All language subtitles for Black.Monday.S03E02.NINE.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

upbeat music

It's Showtime tonight

[Blair] Previously on
"Black Monday"...

Roger!

dramatic music

So you're really
going all in, huh?

Bought the ring,
closed on the house.

So I hear you're having
a little cash flow problem.

What would you say
if you could fix it

by working with Blair's most
hated rivals in the process?

You gotta sell your soul.

If Pfaffashions
goes public without a hitch,

KokoMo Co Records stays yours.

To you gettin' out
of the clink.

Mo! You came!

There's something
I've been dying to ask you.

Can it wait?
-Hmm? What?

We've done enough talking.

Get your ass in here.

Janet Jackson's "Control"

This is a story about control.

My control.

Control of what I say.

Control of what I do.

And this time,
I'm gonna do it my way.

ethereal synth music

I hope you enjoy this
as much as I do.

Are we ready?

I am.

'Cause it's all about control.

And I've got lots of it.

upbeat synth music

What the fuck?

Guys, gather 'round.

Quick! Quick! Quick!

The only thing I ever
wanna see you eating

is me out.

Did you hear that, Jonathan?

Is this a joke?

A moment on the lips,

a lifetime on the hips.

You look like shit.

Ladies, perfect.

Gentlemen,
you could take a cue.

Eyes down here.

We have Topless Tuesdays
coming up...

...and you're not ready.

Mmm--ugh.

This caviar tastes like dick.

-Speaking of--
-Hey, Tiff.

I don't know
how to say this, but--

Sound it out, dummy.

Sound...it...

...out!

What the hell
are you doing here, Keith?

Oh, me?

What am I...doing here?

What am I doing here?

What am I doing...

here?

-That's what we--
-That's what we asked.

What are you doing here?

It's simple. I'm here...

to clean this fucking place up!

Which I realize is confusing

-based on the mess I just made.

Point is, old Keithy
is finally in charge now,

and it's about goddamn time.

Seriously, Tiff,
I really need--

Shut the fuck up, pretty boy.

Pfaffashions goes public
in 12 weeks!

It's my job to make this

the hottest piece of ass...

I have ever seen,

that Wall street
has ever seen,

financially speaking,

so I'm here to trim the fat.

You're a little late for that

'cause we just had
that conversation.

Thanks, but no thanks.

We keep it pretty tight
around here--most of us.

Oh, you're keeping it tight?

With your Dom and your caviar.

You don't know what tight is.

I am gonna show you...

the tightest thing
you have ever...

-What's happening?
-...experienced in your life.

Okay, all that to say

we are not gonna waste
another single cent

on fuckin' big...

buffets...

and that smoking-hot...

chafing dishes, okay?

The fuck are you talking about?

I don't know, okay?

Look, I practiced this at home

last night
in front of the mirror.

I did not expect
to be surrounded

by a bunch of fucking
Playgirl Buddies.

Guys, you gotta listen--

-Shh!
-Zip.

Tiff, you said the IPO was
gonna be a great thing for us.

I know, and it is.

-Let me handle this, Corkie.
-Okay. I'm getting worried.

-Listen here, Queef.

This is our business,
and you're not the boss.

-Au contraire. I am the boss.

Why don't you peruse
that contract

you signed
with Leighman Brothers

when you decided to go public?

'Cause it's gonna tell you,
you answer to me.

-What?
-Look, Tiff, you gotta listen--

What is it, Giancarlo?

Blair's been shot,
and he's in a coma!

-I--oh, God.

Huh. Was not expecting that.

I have to go
to the hospital right now.

And as much as I wanna continue

this really important
conversation,

I have to get
by Blair's bedside.

Of course. Go.

It's times like these...

...that make you realize, like,
how unimportant

things like money
or saving money really are.

Mmm.

Fuck you, God!

I don't know
when I'm coming back!

Blair!

warm sentimental music

Dawny.

Dawn, Dawn, Dawn, Dawn.

Dawn-Dawn.

