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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,820 --> 00:00:02,869 - Hey, hey, what up, shop? - Hey. 2 00:00:03,039 --> 00:00:07,801 What up, Calvin? Hey, shoppedy-shop, can I get a "what-what?" 3 00:00:12,028 --> 00:00:13,316 Sorry, Dave. 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,544 Looks like the shoppedy-shop gave you a "nopedy-nope." 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,038 Hey, Que, why does Bobby have a pink chair at his station? 6 00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:23,056 Oh, that's not Bobby's station anymore. 7 00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,475 He had to skip town. 8 00:00:24,559 --> 00:00:26,446 Yeah, he sneezed and accidentally 9 00:00:26,530 --> 00:00:28,949 shaved off one of Big Mike's eyebrows. 10 00:00:29,272 --> 00:00:31,009 Man, he didn't even wait for a "Bless you." 11 00:00:31,092 --> 00:00:33,168 Just dropped the clippers and ran. 12 00:00:35,219 --> 00:00:36,829 Anyway, now that he's gone, 13 00:00:36,914 --> 00:00:38,273 I rented out his station 14 00:00:38,356 --> 00:00:40,643 to a couple of women who's gonna do nails. 15 00:00:40,726 --> 00:00:42,277 All right. 16 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,106 It'll be nice to get some female energy up in here. 17 00:00:45,189 --> 00:00:47,130 Now Dave doesn't have to feel so alone. 18 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,384 Pink Ladies in the house! 19 00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:52,814 Can I get a "what-what?" 20 00:00:52,898 --> 00:00:54,661 What-what? 21 00:00:55,046 --> 00:00:57,688 Oh, no. It's the Pink Ladies. 22 00:00:57,771 --> 00:00:59,162 What are they doing here? 23 00:00:59,246 --> 00:01:01,988 And why did they get a "what-what" and I didn't? 24 00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:03,735 Do y'all know each other? 25 00:01:03,820 --> 00:01:05,995 Unfortunately, yes. 26 00:01:06,079 --> 00:01:09,626 These two buzzards been circling me since high school. 27 00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:12,409 Hey, Regina, isn't that Calvin Butler? 28 00:01:12,492 --> 00:01:14,498 Couldn't be. That guy's older, uglier, 29 00:01:14,582 --> 00:01:17,114 and has way more hair coming out of his nose. Ha! 30 00:01:17,614 --> 00:01:19,533 No, that's him, all right. 31 00:01:19,617 --> 00:01:21,316 You can tell because he's standing next 32 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,652 to his emotional support dork. 33 00:01:24,990 --> 00:01:26,450 - What's up? - What's up? 34 00:01:26,534 --> 00:01:28,423 - No, what's up? - No, what's up with you? 35 00:01:28,507 --> 00:01:30,150 Yeah, looks like I ain't the only one 36 00:01:30,234 --> 00:01:31,739 that got hair coming out their nose. 37 00:01:33,412 --> 00:01:35,221 Regina, hand me that nail file. 38 00:01:35,305 --> 00:01:36,971 I'm about to shank this fool. 39 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:38,884 Oh, uh, C-Calvin, let's get out of here. 40 00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:41,424 No, Dave. The shop is my spot. 41 00:01:41,509 --> 00:01:43,164 If anybody's leaving, it's them. 42 00:01:43,247 --> 00:01:45,787 Oh, no, we're not. See, Que already cashed our check, 43 00:01:45,871 --> 00:01:47,168 so we're here to stay. 44 00:01:47,252 --> 00:01:49,932 That's right, unlike your hairline. 45 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:54,218 What you laughing at, Trey? 46 00:01:54,301 --> 00:01:57,501 You and your bald head wish you had my hairline! 47 00:01:59,028 --> 00:02:01,439 ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ 48 00:02:01,524 --> 00:02:03,112 ♪ Welcome to the hood. *THE NEIGHBORHOOD* 49 00:02:03,197 --> 00:02:05,615 Season 03 Episode 17 Episode Title: "Welcome to the Invasion" 50 00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:07,763 Aah! I cannot believe 51 00:02:07,847 --> 00:02:10,707 the Pink Ladies are working at the barbershop. I know. 52 00:02:10,792 --> 00:02:11,927 What are we gonna do? 53 00:02:12,012 --> 00:02:13,200 I don't know, 54 00:02:13,284 --> 00:02:15,275 but as long as they're at the shop, 55 00:02:15,425 --> 00:02:17,104 I'm not getting my hair cut there. 56 00:02:17,188 --> 00:02:18,348 Besides... 57 00:02:18,432 --> 00:02:19,740 Me always wanting to know 58 00:02:19,824 --> 00:02:22,766 what I'd look like with them rude boy dreadlocks, you know. 59 00:02:23,293 --> 00:02:24,420 Calvin, 60 00:02:24,503 --> 00:02:27,615 you can't let them drive you out of your own barbershop. 