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1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:02,440
Ta-daaa!
2
00:00:03,340 --> 00:00:04,420
? I did it
3
00:00:04,420 --> 00:00:06,180
? I put the telly
and the bracket on the wall
4
00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:07,620
? All by myse-elf. ?
5
00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:09,700
Oh, yeah! Gimme some!
6
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:10,700
Gimme some!
7
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:12,000
All right.
8
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,040
Now...
9
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:16,760
All I need is total and utter
silence
10
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,560
while I set the voice
recognition on this thing. OK?
11
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,360
Total and utter...
12
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,600
...silence.
13
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,680
Shut up.
14
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,360
Quiet and watch the magic
happen.
15
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,440
TV BEEPS
16
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:31,200
Play... DVD.
17
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:37,560
No, must be the accent. OK.
Not to worry.
18
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,120
TV BEEPS
19
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,160
Play...
20
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:41,600
DVD.
21
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,440
Why don't you just lean
forward and press play?
22
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:46,600
MUSIC STARTS
23
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,040
Ah! No! Don't say, "Press play."
24
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,240
You just made it
think you said, "Press play."
25
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,400
I want it to recognise my voice,
Elaine, not your voice.
26
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,560
It doesn't matter who says,
"Press play."
27
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,520
MUSIC PLAYS
28
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,040
TV on!
29
00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,720
Stop!
TV: BBC Radio...
30
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,720
Off!
TV off, radio on!
31
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:04,800
No! On!
32
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,520
Do you speak English?
33
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,400
TV WHIRRS
34
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,400
Ah!
35
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,080
Shh!
36
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,360
You're going to break it!
37
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,840
Now just be quiet, all right?!
38
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:16,240
Now...
39
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,880
let me do this.
40
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:19,200
SNIFFS
41
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:20,480
CLEARS THROAT
42
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,840
INHALES
43
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,560
Smart TV on!
44
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,760
What about ye?
45
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,360
Room for a wee one? Ho-ho!
46
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,920
There's one way to switch this thing
off and that's to unplug it!
47
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,680
? I think I'll rest a little more
48
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:47,080
? Cos the noise in my head
keeps bangin' at the door
49
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,840
? Something easy I'll find hard
50
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,120
? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
51
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,680
? It's the man in me that keeps me
running scared
52
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:58,000
? Cos your life spins round
like a merry-go-round
53
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:02,280
? And you can't escape
from these ups and downs
54
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:06,120
? Your dream's on hold
for this crazy world
55
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:09,600
? But I wouldn't change
a thing. ?
56
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,520
It's no good, Tom.
It's knackered, huh?
57
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,560
Yep.
58
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,480
And a bad time, with
everybody coming over
59
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,920
to watch the Strictly final as
well tonight, huh?
60
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,000
Yep, thanks(!)
61
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,400
It's not like you can afford
a new one either, huh?
62
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,560
Yep, thanks, Roddy(!)
63
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,440
You're screwed, basically, huh?
64
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,480
Yeah, thank you, thank you,
thank you(!)
65
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:32,520
Shut up!
66
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,600
Don't mention it.
67
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,840
OK, Dad.
68
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,560
We're just going to bandage your
head... um, with this cushion.
69
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,000
No, it's OK. I'm fine.
70
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,760
We're just try to help you,
Dad.
71
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,920
(SWEETLY) Come on, Dad.
You can twust us.
72
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,440
No, I cannot trust yous.
73
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,400
CLUCKS
Jump! Just do it - jump!
74
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:55,640
Jump, you chicken!
75
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,040
Jump now!
76
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:58,400
THUD
77
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,080
Ah, loser!
78
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,320
You're right, Roddy,
this thing is knackered.
79
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,480
I've got a telly fella mate
that owes me a favour.
80
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,480
I'll give him a ring if you want.
Oh, really?
81
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,080
That'd be great! Can he come
here?
82
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,680
Er, we-we'd have to go to him.
83
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:12,840
He's, er...
84
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:13,960
He's between shops.
85
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,840
Whatever, man.
Come on, let's go.
86
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,000
What are you waiting for?
Can we...?
