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1
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,360
30 seconds to go -
eBay is such a buzz!
2
00:00:05,366 --> 00:00:07,606
And we're on �17! Do we have �18?
3
00:00:07,606 --> 00:00:11,126
�18.25? �18.50?! OK, do stop that.
I'm doing an auction.
4
00:00:11,126 --> 00:00:16,166
�19! Yes, looking for �20 now.
Yes, thank you, sir, Mr BeeGee74!
5
00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:20,166
Do we have �21? I'm biding my time!
It's bidding, Tom, not biding!
6
00:00:20,166 --> 00:00:23,806
Bidding! Then I pounce like a snake,
like a business snake! �22! 23!
7
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:27,846
Then 24! Oh, it's neck and neck! And
look, it's BeeGee74 on the inside,
8
00:00:27,846 --> 00:00:30,286
steaming into first place!
I mean, that is horse racing!
9
00:00:30,286 --> 00:00:32,886
Oh, come on, 10 seconds left!
Going once... I lay the trap...
10
00:00:32,886 --> 00:00:35,526
..going twice! Just hurry up
and BIDE! ..I coax them in...
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00:00:35,526 --> 00:00:38,646
Going three times! ..and pounce!
12
00:00:40,646 --> 00:00:42,006
Ha-ha! Sold!
13
00:00:44,846 --> 00:00:46,766
Maybe type in coffee table? Yeah!
14
00:00:52,846 --> 00:00:54,686
This is Flat News.
15
00:00:58,686 --> 00:01:00,846
After our momentous
eBay victory
16
00:01:00,846 --> 00:01:04,526
7-10 working days ago,
the package arrives today!
17
00:01:04,526 --> 00:01:06,686
Naz Osmanoglu is waiting
at the front door.
18
00:01:06,686 --> 00:01:08,726
Naz, what's the atmosphere
like down there?
19
00:01:10,486 --> 00:01:12,686
I don't know what
that word means, Tom,
20
00:01:12,686 --> 00:01:15,686
but the feeling down here
is absolutely joyful.
21
00:01:15,686 --> 00:01:17,846
People are queueing
by the letterbox to catch
22
00:01:17,846 --> 00:01:20,806
a glimpse of the package
they all love and adore.
23
00:01:20,806 --> 00:01:24,046
This man's come all the way from
his bedroom. Isn't that right?
24
00:01:24,046 --> 00:01:27,766
Mm-hm! I've been sat staring
at the door for the last five hours!
25
00:01:27,766 --> 00:01:32,086
Even though the e-mail said it would
arrive between 10 and 6? Yes!
26
00:01:32,086 --> 00:01:34,006
I was keen to get a good spot.
27
00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:36,046
There's nothing weird
about what I'm doing!
28
00:01:36,046 --> 00:01:40,526
The stage is set, Tom. Where is
the package? When will it arrive?
29
00:01:40,526 --> 00:01:42,006
Will it be in a jiffy bag?
30
00:01:42,006 --> 00:01:43,526
The bathroom door remains
31
00:01:43,526 --> 00:01:45,326
without a handle
on the inside,
32
00:01:45,326 --> 00:01:46,526
after Naz destroyed it
33
00:01:46,526 --> 00:01:48,206
trying to escape
his own smell.
34
00:01:48,206 --> 00:01:50,726
Its latest victim?
Third housemate Mikey.
35
00:01:50,726 --> 00:01:52,886
Guys? The door's stuck.
36
00:01:52,886 --> 00:01:56,566
Guys? Can you let me out, please?
37
00:01:56,566 --> 00:01:58,526
Guys? Can you, er, turn it up?
38
00:01:58,526 --> 00:02:01,246
In Lift Talk this morning,
I help new next-door neighbour
39
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:04,046
and most beautiful girl in the world
Sophie with her shopping.
40
00:02:04,046 --> 00:02:06,326
I promise you, Sophie,
it's not a problem!
41
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:09,846
Tom, it's very kind, but really,
you don't have to. No, no! Um...
42
00:02:09,846 --> 00:02:12,766
Seriously, mate,
just put 'em down. I've got it.
43
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,966
And finally,
Naz is yet again
44
00:02:14,966 --> 00:02:17,766
applying to be
a contestant on Dragons' Den.
45
00:02:17,766 --> 00:02:20,606
He joins us in the studio to
discuss his latest invention -
46
00:02:20,606 --> 00:02:22,646
the Swiss Army Hat.
47
00:02:22,646 --> 00:02:24,486
Naz, what the hell
are you thinking?
48
00:02:24,486 --> 00:02:26,686
Either Deborah Meaden,
for her firm hand.
