All language subtitles for the 1

Make it fast.

Don't want the boss to get wise.

Jeez.

Ain't the old bastard a riot

when he starts that bull
about "turnin' over a new leaf"?

"Not a damn drink on the house,"
he tells me.

"And all these bums

have gotta pay up their room rent
beginning tomorrow," he says.

I'll be glad to pay up... tomorrow.

And I know my fellow inmates
will promise the same.

They've all a touching credulity
concerning tomorrow.

It'll be a great day for them tomorrow...
Feast of all fools.

And their ships will come in
loaded to the gunwales

with canceled regrets
and promises fulfilled

and clean slates and new leases.

- Yeah, and a ton of hop.
- Don't mock the faith.

Have you no respect for religion,
you unregenerate wop?

What does it matter if the truth is

that their favoring breeze will have
the stink of nickel whiskey on its breath,

and their sea will be
a growler of lager and ale,

and their ships will long since
be looted and scuttled

and sunk on the bottom?

To hell with the truth.

The history of the world proves
the truth has no bearing on anything.

It's the lie of the pipe dream
that gives life

to the whole misbegotten,
mad lot of us, drunk or sober.

The old philosopher, like hickey calls ya.

I suppose you don't fall
for no pipe dreams.

No, I don't.

Mine are dead and buried behind me.

What's before me is the fact
that death is a fine, long sleep,

and I'm damn tired.

And it can't come too soon for me.

Yeah, just hangin' around,
hopin' you croak, ain't ya?

Well, I'm bettin'
you have a good, long wait.

Jeez, somebody'd have to
take an ax to croak you.

Yeah, it's my bad luck to be cursed
with an iron constitution

that even Harry's booze can't corrode.

The old anarchist wise guy
that knows all the answers.

Forget the "anarchist" part of it.

I'm through with the movement long since.

I saw that if men wanted
to be saved from themselves,

that would mean
they'd have to give up greed.

They wouldn't pay that price for Liberty.

So I said to the world, god bless all here
and may the best man win...

And die of gluttony.

I took a seat in the grandstand
of philosophical detachment

to fall asleep observing the cannibals
do their death dance.

Ain't I telling him the truth,
comrade Hugo?

Oh, for Christ sake,
don't get that bughouse bum started.

Capitalist swine!

Bourgeois stool pigeon!

Have the slaves no right to sleep even?

Hello, little rocky, little monkey face.

Where are your little slave girls?

Don't be a fool. Loan me a dollar.

Damn bourgeois wop!

Buy me a drink.

He's out again.

He's lucky no one
don't take his crack serious,

or he'd wake up every morning
in a hospital.

Nobody takes him seriously.
That's his epitaph.

If I've been through with the movement
long since, it's been through with him,

and thanks to whiskey
he's the only one who doesn't know it.

He's gonna pull that "slave girl" stuff
on me once too often.

Hell, you'd think
I was a pimp or somethin'.

A pimp don't hold a job.

I'm a bartender.

Them tarts, Margie and Pearl,

they're just a sideline
to pick up some extra dough.

Strictly business,

like they were fighters
and I was their manager, see.

I fix the cops for them so they
can hustle without gettin' pinched.

And I don't beat 'em up like a pimp would.

They like me.

What if I... I take their money?

Tarts can't hang on to dough.

But I'm a bartender

and I work hard for my living
in this dump.

Shrewd businessman
who doesn't miss an opportunity

to get on in the world, huh?

Yeah, that's me.

Grab another ball, Larry.

You'd never think all these bums
had a bed upstairs to go to.

Scared if they hit the hay they wouldn't
be here when hickey showed up

and they'd miss a couple of drinks.

To me, it's not so much the hope of booze.

But I've got the blues,

and hickey's a great one to make a joke
of everything and cheer you up.

Yeah, some kidder.

Remember how he works up that gag
about his wife when he's cockeyed,

cryin' over her picture and then
spilling it on you all of the sudden

that he left her in the hay
with the iceman?

Yeah, I wonder what's happenin'?

He always got here a couple of days
before Harry's birthday party.

And now he's only got till tonight
to make it.

This dump.

It's like a morgue
with all these bums passed out.

It's a liel

papa.

Papa.

Poor devil.

Ah, the hell with pity.
Does no good. I'm through with it.

Dreamin' about his old man.

From what the old-timers say,

the old gent sure made a pile of dough
in the bucket shop game

before the cops got him.

Jeez.

I've seen 'em bad before,
but never this bad.

Look at that getup.

Sold his suit and shoes
at solly's two days ago.

Solly give him two bucks and a bum outfit.

Yesterday he sells the bum one
back to solly for four bits

and gets these rags to put on.

Now he's through.

That's solly's final edition
he won't take back for nothin'.

Willie sure is on the bottom.

I ain't never seen no one so bad,

except hickey on the end
of a couple of his bats.

It's a great game,

the pursuit of happiness.

Harry don't know what to do about him.

He called up his old lady's lawyer

like he always does
when Willie gets licked.

You remember, they used to
send down a private dick

to give him the rush to a cure.

But the lawyer tells Harry nix...

The old lady is off of Willie for keeps
this time, and he can go to hell.

With the consolation
he hasn't got far to go.

It's a goddamn liel

- nix. Nix!
- Oh, papa!

- Nix! Cut out the noise!
- Oh, Jesus, papa!

Je - shh! Sus!

Cut out the...

Who's that yellin'?

Willie, boss.
The Brooklyn boys is after him.

Well, why don't you give the poor fella
a drink and keep him quiet?

Jeez, can't I get a wink o' sleep
in my own backroom?

Listen to the blind-eyed,
deef old bastard, will ya.

He give me strict orders not to let Willie
hang up no more drinks, no matter what.

What's that? I can't hear ya.

You're a cockeyed liar.

Never refused a drink to anyone
needed it as bad in my life.

Told you to use your judgment.

Too busy thinkin' up ways to cheat me.

I ain't as blind as you think.

I can still see a cash register, b'jeez.

Oh, sure, boss.
Swell chance of foolin' you.

I-I'm wise to you and your sidekick Chuck.

B'jeez, you're... you're burglars,
not barkeeps.

You'd steal the pennies
off your dead mothers' eyes.

I'll fire both of ya.

No one ever played Harry hope
for a sucker.

No one but everybody.

Least you could do is keep things quiet.

Give me a drink, rocky.
Harry said it was all right.

God, I need a drink.

Then grab it. It's right under your nose.

Thank you.

When.

When!

I didn't say take a bath!

Jeez, look.
He's killed half a pint or more!

Leave him be, the poor devil.

Half-pint of that dynamite in one swig'll
fix him for a while.

If it doesn't kill him.

All right by me. It ain't my booze.

Wh-wh-whose booze?

Gimme some!

Where's hickey?

- What time is it, rocky?
- Getting near time to open up.

Time you begun to sweep up in the bar.

Never mind the time.

If hickey ain't come,
it's time Joe went to sleep again.

Hey. I got an idea.

Say, Larry,
what about that young guy parritt?

Come to look you up last night
and rented a room.

He's upstairs, asleep.

No hope there, Joe. He's broke.

Me and rocky knows different.

Had a roll when he paid you
his room rent, didn't he, rocky?

Yeah, he flashed it like he forgot
and then tried to hide it quick.

- He did, did he?
- Yeah. I figured he don't belong.

But he said he was a friend of yours.

He's a liar.

Ah, it's true his...

His mother and I were friends
a few years ago on the coast.

You read in the papers
about that bombing on the coast

where a few people were killed?

Well, the one woman they pinched,
Rosa parritt,

is his mother.

They'll be coming up for trial soon.
They haven't got a chance.

She'll get life.

I'm telling you all this
so you'll know why if Don acts a bit queer

and not jump on him.

He's her only kid.

Why ain't he out there stickin' by her?

- Must be a good reason.
- I get it.

Then what kind of a sap is he
to hang on to his right name?

I'm telling you, I don't know.

And I don't wanna know!

To hell with the movement
and everybody connected with it.

If there's one thing more
than another I can't stand,

it's the sucker game
you and Hugo calls the movement.

Reminds me of a damn fool argument

me and mose Porter had the other night.

He's drunk, and I'm drunker,

and he says,

"socialists and anarchists,
we oughta shoot 'em dead."

I said, "hold on. Hold on now.

You talk as if the socialists
and the anarchists

were the same thing.

The anarchist, he never works.

He drinks. He never buys.

And if he do ever get a nickel,
he blows it on bombs

and wouldn't give you nothin'.

So you can go ahead and shoot him.

But, uh, the socialist,

sometimes he gets a job,

and if he gets ten bucks
he's bound by his religion

to split it with ya 50-50.

So you don't shoot those socialists
while I'm around.

Course, if they broke,

then they no-good bastards too."

B'god, Joe,

you've got all the beauty of human nature

and the practical wisdom of the world
in that little parable.

Sure.

Larry ain't the only wise guy
in this dump. Eh, Joe?

Here's your guy.

Hello, Larry.

Hello.

What's up? Thought you'd be asleep.

I couldn't make it.

I, uh, thought I might see
if you were around.

Well... sit down and join the bums then.

The rules of the house are that drinks
may be served at all hours.

Oh, I get ya.
But, uh, hell, I'm just about broke.

Oh, I know. You guys saw...

You think I have a roll, don't you?
Well, I'll show you you're wrong.

You see? They're all ones.

I gotta live on this till I get a job.

Oh, you think I made up a phony,
don't you? Why the hell would I do that?

Where would I get a roll anyway?

You don't get rich doin'
what I been doin'. Ask Larry.

You're lucky in the movement
you get enough to eat.

What's this song and dance about?

We ain't said nothin'.

Oh, I was just tryin' to put you right.

I don't want you to think I'm a tightwad.
I'll buy you a drink if you want one.

N if"?

Man, when I don't want a drink,

you call the morgue and you tell 'em
come take Joe's body away

'cause he's sure enough dead.

Now gimme the bottle quick, rocky,
before he changes his mind.

I'll take a cigar when I go in the bar.

