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1
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,138
- Carpe diem,
let's party!
2
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:07,544
Yes!
3
00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:09,036
Voiceover:
Last season on
4
00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:09,607
"Odd Mom Out."
5
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:10,583
- You shot the doormen.
6
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,311
I'm gonna do a group show.
7
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,076
I'd love to include you.
8
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,075
- I wish you would stay.
9
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,076
- Is this a test?
10
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,517
- No, I just wanted
you to know how I feel.
11
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,522
- So you met
Mr. Ernie Krevitt,
12
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,123
genius investor.
13
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:21,985
- What's going on?
14
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,222
- They're saying he
pulled a Madoff.
15
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,057
[gasps]
16
00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,132
- Brooke just got
me in with him.
17
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,329
- Sebastian!
18
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,530
- Of course I
went all in.
19
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,361
Ernie was our best
performing manager.
20
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,397
He was killing it for us.
21
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,571
- Should we be
freaking out?
22
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,269
- No, fortunately
we never had
23
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:35,071
enough money
to invest with him.
24
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:35,503
My mother did.
25
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,396
- Oh.
26
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:37,267
- Candace?!
27
00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,365
- We didn't have
much money with him,
28
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,636
did we?
29
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:42,213
- Babe, we still
have each other.
30
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:45,413
[screams]
- No!
31
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,546
[gags]
32
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:54,394
- I just can't
believe she's gone.
33
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,562
I mean,
she was so beautiful,
34
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:59,129
I mean, almost too
perfect to look at,
35
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,430
like the teeth
of an Obama.
36
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,632
- I'm sorry.
37
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,433
I don't mean to interrupt--
But I- I- I--
38
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:05,865
- Now she's
God only knows where
39
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,469
with God only
knows who.
40
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,443
I hate myself
for losing her!
41
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,372
- Lex,
I'm a grief counselor
42
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,207
for those who've
lost a loved one...
43
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,514
Not a yacht.
44
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,475
[sobs]
45
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,418
- Are you all right?
46
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:27,564
It's just you've
been standing here
47
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,618
the better part
of an hour.
48
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,228
Is there someone
I should call?
49
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,200
- Who would you call?
50
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,128
I had to fire
my Art Advisor.
51
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:36,904
Now I'm expected
to figure out
52
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,270
if I like
this painting.
53
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:42,099
All. By. Myself!
54
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:49,414
- Marisa?
Are you okay?
55
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,213
- Jill.
You have no idea
56
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,575
what I've just
been through.
57
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,383
Our financial advisor
made us choose
58
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:56,645
between the chalet
in Aspen
59
00:01:56,684 --> 00:02:00,224
and the horse farm
in Millbrook.
60
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,594
It was a Sophie's Choice.
61
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,392
- Have you ever read
Sophie's Choice?
62
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,494
- Just be thankful
that you were not affected
63
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,156
by that crook, Krevitts.
64
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,456
- Oh, I was affected.
65
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,327
- We're out of tonic.
66
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,925
And I'd appreciate
if you'd invest
67
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,196
in a removable
shower head.
68
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,409
- Mother!?
69
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:24,649
[theme music]
* Hey yes you know
70
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:28,218
* I'm feeling fine
I'm feeling fine *
71
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:32,223
- Dottie! Miles!
Let's hit the roadski!
72
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,553
- Must you project
like that?
73
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,357
You're not centerstage
on Broadway.
74
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,290
- Rolling Eyes Emoji.
75
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,386
- Just trying to get
the gang together
76
00:02:39,427 --> 00:02:42,457
to go visit Hazel at
sleep-away camp!
77
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,396
You're gonna have
the place to yourself
78
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:44,331
this weekend.
79
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,365
- Ah, thank goodness.
80
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,969
I haven't slept past eleven
since I moved in.
81
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,271
I'm practically on
a day laborer's schedule.
82
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,714
- I'm sorry, Grandma.