61 00:02:27,699 --> 00:02:29,618 And trust me, as someone who's had dreads, 62 00:02:29,703 --> 00:02:31,579 they're not worth the effort. 63 00:02:33,239 --> 00:02:36,849 You know, if they were dudes, I'd kick their asses. 64 00:02:36,933 --> 00:02:39,028 But according to their driver's licenses, 65 00:02:39,112 --> 00:02:41,150 they're technically females. 66 00:02:42,168 --> 00:02:43,466 Well, look, if you can't do that, 67 00:02:43,550 --> 00:02:45,264 there's really only one other solution. 68 00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:46,451 What's that? 69 00:02:46,536 --> 00:02:48,115 Why don't you take the high road? 70 00:02:48,199 --> 00:02:49,673 What do you mean? 71 00:02:50,707 --> 00:02:52,603 Like a hit-and-run? 72 00:02:53,793 --> 00:02:57,188 No. Uh, you-you try to make peace with them. 73 00:02:57,272 --> 00:02:58,756 Are you crazy? 74 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,647 I'm not making peace with those two wig-wearing warthogs. 75 00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:07,099 Look, Calvin, you said it yourself... 76 00:03:07,183 --> 00:03:08,919 They're driving you crazy. 77 00:03:09,012 --> 00:03:11,550 And clearly, they're not going anywhere. 78 00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:13,935 But if you go in and extend an olive branch, 79 00:03:14,019 --> 00:03:16,634 I promise they'll follow your lead. 80 00:03:16,723 --> 00:03:18,122 What makes you so sure? 81 00:03:18,206 --> 00:03:19,472 Well, because mediating conflicts 82 00:03:19,556 --> 00:03:21,931 is what I do for a living. 83 00:03:22,348 --> 00:03:24,030 I don't know, man. 84 00:03:24,114 --> 00:03:25,675 Come on, trust me, Calvin. 85 00:03:25,777 --> 00:03:28,263 If you go in there and offer a truce, 86 00:03:28,347 --> 00:03:30,853 Everything will be just fine, mon. 87 00:03:32,877 --> 00:03:35,701 Wow. In one sentence, 88 00:03:35,786 --> 00:03:38,579 you just ruined dreads and Jamaica for me. 89 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:43,800 You know, I am so excited that you and Dave 90 00:03:43,884 --> 00:03:45,372 are trying to have another baby. 91 00:03:45,456 --> 00:03:48,216 I know. We haven't had this much sex 92 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,992 since he shaved off those stupid dreads. 93 00:03:52,762 --> 00:03:55,576 Well, at least someone's making babies around here. 94 00:03:55,661 --> 00:03:58,014 By the time Malcolm and Marty give me grandkids, 95 00:03:58,098 --> 00:03:59,735 they'll be changing my diaper, too. 96 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,169 Well, is either one of them seeing anyone these days? 97 00:04:04,252 --> 00:04:06,344 Well, they're on all those dating apps, 98 00:04:06,429 --> 00:04:08,651 but neither one's had a girlfriend in a while. 99 00:04:08,735 --> 00:04:12,417 I guess Malcolm's been working more hours, and Marty's been... 100 00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:15,150 well, Marty. 101 00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:17,788 Oh. Well, maybe the problem is 102 00:04:17,872 --> 00:04:19,576 their profiles aren't capturing 103 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,643 how amazing they are in real life. 104 00:04:21,925 --> 00:04:23,856 Hmm. I never thought of that. 105 00:04:23,940 --> 00:04:26,143 You know, maybe we should go online and look. 106 00:04:26,449 --> 00:04:28,367 We can't. You can only search those apps 107 00:04:28,451 --> 00:04:29,543 if you have your own profile. 108 00:04:29,627 --> 00:04:32,130 Well, can't we just make a fake one? 109 00:04:32,531 --> 00:04:35,374 I guess, as long as you don't think it's wrong. 110 00:04:35,457 --> 00:04:37,810 Oh, it's wrong, but not as wrong as me laying 111 00:04:37,894 --> 00:04:40,574 on a changing table next to my grandbabies. 112 00:04:43,103 --> 00:04:44,730 Aha. Look who's back. 113 00:04:44,814 --> 00:04:46,298 You lose something, Calvin? 114 00:04:46,382 --> 00:04:48,151 'Cause if you're looking for your dignity, 115 00:04:48,235 --> 00:04:50,302 Que already swept the floor. 116 00:04:52,024 --> 00:04:53,939 Look, I didn't come to fight. 117 00:04:54,023 --> 00:04:56,177 I came to end this stupid rivalry. 118 00:04:57,740 --> 00:04:59,702 Look, LaTonya, did Calvin Butler just say 119 00:04:59,786 --> 00:05:01,466 he wanted to make peace with us? 120 00:05:01,687 --> 00:05:03,189 I think he did. 121 00:05:03,274 --> 00:05:05,795 Regina, check the cap on that nail polish remover. 