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1
00:00:01,770 --> 00:00:04,877
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
2
00:00:04,943 --> 00:00:09,051
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:09,118 --> 00:00:12,959
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
4
00:00:13,026 --> 00:00:16,967
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:21,209
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
6
00:00:21,276 --> 00:00:23,581
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:24,616
[laughs]
8
00:00:24,683 --> 00:00:25,985
Ooh! [growls]
9
00:00:26,052 --> 00:00:27,822
Mommy!
Aaaaaaah!
10
00:00:27,889 --> 00:00:29,292
Duncan!
Duncan!
11
00:00:30,862 --> 00:00:32,699
[indistinct chatter]
12
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,402
Thank you all
for another great year,
13
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,609
and your thoughtful,
lastsecond gifts.
14
00:00:37,676 --> 00:00:38,644
Hold up!
15
00:00:38,711 --> 00:00:40,915
Red Lobster gift card
coming your way.
16
00:00:40,982 --> 00:00:41,951
Here's everything
I confiscated
17
00:00:42,017 --> 00:00:43,119
from you this year.
18
00:00:43,186 --> 00:00:45,758
Bex, your bullhorn.
Awesome.
19
00:00:45,825 --> 00:00:47,094
Attention!
20
00:00:47,161 --> 00:00:50,000
There's a dented Honda Accord
on fire.
21
00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:51,937
teachers: My car!
22
00:00:52,004 --> 00:00:53,239
Wolf, your bow and arrow.
23
00:00:53,306 --> 00:00:54,943
I'm gonna eat good
this summer.
24
00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:56,312
Now, let's have five minutes
25
00:00:56,379 --> 00:00:58,651
of general chaos
until the bell rings.
26
00:00:58,718 --> 00:01:00,555
[all cheering]
27
00:01:00,622 --> 00:01:03,393
[dynamic music]
28
00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:04,563
[squeaks]
29
00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:05,732
[hawk shrieks]
30
00:01:05,798 --> 00:01:07,001
Check it, Mia.
31
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,806
Pen in the pencil sharpener.
[laughs]
32
00:01:09,873 --> 00:01:11,109
Somebody has to clean
that up.
33
00:01:11,175 --> 00:01:13,046
Duncan, clean that up.
Yes, sir.
34
00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:14,850
So what are your plans
for the summer?
35
00:01:14,916 --> 00:01:16,252
My summer?
The uzh.
36
00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:17,822
Going to summer school.
You?
37
00:01:17,889 --> 00:01:19,960
Getting my college prereqs
out of the way.
38
00:01:20,027 --> 00:01:22,197
Yeah, prereqs
are always in the way.
39
00:01:22,264 --> 00:01:23,433
[bell rings]
40
00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,337
[all cheer]
41
00:01:25,404 --> 00:01:27,074
Duncan, good news.
42
00:01:27,141 --> 00:01:28,744
Did your girlfriend
finally say yes?
43
00:01:28,811 --> 00:01:31,416
No, and I share way too much
with this class.
44
00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,654
You may not have to go
to summer school this year.
45
00:01:33,721 --> 00:01:35,323
I think you mean I can
46
00:01:35,390 --> 00:01:37,327
not have to go to summer school
this year.
47
00:01:37,394 --> 00:01:40,568
[sighs] You just have
one test you need to make up.
48
00:01:40,635 --> 00:01:41,670
Fitness test?
49
00:01:41,737 --> 00:01:43,473
Why does the president care
if I'm hot?
50
00:01:43,541 --> 00:01:46,145
The only resource America
has left is our hotness.
51
00:01:46,212 --> 00:01:47,347
Complete the test by midnight,
52
00:01:47,414 --> 00:01:49,051
and we both have
the summer off.
53
00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:50,655
I could finally
take my girl to Solvang,
54
00:01:50,722 --> 00:01:53,259
wrap a ring up in one of those
skinny Danish pancakes
55
00:01:53,326 --> 00:01:55,865
oh, there I go
sharing too much again.
56
00:01:57,936 --> 00:01:59,071
Mommy, Daddy!
57
00:01:59,138 --> 00:02:00,240
Here's all my artwork
58
00:02:00,307 --> 00:02:02,377
from the year
so you can hang them up!
59
00:02:02,444 --> 00:02:03,446
Hmm.
60
00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:05,685
These are beautiful, Jing.
61
00:02:05,752 --> 00:02:08,356
Yeah, good job.
62
00:02:08,423 --> 00:02:12,097
But we need to find the perfect
place to display them.
63
00:02:12,164 --> 00:02:15,036
You know, we could really use
a pop of color under the sink.
64
00:02:15,103 --> 00:02:16,439
Great idea!
65
00:02:16,507 --> 00:02:19,846
Ugh, what's a girl gotta do
to make the fridge?
66
00:02:19,913 --> 00:02:23,086
I hate my yearbook picture!
Can we sue the school?
67
00:02:23,153 --> 00:02:24,656
We're not suing anyone.
68
00:02:24,723 --> 00:02:27,996
Juries find me unlikable
and your father talks too much.
69
00:02:28,062 --> 00:02:29,866
Let me see it.
Mm.
70
00:02:29,933 --> 00:02:31,302
What's wrong with it?
71
00:02:31,369 --> 00:02:33,707
It looks just like you,
like you always look.
72
00:02:33,774 --> 00:02:35,110
And always will.
73
00:02:35,177 --> 00:02:36,780
I'm tired of looking like me.
74
00:02:36,847 --> 00:02:38,584
This better be the summer
nature kicks in
75
00:02:38,651 --> 00:02:41,489
and gives me a little baboom
and a little babang.