-Dawn-Dawn Dawn-Dawn-Dawn-Dawn.

God damn.

Talk about crust issues.

That side. What is that?

All right, let's get that.

You looking nice
for the moment coming.

-Yo, what's up?!
-Okay--shit!

Calm down! What the fuck?

-It's Mo. It's Mo.
-Oh...

-Don't run up on me like that.
-All right.

My cellmate used to Jill off
to me at night.

"Jill off"?

That's a weird term.

So that's like jacking off
for a girl?

-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.

Portable X-ray, ER bay one.

Blair.

Blair?

It's Roger. Can you hear me?

Hi, you.

Blair, oh, my God.

How are you?

Not so hot.

Unlike you.

-You're hot.

Yeah, it's good to see you too.

I got shot.

Can you believe that?

Roger...

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean for things

to end the way they did.

Where did it go so wrong?

That's what I'm here
to help you figure out.

Oh, I--I need that. Ow!

Um, I don't know if you are
actually qualified to make--

there goes the catheter!

Come on, Big B.

Wait, wait, wait. Am I dead?

Not yet.

dramatic music

Oh...

Oh...

Man, I've been dreaming
of all the shit

I was gonna get up to
my first day out.

-Right?
-Yeah.

-Like a horse-drawn carriage...

...or maybe a nice picnic
in Central Park,

or hey, let's shoot up
to the top

of the Empire State Building,
huh?

Look out over everything
you've been missing.

Uh, no.
No?

I just got out of prison,

not a plane from Arizona.

I wanna fuckin' party!

What happened to you, Mo?

Nothing happened to me, okay?

Mo can party
with the best of them.

I got the arrests to prove it,

-both cardiac and otherwise.

Okay, good, so look, let's call
your coke guy, tell him

to meet us at the club
with two eight balls,

a bib, and a diaper,
'cause tonight,

I am gonna make you
puke and duke.

-Classic.

-Oh, speaking of classics...
-Hmm.

...why don't we start off
by going by Cedar Tavern?

For old times' sake,
you know what I mean?

We can get a nice base going,
talk about whatever, whatever,

and then we'll hit the club
to celebrate

you getting out of prison.

-Okay.
-Okay.

-Yeah. I don't wanna be Bias'd.
-Biased?

You mean biased
against my plan?

No, uh, Len Bias'd.

You know, I don't wanna
come out the gate too hard,

-and then I might...
-Oh...my God.

You did get hard in prison,
didn't you?

Sure enough.
Our open mic night was violent.

-Christ.

Actually, yeah.

Let's grab a bite first.

But they got olives
and cherries and shit

at Cedar Tavern.

No, I want real food.
I'm fucking starving.

Okay, no, this'll still work.
Tell you what.

We'll go by
the Russian Tea Room,

grab some to go,
then head up to the park,

-spread a nice blanket, and--
Nigga.

What are we,
fucking teddy bears?

Why do you keep trying
to have a picnic so bad?

I-I just want your first meal
on the outside

to be nice, memorable,
you know?

Whatever. Fuck a nice meal.

All I ate was five-star shit
in the joint.

Jesus. But you know what?

You know what I was craving
really bad?

A hot dog from that cart
outside the Jammer Group.

Come on, it's right
around the corner.

Great. This'll still work.

We'll grab a bottle,
a couple of dogs,

uh, find a nice bench
somewhere.

Like a picnic?

Yeah, sure, like a picnic.
Let's do that.

What the fuck don't you get?

I'm not eating
on the goddamn ground with you.

I said a bench!

Since when is a bench the fu--
fuck it.

-Jesus!
-It's gonna be a great day.

Yeah, it is, if you'd
fucking let a picnic go!

What the fuck? It's my parents.

You don't have to whisper,
Blair, they can't hear you.

What is this?

Well, it's like
I said, I'm here to help you

figure out
where it all went wrong.

Oh, I get it.

It's like Scrooge McDuck.

Or that movie Scrooged.

