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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:06,300 Tom. 2 00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:08,300 What? 3 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,300 There's something I have to tell you. 4 00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:13,300 Look, I found a whistle in the bathroom. 5 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:14,300 Oh, good man. A whistle! 6 00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:17,300 Get that our of your mouth. It's not a whistle! 7 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:20,300 Oh, Mum! Drew, will you go and play in your bedroom, please? 8 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:21,540 I need to speak to your father. 9 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,300 Stop that, Drew. 10 00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:31,300 Tom, now, listen. 11 00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:38,300 It's not a whistle, is it? It's a pregnancy test. 12 00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:41,300 Yes. Breathe. Breathe. 13 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:46,300 Are we going to have a baby? We can't afford a baby. 14 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:47,300 Well... 15 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:50,300 Please tell me I'm not the father. 16 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:56,300 ? I think I'll rest a little more 17 00:00:56,300 --> 00:01:00,300 ? Cos the noise in my head keeps banging at the door 18 00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:03,300 ? Something easy I'll find hard 19 00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:07,300 ? It's the man in me that keeps me running scared 20 00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:11,300 ? Cos your life spins round like a merry-go-round 21 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:15,300 ? And you can't escape from these ups and downs 22 00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:18,300 ? Your dream's on hold for this crazy world 23 00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:23,300 ? But I wouldn't change a thing. ? 24 00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:28,300 MUTTERS: Stupid baby guy. 25 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,300 Baby... 26 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:43,300 MOCKING VOICE: Oh, baby, look, I'm pregnant. 27 00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:48,300 I'm pregnant. Oh, oh, oh. 28 00:01:57,300 --> 00:02:01,300 Oh! My waters have broken! 29 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:11,300 Oh, look. It's a little baby girl. Hello. We can't afford you. 30 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:17,300 That's right. We cannot afford you. 31 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:18,300 Little baby. 32 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:21,300 HE MAKES BABY TALK 33 00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:30,300 I'm collecting. Just collecting. 34 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,300 Do you want a sandwich? 35 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:36,300 No! Ah, I've just remembered. 36 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:41,300 Oh... God. 37 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:43,300 What about ye?! 38 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:46,300 What's up with that neighbour of yours, Tom? 39 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,300 He's seen me having a baby. 40 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:50,300 Maybe you can get some blinds for the downstairs bog, big lad. 41 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:53,300 What? No, not... Oh, doesn't matter. 42 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:55,300 What doesn't matter? 43 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,300 Ah, your man Brendan's seen Tom having a baby. 44 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:58,300 Who's having a baby? 45 00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:59,300 No-one's having a baby. 46 00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:03,300 Sarah Murphy's having a baby and her mother is 86. 47 00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:07,300 What does it matter if Sarah Murphy's mother is 86? 48 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:08,300 Who's having a baby? 49 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,300 Sarah Murphy's having a baby. 50 00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:11,300 Is she? Her mother's 86 though. 51 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:14,300 I know, I know. I was only talking to Tom about it. 52 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:16,300 Talking to Tom about a baby. Yes. 53 00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:17,300 Is Tom having a baby? 54 00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:20,300 I thought Sarah Murphy was having a baby. 55 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,381 Are you having a baby, son? 56 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:26,300 Look, everyone, no-one is having a baby. 57 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,300 He was having a shite. 58 00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:33,300 ? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ? 59 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:37,300 Right, this is the last time I'm going to say this. 60 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,300 The test was negative but I have had two kids 61 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,300 and I feel pregnant. 62 00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:46,300 All right, all right. I get it. You feel pregnant. 63 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:47,300 Right, now, enough. 64 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,300 OK, maybe I'm overreacting. 