87
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,960
Oh!
88
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,000
I'm going to kill you two!
89
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,120
Not with your arms taped to
the TV, you won't.
90
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,240
Come on.
91
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,200
TOM GRUNTS AND STRAINS
92
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,440
Roddy, help us, will you?
93
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:35,400
Now, Tom, you know that I've got one arm
shorter than the other. Look at that.
94
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,080
And that side's just as bad.
What?!
95
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,120
DOORBELL RINGS
96
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,760
The door. Roddy?
Love to, mate.
97
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,480
Gotta call the telly fella man.
Ah! Boys?
98
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,680
I'm going out to play Star Wars with
Quiet Joe.
99
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,000
Dylan?
100
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,280
Arms, Dad.
101
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,800
Arms.
102
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,560
TOM GRUNTS AND STRAINS
103
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,360
I can't wait to grow old around
you two -
104
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,680
I'll have to wheel myself to
the ducks!
105
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,440
Ah!
106
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,560
Jesus, Mary, will you look at
that?
107
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,000
The door was on the latch.
108
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:10,120
You don't want to be leaving the door
on the latch in this day and age, son.
109
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,640
Dad, Mum.
110
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:12,880
Hiya, son. Hi.
111
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,280
People will rob your house and use
your toilet.
112
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,560
What are you doing?
113
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:22,120
Now, I wouldn't recommend hanging
the TV in the hall, son.
114
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,760
You'll never get a couch along here.
115
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,120
Well, maybe you will, but you'll
never walk by it that easily.
116
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,680
You know, and you need to
keep that exit clear
117
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:34,280
or your whole family will be
burnt to death in a fire, son.
118
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,640
I...
119
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,760
I was hanging it in the living
room and then...
120
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,200
Well, there you go already, son.
121
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,960
You're in the wrong room -
this is the hall.
122
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:42,840
Come on.
123
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,760
(BREATHLESS) No, I was...
124
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,160
I was bringing it out to the car.
I...
125
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:49,920
Oh, give us a hand with it, Dad.
126
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,440
Oh, Jesus, son, I'm sorry, I can't.
127
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,000
I sprained the back of me neck.
128
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,120
What?! How did you do that?
129
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,560
While I was on the throne at home.
130
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:01,480
Pushed too hard...
131
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,280
...and sprained me neck.
132
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:05,520
He's a bloody idiot.
133
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,480
I mean, how do you
sprain your neck doing that?
134
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,200
Easy, woman!
135
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,960
There's a lot of pressure on
your neck.
136
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,720
It's dangerous.
137
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,360
Just ask Chris de Burgh -
he died on the loo.
138
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,880
Shut up, Pat!
139
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,480
Chris de Burgh isn't dead!
140
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,920
More's the pity.
141
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,040
Here, try it, son. Ah!
142
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,120
Now...
143
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,760
PAT STRAINS
144
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,760
I can feel that right up and down
the back of me neck.
145
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:33,880
Can you, Tom?
146
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,240
Ugh! Gross!
147
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,000
That is way too much information.
148
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,480
Your neighbours don't know
how to park, son.
149
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:44,200
I had to leave the Volvo at
an angle out there.
150
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,280
An angle?
151
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:48,040
Yeah, well, I couldn't find any
spaces that suited me,
152
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:53,000
so I had to stick me nose into a space
I liked, hence the car's at an angle.
153
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,480
Hope nobody tears the arse
off it while we're here.
154
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,280
It's got a big bumper.
155
00:05:58,280 --> 00:05:59,960
You're the one with the big bumper.
156
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,160
What?
157
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,680
I swear to God, Tom.
158
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,000
If he doesn't lay off the
biccies, he'll die.
159
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,200
And he won't die all nice and neat.
160
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,080
Oh, no. Muggins here will have to
sponge and bathe him
161
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,600
as he takes another three years
to slip away.
162
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,880
But what are you doing here
so early?
163
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,200
The Strictly doesn't start
till later on tonight.
164
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:20,280
I know.
165
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:23,480
But your father wanted to come over early
to see how long the journey would take.
166
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,520
A kind of a dry run, if you like.
