:26:31,049 Drinking the wine makes me feel quite sophisticated. 663 00:26:31,148 --> 00:26:33,515 A bit like, you know, James Bond ordering a martini. 664 00:26:33,612 --> 00:26:35,553 I'd like a... 665 00:26:36,716 --> 00:26:40,426 Like a martini, shaken... not stirred. 666 00:26:40,523 --> 00:26:43,142 I want it now. 667 00:26:43,245 --> 00:26:44,455 Don't make me wait. 668 00:26:44,557 --> 00:26:46,246 I'll have a vodka martini, 669 00:26:46,347 --> 00:26:47,395 shaken, but not stirred. 670 00:26:47,499 --> 00:26:48,928 I'll have a vodka martini, 671 00:26:49,036 --> 00:26:50,213 shaken, not stirred. 672 00:26:50,316 --> 00:26:52,139 - I'll have a vodka... - I'll have a vodka... 673 00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:53,643 You look very worried. 674 00:26:53,740 --> 00:26:54,755 - So do you. - No. 675 00:26:54,860 --> 00:26:56,235 You should take a look at your face. 676 00:26:56,333 --> 00:26:58,568 I'll have a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred. 677 00:26:58,667 --> 00:27:00,326 You look like you're recovering from a stroke 678 00:27:00,428 --> 00:27:02,152 and learning how to get mobility again. 679 00:27:02,251 --> 00:27:05,351 I'd like a vodka martini, shaken, but not stirred. 680 00:27:05,452 --> 00:27:07,339 I can feel my legs. It's a miracle. 681 00:27:07,436 --> 00:27:08,963 I'd like a vodka martini, 682 00:27:09,068 --> 00:27:10,530 shaken, but not stirred. 683 00:27:10,636 --> 00:27:12,644 I'd like a vodka martini, 684 00:27:12,748 --> 00:27:15,530 shaken, not stirred. 685 00:27:15,628 --> 00:27:18,214 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 686 00:27:18,317 --> 00:27:20,170 You derive just as much pleasure from killing as I do. 687 00:27:20,267 --> 00:27:21,675 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 688 00:27:21,772 --> 00:27:23,495 you get just as much pleasure from killing as I do. 689 00:27:23,596 --> 00:27:24,643 - I'm saying that bit. - I know. 690 00:27:24,747 --> 00:27:26,275 When you say it, just don't caricature it. 691 00:27:26,380 --> 00:27:27,274 Try and do it real. 692 00:27:27,372 --> 00:27:28,746 Come, come, Mr. Bond. 693 00:27:28,844 --> 00:27:30,021 Shut up. Don't tell me how to act. 694 00:27:30,124 --> 00:27:31,269 - Well, I bloody should do. - Why? 695 00:27:31,371 --> 00:27:32,778 Because sometimes you tend to sort of, 696 00:27:32,875 --> 00:27:33,858 you know, crank it up a bit. 697 00:27:33,964 --> 00:27:36,964 Yeah, whereas you are widely regarded 698 00:27:37,067 --> 00:27:38,726 as the king of understatement. 699 00:27:38,829 --> 00:27:40,073 All right, I would do it like this. 700 00:27:40,172 --> 00:27:41,545 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 701 00:27:41,643 --> 00:27:42,789 you get just as much of... 702 00:27:42,892 --> 00:27:44,801 - Try and get the lines right. - All right. I know. 703 00:27:44,907 --> 00:27:48,836 As a rule, it's more effective if you don't fluff the line. 704 00:27:48,940 --> 00:27:50,795 I'll deliver it with a nice bit of understatement. 705 00:27:50,893 --> 00:27:52,266 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 706 00:27:52,364 --> 00:27:54,087 you get just as much pleasure from killing as I do. 707 00:27:54,188 --> 00:27:55,814 - That was the worst... - Okay. All right. 708 00:27:55,916 --> 00:27:57,028 This is it. This is it. 709 00:27:57,132 --> 00:27:58,506 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 710 00:27:58,604 --> 00:28:00,328 you get just as much pleasure from killing as I do. 711 00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:01,835 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 712 00:28:01,932 --> 00:28:05,314 you get just as much pleasure from killing as I do. 713 00:28:05,419 --> 00:28:06,946 Fucking yeah. 714 00:28:07,052 --> 00:28:09,157 No, you went up at the end like you watch Australian soaps. 715 00:28:09,260 --> 00:28:10,405 Yes, did you see I did on my face? 716 00:28:10,508 --> 00:28:11,916 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 717 00:28:12,013 --> 00:28:13,539 you get just as much pleasure 718 00:28:13,643 --> 00:28:14,625 from killing as I do? 719 00:28:14,731 --> 00:28:16,139 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 720 00:28:16,236 --> 00:28:17,829 you derive just as much pleasure from killing 721 00:28:17,932 --> 00:28:19,209 as I do. 722 00:28:19,307 --> 00:28:21,283 When I kill, I kill for queen and country, 723 00:28:21,388 --> 00:28:22,915 though I admit, killing you... 724 00:28:25,004 --> 00:28:27,971 Come, come, Mr. Bond, you derive just as much... 725 00:28:29,676 --> 00:28:31,945 Sorry, you derive just as much 726 00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:34,565 pleasure from killing as I do. 727 00:28:34,668 --> 00:28:37,123 Hello? 728 00:28:37,228 --> 00:28:38,177 Hi. 729 00:28:38,284 --> 00:28:39,975 - Hey. - Hey. 730 00:28:40,075 --> 00:28:41,221 It's me. 731 00:28:41,325 --> 00:28:42,601 Hey, how's it going? 732 00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:45,319 It's great. It's great. I mean, yeah... yeah. 733 00:28:45,421 --> 00:28:46,281 Where are you now? 734 00:28:46,380 --> 00:28:47,362 I'm in L'enclume. 735 00:28:47,468 --> 00:28:48,645 No way. 736 00:28:48,748 --> 00:28:52,261 Yeah, I'm at the fancy-schmancy restaurant. 737 00:28:52,364 --> 00:28:53,794 Oh, I really wanted to go there. 738 00:28:53,901 --> 00:28:56,006 What's happening with that editing thing, 739 00:28:56,108 --> 00:28:57,963 the job with the guy, you know, and the... 740 00:28:58,060 --> 00:28:59,554 It's going really well, I think. 741 00:28:59,660 --> 00:29:01,635 They gave me an assignment in Las Vegas. 742 00:29:01,741 --> 00:29:05,286 Las Vegas? What are you going there for? 743 00:29:05,388 --> 00:29:06,599 For work. I just told you. 744 00:29:06,701 --> 00:29:08,488 To do... what are you gonna write about? 745 00:29:08,588 --> 00:29:11,687 I'm gonna go do this really interesting piece 746 00:29:11,789 --> 00:29:13,730 on prostitutes in Vegas, 747 00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:17,317 that kind of, like, good girls gone bad Vegas style story. 748 00:29:17,420 --> 00:29:19,275 Well, what if you become a good girl gone bad? 749 00:29:19,373 --> 00:29:21,030 Oh, Jesus, Steve. 750 00:29:21,132 --> 00:29:23,020 What, do you think I'm gonna go to Las Vegas 751 00:29:23,117 --> 00:29:25,353 and become a prostitute? 752 00:29:29,739 --> 00:29:30,600 beep! 753 00:29:30,699 --> 00:29:32,456 Hey, Joe, it's dad. 754 00:29:32,557 --> 00:29:36,234 Just wanted to have a chat, you know, see what's happening. 755 00:29:36,333 --> 00:29:39,332 So give me a call when you can, right? 756 00:29:39,437 --> 00:29:41,346 Love you. Bye. 757 00:29:43,691 --> 00:29:45,765 - Are you all right? - Yeah, fine. 758 00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:47,428 Yeah? All good? Chloe okay? 759 00:29:51,115 --> 00:29:52,009 Hello? 760 00:29:52,109 --> 00:29:55,589 It's Steve Coogan. Hey. 761 00:29:55,692 --> 00:29:57,733 Ha-ha. Hey, Matt. How you doing? 762 00:29:57,836 --> 00:29:59,014 I'm doing good, man. How are you? 763 00:29:59,116 --> 00:30:00,327 Good. Good. Yeah, great. 764 00:30:00,428 --> 00:30:02,184 Would you be up for a bit of... 765 00:30:02,284 --> 00:30:03,396 a bit of phone sex? 766 00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:05,573 Ah, I might be. Hmm. Yeah. 767 00:30:05,676 --> 00:30:07,302 Could I... could I... could I... 768 00:30:07,404 --> 00:30:10,252 could I interest you in some rather salacious sort of... 769 00:30:10,349 --> 00:30:12,617 If I sort of do this Hugh Grant, might that sort of... 770 00:30:12,716 --> 00:30:15,848 get you, as it were, going, if I... 771 00:30:15,948 --> 00:30:18,982 He doesn't do it for me. 772 00:30:19,085 --> 00:30:21,606 You know, it's like I keep telling you, 773 00:30:21,709 --> 00:30:23,683 it's like the tortoise and the hare, all right? 774 00:30:23,788 --> 00:30:25,697 What, so I'm a tortoise? 775 00:30:25,805 --> 00:30:26,666 Great. 776 00:30:26,765 --> 00:30:27,844 Speaking of boiled eggs, 777 00:30:27,948 --> 00:30:29,857 I'm not wearing any pajama bottoms. 778 00:30:29,965 --> 00:30:32,485 Ah, you saucy boy. 779 00:30:32,589 --> 00:30:34,694 Don't say "ah." 780 00:30:34,797 --> 00:30:36,040 You should say "ooh." 781 00:30:36,140 --> 00:30:37,067 Fwah. 782 00:30:37,164 --> 00:30:38,790 Yeah, "fwah." Thank you. 783 00:30:38,893 --> 00:30:40,137 Someone overheard Nick Stevens 784 00:30:40,236 --> 00:30:42,855 at an Endeavor meeting, and someone brought my name up, 785 00:30:42,957 --> 00:30:44,899 and he said, " I wish I'd gotten hold of Steve Coogan 786 00:30:45,005 --> 00:30:46,248 when he was 35." 787 00:30:46,348 --> 00:30:48,999 I mean, I was... 788 00:30:49,101 --> 00:30:51,949 I thought, " Crikey, is that it? Is it game over?" 789 00:30:52,044 --> 00:30:53,866 I mean, I'm 41. 790 00:30:53,964 --> 00:30:55,077 You're not 41. 791 00:30:55,181 --> 00:30:56,903 I'm not. No. I'm 44. 792 00:30:57,004 --> 00:30:58,116 I've been 41 for three years. 793 00:30:58,220 --> 00:30:59,944 I've been telling people I'm 41 for three years. 794 00:31:00,045 --> 00:31:03,558 You get yourself off to Noddington, 795 00:31:03,662 --> 00:31:08,483 and I shall bed down here with a rock as my pillow, 796 00:31:08,589 --> 00:31:10,759 the stars as my canopy, 797 00:31:10,860 --> 00:31:15,203 and this local barmaid as my duvet. 798 00:31:17,261 --> 00:31:18,470 I like the way you laugh at that 799 00:31:18,572 --> 00:31:19,946 like it's not a possibility. 800 00:31:20,044 --> 00:31:21,637 I know it's not gonna happen. 801 00:31:21,741 --> 00:31:23,148 What do you mean it's not gonna happen? 802 00:31:23,244 --> 00:31:24,422 Well, I mean, it could. 803 00:31:24,526 --> 00:31:25,932 I pulled you. 804 00:31:26,029 --> 00:31:27,305 It's a good time for you, you know? 805 00:31:27,405 --> 00:31:28,648 It's a good time to be Steve Coogan. 806 00:31:28,749 --> 00:31:30,025 Okay, good. That all sounds great. 807 00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:31,553 - This is your year. - I hope so. 808 00:31:31,660 --> 00:31:33,483 I can't do anything when you're stuck over there, 809 00:31:33,581 --> 00:31:34,442 all right? 810 00:31:34,540 --> 00:31:35,751 So get your ass back here. 811 00:31:35,852 --> 00:31:37,609 Okay, we'll do that. Thanks for the call then. 812 00:31:37,710 --> 00:31:40,578 - Ciao. - Okay, bye. 813 00:31:55,629 --> 00:31:56,490 It's incredible. 814 00:31:56,589 --> 00:31:58,280 Everybody wants to work with you. 815 00:31:58,382 --> 00:32:01,414 I get a call from P.T. Anderson. I get a call from Wes Anderson. 816 00:32:01,516 --> 00:32:05,161 Noah Baumbach, Todd Haynes, Alexander Payne, all of them. 817 00:32:05,260 --> 00:32:06,154 They're all auteurs. 818 00:32:06,253 --> 00:32:07,497 Yeah, and they're all geniuses, 819 00:32:07,597 --> 00:32:08,971 and they want to work with the genius. 820 00:32:09,069 --> 00:32:10,694 I want to do mainstream movies. 821 00:32:10,798 --> 00:32:13,611 Well, the Farrelly brothers want to work with you, okay? 822 00:32:13,708 --> 00:32:15,116 The Scotts, Tony and Ridley, 823 00:32:15,213 --> 00:32:16,358 they want to do a movie together. 824 00:32:16,461 --> 00:32:17,803 Never done that before. 825 00:32:17,900 --> 00:32:20,006 They want to do a thing with you where it's, like, the future, 826 00:32:20,110 --> 00:32:21,703 but it's 500 years in the past, 827 00:32:21,805 --> 00:32:23,266 and you're, like, some guy who's, like, 828 00:32:23,373 --> 00:32:24,234 a warrior that came... 829 00:32:24,333 --> 00:32:25,260 I don't even know what it is, 830 00:32:25,357 --> 00:32:27,015 but they want to do it with you, okay? 831 00:32:27,117 --> 00:32:28,328 It's incredible. 832 00:32:28,429 --> 00:32:30,120 Coens, calling up. 833 00:32:30,221 --> 00:32:32,294 Wachowskis, both of them want to work with you. 834 00:32:32,397 --> 00:32:34,436 All the brothers, my man. 835 00:32:34,540 --> 00:32:36,908 All the brothers want a piece of Coogs. 836 00:32:37,005 --> 00:32:39,077 It's like... I can't believe it's happening. 837 00:32:39,181 --> 00:32:41,069 Well, Steve, guess what. 838 00:32:41,166 --> 00:32:43,587 Wake up. Smell the coffee, all right? 839 00:32:43,693 --> 00:32:45,286 The dream is happening right now. 840 00:32:45,389 --> 00:32:46,883 You're living the dream, Steve. 841 00:32:47,949 --> 00:32:48,811 It's all a dream. 842 00:32:48,910 --> 00:32:52,258 Come back. Wait, come back. 843 00:32:52,365 --> 00:32:55,528 Can't. I got a thing. But... 844 00:32:55,629 --> 00:32:58,313 I don't think I'll talk to you later, but at some point, okay? 845 00:33:12,269 --> 00:33:14,179 So I thought we'd take the B5278 846 00:33:14,285 --> 00:33:16,195 along the west bank of Windermere. 847 00:33:16,301 --> 00:33:17,510 Then when we get to Rydal, 848 00:33:17,612 --> 00:33:20,296 we're gonna take the A591 up to Keswick. 849 00:33:20,396 --> 00:33:23,496 I've printed out some reviews... 850 00:33:23,597 --> 00:33:24,742 Oh, great. Oh, that's good. 851 00:33:24,845 --> 00:33:27,660 For L'enclume, and basically, with L'enclume, 852 00:33:27,758 --> 00:33:28,902 you can say whatever you want, 853 00:33:29,005 --> 00:33:32,518 because it goes from the terrible to the wonderful. 854 00:33:32,621 --> 00:33:34,956 Victor Lewis-Smith. 855 00:33:35,053 --> 00:33:38,119 "Never mind all the talk of inventiveness and variety, 856 00:33:38,222 --> 00:33:40,676 "the result was as formulaic as McDonald's 857 00:33:40,781 --> 00:33:43,684 "with the same splatter of Technicolor bird shit 858 00:33:43,789 --> 00:33:45,065 on every plate." 859 00:33:45,165 --> 00:33:46,823 - Then... - That's a bit unkind. 860 00:33:46,925 --> 00:33:49,773 Giles Coren in The Times. 861 00:33:49,869 --> 00:33:52,869 "Love is not strong enough to describe what I felt 862 00:33:52,973 --> 00:33:54,380 "about L'enclume in Cartmel. 863 00:33:54,477 --> 00:33:57,412 "I am breathless with admiration, respect, 864 00:33:57,518 --> 00:34:00,998 "and awe for the skill, imagination, and restraint 865 00:34:01,101 --> 00:34:03,916 "of the 20-odd plates of Simon Rogan's food 866 00:34:04,012 --> 00:34:06,250 that I ate in my two visits." 867 00:34:06,349 --> 00:34:07,658 2/3 of the way through that, 868 00:34:07,757 --> 00:34:09,765 you were thinking of doing Anthony Hopkins, weren't you? 869 00:34:09,869 --> 00:34:11,047 - Yes. - Yeah, I heard it. 870 00:34:11,150 --> 00:34:12,808 - I heard it in your voice. - Are you glad I didn't? 871 00:34:12,909 --> 00:34:15,243 I am glad you didn't. I admire your restraint. 872 00:34:15,341 --> 00:34:16,803 " I was dazzled, 873 00:34:16,910 --> 00:34:19,975 "blown away by the originality, integrity, and extravagance. 874 00:34:20,077 --> 00:34:22,924 "I found it the best restaurant experience over the years. 875 00:34:23,021 --> 00:34:25,443 Love is not strong enough to describe what I felt about it!" 876 00:34:25,550 --> 00:34:26,760 Please, Christ. 877 00:34:26,861 --> 00:34:28,771 Restaurant I would easily promise to honor and obey! 878 00:34:28,877 --> 00:34:30,122 I will honor you, sir! 879 00:34:30,221 --> 00:34:31,650 I will honor you and the restaurant, sir! 880 00:34:31,758 --> 00:34:35,499 No, sir! No, sir! I shall not, ah! 881 00:34:35,597 --> 00:34:37,604 I'm breathless with admiration and respect... 882 00:34:37,709 --> 00:34:39,084 All right. All right. Jesus Christ. 883 00:34:39,181 --> 00:34:40,610 It's so early, shouting like that. 884 00:34:40,718 --> 00:34:43,685 It's really horrible. It's really unpleasant. 885 00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:45,316 Well, he is when he does that, isn't he? 886 00:34:45,421 --> 00:34:48,171 I know. I know. He is, and by default, you are. 887 00:34:48,269 --> 00:34:51,117 Well, yeah, because I inhabit the role, sir. 888 00:34:51,214 --> 00:34:53,188 I'm not a turn, am I? I inhabit the role. 889 00:34:53,294 --> 00:34:54,723 Yeah, no, you're a real method actor. 