49
00:02:26,686 --> 00:02:28,806
Or Peter Jones,
for his big head.
50
00:02:28,806 --> 00:02:31,246
Surely an army would just
wear helmets? A valid point.
51
00:02:31,246 --> 00:02:34,846
But does a helmet come
with a foldout hacking saw?
52
00:02:34,846 --> 00:02:37,726
Hungry?
Whoops, it's a spork!
53
00:02:37,726 --> 00:02:39,646
Lego man -
just for me, really.
54
00:02:39,646 --> 00:02:41,486
And, on the back,
emergency ham.
55
00:02:41,486 --> 00:02:43,366
You can also wear it
as a handy ha...
56
00:02:43,366 --> 00:02:46,206
Agh! ..hat!
You can wear it as a hat.
57
00:02:46,206 --> 00:02:48,646
Thanks, Naz, who, for some reason,
thinks this attempt to
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00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:52,406
get on Dragons' Den will fare better
than his previous six failures.
59
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,446
Literally no point even
filling in the form.
60
00:02:54,446 --> 00:02:56,806
No need to rub it in, mate!
61
00:02:56,806 --> 00:02:58,486
Ah! How am I rubbing it in?
62
00:02:59,766 --> 00:03:03,326
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is the Swiss
Army crap doing on the plinth?!
63
00:03:03,326 --> 00:03:06,326
That is where the package is going!
Then where's my hat supposed to go?!
64
00:03:06,326 --> 00:03:08,086
I don't care! A bonfire? The sea?
65
00:03:08,086 --> 00:03:10,406
It's 200m water resistant,
so it could live in the sea!
66
00:03:10,406 --> 00:03:12,766
Stick with the bonfire!
Just do not ruin my living room!
67
00:03:12,766 --> 00:03:14,806
It's my living room too!
I pay the mortgage.
68
00:03:14,806 --> 00:03:16,926
Shut up, Mikey!
You stinky little shit!
69
00:03:16,926 --> 00:03:19,526
Sort out the mail, please.
70
00:03:19,526 --> 00:03:22,926
Why are you wearing that?
Just to remind Naz he'll never get in my den.
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00:03:22,926 --> 00:03:26,526
It's not your den, you shit lizard!
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00:03:26,526 --> 00:03:29,046
All right!
73
00:03:29,046 --> 00:03:31,086
You named the plinth,
I decide what goes on it!
74
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:33,726
It's not going to look good
on Plinth George!
75
00:03:33,726 --> 00:03:36,446
It's much better in the jungle,
amongst the shrub!
76
00:03:36,446 --> 00:03:39,446
It's not shrub, it's shrubs, and
they're not shrubs, they're ferns!
77
00:03:39,446 --> 00:03:41,246
And it's not going
in front of my degree!
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00:03:41,246 --> 00:03:44,686
Philosophy isn't a real degree.
Maybe, but... What is real?
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00:03:44,686 --> 00:03:46,606
OK, this clearly isn't working. Hmm.
80
00:03:46,606 --> 00:03:49,566
We should wait for the package to
arrive before we decide I'm right.
81
00:03:50,966 --> 00:03:53,606
What are we going
to do for the next six hours?
82
00:03:53,606 --> 00:03:55,646
I don't know.
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00:03:55,646 --> 00:03:57,166
Just wait, I guess.
84
00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:10,846
'It's 10.45am
in the Big Flat,
85
00:04:10,846 --> 00:04:13,966
'and housemates are waiting
for the package.'
86
00:04:13,966 --> 00:04:15,006
I'm bored!
87
00:04:16,926 --> 00:04:19,326
Is that helping? No.
88
00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:22,926
I'm so bored! You don't have
to keep saying you're bored.
89
00:04:22,926 --> 00:04:25,166
I understand you're bored.
Yeah, but I'm bored.
90
00:04:30,526 --> 00:04:32,006
I'm bored!
91
00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:34,406
'11.50am.'
92
00:04:36,126 --> 00:04:37,286
Stop it!
93
00:04:40,086 --> 00:04:42,886
Agh! Ah! Aa-a-agh!
94
00:04:42,886 --> 00:04:45,566
No cock shots! No cock shots!
95
00:04:51,646 --> 00:04:52,926
That's Jenga!
96
00:04:54,646 --> 00:04:57,726
'It's 2.54pm, and housemates
97
00:04:57,726 --> 00:05:00,326
'are STILL waiting for the package.'
98
00:05:00,326 --> 00:05:01,566
Oh? Oh, what...?
99
00:05:01,566 --> 00:05:04,326
What the hell are you doing?!
What the hell are you doing?!