167
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,640
But you're always here.
168
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,040
Yous are always... here.
169
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,960
You see, I got new tyres on
the car, Tom,
170
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,680
so the flow of the car
has all gone to shite.
171
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,480
Because the rubber on
the tyres is thicker,
172
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:43,280
so it's taking twice the time
to turn the corners.
173
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,840
Hiya, you all right?
174
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,320
Oh, hi, Elaine.
175
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,880
Are we all set for the big final
tonight?
176
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,480
Mm, we'll have to wait and
see, Mary.
177
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,760
Tom upset the television
and it threw itself of the wall.
178
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:54,920
What?!
179
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,120
He has a terrible temper on him,
Elaine.
180
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,800
He always had that as a child.
181
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,560
You have a terrible, terrible
temper, Tom.
182
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,480
I do not.
Calm down!
183
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:09,000
I will not have you raging at your
mother like that.
184
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,520
And why did you break it, Tom?
185
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,360
The telly, Tom - Strictly!
186
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:16,120
I was hanging it on the wall and the
telly and the bracket fell off the wall
187
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,080
and smashed me on the head.
188
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,120
Well, that was bound to happen.
189
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,640
Did you use four-inch screws, son?
190
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:24,920
No, two-inch.
191
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,600
Ah, you can't use two-inch screws to
hang a monster like that.
192
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,760
I wouldn't hang a tissue
with a two-inch screw!
193
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,880
Two-inch screws is all I had.
194
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:40,720
No, I was only saying to a neighbour
yesterday to use four-inch screws.
195
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:45,360
He was. I mean, he was putting up hooks
to hang a lawnmower and I said to him,
196
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,880
"You can put your own child
up on that it's that safe."
197
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,040
And he did as well.
198
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,360
What are we going to do
about my Strictly?
199
00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,960
I can't miss the final.
200
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,440
It'd be like missing Mass.
201
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,520
What about ye?
202
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:05,800
Och, aye, Mary and Pat.
203
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,720
Oh, Roddy, have you heard?
204
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:11,280
There'll be no Strictly
on the big screen tonight.
205
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,400
No Strictly tonight?
No Strictly, Roddy.
206
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,080
Imagine that - the state the world
is in out there
207
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,480
and all we're worried about
is a bloody television show.
208
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,040
Listen here...
209
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,200
Gandhi.
210
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,960
Ballroom dancing is my life.
211
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,960
And what are you so worried about
the world for?
212
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,720
You've never been further
than Glasgow!
213
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:33,480
I don't like travel, it shoots me
blood pressure through the roof.
214
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,280
Right, now, the telly fella man says we
can go and meet him now if you want.
215
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,280
Oh, brilliant. Where are we going?
216
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,080
Er, it's in Knapton Industrial
Estate.
217
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,480
It's just round the side...
um, by the trees.
218
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,760
Near the wheelie bins.
219
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,240
That sounds lack a nice area.
220
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,200
Done a bit of dogging there,
have you, Roddy?
221
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,680
Aww.
222
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,880
I didn't know you had a dog, Roddy.
223
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:59,080
I don't think Elaine's talking about
that sort of dogging, Mary, to be fair.
224
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,120
Me and Pat did a bit of dogging back
in the day, you know.
225
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,280
Did yous now? You hear this, Tom? Your
ma and dad done a bit of dogging.
226
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:06,480
Roddy, don't.
227
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,520
I'd love to go dogging again.
228
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,800
Do you remember when we
went dogging, Pat?
229
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:11,840
Oh, yeah.
230
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,360
Me and your mother used to head off
for the weekend
231
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,600
and we'd be dogging everywhere.
232
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,920
Dogging in this town and that.
233
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,400
Your father and me won
prizes for it.
234
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,560
We'd a lovely little cooker.
235
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,560
And relax. Finished?
236
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,160
Finished?
237
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,840
Good. OK. Well, me and Roddy are going
to go and get this telly to his fella.
238
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,560
You're not going to drive now, are
you, Tom? You've got concussion.
239
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,040
Roddy, drive.
240
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,440
I never drive at this time of
the year, Tom. Wh...?