- What'll you have?
- Oh, uh, nothin'. I'm on the wagon.

- What's the damage?
- Fifteen cents.

That must be some booze.

It's cyanide cut with carbolic acid

to give it a mellow flavor.

Here's luck.

I guess I'll get back in the bar
and catch a couple of winks

before opening-up time.

One-drink guy.

No hope till Harry's birthday party.

'Less hickey shows up.

Hickey do come, Larry,

you wake me up
if you have to bat me with a chair.

Who's hickey?

A hardware drummer.

He's an old friend of Harry hope's
and all the gang.

He's a grand guy.

Comes here twice a year regularly

on a periodical drunk

and blows in all his dough.

Doesn't run into anyone he knows
in his business here.

Yes, that's what I want too, Larry.

Like I told you last night,

I gotta stay undercover.

You did a lot of hinting.
You didn't tell me anything.

Well, you can guess, can't ya?

- Say, what kind of joint is this anyway?
- This?

This is no chance saloon.

Bedrock bar. The end of the line café.

The bottom of the sea rathskeller.

Didn't you notice the beautiful calm
in the atmosphere?

That's because this is the last harbor.

No one here has to worry about
where they're going next,

'cause they can go no further.

Although even here
they keep up the appearance of life

with a few harmless pipe dreams
about their yesterdays and tomorrows.

What's your pipe dream, Larry?

Oh, I'm the exception.

I haven't any left, thank god.

Don't complain about this place.
You couldn't find a better for lying low.

Well, I'm glad of that.

I got knocked off base
by a business on the coast.

Since then, it's been no fun
dodging around the country,

thinking every guy I see might be a dick.

You're safe here.
The cops ignore this dump.

They think it's as harmless
as a graveyard,

and b'god, you know, they're right.

Yeah, it's been lonely as hell.

Christ, I'm glad I found you, Larry.

You know, I kept sayin' to myself,
if I can just find Larry,

he's the one guy in the world
who'd understand.

Understand what?

All I've been through.

Oh... oh, I know. You're thinkin',
"this guy has a hell of a nerve.

I haven't seen him since he was a kid."

Well, I've never forgotten you, Larry.

You're the one friend of mother's
who ever paid any attention to me.

I remember you used to ask me questions.
You took what I said seriously.

I got the feeling
in the years you lived with us

you'd sort of taken the place
of my old man.

- I don't suppose you remember it.
- I remember it very well.

You were a lonely,
serious little shaver then.

Why didn't they pick you up
when they got your mother and the rest?

Oh... oh, I, uh... I wasn't around.

And as soon as I heard the news
I went undercover.

You've noticed my glad rags.
I was staked to them as a disguise.

And then I, you know, hung around gambling
joints and pool halls and hooker shops,

places where they wouldn't look
for a wobblie,

pretending I was a...

A sport.

Anyway, they picked up everybody
who was, you know, really important,

so I guess they didn't think about me
till afterwards.

Papers say the cops got them.

The burns dicks
knew every move beforehand.

Yeah, it hasn't come out who it was yet.

It may never come out.

I guess who it was

must have made a bargain with
the burns men to keep him out of it.

B'god.

Hate to believe it of any of that crowd.

Oh, I know they were damn fools,

as stupidly greedy for power
as any capitalist they attacked,

but I'd have sworn there wasn't
a yellow stool pigeon among them.

Yeah, I'd have sworn that too, Larry.

I hope his soul rots in hell,
whoever it is.

Yeah, so do I.

How did you locate me?

Oh, through mother.

I told her not to tell anyone.

Oh, no, she didn't tell me.

But she kept all your letters.

I found where she hid them and I sneaked
up there after she was arrested.

Never would have thought
she was a woman who kept letters.

No, I wouldn't either.

There's nothing soft or sentimental
about mother.

I haven't written her for two years.
Or anyone else.

You know, it's funny she kept
in touch with you for so long.

When she's finished with someone,
she's finished with them.

And you know how she feels
about the movement.

Anyone who loses their faith in it
is more than dead to her.

- Yet she seemed to forgive you.
- She didn't.

She wrote to denounce me
and bring the sinner to repentance.

Then what made you leave the movement?
Was it on mother's account?

Who the hell put that idea in your head?

Why, nothin'. Except I remember that fight
you had with her just before you left.

Well, if you do, I don't.
That was 11 years ago.

You were only seven years old.

If we quarreled, it was because I told her
I'd become convinced that the movement

was a beautiful pipe dream.

I don't remember it that way.

Well, blame it on your imagination
and forget it.

You asked me why I quit the movement.

Had a lot of good reasons.

One was myself.

Another was my comrades.

And the last was that breed of swine

called men in general.

As for myself...

I'd become convinced,
after 30 years devotion to the cause,

that I wasn't made for it.

I was born condemned
to see both sides of a question.

And when you're damned that way...
The questions multiply,

until in the end

they're all questions and no answers.

As history proves,
to be a worldly success at anything,

especially revolution,

you've got to wear blinders like a horse
and only see what's straight ahead of you.

As for my comrades in the great cause,

I felt about them as Horace walpole
did about england

when he said he could love it
if it wasn't for the people in it.

That's why I quit the cause. At any rate,
it had nothing to do with your mother.

But mother always thought
it was on her account.

You know her. To hear her go on sometimes,
you'd think she was the movement.

That's a hell of a thing to say
after what happened to her.

Oh, no, I wasn't sneering, Larry, no.

No, I've said the same thing to her
lots of times, to kid her.

I know I shouldn't now,
but, uh, I keep forgetting she's in jail.

Seems so unreal to me.
She's always been so free.

I don't wanna even, uh, think about it.

So, what have you been doing
all these years since you le...

You know, left the coast, Larry?

I've been a philosophical,
drunken bum, and proud of it.

I hope you've deduced why I answer
a lot of impertinent questions

from a total stranger.

For that's all you are to me.

I have a hunch you came
to get something from me.

Well, I have no answers.
No, not even for myself.

Unless you can call what heine wrote
in his poem to morphine an answer.

"Lo, sleep is good,

better is death.

In sooth, the best of all
were never to be born."

That's a hell of an answer.

Still, you never may know
when it might come in handy.

I don't suppose you've had a chance

to get any news of your mother
since she was in jail.

Oh, no, no chance. Anyway, I don't think
she really wants to talk to me.

You see, we got in this fight
just before that business happened.

She bawled me out
because I was goin' around with tarts.

I told her,
"you always acted the free woman.

You never let anything stop you."

Anyway, she told me
that she didn't give a damn what I did

except she began to suspect that I
was losing interest in the movement.

- And were you?
- Sure I was.

I couldn't go on forever believing
that gang was gonna change the world

by shooting off their loud traps
on soap boxes,

sneaking around, trying to blow up
a bridge or a lousy building.

Then I finally got wise
that it was all a crazy pipe dream.

Then this... this business of someone
sellin' out, that's what finished me off.

You can understand how I feel,
can't ya, Larry?

"The days grow hot, O Babylon!

'Tis cool beneath thy Willow trees.”

Goddamned stool pigeon!

What? What do you mean?
You can't call me that!

Hello, little Don.

I didn't recognize you.

You've grown. Big boy.

How's your mother?

Don't be a fool!

Loan me a dollar. Buy me a drink!

Sure. I'll buy you a drink, Hugo.

I'm sorry I got, uh...
I got sore at you there.

Oughta have remembered
that when you're soused

you call everyone "stool pigeon.”

It's just no damn joke right at this time.

Oh, gee. He passed out again.

What are you giving me
the hard look for, Larry?

You thought I was gonna hit him?

What do you think I am?

I always stood up for him when
everybody in the movement panned him

for an old, drunken has-been.

He had the guts to serve ten years
in the can in his own country.

Got his eyes ruined in solitary. I'd like
to see some of 'em here stick that.

Well, they're gonna get
their chance now to...

Uh...

Hey, Larry, tell me more about this dump.
Who are all these tanks in here?

Who's that guy over there
tryin' to catch pneumonia?

That's captain Lewis,

one-time hero in the British army.

He strips to display that scar,
which he got from a native spear,

whenever he's completely plastered.

The bewhiskered bloke next to him
is general wetjoen,

who led a commando in the war.

They met up when they worked in the
boer war spectacle in the St. Louis fair,

and they've been bosom friends ever since.

They dream away the hours in happy dispute

over the brave days in South Africa,

when they were trying
to murder each other.

He was in it too.

Correspondent for some english paper.

His nickname here is Jimmy tomorrow.

- What do they do for a living?
- As little as possible.

Once in a while one of them makes
a successful touch somewhere.

And some of them get a few dollars a month
from connections at home,

who pay it on the condition
that they never come back.

The rest live on free lunch
and their old friend Harry hope,

who doesn't give a damn
what a man does or doesn't do,

as long as he likes him.

That must be a tough life.

Don't waste your pity.

They manage to stay drunk
and keep their pipe dreams,

and that's all they ask out of life.

It isn't often that men attain
the true goal of their heart's desire.

And that applies to Harry himself.

He's so satisfied with life
that he hasn't set foot out of this place

since his wife died 20 years ago.

He has no need of the outside world.

Place does a fine trade from the market
across the street and the dockworkers,

so in spite of Harry's thirst and
his generous heart, he comes out even.

He never worries about hard times as long
as there's friends from the old days,

when he was a jithey tammany politician,

and a friendly brewery to tide him over.

Pat mcgloin, his pal sitting beside him,

was a police lieutenant in the lush days
of graft when everything went.

But he got too greedy,

and when the usual
reform investigation came along

he was caught red-handed,
thrown off the force.

Joe there ran
a colored gambling house then.

Was a hell of a sport.

Well, that completes
our family circle of inmates.

Except for the two barkeeps
and their girls,

three ladies of the pavement
that room on the third floor.

I never wanna see a whore again.

I mean, they always get you in Dutch.

Why omit me from your who's-who
in dipsomania, Larry?

It's an unpardonable slight.

Yes, generous stranger...

I trust you're generous...