65 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,300 Yeah, well, you've taken it better than you did 66 00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:54,300 when I said I was pregnant with Dylan. Really? Yeah. 67 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,300 What?! I know, I can't believe it. 68 00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:58,300 I mean, I thought it was going to take a while 69 00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:01,300 but, you know, then it happened and I just... 70 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:06,300 Just a once off. And Drew? 71 00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:08,300 Oh, my God, a baby! 72 00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:10,300 I know, another one, I can't believe it. 73 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:13,300 So, listen, I'm going to have to sort out the house 74 00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,300 because, you know, I have to find some new space... 75 00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:24,300 OK, I promise this time I'll man up. 76 00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:25,300 Well, let's not be unrealistic. 77 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:30,300 Now, let's keep it to ourselves until we find out for sure, OK? 78 00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:31,300 OK. 79 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:35,300 ALL: Congratulations! 80 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:37,300 Well done, Tom. 81 00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:40,300 When I said don't tell anyone, I especially meant this lot. 82 00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:43,300 We're going to be grandparents again. 83 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:46,300 Yeah, and you're not near 86, Mary. 84 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:48,300 We're pregnant! 85 00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:52,300 Roddy, if we were having a baby, we wouldn't need a midwife, 86 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:54,300 we'd need a vet. 87 00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:56,300 I'm just so happy. 88 00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:57,300 Fair dos, son. 89 00:04:57,300 --> 00:05:00,300 Always hard to knock another one out at your age. 90 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:04,300 Only 40, Dad. 91 00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:07,300 I know, I know, but they're not so much swimmers at that age. 92 00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:11,300 They're more like OAPs queuing at a post office, 93 00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:17,300 nudging each other forward until one of them falls off the end. 94 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:18,300 What now, woman? 95 00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:21,300 Blabbing your mouth off about trouser action. 96 00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:25,300 I hope you haven't told the kids. 97 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:26,300 Erm... 98 00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,300 KIDS: Congratulations! 99 00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:35,300 Oh, mind the baby, son. Mind the baby there. 100 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,300 Where did you find that one? 101 00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:40,300 You keep hiding them, I'll keep finding them. 102 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,300 Look, everyone, we don't even know if I'm pregnant 103 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,300 until I've seen Dr Lang. 104 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:46,300 So have you and Dad had sex? 105 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,300 I suppose so. 106 00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:53,300 Whay! To the baby! 107 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,300 To the baby. Uh-uh. 108 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,300 HALF-HEARTEDLY: Cheers. 109 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:07,300 Dylan, where are we going to live now? 110 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,300 What?! 111 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:12,300 When the baby comes. Mum and Dad won't want us any more. 112 00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:17,300 We'll have to go to an orphanage like Annie and Oliver 113 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:20,300 and learn how to... SINGS: Sing! 114 00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:26,300 Well, I won't have to go to an orphanage, but you might. 115 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,300 Why only me? 116 00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:30,300 Because I'm nearly fully grown. You're not. 117 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:31,300 They can still swap you if they like. 118 00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:33,300 What? 119 00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:35,300 Yup, those are the rules. 120 00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:36,300 What should I do? 121 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:37,300 You have to impress them somehow 122 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,300 so they want to keep you instead of the baby. 123 00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:43,300 OK. I can do this. 124 00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:50,300 You'll defo be going if you do that. Mum and Dad hate mime. 125 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:53,300 OK, how about this? 126 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,300 TAKES A DEEP BREATH 127 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,300 Come on, we're going to be late for school and work. 128 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,300 Yes, Dad! Anything for the best dad in the world. 