122 00:05:05,879 --> 00:05:07,733 Those fumes got us trippin'. 123 00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:10,278 Y'all ain't trippin'. All right. 124 00:05:10,362 --> 00:05:11,235 Look, I just figured 125 00:05:11,319 --> 00:05:13,064 if we're gonna be in this shop together, 126 00:05:13,149 --> 00:05:17,901 it's time that maybe we took the high road with each other. 127 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,954 Hmm. I don't think he's playing. 128 00:05:20,038 --> 00:05:23,043 He don't have that usual stanky-ass look on his face. 129 00:05:23,437 --> 00:05:24,971 I know. 130 00:05:25,055 --> 00:05:27,055 I mean, it's still a little stanky, 131 00:05:27,139 --> 00:05:30,692 - but the ass part just gone. - Mm-hmm. 132 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:32,560 All right, I'm serious, guys. 133 00:05:32,644 --> 00:05:33,911 And as a show of good faith, 134 00:05:33,995 --> 00:05:36,665 I want to give you free tune-ups at my shop. 135 00:05:36,749 --> 00:05:38,855 For your cars, not your faces. 136 00:05:40,562 --> 00:05:42,483 I'm sorry. It was right there. 137 00:05:42,567 --> 00:05:44,689 You know what I'm saying? Like, pop. 138 00:05:44,774 --> 00:05:45,987 You know? 139 00:05:46,071 --> 00:05:47,290 That's pretty big of you, Calvin. 140 00:05:47,374 --> 00:05:49,262 - Mm-hmm. - I'm in. 141 00:05:49,779 --> 00:05:51,624 Okay. Me, too. 142 00:05:51,707 --> 00:05:54,360 And in light of our newfound peace, 143 00:05:54,444 --> 00:05:55,862 we should do something for you. 144 00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:57,305 Like what? 145 00:05:57,389 --> 00:05:58,834 Right. How about... 146 00:05:58,918 --> 00:06:00,980 we give you a manicure on the house? 147 00:06:01,064 --> 00:06:03,288 Nah, I don't need all that. 148 00:06:03,372 --> 00:06:04,898 I'm pretty enough. 149 00:06:04,982 --> 00:06:07,790 I got to keep the hands relatable, you know? 150 00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,750 Come on, Calvin. 151 00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:15,733 Look how rough they are from working in that shop all day. 152 00:06:15,817 --> 00:06:17,875 And now, wouldn't it be nice for your wife 153 00:06:17,959 --> 00:06:21,567 if you came home with soft, smooth hands, 154 00:06:21,651 --> 00:06:24,636 instead of these dry-ass catcher's mitts? 155 00:06:24,981 --> 00:06:27,273 Yeah. Yeah, you ain't lying about that. 156 00:06:27,356 --> 00:06:28,487 - Mm-hmm.Mm-hmm. - I mean, 157 00:06:28,571 --> 00:06:30,757 the last time I gave Tina a back rub, 158 00:06:30,841 --> 00:06:32,795 she did say it felt like I was scraping her 159 00:06:32,879 --> 00:06:34,906 - with two burnt pieces of toast. - Oh! 160 00:06:36,153 --> 00:06:37,930 Yeah, exactly. Come on. 161 00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:39,476 Well, you come over here and sit down and relax... 162 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,398 - All right. All right... - while we take care of you. 163 00:06:41,481 --> 00:06:42,906 Okay. All right now. 164 00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:46,331 Remember, this is for Tina, all right? 165 00:06:46,415 --> 00:06:48,768 - Mm.Oh. - Mm.Oh. - Oh! Ooh, that feels nice. 166 00:06:48,851 --> 00:06:50,117 That's nice. 167 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,990 Now, uh, don't be afraid to get up on the neck. 168 00:06:53,074 --> 00:06:56,752 - Yeah. Again, for Tina. For Tina. - Mm-hmm. 169 00:06:58,295 --> 00:07:01,117 So, how's our fake account coming along? 170 00:07:01,201 --> 00:07:03,521 Great. Our name is Stacey, 171 00:07:03,605 --> 00:07:07,047 and I just found the perfect picture for our profile. 172 00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:09,007 Whoa! Whoa. 173 00:07:09,091 --> 00:07:12,702 I don't mean to objectify us, but damn, we are stacked. 174 00:07:12,786 --> 00:07:15,228 Ooh! - Ooh! 175 00:07:15,545 --> 00:07:18,047 Okay, so, uh, now we can look up Malcolm and Marty 176 00:07:18,130 --> 00:07:19,163 and see what's going on? 177 00:07:19,247 --> 00:07:21,781 Yeah, I'll just set the age range 178 00:07:21,865 --> 00:07:24,673 - to 26 to 32. - Mm-hmm. 179 00:07:24,757 --> 00:07:27,913 And say we're looking for someone within a mile radius. 180 00:07:27,997 --> 00:07:30,548 Good idea. With those boobs, I don't think 181 00:07:30,632 --> 00:07:33,752 Stacey can walk very far without tipping over. 182 00:07:35,911 --> 00:07:38,069 Oh, here's Marty. 