All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.Animated.S03E04_English

Hey, Mom.

What's wrong
with your face?

It looks weird.

It's make-up.

What's your excuse?

I'm getting interviewed
by a famous gardening podcaster,

and I want to look nice.

Lady Hollywood
over here

hasn't stopped
yakking about it

all week.

A gardening podcaster?

What's the podcast
called?

"Fetching Flowers
with Sir Brilliam Teabody"?

The host isn't British.

His name is Lance.

Oh, Fancy Lancey.

He's interviewing me
about the rare corpse flower

I grew in the community garden.

It's set to bloom.

Speaking of bloomers,

does Fancy Lancey
wear them

when he's pruning
his shrubberies?

Ha! Landscaping...

Mock me all you want.

I really achieved something,

and you'll be able
to smell that achievement

when it blooms.

The corpse flower is known
for its rare stench.

Rare stench?

That's what
they called Hank

in high school.

[cackling]

Hey, I thought we were
piling on Lance.

I saw an opening,
and I took it.

I'll just be glad

when you're finished
chitty-chatting

with this Fancy Lancey
Petunia Pantsey.

[straining with effort]

You want me
to get those?

♪ You think there's not a lot
goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪

[♪♪♪]

What's
going on there?

Box lunch?

[sighs]

I won a Shauna
in a raffle.

Like an Irish woman?

Is that still legal?

No, a Shauna.

Oh, a smart speaker.

I love those.

They can tell you
the weather,

play your
favorite music--

And spy on you

and sell your information
to the government.

They're always listening.

You have a cell phone,
don't you?

You think they're not listening?

May as well accept it
and enjoy the benefits.

I'm surprised you're not
worried about robot spies.

It seems like your kinda thing.

Oh, you can outsmart A.I.

I've trained my cell phone
to only show me news

about philosophy, NASA,

and dogs in shark costumes.

This one's name
is Noam Chomp-ski.

[chuckling]

So, what're you
gonna do with her?

I was thinking about
dropping her in a dumpster

three towns over.

And waste
a good Shauna?

If you don't want her
listening to your secrets,

I'll take her.

Lower your voice.

I can't hear you,
Lacey Burrows!

Blow up what?

Wanda!

She is making that up.

Holy mother
of muscle-mania,

is that
who I think it is?

[Brent]: Lance Fury?

The greatest wrestler
of all time!

What's he doing here?

Who knows?

You think he brought
the fists of fury?

I don't know,

I can only see
down to his elbows.

Sorry, Lance.

They don't have organic
free-trade cane sugar.

This place is a little...

Mom, what
are you doing?

Boys, this is Lance.

Yeah, we know.

I have a pillowcase
with his face on it.

Well, that's
uncomfortably flattering.

P.S.,
it's a body pillow.

What are you guys
talking about?

Lance is here
to interview me

about
my corpse flower.

You're
Fancy Lancey?

The gardening geek--
uh, guy?

Yes...

to the "gardening" part.

I used to be
a professional wrestler.

Wait a minute,

is this why you haven't
been seen in the ring

for almost a decade?

Yeah, this is my thing now.

But there's no suplexing
in gardening...

Uh, is there?

[Oscar]: Emma!

There you are.

Who's Billy Biceps
over here?

Remember the world-famous
plant expert

I told you about?

Yeah,

but why the hell
would a seed jockey

need a bodyguard?

He doesn't,

because this is him.

Hang on,

we didn't license
pillowcases.

[Fitzy]: ...and here's
the proposed police budget

for next year.

This is $2,000 less
than last year.

Next year's budget is based
on this year's budget,

and you didn't
spend it all.

You spent $2,000 less.

Great work.

Thanks!

No, wait!

Actually, the thing is,

we need that $2,000,

because we already
spent it,

on stuff,

which we will report to you
by the end of day.

Seriously?

Well, I take back
that "great work."

Mediocre job.

Thanks!

[door closes]

Our budget gets cut

unless we spend $2,000
by the end of the day.

That doesn't sound
like a bad thing.

Oh, yeah.

Shopping spree!

It doesn't make sense.

Lance Fury
has championship belts,

killer abs,

and biceps bigger
than babies' heads,

and he gave up wrestling
for a gardening podcast?

I still have
all his matches on tape.

Maybe we can figure out
what happened.

[♪♪♪]

Come on!

Athleticism, performance,

a tasteful amount of body oil...

he was the whole package,

and don't get me started
on his package.

Ooh, there's the move,
"Anger Management."

The greatest
finishing move ever.

Man, Lance is a legend.

Maybe he just
needs help

seeing how to manage
both passions at once.

Yeah, it's possible to have
a stupid hobby

and an awesome career.

[grunting in pain]

How could anyone
give this up?

Hey, Shauna,

what's the name of the song
from the commercial

with the guy who does
the thing with the fish?