890 00:34:54,830 --> 00:34:55,843 Yeah. 891 00:34:55,949 --> 00:34:57,378 You're right up there with Pacino and... 892 00:34:57,485 --> 00:34:58,980 Oh, Christ, I better be careful what I say. 893 00:34:59,086 --> 00:35:00,230 What do you got? 894 00:35:00,333 --> 00:35:05,735 Hello, hello, there's method in my madness. 895 00:35:17,773 --> 00:35:19,365 Why are we self-catering? 896 00:35:19,469 --> 00:35:23,015 We thought we would go and stay the night at Greta Hall 897 00:35:23,118 --> 00:35:25,835 when Mischa was gonna come with me originally, 898 00:35:25,934 --> 00:35:28,203 because we thought we could make love in the bed 899 00:35:28,302 --> 00:35:32,426 that Coleridge slept in and made love in 900 00:35:32,526 --> 00:35:37,348 and that it would lend a poetic, romantic frisson 901 00:35:37,454 --> 00:35:39,787 to our congress. 902 00:35:39,885 --> 00:35:42,701 Still be romantic, just the two of us. 903 00:35:42,797 --> 00:35:44,936 - We can be chummy. - Yeah, yeah, chummy. 904 00:35:45,038 --> 00:35:46,249 - Yeah. - Chummy. 905 00:35:46,350 --> 00:35:47,463 Without the bum. 906 00:35:47,566 --> 00:35:50,151 - Bumless chums. - Bumless chums. 907 00:35:52,397 --> 00:35:55,081 Coleridge left quite quickly after he moved here, 908 00:35:55,182 --> 00:35:59,655 so Robert Southey had his wife and Coleridge's wife 909 00:35:59,758 --> 00:36:03,467 and another Fricker sister living here, plus the children, 910 00:36:03,565 --> 00:36:06,600 so he was the only man looking after all these children 911 00:36:06,702 --> 00:36:08,807 and the wives as well. 912 00:36:08,910 --> 00:36:10,732 So he, you know, he had to... 913 00:36:10,830 --> 00:36:13,862 'Cause Coleridge was off on his travels. 914 00:36:13,965 --> 00:36:15,591 Couldn't cope with the domesticity of life. 915 00:36:15,694 --> 00:36:16,708 He found it very difficult. 916 00:36:16,814 --> 00:36:18,854 He found it very hard to be creative. 917 00:36:18,958 --> 00:36:20,452 Yes, yes, 918 00:36:20,558 --> 00:36:22,215 there's bells ringing all over the place here. 919 00:36:22,317 --> 00:36:23,845 He came back, though, didn't he? 920 00:36:23,950 --> 00:36:25,892 Periodically, he would come back and visit, uh-huh. 921 00:36:25,997 --> 00:36:27,275 Hmm. 922 00:36:27,374 --> 00:36:29,349 We don't think... well, there isn't very much evidence 923 00:36:29,454 --> 00:36:30,883 that he actually had sent any money back, 924 00:36:30,989 --> 00:36:32,267 which is a bit tricky. 925 00:36:32,366 --> 00:36:35,661 I'm very consistent with my maintenance, Rob. 926 00:36:35,758 --> 00:36:37,351 Oh, no, you are. I would never say anything. 927 00:36:37,453 --> 00:36:39,843 In case you wanted to draw a parallel there. 928 00:36:39,950 --> 00:36:41,674 So this was Coleridge's study. 929 00:36:41,774 --> 00:36:42,635 Wow. 930 00:36:42,734 --> 00:36:44,076 And possibly his bedroom as well. 931 00:36:44,173 --> 00:36:45,286 Hey. 932 00:36:45,389 --> 00:36:49,765 He would, like... probably had opium in here maybe. 933 00:36:49,870 --> 00:36:51,048 Possibly laudanum, 934 00:36:51,149 --> 00:36:52,972 because that's what they were taking at that time, 935 00:36:53,070 --> 00:36:55,044 initially as a painkiller, but then perhaps he would... 936 00:36:55,149 --> 00:36:57,092 well, he did become addicted to it. 937 00:37:06,349 --> 00:37:09,197 Oh, hey. Look at that. 938 00:37:09,294 --> 00:37:10,155 See that? 939 00:37:10,254 --> 00:37:11,115 Beautiful. 940 00:37:11,214 --> 00:37:12,904 You can't paint that. 941 00:37:13,006 --> 00:37:14,152 Well... 942 00:37:14,254 --> 00:37:16,675 Well, you could, but it'd be a bit rubbish. 943 00:37:16,781 --> 00:37:18,375 Probably sell it for about 25 quid 944 00:37:18,477 --> 00:37:21,160 in one of the tourist shops around here. 945 00:37:21,261 --> 00:37:23,815 Fuck. 946 00:37:23,918 --> 00:37:25,707 Why do you do that, eh? Why? 947 00:37:25,806 --> 00:37:29,798 You know it's physically impossible? 948 00:37:32,174 --> 00:37:34,476 My back. 949 00:37:36,047 --> 00:37:36,908 Are you ready to order? 950 00:37:37,006 --> 00:37:37,867 Yes, please. 951 00:37:37,965 --> 00:37:39,210 - Shall I go first? - Yep. 952 00:37:39,310 --> 00:37:41,731 Could I have the scallops to start, please? 953 00:37:41,837 --> 00:37:44,456 And then I'll have the pigeon as the main course. 954 00:37:44,558 --> 00:37:46,948 I will have the rabbit, please, 955 00:37:47,055 --> 00:37:48,299 followed by the lamb. 956 00:37:48,398 --> 00:37:49,477 Thank you. 957 00:37:49,582 --> 00:37:51,208 Nice image, rabbit following a lamb. 958 00:37:52,014 --> 00:37:53,989 That's a bit weird. Rob. 959 00:37:54,093 --> 00:37:55,075 A bit weird. 960 00:37:55,183 --> 00:37:57,157 Oh, yeah. 961 00:37:57,262 --> 00:37:58,789 Can we have a knife for the butter, please, 962 00:37:58,894 --> 00:38:00,202 and a rolled-up �20 note for the salt? 963 00:38:00,302 --> 00:38:01,579 Thank you. 964 00:38:01,677 --> 00:38:03,368 Gentlemen, your wines. 965 00:38:03,469 --> 00:38:06,765 The Cheverny and the Chablis Premier Cru. 966 00:38:06,862 --> 00:38:09,252 Ah, marvelous. 967 00:38:09,358 --> 00:38:10,307 Premier Cru. 968 00:38:10,414 --> 00:38:11,558 I know that that means it's good. 969 00:38:11,661 --> 00:38:12,524 Premier Cru. 970 00:38:12,622 --> 00:38:14,509 Premier, first, the best. 971 00:38:14,605 --> 00:38:17,802 Cru? 972 00:38:17,902 --> 00:38:18,763 Don't know. 973 00:38:20,495 --> 00:38:22,534 Mystery. Mystery. But that's good. 974 00:38:22,638 --> 00:38:24,263 It's good to have mystery about these things. 975 00:38:24,365 --> 00:38:28,195 It's a premier. That's good. It's the first of something. 976 00:38:28,301 --> 00:38:31,466 Okay, service. Table six, scallops. 977 00:38:31,567 --> 00:38:33,574 Lovely. 978 00:38:33,678 --> 00:38:35,139 This is Hazlett on Coleridge. 979 00:38:35,246 --> 00:38:40,461 "All that he had done of moment he had done 20 years ago. 980 00:38:40,558 --> 00:38:42,250 "Since then, he maybe is said 981 00:38:42,350 --> 00:38:44,259 "to live on the sound of his own voice. 982 00:38:44,365 --> 00:38:46,122 He is a general lover of art and science." 983 00:38:46,223 --> 00:38:47,150 That's true. 984 00:38:47,246 --> 00:38:48,772 "And wedded to no one in particular." 985 00:38:48,878 --> 00:38:51,726 Okay, it's about me. I didn't realize, but carry on. 986 00:38:51,823 --> 00:38:53,732 " He pursues knowledge as a mistress." 987 00:38:53,838 --> 00:38:55,082 Okay. 988 00:38:55,182 --> 00:38:57,254 " It was not to be supposed that Mr. Coleridge could keep on 989 00:38:57,357 --> 00:38:58,471 "at the rate he set off. 990 00:38:58,574 --> 00:38:59,556 "A-ha. 991 00:38:59,663 --> 00:39:01,124 He could not realize all"... 992 00:39:01,230 --> 00:39:02,375 Is that written down? 993 00:39:02,479 --> 00:39:04,682 " And less could not fix his desultory ambition. 994 00:39:04,781 --> 00:39:08,611 Other stimulants supplied the place"... 995 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:10,540 Careful, you were going to Jimmy Saville then, 996 00:39:10,638 --> 00:39:11,981 but I'll let it go. 997 00:39:12,079 --> 00:39:16,355 " Other stimulants supplied the place and kept up 998 00:39:16,462 --> 00:39:19,496 "the intoxicating dream, the fever, and the madness 999 00:39:19,598 --> 00:39:22,315 of his early impressions." 1000 00:39:22,414 --> 00:39:24,651 Right. I don't do impressions. 1001 00:39:24,751 --> 00:39:28,362 I'm saying that it can be hard to have a big success. 1002 00:39:28,462 --> 00:39:32,260 Bob Balaban said, " Never be hot. Always be warm." 1003 00:39:32,366 --> 00:39:34,668 And a lot of the people that are thought of as great had... 1004 00:39:35,790 --> 00:39:36,904 supernova moments. 1005 00:39:37,007 --> 00:39:38,216 Where do you go from there? 1006 00:39:38,318 --> 00:39:40,904 Well, it's difficult, you know, 1007 00:39:41,006 --> 00:39:43,624 once you've achieved greatness, to match that. 1008 00:39:43,726 --> 00:39:44,621 I imagine it is. 1009 00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,020 Yeah, and you'll always imagine, 1010 00:39:47,119 --> 00:39:48,362 because it's not a problem 1011 00:39:48,461 --> 00:39:49,640 you'll ever have to contend with. 1012 00:39:49,743 --> 00:39:51,237 But that's not a problem for me, why? 1013 00:39:51,342 --> 00:39:52,749 I'd rather be me than you, 1014 00:39:52,847 --> 00:39:56,359 because I'd rather have these moments of genius 1015 00:39:56,463 --> 00:40:02,126 than a lifetime of mediocrity. 1016 00:40:02,223 --> 00:40:04,611 My career is not mediocre. 1017 00:40:04,718 --> 00:40:07,948 Doesn't matter about the thyme. 1018 00:40:08,046 --> 00:40:09,224 - Scallops. - Thank you very much. 1019 00:40:09,326 --> 00:40:11,236 Thank you. 1020 00:40:11,342 --> 00:40:12,771 Golly. Thank you. 1021 00:40:14,639 --> 00:40:15,816 I always think of Coleridge 1022 00:40:15,919 --> 00:40:17,926 as sort of a Richard Burton type character. 1023 00:40:18,031 --> 00:40:20,845 In Xanadu did Kubla Kahn 1024 00:40:20,942 --> 00:40:23,081 a stately pleasure-dome decree 1025 00:40:23,183 --> 00:40:25,124 where Alph, the sacred river, ran 1026 00:40:25,230 --> 00:40:31,014 through caverns measureless to man down to a soundless sea. 1027 00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,166 I'm very impressed with that. 1028 00:40:32,270 --> 00:40:33,797 You shocked me, 'cause I would have thought 1029 00:40:33,902 --> 00:40:35,496 that you would have preferred 1030 00:40:35,599 --> 00:40:38,729 Olivia Newton-John's version of Xanadu. 1031 00:40:38,830 --> 00:40:41,286 I think both Newton-John and Coleridge 1032 00:40:41,390 --> 00:40:44,619 tackled the subject of Xanadu with varying degrees of success. 1033 00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,304 They call it Xanadu. 1034 00:40:47,407 --> 00:40:48,355 Yes. 1035 00:40:48,462 --> 00:40:49,607 Xanadu. 1036 00:40:49,711 --> 00:40:51,948 Xaaaanadu. 1037 00:40:52,047 --> 00:40:53,704 In Xanadu. 1038 00:40:53,806 --> 00:40:55,235 First one, pigeon, lamb encore, 1039 00:40:55,342 --> 00:40:56,903 followed by duck, lamb encore. 1040 00:41:04,208 --> 00:41:05,254 Thank you. 1041 00:41:05,358 --> 00:41:07,463 Golly, that does look nice. 1042 00:41:07,566 --> 00:41:08,712 That looks lovely. What is that? 1043 00:41:08,815 --> 00:41:09,895 - Pigeon. - Really? 1044 00:41:09,999 --> 00:41:10,947 Yeah. 1045 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:14,221 Mmm. 1046 00:41:14,319 --> 00:41:16,074 It's a little like haggis. 1047 00:41:16,174 --> 00:41:17,963 Yeah? 1048 00:41:18,063 --> 00:41:19,851 Anyone ever asks you to go on a haggis hunt, 1049 00:41:19,950 --> 00:41:21,576 be careful what you say. 1050 00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:23,173 They've taken you for a fool. 1051 00:41:23,279 --> 00:41:26,148 Taken you for a fool. 1052 00:41:26,254 --> 00:41:28,141 As a bloody fool. 1053 00:41:28,238 --> 00:41:30,061 There's no such thing as a haggis hunt. 1054 00:41:35,567 --> 00:41:37,638 I just imagined myself pointing my knife upside down 1055 00:41:37,742 --> 00:41:40,971 and just pressing my head onto it. 1056 00:41:41,070 --> 00:41:42,729 Desperate to be taken seriously, aren't you? 1057 00:41:42,831 --> 00:41:44,140 No. 1058 00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:47,535 You can't treat your entire life like a Radio 4 panel show. 1059 00:41:47,631 --> 00:41:50,827 Buzz. Yes, you can. 1060 00:41:50,927 --> 00:41:55,946 Alex James said he celebrated his 20th birthday with alcohol, 1061 00:41:56,047 --> 00:42:00,171 his 30th with drugs, and his 40th with food. 1062 00:42:00,270 --> 00:42:01,514 Is that how it is for you? 1063 00:42:01,615 --> 00:42:04,747 Um... 1064 00:42:04,847 --> 00:42:06,789 Well, don't you find it exhausting, 1065 00:42:06,895 --> 00:42:10,440 still running around, going to parties and chasing girls... 1066 00:42:10,542 --> 00:42:11,852 I don't run around and go to parties. 1067 00:42:11,951 --> 00:42:13,195 I don't run around and chase girls. 1068 00:42:13,294 --> 00:42:14,188 You do. 1069 00:42:14,287 --> 00:42:15,432 - No, I don't... - You chase girls. 1070 00:42:15,534 --> 00:42:16,396 I don't chase them. 1071 00:42:16,495 --> 00:42:17,705 You make me sound like Benny Hill. 1072 00:42:17,807 --> 00:42:19,880 But don't you find all that exhausting at your age? 1073 00:42:19,984 --> 00:42:21,095 No. 1074 00:42:21,199 --> 00:42:22,824 Do you find it exhausting looking after a baby? 1075 00:42:22,927 --> 00:42:24,171 Yes, I do. 1076 00:42:24,271 --> 00:42:26,889 Yeah, well... 1077 00:42:26,990 --> 00:42:29,380 everything's exhausting when you're past 40. 1078 00:42:32,366 --> 00:42:33,828 Everything's exhausting at our age. 1079 00:42:43,151 --> 00:42:44,395 Hi, Emma. 1080 00:42:44,494 --> 00:42:45,640 Hey, are you all right? 1081 00:42:45,743 --> 00:42:47,084 Yeah, I got a missed call. 1082 00:42:47,183 --> 00:42:48,525 Yeah, I was just phoning 1083 00:42:48,622 --> 00:42:50,314 to remind you about the photographer. 1084 00:42:50,416 --> 00:42:52,139 She's gonna meet you at Hipping Hall tomorrow. 1085 00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,922 Okay. Well... hang on. A photographer? 1086 00:42:55,023 --> 00:42:57,675 Yeah, for the photos for the article. 1087 00:42:57,775 --> 00:42:59,880 We talked about it in the office, remember? 1088 00:42:59,983 --> 00:43:01,128 Yeah, it's on my itinerary. 1089 00:43:01,231 --> 00:43:02,442 Okay, yeah. Okay. 1090 00:43:02,544 --> 00:43:04,932 Her name's Yolanda, by the way. 1091 00:43:05,038 --> 00:43:07,460 And I'm gonna come up with her tomorrow, so you'll see me then. 1092 00:43:07,567 --> 00:43:08,995 Oh, so I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah? 1093 00:43:09,103 --> 00:43:10,380 Yeah, see you tomorrow. All right. 1094 00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:11,341 - Good. - Take care. 1095 00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:12,388 Okay, bye. Bye. 1096 00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,192 A-ha! 1097 00:43:24,399 --> 00:43:26,732 This is Langdale. 1098 00:43:26,830 --> 00:43:28,173 You know what that means? 1099 00:43:28,271 --> 00:43:30,693 It means "long valley" in Viking. 1100 00:43:30,799 --> 00:43:33,189 - This would have... - Oh! 1101 00:43:33,295 --> 00:43:35,335 All this was formed in the last ice age, 1102 00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,097 about 10,000 years ago. 1103 00:43:37,199 --> 00:43:38,759 Incredible, isn't it? 1104 00:43:38,863 --> 00:43:41,929 How far are we gonna go? 1105 00:43:42,031 --> 00:43:42,892 A little bit further. 1106 00:43:42,991 --> 00:43:43,853 Because it's late. 1107 00:43:43,952 --> 00:43:45,162 I know. I know. 1108 00:43:45,263 --> 00:43:47,149 As you can see, the sun is now on the other side of the... 1109 00:43:47,246 --> 00:43:48,807 - Hello. - It's okay. Hello. 1110 00:43:48,911 --> 00:43:53,963 Human history has been recorded for, what, 3,000 years? 1111 00:43:54,063 --> 00:43:57,642 and yet, you know, right now, we're in a warm period, 1112 00:43:57,744 --> 00:43:59,881 but there's gonna be another ice age very soon, 1113 00:43:59,983 --> 00:44:02,056 in about, say, another 3,000 years, 1114 00:44:02,159 --> 00:44:03,882 but that's the blink of an eye. 1115 00:44:03,983 --> 00:44:07,595 The rocks here were formed 400 million years ago. 1116 00:44:07,695 --> 00:44:09,069 400 million years ago. 1117 00:44:09,167 --> 00:44:11,022 It's like... where we are now, 1118 00:44:11,119 --> 00:44:13,640 this was a huge volcanic caldera. 1119 00:44:13,744 --> 00:44:16,329 This was a volcanic lake of molten volcano, 1120 00:44:16,431 --> 00:44:18,254 and it was on a land mass called Avalonia 1121 00:44:18,352 --> 00:44:20,739 that drifted from the South Pole all the way to where we are now 1122 00:44:20,847 --> 00:44:22,254 over sort of hundreds of million years. 1123 00:44:22,351 --> 00:44:24,456 We shouldn't probably go much further 1124 00:44:24,559 --> 00:44:26,022 just because of the light. 