All language subtitles for Odd.Mom.Out.S03E03_English

[news theme music]

Newsanchor:
And now an update

on the
Ernie Krevitt scandal.

Krevitt bilked billions
from his affluent clients,

and is currently serving
the first of his 132

consecutive life
sentences.

After diligent work
by forensic accountants,

to find money
in tax shelters

including the Swiss
municipality, Zug.

Krevitt will now begin
paying restitution

to his swindled clients.

Major investors can expect
a return of 60 cents

on the dollar.

- Wow.

- I don't know what my mother
will be happier about.

Getting some of
her money back

or finishing jury duty.

- Kids!

- I mean it's one thing
to do your civic duty

but what are the odds
of getting sequestered?

- 1 in 2700?

- It's like the only thing

that could have gotten
her out of our house.

Maybe there's something
to be said

for divine intervention
after all.

- Ha ha ha, maybe!

Okay so
the kids' schedules-

- Honey, I got this.

You focus on your
show and becoming

the next wunderkind
of the art world.

- You mean
wundercorpse, I'm 42.

- Well, at least it'll be

a totally different day
for you, hon.

You'll get to have wine
with lunch!

Make fun of
pretentious people!

Wear something vaguely
sado-masochistic.

Okay. So maybe not
totally different.

- Okay, lunches are packed.

Hazel and Miles have
playdates after school.

I have a sitter
picking up Dottie

and running her to
handwriting therapy.

So all you have to do
is drop them off at school,

after which I'm sure
you'll get a full parade

for being a hands-on-dad.

- You're exaggerating
as always.

And I love you
and I will see you later

at your art show!

Bye, Miles.
Have a great day!

[humming parade tune]

[cymbals crash]

[lively parade music plays]

[theme music]
* Hey yes you know

* I'm feeling fine
I'm feeling fine *

[energetic rock music]

- Which one says,
"My body may be a show pony,

but my soul is the
real workhorse?"

- Both shoes
are stunning.

- Obviously, but today I can't
have my exceptional style

overshadow my philanthropic
work with ProvideHer.

- Hm, go with the bows.

- Hm, I just don't want him
to be blinded by my beauty.

Do you think anyone would
know who Mother Teresa is

if she weren't a four?
[scoffs]

- There's still a pretty
good chance.

- Derek Blasberg is
Vanity Fair's official

Man on the Street.

Being chosen as his
Icon Interview

for "Fashion Gives Back
Week" is next level.

This is my chance to prove that
I am an insp- her -ation,

a lead- her ,

and above all,
a giv- her .

- I'm so glad to her
you say that,

because I think it's time to
discuss me transitioning

from your SVP
of Patterns slash Assistant

to a position with
no slash.

- But as my slash
assistant, it's your job

not to let anyone bother me
with trivial requests...

including yourself!

Especially on such
an important day.

- Right, it's just that I've
been such an integral part

of ProvideHer
since its inception,

it seems natural to
roll me out with it.

- Devon, titles and
job descriptions

are for factory workers

and protagonists in
'80s movies.

Your confidence in your own
value is worth more

than a seven figure
salary, hm?

- Is it?

- Isn't it?

[text message pings]

- Uh, I think this-
Derek is here.

- Oh my God!

- Calmé.
We have so got this.

[energetic rock music]

- Hi, I'm Jill.

- Roland. You
a collector?

- No these are mine.

I'm a photographer.

- Oh.

- This is amazing.

How did you make it?

- I outsource the
construction of my work.

- So you're like
Santa Claude Monet

with a little
workshop of elves?

- Not at all.
- Oh.

- Concepts are my
medium.

- Well, with these photographs
I was exploring the-

I'm exploring moob size

of working men
aged 55 to 70.

[lively rock music]

- Lex, hey!

Just calling to say,
congrats.

You must feel relieved
to at least

get some of your
dough back.

- Sure, I guess 105 mil in
restitution is something.

Still pounding the
proverbial pavement though.

- Oh no bites?

- Oh they're biting.
Gnawing, actually.

I could sit on the
board of Quantum Resources.

I could head
up MeowMixer.