241
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,840
Why?
242
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,480
Because, you see, the sunlight gets
right into the back of my head there.
243
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,840
The doctor says that my eyes
are too small for the sockets.
244
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,960
Well, I can't stay here
and see my only son drive
245
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,760
with a big concussion head on him.
246
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,320
He's fine to drive us all, Mary.
247
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,560
Oh, not you as well, Elaine, please!
248
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,920
Oh, no, I'll just sit here,
put my feet up
249
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,640
and watch the space on the wall where
the telly used to be, shall I?
250
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,480
I'll get Dylan.
Mary, you round up the rest.
251
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:08,880
Right, Elaine.
252
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,760
Pat, you go and get Drew
and put him in the car.
253
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,840
Why do yous all have to come?
254
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,360
You have no choice now, son.
255
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,280
I've been trying to get rid of
her for 40 years
256
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,000
and, everywhere I go,
she's halfway up my arse.
257
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,280
Where is Drew, Tom?
258
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,240
Dreeeeeeewww!
259
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,080
Jeez, Mary, you've got a fine pair
of lungs on you, huh?
260
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:33,040
It's what first attracted me to
her, Roddy.
261
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,920
He's out the back with Quiet Joe.
262
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:37,920
Got that, Pat?
263
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:40,960
Move it! I'll get the coats.
264
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:43,520
Jesus, son.
265
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:46,600
I'm like a dog but without the
benefits of licking my own bits.
266
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,320
Have you got the keys to the car,
son?
267
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,160
It's open. Your car is open?!
268
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,560
You might as well drive it up to the
thief's house with a ribbon on it.
269
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,160
They can't rob the car, Dad.
Not without the keys.
270
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:05,360
Yeah, but squatters might move in and
do their business in the glove box.
271
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,840
Roddy, come on, grab it.
272
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,440
Arms, Tom. Arms.
273
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:13,920
Hurry up, Tom. Come on.
274
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,600
Oh, give us a hand.
275
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,000
- Is this helping?
- No!
276
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,080
- How's that? Is that helping?
- It weighs a ton!
277
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,280
I'll see you in the car, love.
278
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,680
I... Er...
279
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,360
WHIMPERS
280
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:28,200
Thanks very much(!)
I'll bring it meself, then.
281
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,320
PUFFS
282
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,080
I got it. I...
283
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,160
Ah!
284
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:37,640
Oh! Car keys!
285
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,120
Ugh.
286
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,800
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
287
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,080
DOOR CLOSES
288
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,800
PANTS
289
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,400
Open, open, open.
290
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,520
Ok.
291
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:58,800
TV CLATTERS
292
00:11:58,800 --> 00:11:59,760
Oh!
293
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,160
PANTS
294
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,280
CRASH
295
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:13,760
? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ?
296
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,800
Where is this place, Roddy?
297
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,040
In 75 metres, turn left.
298
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,360
ENGINE CLUNKS AND ROARS
299
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:20,800
Oh, that does not sound good.
300
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,320
That does not sound good!
301
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:25,400
Well, this was bound to happen.
302
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,040
You probably have
too many people in the car.
303
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,400
If you didn't shove so many
biccies in your cake hole,
304
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,680
there'd be a lot more room
back here.
305
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,080
ENGINE ROARS
306
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,920
You know, I wouldn't drive much
further on that noise, son.
307
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,560
Is there a volume control on
his neck?
308
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,520
I wish there was.
309
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,080
Did you put diesel instead of
unleaded in it? No.
310
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,680
Radiator full? Yes.
311
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:46,720
Oil? Yes.
312
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:47,920
Tyre pressure? Fine.
313
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,640
Exhaust?
Just got a new one fitted.
314
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:50,920
Balloon casing?
315
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,640
What?
Air-blow breezer?
316
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,120
No.
Button caps?
317
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,200
Line reel?
318
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,560
Trunk shaft?
319
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,720
You don't know what you're
talking about, do you, Dad?
320
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,160
No, I haven't a clue.
321
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,280
ENGINE CRUNCHES AND KNOCKS
322
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,320
Oh!
