All language subtitles for Home.Economics.S01E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

‐ Chapter Three.

As the younger
Hayworth siblings

wrestled with all that life
had recently thrown at them,

Connor newly separated,
Sarah still unemployed,

it fell to Tom to provide
the steady guiding hand

the family needed.

Hey, guys?
Guys?

Let's keep it down
for the neighbors, okay?

Remember how we talked
about our inside voices?

Let's go ahead
and use those outside too.

‐ Maybe we should just do
brunch at my place every week.

It's funner
for the kids that way.

‐ No, it's "more fun."

‐ So we agree.

‐ With Connor's marital woes
still fresh,

everyone found themselves
tiptoeing around the subject.

‐ So Connor, how's it going
with, you know?

‐ It's okay, I guess.

Me and Emily finally
worked out the custody sitch.

She got a place nearby,

so Gretchen's gonna stay there
half the week.

‐ But Gretchen still
doesn't know you're separated?

‐ No, we're waiting for Emily
to get back in town

and we're gonna
tell her together.

We got the whole thing
planned out.

We're gonna go to the beach,

do a little pony ride, picnic.

I even flew in
her favorite cake from Seattle.

‐ Dude, I'm pretty sure
that sounds

like a divorce reveal party.

‐ Well, I'm sure he and Emily
thought it out.

‐ Well, Tom's right.
I mean,

Gretchen will associate all
of those things with divorce

for the rest of her life
like, beach, divorce,

ponies,
picnics, cake, divorce.

‐ Plus cake at the beach
can be a real problem.

You got the sand
and the big knife.

And it's, like, I mean,
do you pre‐slice?

‐ Well, luckily, you're not
in charge of my family,

so you don't have
to worry about it.

‐ Okay, man.
I'm just trying to help.

I don't think that's how you're
supposed to tell

your daughter
that you're getting a divorce.

‐ What?
You and Mom are getting

a divorce?

‐ Oh, Gretchen, honey...
‐ Oh, no.

My god, Connor, I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean...

‐ Well, you did, so congrats.

You just won the award
for worst uncle.

‐ Technically, I'm
her only uncle, so, you know,

it stands the reason,
if I'm the worst uncle,

I'm also her‐‐you know,
that's not the point.

[upbeat music]

‐ I can't believe I spilled
the beans like that

in front of Gretchen.
I really blew it.

Oh, this is when you're
supposed to chime in and say,

"Oh, honey.
Don't beat yourself up."

‐ Oh, honey.
Don't beat yourself up.

‐ That's great.
Thanks.

I feel better already.

[phone vibrating]
Oh, this is him now.

Hey, Connor,
I'm glad you called.

‐ Hold on one sec.
I'm getting Sarah on.

‐ Okay, look, I just
wanna apologize again

about this morning.

‐ Ah, I should have been
more careful

with Gretchen nearby.

‐ But still, I mean,
I just‐‐I feel awful.

‐ Oh, no,
you definitely should.

Yeah, you definitely kept

that conversation
going needlessly.

‐ Cool, cool.
Yeah, just making sure.

‐ Hey, Con.
I am so sorry

about Tom this morning.

That was so like him
to just blurt it out like that.

‐ Tom's on.

‐ I know.

‐ Hey, so Gretchen seems

to be taking the news,
like, really well.

‐ Oh, really?
Wow.

That was... quick,
but good, I guess, right?

‐ Definitely, yeah, but I want
to make sure it stays that way,

So I was thinking
maybe the cousins

could come over tonight
for a little sleepover.

‐ Oh, my guys would love that.
‐ Yeah, Camila too.

‐ Great.
I'm going all out.

And I know I use
the word epic a lot.

‐ You really do.

‐ I sent you that list

of synonyms for it.

‐ But tonight's sleepover
can only be described as epic.

‐ Or top drawer.

Remember, it was,
like, a fun British one?

‐ Perfect.
I'll see you guys around six.

‐ Lupe!