Andy: MeowMixer?

- Yeah, it's like Tinder
for cats.

Anyway, I'm thinking
about cancelling

my three
o'clock with Zuck.

- You have a meeting
with Mark Zuckerberg?

That's great!

- No, that's tomorrow.

Zuck is a translation app
for hard-lispers.

- So why do you
sound depressed?

- I am like a shaft
without an elevator.

Just pointless and
taking up space.

- You'll figure something
out, Lex.

You always do.

- From your mouth
to my ears.

I'll talk to you
later, okay?

- Hi, what can I get you?

- A Bloody Mary, please.

- Sure. That's tomato juice
and...alcohol?

- First day?

- Sorry. I'm just
paying my way

through law school.

- Well it's a pretty
basic drink.

- It's all about
the seasoning.

Pardon my eavesdropping.

Do you have any Old Bay?

It's a seasoning that
they put on crabs.

Food crabs, not-
It's a seasoning.

- Great question, Derek.

- I think you'll find
all my questions today

are pretty great.
- I'm sure.

Well, any millionaire
can give unappreciated,

unpaid women of
the world

educational opportunities
or clean drinking water.

That's the cross-body
bag of charity.

- It's been done
to death.

- Exactly.
So I thought,

do I want to give the destitute
a way out of poverty,

or...purpose?

- We thought it was a
no-brainer.

- Women don't need
to be rescued,

they need to be
empow- her -ed.

- I need to be rescued!

It's like these women have
better benefits than I do,

and it feels like they
are more appreciated.

- Ultimately the message
behind ProvideHer

is that you too can
make a bag.

- But what's really
motivating Von Weber's

recent charitable
initiative?

- Well I myself recently
fell on some hard times

and I had to pull myself
up by my purse straps.

And in that struggle,
I felt myself marching

with women all
over the world.

- You did the
Women's March!

- Yeah, so symbolically.
- Oh.

- Uh, this is the very
first bag of the line.

It was handcrafted by a
woman named Gopika

who lost an arm in a
tragic Diwali accident.

Damn elephants.

- Given your message,

aren't these bags a
little bit pricey?

- Well-

- At Von Weber, we
believe that price is what-

- During the crisis, other
brands slashed their prices,

but at Von Weber
we have a saying,

"When they go low,
we go high."

- I came up with that.

- I'm absolutely
positive you did not.

- No I mean,
in this context.

[chuckling]

- My work is a comment on
the hypocrisy of the uniform.

At once imbuing the wearer
with monolithic power while

simultaneously rendering him
impotent as an individual.

- Jill.

- Larry, thank you so much
for this opportunity.

- Jill Weber, this is
Jerry Saltz,

esteemed Art Critic for
New York Magazine

and Lena Dunham's
godfather.

Jerry has a few
questions for you.

- So your photographs
are a sublimation

of the male gaze
or payback for cat calls

for men in uniform
over a lifetime?

- Oh, no.

- So you're stripping
them naked to kind of

further humiliate them or to
exploit your power over them?

- Not at all.

It's a funny
story actually.

I was shooting these doormen
as a favor and um...

I was trying to capture um-

Well this- this one
in particular um- it's um-

a comment,
it makes me feel

better about my body.

- Pervert.

- Pick up Vanessa.

- Leave a message,
after the tone.

[beep]

- I don't know where
you guys are

but my next call is
to the suicide hotline.

These Neiman Marxists
don't just want

to buy a photograph.

They want buy a feeling

that they can hang over

their free-standing
soaking tub

in the guest bath.

- How'd it go with Jerry?

- So great.

- Your work is
amazedicks.

What?!
It's a thing.

Now tell me about it.

- In photographing
these men

I got to know them

and tried to capture
their backstory...

and front story?

- Oh babe.

- I'm totally
Ben Carsoning,

doing a job for which

I am wholly unqualified.

- But it's not bad,
just sincere.

You're like a walking
Ron Howard movie.

- I'm Daryl Hannah
in "Splash."

A fish out of water.
[mimics dolphin]

- Stop.

- I just watched two
men moved to tears

over a video installation
of a naked woman

eating bologna playing
with an abacus.