183 00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:39,557 Let's see. 184 00:07:39,641 --> 00:07:42,125 Oh, no, no, no! 185 00:07:42,209 --> 00:07:43,954 Why would he pick this photo? 186 00:07:44,038 --> 00:07:46,367 He's wearing a Star Trekuniform! 187 00:07:49,651 --> 00:07:53,268 Yeah, he is boldly going where no woman will ever go. 188 00:07:54,004 --> 00:07:55,704 And he's got a quote from The Hobbit. 189 00:07:55,788 --> 00:07:56,925 What's it say? 190 00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:59,055 I don't know. It's in some made-up language. 191 00:07:59,139 --> 00:08:00,752 But I'm pretty sure it translates 192 00:08:00,836 --> 00:08:02,987 into "I ain't getting no grandbabies."Oh. 193 00:08:05,709 --> 00:08:08,543 Oh. Now, hold on. Hold on. This picture's cute. 194 00:08:08,627 --> 00:08:10,632 Let me see. Oh, yeah. 195 00:08:10,716 --> 00:08:13,055 - This one's much better. - Yeah. 196 00:08:13,139 --> 00:08:16,617 - I'm gonna like it. - No, no, no! Tina, don't do that. 197 00:08:16,826 --> 00:08:18,466 What? I just pressed the heart 198 00:08:18,550 --> 00:08:20,264 so he knows that someone thinks it's cute. 199 00:08:20,348 --> 00:08:22,273 Yeah, but now he's gonna get a notification 200 00:08:22,356 --> 00:08:24,391 that "Stacey" is interested in him. 201 00:08:24,475 --> 00:08:26,910 Okay, I'll just undo it before he notices. 202 00:08:26,994 --> 00:08:29,281 I mean, it's not like Marty's sitting by the phone, 203 00:08:29,365 --> 00:08:31,389 waiting for somebody... 204 00:08:32,942 --> 00:08:34,588 Oh, my God. 205 00:08:35,341 --> 00:08:38,298 My little baby just said "Sup?" 206 00:08:40,181 --> 00:08:42,322 Calvin? Calvin! 207 00:08:42,573 --> 00:08:45,201 Tina, let me rest, baby. 208 00:08:45,286 --> 00:08:47,221 I'm not a machine. 209 00:08:49,326 --> 00:08:52,008 No, Calvin, it's us. 210 00:08:52,091 --> 00:08:53,572 We're done. 211 00:08:53,811 --> 00:08:56,025 Oh. Oh, wow. 212 00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,668 I was out cold. 213 00:08:57,753 --> 00:09:00,706 I had no idea a manicure could be so relaxing. 214 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,947 You know what? Not only are y'all getting tune-ups, 215 00:09:05,032 --> 00:09:07,754 you're getting free air fresheners for life. 216 00:09:09,861 --> 00:09:11,955 Well, we're so glad you enjoyed it. 217 00:09:12,038 --> 00:09:14,101 Yeah, me, too. Thanks a lot, ladies. 218 00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:15,854 Mm-hmm. 219 00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,725 What the hell did y'all do to me?! 220 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:22,529 You turned me into RuPaul Scissorhands! 221 00:09:22,614 --> 00:09:24,482 You're damn right, we did! 222 00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:27,500 Now your ugly face won't be the first thing people notice. 223 00:09:27,583 --> 00:09:29,833 Ha! Smile. 224 00:09:29,918 --> 00:09:32,445 - Delete that. - No way. I'm gonna blow that up 225 00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:35,086 and use it to scare crows off my lawn. 226 00:09:35,286 --> 00:09:38,588 You know what? I knew I should have never trusted y'all. 227 00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:40,956 I don't know who y'all think y'all playing with, 228 00:09:41,091 --> 00:09:45,102 but payback is coming, and you can believe that. 229 00:09:45,187 --> 00:09:47,864 That's on everything. That's... 230 00:09:51,241 --> 00:09:54,565 One of y'all get over here and open this door. 231 00:10:01,606 --> 00:10:02,693 Ooh, good. You're back. 232 00:10:02,778 --> 00:10:03,870 How'd it go with the Pink Ladies? 233 00:10:03,953 --> 00:10:06,190 I'll give you ten guesses. 234 00:10:08,981 --> 00:10:10,913 Oh, my God. 235 00:10:10,998 --> 00:10:13,010 Why would you let them do that to you? 236 00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,913 I didn't let them. They... 237 00:10:14,996 --> 00:10:16,764 Well, hang on, hang on. Don't tell me. 238 00:10:17,028 --> 00:10:18,775 I've got nine more guesses. 239 00:10:19,187 --> 00:10:22,629 Look, they tricked me into thinking that we made up 240 00:10:22,713 --> 00:10:24,806 and then put me to sleep with a massage. 241 00:10:24,889 --> 00:10:25,900 When I woke up, 242 00:10:25,985 --> 00:10:29,315 I looked like one of the Real Housewives. 