100
00:05:04,326 --> 00:05:07,286
I'm playing with my Lego man!
Eugh, is that a euphemism?
101
00:05:07,286 --> 00:05:09,886
No, it's a type of toy, Tom!
102
00:05:12,766 --> 00:05:14,206
The package!
103
00:05:14,206 --> 00:05:16,566
It's going on the plinth!
It's going in the jungle! No!
104
00:05:17,966 --> 00:05:19,886
Oh! Agh! No!
105
00:05:23,246 --> 00:05:25,486
Is that a pizza cutter?!
106
00:05:25,486 --> 00:05:27,606
Eugh! Whoop-dee-doo!
107
00:05:29,926 --> 00:05:31,646
Ow!
108
00:05:31,646 --> 00:05:32,766
Package! Package!
109
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:36,366
Oh! So, I've come to
talk about the bollard situation.
110
00:05:36,366 --> 00:05:38,286
What? I have complained
to the council,
111
00:05:38,286 --> 00:05:41,006
but apparently, I'm the one
with the attitude problem.
112
00:05:41,006 --> 00:05:44,646
Mmm. Sure, don't know what you're
talking about. So, what's your goss?
113
00:05:44,646 --> 00:05:46,766
Er, what? Oh, just coming, Tom.
114
00:05:46,766 --> 00:05:49,526
Are you excited for Sophie's party?
115
00:05:49,526 --> 00:05:52,086
Huh? Sophie's party tonight.
116
00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:56,246
Here. Yeah, she's, er,
going to be serving vodka.
117
00:05:56,246 --> 00:05:58,766
Apparently,
it's a type of Russian beer!
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00:05:58,766 --> 00:06:02,326
Ah, I don't think
I was actually invited.
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00:06:02,326 --> 00:06:03,526
Oh?
120
00:06:03,526 --> 00:06:07,406
Oh, no! What, you didn't get
an invite? Oh, that's awkward!
121
00:06:07,406 --> 00:06:12,606
- Oh... That is awkward.
- I...
122
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:15,966
Why's she done that, do you think?
Quite a sophisticated event.
123
00:06:15,966 --> 00:06:19,606
I mean, you know, I think maybe
she thought you're a bit childish?
124
00:06:19,606 --> 00:06:21,166
Anyway, I'm really excited,
125
00:06:21,166 --> 00:06:25,006
because, the last time I went
to a party, er, there was a cat,
126
00:06:25,006 --> 00:06:27,566
and it had a furball,
and I had to give it mouth-to-mouth.
127
00:06:27,566 --> 00:06:30,806
It just popped out the other end,
which was the weird bit! OK!
128
00:06:30,806 --> 00:06:33,926
Well, good luck with the bollard.
I'm sorry you didn't get invited
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00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:36,086
to the party. Will I save you
a wee bit of cake?
130
00:06:36,086 --> 00:06:39,246
Sophie didn't invite me to her party,
cos she thinks I'm childish!
131
00:06:39,246 --> 00:06:41,366
Oh, sorry, mate.
This is your fault!
132
00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:44,166
YOU'RE a child and I've been
tarred with the same brush!
133
00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:47,926
Ha! You said "tard"! Case in point!
You will never get on the Den!
134
00:06:47,926 --> 00:06:50,766
Oh, you will see me on Dragons' Den!
It is my dens-tiny!
135
00:06:50,766 --> 00:06:53,406
I can go to a sophisticated event!
I'm an adult!
136
00:06:53,406 --> 00:06:56,006
I've got a library! When have you
ever read any of these?
137
00:06:56,006 --> 00:06:58,326
At least I've read some books!
I've read loads of book!
138
00:06:58,326 --> 00:07:00,086
Connect 4 instructions do not count!
139
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:03,006
"Oh, I'm Tom! I like to flick
through the dog-eared pages of..."
140
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:06,006
Whoops! It's never been opened!
Oh, it's on my list! You're a fake!
141
00:07:06,006 --> 00:07:08,966
Well, I think you're just jealous
of how mature and cultured I am.
142
00:07:08,966 --> 00:07:11,406
Oh, yeah! I know how cultured
you think you are!
143
00:07:17,606 --> 00:07:23,646
Hi! I'm Tom Rosenthal, philosopher,
book reader, wanker!
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00:07:23,646 --> 00:07:27,126
As a wanker, I like to laze
about all day, scoffing Haribo
145
00:07:27,126 --> 00:07:31,086
and watching repeats
of SpongeBob in my pants!
146
00:07:31,086 --> 00:07:34,646
But when I hear my flatmates
arriving, I quickly switch
147
00:07:34,646 --> 00:07:40,286
to BBC Four and pretend to be
watching a documentary about canals.