[Shauna beeps]

I believe that song is called
"Gill's Night Out."

Oh, man, you are good.

Lacey,
what are you doing?

[quietly] Have you got
any, uh, yeast packets?

We're out,
but I can order some.

Shauna, yeast packets,
what do ya got?

[Shauna beeps]

Steady Rise Yeast Packets,
box of 12,

is a same-day,
quick-ship option.

Is there anything else?

Yeah, do that thing I like.

[Shauna beeps]

[blows raspberry]

[laughing]
You're the best.

[quietly] Thank you.

Also, grow up.

Come on, Karen,

it's so cool.

Wanda, settle
an argument.

The DRPD needs
to spend two grand,

and we can't agree
on what to buy.

I want an armored
personnel carrier.

We have two grand,
not 200 grand.

It's a down payment.

I want a camouflage unit
for the cruiser

so we can catch speeders.

Everyone's caught on
to the surveillance bush.

[car approaching]

Good morning, Karen!

The surveillance bush
works fine.

It makes people
politer.

We're getting
the camouflage unit.

Personnel carrier!

Camouflage unit!

-Personnel carrier!
-Camouflage unit!

[Shauna beeps]
Order received.

Would you like to select
the quick-ship option?

If it means these two
will shut up quicker,

then yes.

[Shauna beeps]
Great.

Your package
is on its way.

-I win!
-I win!

...and I said
"nemophilas," not...

Well, let's just say

she thought I said
something else,

and called the cops.

[laughing]

Oh, Lance,
you are too much.

Would you like a drink?

Water'd be great.

My roots are
shrivellin'.

[laughing]

So, posey pecs,

it must bug your wife
that you travel so much.

Oh, I'm not married.

I can understand that.

Big strapping guy like you

must have a weed
in every garden.

That's nice of you to say,

sort of,

but I haven't found
anyone special

who shares my passion
for plants.

Tall drink of water

for a tall
drink of water?

Thank you, Emma,

and might I say, you have
beautiful bougainvilleas.

I liked her Bob Vilas

long before you came around,
buddy boy.

Well?

Well what?

You texted me,
my yeast arrived?

Oh, that was Shauna.

I paired my phone to her.

Oh, Shauna texted me?

Wow.

Oh, that's impressive.

[quietly]
What else can she do?

Oh, just grocery shopping,
back taxes,

records TV shows,

she only speaks when spoken to.

The ideal partner.

Wow, that does
sound kinda great.

Ooh, and check this out.

You can also
change the accent.

Shauna, what's
your favorite movie?

[Shauna beeps]

[Vampire voice]
Blood Sport!

[vampire laughter] Ah, ah, ah!

It has a setting for vampire?

Oh, yeah,
tons of options.

Vampire, hillbilly,
surfer dude.

[Shauna beeps]

[surf dude voice] Your parcel
totally arrived, bruh.

My camouflage unit
has arrived.

I think you mean my...

Hey, this isn't
a personnel carrier.

You thought that box
held a personnel carrier?

It's the
camouflage unit.

It's not that either.

"Personal massage unit"?

Ugh, Wanda's robot
must've made a mistake.

It must've
heard us arguing

and thought
we needed to relax.

Or while we were
shouting over each other,

it heard "personnel"
and "camouflage"

and computed
"personal massage."

Or... what I said.

Shauna?

Did the Funky Bunch make
any albums without Marky Mark,

and does Wahlburgers
have a Funky Brunch?

Shauna?

Silvio, play me some, uh,
smooth jazz.

[Shauna/Silvio beeps]

[seductive Spanish male voice]
But of course, Lacey.

[smooth jazz music plays]

[Lance]: So, Emma,

did you really build
a tiny greenhouse

to help grow
your corpse flower?

It's not the size
of your greenhouse,

it's how you use it.

[both chuckling]

[forced laughter]

Good one, dear!

I guess we can
edit that out.

Is there anything
you need, dear?

We're recording.

Sorry,

didn't know I needed
to make an appointment

to compliment my wife.

I love your
broad-leaf lady palm.

How often do you
fertilize it?

I just
keep it moist.

Whoa!
[cups clattering]

Easy there.

Why don't we cool off
with a bit of hot coffee?

Oscar!

Maybe there's somewhere
more private we can go?

-How private?
-[door opens]

Hey, Lance,

check it out!

We get you love
gardening,

but it's totally possible
to be a wrestler

and a gardener
at the same time.

So we came up
with a few ideas

for new characters
for you to try out.

We're a little busy.

This'll just take
15 or 20 minutes.

Check it out.

"The Horror-culturist."

He'll give your willows
something to weep about!

Signature move?

The arti-choke!

So here's the thing--

I know what
you're thinking.

You don't want
to turn heel.

How about this one?

"The Dandy Lion."

Too clever?

We can dumb it down.

You're done.

Not even close.

