All language subtitles for Odd.Mom.Out.S02E10_English

- Next is a Bravo
original comedy.

- * Let the river run

Previously on
"Odd Mom Out"...

Well, I'm actually getting

back into the photography thing,

so I hope you'll
keep me in mind

for any work that comes up.

- But your work was safe.

It had no teeth...

or balls, really.

- Awesome, George.
Secret.

Hello, bellman.

- Jill, those are
your doorman shots?

- Yeah, why?
You knew they were nude.

- Graham is here.

- Graham had his
chance with you,

and he blew it.

Don't let him
suck you back in.

- Good to see you.

- Lex is cheating on Brooke
with his assistant Ella.

- You knew?
- I'm so sorry.

I didn't know what to do.

It wasn't my place.

- [grunts]
- [screams]

- Joy Green,
author of the "Joy Manifesto,"

is in the house.

- This is Ernie Krevitt...
- Hey.

- Sharpest investor
on the continent.

Brooke von Weber,

will you be my re-bride?

- What?

Yes!
The answer is yes.

[rock music]

- Don't forget
to pick up your tux

from the cleaners
any time after 3:00.

[phone chimes]

- On it.

- Wait, it looks
like somebody

bought a photo
from my website!

- Hey, that's terrific,
honey.

Kids, Mommy sold a photo!

- Is this
really happening?

A total stranger
bought one of my photos!

- What happened?
- Kids, listen up.

I was about to
bail on myself

after tons of rejection,

and this is living proof

that if you work hard enough
and you're patient,

eventually it will pay off!

[kids cheer]

- Ahh!
Grisly, grisly breath.

Go brush your teeth, okay?

Trixie can suck it.

There's somebody out there

who thinks my work
does have balls.

- See, all you needed
was a little encouragement.

Honey, you are an artist.

- Yeah.

- [chuckles]
- Wait.

- What?

- Oh, my god.

It was you.

You bought it!

Oh my God.

It was a pity-buy?

- No, I-- I just--
- Kids!

Forget everything
I just said.

- I liked the photo, honey.

You just needed
a little boost.

- No.

That is a false
sense of confidence.

Like water-wings.

- Oh, stop.

- I'm Jennifer Beals
in "Flashdance"

when Michael Nouri
got her the audition

she thought she'd earned.

- But she deserved
that audition!

She was awesome!

- [groans]

- * Hey, yes, you know

* I'm feeling fine,
I'm feeling fine *

- My career is on life support,
Vaness.

And you're my plug-puller.

Can we just call time of death?

- Not yet.

I still see vital signs.

- So Graham is
leaving tomorrow.

Have you guys had a talk?

Are you gonna
see other people?

- You don't have a talk when
you're just having fun.

That's the opposite of fun.

Pass the hot sauce.

What?

- Okay, well, you're not
gonna like it,

but I'm tired
of guys like Graham

parking in your husband
parking spot just for "fun."

- [laughs]

Jill, I'm never
getting married again.

There is no husband
parking spot.

- I don't believe you.

I think you're ready
for love--

maybe even with Graham--

but you're just too cool
to admit it.

- Listen to me:

I am happy with
my love life.

You're the one who's unhappy
with my love life,

so that's your cross to bear.

Or whatever the Jewish
equivalent is.

- Star of David.

Just have mercy on me,
I have to get it up

for Brooke and Lex's bullshit
"vows renewal."

Celebrating their
"rediscovered love."

And get this.
Andy told me

they're spending $1 million

on the flowers.

- Eww.

[regal orchestral music]

*

[zippers zipping]

- [inhales deeply]

Oh my God.

Where's my butter churn?

Somebody point me
to the compound

and remind me
of my 17 kids' names.

[regal orchestral music
resumes]

*

- Hello, Ladies.

- Candace.

What happened to
the guava gown I picked out?

- Well, it's funny:

I must have lost a few pounds
on my cleanse,

because it was literally
falling off of me.

And I just thought that this
would be more festive.

But you know, it's still
a little big.

Lucy!
Lucy!

- Girls, gather.

Oh, I am loving this look
on you.

I had a vision with the hair,
and it is perfect.

I want to share an epiphany
I had this morning:

After a very challenging time,
I have it all:

a booming company,
several fabulous homes,

a husband who loves me
so much

he wants to marry me
a second time--

- Four healthy kids...

- I already said that.

And I couldn't have arrived
at this moment without...

Joy Green.

She should be here any minute.

- [gasps]

Hello, my gorgeous
re-bridal party!

[clears throat]

So--copy.

Oh, my god, Brooke,
the eagle has landed.

Joy Green is on the premises!

- She's here.
She's here.

- Oh, my god.
[gasping]

- Hello, beautiful ones.

