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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,806 --> 00:00:21,478 ? Now I don't normally like gettin' up in the mornin' ? 2 00:00:21,512 --> 00:00:24,315 ? But old Mr. Sun is shinin' down on me ? 3 00:00:24,347 --> 00:00:26,384 ? So you chipped your nail, you stubbed your toe ? 4 00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,319 ? You lost your phone, life's a rollin' stone ? 5 00:00:28,352 --> 00:00:29,754 ? On a broken roller coaster ? 6 00:00:29,786 --> 00:00:30,353 ? Okay ? 7 00:00:30,388 --> 00:00:31,856 ? Scream shit, move on ? 8 00:00:31,888 --> 00:00:33,356 ? Throw your hands up, move on ? 9 00:00:33,390 --> 00:00:35,893 ? It's all good, today's your day ? 10 00:00:35,926 --> 00:00:37,261 ? Ooh ? 11 00:00:37,293 --> 00:00:38,128 ? Time to fill it with swift transition ? 12 00:00:38,161 --> 00:00:39,028 ? Put yourself in good position ? 13 00:00:39,063 --> 00:00:41,798 ? If you want things can go your way ? 14 00:00:41,832 --> 00:00:42,966 ? Ooh ? 15 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:43,768 ? Ain't no time to smell the roses ? 16 00:00:43,801 --> 00:00:45,536 ? Gotta get to where the gold is 17 00:00:45,569 --> 00:00:47,705 ? The road's already been paved ? 18 00:00:47,737 --> 00:00:49,272 ? Ooh ? 19 00:00:49,305 --> 00:00:50,674 ? Here I go ? 20 00:00:50,707 --> 00:00:52,275 ? Ready now ? 21 00:00:52,308 --> 00:00:53,610 ? I'm comin' for you ? 22 00:00:53,643 --> 00:00:55,213 ? Can't nothin' stop me ? 23 00:00:55,246 --> 00:00:56,647 ? I got some things ? 24 00:00:56,679 --> 00:00:57,647 ? I gotta do ? 25 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,717 ? Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah ? 26 00:01:00,750 --> 00:01:02,586 ? I'm makin' a move ? 27 00:01:02,619 --> 00:01:03,287 ? Ooh ? 28 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:04,254 ? Study long, study wrong ? 29 00:01:04,289 --> 00:01:06,623 ? Ain't nothin' gonna happen on a song ? 30 00:01:06,656 --> 00:01:08,558 ? I'm makin' a move ? 31 00:01:08,591 --> 00:01:09,760 ? Ooh ? 32 00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:10,594 ? Don't need no hickeys for this song ? 33 00:01:10,626 --> 00:01:12,629 ? I got joy all through my soul ? 34 00:01:12,662 --> 00:01:14,432 ? I'm makin' a move ? 35 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:14,999 ? Ooh ? 36 00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:16,399 ? Get up, get out ? 37 00:01:16,433 --> 00:01:18,436 ? Mr. Sun is shinin' on me ? 38 00:01:18,468 --> 00:01:19,035 ? I see you ? 39 00:01:19,069 --> 00:01:20,537 ? I'm makin' a move ? 40 00:01:20,570 --> 00:01:21,171 ? Ooh ? 41 00:01:21,204 --> 00:01:22,606 ? Got my lucky charms ? 42 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,507 ? Time to move along, yeah ? 43 00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:26,409 ? I'm making a move ? 44 00:01:26,442 --> 00:01:27,712 ? Ooh ? 45 00:01:27,745 --> 00:01:30,281 ? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah... ? 46 00:01:30,313 --> 00:01:31,248 You having fun? 47 00:01:31,281 --> 00:01:32,882 Yeah. 48 00:01:32,915 --> 00:01:34,451 Yes, yes, they're great. 49 00:01:34,484 --> 00:01:35,819 It's they're just... it's a lot, you know? 50 00:01:35,852 --> 00:01:36,521 What about you? 51 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:37,822 - Are you having fun? - Yeah. 52 00:01:37,855 --> 00:01:39,423 Don't tell her, 53 00:01:39,456 --> 00:01:42,326 but I'm actually kind of glad KJ put this together. 54 00:01:42,358 --> 00:01:44,728 Yea, I know you're like the little lesbian child bride 55 00:01:44,762 --> 00:01:45,195 of Damascus. 56 00:01:50,034 --> 00:01:51,736 - Cheers. - Cheers. 57 00:01:51,769 --> 00:01:53,904 Excuse me. 58 00:01:53,936 --> 00:01:57,674 In this country, we don't drink when we are pregnant. 59 00:02:02,412 --> 00:02:04,314 Uh, mm, mm. 60 00:02:04,347 --> 00:02:07,385 Okay, um, she says she's actually sacrificing this one, 61 00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:09,020 so it doesn't matter. 62 00:02:09,052 --> 00:02:10,655 Thank you for your concern. 63 00:02:12,355 --> 00:02:13,156 Noor. 64 00:02:13,991 --> 00:02:14,625 Come. 65 00:02:14,657 --> 00:02:15,725 Ooh! 66 00:02:15,758 --> 00:02:16,993 You're uh, you're being beckoned back 67 00:02:17,026 --> 00:02:18,328 to the daughters of Isabella over there. 68 00:02:18,361 --> 00:02:20,397 - Okay, you coming back over? - Yes. 69 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:22,033 Yes, I just need a break from Joshlyn's mom. 70 00:02:22,766 --> 00:02:23,800 It's actually Ashlyn and Jayden. 71 00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:25,069 Oh my God. 72 00:02:25,102 --> 00:02:25,703 Okay. 73 00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:28,638 Uh. 74 00:02:28,671 --> 00:02:29,472 - Ew, George. - Hey. 75 00:02:29,507 --> 00:02:30,841 Why are you wearing this sweatshirt? 76 00:02:30,873 --> 00:02:32,475 Ashton gave it to me. 77 00:02:32,508 --> 00:02:33,843 We're writing little messages on the diapers, 78 00:02:33,877 --> 00:02:34,512 so the baby feels supported... 79 00:02:34,544 --> 00:02:35,178 Ah! 80 00:02:35,212 --> 00:02:36,313 When it shits or something. 81 00:02:36,347 --> 00:02:40,084 I wrote the littlest feet leave the biggest footprints 82 00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:41,451 in our hearts. 83 00:02:41,485 --> 00:02:42,753 - Oh. - Oh, wow. 84 00:02:42,786 --> 00:02:43,653 - Oh. - It's cute. 85 00:02:43,687 --> 00:02:44,154 Thank you. 86 00:02:44,187 --> 00:02:45,389 I found it online. 87 00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:50,527 Wait, who's Jeff Lanskey? 88 00:02:52,562 --> 00:02:53,830 That's amazing. 89 00:02:53,864 --> 00:02:55,399 It's just um, just an inside joke 90 00:02:55,431 --> 00:02:57,334 from middle school. 91 00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:01,872 Oh, he was this um, kid who was obsessed 92 00:03:01,905 --> 00:03:04,008 with Captain Underpants in seventh grade 93 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,876 and he wore a diaper over his pants, 94 00:03:05,908 --> 00:03:07,377 but then the teachers made him stop, 95 00:03:07,411 --> 00:03:08,746 because he was getting made fun of, 96 00:03:08,778 --> 00:03:10,747 but it was still like really clear 97 00:03:10,781 --> 00:03:13,450 he was wearing a diaper under his pants. 98 00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:15,419 And Noor used to call him "petty officer underpants", 99 00:03:15,451 --> 00:03:16,620 because he wasn't high-ranking enough. 100 00:03:17,086 --> 00:03:17,954 That is true. 101 00:03:18,688 --> 00:03:19,789 Wow, that's amazin. 102 00:03:19,823 --> 00:03:21,859 Now it's like I'm in the joke. 103 00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:25,628 And I got suspended for that, 104 00:03:25,662 --> 00:03:27,397 but Milo hooked up with our chem teacher 105 00:03:27,431 --> 00:03:29,133 the night after high school graduation 106 00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:30,633 and that was all good. 107 00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:33,104 Yeah, girl, Mr. Rashkoff was fine as hell. 108 00:03:33,137 --> 00:03:34,872 Oh. 109 00:03:34,905 --> 00:03:36,140 He was such a hot commodity, he had to hook up with her. 110 00:03:36,173 --> 00:03:36,806 - Ooh. - Oh. 111 00:03:37,807 --> 00:03:41,544 Well, okay uh, tell us how you really feel. 112 00:03:41,578 --> 00:03:43,681 Not you, I just... 113 00:03:43,713 --> 00:03:47,585 I mean like there's a reason why certain men 114 00:03:47,617 --> 00:03:50,153 can't get people over the age of 18 to fuck them, right? 115 00:03:50,888 --> 00:03:52,556 Yes! 116 00:03:52,588 --> 00:03:54,091 Okay, I think I'm gonna head out. 117 00:03:54,123 --> 00:03:54,691 Yeah? 118 00:03:55,893 --> 00:03:57,395 Yeah. 119 00:03:57,427 --> 00:03:58,628 - Seriously? - Yes. 120 00:03:58,662 --> 00:03:59,697 I was just kidding. 121 00:03:59,729 --> 00:04:00,430 No, I know. 122 00:04:00,463 --> 00:04:01,865 I'm just tired I wanna go home. 123 00:04:01,899 --> 00:04:02,967 You know what you need? 124 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,068 Neutrofirm. 125 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,068 Sorry? 126 00:04:05,102 --> 00:04:06,971 Neutrofirm, it's this amazing 127 00:04:07,003 --> 00:04:08,705 multi-level marketing lifestyle brand 128 00:04:08,739 --> 00:04:11,575 that can actually give you like so much energy. 129 00:04:11,608 --> 00:04:14,010 My college roommate, her brother committed suicide. 130 00:04:14,044 --> 00:04:15,780 I know, so sad. 131 00:04:15,812 --> 00:04:18,481 And I swear to God, it stopped her 132 00:04:18,514 --> 00:04:20,750 from getting like depressed or whatever. 133 00:04:20,783 --> 00:04:21,752 It's great for her skin. 134 00:04:25,689 --> 00:04:26,490 Pool! 135 00:04:28,524 --> 00:04:30,527 That sucked. 136 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,128 Are we assholes for leaving early? 137 00:04:32,161 --> 00:04:34,731 I was getting pretty tapped out of pin the fetus on the uterus. 138 00:04:34,764 --> 00:04:36,132 I know. 139 00:04:36,165 --> 00:04:39,036 I always feel so aggressively like single and young 140 00:04:39,069 --> 00:04:40,137 when I'm with Noor's college friends. 141 00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:43,107 I'm not like single and young you know, like ugh, 142 00:04:43,139 --> 00:04:44,574 oldest cousin sitting at the kids' table 143 00:04:44,608 --> 00:04:46,644 of Thanksgiving single and young. 144 00:04:46,677 --> 00:04:48,679 Milo, I have full confidence you'll find some man 145 00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:50,613 to intellectually intimidate and emotionally torture 146 00:04:50,646 --> 00:04:52,983 until you can buy a brownstone, get divorced, 147 00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:54,585 and live happily ever after. 148 00:04:54,617 --> 00:04:57,487 Ooh, is that truly so much to ask of me? 149 00:04:57,521 --> 00:04:58,556 Um, sorry. 150 00:04:58,588 --> 00:04:59,689 Could you uh, watch my stuff? 151 00:04:59,723 --> 00:05:00,925 I have to make a phone call. 152 00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:02,893 Yeah, sure. 153 00:05:02,925 --> 00:05:03,693 Shit, fuck. 154 00:05:03,726 --> 00:05:05,028 What? 155 00:05:05,062 --> 00:05:06,497 No, this Tinder boy I've been standing 156 00:05:06,529 --> 00:05:08,998 for finally texted me back to hang out. 157 00:05:09,031 --> 00:05:10,733 It's like 11:00, dude. 158 00:05:10,766 --> 00:05:12,101 Yeah, I mean I don't think he's tryin' 159 00:05:12,134 --> 00:05:13,937 to catch the New York Philharmonic. 160 00:05:13,971 --> 00:05:15,840 Are you gonna go meet him? 161 00:05:15,872 --> 00:05:17,173 No, I mean I don't... I don't have to. 162 00:05:17,206 --> 00:05:19,175 ? Do you see my eyes, can you feel my heat ? 163 00:05:19,209 --> 00:05:20,110 Go. 164 00:05:20,142 --> 00:05:21,711 It's fine. 165 00:05:21,745 --> 00:05:23,047 Really? 166 00:05:23,079 --> 00:05:24,247 Yeah. 167 00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:24,814 I mean I've already lost one best friend 168 00:05:24,848 --> 00:05:25,516 to her parasitic wife. 169 00:05:25,548 --> 00:05:27,084 What's another to anonymous sex? 170 00:05:29,086 --> 00:05:30,888 Oh my God, George, do you mean like right now? 171 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,557 Sorry, he's just right around the corner. 172 00:05:34,591 --> 00:05:36,026 - I can wait, though. - No, it's fine. 173 00:05:36,059 --> 00:05:36,994 Honestly, I'm just gonna head home 174 00:05:37,026 --> 00:05:38,562 if this guy ever comes back for his stuff. 175 00:05:40,129 --> 00:05:41,531 Oh my God, what if this is like one of those subway ads? 176 00:05:42,598 --> 00:05:44,502 Si ves algo, di algo. 177 00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:48,973 - I love you. - Love you, have fun! 178 00:05:49,005 --> 00:05:50,807 Be safe, huh. 179 00:05:54,911 --> 00:05:56,213 Interesting. 180 00:05:58,749 --> 00:05:59,216 No. 181 00:05:59,249 --> 00:05:59,984 No, no, no, no. 182 00:06:00,483 --> 00:06:01,751 Totally my fault. 183 00:06:01,785 --> 00:06:03,654 Yeah, I just uh... 184 00:06:03,687 --> 00:06:05,288 No, I just... I'll know for next time. 185 00:06:05,788 --> 00:06:06,990 Yeah. 186 00:06:07,024 --> 00:06:09,994 So what if we uh, uh, Andy? 187 00:06:10,026 --> 00:06:12,562 Hello? 188 00:06:12,596 --> 00:06:14,899 Some um, masked vigilantes came in 189 00:06:14,932 --> 00:06:15,800 and tried to steal your stuff, 190 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:17,234 but I beat them off with the pool cue, 191 00:06:17,266 --> 00:06:18,134 so you're welcome. 192 00:06:18,168 --> 00:06:18,569 What? 193 00:06:18,601 --> 00:06:19,269 ? Have me ? 194 00:06:19,302 --> 00:06:19,769 Oh. 195 00:06:19,803 --> 00:06:21,538 Uh, uh, thank you. 196 00:06:21,572 --> 00:06:23,875 ? And if you want it, you can have me ? 197 00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:29,313 Oh, sorry. 198 00:06:29,346 --> 00:06:30,680 You're young. 199 00:06:30,713 --> 00:06:31,814 Can I ask you something? 200 00:06:31,848 --> 00:06:33,016 Yeah, sure, go for it. 201 00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:35,052 So uh, my bar manager 202 00:06:35,084 --> 00:06:36,986 downloaded this dating app for me. 203 00:06:37,019 --> 00:06:39,622 Oh no, friends don't let friends swipe right for them. 204 00:06:39,656 --> 00:06:41,057 Right, just when I swore I'd die alone. 205 00:06:42,725 --> 00:06:44,060 Anyway, I thought it was really clicking with this guy 206 00:06:44,093 --> 00:06:45,963 and we're supposed to have our first date tonight, 207 00:06:45,995 --> 00:06:47,697 he just totally blew me off. 208 00:06:47,730 --> 00:06:49,132 Huh, can I see your messages? 209 00:06:52,603 --> 00:06:56,139 Okay, okay, okay, flirty good. 210 00:06:56,173 --> 00:06:57,975 Yeah, no, he never confirmed. 211 00:06:58,007 --> 00:07:00,877 - He totally did. - Mm-mm, where? 212 00:07:00,911 --> 00:07:02,913 "Can I take you out to dinner?" I said. 213 00:07:02,946 --> 00:07:03,581 He said, "I don't know. 214 00:07:03,613 --> 00:07:04,048 Can you?" 215 00:07:04,081 --> 00:07:05,682 I said, "Ha-ha. 216 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:06,850 How about drinks and a late movie?" 217 00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:09,586 He says, "I've seen a lot of what's out there right now, 218 00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:10,887 but maybe drinks." 219 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,956 And I go, "Okay, let's start at Phoenix, 220 00:07:12,990 --> 00:07:13,790 10:00 p.m., Thursday 221 00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:16,093 and see where the night takes us." 222 00:07:17,124 --> 00:07:17,995 Yeah, and he responded? 223 00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:22,231 Oh. 224 00:07:22,264 --> 00:07:24,233 I'm... come on, that's so rude! 225 00:07:25,302 --> 00:07:26,770 He's a grown adult on a dating app. 226 00:07:26,802 --> 00:07:28,805 He can't have the decency to at least lie to me? 227 00:07:30,273 --> 00:07:31,842 Oh, fine. 228 00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:33,776 I'll just be single till I'm dead. 229 00:07:33,810 --> 00:07:35,713 What about after you're dead? 230 00:07:35,745 --> 00:07:37,380 Freddie Mercury is waiting for me in heaven. 231 00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:41,352 Okay, I have a confession for you 232 00:07:41,384 --> 00:07:44,288 and it is that I am like really bad at sports, 233 00:07:44,321 --> 00:07:47,791 but kind of one of those people who's like weirdly a savant 234 00:07:47,824 --> 00:07:49,093 the first time they play a sport. 235 00:07:50,124 --> 00:07:50,727 Like I bowled at 250 236 00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,229 the first time I went bowling in the seventh grade 237 00:07:52,262 --> 00:07:54,031 and then that never happened again. 238 00:07:56,233 --> 00:07:58,369 So this isn't the first time you play darts. 239 00:07:59,101 --> 00:08:00,770 Exactly. 240 00:08:00,803 --> 00:08:02,872 So why are you here instead of 241 00:08:02,906 --> 00:08:05,776 at your friend's baby shower? 242 00:08:08,011 --> 00:08:10,347 So the last time I hung out with her sorority friends, 243 00:08:10,379 --> 00:08:11,882 I like convinced one of them 244 00:08:11,915 --> 00:08:14,184 that if you don't eat gluten when you're pregnant, 245 00:08:14,216 --> 00:08:15,853 then your baby definitely won't come out gay, 246 00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,888 and I actually sat there, and watched her grapple 247 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,389 with the moral implications of that for like three hours. 248 00:08:20,156 --> 00:08:21,959 I just feel like, "Ugh." 249 00:08:21,992 --> 00:08:23,293 When I spend too much time with them, 250 00:08:23,326 --> 00:08:24,927 I end up like feeling 251 00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:26,864 like maybe I'm the one who's missing out on something 252 00:08:26,896 --> 00:08:28,766 and then that just makes me feel even crazier. 253 00:08:28,798 --> 00:08:34,103 I... they all just seem like very content, you know? 254 00:08:34,136 --> 00:08:36,139 I've read some crazy percentage of people 255 00:08:36,173 --> 00:08:37,841 who haven't had a serious relationship 256 00:08:37,874 --> 00:08:40,377 by the time they're 30, never have one. 257 00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:41,010 Wow. 258 00:08:41,043 --> 00:08:41,510 Thank you. 259 00:08:41,544 --> 00:08:42,879 Thank you so much. 260 00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:44,748 I feel like my eggs just like dunkirked 261 00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:45,381 right up into my body. 262 00:08:46,750 --> 00:08:48,052 When I was in my 20s, 263 00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:49,853 I at least asked people 264 00:08:49,885 --> 00:08:51,387 what side of the bed they prefer to sleep on, 265 00:08:51,421 --> 00:08:51,988 but now? 266 00:08:52,022 --> 00:08:52,956 There is no fuckin' way 267 00:08:52,989 --> 00:08:54,758 I'm sleepin' on the right side of the bed. 268 00:08:54,791 --> 00:08:55,559 Well, there goes the whole 269 00:08:55,591 --> 00:08:56,427 left-side-of-the-bed contingency. 270 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,030 So what do you do do when you're not very busy 271 00:09:01,063 --> 00:09:02,765 being stood up by flaky men? 272 00:09:02,798 --> 00:09:04,400 Ever been to Thigh High? 273 00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:05,468 Yes, the gay bar? 274 00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:06,703 That's my bar. 275 00:09:06,736 --> 00:09:07,904 No way. 276 00:09:07,937 --> 00:09:09,872 Yeah, and I actually perform in our show 277 00:09:09,905 --> 00:09:11,174 every other Thursday night. 