1125 00:44:35,824 --> 00:44:38,541 It's... isn't that beautiful, that? 1126 00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:40,495 Yeah. 1127 00:44:40,591 --> 00:44:43,625 I think it almost is more beautiful in the mist. 1128 00:44:45,807 --> 00:44:49,637 It's like a... It's like a Turner painting. 1129 00:45:11,823 --> 00:45:13,711 Let me get two tickets for Dove Cottage. 1130 00:45:13,808 --> 00:45:18,696 I'm really sorry, sir, but the last admission is 5:00. 1131 00:45:18,799 --> 00:45:23,371 Right, okay, well, it's five past. 1132 00:45:23,472 --> 00:45:25,327 I'm really sorry, sir, but these are the rules. 1133 00:45:25,423 --> 00:45:26,536 We'll be very quick. 1134 00:45:26,639 --> 00:45:30,088 Yes, I know, but that really wouldn't be fair 1135 00:45:30,192 --> 00:45:31,402 on all the other latecomers. 1136 00:45:31,504 --> 00:45:33,293 What other latecomers? I can't see anyone. 1137 00:45:33,392 --> 00:45:35,148 No, I know. Not at the moment, but... 1138 00:45:35,247 --> 00:45:37,156 Please? We've come from London. 1139 00:45:37,264 --> 00:45:38,442 Why didn't you come earlier? 1140 00:45:38,543 --> 00:45:41,959 Well, that's... because I got stuck in traffic. 1141 00:45:42,064 --> 00:45:43,046 Well, I'm really sorry. 1142 00:45:43,152 --> 00:45:44,526 Perhaps you could come back tomorrow. 1143 00:45:44,624 --> 00:45:46,631 - I can't come back tomorrow. - Is this man troubling you? 1144 00:45:46,735 --> 00:45:48,742 What are you doing? Honestly. 1145 00:45:48,847 --> 00:45:50,222 We just wondered if we could pop inside 1146 00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:51,628 and have a little look at the cottage. 1147 00:45:51,727 --> 00:45:52,588 Mr. Brydon? 1148 00:45:52,687 --> 00:45:53,865 Yes, it is. 1149 00:45:53,967 --> 00:45:55,462 It's very nice to meet you. 1150 00:45:55,568 --> 00:45:57,094 Would you do something for me? 1151 00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:59,338 Depends what it is. 1152 00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:03,913 I have a grandson, and he loves that tiny man... 1153 00:46:04,016 --> 00:46:04,909 Small man in a box? 1154 00:46:05,007 --> 00:46:06,666 Small man in the box that you do. 1155 00:46:06,769 --> 00:46:08,807 Could you sign this for him? 1156 00:46:08,911 --> 00:46:09,772 Sure. Yeah. 1157 00:46:09,871 --> 00:46:11,181 Thank you. Thank you. 1158 00:46:11,279 --> 00:46:12,141 What's his name? 1159 00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:14,061 His name is William. 1160 00:46:14,159 --> 00:46:17,476 Well, look, I'll sign this for William, okay, if... 1161 00:46:17,584 --> 00:46:18,893 if my friend and I 1162 00:46:18,992 --> 00:46:20,846 can go take a look at Dove Cottage. 1163 00:46:20,943 --> 00:46:22,121 What do you say? 1164 00:46:22,223 --> 00:46:24,842 I don't understand that. 1165 00:46:26,639 --> 00:46:28,680 Why do people have to be like that? 1166 00:46:28,784 --> 00:46:30,856 She wasn't being like anything. 1167 00:46:30,959 --> 00:46:33,131 It is only open for another half an hour, 1168 00:46:33,232 --> 00:46:36,974 and that woman, in all fairness, is probably bereaved. 1169 00:46:37,072 --> 00:46:39,308 Yeah, but why... it's not my fault her husband's dead. 1170 00:46:39,408 --> 00:46:41,196 No, but you... 1171 00:46:41,295 --> 00:46:43,466 Old people, at some time... not all old people, 1172 00:46:43,567 --> 00:46:46,153 but a lot of them... seek out aggravation. 1173 00:46:46,256 --> 00:46:48,011 Oh, that's total rubbish. 1174 00:46:48,111 --> 00:46:49,454 She was lovely. 1175 00:46:50,992 --> 00:46:54,025 Looks not unlike yourself in that picture. 1176 00:46:57,328 --> 00:46:59,237 Okay, ready? One, two... 1177 00:47:12,944 --> 00:47:13,804 Want some? 1178 00:47:13,904 --> 00:47:15,081 Uh, no, thank you. 1179 00:47:15,184 --> 00:47:16,045 Sure? 1180 00:47:16,144 --> 00:47:17,485 Absolutely. 1181 00:47:17,583 --> 00:47:18,533 I never smoked. 1182 00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:20,941 Mm. 1183 00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,758 That's the trouble with you, Rob. 1184 00:47:23,856 --> 00:47:25,579 You're not open to new experiences. 1185 00:47:27,408 --> 00:47:30,824 I would remind you of the time I had a Red Bull and Coke. 1186 00:47:33,936 --> 00:47:38,026 That's not what Coleridge would have been imbibing. 1187 00:47:38,127 --> 00:47:40,517 He wouldn't have been having a spliff, would he? 1188 00:47:40,624 --> 00:47:42,478 No, he wouldn't, but I mean, if they'd been around... 1189 00:47:42,575 --> 00:47:43,820 He would have definitely partaken 1190 00:47:43,921 --> 00:47:45,033 if they'd have been around. 1191 00:47:45,137 --> 00:47:46,826 If you really want to pay tribute to him, 1192 00:47:46,927 --> 00:47:50,124 you should be having some opium. 1193 00:47:50,224 --> 00:47:52,679 What, that's... 1194 00:47:52,784 --> 00:47:54,060 Or its modern-day equivalent. 1195 00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:55,142 This is... well, this is... 1196 00:47:55,248 --> 00:47:56,842 well, no, the modern-day equivalent of that, 1197 00:47:56,944 --> 00:47:57,805 that's heroin. 1198 00:47:57,903 --> 00:47:59,332 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 1199 00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,058 I'm not a junkie, Rob. 1200 00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:04,681 I'm not encouraging you to become hooked on heroin. 1201 00:48:04,785 --> 00:48:05,646 I'm just saying... 1202 00:48:05,745 --> 00:48:06,857 It sounds like you are. 1203 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,007 I'm not. Why would I do that? 1204 00:48:08,111 --> 00:48:10,086 I don't know. For a laugh. 1205 00:48:10,192 --> 00:48:11,817 Ha-ha. It was a hell of a laugh. 1206 00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:14,637 You know Steve? You seen Steve lately? 1207 00:48:14,736 --> 00:48:15,914 He's living at the council estate 1208 00:48:16,016 --> 00:48:17,064 curled up in his own shit. 1209 00:48:17,169 --> 00:48:18,859 Aye. That was my doing, that was. 1210 00:48:18,959 --> 00:48:20,388 I suggested he try heroin. 1211 00:48:20,495 --> 00:48:22,536 Cracking idea. 1212 00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:23,589 I would never do that. 1213 00:48:29,489 --> 00:48:34,955 Most creative... the most creative people smoke, you know, 1214 00:48:35,056 --> 00:48:37,031 smoke marijuana, smoke hash. 1215 00:48:50,737 --> 00:48:52,012 Are you Steve Coogan? 1216 00:48:52,112 --> 00:48:52,973 Yes, I am. 1217 00:48:53,071 --> 00:48:54,282 A-ha! 1218 00:48:54,383 --> 00:48:55,846 A-ha. 1219 00:48:55,952 --> 00:48:57,610 - All right, man. How you doing? - Fine, thanks. 1220 00:48:57,712 --> 00:48:59,087 Yeah, listen, do us a favor, would you? 1221 00:48:59,185 --> 00:49:00,166 Will you sign that? 1222 00:49:00,273 --> 00:49:01,582 - Yes, of course. - Make it out to Paul. 1223 00:49:01,681 --> 00:49:03,590 Okay. 1224 00:49:03,696 --> 00:49:05,900 - Can I ask you a question? - Yeah, of course, absolutely. 1225 00:49:05,999 --> 00:49:07,942 Is true, what I read about you? 1226 00:49:08,049 --> 00:49:09,325 What do you read about me? 1227 00:49:09,425 --> 00:49:12,273 That you're a bit of a cunt. 1228 00:49:12,369 --> 00:49:13,545 Well, where did you read that? 1229 00:49:13,648 --> 00:49:16,398 It's in today's newspaper. Here, look. 1230 00:49:18,032 --> 00:49:20,847 Uh, whoever said that doesn't know me very well. 1231 00:49:20,945 --> 00:49:22,374 Are you sure? 1232 00:49:27,056 --> 00:49:28,005 What? 1233 00:49:28,112 --> 00:49:29,901 "Coogan is a cunt says dad." 1234 00:49:31,216 --> 00:49:32,164 "Cunt"? 1235 00:49:44,081 --> 00:49:47,048 Did you not sleep well or something? 1236 00:49:47,152 --> 00:49:48,264 No. 1237 00:49:48,368 --> 00:49:50,638 I couldn't get off 'cause of the food, 1238 00:49:50,736 --> 00:49:51,784 and then when I did get off, 1239 00:49:51,888 --> 00:49:55,500 I was having awful dreams, really bad dreams. 1240 00:49:55,601 --> 00:49:57,007 Blue cheese. 1241 00:49:57,104 --> 00:49:59,722 Coleridge was a poor sleeper. 1242 00:49:59,824 --> 00:50:05,192 I was reading his poem called The Pains of Sleep. 1243 00:50:05,297 --> 00:50:07,565 "Sleep, the wide blessing, 1244 00:50:07,664 --> 00:50:10,894 "seemed to me distemper's worst calamity. 1245 00:50:10,993 --> 00:50:14,571 "The third night, when my own loud scream had waked me 1246 00:50:14,673 --> 00:50:16,102 "from the fiendish dream, 1247 00:50:16,209 --> 00:50:19,721 "o'ercome with sufferings strange and wild, 1248 00:50:19,824 --> 00:50:22,791 I wept as I had been a child." 1249 00:50:22,896 --> 00:50:25,165 Yes. Oh, I know that. 1250 00:50:25,265 --> 00:50:26,442 That's the drugs. 1251 00:50:26,544 --> 00:50:27,406 What? 1252 00:50:27,505 --> 00:50:28,453 Coleridge. The opium. 1253 00:50:28,561 --> 00:50:30,152 He was a big druggie. 1254 00:50:30,256 --> 00:50:31,664 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 1255 00:50:36,049 --> 00:50:38,470 You could have a costume drama here, couldn't you? 1256 00:50:38,577 --> 00:50:39,885 I would... 1257 00:50:39,984 --> 00:50:41,413 Mel Gibson coming over the hill. 1258 00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:43,888 I would just love to do a costume drama in these hills, 1259 00:50:43,985 --> 00:50:46,734 just leaping, vaulting over dry stone walls with a scabbard. 1260 00:50:46,833 --> 00:50:48,295 This, like, dead look in my eyes 1261 00:50:48,402 --> 00:50:51,270 'cause I've seen so many horrors that I'm just immune to it. 1262 00:50:51,376 --> 00:50:52,686 And they always say something like, 1263 00:50:52,785 --> 00:50:54,311 Gentlemen, to bed. 1264 00:50:54,417 --> 00:50:57,581 Gentlemen, to bed, for we leave at first light. 1265 00:50:57,681 --> 00:51:02,601 Tomorrow we battle, and we may lose our lives, 1266 00:51:02,705 --> 00:51:06,861 but remember, death is but a moment. 1267 00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:08,869 Cowardice is a lifetime of affliction. 1268 00:51:08,976 --> 00:51:09,959 Nice. 1269 00:51:10,065 --> 00:51:13,480 To bed, for we rise at daybreak! 1270 00:51:13,584 --> 00:51:15,755 Very good. Very good. Very impressive. 1271 00:51:15,856 --> 00:51:16,783 Always leave at daybreak. 1272 00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:21,288 No, they never leave at, you know, 9:30. 1273 00:51:21,393 --> 00:51:22,920 Gentlemen, to bed, 1274 00:51:23,025 --> 00:51:23,885 for we leave at 9:30. 1275 00:51:23,984 --> 00:51:25,445 - Ish. - Ish. 1276 00:51:25,552 --> 00:51:29,381 Gentlemen, to bed, for we rise at... 1277 00:51:29,488 --> 00:51:31,496 What time is the battle? 1278 00:51:31,601 --> 00:51:33,325 It's about, oh, 12:00? 1279 00:51:33,425 --> 00:51:34,734 Right, 12:00. 1280 00:51:34,833 --> 00:51:38,444 That's about, on horseback, about three hours or something. 1281 00:51:38,545 --> 00:51:43,052 So we leave about 8:00, 8:30? 1282 00:51:43,153 --> 00:51:45,225 - 8:30 for 9:00. - Yes. 1283 00:51:45,328 --> 00:51:49,125 Gentlemen, to bed, for we leave at 8:30 for 9:00, 1284 00:51:49,233 --> 00:51:53,456 and we rise at just after day... 7:30, so just after daybreak. 1285 00:51:53,553 --> 00:51:57,807 Gentlemen, to bed, for we leave at 9:30 on the dot. 1286 00:51:57,904 --> 00:51:59,366 On the dot. 1287 00:51:59,472 --> 00:52:01,196 Do you want to have a run, sire, in the morning? 1288 00:52:01,297 --> 00:52:03,631 - Yes. Yes. - To loosen up, sire. 1289 00:52:03,730 --> 00:52:05,322 You know the other thing they never say is... 1290 00:52:05,425 --> 00:52:06,798 Right, well, 1291 00:52:06,896 --> 00:52:08,107 we'd better make a move. 1292 00:52:08,209 --> 00:52:11,885 I want to get back in daylight. We'd better make a move. 1293 00:52:11,984 --> 00:52:16,010 To bed. Tomorrow we rise. We leave at 10:00-ish. 1294 00:52:16,113 --> 00:52:20,620 But now to bed, unless you are one of those people, like me, 1295 00:52:20,722 --> 00:52:24,616 who finds it very hard to get off after he's eaten cheese, 1296 00:52:24,721 --> 00:52:27,754 in which case, stay awhile by the fire, 1297 00:52:27,857 --> 00:52:29,580 talk of battles past and old, 1298 00:52:29,681 --> 00:52:34,831 and then and only then, sire, go thee to bed. 1299 00:52:34,929 --> 00:52:36,489 And sleep well. 1300 00:52:36,592 --> 00:52:38,732 Sleep the sleep of 1,000 martyrs. 1301 00:52:38,833 --> 00:52:40,359 Sleep well, my brother. 1302 00:52:40,464 --> 00:52:42,123 Sleep well, my sister. 1303 00:52:42,225 --> 00:52:44,526 Sleep with my sister. 1304 00:52:44,624 --> 00:52:45,518 Sleep well, my brother. 1305 00:52:45,617 --> 00:52:46,861 Sleep well, my sister, but please, 1306 00:52:46,961 --> 00:52:48,303 do not sleep with my sister. 1307 00:52:48,401 --> 00:52:50,605 Leave my sister out of it, all right? 1308 00:52:50,705 --> 00:52:51,784 Leave my sister alone. 1309 00:52:51,889 --> 00:52:54,092 Don't touch her. 1310 00:52:54,193 --> 00:52:57,488 Gentlemen, to bed, for at daybreak, I will... 1311 00:52:57,585 --> 00:52:58,698 Breakfast. 1312 00:52:58,802 --> 00:52:59,663 We will breakfast. 1313 00:52:59,762 --> 00:53:00,710 - Sire, sire. - Yes? 1314 00:53:00,817 --> 00:53:02,704 'T is a continental breakfast. 1315 00:53:02,801 --> 00:53:04,972 'Twill only take 20 minutes, max. 1316 00:53:05,073 --> 00:53:07,375 Thank you, Brother Rob. 1317 00:53:07,473 --> 00:53:09,066 Brother Rob? Don't call me Brother Rob. 1318 00:53:09,169 --> 00:53:11,145 - I'd be Brother Jed. - No, no, no. 1319 00:53:11,249 --> 00:53:14,063 Have you seen Rob Roy? Liam Neeson in a kilt. 1320 00:53:14,161 --> 00:53:15,470 Of course you could be called Rob. 1321 00:53:15,569 --> 00:53:17,162 Brother, tomorrow, 1322 00:53:17,265 --> 00:53:18,639 tomorrow we shall have breakfast. 1323 00:53:18,736 --> 00:53:22,381 We shall rise at 9:00, and we shall head off tomorrow morning. 1324 00:53:22,481 --> 00:53:24,848 Thank you, Brother Rob. 1325 00:53:24,944 --> 00:53:25,806 And let me say this. 1326 00:53:25,904 --> 00:53:26,765 Look into my eyes. 1327 00:53:26,864 --> 00:53:28,840 You are my brother, 1328 00:53:28,945 --> 00:53:31,814 and you sound a bit like Billy Connolly. 1329 00:53:31,922 --> 00:53:36,296 I know. I know. I can't help it. 1330 00:53:36,402 --> 00:53:37,645 Gentlemen, to bed, 1331 00:53:37,745 --> 00:53:39,850 for tomorrow we rise at daybreak. 1332 00:53:39,952 --> 00:53:41,131 We rise at daybreak. 1333 00:53:41,234 --> 00:53:44,103 Why do they do that? They always rise at daybreak. 1334 00:54:09,489 --> 00:54:11,594 They'd always... their expressions would really match... 1335 00:54:11,697 --> 00:54:13,158 # Dee-ba dee bop bop bop ba-dah # 1336 00:54:13,265 --> 00:54:16,015 Yeah, big, open-face. Happy faces. 1337 00:54:16,114 --> 00:54:18,634 # Ooh, ba-da, bop bop ba # 1338 00:54:18,737 --> 00:54:19,631 It was nice. 1339 00:54:19,729 --> 00:54:21,223 It was a very un-cynical kind of music. 1340 00:54:21,328 --> 00:54:24,198 I miss it. I really miss it. 1341 00:54:32,082 --> 00:54:32,943 Hello. 1342 00:54:33,041 --> 00:54:34,285 - Hey, you all right? - Yes. 1343 00:54:34,385 --> 00:54:35,815 This is Yolanda, the photographer. 1344 00:54:35,922 --> 00:54:36,783 - Hi. - This is Steve. 1345 00:54:36,882 --> 00:54:39,980 Nice to meet you. 1346 00:54:40,081 --> 00:54:41,291 - Rob. - Hi. 1347 00:54:41,393 --> 00:54:42,636 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 1348 00:54:42,737 --> 00:54:43,632 Hi, Emma. How are you? 1349 00:54:43,729 --> 00:54:44,907 I'm very good. Are you all right? 1350 00:54:45,010 --> 00:54:47,114 Hello. 1351 00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:48,200 Good. 1352 00:54:48,306 --> 00:54:49,712 Don't do that. That's very funny. 1353 00:54:49,809 --> 00:54:51,336 Yeah, there's been none of that on the trip. 1354 00:54:51,441 --> 00:54:52,620 No, none of that. Heavy petting. 1355 00:54:52,721 --> 00:54:54,412 - Heavy petting. - We draw the line. 1356 00:54:54,513 --> 00:54:55,374 Pass the time somehow. 