- Hi, Joy.
- Joy.

*

- And I hate nosy bitches.

[tires squeal]

- I can't thank you enough
for officiating tonight.

It's only because of
your blog post

that Lex and I
are going through with this.

We realized
we could hear your voice

even when we couldn't hear
each other's.

- Mm. Well, I always say that
my soul can't sing

unless it makes
another soul dance.

[bridesmaids gasp]

- Chills.
- Yeah.

Jill,
I want you to meet my guru,

my idol, Joy Green.

This is Jill,
my Jewish sister-in-law.

- So pleased to meet you.

- [chuckles]
It's a joy.

- You'll be happy to know

we're incorporating
all faiths tonight.

The ceremony will be
under a choo-pah.

- Oh, it's...[hacking]
chuppah.

- Oh.

I just felt
a pubic hair sprout.

Not today.
Excuse me.

Jin-Lee?

Has anyone seen Jin-Lee?

- I'm sorry,
don't I know you?

- No.
I don't think so.

This is a swank affair,
isn't it?

I think I have, like,
100 bucks of caviar

just jammed into
my chompers.

I'm a total roe ho.
I'm gonna, like,

give birth to a sturgeon
in the morning.

- No, I'm sorry.
We must have met somewhere.

I mean, you look
so familiar.

- Oh, well,
I get that a lot.

People say I resemble a young
Alan Rickman in drag--

may he rest--

Marilyn Manson,

Tatum O'Neill
dipped in shoe polish

and shoved in the microwave,

and of course, tonight,
the cast of "Big Love."

- Mm-hmm.
What do you do?

- Um, I'm a photographer.

- A what?
- A photographer.

- Oh, well, maybe that's it.

Maybe you've shot me
for something.

- Nope!
I haven't had the pleasure.

Of shooting you.

- [chuckles]

Well, anyway, I have to go

brush up on my Sanskrit
for the ceremony.

Don't worry.
It'll come to me.

It always does.

- Uh, toothpaste, Sudafed?

- Check, check.

- Passport?
- Check.

Wait.

Check.

Good-bye?

- Bye.
[smooch]

- This was fun.
- It was!

Now, scram.
- All right.

I'll see you
when I see you, kid.

- Catch you on the rebound.

- Between our co-op
board elections

and the doorman strike,

I'm ready for a summer break
from our building.

- [laughs]
Well, I don't know.

I quite enjoyed
Carlton's nude modeling debut.

- Ooh, don't remind me.

The photographer
is my daughter-in-law.

- You don't mean Brooke?

- No, I have another
daughter-in-law.

I rarely mention her.

She's...

offbeat.

- Mm.

- Ernie!
You must know Ernie Krevitt.

- Ernie and I
went to summer camp together

in the Berkshires.

- We did.
- Even at 11,

he was managing
our cabin's canteen fund.

- Well, of course.
- What can I say?

We made some good returns
that summer.

- Ooh!
- Mr. Manassian.

So good of you to be here.

The artwork in my wife's office
looks phenomenal.

- Well, she's got
a great eye.

Makes my job easy.

- And I see
you met Mr. Ernie Krevitt,

genius investor?
He's like a father to me.

- [whispers] Guess that means
we're married.

We'd better be careful.
I'm very fertile.

- Good to know!

- Nice to see you.

- Oh, hi.

- Oh, excuse me--
I think you dropped this.

- That's it!

Now I remember
where I know you from!

- I really don't know
what you're referring to.

- Um, oops!

Does that jog your memory?

- No, I don't know
what you mean.

- Oh, really?

Nothing?

Hmm?
How 'bout now?

- Ugh!

- [laughing]

I knew I hated you
from somewhere!

You're the one
who called me a Nazi

on the Montauk Highway.

- Because you were littering

and I was trying
to protect the Earth.

What is wrong with you?

Aren't you supposed
to be the Queen of Happiness?

- Oh, I'm very happy
right now.

I'm enjoying this delightful
little coincidence.

Sir!

Thank you.

- Don't you think
you should wait

till after you're done
officiating

to get shitfaced?

- Oh, you're also
on booze patrol now?

I think I can handle this:

Brooke,
do you renew your vow

to cherish Lex
till death do you part?

Lex, do you promise not to
bang any more secretaries?

- Hey!

Don't trash my family.

That's my thing.
- Oh, please.

Everyone knows
what "vows renewal" means.

- Yeah, no shit.
Someone boned.

But people can change.

- [scoffs]
Yeah, right.

And my ex-husband
isn't going down dog

on my old yoga instructor
right now.

My next book's
gonna be called,

"Rich Men Who Cheat
and the Women

Who Don't Want to Downsize."

- Ms. Green?

