All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.Animated.S01E09_English

[♪♪♪]

Hey, Brent,

what's the deal
with the moon?

It's a big
chunk of rock,

orbits the Earth...

That's literally
all I have on that.

I mean, what's special
about tonight's moon?

Everyone's
talking about it,

and I want to get a picture
with my new camera.

Is it a blood moon,
a harvest moon,

some kind
of eclipse?

Hmm, I wonder if it's ever been
all those things at once.

Super-Blood-Blue-Harvest
Eclipse.

Werewolves
wouldn't know what to do.

[gasps]

Oh no. It's...

it's happening!

[snarling]

[garbled roaring]

[in posh British accent] I say,
that's a blue-blood moon, then.

Pip pip,
I could go for a cup of tea

and a spot of human flesh,
eh, what? [chuckles]

[howling]

And then a harvest moon
turns him into a farmer-wolf,

all covered in...
manure, or...

I'll figure out the details,

but this could be
a good comic book story.

Fine, I'll go with you
tonight, for research.

Yeah. You want
to make sure

all your werewolf
science

is accurate.

♪ You think there's not a lot
going on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪

[♪♪♪]

Hey, does anyone know
what kind of moon it is tonight?

Brent and I
are going to go watch it.

[everyone]:
Ooh...

It's not like that,
I want a picture of it.

[chortling and "ooh"ing]

Why are you "ooh"ing?

There's nothing
titillating about that.

[giggles]

Oh, knock it off.

I heard it's going to be
an orange moon,

or a green moon--
is that a thing?

I wonder what colour
the moon was

when man first
landed on it.

We assume it was grey,

but TVs were black
& white back then.

Some say
the moon landing was faked.

What do you mean?

That it was shot
in a movie studio.

[chuckles]
Yeah, right.

'Cause there's movie studios
on the moon.

It's a blue moon tonight, Lacey.

I know because
it's the one day of the year

when Oscar is actually kind of
pleasant to be around.

Here we are,
my pet,

one slice
of blueberry pie.

Looks delicious, too.

My compliments
to the chef.

Okay, that is weird.

Are you jealous?

It's okay to admit
you're jealous.

I just think
you're lucky.

Who's lucky?

Just arrived
in the mail.

Ooh!
"The Braylorn Redundancy."

Holy crap!

That's the third
installment

in the Max Braylorn
Spy Trilogy!

Uh, yeah, I know.

How did you get a copy?

That's not supposed to be
released for months.

Promotional contest.

All I had to do

was consume ten tins
of chewing tobacco.

You didn't have
to chew it all.

All they wanted was
proof of purchase.

The vomiting made me
feel I earned it.

I want to read
that book.

You can read it
after me.

No.

You read too slow.

I like to savour
the words.

"Max...

Braylorn...

embarks...

on his greatest...

adventure..."

Oh, my god.

"...yet."

It's gonna be a month
before you're done!

Don't be
a princess.

I have to wait,
like, a year

for the audio book
to come out.

Audio book? Wow.

I was like, 80% sure
you could read.

I prefer audio books
because you can close your eyes

and sink into
the world of the story.

Quick tip, don't do it
while you're driving.

Then it's settled,
I'll read it first.

Nice try.

Okay, Davis,
have it your way...

...for now.

[suspenseful music theme plays]

My gut instinct
is telling me

she might try
and steal my book.

Golly, ya think?

There you are, my sweet.

Why is Oscar
being so pleasant,

when he's usually more...
what would you call it?

Horrible.

Could be mind control.

Says the guy glued
to his smart phone.

I started reading up
on that fake moon landing,

and now I'm down
a rabbit patch,

and through
the looking hole,

and into all kinds
of secret dirt.

Did you know a cabal

of super intelligent aliens
from another dimension

are running our media?

Where'd you read that,
the media?

Yeah!
It's all right here.

Oscar could be
a sleeper agent

for the Russians.

Or the Soviets.

Maybe both.

Sure, yeah,
they're all in cahoots.

Bye, Lacey.

See ya.

Yeah, see ya later, Oscar.

Or should I say,
Comrade Crankenov?

Oh, Hank, you jokester.

[chuckling]

Definitely mind control.

Hey, Lacey,
can I get a coffee

and a carrot muffin
to go?

Aren't you going
to eat with Davis?

No.

I have
an assignment,

or a mission,

or some stupid thing.

So they brainwashed
you too, huh?

What?

All right, Hank,

take your commie comments
somewhere else.

Fine.
But out there,

the truth... is.

Then why in here
are you...

...is?

Hey, Karen,

me and Brent are
going out later

to watch the moon.

Want to come?

Why would I want
to be a third wheel

on your date?

It's not a date.

Going to watch
the moon together.

Yeah, that won't
be romantic

at all.

Huh...

[♪♪♪]

[Wanda muttering]:
Just eating.