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00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:44,446
Like many wankers, naturally, I
framed my own graduation photograph.
149
00:07:45,846 --> 00:07:49,526
But eagle-eyed viewers will notice
that my non-wanker housemate
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00:07:49,526 --> 00:07:54,486
has brilliantly and artistically
drawn cocks upon't.
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00:07:54,486 --> 00:07:55,846
What the hell?!
152
00:07:55,846 --> 00:07:57,806
Yeah? Well, joke's on you!
153
00:07:57,806 --> 00:08:00,526
Because I've got another ten copies
for my friends and family
154
00:08:00,526 --> 00:08:03,686
and, due to low uptake, I have...
ten spares. Oh, yes, I know.
155
00:08:03,686 --> 00:08:06,606
Oh... Eugh! ..look how happy
he is holding his cock!
156
00:08:06,606 --> 00:08:07,886
Mummy will be so proud!
157
00:08:07,886 --> 00:08:11,246
Hang on, I missed a bollock on
that one. Where's my hat sharpie?
158
00:08:11,246 --> 00:08:13,326
Where's my awesome hat?
Little hat lad?
159
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,766
Hmm, maybe it blew away, after I
threw it out the window with my hand.
160
00:08:16,766 --> 00:08:19,206
Anyway, it does free up the plinth.
161
00:08:19,206 --> 00:08:21,766
How am I supposed to cut peaches
and do grouting now?!
162
00:08:21,766 --> 00:08:23,566
Oh, that package is
NEVER going on George!
163
00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,686
I decide what goes
on the Fresh Plinth of Bel-Air!
164
00:08:25,686 --> 00:08:28,566
That is not his name! I changed it!
It's my plinth and my living room!
165
00:08:28,566 --> 00:08:31,086
- Well, technically, I own...
- Oh, shut up, Mikey!
166
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:35,966
'An unhappy Tom
167
00:08:35,966 --> 00:08:38,166
'has come to the Diary Room.'
168
00:08:38,166 --> 00:08:40,526
Hello, Tom.
Hello, Big Flat.
169
00:08:40,526 --> 00:08:42,526
So, how are you feeling today, Tom?
170
00:08:42,526 --> 00:08:44,486
It's like living
with a bearded toddler!
171
00:08:44,486 --> 00:08:47,686
Sophie thinks I'm childish and
it's his fault! HE'S the child!
172
00:08:47,686 --> 00:08:51,166
Didn't you throw his hat out the
window? What's your point? Shut up!
173
00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:53,486
The package is going on that plinth!
If Naz was allowed
174
00:08:53,486 --> 00:08:56,046
to make decisions, this place
would literally fall apart!
175
00:08:56,046 --> 00:08:58,326
I'm thinking about smashing up
his bookcase next,
176
00:08:58,326 --> 00:09:00,606
then I'll eat his books!
Then, a few hours later,
177
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:04,246
I'll poo myself some qualifications!
Who's the philosopher now, Tom?
178
00:09:04,246 --> 00:09:07,686
You're keeping something from Tom,
aren't you, Naz? Yeah.
179
00:09:09,126 --> 00:09:11,886
I actually was invited
to Sophie's party.
180
00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:13,646
It was only Tom who wasn't.
181
00:09:13,646 --> 00:09:16,686
'Are you planning to tell him?
No! He's my best mate.'
182
00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:19,086
It would...it would kill him.
183
00:09:20,766 --> 00:09:22,766
'Look, all I really want'
184
00:09:22,766 --> 00:09:25,406
is for Tom to take me seriously.
185
00:09:25,406 --> 00:09:29,286
I was really proud of my
Swiss Army Hat! It was all mine!
186
00:09:29,286 --> 00:09:31,286
Apart from the 20% equity
I was going to give to
187
00:09:31,286 --> 00:09:34,606
Peter "Big Head" Jones, but Tom...
188
00:09:37,206 --> 00:09:38,806
All I want is his respect.
189
00:09:42,806 --> 00:09:45,166
Naz? You in there, mate?
190
00:09:45,166 --> 00:09:48,126
Hey, mate, look,
I'm sorry about earlier.
191
00:09:48,126 --> 00:09:50,086
Hey! He...!
192
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,846
'Tom has locked Naz
in the Diary Room,
193
00:09:54,846 --> 00:09:58,606
'so he can prepare
the display plinth for the package.'
194
00:10:11,286 --> 00:10:14,646
I didn't order a pizza.
Let him out. Oh, what?
195
00:10:14,646 --> 00:10:17,646
You think, just cos you're bigger
than me, I'll do what you say?