1357 00:54:55,473 --> 00:54:56,881 But no penetration. 1358 00:54:56,978 --> 00:54:58,734 - Very good. - Absolutely. 1359 00:54:58,833 --> 00:55:02,281 Okay, it's just up here, and I looked at all the rooms, 1360 00:55:02,385 --> 00:55:03,661 and yours is the nicest. 1361 00:55:03,761 --> 00:55:05,355 Good. Good. 1362 00:55:05,457 --> 00:55:07,846 What's Rob's room like? 1363 00:55:07,953 --> 00:55:08,936 It's nice. It's nice. 1364 00:55:09,042 --> 00:55:10,798 It's not as big as yours, but, yeah. 1365 00:55:10,897 --> 00:55:12,937 Great. 1366 00:55:13,041 --> 00:55:14,318 There you go. 1367 00:55:14,417 --> 00:55:16,490 Oh, very nice. Very beige. 1368 00:55:16,593 --> 00:55:17,641 Yeah, well, yeah. 1369 00:55:17,746 --> 00:55:19,087 The bathroom's through there. 1370 00:55:19,185 --> 00:55:20,843 There's, like, a little study area, 1371 00:55:20,946 --> 00:55:22,571 and, yeah, it's all right. 1372 00:55:22,673 --> 00:55:23,982 Great. Great. 1373 00:55:24,081 --> 00:55:26,122 All right. 1374 00:55:26,225 --> 00:55:29,127 Listen, have I met Yolanda before? 1375 00:55:29,234 --> 00:55:32,398 I don't know. Maybe before my time maybe. 1376 00:55:32,498 --> 00:55:35,312 We need to get some sort of a system going, you know, 1377 00:55:35,409 --> 00:55:37,514 about who I've met before and who I haven't, 1378 00:55:37,617 --> 00:55:38,895 because they remember meeting me, 1379 00:55:38,993 --> 00:55:40,237 and I don't remember meeting them, 1380 00:55:40,338 --> 00:55:41,647 so that can get embarrassing. 1381 00:55:41,745 --> 00:55:43,601 - Do you want me to ask her? - No, no, no. Don't ask her. 1382 00:55:43,698 --> 00:55:44,624 Okay. Okay. 1383 00:55:44,721 --> 00:55:47,656 Just see if she mentions anything. 1384 00:55:47,762 --> 00:55:48,623 Right. Okay. 1385 00:55:50,161 --> 00:55:52,104 So is this all right? Look okay? 1386 00:55:52,210 --> 00:55:53,158 Yeah, you look nice, yeah. 1387 00:55:53,266 --> 00:55:54,695 Look a bit like that guy off Top Gear. 1388 00:55:54,803 --> 00:55:55,849 What, Jeremy Clarkson? 1389 00:55:55,954 --> 00:55:57,415 No, no, no, the other one. 1390 00:55:57,521 --> 00:55:58,383 Oh, Richard Hammond? 1391 00:55:58,481 --> 00:56:00,424 - Yeah, yeah. - That's worse. 1392 00:56:00,530 --> 00:56:01,544 Well... 1393 00:56:24,147 --> 00:56:26,350 So how has the trip been so far? 1394 00:56:26,450 --> 00:56:27,431 Rob? 1395 00:56:27,537 --> 00:56:28,945 I can honestly say 1396 00:56:29,042 --> 00:56:32,075 it's one of the most enjoyable periods of my life. 1397 00:56:33,842 --> 00:56:36,297 Yolanda, do you know who that is? 1398 00:56:36,401 --> 00:56:38,506 No, I don't. 1399 00:56:43,954 --> 00:56:45,329 Okay, who's this? Ready? Who's this? 1400 00:56:45,427 --> 00:56:48,743 She was only... She was only 15 years old. 1401 00:56:48,850 --> 00:56:51,435 She was only 15 years old. 1402 00:56:51,538 --> 00:56:54,670 She was only 15... listen to the sound of the voice. 1403 00:56:54,770 --> 00:56:56,875 I'll give you a clue. It's not a Muppet. 1404 00:56:57,939 --> 00:56:59,564 That's all I'm saying. 1405 00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:01,738 She was only 15 years old. 1406 00:57:01,841 --> 00:57:04,209 You're a big man, but you're out of shape. 1407 00:57:04,306 --> 00:57:05,385 Right, but nowadays, he's... 1408 00:57:05,489 --> 00:57:07,377 Right, now, this is how he sounds now. 1409 00:57:07,474 --> 00:57:08,848 The voice has gone... 1410 00:57:08,946 --> 00:57:11,728 Shall I prepare the Batmobile, Master Wayne? 1411 00:57:11,825 --> 00:57:13,800 That is how he talks now. Right? 1412 00:57:13,905 --> 00:57:16,011 I've just been to do an Italian Job 1413 00:57:16,114 --> 00:57:17,640 with Hannah and Her Sisters. 1414 00:57:17,746 --> 00:57:20,397 On the way, I had a bit of a Zulu, 1415 00:57:20,498 --> 00:57:21,871 so I had to pop to the loo, 1416 00:57:21,969 --> 00:57:25,831 and then, then, I... I... 1417 00:57:25,938 --> 00:57:27,433 Not a lot of people know... 1418 00:57:27,538 --> 00:57:28,748 You know that? 1419 00:57:28,850 --> 00:57:30,792 - It sounds so familiar. - He's an international star. 1420 00:57:30,898 --> 00:57:33,516 But I really... the thing is, is it an actor? 1421 00:57:33,618 --> 00:57:34,795 Yes. 1422 00:57:34,897 --> 00:57:36,491 No, he's the man who comes and does my boiler. 1423 00:57:36,594 --> 00:57:38,088 Yes, he's an actor. 1424 00:57:38,194 --> 00:57:40,715 He might as well be the guy who comes and does his boiler. 1425 00:57:40,818 --> 00:57:43,305 Because if he is an actor, in Spain, they dub the films, 1426 00:57:43,410 --> 00:57:44,271 so I really... 1427 00:57:44,370 --> 00:57:45,318 Oh, they... okay. 1428 00:57:45,426 --> 00:57:46,920 What, they dub the films? 1429 00:57:48,946 --> 00:57:49,807 Here we go. 1430 00:57:52,371 --> 00:57:54,062 Not a lot of people... 1431 00:57:54,162 --> 00:57:55,470 - That's not my accent. - No, it's not. 1432 00:57:55,569 --> 00:57:57,991 No, no, it's a rough approximation. 1433 00:57:58,098 --> 00:58:01,197 Do you like that racist generalized interpretation 1434 00:58:01,298 --> 00:58:02,160 of Spanish? 1435 00:58:03,730 --> 00:58:05,040 Such an ass. 1436 00:58:05,139 --> 00:58:07,112 Right, ready, here's a clue. This might give it to you. 1437 00:58:07,218 --> 00:58:09,674 My name is Michael Caine. 1438 00:58:09,778 --> 00:58:11,207 Okay. All right. Yeah. 1439 00:58:11,314 --> 00:58:12,263 - Who is it? - Michael Caine. 1440 00:58:12,370 --> 00:58:13,231 Michael Caine. 1441 00:58:13,330 --> 00:58:14,541 Hey, wow. 1442 00:58:14,643 --> 00:58:16,813 Rob's was a very entertaining version, 1443 00:58:16,913 --> 00:58:20,176 but I don't think... I don't think it was as accurate 1444 00:58:20,273 --> 00:58:22,379 as mine. 1445 00:58:22,483 --> 00:58:25,744 She was only 15... She was only 15 years old. 1446 00:58:25,842 --> 00:58:27,271 You're getting Michael Caine in stereo. 1447 00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:29,996 - She was only 15... - She was only 15 years old. 1448 00:58:30,097 --> 00:58:33,098 You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. 1449 00:58:33,202 --> 00:58:36,072 She was only 15 years old. 1450 00:58:36,179 --> 00:58:37,934 Oh, my God. 1451 00:58:38,033 --> 00:58:40,685 Yeah, I do recognize him now. 1452 00:58:40,785 --> 00:58:42,990 Excellent. Let's move on. Good. 1453 00:58:47,955 --> 00:58:49,776 Oh, wow. Thank you very much. 1454 00:58:51,250 --> 00:58:54,992 I was thinking I could take the photographs up in the hills. 1455 00:58:55,089 --> 00:58:57,261 I saw a place when I was coming, very nice. 1456 00:58:57,362 --> 00:58:58,955 Oh, right. Okay, yes. A lone walker. 1457 00:58:59,058 --> 00:59:00,749 Wandered lonely as a cloud. 1458 00:59:00,850 --> 00:59:03,151 Yeah, well, that sounds a bit like I'm lonely. 1459 00:59:03,250 --> 00:59:04,461 You gonna change your clothes? 1460 00:59:04,563 --> 00:59:05,707 Again? 1461 00:59:05,810 --> 00:59:07,184 Well, actually... 1462 00:59:07,282 --> 00:59:08,527 I wouldn't wear that in the hills. 1463 00:59:08,626 --> 00:59:09,488 No, you're right. 1464 00:59:09,586 --> 00:59:10,600 I've got proper walking gear. 1465 00:59:10,705 --> 00:59:12,975 I've got, you know, crampons. 1466 00:59:13,074 --> 00:59:14,503 Oh, might like to go 1467 00:59:14,610 --> 00:59:16,071 for a nice ramble, Lyn, 1468 00:59:16,178 --> 00:59:17,488 up Helvellyn. 1469 00:59:17,586 --> 00:59:21,776 Lyn, Lyn, where are my crampons? 1470 00:59:21,874 --> 00:59:25,933 Why have you brought tampons? That's not what I said. 1471 00:59:26,034 --> 00:59:28,816 No, you fool, crampons. 1472 00:59:28,914 --> 00:59:30,159 Oh. 1473 00:59:30,258 --> 00:59:31,186 That's good. 1474 00:59:31,283 --> 00:59:32,558 You could have written for the show, 1475 00:59:32,658 --> 00:59:35,920 'cause it's so up there with the best stuff. 1476 00:59:36,018 --> 00:59:37,611 I've love to quote your own stuff back at you, 1477 00:59:37,715 --> 00:59:40,049 but I just don't know any. 1478 00:59:40,147 --> 00:59:42,286 Odd, 'cause you were executive producer on a lot of it. 1479 00:59:42,387 --> 00:59:43,727 And I still don't know any. 1480 00:59:43,826 --> 00:59:46,031 You never were that attentive at work, were you? 1481 00:59:53,235 --> 00:59:55,569 So this is it, just kind of, you know... 1482 00:59:55,666 --> 00:59:57,640 - Nice. - Yeah, it's whatever. 1483 00:59:57,746 --> 00:59:59,241 It's creamy. 1484 00:59:59,347 --> 01:00:01,997 You like cream, then you'll be happy. 1485 01:00:02,098 --> 01:00:04,554 I guess just a little seating area there 1486 01:00:04,657 --> 01:00:06,446 and a bathroom. 1487 01:00:06,545 --> 01:00:07,757 Wow. It's very nice. 1488 01:00:07,858 --> 01:00:09,003 Don't know why I'm telling you. 1489 01:00:10,226 --> 01:00:12,648 Petit four. Why are they called petit fours? 1490 01:00:12,754 --> 01:00:15,088 Little oven. "Four" is French for "oven." 1491 01:00:15,187 --> 01:00:16,680 Ah. 1492 01:00:16,786 --> 01:00:22,187 Yolanda, did... have we met before? 1493 01:00:22,290 --> 01:00:23,238 Yes, we have. 1494 01:00:23,347 --> 01:00:25,387 It was five years ago. 1495 01:00:25,491 --> 01:00:27,377 It was a photo shoot for Time Out. 1496 01:00:27,474 --> 01:00:31,020 Right, and did we do something afterwards? 1497 01:00:31,122 --> 01:00:33,457 - Yes, we did. - Okay. 1498 01:00:33,555 --> 01:00:37,864 - You don't remember? - No, I do remember. 1499 01:00:37,970 --> 01:00:40,141 - How are you? - I'm okay. I'm fine, yeah. 1500 01:00:40,242 --> 01:00:41,584 - Good. - Yeah. 1501 01:00:41,683 --> 01:00:43,144 Listen, I think I'm gonna have a line. 1502 01:00:43,251 --> 01:00:44,746 Do you want one? 1503 01:00:44,851 --> 01:00:46,127 - Coke? - Yeah. 1504 01:00:46,227 --> 01:00:47,209 No. No. No. 1505 01:00:47,315 --> 01:00:49,103 - Do you mind if I do? - Oh, no. 1506 01:00:49,203 --> 01:00:50,729 Okay. 1507 01:00:50,835 --> 01:00:53,257 There's a bathroom there with lots of marble, so... 1508 01:00:53,363 --> 01:00:55,534 Okay. All right. Thank you. 1509 01:00:55,635 --> 01:00:57,261 So they're picking clothes. 1510 01:00:57,363 --> 01:00:59,271 He's probably wearing the crampons now. 1511 01:00:59,378 --> 01:01:01,745 He's up the side of the wardrobe. 1512 01:01:01,843 --> 01:01:04,396 What do you think? What do you think? 1513 01:01:04,498 --> 01:01:06,321 Does this look good? 1514 01:01:06,419 --> 01:01:07,945 Like Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible II. 1515 01:01:17,618 --> 01:01:19,310 - Yolanda? - Mm-hmm? 1516 01:01:19,411 --> 01:01:21,777 I mean, this is kind of, sort of, you know, outdoorsy. 1517 01:01:21,874 --> 01:01:23,184 Bit of the Shackleton... 1518 01:01:23,282 --> 01:01:25,071 It's a bit too bright. 1519 01:01:25,170 --> 01:01:26,577 Well, this is what I would wear if I was, 1520 01:01:26,675 --> 01:01:28,049 you know, genuinely out walking. 1521 01:01:28,147 --> 01:01:31,725 The red's just for safety reasons, really. 1522 01:01:31,826 --> 01:01:34,215 I've got darker stuff. That's fine. 1523 01:01:34,322 --> 01:01:36,811 Okay. You sure you don't want one? 1524 01:01:36,915 --> 01:01:39,151 No. 1525 01:01:41,843 --> 01:01:43,817 Uh... no? 1526 01:01:43,923 --> 01:01:45,745 No. 1527 01:01:50,323 --> 01:01:52,363 Reminds me of the kind of place where, 1528 01:01:52,468 --> 01:01:53,928 like, Wuthering Heights... 1529 01:01:54,035 --> 01:01:56,369 Oh, Wuthering Heights. Yeah. 1530 01:01:56,467 --> 01:01:59,500 - No, that's not far from here. - Oh, really? 1531 01:01:59,603 --> 01:02:01,676 Yeah, it's the Yorkshire Moors. 1532 01:02:01,779 --> 01:02:04,298 That's... yeah. A place called Howarth. 1533 01:02:04,403 --> 01:02:05,264 Oh, okay. 1534 01:02:05,363 --> 01:02:07,086 Wuthering Heights. 1535 01:02:07,186 --> 01:02:09,674 So do you think I could play Heathcliff? 1536 01:02:09,779 --> 01:02:10,640 Definitely. 1537 01:02:10,739 --> 01:02:11,600 Yeah. 1538 01:02:11,699 --> 01:02:13,390 I'd have to me more, like... 1539 01:02:13,492 --> 01:02:14,572 I'd like to play... 1540 01:02:14,675 --> 01:02:16,168 I think he's, you know, he's interesting. 1541 01:02:16,274 --> 01:02:17,137 Very interesting. 1542 01:02:17,235 --> 01:02:18,512 - Kind of cruel. - Mm-hmm. 1543 01:02:18,610 --> 01:02:23,946 Cruel, but, I don't know, compelling, I guess, is... 1544 01:02:24,051 --> 01:02:25,775 There is something very attractive about him. 1545 01:02:25,875 --> 01:02:27,184 Yeah. 1546 01:02:27,283 --> 01:02:31,211 Think I'm a little old to play him, but I'd like to. 1547 01:02:31,315 --> 01:02:32,875 Are you sad not to be in the picture? 1548 01:02:32,979 --> 01:02:34,889 I'm a tiny bit hurt that he didn't want me to, 1549 01:02:34,995 --> 01:02:37,416 but I'm only saying that because it's you. 1550 01:02:37,522 --> 01:02:41,232 I'm not at a level that any human could notice. 1551 01:02:41,331 --> 01:02:43,698 Only dogs could detect my hurt. 1552 01:02:43,795 --> 01:02:44,656 Dogs and me. 1553 01:02:44,755 --> 01:02:47,537 Yes, and you're not a... 1554 01:02:47,635 --> 01:02:49,096 If you were a dog, 1555 01:02:49,203 --> 01:02:50,992 then I should be very happy for you to... 1556 01:02:51,091 --> 01:02:52,781 gosh, to curl up in my basket 1557 01:02:52,883 --> 01:02:54,377 and chew my bone. 1558 01:02:56,371 --> 01:02:58,443 That sounds... Yeah, sorry. 1559 01:02:58,546 --> 01:03:00,369 It's all right. 1560 01:03:02,514 --> 01:03:03,409 What's that? 1561 01:03:03,508 --> 01:03:04,685 Sorry, that's... Can I take this? 1562 01:03:04,787 --> 01:03:06,696 - It's my American agent. - Sure. 1563 01:03:06,803 --> 01:03:07,665 Hello. 1564 01:03:07,764 --> 01:03:09,999 Steve Coogan. Hey, man. 1565 01:03:10,098 --> 01:03:12,171 - Matt, how are you doing? - I'm doing good. 1566 01:03:12,275 --> 01:03:14,478 What's the weather like in Steve Coogan land? 1567 01:03:14,579 --> 01:03:16,238 It's frigging cold. 1568 01:03:16,340 --> 01:03:19,241 Well, it's hot in Hollywood. I'll tell you that. 1569 01:03:19,347 --> 01:03:21,899 I wish I was. I know the weather is. 1570 01:03:22,003 --> 01:03:23,377 Cut to the chase. Cut to the chase. 1571 01:03:23,475 --> 01:03:27,436 You have got co-lead in a drama series. 1572 01:03:27,539 --> 01:03:30,027 It's called... let me give you the info here. 1573 01:03:30,132 --> 01:03:31,691 It's called... 1574 01:03:31,794 --> 01:03:34,413 Yeah, it's called Pathological. 1575 01:03:34,515 --> 01:03:35,692 Okay, you play a pathologist. 1576 01:03:35,795 --> 01:03:37,705 If it goes, it's seven years. 1577 01:03:37,812 --> 01:03:39,218 If it goes, you're a household name. 1578 01:03:39,315 --> 01:03:43,505 I think the pork belly made me a little... 1579 01:03:43,602 --> 01:03:44,464 a little amorous. 1580 01:03:44,562 --> 01:03:46,702 - Did it? - Yes. 1581 01:03:46,803 --> 01:03:48,745 - Pork will do that to you. - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 1582 01:03:48,851 --> 01:03:49,931 Was that good news? 1583 01:03:50,036 --> 01:03:51,213 Yeah, kind of. 1584 01:03:51,316 --> 01:03:55,341 It's... they've offered me a lead in a drama. 1585 01:03:55,443 --> 01:03:56,719 Oh, wow. 1586 01:03:56,819 --> 01:03:58,925 It's nice to, you know, nice to get an offer like that. 1587 01:03:59,027 --> 01:04:01,449 Absolutely. That's just fantastic. 1588 01:04:01,555 --> 01:04:04,206 I'm just... my chin's okay, right? 1589 01:04:04,306 --> 01:04:06,379 - Your chin is absolutely fine. - Okay. 1590 01:04:06,483 --> 01:04:07,344 It's beautiful. 1591 01:04:07,443 --> 01:04:09,712 I can... you know, if you ever want to see 1592 01:04:09,810 --> 01:04:15,506 the Bronte sisters' house, it's not so far. 1593 01:04:15,603 --> 01:04:18,221 If you want to go visit, I'll take you there. 1594 01:04:42,419 --> 01:04:44,427 Have you noticed as you get older, 1595 01:04:44,532 --> 01:04:48,043 older women seem more attractive to you? 1596 01:04:48,147 --> 01:04:50,733 - And younger women. - And younger women. 1597 01:04:50,835 --> 01:04:51,697 Women in general. 