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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:46,622 --> 00:00:50,621 Five nowt! Five nowt! We were lucky to get the nowt! 2 00:00:50,622 --> 00:00:53,141 ? Oh, when the Bees go marching in 3 00:00:53,142 --> 00:00:56,621 ? Oh, when the Bees go marching in! 4 00:00:56,622 --> 00:00:59,580 Why would bees go marching in? They'd fly, dickhead! 5 00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:02,060 Dah! Look, you're all upset cos you lost, didn't you! 6 00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:03,980 And you've gotta live 'oop north'! 7 00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:06,060 'Ooh, can I have some mushy peas, please?!' 8 00:01:06,061 --> 00:01:09,620 That's if you can afford any, mate. You got any jobs left up here? 9 00:01:09,621 --> 00:01:13,342 Yeah. We all work in a lemonade factory so we can keep watering down your shandy. 10 00:01:15,462 --> 00:01:17,180 Won't forget your face, mate. 11 00:01:17,181 --> 00:01:21,140 Course you won't, cos your shandy's too weak and you can't get bladdered! 12 00:01:21,141 --> 00:01:23,102 Go suck on an ale, Shandy Andy! 13 00:01:23,103 --> 00:01:25,781 Oh, when the Bees go marching in... 14 00:01:25,782 --> 00:01:28,901 ? When the Bees go marching in...! 15 00:01:28,902 --> 00:01:30,862 That told them, didn't it? 16 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:39,820 Phone, can you tell me what is the next home game for Stockport? 17 00:01:39,821 --> 00:01:41,662 Any chance you can show off with that a bit more? 18 00:01:41,663 --> 00:01:44,622 'Search for stock cube.' Stock cube? 19 00:01:45,542 --> 00:01:48,500 Don't you start. Your phone can't even ring Julie's number. 20 00:01:48,501 --> 00:01:50,220 Just waiting for the right moment. 21 00:01:50,221 --> 00:01:54,340 You've been waiting for that since we left school. Just get her rung. I will. Go on, then. 22 00:01:54,341 --> 00:01:56,902 Who are you, my mother? You say you'll do it. Do it now! 23 00:01:58,622 --> 00:02:00,422 All right. Go on. 24 00:02:06,462 --> 00:02:08,142 It's ringing. 25 00:02:09,342 --> 00:02:11,902 It's the answer phone. All right. Just stay calm. 26 00:02:12,422 --> 00:02:14,342 Be yourself. Keep it brief. 27 00:02:15,582 --> 00:02:17,542 Hi, Julie. 28 00:02:17,862 --> 00:02:19,582 It's Glyn. 29 00:02:21,782 --> 00:02:22,982 Bye. 30 00:02:24,782 --> 00:02:26,861 Well, it was brief. 31 00:02:26,862 --> 00:02:28,860 All it lacked was some heavy breathing. 32 00:02:28,861 --> 00:02:31,300 Do you know where she lives? Go round and ask her out? 33 00:02:31,301 --> 00:02:35,140 Oh, I can't do that. Why not invite her to Hodge's anniversary do tonight? 34 00:02:35,141 --> 00:02:38,660 Defo. More the merrier. You need to have a good one after last year. 35 00:02:38,661 --> 00:02:41,662 What happened last year? He threw Kath down the stairs! 36 00:02:41,663 --> 00:02:43,861 I did not throw her! 37 00:02:43,862 --> 00:02:46,300 We had a few drinks. I was carrying her up the stairs, 38 00:02:46,301 --> 00:02:51,060 she was wearing a silk kimono, lost my footing and she slipped out of my hands like a wet mackerel. 39 00:02:51,061 --> 00:02:54,100 Here they are! Didn't your team know it was a lunchtime kick off? 40 00:02:54,101 --> 00:02:57,980 Tell you what, I've got to admire you lads for sticking with that shower. 41 00:02:57,981 --> 00:03:01,300 But if you wanna see some real football, United game's just started. 42 00:03:01,301 --> 00:03:04,860 Warren, that's piracy - streaming games from Scandinavia. 43 00:03:04,861 --> 00:03:09,660 For educational purposes, son! I'm learning to say 'the referee's a vanker' in Swedish. 44 00:03:09,661 --> 00:03:12,502 Will you please turn it off, because it reminds me of Colleen. 45 00:03:13,542 --> 00:03:16,461 Yeah, we've been rowing again. 46 00:03:16,462 --> 00:03:19,182 Hang on, hang on, you'll understand when I tell you why. 47 00:03:19,582 --> 00:03:21,462 She wants me to go to... 48 00:03:22,662 --> 00:03:24,622 Old Trafford. 49 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,381 Why? What-what - Why would she - Why?! 50 00:03:32,382 --> 00:03:34,740 Dunno. Her company's got a box there. 51 00:03:34,741 --> 00:03:37,220 Free buffet and bar, Colleen's been invited... 52 00:03:37,221 --> 00:03:39,860 She wants me to go with her. Old Trafford... 53 00:03:39,861 --> 00:03:42,900 You did say no, didn't you? Oh, God, that's why we're rowing! 54 00:03:42,901 --> 00:03:45,660 Get yourself a girlfriend, Beggs! Find out how it works. 55 00:03:45,661 --> 00:03:48,262 Man up, Daz. I want you and Colleen there tonight. 56 00:03:48,263 --> 00:03:50,021 I want everyone there. 57 00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:51,781 Or at least 10 of you. 58 00:03:51,782 --> 00:03:55,180 Tight arse has got discount vouchers only valid for 10 or more - 59 00:03:55,181 --> 00:03:57,182 Whoa! United nearly scored then! 60 00:03:57,183 --> 00:04:00,182 See! This is how it starts. 61 00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:35,862 Did you win? No. Five nil. 62 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,102 Colleen! 63 00:04:40,502 --> 00:04:42,462 I'm - I'm all right about it! 64 00:04:42,463 --> 00:04:44,382 I am! 65 00:04:45,062 --> 00:04:47,220 You see, this is what I'm talking about. 66 00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:49,500 You could turn that five upside down at United. 67 00:04:49,501 --> 00:04:53,142 I've just googled their buffet menu. They do samosas. 68 00:04:53,143 --> 00:04:54,261 Ooh... 69 00:04:54,262 --> 00:04:57,180 Who would have thought they built paradise at Old Trafford? 70 00:04:57,181 --> 00:05:00,580 So, are you on for tonight? Hodge needs at least 10 people. 71 00:05:00,581 --> 00:05:03,062 Oh, Daz, when you put it like that, how can I say no? 72 00:05:04,422 --> 00:05:06,982 The truth is, Bev's had some bad news. 73 00:05:08,022 --> 00:05:09,222 Eh? 74 00:05:10,262 --> 00:05:14,102 Ian was murdered this morning. Who's Ian? 75 00:05:15,022 --> 00:05:16,261 Oh... 76 00:05:16,262 --> 00:05:17,741 Ian... 77 00:05:17,742 --> 00:05:19,940 He'll be in heaven now, won't he, Col? 78 00:05:19,941 --> 00:05:22,302 Where no more Renault Espaces can run him over. 79 00:05:23,102 --> 00:05:25,421 Yeah, yeah... 80 00:05:25,422 --> 00:05:28,500 You know, you need to grieve alone and you'll want your own space. 81 00:05:28,501 --> 00:05:31,340 I can always take Colleen out tonight, you know? 82 00:05:31,341 --> 00:05:34,982 Daz, you're so sweet but Col's gonna help me with my poem. 83 00:05:35,662 --> 00:05:36,741 Poem? 84 00:05:36,742 --> 00:05:39,580 For Ian's book of condolences web page. Hmm... 85 00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:42,022 Like what they did with Lady Di, only online. 86 00:05:44,022 --> 00:05:47,102 It begins, 'Dearest Ian, up in heaven...' 87 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,581 That's as far as I got. 88 00:05:50,582 --> 00:05:53,342 Oh, OK. Er... What about this? 89 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,982 Dearest Ian, up in heaven 90 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,702 I always wondered, is it a bit like Devon. 91 00:06:03,902 --> 00:06:05,901 Mmm... no. 92 00:06:05,902 --> 00:06:07,702 He never went to Devon. 93 00:06:11,062 --> 00:06:12,781 Hi, Julie. All right? 