196
00:10:17,646 --> 00:10:20,686
Why are you letting people lock you
in the toilet? Cos I'm an idiot!
197
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:23,526
Would an idiot invent this?
198
00:10:23,526 --> 00:10:26,766
All right, mate! Yeah!
How'd you know this belongs to me?!
199
00:10:26,766 --> 00:10:29,326
Cos you've written "mine"
on the little man.
200
00:10:29,326 --> 00:10:31,806
Only you would do that!
201
00:10:31,806 --> 00:10:34,326
Well, it IS mine.
Crazy features on this hat.
202
00:10:34,326 --> 00:10:37,206
Did you see the emergency
luncheon meat? Game changer!
203
00:10:37,206 --> 00:10:39,606
But Tom doesn't think
it'll get on Dragons' Den.
204
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,646
You've got original ideas, man!
205
00:10:41,646 --> 00:10:45,286
The inventor's calling is to see
things what other people don't see.
206
00:10:45,286 --> 00:10:47,966
Like a little man on a hat!
Like a little man on a hat.
207
00:10:47,966 --> 00:10:50,886
But Tom doesn't think I should even
fill out the application form!
208
00:10:50,886 --> 00:10:52,526
Believe in your ideas!
209
00:10:54,406 --> 00:10:58,326
You smell that? The ham?
No! Originality!
210
00:10:58,326 --> 00:11:00,566
But it's nothing
if you ain't got faith!
211
00:11:00,566 --> 00:11:04,846
You think, like, Leonardo da Vinci
quit every time he felt like a plum?
212
00:11:04,846 --> 00:11:07,206
He's like, "No, no, I ain't no plum!
213
00:11:07,206 --> 00:11:10,446
"I'm going to da Vinci the shit
out of this self-propelled car
214
00:11:10,446 --> 00:11:14,006
"and, afterwards, I might draw me
a man with loads of arms!"
215
00:11:15,286 --> 00:11:16,886
Trust me!
216
00:11:16,886 --> 00:11:19,326
You're going to be
a world-famous inventor.
217
00:11:19,326 --> 00:11:23,166
A millionaire,
living on a beach in Brazil.
218
00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:25,926
A Brazilian-aire! Exactly!
219
00:11:25,926 --> 00:11:27,486
Take this Hawaiian.
220
00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:30,286
The man who invented this -
people laughed at him!
221
00:11:30,286 --> 00:11:32,966
Putting ham and pineapple together!
222
00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:37,486
His own mother slapped him!
Now, he probably owns Hawaii.
223
00:11:37,486 --> 00:11:41,126
A Hawaiian-aire! OK, that doesn't
work with all the countries.
224
00:11:42,406 --> 00:11:44,806
Go and fill out
that Dragons' Den application.
225
00:11:44,806 --> 00:11:47,726
And where it says name,
don't write "mine".
226
00:11:52,206 --> 00:11:53,686
Thanks, Carl.
227
00:11:57,086 --> 00:12:00,246
Oh, the hat's back. What, is it
a boomerang as well? Ha-ha
228
00:12:00,246 --> 00:12:03,366
No-one ever thought
this pizza would work!
229
00:12:03,366 --> 00:12:05,446
Oh, you got a Hawaiian?
Eugh, rank-oh!
230
00:12:05,446 --> 00:12:10,166
I'm not stupid, Tom! I'm going to be
a Brazilian-aire in...Hawaii! Huh?!
231
00:12:10,166 --> 00:12:11,846
It means I'm a brilliant inventor!
232
00:12:11,846 --> 00:12:14,086
Oh, what, like
Alexander Graham Bell-End? Yeah!
233
00:12:14,086 --> 00:12:18,006
Benjamin Wank-lin? Exactly!
I could be any one of those guys... That's not their names!
234
00:12:18,006 --> 00:12:21,686
My inventions are not stupid!
Are you sure? Are you sure?
235
00:12:24,646 --> 00:12:28,206
This is Naz's 50
Stupidest Inventions!
236
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:31,006
At 50,
Naz's easy snack snacking slippers!
237
00:12:31,006 --> 00:12:34,566
When he's
watching TV, Naz is so lazy!
238
00:12:34,566 --> 00:12:36,686
Like he don't even
get up to go tinkle!
239
00:12:36,686 --> 00:12:40,006
He is just such a
lazy-poo! Lazy-kins! Just lays there
240
00:12:40,006 --> 00:12:41,286
like a big old lazy-boo-boo!
241
00:12:41,286 --> 00:12:44,126
Naz is lazier
than my metabolism.
242
00:12:44,126 --> 00:12:47,126
But he is always snacking!
