All language subtitles for Great Night Out s01e03.eng

He's here. He's here.
Put it out of sight.

All right.
All right, Glyn.

The works, please, mate.
And an extra sausage.

This is a special day.

I'm not falling for it this year.

I know you've got me summat.

Where's the presents?

Make that a takeaway, Poggy.

All right, sit back down,
we haven't forgotten your birthday.

Happy birthday.
More like it.

Yeah.
And another.

It's boxes.

No, it's storage solutions.

I remembered what you said about

your draw of clutter being too
cluttered.

You can stick all your crap
inside them now.

Feel how sturdy they are.

This is my present, is it?

It's not another wind-up, is it?

Da-da!

Hey.

That's right.
Yeah.

40 notes.

Spend it where you want. Saves you
messing about with gift vouchers.

I think gift vouchers show a tad
more thought and effort.

Happy birthday, Glynster.

What's up?

"Happy birthday, you clown."

And it's you on a clown's face.

It's customised is that.
Yeah, I know, it's just...

He's scared of clowns.

Are you? I thought you knew.
That's why we don't go to McDonalds.

We're going there for your party.

Relax, relax. Listen.

We're all up for the Nelson's
and Warren is getting a karaoke.

Get that demolished.
Need to sort our fancy dress out.

And I..

I might need to shoot off in a bit.

A more pressing engagement
than your mate's birthday? Sort of.

I'm meeting a woman.

It's Mandy.

Why didn't you tell us she was
coming over?

Cos it's no big deal.
Your ex-wife coming from Australia?

And it's no big deal?
Correct.

She's visiting her mam. She's ill.
Is Kelly coming, too?

Nah, she's missed too much school.
Wayne's looking after her.

You've got to move on from Mandy.

She done the dirty on you, mate.

She ripped your heart out
and pissed on it.

I think he gets the point.
I know, I know, I'm not daft.

What? Do you all think
that I'm getting my hopes up?

You reckon just cos I'm picking her
up from the station,

I think of her non-stop? Borrowing
Glyn's Lexus so I look the dog's?

I couldn't care less.

I am not bothered about her!

The Lexus is all yours, mate,
if you want it. Cheers, pal.

What are we doing for the fancy
dress tonight?

Let's go as the Ghostbusters.
Too obvious.

Who's another famous group of four?

Fantastic Four.

Oh, yeah, genius.
One of them is on fire all the time.

And one is a woman.

But it's an invisible woman so no-one
would see you. How would that work?

One of us stays at home
with a wig on?

Ey up.
It's Miss from school.

Hello, Miss Moogan. How is it going?

Glyn.

Matthew. Patrick.

Are you keeping well, Miss?
I'll do.

See you.

She is still a right sort.

Did you see the way
she looked at me?

She still remembers. She still
thinks I wrote her that letter.

At school.

Some wanker wrote some pervy letter
and then signed it from me.

It wasn't pervy.
It was a declaration of love.

No, wrote some pervy poetry about
her legs.

Ah, your legs, like long sexy trees.

Yeah, that's it.

Is there a nest,
a hive at their tops?

Will you show me
the birds and the bees?

Hang on. How do you remember that?

Did you write that frigging letter?

I was only having a laugh.
I didn't sign it from you.

You put smiley faces
over your I's.

I was the only lad in our class
who put smiley faces over his eyes.

What do you put now, sad faces?
We were in the fourth year, Darren.

What's the biggie?
What's the biggie?

She gave me detention. I missed the
district semi-final because of that.

A district semi-final that I know
for a fact

was attended by City scouts.

Yeah, CTL said that.

CTL?
Croake the Lez.

What? Miss Croake. PE.
Looked like Brian Clough.

I know why you did it. It's because
you thought I was a threat.

You thought that she fancied me
over you.

As if. It was me she always used
to get to stay behind after school.

It's because you were shit at
reading.

Not because she fancied you.

Forgot about this. You both thought
that she wanted you.

Yeah, she fancied me.
Until this bastard ruined my life.

I could have been
a pro footballer now.

Living in Knutsford,
wizard of a garage!

Maybe not Miss Moogan,
but definitely Tess Daley.

I hate to be the one to break it to
you, Darren,

but Tess Daley lives with...

thingy.

Bruce Forsyth.

This is where Julie works, right.
But...