Or my favorite episode
of Family Ties.

Or the Charles Dickens classic,
A Christmas Carol,

that those are based on.

Ugh, we get it, you read.

soft sentimental music

God, it's so real.

I can even smell
my mom's old lasagna.

I used to love that stuff.

Have a bite.

I can do that?

Do you know what date
this is from, exactly?

Because at a certain point,
my dad's dinners

started having
an added ingredient

that I'm sort of allergic to.

The glass you shaved
into his food until he died?

Yeah, that's it.

For what it's worth,
he fucking deserved it.

It doesn't matter.
You can't get hurt here.

Well, I mean,
if he's not gonna finish it.

Hey, Dad, I won
my a cappella competition!

How about a sport?

Fuck this. I'm outta here.

Wait, Blair, it's important

you try to remember
how you felt.

Yeah, I remember. Trust me.

Too well.

Quick question, Roger.

I can fly anywhere in the world
right now, right?

Like, throughout all of history
and into the future,

and no one can see or hear me?

And I can eat whatever I want,
and do whatever I want,

and there's no consequences
whatsoever?

Well, yes, technically,
but that doesn't solve--

Okay, so let's say I wanted
to get some steak frites

at L'Arpège in Paris
and eat it in,

I don't know,
John-John's shower.

I could do that, right?

Sure, but that defeats
the purpose of--

Then why in the fuck
would I wanna stay here

in my dad's house of horrors?

I think, ideally, the point is
you learn a lesson before--

-Bye-bye!
-Okay.

Whoo!

He's always
such a little bitch.

Welcome to KokoMo Co Records.

So what do you think, Dawn?

Oh, wow. And it's only jazz?

Yeah. Yeah. All jazz.

Hmm, sorry, but to me,
jazz always sounds

like someone just shoved
a bunch of instruments

-down the stairs.
Hmm.

That's 'cause you have
shitty taste in music.

Yeah. And in men.

Oh, fuckin' Spencer, right?

No, I'm telling you,

jazz is gonna make
a big comeback,

and I am the guy
to find the artists to do it.

Well, the artists
better be hot and young,

'cause if it's not on MTV,
it's not doing shit,

which sounds a little bit
like my life right now.

Oh. Look at my office.

Hey, so Dawn, what--
what is your plan?

I don't know.
I don't have a clue.

I mean, I spent my entire life
busting my ass to get here,

and now, literally,

it's illegal for me
to ever trade again.

And I'm a felon.

-And I'm--

A disgrace to my entire family.

Oof. That's the trifecta.

Yeah, so I guess I'm kind of
playing it by ear.

But come on, Mo.

You don't miss it at all?

Nope.

I'm telling you, us getting
kicked off the street

was the best thing that ever
happened in our lives, Dawn.

-Trust.
-Yeah, well.

We did have some good times,
though.

We had some great times.
Dawn, we make great partners.

-Uh, yeah, well.

Except we weren't partners.

-That shit again?

Listen, I wish I could go back,
okay?

I would make you my partner.

You were right; I was wrong.
I'm sorry.

You know, that's all I ever
wanted to hear.

-You really mean it?
-Yeah, I mean it.

Dawn, I would do anything
to make it up to you.

I would go back and change
a bunch of shit if I could

with work and with us.

Trying to do both
at the same time

-just fucked 'em both up.
-I know.

We need to pick a lane, huh?

We need to pick a lane.

I mean, so if you were to,

you know, pick a lane,

what lane would you pick?

I'm so glad you asked, Momo.

Me too.

-I need a job, you know, bad...
-Yeah. Mm-hmm.

...if I'm gonna be able
to stay out.

Well, you need a job,
you got a job.

Of course, Dawn, I told you,

I'll-I'll do anything--
anything to make it right.

You got it.

Oh, Mo, God, you are the best.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

-Oh, thank you.
Yeah.

All right, now, come on,
let's go to Cedar Tavern

and get you shit-faced
and shit-butt.

-You're gonna shit on yourself!