323
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,280
ENGINE CLUNKS
324
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:05,480
Just pull in over there.
325
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,480
Ok.
326
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,040
ENGINE STRUGGLES AND KNOCKS
327
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:18,560
ENGINE STOPS
328
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,600
IGNITION STRUGGLES
329
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,040
Oh, great.
330
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,600
We're stuck in a lay-by.
331
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:30,280
We'll be sucked off by passing trucks
or killed by murderers and rapists.
332
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,080
But at least it's a sunny day.
333
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,560
THUNDER CLAP
334
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,360
IGNITION STRUGGLES
335
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,480
Come on! Come on!
336
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,560
Hurrah! What a great day out(!)
337
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,640
(Start.)
338
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,280
Start!
339
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:52,320
Ugh, dunno.
340
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:53,560
What now?
341
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:55,880
Tell you what...
342
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,560
...I'll text your man and get him to
bring the new TV up to you.
343
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:00,560
How about that?
344
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,680
He won't mind?
Oh, no, he, um...
345
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,600
He likes to keep on the move.
346
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,160
We could try and fix this car first.
347
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,400
Can you fix cars, Dad?
348
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,080
No.
349
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,040
Don't worry.
350
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,520
I'll get on the AA.
351
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,640
CLEARS THROAT
352
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,200
Watch and learn, Tom. I've got
the old voice recognition.
353
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,440
Oh, this'll be good.
354
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:23,800
Ready? Yeah.
355
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,320
CLEARS THROAT
356
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,600
Call AA.
357
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,600
PHONE BEEPS
358
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,600
PHONE: 'Playing Coldplay.'
359
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,640
Call AA.
360
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:37,640
PHONE BEEPS
361
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,720
'Playing NWA.'
362
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,240
AA.
363
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:43,280
PHONE BEEPS
364
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,360
'Playing David Gray.'
365
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,240
AA!
366
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,280
PHONE BEEPS
367
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,240
'Dialling Paul Murphy.'
368
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,560
Ah, shite!
369
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:52,800
PHONE BEEPS
370
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,600
'Dialling AA.'
371
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:57,400
Bingo, we're in.
372
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,720
Er, and don't worry, your man will
be here as quick as a flash.
373
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,680
LINE RINGS
374
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,840
OWL HOOTS
375
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,520
Any minute now...
376
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:10,880
...your man will be here.
377
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,160
Any minute now.
378
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,040
Dad, do I have to stay cooped
up in this car much longer?
379
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,680
I'm beginning to smell of Countdown.
380
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,440
Apparently not, according to Roddy.
381
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,480
TOM SIGHS
382
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,560
Oh, listen. Will you check Drew
there, Dylan?
383
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,560
How's he doing? I haven't heard a
peep out of him.
384
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,400
Mm, yeah, he's OK. He's asleep.
385
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,880
Oh, well, then, will you take that mask
off his face so he doesn't get too hot?
386
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:36,960
OK. Thanks.
387
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,640
Er, Dad...
388
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,840
Yeah?
389
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,920
Did you get me a new brother?
390
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,040
What are you saying?
391
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,680
I'm saying this isn't Drew,
this is Quiet Joe.
392
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,440
Quiet Joe?
393
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,720
Quiet who? Quiet Joe!
394
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,920
- Quiet Joe?
- Quiet Joe!
395
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,160
Quiet Joe?
396
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,120
Who's Quiet Joe?
397
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,200
He's Tim-next-door's child.
398
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,000
He's the child in the back seat.
399
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,080
He's the child you thought was Drew!
400
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,920
BOTH: Ssh!
401
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,400
You'll wake him, Mum.
402
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,680
Oh, my God. Where's Drew?
403
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,200
He's not here. Sh...
404
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,880
Thank you, Roddy(!)
Elaine, where is Drew?
405
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,640
Well, if he's not here...
406
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:26,640
(GASPS) ..he's at home on his own!
407
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:30,560
You left our son at home by himself?!
408
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:31,681
Best parents in the world(!)
409
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,280
Me?!
410
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,680
I didn't do it!
411
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,480
Dad put him in the car.
412
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,760
I should have checked!