129 00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:11,300 I'm going to be back late from work because I'm going to see Dr Lang. 130 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:14,300 Oh, would you reckon we're going to have a baby? 131 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,300 Maybe a baby. 132 00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,300 Is it a baby baby or a maybe baby? 133 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:22,300 Well, we may be having a baby so it's a maybe baby. 134 00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:25,300 Or maybe we won't be having a baby. 135 00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:28,300 Oh, I'd say it's a definitely baby, not a maybe baby. 136 00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,300 You all right, Tom? 137 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,300 Mmm... yes? 138 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,300 You're looking a bit pale. 139 00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,300 Am I? 140 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,300 Yeah. Oh. 141 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:39,300 Not starting to overreact, are you? 142 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:40,300 Nope. Sure? 143 00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:41,300 Yes. 144 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:44,300 OK, right, come on then, kids. 145 00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:46,300 See you later, love. Bye, Dad. 146 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,300 See yas. 147 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,300 Bye. 148 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:49,300 Bye. 149 00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:53,300 I'd love a bowl of coal. 150 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,300 HE RETCHES 151 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:29,300 What about ye? 152 00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:32,300 Roddy. 153 00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,300 What is it, Tom? You all right? 154 00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:38,300 I don't feel well at all. Here, do I...? 155 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:39,300 Do I look weird, Roddy? 156 00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:42,300 Tom, we're Irish. It's our job to look weird. 157 00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:47,300 Look, here. Here, have a feel. Have a feel of that. 158 00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:48,300 Hang on a minute, mate. 159 00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:50,300 I know you're one of those stay-at-home wifey types, 160 00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:53,300 you know what I mean, but you're taking it a wee bit too far. 161 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,300 Number one, I'm not the milkman. Number two, you're not my type. 162 00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:59,300 They're bigger. I'm sure they are. 163 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:02,300 I've got moobs. You have moobs. 164 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:03,300 I do not have moobs. You do. 165 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:05,300 Conical pecs. 166 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:09,300 Well, they're bigger than your moobs. Yep. They definitely... Yep. 167 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:12,300 They are bigger. They're definitely... 168 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,300 It's definitely bigger. 169 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:18,300 Isn't it? 170 00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:19,300 It's getting bigger too. 171 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,300 It is. 172 00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:23,300 Is that meant to get bigger? 173 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,300 I can see you're busy. 174 00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,300 The Church can wait. 175 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,300 Hell won't, though. 176 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,300 OK. 177 00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:43,300 Weirdo. 178 00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:51,300 Look, Tom, I think I need to get out there. 179 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,300 Get myself a woman. You know? 180 00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:56,300 You sure that's a good idea after the speed dating scenario? 181 00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:59,300 I'm from Belfast, own my own bar. Don't have a cat, do have a dog. 182 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,300 Probably got cats I don't know about. Same as the kids. 183 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:01,940 Only joking. Ha! 184 00:10:01,966 --> 00:10:04,325 I've got impetigo, bad back and I've never been to Paris. 185 00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:08,300 Done the lot of ya! 186 00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:10,300 HE LAUGHS 187 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:14,300 Write that down, sweetheart, fastest speed dater ever. 188 00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:21,300 Tom, I need to get out there, get on the internet, 189 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:24,300 let the girls know that Roddy's back in town, do you know what I mean? 190 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:27,300 Set up some dates and stuff. Pints, Friday? 191 00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:32,300 Erm, you know, I don't feel like I should be drinking any more. 192 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,300 Going to leave that blasphemy with you. 193 00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:38,500 I'm out of here like Vladimir. 194 00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:44,300 My God. What's happening to me? 195 00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:46,300 What's wrong? 196 00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:04,300 TV: 'We've got buggies, baby grows and baby bargains galore. 197 00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:08,300 'At Motherland. Remember, all good mothers come to Motherland. 198 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:09,300 'Come to Motherland. 199 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:13,300 'Come to Motherland.' 200 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:20,300 Must go to Motherland. Must go to Motherland. 201 00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,300 Motherland! 202 00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:34,300 Nope. No, definitely not. 203 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:35,300 Oh, yes. 204 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,300 Hi, my name is Janet. 