- Ugh, go Foucault
yourselves, people.

- I have made a small fortune
turning literal bird shit

into the must-have
facial of the moment.

All you need is a crash course
in talking the talk.

Let's take a lap?
Come on.

[upbeat music]

- Okay, tell us what
you see.

- I see Dottie's Mother's Day
gift circa 2014.

- Okay, try,
try a paradox like,

"it personifies the
ecstasy of decay."

- Yeah, dig deep into your
colon and pull out

the bullshit.

Trust me.
I'm a doctor.

- I see...um,
a black hole

where my lifelong
dream used to be.

- Jill, clearly this is a
comment on class.

It is only on the backs of the
working men and women

that the elite
can thrive.

And yet our
economy ensures

they remain an
invisible majority.

- So sad.

- If you think
this is profound,

you must see
Jill Weber's work.

She's a savant
of observation.

Totally amazedicks.

- Are you
getting it?

- I think so.

Okay, let's look
at this piece.

There's such beauty

in its obsequious search
for its owner.

Nobility in
its proud solitude.

- By George, I think
she's got it.

- How fitting.

My commentary
on the human condition

is an actual garbage can.

- Let's try another one.

[rock music diminuendos]

- This is delicious.

- I remember when I
made my first one.

- Mm.
- It was for my father.

I was six.

- Is your father
still with us?

- Sadly, no.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Hey, we all
gotta eat, right?

Sharks are people too.

Anyway, enough about me,
what's your story?

- I'm a retired
city planner.

- Hm.
- Fourth generation.

Between my family
and a handful of others

we are responsible for
this spoiled Utopia

you call home.
- Whoa, cool.

- 400 years ago,
where you're sitting

there was nothing but
marshland and trees.

- You could look
outside the window

and just see
a velociraptor

cruising by
the Freedom Tower.

- Well, not exactly-

- It's just like the
Counting Crows always said,

"They paved paradise

and they put up
a parking lot."

- Oh God. Oh God.
Um okay guys, um.

There's no more beer

but there's still water
if you're thirsty!

[bar patrons boo]
- You suck!

- All right.
Back off everybody.

We're all in here just
trying our best.

- I changed the keg.

I don't know
what happened.

- Once, at our annual Golf Pros
and Tennis Hoes Party,

a pledge brought an import
keg with a domestic tap.

- What did you do?

- Well, I made him shit
his pants and then

paint his face with it.

The Greek system is
all about building character.

Go ahead,
give it a shot.

[bar patrons cheer]

- Thank you!

- Since you're back there,

care to mix me another
one of your Bloodys?

[lively rock music]

- Are you trying to
sabotage me?

- Of course not.

If you need something,
let me know

and I'll let
someone else know.

I just think
it is so important

that we give
this interview

our undivided attention.

- Enough with the "we".

There is no "we"
in Von Weber.

- Quite literally there is.

- It's not a
collective "we,"

it's more of
a royal one.

- Brooke, I am capable of
a lot more than you think.

It's time you started
to recognize that.

- Now is not that time.

Today is about
Brooke von Weber

not Devon von Devon.

- The last six years have
been about Brooke Weber.

- When I first hired you,

you lived in a fourth floor
walk up in Astoria.

- I still live there!

Brooke, I love you,

but it is getting cold here
in your shadow.

I need to know
I have a future with you-

- And I need you to do
what I hired you to do.

Period.

That is how "we" work.

- Noted.

- Hm.
- Hm.

- Is that a dick pic?

- I'm Bronwyn.

- Pleased to meet you,
I'm Jill Weber, the artist.

- So you are.

Tell me about your work.

We'll see if you
live up to the hype.

- Like these men,
the camera sees all.

But even it is
blinded by a uniform.

The garments that
define these men

obscure their
corporeal physicality.

We, we see hands,
we see a face,

but we forget, friends,
the beating heart.

My series endeavors
to explore the tension

and duality between
intimacy and avoidance,

leaving the observer left
at a crossroads to ponder,

who's really carrying
the baggage?

[crowd applauds]

- Congratulations, you
just sold Carlton.

