All language subtitles for Broke s01e11.Cinco de Mayo.eng

Guys, I did it!

- Yay!
- Amazing!

You have no idea
what I'm talking about, do you?

I got the liquor company
to sign off on my big idea.

Oh, come on.

I told you about it last night.

You said, "Wear something cute."

Oh. I always say that
when I'm not listening.

Refresh our memory, so we can join

in your excitement, please?

So, on St. Patrick's Day,
I was doing a...

let's call it a-a research crawl.

And I noticed that
all the really packed bars

had liquor sponsorships.

So, long story short,
I got one for Mitzi's.

And they said
I could keep the sponsorship fee

as a bonus.

Ooh. What kind of bonus are we talking?

"New Mercedes" bonus

or "the story wasn't worth it" bonus?

More like a "baby rhino" bonus.

Oh, I don't think
that's very practical, Jackie.

You see, I used to own two baby rhinos.

And they're great, like,
for the first couple of months,

and then you're basically
dealing with full-sized rhinos.

I'm not buying one.

We're gonna visit one
at the San Diego Zoo.

Sammy's been obsessed
with their new baby rhino,

and I want to take him there.

We never get to take a vacation,

but with this bonus,
we could actually go.

Well, wear something cute.

Uh, what event is the sponsorship for?

- Oh, you're gonna love this.
- Oh.

Cinco de Mayo.

Uh-oh.

Cinco de Mayo, you say?

Yeah. And I'm gonna need
everybody's help at Mitzi's.

Oh, super easy. All you have
to do is push some tequila,

and we're gonna hang up
some Mexican decoration...

May I?

Ooh. Mustache sticks.

And-and mini novelty sombreros.

This is perfect

to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.

Which is a celebration of what again?

Mexican Independence Day, right?

Uh-oh.

No. No, Jacqueline.

So I'm guessing that's a no.

Luis, could you please
Mex-plain the actual history

of Cinco de Mayo to Jacqueline?

Cinco de Mayo celebrates
the Battle of Puebla,

when an undermanned band
of Mexican fighters

defeated a much larger French army.

Mexican independence was declared

more than 50 years earlier.

Exactly.

Cinco de Mayo's
barely observed in Mexico.

But, here, they make it a
celebration of Mexican culture.

Which would be a beautiful thing,

except no one knows what
the hell they're celebrating!

Hey. Hey.

The whole commercialization
of Cinco de Mayo

was driven by the American beer
companies in the late 1980s.

And we're both very upset about it.

- Wow. I had no idea.
- Mm.

I-I was gonna ask you to be the emcee,

but I understand if that
would make you comfortable.

The emcee?

In other words, a chance

to properly teach the people of Reseda?

Well, uh, more like welcome them,

make sure they're drinking,
host a pepper eating contest...

Which I will do, along
with crowd-friendly jokes

and educational songs.

- I didn't say songs.
- You didn't have to.

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

I just miss the days when Cinco de Mayo

was simply five days before Mother's Day.

Ooh, Mother's Day.

I wonder what Bijou's
going to get me this year.-

Mm. I'm just remembering
how my whole family

will celebrate mi mamá at our
beach house for Mother's Day,

which everyone will be doing this year...

without me.

You know, maybe not.

My little birds told me

that your Abuela Rosa told Tía Carla

that your mamá told Gia
at Paprika Hair Salon

that she wishes to see
you this Mother's Day.

- Really?
- Really.

You should e-mail her.

You won't be asking for anything
except for a plane ticket

followed by a short speedboat to land,

where Jeff Probst will
take you to the house

in time for the family games.

Thank you, mi corazón.
I will write to her.

And then I'll get to work
on my Cinco de Mayo performance

- for Jackie.
- Not a performance.

Thanks for watching Sammy.

Oh. No problem.

Um, although could we talk
real quick outside?

Yeah. Sure.

I just... I, uh, you know,
wanted to talk to you about

how, the other day,
we almost, you know...

kissed.

I've been thinking about that, too.

- Really?
- Yeah.

That would've been a huge mistake.