94 00:06:12,782 --> 00:06:15,220 Yeah, I were just passing. I'm on my way to the shops. 95 00:06:15,221 --> 00:06:17,820 I-I come this way because, one, it's quicker 96 00:06:17,821 --> 00:06:20,702 and two, I miss out all the lights on the main road. 97 00:06:21,462 --> 00:06:23,900 It doesn't matter why I was passing, does it? 98 00:06:23,901 --> 00:06:26,140 It's normal to pass. People pass all the time! 99 00:06:26,141 --> 00:06:28,222 Just give me a break, will you? This is hard! 100 00:06:30,982 --> 00:06:33,902 This is ridiculous. She might not even be in. 101 00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:42,261 Ha ha, there she is! 102 00:06:42,262 --> 00:06:45,981 My pride and joy! 'Ey, guess where I am. 103 00:06:45,982 --> 00:06:48,022 Grandma's! 104 00:06:48,462 --> 00:06:51,101 Hiya, Grandma. Hello, Kelly, love! 105 00:06:51,102 --> 00:06:52,780 Mum, it's got a microphone. 106 00:06:52,781 --> 00:06:55,022 You don't have to shout all the way to Australia. 107 00:06:56,702 --> 00:06:59,061 You all right, love? Yeah, tired. 108 00:06:59,062 --> 00:07:00,860 It's already midnight here. 109 00:07:00,861 --> 00:07:02,820 Is it really? Isn't that clever. 110 00:07:02,821 --> 00:07:04,340 I've just been to Morrisons. 111 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,700 'Ey, and you'll never guess what, they've moved the goujons. 112 00:07:07,701 --> 00:07:10,062 All right. She's not gonna wanna know about that! 113 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:14,661 Well, she used to love goujons. You still up. Oh, hello, Beggsy. 114 00:07:14,662 --> 00:07:17,221 All right, Mandy. 115 00:07:17,222 --> 00:07:19,342 Oh, hang on. I just wanna show you something. 116 00:07:22,662 --> 00:07:24,382 'Ey, she's growing up, isn't she? 117 00:07:25,942 --> 00:07:27,942 Oh, God, you smell great! 118 00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:30,341 Wayne... Huh? What? 119 00:07:30,342 --> 00:07:33,222 Oh! Hi, Beggsy. 120 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:39,502 How's the weather there, Wayne? Oh, the usual, hot and sunny. There? 121 00:07:39,503 --> 00:07:43,381 Shit awful. Look, I got this at the surf club. 122 00:07:43,382 --> 00:07:45,261 Oh-oh, wow! 123 00:07:45,262 --> 00:07:47,220 Yeah, she's come along great, eh? 124 00:07:47,221 --> 00:07:52,262 If you don't mind, I think I'd better get a certain young lady to bed. It's way past her bedtime. 125 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,021 OK. Night, Dad! 126 00:07:54,022 --> 00:07:55,702 Night, love! 127 00:07:58,342 --> 00:08:00,462 Well, see you, then. Yeah. 128 00:08:03,262 --> 00:08:06,422 Look, she's only got the one dad. It's OK. I'm fine. 129 00:08:07,462 --> 00:08:08,742 I AM! 130 00:08:10,102 --> 00:08:12,422 Come on. Tell me about these bloody goujons! 131 00:08:12,423 --> 00:08:14,301 Ooh, it were anarchy! 132 00:08:14,302 --> 00:08:16,262 It were like the riots all over again. 133 00:08:16,902 --> 00:08:19,462 Hiya! 134 00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:24,301 I got your text. 'Just passing. Glyn.' 135 00:08:24,302 --> 00:08:26,782 Nearly as short as your answer phone message. 136 00:08:32,582 --> 00:08:34,702 Right, OK, then. I'll - I'll see ya. 137 00:08:36,262 --> 00:08:38,061 Paddy Hodgkinson! 138 00:08:38,062 --> 00:08:39,782 Remember him? 139 00:08:41,102 --> 00:08:44,420 Erm... Once, he forgot to do his flies up after PE. 140 00:08:44,421 --> 00:08:47,900 Oh, yeah, Hodge the Todge? Yeah. It's his anniversary tonight. 141 00:08:47,901 --> 00:08:50,740 He's having this posh do in Manchester and he's paying. Huh? 142 00:08:50,741 --> 00:08:53,020 So I was wondering if - Tonight? Oh, I can't. 143 00:08:53,021 --> 00:08:55,742 I've got my salsa class down the Legion, you know? 144 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:58,102 I never miss it, so... 145 00:08:59,502 --> 00:09:03,142 Well, you know, but maybe we could go out some other time? Yeah. OK. 146 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,781 Great. Well, call me. I'll call you. 147 00:09:05,782 --> 00:09:08,542 Or text you. Yeah... Nice to meet you. 148 00:09:09,022 --> 00:09:11,142 See ya! See ya. Nice to see ya... 149 00:09:12,262 --> 00:09:14,342 OK, then. 150 00:09:24,822 --> 00:09:26,182 You're bloody useless. 151 00:09:30,582 --> 00:09:32,062 Wow! 152 00:09:33,582 --> 00:09:35,502 You should see what's underneath. 153 00:09:36,462 --> 00:09:38,862 Boo! 'Ey! Fun first, filth later. 154 00:09:39,742 --> 00:09:44,582 Ahh... Such a nice idea inviting your best man and my bridesmaids. 155 00:09:44,982 --> 00:09:47,702 See, brings the whole day back somehow. 156 00:09:47,703 --> 00:09:49,701 You walking down that aisle. 157 00:09:49,702 --> 00:09:52,142 And you shaking like a shitting dog. 158 00:09:52,782 --> 00:09:58,302 Hiya, Jan! It's me. Just calling to say we're all meeting in the bar at six tonight, not seven. 159 00:09:58,303 --> 00:09:59,741 So... 160 00:09:59,742 --> 00:10:01,782 My anniversary do? 161 00:10:02,862 --> 00:10:06,422 Well, you should all know about it. Didn't you get Hodges' email? 162 00:10:06,423 --> 00:10:08,302 Well, where are you? 163 00:10:08,862 --> 00:10:11,302 The Isle of bloody Skye? What you doing there? 164 00:10:12,262 --> 00:10:13,942 Weekend break! Right. 165 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,821 Stormy there, is it? 166 00:10:16,822 --> 00:10:19,902 Yeah, I think it's gonna get stormy here in a minute, as well. 167 00:10:23,662 --> 00:10:27,780 Salsa classes? And you've just accepted that? Then you let her go off on her merry way? 168 00:10:27,781 --> 00:10:29,400 Well, I'll be seeing her again. 169 00:10:29,476 --> 00:10:31,595 Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby? 170 00:10:31,677 --> 00:10:34,798 People don't go to salsa classes to dance, you dippy sod! 171 00:10:34,814 --> 00:10:39,412 They go there to meet people. She's on the pull, this Julie girl! 172 00:10:39,413 --> 00:10:42,052 No way... It's a knocking shop! 173 00:10:42,053 --> 00:10:44,293 They're there to try and get their leg over! 174 00:10:45,933 --> 00:10:48,411 Er... Where are these classes taking place? 175 00:10:48,412 --> 00:10:50,491 At the Legion. You know, down Desford Road. 176 00:10:50,492 --> 00:10:52,491 The Legion, them bloody sleazebags! 177 00:10:52,492 --> 00:10:54,651 I'd get down there pretty sharp if I was you! 178 00:10:54,652 --> 00:10:56,651 Yeah, you're right, you're right. 179 00:10:56,652 --> 00:10:59,331 Oh... Wait there, have another drink, lad. 180 00:10:59,332 --> 00:11:03,011 Don't wanna appear too desperate. Bit of Dutch courage! Oh, cheers, Warren. 181 00:11:03,012 --> 00:11:06,173 Heh heh... That'll er... be �2.80, please, son. 182 00:11:09,173 --> 00:11:12,973 No, Meera, it's fine. You can't get a babysitter, you can't get one. 183 00:11:12,974 --> 00:11:17,213 It's our fault. Well, it's Hodges' fault. See ya. 184 00:11:17,533 --> 00:11:20,291 Brilliant! You've told all my friends the WRONG date! 185 00:11:20,292 --> 00:11:23,411 Typo on the email. It's a mistake anybody could make. 186 00:11:23,412 --> 00:11:25,171 But which you specialise in! 187 00:11:25,172 --> 00:11:28,973 No, Donna, no Meena, Jan's away. Did you contact Summer? 188 00:11:28,974 --> 00:11:31,012 Summer? No. 189 00:11:31,013 --> 00:11:33,733 Brilliant! I'll have no bridesmaids there! 