278 00:09:11,207 --> 00:09:13,276 Okay, my roommate George got kicked out of that bar 279 00:09:13,309 --> 00:09:14,711 when we were freshman in college. 280 00:09:14,745 --> 00:09:16,480 Send him my personal condolences. 281 00:09:16,513 --> 00:09:18,148 He ordered whatever whiskey you had on draft 282 00:09:18,181 --> 00:09:19,014 and then he stole 283 00:09:19,048 --> 00:09:19,882 your cardboard cutout of George Takei, 284 00:09:19,916 --> 00:09:22,319 so I don't think he holds it against you. 285 00:09:22,351 --> 00:09:23,920 I wondered where that went. 286 00:09:23,953 --> 00:09:25,155 Oh, well, he's very well taking care of it, don't worry. 287 00:09:30,927 --> 00:09:32,162 So what about you? 288 00:09:32,195 --> 00:09:33,764 You single? 289 00:09:33,797 --> 00:09:36,399 Uh, are you asking for yourself or for a friend? 290 00:09:38,835 --> 00:09:40,237 Yeah, almost always. 291 00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:42,072 I'm really looking forward to being an eccentric aunt. 292 00:09:42,105 --> 00:09:42,505 What about you? 293 00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:44,073 Any um... 294 00:09:45,307 --> 00:09:46,943 Ex-husbands or like illegitimate children 295 00:09:46,976 --> 00:09:47,910 floating around out there? 296 00:09:47,943 --> 00:09:49,913 No. 297 00:09:49,946 --> 00:09:52,115 Single gay man, early 50s, 298 00:09:52,149 --> 00:09:54,083 it doesn't paint a particularly competitive picture 299 00:09:54,116 --> 00:09:56,252 at adoption agencies. 300 00:09:56,285 --> 00:09:58,821 I feel like um, I actually read this article 301 00:09:58,855 --> 00:10:00,990 about adoption agencies that cater specifically 302 00:10:01,024 --> 00:10:01,991 to gay men. 303 00:10:02,024 --> 00:10:03,126 Yeah. 304 00:10:05,162 --> 00:10:07,898 I've lost three kids. 305 00:10:07,931 --> 00:10:11,402 Two adoptions fell through and one surrogacy didn't take. 306 00:10:14,538 --> 00:10:15,404 I'm really sorry. 307 00:10:15,437 --> 00:10:18,307 That... it sucks. 308 00:10:18,341 --> 00:10:19,009 Pfft. 309 00:10:19,042 --> 00:10:20,076 Sorry to get so heavy on you. 310 00:10:20,110 --> 00:10:21,278 No, it's okay. 311 00:10:21,311 --> 00:10:22,812 Honestly, in my opinion, it is like... 312 00:10:22,846 --> 00:10:23,880 It is like not a New York moment 313 00:10:23,913 --> 00:10:24,981 unless you talk about your fetish 314 00:10:25,014 --> 00:10:25,414 or your dead parents. 315 00:10:31,288 --> 00:10:32,889 You're done trying? 316 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,892 I don't know. 317 00:10:34,924 --> 00:10:37,059 I don't think I can go through it again emotionally. 318 00:10:37,092 --> 00:10:38,161 Hmm. 319 00:10:38,195 --> 00:10:40,063 It makes it easier to just think 320 00:10:40,096 --> 00:10:41,899 it wasn't in the cards sometimes. 321 00:10:51,006 --> 00:10:53,543 How does someone even become a surrogate? 322 00:10:53,576 --> 00:10:55,178 Oh. 323 00:10:55,211 --> 00:10:59,048 Uh, you go through an agency, but often it's a friend, 324 00:10:59,081 --> 00:11:01,150 sibling, charismatic drifter. 325 00:11:01,183 --> 00:11:02,552 Why? 326 00:11:02,586 --> 00:11:04,187 Are you in the market for some 52-year-old sperm 327 00:11:04,221 --> 00:11:04,888 or something? 328 00:11:06,889 --> 00:11:09,192 You asking? 329 00:11:09,225 --> 00:11:10,827 What? 330 00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:12,461 No, I'm just uh, I wasn't tryin' to imply that at all. 331 00:11:12,495 --> 00:11:14,063 I'm sorry, I'm drunk. 332 00:11:14,096 --> 00:11:16,399 I'm just... I was not tryin' to be leading in any way. 333 00:11:16,432 --> 00:11:17,533 It's fine. 334 00:11:17,567 --> 00:11:18,501 Honestly, dude, I didn't think you were. 335 00:11:18,534 --> 00:11:20,136 It's fine, don't worry. 336 00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:23,340 ? Every girl falls in love sooner or later ? 337 00:11:23,373 --> 00:11:25,275 Oh man, wait, I... oh, shit. 338 00:11:26,976 --> 00:11:29,346 Oh my God, I still know that. 339 00:11:29,379 --> 00:11:31,048 The dance I had to learn to this song 340 00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:32,349 in like sixth grade at summer camp, 341 00:11:32,381 --> 00:11:33,950 I swear to God, I know the whole fucking thing. 342 00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:35,451 Oh, I'm gonna stay out here and finish this. 343 00:11:35,485 --> 00:11:36,419 No, you're coming with me. 344 00:11:36,452 --> 00:11:37,520 Honestly, I'm sorry, if you wanna be a dad, 345 00:11:37,553 --> 00:11:39,523 you've gotta get down with these cheesy dad downs. 346 00:11:39,556 --> 00:11:40,490 Whoops, get your butt in here. 347 00:11:40,523 --> 00:11:41,992 Get in here. 348 00:11:42,024 --> 00:11:44,595 ? All the teens cry and scream ? 349 00:11:46,196 --> 00:11:47,163 ? And doing all the things I can't understand ? 350 00:11:47,197 --> 00:11:50,100 I couldn't do that when I had a hip. 351 00:11:50,133 --> 00:11:51,168 ? Oh, oh, oh, again ? 352 00:12:26,001 --> 00:12:26,535 Sorry. 353 00:12:26,568 --> 00:12:28,237 I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. 354 00:12:28,270 --> 00:12:29,338 Welcome to String Theory. 355 00:12:29,371 --> 00:12:32,141 We sell guitars, mandolins, and free key triggers 356 00:12:32,174 --> 00:12:32,975 we keep in the back. 357 00:12:33,009 --> 00:12:34,543 - Keep in the back. - Sorry, I'm late. 358 00:12:34,576 --> 00:12:36,947 The train was literally crawling. 359 00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:39,015 It's broken, but we can still sell it, 360 00:12:39,048 --> 00:12:40,116 'cause it's in the package. 361 00:12:40,884 --> 00:12:42,286 - One could say... - Yeah. 362 00:12:42,318 --> 00:12:45,021 It's not broken, it's vintage. 363 00:12:45,054 --> 00:12:46,022 - Running. - Hmm. 364 00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,157 Oh my God, the amount of effort you all put 365 00:12:47,191 --> 00:12:49,625 into doing absolutely nothing is fucking astounding. 366 00:12:49,658 --> 00:12:50,961 - Hmm. - Good morning, Milo. 367 00:12:50,994 --> 00:12:51,461 - Oh. - Hi. 368 00:12:51,494 --> 00:12:52,930 Good day. 369 00:12:52,962 --> 00:12:54,096 Somebody woke up on the wrong ear of the dingo. 370 00:12:54,129 --> 00:12:54,831 - Again. - Hmm. 371 00:12:54,864 --> 00:12:55,764 Okay, that is not a real idiom. 372 00:12:55,798 --> 00:12:57,167 I don't believe anything you say anymore. 373 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,368 How do you know? 374 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,069 You're not a real idiom, so who is to judge? 375 00:13:00,102 --> 00:13:01,304 Yeah, who... yeah. 376 00:13:01,337 --> 00:13:02,538 She should love us more. 377 00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:06,576 - Oh! - What do you think? 378 00:13:07,977 --> 00:13:08,778 I'll do it again. 379 00:13:18,221 --> 00:13:18,721 Hey. 380 00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:19,255 Jesus. 381 00:13:19,288 --> 00:13:20,256 - Sorry. - Sorry. 382 00:13:20,289 --> 00:13:20,723 No, it's okay. 383 00:13:22,359 --> 00:13:25,095 Um, wow, you caught me um, fondling the merchandise. 384 00:13:25,128 --> 00:13:26,129 Is that a Taylor? 385 00:13:26,163 --> 00:13:29,099 Yes, I am pretty sure it's the love of my life. 386 00:13:29,131 --> 00:13:30,666 Hmm, I'm more of a Cushing man. 387 00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:31,301 Get out. 388 00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:32,301 Get out before I kill you. 389 00:13:34,437 --> 00:13:36,206 I'm open to conversion. 390 00:13:36,239 --> 00:13:38,041 Why do you like the Taylor so much? 391 00:13:38,073 --> 00:13:40,710 Oh, um, I don't know. 392 00:13:40,744 --> 00:13:42,512 I think their lower mids are richer, 393 00:13:42,544 --> 00:13:44,246 the action on the hands tends to be a little easier 394 00:13:44,279 --> 00:13:47,016 than the Cushing, too. 395 00:13:47,049 --> 00:13:48,184 I like a guitar 396 00:13:48,217 --> 00:13:49,652 that makes you work for it a little bit. 397 00:13:51,388 --> 00:13:52,723 A lot of instruments sound beautiful, 398 00:13:52,755 --> 00:13:56,158 but there's nothin' like finding one 399 00:13:56,192 --> 00:13:58,394 that plays right just for you, 400 00:13:58,427 --> 00:14:01,230 somethin' no one else can seem to figure out the same way. 401 00:14:04,701 --> 00:14:05,634 You're right, though. 402 00:14:05,668 --> 00:14:07,336 This Taylor is pretty sweet. 403 00:14:07,370 --> 00:14:11,240 Uh, so are you lookin' for anything in particular? 404 00:14:11,274 --> 00:14:12,743 I'll try to be impartial. 405 00:14:12,775 --> 00:14:15,245 Yeah, just a decent starter guitar. 406 00:14:15,278 --> 00:14:16,146 It's a gift. 407 00:14:16,178 --> 00:14:17,680 200 area. 408 00:14:17,714 --> 00:14:21,284 Um, yeah, we have a Yamaha that's pretty nice 409 00:14:21,317 --> 00:14:24,488 and this um, Johnson... 410 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:25,354 Hmm. 411 00:14:25,389 --> 00:14:26,222 Actually plays really, really nice... 412 00:14:26,255 --> 00:14:28,024 - Yeah. - For that price range. 413 00:14:28,057 --> 00:14:29,359 - Yeah. - Yeah, this is dope. 414 00:14:39,134 --> 00:14:42,271 ? Got off the train ? 415 00:14:42,304 --> 00:14:45,375 ? And walked into town ? 416 00:14:45,408 --> 00:14:47,510 ? I was 97 minutes late ? 417 00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:50,514 ? Because the fuckin' L was down ? 418 00:14:52,347 --> 00:14:53,250 So do you play in a band? 419 00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:54,183 No! 420 00:14:54,216 --> 00:14:56,819 No, no, no, I just play for fun. 421 00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:58,654 It's funny when people say that. 422 00:14:58,687 --> 00:15:01,691 I feel like all playing should be fun. 423 00:15:01,724 --> 00:15:04,094 Yeah, but that is exactly why I stopped playing in a band. 424 00:15:05,662 --> 00:15:07,730 So what are your musical aspirations? 425 00:15:07,764 --> 00:15:11,334 Um, I'd like to play an open mic night or two, 426 00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:12,467 but I just feel like living in New York, 427 00:15:12,501 --> 00:15:15,805 you need an insane level of talent just to do that, so... 428 00:15:15,839 --> 00:15:17,774 What's stopping you from getting better? 429 00:15:17,807 --> 00:15:18,408 I don't know. 430 00:15:19,775 --> 00:15:21,577 Jesus, did my therapist send you here on recon? 431 00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:23,346 I mean if you don't have confidence 432 00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:25,449 in your ability to succeed, 433 00:15:25,481 --> 00:15:27,451 how's anyone else gonna lend you credibility? 434 00:15:29,686 --> 00:15:32,089 Well, I gotta get to a lesson, but uh, 435 00:15:32,121 --> 00:15:33,389 I'll probably hit you up later. 436 00:15:36,292 --> 00:15:37,793 Uh, if... do you have a business card or something? 437 00:15:37,826 --> 00:15:39,696 I could make sure you get the commission 438 00:15:39,729 --> 00:15:40,530 if I come back. 439 00:15:40,562 --> 00:15:41,731 Yeah. 440 00:15:45,735 --> 00:15:47,504 Milo. 441 00:15:47,537 --> 00:15:49,239 - Cameron. - Nice to meet you. 442 00:15:50,673 --> 00:15:51,807 You think you'll be back? 443 00:15:51,841 --> 00:15:53,243 I hope so. 444 00:15:53,275 --> 00:15:54,877 I'm not sure if a guitar is too much 445 00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:56,812 for a one-year anniversary gift. 446 00:15:56,846 --> 00:15:57,447 Oh. 447 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:58,114 No. 448 00:15:58,148 --> 00:15:58,681 No, no, I think it's sweet. 449 00:15:58,715 --> 00:16:00,783 I'd be... I'd be into it. 450 00:16:00,817 --> 00:16:02,318 Finally workin' that sales line. 451 00:16:02,351 --> 00:16:03,853 Oh, come on, I am always working on sales, I know. 452 00:16:05,288 --> 00:16:06,288 Always. 453 00:16:07,756 --> 00:16:09,192 - Bye. - Bye. 454 00:16:43,793 --> 00:16:46,363 Hmm. 455 00:16:47,663 --> 00:16:51,701 ? Mm, mm, mm, mm ? 456 00:16:51,734 --> 00:16:52,502 Do you want a drink? 457 00:16:52,534 --> 00:16:53,536 Uh, no. 458 00:16:53,570 --> 00:16:55,172 I'm good, I'm waiting for a friend. 459 00:16:55,205 --> 00:17:00,310 ? Mm, mm, mm, mm ? 460 00:17:02,879 --> 00:17:05,182 ? Find me a place ? 461 00:17:05,214 --> 00:17:06,582 ? Mm, mm, mm, mm ? 462 00:17:06,615 --> 00:17:08,817 ? On the West Coast ? 463 00:17:10,853 --> 00:17:13,423 ? Where everything ? 464 00:17:13,455 --> 00:17:14,857 ? Mm, mm, mm, mm ? 465 00:17:14,891 --> 00:17:16,759 ? Is yellow ? 466 00:17:17,426 --> 00:17:17,860 Yeah, I'll... maybe I... 467 00:17:17,894 --> 00:17:18,929 ? I'm so tired ? 468 00:17:18,961 --> 00:17:19,563 ? Mm, mm, mm, mm ? 469 00:17:19,596 --> 00:17:20,197 Yeah. 470 00:17:20,230 --> 00:17:23,200 ? Of feelin' the blue ? 471 00:17:25,867 --> 00:17:26,936 ? I'm so tired ? 472 00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:27,903 ? Mm, mm, mm, mm ? 473 00:17:27,936 --> 00:17:31,540 ? Of feelin' the blue ? 474 00:17:35,711 --> 00:17:36,680 Hey. 475 00:17:36,712 --> 00:17:39,648 Honey, I am so, so sorry. 476 00:17:39,682 --> 00:17:41,518 Uh, where... where are you? 477 00:17:41,550 --> 00:17:42,952 I'm at home, I just woke up. 478 00:17:42,986 --> 00:17:45,789 What? Noor, it's like 8:30. 479 00:17:45,821 --> 00:17:47,323 Yeah, I was puking all night, 480 00:17:47,356 --> 00:17:50,326 so I finally took a nap and just way overslept. 481 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:50,826 I know I suck. 482 00:17:50,859 --> 00:17:51,394 No. 483 00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:52,661 No, no, no, it's okay. 484 00:17:52,694 --> 00:17:54,263 I can chill here. 485 00:17:54,297 --> 00:17:56,633 Um, how long do you think it'll take you to get ready? 486 00:17:56,665 --> 00:17:58,534 I'm so sorry, Mi, 487 00:17:58,567 --> 00:18:00,670 I think I should probably just call it a night. 488 00:18:00,702 --> 00:18:01,304 Ugh, are you sure? 489 00:18:01,336 --> 00:18:02,204 Listen, I can come to you, 490 00:18:02,238 --> 00:18:04,975 we can have a really unfun night together. 491 00:18:05,008 --> 00:18:06,442 Let's find a time next week. 492 00:18:08,778 --> 00:18:09,546 Okay. 493 00:18:09,578 --> 00:18:10,279 I love you. 494 00:18:10,313 --> 00:18:12,315 I know I'm the worst right now. 495 00:18:12,347 --> 00:18:14,250 Yeah, okay, bye. 496 00:18:14,284 --> 00:18:20,023 ? You seem so free ? 497 00:18:20,056 --> 00:18:21,891 ? Free ? 498 00:18:21,923 --> 00:18:24,627 ? You seem so free ? 499 00:18:33,903 --> 00:18:36,006 ? Feelin' my way ? 500 00:18:36,038 --> 00:18:37,406 ? Through the dark ? 501 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,375 ? I've just gotta move on ? 502 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:40,677 ? Gotta make a new start ? 503 00:18:40,710 --> 00:18:42,045 ? New start ? 504 00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:43,913 ? You're not my love ? 505 00:18:43,945 --> 00:18:46,348 ? You're not my friend ? 506 00:18:46,382 --> 00:18:49,952 ? You are a skeleton ? 507 00:18:49,986 --> 00:18:51,921 ? Feelin' my way ? 508 00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:53,423 ? Through the dark ? 509 00:18:53,455 --> 00:18:54,356 ? I've just gotta move on ? 510 00:18:54,391 --> 00:18:57,494 Hey um, can I have a Moscow mule, please? 511 00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:59,296 Sorry, honey, we don't make those. 512 00:18:59,328 --> 00:18:59,996 Oh, okay. 513 00:19:00,029 --> 00:19:02,831 Oh, what about an old-fashioned. 514 00:19:02,865 --> 00:19:06,403 We have PBR, picklebacks, and sunset surprise. 515 00:19:06,435 --> 00:19:08,003 Ooh, what's a sunset surprise? 516 00:19:08,037 --> 00:19:10,707 It's a surprise that looks like a sunset. 517 00:19:10,740 --> 00:19:13,476 ? Every little bird in the tall oak tree ? 518 00:19:13,509 --> 00:19:16,046 ? The wise old owl, the big black crow ? 519 00:19:16,078 --> 00:19:18,647 ? Flappin' their wings, singin', go, bird, go ? 520 00:19:18,681 --> 00:19:19,848 ? Rockin' robin ? 521 00:19:19,882 --> 00:19:21,351 ? Tweet, tweet, tweet ? 522 00:19:21,384 --> 00:19:22,318 ? Rock... rock... rockin' robin ? 523 00:19:22,352 --> 00:19:24,454 ? Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee ? 524 00:19:24,487 --> 00:19:25,455 ? Blow rockin' robin ? 525 00:19:25,488 --> 00:19:27,457 ? 'Cause we're really gonna rock tonight ? 526 00:19:29,892 --> 00:19:32,662 ? Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee ? 527 00:19:32,694 --> 00:19:35,432 ? Tweedle-lee-dee-dee-dee, tweedle-lee-dee-dee ? 528 00:19:35,464 --> 00:19:37,966 ? Tweedle-lee-dee-dee-dee, tweedle-lee-dee-dee ? 529 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:38,800 ? Tweet, tweet ? 530 00:19:44,473 --> 00:19:46,076 Well, alright! 531 00:19:46,108 --> 00:19:48,410 Give it for Noxzema! 532 00:19:50,846 --> 00:19:54,084 She is one of our newest Thigh High ladies. 533 00:19:54,116 --> 00:19:57,586 I mean it must be really hard starting out and stuff 534 00:19:57,619 --> 00:19:59,455 when you're so young, 535 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:02,092 which is not in any case an issue for this next bitch. 536 00:20:02,992 --> 00:20:05,694 She puts the yesteryear in boostier. 537 00:20:06,429 --> 00:20:08,965 Give it up for Angela Merkin. 538 00:20:17,006 --> 00:20:21,444 ? Somebody said you got a new friend ? 539 00:20:25,048 --> 00:20:28,617 ? Does she love you better than I can ? 540 00:20:33,021 --> 00:20:36,158 ? It's a big black sky over my town ? 541 00:20:41,163 --> 00:20:45,134 ? I know where you at, I bet she's around ? 542 00:20:49,939 --> 00:20:53,977 ? Yeah, I know it's stupid ? 543 00:20:54,009 --> 00:20:58,047 ? I just gotta see it for myself ? 544 00:20:58,079 --> 00:21:00,048 ? I'm in the corner ? 545 00:21:00,082 --> 00:21:02,018 ? Watching you kiss her ? 546 00:21:02,050 --> 00:21:06,088 ? Oh, oh, oh ? 547 00:21:06,122 --> 00:21:08,557 ? I'm right over here ? 548 00:21:08,590 --> 00:21:10,459 ? Why can't you see me ? 549 00:21:10,492 --> 00:21:12,494 ? Oh, oh, oh ? 550 00:21:14,529 --> 00:21:16,598 ? I'm giving it my all ? 551 00:21:16,632 --> 00:21:20,737 ? But I'm not the girl you're takin' home ? 552 00:21:20,769 --> 00:21:22,704 ? Ooh, ooh, ooh ? 553 00:21:22,738 --> 00:21:26,709 ? I keep dancin' on my own ? 554 00:21:27,844 --> 00:21:30,846 ? I keep dancin' on my own ? 555 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,917 ? I'm just gonna dance all night ? 556 00:21:39,087 --> 00:21:42,625 ? I'm all messed up, I'm so outta line ? 557 00:21:47,462 --> 00:21:51,067 Yeah, never have I ever given a rim job. 558 00:21:51,099 --> 00:21:52,769 Low blow. 559 00:21:52,801 --> 00:21:53,368 Drink. 560 00:21:53,403 --> 00:21:54,737 Drink again for bad puns. 561 00:21:54,769 --> 00:21:55,204 Ooh-uh. 562 00:21:57,874 --> 00:22:00,610 Okay, never have I ever shown up at a stranger's drag show. 563 00:22:00,643 --> 00:22:01,877 Hmm? 564 00:22:01,911 --> 00:22:03,712 Would we call me a "stranger"? 