I'm sorry to interrupt, but

your book changed my life.

- Mine, too!

- Oh.
Namaste.

Of course.
Namaste.

- Namaste away
from me.

- So are you going to
be attending

my reading at the 92nd Street Y?

- I wouldn't miss it.

- Oh.

You have the glow
of happiness.

- Brooke?
Hi. Sorry.

So, um...
[sighs]

Given our history,

I feel like I should
share some information with you

that could be upsetting.

Will be upsetting.

- We're T-minus ten.

Can't it wait?

- No.

Um...

I know you idolize Joy,

but she is a fraud

and does not
have your back.

- Jill, I can't take in
this negativity right now.

As Joy says,

"There are radiators
and there are drains."

And I need to surround myself
with radiators

before I remarry
the man I love.

- Yeah, I just don't think
you realized--

- Who's ready
to get married again?

- Joy, perfect timing.

I was actually just going over
the final script,

and there's one paragraph
I think we can do without.

- Oh, really?

- Yes, it's a small one,

about your trip to Yemen?

Lovely story.
It brought me to tears.

I just don't think it's germane
to this particular occasion.

- Well, that's surprising.

Because it is the centerpiece
of chapter 14,

"Sticking to it
When You're Most Stuck,"

which you quoted at length
in your TED talk.

- Of course.

But today is really more about
chapter 17,

"Seeing Past Rage

and Finding Love
and Acceptance."

- That's funny, because
I thought

that I was the architect
of my own work

and that's why you hired me.

- Yes, but I assumed
when you accepted the job,

you did so
in a collaborative spirit.

chapter 7,

"Bettering Yourself by
Taking the Best from Others."

- You seem to be forgetting
chapter 22,

"If You're Talking,
You're Not Learning," so...

are you ready to embrace
Joy Green or not?

- Joy,

this entire conversation
is...surprising

and frankly...

unacceptable.

I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave right now.

- Your deposit
is non-refundable.

- Devon, please
call security.

- On it!

- I'm quite fine
exiting on my own.

Chapter 29,

"Know How to Mic-Drop

Out of a Toxic-Situation."

- Brooke, I'm so sorry.

- Guys, what's the hold-up?

People are getting restless.

- Oh, Lex,
it'll break your heart

just like it broke mine.

- What?

- Brooke shit-canned
Joy Green.

She's a lying, seething,

vile, disgusting,
horrible psychopath.

And a litterbug.

- There's a special place
in hell

for litterbugs.

- Lex, we have no one
to officiate!

- What about Jilly-beans?

- Brooke and Lex,

you have chosen to
weave a tapestry of traditions

from around the globe
for this renewal.

We're here
because we acknowledge

our foibles, our weaknesses.

Coming out this fall
in paperback,

look for the "Joy Manifesto"--

Oops.
Sorry!

[hums]
Where are we?

And...
[clicks tongue]

And join us now as we begin
our spiritual journey

around the world.

From the Chinese tradition,

the tea ceremony...

[gong crashes loudly]

- From the Hindu tradition,

the placement of the "Thali"
around the bride's neck.

* Hey, dilly da

* Simmy, simmy, simmy wah

[roars]

[chanting in Latin]

The Haka war dance is used
to show victory in love

and also as a pre-game ritual

for the Dartmouth
La Crosse team.

- [screaming and stomping]

In sickness and in health...

- For richer, for poorer...

Both: Till death do we part.

- Borrowing from
the Bhutanese tradition,

Brooke and Lex will
bind themselves to each other

through the windows
of their souls

by staring into each other's
eyes in silence for...

for 30 minutes?

[all gasp, groan]
- [quietly] Oh, shit.

- [sighs]

- [whispers]
Devon.

Can I get
a shot of espresso?

A double shot?

[bones cracking]

[grunts]

[stomach growls]

[cell phone buzzing]

Sorry.
I'm just gonna...

Excuse me one sec.
Just keep staring.

Hi.

Talk fast, I'm officiating.

- I'm mad at you.

- Me?
What'd I do?

- Everything was fine,
and now Graham is gone,

and I'm sad,
and it's all your fault.

- What?
Wait, you're sad he's gone?

But that's a good thing.

- No, it's not.
It--

There's crumbs everywhere.

Is this a cherry pit?

He is so thoughtless
and selfish,

and now I miss him.

You!

You put me in this situation.
- Me?

I'm the one who told you
not to see him

the minute
I heard he was in town!

- But you knew I would get
sucked back in!

You should've tried harder
to prevent this from happening.

- Okay, I am not gonna try
to defend myself,

because you sound like
an escapee

from a mental asylum.

Now, stop blaming me

and tell him how you feel.

- He's gone.
Off to Laos.

- Well, what time's his flight?