205 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,300 I like pets and walking in the countryside. Fair enough. 206 00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:46,300 I like nice conversation even though I'm a bit shy. 207 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:49,300 Aw, the quiet ones are the wild ones though. 208 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:52,300 I like archery, chess and bread-making. 209 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,300 God, I love baps. 210 00:11:56,300 --> 00:12:00,300 I'd like to meet a man with similar interests. 211 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:01,300 GSOH essential. 212 00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:04,300 GSOH? 213 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:07,300 GSOH. 214 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:14,300 "Well, hello, Janet. My name is Roddy. 215 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:20,300 "I like what you like and, don't worry, I have GSOH. 216 00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:25,300 "Good size of hands." Send. 217 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:29,300 Please don't be a bloke. 218 00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:37,300 So, those blood results will take a day or two. 219 00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:39,300 We'll call you then. OK, thank you, doctor. 220 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,300 Are you on your own? Yes, I am. 221 00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:45,300 Jeez! Was. 222 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,300 Well? 223 00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:54,300 We still don't know. The doctor had to do a blood test. 224 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,300 Congratulations. 225 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,300 Are you deaf? She doesn't know. Now get rid of it. 226 00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:01,300 But it cost a tenner. I said to get rid of it! 227 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:07,300 There you go, love. Congratulations on the baby. 228 00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,300 I'm not pregnant. 229 00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,300 Get out! 230 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:15,300 I am so sorry. Men - you can't live without them 231 00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:18,300 and if you kill them, you have to go to prison. 232 00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,300 Get out! Get out. 233 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:23,300 Sorry. 234 00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:31,300 Take it easy now, Elaine. We have you. We have you. 235 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:32,300 Grab her other arm there, Pat. 236 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,300 I have her other arm, woman. 237 00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:36,300 Now, breathe and take small steps, Elaine. 238 00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:39,300 Will you get off me? Go and sit down, Pat. 239 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,300 I don't even know that I'm pregnant yet. 240 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:44,300 Well, a maybe baby is good enough for me. 241 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,300 Elaine? What? 242 00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,300 You better come in here quick. 243 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,300 MUSIC: THEME FROM "BLACK BEAUTY" 244 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:54,300 HE SINGS ALONG THROUGH SOBS 245 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,300 Help me! 246 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,300 Tom! You said you weren't gonna overreact. 247 00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,300 This is the worst yet. 248 00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,300 I'm sorry. 249 00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:11,300 We can't afford all this stuff. 250 00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:15,300 I couldn't help it. I just thought it might just cheer me up. 251 00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,300 Oh, will you stop weeping? 252 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:20,300 Oh, I can't help it. I'm just so happy! 253 00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:23,300 We don't even know for sure yet whether I'm pregnant. 254 00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:26,300 It's just that Roddy, he texted and, er... 255 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,300 he has a date. 256 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,300 Isn't that beautiful? HE SOBS. 257 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,300 But not... Not as beautiful as these. 258 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,300 Give me that. You're starting to stress me out. 259 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:44,300 I'm the one who might be pregnant, not him. 260 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,300 Christ, soon his boobs'll be bigger than mine. 261 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:48,300 I'm right here, you know! 262 00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:51,300 Yeah, we all know where you are, Tom, you take up half the room. 263 00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:55,300 HE GASPS That is so hurtful. 264 00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:58,300 Can you believe this? 265 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:00,300 I blame his father. 266 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,300 It's not Pat's fault, Mary. 267 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,300 Ah, no, she blames me for everything. 268 00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:08,300 She even asked me where I was when JFK was shot. 269 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:12,300 No, you eejit, that's just something people ask - 270 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:16,300 like, "Where were you when Princess Diana died?" 271 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:18,300 I didn't do that either, woman. 