1598 01:04:51,795 --> 01:04:52,974 Well, yeah. 1599 01:04:53,075 --> 01:04:55,693 Younger women because of their life-giving qualities, 1600 01:04:55,795 --> 01:04:58,250 and older women just 'cause, you know, 1601 01:04:58,355 --> 01:05:01,672 'cause you appreciate personality more. 1602 01:05:02,323 --> 01:05:04,908 I thought we'd try and avoid the A roads, right, 1603 01:05:05,011 --> 01:05:07,281 and go up the B6255 to Hawes, right, 1604 01:05:07,380 --> 01:05:09,200 and then cut down through Oughtershaw, 1605 01:05:09,299 --> 01:05:10,509 Yockenthwaite, Buckden, 1606 01:05:10,611 --> 01:05:13,360 down the B6160 through Kettlewell, 1607 01:05:13,460 --> 01:05:16,045 then the B6265 through Grassington to Pateley Bridge, 1608 01:05:16,148 --> 01:05:17,807 then up to Ramsgill from there, right? 1609 01:05:17,908 --> 01:05:18,769 Yes, captain. 1610 01:05:18,868 --> 01:05:20,176 Can we use the sat nav tomorrow? 1611 01:05:20,275 --> 01:05:22,163 The thing about sat nav is, you don't where you're... 1612 01:05:22,260 --> 01:05:23,504 you have no sense of geography. 1613 01:05:23,603 --> 01:05:25,992 Yeah, but it gets you there the quickest way. 1614 01:05:26,100 --> 01:05:27,507 It's not about the destination. 1615 01:05:27,604 --> 01:05:30,059 It's about the journey. 1616 01:05:31,795 --> 01:05:33,584 Ah. 1617 01:05:33,683 --> 01:05:36,270 Well? 1618 01:05:36,371 --> 01:05:37,418 Well? 1619 01:05:37,524 --> 01:05:39,728 Did you? 1620 01:05:39,828 --> 01:05:42,128 I meet women. I charm them. I seduce them. 1621 01:05:42,226 --> 01:05:44,049 It's the aristocratic way. 1622 01:05:44,147 --> 01:05:45,008 Women are my windmills. 1623 01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:46,416 I tilt at them. 1624 01:05:46,515 --> 01:05:49,899 I'm like a knight, a knight of old, wandering the land... 1625 01:05:50,004 --> 01:05:51,947 Don Quixote. Yeah? 1626 01:05:52,052 --> 01:05:53,938 In a manner of speaking. 1627 01:05:54,035 --> 01:05:56,524 A British Don Quixote. 1628 01:05:56,627 --> 01:05:57,740 Don Coogan. 1629 01:05:57,843 --> 01:05:59,370 The Don. 1630 01:05:59,475 --> 01:06:01,745 Oh, Don Coogan. 1631 01:06:01,844 --> 01:06:03,730 I'm just gonna de-mist the windows, Rob, 1632 01:06:03,828 --> 01:06:04,875 if that's all right with you. 1633 01:06:12,340 --> 01:06:13,834 See that there? 1634 01:06:13,939 --> 01:06:14,800 - That's a brook. - Yeah. 1635 01:06:14,899 --> 01:06:16,208 You know what it's doing? 1636 01:06:16,307 --> 01:06:18,064 - Babbling. - Yeah. 1637 01:06:18,163 --> 01:06:19,537 The only thing that babbles is a brook. 1638 01:06:19,635 --> 01:06:20,814 And what else? What else babbles? 1639 01:06:20,916 --> 01:06:23,153 - You. - No. No, I ramble. 1640 01:06:23,251 --> 01:06:24,461 I ramble. 1641 01:06:24,564 --> 01:06:26,386 I ramble through the hills and occasionally 1642 01:06:26,484 --> 01:06:28,491 at dinner parties. 1643 01:06:28,595 --> 01:06:31,313 They used to think this was a collapsed cave, 1644 01:06:31,412 --> 01:06:34,543 but this was actually formed about 10,000 years ago 1645 01:06:34,644 --> 01:06:36,618 by just traditional glaciation. 1646 01:06:36,723 --> 01:06:39,025 A big block of ice, say, a kilometer thick, 1647 01:06:39,123 --> 01:06:41,993 would start to melt, and normally, 1648 01:06:42,100 --> 01:06:44,401 the water would find tributaries and sort of... 1649 01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:46,605 Whoa! Look at that! 1650 01:06:46,707 --> 01:06:49,641 The limestone was too frozen for the... 1651 01:06:49,747 --> 01:06:50,925 All right. Don't talk. 1652 01:06:51,028 --> 01:06:52,337 For the rivers to find a way through. 1653 01:06:52,436 --> 01:06:53,646 Stop talking. 1654 01:06:53,748 --> 01:06:55,504 Yeah, but I'm just sharing a bit of information. 1655 01:06:55,604 --> 01:06:56,651 You ought to... 1656 01:06:56,756 --> 01:06:58,413 I don't want to listen to you all the time. 1657 01:06:58,516 --> 01:06:59,945 I don't want to listen to you all the time, 1658 01:07:00,051 --> 01:07:01,393 but you give me all that. 1659 01:07:01,492 --> 01:07:03,347 I've been absolutely silent all the way up here. 1660 01:07:03,444 --> 01:07:05,549 I'm telling you something useful about what's made this... 1661 01:07:05,651 --> 01:07:07,245 Yeah, and I'd rather you didn't explain. 1662 01:07:07,349 --> 01:07:08,754 I'd rather look at it and appreciate it. 1663 01:07:08,851 --> 01:07:10,706 You're just annoyed because you don't know about... 1664 01:07:10,803 --> 01:07:12,113 It's annoying you that I know about... 1665 01:07:12,211 --> 01:07:14,284 I'm not annoyed. I just want to look at it. 1666 01:07:14,387 --> 01:07:15,981 - Just be... shush. - Okay. All right. 1667 01:07:16,084 --> 01:07:17,710 I never thought you'd tell me to shush. 1668 01:07:17,812 --> 01:07:18,761 Christ. 1669 01:07:21,427 --> 01:07:22,802 Wow. 1670 01:07:27,571 --> 01:07:29,295 Five years have passed. 1671 01:07:29,396 --> 01:07:33,225 Five summers with the length of five long winters, 1672 01:07:33,331 --> 01:07:36,463 and again I hear these waters 1673 01:07:36,565 --> 01:07:41,932 rolling from their mountain springs with soft inland murmur. 1674 01:07:42,035 --> 01:07:46,793 Oft in lonely rooms 'mid the din of towns and cities 1675 01:07:46,900 --> 01:07:52,300 I have owed to them in times of weariness sensations sweet. 1676 01:07:52,403 --> 01:07:54,924 You know where that was written? 1677 01:07:55,028 --> 01:07:58,159 Tintern Abbey, Wales. 1678 01:07:58,260 --> 01:08:00,562 I know. That's why I asked you. 1679 01:08:00,660 --> 01:08:02,700 Oft in lonely rooms 1680 01:08:02,803 --> 01:08:05,454 'mid the din of towns and cities 1681 01:08:05,555 --> 01:08:07,945 I have owed to them in hours of weariness... 1682 01:08:08,052 --> 01:08:09,710 You're spoiling it. You're spoiling it. 1683 01:08:09,811 --> 01:08:12,048 Why do you have to do it in that voice? 1684 01:08:12,148 --> 01:08:14,515 Come on. Let's head on up. 1685 01:08:14,611 --> 01:08:15,473 Where? 1686 01:08:15,571 --> 01:08:17,229 Up there. 1687 01:08:17,332 --> 01:08:19,275 - You serious? - Yeah. 1688 01:08:19,380 --> 01:08:20,590 - No. - Why? 1689 01:08:20,692 --> 01:08:22,798 It's too dangerous. 1690 01:08:22,900 --> 01:08:26,215 You've just got to make sure you've got secure footing. 1691 01:08:26,324 --> 01:08:28,212 They've got hats and backpacks. 1692 01:08:28,308 --> 01:08:30,412 The backpack makes it harder. 1693 01:08:30,516 --> 01:08:32,786 I sometimes get, like, a fluttery heart, 1694 01:08:32,884 --> 01:08:34,706 like, an arrhythmic heartbeat, and I've got it now. 1695 01:08:34,804 --> 01:08:35,819 I get it when I'm stressed. 1696 01:08:35,924 --> 01:08:38,412 All right. Well, I'm going that way. 1697 01:08:38,515 --> 01:08:40,403 I'll be about a couple of hours, right? 1698 01:08:40,500 --> 01:08:41,361 How long? 1699 01:08:41,460 --> 01:08:43,315 - Two hours. - Two hours? 1700 01:08:43,411 --> 01:08:47,305 Yeah, if it gets to three, then mountain rescue. 1701 01:08:47,411 --> 01:08:49,833 If you break your leg, don't come running to me. 1702 01:08:49,940 --> 01:08:52,045 Ha-ha. Very good. 1703 01:08:52,149 --> 01:08:54,091 Steve. 1704 01:08:54,196 --> 01:08:57,065 Steve! 1705 01:08:57,172 --> 01:08:58,578 Be careful. 1706 01:10:03,188 --> 01:10:04,977 - Afternoon. - Good afternoon. 1707 01:10:05,076 --> 01:10:06,156 Lovely day. 1708 01:10:06,260 --> 01:10:07,121 Beautiful, yeah. 1709 01:10:07,220 --> 01:10:08,082 Absolutely superb. 1710 01:10:08,181 --> 01:10:09,391 I know. It's magical. 1711 01:10:09,493 --> 01:10:11,882 Yeah, we're very fortunate today. 1712 01:10:11,989 --> 01:10:14,159 Have you been here, around this area for a while, or... 1713 01:10:14,259 --> 01:10:16,627 Yeah, I'm aware of, you know... 1714 01:10:16,725 --> 01:10:18,132 Oh, that's excellent. 1715 01:10:18,228 --> 01:10:19,789 You know about the limestone a wee bit 1716 01:10:19,892 --> 01:10:21,616 without being clever. 1717 01:10:21,717 --> 01:10:23,788 So you'll know that it started off life in the Bahamas 1718 01:10:23,892 --> 01:10:26,314 somewhere around that sort of line of latitude 1719 01:10:26,420 --> 01:10:28,013 south of the equator. 1720 01:10:28,116 --> 01:10:29,742 Well, the land mass was part of Avalonia. 1721 01:10:29,845 --> 01:10:31,405 That's right, yeah. Yeah. 1722 01:10:31,508 --> 01:10:34,127 Which had joined onto Laurasia, of course, 1723 01:10:34,229 --> 01:10:37,262 and world famous Malham limestone pavement, 1724 01:10:37,364 --> 01:10:38,542 I suppose, you would describe it. 1725 01:10:38,645 --> 01:10:41,329 Malham Cove, it's in many, many textbooks. 1726 01:10:41,429 --> 01:10:42,509 No, well aware of it. 1727 01:10:42,613 --> 01:10:43,790 And photographs. Tremendous. 1728 01:10:43,893 --> 01:10:45,300 The only disadvantage with limestone, 1729 01:10:45,397 --> 01:10:46,323 although a very hard rock, 1730 01:10:46,420 --> 01:10:48,722 road wearing and all the rest of it, 1731 01:10:48,819 --> 01:10:51,570 coarse base stuff, it dissolves in weak acid, 1732 01:10:51,668 --> 01:10:54,636 and the acid derives from the water, 1733 01:10:54,741 --> 01:10:57,456 rainwater which combines with carbon dioxide 1734 01:10:57,556 --> 01:11:00,524 in the atmosphere, and then the rain falls 1735 01:11:00,628 --> 01:11:03,346 onto the limestone, which is calcium carbonate. 1736 01:11:03,445 --> 01:11:04,492 Yeah. 1737 01:11:04,596 --> 01:11:06,025 And the features that we're looking at, 1738 01:11:06,133 --> 01:11:09,231 these linear features, begun as, basically, 1739 01:11:09,332 --> 01:11:10,576 cracks in the rock as it lithified. 1740 01:11:10,677 --> 01:11:11,757 That's right. Yeah. 1741 01:11:11,860 --> 01:11:14,281 And of course, they've dissolved into the width 1742 01:11:14,388 --> 01:11:16,047 that we see today, as have the... 1743 01:11:16,149 --> 01:11:21,484 not only the longitudinal ones, the east-west ones, same thing, 1744 01:11:21,588 --> 01:11:25,331 but the features on the surface are, indeed, very famous indeed. 1745 01:11:25,429 --> 01:11:27,437 You'll see a number of these little potholes. 1746 01:11:27,541 --> 01:11:28,686 Oh, yeah. 1747 01:11:28,789 --> 01:11:33,578 They are water solution holes known as rundkarren. 1748 01:11:33,685 --> 01:11:34,830 Yeah. 1749 01:11:34,933 --> 01:11:38,828 The long features on the surface are the rillenkaren. 1750 01:11:38,933 --> 01:11:41,169 Fantastic. It's fascinating stuff. 1751 01:11:41,268 --> 01:11:42,195 Yeah. 1752 01:11:42,292 --> 01:11:43,470 Okay, I'll be on my way. 1753 01:11:43,572 --> 01:11:45,744 - Righto. - Thanks. Cheerio. 1754 01:11:45,845 --> 01:11:46,793 Bye. 1755 01:11:55,316 --> 01:12:00,019 Here we are. The Yorke Arms. 1756 01:12:00,116 --> 01:12:00,978 Wonderful. 1757 01:12:01,077 --> 01:12:02,025 Wow. 1758 01:12:05,205 --> 01:12:06,066 This is your room, sir. 1759 01:12:06,165 --> 01:12:07,987 Oh, beautiful. Yeah. 1760 01:12:08,085 --> 01:12:08,979 Oh, it's lovely. 1761 01:12:09,076 --> 01:12:10,539 The bathroom is just over there. 1762 01:12:10,645 --> 01:12:11,506 Yeah. 1763 01:12:11,605 --> 01:12:13,710 Oak. Nice oak. 1764 01:12:13,812 --> 01:12:16,332 If you need anything, we'll be in reception. 1765 01:12:16,436 --> 01:12:18,444 Okay, can you get phone reception around here? 1766 01:12:18,550 --> 01:12:21,102 No, I'm sorry, but if you go along the lake, 1767 01:12:21,205 --> 01:12:23,148 you can have some reception there. 1768 01:12:23,252 --> 01:12:24,681 - Great. Lovely. Okay. - Okay. 1769 01:12:26,741 --> 01:12:28,049 Hello? 1770 01:12:28,149 --> 01:12:29,010 Hey. Hey. 1771 01:12:29,109 --> 01:12:30,703 Where have you been? 1772 01:12:30,805 --> 01:12:32,082 I called you four times last night. 1773 01:12:32,181 --> 01:12:33,163 You didn't call me back. 1774 01:12:33,269 --> 01:12:34,129 I know, honey. 1775 01:12:34,228 --> 01:12:35,090 Listen... look... 1776 01:12:36,629 --> 01:12:40,491 These restaurants that you've picked are great places, 1777 01:12:40,597 --> 01:12:41,676 but the phone reception sucks. 1778 01:12:41,781 --> 01:12:42,642 It's really bad. 1779 01:12:42,741 --> 01:12:44,236 Have you been doing drugs? 1780 01:12:44,341 --> 01:12:46,282 No. 1781 01:12:46,389 --> 01:12:47,469 No, of course not. 1782 01:12:47,573 --> 01:12:49,515 Look, if you couldn't get me, I was... 1783 01:12:49,621 --> 01:12:51,858 You know where I am right now? I'm in a field. 1784 01:12:51,957 --> 01:12:54,062 It's a very beautiful field. 1785 01:12:54,165 --> 01:12:55,856 It's really gorgeous, 1786 01:12:55,957 --> 01:12:57,778 but, you know, I can't really enjoy it. 1787 01:12:57,876 --> 01:13:01,357 I'm with a short Welsh man who does impressions. 1788 01:13:01,461 --> 01:13:02,770 It's not fun. 1789 01:13:02,868 --> 01:13:06,447 So are there lots of pretty Northern waitresses up there? 1790 01:13:06,550 --> 01:13:09,898 No, there's no beautiful Northern waitresses. 1791 01:13:10,005 --> 01:13:14,794 They're all Spanish or Polish or from somewhere. 1792 01:13:14,901 --> 01:13:16,592 Great, so they're beautiful 1793 01:13:16,694 --> 01:13:18,220 Eastern European waitresses up there. 1794 01:13:18,325 --> 01:13:19,503 Perfect. 1795 01:13:19,604 --> 01:13:21,580 Yeah, well, yeah, listen, you're the one who said 1796 01:13:21,685 --> 01:13:24,368 we were taking a break, so, you know, what do you expect? 1797 01:13:24,469 --> 01:13:26,063 Does that mean you've been with other girls 1798 01:13:26,165 --> 01:13:28,782 because we're on a break? 1799 01:13:28,885 --> 01:13:29,867 I wish you were here. 1800 01:13:29,973 --> 01:13:31,380 You could have been here with me. 1801 01:13:31,477 --> 01:13:32,404 Yeah, I know. 1802 01:13:32,501 --> 01:13:33,745 You chose not to be. 1803 01:13:33,845 --> 01:13:37,490 Well, you know where I am. You can come see me anytime. 1804 01:13:37,590 --> 01:13:40,971 Oh, Christ. 1805 01:13:41,076 --> 01:13:43,248 Look at the time. Got to go, Steve. 1806 01:13:43,349 --> 01:13:45,171 Hope you get reception again sometime soon. 1807 01:13:45,269 --> 01:13:47,244 All right. Yes. Thanks. Bye, baby. Bye, bye. 1808 01:13:47,349 --> 01:13:49,683 Okay, bye, bye, bye. 1809 01:14:02,485 --> 01:14:04,012 What is that, a sonar? 1810 01:14:11,286 --> 01:14:12,146 It's got to be... 1811 01:14:23,798 --> 01:14:26,732 No, you sound like a submarine clearing its throat. 1812 01:14:26,837 --> 01:14:29,074 Sound like a Scouse submarine. 1813 01:14:30,901 --> 01:14:32,527 Gentlemen, have you decided what you'd like? 1814 01:14:32,630 --> 01:14:36,656 Could I have the souffl� to start and then the lamb, please? 1815 01:14:36,757 --> 01:14:38,001 And the lamb to follow. Thank you. 1816 01:14:38,102 --> 01:14:39,923 Tuna followed by the cod, please. 1817 01:14:40,021 --> 01:14:42,705 And then the cod. Lovely. Thank you very much. 1818 01:14:42,806 --> 01:14:43,700 I'll take those for you. 1819 01:14:43,798 --> 01:14:44,975 - Thank you very much. - Thank you. 1820 01:14:45,078 --> 01:14:45,939 Just take that for you. 1821 01:14:46,038 --> 01:14:47,346 - Okay, thank you. - Thank you. 1822 01:14:47,445 --> 01:14:51,155 Do you know the Abba song The Winner Takes It All? 1823 01:14:52,885 --> 01:14:54,795 The reason that song has so much pain 1824 01:14:54,902 --> 01:14:58,513 is because he wrote the words for her to sing 1825 01:14:58,614 --> 01:15:00,817 about their breakup, 1826 01:15:00,917 --> 01:15:03,187 but he wrote the lyrics from her point of view. 1827 01:15:03,285 --> 01:15:06,667 # I apologize # 1828 01:15:06,773 --> 01:15:10,570 # If it makes you feel sad # 1829 01:15:10,678 --> 01:15:13,132 # Seeing me so tense # 1830 01:15:13,237 --> 01:15:16,172 both: # No self-confidence # 1831 01:15:16,278 --> 01:15:17,705 But you see... 1832 01:15:17,813 --> 01:15:20,399 both: # The winner takes it all # 1833 01:15:20,501 --> 01:15:23,535 It's a bit presumptuous that he's saying 1834 01:15:23,637 --> 01:15:24,782 that she has no self-confidence. 