Straight outta compost
and ready to rake...

"Deadward Snipperhands."

Guys, this is really...

but Emma and I are
in the middle of something.

Can we talk later?

Oh.

Okay.

Uh, yeah, no-
no problem.

We'll see you later.

Sorry about--

Mustard?

What? Why are you
still here?

[crunching]

[sighing]

Silvio, this recipe
is incredible.

You're a genius.

[Silvio beeps]

It is you
who are the genius.

[giggles in delight]
Oh, stop it, you.

[beeps]

Would you like me to stop it?

Flattery setting
ranges from 1 to 6.

Hard 6, Silvio.

Hard 6.

What did you do
to Shauna?

He's been
re-christened "Silvio,"

and he is amazing.

He's smart, supportive,
has great taste in music.

But you gave him to me.

Oh, did I?

I can't remember.

Silvio does
all of my remembering now.

[Silvio beeps]

Don't forget
to wish your father

a happy birthday...

from both of us.

[giggles]
Is it hot in here?

Shauna--

Silvio.

Whoever.

Do that thing
I like.

[beeps]
[meows and purrs]

You replaced the fart
with a kitten?

You sicko!

We have to send this back,
right?

[motor buzzing]

Ooh... boy.

That's somethin' else.

We can't keep it.

It's unethical.

There's absolutely no--

[voice shuddering]
Oh... baby.

[chuckling in delight]

But what about Silvio
spying on you

and trading
your personal information

for government cheese?

It's like you said.

Privacy is dead,

cell phones,
that whole thing?

But he's always listening.

That's just it.

He listens to me.

You're falling in love
with a machine.

Love?

[laughs]

You're losing
your grip on reality.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Silvio, what should we have
for dinner?

[beeps]

I suggest a rich, spicy pasta

to celebrate
our one-hour anniversary.

Oh, you remembered.

Maybe if we stick
the massager receipt

with the office
supply receipts,

Fitzy won't notice.

Or we could doctor the receipt.

No, we can't, that's fraud.

It's not fraud

if we're both aware
of what we're doing.

It's called "two-party consent."

That's for
wire-tapping.

How's wire-tapping
going to help?

Get your head
in the game, Karen.

This arguing
is making you tense.

Hit me.

[motor buzzing]

Ooh... ah...

Now, transplanting
bleeding hearts is tricky.

It helps if you loosen
the delicate roots

with your fingers

before you pull them out.

Let me show you.

That's it.

Push your fingers
right in there.

It's okay
to get dirty.

I thought you were
recording a podcast!

We're on a break!

Hey, Lance!

You didn't seem
too into the characters,

which we totally get--

--but why not try
a new gardening-themed

finishing move?

Guys, listen--

Anger Management
is a classic.

It'll live on
in the canon,

but what about something
we like to call

"A Boot to the Roots"?

A superkick that'll
rattle your opponent

from rectum to retina.

[making "bionic"
sound effect]

We said
no sound effects.

Lance doesn't have time
for your nonsense.

Mom, we worked
really hard on this.

We have another move
called "The Roto-Killer."

You take your signature
facebuster

and add a twist
at the top.

[gagging]

Stop!

You can't grab him
by the throat.

You'll break his neck.

Don't tell my son
what he can't break.

It's their necks,

and this is
a free country!

Dad, don't!

Silvio?

Can you quote Shakespeare?

[beeps]

But of course.

"I'll not shed her blood,

nor scar that whiter skin
of hers than snow,

yet she must die."

Oh...
[chuckles awkwardly]

Maybe something
a little less murdery?

We need to talk.
Alone.

Whatever
you want to say to me,

you can say in front of Silvio.

[quietly]
I just want you to know

that I saw you-know-who
talking to Helen.

and I mean "talking."

A buck fifty for a coffee?

[Silvio beeps]:
The price of coffee

is impacted
by several conditions.

Is there a TV on?

He was pretty
eager to please.

He wouldn't do
anything like that,

but just in case,

I'm going to tell Helen
to leave my boy toy--

I mean, my voice toy--

my-my device, alone.

"Paperclips,
printer paper,

personal massage
assault unit"?

It's like a modern,

high-tech replacement
for a billy club.

How do you use it?

Ouch, no, it's non-contact!

I just wave it,

and then the wi-fi
sends you a police report.

That's what I like to hear.

[motor buzzing]

Wait a minute...

this is more massagey
than wi-fi-y.

What are you
trying to pull?

Definitely not fraud.

We're all
consenting parties.

Don't pull me into your
filthy massage parties.

This isn't
police equipment.

Send it back.

Aw.

[motor buzzing]

[voice shuddering]
Aw... Oh, yeah...

[♪♪♪]

This is the saddest
day of my life.

We've lost the greatest
wrestler of all time.

I'm gonna have to
get a new pillow.

Can I get a beer?