Oh, you're really stuck
on the shit thing, huh?

Oh, yeah. Let's go.
-Can't wait.

Keith, Keith, please.

Look into your heart.

You and I share at least
one testament, don't we?

You.

-You're fired.
Hey!

You can't do this, Keith.

Thank G-G you're here.

I think I made it
abundantly clear

I can do whatever
the fuck I want.

And if that means firing

every useless face jock
in this joint--

I'm not talking about them,
I'm talking about me.

My company credit card
was just...

-...was just...
-Oh.

-Tiff.
Ugh.

...was declined.

-At Victoria's Secret, yeah.

Do you know
how embarrassing it is

to take a thong off
that you just said

you were gonna wear out?

It was the worst moment
of my life.

Well, your husband
was just shot today.

And I thought you were
gonna go visit him,

but you went shopping.

The point is, we brought you on
to take our company public,

not ruin our lives.

I mean, Chris here has been
with Pfaffashions

from the beginning.

Yeah, you can't just
throw him out like trash!

Then who's gonna
throw out the trash?

Actually, Tiff,
let me give you a choice.

Would you rather keep Chris

or keep your
company credit card?

Get the fuck outta here, Chris.
You heard the boss.

Yeah, that was a test.
You failed.

You don't get either.

This is not your personal
ATM machine.

His name is Chris.

I meant the company. Ew.

What does that mean?

Ass to mouth.

Oh, Tiff.

I made the accountants
aware that,

from now on,
you are not authorized

to spend a single cent

unless it's
a legitimate business expense.

Case closed. Good night.

Please don't do this to me,
Keith.

You can have sex with Chris.
He goes hard.

Or Giancarlo!
He's my bottom bitch!

Oh, Tiff!

I need a couple
of shots of tequila!

You guys celebrating something?

My new freedom and my new job.

-Right, Mo Mo?
-Oh, yeah.

Can't wait to start
working together again.

I mean, not really
working together.

What do you mean?

I mean, I don't plan on
actually working at your label.

I just need a company name
to satisfy my parole officer.

Being employed is a condition
of me staying out, so--

was that not clear?

No, it wasn't clear!

You said, "Pick a lane."

I think we'd both rather
walk into a lane of traffic

than ever work together again,
am I right?

Yes, you're right. Agreed.
I mean, fuck that lane.

So, uh, if my PO calls,

you'll lie and say
I work there?

Dawn, of course.

-Come on.

Even though
you don't work there,

because we both agreed
that work is not the lane

that either of us would pick

between the two lanes
as discussed.

Oh, God,
I missed your crazy ass.

Oh, I missed you, too, Dawn.
You have no idea.

Ah, come on, come on.
Let's toast.

-To us.
-To us.

-Mmm.
-Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm!

Can we have two more?

Recently-appointed Congressman

-Dawny.
-Oh, my God!

Fuck.

Blair just got shot!
-The fuck?

Remains in a coma...

Oh!
Oh, shit!

[newscaster] After
the assassination attempt.

Sources say
he might not make it.

What are you doing down there?

Praying.

Oh, yeah. Blair.

Blair?

Blair?

Roger, you go here?

I've been looking
all over creation for you.

Where have you been?

Uh, everywhere.

I watched Bob Fosse choreograph
All That Jazz.

That way he fucked around,
it should've been called

All That Jizz.

And then I fucked around
and got a triple double

at the '91 finals!

And then I fucked
most of my high school,

which led
to a teensy killing spree.

This was not supposed to be

Blair and Ted's
Excellent Adventure.

It was supposed to be
a deeply personal journey

through your life so you can
learn from your mistakes

in time to save your soul.

Okay, well, it was actually

more like that movie Westworld

than it was
like Bill and Ted's,

on account of all the killing
and fucking.

But I hear you,
and I will learn

all the lessons, Roger.

I promise.

It's just...

I just figured,
since I got shot,

it would be okay
if I, you know,

had a little fun first.

We have a little fun first.