1835 01:15:24,886 --> 01:15:25,747 She might say... 1836 01:15:25,846 --> 01:15:27,090 But wait, 1837 01:15:27,190 --> 01:15:28,433 I have plenty of self-confidence. 1838 01:15:28,533 --> 01:15:29,743 I'm just sad about the breakdown. 1839 01:15:29,845 --> 01:15:31,886 One tuna away, please. 1840 01:15:35,542 --> 01:15:37,844 # I don't want to talk # 1841 01:15:37,941 --> 01:15:40,592 both: # About things we've gone through # 1842 01:15:40,693 --> 01:15:42,220 # Though it's hurting me # 1843 01:15:42,326 --> 01:15:43,537 All of her Ss are high. 1844 01:15:43,638 --> 01:15:45,777 Though it'ssss herding me... 1845 01:15:45,877 --> 01:15:46,738 "Herding"? 1846 01:15:46,837 --> 01:15:49,042 Now it'ssss hissstory. 1847 01:15:49,142 --> 01:15:51,629 Don't make her like the chef from the Muppets. 1848 01:15:51,732 --> 01:15:53,326 # Though it's herding me # 1849 01:15:55,125 --> 01:15:56,238 He was Swedish. 1850 01:15:56,342 --> 01:15:57,552 He wasn't in Abba. 1851 01:15:57,654 --> 01:16:00,719 # Now it's hissstory # 1852 01:16:00,821 --> 01:16:02,544 # I played all my cards # 1853 01:16:02,645 --> 01:16:05,198 Now you sound like the Nazis from Inglourious Basterds. 1854 01:16:05,302 --> 01:16:07,090 - Who I look like. - Yes. 1855 01:16:07,189 --> 01:16:08,913 # I played all my cards # 1856 01:16:09,014 --> 01:16:10,639 Now it's hurting me, 1857 01:16:10,742 --> 01:16:12,978 and now I'm going to kill some Jews under the floor. 1858 01:16:14,837 --> 01:16:16,724 Und that's what you've done too. 1859 01:16:16,821 --> 01:16:18,316 That's what you've done too. 1860 01:16:18,422 --> 01:16:20,942 The winner takes it all, Mr. Bond. 1861 01:16:21,045 --> 01:16:23,347 Come, come, Mr. Bond. The winner takes it all. 1862 01:16:24,405 --> 01:16:25,780 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 1863 01:16:25,878 --> 01:16:28,944 you enjoy playing all your cards just as much as I do. 1864 01:16:29,046 --> 01:16:30,224 When I play my cards, 1865 01:16:30,327 --> 01:16:31,985 I play for Benny and Bjorn. 1866 01:16:34,614 --> 01:16:37,777 I find the song quite moving. 1867 01:16:46,614 --> 01:16:50,126 Your roast cod with truffle ravioli 1868 01:16:50,230 --> 01:16:51,757 and a spiced cauliflower. 1869 01:16:51,862 --> 01:16:54,283 A saddle of Nidderdale lamb with mutton pudding. 1870 01:16:54,390 --> 01:16:55,916 - Thank you very much. - Thank you very much. 1871 01:16:56,022 --> 01:16:57,069 Thank you. 1872 01:16:57,173 --> 01:16:58,034 Yeah. 1873 01:16:58,133 --> 01:17:02,160 Hopkins, Sheen, Brydon, Burton, 1874 01:17:02,261 --> 01:17:04,782 the Port Talbot four. 1875 01:17:04,887 --> 01:17:06,195 - That's what we're known as. - Really? 1876 01:17:06,293 --> 01:17:08,716 Yeah, Michael Sheen. 1877 01:17:08,822 --> 01:17:10,131 How are you? 1878 01:17:10,230 --> 01:17:13,013 Good evening. 1879 01:17:14,710 --> 01:17:17,459 We couldn't have done that the way that Michael does it. 1880 01:17:17,558 --> 01:17:18,540 Let's face it. 1881 01:17:18,645 --> 01:17:20,019 - We could not have played... - We? We? We? 1882 01:17:20,117 --> 01:17:21,776 We couldn't. We couldn't. We're not the same. 1883 01:17:21,878 --> 01:17:22,739 We're different animals. 1884 01:17:22,837 --> 01:17:23,917 We couldn't play those parts. 1885 01:17:24,022 --> 01:17:25,397 No, you're not the same as him. 1886 01:17:25,495 --> 01:17:26,836 I'm more similar to him. 1887 01:17:26,934 --> 01:17:29,170 Well, why don't you do the sort of roles that he does? 1888 01:17:29,270 --> 01:17:32,466 Because no one will give those roles to me. 1889 01:17:32,566 --> 01:17:33,876 I've got an albatross around my neck, 1890 01:17:33,974 --> 01:17:36,559 and it's got the face of Michael Sheen. 1891 01:17:36,662 --> 01:17:39,215 Do you try for those roles? 1892 01:17:39,317 --> 01:17:40,910 Yeah, and Michael Sheen gets them all. 1893 01:17:41,013 --> 01:17:42,323 Michael Sheen is very good. 1894 01:17:42,422 --> 01:17:45,291 - Michael Sheen is always... - Brilliant. 1895 01:17:45,399 --> 01:17:46,925 He's not brilliant; he's good. He's solid. 1896 01:17:47,030 --> 01:17:47,891 He is brilliant. 1897 01:17:47,990 --> 01:17:50,739 I'm fucking brilliant! 1898 01:17:50,838 --> 01:17:53,041 Yes, but not in the same way as... 1899 01:17:53,141 --> 01:17:55,378 Michael Sheen couldn't do what you do. 1900 01:17:55,478 --> 01:17:57,485 Michael Sheen couldn't play Alan Partridge. 1901 01:17:57,589 --> 01:17:59,084 Michael Sheen couldn't play Pauline Calf. 1902 01:17:59,191 --> 01:18:00,302 All right? 1903 01:18:00,406 --> 01:18:02,229 But equally, you couldn't play David Frost. 1904 01:18:02,326 --> 01:18:03,341 Huh? 1905 01:18:03,446 --> 01:18:05,868 I don't believe that you really believe 1906 01:18:05,973 --> 01:18:07,218 that I couldn't play David Frost. 1907 01:18:07,318 --> 01:18:09,260 I think you could play it. Of course you could play it. 1908 01:18:09,366 --> 01:18:11,056 Bloody hell. The waiter could play it. 1909 01:18:11,158 --> 01:18:12,816 But how well are you gonna play it? 1910 01:18:12,918 --> 01:18:14,673 Very well. 1911 01:18:14,774 --> 01:18:16,050 Hello. 1912 01:18:19,351 --> 01:18:21,238 I mean, Michael almost doesn't have to say the words. 1913 01:18:21,334 --> 01:18:22,281 He can just go... 1914 01:18:25,238 --> 01:18:26,764 And you know what he's doing. 1915 01:18:29,078 --> 01:18:30,834 You were just jutting your chin out. 1916 01:18:30,934 --> 01:18:32,211 Mm, that's me. 1917 01:18:32,311 --> 01:18:33,935 If Michael did it, people would go, 1918 01:18:34,037 --> 01:18:35,948 "Fucking hell, it's David Frost." 1919 01:18:36,054 --> 01:18:39,632 Well, you know, I got down to the last two for Peter Sellers. 1920 01:18:39,733 --> 01:18:41,327 Yes, you did, and on that count, 1921 01:18:41,431 --> 01:18:43,219 as I've told you many times before, 1922 01:18:43,317 --> 01:18:45,074 you would have been better than Geoffrey Rush. 1923 01:18:45,174 --> 01:18:46,832 You know, I was actually in that film? 1924 01:18:46,934 --> 01:18:47,981 Have I told you this? 1925 01:18:48,086 --> 01:18:49,679 I played Dustin Hoffman. 1926 01:18:49,782 --> 01:18:51,211 Oh, yes, when he got his Oscar. 1927 01:18:51,318 --> 01:18:53,839 I had to do a speech as Dustin Hoffman. 1928 01:18:53,943 --> 01:18:54,835 - Really? - Yeah. 1929 01:18:54,933 --> 01:18:57,138 He says... and I learned this, right? 1930 01:18:57,238 --> 01:19:01,167 I refuse to accept that I'm better than Jack Lemmon, 1931 01:19:01,271 --> 01:19:02,252 than Peter Sellers, 1932 01:19:02,359 --> 01:19:03,886 than whoever else the other one was. 1933 01:19:03,990 --> 01:19:05,397 He could have turned down the award. 1934 01:19:05,494 --> 01:19:08,460 He could have turned down the Oscar if he refused to accept... 1935 01:19:08,566 --> 01:19:09,974 Yeah, all right. That's not the point. 1936 01:19:10,070 --> 01:19:12,077 I'm just saying that I was in it, and I got cut out. 1937 01:19:17,333 --> 01:19:19,723 Oh, wow. Thank you very much. Look at that. 1938 01:19:19,830 --> 01:19:21,717 It's a chocolate inverted comma. 1939 01:19:21,813 --> 01:19:23,308 He's got an ironic dessert. 1940 01:19:23,415 --> 01:19:24,843 Thank you. 1941 01:19:24,950 --> 01:19:26,260 Your apple Breton with lemon sorbet 1942 01:19:26,360 --> 01:19:27,635 and croque monsieur. 1943 01:19:27,734 --> 01:19:30,155 And your chocolate dessert is a warm chocolate fondant, 1944 01:19:30,261 --> 01:19:32,084 chocolate tier, chocolate Neapolitan, 1945 01:19:32,182 --> 01:19:33,360 and a chocolate and caramel tart. 1946 01:19:33,462 --> 01:19:34,410 Thank you very much indeed. 1947 01:19:34,518 --> 01:19:36,045 Can there be any more chocolate? 1948 01:19:36,151 --> 01:19:37,078 You want some of that? 1949 01:19:37,174 --> 01:19:39,475 Okay, yeah. 1950 01:19:39,574 --> 01:19:40,556 Good, isn't it? 1951 01:19:40,662 --> 01:19:42,188 I'm sure people think we're gay. 1952 01:19:42,294 --> 01:19:43,342 I don't care. 1953 01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:47,309 No, I don't either. I don't care. 1954 01:19:47,415 --> 01:19:49,421 Where are you? I don't know where you are. 1955 01:19:49,526 --> 01:19:50,802 Somebody get me out of here. 1956 01:19:50,902 --> 01:19:52,975 Who'd have thought that would catch on, eh? 1957 01:19:53,079 --> 01:19:54,355 Got an iPhone app with that on it now. 1958 01:19:54,454 --> 01:19:55,533 Really? 1959 01:19:55,639 --> 01:19:57,133 Haven't launched it. About to launch it. 1960 01:19:57,238 --> 01:19:58,667 What, to launch an iPhone app with your... 1961 01:19:58,774 --> 01:20:01,108 Rob Brydon, Small Man in a Box. 1962 01:20:01,206 --> 01:20:02,155 I'm not a good businessman. 1963 01:20:02,262 --> 01:20:03,472 I'm an artist. 1964 01:20:03,574 --> 01:20:06,389 I'm cursed to be flawed in my business ventures, but... 1965 01:20:06,486 --> 01:20:07,795 I got to tell you, 1966 01:20:07,894 --> 01:20:09,455 the food here is terrible, 1967 01:20:09,559 --> 01:20:11,565 and such small portions. 1968 01:20:13,622 --> 01:20:16,524 Sex without love is an empty experience, 1969 01:20:16,631 --> 01:20:19,947 but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. 1970 01:20:20,055 --> 01:20:23,437 You know, sex between two people is a wonderful thing. 1971 01:20:23,542 --> 01:20:24,972 Between three, it's terrific. 1972 01:20:26,231 --> 01:20:28,914 No, really, I enjoyed making love last night. 1973 01:20:29,014 --> 01:20:32,428 It was the most fun I've had without laughing. 1974 01:20:32,534 --> 01:20:34,923 You know, they tell me... I hear my ex-wife 1975 01:20:35,030 --> 01:20:37,201 was violated in the street. 1976 01:20:37,302 --> 01:20:38,415 I said, " Knowing my ex-wife, 1977 01:20:38,518 --> 01:20:40,907 it was probably not a moving violation." 1978 01:20:44,886 --> 01:20:45,747 Hello? 1979 01:20:45,845 --> 01:20:46,861 Hey, Joe. It's Dad. 1980 01:20:46,966 --> 01:20:47,894 Yeah, I know. 1981 01:20:47,991 --> 01:20:49,452 Your name comes up on the screen. 1982 01:20:49,558 --> 01:20:50,420 Oh, that's good. 1983 01:20:50,519 --> 01:20:52,046 I'm gonna cut to the chase. 1984 01:20:52,151 --> 01:20:53,710 I spoke to your mum. 1985 01:20:53,814 --> 01:20:55,669 She told me what happened the other night. 1986 01:20:55,766 --> 01:20:58,100 I was just with some friends. You know, it was only a drink. 1987 01:20:58,198 --> 01:20:59,093 Just having a bit of fun. 1988 01:20:59,191 --> 01:21:01,808 You can't do that. 1989 01:21:01,910 --> 01:21:05,205 If you work hard and... you know... 1990 01:21:05,302 --> 01:21:08,848 then you can always... 1991 01:21:08,950 --> 01:21:10,379 you know, enjoy yourself at the weekend. 1992 01:21:10,487 --> 01:21:13,008 But you've got to rein it in during the week. 1993 01:21:13,111 --> 01:21:15,053 You have to, all right? 1994 01:21:15,158 --> 01:21:17,613 Okay. How's the trip? 1995 01:21:17,719 --> 01:21:19,541 Uh... 1996 01:21:19,639 --> 01:21:21,973 It's good. 1997 01:21:22,070 --> 01:21:26,129 You know, it's kind of enjoyable. 1998 01:21:26,230 --> 01:21:29,078 Rob's being, you know, sort of a pain in the ass, 1999 01:21:29,175 --> 01:21:31,695 but I tolerate him. 2000 01:21:31,798 --> 01:21:33,009 How long have you known him? 2001 01:21:33,111 --> 01:21:34,802 Rob? 2002 01:21:34,902 --> 01:21:37,935 11 years. Something like that. 2003 01:21:38,038 --> 01:21:40,339 That's amazing. 2004 01:21:40,438 --> 01:21:41,366 Is it? 2005 01:21:41,463 --> 01:21:42,837 Yeah. That's such a long time. 2006 01:21:42,934 --> 01:21:45,782 Yes. 2007 01:21:45,879 --> 01:21:47,788 Yeah, I suppose it is. 2008 01:21:47,895 --> 01:21:48,755 Yeah, he's... 2009 01:21:52,086 --> 01:21:54,225 Yeah, he's a, you know, he's a good friend. 2010 01:21:54,327 --> 01:21:55,504 Yeah, I miss you. 2011 01:21:55,607 --> 01:21:58,258 Yeah, I miss you too. 2012 01:21:58,359 --> 01:22:01,325 Okay, listen, I'll be back soon, 2013 01:22:01,430 --> 01:22:04,496 and we'll have some fun time together, yeah? 2014 01:22:04,599 --> 01:22:06,487 Constructive fun time, all right? 2015 01:22:06,583 --> 01:22:08,241 Yeah. 2016 01:22:08,343 --> 01:22:10,514 All right, listen, love you. 2017 01:22:10,615 --> 01:22:13,168 Take care, and behave. 2018 01:22:13,270 --> 01:22:14,481 Yeah. 2019 01:22:14,583 --> 01:22:15,510 - All right, mate. - See ya. 2020 01:22:15,607 --> 01:22:16,555 See ya. 2021 01:22:29,175 --> 01:22:32,436 I am once again bottomless. 2022 01:22:32,535 --> 01:22:34,061 Don't you ever get cold being bottomless? 2023 01:22:34,167 --> 01:22:35,028 No, no, I don't. 2024 01:22:35,127 --> 01:22:37,680 I think of you, and I just let him free. 2025 01:22:37,783 --> 01:22:39,889 I let him off the lead, as it were. 2026 01:22:39,991 --> 01:22:41,169 Let him run round the car park 2027 01:22:41,271 --> 01:22:43,573 in the hope that he sniffs up something interesting. 2028 01:22:43,671 --> 01:22:44,914 He's under there now. 2029 01:22:45,015 --> 01:22:47,120 There's only a kind of candlewick bedspread between... 2030 01:22:47,222 --> 01:22:50,158 Oh, candlewick bedspread? That's not very sexy. 2031 01:22:50,263 --> 01:22:52,402 Well, there's a phone resting on him as well, 2032 01:22:52,504 --> 01:22:54,358 so if the phone begins to move, 2033 01:22:54,454 --> 01:22:58,230 I'll know that you're weaving your magic, as it were. 2034 01:22:58,326 --> 01:23:00,017 Oh, help me. 2035 01:23:00,119 --> 01:23:03,436 I'm the small man stuck in a box. 2036 01:23:03,543 --> 01:23:06,096 Oh. 2037 01:23:06,199 --> 01:23:07,824 I'm trapped in a box. 2038 01:23:10,455 --> 01:23:15,408 I'm trapped in a... I'm trapped in a box. 2039 01:23:15,510 --> 01:23:19,024 I'm trapped in a box. 2040 01:23:24,823 --> 01:23:26,350 I'm stuck in a box. What are you doing? 2041 01:23:26,455 --> 01:23:29,422 What's happening? What's happening? 2042 01:23:29,527 --> 01:23:31,283 Small man stuck in a box. 2043 01:23:34,072 --> 01:23:38,741 I don't care about silly voices. 2044 01:23:38,839 --> 01:23:40,366 They're stupid. 2045 01:23:47,320 --> 01:23:49,228 Why are we going so early? 2046 01:23:49,335 --> 01:23:53,110 Because I want to take in Bolton Abbey 2047 01:23:53,207 --> 01:23:55,379 and then quickly say hi to my parents. 2048 01:23:55,479 --> 01:23:57,552 You don't mind... do you mind coming to say... 2049 01:23:57,655 --> 01:23:58,734 - Physically? - Yes. 2050 01:23:58,838 --> 01:23:59,854 Actually visit them? 2051 01:23:59,959 --> 01:24:01,748 Well, I can't leave you in the car. 2052 01:24:01,847 --> 01:24:05,589 You could bring me a lemonade and a packet of crisps, 2053 01:24:05,687 --> 01:24:08,371 leave the window like that so I don't get too hot. 2054 01:24:08,472 --> 01:24:10,478 Yeah, and I'll bring my parents out to look at you, 2055 01:24:10,582 --> 01:24:12,722 and your nose is through the gap there like that. 2056 01:24:12,823 --> 01:24:14,645 You can say, "I would bring him in, 2057 01:24:14,743 --> 01:24:15,725 but he might make a mess." 2058 01:24:20,535 --> 01:24:23,796 From Bolton's old monastic tower, 2059 01:24:23,895 --> 01:24:26,994 the bells ring loud with gladsome power. 2060 01:24:27,095 --> 01:24:28,819 The sun shines bright. 2061 01:24:28,920 --> 01:24:30,196 The fields are gay 2062 01:24:30,296 --> 01:24:33,077 with people in their best array 2063 01:24:33,175 --> 01:24:36,306 of stole and doublet, hood and scarf, 2064 01:24:36,407 --> 01:24:39,124 along the banks of crystal Wharf. 2065 01:24:39,223 --> 01:24:46,676 And thus in joyous mood they hie to Bolton's mouldering Priory. 2066 01:24:46,775 --> 01:24:49,109 Sir Ian McKellan. 2067 01:24:49,207 --> 01:24:51,477 Come, we shall walk together. 2068 01:24:51,576 --> 01:24:53,233 Is that why you went to bed early last night, 2069 01:24:53,334 --> 01:24:54,480 so you could learn that poem? 2070 01:24:54,583 --> 01:24:57,070 Yes. Mission accomplished. 2071 01:24:57,175 --> 01:24:58,158 I don't know why... 2072 01:24:58,264 --> 01:24:59,638 You weren't interested in Wordsworth 2073 01:24:59,735 --> 01:25:00,717 before we went on this trip. 2074 01:25:00,823 --> 01:25:02,450 Or Bolton Abbey, going on about Bolton Abbey. 