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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,795
? It seems today that all you see ?
2
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:08,174
? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ?
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,510
? But where are those
good old-fashioned values ?
4
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:14,847
? On which we used to rely? ?
5
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,226
? Lucky there's a family guy ?
6
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:21,604
? Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ?
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00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,189
? All the things that make us ?
8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,690
? Laugh and cry ?
9
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:30,155
? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ?
10
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,408
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT
- www.addic7ed.com -
11
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:37,578
We now return
to House Hunters: Westeros.
12
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,580
I love it. Sold!
13
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,666
Be warned, Khaleesi.
14
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,834
The fourth bedroom has
no point of egress.
15
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,504
And the HOA is known to be...
16
00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:48,089
unmerciful.
17
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,091
Shame.
18
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:51,592
Shame.
19
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,220
Trash cans must be off the curb
by 10:00 a.m.!
20
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,764
And pick up after your dragons!
21
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,266
Hey, can somebody change the channel?
22
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:01,269
I'll watch anything except these
stupid home renovation shows.
23
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,854
- What's wrong with them?
- Besides their lack of Kermits?
24
00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:06,941
Lots of things. It's mindless,
cookie-cutter entertainment
25
00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,526
for wish-fulfillment nobodies.
26
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,611
And the more I watch these stupid shows,
27
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,613
the more I realize I really love 'em.
28
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,115
Oh, my God... me, too!
29
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,325
It's the only thing I watch on planes.
30
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,704
No! Why would they pick that
house over the ranch-style?
31
00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:21,205
It's close to the city center,
32
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,874
which, according
to these shows, is important.
33
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:26,711
You know, I bet we could do
our own HGTV show.
34
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:30,006
If those Property Husbands can
do it, we can do it.
35
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,465
They're brothers, Cleveland.
36
00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,551
They're husbands.
37
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,553
Are you guys suggesting
we make our own show
38
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,138
instead of going to the doctor
39
00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:38,806
for our lethally high blood pressure?
40
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,642
- Uh, y-you could easily do both.
- One or the other.
41
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,311
Let's do it. It'll be fun.
42
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,812
And, you know, we haven't done
anything together
43
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,857
since we rode that ride
at the amusement park.
44
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,735
I feel like, uh, I might be
too heavy for this ride.
45
00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:53,404
No, no, they account for all
types of people. You're fine.
46
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:55,489
Aah! Help!
47
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,326
I'm too heavy! Glenn! I'm too heavy!
48
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,411
I'm too heavy, Mr. Quagmire!
49
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:03,497
I'm too heavy! I'm too heavy, Glenn!
50
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,333
I'm too heavy.
51
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,961
I'm too heavy. I'm too heavy.
52
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:13,674
Why are you wearing that?
53
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:16,302
Did you go to that John Popper
estate sale?
54
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,679
No, me and the guys are
doing our own HGTV show.
55
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:22,266
What?! I'm a mom! I love those shows!
56
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:23,893
I would've done that with you.
57
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:26,270
I'm just sitting here,
reading a blank book.
58
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:29,023
When it's not my story,
they give me empty books.
59
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:32,151
Sorry, we already shot
our first one. Check it out.
60
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,736
This week on Kitchen House,
61
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,112
the kitchen boys take on
62
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:36,989
a four-bed, three-bath craftsman
63
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:40,743
and transform it into a
nonsense seven-kitch', no-bath.
64
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,870
But first they meet
with some new clients
65
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,331
looking to make updates
to an old family home.
66
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,541
Okay, the first thing I'd do
is take down this wall
67
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:48,709
to open up the kitchen.
68
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,252
Just make this whole room a kitchen.
69
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,712
And then I'm gonna gut this bathroom,
70
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,714
pull out all the toilets
and make it a kitchen.
71
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,716
Same thing upstairs. And in the master.
72
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,551
So, we won't have any toilets?
73
00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:58,886
Well, sinks are basically toilets.
74
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,888
I mean, th-they're both just
holes with water.
75
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,473
But it feels different.
76
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:03,808
I can show you and you'll see
77
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,476
there's a very minimal difference.
78
00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:08,229
Uh, I just don't think I can go
to the bathroom in a sink.
79
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:10,398
That's what everyone says
until they do it once.