243 00:10:31,224 --> 00:10:33,491 I can't believe they would do that to you. 244 00:10:33,576 --> 00:10:36,261 Well, th-this is what I get for listening to you. 245 00:10:36,346 --> 00:10:39,275 "Take the high road, be the bigger man, 246 00:10:39,402 --> 00:10:41,913 don't hit them with a car." 247 00:10:42,995 --> 00:10:45,477 Well, we cannot let them get away with this. 248 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,524 We've got to come up with a plan to get them back. 249 00:10:47,607 --> 00:10:49,004 Y-You damn right, we do. 250 00:10:49,087 --> 00:10:51,489 Now come on, man. Help me get these stupid nails off. 251 00:10:51,572 --> 00:10:53,198 Yeah, you got it. Uh, but first, 252 00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:55,551 I have this itchy spot right in the middle of my back. 253 00:10:55,634 --> 00:10:57,099 It's right there. If you could just... 254 00:10:57,182 --> 00:10:59,172 If you could help me out. Here. 255 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,754 Hey. 256 00:11:06,839 --> 00:11:09,720 I came over to find out how Stacey ended it with Marty. 257 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,745 Oh, well, that's the funny thing. 258 00:11:13,938 --> 00:11:15,182 She didn't. 259 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,034 You're still messaging him? 260 00:11:20,119 --> 00:11:21,519 Why? Because 261 00:11:21,604 --> 00:11:23,325 he keeps messaging me. 262 00:11:23,408 --> 00:11:25,996 We spent all morning talking about Harry Potter 263 00:11:26,081 --> 00:11:28,696 and how I'm something called a Ravenclaw. 264 00:11:28,779 --> 00:11:31,654 You're a Ravenclaw? You are so lucky. 265 00:11:31,739 --> 00:11:34,383 Ugh. I'm a total Hufflepuff. 266 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,725 Gemma, what am I supposed to do?! 267 00:11:37,027 --> 00:11:38,966 Well, first off, 268 00:11:39,051 --> 00:11:40,620 you should stop answering him. 269 00:11:40,705 --> 00:11:41,664 I can't. 270 00:11:41,749 --> 00:11:43,711 Then he'll think Stacey rejected him. 271 00:11:43,794 --> 00:11:45,778 It'd kill his self-confidence. 272 00:11:45,863 --> 00:11:48,480 Come on, give Marty more credit. 273 00:11:48,565 --> 00:11:51,554 I'm sure he messages with girls on this app all the time. 274 00:11:51,705 --> 00:11:54,754 Plus, he's only known Stacey for half a day. 275 00:11:54,838 --> 00:11:57,057 She can't mean that much to him. 276 00:11:57,142 --> 00:12:00,719 I'm telling you, Malcolm, this Stacey girl is special. 277 00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:03,621 Oh, come on, Marty. 278 00:12:03,706 --> 00:12:05,581 You said the same thing last week 279 00:12:05,664 --> 00:12:07,452 about the barista at Starbucks, 280 00:12:07,537 --> 00:12:10,086 and she wrote your name as "Martha" on the cup. 281 00:12:10,527 --> 00:12:12,980 Well, well, this is different. Stacey is... 282 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,278 Stacey's smart. She's interesting. 283 00:12:15,363 --> 00:12:17,269 She-She's dope, man. Check her out. 284 00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:19,921 Oh, yeah. Ah.Yeah. 285 00:12:20,004 --> 00:12:21,429 That's Mama. 286 00:12:21,628 --> 00:12:22,619 What?! 287 00:12:22,702 --> 00:12:25,187 No, no. No way. No... Why would you think that? 288 00:12:25,270 --> 00:12:28,755 Think about it, Marty. Either a superhot girl 289 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,875 wants to talk to you about Harry Potter, 290 00:12:31,958 --> 00:12:34,052 or it's Mama snooping around your love life. 291 00:12:34,135 --> 00:12:36,697 Well... I mean, you don't know that. 292 00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:38,330 Maybe... Maybe... 293 00:12:38,573 --> 00:12:40,245 Maybe as a teenager, 294 00:12:40,328 --> 00:12:43,161 Stacey was so embarrassed about her overdeveloped body, 295 00:12:43,245 --> 00:12:45,250 so-so... so she-she stayed inside, 296 00:12:45,334 --> 00:12:46,730 just reading and... 297 00:12:46,813 --> 00:12:47,861 Aw, damn! 298 00:12:47,946 --> 00:12:50,491 I said "sup" to my mama. 299 00:12:52,033 --> 00:12:54,782 Okay. Uh, what about this? 300 00:12:54,865 --> 00:12:56,260 We call the health inspector 301 00:12:56,345 --> 00:12:58,786 and get their beauty licenses taken away. 302 00:12:58,870 --> 00:13:01,352 Nah, we can't do that to Que. 303 00:13:01,437 --> 00:13:04,484 Legally, he's only licensed to groom dogs. 304 00:13:06,791 --> 00:13:09,666 Well, we got to do something. 