76
00:02:41,557 --> 00:02:43,393
I wanna come back to school
and have the guys go,
77
00:02:43,459 --> 00:02:45,197
"Damn,
who's the cool new girl?"
78
00:02:45,263 --> 00:02:47,067
And I'll turn to them and say,
"It's Kimberly!
79
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,606
The girl you used
to throw soup on!"
80
00:02:49,673 --> 00:02:52,110
Well, only one more kid
to enter.
81
00:02:52,177 --> 00:02:54,649
[sighs, grunts]
82
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,885
[groans]
83
00:02:55,952 --> 00:02:57,722
Oh, Dunkie,
I'm glad your pants are off.
84
00:02:57,789 --> 00:02:58,323
I need you to try on your
back to school summer clothes.
85
00:02:58,389 --> 00:03:02,231
Actually, Mr. Mitch said
86
00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:04,068
I might not have to go
to summer school.
87
00:03:04,134 --> 00:03:06,072
No summer school?
88
00:03:06,138 --> 00:03:08,611
You mean we could
actually have a...
89
00:03:08,677 --> 00:03:10,615
Family vacation?
90
00:03:10,681 --> 00:03:12,150
[all cheering]
91
00:03:12,217 --> 00:03:15,223
I just have to pass
this fitness test.
92
00:03:15,290 --> 00:03:16,894
Oh, take it!
It's heavy!
93
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,265
No offense, son, but you're
practically an invalid.
94
00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:20,735
Can't we just Aunt Becky
our way out of this
95
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:21,970
with some fake photos?
96
00:03:22,037 --> 00:03:23,540
You guys don't believe in me?
97
00:03:23,607 --> 00:03:25,778
No, but I believe in me.
98
00:03:25,845 --> 00:03:28,149
And me is gonna help you.
99
00:03:28,216 --> 00:03:29,753
Let's get physical.
100
00:03:29,819 --> 00:03:31,657
Cool.
I need to change into shorts.
101
00:03:31,723 --> 00:03:32,659
Carry me upstairs.
102
00:03:32,725 --> 00:03:34,428
[mellow music]
103
00:03:34,495 --> 00:03:36,733
Let's start easy:
one situp.
104
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,204
Flat on your back,
feet on the ground.
105
00:03:39,271 --> 00:03:41,643
[groans]
My spiney fluid!
106
00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:43,681
[grunts]
107
00:03:43,747 --> 00:03:45,083
[all straining]
108
00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:47,154
[shouts]
One!
109
00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:49,224
Next up,
lift half your body weight.
110
00:03:49,291 --> 00:03:51,128
40 pounds?
[grunts]
111
00:03:51,195 --> 00:03:52,130
Oh!
[grunts]
112
00:03:52,197 --> 00:03:53,534
Oh, she's too heavy!
113
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,838
Oh, hang on.
I have a turtle in my pocket.
114
00:03:55,905 --> 00:03:57,240
There.
[grunts]
115
00:03:57,307 --> 00:03:58,811
Yeah!
Whoohoo!
116
00:03:58,877 --> 00:04:01,550
This is it, Dunkie!
The mile run!
117
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,288
Carry us to vacation, baby!
118
00:04:04,355 --> 00:04:06,158
Ugh!
I'm not gonna make it!
119
00:04:06,225 --> 00:04:09,098
You're a bum, Duncan!
A worthless bum!
120
00:04:09,164 --> 00:04:11,002
Go back to the docks!
121
00:04:11,068 --> 00:04:13,072
I ain't no bum.
[panting]
122
00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:16,012
Way to inspire your brother
like Rocky's trainer.
123
00:04:16,078 --> 00:04:17,114
Who?
124
00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:20,086
Ugh, come on.
[groans]
125
00:04:20,153 --> 00:04:21,990
Hey, Duncan's family.
What's up?
126
00:04:22,057 --> 00:04:24,395
He finished his test and
it's one minute till midnight.
127
00:04:24,461 --> 00:04:25,931
Okay, hang on.
128
00:04:25,998 --> 00:04:27,769
[phone ringing]
129
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,138
Talk to me, Mr. Mitch.
130
00:04:29,204 --> 00:04:30,473
Madam President,
Duncan Harris
131
00:04:30,541 --> 00:04:32,912
has completed
his fitness test.
132
00:04:32,979 --> 00:04:34,181
Did you see him do it?
133
00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:36,052
Nah, but his parents
seem cool.
134
00:04:36,118 --> 00:04:37,955
That's all I needed to hear.
135
00:04:39,491 --> 00:04:41,262
Enjoy your summer,
Harris family.
136
00:04:41,328 --> 00:04:42,832
You too, Mr. Mitch.
137
00:04:42,899 --> 00:04:44,869
And good luck
with that pancake proposal.
138
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:46,305
Duncan!
I'm sorry.
139
00:04:46,372 --> 00:04:48,877
It was such a sweet story.
140
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,017
[both grunt]
141
00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:53,954
Oh, going on vacation?
142
00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:55,156
Must be nice.
143
00:04:55,223 --> 00:04:56,593
Yeah, it is.
Bye, Helen!
144
00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:58,730
Duncan, let me sunscreen
your shoulders.
145
00:04:58,797 --> 00:05:00,968
You're burning.
And so am I.
146
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,772
Get in the car, Duncan.
But my shoulders.
147
00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:03,907
[both grunt]
148
00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:04,876
[engine turns over]
149
00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:07,715
I've never been on vacation.