83
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,239
- I thought I told you
never to use that word.
84
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,575
I mean, really,
85
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,309
do I look like
a grandmother?
86
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,675
- You look like an angel.
87
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,552
A fallen
Victoria's Secret angel.
88
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,421
- Honey, I know
it has not been easy,
89
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,780
but it's important that
we are supportive
90
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,217
in her time of need.
91
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,093
- 'Til when?
92
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,289
The Grim Reaper buzzes
from the lobby?
93
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:09,492
- Mother,
please turn off all the
94
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,723
lights when you go out.
95
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:13,488
And don't leave out
any food overnight and--
96
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,727
- I suppose next
you're gonna tell me
97
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,662
not to have
any boys over?
98
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,227
- Actually, yeah.
We don't want any--
99
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:22,597
- Ta-ta!
- Okay.
100
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,739
- You know that your
mother's gonna throw
101
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,314
an epic rager.
102
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,012
We're gonna come home to
find Long Duck Dong
103
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,413
on the exercise bike
and Anthony Michael Hall
104
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:33,846
trapped under the
coffee table.
105
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,421
- Don't be silly, honey.
106
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,519
Life is not
a John Hughes movie.
107
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,591
- You're right.
Otherwise I'd be married
108
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,319
to Andrew McCarthy.
109
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:44,462
- This city is one
crawdad boil away
110
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,462
from being a swamp.
I'm dying.
111
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:47,734
- Oh I know.
It's so hot
112
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,761
the Statue of Liberty
is like--
113
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:51,597
[sniffs and groans]
114
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,572
- At least you're escaping
to the woods!
115
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,641
I'll be here with
the cockroach conga line
116
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,469
down Avenue A.
117
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,705
- Are you still seeing
Krevitt victims
118
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,339
in the ER from
rich person accidents?
119
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,605
- Our burn unit
is inundated with people
120
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,384
using their ovens
for the first time.
121
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,623
- Seriously?
- And last night,
122
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,718
a woman checked
in because
123
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,549
she missed
having her call button.
124
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,524
[cell phone rings]
125
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,493
- Oh, let me guess, Graham?
- Yup.
126
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,893
It's like four
FaceTimes a day!
127
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,064
- It's still so weird to
me that he's in Burundi
128
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,462
but can FaceTime.
129
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:21,704
I was picturing him
in the bush
130
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:24,429
with some tribeswoman
bringing him a telegram.
131
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:25,865
With, like,
those neck rings--
132
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,539
- Jill! No.
133
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:30,068
It's impoverished there,
but it's still 2017.
134
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,413
They don't have like,
bones through their nose.
135
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,540
They're wearing, like,
Sean John t-shirts.
136
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,375
- Stop it.
- I swear.
137
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:37,110
- Time to go.
138
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,684
- Okay, give this
to Hazel
139
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,612
and tell that sweet
girl I love her!
140
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,378
- Okay, and tell
Graham I say--
141
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,516
[clicks tongue]
[mimics African dialect]
142
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:45,392
- That means "hi".
143
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:46,389
- You're going to hell.
144
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,190
- I ought to hug you
145
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:47,960
but I'm schvitzing
my balls off.
146
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,518
- Don't touch me.
- Love you.
147
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,627
[birds crowing]
148
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:58,374
[scoffs]
[water splashing]
149
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:01,399
[ding dong]
- Oh God.
150
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:04,335
There's no one here
to answer it.
151
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:07,382
Do you think I should
open it...myself?
152
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,438
If I'm not back
in five minutes,
153
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,647
eat Langley first.
154
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,447
Oh Devon!
Thank God!
155
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:20,817
There's someone
at the door.
156
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,564
- It was me.
157
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,460
- Ugh, you have no idea
what it's like
158
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:27,562
being alone with these
unruly hellcats.
159
00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:29,595
If Ernie Krevitt
wasn't already in jail,
160
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,570
I would murder him
for what he's done
161
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:32,569
to this family.