There's a sleepover happening,
which means scary stories,

so I need you to go
to the hardware store

and buy a hook hand.

It's like a hook,
but where your hand should be.

‐ That's sweet of Connor
to do that for Gretchen.

I'll take the kids
and stick around to help out.

‐ Yeah, I'm gonna go too, try
to make up for this morning.

‐ Okay, but remember, you know,

he just wants a fun night
for Gretchen,

so you shouldn't put
a damper on it.

‐ What is that supposed
to mean?

‐ Just, you know,
sometimes you worry

and you can get in your head

and sort of be a...

Uh, what's the expression?

It's not a party pooper.

‐ I'm not a party pooper.
‐ I said not a party pooper.

Wet blanket?
Wet blanket.

‐ What are you talking about?
I'm a fun guy.

I'm one of the top commenters

on "New York Times"
crossword puzzle blog.

Will Shortz once referred to me
as a "real character."

Hey, you and your cousins
think I'm fun,

right, like, a fun uncle?

‐ Nah, Uncle Connor
is the fun one.

He's always throwing us
onto things or off of things.

‐ So let me get this right.
He's got more money.

He's got a better house.
And now he's the fun one?

No, no, that's it.
I'm definitely going tonight.

I'm going to prove to you guys
that I'm a fun uncle, a funcle.

[chuckles]
Funcle, it's like fun uncle.

‐ Yeah, no, I got it.
‐ It's gonna be great.

‐ [soft groaning]

‐ What?
‐ What?

‐ You're doing the...
[soft groaning]

‐ Oh, it's nothing.

‐ Okay.

‐ I just don't think
that a party

is what
Gretchen needs right now.

You know, as a child therapist,
yes, currently unemployed,

but still, I really think
that someone just needs

to talk to her
about how she's feeling.

‐ You are so right,
but this party

probably isn't
the best place to do that,

and when I say probably,

please know
that I mean definitely.

‐ I hear you, Lulu, I do.
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ But I got this.

‐ Okay.
‐ Okay.

‐ All right.

[lips popping]
‐ Okay.

Well, now you're
doing your sigh, so...

‐ I just know
how tonight's gonna go.

Despite my best efforts
as an earth sign,

you and Connor are gonna get
into an argument.

I'm gonna have
to smooth things over.

Everyone's gonna thank me

and say I'm the best person
in the family.

And thank god for me.

‐ Sounds like you turn out
pretty well in that.

‐ I do.
It's just so exhausting.

‐ I am well aware that tonight
could be

an emotional minefield,

but I will not
let things blow up.

‐ Okay.
‐ Okay.

[upbeat music]

[children exclaim]

‐ Welcome.
What up!

We've got Lupe over here
on arts and crafts.

We got a pizza oven,
we got karaoke,

and we got a bounce house!

‐ Dope!

‐ Wow!

So this is
quite the production.

‐ Yeah, I know, right?
Pretty awesome, huh?

‐ It is, isn't it?
It is.

‐ It is awesome, yes.

Although, you know,
a part of me wonders

if maybe isn't
the absolute best way

to handle this situation.

You know, not that
you're, like, ignoring

Gretchen's feelings,
but not not that either.

‐ What are you talking about?
This is all for her.

‐ Hey, baby.
How are we doing?

‐ Great!
This is gonna be so much fun!

‐ It's gonna be lit!
‐ Look, Sarah,

I really appreciate you trying
to sprinkle your concern

all over everything,
but I got this under control.

‐ Okay.
‐ Okay. It's gonna be great!

‐ Yes!

‐ It's worse than I thought.

‐ Whoo!
Oh‐oh!

This is gonna be so tight!

‐ Uh‐oh.
Here we go.

Bounce house in full effect.

Shamiah, you ready
to get your bounce on?

‐ I guess.

‐ Noice!
Very noice!

Kelvin, you having
a killer time in there, bud?

‐ I don't know; I've
only bounced, like, four times.