190 00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:37,532 So, basically, it's a lads' night out plus me! 191 00:11:37,533 --> 00:11:40,572 No, no. Colleen's coming. She's a girl. 192 00:11:40,573 --> 00:11:45,931 Sweetheart, you do not wanna know what will happen if anything else goes wrong tonight, 193 00:11:45,932 --> 00:11:49,373 but it will involve your testicles and my curling tongs. 194 00:12:06,173 --> 00:12:08,091 What the bloody hell are you doing here? 195 00:12:08,092 --> 00:12:10,131 I've come to give you moral support. 196 00:12:10,132 --> 00:12:13,331 Let her see you've got mates. Mates with bad dress sense? 197 00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:15,571 Christ... Genuine silk this, lad. 198 00:12:15,572 --> 00:12:19,411 All the way from bloody Italy. You can glare it back, the wingspan of that collar! 199 00:12:19,412 --> 00:12:21,773 Come on, which one is she, the lovely Julie? 200 00:12:25,093 --> 00:12:28,132 Oh, dear me. What, she's gorgeous. 201 00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:30,372 Absolutely. Every bloke in here 202 00:12:30,373 --> 00:12:33,533 will be drawn to her like sharks to a bloody candle. 203 00:12:36,013 --> 00:12:38,533 She's seen us! All right. Please. 204 00:12:42,453 --> 00:12:43,653 Glyn? 205 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,132 Julie?! 206 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,412 Huh! It's - It's Julie. 207 00:12:48,413 --> 00:12:51,492 What... Julie... Fancy seeing you here. 208 00:12:51,493 --> 00:12:56,251 I told you I was coming here. Erm... What are you doing here with erm... 209 00:12:56,252 --> 00:12:59,131 Oh, I'm Warren. I'm a mate of Glyn's. Not really. 210 00:12:59,132 --> 00:13:03,613 He's been drinking in my pub since he was that high. Nice lad. Soft in the head but he means well. 211 00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:07,291 Oh, and he's single, you know? Been single for a few years - 212 00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:10,851 Shouldn't you be going? What about that girl you went with a few years ago? 213 00:13:10,852 --> 00:13:13,453 What was her name - the big, the big heavy girl, worked in Greggs'. 214 00:13:13,454 --> 00:13:15,852 Always smelt of pasties. Sharon. 215 00:13:15,853 --> 00:13:18,731 Even Sharon dumped him and then he was devastated 216 00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:21,893 because she'd slip him the old free sausage rolls, you see. 217 00:13:22,773 --> 00:13:24,012 Oh... 218 00:13:24,013 --> 00:13:28,733 Right, yeah, the class is starting now. Er... Have you come to join us? 219 00:13:28,734 --> 00:13:29,773 Yeah! 220 00:13:32,373 --> 00:13:34,052 Yeah. 221 00:13:34,053 --> 00:13:38,651 Because you were saying you were coming here and I thought, 'Glyn, why don't you give it a whirl?' 222 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:41,331 I thought you were going for a meal with Hodge the Todge? 223 00:13:41,332 --> 00:13:43,813 Cancelled that. Last minute. Oh... Right, great. 224 00:13:43,814 --> 00:13:45,612 Well, come on. 225 00:13:45,613 --> 00:13:49,012 Are... Are you joining us? Oh, yes - No. 226 00:13:49,013 --> 00:13:51,493 Oh, yes. I'll teach you young 'uns a thing or two! 227 00:13:53,653 --> 00:13:55,652 Ooh... Ow... 228 00:13:55,653 --> 00:13:57,053 Oh. 229 00:13:57,293 --> 00:14:00,053 Always remember, warm up first. That's the first rule. 230 00:14:02,373 --> 00:14:04,293 Bit of a twinge... 231 00:14:14,413 --> 00:14:17,092 You sure you'll be OK, Bev? I'm fine. 232 00:14:17,093 --> 00:14:21,293 You go and have a good time. I never realised you had a sensitive side, Daz. 233 00:14:22,893 --> 00:14:25,093 I always thought you were a selfish twat. 234 00:14:26,613 --> 00:14:28,333 Thanks so much for the poem. 235 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,252 'Oh no, do not grieve for me 236 00:14:30,253 --> 00:14:32,812 It's great up here with no doggies 237 00:14:32,813 --> 00:14:35,173 Now stop crying, get on with your life 238 00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:36,972 And buy another moggy.' 239 00:14:36,973 --> 00:14:39,173 Perfect. I think so. 240 00:14:39,533 --> 00:14:41,213 Come on, Wordsworth. 241 00:14:42,013 --> 00:14:44,333 See you later, Bev. 242 00:14:45,973 --> 00:14:47,732 Hiya! 243 00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:49,653 Happy anniversary! 244 00:14:50,213 --> 00:14:52,491 Right, then, let's get this show running. 245 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,211 We've had some cancellations. 246 00:14:54,212 --> 00:14:57,653 They're not cancellations if they weren't invited in the first place. 247 00:14:57,654 --> 00:14:59,972 Anniversary! Celebration! 248 00:14:59,973 --> 00:15:02,211 Can we please start having a good time! 249 00:15:02,212 --> 00:15:05,053 You sound like the Child Catcher, when you raise your voice. 250 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,052 Hola, everybody. 251 00:15:12,053 --> 00:15:13,293 Salsa... 252 00:15:13,893 --> 00:15:15,652 is-a lik-a life. 253 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:18,171 The more you put into it, the more you get out. 254 00:15:18,172 --> 00:15:22,171 Now, salsa has been a part of my people's culture for generations. 255 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:24,013 He sounds as though he's from Burnley. 256 00:15:24,014 --> 00:15:26,932 And now I share my culture with you. 257 00:15:26,933 --> 00:15:28,891 This is an intermediate class, 258 00:15:28,892 --> 00:15:32,491 so if there's anyone who hasn't danced salsa before, now's the time 259 00:15:32,492 --> 00:15:36,133 to raise your hand so that I can be the partner through the basics. 260 00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:38,652 Piece of piss, this. 261 00:15:38,653 --> 00:15:43,251 Laura and Jonathan - me star pupils - will show you today's new routine. 262 00:15:43,252 --> 00:15:45,133 It's a basic hammer-lock combination. 263 00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,492 Five, six, seven and... 264 00:15:50,493 --> 00:15:52,293 one, two, three, five, six, seven... 265 00:15:52,613 --> 00:15:54,693 three, two, three, five, six, seven. 266 00:15:55,013 --> 00:15:57,093 Eight, two, three... 267 00:16:11,493 --> 00:16:15,413 Oh, this looks nice. Drop us here. We can't walk in these heels. 268 00:16:15,414 --> 00:16:17,853 Yup. Right. See you in a minute. 269 00:16:22,293 --> 00:16:24,253 Come on. Let's find somewhere to park. 270 00:16:31,253 --> 00:16:33,452 'Ey, look at this! 271 00:16:33,453 --> 00:16:35,972 Classy or what? Where's the bar? 272 00:16:35,973 --> 00:16:40,051 Dunno. When we find it we're ordering something expensive and unpronounceable. 273 00:16:40,052 --> 00:16:42,973 Hodge is paying for tonight. It's over here. 274 00:16:44,173 --> 00:16:47,093 Right. Now it's your turn. Partners, first of all. 275 00:16:52,493 --> 00:16:55,011 Sorry, Julie, thought - thought we could dance. 276 00:16:55,012 --> 00:17:00,013 Oh, we will. Jonathan's going to help me out me out with this tricky move. So... OK. Good. Good. 277 00:17:00,014 --> 00:17:02,013 Good luck. 278 00:17:04,213 --> 00:17:06,573 'Ey, that cheeky cow said she didn't like my shirt! 279 00:17:08,053 --> 00:17:10,492 Excuse me... Gerado. 280 00:17:10,493 --> 00:17:12,291 Sorry. We haven't got any women. 