565 00:22:03,746 --> 00:22:05,181 Oh, I forgot about all those fun Thanksgivings 566 00:22:05,213 --> 00:22:06,615 we spent together. 567 00:22:06,648 --> 00:22:08,250 Don't you just hate how Aunt Pam is always tryin' 568 00:22:08,284 --> 00:22:09,752 to get you to join Amway. 569 00:22:09,785 --> 00:22:11,653 I feel like once you talk about having a baby 570 00:22:11,686 --> 00:22:12,788 with a stranger, 571 00:22:12,821 --> 00:22:15,224 you're acquaintances at the very least. 572 00:22:15,258 --> 00:22:17,727 Like yeah, as the old Irish saying goes... 573 00:22:17,759 --> 00:22:20,230 I am so embarrassed. 574 00:22:20,262 --> 00:22:21,230 Did I say something stupid? 575 00:22:21,263 --> 00:22:23,699 I just... I keep thinking about it and cringing. 576 00:22:23,732 --> 00:22:24,834 Why? 577 00:22:24,866 --> 00:22:26,201 Because I was so drunk. 578 00:22:26,234 --> 00:22:28,971 I don't want some random girl thinking I was tryin' 579 00:22:29,005 --> 00:22:30,707 to solicit her into some arrangement. 580 00:22:33,142 --> 00:22:38,681 Um, you know I have kind of been considering it. 581 00:22:38,713 --> 00:22:40,549 considering what? 582 00:22:40,583 --> 00:22:44,019 Well, I do declare, Mr. Anglo American, 583 00:22:44,053 --> 00:22:46,022 I'm but a spinsterly old maid who has yet 584 00:22:46,055 --> 00:22:49,659 to use these plentiful hips for a single babe. 585 00:22:52,327 --> 00:22:54,163 Are you serious? 586 00:22:55,163 --> 00:22:55,597 Yeah. 587 00:22:55,631 --> 00:22:56,566 Yeah, I mean yes. 588 00:22:56,598 --> 00:22:57,634 I wouldn't... 589 00:22:57,666 --> 00:22:59,903 I wouldn't bring it up if I wasn't. 590 00:22:59,935 --> 00:23:02,704 Milo, we hardly know each other. 591 00:23:02,738 --> 00:23:03,840 Well, you know me better than some stranger 592 00:23:03,873 --> 00:23:04,908 from an agency. 593 00:23:04,941 --> 00:23:08,044 Yeah, I... uh... 594 00:23:08,076 --> 00:23:09,846 And I know you mean well. 595 00:23:09,878 --> 00:23:10,779 You don't understand what it's like 596 00:23:10,814 --> 00:23:13,048 to go through this over and over again. 597 00:23:13,082 --> 00:23:15,552 Okay, well, I... I like... 598 00:23:15,585 --> 00:23:16,952 Ugh. 599 00:23:16,986 --> 00:23:18,955 I don't even believe in fate or whatever, but it is... 600 00:23:18,988 --> 00:23:20,957 it is like really weird how we met 601 00:23:20,990 --> 00:23:23,026 and it just seems right, you know? 602 00:23:23,058 --> 00:23:25,827 Like the kismet we share or something 603 00:23:25,861 --> 00:23:27,664 and I just think it's really unfair 604 00:23:27,696 --> 00:23:29,631 that there are so many shitty parents in the world, 605 00:23:29,664 --> 00:23:32,335 and you wanna be a dad, and you don't get to be one. 606 00:23:32,367 --> 00:23:36,306 I don't know that I'm supposed to be a dad, Milo. 607 00:23:36,338 --> 00:23:40,042 I feel like maybe just falling through so many times 608 00:23:40,076 --> 00:23:42,711 is the universe's way of telling me "no". 609 00:23:42,744 --> 00:23:45,280 I feel like you can force any random fucking moment or... 610 00:23:45,314 --> 00:23:48,284 Or interaction into any hole and say that it fits. 611 00:23:48,317 --> 00:23:49,719 Like it didn't work out the first three times, 612 00:23:49,751 --> 00:23:51,153 the universe is saying "no", 613 00:23:51,186 --> 00:23:52,955 you need some random chick in a bar who wants to help, 614 00:23:52,989 --> 00:23:54,891 the universe is saying "yes". 615 00:23:54,923 --> 00:23:56,725 The universe is just a bunch of random bullshit 616 00:23:56,759 --> 00:23:58,193 floating around in the ether, 617 00:23:58,227 --> 00:24:00,063 and we're all just picking and choosing which pieces of it 618 00:24:00,096 --> 00:24:01,698 to give meaning to. 619 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:03,666 Has that been embroidered on a throw pillow yet? 620 00:24:06,969 --> 00:24:11,307 Roger, I... I really feel like uh, I can do something 621 00:24:11,339 --> 00:24:12,641 that is bigger than myself. 622 00:24:15,111 --> 00:24:16,646 Okay. 623 00:24:16,679 --> 00:24:18,314 This is really truly an amazing offer 624 00:24:18,346 --> 00:24:20,650 you've been making and a part of me, 625 00:24:20,682 --> 00:24:23,685 a big part of me, wants to say "yes" right now 626 00:24:23,719 --> 00:24:26,956 before the... the sun comes up and you change your mind, 627 00:24:26,989 --> 00:24:31,394 but this is not a tequila drag decision. 628 00:24:31,426 --> 00:24:33,395 I need... 629 00:24:33,429 --> 00:24:34,864 Can we think about it? 630 00:24:39,868 --> 00:24:41,303 Ow, fuck! 631 00:24:43,739 --> 00:24:45,307 You can take all the time you need, okay, 632 00:24:45,340 --> 00:24:47,142 but I... I am not backing out. 633 00:25:07,896 --> 00:25:09,264 - Thank you. - Thank you. 634 00:25:09,298 --> 00:25:09,999 Hey. 635 00:25:10,031 --> 00:25:11,400 Hey, hold this for me a second. 636 00:25:11,433 --> 00:25:12,434 Hmm. 637 00:25:12,468 --> 00:25:14,370 What does she have up her sleeve? 638 00:25:15,070 --> 00:25:17,039 Oh my God, you are amazing. 639 00:25:17,073 --> 00:25:17,974 You are literally God's gift. 640 00:25:18,007 --> 00:25:18,641 Hmm. 641 00:25:18,674 --> 00:25:19,675 When did you even get this? 642 00:25:19,709 --> 00:25:22,111 Oh, the second, I heard we were spending the day 643 00:25:22,144 --> 00:25:23,445 at a fuckin' pumpkin patch. 644 00:25:23,479 --> 00:25:24,980 God bless you. 645 00:25:25,013 --> 00:25:26,682 - Okay, salud, my baby. - Yeah. 646 00:25:26,715 --> 00:25:28,417 Wait, wait, wait, I want a pic. 647 00:25:28,451 --> 00:25:30,987 Alright, say is a... is a gourd technically a fruit? 648 00:25:31,019 --> 00:25:32,254 No, I think it's a root vegetable. 649 00:25:32,288 --> 00:25:33,389 - Ooh. Ooh, Milo. - Mm. 650 00:25:33,422 --> 00:25:34,089 - Oh, really? - Mm. 651 00:25:34,123 --> 00:25:34,990 - Milo. - Oh, fuck. 652 00:25:35,023 --> 00:25:38,226 Will you get... will you get one of us? 653 00:25:38,259 --> 00:25:38,961 Uh, yeah, sure. 654 00:25:38,993 --> 00:25:40,829 I don't know like... are you in? 655 00:25:40,863 --> 00:25:41,764 - Yes, yeah. - Alright. 656 00:25:41,797 --> 00:25:42,964 Okay, here we go. 657 00:25:42,998 --> 00:25:43,966 - What are you doing? - I'm smilin'. 658 00:25:43,999 --> 00:25:45,434 - What are you doing? - Hey, got it. 659 00:25:45,468 --> 00:25:46,035 Is it cute? 660 00:25:46,068 --> 00:25:47,836 Yeah, it's... it's good. 661 00:25:47,869 --> 00:25:49,971 Oh, Milo, will you, um, you actually get another one 662 00:25:50,005 --> 00:25:51,474 with like a belly pumpkin photo... 663 00:25:51,507 --> 00:25:52,808 for my parents, you know? 664 00:25:52,842 --> 00:25:54,144 - Yeah, sure. - Yeah. 665 00:25:58,881 --> 00:26:01,050 We'll, uh, probably get the idea with literally any pumpkin? 666 00:26:01,083 --> 00:26:01,750 Oh, here. 667 00:26:01,784 --> 00:26:03,086 Okay, um... 668 00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:07,022 Sorry. 669 00:26:07,056 --> 00:26:07,757 - You got it? - Sorry. 670 00:26:07,789 --> 00:26:08,423 - Yapa! - Alright, good. 671 00:26:08,458 --> 00:26:09,292 - Yes, okay. - Yay. 672 00:26:10,259 --> 00:26:11,728 Okay, good. 673 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,162 Let me get it this way. 674 00:26:13,194 --> 00:26:14,062 Great. 675 00:26:14,096 --> 00:26:15,198 Is it cute? 676 00:26:15,230 --> 00:26:15,664 It's so... 677 00:26:16,464 --> 00:26:17,165 Cute. 678 00:26:17,199 --> 00:26:18,366 - Oh, okay. - Oh. 679 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:19,134 Look at this! 680 00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:20,335 It's like matching. 681 00:26:20,368 --> 00:26:21,369 Aw! 682 00:26:25,140 --> 00:26:28,009 This is how literally every horror movie starts. 683 00:26:28,042 --> 00:26:29,846 Oh my God, Noor, stop being such a baby. 684 00:26:29,878 --> 00:26:32,180 I am brown, gay, and pregnant. 685 00:26:32,213 --> 00:26:33,750 Who do you think is dying first in this movie? 686 00:26:34,683 --> 00:26:36,918 Okay, we'll go left, you guys go right, 687 00:26:36,951 --> 00:26:38,520 and we'll race to the middle. 688 00:26:38,554 --> 00:26:41,891 We can't all just like walk through a corn maze together? 689 00:26:41,923 --> 00:26:44,326 Where is the unnecessary competition in that? 690 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,027 Come on, it'll be like the Amazing Race, 691 00:26:46,060 --> 00:26:47,929 they're the token gays and we're the closeted Mormons 692 00:26:47,962 --> 00:26:48,998 who aren't tryin' to push their lives 693 00:26:49,030 --> 00:26:50,031 on anybody else. 694 00:26:50,065 --> 00:26:50,866 Ready, set, go. 695 00:26:51,567 --> 00:26:52,769 We're tokens. 696 00:26:52,801 --> 00:26:53,936 Let's go fast, I wanna win. 697 00:26:54,703 --> 00:26:57,405 When we start our year at village in Maine, 698 00:26:57,439 --> 00:26:58,841 I was thinking... 699 00:26:58,874 --> 00:26:59,842 Can Teddy come? 700 00:26:59,875 --> 00:27:00,409 Teddy? 701 00:27:00,442 --> 00:27:02,044 Tinder Teddy. 702 00:27:02,076 --> 00:27:03,145 Oh, wow. 703 00:27:03,179 --> 00:27:03,813 Well, I didn't realize Tinder Teddy 704 00:27:03,846 --> 00:27:06,048 was a farm in Maine serious. 705 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,317 Um, George, I have something really important to tell you, 706 00:27:09,351 --> 00:27:10,887 but you have to keep it a secret, okay? 707 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,489 Oh my God, who knew a corny maze could get more exciting? 708 00:27:14,957 --> 00:27:16,025 Alright. 709 00:27:16,057 --> 00:27:23,098 Um, I'm thinking of becoming a surrogate. 710 00:27:23,132 --> 00:27:25,535 A surrogate what? 711 00:27:25,567 --> 00:27:27,403 Like... like mother. 712 00:27:27,869 --> 00:27:29,304 Are you serious? 713 00:27:29,337 --> 00:27:31,206 Yeah. 714 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:32,575 For who? 715 00:27:34,175 --> 00:27:36,144 Uh, that guy we met at the bar the other night. 716 00:27:36,178 --> 00:27:37,480 Roger. 717 00:27:37,512 --> 00:27:38,614 I've... I've been spending a lot of time with him 718 00:27:38,647 --> 00:27:42,384 and I... he told me he was tryin' to have kids forever. 719 00:27:42,417 --> 00:27:43,251 What? 720 00:27:43,286 --> 00:27:44,187 I... do you think this is totally crazy? 721 00:27:44,220 --> 00:27:47,088 Milo, babies are for women in their mid-30s 722 00:27:47,122 --> 00:27:48,090 who are tryin' to save their marriage 723 00:27:48,123 --> 00:27:49,125 and start parenting blogs. 724 00:27:49,157 --> 00:27:50,959 Oh my God, George. 725 00:27:50,992 --> 00:27:53,096 - Hey, seriously? - Yeah. 726 00:27:55,897 --> 00:27:59,836 Can you actually imagine givin' up a baby, though? 727 00:28:01,871 --> 00:28:02,672 I mean l... uh, listen, 728 00:28:02,704 --> 00:28:04,105 I know it's gonna be really intense 729 00:28:04,138 --> 00:28:05,507 and really difficult, 730 00:28:05,540 --> 00:28:06,608 but I just feel like everything in my life right now 731 00:28:06,642 --> 00:28:09,045 is like the same level of difficult 732 00:28:09,077 --> 00:28:10,312 and not difficult at all. 733 00:28:10,346 --> 00:28:13,015 And it's just... honestly, it's really paralyzing 734 00:28:13,048 --> 00:28:14,549 to never feel pushed to do something terrifying 735 00:28:14,583 --> 00:28:16,485 and meaningful. 736 00:28:16,518 --> 00:28:17,386 you know? 737 00:28:19,087 --> 00:28:20,255 Shit, wow. 738 00:28:22,625 --> 00:28:24,227 Can we start a gay parenting Instagram 739 00:28:24,259 --> 00:28:25,260 called "Roommates" or something? 740 00:28:25,294 --> 00:28:27,563 Uh, yes! 741 00:28:27,596 --> 00:28:28,029 Yes. 742 00:28:28,063 --> 00:28:29,532 Obviously, yes. 743 00:28:29,565 --> 00:28:31,033 Mm. 744 00:28:31,066 --> 00:28:32,235 Uh. 745 00:28:32,268 --> 00:28:33,169 Okay, you promise you don't think this is 746 00:28:33,202 --> 00:28:35,136 like the craziest thing I've ever done. 747 00:28:35,170 --> 00:28:36,572 Oh, I think you're totally fuckin' crazy, 748 00:28:36,605 --> 00:28:39,008 but I also think this is a pretty awesome thing. 749 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:40,308 Also, oh my God, a fuckin' baby. 750 00:28:40,342 --> 00:28:41,509 I love other people's kids, I get to give back. 751 00:28:41,542 --> 00:28:43,111 Yeah. 752 00:28:43,144 --> 00:28:44,646 Okay. 753 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,349 Just don't tell Noor yet okay? 754 00:28:46,382 --> 00:28:46,949 Why? 755 00:28:46,982 --> 00:28:48,951 I ju... I... come on, I... 756 00:28:48,983 --> 00:28:50,653 I do not need to be talked out of it right now. 757 00:28:53,021 --> 00:28:54,123 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 758 00:28:57,159 --> 00:28:58,494 I go, "pow". 759 00:28:59,662 --> 00:29:00,596 So pretty and... 760 00:29:00,628 --> 00:29:01,897 Glad we came. 761 00:29:06,101 --> 00:29:06,502 - Oh! - Fuck. 762 00:29:07,336 --> 00:29:07,970 - Ow! - What happened? 763 00:29:08,002 --> 00:29:09,605 Oh shit, my ankle! 764 00:29:10,471 --> 00:29:11,374 What the fuck, Milo? 765 00:29:11,406 --> 00:29:12,574 She's pregnant. 766 00:29:12,607 --> 00:29:14,277 I know, I'm... uh, are you okay? 767 00:29:14,309 --> 00:29:15,543 I'm sorry. 768 00:29:15,576 --> 00:29:17,046 - You know I hate being scared. - I know. 769 00:29:17,078 --> 00:29:18,446 I'm really sorry, that was stupid. 770 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,216 - Are you okay? - I don't know. 771 00:29:20,249 --> 00:29:21,284 It's awesome. 772 00:29:57,553 --> 00:30:00,323 Hey, do you guys sell ovulation tests? 773 00:30:45,233 --> 00:30:46,067 Hi. 774 00:30:46,101 --> 00:30:47,169 Hi. 775 00:30:47,201 --> 00:30:48,770 Hi, what... uh, it's good to see you. 776 00:30:48,804 --> 00:30:50,439 Didn't we say a couple of weeks? 777 00:30:50,471 --> 00:30:52,141 Yes, you know, but uh, I was just thinking 778 00:30:52,173 --> 00:30:54,609 like does it make a difference? 779 00:30:54,643 --> 00:30:56,511 You know you've been thinking about this for 20 years, right? 780 00:30:56,545 --> 00:30:58,413 What... huh, what's another week? 781 00:30:58,446 --> 00:31:00,081 Like when you... oh, when... when you're a dad, 782 00:31:00,115 --> 00:31:02,084 you're not gonna have like the luxury of time, you know? 783 00:31:02,116 --> 00:31:04,252 You're just gonna have to like make snap decisions 784 00:31:04,286 --> 00:31:05,453 from your gut. 785 00:31:05,487 --> 00:31:06,389 Do you have like a... a cup or something? 786 00:31:07,321 --> 00:31:08,790 Uh. 787 00:31:08,824 --> 00:31:10,292 Ah, thank you. 788 00:31:10,325 --> 00:31:11,393 Okay, so I was thinking 789 00:31:11,425 --> 00:31:14,195 like we could go poll a room of 100 people, right, 790 00:31:14,229 --> 00:31:15,798 and see if they think this is a good idea or not, 791 00:31:15,830 --> 00:31:17,132 but what if the answer is "no"? 792 00:31:19,734 --> 00:31:20,535 Okay. 793 00:31:24,173 --> 00:31:26,808 It's gotta be now or like maybe in another month, 794 00:31:26,842 --> 00:31:29,245 but it's... it's not gonna be in two weeks. 795 00:31:29,278 --> 00:31:32,048 We need to draw up a contract or something first 796 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:33,815 at the very least. 797 00:31:33,848 --> 00:31:35,617 I will sign whatever you want me to sign, okay, 798 00:31:35,651 --> 00:31:38,354 but... but like you know, how when you're out drunk 799 00:31:38,386 --> 00:31:40,288 with friends and... and someone's like, "Oh, 800 00:31:40,321 --> 00:31:41,589 we should all go camping", 801 00:31:41,623 --> 00:31:43,259 and then another person is like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, 802 00:31:43,291 --> 00:31:44,793 I have family in Maine", and then someone else is like, 803 00:31:44,826 --> 00:31:46,461 "Ooh I have a tent" you know, and then... 804 00:31:46,494 --> 00:31:47,562 And then you wake up the next morning, 805 00:31:47,596 --> 00:31:49,698 and everyone like still pretends to be into the idea, 806 00:31:49,730 --> 00:31:51,333 but the idea has just like totally lost its magic, 807 00:31:51,365 --> 00:31:52,334 and it never ends up happening. 808 00:31:53,102 --> 00:31:54,170 What? 809 00:31:54,202 --> 00:31:55,336 I'm just saying. 810 00:31:55,369 --> 00:31:56,738 I think there's like something to be said 811 00:31:56,771 --> 00:31:59,407 for riding the momentum. 812 00:31:59,441 --> 00:32:02,310 I don't know anything about you or your family history. 813 00:32:02,344 --> 00:32:05,114 - Did you even go to college? - Yes, I went to college! 814 00:32:05,146 --> 00:32:06,682 I went to Vassar. 815 00:32:06,714 --> 00:32:08,451 I... I double majored in music, and Greek, and Roman studies. 816 00:32:08,483 --> 00:32:09,651 Awesome, useful choice. 817 00:32:09,684 --> 00:32:13,254 Um, I got a 2110 on my SATs, I'm allergic to pet dander, 818 00:32:13,288 --> 00:32:14,824 and kiwis. 819 00:32:14,856 --> 00:32:17,660 I'm on 20 milligrams of Celexa for depression and anxiety, 820 00:32:17,692 --> 00:32:18,795 and um... 821 00:32:20,761 --> 00:32:24,265 Both of my parents are dead. 822 00:32:25,666 --> 00:32:27,602 - Is that supposed to be a joke? - No. 823 00:32:27,635 --> 00:32:30,439 No, no, they're both... they're both actually dead. 824 00:32:30,471 --> 00:32:32,340 My dad died five years ago of pancreatic cancer 825 00:32:32,374 --> 00:32:35,177 and my mom um, 826 00:32:35,210 --> 00:32:36,511 she committed suicide when I was 10. 827 00:32:36,545 --> 00:32:39,148 So you have full disclosure, 828 00:32:39,181 --> 00:32:41,549 you're like really, really rolling the dice here, 829 00:32:41,583 --> 00:32:44,854 both physically and mentally, but um, 830 00:32:44,886 --> 00:32:47,255 Roger, I'm here, and I wanna do this, and I... 831 00:32:47,288 --> 00:32:49,424 I am in if you are. 832 00:32:50,858 --> 00:32:51,726 Uh, you know, at least, 833 00:32:51,759 --> 00:32:54,195 if your kid turns out super fucked up, 834 00:32:54,229 --> 00:32:55,498 no one can blame the single gay parent. 835 00:32:58,901 --> 00:32:59,567 What the hell? 836 00:32:59,601 --> 00:33:01,203 Okay. 837 00:33:01,236 --> 00:33:05,141 Um, I don't think I'm gonna get another shot at this. 838 00:33:05,173 --> 00:33:06,142 Yeah? 839 00:33:06,174 --> 00:33:08,443 Yeah. 840 00:33:08,477 --> 00:33:09,545 Okay. 841 00:33:15,717 --> 00:33:16,886 I'm worried I'm gonna get whiskey dick. 842 00:33:22,324 --> 00:33:25,461 So what do we do? 843 00:33:25,493 --> 00:33:29,531 Uh, well, when um, a very, very old drag queen 844 00:33:29,565 --> 00:33:30,900 loves a young coed very much... 845 00:33:32,834 --> 00:33:33,869 No. 846 00:33:33,902 --> 00:33:34,603 Uh, what kinda porn do you watch? 847 00:33:34,635 --> 00:33:36,571 Milo, come on. 848 00:33:36,605 --> 00:33:37,740 Oh my God, Roger, 849 00:33:37,772 --> 00:33:38,807 stop clutching those pearls so tightly. 