‐ Ha, ha!
The Kelvinator!

Get some!
What?

You crazy cousins.

Whoa.
Okay.

Doing flips.
That's sick!

But... I don't know, maybe
is that a little dangerous?

Maybe make, like,
a chill "no flip" rule, huh?

That'd be dope, right?
Having fun, being safe.

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead
and check and see

if they have an occupancy limit
on this bad boy.

‐ Mommy, come in with us.
‐ No, thanks.

Just got my beverage.

‐ Come on, Aunt Marina.
‐ Bounce with us!

kids: Marina! Marina! Marina!

‐ Well, okay.
Just for a minute.

[yelling and screaming]

‐ Hey, guys!

Should we get Tommy in here?
Should we get crazy?

‐ Well, I don't know.
I mean, does he even want to?

‐ I think he was saying
something

about an occupancy thing.

‐ No, come on.
Tom!

Come in here.
Come on!

‐ No, I don't‐‐
I don't think so.

‐ Tommy! Tommy! Tommy!

‐ No, I'm not gonna‐‐
I don't know.

Do you guys want me to?
Okay!

‐ Yes!
‐ Here I go!

Whoo!
‐ Whoa.

‐ Hey, Kelvin!

You want a bounce competition,
see who can go the highest?

Whoa!
Check out T‐Dog!

‐ Easy there, T‐Dog.
‐ Jump, jump!

Miccity‐Mac'll make ya...
you know that song?

[popping sound]
[children screaming]

‐ It popped!
‐ He popped it.

‐ Okay, let's go.
Come on, everybody.

Jump, jump, towards the exit.

‐ No, come on.
This is even more fun!

It's like "Jackass."
Do you guys remember that show?

Actually, guys,
my foot's stuck.

Like‐‐ow!
Seriously.

My foot's, like, really stuck.

‐ I just don't see why anyone
would settle

for human breath balloons

when we have
the helium technology,

you know?

‐ Hey, Miss Gretchen.
How are you?

‐ Good.

‐ Aww, great.

But you know how sometimes,
people say "How are you,"

and it's more of a greeting,
like "How are ya,"

and then, other times,
it's the real question,

like, how are you?

This is one of those times.
So how are you?

‐ Good.
‐ Yeah?

'Cause, you know, it's okay

to have different feelings
or emotions

with everything
that's going on right now.

If you ever need
someone to talk to‐‐

‐ [helium voice] Hi, Gretchen.
Hi!

‐ Aunt Sarah, you do it.
‐ Aunt Sarah, you do it!

‐ Aunt Sarah will do it.
Okay.

[helium voice] Okay.
Now my voice is high too.

Okay.
That's fun.

Now, Gretchen,

I don't want you to feel
that your feelings need

to keep locked inside...

I know what you're doing.

‐ I don't know
what you're talking about.

‐ Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Luke, I am your father.

‐ Dustin! Dustin! Dustin!

[yelling and cheering]

‐ Even the pizza guy is cool.

‐ Look, you don't want to have
to tell kids you're fun.

They sense the desperation,
you're dead in the water.

You want to let them
realize it on their own.

‐ Is this, like,
suddenly the fun expert?

‐ The children
have spoken, Tom.

‐ Okay.
‐ You want to toss some dough?

‐ Oh, uh...

Yeah, I guess
I could give it a shot.

‐ Whoo!
‐ Oh, okay.

‐ Whoa!
‐ Oh!

Hey.
‐ Whoa!

‐ Oh, look at that.
He's a natural.

Oh, look out, Dustin.
He's gonna take your job.

‐ Whoa.

D'oh!

Get it?
Cause like Homer Simpson,

but also it's like dough.

‐ That's just a waste of food.

There are so many people
in the world

who are food insecure.

‐ Right.

‐ Yeah, it's not
really that funny

when you think about it, Daddy.

‐ Absolutely.
Yeah, that's not funny at all.

‐ Who wants cookie dough pizza
with candy toppings?