Dinosaur blood?

The actual cake
Marie Antoinette said

"let them eat cake" about?

I mean, it's pretty dry,
but it's history!

This has to be
against the rules.

Fuck the rules.

I missed you.

This might be our only chance
to be together again.

You've been
in the shower forever!

Oh, look, look, look!

We're gonna be late, John-John.

That's big, right?

Talk about vote for Kennedy.

I do like history.

Well, then, get over here.

Try this.

A peasant made it.

Hmm.

Hmm.
Mm-hmm.

I missed this.

Us.

soft piano music

Me too.

And I meant what I said before.
I--

I didn't mean for it
to end like that.

I didn't wanna hurt you.

I'm sorry, Roger.

I still love you.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Mm.

Okay. All right, come on.
That was nice, though.

No, you--no, you--no!

You've gotta--you can't.
What if this is it?

What if you mean if this it?

What if this is...

How's he gonna fucking know

if I went and said goodbye
to him or not?

-He'll know! I'll know!
-Get out of there. Fuck!

Hey. Hey, Blair. Buddy.

Aw.

-All right, put her there.

Get--you-you hang in there,
buddy.

You're gonna be fine.

Bye, Blair!

No, we gotta stop.
I can't do this.

Wait, didn't you just do it?

Yes, but that was just
to teach you a lesson

-about selfishness.
-Hmm.

At some point in your life,
you stopped caring

about anybody but yourself.

That's what today
was supposed to be about,

you learning that
and vowing to change

in a real enough way
to earn a chance

to make things right.

Instead, you just yanked it
to John-John.

Look! It doesn't fit.

Ugh. Talk about getting off.

I told you, Rog. Pay up.

I still can't believe
Nordberg from Naked Gun

killed two people.

No, no, no, it didn't fit.

-They must acquit.

Oh, I know, let's go
to Brentwood

the night of the murder--
double or nothing.

This has to stop.

If you don't wanna
learn your lesson,

that's up to you,
but I can't be part of it.

-Goodbye, Blair.
-Wait, you're right.

I'm ready to learn
whatever lesson

I'm supposed to!

I deserve to go to hell.

Been here the whole time.

-Tiff, I want a divorce.
-Okay, fine.

I was gone for ten minutes

to get my paws and claws done
for your big awakening.

Or your funeral.

But either way, it was for you.

Well, this is for you too.

I'm tired of living a lie.

I'm tired of hurting people.

I-I wanna find someone
I can make happy,

and you deserve that too.

-Ooh, they're still wet.
-Sorry.

I'm gonna quit my job.

I'm gonna do something
I actually like

that makes the world
a better place.

So, sorry,
this has nothing to do

with me spending
your first day in a coma

shopping and at the spa
and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?

'Cause as I say it out loud,
it does sound really bad.

-How was that movie?
Oh.

If you live,
you have to see it.

I've always liked Rick Moranis.

I love him.

He has leading man energy.

-Big dick energy.

-I love you.
-Aw

And I want you to be happy.

And from now on,
I'm gonna be good and true

and never do
anything selfish again.

There he is. The golden boy.

I was worried
for a second, champ.

Who are all these white men?

Oh, only a who's who
of the RNC.

I thought the RNC hated me.

They did, until your
assassination attempt.

And now you are polling
through the roof, sir.

Buckle up, Pfaff.

You're in for a rocket ride
to the moon.

Well, unfortunately,
you're too late.

I'm quitting politics for good.

And there is nothing
you can offer us

that will change that.

How about unlimited power,
sex, and money?

dramatic music

-I mean, we can kick it around.
-It's worth a conversation.

It's--maybe just a chat.

We're gonna come around to yes.

Oh, jeez.

Hey, be honest with me, Dawn.
Did I do that to him?

What? No.

No! He made his choices.

-Yeah.
And shit happens.

Life is about doing what
and who you want at all times

because you never know
when your time is up.

Hmm.

Ah, shit.