2075 01:25:02,552 --> 01:25:03,828 This is lovely. This is fantastic. 2076 01:25:03,927 --> 01:25:05,040 I know it is. 2077 01:25:05,142 --> 01:25:06,801 Why'd you have to do it in Ian McKellan's voice? 2078 01:25:06,904 --> 01:25:08,148 It was a lovely poem. 2079 01:25:08,247 --> 01:25:10,451 What would have been really nice is if you got up this morning... 2080 01:25:10,551 --> 01:25:12,307 If you learned that poem, which I appreciate, 2081 01:25:12,408 --> 01:25:14,131 even though it was meant to intimidate me. 2082 01:25:14,232 --> 01:25:15,792 If you got up this morning and said the poem 2083 01:25:15,896 --> 01:25:17,488 in your own voice and meant the words. 2084 01:25:17,591 --> 01:25:20,526 I chose a voice to suit the mood. 2085 01:25:20,632 --> 01:25:22,868 I felt Sir Ian, coming, as he does, from Bolton, 2086 01:25:22,967 --> 01:25:24,462 would be perfectly suited... 2087 01:25:24,568 --> 01:25:26,094 It's a different Bolton, Rob. 2088 01:25:26,199 --> 01:25:27,607 Yeah, well, same word. 2089 01:25:27,704 --> 01:25:30,518 I thought he'd be perfectly suited for here. 2090 01:25:30,615 --> 01:25:31,508 And it is incredible. 2091 01:25:31,608 --> 01:25:33,713 I mean, look, that is incredible. 2092 01:25:35,415 --> 01:25:38,284 Standing on a grave. Sorry. 2093 01:25:38,391 --> 01:25:41,042 Will you be buried, or will you be cremated? 2094 01:25:41,144 --> 01:25:43,893 I think I would like to be buried, 2095 01:25:43,992 --> 01:25:46,097 so that I have a headstone, like Elvis, 2096 01:25:46,200 --> 01:25:49,615 but I think that when you have a headstone 2097 01:25:49,719 --> 01:25:53,397 and you're in a place, it puts great pressure on your family, 2098 01:25:53,495 --> 01:25:55,600 your surviving family, to visit you. 2099 01:25:55,704 --> 01:25:58,605 I'd be happy if you, you know... 2100 01:25:58,711 --> 01:25:59,856 I'm happy with either. 2101 01:25:59,959 --> 01:26:02,065 If they buried you or cremated you, 2102 01:26:02,168 --> 01:26:06,576 they would both suit me fine. 2103 01:26:06,680 --> 01:26:08,883 Would you come to my funeral? Would you turn up, do you think? 2104 01:26:08,983 --> 01:26:10,609 Course I would. Course I would. Yeah. 2105 01:26:10,712 --> 01:26:13,199 If only to pad out the numbers, you know. 2106 01:26:13,303 --> 01:26:18,061 You know when someone dies and they go to the funeral 2107 01:26:18,168 --> 01:26:19,890 and they say, you know, 2108 01:26:19,991 --> 01:26:21,551 "We should have done this when he was alive. 2109 01:26:21,655 --> 01:26:22,768 He would have loved this." 2110 01:26:22,872 --> 01:26:25,457 What, cremated him? 2111 01:26:25,559 --> 01:26:29,040 No, you know, hearing the eulogies. 2112 01:26:29,144 --> 01:26:30,518 That's what I'll say at your funeral. 2113 01:26:30,616 --> 01:26:32,470 We should have done this a lot when he was alive, 2114 01:26:32,567 --> 01:26:33,428 cremated him. 2115 01:26:34,872 --> 01:26:37,905 No riposte from you, 'cause you're dead. 2116 01:26:38,008 --> 01:26:39,732 I don't think you should say that. 2117 01:26:39,832 --> 01:26:40,693 You really shouldn't... 2118 01:26:40,792 --> 01:26:42,165 - Yeah. - In the box. 2119 01:26:42,263 --> 01:26:44,467 You wouldn't be able to come back with your man in a box 2120 01:26:44,568 --> 01:26:46,804 even though it would be fantastic if you had, 2121 01:26:46,903 --> 01:26:47,918 'cause you'd be in a coffin. 2122 01:26:48,024 --> 01:26:49,617 It would have been the perfect place to do it, 2123 01:26:49,720 --> 01:26:50,898 but you wouldn't be able to do it... 2124 01:26:50,999 --> 01:26:52,308 I would literally be a man in the box. 2125 01:26:52,408 --> 01:26:53,618 I know, it would have been great, 2126 01:26:53,720 --> 01:26:56,437 but I'd be safe in the knowledge that I could do that, 2127 01:26:56,536 --> 01:26:58,030 and he won't come back with his man in a box, 2128 01:26:58,135 --> 01:26:59,280 which would have been brilliant, 2129 01:26:59,383 --> 01:27:02,253 but he can't, 'cause he's brown bread. 2130 01:27:02,360 --> 01:27:04,978 I'd be there. I'd be there. I'd be at your funeral. 2131 01:27:05,080 --> 01:27:10,034 And now, from one of Rob's very closest friends... 2132 01:27:10,136 --> 01:27:13,584 you'll know him, of course, as TV's Alan Partridge, 2133 01:27:13,688 --> 01:27:18,160 and he has asked specifically to come up and take 25, 30 minutes 2134 01:27:18,264 --> 01:27:21,810 to talk about his friend Rob. 2135 01:27:21,913 --> 01:27:23,887 Ladies and gentlemen... 2136 01:27:23,992 --> 01:27:25,933 Steve Coogan. 2137 01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:28,527 Oh, you may also know Steve 2138 01:27:28,632 --> 01:27:30,836 from some of his very good art house films 2139 01:27:30,936 --> 01:27:32,180 that have been very well reviewed 2140 01:27:32,279 --> 01:27:33,654 by some of the broadsheet newspapers. 2141 01:27:33,752 --> 01:27:35,922 Steve Coogan. 2142 01:27:36,983 --> 01:27:38,893 Thanks. Thank you. 2143 01:27:38,999 --> 01:27:40,243 A-ha! 2144 01:27:40,344 --> 01:27:42,930 Somebody will shout that out. One of my Welsh relatives. 2145 01:27:43,033 --> 01:27:44,723 Yes, yes. 2146 01:27:44,824 --> 01:27:46,351 Alan Partridge. 2147 01:27:46,456 --> 01:27:48,495 Very much alive 2148 01:27:48,599 --> 01:27:54,514 compared with our good departed friend Rob Brydon. 2149 01:27:54,616 --> 01:27:58,063 Rob was an interesting guy, 2150 01:27:58,167 --> 01:27:59,248 very funny, 2151 01:27:59,352 --> 01:28:03,150 very entertaining, and yet, at the same time, 2152 01:28:03,256 --> 01:28:04,979 there was something... 2153 01:28:05,080 --> 01:28:08,462 Although he made me laugh and made us all laugh, I think, 2154 01:28:08,567 --> 01:28:11,634 there was something about him that was lost, 2155 01:28:11,736 --> 01:28:16,471 something about him that seemed unable to confront 2156 01:28:16,569 --> 01:28:20,627 the reality of life, and so when I think of Rob, 2157 01:28:20,728 --> 01:28:24,111 I think of him with both a smile 2158 01:28:24,216 --> 01:28:26,965 at some of the funny, pithy one-liners 2159 01:28:27,064 --> 01:28:29,301 he would come out with on Radio 4 panel shows, 2160 01:28:29,401 --> 01:28:34,102 but also for the man inside, 2161 01:28:34,200 --> 01:28:40,048 because behind every little, pithy, vaguely amusing joke 2162 01:28:40,152 --> 01:28:42,486 is a cry for help. 2163 01:28:44,631 --> 01:28:45,810 Not gonna finish there, are you? 2164 01:28:45,912 --> 01:28:48,563 - I won't finish there, no. - Jesus Christ. 2165 01:28:48,664 --> 01:28:50,072 Um... 2166 01:28:52,600 --> 01:28:57,489 But of course, let's not remember a man who was lost, 2167 01:28:57,593 --> 01:29:00,276 desperately trying to legitimize his life 2168 01:29:00,376 --> 01:29:03,540 by doing silly voices constantly and not confronting the truth. 2169 01:29:03,639 --> 01:29:05,877 Let's remember the other side of Rob, 2170 01:29:05,976 --> 01:29:08,562 the Rob Brydon the entertainer, 2171 01:29:08,664 --> 01:29:13,879 the Rob Brydon who gave some levity to our life 2172 01:29:13,976 --> 01:29:17,904 and helped us avoid confronting the harsh realities 2173 01:29:18,008 --> 01:29:21,357 and helped us avoid looking at the brutal reality 2174 01:29:21,464 --> 01:29:22,708 of what life is. 2175 01:29:22,809 --> 01:29:24,848 All right, talk about some of the characters. 2176 01:29:24,951 --> 01:29:26,839 Some of the characters. 2177 01:29:26,936 --> 01:29:29,140 Who can forget his Tom Jones impression? 2178 01:29:30,328 --> 01:29:31,409 Who can forget that? 2179 01:29:31,513 --> 01:29:34,066 Think I better die now. 2180 01:29:34,168 --> 01:29:35,477 You could say that. 2181 01:29:35,576 --> 01:29:37,648 Think I better die now. 2182 01:29:37,752 --> 01:29:39,028 - That's good. - Yeah. I know. 2183 01:29:39,128 --> 01:29:41,616 Well, I'll take over when you're... 2184 01:29:41,721 --> 01:29:43,313 I'll do plenty of Tom Jones when you're dead. 2185 01:29:43,416 --> 01:29:44,278 Don't worry about that. 2186 01:29:44,377 --> 01:29:46,797 Hoo. 2187 01:29:46,904 --> 01:29:48,148 Oh, well, thank you. 2188 01:29:48,248 --> 01:29:49,709 Oh, you're welcome. 2189 01:29:49,816 --> 01:29:50,961 But there'll be affection there. 2190 01:29:51,064 --> 01:29:54,862 I'd... I would never stick the knife in. 2191 01:29:54,968 --> 01:29:57,106 I might just, like, tickle you with a knife. 2192 01:29:57,208 --> 01:29:58,288 That's all good sport. 2193 01:29:58,392 --> 01:30:00,148 Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. 2194 01:30:00,248 --> 01:30:02,037 Should it go the other way. 2195 01:30:02,136 --> 01:30:03,990 It's okay. We don't... I'm not asking you to do that. 2196 01:30:04,088 --> 01:30:04,950 Let's move on. 2197 01:30:08,184 --> 01:30:09,591 No, I'm just saying, if it did... 2198 01:30:09,688 --> 01:30:11,095 - Yeah, that's all right. - I would be... 2199 01:30:11,192 --> 01:30:12,436 That's okay. I don't need to know. 2200 01:30:12,536 --> 01:30:14,839 I'd rather that it be a mystery. 2201 01:30:17,785 --> 01:30:18,929 Oh, don't run it. 2202 01:30:19,032 --> 01:30:20,657 - What? What? - Don't run! 2203 01:30:20,760 --> 01:30:22,997 - Why? - There'll be moss. 2204 01:30:23,097 --> 01:30:24,340 Fucking hell. 2205 01:30:24,440 --> 01:30:26,263 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 2206 01:30:26,361 --> 01:30:31,030 You've got stuck halfway towards your destination! 2207 01:30:31,129 --> 01:30:33,550 You're stuck in a metaphor! 2208 01:30:33,656 --> 01:30:36,591 I'm not. 2209 01:30:36,696 --> 01:30:38,966 You'll... Ooh! Ooh! 2210 01:30:42,167 --> 01:30:43,379 Oh, fuck! 2211 01:30:47,385 --> 01:30:48,367 Fuck. 2212 01:30:48,472 --> 01:30:50,163 It's a metaphor! 2213 01:30:50,265 --> 01:30:54,355 It's not a metaphor! Fuck. 2214 01:30:54,456 --> 01:30:55,831 Fuck. 2215 01:30:58,392 --> 01:31:00,498 You looked at home in the water. 2216 01:31:00,601 --> 01:31:02,607 I could see you perhaps branching out 2217 01:31:02,712 --> 01:31:04,240 into more action roles. 2218 01:31:15,959 --> 01:31:17,586 How come you've left your black pudding? 2219 01:31:17,688 --> 01:31:20,689 I don't dislike it, but I'm never sure about it. 2220 01:31:20,793 --> 01:31:23,444 I just naturally don't go to it. 2221 01:31:23,544 --> 01:31:24,973 That's 'cause there's risk involved. 2222 01:31:25,081 --> 01:31:26,291 There's a taboo. 2223 01:31:26,392 --> 01:31:28,334 Mmm. Mmm! 2224 01:31:30,041 --> 01:31:31,732 This is just... 2225 01:31:31,832 --> 01:31:34,102 really... 2226 01:31:34,201 --> 01:31:36,916 glorious. 2227 01:31:37,016 --> 01:31:40,278 A sunny day in England with a fried breakfast. 2228 01:31:40,376 --> 01:31:41,135 It doesn't get much better. 2229 01:31:42,137 --> 01:31:44,242 This is nice, but if I'm being very honest with you, 2230 01:31:44,345 --> 01:31:46,647 I'm looking forward to being home now. 2231 01:31:46,744 --> 01:31:47,857 You and me both. 2232 01:31:47,960 --> 01:31:51,703 The most important thing to me is that I have... 2233 01:31:51,801 --> 01:31:55,892 that my children are healthy, that I am healthy so... 2234 01:31:55,993 --> 01:31:57,748 That's more important than any work, 2235 01:31:57,848 --> 01:31:59,572 any award, anything like that. 2236 01:31:59,672 --> 01:32:01,395 That actually puts everything in perspective. 2237 01:32:01,496 --> 01:32:03,384 I dare say you'd throw away all your awards if it... 2238 01:32:03,481 --> 01:32:04,342 I'd throw them in a river. 2239 01:32:04,441 --> 01:32:05,619 If you could exchange them 2240 01:32:05,721 --> 01:32:07,696 for knowing your children would live a happy, long... 2241 01:32:07,800 --> 01:32:12,950 I would happily throw all my awards in a river, 2242 01:32:13,049 --> 01:32:14,031 not the sea. 2243 01:32:14,137 --> 01:32:15,479 Corrosion. 2244 01:32:15,577 --> 01:32:17,649 No, they're gonna corrode, but if I threw them in a river, 2245 01:32:17,753 --> 01:32:18,929 if push came to shove, 2246 01:32:19,032 --> 01:32:22,447 I could hire a team of scuba divers to retrieve them, 2247 01:32:22,552 --> 01:32:25,814 but, you know, the gesture is the important thing. 2248 01:32:25,913 --> 01:32:27,320 No, the family's more important. 2249 01:32:27,416 --> 01:32:29,271 No, family's more... of course it is. 2250 01:32:29,369 --> 01:32:31,092 I mean, if it was a choice between winning an award 2251 01:32:31,192 --> 01:32:36,146 and my child being healthy, I would absolutely, you know... 2252 01:32:36,249 --> 01:32:39,096 Other way around, what if... 2253 01:32:40,505 --> 01:32:44,400 If you were to allow your child to have an illness, 2254 01:32:44,505 --> 01:32:47,188 you could win, say, a BAFTA. 2255 01:32:47,289 --> 01:32:48,631 You could have a film BAFTA if... 2256 01:32:48,729 --> 01:32:49,455 an illness the child would recover from 2257 01:32:50,457 --> 01:32:51,536 but would have some discomfort. 2258 01:32:51,640 --> 01:32:52,885 - No. - Yeah? 2259 01:32:52,985 --> 01:32:54,065 That's a disgusting idea. 2260 01:32:54,169 --> 01:32:55,827 Let me up the stakes. 2261 01:32:55,929 --> 01:32:58,831 Oscar, best actor. 2262 01:32:58,937 --> 01:32:59,951 Eh, best actor, Steve. 2263 01:33:00,057 --> 01:33:02,904 What, for having an ill child? Of course not. 2264 01:33:03,001 --> 01:33:05,969 - Not to... - What kind of illness? 2265 01:33:07,641 --> 01:33:09,102 Appendicitis. 2266 01:33:10,457 --> 01:33:11,318 What, I mean... 2267 01:33:11,417 --> 01:33:13,325 So they get... "Oh, my stomach. 2268 01:33:13,432 --> 01:33:15,025 Oh, my stomach's really hurt. Where's Dad?" 2269 01:33:15,129 --> 01:33:16,209 "Oh, he's on location." 2270 01:33:16,312 --> 01:33:17,906 "It's really hurting, really hurting, ah." 2271 01:33:18,010 --> 01:33:19,220 Doctor comes in. Off to hospital. 2272 01:33:20,953 --> 01:33:22,896 "Ooh, I'm weak." Then they're better. 2273 01:33:23,002 --> 01:33:24,015 Meanwhile, 2274 01:33:24,121 --> 01:33:28,212 "Academy Award winner, Steve Coogan." 2275 01:33:32,570 --> 01:33:35,766 Hmm? 2276 01:33:35,864 --> 01:33:38,384 Ah, now we glimpse the real man. 2277 01:33:38,489 --> 01:33:40,115 What do you mean? I'm just... what do you mean? 2278 01:33:40,217 --> 01:33:43,381 I'm thinking about it. I was thinking it through. 2279 01:33:43,482 --> 01:33:46,961 I think the answer's probably I still wouldn't, probably. 2280 01:34:08,793 --> 01:34:11,608 - Very nice. - Yeah, lovely. 2281 01:34:11,705 --> 01:34:13,080 Lovely place to grow up, you know? 2282 01:34:19,129 --> 01:34:20,405 Hello. 2283 01:34:20,505 --> 01:34:22,294 Hello. 2284 01:34:22,394 --> 01:34:23,539 - Nice to see you. - Nice to see you. 2285 01:34:23,641 --> 01:34:25,300 - Hello. - This is Rob. 2286 01:34:25,402 --> 01:34:26,808 - Lovely to meet you. - Lovely to see you. 2287 01:34:26,905 --> 01:34:27,952 - Come in. - Thank you very much. 2288 01:34:28,057 --> 01:34:29,518 - This is Molly. - Nice to see you. 2289 01:34:29,625 --> 01:34:30,966 - Hey. - Oh, what a lovely house. 2290 01:34:31,065 --> 01:34:32,887 Are you all right? Oh, that's all right. 2291 01:34:32,985 --> 01:34:33,934 Hello. 2292 01:34:34,042 --> 01:34:35,383 This is Bernard, me dad. This is Rob. 2293 01:34:35,482 --> 01:34:36,430 Nice to meet you. 2294 01:34:36,538 --> 01:34:38,393 Just saying what a lovely house it is. 2295 01:34:38,490 --> 01:34:39,699 Rob Brydon off the telly. 2296 01:34:39,801 --> 01:34:41,973 Oh, there he is straightaway. Look. Hall of fame. 2297 01:34:43,258 --> 01:34:44,664 Yeah. 2298 01:34:44,761 --> 01:34:46,584 Ooh, and a daughter. She's a bonnie lass. 2299 01:34:46,682 --> 01:34:48,820 That's not a daughter. That's our Steven. 2300 01:34:48,922 --> 01:34:50,776 Yeah, he's just trying to be funny. 2301 01:34:50,873 --> 01:34:52,499 Making a joke, yeah. 2302 01:34:52,601 --> 01:34:54,194 Well, he is funny, isn't he? 2303 01:34:54,297 --> 01:34:55,246 Well, on occasions. 2304 01:34:55,353 --> 01:34:56,597 I'll go make the tea. 2305 01:34:56,698 --> 01:34:57,974 Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. 2306 01:34:58,073 --> 01:34:59,088 Oh, this is great. 