150
00:05:07,782 --> 00:05:09,184
So we're gonna live
at another place?
151
00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,186
How do we eat?
Where do we sleep?
152
00:05:10,253 --> 00:05:11,723
Does Santa know we're there?
I'm so excited!
153
00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:13,459
Ugh, can you do
the Benadryl now?
154
00:05:13,527 --> 00:05:16,132
That is
for legitimate allergies.
155
00:05:16,198 --> 00:05:17,334
both: Sure, Mom.
156
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,937
I told you it doesn't
wipe their memory.
157
00:05:19,004 --> 00:05:20,106
Listen up.
158
00:05:20,173 --> 00:05:22,277
Duncan may never
pass anything again,
159
00:05:22,344 --> 00:05:25,684
so let's make this
the perfect family vacation.
160
00:05:25,751 --> 00:05:28,422
I want us to order
a crazy amount of room service
161
00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:29,893
and not worry
about the cost...
162
00:05:29,959 --> 00:05:32,865
Your seafood towers
and $45 Cokes.
163
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,468
[all grunting]
164
00:05:34,536 --> 00:05:37,575
Sing songs around
a beach bonfire...
165
00:05:37,642 --> 00:05:40,581
all: ♪ Killing me softly
with his song ♪
166
00:05:40,648 --> 00:05:42,618
♪ Killing me softly
167
00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:45,089
And finally, the holy grail
of motherhood:
168
00:05:45,156 --> 00:05:47,260
get a picture of all of us
on a banana boat.
169
00:05:47,327 --> 00:05:48,262
[camera shutter clicks]
170
00:05:48,329 --> 00:05:49,398
Hey, Duncan,
171
00:05:49,464 --> 00:05:51,268
who's the hot guy
that Mia's talking to?
172
00:05:51,335 --> 00:05:53,339
[yells]
Let me out, let me out!
173
00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:56,145
[strains] Duncan, no!
She's not worth it!
174
00:05:56,212 --> 00:05:58,115
Mom, the Benadryl!
[cap pops]
175
00:05:58,182 --> 00:05:59,418
[grunts]
[gags]
176
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:03,125
There you go.
All aboard the Benny train.
177
00:06:03,192 --> 00:06:04,963
[groans]
Cover his face.
178
00:06:05,029 --> 00:06:06,733
He's freaking me out.
179
00:06:12,310 --> 00:06:13,513
[beachgoers shouting,
laughing]
180
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:16,318
Ooh, parasailing,
waterskiing, wakeboarding.
181
00:06:16,385 --> 00:06:17,320
Who knew there were
so many ways to be
182
00:06:17,387 --> 00:06:18,422
dragged through the water?
183
00:06:18,489 --> 00:06:19,692
[gasps]
A banana boat!
184
00:06:19,759 --> 00:06:22,999
Family photo, right now, before
we're too sunburned to smile.
185
00:06:23,065 --> 00:06:24,535
[gasps]
186
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:27,742
My chance to paint something
fridgeworthy!
187
00:06:27,808 --> 00:06:29,879
[gasps]
188
00:06:29,946 --> 00:06:30,914
Screw nature!
189
00:06:30,981 --> 00:06:33,419
I can baboom
and babang myself!
190
00:06:33,486 --> 00:06:34,989
And I need WiFi
so I can find out
191
00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:37,294
who that guy was with Mia.
192
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,233
Oh, they knew how much
I wanted this.
193
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,037
Hey, can you get a picture
of us?
194
00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:46,045
Sorry, that banana's
for happy families only.
195
00:06:46,111 --> 00:06:47,682
[squeaking]
196
00:06:52,490 --> 00:06:55,229
[guests chattering]
197
00:06:55,296 --> 00:06:57,100
Mm.
198
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,269
[grunts]
Whoa.
199
00:06:58,336 --> 00:06:59,539
Ugh.
[sighs]
200
00:06:59,605 --> 00:07:02,110
Stop flicking your measles
at people, Melissa.
201
00:07:02,177 --> 00:07:03,880
But I'm on vacation!
202
00:07:03,947 --> 00:07:05,149
Mm...
203
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,387
You know, maybe being
without kids isn't so bad.
204
00:07:07,454 --> 00:07:10,026
We haven't had a day alone
together in 15 years.
205
00:07:10,093 --> 00:07:12,832
Are you suggesting...
206
00:07:12,898 --> 00:07:13,900
Yeah, girl.
207
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,436
[leisurely music]
208
00:07:15,504 --> 00:07:19,044
both: The adult pool.
209
00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:20,848
[indistinct chatter]
210
00:07:20,914 --> 00:07:22,718
♪
211
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,891
'Tis without pee, Mum!
212
00:07:25,958 --> 00:07:28,864
I guess we could have
one adult day.
213
00:07:28,930 --> 00:07:32,337
Oh, but there's
nowhere to lounge.
214
00:07:32,404 --> 00:07:35,209
Hmm...
Hey, sad married couple!
215
00:07:35,276 --> 00:07:37,615
Get your untanned butts
over here!
216
00:07:37,681 --> 00:07:40,219
I'm sorry,
this wife is not for swap.
217
00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:42,223
Don't let the ponytail
fool you.
218
00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:43,660
We're not swingers.
219
00:07:43,727 --> 00:07:46,900
Annie, look at the pony
he's rocking.
220
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,703
Come on!
Let's go make new friends.
221
00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:51,308
I thought we were here
for us time.
222
00:07:51,375 --> 00:07:53,513
It is us!
The four of us!
