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1
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:59,391
Testing, one,
two, three. Testing.
2
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,799
Testing, testing.
3
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:13,950
♪ I took one look at you ♪
4
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:17,120
♪ That's all I meant to do ♪
5
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:19,856
♪ And then my heart... ♪♪
6
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:20,857
Hi, Fred!
7
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,114
My heart!
8
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,827
Since when did
you stop knocking?
9
00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:26,196
I decided it was boring.
10
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:29,732
Every time I knock, all
you ever say is "Come in!"
11
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,996
Well, how does
"Get out!" grab you?
12
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,039
I'm busy, I'm busy.
13
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:37,040
Busy?
14
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,041
You weren't doing anything
15
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:39,709
but just dancing
around and singing.
16
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:43,113
No, I wasn't. I was testing my
new pocket-size tape recorder.
17
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,315
Just testing it. Only 11 bucks!
18
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,783
11 bucks? That's pretty cheap.
19
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,219
All it needed was, like,
a couple of transistors,
20
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,521
a new microphone,
a brand-new motor,
21
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,791
inexpensive carrying
case and a rebuilt speaker.
22
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:59,651
The whole $11 tape
recorder only cost me $93.15.
23
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,365
Hey, that's a real steal!
24
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,700
Steal is right.
25
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:06,136
Yeah, living proof
that crime doesn't pay.
26
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,428
How'd you like to be dead
proof that ignorance is bliss?
27
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,576
What do you need it for anyway?
28
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,911
I get a lot of labor-saving
ideas, Bubba,
29
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,713
and I'm working too
hard to write them down,
30
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,115
so with this, I
can just dictate.
31
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:19,916
Listen.
32
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,385
Lamont, be sure you
get to the bank tomorrow.
33
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:25,054
Lamont, pick me up some
beer on your way home.
34
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,757
Lamont, drop off my
suit at the cleaners.
35
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:28,758
Lamont...
36
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,482
Hey, how about
"Lamont, do everything"?
37
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,063
Lamont, do everything!
38
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,365
Thanks, Bubba!
39
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,900
Yeah, your voice sure
sounds good, Fred.
40
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,269
You like to try it?
41
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,471
No, I wouldn't know what to say.
42
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,173
Why? The cat got your tongue?
43
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,008
Yeah, that's right.
44
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,010
Well, if you trail the
one that got your brain,
45
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,512
you'd be in business.
46
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,582
I'll get that.
47
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,406
It's my door.
48
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,155
Well, what do you want?
49
00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:00,712
And if I ain't
got it, I'll get it!
50
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:06,196
Listen, my name
is Fred G. Sanford.
51
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:09,488
And the "G" is
for... Great Body.
52
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,470
You're just the man I want!
53
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:16,072
Isn't that a coincidence?
I'm just the man you got!
54
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,376
Come in!
55
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:21,178
Hello! My name's Bubba Bexley.
56
00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:23,547
Hi. I'm Miss Wallace.
57
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,715
You don't miss by much!
58
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:26,749
Hey, Bubba?
59
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,719
Well, I'm interested
in renting a room,
60
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,589
and the people next
door at the Sanford Arms
61
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,291
said that you
were the proprietor.
62
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:37,794
Not only am I the proprietor,
I own and operate the place.
63
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,263
This must be your lucky day,
64
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:43,633
because I was all filled
up, but I got one vacancy.
65
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,802
I heard you had a
lot of vacancies, Fred.
66
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:49,172
How'd you like your teeth
to vacate your mouth?
67
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,342
Listen, Miss Wallace,
you go next door
68
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,543
and I'll be right over there.
69
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,967
I'll just get the passkey.
70
00:03:58,672 --> 00:03:59,816
Hey, Bubba? Yeah?
71
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,185
Did you see her gorgeous lips?
72
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,186
Yeah!
73
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,987
Her luscious hips? Uh-huh.
74
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:07,090
And that fantastic body?
75
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,459
Calm down, Fred! Calm down!
76
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,528
There are plenty
of fish in the sea.
77
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,196
Yeah, but, Bubba,
I'm 68 years old,
78
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,887
and my hook is
beginning to rust.
79
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,837
Well, frankly, Mr. Sanford...
80
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:25,174
You see, now, normally
this room goes for 20 bucks.