Oh, little piggy!
243
00:12:47,126 --> 00:12:49,806
You know, crisps, nachos!
244
00:12:49,806 --> 00:12:53,486
And prawns!
And Chinese people's food!
245
00:12:53,486 --> 00:12:55,206
So he's got some slippers...
246
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:58,046
And sort of, like,
you know like a fly squatter?
247
00:12:58,046 --> 00:12:59,606
..and a flyswatter.
248
00:12:59,606 --> 00:13:03,086
What? Swatter? Ha!
I got it... Sorry, like...
249
00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:05,606
FlySWATTER! Sorry!
250
00:13:05,606 --> 00:13:07,646
And he sort of attached them.
251
00:13:07,646 --> 00:13:10,726
What have you made now?!
That is laughably poor!
252
00:13:10,726 --> 00:13:14,246
So, like, fly squatter...
Squatter?! Swatter, sorry! Ha-ha!
253
00:13:14,246 --> 00:13:18,406
And he sort of flicks
the nachos into his mooth.
254
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:20,366
Like a kind of Dorito pelican.
255
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,646
Ugh! Agh!
256
00:13:22,806 --> 00:13:23,926
It's weird.
257
00:13:23,926 --> 00:13:26,006
Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
Ha-ha!
258
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,846
You don't belong on Dragons' Den!
259
00:13:27,846 --> 00:13:30,726
You don't even belong in the bit
with the weird little troll guy!
260
00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:33,846
Well, at least I have
an invite to Sophie's party!
261
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:37,126
What? And you don't have one,
because she thinks you're childish!
262
00:13:37,126 --> 00:13:38,766
She invited you? Yeah!
263
00:13:38,766 --> 00:13:42,566
So who's the child now? Hmm?
Oi! Who's the child now, Tom?!
264
00:13:42,566 --> 00:13:43,806
Who's the child now?!
265
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,966
Come back!
We're going to talk about this now!
266
00:13:47,966 --> 00:13:49,526
No, don't shut the...
267
00:13:49,526 --> 00:13:51,206
..door!
268
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:54,206
You've locked us in! No.
269
00:13:54,206 --> 00:13:56,486
'Naz has locked them in the toilet.'
270
00:13:58,406 --> 00:13:59,726
The package!
271
00:13:59,726 --> 00:14:03,606
HEY! Hey! We're in here! Hey!
Just leave it! Just leave it there!
272
00:14:03,606 --> 00:14:05,606
Don't go...
273
00:14:07,366 --> 00:14:10,126
Leave it! Just leave... Leave it!
274
00:14:10,126 --> 00:14:13,286
Leave it! Oh, no! No!
275
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:18,326
- No! No! No! No!
- No! No! Ah!
276
00:14:22,966 --> 00:14:27,966
This is Flat News. It is with
great sadness I must inform you
277
00:14:27,966 --> 00:14:32,326
that, only minutes ago,
the package has passed.
278
00:14:32,326 --> 00:14:34,246
We now go live
to the front door,
279
00:14:34,246 --> 00:14:37,286
where mourners are gathering
to pay their respects.
280
00:14:38,846 --> 00:14:41,606
Sorry, Naz Osmanoglu doesn't
appear to be there,
281
00:14:41,606 --> 00:14:44,286
because he's locked us
in the fucking toilet!
282
00:14:47,206 --> 00:14:50,446
How are you, Naz? Not great.
283
00:14:50,446 --> 00:14:54,006
We've been here for ages and
Tom's not really saying anything.
284
00:14:56,726 --> 00:14:58,686
I can hear you!
285
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:04,846
Oh, my God, it's Mike!
Where? I thought he was at work?
286
00:15:04,846 --> 00:15:06,886
Sophie's Periscoping
from her party!
287
00:15:06,886 --> 00:15:09,606
Oh, that stinky shitty little shit!
288
00:15:09,606 --> 00:15:12,446
He got an invite - Mike!
How is he an adult?
289
00:15:12,446 --> 00:15:14,846
He just got a job.
And a suit. And a flat!
290
00:15:14,846 --> 00:15:17,046
Yeah, he's still
a stinky little shit!
291
00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:19,606
Woohoo!
292
00:15:21,606 --> 00:15:23,566
I mean, Sophie's right.
293
00:15:23,566 --> 00:15:25,846
I AM a child.
I'm wearing a dragon onesie
294
00:15:25,846 --> 00:15:28,686
and I've just been sat in the
bathtub pretending to do the news!
295
00:15:28,686 --> 00:15:30,686
Hey, mate, at least
you've had a bath this week -
296
00:15:30,686 --> 00:15:32,486
that's pretty sophisticated!