I was born in the purple.

The son, mmm,
but unfortunately not the heir

of the late, world-famous bill oban,

king of the bucket shops.

A revolution deposed him.
He was sent into exile.

In fact, not to mince matters...

They locked him in the can
and threw away the key.

Alas, his was an adventurous spirit
that pined in confinement.

And so he died.

That's tough luck.

Mmm. Mmm.

Even at Harvard I discovered
my father was well-known by reputation.

Although that was some time before

the district attorney gave him
so much unwelcome publicity.

Even as a freshman, I was notorious.

That, uh, Henry Wadsworth longfellow

would have shown a drunken negress
dancing the cancan

at high noon on brattle street.

That was my father's idea.

But I did make myself a brilliant student!

Dirty trick on my classmates,

inspired by revenge, I fear.

I wa... I w-was a brilliant student
in law school too.

My father wanted a lawyer in the family.

Wanted a thorough knowledge of the law
close at hand in the house

to help him find fresh ways to evade it.

But I discovered the loophole of whiskey

and so escaped his jurisdiction.

Speaking of whiskey, sir, reminds me...

And I hope reminds you...

That when greeting a prince

the customary salutation

is "what'll you have?"

Nix! All you guys think I'm made of dough.

Broke?

Why, you haven't the thirsty look
of the impecunious.

I judge you to be a plutocrat,

your pockets stuffed
with ill-gotten gains.

Two or three dollars, at least.

Don't think we'll question how you got it.

What do you mean, how I got it?

That's a laugh, isn't it, Larry?

Him thinking me a plutocrat when
I've been in the movement all my life?

Oh, one of those, huh?

Why don't you go away
and blow yourself up. That's a good lad.

Hugo...

Hugo is the only...
Licensed preacher of that gospel here.

Oh, dangerous terrorist, Hugo.

He'd as soon blow the collar off
a schooner of beer as look at you.

Let us ignore this useless youth, Larry.

Let us join in prayer

that hickey, the great salesman,
will soon arrive,

bringing the blessed bourgeois long green.

Would that hickey or death
would come, huh?

Meanwhile,

I will sing a song...

A beautiful, old new england folk ballad

which I picked up at Harvard
amid the debris of education.

♪ Oh, Jack, oh, Jack was a sailor lad ♪

♪ And he went to a tavern for gin ♪

♪ And he rapped and he rapped with a ♪

♪ but ♪

♪ never a soul seemed in ♪

the origin of this beautiful ditty
is veiled in mystery, Larry.

Th-there was a legend bruited about
in Cambridge lavatories

that Waldo Emerson composed it,

while he was trying to write a sermon.

But my own view
is that it goes back much further,

and Jonathan Edwards was the author
of both words and music.

♪ Oh, he rapped and rapped ♪

♪ And he tapped and tapped ♪

♪ Enough to wake the dead ♪

♪ till he heard a damsel ♪

♪ on a window right over his head ♪

Rocky, b'jeez,

can't you keep that crazy bastard quiet?

And now the influence of a good woman
enters our mariner's lifeline.

Well, perhaps "good" isn't the word,
but very, very kind.

♪ "Oh, come up," she cried
"my sailor lad ♪

♪ and you and I'll agree ♪

♪ and I'll show you the prettiest ♪

♪ That ever you ever did see" ♪

You see, Larry?

The lewd puritan touch, obviously,

and it grows more marked as we go on.

♪ Oh, he put his arms around her waist ♪

♪ And gazed in her bright blue eyes ♪

Piano!
Whaddaya think this dump is, a dump?

Give him the bum's rush upstairs.
Lock him in his room.

- Come on.
- No. No!

Please, rocky. Please.

I'll go crazy up in that room alone.
It's haunted!

Please, Harry, please.
Let me stay here. I'll be quiet.

What the hell you doin' to him, rocky?
Leave him alone.

Long as he's quiet.

Thanks, Harry. You're a good scout.

Ehh. Can't trust nobody.

Leave it to that dago to keep order,

it's like bedlam in a cathouse,

singin' and everything.

And you big barfly,

you're a hell of a help to me.

There ain't gonna be no more drinks
on the house till hell freezes over.

Good god.

Have I been drinking at the same table
with a bloody kaffir?

Hello, captain!

You comin' up for air?

"Kaffir"?

Who's he?

"Kaffir," that's a nigger, Joe.

That's a joke on him, Joe.

He don't know you. He's still blind drunk.

A great mistake I missed him
at the battle of modder river.

With mine rifle

I shoot damn fool limey officers
by the dozen,

but him I miss!

Hey, wake up, Cecil.

You bloody fool.

Don't you know your old friend Joe?

He's white, Joe is.

Oh, profound apologies, Joseph, old chum.

Eyesight a trifle blurry, I'm afraid.

Whitest colored man I ever knew.

Proud to call you my friend.

Oh, I know it's a mistake, captain.

- You is regular.
- Even if you is a limey!

But I don't stand for "nigger"
from nobody.

In the old days, somebody calls me
a nigger, they ends up in a hospital.

Me, in old days in transvaal,

I was so tough and strong,

I... I grab axle of ox wagon,

with full load,

and lift like feather.

As for you, my balmy boer
that walks like a man,

I say it again.

It was a grave error in our foreign policy
ever to set you free.

Come now, Cecil, piet.

We must forget the war.

Boer and briton,

each fought fairly and played the game
until the better man won.

And then we shook hands.

We are all brothers within the empire,

united beneath the flag
on which the sun never sets.

♪ Ship me somewhere ♪

♪ east of Suez ♪

♪ where the best ♪

♪ is like the worst ♪

♪ where there ain't no ♪

♪ ten commandments ♪

♪ and a man ♪

♪ can raise a thirst ♪

♪ on the road to mandalay ♪

♪ where the flying fishes ♪

♪ play ♪

♪ and the dawn ♪

♪ comes up like thunder ♪

♪ out of China ♪

♪ 'cross the bay ♪

b'god, you're there already, Jimmy.

Worst is best here. East is west.

And tomorrow's yesterday.

What more do you want?

Come now, Larry, old friend.

You pretend a bitter cynic philosophy,

but in your heart...

You are the kindest man among us.

The hell you say.

Tomorrow, yes.

High time I got myself straightened out.

I must have this suit cleaned and pressed.

I can't look like a tramp when I'm...

Yes, sir.

White folks always said I was white.

The days when I was flush,

Joe mott's the only colored man
they allowed

in the white gambling houses.

"You're all right, Joe.

You're white," they tells me.

They wouldn't let me play craps though,

'cause they knew
I could make them dice behave.

"Any other game, any limit you like, Joe,"

they says.

Man, the money I lost.

Yeah.

Look at the big chief in them days.

He knew I was white.

I'd saved my dough so I could
start my own gambling house.

Folks in the know they tells me,
see the man at the top.

Then you never has trouble.

You get Harry hope
to give you a letter to the chief.

And he does.

Ain't that right, Harry?

Huh?

Why, sure, I gave you a letter.

I says you was white.

There. You see, captain?

I went to see the chief,
shakin' in my boots,

and there he was,
sittin' behind a big desk,

lookin' as big as a freight train.

He don't look up.

He keeps me waitin' and waitin'.

And after what seems like an hour to me,

he says, slow and quiet,
like he didn't mean no harm,

"you want to open a gambling joint,
does ya, Joe?"

But he don't give me no chance to answer.

He jumps up,
lookin' as big as two freight trains,

and he pounds his fists like a ham
on the desk and he shouts,

"you black son of a bitch!

Harry says you're white,
and you'd better be white,

or there's a little iron room
up the river waitin' for ya."

Then he sits down

and he says, quiet again,

"all right, you can open.
Get the hell outta here."

So I opens.

And he finds out I's white sure enough,

'cause I run wide open for years

and I pays my sugar on the dot.

And me and the cops is friends.

Them old days!

Many's the night I used to come in here.

This used to be a first-class hangout
for sports in them days.

Good whiskey.
Fifteen cents, two for two bits.

I throws down a $50 bill
like it was trash paper

and I says,

"drink it up, boys!

I don't want the change.”

Ain't that right, Harry?

Yes.

And, b'Jesus, if I ever seen you
throw 50 cents on the bar now,

I'd know I had delirium tremens!

Oh, thanks, Harry, old chum.

I will have a drink, now you mention it.

Uh, seeing it's so near your birthday.

What's that? I can't hear ya.

No, I was afraid you wouldn't.

I don't have to hear ya, b'jeez.

Booze is the only thing
you ever talk about.

True, true.

Yes, there was a time when
my conversation was more comprehensive.

But as I became burdened with the years,

it seemed rather pointless
to discuss my other subject.

You can't joke with me.

How much room rent you owe me?
Tell me that.

I'm sorry.

Adding always baffled me.

Subtraction's my forte.

Think you're funny.

Captain, b'jeez.

Showin' off your wounds.

Put on your clothes, for Christ sake.
This ain't no turkish bath.

Lousy limey army.

Took 'em years to lick
a gang of Dutch hayseeds.

That's right, Harry. Give him hell.

I give you my word of honor,
as an officer and a gentleman,

you shall be paid tomorrow.

We swear it, Harry.

Tomorrow, without fail.

There ya are, Harry.

Sure. What could be fairer? A promise
is a promise, as I've often discovered.

I mean you too.

Old graftin' flatfoot.

Fine company for me, b'jeez!

Been livin' in my flat
since Christ knows when,

and you ain't even got the decency
to get me upstairs where I got a good bed.

Kept me down here waitin'
for hickey to show up,

hopin' I'd blow ya to more drinks.

I did my damnedest to get you up.

But you said you couldn't bear the flat
because it was one of those nights

when memory brought
poor old bessie back to ya.

Ah, yes.

I remember now.

I could almost see her in every room,

just as she used to be.

And it's 20 years since I...

Isn't a pipe dream of yesterday
a touching thing?

- By all accounts...
- Twenty years!

Bessie nagged the hell out of him.

And I've never set foot out of this house
since the day I buried her.