80
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:13,234
And then you realize they're
both just holes with water.
81
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:15,903
- Why do you keep saying that?
- Because it's true.
82
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,905
Now, let me walk you through
my thoughts on the garage.
83
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,573
You see where that car is parked?
84
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,784
Imagine that, all kitchen.
85
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,662
? Five front doors. ?
86
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,497
So, the first thing I think
87
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,833
when I look at this house is
"Not enough front doors."
88
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,669
And before you ask,
this is in no way related
89
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:34,088
to any OCD compulsion I have
90
00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,006
about needing doors
to correspond to each weekday.
91
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,759
Now, let's go buy
some doors and big hammers.
92
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,636
? Five front doors. ?
93
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:43,431
Okay, we got our doors and big hammers.
94
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:46,267
Now it's time for
my favorite part of every job:
95
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,852
the demo.
96
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,979
Are you sure Lois said this is okay?
97
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,439
Yeah, yeah, it's
five front doors, Cleveland.
98
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,399
It makes sense.
All right, start on five:
99
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,278
one, two, three, four, five!
100
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,116
What the hell are you doing, Peter?!
101
00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:03,993
- Five front doors, Lois!
- Damn it!
102
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,203
Did you stop taking your OCD meds?
103
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,038
They don't make me feel creative.
104
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,541
Five front doors!
105
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:16,797
Are you gonna at least fix
this huge hole in our wall?
106
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:18,048
I mean, we're one step away
107
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,134
from being
a blue-tarp-on-the-house family,
108
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,470
and that's always been
my line in the sand.
109
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:25,055
I'm gonna do what all husbands do
when they screw something up:
110
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,974
tuck my penis high between my butt
111
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,268
and hire a professional
to fix it for me.
112
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,353
I can't wait to own a house.
113
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,156
Hey! This is my house!
114
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,991
I'm gonna jump forward but backwards
115
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,576
to show you how serious I am!
116
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,998
Oh, hi.
117
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,667
If I knew my lap was
gonna have visitors,
118
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,836
I would have changed
my rowing underwear.
119
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,506
Rowing, huh? What are you, the cox?
120
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,345
Aw, she's so cute. Can I keep her?
121
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,680
Ah, I don't know.
Can she set up a cutaway?
122
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,767
Can I help you?
123
00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:15,106
And just like that,
the Griffins have a cat.
124
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,279
Morning, fam.
125
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,616
What is that thing still doing here?
126
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,243
That thing's name is Pouncey.
127
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,577
And she's my cat now.
128
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,120
What do you think, Pounce?
129
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,914
Want to split a can of tuna?
130
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,250
One can of toon, Ma. Keep the water.
131
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:35,334
This suits her.
132
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,044
But we're a dog family.
133
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,379
You guys are okay with this?
134
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,464
I stopped making decisions
for this family
135
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,675
when you bought that Roomba
to replace me.
136
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,803
Living room complete.
137
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,137
Thank you, Roomba.
138
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,265
You'll never be their mother!
139
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,142
I-I just feel like I should have
been consulted on this decision
140
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,645
to bring my natural enemy
into the house.
141
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:55,980
They may seem like good pets,
142
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:57,982
but they always have ulterior motives.
143
00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:00,150
Well, I think having a cat
will be good for Meg.
144
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,152
You'll get used to it, Brian.
145
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:05,030
Just like I got used to
Peter's extra pinky finger.
146
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,825
To another 20 years of marital bliss.
147
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,786
Cheers, my love.
148
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,624
Oh...
149
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,419
Ugh, that finger stinks.
150
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,214
I'm still learning
to wipe with it, my love.
151
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,845
What day is it? Is it the Purge?
152
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,597
That's not a real thing.
153
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:31,849
All right, then you answer the door.
154
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,393
Chris, answer the door.
155
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,937
Hello, Christopher. May I come in?
156
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:39,940
I don't know, I'm just "a dumb kid."
157
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,860
Or at least that's what I'm told
when I ask for fun things.
158
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,361
I want a Zippo!
159
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:45,696
You'll burn things.
160
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,449
Yeah! I know!
161
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:52,453
Cool, just put that on my puzzle.
162
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,163
I never liked this string bean.