Just get out of the car.

Please, I... I don't feel right.
Come on.

You're stressing me out.
I can't do this.

My heart is going now.
Why haven't you invited her already?

I didn't want to be too pushy.
But it's your birthday party!

Go in surgery, hang about a bit.
You bump into her.

And then you casually slip it
into the conversation.

This tonight.

Glyn?
Julie.

Are you all right?
What are you doing here?

Nothing. We were just in the area.
All right, Julie?

Hodge.

He's got severe chest pains.
Chest pains?

Honestly, I'll be fine in a minute.
We need to get him to A&E.

Honestly, I've never felt better. No,
Glyn, chest pains could be serious.

You could be having a heart attack.
I'll take him. Come on.

Hey?
Go!

Back of the net.

Hiya.
Have I ever mentioned to you

that I missed out a trial for City
in year ten?

Bit of a tiring day actually
but thanks for asking.

You were wrongly accused of writing
Miss Moogan a pervy letter.

You missed the district final
that City scouts were attending.

That's according to your PE teacher,
Croaky the lesbian.

If it wasn't for that
you'd be driving a baby Bentley.

No, CTL, and it was Croake the Lez.

And it was a semi-final. Guess what?

Hodge wrote that letter.

What do you think of that?

Oh... I'm sorry, Bev.

Knock next time, you freak.

I didn't know you were home, did I?

Pervert.
No, no.

That's what they called me at school
because of that letter.

And when my parents found out,
they said I was weird.

Said I had to go and see this man
who showed me these...

these pictures of lady bits

and asked me what I was thinking.

What did you say?

I lied. Said "snooker".

And then my mum banned me from
watching snooker.

For years I've been living under
this cloud, Col.

The good name of Daz Taylor
besmirched.

Take this to the high courts.

It's one of the worst miscarriages of
justice.

Don't make light of this, Colleen,
because if it wasn't for this,

who knows where I'd be now. Is this
what you've come over to tell me?

No, actually.
I wondered if you wanted to...

go to Glyn's fancy dress party
tonight.

At the Nelson's.

Hmm? There's chilli and karaoke.

It's practically three weeks in
Marrakech. How could I say no?

Oh, I didn't see owt, Bev.

Your flannel covered most of it.

She hasn't got a flannel.

I thought Glyn's was fancy dress?

It is. I'm just popping out
for something else first.

There's something I've been meaning
to talk to you about.

Baked beans.

OK. To tell you the truth, they've
been worrying me for months as well.

What? No. What I mean is...

Their shape, that they're smothered
in tomato sauce... Behave, listen.

After your dad left me,

I bumped into him
in the 2-for-1 aisle at Kwik Save.

He had a can of no-frills baked beans
in each hand.

That were him all over.

But the sight of him,
it took my breath away.

I planned so many tomorrows with him
and they all came flooding back.

Weekends at Blackpool

dancing under the stars to Tina
Charles...

Why are you telling me all this now?

Then she came round t'corner.
Ten stone of Elnett and harem pants.

I dropped a bottle of
Spry's Crisp 'n Dry,

smashed all over the floor.

I'm not a big fan of harem pants.

Always makes it look like you've had
an accident. Mum.

I won't let Mandy break my heart
again.

Promise.

Bloody hell, I want baked beans
with this now.

Look, Julie,
there's no need for this.

There is.
My dad had pains in his chest

and the next thing we knew
he was fighting for his life.

But I'm fine. Argh...

No, you're bloody not.

Hiya.
Date of birth.

15th of the 9th, '74.
Oh, that's today.

We're having a party later in the
Nelson. Are you gonna come?

Let's see how you're doing first.

Look at me, I'm fine.

Argh!

Right, this man, he needs
to get checked out now.

Glyn, are you all right?

Just stay cool, Beggs. Stay strong.

She's not got a hold on you now,
remember?

She is just a person.

And she is still
absolutely gorgeous.

All right, Mandy?

Hiya, Beggsy.

Come here, I can give you a hug,
can't I?

Ooh.

Yup.

Thanks for picking us up.
It'd be daft not to.

We can talk about Kelly, can't we?

Do you want me to take them?
Yeah, thanks.

Careful with that one.

Any shortness of breath?

No. Look, did you see some clowns
here earlier?

Mr Chuckles? Dislocated his arm
throwing a custard pie.