297
00:15:32,486 --> 00:15:35,766
If Sophie can't see that,
she's the one who's missing out!
298
00:15:35,766 --> 00:15:37,726
Just like BeeGee74!
299
00:15:37,726 --> 00:15:40,086
What, that sucker on eBay? Ha, yeah!
300
00:15:40,086 --> 00:15:42,606
We auctioned that guy big time!
301
00:15:42,606 --> 00:15:46,926
Yeah, that's not really
what you say, but...we did. Ha!
302
00:15:46,926 --> 00:15:48,966
Yeah.
303
00:15:48,966 --> 00:15:50,686
Maybe I should read more book.
304
00:15:53,846 --> 00:15:55,646
Are my inventions stupid?
305
00:15:57,806 --> 00:16:02,366
Nah! They... Listen, I've read
lots of books, lots of books,
306
00:16:02,366 --> 00:16:04,446
but I've never invented anything.
307
00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:07,086
You know what? I take it back.
You keep going.
308
00:16:07,086 --> 00:16:10,006
You'll definitely get on the Den.
Thanks, man.
309
00:16:12,606 --> 00:16:15,966
Tell you what - why don't you take
me through the hat again? Oh, yeah!
310
00:16:15,966 --> 00:16:18,726
All right, so on the underside,
you've got your basics -
311
00:16:18,726 --> 00:16:21,846
your scissors, your pomegranate
deseeder, then, going anticlockwise
312
00:16:21,846 --> 00:16:24,886
from there, you've got your device
for opening jammed doors,
313
00:16:24,886 --> 00:16:28,006
this is for whittling wood...
Opening jammed doors?
314
00:16:28,006 --> 00:16:30,406
Yeah, you're right -
it's probably a bit unnecessary.
315
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,126
We'll remove it before
we go into full production.
316
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,686
You're a genius!
317
00:16:34,686 --> 00:16:36,126
Oh!
318
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,846
Mission success!
319
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,366
In a way.
320
00:16:41,366 --> 00:16:42,966
Yeah, it's Mikey's flat.
321
00:16:42,966 --> 00:16:44,446
He can pay for it. Yeah!
322
00:16:44,446 --> 00:16:46,686
Oh?
323
00:16:46,686 --> 00:16:49,166
We missed you more, DHL!
324
00:16:49,166 --> 00:16:51,286
We missed you more.
325
00:16:51,286 --> 00:16:54,286
You should probably
throw that away now. Yeah.
326
00:16:54,286 --> 00:16:57,566
I think I'll go and throw
this away...in my room.
327
00:17:01,006 --> 00:17:02,246
Oh...
328
00:17:02,246 --> 00:17:05,366
Is it the package?
No, it's Aoife. Eugh!
329
00:17:05,366 --> 00:17:06,926
My feet are sweating.
330
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,166
Um...what do you want?
331
00:17:09,166 --> 00:17:11,366
Don't worry.
The party's not that fun.
332
00:17:11,366 --> 00:17:15,526
Ha! That's Michael!
333
00:17:15,526 --> 00:17:17,926
That boy is a riot!
334
00:17:17,926 --> 00:17:20,846
Anyway, this got delivered
to Sophie's house,
335
00:17:20,846 --> 00:17:23,086
so I thought I would bring it over.
336
00:17:23,086 --> 00:17:25,006
Oh, my God! The package!
337
00:17:25,006 --> 00:17:29,086
It's a book, is it? Er, no, no,
not a book. Imagine, right...
338
00:17:29,086 --> 00:17:31,926
Imagine a giant book.
339
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,646
Jesus, you'd never get that
through the letterbox, would you?!
340
00:17:34,646 --> 00:17:37,606
Um...you enjoyed the vodka, then?
341
00:17:37,606 --> 00:17:39,766
What? No, I don't drink.
342
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:49,086
Oh? What did she want? Er, nothing!
343
00:17:51,086 --> 00:17:52,926
Um...
344
00:17:52,926 --> 00:17:54,766
Was she going on about the party?
345
00:17:54,766 --> 00:17:56,846
Er, yeah, yeah, yeah! Boring, mate.
346
00:17:58,846 --> 00:18:01,886
Any good stories? Shall I come down?
347
00:18:01,886 --> 00:18:04,886
No, no, no, no, no!
All good, all good!
348
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:09,006
I'll just be playing
with my Lego man.
349
00:18:11,486 --> 00:18:12,766
Eugh!
350
00:18:15,046 --> 00:18:18,846
Hey, mate. Just finished my
application form for Dragons' Den.
351
00:18:18,846 --> 00:18:20,246
How do you spell "mine"?