162
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,870
I had to cut my staff!
- [gasps]
163
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,802
- From seven days
a week to five.
164
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,667
We're living like animals.
165
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,406
- What doesn't kill us,
makes us thinner.
166
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:43,941
- Amen.
Kids, we need the kitchen.
167
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,477
Go teach yourselves coding.
168
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,650
Thank you so much
for coming, Devon.
169
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,382
- Mm.
170
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,817
- With Lex's fund
in limbo,
171
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,951
my company's our only
source of income.
172
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,146
- Mine too.
173
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,187
- So give it
to me straight.
174
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,692
What is the state of
the union with Von Weber?
175
00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,485
- As you know, we ordered
100,000 Native American
176
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:01,958
inspired totes for
last season's
177
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,455
Navawhore collection.
178
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:06,167
- Still a great
looking bag!
179
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,599
- Then Krevitt relieved
our target demo
180
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:08,935
of all disposable income.
181
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:12,869
- [sighs]
So how many did we sell?
182
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,736
- 37,000.
183
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:16,875
- You're telling me there's
$14 million dollars' worth
184
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,880
of merchandise
just sitting there?
185
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:19,912
- Like Ghandi.
186
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:22,417
- [exasperated sigh]
We need people who weren't
187
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,620
bank-raped by Krevitt
to start paying attention
188
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,452
to Von Weber.
189
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:29,757
- Who are they?
- [scoffs]
190
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:37,025
- Does this paper chain
look ghettissimo ?
191
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,634
I feel like it's all about
flash tattoos
192
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:40,797
and drones these days.
193
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,504
- Im just so excited
to see her.
194
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,606
- How much farther?
195
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:45,768
- Pull up the
"Are we there yet?"
196
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:46,766
feature on your screen
197
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,477
and track our
progress, hon.
198
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,009
- I wonder if she's
gonna look different.
199
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,653
Like, more developed.
200
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,479
When she left
she had cherry tomatoes,
201
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,654
but by now, they may be
full-on heirlooms.
202
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,223
- Jill, it's only been
three and a half weeks!
203
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,490
My parents
always said I'd grown
204
00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,919
two inches
by visiting day.
205
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,893
- It says 11:45.
206
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,722
- Why is Maine so far?
207
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,227
- Guys, we're going to play
a wonderful game called:
208
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,159
Silencio!
209
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,934
Whoever's quiet the longest
gets a prize.
210
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,533
- You've been doing
the vast majority
211
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,665
of the talking.
212
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:13,870
- What is the prize?
213
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,571
- You don't know
until you win.
214
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:16,703
Might be a snack,
215
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:17,937
or a wad of cash,
216
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,671
or a brand new family!
217
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,707
Ready?
One, two, three:
218
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:25,882
Silencio!
219
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,783
B-T-dubs I got the new
parent volunteer forms
220
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,946
for school and
I can't deal.
221
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,554
Between prepping for
my Men in Uniform art show
222
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,517
and your mom squatting
like the cast of "Rent",
223
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,587
I could really use some
more support this fall.
224
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,825
Um, if that pause were
any more pregnant
225
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,774
it would have its
own show on MTV.
226
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,869
- I just think you're
better at that stuff.
227
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,841
- Better at pretending
to care about
228
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:53,570
inconsequential shit during
interminable meetings?
229
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:54,777
You're a lawyer.
230
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,508
Didn't you go to
school for that?
231
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,884
- Let's talk
about it later?
232
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,520
Guys!
We're here!
233
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:07,760
[rock music playing]
234
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,288
- What's with all
the Lester's bags?
235
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,592
- They should spell it
236
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:11,994
L-E-S-T-I-Z-Z
237
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,855
because everyone
who shops there
238
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,834
call it "Lestizz."
239
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,973
- How long 'til we
get to see Hazel?
240
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,668
- Oh, are you
Hazel's family?