413
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:39,680
I should have known!
414
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,240
Ya feckin' eejit, Pat!
415
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,400
How was I supposed to know
which was which?
416
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,960
Two kids out in the back garden,
playing with masks on.
417
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,920
I asked one of them if he was Drew.
418
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,400
He said, "No, I'm Luke somebody."
419
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,560
So I took the other one.
420
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,160
Give me your phone.
421
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,560
- Here.
- If anything happens to my baby...
422
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,560
He's probably sat there,
crying his eyes out.
423
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:10,880
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
424
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,160
It's engaged.
425
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,520
Tom, I am going to...
426
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,520
Don't look at me - it was that stupid
old man in the back there.
427
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,280
Let's hope he doesn't find the
matches.
428
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:21,560
I'll call the police.
429
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,760
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You could get done
for leaving a child alone on its own.
430
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,200
Roddy's right.
431
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,480
They'll take Drew away.
432
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:31,080
And we'll have to visit him in someone
else's home with tags on our ankles.
433
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,240
Will you calm down, woman?
434
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,680
No Strictly.
435
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:41,360
Drew is home alone and we've someone
else's child in the back of this car.
436
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,560
Here, take this.
437
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:43,800
Oh, thanks, love.
438
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,400
Not for you! It's for the child!
439
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,440
Oh.
440
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,920
By the way, have we told Tim
we've got his kid?
441
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,640
What about Drew? I'll call Tim.
442
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,720
Maybe we shouldn't panic.
443
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,000
Tim wouldn't panic.
444
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,120
HELICOPTER WHIRRS
445
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,720
Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe!
446
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,000
DOG BARKS
447
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,960
Jooooooooe!
448
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:09,160
Jooooooe!
449
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:12,040
No answer. I'll try the other side.
They'll be in.
450
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,880
Right.
451
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,320
? Dance, dance
452
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,000
? Wherever you may be... ?
453
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,040
PHONE BUZZES
454
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,000
? I am the lord of the dance,
said he
455
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,120
? And I lead you all
456
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,600
? Wherever you... ?
Leave it!
457
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:28,120
? And I lead you all in the
dance, said he. ?
458
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,480
Look, Drew will be fine.
459
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:35,640
He'll have a shave, order some pizza
and set traps around the house.
460
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,600
That's Home Alone, the movie, Dad!
461
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:41,920
PHONE CHIMES
462
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,720
Oh. Oh, no.
463
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,840
Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. No!
464
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,240
Oh, my God. What is it?
465
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,880
Strictly is starting now!
466
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,720
A-And why are my friends
texting me about Strictly
467
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,680
when we should be
concentrating on Drew?
468
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,960
Drew, who I love so much.
469
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,640
Much more than Strictly.
470
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:04,880
And why wouldn't I?
471
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,480
Because Strictly...
472
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,160
is only a dancing show.
473
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,760
Right.
474
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,360
That's it. I'm walking home.
475
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,040
No, you can't go out there.
476
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,720
It's dark, it's dangerous.
There's trucks out there!
477
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,480
I don't care. I'm his mother.
478
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:20,480
Elaine!
479
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,760
TYRES SQUEAL, TRUCK HORN BLARES
480
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,800
Yeah, yeah.
481
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,760
Best stay in the car for now.
It's a bit dangerous out there.
482
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,000
Don't get out the car, Dylan.
483
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,160
I wasn't going to.
484
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,400
Good boy, good boy.
485
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,160
I don't know what everybody's
worried about.
486
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,560
All the lad has to remember
is the stuff that I taught him
487
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,640
from when I was in the Army, right?
488
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,840
Scouts! It was the Scouts!
489
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,440
Stay hydrated.
490
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:45,960
Keep well wrapped up.
491
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,040
And eat plenty.
492
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,800
HEELS CLICK
493
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,360
(HIGH-PITCHED) Ooh, I don't mind if
I do.
494
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:12,160
? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ?
495
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,520
CAR APPROACHES
496
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:17,720
Oh, here they are.
497
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,040
No.
498
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,640
CAR APPROACHES
499
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:23,600
Oh, here they are.