Put down the remote
and focus!

- [sighs]

I'm not going to the airport.

I already washed my face.

I'm in my sweat pants.
I just needed to yell at you.

How's the party?
- So that's it?

You're just gonna watch TV

while Graham waltzes off
and gets scooped up

by some sexy, do-goody field
worker in the rice paddies?

[timer beeps]

I gotta go.
Time's almost up.

- [sighs]

- And that's 30.

Good Morning, Vietnam!

Okay, homestretch, people.

If you will all open the boxes
under your seats,

for the release of the
Purple Emperor butterflies,

a symbol of metamorphosis
and freedom...

Release.

[audience murmuring
indistinctly]

Release.

- [whispers] They're dead.

- Life is short,
carpe diem.

[swanky music]

- Very nice service.

- [laughs]
Thanks.

A sister-in-law's work
is never done.

- Oh, you must be
the photographer.

I like your work.

- Oh, no, I think you're
thinking of someone else.

- No, no, you shot
the doorman, right?

In various states
of undress?

My own doormen
was very proud of his.

- [laughs]
Oh, my god, yes.

That's me.
- Where do you show?

- [laughs]
Uh, on my laptop, mostly.

You made my night!
Thank you.

What do you do?

- Oh, I have a small
gallery in Chelsea.

In fact, I'm gonna do
a group show

on men in uniform
in the fall.

It's mostly military
and law enforcement,

but your doormen
would give it a nice twist.

I'd love to include you,
if you're interested.

- [laughs] Thank you.
- Call me. We'll talk.

- Jill.
- Yeah?

- Do you realize
who you were speaking with?

- Yes, this nice guy.

He says he has a gallery
in Chelsea.

Larry Manassian?

[gasps]

That's Larry Manassian?

- I just hope
you didn't say anything

to him to embarrass me.

He lives in my building.

- Oh, my god.
Andy! Andy!

- What are you--
- Sorry, I forgot my phone.

Such an idiot.

And the car's waiting
outside.

Where--I thought
I left it in the kitchen.

[both groan]

Over here with my bag.

I was packing my bag.

Where the hell is it?

Ah!
Found it!

Okay.

Wait, what--are you--
are you okay?

- [groans]
- Holy shit, what is happening?

- This really sucks.
God damn it!

I know you have
a plane to catch,

and this is not
an ultimatum.

I just have to get this
stupid thing off my chest,

and then you can go.

I wish you would stay.

There, I said it.
Are you happy now?

- I am.

Very.

- You better go;
your car's waiting.

- Are you sure?
Is this a test?

- No.
No.

I just wanted you to know
how I feel.

We'll figure
the rest out later.

Now leave.

Seriously.

- You're very weird.

- I can't believe
Larry Manassian

wants to put me
in a group show!

Was that a dream?

- Never doubted you, honey.

I knew it was
just a matter of time.

This is turning into
quite the day.

- Hey, what's--
what's going on?

- All right.

I don't know, but that's
Ernie Krevitt,

Mom's money-guy...

And Lex's.

- How embarrassing.

I wonder what he did.

- Devon!
What's happening?

- They're saying
he pulled a Madoff!

[all gasping]
Yeah. Yeah.

Brooke just got me
in with him.

Where is Brooke?

Brooke?

- This can't be happening.

We moved all our money
over to him.

Sebastian!

- Us too.

Jared?

I don't look good in poor, Jill!

[voices overlapping]

- Dude,
of course I went all in.

Ernie was our
best performing manager.

He was killing it for us.

You would've done
the same thing!

- But--but--no, but

we're gonna be okay,
right?

Pete, tell me we still have
the rainy day fund at JPM.

- [sighs]

- Pete?

- Should we be freaking out?
- No.

Fortunately, we never had enough
money to invest with him.

But Mother did.

- Where is Mother?

- Candace?

[all gasping]
Candace?

Give me some help here.

- Lex, everyone's saying
something

about a Ponzi scheme.

We didn't have much money
with him, did we?

- Babe.

We still have each other,

and we have our health.

And...
[dry heaves]

And that is all that matters.

- Huh.

[screaming]
No!

- [retches]

[instrumental music]

*

[muffled crying]

- Oh my God,
we got to get out of here.

Kids?

Kids, kids, let's go.

[man screams]
Kids!

- Oh, my god!
[both scream]

- Kids?
Let's go.

both: Kids?
Let's go.

- Let's leave a party
while it's good.

- Yeah, come on, guys!

- But what about dessert?

- Um, we'll have it at home.

Terrific.
- Ooh.

- Okay, so, basically

we're the richest people
at this party?

- It would appear so.

[all sobbing]

- For more "Odd Mom Out,"
go to bravotv.com.

- Oh, dear.