850 00:33:40,208 --> 00:33:43,278 Okay, let's see, let's see. 851 00:33:43,311 --> 00:33:45,947 Okay, uh, here we have what looks like a gym teacher 852 00:33:45,980 --> 00:33:49,317 who's probably not winning any teacher of the year awards. 853 00:33:49,351 --> 00:33:51,353 Ooh, we got a dad who should definitely 854 00:33:51,385 --> 00:33:52,954 not be doing that with the stepson. 855 00:33:52,988 --> 00:33:56,424 Okay, um, orgy, May-December Ebony and Ivory. 856 00:33:56,458 --> 00:33:59,894 Just normal average gay consenting adults, please. 857 00:34:00,962 --> 00:34:01,797 Okay. 858 00:34:04,767 --> 00:34:06,634 - Hey. - Hi. 859 00:34:06,667 --> 00:34:07,769 I'm Steve, the RA. 860 00:34:07,803 --> 00:34:08,836 Alright. 861 00:34:08,869 --> 00:34:10,672 I'm sorry, we were just uh... 862 00:34:10,706 --> 00:34:11,507 - Milo, I just... - What? 863 00:34:11,539 --> 00:34:14,509 - Uh. - Just pretend I'm Steve, The RA. 864 00:34:21,148 --> 00:34:23,652 My um, high school boyfriend said 865 00:34:23,684 --> 00:34:25,320 that I was really, really good at this 866 00:34:25,353 --> 00:34:26,888 and he's gay now, so... 867 00:34:29,992 --> 00:34:32,528 I'll um, I'll be back. 868 00:35:13,601 --> 00:35:18,473 ? It has been a while since I felt ? 869 00:35:21,543 --> 00:35:23,945 ? A part of the hill ? 870 00:35:26,347 --> 00:35:30,485 ? The green has escaped me ? 871 00:35:31,952 --> 00:35:34,489 ? My charcoal eyes ? 872 00:35:34,523 --> 00:35:35,557 ? Say a prayer ? 873 00:35:35,590 --> 00:35:37,526 ? Are lookin' wet ? 874 00:35:40,461 --> 00:35:41,496 ? Into the r... ? 875 00:35:41,530 --> 00:35:42,564 Hey. 876 00:35:42,597 --> 00:35:44,900 Uh, sorry, that took so long. 877 00:35:44,932 --> 00:35:46,735 Uh, and for the mug. 878 00:35:48,670 --> 00:35:51,572 Wow, you uh, really didn't need to bring a gift 879 00:35:51,606 --> 00:35:52,407 to the first date. 880 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:53,742 I know how a lady should be treated. 881 00:35:55,610 --> 00:35:57,579 Um, I found this in the bathroom. 882 00:35:57,612 --> 00:35:58,579 I'm pretty sure they gave it to me 883 00:35:58,612 --> 00:36:01,783 to clean out my stitches when I had oral surgery, 884 00:36:01,817 --> 00:36:03,686 but I don't think I ever ended up using it. 885 00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:05,054 Great. 886 00:36:05,086 --> 00:36:07,922 Uh, do you wanna do this out here or... 887 00:36:07,956 --> 00:36:09,057 No, that's fine. 888 00:36:09,090 --> 00:36:09,958 You can use my room. 889 00:36:09,990 --> 00:36:12,527 It's not... 890 00:36:12,561 --> 00:36:14,063 I was in the bathroom. 891 00:36:14,096 --> 00:36:14,896 Okay. 892 00:36:16,530 --> 00:36:17,666 Um, when was the last time you had a half-naked lady 893 00:36:17,699 --> 00:36:19,034 in your bed? 894 00:36:19,067 --> 00:36:21,670 1983. 895 00:36:21,702 --> 00:36:23,471 Okay. 896 00:36:23,505 --> 00:36:24,773 Are you ready for this? 897 00:36:30,644 --> 00:36:32,514 Cheers. 898 00:36:33,715 --> 00:36:35,451 Oh, yes, thank you. 899 00:36:45,994 --> 00:36:48,497 I normally hate having my hair touched. 900 00:36:48,530 --> 00:36:49,631 - Sorry. - No! 901 00:36:49,664 --> 00:36:51,367 No, no, no, it... it... keep going, 902 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:52,735 it feels nice actually. 903 00:36:57,606 --> 00:37:00,676 So how did... how did you end up here? 904 00:37:00,708 --> 00:37:01,743 Oh. 905 00:37:01,777 --> 00:37:04,880 Um, I was 21, 906 00:37:04,913 --> 00:37:09,385 and so happy to be out of fucking Shipshewana, Indiana, 907 00:37:09,418 --> 00:37:12,621 and then I was really shocked watching people get high, 908 00:37:12,653 --> 00:37:14,889 and fuck each other at night in the park, 909 00:37:14,922 --> 00:37:17,024 and I didn't wanna be shocked, 910 00:37:17,057 --> 00:37:20,094 'cause I literally dreamed of being here forever. 911 00:37:20,128 --> 00:37:23,899 I was this little counter cultural twink 912 00:37:23,931 --> 00:37:26,868 just bloated with irony and angst at home. 913 00:37:26,902 --> 00:37:28,170 And I got here, 914 00:37:28,202 --> 00:37:30,639 and I was like a nun who'd escaped the convent. 915 00:37:34,141 --> 00:37:34,975 I wanted to be Freddie Mercury, 916 00:37:35,010 --> 00:37:37,146 but I knew I looked like Fred Savage. 917 00:37:39,514 --> 00:37:40,782 And that killed me. 918 00:37:44,552 --> 00:37:45,221 That's alright. 919 00:37:45,253 --> 00:37:47,422 So what's your story, chickadee? 920 00:37:47,956 --> 00:37:50,492 Mm-mm. 921 00:37:50,525 --> 00:37:52,059 Honestly, I just kind of always wanted 922 00:37:52,092 --> 00:37:53,861 to be the girl in the band 923 00:37:53,894 --> 00:37:56,063 instead of the girl with the dead parents. 924 00:37:56,097 --> 00:37:57,666 Hmm. 925 00:37:57,699 --> 00:38:00,101 Yeah, well, joke's on me, because they're still dead 926 00:38:00,135 --> 00:38:02,571 and I'm not even in a band. 927 00:38:03,972 --> 00:38:05,775 So... 928 00:38:07,675 --> 00:38:08,443 I should go. 929 00:38:08,476 --> 00:38:11,980 I um, I... I really feel fertilized. 930 00:38:13,581 --> 00:38:15,150 Milo, I... I really, I... I can't thank you enough. 931 00:38:15,182 --> 00:38:18,052 I... um, let's uh, get together in a couple of weeks, 932 00:38:18,085 --> 00:38:20,154 and talk about compensation and everything. 933 00:38:20,188 --> 00:38:21,923 Roger, that is not why I'm doing this. 934 00:38:21,956 --> 00:38:22,625 Come on, that's ridiculous. 935 00:38:22,657 --> 00:38:23,858 I will see you in a few weeks. 936 00:38:23,891 --> 00:38:25,193 Let's do something fun. 937 00:38:32,601 --> 00:38:33,836 George! 938 00:38:37,105 --> 00:38:38,106 Teddy. 939 00:38:40,641 --> 00:38:41,141 Ooh. You know, she just peed on that! 940 00:38:41,175 --> 00:38:42,210 I just peed on that! 941 00:38:42,242 --> 00:38:44,112 Hi, please, hi, I'm Teddy, it's so nice to meet. 942 00:38:44,144 --> 00:38:45,980 And you are definitely pregnant. 943 00:38:47,047 --> 00:38:48,182 Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! 944 00:38:48,215 --> 00:38:49,384 Oh, so like I don't even know you, 945 00:38:49,416 --> 00:38:51,119 but I feel like that gay friend the producer's bringin' 946 00:38:51,152 --> 00:38:52,920 on 16 and Pregnant to ask the girl 947 00:38:52,954 --> 00:38:54,189 how she's doing with all of this. 948 00:38:54,222 --> 00:38:55,858 Oh shit, okay, I gotta... I gotta call Roger. 949 00:38:55,891 --> 00:38:57,659 - No. - What? Why? 950 00:38:57,692 --> 00:38:59,094 Hey, where's the pageantry? 951 00:38:59,126 --> 00:39:00,262 You're only gonna be gay pregnant once, 952 00:39:00,295 --> 00:39:01,597 at least put on a show. 953 00:39:01,630 --> 00:39:02,597 What do you want me to do? 954 00:39:02,630 --> 00:39:04,500 Like bake it into a fucking cake or something? 955 00:39:04,532 --> 00:39:08,269 I was thinkin' more like you exit a cab full of doves, 956 00:39:08,302 --> 00:39:10,938 dressed as the Virgin Mary in a rainbow shroud. 957 00:39:10,972 --> 00:39:12,541 George, I'm not doing that. 958 00:39:12,574 --> 00:39:14,108 Okay, fine, then at least tell him in person. 959 00:39:14,141 --> 00:39:16,010 Okay, I will! 960 00:39:16,043 --> 00:39:19,514 ? I may be rough and rude ? 961 00:39:19,547 --> 00:39:21,883 ? Kiss another tonight ? 962 00:39:21,916 --> 00:39:24,085 ? All night for ? 963 00:39:24,119 --> 00:39:26,788 ? Liberating on the whole ? 964 00:39:26,820 --> 00:39:31,159 ? And I wouldn't have it any other way ? 965 00:39:31,192 --> 00:39:34,028 ? It's a bitch expertise ? 966 00:39:34,061 --> 00:39:36,130 ? Decode it all you please ? 967 00:39:36,164 --> 00:39:39,601 ? I've been hung alive ? 968 00:39:39,634 --> 00:39:41,737 ? Good bye I've arrived ? 969 00:39:41,769 --> 00:39:46,708 ? And I wouldn't take it any other way ? 970 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:07,562 Jesus. 971 00:40:07,596 --> 00:40:09,130 You know, it's Hesus. 972 00:40:09,164 --> 00:40:11,266 Not when you're turning water into wine. 973 00:40:11,298 --> 00:40:13,268 This is Milo, my baby mama. 974 00:40:13,300 --> 00:40:15,069 It's like I'm meetin' the Virgin of Guadalupe 975 00:40:15,103 --> 00:40:15,836 in person herself. 976 00:40:15,869 --> 00:40:17,105 Hmm. 977 00:40:17,137 --> 00:40:20,608 A glass of your okayes champagne for Daddy Roger. 978 00:40:20,641 --> 00:40:22,043 Ew, stop saying it like that. 979 00:40:22,811 --> 00:40:23,812 What can I gonna get you, mama? 980 00:40:23,844 --> 00:40:24,946 Sunset surprise? 981 00:40:24,980 --> 00:40:26,048 Mm-mm. 982 00:40:26,081 --> 00:40:27,149 No, she can't drink, she's pregnant. 983 00:40:27,181 --> 00:40:29,617 No, I'll have a glass of red please. 984 00:40:29,650 --> 00:40:30,885 I've actually read a bunch of articles 985 00:40:30,918 --> 00:40:32,920 that say it's completely fine to have a glass of wine or two 986 00:40:32,954 --> 00:40:33,889 while you're pregnant, 987 00:40:33,922 --> 00:40:36,358 as long as you're not like downing shots. 988 00:40:36,391 --> 00:40:39,161 It's just this like fear propagated by suburban mothers 989 00:40:39,193 --> 00:40:40,929 that are just sitting at home obsessing 990 00:40:40,961 --> 00:40:42,965 about their future prodigy and graduating summa cum laude 991 00:40:42,998 --> 00:40:45,000 from Harvard. 992 00:40:45,032 --> 00:40:46,268 People fuck their kids up way worse 993 00:40:46,300 --> 00:40:48,069 by bein' Republicans or Scientologists. 994 00:40:48,103 --> 00:40:49,104 Uh, right? 995 00:40:49,137 --> 00:40:50,238 Salud. 996 00:40:50,271 --> 00:40:51,306 graduating summa cum laude from Harvard 997 00:40:51,338 --> 00:40:52,807 doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world. 998 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:53,674 Salud. 999 00:40:53,708 --> 00:40:55,143 Mm. 1000 00:40:55,175 --> 00:40:56,844 So do you have any names picked out? 1001 00:40:56,878 --> 00:40:57,546 Well, my uh, 1002 00:40:57,579 --> 00:40:59,014 late grandmother's name was Edna 1003 00:40:59,047 --> 00:41:00,615 and she was the kind of brass tacks 1004 00:41:00,648 --> 00:41:03,317 first-generation bitch we need more of in this world. 1005 00:41:04,152 --> 00:41:05,354 What? 1006 00:41:05,387 --> 00:41:06,989 Sorry uh, there's just something about babies 1007 00:41:07,021 --> 00:41:08,090 with old-timey names. 1008 00:41:08,123 --> 00:41:11,126 It just seems so like twee and self-important to me. 1009 00:41:11,159 --> 00:41:11,693 I don't know. 1010 00:41:11,726 --> 00:41:13,795 I think it's kinda cute. 1011 00:41:13,827 --> 00:41:16,163 Okay, I'm keeping this baby if you name it Edna. 1012 00:41:16,197 --> 00:41:16,965 Okay. 1013 00:41:16,998 --> 00:41:18,200 Not Edna then. 1014 00:41:21,902 --> 00:41:23,304 Thank you. Thank you. 1015 00:41:23,338 --> 00:41:24,072 Okay, okay, okay, do me. 1016 00:41:24,106 --> 00:41:25,107 Alright, give it to me. 1017 00:41:25,139 --> 00:41:26,007 Okay. 1018 00:41:30,344 --> 00:41:31,112 Alright, alright, alright. 1019 00:41:31,146 --> 00:41:33,715 Oh, I got it, I got it, I got it. 1020 00:41:33,748 --> 00:41:36,652 - Ready? - Yes. 1021 00:41:36,684 --> 00:41:37,418 Yeah. 1022 00:41:38,952 --> 00:41:39,887 Okay. 1023 00:41:41,856 --> 00:41:44,226 She's just another white teenager 1024 00:41:44,259 --> 00:41:48,730 who doesn't quite fit in at her entirely white school. 1025 00:41:48,762 --> 00:41:52,366 I know who J.D. Salinger is, but nobody else does. 1026 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:56,905 This spring, she'll find three other weirdos 1027 00:41:56,938 --> 00:41:59,775 and a science teacher to be friends with. 1028 00:41:59,807 --> 00:42:01,009 Probably stupid. 1029 00:42:03,277 --> 00:42:05,413 You'll find that sometimes growing up 1030 00:42:05,447 --> 00:42:08,416 means standing out. 1031 00:42:08,449 --> 00:42:12,119 I'm 16, but my over familiar relationship with adults 1032 00:42:12,152 --> 00:42:15,923 is completely normal, because I'm mature for my age. 1033 00:42:15,956 --> 00:42:17,224 Yeah, pop that booty. 1034 00:42:17,257 --> 00:42:18,759 Pop that booty. 1035 00:42:18,793 --> 00:42:19,428 No, no, no, no, no! 1036 00:42:19,460 --> 00:42:20,227 Do not get up. 1037 00:42:20,260 --> 00:42:21,797 What do you want? 1038 00:42:21,829 --> 00:42:23,699 Um, I was just gonna grab a seltzer from the fridge. 1039 00:42:23,731 --> 00:42:24,699 - I'll get it. - Thank you. 1040 00:42:24,733 --> 00:42:25,768 You're welcome. 1041 00:42:27,202 --> 00:42:29,404 There's some wine in there, too, if you want it. 1042 00:42:29,436 --> 00:42:32,074 KJ feels so guilty drinking without me. 1043 00:42:32,106 --> 00:42:35,009 She has like a thimble per week. 1044 00:42:36,443 --> 00:42:38,279 Finish it before it turns into vinegar. 1045 00:42:38,313 --> 00:42:39,081 No, I'm good. 1046 00:42:39,114 --> 00:42:40,449 I'm just gonna have a seltzer, too. 1047 00:42:40,481 --> 00:42:41,882 You okay? 1048 00:42:43,016 --> 00:42:43,484 Yeah. 1049 00:42:43,518 --> 00:42:44,853 Uh, wow. 1050 00:42:44,885 --> 00:42:47,088 Am I really that much of an alcoholic? 1051 00:42:47,121 --> 00:42:47,955 No, I've just never known you 1052 00:42:47,989 --> 00:42:51,192 to turn down a glass of wine before. 1053 00:42:51,226 --> 00:42:53,361 Well, um, I'm... 1054 00:42:53,393 --> 00:42:56,263 I'm pregnant. 1055 00:42:56,297 --> 00:42:58,467 You're fucking with me. 1056 00:43:01,835 --> 00:43:03,170 Nope. 1057 00:43:03,204 --> 00:43:05,474 Two months 1058 00:43:05,507 --> 00:43:06,942 How? 1059 00:43:06,974 --> 00:43:08,009 I didn't even know you were seeing anyone. 1060 00:43:08,043 --> 00:43:11,512 I'm not, I met this really awesome older gay man 1061 00:43:11,545 --> 00:43:14,048 who desperately wants to be a dad and I... 1062 00:43:14,081 --> 00:43:15,317 I offered to be a surrogate. 1063 00:43:15,349 --> 00:43:16,018 I don't know. 1064 00:43:16,050 --> 00:43:16,717 We got really close, we've had... 1065 00:43:16,751 --> 00:43:18,487 What are you even talking about? 1066 00:43:18,519 --> 00:43:19,855 That's insane! 1067 00:43:19,887 --> 00:43:22,023 This is insane. 1068 00:43:22,056 --> 00:43:23,391 No, honestly, I don't need a lawyer right now. 1069 00:43:23,423 --> 00:43:25,192 Thank you. 1070 00:43:25,226 --> 00:43:27,929 This... this is exactly... fuck, what I told George would happen. 1071 00:43:27,961 --> 00:43:30,264 - You told George? - Yes, dude, I did okay? 1072 00:43:30,297 --> 00:43:31,265 And I'm not gonna be guilt-tripped, 1073 00:43:31,298 --> 00:43:32,934 because I chose to tell someone that I knew 1074 00:43:32,967 --> 00:43:33,800 who would just support me. 1075 00:43:33,835 --> 00:43:35,237 Being supportive is not the same thing 1076 00:43:35,269 --> 00:43:36,438 as being enabling. 1077 00:43:36,471 --> 00:43:38,005 I'm not like an addict, Noor, okay? 1078 00:43:38,039 --> 00:43:39,841 I'm an adult like you 1079 00:43:39,873 --> 00:43:41,275 and I'm allowed to make decisions. 1080 00:43:41,309 --> 00:43:43,912 I'm allowed to make like really, really big life decisions. 1081 00:43:43,945 --> 00:43:45,213 But it's never a decision with you, 1082 00:43:45,246 --> 00:43:46,548 it's always just an impulse. 1083 00:43:46,581 --> 00:43:47,916 Yeah, you know what it is? 1084 00:43:47,949 --> 00:43:48,849 It's never just advice with you, dude, 1085 00:43:48,884 --> 00:43:50,251 It's always just a fuckin' therapy session. 1086 00:43:58,293 --> 00:44:00,229 Oh shit. 1087 00:44:10,172 --> 00:44:12,240 Okay, not one, but two-months' pregnant, 1088 00:44:12,273 --> 00:44:14,543 on 1, 2, 3. 1089 00:44:20,248 --> 00:44:21,449 I'm gonna shake it. 1090 00:44:21,481 --> 00:44:23,851 - Don't shake it, don't. - Yeah. 1091 00:44:23,885 --> 00:44:25,420 ? I'm gonna call it in the air ? 1092 00:44:26,387 --> 00:44:26,820 You're actually not supposed to do that. 1093 00:44:26,855 --> 00:44:27,389 I know, I forgot. 1094 00:44:27,422 --> 00:44:29,090 But I get so excited. 1095 00:44:29,123 --> 00:44:31,159 ? Heads we make it, tails we don't ? 1096 00:44:33,862 --> 00:44:36,463 ? If we stop now, we won't get hurt ? 1097 00:44:36,496 --> 00:44:39,099 ? Is it too late to take a turn ? 1098 00:44:39,132 --> 00:44:42,837 ? Heads we make it, tails we don't ? 1099 00:44:42,871 --> 00:44:43,905 ? He said, toss it ? 1100 00:44:43,938 --> 00:44:45,206 - Fucker. - Not that. 1101 00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:46,875 ? Leave it ? 1102 00:44:49,244 --> 00:44:52,146 ? Can we keep it ? 1103 00:44:54,215 --> 00:44:56,084 ? Both sides fleeting ? 1104 00:44:59,152 --> 00:45:01,055 ? What's the meaning ? 1105 00:45:04,157 --> 00:45:06,560 ? I'm gonna call it in the air ? 1106 00:45:06,594 --> 00:45:08,096 ? I'm gonna call it in the air ? 1107 00:45:08,128 --> 00:45:09,264 Yeah, take this. 1108 00:45:09,297 --> 00:45:10,365 ? Heads we make it, tails we don't ? 1109 00:45:11,266 --> 00:45:13,434 Just 1, 2, 3. 1110 00:45:13,467 --> 00:45:14,536 Yeah! 1111 00:45:14,568 --> 00:45:16,605 ? If we stop now, we won't get hurt ? 1112 00:45:16,637 --> 00:45:18,273 ? Is it too late to take a turn ? 1113 00:45:18,306 --> 00:45:19,875 Oh, what the fuck are we doing? 1114 00:45:19,907 --> 00:45:21,509 ? Heads we make it, tails we don't ? 1115 00:45:23,543 --> 00:45:24,211 You look really great. 1116 00:45:33,221 --> 00:45:34,389 ? She said... ? 1117 00:45:34,422 --> 00:45:35,590 It's a very romantic instrument. 1118 00:45:35,623 --> 00:45:37,259 We can throw in the strap for free. 1119 00:45:37,291 --> 00:45:38,326 Uh... 1120 00:45:38,358 --> 00:45:40,261 We could let this go for a price of... 1121 00:45:41,295 --> 00:45:42,563 Oh... 1122 00:45:42,597 --> 00:45:43,231 You're welcome to String Theory. 1123 00:45:43,264 --> 00:45:45,333 We sell guitars, mandolins, 1124 00:45:45,365 --> 00:45:48,570 and free key triggers we keep in the back. 1125 00:45:48,603 --> 00:45:52,507 Milo, why didn't you tell us you had Cameron Owusu in the shop? 1126 00:45:52,539 --> 00:45:53,909 Who? 1127 00:45:54,275 --> 00:45:55,477 Hmm. 1128 00:45:55,510 --> 00:45:58,513 This man is the lead guitarist for After After. 1129 00:45:58,545 --> 00:46:01,315 No way, that's nuts, I've seen you guys play! 1130 00:46:01,349 --> 00:46:03,351 Motion to set Milo adrift on a flaming raft. 1131 00:46:03,384 --> 00:46:05,387 - Yay! - Nay. 1132 00:46:05,420 --> 00:46:06,221 Tough call, 1133 00:46:06,253 --> 00:46:08,255 but tie vote defaults to the nays. 1134 00:46:08,289 --> 00:46:09,190 Lucky. 1135 00:46:09,222 --> 00:46:11,092 Anyway. 1136 00:46:11,125 --> 00:46:13,360 Uh, are you still interested in that Johnson? 1137 00:46:13,393 --> 00:46:15,596 Nah, that kinda fell through. 1138 00:46:15,630 --> 00:46:17,132 I'm just here to pick up some strings 1139 00:46:17,164 --> 00:46:18,065 and a looper pedal. 