Not reading.

Probably can't chew
and move his eyes

at the same time.

Hey, I could use
that thing.

Lacey and I
are going to go watch

the Super-Blood-Harvest-Eclipse.

You want to come?

Why do you want me
on your date?

To keep you
from pawing each other?

It's not like that.

You just want me there
to watch, you perv?

Well, first of all,
it's not a date.

Actually, first of all,
I'm not a perv.

Secondly, it's not a date.

Really?

Is she aware
it's not a date?

Of...of course.
I think.

I mean, she's--
she's not...

Just give me
your kaleidoscope.

Telescope.

I need it.

For what?

Nothing.

Great then, thanks.

Hmm...

[mysterious music plays]

Come on...

where's your precious book?

[groans] I can't wait for you
to get through a whole novel.

It takes you half an hour
to get through a sandwich.

[Karen muttering]
Gotcha.

Nice binoculars, Dora.

Hey.

Hey.

I, uh...
I invited Wanda

to come gawk at
the stupid moon with us.

She's busy or something.

[chuckles awkwardly]
Yeah.

I asked Karen to come,

but she's on some
secret mission, so...

Looks like it'll be just us.

Yup.

You and me.

That's...
That's perfectly okay.

Right?

[chuckling awkwardly]
Perfectly.

I mean... why-why...

why wouldn't it be?

Exactamundo.

Yup.

[giggling]

Hmm.

Yeah.

You were right.

Wanda is watching
your every move.

Ha! I knew it.

But she's out of luck,

because I have a three-
stage lock-down plan

to keep my book safe.

It'll be locked
inside my locker,

which is locked inside
the police office,

which is locked inside
the town building.

She'll never get
her tiny little mitts

on that book.

[chuckles]

Bingo.

Jeez, this Sadie Spy
is no slouch.

[deafening bark]

Ow! [ears ringing]

That did damage.

A Blue-Blood-Harvest-Eclipse
might whet the old appetite,

so I brought snacks.

What?
I like snacks.

No, it's your shirt.

It's kinda dressy.

It's a t-shirt.

I mean, it's new.

Third one in the pack.

[sniffs]

Are you wearing
cologne?

I fell asleep against
some air fresheners earlier.

Can we just go?

[groans] Aw...

There's a stain
on the passenger seat.

Oh yeah,
my coffee thermos leaked.

You don't expect me
to sit in the middle.

No.

I mean, you could.

Or you could sit in the back.

Like you'd be my chauffeur?

I could sit back
and boss you around,

and you'd have to do
whatever I say.

Well, now sitting in the back
is off the table.

Do you really think
Wanda is that desperate

to steal your book?

It's just
comforting to know

that my book is secure

until I read it
this weekend.

You haven't
started yet?

I like to read it
all at once,

no interruptions.

I may call in sick on Monday.

Through Wednesday.

Wow, you are a slow reader.

I appreciate
the written word,

not like some
book listeners I know.

[Hank]:
Hey, guys.

[yelping in fright]

Tense much?

I need you guys to come with me.

Emergency.

[sighing]

Let the games begin.

This is really
uncomfortable.

Don't make it
weird.

Friends can be in
each other's space

without--

No, I meant I'm sitting
on a seatbelt buckle.

Every time we hit a bump,
it jams up my whoozits.

Oh. Right.

Well, that's
what I meant too.

[bumps, Lacey winces]

You're doing that
on purpose.

It's a bumpy road.

Step one...

cut power to the building
and deactivate the alarm.

[yelping and shuddering]

Okay.

Step one-A,

cut the right wire.

Ha!

Step two,

access the building.

Whoo! This is kinda fu--

Oh, comin' in too hot!

Oof!

Oh, well,
thank you, Oscar.

Anything for you,
my love.

This is
your emergency?

Chivalry?

Hank's right.

General niceness

is not in
Oscar's profile.

You profile people?

What's my profile?

General idiot.

[scoffs]
Not even close.

But what do you think
is wrong with Oscar?

You want
my professional opinion,

I'd say full moon.

Yup, the ol'
Luna Plena.

Good call,
partner.

But it's a blue moon!

Full moon, blue moon,
anything moon-related.

All right then,
another case solved!

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah!

Wait, we have to
question him,

to rule out
other potential causes.

Like what?

Concussion, fever,
Slender Man,

computer chip implanted
at the base of his skull?

By the Lizard People.

Hello?

Hmm...

That's a solid beefy lock.

I won't be going through
that door anytime soon.

I'll be going above it.

[groans]

Easy peasy.

Ow!

[yelps in pain]

I landed on my whoozits.

[Lacey]: The moon should come
right up over those trees.

Wow, look at all those stars.

I know.

They're so bright,

I don't even have to light
these candles.

What are you doing
with candles?