223
00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:54,882
[yelps]
224
00:07:56,452 --> 00:07:57,822
What are you working on,
Jing?
225
00:07:57,888 --> 00:07:59,357
Something so breathtaking,
226
00:07:59,424 --> 00:08:01,629
it will never be hidden
under the sink!
227
00:08:01,696 --> 00:08:04,167
You're a hack, Jing!
228
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,303
[shouts]
229
00:08:05,369 --> 00:08:07,140
I don't wanna be me
anymore.
230
00:08:07,207 --> 00:08:09,545
Make me look completely unique
and original.
231
00:08:09,612 --> 00:08:12,551
The number seven.
You got it.
232
00:08:13,085 --> 00:08:15,223
[machinery whirring]
233
00:08:15,289 --> 00:08:18,262
[angelic chorus]
234
00:08:18,329 --> 00:08:20,366
You even spraypainted
my braces.
235
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,203
How can I ever repay you?
236
00:08:22,270 --> 00:08:25,611
You could drop a little
somethin', somethin' in here.
237
00:08:25,677 --> 00:08:27,715
That's okay, it's more
important you look good
238
00:08:27,781 --> 00:08:29,919
than I pay my rent.
239
00:08:30,453 --> 00:08:32,223
Hey, how's your summer going?
240
00:08:32,290 --> 00:08:33,392
Not good.
241
00:08:33,459 --> 00:08:34,394
The FBI found bones
in my yard.
242
00:08:34,461 --> 00:08:35,864
Yeah, cool, cool, cool.
Bones.
243
00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:37,300
Is Mia hanging out
with a guy?
244
00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:39,505
Ooh, let me check
Mia's Insta.
245
00:08:39,572 --> 00:08:41,576
Ohoh, good.
College stuff.
246
00:08:41,643 --> 00:08:42,945
She's just wasting her summer.
247
00:08:43,012 --> 00:08:45,684
You could not be more wrong.
Virtually walk with me.
248
00:08:45,751 --> 00:08:47,721
This ain't a selfie.
Someone took it.
249
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:50,159
And check out her RI.
Her what?
250
00:08:50,226 --> 00:08:52,196
Retinal image!
251
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,238
Ah, there's bae right there.
252
00:08:56,305 --> 00:08:58,710
Ugh!
Damn, total hunk.
253
00:08:58,777 --> 00:09:00,814
Yeah, but we don't know
what their relationship is.
254
00:09:00,881 --> 00:09:03,118
He could be helping her
with her prereqs,
255
00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:04,889
and getting, you know,
all of her reqs in order.
256
00:09:04,956 --> 00:09:07,861
They're in her room,
and the nightstand's open.
257
00:09:07,928 --> 00:09:09,599
She's getting "prewrecked."
258
00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:12,136
All right, well,
have a good vacation!
259
00:09:13,305 --> 00:09:14,909
[whimpers]
260
00:09:16,311 --> 00:09:18,148
Us?
Oh, we met on a plane.
261
00:09:18,215 --> 00:09:19,619
It's a clichéd story.
262
00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:22,791
I was the flight attendant.
Nina was the air marshal.
263
00:09:22,858 --> 00:09:24,962
Someone tried
to take over the plane.
264
00:09:25,029 --> 00:09:27,166
Nick threw hot coffee
in his face,
265
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,570
I shot him in the leg,
266
00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:30,373
then while we were
pistolwhipping him,
267
00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:34,180
our eyes met and we've been
inseparable ever since.
268
00:09:34,247 --> 00:09:35,282
both: Aww.
269
00:09:35,349 --> 00:09:36,653
So, tell me, Harrises.
270
00:09:36,719 --> 00:09:39,592
How did a stud and a filly
like you get together?
271
00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:41,495
Oh, we've got
quite a little story too.
272
00:09:41,562 --> 00:09:43,032
We met in high school.
273
00:09:43,098 --> 00:09:45,002
Our desks were
next to each other.
274
00:09:45,069 --> 00:09:46,338
And?
275
00:09:46,405 --> 00:09:48,810
And we're getting through it.
[cell phone chimes]
276
00:09:48,877 --> 00:09:51,348
Ooh, time for our
couples massage!
277
00:09:51,415 --> 00:09:52,818
Oh!
Ooh!
278
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:55,757
Nothing like getting touched
by other people.
279
00:09:56,893 --> 00:09:58,228
Again, not swingers.
280
00:09:58,295 --> 00:10:01,101
Nicko, text me that shampoo
you use on your PT.
281
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,504
Don't forget.
I know how you are.
282
00:10:02,571 --> 00:10:04,374
Nina, remind him.
[laughs]
283
00:10:04,441 --> 00:10:06,411
I thought this was
us time, Jack.
284
00:10:06,478 --> 00:10:09,150
You don't have to become pals
with everyone you meet.
285
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:11,856
You can never have
too many friends, Annie.
286
00:10:11,923 --> 00:10:12,758
[cell phone buzzes]
287
00:10:12,825 --> 00:10:15,530
Oh, our census taker's
getting divorced.
288
00:10:15,597 --> 00:10:17,935
Everyone counted but her.
289
00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:19,839
First strut as a hot girl.
290
00:10:19,905 --> 00:10:21,509
Work it, Kimberly.
291
00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:23,011
[foot hisses]
292
00:10:23,078 --> 00:10:24,180
[screams]
293
00:10:24,247 --> 00:10:25,951
Oh, hot tiles, hot tiles!
294
00:10:26,017 --> 00:10:27,988
Ah.
295
00:10:28,055 --> 00:10:29,090
Huh?