[yelling and screaming]

‐ You know what, Dustin?
We get it, okay?

‐ I'm down to get
my arts and crafts on.

You having
an awesome time, kiddo?

‐ Hey, here's an idea.

What if everybody draws
the same thing?

‐ Yeah, I'd rather
just freestyle.

‐ No, no, wait, it'll be good.
Like, what if everybody draws,

I don't know, say,
family portraits, huh?

That's fun, right?

And then, if you want
to express whatever emotion

you're feeling
through your artwork,

then I say go for it.

‐ Or if you want to draw
something else,

like spaceships or animals
or carrots, that would be fine,

because it doesn't have to be
related to family stuff.

‐ Or we just stick
to the original idea

of families and feelings.

‐ Lulu.
‐ Lulu.

[tense music]

‐ So are we doing families,

or could I draw,
like, a bunch of ninjas?

‐ Families.
Everybody do families...

not a family of ninjas.

Nope.

These are so great, guys.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Kelvin, I see you drew me as
the pushy boss of the family.

Love it.
Excited to see yours, Gretchen.

Thank you.

Huh?
Who are...who are these people?

‐ It's me and my mom
and my dad.

Wait.
Does a family portrait

not mean a portrait
of a family?

‐ No, no, it does.

And this is beautiful,
but is this how you...

how you see your family,
all shiny and happy?

Is that how you're really
feeling deep inside?

‐ Hey, Gretchen, why don't you
go check on what Lupe's making?

All this drawing
made me hungry.

‐ You're trying to
psychoanalyze her, aren't you?

‐ No.

Psychoanalysis is actually

a very specific form
of therapy,

and I employ
a more humanistic form.

‐ Sarah, I just want today
to be super fun for Gretchen.

‐ That's the problem.

You're not allowing her
to express her true feelings.

‐ Oh, and you know
what those are?

‐ No, but I want Gretchen
to feel comfortable enough

to talk about them
if she wants to.

‐ Talk about what?

‐ Nothing.

Aunt Sarah and I
just want you to know

that it's okay to express

whatever you might be feeling
about your mom and I.

‐ Like what?

‐ Well, it's different
for everybody, sweetie.

You know, some kids‐‐
they blame themselves,

and then other kids,
they find that it's‐‐

‐ Wait!
The divorce is my fault?

‐ Oh, no!
‐ No. No.

What Aunt Sarah means to say
is that it's not your fault.

‐ Not your fault.

‐ But what Aunt Sarah
probably should have said

is just nothing at all.

You know what this moment
calls for?

A Jell‐O fight.

‐ Connor?
‐ Yeah!

‐ Connor, no!

Do not throw that!
Connor!

Do not throw that at me!
Connor!

Oh, my God!

‐ Hey.
‐ Hi.

Gretchen seems to be okay.

Her and Connor
had some floor Jell‐OR,

and now they're
setting up karaoke.

‐ You were right, as always.

‐ Lulu...

of course I was.

‐ I know that
I should have waited

to reach out to Gretchen.
I just...

I wanted to show myself

that I could still do this,
you know, help kids,

but maybe that's why
I got laid off.

‐ Hey, no.
You were definitely right

about Gretchen needing help.

I mean, look
at this family portrait.

It's all thunder clouds
and scared, sad faces.

‐ Wait.
That's not Gretchen's drawing.

That's Connor's.

Oh, my God, do you know
what this means?

‐ That he has the fine motor
skills of an eight‐year‐old?

‐ No.
I mean, yes,

this looks like he drew it
with his feet,

but it was Connor.
That's why he got us all here.

He's the one
who's crying out for help.

‐ Who's ready for karaoke?
What! What!

‐ Did somebody said karaoke‐‐
[yells]

‐ Be careful
with the gelatin.

‐ So big deal,
you're not the fun uncle.

You're un‐fun‐uncle‐able.

‐ Look, when it was just
fun Connor,

I mean, I was jealous,
but, I mean, I got it.