163
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,706
What's going on, Quagmire?
164
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,875
Before families can
officially adopt a cat,
165
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,210
someone needs to make sure
the animal is being placed
166
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,630
in a loving and safe environment.
167
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:03,881
That someone is me.
168
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:06,383
Is this necessary? You know us.
169
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,886
Good people can still be
bad cat owners, Lois.
170
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:11,555
- Ever heard of Eric Hoernel?
- No.
171
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,724
Oh. Well, that... That would have helped
172
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,059
my point a little bit more.
173
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,312
Before I begin, may I see the cat?
174
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,064
Hi, you.
175
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,775
Oh... such a sweetheart.
176
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:27,905
Oh. You. Are. Why.
I. Give. Up. My. Sundays.
177
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,992
Okay. Now I'm gonna walk
through the house
178
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:33,911
and make sure everything's cat-friendly.
179
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,080
Okay, this is a problem right here.
180
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,415
Kind of in this whole area.
181
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,918
Your front windows
are west-facing. That's good.
182
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,420
Will make for very cozy
afternoon sun naps.
183
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,507
Still getting a pretty
bad vibe from over here.
184
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:49,301
Lastly, catnip is a Class B narcotic.
185
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,054
It is a drug. It is a drug.
186
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:54,807
Yeah, we don't... we don't keep
any of that stuff around.
187
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,934
Great. Adoption approved.
188
00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,936
Did you hear that, Pouncey?
189
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,521
You're officially mine.
190
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,106
Here are all your adoption papers.
191
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:04,608
It has everything you need
to know about owning a cat.
192
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,944
Standard stuff like
what to feed 'em, local vets,
193
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,946
toxoplasmosis, blah, blah, blah.
194
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:11,115
Wait, what's toxoplasmosis?
195
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,701
Oh, it's nothing. Just a
parasite found in cat feces.
196
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:14,952
If it gets in your bloodstream,
197
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,787
it can make people a little crazy.
198
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:17,955
It's really nothing to worry about
199
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,707
unless you're an owner
like Eric Hoernel.
200
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,625
Again, we don't know who he is.
201
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,919
Oh, right. Well, he wasn't good.
202
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,505
Anyway, congratulations.
203
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:30,092
Aah! Who put up this tripwire?!
204
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:32,636
Puzzling, isn't it?
205
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:44,398
Welcome, everybody,
to this year's talent show.
206
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,817
And to whomever wrote
"hot balls" on my forehead
207
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,861
while I napped in my car,
I will find you.
208
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,654
I will find you very soon.
209
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:53,700
Our first performer today
is Meg Griffin.
210
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:57,871
? Meow ?
211
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:01,875
? Meow ?
212
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:06,254
- ? Heh ?
- ? Meow... ?
213
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,842
This is worse.
214
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,766
Ah! Cat butt!
215
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,518
What do I do? Where do I look?
What do I do?
216
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:22,770
Oh, thank God.
217
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,188
I almost looked right at it.
218
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:26,106
Ah! I looked right at it!
219
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:29,526
Oh, it looks like
a worn-out dartboard bull's-eye!
220
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,781
How was Michael Jackson so into this?
221
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,662
All right, nobody's home.
222
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,414
Time to go down to the...
223
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,916
Oh, hello.
224
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,043
Look, I'm-I'm just trying
to go downstairs, all right?
225
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,295
I don't want any trouble.
226
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,381
Okay. Good talk.
227
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,511
Having a hard time getting a read
228
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,597
on what you're gonna do here.
229
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,991
Oh, my God, I'm totally in your head.
230
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,494
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
stop the clock, you can talk?
231
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:23,121
Uh, yeah. All cats can talk.
232
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:25,040
We just choose not to respond.
233
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,458
To anything. Ever.
234
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,710
So, you choose to be dicks?
235
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,128
Yeah. It's hilarious.
236
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,964
Humans are masochists, man.
237
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,924
You should see how many toys
they've bought me.
238
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,384
Haven't played with one.
239
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,469
I just sit in the box.
240
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,305
I knew you didn't really care
about this family or Meg.
241
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,807
- So?
- So?
242
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,475
Pets are supposed to care
about their owners.
243
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,395
Cats aren't pets. Humans are the pets.