281 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:15,333 It don't matter who your partner is, as long as you feel the music. 282 00:17:21,613 --> 00:17:24,133 Come on, son, you're in safe hands. 283 00:17:24,493 --> 00:17:26,612 One, two, three... 284 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:30,812 Down on one knee, not - Watch your knees, you dumb... 285 00:17:30,813 --> 00:17:33,053 I've gotta turn. I've gotta turn now... 286 00:17:33,054 --> 00:17:35,932 Don't follow them! Follow me! 287 00:17:35,933 --> 00:17:37,613 Around, two, three... 288 00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:41,051 Lend yourself. Give yourself to me. 289 00:17:41,052 --> 00:17:42,811 I don't wanna give myself to you. 290 00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,531 So, let me get this straight. 291 00:17:44,532 --> 00:17:47,933 You told your six-year-old nephew that Fireman Sam was gay. 292 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,532 I just said I had my suspicions. Why? 293 00:17:50,533 --> 00:17:53,171 Most fireman are beating women off with a shitty stick, aren't they? 294 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,571 I've never seen Sam so much as look at a woman. 295 00:17:55,572 --> 00:17:57,893 Every thought of being a child psychologist? 296 00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:08,251 You've killed him. Oh, my God! You've killed him! 297 00:18:08,252 --> 00:18:11,171 It wasn't my fault! No, he's not dead. He's moving. 298 00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:13,931 It's your fault, banging on about Fireman friggin' Sam! 299 00:18:13,932 --> 00:18:17,013 Shut up about Fireman Sam! Let's just... Just get him up! 300 00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:19,732 Come on! Come on, then. 301 00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:22,253 Come on. Get him on the pavement. Come on. 302 00:18:22,254 --> 00:18:24,453 Watch your legs. There we are. 303 00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:29,613 You all right? He can't talk. He hit his head, he's brain damaged. 304 00:18:29,614 --> 00:18:31,332 No, no, no. He's drunk. 305 00:18:31,333 --> 00:18:33,052 Are you OK, pal? 306 00:18:33,053 --> 00:18:34,852 I gotta - Yeah, get back! 307 00:18:34,853 --> 00:18:37,331 What did he say? Er... get back. Gotta get back. 308 00:18:37,332 --> 00:18:39,211 Get back... Why's he saying get back? 309 00:18:39,212 --> 00:18:41,931 Maybe he's a Beatle fan? He wants to get back somewhere. 310 00:18:41,932 --> 00:18:44,211 It's like having Hercule Poirot as a mate! 311 00:18:44,212 --> 00:18:46,091 Look... I've gotta get back. 312 00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:48,253 Get back. Where are you from, pal? 313 00:18:48,254 --> 00:18:50,532 London! Ooh-ooh... 314 00:18:50,533 --> 00:18:54,211 There we go. He needs to get back to London. On fire tonight, aren't you? 315 00:18:54,212 --> 00:18:57,251 It's OK. It's OK. Crash is over. Let's go. Not our problem. 316 00:18:57,252 --> 00:18:59,493 Wh - wh - hang on! The train station's just there. 317 00:19:00,453 --> 00:19:02,653 Come on. It'll take us five minutes. 318 00:19:02,654 --> 00:19:05,853 Please, please, please. I've got to get back. 319 00:19:09,573 --> 00:19:11,333 All right. Come on. 320 00:19:12,933 --> 00:19:14,973 Here, under his shoulder... There we go! 321 00:19:16,773 --> 00:19:21,412 Phone, when is the next train from Manchester to London? 322 00:19:21,413 --> 00:19:24,491 'Checking trains from Manchester, New England...' 323 00:19:24,492 --> 00:19:26,293 No, Manchester UK, you twat! 324 00:19:26,294 --> 00:19:29,653 'Twat. OK. Twat. Checking...' 325 00:19:31,573 --> 00:19:33,813 Here y'are, mate. 326 00:19:35,853 --> 00:19:38,652 Right. Done. Whoa... What you doing? 327 00:19:38,653 --> 00:19:41,571 Checking if he's got a ticket. Check his trouser pockets. 328 00:19:41,572 --> 00:19:44,813 You check his trouser pockets. You had to play the Good Samaritan. 329 00:19:49,453 --> 00:19:51,653 Ooh, ey, ey! Ooh! 330 00:19:52,493 --> 00:19:54,212 Any excuse, eh?! 331 00:19:54,213 --> 00:19:56,011 Whoo! Something moved! What? 332 00:19:56,012 --> 00:19:59,411 What do you think? Get off! Right, come on. Let's get him on the train. 333 00:19:59,412 --> 00:20:04,651 No, let's not. If I don't get back soon, that thing that you just touched on him will be cut off me! 334 00:20:04,652 --> 00:20:07,411 How many times have we been him? How would you have felt 335 00:20:07,412 --> 00:20:09,893 if we'd not fished you out of Cardiff Bay that time? 336 00:20:10,933 --> 00:20:12,973 Or left you with that tranny in Leeds. 337 00:20:14,573 --> 00:20:16,573 What happens in Leeds, stays in Leeds. 338 00:20:18,653 --> 00:20:20,492 All right. 339 00:20:20,493 --> 00:20:22,852 Here we go. All right. 340 00:20:22,853 --> 00:20:25,733 Hang on, mate. Sorry, mate. Watch it. Sorry, love. 341 00:20:25,734 --> 00:20:27,493 Come on, pal... 342 00:20:29,493 --> 00:20:31,293 Nice one. 343 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,733 Whoa, whoa... 344 00:20:34,853 --> 00:20:37,771 Just take your time. It doesn't go out for ages. 345 00:20:37,772 --> 00:20:39,771 This one here. Thank you. There we go. 346 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,931 Whoa, whoa, whoa... All right, mate. Can you hear me? 347 00:20:42,932 --> 00:20:46,411 I've written my name on the back of the receipt, yeah? 348 00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,293 You just send me a cheque for the ticket. 349 00:20:48,294 --> 00:20:50,052 Come on. 350 00:20:50,053 --> 00:20:51,853 Look after him, won't you? Come on! 351 00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:54,613 Job's a good 'un! 352 00:21:08,373 --> 00:21:11,013 No, you divvy, it's elbows in and turn there. 353 00:21:12,573 --> 00:21:15,693 Gracias! OK, everyone change. 354 00:21:17,853 --> 00:21:19,893 Oops... Hey... 355 00:21:31,133 --> 00:21:33,573 Oh, bloody hell, son! Hang on a minute, will you! 356 00:21:34,933 --> 00:21:36,731 Hope you've warmed your hands up. OK? 357 00:21:36,732 --> 00:21:39,453 Bear with me. I'm still learning. Yeah, that's fine. OK. 358 00:21:41,053 --> 00:21:43,333 That's it. And... One, two, three... 359 00:21:44,293 --> 00:21:45,932 Oh! Ow! 360 00:21:45,933 --> 00:21:48,053 Sorry. You all right? Yes. I'm fine. 361 00:21:48,054 --> 00:21:50,133 Fine. Sorry. 362 00:21:50,853 --> 00:21:53,053 One, two, three, one, two, three... 363 00:21:53,054 --> 00:21:54,933 One, two... Hey! 364 00:21:58,573 --> 00:22:01,813 All right. You just follow me and try and keep... OK? 365 00:22:04,853 --> 00:22:05,893 Whoo! 366 00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:09,813 I must say, Jonathan, you're very masterful. 367 00:22:14,573 --> 00:22:16,933 Feels good, don't it? Er... What does? 368 00:22:16,934 --> 00:22:19,572 A little act of human kindness. 369 00:22:19,573 --> 00:22:22,412 They're here. Let's get the drinks in. 370 00:22:22,413 --> 00:22:25,052 Two more char... Char... of these 371 00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:26,893 and three pints of bitter, please. 372 00:22:29,653 --> 00:22:32,773 Hello. I've got a table booked for tonight. Name of Hodgkinson. 373 00:22:32,774 --> 00:22:36,173 Ah, yes, sir. And with the promotional voucher. 