241
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,600
- Yeah hi.
I'm Andy Weber.
242
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,665
My wife, Jill.
243
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,613
- Hi! I am Kara,
Remi's mom!
244
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,738
- Remi?
- Hazel's BFF!
245
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:28,905
I've heard all about
your daughter!
246
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,012
How she taught
the whole cabin
247
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,553
the Badunkadunk Shake.
248
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,550
So, what did you
bring for Bunk Junk?
249
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:37,052
- Oh um, the twins
decorated these cookies.
250
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,554
How about you?
251
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,586
- Oy, what didn't
we bring?
252
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,021
We've got Zabar's
cold bags,
253
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,785
we've got
Baked by Melissa,
254
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:46,034
Mr. Chows and
Sushi of Gari
255
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,129
'cause they miss the
ethnic so much up here.
256
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:48,761
- But... isn't it hard
257
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:49,896
to keep that stuff fresh?
258
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,700
- No, we've got ice packs,
259
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,072
and we were wheels
up about an hour ago, so.
260
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,901
- Wh- what does
that mean?
261
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,936
- That's the tail
number of our jet!
262
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,871
It's like the
license plate.
263
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,777
- Neat!?
264
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:04,039
This place is like John
Galliano and Mel Gibson's
265
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,047
worst nightmare.
266
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,879
- Moms and Dads,
sisters and bros!
267
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,976
Who's ready to see
their campers?
268
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:14,958
[cheers]
- Yes!
269
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:15,718
- I'm so glad
we got Hazel
270
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,056
up here in nature
for a while.
271
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,660
Out of the rat race
of the city.
272
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:24,672
- Ready, set, go!
273
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:29,698
[energetic rock music]
[people chattering]
274
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,744
- Mom, are you okay?
275
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,144
- That was Pamplona.
276
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,046
But with Jews.
277
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,948
- Okay, she's okay.
Come on!
278
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:44,080
[rock music continues]
279
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:44,647
- There she is!
280
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,715
There's my little girl!
281
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,386
- See I told you she'd
look more grown up.
282
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,136
- Yay! La Durée!
I love you, mom.
283
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:13,682
- Hon, be sure to share
with the less fortunate.
284
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,824
- Are jacks not
a thing still?
285
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,719
- Thanks, Mom, I
love everything.
286
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,351
- Oh my God!
287
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,316
It's just like I'm
walking through a forest!
288
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,264
- I know.
Incredible, right?
289
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,690
- I like what you've done
with your area.
290
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:28,755
It's really creative.
- Thanks.
291
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:31,096
- Jill, get over here.
292
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,101
- What's wrong?
- Look!
293
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,333
- Babe, that's sweet!
294
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,997
- Who is this JR person?
295
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,036
- Calm down.
Crushes are as much
296
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,841
a part of camp
as pink eye.
297
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:42,713
- Remi, show the Webers
the dance Hazel taught you.
298
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:45,013
It is the cutest.
299
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:48,245
[rap music]
* Damn your girl
300
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,251
* got a fat ass
301
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,723
* I know my girl
got a fat ass *
302
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,023
* Damn my girl
got a flat ass *
303
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,115
* I know your girl
got a flat ass *
304
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,457
* Shorty got that
bubble mind *
305
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,332
- I'm smelling toast.
306
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,831
Isn't that a sign
of a stroke?
307
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,263
- Adorable, right?
308
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:06,097
My Remi is a
danceaholic.
309
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,143
She's on a competitive
team in Boca.
310
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,038
- I want to start
dance class
311
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,269
this fall, too, Mom.
312
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:13,043
- Sure, as long as the
barre is horizontal
313
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,843
and not vertical.
314
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,875
- This isn't funny.
We're losing her.
315
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,480
- Relax. It'll
twerk itself out.
316
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,182
- Mommy, can you
get me the jacks ball?
317
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:25,115
- Sure honey.
318
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:30,762
[gasps]
You shaved?!