Look, this place is just
gonna have to fuckin' do.

Yeah, it has a charm to it.

Besides, all I really
need to do

is just get fucked up.

Dawn, Dawn, just listen to me
for a second.

I am tired of wasting time.

Right?

Y-you are the closest person
in my entire life.

You're like family to me.

Oh, God, Mo, you are my family.

God, I love you.

I love you too.

Which is why I don't
wanna keep fucking

wasting all this time
trying to be

all these different things
for each other

when we should just
be focused on being

the one thing that we know
we were both meant to be.

Yes.

A couple...
-Friends.

-...of friends.
Oh, my God.

A couple of friends.

Took the words right out
of my mouth.

-Yes! I mean...

...it's been staring us
in the face

-this whole time.
-Mm-hmm.

Uh, point of clarity, though.

Last night, that was...

-Great. Fuckin' amazing.
-Yes.

Fuckin' outstanding.
-Yes.

But that's the kind of shit a--

a real couple of friends
can do.

You know, that's the benefit
of-of friends.

Yeah.

They should come up
with a term for that.

Friends with...

-Uh, fucking.
Yes!

Friends with fucking!

Sure.
-God, that's good.

Mm-hmm.
-That's good.

Plus, I just got out
of the joint, you know?

-It was kinda urgent.

I mean, there was no time
to teach some new guy

all the codes when, hey,
you already know 'em.

-I know the codes.

Up, up, down, down,
left, right, left, right.

-P, A, P, A.
-Pussy, ass, pussy, ass, start.

-Finish.

We probably shouldn't
do that anymore.

What? I didn't--

Besides, I don't want you

falling in love with me again.

Who-who needs that?

-Oh, God, this feels great!
-Uh-huh.

I mean, I feel so great.
I mean, not physically.

No.
-I feel a little queasy.

-Yeah.
-But emotionally, I feel great.

Right there, yeah,
I'm right there with you.

Oh, God, Mo.

I gotta piss.

Oh, okay. That's cute.

Yeah.

Okay.

Your lips were like

A red and ruby chalice

Warmer than a summer night

Fuck.

The clouds were like

An alabaster palace

Rising to a snowy height

Each star its own

Aurora borealis

Suddenly,
you held me tight

And we saw

The midnight sun

Thank you all for being here.

Getting shot has made me
realize so many things.

-I wanna try to stand for this.
-No, honey.

No. I have to.

-Okay.
-Be my legs.

He wants to stand.

I wanna show
my would-be assassin that...

...you did not win.

Oh, my.

You did not intimidate me.

Getting shot has made me
realize...

so much.

For one...

...it's not that bad.

I mean, ho!

-Gah-gah-gah, gah-gah-gah.

Look at me! I'm fine.

Guns are nothing
to be afraid of.

And two, this whole thing
could have been avoided

if every American had a gun,

which is why I am dedicating
the rest of my career

to gun control, specifically...

the abolishment of it!

Hey, what in the literal fuck
is going on?

$1 million went missing
from the company last night.

I know it was you.

I just don't know
how you did it.

Did you know
political donations

are a legitimate
business expense?

And while politicians' salaries
are quite low,

they can basically
use campaign funds

as their own personal ATMs,

and I don't mean ass to mouth.

Oh, Jesus.

Who the fuck is thinking that?

-Some people.
-Okay, look.

Did you know

that this little
finance fund fraud

-is gonna be a f-failure?
-Weak.

And I'd like to thank
my wife Tiff and her company

Pfaffashions for kicking off
my very first

campaign finance fund

for my reelection.

Thank you.

I love you, babe.

I love you, babe.

-Babe.
Babe, I love you more.

Babe.

-Whoo!
-Ooh, ooh!

Oh! Oh!
She got me!

-She got me!

If Jesus had a gun,
he'd be alive today.

rock music

Yeah!

And you'll still be there

With me

Oh

Oh, till I found you
I never had

Someone to love me
in good times and bad

Oh, till I found you
I never had

Someone to love me...