He's sort of a big kid himself.

‐ Like he still pronounces it
"libary"

and can't swallow pills.

‐ Yeah, but now I realize
it's something

you all have
that I'm missing.

‐ I think you're fun.

‐ Eh.
‐ Okay.

So Connor's the funcle,

but you know what you are?

You're the sensible uncle.

Remember how you taught Shamiah
how to use a water pick?

Or you stopped Kelvin
from eating

those mushrooms he found
in the yard?

‐ Gretchen did stop
wandering off

when I showed her
those kidnapping statistics.

‐ There you go,
the sensible uncle.

["Low" playing]

‐ ♪ Shawty had them
apple‐bottom jeans ♪

♪ And them boots with the fur,
with the fur ♪

♪ The whole club
was looking at her ♪

‐ Connor?

‐ ♪ She hit the floor ♪

‐ Connor, this is important.
I saw your drawing.

‐ ♪ Low, low, low, low, low,
low, low, low, low... ♪

♪ ♪

‐ Hey, Connor, can we just
talk really quick, please?

Okay, just for one second.

‐ ♪ And gave that big booty
a slap... ♪

‐ Okay.
That was too much.

‐ Poor guy is really hurting.

He's singing him
and Emily's song.

‐ Yeah.

That was a weird
first wedding dance.

‐ I can't get him to stop
singing, let alone talk to me.

If anyone can shut this party
down, honey, it's you.

We need you to go
and be the sensible uncle.

‐ Guys, don't worry.

This wet blanket

is about to drown this party.

‐ ♪ I'ma say that
I love women exposed ♪

♪ She threw it back at me... ♪

‐ Hey, guys.

Guys, it's bedtime, okay?

You know what they say.
It's not a sleepover

unless you go to sleep.
So let's get on our PJs,

brush and floss our teeth,

and do
a thorough fluoride rinse.

Camila, if your cousins
didn't bring a fluoride rinse

with them,
it's okay to share.

‐ No, my house, my rules,

and I say this party's
just getting started.

[yelling and screaming]

♪ ♪

♪ Shawty had them
apple‐bottom jeans... ♪

‐ Okay, Connor
is gonna keep avoiding you

unless Tom kills this party.

‐ ♪ The whole club
was looking at her ♪

♪ She hit the floor... ♪

‐ You know, Connor?
Connor?

If this party won't stop,
you better pass me the mic.

[somber music playing]

‐ No.

‐ ♪ All around me
are familiar faces ♪

♪ Worn out places,
worn out faces ♪

♪ Hide my head
I wanna drown my sorrow ♪

♪ No tomorrow, no tomorrow ♪

‐ Yeah, baby!

You're making me consider
my mortality.

Whoo!

‐ ♪ Dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had ♪

‐ Oh, great.
First, Tom starts singing

one of his songs
to murder a drifter to,

and now here comes Sarah
with her "let's talk" face.

‐ This is just my face.
‐ And you always want to talk.

‐ Okay.

I know that you're upset
with me right now,

but I also know
that you're just upset.

This whole epic sleepover‐‐
it wasn't just to distract

Gretchen, was it?

‐ Sarah, no offense,
but you're a kid's therapist.

Okay?
I'm a grown man.

Thank you, Lupe,
for this unexpected treat.

Sorry, Sarah,
but I probably shouldn't talk

with my mouth full.

‐ It's okay.
You've said enough,

because this guy, he's hurting,

no matter how much
he sings and smiles

and pretends
that everything's okay.

‐ It's just a drawing.

Not everyone you talk to
is broken, okay?

I know you like to swoop in
and save the day,

but I am fine.

‐ Good.

That's all I want for you.
‐ Mm‐hmm.

Your way is not the only way

to deal with something
like this.

‐ I realize that,

but you do have
to actually deal with it.

‐ I just wanted to draw ninjas.

‐ Yeah.

‐ Part of me figured Emily
and I were gonna work it out.