319
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:32,791
* I told y'all
she the shit *
320
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,161
- So here is the plan.
321
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,295
We gift the major influencer
of each group a bag.
322
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,071
Then their friends
will buy buy buy,
323
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,430
tweeting and
Instagram'ing us
324
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:42,398
into the black,
black, black.
325
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,405
- Hm, it's basic trickle
down Brookenomics.
326
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:46,468
It has to work!
327
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,436
Okay for our web of
influencers we have identified
328
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:53,106
hip-hop baby mommas
for the urban demographic.
329
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,176
Second-tier telenovela stars
for the latina market.
330
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,746
And NFL wives--
- A Von Weber on the arm
331
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:03,157
of a game-day jersey?
It just doesn't feel right.
332
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,090
- Think of all your idols
333
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,234
who've had to endure
mainstream success.
334
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,159
Ralph Lauren, Tory Burch--
335
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:11,865
- Tommy Hilfiger practically
pioneered the hi low strategy.
336
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:12,899
- Exactly.
337
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:16,243
- Oh, I'm DMing you
India Gants's latest post.
338
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:19,139
She's beachside in
Montauk with Dot the Rapper
339
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,812
wearing the cutest suit.
340
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,111
Track it down for me?
341
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,852
- I'll buy anything
that she's selling.
342
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,322
- Devon, we're a genius!
343
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:29,248
Forget the local Brookes.
344
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,182
One big Brooke would
sell all these bags
345
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:32,348
in a heartbeat.
346
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:33,345
- Perfect!
347
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,256
We know she's
already beachside,
348
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,818
so I'll just
deliver the bag!
349
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,227
- No gifting.
350
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:41,328
America's Next Top
Model could gag on swag.
351
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,461
We're going to need
to be stealth.
352
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:44,296
- If a model owns a bag,
353
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:45,831
but doesn't take a
picture with it,
354
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,796
did it even exist in
the first place?
355
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:48,965
- Exactly.
356
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,142
We gonna need ankle boots
on the ground
357
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,341
to cleverly place a
Von Weber bag
358
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:57,583
in her next selfie, ideally
without her noticing.
359
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:01,550
But I am on house arrest
with my demon spawn.
360
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,592
- I'll do
whatever you need.
361
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,160
- Swim-suit up.
362
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,219
I'm sending you in.
363
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,517
[exclaims]
364
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:17,999
- Mom, all the
girls shave!
365
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,171
I was a yeti.
366
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,169
- Yes, but you're
a blonde yeti!
367
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,371
No one sees it
unless the sun hits it.
368
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,173
- Which is all the
time in summer.
369
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,365
- Look, once you start,
you can't stop.
370
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,007
Shaving is like
a gateway drug.
371
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,582
- To what?
372
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,910
- Shaving other
things? I don't know.
373
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,446
Just take your time.
374
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,581
Don't just go
with the flow.
375
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:38,916
Wait, you didn't
get your period, did you?
376
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,192
- No.
377
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,860
- Phew! Yeah, eleven's
way too young.
378
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,360
- But Remi and Mollie have.
379
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,191
- What?
380
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,326
- Jill, it's normal.
381
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,960
- What are you
talking about?
382
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,526
We didn't have boobs
and pubes then.
383
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,034
Her bunkmates have
legit knockers
384
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,566
and crimson
tides.
385
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:55,941
- It's environmental.
386
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,239
Because there's hormones
387
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,610
in milk and
chicken nuggets,
388
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,568
the national menarche
has plummeted.
389
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,337
- What the hell
is a menarche?
390
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,905
- A girl's first period.
391
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,514
I think it's Greek
for "beginning."
392
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,375
- I can't accept
that girls Hazel's age
393
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,024
are on their Raggedy Ann.
394
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,449
And I'm not even
the one freaking out.
395
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,893
Andy's ready to FedEx
her to a convent.
396
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,660
- Hang on.