Any history of heart problems
in your family?

No, I don't... Actually, yeah.

My nan had chest pains the night
Hilda Ogden left the street.

But apart from that?
No.

Have you been having any problems
with your libido?

I drive a Lexus.

I'll put no.

Your blood pressure reading
was rather erratic earlier.

But it seems to have
settled down now.

That's good.
Stop interrupting me.

The test to establish
whether you had

a heart attack
comes back from the labs tomorrow.

So we won't know till then
if you've had a coronary.

But I've got a party to go to tonight
cos it's my birthday.

I'm sorry, but it's standard
procedure.

You've got to stay here overnight.
Overnight?

This place never changes, does it?

So Kelly is all right, yeah?
Yeah.

Driving. Climate really suits her.

As long as she doesn't get an
Australian accent.

She needs elocution lessons.

I don't want her to lose
that nasal Stockport drawl.

Well, someone is doing all right
for themselves.

Oh, this old thing.

I'm thinking about trading up.

Is this... is this our song?

Blimey.

What are the chances, eh?

I ain't heard it in ages.

Turn it up.

Just checking that they're working.

Yeah, there we go.

Yeah, I've leapfrogged
into senior management.

I'm practically
running that place now.

Wow. That's how you got the car?
Yup.

The job and the girl?
Yep.

Yup.

I'm seeing a lovely girl.

What's her name?
Lexus.

Yeah.

She's...

She's a model.

She absolutely dotes on me.

What sort of modelling does she do?

Clay.

Yeah, clay modelling.

But she also models her hands
on the side.

When she's washed the clay off them.

Here we are.

Well, that was quick.
Yeah, it was.

Anyway...

Yeah. Ta for the lift.

Yep.

Yeah, he says housework
emasculates him,

but cos there's a gadget involved,
he reckons it gives him Man points.

I know.

What a dick.

Mam, there's someone at the door.

You're using too much shampoo.
It looks like a foam party.

Oh, hiya, Daz. Want to come in?

No, not really.
It's more a case of having to.

Listen, Kath, whatever happens next,
stay out of it.

Because I like you
and I've got nothing against you.

Can you just
take your trainers off first?

Only, we're steam cleaning the
carpets.

Sorry, we weren't expecting anyone.

Has he told you?
What?

Has he told you what he did?

You're not still going on about
that? What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on.

You are married to a sex-obsessed
weirdo.

Well, I knew that.
That's why I married him.

Hey! What do you think this is,
the riots?

You can't just walk in here
and start looting stuff.

Looting infers theft.
These are mine.

No, that's my Marian Keyes.
Hodge got me that for Valentine.

Yes, I lent it to him.
It's Colleen's.

And this.

You muppet.

Muppets. I'll have that and all.

Will someone please tell me
what is going on?

Your partner wrote to a teacher or
ours pretending to be me.

That letter was pure filth.

And it was 22 years ago.

What did you do that before?
It was Miss Moogan.

She was like a cross between Lisa
Stansfield and Debbie Harry.

All right, put your tongue back in.

I had years of being called Daz the
Perv because of that letter.

It made me feel useless, worthless.
I was an innocent man.

You were 14 years old. I may have
had spots in my oily triangle

but I still had feelings.
Feelings.

You are a dickhead.

And I have got better things to do
than listen to your venom.

I'm going to visit Glyn
at the hospital.

They kept him in? It was only a
panic attack. Is he OK?

Do you even care, Hodge?
Yes.

Do you?
Yes. I'm saying I care.

You've used too much shampoo.

Right. Out. Go on, get out!

I did tell you that.

I'm being kept in overnight.
Can you believe it?

I'm sorry Hodge is here, Glyn.
He tailed me.

Tailed you?
I know where the hospital is, divvy.

That might come in handy,
the way you keep mouthing off.

Leave it out, Daz.
Forget about this silly little poem.

Ah, so you're siding with him,
are you? Eh?

You're stood next to him.
You're practically bumming him.

What, no! It's just a long time ago.

He's not siding with anyone. He's
just looking at it from both sides.

What are they keeping you in for?

Splinters in your arse
from sitting on the fence?

Don't have a go at me. I'm not well.
There's nothing wrong with you.

You just suffer from coulrophobia.

Fear of clowns.
Did you Google that?