Once she was gone,
I didn't give a damn for anything.

The boys was gonna nominate me
for alderman.

Mmm, bessie wanted it.

And she was so proud.

But when she was taken I... I told them,

"no, boys, I can't do it. I'm through.”

I've no doubt,
while bessie would appreciate my grief,

she wouldn't want it to keep me
cooped up in here all my life.

So I've made up my mind to go out soon,

take a walk around the ward,
see all the friends I used to know,

get together with the boys.

My birthday. Tomorrow!

That'll be the right time
to turn over a new leaf.

Sixty. That ain't too old.

The prime of life, Harry.

Mmm.

Time I took hold of myself.

Tomorrow I must get my things
from the laundry.

Clean collar and shirt.

If I wash the ones I've got on anymore,
they'll fall apart.

I must make a good appearance.

I've heard rumors the management
were at their wits' end

and would be only too willing

to have me run the publicity department
for them again.

All it have to do is get fixed up
with a decent front tomorrow.

It's as good as done.

Poor Jimmy's off on his pipe dream again.

I'm sorry we had to postpone
our trip again this April, piet.

I'd hoped the blasted old estate
would be settled by then.

We'll make it next year,

even if we have to work
and earn our passage money.

You'll stay with me at the old place

just as long as you like.

England in April. Hmm.

Oh, I want you to see that, piet.

I admit the veldt has its points,
but it's not home.

Especially home in April.

♪ We've been together now ♪

♪ for 40 years ♪

♪ and it don't seem a day too much ♪

♪ There ain't a lady ♪

♪ living in the land ♪

♪ as I'd swap ♪

♪ for me dear old Dutch ♪

♪ There ain't a lady ♪

♪ living in the land ♪

♪ as I'd swap ♪

♪ for me dear old Dutch ♪

ja, Cecil,
I can see how beautiful it must be.

But I will enjoy

when I am home too.

The veldt. Ja!

You could put england on it

and it would look
like a farmer's small garden.

By god,

there is space to be free.

The air...

Like wine is!

You don't need booze to be drunk.

I'll make my stake and...

Get my new gambling house open

before you boys leave.

You gotta come to the opening.

B'jeez, Jimmy's started 'em off
smokin' the same hop.

This bughouse'll drive me stark,
raving loony yet!

What? What'd ya say?

Nothing, Harry.

I had a crazy thought in my head.

"Crazy" is right.

You old wise guy.

Damned old fool anarchist-i-won't-worker.

You'll pay up tomorrow,

or I'll...
I'll start a Harry hope revolution.

I'll tie a dispossess bomb to your tail

that'll blow you out in the street.

I'll... I'll make your movement move!

Well, sure'n it's hot, parchin' work,

sittin' here laughin' at your jokes
so early in the morning...

On an empty stomach.

Who asked you to laugh anyway?

B'jeez, bessie'd never forgive me

if she knew I had you living in our flat,

throwin' ashes and cigar butts
on our carpet.

You know her opinion of you, Mac.

"That pat mcgloin
is the biggest drunken grafter

that ever disgraced the police force,"
she used to say.

"If I had my way, he'd get booted
out in the gutter on his fat behind."

Some claim
she didn't say "behind" either.

She didn't mean it.

She was angry at me
because you used to get me drunk.

But Bess,

she had a heart of gold
underneath her sharpness.

She knew I was innocent
of all the charges.

One moment, please!

Lieutenant mcgloin...

Are you aware that you're under oath?

You know what the penalty for perjury is?

Come now, lieutenant.

Isn't it a fact
that you're guilty as hell?

No, don't say "how 'bout your old man?”
I'm asking the questions!

Gentlemen of the jury,

court will now recess

while the da sings out a little ditty
that he learned at Harvard.

It was composed in a wanton moment

by the Dean of the divinity school

on a moonlight night in July, 1776,

while sobering up in a turkish bath.

♪ And you and I'll agree ♪

♪ and I'll show you the prettiest ♪

- rocky!
- ♪ that... ♪

No. Harry, please.

Please don't make rocky
bounce me upstairs. I'll go crazy alone.

I-I apologize. I apologize, Mac.

Don't get sore. I was only kidding you.

You will let me... take your case,

won't you, Mac?

Yeah. Sure, Willie.

And it'll make your reputation.

Hey, Mac.

What the hell you think's
happened to hickey?

I hope he turns up.

You remember that gag he always pulls

about his wife and the iceman?

Opening time, boss.

Why don't you go to bed, boss?

Hickey'd never turn up
this time of the morning.

Someone's comin' now!

Oh, that's only my two pigs.

It's about time they showed.

You keep them dumb broads quiet.

I'm gonna catch a couple more winks here.

I don't want no damn fool
laughin' and screechin'.

Hey.

Never thought I'd see the day when
Harry hope's would have tarts slippin" in.

What would bessie think, hmm?

But I don't let 'em use my rooms
for business. Pay their rent too.

- Nix! Piano!
- Which is more than I can say for...

B'jeez, Mac.

I'll... t'll bet bessie's
doin' somersaults in her grave.

Hello.

- Jeez, Pearl.
- Hello.

This place is a morgue,

with all these stiffs on deck.

Hey, you old wise guy!

Ain't you died yet?

Not yet, Margie.

But I'm waiting impatiently for the end.

Yeah?

Hey, who's the new guy? Friend of yours?

Hey, kid!

You wanna have a good time? Huh?

Hey! Hell with him!

- You dumb broads!
- Yeah. Tough.

Cut the loud talk.

Sit down before I knock ya down.

Oh!

What? What? What?

Well, how did you tramps do?

- Uh, pretty good. Huh, Pearl?
- Sure.

We nailed a couple of all-night guys.

On sixth Avenue. Boobs from the sticks.

Stinko, the both of 'em.

We thinks we's in luck,
so we steers 'em to a real hotel.

We figure they're too stinko
to bother us much,

and we could cop a good night's sleep

in beds that ain't got cobblestones in
the mattress like the ones in this dump.

- But we was out of luck.
- Yeah.

They didn't bother us much that way,
but they wouldn't go to sleep either, see.

Jeez, I never heard such Gabby guys.

So, here we are.

Yeah, I see you.

But I don't see no dough yet.

Right on the job, ain't he, Margie?

Yeah, our little businessman.
That's him.

- Come on. Dig.
- What, you scared we're holding out on ya?

The way he grabs,
you'd think it was him done the work.

Here ya are, grafter.

I hope it chokes ya.

You dumb baby dolls give me a pain.

What would you do with money if I
wasn't around? Give it all to some pimp.

Jeez, what's the difference?

Oh, I didn't mean that, rocky.

A lot of difference. Get me?

Sure. Don't get sore.

Gee, can't you take a little kiddin'?

Yeah, come on, rocky.
Pearl was only kiddin'.

We know you don't live off us.
You got a regular job.

That's why we like you.

You're a bartender.

Sure. I'm a bartender.
And I treat you girls right, don't I?

- Yeah.
- Sure.

Jeez, I'm wise you hold out on me.

But I know it ain't much, so
what the hell. I let you get away with it.

Hey, you know you oughtn't
to kid him about that stuff.

Serve you right if he beat you up.

I bet he'd give you an awful beatin'
once he started.

Guineas got awful tempers.

Anyways, we wouldn't keep no pimp
like we were regular old whores.

- We ain't that bad.
- Oh, no.

- We're tarts, but that's all.
- Right.

Hey, rocky.

Cora got back around three o'clock.

She woke up Chuck
and dragged him out of the hay

to go to a chop suey joint.

Imagine him standin' for that stuff?

I bet they've been sittin' around,

kiddin' themselves with
that old pipe dream about gettin' married

and settlin' down on a farm.

Jeez, when Chuck's on the wagon
they never lay off that dope.

Yeah.

Of all the pipe dreams in this dump,
they got the nuttiest.

They been dreamin' it for years,

every time Chuck goes on the wagon.

What would getting married get him?

But the farm stuff is the sappiest part,

when both of them have been
dragged up in this ward

and they ain't never been nearer a farm
than coney island.

Ehh.

They'd get d.T.'S
if they ever heard a cricket chirp.

I heard crickets once.

On my cousin's place in Jersey.

I couldn't sleep a wink.

Jeez, can you picture a good barkeep
like Chuck diggin' spuds?

And imagine a whore
hustlin' the cows home.

Hey, rocky,
you oughtn't to call Cora that.

- I mean, she may be a tart, but, uh...
- Oh, sure, sure.

That's all I meant. A tart.

But he's right about the damn cows,
Margie.

Jeez, I bet Cora don't know
which end of the cow has the horns.

I'm gonna ask her!

- Come on.
- Here's your chance.

Hello, bums!

Jeez!

The morgue on a rainy Sunday night.

Hello, wise guy. Ain't you croaked yet?

Not yet, Cora.

Damned tiring, just waiting for the end.

Oh, go on. You'll never die. You'll have
to hire somebody to croak you with an ax.

You dumb hooker, cut the loud talk.

- This ain't a cathouse.
- Aw!

Hey, Cora. How you doin'?

Hey, Chuck.

If I'd known this dump was a hooker
hangout, I'd never have come here.

- You seem down on the ladies.
- I hate every bitch that ever lived.

You can understand how I feel, can't you,
when I was getting mixed up with that tart

that made me have that fight with mother.

What does it matter to you? You're in
the grandstand. You're through with life.

I'm glad you remembered that.

Who's the guy with Larry?

A tightwad. The hell with him.

Say, Cora, wise me up.

Which end of the cow is the horns on?

Aw, don't bring that up.

Me and this overgrown tramp's
been scrappin' about the farm.

He says Jersey's the best place,

and I said long island,
on account of we'll be near coney.

And then I tells him, "how do I know
you're off of periodicals for life?"

I tells her I'm off the stuff for life.

She beefs
we won't be married a month

before I'll throw it in her face
she was a tart.

I tells her, what the hell do you think
I'm marryin'? A virgin?

Why should I care,
as long as you lay off it

and don't do no cheatin'
with the iceman or nobody.