- Now, excuse me while
I go parlay this news

into a feeding frenzy.

- Worshipping you so hard.

I'm building an Easter Island
statue of your head...

full scale.

[lively music]

- Head's up!

* Woo

[glass shatters]

- I got it.

- I don't know what I would
have done without you.

- Rule number 15 of
Dartmouth bartending:

never let a good girl
go dry.

- Bartending looks good
on you, Lex.

- That's my lot
in life, Joe.

Everything looks
good on me,

just nothing feels right.

- I'm not worried
about you, kid.

They could drop you
anywhere in the universe

and you'll be fine.

- Thank you.

Jennie, mix this man
another Bloody.

On me.

Well actually on
this small business

in which I have no stake.

And thank you
everyone for

reminding me how
incredibly awesome I am.

It's true I've been having
a Lex-istential crisis,

but no more.

I don't need some
exit level position.

I need to go
someplace special.

Someplace where I am
uniquely needed.

From here on out,

I'm aiming for the stars.

- You- you can't leave.
I'm not ready.

- Yes, you are.

- Um, no, she's not!

- Why not a local charity?

I heard someone else is
starting a foundation

to empower golddiggers to
stand up to their oppressors

and divorce their husbands.

It's called
Melania's Tower.

- Well, in the Hamptons, I
actively support efforts

to eradicate female
seasickness on yachts.

Marrying well is so
important,

but you have to feel
well to do it.

- Sorry to interrupt,
Brooke,

but what time
would you like to

make an appearance
at Jill's art show?

- Uh, can you
give us a second?

- Oh my bad.

I was just trying
to do what you

hired me to do.

[gasps]

[sneers]

- So, Brooke.
- Yes.

- Why India?

- Maybe because she
identifies with the

caste system.

- Such a sense of humor
on this one.

That's why I keep
him around,

turning a blind eye to
his bi-weekly

sick day for
anal hair removal.

- Oh no,
I'm half-Italian!

- The bottom half.

- Oh funny.
Brooke, I thought you

kept me around to
return a phone call,

send an email,
schedule a colonic,

and a $20,000 a month
hair appointment.

- You guys know I'm
still here, right?

And I'm taking notes?

- Devon, consider yourself
relieved of all duties.

Effective immediately...
after you write down

the names of
all my passwords.

And the names of the
housekeepers.

And where I hide my jewels
while they clean.

- Did you just fire me?

- In front of me?

- Yes. I did.
- Wow.

- Derek, I am so sorry

you had to witness that.

If you don't have time to
post the interview

I completely
understand.

- I'm definitely publishing
this story.

For a second
I wasn't sure

if I could get to the essence
of Brooke von Weber

but I think I know exactly
who you are.

Toodles Brooke.

- Check you out
with three red dots!

-Hon, I promise I didn't
buy any of them.

You are a real artist.

- Or am I just a
bullshit artist?

- Madonna would argue
that there is no difference.

- Excellent point.

You are a muse to me.

- Actually, you look exactly
like the guy in that video.

- Oh.

- How do you refresh?

Refresh, refresh, refresh!?

- "Brooke von Weber;
Boss Bitch or just a Bitch?"

- I need a drink.

Oh actually, do you have
Whispering Angel?

- Oh no.
I'm not a waiter but-

- Oh Jill, words cannot
describe the day I've had.

- Actually they can.

"Many women in business

are so concerned with
being liked

that they're afraid to
do what it really takes

to lead the charge."

Are you sure you don't
wanna read this?

- No, I can't-

- "But today I got a peek

behind the pleated
Von Weber valance

and saw firsthand
a woman whose strong

sense of décor is bested
only by her decorum."

Whoa, Brooke!

- "BVW is living proof
that it is possible

to act like a role model and
look like a runway model."

Wow. He really
captured my essence.

- Is today National
Masturbation Day?

- Don't hate.

I make my living
off these people.

- You know what?
A toast!

To a triumphant night...

Of my continued success.

By any means necessary.

- Did she just quote
Malcolm X?

- Mm-hmm.

Voiceover: For more
"Odd Mom Out"

go to bravotv.com.