You know, I kept thinking
maybe there's a chance,

but last night, she told me
she is already seeing

someone else,
some guy named Alex.

And he sounds like
a total douche, right?

‐ Yes, he does.

I'm sorry, Connor.

‐ So yeah, now I know
it's really over.

Maybe it was
Alec...Alex...Alec?

‐ They're both terrible names.
‐ Yeah.

So yeah, this was all
for me...

pizza, the karaoke,

the mariachi band.
‐ Hmm?

‐ I got a mariachi band.
They'll be here at eight.

‐ Okay.

‐ I didn't want Gretchen
to know

how I'm actually feeling.

This whole thing's gonna be
hard enough on her as it is.

I don't want her
to worry about me too.

‐ You are such a good dad,

but it's okay
to open up to her.

It might actually help.

‐ I know I like
to make fun of you

for trying to get in our heads,
but thank you.

Wanna pull up a spoon?

‐ Oh, no, that's okay.
‐ Pull up a spoon.

‐ No.
No, it's just that

Haagen‐Dazs isn't
a real Danish word,

so even
though it's Eurocentric,

it's technically still
cultural appropriation.

‐ Pull up a spoon.
‐ Fine. Yeah, sure.

I'll do it.

I didn't ruin the moment,
did I?

‐ So yeah, I'm sad,

a little scared.

How about you?

‐ Yeah, I was kind of
pretending to be happy

because I didn't want
to make you feel bad.

‐ Well, from now on, we should
be honest with each other

about how we're feeling, okay?

‐ Okay.

‐ Wanna hug it out?

‐ Love you, Daddy.

‐ I love you too, baby.

Did you at least
have some fun today?

‐ Yeah, it was so funny
when the bounce house

deflated on Uncle Tommy.
[chuckles]

‐ Right?
"Help!

I can't get out, seriously!"

‐ "Oh, my foot's stuck.
Help! Help!"

‐ He couldn't get his foot out.
That was hilarious.

‐ Well, I'm glad they were able
to bond over what was

admittedly
a very dicey situation.

‐ We're lucky to have you, Tom,
our little killjoy.

‐ Okay.
Actually, I think we're going

with the word sensible,
but thank you.

‐ Lulu, good job getting Connor
to open up

after you were so worried
about your ability to help.

Guess you didn't need me to
smooth things over after all.

‐ You a little disappointed?

‐ A little.
I'm really good at it.

‐ Yeah.

‐ ♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ We can make it if we try ♪

♪ Just the two of us ♪

‐ ♪ Just the two of us ♪

both: ♪ Just the two of us
building castles in the sky ♪

♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ You and I ♪

‐ It takes all kinds
to make up a family,

each playing his or her part.

You can be fun, be supportive,
be sensible,

but mostly,
you just have to be there.

both: ♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ Building castles
in the skies ♪

♪ Just the two of us
you and I ♪

[cheers and applause]

‐ [laughs]

‐ ♪ I like myself knocking ♪
‐ ♪ Knocking ♪

‐ ♪ I love it when the girlies
be like jocking ♪

‐ ♪ Jocking! ♪

‐ ♪ D‐A‐double D‐Y‐M‐A‐C ♪

♪ Yeah, you know me ♪

♪ You got me jumping
and bumping and pumping ♪

♪ Moving all around, G ♪

‐ ♪ Jump! Jump! ♪

‐ ♪ The Mac Dad'll make you ♪

‐ ♪ Jump! Jump! ♪

‐ ♪ The Miccity Mac'll
make you ♪

‐ ♪ Jump! Jump! ♪

‐ Tom is actually
being kind of fun.

‐ It's cause he stopped
caring so much.

‐ How many beers has he had?

‐ One and a half.

He's gonna be hungover
for three days.

‐ ♪ Jump! Jump!
Uncle Tommy will make you ♪

‐ ♪ Jump! Jump! ♪

‐ I did it!
I'm a funcle!

[yelling and screaming]