296
00:10:31,629 --> 00:10:33,900
Tipped shades!
He's interested.
297
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,236
All I need him to do now
298
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,975
is lick his fingers
and split his eyebrows.
299
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:40,246
[snorts]
Snot rocket.
300
00:10:40,312 --> 00:10:42,016
Close enough.
301
00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:44,020
Hey, hottie.
What's your name?
302
00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:45,022
Jeremy.
303
00:10:46,659 --> 00:10:47,828
Kimberly, help!
[yelps]
304
00:10:47,895 --> 00:10:50,032
Mia somehow found somebody
better than me.
305
00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:51,468
How did you know it was me?
306
00:10:51,536 --> 00:10:53,172
You smell like our house.
Come on!
307
00:10:53,238 --> 00:10:56,378
Mia's Instagram showed her
in her bedroom with a guy.
308
00:10:56,444 --> 00:10:57,581
How do I compete?
309
00:10:57,648 --> 00:10:59,585
Was her nightstand open?
[groans]
310
00:10:59,652 --> 00:11:01,254
I am so sorry.
Here's what we gotta do.
311
00:11:01,321 --> 00:11:03,893
Instagram is about creating
jealousy through a fake life
312
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,398
and then measuring said
jealousy in likes and comments.
313
00:11:06,464 --> 00:11:07,668
If you do it right,
314
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,237
you might just get sponsored
by Flat Tummy Tea.
315
00:11:09,304 --> 00:11:11,107
Okay, get ready.
[grunts]
316
00:11:11,174 --> 00:11:12,778
[grunts]
[camera shutter snaps]
317
00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:15,216
Okay, captioning "grateful"
with prayer hands,
318
00:11:15,282 --> 00:11:16,184
and you're good to go.
319
00:11:16,251 --> 00:11:19,090
She'll be burning
with #jealousy.
320
00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:21,194
[pants, gasps]
321
00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:23,298
He's gone!
[sobbing]
322
00:11:23,365 --> 00:11:24,902
Ah!
Ow, ow, ow!
323
00:11:24,969 --> 00:11:28,442
Can't cry in those contacts.
The blue is actually bleach.
324
00:11:28,843 --> 00:11:30,881
You know how it is with art.
325
00:11:30,947 --> 00:11:34,053
They'll love my stuff
when I'm dead.
326
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,924
Juice me.
Leave the bottle.
327
00:11:35,991 --> 00:11:37,126
I have an emergency!
328
00:11:37,193 --> 00:11:38,863
I need the police, SWAT Team,
329
00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:41,234
helicopters, and cadaver dogs.
330
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,504
My God, what happened?
331
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:45,042
I lost the cutest boy.
332
00:11:45,109 --> 00:11:48,181
Girl, you need to swim
the hell away from my bar.
333
00:11:50,286 --> 00:11:51,789
[laidback music]
334
00:11:51,856 --> 00:11:53,993
[sighs]
335
00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:56,431
[record scratches]
Room for two more?
336
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,770
Not really.
Hop on!
337
00:11:58,836 --> 00:12:00,573
Oh, you're doing deep tissue?
338
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,243
[scoffs]
So boring.
339
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:03,478
What do you recommend?
340
00:12:03,546 --> 00:12:05,382
Cupping for everyone, Tyler.
341
00:12:08,556 --> 00:12:10,426
Cupping?
Isn't that where they
342
00:12:10,492 --> 00:12:11,428
[skin hisses]
Oh, no!
343
00:12:11,494 --> 00:12:13,131
Ow!
344
00:12:14,535 --> 00:12:16,004
Jeremy's gone.
345
00:12:16,071 --> 00:12:18,008
I looked everywhere
from Ballroom A
346
00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:19,344
to Conference Room L.
347
00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:21,481
Is that where you got that
small Fiji water?
348
00:12:21,549 --> 00:12:22,784
Yeah.
349
00:12:22,851 --> 00:12:24,287
[cell phone chimes]
Oh, Mia liked my post!
350
00:12:24,354 --> 00:12:25,155
That's good, right?
351
00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:27,059
Just a like?
No comment?
352
00:12:27,126 --> 00:12:29,030
If she was jealous,
she would've said something.
353
00:12:29,097 --> 00:12:31,201
[sighs]
Maybe she's writing it now.
354
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:33,673
Refreshdamn.
Refreshdamn!
355
00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:35,910
They monopolized
our entire day.
356
00:12:35,977 --> 00:12:38,816
The massage, the limbo contest,
shopping
357
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,687
and why did you buy Nick
a toe ring?
358
00:12:40,754 --> 00:12:44,227
It was a thank you for the
charm bracelet he bought me.
359
00:12:44,293 --> 00:12:45,295
Come on, honey,
360
00:12:45,362 --> 00:12:48,001
you can never have
too many friends.
361
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,270
Okay, listen up.
362
00:12:49,337 --> 00:12:52,577
Everyone got to have their solo
day of fun, but fun's over.
363
00:12:52,644 --> 00:12:55,950
It's time to start enjoying
this vacation as a family.
364
00:12:56,017 --> 00:12:57,587
To the buffet!
365
00:12:57,654 --> 00:12:59,725
Did somebody yell buffet?
366
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:01,562
Hey, look who's here, Jack.
367
00:13:01,629 --> 00:13:04,568
Remember Nick and Nina
from everything we did today?
368
00:13:04,635 --> 00:13:07,006
Hey, guys!
What are you doing here?
369
00:13:07,073 --> 00:13:09,477
We had a suite,
but we missed our new friends.