He Googled that.
Try Googling the word "betrayal".

All right, enough. Can we just
concentrate on here and now?

Glyn is stuck in here.
He's got a party tonight.

Are you going?
Course I'm going.

Well, I don't know if I can go now.
Oh, babies, just shake hands.

Say you're sorry and move on.
All right.

As long as Hodge admits it was me
Miss Moogan fancied.

Get lost, it was me she liked.
She liked neither of you.

What do you think turned her on?
Playing Super Mario Brothers?

There was something there.
Definitely an energy.

Mandy.

Ah, course. Yeah, I'll pop over
there now. It's no sweat.

Just give me 20 minutes.

OK, see you.

Mandy left her case in the boot.
Gonna whiz over and give it to her.

Yeah?

What?

The old "case in the boot" routine.

No, it was a genuine mistake.
Yeah.

Glyn, is there
or has there ever been

such a thing as the
"case in the boot" routine?

No, there hasn't, no.

Hiya.

I'm sorry about this.
I totally forgot.

You and me both, eh?
Hey, it's nice here, innit?

Look at you.
All alone in a posh hotel.

You're like Julia Roberts
in Pretty Woman.

Except I'm not a prossy.

Except you're not a... No.

Anyway, you enjoy your stay, yeah?

Oh, won't you stop for a drink?

A drink? No, I really should be...
Yeah.

Yeah, I could have one, couldn't I?

If it weren't for that, I'd probably
be living in a big posh house now

driving a Bentley.
That's so sad.

Thwarted ambitions.
Shattered dreams.

And all cos of that bastard.

Just think, there could be a
cardboard cut-out of you there.

I'm on first-name terms
with all t'players.

I've even done Oops Upside Your Head
with Daniel O'Donnell.

- The singer?
- The defender.

OK, we want the name
"Glyn" on this shirt.

I could do Lynne.

You poor thing.
No, we can't have Lynne.

It's for a fella.
Oh, tell a lie, I have got a G.

Oh, by no N's.

Anyone call him "Gly"?

Is "Gly" a name?

How about his surname? Thwaite.

How do you find strength to get
through the day? It's hard.

This is what you should be like.

Put down what you got. We'll fill in
the blanks with a marker pen. OK?

So how is your mum?
Oh, don't ask.

Ill. Angry. Forever asking why I went
to Australia.

We all know the answer to that.
It's six foot tall and called Wayne.

She hates me.
Don't be daft.

She loves the bones of you.
She loves you, more like.

Honestly, I travel halfway round the
world to see her

and all she does is bang on
about Golden Bollocks Beggsy.

That's probably the early-onset
dementia talking.

She was like, "Beggsy was kind
and sweet and lovely.

And you're a wazzock to run off
with an Australian gorilla."

She does have moments of clarity,
then?

I miss our banter.

Come on.
Doesn't Wayne make you laugh?

No, me and him don't have
the laughs we did.

Do you remember when we made sushi?

How could I forget?
I was ill for a week.

Thought you were as well, until we
realised it was morning sickness.

I nearly forgot.
Kelly got you a pressy.

Made me promise
I had to look after it.

Have you got it?
Yeah.

It's in the room. Bring your pint.

OK.

Oh.

Aye aye.

She leads me into her room.
The curtains are drawn.

You wish. Jet lag. Had a nap earlier.

G'day.

She said you're
to call it "Kellyroo".

That is brilliant.
You tell her that I will.

Oh, er...

I haven't got anything
to give to her. Here.

No, don't be daft.
She won't expect anything.

Well, you give her
a big kiss from me, then, instead.

And a massive hug.

One that makes her lose the feeling
in her arms.

I will.

Say hello to Home Wrecker for me,
won't you.

I mean Wayne.

I hope it all goes well with Lexus.

Oh, yeah, fingers crossed.

I guess I'll see you, then.

Guess so.

Oh.

We shouldn't be doing this.

I know.
It's so wrong.

I know.
They say you should never go back.

This is the biggest mistake
of my life.

I'm regretting it already.

Bloody hell.

Have you got a panic alarm in your
knickers? Someone is calling me.

No, just leave it.
It'll be Kelly.

'Hi, Chucks!'
Argh!

Wayne, hiya.

'Sorry, love, have I woken you up?'

Oh, yeah. Jet lag, nightmare.

Housekeeping.