I forgot to put batteries
in my flashlight,

and I like to see
what I'm eating.

I don't have to,
but I like to.

We're here
to look at the moon,

not have a picnic.

It's not a picnic.

It's just food on a blanket.

I wasn't even planning
on sharing it with you.

You mean I don't get
any pepperoni sticks

and canned cheese?

Oh darn.

I just want to make sure
our intentions are clear.

Believe me,
it's about the food.

If professional
television comedy

has taught us anything,

it's that fat guys like to eat.

[munching]

...I'll have to
agree with you there.

[chuckling]

Well, of all the places
to bump into you two.

How's it hangin',
Oscar,

you crotchety
old coot?

Good evening,
officers.

Hank.

If you'll
excuse me,

I have to visit
the ladies' room.

Don't be long,
my sweet.

Oh you...

So, Oscar,

are you feeling okay?

Hank here is
a little worried

because lately you've
been acting nice.

Well, I appreciate
your concern,

officers
Dorksy and Putz,

but you and this jackass

can mind your own
damn business.

He seems fine.

I don't get it.

When you were
with Emma at the Ruby,

you were being so nice,

and now here in the bar
you were all sweet...

until Emma left!

It's Emma!

She's the puppet-master!

[quietly] Blink twice
if your life is in danger.

Blink twice if you don't want
my boot up your whoozits!

My whoozits?

He has a whatzits.

Whatever!

Look, if you must know,

Emma's father passed away
during a blue moon,

so I try to make
this sensitive time

easier for her.

So you're literally nice
once in a Blue Moon.

Go suck an egg!

All righty, then.

See? Moon-related.

Nailed it.

Is everything
all right?

It is now that
you're back, Darling.

Hey, Emma.
Sorry about your dad.

What?

Officers, could you
please escort Hank

to anywhere other than here?

Why don't you
come with us, Hank?

Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?

We go for a walk,

and I come back
with my memory wiped!

Well, that works too.

Are you sure you don't
want some chips?

Sour Pork 'n' Onion.

Mmm, were they all out
of Haggis 'n' Squid?

Why did you bring
a radio?

You don't need music
to take photos of the moon.

You're not coming on
to me, are you?

Get over yourself
and your onion breath.

I'm trying to tune into
public radio.

There's a program about
blue moons and lunar history.

[tunes to soft rock station]

♪ Let me love you--

Nope, that's not it.

[tuning]
♪ Do it to me now

Not it either.

[tuning]
Half-priced lube job!

Oh, come on.

[announcer]:
Welcome back to public radio's

"History of the Moon."

There, this is it.

Long regarded
as a symbol of romantic love,

the moon's amorous allure draws lovers to love lovingly--

[turns off radio]

Silence is...
is good too.

Sure.

Just keep your hands
where I can see 'em.

Lube job indeed.

[crunching chips]

[wincing]

Hmm...

Wonder which one's Davis'.

Well, I'm guessing this is it.

Toughnut 97-A

with tempered steel,

and tumble-proof
reinforced mechanism...

being used to secure
a door made of tin.

Sadie Spy Snips... activate.

[miraculous music plays]

Voila!

Relax, Agent Braylorn,

you've been rescued
by Agent Double-O-Fox!

[chuckles in triumph]

God, I wish there was someone
around to hear that.

Thanks for
sharing your food.

Well, you just kinda sat down
and took a sandwich, so...

I mean, you're welcome.

[grumbles]

This feels awkward.

Why is this
so awkward?

I know.

We're just two friends
sitting on a blanket,

enjoying each other's company,

and waiting for a spectacular
moon to come out.

What could be
more innocent?

You're right.

You can see the glow
just behind the tree line.

In a few more minutes,
I can snap some pictures,

and we can be out of here.

And we can put this hellacious
nightmare behind us.

[laughs]

It's not hellacious.

Shut up.

It's horrific.

[chuckles]

[shivering]

Are you cold?

A little,
but that's okay.

I'm fine.

Here, take my coat.

No, I don't know if--

It's just a coat.

Besides, I'm kinda warm.

My roast beef sandwich
was a bit chewy,

so I worked up a sweat.

Here you go.

Uh-oh.

Oh no.

I knew this would happen.

The moon, the blanket,
the music...

What are you
talking about?

I'm talking about
you caressing my face.

"Caressing"?

You had mustard
on your cheek.

Oh! [chuckles]

I see.

Well... okay, then.

I could put it back,
if you--

No, no, no.

Suit yourself.

Hank, why are you
behind the jukebox?

Hiding from government thugs.

Hey, what did you say
about my dad earlier?

Oh, I just said
I'm sorry he died.

He died, right?

I received information
from a reliable source

that he died.

He did.

22 years ago.

Glad you didn't get me flowers,

they'd be pretty rank by now.

Oscar probably
got you flowers, right?

Candy?