Exactly.

Oh. Yeah. That's what
I was gonna say, too.

So that's... Yeah.

And I know what my reasons are.

So, just kind of curious
what your reasons are.

Well, I mean, you know,

it's just that being a couple
does not work for us.

But hating each other

sucks, too.

So,

I was thinking maybe we could

just be friends.

Crazy.

'Cause that... I was just about
to friend zone you, too.

Jinx.

Well, it's perfect now.

- Perfect now.
- Hmm.

- Friends.
- Friends it is.

Jinx again.

- Okay. Mm.
- Okay. All right.

Testing, testing. Uno, dos. Uno, dos.

Generalísimo Ignacio Zaragoza.

♪ ¡Generalísimo Ignacio Zaragoza! ♪

Where can we plug this in?

Mom said to find an outlet over there,

but make sure your hands are dry.

That wasn't terrifying at all.

Oh, amazing news!

I just got a text from my Tío Chuey

that mi papá's pilot, Guillermo,

told him that my father is considering

my Mother's Day request.

Tell Guillermo I said hi.

- Yes.
- But not Chuey.

Sammy, remember, when the bar opens,

I'm gonna need you to
hang out in the office.

Yeah, things are gonna get weird, son.

Wow.

Broke out the old poncho.

You bet I did.

You know,

Cinco de Mayo's a big day for us.

Remember, we-we first hooked up
on Cinco de Mayo.

Mostly I remember Seis de Mayo
being a day full of regret.

Listen, I know that I amigo zoned you,

but, since it's Cinco,
we can make an exception.

Friends but, you know, with benefits?

Nope. Just like my job,

this friendship has no benefits.

Great. You passed the test.

You've seen me at my sexiest,
and you've resisted.

Nice job, friend.

Attention, everyone.

I'd like to introduce you
to a very special lady.

This is Paula Perez
from Uncle Juan's Tequilla.

Whatever she wants, she gets.

'Cause I'm the manager of all of this.

Paula, I'm Jackie.

It's so nice to finally
meet you in person.

Derek, why don't you take
that big, giant check

and put it upstairs in the office.

I don't have to do what she says.

Because I'm the boss here.

Do you want me to tell your mom
you're not listening to me?

I do not.

Sorry.

He's, um...

Anyway, um, thank you for sponsoring us.

And, actually, here's our emcee.

Paula, meet Javier.

Hi, Javier.

- Hi.
- Just remember to keep things fun.

Because isn't fun what this
holiday is all about?

Eh, actually, it's about
an outnumbered Mexican army

defeating a seasoned
French army in a battle.

I think we're saying the same thing.

- Anyway, here's your script.
- Ah.

Stick to that, and you'll get your bonus.

I assure you, he will say
every one of those words.

Yes. I have also prepared
some things to add to your words

to give people, uh,
an authentic taste of Mexico.

Okay. But at Uncle Juan's,
we usually stay away from words

like "authentic" and "taste."

You also stay away from correct spelling.

Uh, there is only one "L" in "tequila."

Well, Uncle Juan's
isn't technically tequila.

I won't bore you with the details,

but it's not made in Mexico,

and it's not made with agave.

Remember, this is for Sammy.

Show the people at Uncle
Juan's some respect.

- Yes.
- And go hawk that crap.

Welcome to Cinco de Mayo at Mitzi's!

Brought to you by Uncle Juan's Tequilla.

Okay, who's ready to party?!

And get educated about Mexican history?!

Nobody.

Okay.

Well, now here's a song
about Benito Juárez

sung to the tune of "Cielito Lindo."

Enjoy.

♪ Benito Juárez ♪

♪ Was the Mexican presidente... ♪

What's with the face?

You didn't drink this stuff, did you?

I just accidentally spilled some,

and it stripped the paint off the floor.

No. Look down there.

Barry is supposed to be working.

He's being totally unprofessional.

Yeah, this bar is all
about professionalism.

♪ But the Mexican army was not as easy ♪

♪ To beat as it seemed! ♪

¡Muchas gracias!