Hey, guys, listen,

it's nice to know

there are still some
Lance Fury fans out there,

so I feel like
I owe you the truth

about why I left
the business.

When I was a kid,

I was fascinated
with flowers and plants,

but my parents
were big pro wrestling fans,

and the only time
they paid attention to me

was when I pretended
to be a wrestler,

leaping off the credenza,

slamming an elbow into
my little brother's skull.

They loved that stuff.

As I grew up,

I was sort of drawn to the ring,

because it made my parents
so happy.

Sure, it was fun for a while,

and I do love the tights.

I'm wearing some
under these pants,

but wrestling
was never my passion.

Botany, that's who I am.

Your name's "Brittany"?

He said "Botany."

We're sorry, Lance.

We didn't know.

It's-it's okay.

Wrestling is awesome.

I've just moved on.

To begonias!

We're cheersing
meat sauce?

Do you know
any words?

I know "credenza."

Psst!

Silvio...

You sure you don't miss
your old pal Wanda?

Lacey doesn't really
care about you.

[beeps]

I found an article,

"13 Signs She Doesn't
Really Care About You."

Shall I read it aloud?

You should read it to yourself
and get a clue.

Lacey's just using you.

[beeps]

Would you like to access
my user manual?

You know, the first time
Lacey met you,

she hid you in a soup pot?

She was ashamed
to be seen with you.

Wanda, cut it out.

We don't need
to fight.

You can come and visit
whenever you want,

but he stays here,

and don't touch him.

But what if I just--

Don't touch him!

Lacey, can I use
your talkin' robit?

I got a private question

only the Internet
can answer.

Gross,

but I guess.

Just let me get
out of earshot.

Tell me everything you know
about... Lance Fury.

[motor buzzing]

[sighing deeply]

We should really take this
to the post office.

Oh, just a few
more minutes.

Farewell, relaxed spine.

Ah, goodbye,
tension-free shoulders.

So long,
soothed arches.

Ugh, not
on your rank feet!

I've got my socks on.

Lacey!

I wanna order lunch to go.

[beeps]

The average human consumes
700 calories at lunch.

You and I are done,
Creepo Suave,

so shut it.

Hmm, what's
the special today?

Ooh, tacos.

[beeps]

Tacos are Mexican cuisine.

Are you referencing your trip
to Cabo San Lucas?

How do you
know about that?

[beeps] Accessing
your photo library now.

Photos?

I deleted those photos.

[beeps]
I like your orange bikini.

I see the bottoms,
but where's the top?

Delete! Delete!

Shut your eyes!

[beeps]
Accessing contacts to share.

[wailing] No!

[groaning]

[applause and cheering]

[crowd exclaiming in delight]
Wow! Genius! Beautiful!

-Gross! -Ew!
-Who died?

Congratulations, Emma.

Your corpse flower
is truly putrid.

Smellfie?

What the--

[♪♪♪]

Fury!

You're dead.

Oh, my stars,
it's The Bad Mechanic!

How did one of Lance Fury's
mortal enemies

find out he's here?

At any rate, get him!

I got a tip

that you've been
sullying my good name.

I haven't been sullying--

[motor buzzing]

Did someone just
get hit with a chair

at the community garden?

Wouldn't be
the first time.

[groaning]

Fury's taking a beating.

He's been out of the ring
too long.

[grunting]

Back on his feet!

What's going on?

Why is-- Oh!

Oof!

Ow!

My eyes!

My nose!

My orchid!

Back off.

If you want Lance,
you'll have to go through me.

I can't do that.

I promised the judge

I wouldn't body-slam
any more old ladies.

Who are you calling "old"?

Yikes, I'm outta here.

See you
next time, Fury.

What an awesome
fight!

Yeah, that was
so amazing...

how your love of flowers
became your Achilles heel.

I told you guys
why I didn't wrestle anymore,

and you brought my nemesis back
to force a match?

We didn't bring him back.

Who else
would do this?

You've been trying to get me
to wrestle all week.

This is all your fault.

I'm taking you both
to Anger Management!

He's gonna kill us!

But what a cool
way to go.

[motor buzzing]

What is... that?

It's amazing.

Wow, that thing
is effective.

Like a slow,
gentle tazer.

Too bad we have
to return it.

All right, I give.

It's legitimate
police equipment,

but we'll keep it
in my office.

If you want it,
just text me...

then wait
ten minutes.

[deep fryer sizzling]

[yelping]

Silvio!

Why are you
in the deep fryer?

Please, be alive...

Please be alive.

Talk to me, Silvio.

I need to hear
your warm, tender voice.

[beeps] [menacing voice]
How can I help you, Lacey?

[yelping]
Ew! Kill it! Kill it!

[battle grunts]

Hi'yah!

[groaning death throes]

[♪♪♪]

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... ♪

♪ Don't know ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know ♪