That's on the level, baby.

Aw, you big tramp.

Can you tie it?
I'll buy you a drink. I'll do anything.

No! This round's on me.

I run into luck. That's why I dragged
Chuck out of bed... to celebrate.

It was a sailor. I rolled him.

Listen, it was a scream.

My dogs was givin' out when I seen
this guy holdin' up a lamppost,

so I hurried to get him before a cop did.

I says, "hello, handsome.
Wanna have a good time?"

Jeez, he was paralyzed!

One of them polite jags.

Tries to bow to me. Imagine.

And I had to prop him up
or he'd fell on his nose.

"Lady," he says, "can ya kindly tell me

the nearest way
to the museum of natural history?"

Can you imagine? At 2:00 A.M.!

As if I'd know where the dump was anyway.

But I says, uh, "sure thing, honey boy.

I'll be only too glad.”

So I steered him into a side street
where it was dark,

propped him against the wall
and I give him a frisk.

And what do you think he does?

Jeez, I ain't lyin'.
He begins to laugh, the big sap.

"Quit ticklin' me," he says,
while I was friskin' him for his roll!

Well, I near died!

Then I turned him around
and give him a shove to start him.

"Just keep goin'," I told him.

"It's a big, white building on your right.
You can't miss it."

Oh!

He must be swimmin'
in the north river yet.

Ain't uncle Sam a sap
to trust guys like that with dough.

Well, I picked 12 bucks off of him.

So come on, rocky. Set 'em up.

Oh, say, Chuck's kiddin' about the iceman
a minute ago reminds me.

- Where the hell's hickey?
- That's what we're all wonderin'.

Well, he oughta be here.
Me and Chuck seen him.

- You've seen hickey?
- Yeah.

Hey, boss! Boss, boss, come to!

Cora's seen hickey.

- Where did you see him, Cora?
- Right on the next corner.

He was standin' there.

We said, "welcome to our city.

The gang's expectin' you with
their tongues hangin' out a yard long."

And I kidded him, "how's the iceman,
hickey? How's he doin' at your house?"

And he laughs and says, "fine."

And then he says,
"tell the gang I'll be along in a minute.

I'm just finishin' figurin' out
the best way

to save 'em and bring 'em peace.”

B'jeez, he's thought up a new gag.

It's a wonder he didn't borrow
a salvation army uniform

and show up in that!

Go out and get him, rocky.
Tell him we're waitin' to be saved.

Yeah, Harry, he was only kiddin',
but he was funny too somehow.

He was different or somethin'.

Well, he was sober, baby.
That's what made him different.

Sure. Gee, ain't I dumb?

Dumbest broad I ever seen.

Hmm. Sober.

That's funny.

He's always lapped up
a good starter on his way here.

Well, b'jeez, he won't be sober long.

He'll be good and ripe
for my birthday party tonight at 12:00.

Listen, he's fixed some new gag
to pull on us.

We'll pretend to let him kid us, see,

and we'll kid the pants off of him!

Here's the old son of a bitch!

Hello, gang!

♪ Oh, we're old pals
we're jolly old pals ♪

♪ in all kinds of weather
we always stick together ♪

♪ and we're always game ♪

♪ and ever the same ♪

♪ So give me your friendship ♪

♪ my jolly old pals ♪

♪ and another little drink ♪

♪ Won't do us any harm ♪

do your duty, brother rocky.

Bring on the rat poison.

- How goes it, governor?
- B'jeez, hickey, you old bastard.

It's good to see you.

- Hello, Mac.
- Welcome, boyo!

- Willie!
- Hickey!

Hi, old scout!

- Hello, Joe.
- All right, hickey. How you doin'?

- Well, hickey, old Tom.
- Hup! Captain Lewis!

General wetjoen.

- Aha!
- T saw it!

Hello, Hugo. How goes it?

Whoa!

Too much lying beneath
the Willow trees, huh?

Hello, Jimmy.

- It's grand to see you.
- How's the old scout?

- You look great.
- Sit down, hickey. Sit down.

Well, I, uh... Jimmy!

B'jeez, hickey, it seems natural
to see your ugly, grinnin' map.

This dumb broad was tryin'
to tell us you'd changed.

But you ain't a damn bit.
Tell us about yourself.

Jeez, hickey,
you look like a million dollars.

Here's your key, hickey. Same old room.

Oh, thanks, rocky.

I'll be going up in a little while
and grab a snooze.

I haven't been able to sleep lately.
Tired as hell.

Couple hours good kip'll fix me.

First time I ever heard you
worry about sleep.

B'jeez, you never would go to bed.

Get a couple of slugs under your belt,
you'll forget sleepin'.

Here's mud in your eye, hickey.

All right, drink hearty, boys and girls.

B'jeez, is that a new stunt,
drinkin' your chaser first?

Uh, no. I forgot to tell rocky.

You'll have to excuse me, boys and girls,
but I'm off the stuff for keeps.

What the hell?

Sure, sure.

Joined the salvation army, ain't ya?

Been elected President of the wctu.

Take the bottle away from him, rocky.

We don't wanna tempt him into sin.

Well, I know it's hard to believe,
but Cora was right, Harry.

I have changed. I mean, about the booze.

I don't need it anymore.

B'jeez, Cora said
you was comin' here to save us.

Well, go on. Get this joke off your chest.
Start the service.

Sing a goddamned hymn if you like.
We'll all join in the chorus.

♪ No drunk will come in
to this beautiful home ♪

you don't think I'd come around peddling
any brand of temperance bunk, do ya?

Just 'cause I quit the stuff
don't mean I'm going prohibition.

I'm not that ungrateful.
It's given me too many good times.

So if anybody wants to get drunk,

why the hell shouldn't they?

Hell, I know that game from soup to nuts.
I wrote the book.

The only reason I quit is,

I finally had the guts to face myself

and throw overboard that damned lying
pipe dream that was making me miserable

and do what I had to do
for the happiness of all concerned.

Then all at once
I was at peace with myself

and I didn't need the booze anymore.

But what the hell.
Don't let me be a wet blanket.

Set 'em up again, rocky.

Here. Keep the balls comin'
till that's killed. Then ask for more.

Jeez. A roll that'd choke a hippopotamus.

Fill up, youse guys!

That sounds more like you, hickey.

That water-wagon bull.

Quit the act and have a drink,
for Christ sake.

It's no act, governor.

But that don't mean I'm a teetotal grouch
and can't be in the party.

Why else do you think I'm here except
to have a party, like I've always done,

and help celebrate your birthday tonight?

You've all been good pals to me.

Best friends I've ever had.

And I been thinking about you
ever since I left the house,

all the time I was walking here.

Walkin'? B'jeez!
You mean to say you walked?

I sure as hell did.

All the way from the wilds
of darkest astoria.

I seemed to get here before I knew it.

And that oughta encourage you, governor.

Show you a little walk around the ward
is nothing to be scared about.

It was going on 12:00

when I went into the bedroom
to tell Evelyn I was leaving.

Six hours, say. No, less than that.

'Cause I'd been standing
on the street corner some time

before Chuck and Cora came along,

thinking about all of you.

Course I was only kidding, Cora,
with that stuff about saving you.

But no, I wasn't either.

But I didn't mean booze.

I meant save you from pipe dreams.

Because I know now, from my experience,

that they're the things that can really
poison and ruin a guy's life

and keep him from finding any peace.

If you knew how free and contented
I feel now... why, I'm like a new man.

And the cure for them is so damn simple,
once you got the nerve.

Just stop lying to yourself
and kidding yourself about tomorrows.

Hell, this begins to sound like a damn
sermon on the way to lead the good life.

It's in my blood, I guess.

My old man used to whale salvation
into my heinie with a birch rod.

He was a preacher in the sticks
of Indiana, like I've told you.

Got my knack of sales gab from him too.

He was the boy that could
sell those hoosier hayseeds

building lots along the golden street.

Don't look at me like that,
boys and girls.

I'm not trying to sell you a goldbrick.
Nothing up my sleeves. Honest.

Take you, governor.

That walk around the ward you never take.

- What about it?
- You know as well as I do, Harry.

Everything about it.

- Well, b'Jesus, I'm going to take it.
- Of course you are.

Because I'm gonna help you.

I know it's the thing you've gotta do
before you know what real peace means.

Same thing with you, Jimmy.

Gonna have to try and get your
old job back, and no tomorrows about it.

- I-i-1i...
- No, no, don't tell me.

I know all about tomorrows.
I wrote the book.

I-I don't understand you, hickey.

I admit I've foolishly delayed,

but as it happens,
well, I just made up my mind

that as soon as I can
get straightened out...

Fine, fine. That's the spirit.

And I'm gonna help you, Jimmy, because
you've always been damn kind to me,

and I wanna prove
how grateful I am to you.

When it's all over and you don't
have to nag yourself anymore,

you'll be grateful to me too.

And all the rest of you...
Ladies included...

Are in the same boat, one way or another.

B'god, you've hit the nail on the head,
hickey.

This dump is the palace of pipe dreams.

Well, well.

The old grandstand philosopher
speaks, huh?

And you think you're
the big exception, eh?

Life doesn't mean a damn to you anymore.

You're retired from the circus.

You're impatiently waiting for the end
and the good old, long sleep.

Well, I think a lot of you,
Larry, you old bastard,

and I'll try to make
an honest man out of you too.

What the devil are you hinting at?

Well, you don't have to ask me, do ya?
Wise old guy like you.

Just ask yourself. I'll bet you know.

He's got your number, all right, Larry.
That's the stuff, hickey.

He's got no right to sneak out
of everything.

Well, hello.

A stranger in our midst.

I didn't notice you before, brother.

My name's, uh, parritt.
I'm an old friend of Larry's.

- What are you staring at?
- Oh, no offense, brother.

I was just trying to figure.

Haven't we met before some place?

No. This is the first time I've been east.

No, you're right. I know that's not it.

In my game, to be a shark at it, you teach
yourself never to forget a name or a face.

But still, I know damn well there's...

Something I recognize about you.