370
00:13:09,545 --> 00:13:12,851
So we downgraded to a small
smoking room next to you.
371
00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:15,757
So wanna watch "King of
Queens" on our bed or yours?
372
00:13:15,824 --> 00:13:17,828
I don't know, honey.
Which bed do you think?
373
00:13:17,894 --> 00:13:18,896
Could you give us a second?
374
00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:20,900
Okay,
but the show's starting.
375
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,470
You don't wanna
have to catch up.
376
00:13:22,537 --> 00:13:26,111
Doug, I tripped on your
giant underwear again!
377
00:13:26,177 --> 00:13:28,850
Get off my back, Carrie.
I'm the king of Queens.
378
00:13:28,916 --> 00:13:30,720
And I live in the basement!
379
00:13:30,787 --> 00:13:32,289
[both laugh]
380
00:13:32,356 --> 00:13:33,926
You have to end
this relationship.
381
00:13:33,993 --> 00:13:36,866
But I love you.
With Nick and Nina!
382
00:13:36,932 --> 00:13:38,536
You know
it's more important to me
383
00:13:38,603 --> 00:13:40,239
to be liked than respected.
384
00:13:40,305 --> 00:13:41,542
Come on, honey.
385
00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:43,311
The kids are growing up
so fast.
386
00:13:43,378 --> 00:13:45,783
I don't even recognize
Kimberly anymore.
387
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:47,888
That's Kimberly?
The banana boat.
388
00:13:47,954 --> 00:13:50,560
The bonfire.
The overpriced room service.
389
00:13:50,627 --> 00:13:52,229
They're not just ripoffs.
390
00:13:52,296 --> 00:13:55,169
They're precious
family memories.
391
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,471
Mm.
392
00:13:56,539 --> 00:13:57,974
[gentle ukulele music]
393
00:13:58,041 --> 00:14:01,147
Nicko, when we first met
six hours ago,
394
00:14:01,214 --> 00:14:04,153
I thought we were gonna
be together for a few days.
395
00:14:04,220 --> 00:14:06,391
But life's crazy, you know?
396
00:14:06,457 --> 00:14:09,565
Jack, are you
breaking up with me?
397
00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:12,136
It's not you.
It's my wife.
398
00:14:12,203 --> 00:14:14,808
She wants to make memories
with our kids.
399
00:14:14,875 --> 00:14:17,246
That banana boat picture
means the world to her.
400
00:14:17,313 --> 00:14:20,520
Wow, I'd be lying
if I said I wasn't crushed,
401
00:14:20,587 --> 00:14:22,489
but I get it.
402
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:24,962
No, please keep the toe ring.
That was a gift.
403
00:14:25,028 --> 00:14:27,601
Thanks, brother.
Enjoy your family.
404
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,771
[both grunt]
405
00:14:29,838 --> 00:14:32,409
Can I ask you one thing,
Nick?
406
00:14:32,476 --> 00:14:34,080
Anything.
407
00:14:34,146 --> 00:14:36,919
On "King of Queens,"
who lives in the basement?
408
00:14:36,986 --> 00:14:40,225
Arthur.
Arthur lives in the basement.
409
00:14:40,292 --> 00:14:46,004
♪
410
00:14:47,941 --> 00:14:49,310
Good morning, Reggie.
411
00:14:49,377 --> 00:14:50,947
I believe you have
a banana boat
412
00:14:51,014 --> 00:14:52,416
reserved for the Harris family.
413
00:14:52,483 --> 00:14:55,055
Yes we do,
and they are having a blast!
414
00:14:55,122 --> 00:14:57,359
We don't take rejection well.
415
00:14:57,426 --> 00:15:02,002
So we stole your banana boat,
and now your memories are ours!
416
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,806
[both cackle]
417
00:15:03,873 --> 00:15:06,411
We should've watched TV
in bed with them.
418
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,522
[both laughing]
419
00:15:11,588 --> 00:15:13,058
Jack, that should be us
420
00:15:13,124 --> 00:15:15,897
exaggerating our fun to make
other families jealous!
421
00:15:15,963 --> 00:15:17,934
I can't believe
I'm saying this,
422
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:21,240
but you can have
too many friends.
423
00:15:21,307 --> 00:15:22,744
Mm.
424
00:15:22,811 --> 00:15:24,614
Get on, Harrises.
425
00:15:24,681 --> 00:15:26,852
Your mom wants
to ride a banana!
426
00:15:26,919 --> 00:15:28,288
[engine turns over]
427
00:15:28,355 --> 00:15:29,423
[all shout]
428
00:15:29,490 --> 00:15:30,560
Hang on!
429
00:15:30,626 --> 00:15:31,595
[screams]
430
00:15:31,662 --> 00:15:33,833
[dramatic music]
431
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:36,437
Jeremy, help!
[coughs]
432
00:15:36,505 --> 00:15:39,043
♪
433
00:15:39,544 --> 00:15:41,381
[both gasp, pant]
434
00:15:44,755 --> 00:15:46,124
You glowed up, too?
435
00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:49,430
My yearbook picture sucked.
My name's not even Jeremy.
436
00:15:50,733 --> 00:15:52,604
Oh, and Norman can't swim.
437
00:15:52,670 --> 00:15:55,442
[yelps, pants]
438
00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:58,916
Jing, take the wheel!
Why does she get to do it?
439
00:15:58,983 --> 00:16:00,820
You always zone out
when you're driving.
440
00:16:00,887 --> 00:16:02,022
I do not!
441
00:16:02,089 --> 00:16:03,726
That cloud is shaped like
a dragon.