1140 00:46:19,300 --> 00:46:20,468 Guys. 1141 00:46:20,501 --> 00:46:21,670 Guys, Milo, helped me out the last time 1142 00:46:21,702 --> 00:46:23,704 and I didn't buy anything, so I'm gonna 1143 00:46:23,737 --> 00:46:27,207 give her the sales commission on this one. 1144 00:46:27,240 --> 00:46:30,311 So just uh, swingin' by your favorite 1145 00:46:30,344 --> 00:46:33,414 three-star Yelp-reviewed specialty Brooklyn guitar shop 1146 00:46:33,447 --> 00:46:35,016 or like what? 1147 00:46:35,048 --> 00:46:38,253 Straight up, I was kinda hopin' you'd be here. 1148 00:46:38,286 --> 00:46:39,487 I tried to call you on the number 1149 00:46:39,519 --> 00:46:41,222 on your business card, but... 1150 00:46:41,255 --> 00:46:43,023 Oh yeah, that's the phone here. 1151 00:46:43,056 --> 00:46:45,392 They've destroyed it last year, because it was ringing too much. 1152 00:46:45,425 --> 00:46:47,061 But can I give you my number, so you have it? 1153 00:46:47,094 --> 00:46:48,195 Yes, you may. 1154 00:46:53,166 --> 00:46:54,135 Thank you. 1155 00:46:59,340 --> 00:47:00,409 Jesus. 1156 00:47:02,677 --> 00:47:04,646 Hey, you're all dolled up. 1157 00:47:04,679 --> 00:47:07,081 Hey, yeah, I got a hot date. 1158 00:47:07,114 --> 00:47:07,782 With me? 1159 00:47:07,815 --> 00:47:10,518 No, with a very fine musician. 1160 00:47:10,550 --> 00:47:12,386 I uh, totally fucked up my makeup, 1161 00:47:12,420 --> 00:47:15,023 so I came to beg for a touch-up, and I figured I'd stop by 1162 00:47:15,056 --> 00:47:17,157 and bring you some literature you might like, 1163 00:47:17,190 --> 00:47:20,061 very queer, very downright, social construct. 1164 00:47:21,561 --> 00:47:23,331 Oh, huh. 1165 00:47:25,065 --> 00:47:26,233 Great minds. 1166 00:47:26,266 --> 00:47:28,102 No, thank you, that's great. 1167 00:47:28,135 --> 00:47:31,139 I can give it to one of the dads in my dad group. 1168 00:47:31,172 --> 00:47:32,206 You're in a dad group? 1169 00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:34,541 That's... that's fun. 1170 00:47:34,574 --> 00:47:36,643 Yeah, it's like this whole underbelly of New York 1171 00:47:36,677 --> 00:47:37,745 I had no idea existed. 1172 00:47:37,777 --> 00:47:40,614 I'm like a suburban housewife who just discovered 1173 00:47:40,648 --> 00:47:42,350 narcotics anonymous meets at her church basement 1174 00:47:42,382 --> 00:47:43,183 on Wednesdays. 1175 00:47:44,085 --> 00:47:46,320 Well, um, let me know if you need me 1176 00:47:46,353 --> 00:47:48,389 for bring-your-spunky-surrogate day. 1177 00:47:50,358 --> 00:47:53,428 It's more of a chance for gay dads 1178 00:47:53,460 --> 00:47:56,464 and prospective dads to connect and support each other, but... 1179 00:47:59,634 --> 00:48:01,702 Okay, uh, do you have any liquid liner? 1180 00:48:01,735 --> 00:48:03,137 This is a mess. 1181 00:48:03,170 --> 00:48:03,637 Yeah. 1182 00:48:03,670 --> 00:48:05,373 Um, fair warning, 1183 00:48:05,405 --> 00:48:07,808 I don't have much experience with civilian makeup. 1184 00:48:07,842 --> 00:48:09,210 That's okay. 1185 00:48:09,242 --> 00:48:12,047 I can look like Lady Esther on the right 1186 00:48:12,079 --> 00:48:14,148 and Lady Bunny on the left. 1187 00:48:17,717 --> 00:48:20,587 Hello, Bergen, and welcome to trivia night. 1188 00:48:20,621 --> 00:48:24,358 As always, I am your host Giana, this is my partner Jamie. 1189 00:48:24,391 --> 00:48:25,759 We are with Broadly Entertaining. 1190 00:48:25,793 --> 00:48:29,264 first things first, you gotta come up with a team name. 1191 00:48:29,297 --> 00:48:32,067 Now your team name does not have to be funny or clever, 1192 00:48:32,099 --> 00:48:33,835 but it sure helps 1193 00:48:33,867 --> 00:48:36,503 I mean if it's not a guitar pun, we're doin' something wrong. 1194 00:48:36,536 --> 00:48:39,173 Mm, puns and roses, thin quizzy, pinball quizzard. 1195 00:48:39,206 --> 00:48:40,607 You just got those loaded and about? 1196 00:48:40,641 --> 00:48:41,443 Yes, yes, I do. 1197 00:48:41,476 --> 00:48:43,278 I can go on all night. 1198 00:48:43,311 --> 00:48:44,479 How about G string? 1199 00:48:44,512 --> 00:48:46,247 Yeah, that seems a little bass for me, 1200 00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:49,117 but um, I can fuck with it, 1201 00:48:49,150 --> 00:48:50,385 Oh, I'm sorry. 1202 00:48:50,418 --> 00:48:53,253 My puns aren't up to your standards 1203 00:48:53,286 --> 00:48:55,622 unless bass was supposed to be a pun, 1204 00:48:55,655 --> 00:48:57,358 in which case they most definitely are. 1205 00:48:57,391 --> 00:48:58,526 Mm. 1206 00:48:58,559 --> 00:49:01,496 Takes a lot of practice to be this lame. 1207 00:49:01,528 --> 00:49:03,565 Cameron, hi, hi, hi. 1208 00:49:03,597 --> 00:49:04,099 Hey. 1209 00:49:04,132 --> 00:49:04,699 Bee's Knees for you? 1210 00:49:04,733 --> 00:49:06,835 Fuck me up, Kim. 1211 00:49:06,867 --> 00:49:08,335 And for you? 1212 00:49:08,369 --> 00:49:13,173 Um, I would just like a soda and lime, please. 1213 00:49:13,206 --> 00:49:14,409 Alright, folks. 1214 00:49:14,442 --> 00:49:17,778 Nolan Ryan, nicknamed the Ryan Express, 1215 00:49:17,811 --> 00:49:21,449 he holds the all-time record for no hitters. 1216 00:49:21,481 --> 00:49:25,420 Please tell us one of the four major league teams 1217 00:49:25,452 --> 00:49:28,222 he pitched for in his career. 1218 00:49:30,557 --> 00:49:32,460 The Mets, the Angels, the Astros, the Rangers. 1219 00:49:32,492 --> 00:49:33,360 What? 1220 00:49:33,393 --> 00:49:35,262 Hey, sports fan. 1221 00:49:35,295 --> 00:49:36,530 My dad grew up in Ghana, 1222 00:49:36,563 --> 00:49:38,799 but he was obsessed with American baseball. 1223 00:49:38,833 --> 00:49:41,269 He still collects cards. 1224 00:49:41,302 --> 00:49:42,903 You see, this is why I like trivia. 1225 00:49:42,936 --> 00:49:45,139 Let's you rush past all the what's your middle name, 1226 00:49:45,172 --> 00:49:46,040 and do you have any pets, 1227 00:49:46,074 --> 00:49:48,610 and get to what's actually interesting. 1228 00:49:48,643 --> 00:49:50,311 There you go. 1229 00:49:51,278 --> 00:49:53,181 - Hey, enjoy. - Thank you. 1230 00:49:53,213 --> 00:49:56,550 Are you sure you don't wanna drink drink? 1231 00:49:56,583 --> 00:49:57,784 Uh, yeah, no, I just... I don't know. 1232 00:49:57,818 --> 00:49:59,754 I don't wanna get tired. 1233 00:49:59,786 --> 00:50:07,661 Roland Orzabal was one half of which English pop rock band? 1234 00:50:07,695 --> 00:50:09,831 Tears for Fears, bitch. 1235 00:50:09,864 --> 00:50:11,666 I was actually junior class social chair 1236 00:50:11,699 --> 00:50:12,800 and I refused to play anything 1237 00:50:12,833 --> 00:50:14,635 besides British '80s rock anthems 1238 00:50:14,668 --> 00:50:16,237 for all three and a half hours of homecoming 1239 00:50:16,269 --> 00:50:18,273 and they unanimously voted to impeach me 1240 00:50:18,306 --> 00:50:19,941 halfway through the dance, so... 1241 00:50:19,974 --> 00:50:23,912 That's kinda baller in a really, really lame way. 1242 00:50:23,945 --> 00:50:25,547 Funny that you say that, 1243 00:50:25,579 --> 00:50:28,348 because lame baller was my very first AIM screen name 1244 00:50:28,382 --> 00:50:30,818 and it will be the title of my autobiography. 1245 00:50:30,851 --> 00:50:32,921 Alright, friends, for number three... 1246 00:50:34,789 --> 00:50:37,392 Oh, whoa! 1247 00:50:37,425 --> 00:50:38,693 Cute. 1248 00:50:38,726 --> 00:50:41,563 Hmm, welcome to the pad. 1249 00:50:41,596 --> 00:50:44,565 A first place trophy would have looked so good in here. 1250 00:50:44,599 --> 00:50:47,235 No, they don't give you a trophy for first place. 1251 00:50:47,268 --> 00:50:48,503 I'd know. 1252 00:50:48,536 --> 00:50:51,539 Well, thanks for my consolation prize sticker. 1253 00:50:51,572 --> 00:50:53,508 I'm um, I'm gonna look at it every day 1254 00:50:53,541 --> 00:50:54,976 and think about how mediocre I am. 1255 00:50:55,009 --> 00:50:56,911 You need a sticker for that? 1256 00:50:56,943 --> 00:50:58,380 I guess I do. 1257 00:50:59,847 --> 00:51:03,718 I don't think you're mediocre at all. 1258 00:51:03,751 --> 00:51:05,320 I think you're the worst. 1259 00:51:26,273 --> 00:51:26,807 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 1260 00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:29,344 Um, hold on a sec, okay? 1261 00:51:29,376 --> 00:51:30,679 Uh... 1262 00:51:42,989 --> 00:51:44,324 Hey. 1263 00:51:44,358 --> 00:51:46,494 Hey. 1264 00:51:46,527 --> 00:51:48,396 Did you put on my shirt? 1265 00:51:51,431 --> 00:51:53,033 I'm sorry, I didn't tell you earlier. 1266 00:51:53,067 --> 00:51:54,869 I just uh... 1267 00:51:54,902 --> 00:51:56,737 You know, it didn't come up 1268 00:51:56,771 --> 00:51:58,873 in any of the trivia night questions, so... 1269 00:51:58,905 --> 00:52:01,643 Yeah, I feel like maybe you could have mentioned it 1270 00:52:01,675 --> 00:52:04,411 before I had your clothes halfway off your body. 1271 00:52:04,445 --> 00:52:05,780 I mean would you have still asked me out 1272 00:52:05,813 --> 00:52:06,713 if I told you? 1273 00:52:06,746 --> 00:52:07,815 That feels like entrapment. 1274 00:52:07,847 --> 00:52:10,751 Don't they say entrapment is like the sincerest form 1275 00:52:10,784 --> 00:52:11,952 of flattery? 1276 00:52:15,956 --> 00:52:17,925 I'm sorry. 1277 00:52:17,958 --> 00:52:20,827 So after this what? 1278 00:52:20,860 --> 00:52:25,400 Just another four or five months and it's done? 1279 00:52:25,432 --> 00:52:27,068 No, I mean I... I think I'll be more 1280 00:52:27,101 --> 00:52:30,938 like a... an aunt or um... 1281 00:52:30,971 --> 00:52:32,572 I don't know. 1282 00:52:32,606 --> 00:52:36,044 The non-denominational godparent, 1283 00:52:36,077 --> 00:52:38,780 like a not religious to spiritual parent. 1284 00:52:42,782 --> 00:52:47,422 Can I ask you why you decided to do this? 1285 00:52:47,454 --> 00:52:49,923 I mean I know it's... it's like a great thing to do, 1286 00:52:49,956 --> 00:52:52,826 but like why? 1287 00:52:57,264 --> 00:52:58,965 Do you ever feel like um, 1288 00:52:58,998 --> 00:53:01,802 like you've already experienced the most intense version 1289 00:53:01,835 --> 00:53:05,572 of like every emotion you'll ever feel? 1290 00:53:05,606 --> 00:53:06,708 What do you mean? 1291 00:53:06,740 --> 00:53:08,809 Like... 1292 00:53:08,842 --> 00:53:13,080 Okay, like, like um... uh, like when you're a kid 1293 00:53:13,114 --> 00:53:17,552 or um, or a teenager and like you know, 1294 00:53:17,585 --> 00:53:20,887 you feel fear or pain or loss for the first time you know, 1295 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:22,790 it's... it's so intense. 1296 00:53:24,958 --> 00:53:28,061 So you decided to do this because it's like a... 1297 00:53:28,094 --> 00:53:31,131 A new feeling? 1298 00:53:31,164 --> 00:53:32,099 That... I mean that makes me sound 1299 00:53:32,132 --> 00:53:33,835 like I'm being entirely self-serving, but... 1300 00:53:33,867 --> 00:53:34,802 No, I'm just saying. 1301 00:53:34,835 --> 00:53:38,004 It's a... it's a pretty big decision to make 1302 00:53:38,038 --> 00:53:40,641 for the sake of catharsis. 1303 00:53:40,673 --> 00:53:47,815 Yeah, I mean when m... I had a lot of... 1304 00:53:49,150 --> 00:53:51,018 A lot of really shitty family stuff happen 1305 00:53:51,050 --> 00:53:52,586 when I was a kid and... 1306 00:53:52,619 --> 00:53:54,588 Hmm. 1307 00:53:54,621 --> 00:53:55,889 I don't know. 1308 00:53:55,922 --> 00:53:57,858 I just looked for something else to feel intensely 1309 00:53:57,891 --> 00:54:02,462 to make the other feelings seem duller. 1310 00:54:02,496 --> 00:54:06,166 Like you know how when there's a car alarm going off outside 1311 00:54:06,199 --> 00:54:08,568 and like you turn on the AC even though you're not hot, 1312 00:54:08,601 --> 00:54:11,471 because like the sound that's closer to your ear 1313 00:54:11,505 --> 00:54:14,776 just kinda quiets the louder one. 1314 00:54:25,686 --> 00:54:26,421 I'm sorry. 1315 00:54:26,454 --> 00:54:28,623 I just... I really... 1316 00:54:28,655 --> 00:54:32,793 I really hate having my hair played with. 1317 00:54:32,827 --> 00:54:34,996 I like you a little bit, Milo. 1318 00:54:38,865 --> 00:54:41,101 I like you a little bit, too. 1319 00:54:56,516 --> 00:54:57,150 Okay. 1320 00:54:57,184 --> 00:55:00,688 Um, Ren�e. 1321 00:55:00,721 --> 00:55:02,190 - Too French. - Mm. 1322 00:55:02,222 --> 00:55:03,724 Jack? 1323 00:55:03,757 --> 00:55:05,193 Too John Cougar Mellencamp. 1324 00:55:05,860 --> 00:55:06,894 Okay. 1325 00:55:06,927 --> 00:55:07,894 Voldemort. 1326 00:55:07,927 --> 00:55:08,795 That is perfect. 1327 00:55:12,632 --> 00:55:16,670 Do you ever talk to the baby or... or read to it or anything? 1328 00:55:16,704 --> 00:55:19,474 Uh, no. 1329 00:55:19,507 --> 00:55:21,041 No, I guess I don't. 1330 00:55:21,074 --> 00:55:24,945 I picked up this book of poems about pregnancy 1331 00:55:24,978 --> 00:55:26,913 and I don't know, I wanted to give it to you 1332 00:55:26,947 --> 00:55:28,883 in case you wanted to try it sometime. 1333 00:55:28,916 --> 00:55:31,652 I've read that it's good for the baby to be talked to. 1334 00:55:31,684 --> 00:55:34,221 Yes, of course. 1335 00:55:34,255 --> 00:55:34,889 Uh. 1336 00:55:34,922 --> 00:55:36,690 Ah, the Consecrating Mother. 1337 00:55:36,724 --> 00:55:37,758 I love Anne Sexton. 1338 00:55:37,791 --> 00:55:39,660 Okay. 1339 00:55:39,693 --> 00:55:42,230 Uh, "I stand before the sea, 1340 00:55:42,262 --> 00:55:45,699 and it rolls and rolls in its green blood saying..." 1341 00:55:45,733 --> 00:55:46,667 Can I actually read it? 1342 00:55:46,699 --> 00:55:48,768 Um, if it's okay with you? 1343 00:55:48,802 --> 00:55:53,140 I really want the baby to know my voice 1344 00:55:53,172 --> 00:55:54,674 if that's really a thing? 1345 00:55:54,708 --> 00:55:55,710 I... 1346 00:55:55,742 --> 00:55:57,612 Yes, of course, read it. 1347 00:56:04,117 --> 00:56:09,523 "Saying, 'Do not give up one God for I have a handful.' 1348 00:56:09,556 --> 00:56:10,625 The trade winds blew 1349 00:56:10,657 --> 00:56:12,058 in their twelve-fingered reversal 1350 00:56:12,092 --> 00:56:14,195 and I simply stood on the beach 1351 00:56:14,228 --> 00:56:16,864 while the ocean made a cross of salt 1352 00:56:16,896 --> 00:56:22,636 and hung up its drowned and they cried Deo Deo. 1353 00:56:24,204 --> 00:56:27,875 The ocean offered them up in the vein of its might. 1354 00:56:27,907 --> 00:56:28,775 I wanted to share this, 1355 00:56:28,809 --> 00:56:32,914 but I stood alone like a pink scarecrow. 1356 00:56:32,947 --> 00:56:35,782 The ocean steamed in and out, 1357 00:56:35,815 --> 00:56:39,920 the ocean gasped upon the shore, but I could not define her. 1358 00:56:39,954 --> 00:56:44,926 I could not name her mood, her locked-up faces. 1359 00:56:44,958 --> 00:56:50,196 Far off, she rolled and rolled like a woman in labor 1360 00:56:50,230 --> 00:56:53,000 and I thought of those who had crossed her 1361 00:56:53,032 --> 00:56:58,873 in antiquity, in nautical trade, in slavery, in war. 1362 00:56:58,905 --> 00:57:03,009 I wondered how she had borne those bulwarks. 1363 00:57:03,043 --> 00:57:04,745 She should be entered skin to skin 1364 00:57:04,777 --> 00:57:07,781 and put on like one's first or last cloth, 1365 00:57:07,815 --> 00:57:10,251 envered like kneeling your way into church, 1366 00:57:10,284 --> 00:57:15,222 descending into that ascension, though she be slick as olive oil 1367 00:57:15,255 --> 00:57:19,794 as she climbs each wave like an embezzler of white." 1368 00:57:21,195 --> 00:57:22,930 Let's read the end together. 1369 00:57:22,963 --> 00:57:24,098 Oh, okay. 1370 00:57:25,865 --> 00:57:28,101 Uh, the big deep. 1371 00:57:28,135 --> 00:57:32,340 "The big deep knows the law as it wears its gray hat." 1372 00:57:34,007 --> 00:57:36,276 "Though the ocean comes in its destiny 1373 00:57:36,309 --> 00:57:38,645 with its 100 lips, 1374 00:57:38,679 --> 00:57:42,316 and in moonlight she comes in her nudity, 1375 00:57:42,349 --> 00:57:45,653 flashing breasts made of milk water, 1376 00:57:45,686 --> 00:57:49,957 flashing buttocks made of unkillable lust, 1377 00:57:49,989 --> 00:57:56,396 and at night when you enter her, you shine like a neon soprano. 1378 00:57:56,429 --> 00:58:01,101 I am that clumsy human on the shore 1379 00:58:01,135 --> 00:58:06,641 loving you, coming, coming, going, 1380 00:58:06,673 --> 00:58:11,813 and wish to put my thumb on you like The Song of Solomon." 1381 00:58:19,286 --> 00:58:20,688 There you go. 1382 00:58:20,721 --> 00:58:22,789 Some little fingers and toes there. 1383 00:58:22,822 --> 00:58:23,723 We like fingers and toes. 1384 00:58:23,757 --> 00:58:24,759 Yay, fingers and toes. 1385 00:58:24,791 --> 00:58:27,427 Thanks, I grew them myself. 1386 00:58:27,460 --> 00:58:29,396 Since you're a bit late for your five-month appointment 1387 00:58:29,429 --> 00:58:31,898 and your little friend is being cooperative, 1388 00:58:31,931 --> 00:58:33,767 I can tell you the sex today if you wanna know. 1389 00:58:33,800 --> 00:58:34,835 - Oh my God, wonderful. - Oh, no. 1390 00:58:34,867 --> 00:58:35,902 No, I don't really wanna know. 1391 00:58:38,706 --> 00:58:39,240 Okay. 1392 00:58:41,108 --> 00:58:42,343 It's common for one parent to wanna know 1393 00:58:42,376 --> 00:58:44,345 and the other to remain surprised. 1394 00:58:44,378 --> 00:58:46,414 Ms. Winiker, if you wanna step out of the room after this, 1395 00:58:46,447 --> 00:58:49,349 I can tell Mr. Nyhum the sex of the baby. 1396 00:58:49,382 --> 00:58:51,117 I think I'd really like to know. 1397 00:58:51,150 --> 00:58:52,886 I'm... I'm 52. 1398 00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:53,988 At this point, I'd like to remove 1399 00:58:54,021 --> 00:58:57,124 as much uncertainty from the process as possible. 1400 00:58:57,157 --> 00:58:59,026 Yeah, I just... I always imagined 1401 00:58:59,059 --> 00:59:01,062 being surprised the first time, you know? 1402 00:59:01,094 --> 00:59:03,963 Did you imagine it like this? 1403 00:59:03,996 --> 00:59:05,298 Roger, I don't wanna know, okay? 1404 00:59:05,331 --> 00:59:06,833 If you do, that's fine. 1405 00:59:06,867 --> 00:59:10,104 I have to go pee anyway for like 500th time today. 1406 00:59:23,349 --> 00:59:24,751 Hey. 1407 00:59:26,420 --> 00:59:28,989 Hi. 1408 00:59:29,021 --> 00:59:30,924 You're upset or something? 1409 00:59:30,958 --> 00:59:32,159 Just exhausted 1410 00:59:32,192 --> 00:59:33,793 and it's like started to move around, 1411 00:59:33,827 --> 00:59:38,365 which is just like the weirdest feeling imaginable. 1412 00:59:38,398 --> 00:59:40,034 I asked her not to tell me. 1413 00:59:42,135 --> 00:59:44,170 Really? 1414 00:59:44,204 --> 00:59:45,506 Yeah. 1415 00:59:45,539 --> 00:59:47,041 Uh, what do I care? 1416 00:59:47,074 --> 00:59:49,143 I'm tryin' to parent beyond pink and blue anyway. 1417 00:59:50,978 --> 00:59:52,180 Thank you. 1418 00:59:57,284 --> 00:59:59,854 So my lawyer friend finally got the contract back to me 1419 00:59:59,887 --> 01:00:02,389 and I thought now is as good a time as any 1420 01:00:02,422 --> 01:00:06,793 to hand it off to you. 1421 01:00:06,827 --> 01:00:08,262 Are you like suddenly afraid 1422 01:00:08,295 --> 01:00:10,197 I'm gonna steal this kid from you? 1423 01:00:10,230 --> 01:00:12,233 No, I mean it protects you, too. 1424 01:00:12,266 --> 01:00:15,536 If I go swimming in the Hudson and contract a... 1425 01:00:15,568 --> 01:00:20,039 a brain parasite, I can't shelf this kid off on you. 1426 01:00:20,072 --> 01:00:21,375 Anyway, you get those back to me next month 1427 01:00:21,407 --> 01:00:22,909 at the appointment. 