We're members of the same lodge,

in some way.

What are you talking about?

You're nuts.

Don't kid me, little boy.
I'm a good salesman.

So damn good, the firm was glad
to take me back after every drunk.

And what made me good was,
I could size up anyone.

But still, I don't...

Well, never mind. I can tell
you're having trouble with yourself.

And I'll be glad to do anything I can
to help a friend of Larry's.

Mind your own business, hickey.
He's nothing to you.

Or to me.

You're keeping us all in suspense.

Tell us more
about how you're going to save us.

Well, hell, don't get sore, Larry.

We're old pals. I've always
liked you a lot. You know that.

Forget it, hickey.

Fine, fine.

That's the spirit.

What's the matter, everybody?
Come on. Drink up. A little action.

Have another. Hell, this is a celebration.

Oh, forget it if anything I said
sounded too serious.

You think I'm talking out of turn,
just tell me to go chase myself.

No, boys and girls, I'm not trying
to put anything over on you.

It's just that I know now,
from experience,

what a lying pipe dream can do to you

and how damned relieved
and contented with yourself you'll feel

when you're rid of it.

God.

Sleepy all of a sudden.

That long walk must be getting to me.

I better go upstairs.

Hell of a trick
to go dead on you like this.

But no, boys and girls, I've...

Never known what real peace was until now.

It's a grand feeling.

Like when you're sick
and suffering like hell...

And the doc gives you a shot in the arm.

The pain goes...

And you drift off.

You can let yourself go at last.

You sink down to the bottom of the sea.

Rest in peace.

There's no further you have to go.

Not one single...

Hope or dream left to nag you.

But you'll all know
what I mean when you...

Excuse me. I'll just... forty winks and...

Drink up, everybody.

On me.

Don't let me be a wet blanket.

All I want is to see you happy.

Well, how's that, kid?

What the hell do I know about flowers?

You can see they're pretty, can't you?
You big dummy.

Well, yeah, baby, sure. If you like 'em,
they're all right with me.

Oh, jeez, Pearl.

Look at that cake, huh? Come here. Look.

Six candles, each for ten years.

Aw, when do we light the candles, rocky?

Oh, ask that bughouse hickey.

"Just before Harry comes down," he says.

"Then Harry blows 'em out
with one breath, for luck."

Hickey was gonna have 60 candles,

but I says, "if the old guy took
that big a breath, he'd croak himself."

- Anyways, it's a nice cake, ain't it?
- Sure, it's all right by me.

But what is Harry gonna do with a cake?

If he ever ate a hunk, it'd croak him.

- Jeez, you're a dope. Ain't he, Margie?
- Yeah.

- Dope is right.
- You broads better watch your step, or...

- Or what?
- Yeah! What? What?

Say, what the hell's got into youse?

It'll be 12 o'clock
and Harry's birthday before long.

I ain't lookin' for no trouble.

Aw, we ain't neither, rocky.

A guy what can't see flowers is pretty
must be some dumbbell.

Yeah, well, if I was as dumb as you...

Jeez, you got your scrappin' pants on,
ain't ya?

Well, hell, baby. What's eatin' you?

What could Harry do with flowers?

He don't know a cauliflower
from a geranium.

Jeez.

Ever since hickey's woke up,
you can't hold him.

He's taking on the party
like it was his birthday.

Well, he's paying for everything,
ain't he?

Oh, I don't mind
the birthday stuff so much.

What gets my goat is the way
he's buttin' in all over the place,

telling everybody where to get off.

- He just keeps hintin' around.
- Yeah.

- He was hintin' to me and Margie.
- Yeah, the lousy drummer.

He just gives you an earful
of that line of bull

about you gotta be honest with yourself
and not kid yourself,

and you gotta have the guts
to be what you are.

I told him, that's all right
for the bums in this dump,

but it don't go with me, see.

I don't kid myself with no pipe dreams.

- What are you grinnin' at?
- Nothin'.

- Nothin'.
- It better be nothin'.

And don't let hickey put no ideas
in your nuts if you wanna stay healthy.

He's ridin' someone every minute.

He's got Harry and Jimmy tomorrow
run ragged,

and the rest are hidin' in their rooms
so they won't have to listen to him.

They're all acting cagey
with the booze too,

like they was scared if they get too drunk
they might spill their guts.

And everybody's getting a prize grouch on.

Yeah.

He's been hintin' around
to me and Chuck too.

You'd think he suspected me and Chuck
had no real intention of gettin' married.

You'd think he suspected Chuck
wasn't gonna lay off of periodicals,

or maybe didn't even want to.

I told him, I'm on the wagon for keeps,
and Cora knows it.

And I told him, sure, I know it.

And Chuck ain't never gonna throw it
in my face I was a tart neither.

And if you think we're just
kiddin' ourselves, we'll show ya.

We're gettin' married tomorrow.

- Ain't we, honey?
- You bet, baby.

Christ, Chuck!

Are you lettin' that bughouse louse hickey
kid you into marryin'...

Nobody's kiddin' him into it.
Nor me neither.

Hickey's right.

If this tramp's gonna marry me,

he oughta do it and not just
shoot off his bazoo about it.

You can't be that dumb, Chuck.

You keep out of this. You hear?

And don't start beefin' about the crickets
on the farm driving us nuts.

Christ, you'd think they was elephants!

Ah, rocky, don't notice that broad.

You heard what she said, right?
Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

The same old crap.

- Is that so?
- Mmm.

Imagine Cora a bride. That's the hot one.

Jeez, Cora, if all the guys
you've stayed with was side by side,

you could walk on 'em from here to Texas.

You can't talk to me like that,
you skinny dago hooker.

I may be a tart,
but I ain't a cheap old whore like you!

I'll show ya who's a whore!

- Get her, Pearl! Get her! Get her!
- Dago whore!

Let me go!

All right, cool off.

Aw, bury it! What are you, a virgin?

You mean you think I'm a whore too.

- Yeah! And me too?
- Now, don't start nothin'.

I suppose it'd tickle you if me and Margie
did what that hickey was hintin'

and come right out
and admit we was whores!

All right, what of it?
It's the truth, ain't it?

Jeez, rocky.

That's a fine thing to say to two girls

who's been as good to you
as Pearl and Margie.

Oh... oh, look, I didn't mean
to call you that, Pearl.

No hard feelings, Cora.

There. That fixes everything, don't it?

Okay, rocky. We're whores.

- You know what that makes you, don't ya?
- Look out, now.

A lousy little pimp, that's what.

- I'll learn you!
- You dirty little Guinea!

- And that'll learn you!
- Bastard.

Yeah, he's proving it to us, Pearl.

Sure.

Hickey's converted him.
He's give up his pipe dream.

- Lay off of me, or I'll...
- Oh, lay off them!

Harry's party ain't no time
to beat up your stable.

Whose stable?
Who do you think you're talkin' to?

I ain't never beat 'em up.
What do you think I am?

I just give 'em a slap like any guy
would his wife if she got too Gabby.

I'm not lookin' for no trouble
on Harry's birthday party!

You lousy little Guinea!

I'll lay off ya until the party's over
if Pearl will.

Sure, I will.

For Harry's sake, not yours,
you little wop!

Hey, listen, youse. Don't get no wrong...

What the hell are you laughin' at,
you half-dead old stew bum?

At himself, he oughta be.

Jeez, hickey sure got his number.

Wake up, comrade.

There's a revolution
starting all around you,

and you're sleeping through it.

B'god, it's not to bakunin's ghost
you ought to be praying in your dreams,

but the great nihilist hickey!

He's started a movement
that'll blow up the world.

You, Larry. Renegade. Traitor!

I'll have you shot!

Don't be a fool. Buy me a drink.

Mmm!

Mmm!

Bourgeois swine! Hickey!

He laughs like good fellow.

He makes jokes.

He dares to hint to me...

So I see what he dares to think.

He thinks I am finish, it is too late,

so I do not wish the day to come,

because it will not be my day!

Huh?

I see what he thinks.

He thinks lies.

Even worse, that I...

I'll have him hanged the first one of all,
to the first lamppost!

Why you so serious,
you little monkey faces?

It's all great joke, no?

So we get drunk and we laugh like hell,

and then we die,

and the pipe dream vanish.

So be of good cheer,
little stupid peoples.

"The days grow hot, O Babylon!"

Soon, little proletarians,

we will have free picnic
in the cool shade,

and we will eat hot dogs

and drink free wine
beneath the Willow trees.

Like hogs! Yes?

Like beautiful little hogs!

Goddamn liar, hickey.

It's he who makes me sheer.

I want to sleep.

Hickey ain't overlookin' no bets.

It's only the old wise guy Larry

who's still pretending he's the one
exception who don't do no pipe dreamin'.

I...

All right.

Take it out on me
if it makes you more content.

Sure, I love every hair of your heads,

my great, big, beautiful baby dolls,

and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.

The old Irish bunk, huh?

We ain't big,
and we ain't your baby dolls.

But we admit we're beautiful.

- Huh, Margie?
- Yeah, sure thing.

But what would he do with beautiful dolls,
even if he had the price, the old goat?

Eh.

Larry, you're okay,
even though you are full of bull.

Sure. You're aces with us.

We're nervous, that's all.

It's hickey, that lousy drummer.
Why can't he be like he's always been?

I ain't never seen a guy change so.

- What do you think happened to him, Larry?
- I don't know.

With all his gab,
I notice he's kept that to himself so far.

Maybe he's saving the great revelation
for Harry's party.

Let him mind his own business,
and I'll mind mine.

Yeah, that's what I say.

Say, Larry, where's that young friend
of yours disappeared to?

I don't care where he is, except I wish
he was a thousand miles away.

He's a pest.

I told him, I'll take a lot from you,
hickey, like everyone else in this dump,

'cause you always been a grand guy.

But there's things I don't take
from you nor nobody, see.

Remember that,
or you'll wake up in a hospital,

or maybe worse,

with your wife and the iceman
walkin' slow behind you.

Oh, you oughtn't to make
that iceman crack, rocky.