272 00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:24,300 Elaine, this exact same thing happened to this eejit 273 00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,300 when I was pregnant with Tom. 274 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,300 A full-blown sympathetic pregnancy. 275 00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,300 HE GROANS 276 00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:40,300 Pat doesn't even remember it, do you, Pat? 277 00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:41,300 Remember what? 278 00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:46,300 Is it your birthday? Oh, God. No, not our anniversary. 279 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,300 Oh, you look lovely, Mary. 280 00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:51,300 Is it your hair? Have you had your hair done? 281 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,300 How would you even know? 282 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:55,300 You spend all your time ogling that woman from across the road. 283 00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:58,300 For God's sake, woman, she only tucked me shirt in once. 284 00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:02,300 Am I to be punished for it for the rest of me life? 285 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:05,300 Is Dad having a baby, Mum? 286 00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:06,300 He thinks he is. 287 00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,300 Two babies? 288 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,300 Aargh! 289 00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:14,300 TEARFULLY: They're such great kids. I love them. 290 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:17,300 Oh, I need to calm down. Oh, getting a bit stressed. 291 00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:20,300 WHALE SONG PLAYS 292 00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:26,300 I cannot take much more of this. What's the cure, Mary? 293 00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:30,300 I don't know. Pat went all the way with his. 294 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:33,300 I'm not taking this for nine months! 295 00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:34,300 Can you look after the kids, Mary? 296 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:37,300 No bother, love. Come on, Tom. We're going to the doctor. 297 00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,300 Oh, good idea, a check up. 298 00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,300 Ooh! 299 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,300 Oh, I hope she warms her hands before she checks me down there. 300 00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:50,300 ? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ? 301 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,300 Grandad? 302 00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:57,300 Yes, Drew? 303 00:16:57,300 --> 00:17:01,300 I was wondering if you could help me with a school project. 304 00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:06,300 Ah, no worries. I love a bit of homework myself. 305 00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:07,300 Great. First question - 306 00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:10,300 where do babies come from? 307 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:11,300 Mary! 308 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,300 MARY: I'm busy! 309 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,300 Babies? 310 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:19,300 Yeah, babies. Where do they come out? 311 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,300 Mary, I need you! 312 00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:25,300 Is it... here? 313 00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:28,300 Or... here? 314 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,300 Is it... 315 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,300 ...here? 316 00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:37,300 Mary! 317 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,300 So, how is he? 318 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,300 Well, he seems fine. 319 00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:48,300 I've taken some urine and blood samples in case of any fever, 320 00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:52,300 but although sympathetic pregnancies are quite rare in men, 321 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,421 he is showing all the signs. 322 00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:56,300 Did I mention my cracked areolae? 323 00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,300 Yes, many times. 324 00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:02,300 Well, let's hope it wears off soon, eh? 325 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:03,300 Oh, Elaine, when we get home, 326 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:06,300 can we get some Vaseline for my bruised and battered nipples? 327 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,300 Good luck with that. 328 00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:13,300 Listen, thanks, Doc, you've been brilliant. Thanks. 329 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,300 OK... Great. 330 00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:18,300 So brilliant. So nice to me. All right. 331 00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,300 Come on, leave the doctor now. That's OK. 332 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:23,300 Yeah, let's get you home, love, 333 00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:26,300 before you start lactating all over the place. 334 00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:28,300 I think I got a little bit on her top. 335 00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:39,300 And so, in conclusion, yes, that is where babies come from. 336 00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:45,300 Right. 