¡Viva México!

Now, every time I hit this,

everybody takes a shot
of Uncle Juan's Tequilla!

Look at him,

with his stupid poncho
and his stupid charm.

Wait,

why do you care?

Did you guys hook up?

No.

But we did almost kiss.

What? Why didn't you tell me?

'Cause you never listen when I talk.

Well, you finally have
something interesting to say.

The thing is I don't want to be with him,

but I don't want him
to be with anybody else.

Is that nuts?

Not at all.

I told Javi that if I die before him

and he decides to see someone else,

I will come back as a ghost
and curse his penis.

I just got a text.

Javier is not invited for Mother's Day.

His father wants him
to prove himself worthy

before being invited back to spend time

with the family and Jeff Probst.

Oh, no.

Do you think Javi's
father's contacted him yet?

I'm gonna go with yes.

Tragically, one year
after the Battle of Puebla,

the French took over Mexico.

Which proves nothing matters
and everything is terrible.

Except the taste
of Uncle Juan's Tequilla.

What doesn't tequila makes you stronger.

What the hell's going on with your emcee?

People are getting depressed,

and not in a way
that makes them drink more.

If you want your bonus,
you better fix this.

I'm on it.

We will get back on track. Don't worry.

And I'm sorry if poncho
guy is bothering you.

Oh, no, I think he's cute.

Can you believe he's divorced?

Who would give that up?

Okay, what's next?

Ah. The pepper eating contest.

- Who cares?
- Stop. Stop.

Hi, everyone.
We're gonna take a quick break

while I splash some water
on the big guy here.

Luis, can you please take over?

It is...

Not really... my thing, but...

All right, everyone!

Hey! It's time for Uncle Juan's

$1,000 hot pepper eating challenge!

Let's meet our contestants.

Just three white people?

Just start already.

Come on. Surely there's a Mexican here

who wants to compete.

I don't know why they'd dare.

Max Lefleur has never lost
a pepper eating challenge.

Lefleur?

You're French?

Well, I don't think
you're allowed to ask that,

but oui.

Come on!

A French person can't win
on Cinco de Mayo!

When did I start caring about this?

Javi, come on. Pull yourself together.

Why? I have been rejected by my family.

Not your entire family.

Not me, not Luis, not Sammy, not Jackie.

Come on. Don't just feel sorry
for yourself and give up.

Is this what Generalisimo
Zaragoza did at Puebla?

Are you saying I should
challenge my father to a war?

Because we already
did that, and look around.

We're not winning.

No. I'm saying take action.

Don't wait for them to do it for you.

Buy a plane ticket
and go visit your mother.

My love, we sneak our own
hot dogs into the movie theater.

We can't afford a plane ticket.

Well... not yet.

Please, there must be
one Mexican willing to compete.

There is!

My name is Javier Frederico
Fayad Santiago Flores Gomez!

And tonight, my mouth belongs to Mexico!

Let's do this!

Hey!

"Uncle Juan's Tequilla abides
by the rules

of the International
Hot Pepper Eating Association."

That cannot be a thing.

"There are four rounds.

"Each pepper gets increasingly hotter.

The full pepper must be consumed."

If you take a drink of milk, you are out.

Might as well drink your milk now, baby.

I only drink my milk warmed up
with a little bit of cinnamon.

Our first pepper is

the jalapeño with
a Scoville Heat Unit of 5,000.

¡Olé! And go!

He drank the milk! He's out!

Onto pepper number two.

- Things are going pretty well, right?
- Yeah.

Except you're supposed to
be working, not flirting.

I have not been flirting.

Please. I know all your moves.

Making her laugh and lassoing her.

It was just disgusting.

Oh. You are jealous.

- I am not.
- Yes, you are.

J-E... middle letters, S.

Jealous. Thank you.

I'm not jealous!

I'm not jealous, either.

But I think I know
how we can split 'em up.

Do it.

And we're down to the final pepper!

Two contestants remain.

One from the land where
ancient civilizations

developed complex calendars
and architecture,

the other where ancient civilizations

didn't bathe for 300 years.