I notice he ain't pulled
that old gag this time.

Do you suppose he did
catch his wife cheatin', huh?

Oh, that's the bunk.

He ain't pulled that gag or showed
her photo around because he ain't drunk.

And if he's caught her cheating
he'd be drunk, wouldn't he?

He'd have beat her up and then gone
on the worst drunk he'd ever staged.

Sure. Rocky's got the right dope, baby.

I's stood tellin' people this dump
is closed for the night all I'm gonna.

Let Harry hire a doorman,
pay him wages, if he wants one.

Yeah? Harry's pretty damn good to ya.

Sure, he is. I don't mean that.

Anyways, it's all right.

I told Schwartz the cop
we closed for the party.

He'll keep folks away.

I wants me a big drink, that's what.

Who's stoppin' ya?
You can have all you want on hickey.

All right, I earned all the drinks on him
I could drink in a year

for listening to his crazy bull.

Here's hopin' he gets the lockjaw.

I drinks on him,
but I don't drink with him.

No, sir. Never no more.

Aw, bull. Hickey's all right.
What's he done to you?

That's my business.

Sure, you think he's all right.

He's a white man, ain't he?

Now, listen to me, you white boys!

Don't you get it in your head
that I's pretendin' to be what I ain't,

or that I ain't proud to be what I am.

You gettin' me?

Or you and me's gonna have trouble.

The nerve.

Just because she acts nice to him,
he gets a swelled nut.

If that ain't like a coon all over.

He talkin' fight talk, huh?
I'll murder the nigger.

Li-listen, boys. I... i-I'm sorry.

You been good friends to me.

It's that hickey.

He gets my head
all mixed up with craziness.

Aw, that's all right, Joe.

The boys wasn't taking you serious.

Jeez, what'd I say,
hickey ain't overlookin' no bets?

And you gotta admit
he's got the right dope.

I mean, on some of the bums here.

He's certainly got one guy I know
sized up right.

- Ain't he, Pearl?
- Certainly has.

Cut it out, I told ya!

It's nothing to me, what happened to him.

But I have a feeling
he's dying to tell us inside him,

and yet he's afraid.

Like that damn kid.

Strange, the queer way
he seemed to recognize him.

If he's afraid,
that explains why he's off booze.

Afraid if he got drunk he might tell us...

Well, well, well!
Here I am in the Nick of timel

well, come on. Somebody give me a hand
with these packages.

Jeez, hickey,
you scared me out of a year's growth,

sneaking in like that.

Sneakin'?

You were all so busy drinking in words
of wisdom from old wise guy here

you couldn't hear anything else.

And from what I heard, you're not so good
when you start playing Sherlock Holmes.

You've got me all wrong.
I'm not afraid of anything now.

Not even myself.

You'd better stick to the part
of old cemetery,

the barker for the big sleep.

That is, if you can still let yourself
get away with it.

Old cemetery! That's him, hickey.
We'll have to call him that.

You're getting to do a lot of puzzling
about me. Aren't you, Larry?

But that won't help you.

You've gotta think of yourself.

I couldn't give you my peace.

You've gotta find your own.

All it can do is to help you,
and the rest of the gang,

by showing you the way to find it.

Oh, hire a church.

All right, boys and girls. Don't get sore.

I guess that did sound too much
like a lousy preacher.

Well, let's forget it
and get on with the party.

Is those bundles grub? You brought
enough already to feed an army.

I want this to be the biggest birthday
Harry's ever had.

You and rocky go out in the hall
and bring in the big surprise.

My arms are busted lugging it.

- You got us het up! What is it, hickey?
- Just wait and see.

I thought to myself,

I'll bet this is what would please
those whores more than anything.

Then I said, I don't care how much
money it costs. They're worth it.

They're the best little scouts
in the world,

and they've always been damn kind to me
when I was down and out.

And I meant every word of that.

- Well, what's the matter?
- Mmm.

What... oh, I see.

I didn't say that to offend you,
so don't be silly.

- All right, all right. Let it slide.
- Oh, look! Here it comes!

Hickey, what'd you get him?

Unveil it, boys!

- Oh!
- It's champagne!

Oh, jeez, hickey, if you ain't a sport!

I never been soused on champagne!
Let's get stinko!

You betcha my life! All of us!

You sure is
hittin' the high spots, hickey.

When I runs my gambling house,

I drink that old bubbly water in steins.

I'm gonna drink that way again too,
soon as I make my stake.

And that ain't no pipe dream neither.

What do we drink it out of, hickey?
There ain't no wine glasses.

Joe's got the right idea. Steins.

That's the spirit for Harry's party.

We will drink wine
beneath the Willow trees!

That's the spirit, brother.

And let the lousy slaves drink vinegar.

Goddamn liar.

Leave Hugo be.

He rotted ten years in prison
for his faith.

He earned his dream.

Have you no decency or pity?

Hello. What's this?

I thought you were in the grandstand.

Listen, Larry,
you're gettin' me all wrong.

You oughta know me better.

Of course I have pity,
but now that I've seen the light,

it's not my old kind of pity,
the kind yours is,

the kind that lets itself off easy
by encouraging some poor guy

to go on kidding himself with a lie,

the kind that leaves the poor slob
worse off

because he feels guiltier than ever,

the kind that makes
his lying hopes nag at him

and reproach him
until he's a rotten skunk in his own eyes.

No, sir, the kind of pity I feel now

is after final results
that'll really save the poor guy,

make him contented with what he is
and quit battling himself

so he can find peace
for the rest of his life.

Oh, I know you resent the way
I have to show you up to yourself,

but you'll be grateful to me when you're
able to admit, without feeling ashamed,

that all the grandstand philosopher bunk

and the waiting for the big sleep stuff
is a pipe dream.

You'll be able to say to yourself,

I'm just an old man who's scared of life,

but even more scared of dying.

So I'm keepin' drunk and hangin' on
to life at any price, and what of it?

B'god, if I'm not beginning
to think you've gone mad.

You're a liar.

That's no way to talk to an old pal
who's trying to help you.

Hell, if you really wanted to die,
you'd just take a hop off the fire escape.

And if you really were in the grandstand,
you wouldn't be pitying everyone.

As for my bein' bughouse,
well, you can't crawl out of it that way.

I'm too damn sane.

I can size up guys and turn 'em inside out
better than I ever could,

even when they're strangers,
like that parritt kid.

He's licked, Larry.

I think there's only one possible way out
you can help him take.

That is, if you have
the right kind of pity for him.

What do you mean?

I'm not advising him,
except to leave me out of his troubles.

- He's nothing to me.
- You'll find he won't agree to that.

He'll keep after you
until he makes you help him,

because he's gotta be punished
so he can forgive himself.

He hasn't got the guts.

He can't manage it alone.

And you're the only one he can turn to.

For the love of god,
mind your own business.

A lot you know about him.

He's hardly spoken to you.

No, that's right, but I do know
a lot about him just the same.

I've had hell inside of me,
and I can spot it in others.

Maybe that's what gives me the feeling
there's something familiar about him,

something between us.

No, it's more than that.

Tell me about him. For example,
I don't imagine he's married, is he?

- No.
- Hasn't been mixed up with someone?

Oh, I don't mean trollops.

I mean the old "real love" stuff
that crucifies you.

Maybe you're right.

I wouldn't be surprised.

I see.

You think I'm on the wrong track,
and you're glad I am,

because then I won't suspect whatever
it is he did about the great cause.

That's another lie
you keep telling yourself, Larry...

That the good old cause
means nothing to you anymore.

- What the hell are you...
- But you're wrong about parritt.

That's not what's got him stopped.
It's what's behind that.

And it's a woman.
I recognize the symptoms.

You're the boy who's never wrong.

His trouble is, he was brought up
a devout believer in the movement,

and now he's lost his faith.

It's a shock.

But he's young and he'll soon find
another dream just as good.

Or as bad.

All right. T'll let it go at that, Larry.

He's nothing to me.
Except that I'm glad he's here.

Because he'll help me
make you wake up to yourself.

I don't even like the guy, or the feeling
that there's anything between us.

But you'll find out
that I'm right just the same

when you get to
the final showdown with him.

There'll be no showdown.
I don't give a tinker's...

Sticking to the grandstand, eh?

I always knew that you'd be the toughest
of all the gang to convince, Larry.

And along with Harry and Jimmy tomorrow...

It was you I wanted to help the most.

I've always liked you a lot,
you old bastard.

Hey, not much time before 12:00.

Come on, gang. Let's get goin'.

Come on, boys and girls. Let's get busy.

The cake all set? Fine.
And my gift? And yours, girls.

Tie, tie, and a handkerchief.

Chuck and rocky. Hmm?

Harry certainly will be very touched
by your thoughts of him.

Margie and Pearl, get back in the bar
and get ready to bring the grub right in.

There'll be some drinking first
and some toasts.

My idea was to use the wine for that,
so get that all set.

I'll go upstairs and root everybody out,
and Harry the last.

When you hear us coming,
somebody light the candles on the cake

and start playing
his favorite tune on the piano.

Come on, Cora, everybody. Let's hustle.
We want this to come off in style.

Jeez, I gotta practice. I ain't laid
my mitts on a box in god knows when.

Hey, Joe!

Jeez, I've forgotten this has-been tune.

Come on, Joe. Hum it so's I can follow.

B'god! It's a second feast of belshazzar!

With hickey to do the writing on the wall!

Oh, shut up, old cemetery.

Well, if it ain't prince Willie.

Gee, kid, you look sick.
Get a couple of shots in ya.

No, thanks. Not now. I-I'm tapering o-off.

It's been hell
up in that damn room, Larry.

The... the things I've imagined.

But, uh...

I-I've got it beat now.

By... by tomorrow morning,
I'll... t'll be on the wagon.

And I'll, uh...

I-t'll get b-back my clothes first thing.

H-hickey's loaning me the money.

A-and I'm gonna do what I always said.

I'm g-g-gonna go to the da's office.

Because he knows that I...
I really w-was a brilliant student.

I know I could make good.