500
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:25,840
No.
501
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,280
Oh, here they are.
Shut up!
502
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,280
Shut up! Shut up!
503
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,680
Yeah, but I was... Shut up!
504
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,760
All I wanted was... Ah!
505
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:34,720
RODDY SIGHS
506
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,520
I'm hungry, Mum.
507
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,200
What you expect me to do?
Breastfeed you? Mum!
508
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:41,720
Never fear, Dylan.
509
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,680
Gran is here. Mum!
510
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:44,800
Oh, brilliant, Mary.
511
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,600
Hope there's enough for all of
us, huh?
512
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,280
VELCRO RIPS
513
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,960
Sandwich, anyone?
514
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,560
Sandwiches in a...?
515
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,280
What are you doing with sandwiches in
a money belt, Mum?
516
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:58,760
For emergencies.
517
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:03,520
We're Catholic and God made our
lives one long emergency.
518
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,880
He must be practising on me.
519
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,040
Ham and cheese, please, Mary.
520
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,640
What, there's a menu?!
521
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,280
There you go, Tom.
522
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,920
Oh, lovely. It's all warm
and... lovely.
523
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,320
Sandwich?
524
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,040
I don't want a bloody sandwich,
I want to get home to my son.
525
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,560
And, Roddy...
526
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,040
Yes, Miss.
527
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,360
If this AA man doesn't come
in the next five minutes,
528
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:31,520
I will take that cigarette lighter and
I will singe your flipping ball bag!
529
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:33,640
DYLAN: Mum!
530
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:34,960
Elaine! Elaine!
531
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,240
Mary! What?
532
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,240
Oh, sorry, I thought it was a game.
533
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,280
Oh, shut up, Pat!
534
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,400
God, Drew will be starving by now!
535
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,720
DOORBELL
536
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:48,960
Finally.
537
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,320
Are your parents in, son?
538
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,760
Does it look like my parents are in?
539
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:11,960
In case nobody noticed,
540
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,680
there's a 70-year-old man back here who
hasn't had a cup of tea for hours.
541
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:19,040
I've a flask of tea on me,
you whinge bag.
542
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,120
God knows where she's going to pull
this one from.
543
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,360
Fair play to you, Mary.
544
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:25,880
Here you go, Elaine.
545
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,520
It'll settle the nerves.
546
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:28,560
PHONE RINGS
547
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,800
Oh!
548
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:30,920
That'll be me AA man.
549
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,360
Oh, finally.
550
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,560
What about ye, Alan? Where are you?
551
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:36,800
'Sorry, Roddy.'
552
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,160
I can't get to you.
553
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,760
The road is blocked.
554
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,880
Some arsehole's
parked his car at an angle.
555
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,000
Yeah, cheers, Alan.
556
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:51,560
Alan?
557
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,640
Yeah, Accident Alan.
558
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,320
The AA...
559
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,520
is Accident Alan?
560
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,400
Right, where's that cigarette
lighter?
561
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,400
HORN HONKS
562
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,720
Ooh, there's the telly... Oh!
563
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,400
Oh, God! You just spilled it all over
me jeans!
564
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:09,600
I'm sorry, love.
565
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,520
Take them off, Elaine,
before you scald your legs.
566
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:15,760
No, no, no. It's leave them on
or your skin will peel off
567
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,880
and then they'll have to take skin from
your arse and put it on your legs.
568
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,200
That's a fire, ya gobshite!
569
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,920
Take your trousers off, Elaine.
That's it, Elaine.
570
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,040
I'll get them for you, don't
worry. Stop it, Roddy!
571
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,600
I don't need to take them off,
I just need some tissues.
572
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,840
Look, you heard Mary,
you must take these jeans off.
573
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,480
Will you leave me alone, Roddy?!
Must... remove... deadly... items.
574
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,240
It's OK. Here, Elaine, you can
have mine.
575
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:39,600
Get back in the back, Roddy.
576
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:40,880
I can't, Elaine needs me.
577
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,880
No, I don't! Will you get him
off me?
578
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,960
I just... I don't need your
jeans, either.
579
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:46,520
They're halfway down already.