305 00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,101 I mean, we can't just let those girls 306 00:13:11,186 --> 00:13:13,801 get away with being so mean to you. 307 00:13:13,884 --> 00:13:15,366 Wait a minute. 308 00:13:15,451 --> 00:13:17,152 That's it. 309 00:13:17,235 --> 00:13:19,100 - Mean Girls. - What? 310 00:13:19,184 --> 00:13:20,633 In the movie Mean Girls, 311 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:23,071 Lindsay Lohan takes down the bullies in her school 312 00:13:23,154 --> 00:13:24,375 by turning them against each other. 313 00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:26,682 That's what we need to do to the Pink Ladies. 314 00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:28,347 Yeah, o-on second thought, 315 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:31,844 let's round up some stray dogs and call the health inspector. 316 00:13:32,191 --> 00:13:33,341 Calvin, I'm serious. 317 00:13:33,426 --> 00:13:35,629 All we have to do is dig up some dirt about one of them 318 00:13:35,712 --> 00:13:36,998 that the other doesn't know about 319 00:13:37,081 --> 00:13:39,129 and expose it for the world to see. 320 00:13:39,213 --> 00:13:43,023 Oh, my God. I could've been the queen of the mean girls! 321 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,067 You know, I think I got something. 322 00:13:47,152 --> 00:13:48,966 I'm not exactly proud of it, but... 323 00:13:49,049 --> 00:13:50,990 Okay, well, what is it? 324 00:13:51,355 --> 00:13:52,883 Back in high school, 325 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,668 LaTonya had a huge crush on me 326 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,192 because, well, 327 00:13:57,275 --> 00:13:59,817 - obviously, you know... - Well, yeah. Come on. Yeah. 328 00:13:59,902 --> 00:14:02,427 But one weekend, when she was out of town, 329 00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:04,365 Regina swooped in 330 00:14:04,448 --> 00:14:06,586 and asked me on a date. 331 00:14:06,697 --> 00:14:07,942 No. 332 00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:11,096 Regina tried to sneak and freak? 333 00:14:11,230 --> 00:14:13,839 You damn right she did. 334 00:14:14,182 --> 00:14:16,470 And she begged me not to tell LaTonya. 335 00:14:16,553 --> 00:14:18,004 Now, you think that's the kind of dirt 336 00:14:18,087 --> 00:14:20,094 that'll cause them to turn against each other? 337 00:14:20,177 --> 00:14:21,519 Are you kidding me? 338 00:14:21,604 --> 00:14:24,702 Is Mean Girlsbetter than Never Been Kissed? 339 00:14:27,261 --> 00:14:31,297 The answer is yes, by a long shot. 340 00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:36,427 Mama, you and I need to talk about something right now. 341 00:14:36,588 --> 00:14:38,188 Okay, Marty, I can explain. 342 00:14:38,273 --> 00:14:41,081 - I never meant to... - I am in love! 343 00:14:42,038 --> 00:14:43,740 - What? - That's right. 344 00:14:43,823 --> 00:14:45,892 Her name is Stacey, we met online, 345 00:14:45,975 --> 00:14:48,073 and I swear, Mama, I think she's my soul mate. 346 00:14:48,158 --> 00:14:51,364 How could you say that? You've only known her one day. 347 00:14:51,447 --> 00:14:54,161 Or more than that. I don't know. How would I know that? 348 00:14:54,245 --> 00:14:56,403 No, I know. I know it seems fast, but I... 349 00:14:56,486 --> 00:14:58,364 I've never felt so connected to anyone before, 350 00:14:58,447 --> 00:15:00,732 which is why I want you to be the first to know. 351 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,539 I'm gonna propose. 352 00:15:02,753 --> 00:15:04,636 Propose? Marty, that is insane. 353 00:15:04,721 --> 00:15:06,769 Ah, yeah. Well, so was selling my car to buy a diamond ring, 354 00:15:06,854 --> 00:15:08,467 but love makes you do crazy things. 355 00:15:08,552 --> 00:15:09,971 Oh, my God. 356 00:15:10,166 --> 00:15:12,239 Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. 357 00:15:12,322 --> 00:15:14,960 Marty, I've got something to tell you. What? 358 00:15:15,495 --> 00:15:16,798 I'm Stacey. 359 00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:18,932 - What?! You're Stacey? - Yes. 360 00:15:19,015 --> 00:15:20,404 I bought a ring for you?! 361 00:15:20,489 --> 00:15:22,058 Yes. And I have been messing with you 362 00:15:22,143 --> 00:15:23,059 since the moment I walked through the door? 363 00:15:23,144 --> 00:15:24,322 Yes. 364 00:15:24,405 --> 00:15:26,304 Wait, what? 365 00:15:26,451 --> 00:15:27,590 That's right! 