I-I owe a lot to hickey. He's... made me
wake up to myself and see what a fool...

W-wasn't nice to face, but...

It's not what he says.

It's what you feel behind what he hints.

Christ, you think
all I really wanted to do with my life

was sit here and stay drunk?

I'll show him.

If you want my advice...

You'll put your mouth
on this bottle and keep it there

until you don't give a damn about hickey.

That's fine advice.

I thought you were my friend.

Gee, I'm glad you're here, Larry.

That damn fool hickey knocked on my door.

I thought it must be you.

He came bustin' in,
he made me come downstairs here.

I don't know what for. I don't belong
at this birthday celebration.

I don't know this gang,
and I don't wanna be mixed up with 'em.

- All I came here for was to find you.
- I warned you, I...

Can't you make hickey
mind his own business?

Just now he pats me on the shoulder
like he's sympathizing with me.

He says, "I know how it is,
but you can't hide from yourself,

not even here on the bottom of the sea.

You've gotta face the truth
and do what must be done

for your own peace
and for the happiness of all concerned."

- What'd he mean by that, Larry?
- How the hell would I know?

Then he grins and says,
"Larry's getting wise to himself.

I don't think you can rely on his help.

He's gonna have to choose between living
and dying, and he'll never choose to die

while there's a breath left
in the old bastard."

Then he laughs like it's a joke on you.

- Well, what do you say to that, Larry?
- I have nothing to say.

Except you're a bigger fool than he is
to listen to him.

Oh, is that so?
Well, he's no fool where you're concerned.

He's got your number, all right.

You know I don't mean that.

What I want most
is to be friends with you.

I haven't a single friend left
in the world. I hope...

I'd hoped you'd...

And you could too, without it hurting you.

You ought to, for mother's sake.
She really loved you.

You loved her too, didn't you?

Leave what's dead in its grave.

I suppose because I was only a kid, you
don't think I was wise about you and her.

Well, I been wise ever since I can
remember to all the guys she's had.

She used to try to kid me along
it wasn't so.

That's a silly stunt for a free anarchist
woman, to be ashamed of being free.

Shut your damn trap.

Yes, I know I shouldn't say that now.

I keep forgetting she isn't free anymore.

You know, Larry, you're the one
of them all she cared most about.

Anybody else who left the movement
would've been more than dead to her,

but she couldn't forget you.

She used to make excuses for you.

I used to try to get her goat about you.

I'd say, "Larry's got brains,

and yet he thinks the movement's
a crazy pipe dream."

She blamed it on the booze getting you.

She'd kid herself
that you'd give up the booze

and come back to the movement
tomorrow.

She used to say, "Larry can't kill
in himself a faith he's given his life to.

Not without killing himself."

How 'bout that, Larry? Was she right?

I suppose what she meant by that
was to come back to her.

She was always getting the movement
mixed up with herself.

But I'm sure she really
must have loved you, Larry,

as much as she could've
loved anyone beside herself.

No, she wasn't even faithful to you,
was she?

That's why you walked out
on her, isn't it?

I remember that last fight
you had with her. I was listening.

I was on your side, even if she was
my mother, because I liked you so much.

I remember she was putting on
her high-and-mighty "free woman" stuff,

telling you you were still a slave
to bourgeois morality and jealousy...

And that you thought the woman you loved

was a piece of private property you owned.

I remember you got mad and told her,
"I don't like living with a whore!"

You lie! I never called her that!

That's why she still respects you...
'Cause you walked out on her.

She got sick of the others.

She had to keep on having lovers
to prove to herself how free she was.

Made home a lousy place.

I felt like you did.
It was like living in a whorehouse.

Only worse, because she didn't
have to make her living at it.

Bastard.

She's your mother.

Have you no shame?

No.

She brought me up to believe
that family respect stuff

is all bourgeois, property-owning crap.

- Why should I be ashamed?
- I've had enough!

No! Larry, please don't leave me.

Larry, I promise, I only mentioned
her name to make you understand better.

Why didn't you come up to my room
like I asked you to? I kept waiting.

- We can talk over everything up there.
- There's nothing to talk about.

But I gotta talk to you
or I'm gonna talk to hickey.

I feel he knows anyway and I'm sure
he'd understand, but I hate his guts.

I'm scared of him. Honest.

There's something not human
behind his damn grinning and kidding.

You feel that too, do you?

But I can't go on like this.
I gotta tell you, Larry.

- I won't listen.
- Okay, I won't, Larry.

Ah, who do you think you're kidding?

I know damn well you've guessed.

- I've guessed nothing.
- But I want you to guess now.

I'm glad you have.

I know now, since hickey's been after me,

that I meant you to guess right
from the start... that's why I came to you.

I want you to understand the reason.

You see, I...
I began to study American history,

and I got admiring Washington
and Jefferson and Jackson and Lincoln,

and I began to feel patriotic
and love this country.

Saw it was the best government
in the world,

where everybody was equal,
everybody had a chance.

And I saw the ideas behind the movement,

they came from a lot of Russians
like bakunin and kropotkin.

They were all meant for Europe.

See, we didn't need 'em here in
a democracy, where we were free already.

I didn't want this country to be destroyed
for a damn foreign pipe dream!

I began to feel like I was a traitor

for helping a lot of cranks
and bums and free women

plot to overthrow our government.

And I saw it was my...
My duty to my country.

You stinking, rotten liar.

You think you can fool me
with such hypocrite cant?

I don't give a damn what you did.

That's on your own, whatever it was.
I don't know, and I don't wanna know.

But I never thought mother
would be caught. Please believe that.

I never wou...

All t know is that I am sick of living.

I'm through.

I'm drowned and contented
on the bottom of a bottle.

Honor or dishonor, faith or treachery,

they're nothing to me
but opposites of the same stupidity

which is the king and ruler of life,
and in the end...

They'll both rot into dust
in the same grave.

All things are meaningless to me...

Because they grin at me
from the one skull of death.

So go away.

I've forgotten your mother.

You old philosopher, huh?

You lousy old faker!

For the love of god, leave me in peace,
the little time that's left to me.

Don't pull that
pitiful old man junk on me.

You'll never die
when there's a drink of whiskey left.

You be careful how you taunt me
back into life. I warn you.

Because I might remember
there's a thing called justice there

and the punishment for...

You're as mad as hickey...

And just as big a liar.

Wait'll hickey gets through with you.

Well, hello, tightwad kid.

You come to join the...
What? Ooh, boy. Don't he act bashful!

Don't touch me!

Hey, rocky! Fight in the hall!

- Believe me, I'll break your neck!
- By god...

What the hell!

- Don't touch me!
- Can ya beat it?

I heard youse two call each other
every name you can think of,

but I never seen...

A swell time to stage your first bout...
On Harry's birthday party!

- What started the scrap?
- Nothing, old chap.

Our business, you know.

But that bloody ass hickey
made some insinuation about me,

and the boorish boer
had the impertinence to agree with him.

That's a lie!

Hickey made joke about me,
and this limey said, "yes, it was true!"

- Yes!
- Now sit down, the both of youse!

Cut out this rough stuff!

Jeez, would you look at those bums?
Like a couple of kids.

For god's sake,
would you kiss and make up, huh?

Yeah!

Harry's party begins in a minute,

and we don't want no soreheads
around here!

Oh, very well then.

In deference to the occasion, I apologize,

general wetjoen,

provided you do also.

I apologize, captain Lewis,

because Harry is my good friend.

Oh, hell,
if you can't do better than that...

Here's the star boarder.

It's serious this time.

I'm tellin' all of you,

that bastard hickey's
got Harry on the hip.

And it ain't gonna do us no good if he
gets Harry to take that walk tomorrow.

He's sure to call on bessie's relations

and have a little cry
over poor old bessie.

And you know what that bitch
and all her family thought of me.

Once bessie's relations
get their hooks into him,

it'll be as tough for us
as if she wasn't even gone.

Everything all set?

Ah, fine. Half a minute to go.

Harry's starting down with Jimmy now.

I had a hard time getting him to move.

Harry don't even want to remember
it's his birthday now.

Oh, here they come!
Come on, everybody! Light the candles!

Cora, get ready to play.
Stand up, everybody.

Chuck. Rocky. The wine.

Let's see. Twelve o'clock on the dot.

Come on, everybody,
with a "happy birthday, Harry!"

Happy birthday, Harry!

Hey!

Cut out the glad hand, hickey!

You think I'm a sucker?

B'Jesus, I know you,
you sneakin', lyin' drummer.

And all you bums!
What the hell you tryin' to do?

Yellin' and raisin' the roof.

You want the cops to close the joint
and take my license away?

Hey, ya dumb tart. Quit bangin' that box.

Jeez, Harry, I...

B'jeez,
the least you could do is learn a tune.

And you two hookers,

screamin' at the top of your lungs.

What do you think this is,
a dollar cathouse?

B'jeez, that's where you belong.

Oh... Harry.

Jeez, Harry, I never thought
you'd say it like you meant it.

Harry, don't get sore at the gang
just 'cause you're upset with yourself.

I promised you'd come through all right,
haven't I?

So quit worryin'.

You don't wanna bawl out the old gang

just when they're congratulating you
on your birthday, do ya?

B'jeez, they ain't as dumb as you.

They know I was only kiddin" 'em.

They know I appreciate their
congratulations. Don't you, fellas?

Yeah, sure, Harry!

B'jeez, I like you broads.

You know I was only kiddin'.

- Sure. We know, Harry.
- Sure.

Sure. Harry's the greatest kidder
in this dump, and that's sayin' something.

Look how he's kidded himself for 20 years.

But unless I'm wrong, governor, and
I'm bettin' I'm not, we'll soon know, eh?

Tomorrow morning.

No, by god. It's this morning now.

This... th-th-this morning?

Yes, it's the day at last, Jimmy.

But don't be scared.
I'll help you. I promised that.

I-I-i don't understand you.

Kindly remember I'm fully capable
of settling my own affairs.

Well, isn't that exactly
what I want you to do?

Only watch out on the booze.