374 00:22:45,053 --> 00:22:47,772 Sorted? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa... 375 00:22:47,773 --> 00:22:48,813 Look. 376 00:22:53,893 --> 00:22:55,853 Didn't we just put that fella on a train? 377 00:23:00,773 --> 00:23:03,132 Oh, my God. Right! 378 00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:07,653 I reckon we've got about 10 minutes. Hang on! I'm not going back for him. 379 00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:10,253 He's the groom. It's his wedding day. 380 00:23:10,773 --> 00:23:12,813 You go over there, tell her what we've done. 381 00:23:25,653 --> 00:23:27,493 Sorry! Sorry! 382 00:23:34,053 --> 00:23:36,052 There he is! Come on! 383 00:23:36,053 --> 00:23:38,491 All right, mate. Quick. Come on. Quick! 384 00:23:38,492 --> 00:23:40,571 Pick him up! It's OK, love. We've just gotta 385 00:23:40,572 --> 00:23:43,413 get him back to his wedding. Thanks for looking after him. 386 00:23:43,414 --> 00:23:45,852 This way. This way. No, no, no! 387 00:23:45,853 --> 00:23:47,651 That way. That way. Come on! 388 00:23:47,652 --> 00:23:50,213 Doors are closing! Come on! The train's going! 389 00:23:50,214 --> 00:23:51,932 It's going, come on! 390 00:23:51,933 --> 00:23:54,413 Out of the way, last night of the proms! 391 00:24:03,653 --> 00:24:06,013 At least it's an anniversary you'll remember! 392 00:24:12,861 --> 00:24:16,259 Where's it going? Where's this train going? London, at a wild guess? 393 00:24:16,315 --> 00:24:18,036 Yes, but where's it stopping? 394 00:24:18,996 --> 00:24:22,834 Mate, where's this train stop first? Stockport. Oh, yes! 395 00:24:22,835 --> 00:24:26,676 Right, we get off. We get into a cab. We'll be back at the hotel within half an hour. 396 00:24:27,196 --> 00:24:30,034 So, tickets? No. No, this is an accident. 397 00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:33,034 We're not supposed to be on this train. Oh, I know, neither am I. 398 00:24:33,035 --> 00:24:35,714 I'm supposed to be on the West End stage, but here we are. 399 00:24:35,715 --> 00:24:38,676 So, three tickets to Stockport, that'll be �9.00 please. 400 00:24:41,676 --> 00:24:43,914 I've been watching. You're not intermediate. 401 00:24:43,915 --> 00:24:46,834 You're all over the place. You nearly crippled Mrs Barkett. 402 00:24:46,835 --> 00:24:51,556 It was her fault. She was hoop turning when she should have been hammer locking. You're a menace, you! 403 00:24:54,036 --> 00:24:57,234 Get out. You're banned! Oh! Ho ho! Well, what a bloody shame! 404 00:24:57,235 --> 00:24:59,556 We only came here for the women, didn't we, Glyn? 405 00:25:00,756 --> 00:25:04,274 You're banned as well. That's not fair. Glyn hasn't done anything wrong. 406 00:25:04,275 --> 00:25:06,036 Yeah, come on. I'm doing well here. 407 00:25:07,076 --> 00:25:09,635 Dancing. Not... Just, just dancing. 408 00:25:09,636 --> 00:25:13,676 All right, Strictly ballbag! I'm going, aren't I?! Come on, Glyn. 409 00:25:20,916 --> 00:25:22,954 That bride don't look too happy, does she? 410 00:25:22,955 --> 00:25:25,194 Weddings - they're a killer on the nerves. 411 00:25:25,195 --> 00:25:27,634 Hodge was like a quivering jelly at ours. 412 00:25:27,635 --> 00:25:30,234 Everyone thought he'd pissed himself. You're joking? 413 00:25:30,235 --> 00:25:33,114 Well, he hadn't really. Went to splash water on his face. 414 00:25:33,115 --> 00:25:36,514 But you know them powerful taps. Whoosh, all over his groin. 415 00:25:36,515 --> 00:25:41,476 No sod believed him. That's why in our wedding photos he's holding a bouquet over his trousers. 416 00:25:43,516 --> 00:25:46,236 What about Daz? He once got drunk and pissed in the fridge. 417 00:25:46,676 --> 00:25:48,756 Ooh... No, I meant marriage. 418 00:25:50,356 --> 00:25:53,994 Marriage? Maybe, but only when I've house-trained him. Good girl. 419 00:25:53,995 --> 00:25:56,756 And if you ever do get spliced, I wanna be bridesmaid. 420 00:25:56,757 --> 00:26:00,595 Hold on. Did someone say bridesmaid? Summer is here! 421 00:26:00,596 --> 00:26:02,835 Hello, you. 422 00:26:02,836 --> 00:26:05,235 Ooh! Hiya, Summer! 423 00:26:05,236 --> 00:26:06,954 Oh, you do remember me, then! 424 00:26:06,955 --> 00:26:10,154 Hello, my name's Kath and I hardly call my friends, now I'm married! 425 00:26:10,155 --> 00:26:13,516 You heard her say that, didn't you? This is Colleen, Daz's girlfriend. 426 00:26:13,517 --> 00:26:15,355 You go out with Daz Taylor. 427 00:26:15,356 --> 00:26:18,076 Christ, what sort of sin did you commit in a former life?! 428 00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:20,236 She's joking! 429 00:26:20,556 --> 00:26:22,354 Summer's one of my oldest friends. 430 00:26:22,355 --> 00:26:24,154 Oldest and more, thank you very much! 431 00:26:24,155 --> 00:26:28,876 There are things about this woman that only me and a shared bottle of Southern Comfort will ever know. 432 00:26:29,396 --> 00:26:32,634 Oh, it's all right! Turned out to be negative in the end, didn't it? 433 00:26:32,635 --> 00:26:35,554 Right. Drinks! Come on. I wanna get us pissed, 434 00:26:35,555 --> 00:26:39,156 celebrate this bloody anniversary and have a right good larda palava! 435 00:26:40,436 --> 00:26:42,676 Waiter, we're waiting! 436 00:26:47,116 --> 00:26:49,116 F - For better... 437 00:26:49,276 --> 00:26:51,475 Ow! Ow - for worse. I dunno... 438 00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:54,674 'If you are leaving us here, please remember to take all 439 00:26:54,675 --> 00:26:58,354 of your personal belongings with you. The next station stop is Stockport.' 440 00:26:58,355 --> 00:27:02,396 All our belongings, yeah. Very funny! Come on. Let's go. Come on. 441 00:27:02,397 --> 00:27:05,236 'Give my regards to sunny Stockport.' 442 00:27:05,876 --> 00:27:09,034 Come on, come on, come on. Slow down. Watch the step, mate. 443 00:27:09,035 --> 00:27:11,994 There's a step there. The flowers are lovely, aren't they! 444 00:27:11,995 --> 00:27:14,234 There's a train back to Manchester in - now. 445 00:27:14,235 --> 00:27:16,836 Platform 1. Over there. Move it, lads! 446 00:27:18,596 --> 00:27:20,316 Come on. Come on. Come on! 447 00:27:20,317 --> 00:27:22,036 Oh, excuse me. Thank you. 448 00:27:22,556 --> 00:27:25,236 Look out! Come on, come on, come on! 449 00:27:29,076 --> 00:27:30,995 Sorry, mate! 450 00:27:30,996 --> 00:27:35,395 Come on, come on, come on, come on! Shit! Missed it! 451 00:27:35,396 --> 00:27:41,116 Platform alteration. The Manchester train will now leave from Platform 3A. 452 00:27:41,956 --> 00:27:43,875 Bloody hell! Come on! 453 00:27:43,876 --> 00:27:46,395 Come on! Now! 454 00:27:46,396 --> 00:27:48,835 Come on. Come on. Come on! 455 00:27:48,836 --> 00:27:50,555 Whoa, whoa, whoa... 456 00:27:50,556 --> 00:27:52,474 Come on. This is it. No, it's not. 457 00:27:52,475 --> 00:27:54,674 It's one more along. It's one more along! 458 00:27:54,675 --> 00:27:57,316 Are you sure? Course I'm sure. Come on! 459 00:27:57,317 --> 00:27:59,756 Is this allowed? Come on! 460 00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:27,274 Oh, did we not fancy Stockport, in the end? 461 00:28:27,275 --> 00:28:30,714 Well, it's hardly St Tropez, is it? Oh, you are joking me. 462 00:28:30,715 --> 00:28:34,516 Just sit back and enjoy the ride. Where does this train stop next? 463 00:28:34,517 --> 00:28:35,676 Stoke. 