2307 01:34:59,194 --> 01:35:01,942 - Come on through into... - Oh, a conservatory. 2308 01:35:02,041 --> 01:35:03,252 Into the garden. 2309 01:35:03,353 --> 01:35:05,295 - No, not the conservatory. - No politics, thank you. 2310 01:35:10,009 --> 01:35:12,114 All right. Here we are. 2311 01:35:12,217 --> 01:35:13,645 Tea for the troops. 2312 01:35:13,753 --> 01:35:15,542 - Lovely. - Thank you. 2313 01:35:15,642 --> 01:35:17,168 This really is excellent. 2314 01:35:17,273 --> 01:35:19,991 Crikey. Crikey. Crikey. Gosh. This is excellent. 2315 01:35:20,090 --> 01:35:22,512 I've been to Four Weddings and a Funeral recently, 2316 01:35:22,617 --> 01:35:26,163 and I've not had, gosh, quite such a substantial brew. 2317 01:35:26,265 --> 01:35:27,825 Oh, dear. 2318 01:35:27,929 --> 01:35:29,817 That's how you started, didn't you, Steve? 2319 01:35:29,913 --> 01:35:31,222 - It is, yeah. - With impressions. 2320 01:35:31,321 --> 01:35:33,177 Moved on now? 2321 01:35:33,274 --> 01:35:34,615 Well, yeah. 2322 01:35:34,713 --> 01:35:36,087 Quit while you're ahead, you know? 2323 01:35:36,185 --> 01:35:38,258 It was a shock to all of us when he started performing. 2324 01:35:38,361 --> 01:35:40,882 We thought it would be Deborah or Martin, you know. 2325 01:35:40,986 --> 01:35:42,709 They were always the funny ones, weren't they? 2326 01:35:42,810 --> 01:35:44,663 Yeah, you were always the quiet one, weren't you? 2327 01:35:44,760 --> 01:35:46,354 Well, I was in my own little world, you know, 2328 01:35:46,457 --> 01:35:47,919 sort of, you know, escape. 2329 01:35:48,025 --> 01:35:49,303 I was a daydreamer. 2330 01:35:49,402 --> 01:35:52,304 I used to daydream constantly as a kid, you know, 2331 01:35:52,409 --> 01:35:55,278 growing up in New York, and I never thought, you know, 2332 01:35:55,385 --> 01:35:57,752 I'd ever become a great comedian, you know? 2333 01:35:57,849 --> 01:35:59,988 I just never figured I would, you know, and... 2334 01:36:00,089 --> 01:36:03,701 whereas I, when I was growing up in Edinburgh, 2335 01:36:03,802 --> 01:36:05,777 you know, before I became Commander James Bond, 2336 01:36:05,881 --> 01:36:08,368 for me, I was quite withdrawn also. 2337 01:36:08,473 --> 01:36:09,520 I, on the other hand, 2338 01:36:09,625 --> 01:36:11,349 grew up in the East End of London, 2339 01:36:11,449 --> 01:36:14,067 and all I ever wanted to do was blow the bloody doors off. 2340 01:36:14,169 --> 01:36:15,860 I've had to put up with this all week. 2341 01:36:15,962 --> 01:36:19,223 Must be exhausting, keeping all this going all the time. 2342 01:36:19,321 --> 01:36:20,248 Exhausting for everyone. 2343 01:36:20,345 --> 01:36:21,872 Listen, why don't you stop for lunch? 2344 01:36:21,977 --> 01:36:23,352 Yes, that would be lovely. 2345 01:36:23,450 --> 01:36:25,359 Well, we should push on, really. 2346 01:36:25,466 --> 01:36:26,578 Oh. 2347 01:36:26,682 --> 01:36:28,176 What route are you taking? 2348 01:36:28,281 --> 01:36:32,242 The... well, getting on the M60 clockwise 2349 01:36:32,346 --> 01:36:35,248 and then on the M56, M6. 2350 01:36:35,354 --> 01:36:38,452 - You want to watch that. - Why? 2351 01:36:38,553 --> 01:36:40,692 There's road works all the way from junction 24 to 27. 2352 01:36:40,793 --> 01:36:42,615 It's terrible. 2353 01:36:42,713 --> 01:36:44,688 You'd be better off going anti-clockwise. 2354 01:36:44,794 --> 01:36:46,898 Right. Okay. Yeah. 2355 01:36:47,002 --> 01:36:48,661 Yes, well, it's as broad as it's long, isn't it? 2356 01:36:48,763 --> 01:36:51,609 - So, yeah, I'll do that. - Good. Good. 2357 01:36:51,704 --> 01:36:53,014 - Really nice to meet you. - God bless. 2358 01:36:53,114 --> 01:36:54,194 - Bye-bye. Bye-bye. - Cheerio. 2359 01:36:54,297 --> 01:36:57,397 - Bye-bye. - All right, see you, Mum. 2360 01:36:57,498 --> 01:36:59,058 How's Mischa? 2361 01:37:00,601 --> 01:37:01,878 She's in America at the moment, yeah. 2362 01:37:01,977 --> 01:37:03,406 Oh, we thought she'd be coming with you. 2363 01:37:03,513 --> 01:37:04,528 I know. 2364 01:37:04,633 --> 01:37:05,943 We're going through a bit of a hiatus. 2365 01:37:06,042 --> 01:37:06,990 Oh, dear. 2366 01:37:07,098 --> 01:37:08,407 Rob's the substitute girlfriend. 2367 01:37:08,506 --> 01:37:10,132 Oh, I hope not. 2368 01:37:11,897 --> 01:37:13,175 How's work? Anything coming up? 2369 01:37:13,274 --> 01:37:16,340 Yeah, I've got a TV series in America possibly, so... 2370 01:37:16,441 --> 01:37:17,969 - Really? - Great. 2371 01:37:18,075 --> 01:37:19,089 Well, it would mean 2372 01:37:19,194 --> 01:37:20,688 spending a lot of time over there, though. 2373 01:37:20,794 --> 01:37:21,973 That's the problem. 2374 01:37:22,073 --> 01:37:24,145 If you need anybody to carry your bags around. 2375 01:37:24,249 --> 01:37:26,006 All right. Okay. See ya, Dad. 2376 01:37:26,106 --> 01:37:28,048 Right. Yeah. 2377 01:37:28,154 --> 01:37:29,102 Oh, bye. 2378 01:37:29,209 --> 01:37:30,617 Now, listen, you take care of yourself. 2379 01:37:30,714 --> 01:37:31,990 It's okay. Nothing to worry about. 2380 01:37:32,090 --> 01:37:33,267 - All right. - Everything's fine. 2381 01:37:33,369 --> 01:37:34,231 Bye, love. Bye. 2382 01:37:34,330 --> 01:37:35,191 See ya. 2383 01:37:35,290 --> 01:37:36,883 - Car's locked. - What? 2384 01:37:36,985 --> 01:37:37,912 Locked. 2385 01:37:38,009 --> 01:37:40,825 Oh, sorry. I thought I pressed it. 2386 01:37:51,163 --> 01:37:52,504 Bye. 2387 01:37:56,602 --> 01:37:59,417 Come on, let's get in. 2388 01:38:01,882 --> 01:38:04,087 So have you made a decision about America? 2389 01:38:04,187 --> 01:38:06,225 Will you stay, or will you go? 2390 01:38:06,330 --> 01:38:08,370 I'm not gonna... I don't know. 2391 01:38:08,474 --> 01:38:10,513 I love Mischa, and I want to be with her, 2392 01:38:10,618 --> 01:38:13,880 but... I don't really want to talk about it, to be honest. 2393 01:38:13,978 --> 01:38:16,083 You don't want to talk about it. 2394 01:38:16,186 --> 01:38:18,007 You want to talk about things you've gone through? 2395 01:38:18,105 --> 01:38:19,185 No. No. 2396 01:38:19,289 --> 01:38:20,784 Though it's hurting me, now it's history. 2397 01:38:20,890 --> 01:38:24,151 # Now it's history # 2398 01:38:24,250 --> 01:38:27,762 both: # I've played all my cards # 2399 01:38:27,865 --> 01:38:31,378 # And that's what you've done too # 2400 01:38:31,482 --> 01:38:34,712 # Nothing more to say # 2401 01:38:34,810 --> 01:38:38,672 # No more ace to play # 2402 01:38:38,777 --> 01:38:41,560 # Tell me, does she kiss # 2403 01:38:41,658 --> 01:38:44,276 # Like I used to kiss you? # 2404 01:38:44,377 --> 01:38:46,200 That's a shiver down my arms whenever I hear that... 2405 01:38:46,298 --> 01:38:47,159 Thank you. 2406 01:38:47,258 --> 01:38:48,502 both: # Does it feel the same # 2407 01:38:48,602 --> 01:38:52,180 # When she calls your name? # 2408 01:38:52,282 --> 01:38:54,387 # I was in your arms # 2409 01:38:56,570 --> 01:38:57,617 # Thinking I belonged there # 2410 01:38:57,722 --> 01:38:58,867 # Thinking I'd be strong there # 2411 01:38:58,971 --> 01:39:00,530 Belonged there. Belonged there. 2412 01:39:00,634 --> 01:39:02,674 - # Building me a fence # - I figured... 2413 01:39:02,778 --> 01:39:03,890 both: # Figured it made sense # 2414 01:39:03,094 --> 01:39:06,263 # Building me a fence # 2415 01:39:06,361 --> 01:39:08,118 # Ah, ah, ah, ah # 2416 01:39:08,219 --> 01:39:11,514 both: # Building me a home # 2417 01:39:11,610 --> 01:39:12,658 # Thinking I belong... # 2418 01:39:12,762 --> 01:39:14,834 # Thinking I'd be strong there # 2419 01:39:14,939 --> 01:39:16,597 # Ah, ah, ah, ah # 2420 01:39:16,698 --> 01:39:17,559 # But I was a fool # 2421 01:39:17,658 --> 01:39:18,771 # Fool # 2422 01:39:18,874 --> 01:39:21,363 both: # Playing by the rules # 2423 01:39:21,465 --> 01:39:25,524 # The winner takes it all # 2424 01:39:25,626 --> 01:39:29,139 # The winner takes it all # 2425 01:39:29,243 --> 01:39:32,591 # The winner takes it all # 2426 01:39:32,698 --> 01:39:33,974 # The winner # 2427 01:39:34,074 --> 01:39:35,350 # Takes # 2428 01:39:35,450 --> 01:39:36,312 # It # 2429 01:39:36,411 --> 01:39:40,918 # All # 2430 01:39:41,018 --> 01:39:42,807 Wow. Wow. I was up there. 2431 01:39:42,906 --> 01:39:43,766 Yeah. 2432 01:39:43,865 --> 01:39:44,760 I was up there. 2433 01:39:44,858 --> 01:39:46,035 I think you strained a little bit. 2434 01:39:46,138 --> 01:39:47,065 I did strain. I did strain. 2435 01:39:47,162 --> 01:39:48,274 But I have a wonderful range. 2436 01:39:48,378 --> 01:39:50,266 - People... I could have done opera. - How many octaves? 2437 01:39:50,363 --> 01:39:52,250 I don't know. Five. Five. 2438 01:39:52,346 --> 01:39:54,582 - Five? Five? - How much is an octave? 2439 01:39:54,682 --> 01:39:55,630 All right, two. 2440 01:39:55,738 --> 01:39:58,455 Two... Pavarotti struggles to do five. 2441 01:39:58,554 --> 01:39:59,415 One. One. I do one. 2442 01:40:00,474 --> 01:40:02,449 Three. I don't know... 2443 01:40:02,554 --> 01:40:04,245 I don't know how much an octave is. 2444 01:40:04,347 --> 01:40:06,070 Just get your lowest note. 2445 01:40:06,170 --> 01:40:07,828 # La, low # 2446 01:40:07,930 --> 01:40:09,359 Hang on. Wait. Wait. Wait. That's not it. 2447 01:40:09,465 --> 01:40:11,288 - Get your lowest... - Well, yes! 2448 01:40:11,386 --> 01:40:14,583 # Low # 2449 01:40:14,683 --> 01:40:15,544 Okay, do an octave up. 2450 01:40:15,643 --> 01:40:17,944 # Oh # 2451 01:40:18,043 --> 01:40:18,904 No, do an octave up. 2452 01:40:19,003 --> 01:40:20,464 Well, how much is an octave? 2453 01:40:20,570 --> 01:40:21,748 # Oh # 2454 01:40:21,850 --> 01:40:23,606 It means just the same note, but an octave higher. 2455 01:40:23,707 --> 01:40:24,568 Hey, listen. 2456 01:40:24,667 --> 01:40:26,260 # Ba, ba # 2457 01:40:26,363 --> 01:40:27,442 That's an octave up. 2458 01:40:27,546 --> 01:40:29,040 All right, but don't do it as Roger Moore. 2459 01:40:30,106 --> 01:40:31,514 # Ah # 2460 01:40:31,610 --> 01:40:33,104 Come, come, Mr. Bond, 2461 01:40:33,211 --> 01:40:35,600 you enjoy singing an octave just as much as I do. 2462 01:40:35,707 --> 01:40:37,942 When I sing an octave up, 2463 01:40:38,042 --> 01:40:40,977 I sing it for queen and country. 2464 01:40:41,082 --> 01:40:42,031 Although, I admit... 2465 01:40:42,138 --> 01:40:43,284 Although, I admit, 2466 01:40:43,387 --> 01:40:46,037 singing an octave up with you would be a pleasure. 2467 01:40:46,139 --> 01:40:48,473 Listen, it's do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do, 2468 01:40:48,571 --> 01:40:49,748 and the next "do" is an octave up. 2469 01:40:49,850 --> 01:40:52,272 # Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do # 2470 01:40:52,378 --> 01:40:53,939 That's an octave up from the first "do." 2471 01:40:55,194 --> 01:41:00,791 # Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do # 2472 01:41:00,891 --> 01:41:01,970 No. What? Do... 2473 01:41:02,074 --> 01:41:06,417 # Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do # 2474 01:41:06,522 --> 01:41:10,744 # Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti # 2475 01:41:10,842 --> 01:41:13,210 # Do # 2476 01:41:13,307 --> 01:41:14,997 Three. 2477 01:41:15,098 --> 01:41:17,138 Three. Three. 2478 01:41:20,058 --> 01:41:23,058 # Do, do # 2479 01:41:23,162 --> 01:41:24,918 # Do # 2480 01:41:25,018 --> 01:41:28,117 - # Do, re, mi # - Terry Wogan is doing it now. 2481 01:41:28,219 --> 01:41:30,227 # Do, do, do # 2482 01:41:30,331 --> 01:41:32,370 They'll be doing the floral dance. 2483 01:41:32,474 --> 01:41:33,620 # Do # 2484 01:41:33,723 --> 01:41:35,479 # Re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do # 2485 01:41:35,578 --> 01:41:36,625 # Re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do # 2486 01:41:36,730 --> 01:41:37,591 # Re, mi, fa, sol # 2487 01:41:37,690 --> 01:41:38,770 # La, ti # 2488 01:41:38,875 --> 01:41:39,890 That's not... that's... 2489 01:41:39,995 --> 01:41:42,265 # Ti # Oh, fuck. 2490 01:41:42,364 --> 01:41:43,410 You're terrible. 2491 01:41:43,514 --> 01:41:45,140 Terrible. 2492 01:41:45,242 --> 01:41:46,650 I beat you. I beat you. I beat you. 2493 01:41:46,747 --> 01:41:48,688 I... yeah. 2494 01:42:03,515 --> 01:42:07,890 You all right with the... you all right with your bags? 2495 01:42:07,995 --> 01:42:09,653 - All right. - Well, thank you very much. 2496 01:42:09,755 --> 01:42:10,616 Thank you very much. 2497 01:42:10,715 --> 01:42:11,992 Really appreciate you doing this. 2498 01:42:12,092 --> 01:42:13,914 - Cheers. - All right. 2499 01:42:14,011 --> 01:42:15,921 - Let's have a hug. - Okay. All right. 2500 01:42:16,027 --> 01:42:17,849 Ah. 2501 01:42:17,947 --> 01:42:18,808 Really good. Really good. 2502 01:42:18,907 --> 01:42:19,769 No, no, I enjoyed it a lot. 2503 01:42:19,867 --> 01:42:20,729 And then, yeah. 2504 01:42:20,827 --> 01:42:22,682 All right, you're a good bloke. 2505 01:42:22,779 --> 01:42:24,121 I don't care what they say about you. 2506 01:42:25,179 --> 01:42:27,032 - I'll see you. - Okeydoke. 2507 01:42:27,130 --> 01:42:30,546 Give me a ring, and we'll, you know, we'll get together. 2508 01:42:30,650 --> 01:42:32,658 - All right, mate. - We could... all right. 2509 01:42:32,763 --> 01:42:34,072 Bye-bye. Bye-bye. 2510 01:42:38,746 --> 01:42:40,208 - Ah. - Hello. 2511 01:42:41,275 --> 01:42:43,315 The traveler returns. 2512 01:42:43,418 --> 01:42:44,912 Oh. 2513 01:42:45,020 --> 01:42:45,881 Hello. 2514 01:42:45,980 --> 01:42:46,841 Mm, sorry. 2515 01:42:46,939 --> 01:42:48,826 I've missed you. 2516 01:42:48,922 --> 01:42:49,784 We both missed you. 2517 01:44:18,171 --> 01:44:19,796 So how was he? 2518 01:44:19,899 --> 01:44:21,656 He was his usual self. 2519 01:44:22,715 --> 01:44:23,664 His usual self. 2520 01:44:37,083 --> 01:44:38,676 This is Mischa. 2521 01:44:38,779 --> 01:44:40,208 Shut up. 2522 01:44:40,315 --> 01:44:41,395 I'm Steve. 2523 01:44:41,498 --> 01:44:42,360 Mm. 2524 01:44:42,458 --> 01:44:44,793 This is delightful. 2525 01:44:44,891 --> 01:44:46,549 One of the most delightful meals, 2526 01:44:46,652 --> 01:44:51,409 one of the most delightful homecomings I've ever enjoyed. 2527 01:44:52,923 --> 01:44:57,745 Oh, well, it did stick to the bottom of the pan a bit... 2528 01:44:57,852 --> 01:45:00,120 - Did it? - Yeah. 2529 01:45:00,219 --> 01:45:02,488 Yes, might have to give you a bloody good spanking. 2530 01:45:02,587 --> 01:45:03,667 In fact, I was rather hoping 2531 01:45:03,772 --> 01:45:06,805 I might stick to the bottom of your pan later. 2532 01:45:15,675 --> 01:45:18,261 You've reached the office of Matt Jacobs at WP. 2533 01:45:18,364 --> 01:45:20,469 Neither Matt nor his assistant are here to answer your call. 2534 01:45:20,571 --> 01:45:21,781 Please leave Matt a message, 2535 01:45:21,883 --> 01:45:23,377 and he will get back to you as soon as he can. 2536 01:45:23,483 --> 01:45:24,344 Thank you. 2537 01:45:24,443 --> 01:45:25,338 beep! 2538 01:45:25,436 --> 01:45:26,297 Hi, Matt. 2539 01:45:26,396 --> 01:45:27,508 This is Steve calling 2540 01:45:27,611 --> 01:45:29,881 just to say I've thought it over, 2541 01:45:29,980 --> 01:45:34,202 and I'm not gonna do the HBO pilot. 2542 01:45:34,299 --> 01:45:36,273 I'm not gonna spend seven years in the U.S. 2543 01:45:36,379 --> 01:45:39,162 I've got kids. 2544 01:45:39,259 --> 01:45:41,626 Yeah, that's it. Bye. 2545 01:45:41,724 --> 01:45:44,309 - Mm. - Mm. 2546 01:45:44,411 --> 01:45:46,833 I don't like being away from you. 2547 01:45:46,939 --> 01:45:49,241 No, I don't like you being away from me. 2548 01:45:50,300 --> 01:45:51,161 Oh. Hello, there we are. 2549 01:45:51,260 --> 01:45:52,121 There we go. 2550 01:45:52,220 --> 01:45:55,765 All present and correct. 2551 01:46:00,987 --> 01:46:05,362 I think three days should be the maximum 2552 01:46:05,467 --> 01:46:06,646 that I stay away for. 2553 01:46:06,747 --> 01:46:08,340 Mm-hmm. 2554 01:46:08,444 --> 01:46:10,713 Not this long. 184333

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