For the record, I'm French-Canadian.

Shut your maple hole
and get ready to lose!

Our last pepper is

the Delaware Death-Stick,
created in a laboratory

by a team of disgraced
Hungarian scientists.

This little baby
has a Scoville rating of...

one million.

Put on your gloves

and call your loved ones,
because this one's hot.

"What's not hot is Uncle Juan's
extra mild pico de gallo...

"now with real tomatoes and onions.

Look for us on the bottom shelf
of your local gas station."

Okay, here we go.

Gentlemen, the first one
to go for the milk is out.

Eat... that... pepper.

Javi!

You can do it!

Javier wins!

Javier wins!

¡Viva Mexico!

You did it, honey!

- Come here!
- Mmm.

I'm on fire!

All right, it's Cinco de Barry!

What is Barry doing?

I got him away from Paula by asking him

to perform a few songs.

You're welcome.

- Can't you see what's gonna happen?
- Never.

He's gonna perform, she's
gonna see him up onstage

and think he looks super sexy,
and it's gonna remind her

of the first time they
met on Cinco de Mayo.

- Like, an hour ago?
- And then forgetting

all the promises she made to herself,

she's gonna go home with him
even though they decided

on the porch that they were
only gonna be friends

- for the sake of their child.
- And when did they have a baby?!

I've got to stop him from playing.

I'm gonna cut the power to the amp.

All right, you guys know me as the guy

that's been slinging margs all night.

Well, I hope you like 'em on the rocks,

'cause we're about to rock out!

All right, you guys
have to step back, though,

'cause I do jump around a lot.

Which one is it? The-the orange
or the white or the gray?

I don't know. I'm color-blind!

All right, let's do this!

Ow!

Hey.

Your knees feeling any better?

Yeah. Feels like

the caps are back
where they're supposed to be.

Thank you.

I'm sorry you didn't get your bonus.

Yeah. I think not being able
to get the power back on

and everyone leaving
was sort of a deal breaker.

Yeah.

And me landing on Paula

after my leap
probably didn't help, either.

And you were right.

I was totally jealous.

I couldn't stand
seeing you flirt with her.

Well, I was only flirting
to make you jealous.

You're who I want.

I obviously still
have feelings for you, too,

which is why this whole
friends idea is not gonna work.

Okay, yeah, so... what are you saying?

Should we give us a try again?

No. That won't work, either.

If we got back together, it would just

end up ugly like it always does.

I don't know. Maybe this time it won't.

If it was just you and me,
I might take that chance.

But I can't risk
putting Sammy through that.

So where does this leave us?

We're a divorced couple raising a kid.

When he's with me, he's with me.

When he's with you,
he's with you, and that's it.

Okay, I give up.

We'll do things your way.

I'm not walking slowly to be dramatic.

I'm just in tremendous pain.

May I freshen that up for you?

No, no. No, thank you, Luis.

I think my lips are functional again.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Oh. That hurt worse than
getting collagen injections.

Um, or so I'm told.

Wow. It smells great in here.

Oh, Luis has prepared
an authentic Mexican meal.

It is nothing much: Chicken mole

which has been slow cooking
the entire day,

platanos con crema and nopalitos.

I had my heart set
on nuking some fish sticks,

but this is good.

That's her way of saying thank you, Luis.

I know. I'm actually quite touched.

I just wanted to reiterate that
I've never gotten my lips done.

Mm.

- They're just naturally plump.
- Mm.

Speaking of lies...

...I just want to tell you
I'm really sorry

that we can't take
that trip to San Diego.

Well, actually, you might be

taking that vacation after all. Luis?

Jackie, I have signed
this comically large check

over to you, so now you and
Sammy can go see the baby rhino.

Thank you so much!

Not that there's any take-backs here,

but weren't you gonna use this
to see your family?

Well, I have decided not to go.

Yes, I miss Mexico, but
Elizabeth has helped me realize

that I don't need to go away
to be surrounded by family.

Are you sure, Javier?

Mom, the tribe has spoken.