First time using an iron?
397
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,430
Yeah, you can't press
the clothes
398
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,059
when they're on
your body.
399
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,134
I'll treat the burn
400
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,232
and give you a prescription
for an ironing board.
401
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:27,943
I gotta go.
402
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,038
Rich people require
supervision.
403
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,340
- Tell me about it.
404
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,071
I'm convinced Candace
is going Coyote Ugly
405
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,106
on my kitchen island.
406
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:40,011
["Old Time Rock and Roll"
by Bob Seger plays]
407
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:44,077
* Do you still remember
408
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:47,387
* Can you stilll
stay up all night *
409
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,057
- Got past security
and also got a date--
410
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:57,363
- Focus!
411
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,327
You are only gonna
get one shot at India
412
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,666
with my bag and her
selfie needs to be
413
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,341
perfect or else
she won't post it!
414
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:07,411
Now put your shirt
back on and get that snap.
415
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,080
- You don't know
I took my shirt off.
416
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,309
- I always know.
417
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,383
- O-M God.
I see her!
418
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,352
Oh my God
I'm walking over!
419
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,250
- You just used
your excited voice, Devon.
420
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,152
I swear if
you embarrass me--
421
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,321
It's soup.
422
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,323
- 10 feet away.
423
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,964
5 feet away.
424
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,060
- Make the drop, Devon!
425
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,731
- T-minus selfie,
going in five--
426
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:29,098
[muffled sounds and
gasping through phone]
427
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,999
- Did you get the shot?
428
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:34,401
Devon?
Devon what happened?
429
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:37,144
And how does it
reflect on me?
430
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:43,213
Where did that
come from?
431
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,481
- And what do you
want to do when you grow up?
432
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,252
You'll need to be able to
provide for my daughter,
433
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,180
so "ceramicist" is
off the table.
434
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:51,276
Do you have any
longterm investment ideas?
435
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,448
It's never too early
to open a Roth IRA--
436
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,156
- Andy?
What are you doing?
437
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,319
- And that's how
you master backspin
438
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,357
in tetherball.
439
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,362
- Who was that?
440
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,263
- A fella who who
goes by the initials J.R.
441
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,496
I don't think he's
gonna be knocking
442
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,431
on the Fireflies
door anytime soon.
443
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,096
- All right let's hit the
road before you go
444
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,335
to arts and crafts
and fashion
445
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,269
a chastity belt.
446
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,305
- We're gonna play
capture the flag
447
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:14,510
with my friends.
448
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,041
Do you guys wanna join?
449
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,236
- Oh sweetie,
we don't have time.
450
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,447
We have to go.
451
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,308
- Oh really?!
- Aw, really?!
452
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:22,747
- Yeah, say your
goodbyes, kids.
453
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,018
We love you, Hazie.
And we're so proud
454
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,385
of the young woman
you're becoming.
455
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,493
- Thanks Mom.
456
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:35,534
- * Don't go shavin'
- Mom!
457
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:41,034
- I'm never letting
you go, Hazie!
458
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,498
- Dad!
459
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,279
- Okay now you can.
460
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,382
Or now.
461
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,050
Okay, put down
your daughter.
462
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,549
Step away from
the cabin.
463
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,051
- See you in
three weeks?
464
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,823
Unless you wanna
come with us now.
465
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,050
- I'll see you
before you know it.
466
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:03,387
[quirky music]
467
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,400
- Where are you Devon?
468
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:14,231
[ding dong]
469
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,814
- Oh!
470
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,238
India!
471
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,106
- Does this belong to you?
472
00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:28,154
- Maybe.
473
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:32,091
- Does this?
- Sorry Brookie.
474
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,349
- Do I look
like an idiot?
475
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,086
- No, you look stunning
476
00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:38,333
and that bag
really suits you.
477
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,558
- Listen, sister,
I ain't mad at hustle,
478
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,503
but don't ever
try to hustle me.