1428 01:00:22,943 --> 01:00:25,211 Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I'll see you before then. 1429 01:00:25,244 --> 01:00:26,346 Just uh, let me know. 1430 01:00:26,380 --> 01:00:27,815 This week is crazy for me. 1431 01:00:30,250 --> 01:00:33,954 Okay, yeah, I'll uh, I'll see you soon, Roger. 1432 01:00:40,893 --> 01:00:42,962 Chuck chuck to Bustin, chuck chuck to Linn, 1433 01:00:42,996 --> 01:00:46,133 Be careful little Lilah's starting to fall in! 1434 01:00:46,166 --> 01:00:46,901 - Oh! - Oh. 1435 01:00:46,934 --> 01:00:47,835 Okay, okay, okay. 1436 01:00:47,869 --> 01:00:52,907 Who had uh, white people like white people? 1437 01:00:57,043 --> 01:00:59,045 Very good, very funny. 1438 01:00:59,913 --> 01:01:01,014 I win. 1439 01:01:01,047 --> 01:01:03,550 Um, I call it "preferential treatment". 1440 01:01:03,583 --> 01:01:07,153 If I was giving preferential treatment, 1441 01:01:07,186 --> 01:01:09,088 it would be to you. 1442 01:01:10,257 --> 01:01:12,159 Oh please, they're cute. 1443 01:01:12,192 --> 01:01:13,561 I wanna play charades. 1444 01:01:13,594 --> 01:01:15,362 It's George's birthday. 1445 01:01:15,394 --> 01:01:16,063 What do you wanna play? 1446 01:01:16,096 --> 01:01:17,431 Yeah, I mean charades is good. 1447 01:01:17,463 --> 01:01:19,166 Milo, are we still waiting for Roger? 1448 01:01:19,199 --> 01:01:20,334 Uh, I don't know, 1449 01:01:20,367 --> 01:01:21,502 I don't know if he's gonna make it. 1450 01:01:21,534 --> 01:01:23,403 I am sure we'll meet him eventually. 1451 01:01:24,972 --> 01:01:26,473 Yeah. 1452 01:01:26,505 --> 01:01:27,907 Uh, I mean he works nights and he's about to have a baby, 1453 01:01:27,940 --> 01:01:29,209 he's a really busy guy. 1454 01:01:31,878 --> 01:01:33,213 Okay, are you getting fussy? 1455 01:01:33,246 --> 01:01:33,914 I'm gonna put her in right there. 1456 01:01:33,947 --> 01:01:35,982 Sure, yeah, put here right in. 1457 01:01:36,016 --> 01:01:38,052 Little bit of fussy girl. 1458 01:01:41,188 --> 01:01:42,556 Uh, does anybody want anything to drink? 1459 01:01:42,588 --> 01:01:43,891 Oh, I'll have another Sixpoint. 1460 01:01:43,923 --> 01:01:44,324 Thanks. 1461 01:01:44,358 --> 01:01:45,593 Hmm. 1462 01:01:51,664 --> 01:01:52,199 Shit. 1463 01:01:52,231 --> 01:01:53,867 We're uh... we're out. 1464 01:01:53,900 --> 01:01:56,103 I'm gonna... I'm gonna go out and get some. 1465 01:01:56,135 --> 01:01:57,403 No, don't worry about it. 1466 01:01:57,436 --> 01:01:58,270 - No, we are fine. - No, it's fine. 1467 01:01:58,304 --> 01:02:00,540 Honestly, I need the fresh air anyway. 1468 01:02:41,581 --> 01:02:42,383 Thank you so much. 1469 01:02:43,382 --> 01:02:45,151 Thank you so much. 1470 01:02:45,184 --> 01:02:47,453 Jesus, did you go to Alpha Centauri? 1471 01:02:47,487 --> 01:02:49,088 You've been gone like 35 minutes. 1472 01:02:49,121 --> 01:02:51,291 Yeah, yeah, the corner deli was closed. 1473 01:02:57,097 --> 01:03:00,701 Alright, we gotta come up with some words for charades. 1474 01:03:00,733 --> 01:03:05,038 How about some obscure legal Latin? 1475 01:03:05,072 --> 01:03:08,041 Write "res ipsa loquitur". 1476 01:03:08,074 --> 01:03:09,076 Ugh, amazing. 1477 01:03:09,108 --> 01:03:09,943 I don't even know what that is. 1478 01:03:09,976 --> 01:03:12,045 It goes without saying. 1479 01:03:12,079 --> 01:03:14,682 I mean okay, it's... I don't... I don't speak Latin. 1480 01:03:14,715 --> 01:03:17,318 No, that's what it means, "it goes without saying". 1481 01:03:17,351 --> 01:03:20,521 Oh, right. 1482 01:03:20,554 --> 01:03:22,056 Uh, speaking of Latin, have you had a chance 1483 01:03:22,088 --> 01:03:24,157 to look over my contract? 1484 01:03:24,190 --> 01:03:27,226 Yeah, we should make some time to talk about it. 1485 01:03:27,260 --> 01:03:29,630 Okay, uh, we're here now. 1486 01:03:29,663 --> 01:03:32,967 Yeah, but uh, I just had a glass of wine and... 1487 01:03:34,300 --> 01:03:36,603 It's more than a five-minute conversation. 1488 01:03:36,635 --> 01:03:39,239 Noor, I wasn't like asking you to write me a legal brief 1489 01:03:39,271 --> 01:03:40,641 I just... I wanted you to look over it 1490 01:03:40,673 --> 01:03:42,576 and make sure everything seemed normal. 1491 01:03:42,608 --> 01:03:44,177 Okay. 1492 01:03:44,210 --> 01:03:46,179 Thank you. 1493 01:03:55,789 --> 01:03:57,491 "The surrogate shall relinquish 1494 01:03:57,523 --> 01:03:59,625 and the genetic father shall take immediate, full, 1495 01:03:59,659 --> 01:04:03,030 and absolute custody of the child upon birth, 1496 01:04:03,063 --> 01:04:05,432 and all decisions concerning the child's health, 1497 01:04:05,465 --> 01:04:07,434 in utero and after delivery, 1498 01:04:07,467 --> 01:04:09,503 shall be made by the genetic father." 1499 01:04:11,670 --> 01:04:14,640 I'm worried that's incredibly prohibitive language. 1500 01:04:14,673 --> 01:04:18,045 No, it's just a technicality that protects both of us. 1501 01:04:18,077 --> 01:04:19,179 Okay. 1502 01:04:22,349 --> 01:04:25,219 "Any child born pursuant to the conduct 1503 01:04:25,251 --> 01:04:28,087 contemplated by this agreement shall be morally, ethically, 1504 01:04:28,121 --> 01:04:30,324 legally, contractually, and otherwise the child 1505 01:04:30,356 --> 01:04:33,326 of the genetic father for all purposes, 1506 01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:36,163 the surrogate agrees to sign all necessary affidavits, 1507 01:04:36,195 --> 01:04:37,130 consents, and/or waivers, 1508 01:04:37,164 --> 01:04:39,633 and to attend all necessary court hearings 1509 01:04:39,666 --> 01:04:41,501 to establish the genetic father's parenthood to their prior... 1510 01:04:41,534 --> 01:04:42,568 Okay. Okay, okay, I get it. 1511 01:04:42,601 --> 01:04:45,338 You made your point, Noor, okay? 1512 01:04:45,371 --> 01:04:48,641 This doesn't sound like a formality between friends. 1513 01:04:48,675 --> 01:04:51,745 This sounds like someone who is absolutely legally capable 1514 01:04:51,777 --> 01:04:54,380 of preventing you from seeing this baby forever 1515 01:04:54,414 --> 01:04:55,215 if he wants to. 1516 01:04:55,248 --> 01:04:56,450 No. 1517 01:04:56,483 --> 01:04:58,818 No, he would never do something like that. 1518 01:04:58,851 --> 01:05:01,254 I'm not judging, Milo. 1519 01:05:01,288 --> 01:05:04,458 These are reasonable questions to ask. 1520 01:05:04,490 --> 01:05:05,793 I don't even know what he looks like. 1521 01:05:05,826 --> 01:05:07,327 Uh, it's not like you introduced us 1522 01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:08,428 to your sperm donor. 1523 01:05:08,460 --> 01:05:11,330 I also didn't drink whiskey at his fucking house. 1524 01:05:13,132 --> 01:05:15,068 Okay, look, I know how hard it was for you to get pregnant 1525 01:05:15,101 --> 01:05:16,369 and now I'm doing that for someone else 1526 01:05:16,402 --> 01:05:17,670 in your position. 1527 01:05:17,704 --> 01:05:19,673 I just feel like can't you just like be... be... 1528 01:05:19,706 --> 01:05:21,575 What? 1529 01:05:21,608 --> 01:05:23,243 Grateful? 1530 01:05:23,275 --> 01:05:24,811 Were you gonna say "grateful" to you? 1531 01:05:24,844 --> 01:05:27,246 Like on behalf of the gay community? 1532 01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:29,349 Yeah, we'll get your key to Fire Island 1533 01:05:29,382 --> 01:05:30,550 as soon as possible. 1534 01:05:30,583 --> 01:05:32,385 Why are you being such a shithead to me? 1535 01:05:32,418 --> 01:05:35,121 Because you are incapable of listening 1536 01:05:35,155 --> 01:05:37,557 unless you're told exactly what you wanna hear. 1537 01:05:37,590 --> 01:05:39,157 KJ told me not to do this and I still... 1538 01:05:39,159 --> 01:05:40,794 Oh my God. 1539 01:05:40,827 --> 01:05:42,529 What? 1540 01:05:42,561 --> 01:05:44,163 You're a fucking lawyer, dude. 1541 01:05:44,197 --> 01:05:45,833 It dr... it... honestly, it drives me insane 1542 01:05:45,865 --> 01:05:47,733 when you act like some diffident housewife. 1543 01:05:47,766 --> 01:05:49,435 Like... like if KJ were a dude, 1544 01:05:49,469 --> 01:05:51,472 she would be the picture of an overbearing boyfriend. 1545 01:05:51,505 --> 01:05:53,474 Like your wife let you do your actual job. 1546 01:05:53,507 --> 01:05:54,740 I'm sorry welcome to the 21st fucking century. 1547 01:05:54,773 --> 01:05:57,743 She didn't let me do anything. 1548 01:05:57,777 --> 01:05:59,780 - Marriage is a partnership. - Hmm. 1549 01:05:59,813 --> 01:06:01,748 Yes, I run major decisions by my wife. 1550 01:06:01,780 --> 01:06:02,748 Oh, oh, cool. 1551 01:06:02,782 --> 01:06:04,117 I had no idea 1552 01:06:04,150 --> 01:06:04,984 that giving your best friend legal advice 1553 01:06:05,018 --> 01:06:07,153 constituted as a major life decision. 1554 01:06:07,186 --> 01:06:08,454 It shouldn't be, 1555 01:06:08,487 --> 01:06:11,424 but you always end up mental gymnasticsing me 1556 01:06:11,458 --> 01:06:12,659 and it's fucking exhausting, Milo! 1557 01:06:12,692 --> 01:06:14,193 Yes, because one minute 1558 01:06:14,226 --> 01:06:15,528 you're the moral authority of the world... 1559 01:06:15,561 --> 01:06:16,896 Oh! 1560 01:06:16,929 --> 01:06:17,864 And the next you're the fucking victim. 1561 01:06:17,898 --> 01:06:20,534 Yeah, that's called "having a conscience"! 1562 01:06:21,467 --> 01:06:23,870 Okay. 1563 01:06:23,903 --> 01:06:25,806 You know how when you ask people about their childhood friends 1564 01:06:25,838 --> 01:06:26,974 and they're always like, "You know, 1565 01:06:27,007 --> 01:06:29,476 if we met each other now, we just we'd never be friends, 1566 01:06:29,509 --> 01:06:31,811 but we've known each other for so long." 1567 01:06:31,844 --> 01:06:33,713 Noor, I never thought that was us, but... 1568 01:06:38,818 --> 01:06:41,455 No, 'cause I think cacti is plural for cactus. 1569 01:06:41,487 --> 01:06:42,355 Ooh. 1570 01:06:43,889 --> 01:06:45,025 - Oh, that's a good one. - Oh, no, no, we're not done yet. 1571 01:06:45,057 --> 01:06:47,161 I'm sorry, guys, I'm just... I'm not feeling that well. 1572 01:06:47,193 --> 01:06:48,394 I think I'm just gonna head home. 1573 01:06:49,929 --> 01:06:50,830 - Are you okay? - You haven't even had cake. 1574 01:06:50,864 --> 01:06:52,199 Are you seriously leaving? 1575 01:06:52,231 --> 01:06:53,900 Yeah, I am! 1576 01:06:55,635 --> 01:06:57,337 We got into an argument and now she's like running home. 1577 01:06:58,237 --> 01:06:59,204 Okay, can we all just keep it down? 1578 01:06:59,239 --> 01:07:01,775 I am speaking at a perfectly reasonable volume! 1579 01:07:01,807 --> 01:07:04,378 It's a baby, fucking Christ, that's what it does. 1580 01:07:04,411 --> 01:07:06,480 Yeah, I actually had a kid with the full knowledge 1581 01:07:06,512 --> 01:07:08,215 and understanding of what a commitment that is. 1582 01:07:08,248 --> 01:07:09,349 Right, yes. 1583 01:07:09,382 --> 01:07:09,916 In retrospect, I really should have come 1584 01:07:09,949 --> 01:07:12,418 to you for advice KJ. 1585 01:07:12,452 --> 01:07:14,388 You know what, Milo, you are incapable of listening 1586 01:07:14,420 --> 01:07:16,789 unless you are told exactly what you wanna hear. 1587 01:07:19,226 --> 01:07:20,928 Do you two just like sit up at night 1588 01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:22,762 and talk about me instead of having sex? 1589 01:07:22,795 --> 01:07:23,931 Milo. 1590 01:07:23,963 --> 01:07:25,065 Can you not swear in front of the baby? 1591 01:07:25,099 --> 01:07:26,200 No, no, no, no, I'm s... I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. 1592 01:07:26,233 --> 01:07:29,202 I shouldn't say "sex" in front of the fucking baby! 1593 01:07:29,235 --> 01:07:30,003 - Let's just go. - Alright. 1594 01:07:30,036 --> 01:07:31,270 - Come on, let's just go. - Yeah. 1595 01:07:31,304 --> 01:07:31,972 It's not worth it. 1596 01:07:33,273 --> 01:07:33,874 Wait, you can't push open... 1597 01:07:34,974 --> 01:07:36,509 Definitely, go home and send me the therapy bill 1598 01:07:36,543 --> 01:07:37,844 in 15 years, okay? That's fine. 1599 01:07:38,878 --> 01:07:39,580 Come on. No, no, no. 1600 01:07:39,612 --> 01:07:40,114 Just... yeah. 1601 01:07:41,614 --> 01:07:44,650 Okay, but like I'm mostly mad that I just... 1602 01:07:44,684 --> 01:07:46,853 I feel like I can't have a single conversation with her 1603 01:07:46,885 --> 01:07:49,456 without like a specter of KJ just like hanging over. 1604 01:07:49,489 --> 01:07:50,389 You know what I mean? 1605 01:07:50,422 --> 01:07:51,691 Noor loves you. 1606 01:07:51,724 --> 01:07:53,559 Not as much as she loves KJ, no ma... 1607 01:07:53,592 --> 01:07:55,295 No matter how unreasonable she's being. 1608 01:07:55,327 --> 01:07:56,630 They're married. 1609 01:07:58,530 --> 01:08:00,266 Sorry, can I have another wine, please? 1610 01:08:00,300 --> 01:08:01,501 Hey, Milo, 1611 01:08:01,534 --> 01:08:03,237 you know I'm never one to police a good time, 1612 01:08:03,269 --> 01:08:04,605 but should you maybe slow down? 1613 01:08:04,637 --> 01:08:07,373 George, it's fine. 1614 01:08:07,407 --> 01:08:08,809 Um, I think if you just apologize, 1615 01:08:08,842 --> 01:08:10,309 it'll probably work itself out. 1616 01:08:10,342 --> 01:08:12,245 - Okay, are you like on her side? - No, I... 1617 01:08:12,278 --> 01:08:15,514 Hey, neither of us even heard the argument. 1618 01:08:15,547 --> 01:08:18,652 I think she's just worried about you. 1619 01:08:18,685 --> 01:08:19,920 Do you think she needs to be? 1620 01:08:19,953 --> 01:08:21,455 No, I think it's a little weird 1621 01:08:21,488 --> 01:08:23,356 that you're in this new relationship 1622 01:08:23,390 --> 01:08:24,791 that seems good for you, 1623 01:08:24,823 --> 01:08:25,992 but you spend so much time with Roger 1624 01:08:26,025 --> 01:08:28,628 and none of us have even met him. 1625 01:08:28,662 --> 01:08:30,463 Yeah, okay, well, he's like literally on his way 1626 01:08:30,497 --> 01:08:31,331 to come meet us right now, 1627 01:08:31,364 --> 01:08:32,064 so why don't you take a picture of him 1628 01:08:32,099 --> 01:08:32,865 and just send it to Noor, okay? 1629 01:08:44,577 --> 01:08:45,612 Hi, you've reached Roger. 1630 01:08:45,645 --> 01:08:46,847 I'm not here right now. 1631 01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:47,948 Leave me a message and I'll get back to you 1632 01:08:47,980 --> 01:08:48,881 as soon as I can. 1633 01:08:50,317 --> 01:08:52,519 Hey, it's me uh, again. 1634 01:08:52,551 --> 01:08:54,720 I'm at phoenix and I'm just... 1635 01:08:54,753 --> 01:08:56,355 I'm starting to get a little worried, 1636 01:08:56,389 --> 01:08:57,457 because it's been a couple of hours 1637 01:08:57,489 --> 01:08:58,858 and I still haven't heard from you. 1638 01:08:58,891 --> 01:09:00,027 Um... 1639 01:09:02,729 --> 01:09:05,832 And I've been feeling some cramps, 1640 01:09:05,864 --> 01:09:08,335 and like a few sharper pains in my sides, 1641 01:09:08,368 --> 01:09:09,803 and I don't know if it's anything. 1642 01:09:09,836 --> 01:09:11,972 Anyway, yeah, I um... 1643 01:09:14,873 --> 01:09:16,042 ...I just wanted to keep you posted. 1644 01:09:16,076 --> 01:09:18,845 So yeah, you... you know where to find me. 1645 01:09:18,877 --> 01:09:20,014 Uh... 1646 01:09:33,025 --> 01:09:33,926 Oh yeah. 1647 01:09:37,630 --> 01:09:39,498 - Okay. - Ooh yeah. 1648 01:09:39,532 --> 01:09:41,335 Hey, are you okay? 1649 01:09:41,368 --> 01:09:42,436 Is everything alright? 1650 01:09:42,469 --> 01:09:43,703 What? Oh, yeah. 1651 01:09:43,737 --> 01:09:44,672 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1652 01:09:44,704 --> 01:09:47,106 Um, uh, Roger, this is George, my roommate, 1653 01:09:47,140 --> 01:09:49,576 and his recurring Tinder date Teddy. 1654 01:09:49,609 --> 01:09:50,410 It's really good to see you. 1655 01:09:50,443 --> 01:09:52,445 It's been a minute, huh? 1656 01:09:52,479 --> 01:09:54,014 Uh, wait, are you drinking? 1657 01:09:54,046 --> 01:09:54,780 I had some wine. 1658 01:09:54,814 --> 01:09:56,048 Yeah, one is fine. 1659 01:09:56,082 --> 01:09:57,117 Alright. 1660 01:09:57,149 --> 01:09:58,751 You sure everything's okay? 1661 01:09:58,784 --> 01:10:00,386 Why wouldn't it be? 1662 01:10:00,420 --> 01:10:01,421 Milo said she was having stomach pains. 1663 01:10:01,454 --> 01:10:02,956 Oh my God, why didn't you tell me? 1664 01:10:02,988 --> 01:10:04,557 Uh, they passed. 1665 01:10:04,591 --> 01:10:05,492 Seriously, I'm fine. 1666 01:10:05,524 --> 01:10:06,425 It... it wasn't a big deal. 1667 01:10:06,460 --> 01:10:07,860 I just... I almost didn't even mention it. 1668 01:10:07,894 --> 01:10:09,396 It's fine. 1669 01:10:09,429 --> 01:10:11,364 You called me and asked me to come be with you. 1670 01:10:11,398 --> 01:10:13,766 No, I wasn't like... 1671 01:10:13,800 --> 01:10:15,702 Seriously, I just said that in passing, okay? 1672 01:10:15,734 --> 01:10:17,603 I... I was just calling to see if you wanted to come meet us 1673 01:10:17,636 --> 01:10:19,372 for a drink? 1674 01:10:19,405 --> 01:10:22,376 Okay, I'm gonna head back home. 1675 01:10:22,408 --> 01:10:24,143 I'm uh, glad everything's okay. 1676 01:10:24,176 --> 01:10:25,644 No, come on, you're already here. 1677 01:10:25,677 --> 01:10:28,381 Let me just buy you a whiskey soda. 1678 01:10:28,414 --> 01:10:29,783 I don't even have my wallet on me. 1679 01:10:29,815 --> 01:10:31,016 W... 1680 01:10:31,050 --> 01:10:33,087 I'll see you at the appointment next week. 1681 01:10:38,757 --> 01:10:39,893 Sorry. 1682 01:10:39,926 --> 01:10:41,061 I... I really... I... ooh, I do not know 1683 01:10:41,094 --> 01:10:41,895 what that was about. 1684 01:10:41,927 --> 01:10:43,162 Phew. 1685 01:10:43,195 --> 01:10:44,797 Thank God, men can't get pregnant. 1686 01:10:46,198 --> 01:10:49,603 'Cause I mean Jesus the f... fucking volatility. 1687 01:10:51,570 --> 01:10:53,073 I'm gonna call it a night. 1688 01:10:53,105 --> 01:10:54,541 No, wait, George. 1689 01:10:54,573 --> 01:10:55,174 Come on, please stay. 1690 01:10:55,207 --> 01:10:56,143 I need to be distracted. 1691 01:10:56,176 --> 01:10:58,512 Hey, George, what is wrong? 1692 01:10:58,545 --> 01:11:00,514 It's my birthday, 1693 01:11:00,546 --> 01:11:02,715 and this is the first time I've asked Teddy to come hang out 1694 01:11:02,748 --> 01:11:04,583 with all of us, and now I feel like he thinks 1695 01:11:04,617 --> 01:11:05,918 I have a crazy dramatic group of friends. 1696 01:11:05,952 --> 01:11:07,454 This is Noor. 1697 01:11:07,487 --> 01:11:09,590 Honestly, I don't really care whose fault it is. 1698 01:11:20,667 --> 01:11:22,002 Hi. 1699 01:11:52,631 --> 01:11:55,835 I really genuinely feel like five years ago, 1700 01:11:55,868 --> 01:11:57,470 conspiracy theories were the glue 1701 01:11:57,503 --> 01:11:58,471 that bound us all together 1702 01:11:58,505 --> 01:11:59,538 and now it's like someone's conspiracy theory 1703 01:12:01,240 --> 01:12:03,243 So delicate yet so strong. 