464 00:28:36,476 --> 00:28:38,274 Oh, Stoke, Stoke's all right. 465 00:28:38,275 --> 00:28:40,634 Ordinarily. Unfortunately, this weekend, 466 00:28:40,635 --> 00:28:42,554 due to planned engineering works, 467 00:28:42,555 --> 00:28:45,116 we'll be shooting straight on through to London. 468 00:28:46,156 --> 00:28:48,116 So... tickets. 469 00:28:56,036 --> 00:28:58,554 Now, Julie, can I just say - I bloody love coming here. 470 00:28:58,555 --> 00:29:03,154 You speak first. Gerado thinks I invited you and he's threatening to ban me too. That's not on. 471 00:29:03,155 --> 00:29:06,514 No, Glyn, what is not on is you stalking me here! 472 00:29:06,515 --> 00:29:10,076 Ah, no. I wasn't stalking you. I was just following you without you knowing. 473 00:29:12,156 --> 00:29:16,036 Which is stalking, isn't it? Will you give me one minute? One minute. 474 00:29:18,756 --> 00:29:22,315 Gerado, sorry. Could I have a word, please? Si. 475 00:29:22,316 --> 00:29:24,836 See what? No, I meant si. It's Spanish for yes. 476 00:29:25,476 --> 00:29:28,914 Right. Look. Please don't ban Julie. It was all my fault. 477 00:29:28,915 --> 00:29:30,954 You see, I've liked her ever since school. 478 00:29:30,955 --> 00:29:34,954 When I found out she was coming here tonight, I just got a bit jealous. 479 00:29:34,955 --> 00:29:39,116 I acted daft. But everybody does daft things, don't they, when they're mad on someone? 480 00:29:41,076 --> 00:29:44,156 Where you from, you? Just round here, Stockport. 481 00:29:44,157 --> 00:29:48,475 Why? The way you just spoke about your love for Julie, 482 00:29:48,476 --> 00:29:51,876 you too have some Latino blood, no? I don't think so. 483 00:29:51,877 --> 00:29:53,635 You're like me, you know? 484 00:29:53,636 --> 00:29:55,714 Your family moved here from somewhere else. 485 00:29:55,715 --> 00:29:58,436 My mum's from Doffcocker. Ah... Doffcocker. 486 00:29:59,596 --> 00:30:01,355 You have moved my heart. 487 00:30:01,356 --> 00:30:04,356 You have passion coursing through your veins. 488 00:30:04,357 --> 00:30:06,116 I withdraw the ban. 489 00:30:10,316 --> 00:30:12,596 Come back to t'world of salsa. 490 00:30:19,036 --> 00:30:22,354 You are back in the world of salsa. Thank you, Glyn. 491 00:30:22,355 --> 00:30:26,156 I reckon we can still make Hodges' meal. You said it'd been cancelled. 492 00:30:26,956 --> 00:30:28,956 Ahh... I sometimes lie. 493 00:30:29,876 --> 00:30:31,634 It's the Doffcocker in me. 494 00:30:31,635 --> 00:30:34,074 This is all your fault. Just... Just calm down. 495 00:30:34,075 --> 00:30:37,274 Calm down?! I'm missing my fifth wedding anniversary. 496 00:30:37,275 --> 00:30:39,714 Had it all planned - good food, good wine. 497 00:30:39,715 --> 00:30:44,196 Me and Kath were going to go home, drink champagne and have one of our special showers together. 498 00:30:48,076 --> 00:30:50,756 That's right - sex! Get over it! 499 00:30:54,796 --> 00:30:57,915 My head feels like... pain. 500 00:30:57,916 --> 00:31:00,794 It's all right, mate. You just had a few too many, that's all. 501 00:31:00,795 --> 00:31:03,954 Yeah, you're all right because we're looking after you. Yeah. 502 00:31:03,955 --> 00:31:05,756 And you're on a train to London. 503 00:31:07,356 --> 00:31:08,836 What... 504 00:31:13,276 --> 00:31:15,434 So you could stop at Macclesfield? 505 00:31:15,435 --> 00:31:19,156 Unauthorised stops are only permitted in the event of fire, 506 00:31:19,157 --> 00:31:23,275 medical emergency or an outbreak of violence. 507 00:31:23,276 --> 00:31:26,994 So, is Dopey out there likely to commit an act of violence, 508 00:31:26,995 --> 00:31:29,356 suffer a heart attack or set himself on fire? 509 00:31:29,357 --> 00:31:31,515 Er... No, I don't think so. 510 00:31:31,516 --> 00:31:34,354 Well, sadly, we shall be whistling through Macclesfield 511 00:31:34,355 --> 00:31:36,154 at approximately 100 miles per hour, 512 00:31:36,155 --> 00:31:38,594 which some might say is the very best way to see it. 513 00:31:38,595 --> 00:31:40,436 B-But - But it is his wedding night. 514 00:31:43,876 --> 00:31:46,634 Whoo! Yeah! If I'd not called Jan on the off chance, 515 00:31:46,635 --> 00:31:49,914 I wouldn't have known about tonight. I wouldn't be here now! 516 00:31:49,915 --> 00:31:52,594 Bummer! What's Hodge like with his invites? 517 00:31:52,595 --> 00:31:55,316 Well, daft question. I know exactly what he's like. 518 00:31:55,796 --> 00:31:57,874 Go on, I am sat here, you know? 519 00:31:57,875 --> 00:31:59,914 No, Hodge is lovely. He really is. 520 00:31:59,915 --> 00:32:03,514 You know he pissed himself at their wedding. It was water. 521 00:32:03,515 --> 00:32:05,794 Hm? Think it was urine. Well, water - urine, 522 00:32:05,795 --> 00:32:08,074 you didn't have to tell everyone, did you? 523 00:32:08,075 --> 00:32:12,514 Come on! I was doing him a favour. If there's an elephant in the room, it's best to point it out! 524 00:32:12,515 --> 00:32:16,274 Too right. That is the way that I'm starting to feel right now. Stop it. 525 00:32:16,275 --> 00:32:19,354 Thank you. I thought I was the only one that noticed. You, missy, 526 00:32:19,355 --> 00:32:22,994 it's your anniversary and you're sat there like a nun with a slapped arse! 527 00:32:22,995 --> 00:32:25,314 Where's the Kath we all know and love, eh? 528 00:32:25,315 --> 00:32:28,716 Well, that Kath doesn't go out so much any more, Summer. 529 00:32:28,717 --> 00:32:31,636 Yes, and d'you know why? Hodge. 530 00:32:32,076 --> 00:32:33,954 No. Don't look at me like that. 531 00:32:33,955 --> 00:32:36,956 All men try and turn you into their mothers, if you let them. 532 00:32:37,076 --> 00:32:40,196 At the end of the day, they're all scumbags. Fact. 533 00:32:42,356 --> 00:32:44,275 All right. Hi. 534 00:32:44,276 --> 00:32:46,956 What's the matter? Apparently, you're a scumbag, Glyn. 535 00:32:47,796 --> 00:32:51,356 Oh, Kath, yeah. Well, I wrote you a card. I just forgot it. 536 00:32:52,436 --> 00:32:55,995 Mmmm... Oh, Christ... Glyn, don't be a stranger! 537 00:32:55,996 --> 00:33:00,156 Come here! Here we go. Ah, murderer! Murderer! Jack the Ripper! Get off! 538 00:33:00,157 --> 00:33:01,955 Sorry. 539 00:33:01,956 --> 00:33:07,235 Er... Julie, this is Colleen, Kath - Hello. Hello. Summer. 540 00:33:07,236 --> 00:33:09,235 Nice to meet you. Thanks. 541 00:33:09,236 --> 00:33:11,635 Where's the lads? Dead. 542 00:33:11,636 --> 00:33:14,274 Yeah. Came off the ring road... into a lamppost. 543 00:33:14,275 --> 00:33:15,996 Just like that, apparently. 544 00:33:17,156 --> 00:33:20,514 Ignore her, Glyn. They're just late. God knows where they are! 545 00:33:20,515 --> 00:33:23,714 Yeah, they'll be here in a minute. Are you his girlfriend, then? 546 00:33:23,715 --> 00:33:26,676 Erm... Well... - Oh, as he not asked you yet? 547 00:33:27,076 --> 00:33:30,396 Don't you worry, flower. This one has always been a little bit shy. 548 00:33:30,636 --> 00:33:33,276 Actually, for a long while we thought he was Team Gay! 549 00:33:33,277 --> 00:33:34,995 Didn't we? Remember? 550 00:33:34,996 --> 00:33:37,876 Phone conversations we had - Is he? Isn't he? Is he? Isn't he? 551 00:33:38,156 --> 00:33:40,036 Oh, my God! You're not, are you, Glyn? 552 00:33:40,956 --> 00:33:42,795 You - Are you a - No! 553 00:33:42,796 --> 00:33:45,596 Well, you never can tell these days. Give me your hands. 