479
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:43,799
- See,
I went rogue.
480
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,370
She knew nothing
about this.
481
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,868
- Well, according to
my bodyguard,
482
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,340
he was wearing
a headset
483
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,239
and reporting his
every move.
484
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,311
I could sue.
485
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:53,109
Do you have any idea
how much money
486
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,340
I get paid for
an endorsement?
487
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,505
- India, from one
incredibly attractive
488
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,805
businesswoman to
another,
489
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:04,247
please accept my
sincerest apologies.
490
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,224
And hey,
you keep the bag, huh?
491
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,364
- Oh I'm keeping it.
492
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,263
- I have one with
turquoise accents as well,
493
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:16,603
that would really
complement your eyes.
494
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,599
- You're lucky
your shit's cute.
495
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,431
What else you got?
496
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,838
- Right this way.
- Come in.
497
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:29,412
* Welcome to my palace
to my palace *
498
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,482
* Walking on these diamonds
499
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,450
* Tell 'em who the baddest
who's the baddest *
500
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,320
* Just tell them who's
the baddest *
501
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:36,918
* Looking at my necklace
502
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,649
* I know you feeling precious
503
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,415
* Open up the eyes
504
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,663
* Look at all this madness
bitch *
505
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:43,589
* I'm rich
506
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,863
[ding dong]
507
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,870
- What seems to be
the problem, Officer?
508
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,439
- Someone reported
a disturbance in here, ma'am.
509
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,868
- Really?
I can't imagine why.
510
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:01,544
- Because something
disturbing is happening.
511
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:13,245
- Mm, great Frosé babe.
512
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,257
Seriously,
I am so proud of you.
513
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:18,929
Juggling your job
and the kids all weekend
514
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:21,258
all without the staff.
515
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:24,334
And kind of without me.
516
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:27,731
Look, I know I've been a
little lost lately--
517
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:31,897
- Sh.
Babe, look!
518
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,468
Isn't that the most
beautiful thing
519
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:38,776
you've ever seen?
The nannies.
520
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,481
[deep sighs]
521
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:48,457
[slurp drinks]
522
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:49,558
- You know what,
523
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,719
I am going to volunteer at
Hazel's school this year
524
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:53,228
like you suggested.
525
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,930
- That's great...
but tread lightly.
526
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:58,502
'Cause if you hover too low,
she could rebel
527
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:01,871
and become a conservative,
or a vegan.
528
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,471
- But if I keep
tabs on her--
529
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:04,943
- Everyone says
kids today are
530
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,341
"growing up so fast"
531
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,973
because of technology
and everything,
532
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,937
but I think it was way worse
when I was a kid.
533
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:13,376
There was nothing else to
do but experiment.
534
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,283
- Yeah. Lex and I
used to go out to
535
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:16,715
Sheep's Meadow and
see how high
536
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,749
we could shoot up
model rockets.
537
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:21,815
- Oh, I meant
experiment sexually.
538
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,024
At my bat-mitzvah
539
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,985
Jenn Linardos gave
Trip Cullman a handjob
540
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,294
on the putting green
at our club.
541
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:30,557
Everyone called her
the 19th hole after that.
542
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,827
- Is that supposed to
make me feel better?
543
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,825
- Well, that's
two years away,
544
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,537
and she was the
fastest one in our group.
545
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,770
- I have a good idea.
546
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,005
Let's play that game:
547
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,409
Silencio!
548
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,854
- Wow!
549
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:51,852
- Welcome back!
550
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:54,594
- Thank you, Candace.
The place looks perfect.
551
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:57,891
- I'm shocked you would
expect anything less.
552
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:58,994
- Goodnight, Mother.
553
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,755
- Sweet dreams, honey!
554
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:05,897
[coughs]
555
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:18,350
[whistles]
Third door on the left.
556
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:24,620
Voiceover: For more
"Odd Mom Out"
557
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:24,721
go to bravotv.com.
38604
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