1704 01:12:03,275 --> 01:12:05,511 I wish Milo would shut up. 1705 01:12:05,545 --> 01:12:08,081 Hmm. 1706 01:12:08,113 --> 01:12:08,781 Milo. 1707 01:12:09,282 --> 01:12:10,250 Milo. 1708 01:12:10,283 --> 01:12:10,850 And it honestly drives me crazy like every... 1709 01:12:10,884 --> 01:12:11,283 - Milo. - What? 1710 01:12:11,317 --> 01:12:12,018 Could you just... 1711 01:12:12,051 --> 01:12:14,554 Could you just please be quiet? 1712 01:12:14,587 --> 01:12:16,690 Yeah, it's becoming increasingly difficult 1713 01:12:16,722 --> 01:12:18,725 just to sit here and enjoy the music. 1714 01:12:18,757 --> 01:12:19,925 Oh, I'm sorry. 1715 01:12:19,958 --> 01:12:21,060 You mean you... oh, you want me to be quiet 1716 01:12:21,094 --> 01:12:22,229 like um, this? 1717 01:12:22,261 --> 01:12:23,697 Just like sit here, quiet. 1718 01:12:25,597 --> 01:12:29,269 It's just that for once we have a talented semi-famous musician 1719 01:12:29,301 --> 01:12:30,804 playing an instrument, 1720 01:12:30,837 --> 01:12:35,141 whereas we get to listen to you talk for hours on end 1721 01:12:35,173 --> 01:12:37,511 literally every day. 1722 01:12:37,543 --> 01:12:40,747 Um, hi, hello, yes, I... I'm um, I'm a musician, too. 1723 01:12:42,015 --> 01:12:46,920 Yeah, but thing is like you're not really though, are you? 1724 01:12:46,953 --> 01:12:48,688 Yeah, you haven't played an open mic 1725 01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:50,656 since you started working here, so... 1726 01:12:52,859 --> 01:12:54,261 Hey, some of my friends are playing 1727 01:12:54,293 --> 01:12:56,262 at the Knitting Factory tonight if you wanna come? 1728 01:12:56,296 --> 01:12:56,997 I think you'd like them. 1729 01:12:57,029 --> 01:12:58,498 - The Knitting Factory. - Got it. 1730 01:13:05,704 --> 01:13:07,039 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, what? 1731 01:13:07,073 --> 01:13:08,208 Tonight. 1732 01:13:08,240 --> 01:13:10,676 You wanna come to a show with me? 1733 01:13:10,710 --> 01:13:11,944 Uh, no, I can't, I can't. 1734 01:13:11,978 --> 01:13:13,747 I'm... I'm doing something with Roger. 1735 01:13:13,779 --> 01:13:16,015 I'm sorry, but we're on for Saturday, yeah? 1736 01:13:16,048 --> 01:13:17,317 Yeah, sure. 1737 01:13:17,350 --> 01:13:18,084 - I'll see you later. - Bye. 1738 01:13:19,018 --> 01:13:19,519 Uh... 1739 01:13:26,024 --> 01:13:26,726 That's mine, too. 1740 01:13:27,827 --> 01:13:28,795 Bye. 1741 01:13:28,828 --> 01:13:30,130 The Knitting Factory tonight, man. 1742 01:13:30,162 --> 01:13:31,097 The Knitting Factory. 1743 01:13:31,131 --> 01:13:32,231 The Knitting Factory, I didn't get a kiss. 1744 01:13:32,265 --> 01:13:33,967 Nope. 1745 01:13:58,757 --> 01:14:00,193 Milo, what are you doing here? 1746 01:14:00,225 --> 01:14:02,127 I was just uh, stopping by on my way home from work. 1747 01:14:02,161 --> 01:14:02,994 I wanted to ask you about the... 1748 01:14:03,029 --> 01:14:04,864 Yeah, now is not a good time, so... 1749 01:14:04,896 --> 01:14:05,332 Hi. 1750 01:14:05,364 --> 01:14:05,765 Hi. 1751 01:14:06,765 --> 01:14:07,634 I'm Ken. 1752 01:14:08,635 --> 01:14:09,703 Hi. 1753 01:14:09,735 --> 01:14:12,171 Uh, Ken, uh, this is Milo. 1754 01:14:12,204 --> 01:14:13,073 You're Milo. 1755 01:14:13,105 --> 01:14:13,672 Yeah. 1756 01:14:13,707 --> 01:14:17,043 It is nice to meet you. 1757 01:14:17,076 --> 01:14:19,244 Ken, I'm... I'm really... I'm sorry to crash the party. 1758 01:14:19,278 --> 01:14:21,715 I d... I didn't... I didn't know you had anyone over. 1759 01:14:21,747 --> 01:14:22,848 I hope you don't think it's weird, 1760 01:14:22,882 --> 01:14:25,784 but I just wanna tell you it is such a wonderful thing 1761 01:14:25,818 --> 01:14:27,119 that you're doing. 1762 01:14:27,153 --> 01:14:28,387 You know, all the dads in our group were so touched 1763 01:14:28,421 --> 01:14:30,222 when we heard the story. 1764 01:14:30,256 --> 01:14:32,292 Oh, you're... you're in the dad group, too? 1765 01:14:32,324 --> 01:14:33,393 Uh, that... that's awesome. 1766 01:14:33,426 --> 01:14:33,927 Do you have kids? 1767 01:14:33,960 --> 01:14:36,395 Yeah, Lyla, she's 4. 1768 01:14:36,429 --> 01:14:39,032 Uh, I can't believe I haven't met you yet. 1769 01:14:39,064 --> 01:14:40,799 Have you been to any of Roger's shows? 1770 01:14:40,832 --> 01:14:42,134 Not yet, 1771 01:14:42,167 --> 01:14:44,003 but I hear he's the belle of the ball, though. 1772 01:14:44,037 --> 01:14:45,704 He is, you should come sometime. 1773 01:14:45,738 --> 01:14:46,506 Uh, we could sit together 1774 01:14:46,538 --> 01:14:48,007 and we'd get you a sunset surprise. 1775 01:14:48,041 --> 01:14:50,176 Yeah, I'm... I'm not on this week, 1776 01:14:50,208 --> 01:14:52,045 but um, maybe sometime. 1777 01:14:52,078 --> 01:14:53,880 Sure. 1778 01:14:55,247 --> 01:14:57,082 Well, I... I'd offer you a glass of wine, but... 1779 01:14:57,850 --> 01:14:58,651 Yeah, that's fine, that's fine. 1780 01:14:58,684 --> 01:15:00,686 Um, I'm seeing Milo later this week. 1781 01:15:00,720 --> 01:15:02,122 I'll uh, Milo, let me... let me walk you down. 1782 01:15:04,256 --> 01:15:06,058 It's uh, nice to meet you, Ken. 1783 01:15:11,396 --> 01:15:13,099 I had no idea you were seeing someone. 1784 01:15:13,131 --> 01:15:14,967 Yeah, I have been for a while. 1785 01:15:15,001 --> 01:15:16,036 Why didn't you say anything? 1786 01:15:16,069 --> 01:15:18,038 Because it just didn't seem relevant. 1787 01:15:18,070 --> 01:15:19,439 Relevant to... to what? 1788 01:15:19,471 --> 01:15:23,777 Milo, you need to text me before you come over. 1789 01:15:23,810 --> 01:15:25,278 You know if anything's happening with the baby, 1790 01:15:25,310 --> 01:15:27,746 I'm here day or night. 1791 01:15:27,779 --> 01:15:30,315 Otherwise, we need to start setting some boundaries. 1792 01:15:30,349 --> 01:15:31,317 Okay. 1793 01:15:31,350 --> 01:15:33,353 Alright. So what um... 1794 01:15:33,386 --> 01:15:35,955 What are our boundaries then, Roger? 1795 01:15:35,988 --> 01:15:37,923 I'll honestly feel better about our boundaries 1796 01:15:37,957 --> 01:15:40,060 when you return the contract. 1797 01:15:40,092 --> 01:15:42,929 Okay, I... I mean I... I just... 1798 01:15:42,962 --> 01:15:44,030 I saw that you were home tonight, 1799 01:15:44,063 --> 01:15:46,399 so I figured I'd stop by on my walk home. 1800 01:15:46,431 --> 01:15:47,300 How'd you even know I was home? 1801 01:15:47,332 --> 01:15:48,967 You posted a picture. 1802 01:15:49,001 --> 01:15:50,170 Okay, this... this is what I'm talking about. 1803 01:15:51,203 --> 01:15:51,970 I should be able to post something 1804 01:15:52,003 --> 01:15:53,273 on a personal account 1805 01:15:53,305 --> 01:15:55,774 without you taking it as an open invitation 1806 01:15:55,807 --> 01:15:56,809 to drop in whenever you feel like it, 1807 01:15:56,842 --> 01:15:57,943 like it's an episode of Friends or something. 1808 01:15:57,976 --> 01:15:59,078 It's a public account. 1809 01:15:59,112 --> 01:16:01,081 I didn't like pay someone 1810 01:16:01,113 --> 01:16:02,881 to track down your social security number 1811 01:16:02,914 --> 01:16:04,717 and your mother's maiden name for me. 1812 01:16:04,751 --> 01:16:06,052 No, but you are taking photos of me 1813 01:16:06,085 --> 01:16:06,752 through my window. 1814 01:16:06,786 --> 01:16:07,386 That was a joke. 1815 01:16:07,420 --> 01:16:08,822 It was weird, Milo! 1816 01:16:08,854 --> 01:16:10,222 It made me feel weird. 1817 01:16:10,256 --> 01:16:12,792 And then, the whole telling me you had stomach pains 1818 01:16:12,824 --> 01:16:14,461 to get me to go hang out with you at a bar! 1819 01:16:14,493 --> 01:16:16,996 My stomach did feel weird, Roger, okay? 1820 01:16:17,029 --> 01:16:19,199 I... I mean I'm not like insane. 1821 01:16:19,231 --> 01:16:20,432 You're making me sound like I'm insane 1822 01:16:20,466 --> 01:16:23,403 or like I'm stalking you or something. 1823 01:16:23,435 --> 01:16:26,773 You know how wonderful I think you are. 1824 01:16:26,805 --> 01:16:30,275 I am so fucking excited that this kid is gonna 1825 01:16:30,309 --> 01:16:32,811 have your awesome genes. 1826 01:16:32,845 --> 01:16:35,148 If she's half as badass as you, she's gonna do okay 1827 01:16:35,180 --> 01:16:36,048 in this insane difficult world. 1828 01:16:36,082 --> 01:16:39,252 She? 1829 01:16:39,284 --> 01:16:40,819 Shit. 1830 01:16:40,853 --> 01:16:41,855 - You said that you didn't find out. - Shit. 1831 01:16:41,887 --> 01:16:42,387 Milo, I'm sorry. 1832 01:16:42,421 --> 01:16:43,021 I w... 1833 01:16:43,989 --> 01:16:46,391 I wanted to know. 1834 01:16:46,425 --> 01:16:48,328 I just... like I really... I really fucking wanted 1835 01:16:48,360 --> 01:16:50,130 to keep this one thing for myself. 1836 01:16:51,863 --> 01:16:52,831 I'm sorry I told you. 1837 01:16:52,864 --> 01:16:55,501 It... it was shitty, but it was an accident. 1838 01:16:55,534 --> 01:16:59,905 I'm not sorry for wanting to know the gender of my child. 1839 01:16:59,939 --> 01:17:02,809 I've been waiting for this for 20 years! 1840 01:17:02,841 --> 01:17:04,943 Right, so I'm... I'm... I'm just your surrogate. 1841 01:17:06,878 --> 01:17:09,448 Is that the way you talk about me in your dad group? 1842 01:17:09,481 --> 01:17:11,451 No. 1843 01:17:11,484 --> 01:17:13,486 I just need you to let me figure out 1844 01:17:13,519 --> 01:17:15,989 how to be a dad on my own. 1845 01:17:39,845 --> 01:17:42,147 Hey, um, do you wanna... do you wanna go 1846 01:17:42,180 --> 01:17:45,150 to Rogers um, show at Thigh High tonight just... 1847 01:17:45,184 --> 01:17:47,320 Just the two of us? 1848 01:17:47,353 --> 01:17:50,088 Um, I'm supposed to spend the night at Teddy's, 1849 01:17:50,122 --> 01:17:53,927 but yeah, I'm down. 1850 01:17:53,960 --> 01:17:56,128 Tinder Teddy still? 1851 01:17:56,162 --> 01:17:57,864 Yeah, it's been like six months. 1852 01:17:57,896 --> 01:18:01,835 George, are you mad at me? 1853 01:18:01,868 --> 01:18:03,837 No, just naked. 1854 01:18:09,341 --> 01:18:10,175 Are you done yet? 1855 01:18:10,208 --> 01:18:12,345 Uh, yeah, sorry, shit. 1856 01:18:12,377 --> 01:18:14,113 Uh, okay. 1857 01:18:16,414 --> 01:18:17,951 Whoops. 1858 01:18:19,351 --> 01:18:20,420 - Don't flush the toi... - Sorry, shit, sorry! 1859 01:18:24,489 --> 01:18:27,860 Ooh, I am sure your daddy will be able to teach you 1860 01:18:27,894 --> 01:18:30,197 to do makeup much better than I can. 1861 01:18:36,569 --> 01:18:38,204 - Hi. - Hey. 1862 01:18:38,237 --> 01:18:39,137 What's up? 1863 01:18:39,171 --> 01:18:40,939 There should be a special place in hell 1864 01:18:40,972 --> 01:18:42,542 for people who organize supermarkets. 1865 01:18:42,574 --> 01:18:44,476 Oh no! 1866 01:18:44,510 --> 01:18:45,445 Yeah, you're welcome, 1867 01:18:45,478 --> 01:18:47,547 I'm makin' you a goddamn stuffed artichoke. 1868 01:18:50,181 --> 01:18:52,484 Um, you're gonna kill me. 1869 01:18:52,518 --> 01:18:54,453 If you tell me I'm only making one stuffed artichoke. 1870 01:18:54,487 --> 01:18:55,520 Yeah, I might. 1871 01:18:55,554 --> 01:18:57,190 I totally forgot. 1872 01:18:57,789 --> 01:18:58,957 Did you make other plans? 1873 01:18:58,990 --> 01:18:59,824 No. 1874 01:18:59,859 --> 01:19:01,995 No, no, no, Roger has a show tonight, 1875 01:19:02,028 --> 01:19:04,396 and we had a really weird night this week, 1876 01:19:04,430 --> 01:19:07,233 and I wanna go, and try, and sort things over. 1877 01:19:07,265 --> 01:19:09,469 Please, please, please, please, come and then you know, 1878 01:19:09,502 --> 01:19:11,571 we can go back to your place right after. 1879 01:19:11,604 --> 01:19:13,472 We planned this like a week ago. 1880 01:19:13,506 --> 01:19:15,173 I know, I know, I'm sorry. 1881 01:19:15,207 --> 01:19:19,112 I... I'll be in and out, I promise. 1882 01:19:19,145 --> 01:19:20,980 I'll give you a head. 1883 01:19:21,012 --> 01:19:23,248 Don't try to negotiate sex for food. 1884 01:19:24,617 --> 01:19:26,185 Okay, uh, meet me there. 1885 01:19:26,217 --> 01:19:27,653 I'll text you the address. 1886 01:19:27,686 --> 01:19:28,320 Bye. 1887 01:19:28,354 --> 01:19:29,288 Bye. 1888 01:19:35,493 --> 01:19:36,561 Shit. 1889 01:19:46,738 --> 01:19:47,940 Did you invite Cameron? 1890 01:19:47,974 --> 01:19:49,342 Yeah. 1891 01:19:49,375 --> 01:19:51,077 Sorry, I forgot we were supposed to have date night, 1892 01:19:51,109 --> 01:19:53,313 so I told him to come meet us here. 1893 01:19:53,345 --> 01:19:54,413 Okay, I'm gonna get a drink. 1894 01:19:54,447 --> 01:19:55,382 Okay. 1895 01:19:59,518 --> 01:20:00,586 Hello. 1896 01:20:00,618 --> 01:20:01,954 - Hey. - Hi. 1897 01:20:01,988 --> 01:20:03,088 - How are you? - Good, good, good. 1898 01:20:03,122 --> 01:20:04,390 Uh, let's go get seats. 1899 01:20:06,225 --> 01:20:07,193 Milo. 1900 01:20:07,225 --> 01:20:08,560 Jesus, hi! 1901 01:20:08,594 --> 01:20:09,529 Does Roger know you're here? 1902 01:20:09,561 --> 01:20:10,395 Uh, no, no, no, 1903 01:20:10,430 --> 01:20:12,164 I didn't even know he was performing. 1904 01:20:12,198 --> 01:20:12,832 Hey, come. 1905 01:20:12,865 --> 01:20:13,733 Come, come, sit at the bar. 1906 01:20:13,765 --> 01:20:14,533 No, no, no, we're gonna go find seats. 1907 01:20:22,640 --> 01:20:24,109 Never been to a drag show before. 1908 01:20:24,143 --> 01:20:25,578 Yes, why is that? 1909 01:20:30,149 --> 01:20:31,284 No, I don't know. 1910 01:20:31,317 --> 01:20:33,019 I just... like you're like you did some work 1911 01:20:33,051 --> 01:20:35,220 and they let you... give you a rogue strap 1912 01:20:35,253 --> 01:20:37,390 and take you to a drag show. 1913 01:20:37,422 --> 01:20:39,091 I must have missed that day of orientation. 1914 01:20:39,125 --> 01:20:40,259 Sucks to be you. 1915 01:20:56,274 --> 01:20:58,478 Fun little fact for y'all. 1916 01:20:58,511 --> 01:21:01,647 Suppository is actually my drag auntie 1917 01:21:01,680 --> 01:21:03,048 and I don't know 1918 01:21:03,082 --> 01:21:05,084 if you're allowed to fuck your drag aunt, 1919 01:21:05,117 --> 01:21:08,287 but if Game of Thrones tells us anything, 1920 01:21:08,319 --> 01:21:12,090 and it does, it's yes, mama! 1921 01:21:13,391 --> 01:21:14,460 Ooh! 1922 01:21:15,394 --> 01:21:19,332 Next up is my personal favorite DILTF 1923 01:21:19,364 --> 01:21:21,134 that stands for "Daddy, I'd like to find 1924 01:21:21,167 --> 01:21:22,535 an amazing family therapist 1925 01:21:22,568 --> 01:21:24,404 to work through our deep-seated issues with." 1926 01:21:25,570 --> 01:21:28,440 Angela Merkin! 1927 01:21:31,109 --> 01:21:32,744 Hello, hello, guys and dolls, 1928 01:21:32,778 --> 01:21:35,213 I've been reading a lot of baby books lately 1929 01:21:35,247 --> 01:21:39,118 and they all tell me that gender is a social construct 1930 01:21:39,150 --> 01:21:40,787 and that all of us should be playing with dolls, 1931 01:21:40,819 --> 01:21:42,788 so apparently, I am the modern picture 1932 01:21:42,822 --> 01:21:44,056 of the perfect parent. 1933 01:21:44,090 --> 01:21:44,657 Wooh! 1934 01:21:46,257 --> 01:21:47,025 Yes, I'm sure your mother's very proud. 1935 01:21:49,194 --> 01:21:51,130 This one goes out to all the daddies out there, 1936 01:21:51,162 --> 01:21:54,733 but it is dedicated to one very special daddy, 1937 01:21:54,766 --> 01:21:55,734 my Kenny. 1938 01:21:55,768 --> 01:21:56,702 Aw! 1939 01:21:59,738 --> 01:22:00,606 Hit it, Sam. 1940 01:22:10,582 --> 01:22:13,752 ? Somebody said you got a new friend ? 1941 01:22:20,859 --> 01:22:23,261 That was some show. 1942 01:22:23,295 --> 01:22:24,730 Uh, yeah, he's great, right? 1943 01:22:24,762 --> 01:22:26,364 Milo, can I talk to you a second? 1944 01:22:26,398 --> 01:22:27,634 Yep. 1945 01:22:30,235 --> 01:22:32,371 Did you not tell Roger we were comin' here tonight? 1946 01:22:32,404 --> 01:22:33,873 Ugh, chill, George, it's fine. 1947 01:22:33,905 --> 01:22:34,539 Are you okay? 1948 01:22:34,573 --> 01:22:35,207 Yes! 1949 01:22:35,240 --> 01:22:37,275 Like are you actually okay? 1950 01:22:37,309 --> 01:22:39,412 Because this is all startin' to get really weird 1951 01:22:39,444 --> 01:22:41,179 and you're bein' like a little manic. 1952 01:22:42,148 --> 01:22:43,181 Okay, yeah, let's uh, 1953 01:22:43,215 --> 01:22:44,182 let's all remember which one of us 1954 01:22:44,216 --> 01:22:46,586 is medicated for that. 1955 01:22:46,618 --> 01:22:47,719 Wow. 1956 01:22:49,387 --> 01:22:51,423 If you wanna light yourself on fire, Milo, 1957 01:22:51,457 --> 01:22:54,727 that's up to you, but I'm not gonna stand here 1958 01:22:54,760 --> 01:22:57,130 and burn up next to you. 1959 01:22:57,162 --> 01:22:59,865 Is that like a little... little therapy tidbit you filed away? 1960 01:22:59,899 --> 01:23:01,467 I'm sorry for not taking relationship advice 1961 01:23:01,500 --> 01:23:02,667 from someone who has literally cheated 1962 01:23:02,701 --> 01:23:04,537 on every person he's been with. 1963 01:23:11,644 --> 01:23:12,211 You okay? 1964 01:23:12,244 --> 01:23:13,845 Yes, I'm fine. 1965 01:23:13,878 --> 01:23:15,314 You don't have to stay here. 1966 01:23:15,346 --> 01:23:16,547 You're supposed to go to my place tonight. 1967 01:23:16,582 --> 01:23:18,317 I know, I... it's important that I talk to Roger. 1968 01:23:18,350 --> 01:23:19,819 - What? - What are you doing here? 1969 01:23:19,851 --> 01:23:21,153 Stopping by the performance 1970 01:23:21,186 --> 01:23:22,622 that wasn't happening this weekend. 1971 01:23:22,654 --> 01:23:23,456 What are you talking about? 1972 01:23:23,488 --> 01:23:25,423 Last week, when I was at your house, 1973 01:23:25,457 --> 01:23:27,226 you told me that you weren't on tonight. 1974 01:23:27,259 --> 01:23:29,595 I am allowed to have a life that doesn't involve you. 1975 01:23:29,627 --> 01:23:30,795 Oh, okay. 1976 01:23:30,828 --> 01:23:31,929 I'm just... I'm just tryin' to figure out 1977 01:23:31,963 --> 01:23:34,266 how we went from taking shots in your dressing room 1978 01:23:34,300 --> 01:23:36,302 to arguing on a street corner. 1979 01:23:36,335 --> 01:23:39,172 We... we were... no, we were fine like... like a month ago. 1980 01:23:39,204 --> 01:23:41,407 This is not the life I want for my kid. 1981 01:23:43,442 --> 01:23:46,645 This is a check for $13,000. 1982 01:23:46,679 --> 01:23:47,779 It's most of my savings. 1983 01:23:47,813 --> 01:23:49,248 I'm gonna be very clear. 1984 01:23:49,280 --> 01:23:49,916 This is a transaction. 1985 01:23:49,948 --> 01:23:50,582 No. 1986 01:23:50,617 --> 01:23:52,284 No, it is what I say it is. 1987 01:23:52,318 --> 01:23:53,753 I'm fucking pregnant. 1988 01:23:53,786 --> 01:23:56,655 Roger, you... you manipulated me into thinking 1989 01:23:56,689 --> 01:23:58,191 that we were friends. 1990 01:23:58,224 --> 01:24:00,626 Is this what a friendship looks like to you? 1991 01:24:00,658 --> 01:24:01,460 Do what you want with that. 1992 01:24:01,493 --> 01:24:03,629 Deposit it or don't, I don't care, 1993 01:24:03,662 --> 01:24:06,199 but you better return those papers signed 1994 01:24:06,231 --> 01:24:07,432 by the end of next week 1995 01:24:07,466 --> 01:24:09,536 or I will make it a fucking problem for you. 1996 01:24:19,877 --> 01:24:22,547 Uh, I think you should go to your own place tonight. 