366 00:15:27,673 --> 00:15:29,474 I know all about it. And I take it back. 367 00:15:29,557 --> 00:15:30,933 You're no Ravenclaw. 368 00:15:31,018 --> 00:15:33,422 You're a Slytherin through and through! 369 00:15:34,529 --> 00:15:36,159 I am sorry, baby. 370 00:15:36,244 --> 00:15:38,596 I-I just wanted to see your profile 371 00:15:38,681 --> 00:15:41,077 so I could figure out why you weren't dating more. 372 00:15:41,162 --> 00:15:43,080 And before I knew it, you were dating me. 373 00:15:43,163 --> 00:15:45,952 I can't believe you would do this to me. 374 00:15:46,037 --> 00:15:48,466 It's just that Dave and Gemma started talking about 375 00:15:48,549 --> 00:15:50,609 having a baby, and all I could think about 376 00:15:50,692 --> 00:15:52,355 is how much I wanted grandkids. 377 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,663 Yeah, but that's never gonna happen 378 00:15:53,746 --> 00:15:55,745 unless you let me do my thing and meet a girl 379 00:15:55,828 --> 00:15:57,746 who likes me for who I am. 380 00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,705 Hey, I know, but come on. 381 00:15:59,788 --> 00:16:02,970 Star Trekuniforms and Hobbitquotes? 382 00:16:03,053 --> 00:16:04,934 Mama, that's who I am. 383 00:16:05,019 --> 00:16:07,570 And anyone who doesn't like it doesn't deserve me. 384 00:16:09,059 --> 00:16:10,433 You're right. 385 00:16:10,628 --> 00:16:12,240 And I'm sorry. 386 00:16:12,323 --> 00:16:14,302 And from now on, I will stay out of it. 387 00:16:14,385 --> 00:16:15,847 Thank you. 388 00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:18,072 - All right. - Okay, baby. Mwah! 389 00:16:18,155 --> 00:16:19,248 Oh. 390 00:16:19,331 --> 00:16:20,943 Ooh, sounds like you got another match. 391 00:16:21,028 --> 00:16:23,816 Oh, wow. And she's pretty. 392 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,644 And she says she's into sci-fi, 393 00:16:25,727 --> 00:16:27,692 video games and graphic novels! 394 00:16:27,775 --> 00:16:29,546 - Let me see. - Mm-hmm. 395 00:16:29,724 --> 00:16:31,390 Oh, yeah, that's Malcolm. 396 00:16:39,613 --> 00:16:42,792 What everybody laughing about? What's going on? What's... 397 00:16:42,875 --> 00:16:44,399 What's funny? 398 00:16:48,142 --> 00:16:51,519 Ah, no one said they wanted nails like yours, 399 00:16:51,604 --> 00:16:54,741 but everyone wants copies of the picture! 400 00:16:55,989 --> 00:16:58,359 I put mine on a coffee mug. 401 00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:02,332 Oh, yeah? Well, you may want to put it down 402 00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:05,118 and grab a broom, because Calvin is about to 403 00:17:05,202 --> 00:17:07,241 spill the beans. 404 00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,905 That's right, LaTonya. 405 00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:12,169 You remember back in high school, 406 00:17:12,252 --> 00:17:14,480 when everybody knew you had a crush on me? 407 00:17:14,565 --> 00:17:17,481 Well, your girl Regina here went behind your back 408 00:17:17,566 --> 00:17:19,307 and asked me out on a date. 409 00:17:19,391 --> 00:17:20,720 What? 410 00:17:21,827 --> 00:17:24,403 Regina, why'd you do that to me? 411 00:17:24,487 --> 00:17:25,965 Okay, listen, girl, don't hate me, LaTonya. 412 00:17:26,049 --> 00:17:27,228 I can explain. 413 00:17:27,311 --> 00:17:28,750 Girl, wait, I already did. 414 00:17:28,835 --> 00:17:30,230 30 years ago. 415 00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:32,276 Wait-wait a minute, you-you knew? 416 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:34,480 Oh, that you took Regina roller-skating 417 00:17:34,565 --> 00:17:37,125 and spent the whole night falling on your ass? 418 00:17:37,422 --> 00:17:40,255 You looked like a baby giraffe walking around in high heels. 419 00:17:40,338 --> 00:17:43,280 Oh, yeah. Oh! Whoa. Whoa! 420 00:17:43,414 --> 00:17:45,986 Whoa! 421 00:17:46,069 --> 00:17:50,011 Okay, everybody be quiet! I got something to say. 422 00:17:50,221 --> 00:17:53,427 You two been making fun of me for way too long. 423 00:17:53,511 --> 00:17:55,576 And I pretended that it didn't bother me, 424 00:17:55,661 --> 00:17:58,124 but the truth is your words hurt. 425 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,544 Probably not as much as falling on your butt did. 426 00:18:03,152 --> 00:18:07,383 Let the man finish! 