337 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:47,300 Right. Well... 338 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,300 that's that all cleared up, then. 339 00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:54,300 Yep. And now I know where it's going to come out, 340 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,300 I can capture it and then hide it. 341 00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:58,300 Why would you want to do that, love? 342 00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:02,300 I have to stop this baby coming, cos if I don't, 343 00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,300 Mum and Dad are gonna get rid of me. 344 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,300 Who told you that, son? 345 00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:10,300 The one they're going to keep. Dylan. 346 00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,300 Oh, did he, now? 347 00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:18,300 Yep. And now, I must get back to the "stop the baby" planning room. 348 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:22,300 Hi, Drew. 349 00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,300 TOM SIGHS 350 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,300 Oh, I'll just go for another wee. 351 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,300 Everything all right with the boys? 352 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,300 Oh, yeah. Yeah, we, er... 353 00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:32,300 We learned a thing or two. 354 00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:35,300 Any luck at the doctor's? 355 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,300 What, with Mother Goose out there? 356 00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:40,300 No. No luck. She said I have to humour him. 357 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:43,300 I keep getting that mixed up with wanting to smack him in the face. 358 00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:47,300 Drew thinks he has to leave once the baby comes. 359 00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:49,300 Who told him that? 360 00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,300 Our little pal Dylan. 361 00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:54,300 What about ye?! HE CHUCKLES. 362 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,461 Roddy. I didn't know you were appearing in court today. 363 00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:01,300 Got a wee surprise for yous. Is Tom about? 364 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:04,300 Oh, is he? He's in the toilet having a baby. 365 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:10,300 I think the father might be that Chinese meal we had the other night. 366 00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:12,300 There's somebody I'd like yous to meet. 367 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,300 Oh, Roddy. Exciting! 368 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:19,300 Is it Mary Berry? I hope so. I love her cakes. 369 00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:22,300 Not as much as I love yours. 370 00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:26,300 Janet, I'd like you to meet Mary. 371 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:27,300 ON LAPTOP: 'Hello.' 372 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,300 And this is Elaine. 373 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:31,300 'Hello, nice to meet you.' 374 00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:33,300 And this is Pat. 375 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:37,300 Where is she? 376 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,300 Hello? 377 00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:41,300 She's in here, Pat. Look. In there. 378 00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:43,300 Is your date a film? 379 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:48,300 Oh, eejit! Even I know she's online. 380 00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:50,300 SHOUTING: Hello, Janet. 381 00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:55,300 I'm Mary and this eejit here is Pat. 382 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:57,300 Hello, Janet! 383 00:20:57,300 --> 00:20:59,300 Hello, everybody. 384 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,300 Ooh, you have such a... 385 00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:03,300 Such a lovely house. 386 00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:06,300 Well, this isn't weird at all. 387 00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:08,300 Oh, who's that? 388 00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:13,300 Isn't she lovely, Elaine? 389 00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:15,300 Oh, there you are, Elaine. 390 00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:17,300 I know it's a bit odd but when I first saw Roddy on screen, 391 00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,300 the way the camera captured his face. 392 00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:21,300 I know, like a chimp sneezing. 393 00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:25,300 I just... I fell for him immediately. 394 00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:29,300 I couldn't wait to meet him in person, so... I just went for it. 395 00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:31,300 And have you been out the country long, Janet? 396 00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:33,300 No, I'm in Watford. 397 00:21:36,300 --> 00:21:37,300 But we've had such a good time. 398 00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:39,476 We've just clicked, if you'll excuse 399 00:21:39,502 --> 00:21:41,325 the pun, Elaine. SHE GIGGLES. 400 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:45,300 The best time ever, wasn't it, Janet? 401 00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:47,300 SHE CHUCKLES 402 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:25,300 Well, I think we should have a little drink to celebrate. 403 00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:27,300 Would you like a drink, Janet? 404 00:22:27,300 --> 00:22:29,300 Are you going to email it to her? 405 00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:31,300 Can you do that now? 406 00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:35,300 In my day, you know, you met a girl at a dance, 407 00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:37,300 but now you just carry them around in a bag. 408 00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:42,300 I think she's lovely, Roddy. SHOUTING: You're very nice, Janet. 