You asked for iron earlier?

Oh, right, yeah, ta. Brilliant.

Oh, isn't she friendly?

Listen, darling,
I am really tired now

so I'm gonna get some more sleep, OK?

'Oh, yeah, no worries. You get your
beauty sleep. Good night, love.'

Thank you. Bye.

Stop it. I feel bad on Lexus.

I don't feel bad on Wayne.

Right, see you later,
then, Mr Bucksey.

Piss off!
Oh, I intend to, pal.

I intend to.

Oh, sorr...

Glyn.
Julie.

How's it going?
What are you doing up and about?

Nothing. Just... exercising.

Well, you should be resting.

Come on, let's get you back to bed.

Don't they say exercising is really
bad for you?

Isn't jogging one of the biggest
killers in Britain?

So er...

this is me resting.

Back are we?
Yeah. Piss off, Mr Bucksey.

Glyn. Sorry about that.

Piss off.

Right, anyway, I just er...

I came to give you this.
Happy birthday.

Ahh. Cheers.

So you still not going to my birthday
party?

There doesn't seem any point
if you're not going.

Yeah.
Aren't you gonna open it?

Yeah, course.

Oh, hello.

It's a travel flask.
That's thoughtful.

For the car, when you're driving.
Is it crap?

No! No, I love it. Keep me awake,
won't it, at the wheel.

Don't drink too much caffeine
though, bad for your heart.

I'm absolutely positive I'm fine.

Anyway, I'm gonna get off.
I'm bushed.

You rest too, and don't you dare
leave this bed again, eh?

Nurse's orders.
Aye aye.

I'll see you, then.
See you.

Piss off.

This is just... This is just...

Fantastic!
No, no, this is wrong.

No, it's good!

Oh, oh!

Argh!

You're still a screamer, then?
No, Beggsy, no!

Argh!

Cutbacks.

I'm actually a surgeon.

Happy birthday, "Glenn"?

"Glenn?"

Glenn Ambrose had his 70th
in here last week, didn't he?

And it's near enough, Glenn, Glyn.

I'm recycling and you should think
more about the environment,

you selfish git.
It's a bit tight, Your Holiness.

No, it's not.
It's the will of God, isn't it?

I had a word with him this morning.
God bless you, son.

I bet you're recycling that chilli.

I know the chilli in the past
has been rough on the stomach

but this is different.
I've read this book.

Do you know what makes a good chilli
better? Go on.

Chocolate.
Oh, shut up.

It's true. Put chocolate
in a chilli, it's lush.

Thank you.
Everyone's made such an effort.

I hope Glyn turns up.
He'll be here.

Did he call Julie in the end?

Oh!
You're not ringing her?

Glyn won't be happy if the most
important person in his life isn't here.

But Cleopatra wouldn't be on a
phone.

Yeah, right, I'll send a dove then,
shall I?

Chilli, ham, butties. I'm sure there
should be something else here.

Brenda, would you look at this pork
pie! It's quartered.

It's only a birthday bash.
He hasn't won the Nobel Peace Prize!

Bloody quarters.

Eh, Warren, your karaoke is
buggered, you know?

No, son, it will probably be
your ludicrous singing voice.

No, it's only got one song.
Stand By Your Man.

Linda, get Les Mallett on the phone
and get him here now.

He's only gone and sold me a turkey.
You won't get Les now.

He's tagged. He's not allowed out
after six.

What's he been tagged for?
Handling stolen goods.

Electrical equipment mainly.

It's a good song though, isn't it?
It's a classic. People love it.

Yeah, but not all night. Watch your
lip or I'll take the cane to you.

There, there.

Apparently I'm not allowed
to talk to you, Kath.

Me neither. You look fab though.

Not as good as you though.
Just shut up and apologise.

Sorry, Colleen.

To Daz.

'Orry.

See, he can't even say it properly.

Sorry. OK? I'm sorry I wrote a poem
at school two decades ago...

Well, I guess that's OK, then.
All is well.

I will just get on
with my crap life.

Hey, it's not that bad.

What do you want me to do?
What can I do to make it up to you?

Ring up City?
Ask them to take you on trial now?

Wow, I thought you were the real
Lady Gaga there for a minute.

Did you not fancy the meat suit,
Mam?

Have you not seen the price of
sirloin?