244
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:49,147
And I have big plans for Meg.
245
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,400
Yeah? Not if I expose you first.
246
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:55,737
It's so cute how you still think
you're their favorite pet.
247
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,323
You've been replaced, bub.
248
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,158
I am still this family's dog,
249
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,994
and I'm not gonna back down to some cat.
250
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:06,331
"Fate whispers to the dog, 'You
cannot withstand the storm.'
251
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,001
The dog replies, 'I am...'" Ow.
252
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,004
"The dog replies, 'I am the...'" Ow.
253
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,672
"'I am the...'" Ow.
254
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,090
"'I am the...'" Ow.
255
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,508
"'I am the...'" Ow.
256
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:21,680
Well, I'd say this is a purr-fect way
257
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,267
to spend a Friday night.
258
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,352
Ooh, I'm gonna comment that.
259
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,521
Hello, it's Instacart.
260
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,690
I have your $170 worth of ice cream.
261
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,944
Promo code: lonely.
262
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,698
Stewie, I got to talk to you.
263
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,533
Sure, what's up? We were just reading.
264
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,702
Kitty cat.
265
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,162
That's what I wanted to talk about.
266
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,663
She's lying to everyone, Stewie.
267
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,332
Did you know she can talk?
268
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:49,458
Yeah. We were just discussing our book
269
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,877
about Chinese communism
with Chairman Mayo.
270
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:52,961
Mao.
271
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,838
You're right,
you're right. Sorry, sorry.
272
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,465
No, I mean she can really talk.
273
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,134
She told me that she is using the family
274
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,886
for some kind of cat plan.
275
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,388
Brian, have you been
watching flat Earth videos?
276
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,057
Those always make you mistrustful.
277
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,475
I'm serious, Stewie.
278
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,352
And there are actually
some flat Earth models
279
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,686
that aren't completely idiotic.
280
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,313
Look, I can't do this right now.
281
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,357
We're pretty into our book
about Chairman Mayo.
282
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,233
- Mao.
- Sorry, sorry.
283
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,695
Get out of here, Brian,
you're messing me up.
284
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,742
Meg, I need to talk to you
about Pouncey.
285
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,577
It is my duty as this family's dog
286
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,496
to protect it when I sense danger.
287
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,498
And I sense danger with Pouncey.
288
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,500
Look, you may be our family dog,
289
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,710
but you've never really been my dog.
290
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,213
I'm a punching bag
at school and at home.
291
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:39,216
And there were some days where
I could have really used a dog
292
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,217
to help cheer me up.
293
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,551
And where were you?
294
00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,845
Hanging out with Dad
or-or Chris or Stewie
295
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:46,014
for your little time travel adventures.
296
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,265
You know about the time machine?
297
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:49,226
Yeah, my room's right next door.
298
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:51,019
That thing's loud as (BLEEP).
299
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,437
I have a new pet now.
300
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,773
One that's there for me when I need her.
301
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,191
Unlike you.
302
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,193
Okay. I see.
303
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,239
You have a microwave in your room?
304
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,408
Yeah, I got tired of people groaning
305
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:05,909
every time I went into the kitchen.
306
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:09,121
Oh. You got, uh,
Redenbacher's up in there?
307
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,706
- Yeah.
- Oh, word?
308
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,624
Brian, stop trying to sound young.
309
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,292
Okay, Booger.
310
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,587
- Boomer.
- Boomer.
311
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,513
You make me so happy, Pouncey.
312
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:30,518
This is gonna sound weird,
but do you want to dance?
313
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,947
This is fun, right?
314
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,431
Whoa, did this just get super hot?
315
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,067
You're mine now, Meg.
316
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,153
Ow.
317
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,989
I like "ow."
318
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,991
Hey. Whoa, weird.
319
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,578
Sorry to interrupt.
I'm just cleaning my cleats.
320
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:38,293
Cats, kittens and cats.
321
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,879
Cat lady. Lots of plastic bags.
322
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,715
Tissues in-in my sleeves.
Velcro sneakers.
323
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,175
Funny dish towels.
324
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,346
Good.
325
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:52,809
Come, Meg. It's time to go.
326
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,981
Say goodbye to Meg.
327
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,529
Who's Ned?