554 00:33:45,597 --> 00:33:47,355 Let's have a look. 555 00:33:47,356 --> 00:33:48,516 Hm-hm... 556 00:33:49,796 --> 00:33:52,876 - Yeah. Definitely a girl. - Don't you worry. 557 00:33:52,877 --> 00:33:54,796 Phew! 558 00:33:56,716 --> 00:33:59,714 You know, it was - It was the day. You know, the whole wedding... 559 00:33:59,715 --> 00:34:02,914 All these questions. 'Am I doing the right thing?' 'Do I love her?' 560 00:34:02,915 --> 00:34:05,594 Yeah, I guess so. But, you know, enough to marry her? 561 00:34:05,595 --> 00:34:07,794 Enough to leave London? Is this what I want? 562 00:34:07,795 --> 00:34:10,234 Questions and pressure! Pressure and questions. 563 00:34:10,235 --> 00:34:12,074 And then more questions and pressure. 564 00:34:12,075 --> 00:34:14,354 So, you felt under pressure. Yeah, pressure. 565 00:34:14,355 --> 00:34:18,076 Yeah. And then I think: Of course I should marry. But I can't decide! 566 00:34:19,156 --> 00:34:21,274 This is me all over. I'm like it all the time. 567 00:34:21,275 --> 00:34:24,354 I'm exactly the same at work. What - What do you do? 568 00:34:24,355 --> 00:34:26,116 I'm an air-traffic controller. 569 00:34:29,436 --> 00:34:33,994 Look, take it from someone who's been around the block a little bit. 570 00:34:33,995 --> 00:34:36,716 Five years married, still going strong. 571 00:34:37,636 --> 00:34:40,276 Marriage isn't something to be frightened of - 572 00:34:43,156 --> 00:34:44,916 It's Kath. 573 00:34:49,796 --> 00:34:51,995 Hello, love. How are you? 574 00:34:51,996 --> 00:34:53,756 Where are you? You sound guilty. 575 00:34:54,156 --> 00:34:57,434 Well, you'll never guess. You'll laugh when I tell you. 576 00:34:57,435 --> 00:34:59,956 We're on a train and we're heading to London. 577 00:35:01,076 --> 00:35:03,914 Stop winding me up! You better be winding me up. 578 00:35:03,915 --> 00:35:08,634 I wish I was. I need you to do me a favour. Look around. Can you see an upset bride anywhere? 579 00:35:08,635 --> 00:35:12,156 Hang on a sec, I'll just get a mirror! No, a young bride! 580 00:35:12,157 --> 00:35:13,795 I-I-I mean a new bride. 581 00:35:13,796 --> 00:35:15,876 In a white dress. She's probably crying. 582 00:35:17,716 --> 00:35:19,634 How did you know that, Derren Brown? 583 00:35:19,635 --> 00:35:23,356 Are you here, really? Can you see me? What am I doing now? 584 00:35:24,076 --> 00:35:26,156 Listen! 585 00:35:26,436 --> 00:35:29,794 Go and speak to her. Tell her not to panic, her husband's with us. 586 00:35:29,795 --> 00:35:31,994 But we're on a train heading for London. 587 00:35:31,995 --> 00:35:35,356 London, London? Hodge, you better tell me what's happening. 588 00:35:35,357 --> 00:35:38,635 Glug - Whoo-hoo! Ooh, I could get used to this! 589 00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,515 Apart from her, of course. 590 00:35:40,516 --> 00:35:43,596 Let's just forget about her, concentrate on having a great night. 591 00:35:43,597 --> 00:35:45,436 Oh, sorry. 592 00:35:47,996 --> 00:35:49,874 We're starting to worry about you. 593 00:35:49,875 --> 00:35:52,914 Mate, can you get yourself to Macclesfield? What? 594 00:35:52,915 --> 00:35:55,156 It's a long story. Just meet us at the station. 595 00:35:55,157 --> 00:35:56,915 I can't. I'm with Julie! 596 00:35:56,916 --> 00:36:02,396 Well, that'll show her what a great mate you are, then, won't it? 'Please. Now!' Just hurry up. 597 00:36:06,356 --> 00:36:08,155 That was my mates. 598 00:36:08,156 --> 00:36:12,874 They want me to go and pick 'em up and bring them back here. Will you be all right with Colleen and Kath? 599 00:36:12,875 --> 00:36:15,234 Yeah. As long as they don't leave me with Summer. 600 00:36:15,235 --> 00:36:19,276 I mean, you won't be long, will you? No. Just gotta go to Macclesfield. 601 00:36:19,277 --> 00:36:22,555 Macclesfield? Come on, you two love-birds. 602 00:36:22,556 --> 00:36:25,635 What are you two doing sat here talking? 603 00:36:25,636 --> 00:36:27,516 You're in a hotel! Get a room! 604 00:36:27,517 --> 00:36:29,355 A room for the mushroom! 605 00:36:29,356 --> 00:36:30,795 Hey! 606 00:36:30,796 --> 00:36:33,274 I'm really sorry. Oh, Glyn. Glyn, come back! 607 00:36:33,275 --> 00:36:36,074 Oh, come on. Sod him! We can still have a good time, can't we? 608 00:36:36,075 --> 00:36:38,794 Listen, there's a wedding next door, with a dance floor. 609 00:36:38,795 --> 00:36:42,276 Come on. Come on, up you get. Up you get and throw some shapes. 610 00:36:42,277 --> 00:36:47,236 Yeah, I think that's enough now, Summer. She can't stop! Whoo-whoo! 611 00:36:47,876 --> 00:36:50,276 This phone's rubbish. I can't get any signal. 612 00:36:50,277 --> 00:36:54,036 Oh... She's a smiler. Oh, yeah. 613 00:36:54,556 --> 00:36:57,516 It's my daughter Kelly. Lives in Australia now. 614 00:36:58,276 --> 00:37:00,236 You're divorced. Yep! 615 00:37:00,796 --> 00:37:03,634 And some Aussie, a proper Dick Dundee thinks he's her dad. 616 00:37:03,635 --> 00:37:06,996 And that's why I've never bothered. It's very risky. 617 00:37:07,716 --> 00:37:11,154 Whoa! But not all marriages are doomed. Well, take me. 618 00:37:11,155 --> 00:37:14,636 I'm celebrating my fifth wedding anniversary tonight in Manchester. 619 00:37:14,637 --> 00:37:17,355 Ain't I, Darren! Beggsy? Hm? 620 00:37:17,356 --> 00:37:20,596 Oh, yeah! Yeah. It's a good thing, marriage - for some. 621 00:37:22,076 --> 00:37:24,076 For most. I'll prove it to you. 622 00:37:25,916 --> 00:37:29,436 People of Carriage C - Shut up. This is a quiet zone. 623 00:37:29,437 --> 00:37:31,515 Just a minute! Mouth. 624 00:37:31,516 --> 00:37:33,596 How many of you are married? 625 00:37:36,716 --> 00:37:38,355 Exactly! 626 00:37:38,356 --> 00:37:42,236 And how many of you look back on getting married as the best decision of your life? 627 00:37:47,156 --> 00:37:50,316 OK. It's not a great sample. 628 00:37:51,356 --> 00:37:53,274 Right, you lot. I shouldn't be doing this 629 00:37:53,275 --> 00:37:55,354 but I've been talking to your little friend 630 00:37:55,355 --> 00:37:58,276 and he's been filling me in on the legend of the runaway groom. 631 00:37:58,277 --> 00:38:00,915 So, I've waved my magic wand 632 00:38:00,916 --> 00:38:03,596 and this train will be stopping in Macclesfield. 633 00:38:04,436 --> 00:38:06,356 Oh, you shall go to the ball! 634 00:38:06,357 --> 00:38:11,915 Yes. Yes! Yes. Yes, you're right. Marriage isn't for everyone. 635 00:38:11,916 --> 00:38:14,316 I wanna go straight to London. No stopping. 636 00:38:17,916 --> 00:38:19,636 COME HERE! Whoa! 637 00:38:27,814 --> 00:38:32,394 Come on, change. Change, you bastard. 638 00:38:33,472 --> 00:38:36,072 No-one likes you, red light. You know that, don't you? 639 00:38:36,749 --> 00:38:37,909 Yes. 640 00:38:39,031 --> 00:38:41,589 Hodge, I'm just coming up on Macclesfield now, mate. 641 00:38:41,590 --> 00:38:44,269 Well, you can turn round. We're not stopping there now. Why not? 642 00:38:44,354 --> 00:38:47,353 Cos Beggsy has turned into a marriage guidance counsellor. 643 00:38:47,354 --> 00:38:49,315 Go on, just get back to Julie. Oh... f... 644 00:38:51,675 --> 00:38:55,593 Look, I'm so sorry, boys. I'm just scared about settling down. 645 00:38:55,594 --> 00:38:57,315 Well, you're supposed to be! 646 00:38:58,315 --> 00:39:01,033 Oh, I've sat here trying to do my Puzzler 647 00:39:01,034 --> 00:39:03,833 and all I've had is 'marry this' and 'relationships that' 648 00:39:03,834 --> 00:39:05,793 and 'I don't know what to expect.' 