442
00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:05,696
[both grunt]
443
00:16:05,763 --> 00:16:07,634
Eat Coppertone, bitch!
444
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,103
[screams]
It burns!
445
00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:12,443
I held your place
in the buffet line, Jack!
446
00:16:12,510 --> 00:16:15,817
[grunts]
I hotoiled your ponytail!
447
00:16:15,883 --> 00:16:18,556
You did?
[grunts]
448
00:16:18,622 --> 00:16:20,258
Okay.
449
00:16:22,062 --> 00:16:24,467
[grunts]
[strains, pants]
450
00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:27,841
If you can't swim, why were you
pretending to be a lifeguard?
451
00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:30,111
The same reason
you painted your braces.
452
00:16:30,178 --> 00:16:32,550
I wanted people to stop
throwing soup on me.
453
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:35,021
both: Middle school sucks.
454
00:16:35,088 --> 00:16:37,827
Stop strangling yourself,
Jack!
455
00:16:37,894 --> 00:16:39,731
Squeeze the life
out of him, baby.
456
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:41,100
It turns me on.
457
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,204
Still, not swingers.
[grunts]
458
00:16:43,271 --> 00:16:46,143
[grunts]
Eat Coppertone, bitch!
459
00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:48,749
Again?
Flip the boat, Duncan!
460
00:16:48,816 --> 00:16:51,487
Save Mommy and Daddy!
461
00:16:51,555 --> 00:16:53,826
[strains]
I'm not strong enough!
462
00:16:53,893 --> 00:16:58,234
The president of
the United States says you are.
463
00:16:58,769 --> 00:17:00,740
[straining]
464
00:17:00,806 --> 00:17:02,610
[all scream]
465
00:17:02,677 --> 00:17:04,614
Ooh!
[grunts]
466
00:17:04,681 --> 00:17:06,885
You can take the jet ski.
467
00:17:06,952 --> 00:17:09,691
We've got banana boat
memories to make.
468
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:11,562
Yeah!
Whoohoo!
469
00:17:11,628 --> 00:17:13,331
Making memories!
470
00:17:14,935 --> 00:17:16,672
This is amazing shaved ice.
471
00:17:16,738 --> 00:17:18,509
You wouldn't think Tutti Frutti
and Tiger's Blood
472
00:17:18,576 --> 00:17:20,211
would work together,
but they do.
473
00:17:20,278 --> 00:17:22,684
You know, in the '70s,
they didn't shave the ice.
474
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,590
They just left it natural.
Nobody cut their cubes?
475
00:17:25,656 --> 00:17:27,259
I still like mine uncut.
476
00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:29,029
This is all I wanted
477
00:17:29,096 --> 00:17:30,432
being with my family,
478
00:17:30,498 --> 00:17:33,271
watching a beautiful sunset
in matching outfits.
479
00:17:33,338 --> 00:17:37,245
All we need now is a bonfire,
and it's a perfect vacation.
480
00:17:37,312 --> 00:17:39,684
One bonfire coming up.
481
00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:41,755
Hmm.
482
00:17:41,822 --> 00:17:44,594
Isn't that the jet ski that
we left for Nick and Nina?
483
00:17:44,661 --> 00:17:47,132
Oh, that could be any
Wave Master 3000
484
00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:49,671
that still has my coffee in it.
[gasps]
485
00:17:52,175 --> 00:17:54,814
Well, that's not
any toe ring.
486
00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:57,854
That's Nick's toe ring.
I'd recognize it anywhere.
487
00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,557
But where are Nick and Nina?
488
00:17:59,624 --> 00:18:02,195
Am I allowed to call adults
by their first names now?
489
00:18:02,262 --> 00:18:03,498
They're dead!
490
00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:05,301
And we were the last ones
to see them.
491
00:18:05,368 --> 00:18:08,141
People could think we had
something to do with it!
492
00:18:08,207 --> 00:18:10,780
Jack, Annie!
What are we gonna do?
493
00:18:10,846 --> 00:18:12,917
Kill everyone here?
No.
494
00:18:12,984 --> 00:18:14,453
As an officer of the law,
495
00:18:14,521 --> 00:18:17,192
there's only one thing
we can do.
496
00:18:17,259 --> 00:18:19,129
That's it, burn their clothes,
497
00:18:19,196 --> 00:18:20,800
burn their bong, burn it all!
498
00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:22,704
Got the seafood tower!
499
00:18:22,770 --> 00:18:25,141
I love burning stuff,
but why are we doing this?
500
00:18:25,208 --> 00:18:26,978
We're painting a picture.
501
00:18:27,045 --> 00:18:28,247
Your sister's right.
502
00:18:28,314 --> 00:18:30,653
They're not bloated
on the bottom of the ocean
503
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,024
if they're here,
bloated on shellfish.
504
00:18:33,091 --> 00:18:34,326
Here's what happened:
505
00:18:34,393 --> 00:18:35,730
Nick and Nina
came back to their room...
506
00:18:35,796 --> 00:18:38,569
"Oh, what a fun day
annoying the Harrises,"
507
00:18:38,635 --> 00:18:40,773
grabbed two shrimp
in melted ice water.
508
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,008
"Mmm, this shrimp is so good,"
509
00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:44,046
got frisky on the bed.
510
00:18:44,113 --> 00:18:45,816
"Ooh, oh, wow, oh, boy,
oh, Nick!"
511
00:18:45,883 --> 00:18:48,722
Then they called it off
due to bad shellfish.
512
00:18:48,789 --> 00:18:51,828
"Ugh, I'm gonna throw up.