409 00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:44,300 Oh, thank you! 410 00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:47,300 There you go Janet. There's a little drink for you. 411 00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:51,300 Janet! Janet! I've lost her. 412 00:22:51,300 --> 00:22:53,300 Lost who? Janet! 413 00:22:58,300 --> 00:23:02,300 Ladies and gentlemen, and everyone who's not sure. 414 00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:09,300 Please welcome, for the last time before the baby comes, Drew Whyte. 415 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:12,300 UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS 416 00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:25,300 MUSIC STOPS 417 00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:26,300 Please keep me. 418 00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:28,300 Please keep you? 419 00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:31,300 When the baby comes. Please don't get rid of me. 420 00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:33,300 Who told you we were going to do that? 421 00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:35,300 Got you, sucker! 422 00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:39,300 Oh, come here, Drew. You're not anywhere. 423 00:23:39,300 --> 00:23:43,300 To see my little boy dancing. Dancing like a king! 424 00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:46,300 A king! Dad, get a grip. 425 00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:49,300 Right, Mary. Let's go. 426 00:23:49,300 --> 00:23:50,300 You too, Dylan. 427 00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:53,300 What? MARY: I've packed all your stuff. 428 00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:54,300 I'm not going anywhere. 429 00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,300 Oh, yes you are. 430 00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:59,300 You see, whenever there's talk of a new baby coming to a house, 431 00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:02,300 the eldest has to leave the house for ever 432 00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:05,300 and stay with the oldest members of the family 433 00:24:05,300 --> 00:24:07,300 so we can pass on all the knowledge to you. 434 00:24:07,300 --> 00:24:10,300 (Yes!) No, no, isn't it the youngest that goes? 435 00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:12,300 Oh, no, it's definitely you. 436 00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:15,300 Sure, you'll have great fun with us. 437 00:24:15,300 --> 00:24:20,300 Ah, you'll have a great time watching Countdown every day and 438 00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:23,300 feeding us our tablets and best of all, 439 00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:26,300 scrubbing us down in the bath. 440 00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:30,300 And remember to go in between your granddad's toes. 441 00:24:30,300 --> 00:24:33,300 It's like the inside of a quiche down there. 442 00:24:33,300 --> 00:24:37,300 Yeah, and your gran loves having her hair washed. 443 00:24:37,300 --> 00:24:41,300 And you can get your fingernails right down onto the scalp, 444 00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:44,300 then brush all the flakes away with a comb. 445 00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:45,300 While I sing. 446 00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:48,300 Yeah, she loves singing. Come on! 447 00:24:49,300 --> 00:24:50,300 Mum! Dad! 448 00:24:50,300 --> 00:24:54,300 Bye, son. Hope to see you again some time. 449 00:24:54,300 --> 00:24:57,300 Bye-bye, Dylan. No! No! 450 00:24:57,300 --> 00:25:00,300 MARY: La la la la! 451 00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:03,300 I'll get Dylan later. 452 00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:06,300 Tom, I can't take 9 months of this. 453 00:25:06,300 --> 00:25:11,300 Oh, I know. You wouldn't do my cracked nipples, would you, Elaine? 454 00:25:11,300 --> 00:25:12,300 Oh! 455 00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:22,300 I'm sorry for spilling that wine on you earlier. 456 00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:26,300 It's OK, Roddy. Night-night. 457 00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:27,300 Night-night. 458 00:25:28,300 --> 00:25:30,300 Turn the light out, Roddy. 459 00:25:30,300 --> 00:25:31,300 No, you turn it out. 460 00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:33,300 No, you turn it out. 461 00:25:33,300 --> 00:25:34,300 No, you turn it out. 462 00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:35,300 After three. 463 00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:41,300 BOTH: One, two, three. 464 00:25:43,300 --> 00:25:45,300 Oh, Janet. 465 00:25:45,300 --> 00:25:48,300 Roddy! SHRIEKING LAUGH 466 00:25:49,300 --> 00:25:52,300 ? I think I'll rest a little more 467 00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:56,300 ? Cos the noise in my head keeps banging at the door 468 00:25:56,300 --> 00:26:00,300 ? Something easy I'll find hard 469 00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:03,300 ? It's the man in me that keeps me running scared 470 00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:07,300 ? Cos your life spins round like a merry-go-round 471 00:26:07,300 --> 00:26:12,300 ? And you can't escape from these ups and downs 472 00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:15,300 ? Your dream's on hold for this crazy world 473 00:26:15,300 --> 00:26:19,300 ? But I wouldn't change a thing. ? 474 00:26:26,300 --> 00:26:28,300 Breathe... 475 00:26:28,300 --> 00:26:30,300 breathe... 476 00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:31,300 breathe! 477 00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:33,300 Push, Tom! 478 00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:35,300 Push! 479 00:26:35,300 --> 00:26:36,300 TOM PANTS 480 00:26:36,300 --> 00:26:38,300 MARY: This takes me back, Pat. 481 00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:41,300 Oh, yeah. He gives birth just like his dad. 482 00:26:43,300 --> 00:26:46,300 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 483 00:26:46,350 --> 00:26:50,900 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34941

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