580
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,040
Loosen up there, woman. I can just
see the top of your pants.
581
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,160
Ow! Pat, you give Elaine your
trousers.
582
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:53,520
What?!
583
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,040
It's OK, I've nearly got mine off.
584
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,840
THEY GRUNT
585
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,480
Ach, sure, I'll take mine off as
well.
586
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,560
Look, well everyone just stop
taking their clothes off!
587
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,760
Pat, you have long johns on
under your trousers.
588
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,920
Now, come on, off with them!
589
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,680
It's OK, mine on me ankles.
590
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,160
No, no, I'd better do it now or I'll
never hear the end of it, son.
591
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,200
Here, Dylan...
592
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,720
hang onto the back of me trousers
there, pull them down.
593
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:16,720
Sure.
594
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:17,840
PAT: I can't reach!
595
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,000
CAMERA CLICKS
596
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,760
Dylan, grab the back of your
grandfather's trousers and pull!
597
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,560
I will get so many likes for this.
598
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,800
Will someone stop this maniac taking
off my trousers?!
599
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,840
HORN HONKS
600
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,040
I tell you what, woman,
you got a good grip on you.
601
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,720
But you'll never stop me
taking me own trousers off.
602
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:36,240
Mum! Why's there a man
standing outside your window?
603
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:37,240
Eh?
604
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:38,960
PAT: There's another one here.
605
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,800
And there's some more
over here on my window.
606
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,960
Maybe they think the car's for sale?
607
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,040
SIREN
608
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:55,840
Right, there's the police.
609
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,200
Don't say nothing about the TV
610
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:58,480
or that child in the back
611
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,240
or that child alone at home.
All right?
612
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,120
Or-or my stuff in the basement.
613
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:04,960
Or those, er, letters that I sent to
Princess Anne that time.
614
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,120
Well, this was bound to happen.
615
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,000
Oh, great.
616
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,600
I'll do the talking.
617
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,600
Well, well, well.
618
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,840
What have we here?
619
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,880
Having a bit of fun?
620
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:34,920
Well...
621
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:40,360
Oh. Officer, I see you're a bit of
a dogger.
622
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,760
I was only telling the others how
much I missed the dogging.
623
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,520
Well, that's Drew sleep.
624
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,760
Ah... Is he all right?
625
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:05,760
Ugh, he'll have a hangover in
the morning.
626
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,360
What about Quiet Joe?
627
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:11,440
Oh...
628
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,040
He's fine. No harm done.
629
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,520
Apart from his dad.
630
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,640
He got bitten by a police dog.
631
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,880
On the bum. It's not funny, Tom.
632
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,280
He's an idiot.
633
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,880
I'm off to bed now.
Thanks for the day out.
634
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,040
Thanks for the trip to the
police station
635
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,080
and thanks for these.
636
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:31,640
Ah.
637
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,680
It'll be something you can tell your
kids when you're older.
638
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,440
You'd better start saving
for my psychiatrist bills now.
639
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,680
Oh, really?
We'll let you have this, yeah?
640
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,200
You can have that. Yeah!
641
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,360
Good night.
642
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:43,760
- Night.
- Love you.
643
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,200
Oh, love your work.
644
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,600
Well, at least the television's up.
645
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:51,600
At least.
646
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,200
Proper four-inch screws and all.
647
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,360
Dad'll be proud.
648
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,280
Yeah.
649
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,480
But I thought you didn't have any
four-inch screws.
650
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:01,480
Where'd you get 'em?
651
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,360
Do you know, I don't think I used
four-inch screws on those shelves.
652
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,720
? I think I'll rest a little more
653
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:27,480
? Cos the noise in my head
keeps bangin' at the door
654
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,440
? Something easy I'll find hard
655
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,480
? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
656
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,240
? It's the man in me that keeps me
running scared
657
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:38,080
? Cos your life spins round
like a merry-go-round
658
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:42,880
? And you can't escape
from these ups and downs
659
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,680
? Your dream's on hold
for this crazy world
660
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,200
? But I wouldn't change a thing. ?
661
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,680
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662
00:27:49,730 --> 00:27:54,280
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