427 00:18:08,824 --> 00:18:12,855 I mean, do you guys know how hard it was for me 428 00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:15,641 to come in here and try to make peace with you? 429 00:18:16,569 --> 00:18:20,106 After all the mean things that you said about me. 430 00:18:20,191 --> 00:18:21,933 I extended an olive branch, 431 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:25,328 and all you did was try to make me look small. 432 00:18:25,413 --> 00:18:27,027 When the truth is 433 00:18:27,111 --> 00:18:28,941 you're the ones who are small. 434 00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:31,814 'Cause bullying and name-calling, 435 00:18:31,897 --> 00:18:35,296 that's just tearing people down, when what we should be doing 436 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,384 is lifting each other up. 437 00:18:37,469 --> 00:18:40,170 But maybe that's just me. 438 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:41,723 Nah, I feel you, Calvin. 439 00:18:41,807 --> 00:18:43,259 My father used to make fun of me 440 00:18:43,344 --> 00:18:44,521 because of my dream. 441 00:18:44,605 --> 00:18:48,086 Because of him, I gave up ballet. 442 00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:51,921 The kids at school used to make fun of my Nikes. 443 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,444 Talking about the logo was upside down. 444 00:18:54,528 --> 00:18:57,180 They used to call me "Off-Brand." 445 00:18:57,635 --> 00:18:59,015 See that, Calvin? 446 00:18:59,098 --> 00:19:00,407 It looks like you're not the only one who... 447 00:19:00,491 --> 00:19:02,741 I still sleep with a blankie. 448 00:19:03,752 --> 00:19:05,152 What are y'all looking at? 449 00:19:05,236 --> 00:19:07,398 Trey want to wear a tutu. 450 00:19:07,635 --> 00:19:09,242 And that's okay. 451 00:19:09,326 --> 00:19:12,462 Because we all have vulnerabilities. 452 00:19:12,547 --> 00:19:15,465 But it's not cool for y'all to make fun of 'em. 453 00:19:15,549 --> 00:19:17,036 What the hell is wrong with y'all?! 454 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:20,778 Is this a barbershop or an ice cream parlor? 455 00:19:20,862 --> 00:19:23,041 'Cause all you guys are soft-serve. 456 00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:24,521 Oh, that's it. 457 00:19:24,605 --> 00:19:27,903 I want you out of here. Trey, get the door. 458 00:19:27,987 --> 00:19:30,094 My pleasure. 459 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,182 Know what? Fine. Let's get out of here, Regina. 460 00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:37,488 I'm right behind you, LaTonya. 461 00:19:37,572 --> 00:19:40,194 Out of my way, Off-Brand! 462 00:19:41,902 --> 00:19:43,972 Calvin, that was amazing. 463 00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,223 I can't believe how vulnerable you were. 464 00:19:46,307 --> 00:19:49,405 What I can't believe is that they actually went for it. 465 00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:51,544 Went for what? 466 00:19:51,627 --> 00:19:54,417 I made up all that touchy-feely stuff 467 00:19:54,501 --> 00:19:56,550 to turn the room against them. 468 00:19:56,634 --> 00:19:58,856 I got the idea from Lindsay Lohan. 469 00:19:58,941 --> 00:20:00,207 Remember when she does the sappy speech 470 00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:01,511 at the end of Mean Girls? 471 00:20:01,596 --> 00:20:03,078 Yeah. You saw it? 472 00:20:03,163 --> 00:20:05,559 Oh, a bunch of times. And you were right. 473 00:20:05,644 --> 00:20:08,367 Way better than Never Been Kissed. 474 00:20:12,695 --> 00:20:14,353 Hey, yo, Malcolm, check this out. 475 00:20:14,436 --> 00:20:16,834 I just got messaged by this superhot girl 476 00:20:16,917 --> 00:20:18,704 who claims to be an engineer, 477 00:20:18,788 --> 00:20:20,445 is into Dungeons and Dragons 478 00:20:20,529 --> 00:20:22,529 andcollects action figures. 479 00:20:22,614 --> 00:20:24,884 What? Let me see.Mm-hmm. 480 00:20:24,968 --> 00:20:27,997 Wow, she is fine. I know. 481 00:20:28,163 --> 00:20:30,730 Yeah, that's Dad. Yep. Yep. Yeah, that's Dad. 482 00:20:30,974 --> 00:20:34,460 Ha, ha, ha. Not interested. 483 00:20:34,544 --> 00:20:36,597 Get a life, loser. 484 00:20:43,655 --> 00:20:45,339 Wow. 485 00:20:45,436 --> 00:20:47,484 I thought he was my soul mate. 486 00:20:47,568 --> 00:20:49,133 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 487 00:20:49,217 --> 00:20:51,369 Synchronized by srjanapala 35989

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