I'm throwin' and goin'."
513
00:18:51,895 --> 00:18:54,433
And then they left the hotel
without being seen,
514
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,437
thanks to the miracle
of video check out.
515
00:18:56,505 --> 00:18:58,709
both: Do not check us out!
516
00:18:58,776 --> 00:18:59,778
[dramatic musical sting]
517
00:18:59,844 --> 00:19:01,113
[all scream]
518
00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:02,683
They're sea ghosts,
and their souls
519
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,086
won't rest until we're dead!
520
00:19:04,153 --> 00:19:06,858
[chuckles]
We're not sea ghosts.
521
00:19:06,925 --> 00:19:08,261
all: Huh?
522
00:19:08,327 --> 00:19:10,331
Yeah, we're just
scamming the hotel
523
00:19:10,398 --> 00:19:13,705
by letting them think we died
so we get a free vacation.
524
00:19:13,772 --> 00:19:14,941
But if you check us out,
525
00:19:15,008 --> 00:19:17,012
they charge our card,
and we're on the hook for it.
526
00:19:17,078 --> 00:19:18,481
This was all a setup?
527
00:19:18,549 --> 00:19:20,953
Oh, yeah, we've been
doing this for years.
528
00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:25,563
Last week, we died at this
adorable ice hotel in Sweden.
529
00:19:26,263 --> 00:19:28,702
We pick out a bland,
friendless couple,
530
00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:30,438
just trying to have
a nice vacation...
531
00:19:30,506 --> 00:19:33,679
Annoy the crap out of them,
instigate a violent brawl,
532
00:19:33,745 --> 00:19:35,883
and let them think
they murdered us.
533
00:19:35,950 --> 00:19:37,687
Free vacay, baby.
534
00:19:37,753 --> 00:19:40,258
You made us think
we killed you!
535
00:19:40,325 --> 00:19:43,431
Oh, get off our backs.
We just swam a mile to shore.
536
00:19:43,497 --> 00:19:47,673
You and you are sociopaths!
But great company.
537
00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:49,276
Hey, if you're ever
in Oakdale
538
00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:51,447
Jack!
Right, right, right.
539
00:19:54,419 --> 00:19:55,956
[grunts]
Going to Mia'sbye!
540
00:19:56,023 --> 00:19:57,894
[panting]
541
00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:01,367
[gasps] Norman just sent me
the cutest Boomerang!
542
00:20:03,137 --> 00:20:04,908
I'm gonna send him one back.
543
00:20:04,974 --> 00:20:07,245
Nobody come in my room!
544
00:20:07,312 --> 00:20:08,515
What do you got, Jing?
545
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,786
Oh, it's just a picture
I drew on vacation.
546
00:20:10,853 --> 00:20:13,491
I'll put it under the sink
with the others.
547
00:20:14,527 --> 00:20:17,365
Wait, is this us
covering up a murder?
548
00:20:17,432 --> 00:20:18,802
As a family!
549
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:20,405
We love it.
550
00:20:22,042 --> 00:20:25,916
I'm finally on the fridge!
I've reached the top!
551
00:20:25,983 --> 00:20:28,187
Then why do I feel so empty?
552
00:20:28,254 --> 00:20:30,893
That's the mark
of a true artist.
553
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,897
Yay, I'm nuts!
554
00:20:32,964 --> 00:20:34,600
Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy.
555
00:20:38,174 --> 00:20:39,443
[panting]
556
00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:41,146
Duncan,
how was your vacation?
557
00:20:41,213 --> 00:20:42,516
Great, who was that guy?
What guy?
558
00:20:42,583 --> 00:20:45,188
The 6'2" hot guy I saw
in your retinal image.
559
00:20:45,254 --> 00:20:47,560
Oh, that was my ex
from my old school.
560
00:20:47,626 --> 00:20:49,964
He wanted to get back together,
but I wasn't interested.
561
00:20:50,031 --> 00:20:51,066
Oh, all right.
562
00:20:51,133 --> 00:20:52,937
But then we hit it off again
563
00:20:53,004 --> 00:20:54,339
so we made out for a while,
564
00:20:54,406 --> 00:20:55,576
but the spark
just wasn't there.
565
00:20:55,642 --> 00:20:57,880
But your nightstand
why was it open?
566
00:20:57,947 --> 00:21:00,753
I'm afraid that's my fault.
Huh?
567
00:21:02,055 --> 00:21:05,061
Drawer's all fixed, ma'am.
You can finally close it.
568
00:21:05,128 --> 00:21:06,831
Sorry I took all week.
569
00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:09,570
Just remember,
you can't keep objects that big
570
00:21:09,637 --> 00:21:11,875
in a drawer that small.
571
00:21:12,777 --> 00:21:14,547
You weren't jealous,
were you?
572
00:21:14,614 --> 00:21:17,085
I mean, you were partying
with those college girls.
573
00:21:17,152 --> 00:21:19,256
Oh, yeah,
they were all over me.
574
00:21:19,322 --> 00:21:21,193
Maybe I should be jealous.
575
00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:22,563
What, no!
[grunts]
576
00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:24,166
You're moving too fast for me!
Zeb, wait up!
577
00:21:24,232 --> 00:21:25,468
[pants, grunts]
578
00:21:25,536 --> 00:21:28,875
Girls and nightstands.
Am I right, partner?
579
00:21:28,942 --> 00:21:30,044
Whatjust drive.
580
00:21:30,111 --> 00:21:32,382
Whoa!
581
00:21:32,432 --> 00:21:36,982
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