352
00:18:22,326 --> 00:18:23,806
Oh...
353
00:18:23,806 --> 00:18:24,846
It came.
354
00:18:25,966 --> 00:18:27,046
It came.
355
00:18:30,006 --> 00:18:31,766
It looks amazing on the plinth.
356
00:18:31,766 --> 00:18:34,886
It's so much better on
Plinth George! I mean... Ha!
357
00:18:34,886 --> 00:18:37,726
Good job, man, you've got such
a good eye for... Thanks, mate.
358
00:18:37,726 --> 00:18:39,486
What?
359
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:40,966
Hmm?
360
00:18:40,966 --> 00:18:43,966
Er... You broke my hat? Yeah.
361
00:18:43,966 --> 00:18:47,046
Er, it's just, I was putting it up
and it went, you know, agh...
362
00:18:47,046 --> 00:18:49,886
You piece of shit! I...
363
00:18:49,886 --> 00:18:53,886
You destroyed my dream! Your dreams
were flimsily constructed.
364
00:18:53,886 --> 00:18:57,286
OK, it's definitely not going here
now! Don't take it off! Grr! NO!
365
00:18:57,286 --> 00:18:59,286
His feet! That's your fault.
366
00:18:59,286 --> 00:19:02,006
He's going in the thicket,
where he belongs! Naz!
367
00:19:02,006 --> 00:19:04,566
Don't do anything stupid,
or the hat dies!
368
00:19:04,566 --> 00:19:07,886
Don't do it, Tom!
I will cut your Lego man's head off!
369
00:19:07,886 --> 00:19:10,006
Whoa!
370
00:19:10,006 --> 00:19:11,926
Be cool. You be cool!
371
00:19:11,926 --> 00:19:15,486
Let's just talk about this like
adults. I'm talking! Let's talk!
372
00:19:15,486 --> 00:19:18,166
No-one else has to get hurt.
Oh, yeah?
373
00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:20,566
Ha! Er...
374
00:19:20,566 --> 00:19:24,486
Not his hat! You've got something
I want, I've got something you want.
375
00:19:24,486 --> 00:19:28,166
OK, come on, we'll do an exchange.
OK. OK, on three. No funny business.
376
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:30,366
One... One...
377
00:19:30,366 --> 00:19:32,286
..two... ..two...
378
00:19:32,286 --> 00:19:34,606
..three! Ah!
379
00:19:36,206 --> 00:19:39,726
Ah! Oh! You decapitated him!
You destroyed my hat!
380
00:19:39,726 --> 00:19:42,366
You've got cardboard on your hands!
381
00:19:44,446 --> 00:19:47,566
Ha-ha! You know
what's coming now, boy!
382
00:19:47,566 --> 00:19:50,566
Not the face! Ha-ha! Not the face!
383
00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:53,526
You draw a cock on my face,
I'll draw a cock on yours!
384
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:57,206
Oh, look at the little balls!
Look at the little balls! Ha-ha!
385
00:19:57,206 --> 00:19:58,646
Who's the child now?!
386
00:19:58,646 --> 00:20:00,166
Guys? What? Sophie!
387
00:20:01,886 --> 00:20:04,446
This is...
388
00:20:04,446 --> 00:20:07,886
And at Number 1,
Tom draws a cock on Naz's face
389
00:20:07,886 --> 00:20:10,286
whilst dressed as a dragon!
390
00:20:10,286 --> 00:20:13,206
Er, I was just seeing
if you were coming to my party.
391
00:20:13,206 --> 00:20:17,086
Er, well, I wasn't invited.
Everyone was.
392
00:20:17,086 --> 00:20:18,446
Er, not me.
393
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,846
Well, your invite's right here.
394
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:25,806
Um, but I can see that you guys
are busy, so I'll just...
395
00:20:25,806 --> 00:20:27,846
No! No, no, no!
396
00:20:27,846 --> 00:20:30,646
Um...
397
00:20:34,886 --> 00:20:36,086
Is that your package?
398
00:20:48,926 --> 00:20:52,326
'Coming up,
toilet door problems escalate...'
399
00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:55,526
Please don't watch.
Probably watch? We should watch.
400
00:20:55,526 --> 00:20:57,246
'..Naz invents popcorn trousers...'
401
00:20:59,646 --> 00:21:01,726
'..flatmates finally
sort the mail...'
402
00:21:06,006 --> 00:21:08,166
'..and our auction rival
makes contact.'
403
00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:12,046
It's just... You know, I would've
really liked that cut-out.
404
00:21:12,046 --> 00:21:14,166
This is Flat News.
405
00:21:14,216 --> 00:21:18,766
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