1997 01:24:22,581 --> 01:24:23,716 Are you serious? 1998 01:24:23,748 --> 01:24:25,451 Because of Roger? 1999 01:24:25,484 --> 01:24:27,620 No, Milo, because of you. 2000 01:24:27,653 --> 01:24:28,454 You keep blowin' me off for someone 2001 01:24:28,487 --> 01:24:30,456 who clearly doesn't want you around. 2002 01:24:30,488 --> 01:24:32,692 It is a really, really complicated situation. 2003 01:24:32,725 --> 01:24:34,527 I don't doubt that. 2004 01:24:34,560 --> 01:24:36,796 But whether you keep misrepresenting it to me, 2005 01:24:36,828 --> 01:24:38,463 yourself or both. 2006 01:24:38,497 --> 01:24:39,731 Cameron, will you please just like chill for five minutes? 2007 01:24:39,765 --> 01:24:40,967 I'll see you. 2008 01:25:00,586 --> 01:25:01,721 Hey, it's Noor. 2009 01:25:01,753 --> 01:25:03,288 Leave me a message, I'll call you back. 2010 01:25:06,759 --> 01:25:07,659 Hey, it's Noor. 2011 01:25:07,693 --> 01:25:09,427 Leave me a message, I'll call you back. 2012 01:25:09,895 --> 01:25:10,863 Hey, it's me. 2013 01:25:10,895 --> 01:25:11,596 Um... 2014 01:25:12,664 --> 01:25:13,532 Please, call me. 2015 01:25:13,564 --> 01:25:14,833 I'm really sorry. 2016 01:25:14,867 --> 01:25:15,835 I know that I was out of line the other night 2017 01:25:15,868 --> 01:25:18,638 and I'm... I'm sorry, Noor. 2018 01:25:18,671 --> 01:25:19,972 I really... 2019 01:25:20,005 --> 01:25:22,807 I really, really need you, please call me back. 2020 01:25:45,497 --> 01:25:50,336 ? Are you afraid of the dark, my baby ? 2021 01:25:50,368 --> 01:25:54,573 ? I said, mother, oh, mother, I am ? 2022 01:25:57,042 --> 01:26:01,981 ? Lay here as still as you can, my baby ? 2023 01:26:02,014 --> 01:26:06,386 ? And I'll fill up your eyelids with sand ? 2024 01:26:07,752 --> 01:26:11,523 ? I cried myself to sleep ? 2025 01:26:13,658 --> 01:26:17,362 ? While the monsters were quietly creeping ? 2026 01:26:20,765 --> 01:26:23,068 ? Through the cracks in my door ? 2027 01:26:25,938 --> 01:26:30,042 ? Plundering sheets for to dream in ? 2028 01:26:49,528 --> 01:26:54,065 ? What if our house catches fire tonight ? 2029 01:26:54,099 --> 01:26:58,471 ? She says, baby, oh, baby, it won't ? 2030 01:27:00,838 --> 01:27:05,644 ? How do you know so much more than I do ? 2031 01:27:05,676 --> 01:27:09,481 ? She says, baby, oh, baby, I don't ? 2032 01:27:11,850 --> 01:27:17,655 ? I cried myself to sleep ? 2033 01:27:17,689 --> 01:27:21,427 ? While the flame melt my whole into hollow ? 2034 01:27:24,662 --> 01:27:26,131 ? In the snow white... ? 2035 01:27:27,166 --> 01:27:28,634 Hi. 2036 01:27:30,002 --> 01:27:31,804 Hi. 2037 01:27:31,837 --> 01:27:35,541 I... I promise I'm not... I'm not tryin' to trap you. 2038 01:27:35,573 --> 01:27:37,108 Just drinking with my name sake? 2039 01:27:37,141 --> 01:27:39,578 Oh, yeah, yeah, he does okay in a pinch. 2040 01:27:43,181 --> 01:27:45,917 Okay, uh I... 2041 01:27:45,951 --> 01:27:47,787 I think you're feeling like I've been an asshole 2042 01:27:47,819 --> 01:27:50,088 who is completely preoccupied with my own life 2043 01:27:50,122 --> 01:27:53,626 and I am feeling like I have been an asshole 2044 01:27:53,658 --> 01:27:55,862 who is completely preoccupied with my own life. 2045 01:27:58,831 --> 01:28:00,132 You see, I can do therapy, too. 2046 01:28:03,801 --> 01:28:06,639 I printed out a list of um, of all the questions 2047 01:28:06,671 --> 01:28:08,773 I wish I had asked you over the past seven months. 2048 01:28:08,806 --> 01:28:09,775 Please sit. 2049 01:28:17,515 --> 01:28:18,750 Good. 2050 01:28:20,618 --> 01:28:22,720 How's the sex with Teddy? 2051 01:28:22,753 --> 01:28:24,756 Our DM says it's fantastic. 2052 01:28:24,789 --> 01:28:25,791 Huh-huh. 2053 01:28:25,823 --> 01:28:27,460 If you could be any dessert wine, 2054 01:28:27,493 --> 01:28:28,894 which one would you be? 2055 01:28:28,926 --> 01:28:30,762 Dessert wine is for people who don't value themselves. 2056 01:28:30,796 --> 01:28:31,931 Correct. 2057 01:28:31,963 --> 01:28:33,097 How's your head? 2058 01:28:33,131 --> 01:28:35,968 No complaints. 2059 01:28:36,001 --> 01:28:38,003 How many times have you sharted since last week? 2060 01:28:38,036 --> 01:28:39,805 On purpose or by mistake? 2061 01:28:45,176 --> 01:28:48,112 1, 2, 3. 2062 01:28:48,646 --> 01:28:49,881 What's in the box? 2063 01:28:56,889 --> 01:28:59,891 "I have heard what the talkers were talking, 2064 01:28:59,925 --> 01:29:03,028 the talk of the beginning and the end. 2065 01:29:03,060 --> 01:29:05,230 There was never any more inception 2066 01:29:05,264 --> 01:29:06,966 than there is now, 2067 01:29:06,998 --> 01:29:10,635 nor any more youth or age than there is now." 2068 01:29:16,240 --> 01:29:18,243 1, 2, 3. 2069 01:29:20,845 --> 01:29:21,746 Are you ready for this? 2070 01:29:21,779 --> 01:29:23,248 Gotta seduce your man. 2071 01:29:24,815 --> 01:29:25,850 Hey! 2072 01:29:33,259 --> 01:29:34,827 Oh, that's when you were sick. 2073 01:29:34,859 --> 01:29:35,260 Yeah. 2074 01:29:44,136 --> 01:29:45,104 Hi. 2075 01:29:45,136 --> 01:29:47,139 Um, hello. 2076 01:29:47,171 --> 01:29:50,742 As many of you may know from never seeing me before 2077 01:29:50,775 --> 01:29:53,979 uh, I don't usually do stuff like this, 2078 01:29:54,011 --> 01:30:01,119 but um, I'm trying these days to try I guess, so yeah. 2079 01:30:01,153 --> 01:30:03,588 This is an original song called "Milk water". 2080 01:30:03,622 --> 01:30:05,224 Oh, uh, and thank you to Matt. 2081 01:30:05,256 --> 01:30:07,759 Very special thanks to Matt for letting me play here tonight 2082 01:30:07,792 --> 01:30:09,260 and for conceding that at least if I suck, 2083 01:30:09,293 --> 01:30:10,895 you guys will all probably drink more. 2084 01:30:22,873 --> 01:30:25,010 Uh, just a glass of vodka for you. 2085 01:30:25,042 --> 01:30:25,743 Uh. 2086 01:30:28,046 --> 01:30:31,684 I wanted to thank you for the papers in person. 2087 01:30:31,716 --> 01:30:33,018 I need to say I'm sorry to you. 2088 01:30:33,051 --> 01:30:34,653 I... I really... I think I needed this 2089 01:30:34,685 --> 01:30:37,655 to be something that it was not goin' to turn into 2090 01:30:37,689 --> 01:30:39,592 and um, I'm sorry. 2091 01:30:42,828 --> 01:30:44,597 I don't think I was completely fair 2092 01:30:44,630 --> 01:30:46,931 or honest with my feelings either. 2093 01:30:46,965 --> 01:30:51,971 I liked having a friend, maybe a partner. 2094 01:30:52,003 --> 01:30:53,838 I got carried away, too. 2095 01:30:56,140 --> 01:30:57,742 Thank you. 2096 01:31:01,445 --> 01:31:04,617 I need to be a parent on my own first 2097 01:31:04,649 --> 01:31:06,684 and then down the road. 2098 01:31:06,717 --> 01:31:08,220 Who knows? 2099 01:31:08,252 --> 01:31:10,255 I just need a chance to get on that road. 2100 01:31:14,393 --> 01:31:17,395 I'm meeting Ken for a late dinner, 2101 01:31:17,429 --> 01:31:19,965 so I gotta get going, 2102 01:31:19,997 --> 01:31:22,201 but um, I will see you at the check-up next week. 2103 01:31:28,939 --> 01:31:33,244 I actually really like Eddie as a name. 2104 01:31:33,278 --> 01:31:34,012 Really? 2105 01:31:34,046 --> 01:31:36,382 Yeah, it's cute. 2106 01:31:36,414 --> 01:31:37,850 And it's very you. 2107 01:31:49,961 --> 01:31:51,195 George! 2108 01:31:51,229 --> 01:31:52,798 This feels completely unnecessary. 2109 01:31:52,831 --> 01:31:53,666 - No, no, yes it is. - Come on. 2110 01:31:53,698 --> 01:31:54,298 Where's the fucking car? 2111 01:31:54,332 --> 01:31:55,267 I don't know! 2112 01:31:55,300 --> 01:31:55,800 It said it's gonna be here in two minutes. 2113 01:31:57,234 --> 01:31:58,436 What? 2114 01:31:58,470 --> 01:31:59,872 Will someone please hand me my fucking phone 2115 01:31:59,904 --> 01:32:01,105 or call Roger? 2116 01:32:01,139 --> 01:32:02,708 This is really early and I know it's normal. 2117 01:32:02,740 --> 01:32:03,676 But like what if it's too early? 2118 01:32:03,708 --> 01:32:05,210 It's gonna be fine, it wants to come out. 2119 01:32:05,243 --> 01:32:06,011 I know, don't we all? 2120 01:32:06,043 --> 01:32:06,610 Huh, see? 2121 01:32:06,645 --> 01:32:07,246 She's still making jokes. 2122 01:32:07,880 --> 01:32:09,715 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 2123 01:32:09,747 --> 01:32:11,817 What if its head is like sticking out of me? 2124 01:32:11,850 --> 01:32:14,019 Do you want me to check? 2125 01:32:14,051 --> 01:32:15,688 Yeah, actually I do. 2126 01:32:15,720 --> 01:32:16,721 Okay. 2127 01:32:18,756 --> 01:32:19,257 Actually, no. 2128 01:32:19,291 --> 01:32:19,925 Never mind, George. 2129 01:32:19,957 --> 01:32:20,925 This is weird. 2130 01:32:20,958 --> 01:32:21,292 I don't want you to do that, get out of there. 2131 01:32:21,326 --> 01:32:22,159 Thank God. 2132 01:32:22,194 --> 01:32:22,895 It's... it's... it's here, it's here. 2133 01:32:22,927 --> 01:32:24,829 Okay, please, look, this is it. 2134 01:32:24,863 --> 01:32:26,265 It's the last thing you do. 2135 01:32:26,297 --> 01:32:28,900 Just get in this cab and then you're good. 2136 01:32:28,934 --> 01:32:30,002 No way, man, 2137 01:32:30,034 --> 01:32:32,037 I'm not takin' fuckin' pregnant lady. 2138 01:32:32,069 --> 01:32:33,738 - What? Are you kidding? - That's discrimination! 2139 01:32:33,771 --> 01:32:34,707 That's not discrimination! 2140 01:32:36,140 --> 01:32:37,842 I don't wanna fuckin' baby goo all over my car! 2141 01:32:37,876 --> 01:32:39,478 What is your name? 2142 01:32:39,511 --> 01:32:40,879 Frank. 2143 01:32:40,912 --> 01:32:45,184 Okay, Frank, I will name this baby Frank 2144 01:32:45,216 --> 01:32:49,220 if you just drive us to the fucking hospital, okay? 2145 01:32:49,253 --> 01:32:50,021 Okay. 2146 01:32:51,355 --> 01:32:54,358 But that better be Frank Antonio Raffaelee III, 2147 01:32:54,391 --> 01:32:55,092 With two Es! 2148 01:32:55,126 --> 01:32:56,462 - Fuck, go! - Fucking, just go! 2149 01:32:56,494 --> 01:32:57,496 Just go! 2150 01:32:57,529 --> 01:32:59,064 Send me a picture of little Frankie 2151 01:32:59,096 --> 01:33:00,198 and a Christmas card! 2152 01:33:01,032 --> 01:33:01,865 Oh. 2153 01:33:01,899 --> 01:33:02,299 Okay, I'm gonna go get you a nurse. 2154 01:33:02,333 --> 01:33:04,336 Deep breaths. 2155 01:33:05,503 --> 01:33:07,338 Fuck. 2156 01:33:08,239 --> 01:33:10,041 George, fuck, I can't do this. 2157 01:33:10,074 --> 01:33:11,342 I can't do this please, break my leg. 2158 01:33:11,376 --> 01:33:12,478 Please just break... break my leg, 2159 01:33:12,511 --> 01:33:13,446 because then I can't push 2160 01:33:13,479 --> 01:33:14,880 and then they have to give me a C-section. 2161 01:33:14,912 --> 01:33:16,214 Hey, hey, this is it. 2162 01:33:16,247 --> 01:33:18,116 This is really it. 2163 01:33:18,149 --> 01:33:20,085 You let me pull a splinter out of your vagina 2164 01:33:20,118 --> 01:33:21,754 after your skinny dip off of Connor Demanuel's 2165 01:33:21,787 --> 01:33:23,355 lake house dock junior year. 2166 01:33:24,155 --> 01:33:25,356 - You can do this. - Okay. 2167 01:33:26,423 --> 01:33:27,826 - Hey. - Okay, okay, okay. 2168 01:33:39,970 --> 01:33:41,339 Hi. 2169 01:33:41,372 --> 01:33:42,875 Hey, honey. 2170 01:33:44,242 --> 01:33:47,980 Oh my God, I really passed out. 2171 01:33:48,012 --> 01:33:49,413 Um, she with Roger? 2172 01:33:49,447 --> 01:33:50,315 Are they okay? 2173 01:33:50,347 --> 01:33:51,382 Mmhmm. 2174 01:33:51,416 --> 01:33:54,119 Roger's out there, she's with him. 2175 01:33:54,152 --> 01:33:55,453 She's so beautiful. 2176 01:33:55,487 --> 01:33:57,221 You did such a good job. 2177 01:33:57,255 --> 01:33:58,556 I thought it was gonna be disgusting 2178 01:33:58,590 --> 01:33:59,525 and it was... 2179 01:34:00,492 --> 01:34:01,860 But I also cried the whole time. 2180 01:34:01,893 --> 01:34:02,895 He did. 2181 01:34:02,927 --> 01:34:05,430 He really, really did. 2182 01:34:05,462 --> 01:34:07,398 Thank you for being here, you guys. 2183 01:34:07,431 --> 01:34:10,301 Of course. 2184 01:34:10,335 --> 01:34:13,005 Although, I did almost leave out of sheer jealousy. 2185 01:34:13,037 --> 01:34:14,972 I was in labor for 22 hours 2186 01:34:15,006 --> 01:34:16,909 and you just pushed her right out. 2187 01:34:16,942 --> 01:34:18,042 22 hours? 2188 01:34:18,076 --> 01:34:19,177 Ugh, it's gross. 2189 01:34:19,211 --> 01:34:21,012 Like I guess taking all that dick 2190 01:34:21,046 --> 01:34:23,015 did really pay off. 2191 01:34:23,047 --> 01:34:24,248 It's like uh, Slip 'N Slide. 2192 01:34:24,282 --> 01:34:25,150 Yeah. 2193 01:34:26,384 --> 01:34:27,152 All cool? 2194 01:34:27,185 --> 01:34:28,287 - Mmhmm. - Oh. 2195 01:34:28,319 --> 01:34:29,153 Oh. 2196 01:34:29,186 --> 01:34:30,154 Hi. 2197 01:34:34,559 --> 01:34:35,561 Hi, honey. 2198 01:34:35,594 --> 01:34:36,529 How are you? 2199 01:34:36,561 --> 01:34:38,497 Why does everyone keep calling me "honey"? 2200 01:34:38,529 --> 01:34:40,231 Don't ruin your baby glow. 2201 01:34:40,265 --> 01:34:41,333 I'm okay, I think. 2202 01:34:41,365 --> 01:34:42,501 Why do I still look pregnant? 2203 01:34:42,533 --> 01:34:43,835 This is so weird. 2204 01:34:43,868 --> 01:34:45,103 You look radiant. 2205 01:34:45,136 --> 01:34:47,039 Just don't look in the mirror. 2206 01:34:47,872 --> 01:34:49,173 - You wanna hold her? - No. 2207 01:34:49,207 --> 01:34:51,110 No, no, no, no. 2208 01:34:52,944 --> 01:34:54,580 I just... I feel really sore still. 2209 01:34:59,184 --> 01:35:01,119 Can I get you anything? 2210 01:35:01,152 --> 01:35:03,188 Hmm. 2211 01:35:03,220 --> 01:35:05,289 Yeah, actually, do you mind grabbing me some ice? 2212 01:35:05,323 --> 01:35:06,826 Of course. 2213 01:35:39,490 --> 01:35:41,426 Are you still seeing Cameron on Friday? 2214 01:35:41,458 --> 01:35:43,127 Uh, yeah. 2215 01:35:43,161 --> 01:35:45,029 Um, we're gonna get a drink after a show. 2216 01:35:45,063 --> 01:35:46,230 Can you read the vibe? 2217 01:35:46,264 --> 01:35:47,666 Not really. 2218 01:35:47,698 --> 01:35:49,300 No, we're just trying not to overthink it, you know? 2219 01:35:49,333 --> 01:35:50,269 Yeah. 2220 01:35:50,301 --> 01:35:52,036 I'll see him, I'll make amends. 2221 01:35:52,069 --> 01:35:53,204 Who knows after that? 2222 01:35:54,706 --> 01:35:57,309 Oh, come on! 2223 01:35:57,341 --> 01:35:59,944 I am finally getting to hang out with a human adult. 2224 01:35:59,978 --> 01:36:01,512 Are you really gonna ruin it for me? 2225 01:36:01,546 --> 01:36:03,248 Yes, she did. 2226 01:36:05,684 --> 01:36:08,552 ? How was I to know ? 2227 01:36:08,586 --> 01:36:12,490 ? Courage filled you up ? 2228 01:36:12,524 --> 01:36:15,260 ? And I just fold ? 2229 01:36:15,292 --> 01:36:20,231 ? Could it be, it was better ? 2230 01:36:20,265 --> 01:36:22,334 ? Undeniably so ? 2231 01:36:22,367 --> 01:36:26,137 ? Would you really trade the weather ? 2232 01:36:26,171 --> 01:36:29,641 ? For half this home ? 2233 01:36:29,673 --> 01:36:33,211 ? If I only knew the right way ? 2234 01:36:33,243 --> 01:36:36,681 ? To be wrong ? 2235 01:36:36,715 --> 01:36:39,551 ? If I could only do it right ? 2236 01:36:39,583 --> 01:36:42,487 ? Then I'll be gone ? 2237 01:36:47,492 --> 01:36:52,530 ? It's been so long, for the record ? 2238 01:36:52,564 --> 01:36:55,067 ? I waited even though ? 2239 01:36:55,100 --> 01:36:58,003 ? They say our timing's off ? 2240 01:36:58,036 --> 01:37:00,239 ? And you laugh, and I don't ? 2241 01:37:02,073 --> 01:37:05,610 ? Counted all of the efforts ? 2242 01:37:05,643 --> 01:37:09,381 ? And I played 'em like a joke ? 2243 01:37:09,413 --> 01:37:12,317 ? Would you really wait forever ? 2244 01:37:12,350 --> 01:37:14,253 ? You ask, and I choke ? 2245 01:37:16,587 --> 01:37:20,091 ? If I only knew the right way ? 2246 01:37:20,125 --> 01:37:21,627 ? To be wrong ? 2247 01:37:23,661 --> 01:37:26,565 ? If I could only do it right ? 2248 01:37:26,597 --> 01:37:29,301 ? Then I'll be gone ? 2249 01:38:21,252 --> 01:38:26,258 ? It's been so long a record ? 2250 01:38:26,291 --> 01:38:28,627 ? How was I to know ? 2251 01:38:39,871 --> 01:38:41,472 ? I don't wanna bother you ? 2252 01:38:41,506 --> 01:38:44,176 ? But I just need to bother you now ? 2253 01:38:47,311 --> 01:38:49,146 ? I know there's other people here ? 2254 01:38:49,180 --> 01:38:52,150 ? I just see them out in the crowd ? 2255 01:38:54,185 --> 01:38:57,689 ? Do you see my eyes, do you see my need ? 2256 01:38:57,721 --> 01:39:01,559 ? I'm so transparent, so trust me please ? 2257 01:39:01,592 --> 01:39:03,327 ? I want you to feel me ? 2258 01:39:03,360 --> 01:39:05,497 ? Can you just feel me now ? 2259 01:39:08,198 --> 01:39:09,867 ? You're a black light ? 2260 01:39:09,900 --> 01:39:12,703 ? And I've been doin' something dirty, baby ? 2261 01:39:14,838 --> 01:39:16,341 ? It's a hot night ? 2262 01:39:16,373 --> 01:39:19,478 ? The way that you're moving got me all wavy ? 2263 01:39:21,613 --> 01:39:22,881 ? You're a black light ? 2264 01:39:22,913 --> 01:39:27,219 ? And I've been doing somethin' dirty, baby ? 2265 01:39:27,252 --> 01:39:30,489 ? I just want you to see my bad need ? 2266 01:39:30,521 --> 01:39:33,091 ? And if you want it you can have me ? 2267 01:39:34,759 --> 01:39:36,228 ? I don't wanna trouble you ? 2268 01:39:36,261 --> 01:39:38,864 ? But you have seemed to trouble me now ? 2269 01:39:41,565 --> 01:39:43,601 ? I know there's so many bodies in here ? 2270 01:39:43,635 --> 01:39:46,371 ? I just want yours around ? 2271 01:39:48,338 --> 01:39:51,676 ? Do you see my eyes, can you feel my heat ? 2272 01:39:51,708 --> 01:39:54,880 ? Do I make your knees quake to the beat ? 2273 01:39:54,912 --> 01:39:58,349 ? Of all this rhythm that I'm makin' ? 2274 01:39:58,382 --> 01:40:01,685 ? My arms are open, you can take it ? 2275 01:40:01,719 --> 01:40:02,554 ? Oh ? 2276 01:40:02,587 --> 01:40:04,289 ? You're a black light ? 2277 01:40:04,322 --> 01:40:07,159 ? And I've been doing somethin' dirty, baby ? 2278 01:40:09,260 --> 01:40:10,695 ? It's a hot night ? 2279 01:40:10,728 --> 01:40:13,532 ? The way that you're moving got me all wavy ? 2280 01:40:15,667 --> 01:40:17,335 ? You're a black light ? 2281 01:40:17,368 --> 01:40:21,506 ? And I've been doing somethin' dirty, baby ? 2282 01:40:21,538 --> 01:40:24,809 ? I just want you to see my bad need ? 2283 01:40:24,841 --> 01:40:27,179 ? And if you want it you can have me ? 2284 01:40:27,212 --> 01:40:28,347 ? Oh ? 2285 01:40:29,413 --> 01:40:31,715 ? Have me, have me ? 2286 01:40:31,748 --> 01:40:34,418 ? And if you want it you can have me ? 2287 01:40:36,421 --> 01:40:38,690 ? Have me, have me ? 2288 01:40:38,722 --> 01:40:41,426 ? And if you want it you can have me ? 2289 01:40:43,360 --> 01:40:45,564 ? Have me, have me, baby ? 2290 01:40:45,596 --> 01:40:47,765 ? And if you want it you can have me ? 2291 01:40:50,335 --> 01:40:52,604 ? Have me, yeah ? 2292 01:40:52,636 --> 01:40:55,439 ? And if you want it you can have me ? 161116

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