What have you come as?
A waiter again?

Ronnie O'Sullivan.

Oh, you are a spoilsport.

Where's the birthday boy?
Is he not here yet?

Here.

There's something here I forgot.
I forgot something.

Hey, Linda, what are we missing here?

Why have I got half a Kit Kat in
this chilli?

Not another one.

That's chocolate, love.
It's supposed to be in there.

And is that a bit of Bounty?

I don't know.

I've got eight missed calls off him
and five texts.

"Can you pick me up? Where are you?"

Oh, you bulb.

"Would ring Daz and Hodge
but worried they are still arguing."

What were you doing to miss all them
calls?

He's probably still up the hospital.

No, he isn't.

How hard is floor, eh?

All right!

Blimey! I remember now!
Cocktail sausages!

They stripped me naked. Had a poke
around. And they robbed my clothes.

Can you believe that?
It's like bring in prison.

They'd be in the cabinet next to
your bed. Really?

Everyone is in costume.
What about me?

Just say you've come
as an escaped hospital patient.

Really? Do you think I look all
right? You look better than Daz.

You're a schoolboy, too, dickhead.
No, I'm Angus Young.

Who?
"Who?"

Angus Young. From AC/DC.
Why do I have an inflatable guitar?

I thought you were going to music
class.

You should have worn a dunce's hat.
Do you want to say that again?

Look. This is my birthday.

I don't care about costumes
or presents or owt.

But I care about you two
behaving like a couple of girls.

Daz, what must he do
to make this right?

Say sorry.
I've done it.

And admit it was me Mrs Moogan
fancied. How can I do that?

"Hello, I'm Miss Moogan.
I lusted after you, Darren?"

Look, why don't you just go round to
her house and ask her?

She lives on Peckfield Road.

Yeah, clear my name
while we're at it. Fine by me.

Sort this out once and for all.
Let's go, then.

What, now? It's my party.

We won't be long. I just don't want
another day to go by

where she thinks I wrote...

Ooh, shit.

I'd forgotten I'd written that bit.

Come on. Let's go.

See you later.
See you later.

Don't have the chilli.
I just found Curly Wurly in mine.

Do you want a drink, Mum? No,
I want to know why you were late.

Why you didn't pick up
any of Glyn's messages.

I can't help how I feel.

What are you hoping
is going to happen?

That Mandy realises she's made a
mistake, goes back to Perth,

picks up Kelly and flies back
so you can be a family again?

Stranger things have happened.
Not with that one.

You want to forget about her, son.
She'll be gone soon hopefully.

We won't clap eyes on her again.
I invited her here.

Oh, terrific.

She's under
a lot of stress with her mum.

And her marriage as well
by the sound of it.

I'm not saying anything will happen
but if there's a chance...

I just want you to be happy,
that's all.

Thanks, Mum.

Just be bloody careful.

A leopard doesn't change its spots.

No, Debora, love,
I'm not talking about you.

Patrick, what are you doing here?

Do you mind? That's my clematis.

Right.

Miss, I was wondering if we could
come in and have a word with you?

All right.

I just need to dry my hair.

Come on.

Oh, please, sit down.

You're not in school now.

Yes, Patrick, what is it?

Miss, I've got a bit
of a confession to make.

When we were in Year Ten,

I wrote you a love letter
and blamed it on Daz.

Who's Daz?

Did I teach you?
I'm Darren Taylor.

Used to put smiley faces
over my I's.

What, you wore make-up?
No, writing.

Oh.
You gave Darren a detention and...

apparently it scarred him for life.

Oh, god.
Yes, I remember that letter now.

Pure filth.
I hope it wasn't too offensive.

It most certainly was.

The spelling was shocking.
I was your English teacher.

And I missed footie
because of that detention.

There were County scouts there.
I could have been someone.

It's very sweet of you to come and
tell me.

But it was over 20 years ago.

See? See?

Well, it's nice to see you boys

and it's good to know you seem to
have turned out

to be polite, decent young men.
Which is some consol...

It's Croake the Lez!
Where?

Croake the Lez.
Our old PE teacher?

Excuse me, Miss.

What's Croake the Lez
doing in your house?

"Croake the Lez"
as you keep calling her is my wife.

"Twat?"

It's meant to say "Thwaite, 7".

They didn't have all the letters.
We'll add them when they do.