649 00:39:05,899 --> 00:39:07,660 That's the whole bloody point! 650 00:39:07,661 --> 00:39:09,939 Erm, excuse me. Quiet zone. 651 00:39:09,940 --> 00:39:14,139 It's the uncertainty, the worry that keeps it exciting. 652 00:39:14,140 --> 00:39:16,778 Me and my husband were married for 47 years 653 00:39:16,779 --> 00:39:19,298 and we must have rowed every single day. 654 00:39:19,299 --> 00:39:22,540 Winding each other up - but we loved every minute of it. 655 00:39:23,940 --> 00:39:26,178 He died two years ago next March. 656 00:39:26,179 --> 00:39:29,418 And I miss him now every day. How did he pass away? 657 00:39:29,419 --> 00:39:31,300 I stabbed him with a bread knife! 658 00:39:33,420 --> 00:39:34,580 Cancer. 659 00:39:35,620 --> 00:39:40,619 The point I'm trying to make is, love, it's normal to be scared. Yeah? 660 00:39:40,620 --> 00:39:43,459 So, stop moaning. Get back to your wife 661 00:39:43,460 --> 00:39:46,620 and let me get on with my Puzzler! 662 00:39:49,380 --> 00:39:53,259 Wow. You know, for all our spats, I really love Colleen. 663 00:39:53,260 --> 00:39:54,620 Yeah. 664 00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:56,820 I'd even go to Old Trafford for her. 665 00:39:59,220 --> 00:40:03,139 I think I wanna get back to Manchester, back to my wife. 666 00:40:03,140 --> 00:40:05,619 Oh... Great. How? 667 00:40:05,620 --> 00:40:10,938 The guard said the train only stops for fires, outbreaks of violence or medical emergencies. 668 00:40:10,939 --> 00:40:13,300 I could always thump him. Ticks two boxes. 669 00:40:18,540 --> 00:40:21,100 She knows some swear words, that one. 670 00:40:22,700 --> 00:40:25,740 Bet she's married herself a booby prize an' all! Excuse me? 671 00:40:26,140 --> 00:40:28,378 It's a nickname I had for Hodge at your wedding. 672 00:40:28,379 --> 00:40:31,378 I said to him. I said, 'He's lucky marrying you. 673 00:40:31,379 --> 00:40:33,100 But you're unlucky marrying him.' 674 00:40:33,101 --> 00:40:37,060 You know, the booby prize. I need a drink. 675 00:40:38,100 --> 00:40:40,660 Ohh... Come on! 676 00:40:42,300 --> 00:40:45,499 Oh, when the Bees go marching in! 677 00:40:45,500 --> 00:40:49,339 ? Oh, when the Bees go marching in! 678 00:40:49,340 --> 00:40:52,500 Come on. You can do this. # I wanna be in that number 679 00:40:52,501 --> 00:40:55,339 ? Oh, when the Bees go marching in 680 00:40:55,340 --> 00:41:00,780 I thought it was a bit weird that they've run out of lemonade on this train but this explains it. 681 00:41:01,340 --> 00:41:03,340 Shandy Andy... 682 00:41:06,540 --> 00:41:08,260 Hello, ladies... 683 00:41:08,700 --> 00:41:10,460 Ooh, argh... Get him! 684 00:41:12,060 --> 00:41:14,580 No, we've asked that it's just - it doesn't stop 685 00:41:14,581 --> 00:41:19,059 unless it's a fire, a medical emergency or an outbreak of - 686 00:41:19,060 --> 00:41:21,540 Oh, shit! See you later! Run! 687 00:41:22,260 --> 00:41:23,620 RUN! 688 00:41:35,140 --> 00:41:37,220 You're right. I'm gonna say something. 689 00:41:38,780 --> 00:41:43,138 But what if she kicks up a fuss, tries to turn all our friends against me. She's capable. 690 00:41:43,139 --> 00:41:47,540 What has she got to do for you to kick her out? Start a fire? Shave your eyebrows off for a laugh? 691 00:41:47,541 --> 00:41:50,819 She's already done that. 18 to 30, Ayia Napa. 692 00:41:50,820 --> 00:41:53,178 Look, I'm not saying you're lying to me. 693 00:41:53,179 --> 00:41:55,178 I'm just saying you're lying to yourself. 694 00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:58,498 You go to salsa to meet men. No, I don't. Yes, you do! 695 00:41:58,499 --> 00:42:02,218 No, I don't. Yes, you do. Look, I'm on Single Street myself, love. 696 00:42:02,219 --> 00:42:04,778 I know how to get on to A Good Time Avenue. 697 00:42:04,779 --> 00:42:08,220 And I am gonna show you how to get there. Drink up. 698 00:42:09,940 --> 00:42:11,698 Oh, it's like that, is it? 699 00:42:11,699 --> 00:42:15,818 Well, let me tell you something. If you've got your sights set on Glyn, 700 00:42:15,819 --> 00:42:19,258 then I've got two words for you, love: life insurance. 701 00:42:19,259 --> 00:42:22,140 The man is a walking disaster area. Ask anyone. 702 00:42:22,141 --> 00:42:25,099 Oh, come on, cheer up! 703 00:42:25,100 --> 00:42:27,620 'Ey, I bet I know how I could make you laugh. 704 00:42:28,100 --> 00:42:29,780 Diddle-liddle-liddle-la... 705 00:42:30,820 --> 00:42:32,778 I think somebody wants a giggle! 706 00:42:32,779 --> 00:42:35,178 Summer, you're actually - You're hurting me now. 707 00:42:35,179 --> 00:42:36,900 Come on, laugh, you bitch! 708 00:42:37,380 --> 00:42:40,618 Ow! Summer, listen, I've been thinking and - What's going on? 709 00:42:40,619 --> 00:42:43,578 She just punched me in the tit! It was accidental. 710 00:42:43,579 --> 00:42:46,778 No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. I was aiming for your face. 711 00:42:46,779 --> 00:42:49,618 Kath, say something! I think you should leave. 712 00:42:49,619 --> 00:42:52,258 Yes! I do, too, Little Miss Dress From Primark! 713 00:42:52,259 --> 00:42:54,060 No, Summer, I think YOU should leave. 714 00:42:55,140 --> 00:42:56,340 Me?! 715 00:42:58,220 --> 00:43:00,019 Oh, I see. 716 00:43:00,020 --> 00:43:01,739 It's like that, is it?! 717 00:43:01,740 --> 00:43:05,540 Well, wait until I tell our proper friends what you've turned into. 718 00:43:05,541 --> 00:43:07,179 B-o-r-ing! 719 00:43:07,180 --> 00:43:09,218 And I'll tell you another thing, 720 00:43:09,219 --> 00:43:12,940 I'm organising a big girls' trip, out to Faliraki in September. 721 00:43:12,941 --> 00:43:15,859 And you are not invited. 722 00:43:15,860 --> 00:43:18,740 I wouldn't go anyway! Hodge is taking me to Centre Parcs! 723 00:43:18,741 --> 00:43:22,300 Huh! Well, whose fault's that, Kath?! 724 00:43:27,820 --> 00:43:32,219 Aimed for her face, eh? Well, yeah. Good girl. She can stay! 725 00:43:32,220 --> 00:43:34,940 Too bloody right. 726 00:43:39,460 --> 00:43:41,380 Lovely to meet you! 727 00:43:45,140 --> 00:43:47,178 Something wrong with your accelerator? 728 00:43:47,179 --> 00:43:51,898 'Get to Macclesfield, go back to Manchester, come to Stoke...' You wanna make up your mind. 729 00:43:51,899 --> 00:43:54,460 You stop being so selfish. You can easily be replaced! 730 00:43:54,461 --> 00:43:56,140 W - Who's he?! 731 00:44:16,420 --> 00:44:18,380 OK. Now us. 732 00:44:41,300 --> 00:44:43,700 Hey! You idiots! 733 00:44:44,020 --> 00:44:47,700 Are you not angry with us? Yeah. But we're also smashed. 734 00:44:47,701 --> 00:44:51,220 Hodge the Todge. 735 00:44:52,460 --> 00:44:54,700 Happy anniversary, baby pie. 736 00:45:01,260 --> 00:45:05,700 Look, I've been thinking. I'll go with you to Old Trafford but I don't have to watch. 737 00:45:06,140 --> 00:45:08,940 I don't want you to come to Old Trafford. Eh? 738 00:45:09,060 --> 00:45:12,620 It was a test. And guess what? You've passed! 739 00:45:17,300 --> 00:45:20,340 You're frightening her. Go and talk to her. I am not frightening - 740 00:45:32,780 --> 00:45:36,060 D'you want another one of those? Yeah. Two more, please. 741 00:45:42,660 --> 00:45:44,820 Hey, lads, he's off again. 742 00:45:44,870 --> 00:45:49,420 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 61200

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