Whatever helps you
get through this.

Through what?

Well, Oscar told us

about how he's nice to you
during blue moons,

because that's when
your dad died.

That's why he does this?

That's kind of sweet of him.

Weird, but sweet.

This doesn't mean he's not
an alien pod-person.

[humming]

[sighs]

All right, Max,

it's just you and me.

[yelping] Aah!

Hello, Wanda.

Settling in

to do a little light-
fingered reading?

As a matter of fact, I am.

And there's jack-all
you can do about it

squatting out there
in the rhubarb.

Are you sure?

Look inside.

What the hell?

"Building the Ultimate
Bird House"?

I figured you might
be smart enough,

and weasely enough,

to find a way
into my locker,

so I swapped book jackets

and planted the dummy in there.

I have the real
Braylorn book right here.

Are you sure?

[both yelping]

Would you like
another drink?

What?

Sorry,

I'm just a little distracted.

I've been thinking about
my childhood pet, Scraps.

He was such a good dog,

before he passed away...

on Valentine's Day.

That's sad.

Still affects me to this day,

on Valentine's Day.

I might get myself
another beer.

Of course, it's not as rough
as Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving being the day

my uncle ran over
my favourite doll.

Really?

That was the day
little Betty Toots-a-lot

became
Betty Toots-no-more.

[exaggerated sobbing]

Hank can't keep
his stupid yap shut

for five seconds,
can he?

Whatever do you mean?

I mean you're on to me,
and I'm on to you.

Sitting here,
making up sob stories.

How dare you manipulate
your own husband

into being
nice to you?

Eh...

It was worth a shot.

What have you done,
Karen?

When I reported back

that Wanda
was spying on you--

You were spying on me?

Who would do something that?

[Karen]: ...you blabbed
about your plan

to dummy up the book.

So...

when you weren't looking,

I pulled a double-switcheroo

with my Hip-Hop
Meditation book.

"Snoop-Downward-Dog"?

I have the real
Max Braylorn book

right here.

But why?

You only like
stupid audio books.

Exactly.

"Max leapt from
the burning hang-glider,

and plummeted toward
the rumbling volcano..."

You're right, Karen.
This is kinda nice.

[snoring]

You've gotta
be kidding me.

I'm only
reading this once.

I wish you would
just admit it.

Admit what?

That you have
feelings for me.

A picnic?

Pretty convenient.

I'm not the one
who brought the sex music.

And who gets cold
in the middle of the prairie,

at night?

It's freezing out here!

You're the one
who spilled coffee on the seat

so I'd have to sit beside you.

You had options:
back seat, roof, trunk.

Okay, you know what,
just forget it!

Well, you don't
have to leave.

[car engine starts]

And you don't
have to take my car!

[car drives away]

[Emma]: Hi.

[grumbles] Hmph.

Whatcha eating?

Ice cream?

Your favourite
flavour, too.

I got it for you,
thank you very much.

I'm sorry
about earlier.

I got giddy with greed.

But it does mean a lot

that you'd try
to console me

about my dad.

Your old man
didn't like me much,

but he still gave us
his blessing to get married,

because he could see
how much I loved you,

and I promised him

I'd always take care
of his little girl.

That is so sweet.

How come you're not nice to me

on the anniversary
of my mom's passing?

Your mother
was a battle-axe.

Fair enough.

Pass the ice cream.

Get your own spoon!

It's still a blue moon.

Oh, fine.

All this secret info
is too much.

"FBI covering up UFOs!"

"Bermuda Triangle
was an inside job!"

"Elvis killed Tupac!"

My head is swimmin'.

Oh no,

you're not reading
conspiracy theories,

are you?

Yeah, why?

That's just what
they want you to do.

Who?

The Illuminati.

The loopa-ladi!

All these conspiracies

were created
by the Illuminati

to undermine faith in
traditional government.

Those dirty dogs!

And I almost fell for it!

So, uh...

it's okay for me to go home

and take all the tinfoil
off my roof?

Unless you really want to be
a lightning magnet.

I gotta go.

Hey.

Sorry about last night.

I think we both got
a little carried away.

Yeah.

I mean, mostly you,

but yeah.

No hard feelings?

None.

In fact,
I got you something.

Wow!

Is this the moon last night?

How'd you zoom in so much?

Pointed your camera
through Wanda's kaleido--

Telescope.

Amazing.

[radio announcer]:
...And sometimes,

despite the moon's
best efforts,

star-crossed lovers

fail to find their way
into each other's arms.

[together]:
Turn that off!

Sorry.

Geez,

just trying to kill
the sexual tension.

[♪♪♪]

♪ I don't know

♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know

♪ I just... don't know

♪ Ooh

♪ It's a great big place

♪ Ooh

♪ Full of nothing but space

♪ Ooh

♪ It's my happy place

♪ I don't know