Twat? That really suits you, son.
Anyone for chocolate gateau?

What's in it, Warren, prawns?

Twat.

Glyn.

Can I just have a quick word?
Let me just get this straight.

You didn't invite Julie here tonight
because if she saw you,

she'd know you were faking your
heart attack?

Yeah. I've got some bad news
and some really bad news.

What's the bad news?
Julie just walked through the door.

What's the really bad news?
You don't want to know.

Get under the buffet table and hide.

Beggsy!
Julie.

Wow, what an outfit.
Yeah.

I wear it when we have
Kids Day at the centre.

Julie the Clown. Stops 'em thinking
about needles, poor things.

Look at all these people.
In't it a shame?

What's a shame?
That Glyn is stuck in hospital.

Can't celebrate his own birthday.
You what?

It is a shame, yeah.
I wasn't gonna come.

I'm knackered. But I thought, no.
Come on, Julie, make an effort.

And at least he can see all the
photos after, can't he?

What are you talking about?
Glyn is here. Yeah, in spirit.

I can almost feel his presence now.

I hope so, cos it's his round next.

Th-that's just something that we do.

When one of us isn't here, we get
them a drink anyway and then...

then when they... they...
He's hiding under the buffet table.

Glyn!
Argh!

Looking at the door
won't make her come here.

Are you sure about that?

All right?
Hiya.

All right, Mam?

Kath. Coll.

What can I get you?

No, I can't. I'm not stopping.

I just came to say thanks and...
and bye.

What?
Great.

You're here for two weeks.
No...

My mam's made it clear
she ain't bothered about seeing me

so there's no point in me sticking
around

and I want to get back and see Kelly.
It must be nice to have that option.

Mum, go and get something to eat.

What about this afternoon?

What? It was just
a bit of fun, wasn't it?

Not from where I was standing.
Well, kneeling.

Don't, Beggs.
Don't make it any harder for me.

I've got my new life now with Wayne
and... you've got Lexus.

No, I haven't. I give her back to
Glyn tomorrow. You what?

Lexus is a car. She's a car.

What sort of party doesn't tuck into
the party rings?

And them shitehawks, I had to send
out for pizzas

for them picky buggers. They haven't
touched my bloody chilli.

And I followed Delia's recipe
to the letter.

Mind you, they wouldn't know
haute cuisine

if it come up and bit them
on the bollocks.

Don't worry, Warren.
I'll give it a good home.

Just... just stay a bit longer.

Kelly will be all right
and we can catch up properly.

I think we already did that.

It's time for you to move on, Beggs.

I have.

Mandy, before you go, my love,
you've not been back here a while.

Might not be used to our colder
climate.

My advice? Get some chilli down you!

Mam!

Ma...

Was that Mandy?
Did she not have a napkin?

But I had to come and show my face.

But you shouldn't even be here.

It's my birthday party.
You lied to me.

No, I didn't lie to you.

I was anxious about asking you to
come here.

Then we went to the hospital and...

I don't like clowns.

They scare me,
You're scaring me now.

Will you at least take your nose off?

I can't believe you led me on.

I've been worried about you
and after I told you about my dad!

Yeah, you're right.

But you must understand
I didn't do it deliberately.

You believe me, don't you, Julie?

Julie!

Julie...

Drop dead, Glyn!
Or at least fake it! Julie, please!

I see the pizzas have arrived, eh.

This is divine retribution, this,
Linda, love.

Well, the lad should have stuck
with my chilli, eh.

Picked these up earlier for the
after party.

And I picked these up off the road.

Here you go.

Cheer up, Glyn.
A cracked rib will soon heal.

And look on the bright side. You
were already dressed for hospital.

I don't care about my rib, do I.

I care about Julie.

I really liked her even when
she was dressed as a clown.

Her rushing off like that...

To be fair, she'd had a long day,
what with you being a div.

She'll come round, mate.

If me and Hodge can bury
the hatchet, so can you two.

Oh, aye, Miss Moogan.
So, come on, then,

which one of you did she fancy in
the end?

We...
Er, yeah.

We-we never got round to...
asking her.

Didn't ask her, no.

All right, come on,
let him recuperate.

I'll see you soon, Glyn.

See you, Glyn.
Later, soft lad.

Good night, darling.

Happy birthday, mate.

Argh!

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