328
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:12,327
Knock-knock? Meg, you in there?
329
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:16,081
Look, I just wanted to apologize
for the other day.
330
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,667
Hello?
331
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,843
What the hell does this say?
332
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:45,360
- Oh, my God.
- She left, didn't she?
333
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,444
Quagmire?
334
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,989
I heard everything you were
saying about Pouncey, Brian,
335
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,615
and you were right to be concerned.
336
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,410
I knew it. Wait, how did you
hear everything I said?
337
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:56,705
I put a cat-cam in your house.
It was a repurposed shower-cam.
338
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,623
It's standard cat adoption procedure.
339
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,625
- Is it? Really?
- Yep. Yep.
340
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,960
- The agency knew about it?
- Yep.
341
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,712
- Because it seems weird that...
- Let it go, you prude.
342
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,255
We're losing valuable time.
343
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,716
Sometimes cats do have ulterior motives.
344
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,634
Sometimes, when they find
the right person,
345
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,303
they enslave them to do their bidding
346
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,804
for the rest of their lives.
347
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:16,183
Someone to take care of all the
feral cats in a neighborhood.
348
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,517
A crazy cat lady?
349
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,394
- That's right.
- How do they do that?
350
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,479
Their poop. Toxoplasmosis.
351
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,481
It can make people act crazy.
352
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,401
It's a real thing
discovered by this guy.
353
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,446
Oh, dear God.
354
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,573
So what you're saying
is that everyone who likes cats
355
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:32,908
only likes them because they literally
356
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,701
have crap in their brain?
357
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,494
- That's correct.
- And people who like dogs
358
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,663
just like 'em
because they're chill as hell?
359
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:41,499
- That's correct.
- Wow, what a bulletproof fact.
360
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,001
There's still time to save Meg.
361
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,587
There's a big house on
the loneliest block in Quahog.
362
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,505
You can find her there. But go quick.
363
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:50,675
Once she puts on the fuzzy
sweater, it's too late.
364
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,010
You're not gonna come with me?
365
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,055
I can't.
366
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,974
They have me, too.
367
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,519
Go, Brian, get out of here.
368
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,635
I'll be right back.
369
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:36,721
I'm gonna save our Meg.
370
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,977
Who the hell is Ned?
371
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,901
You're doing great, Meg.
372
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,362
Yeah, I feel good. Like I belong here.
373
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:55,449
- Will I get used to the...?
- You'll get used to the smell, yes.
374
00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,578
Let her go. Ooh, oh, it stinks.
375
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:01,997
It's too late, Brian.
376
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:05,166
Years of ridicule and neglect
have brought me here.
377
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,419
This is my destiny.
378
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,839
Yes, it is.
She needs us and we need her.
379
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,133
And I'm not gonna let you
get in the way.
380
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:27,041
Now I'm gonna make you watch
as you lose her forever.
381
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,880
Midnight.
382
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,840
Not a sound from the pavement.
383
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,842
- What?
- It's from Cats, you idiot.
384
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,928
- Oh, word?
- Brian.
385
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,764
Meg, you have your whole life
ahead of you.
386
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,974
Cats are amazing.
387
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,893
But they're also complete dicks.
388
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,312
And you're too young
to give it all up for them.
389
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:52,565
You have a family and a dog
who care about you.
390
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,984
I don't. I have nothing.
391
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:58,322
I should be the cat lady.
Give me the sweater.
392
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,619
Quagmire, no.
393
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:07,248
It's okay, Brian. I'm already gone.
394
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:16,214
? Look, a new day ?
395
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,760
? Has begun. ?
396
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,441
Looks like you were right
about cats, Brian.
397
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,151
I'm sorry I didn't listen to you.
398
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:37,569
You're a good dog.
399
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:40,488
No, I haven't been
a very good dog to you.
400
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:41,823
But that's gonna change.
401
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:45,911
Starting now, I'm gonna be
the best darn dog I can be.
402
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,166
Me and the peanut butter are heading up.
403
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,959
See you in seven minutes.
404
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:56,337
Chunky's kind of a weird choice, yeah?
405
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:59,132
- Yep.
- Should I pause Hawaii Five-O?
406
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:01,051
Nah, just watch it but don't delete it.
29825
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