81
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,444
But because of the
bicentennial celebration,
82
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:33,650
I'm gonna let you have
it for, watch this, $17.76.
83
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,353
Well, why don't we
be a bit more patriotic
84
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:41,324
and recall the year Columbus
discovered America: 1492?
85
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:43,860
I'll tell you, let's compromise
86
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:47,029
and stop at that
historic year 1675,
87
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,721
when Baskin discovered Robbins.
88
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,137
Well, I'll take it.
89
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:55,171
Wonderful!
90
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:56,439
Now, listen, if
you need anything,
91
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,241
you just call me
and I'll come running.
92
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:00,042
With those legs?
93
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,280
Oh, I almost forgot,
94
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:05,482
I only have one house rule
here at the Sanford Arms,
95
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:06,683
but I'm very strict about it.
96
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,918
All visitors,
including boyfriends,
97
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,920
gotta be out of here by 4 a.m.
98
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:14,056
Well, you don't have to
worry about me, Mr. Sanford.
99
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:17,516
You see, I don't
have any boyfriends.
100
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,597
No boyfriends?
101
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:24,301
Well, you know,
just remember this:
102
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,670
life is full of surprises.
103
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,126
Your keys.
104
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,498
Surprise!
105
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,840
Louie? Hacker.
106
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,743
Yeah, everything's
going according to plan.
107
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:10,480
I just checked into a dump
called the Sanford Arms.
108
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:14,484
Yeah. Yeah. I'll be ready to
do business in a couple of days.
109
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,787
No, I'm using my
Miss Wallace disguise.
110
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,823
Effective? Ha.
111
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,582
Some dirty old man
just kissed my hand.
112
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:27,630
♪ Strangers in the night ♪
113
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:31,000
♪ Exchanging glances ♪
114
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:34,926
♪ Strangers in the night ♪
115
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:48,385
Morning, Pop!
116
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,853
It's a beautiful morning, son.
117
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:51,053
It certainly is.
What's for breakfast?
118
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,255
What would you like?
119
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,456
I'd like to have some eggs
120
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,425
and some toast and some coffee.
121
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,659
Me too.
122
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:59,584
We're having Pop-Tarts and Tang.
123
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,866
Well, what you doing?
124
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,134
See, I'm making a little
arrangement for next door,
125
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,770
the Bicentennial Suite.
126
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:08,271
The what?
127
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,106
The Bicentennial Suite.
128
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,108
Well, what you spraying
on those flowers, Pop?
129
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,510
Well, see, they
didn't smell too good
130
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,311
so I'm just spritzing
them up a little bit
131
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,636
with some shaving lotion.
132
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:22,351
♪ Strangers in the night ♪
133
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,621
♪ Exchanging glances ♪♪
134
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:27,657
Hey, I take it you rented
the spare room to a woman.
135
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,259
She's not a woman. She's a lady.
136
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,429
She's... She's a vision.
137
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:37,233
She's Diahann Carroll,
Shirley Bassey and Lola Falana
138
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:40,703
all rolled up into one.
139
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:45,074
Well, either she's very pretty
or she weighs 300 pounds.
140
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,343
Let me put it this
way, then, son.
141
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:50,480
If I was on a desert island,
142
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:53,215
I'd want her to
be my girl Friday...
143
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:57,053
Saturday, Sunday...
144
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,287
Wait a minute, I'll get it.
145
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,831
In your mood, you might
steam up the windows.
146
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:03,927
Hey, Hoppy!
147
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:06,117
Hi, Lamont, Mr. Sanford.
148
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,369
How you doing?
149
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,572
I really don't have time to
answer that question, Lamont.
150
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,907
You see, we're here on
official police business.
151
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,275
But unofficially,
152
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,077
I mean, just as
a person, I'm fine.
153
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,680
I mean, as far as that goes,
I'm fine as a policeman too.
154
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:26,082
But, you see, I don't have time
to discuss all this, because...
155
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,684
Get on with it,
Hopkins! Oh, right.
156
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:33,222
Fred, Lamont, this is
Sergeant Perkins. Plainclothes.
157
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,480
I can see that. And
the tie stinks too!
158
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,729
Well, what can we do for you?
159
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,465
All right, here's
what's going up.
160
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,033
No, it's what's coming down!
161
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,768
Oh, yeah. Right.
What's coming down.
162
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,538
Well, what goes
up must come down!
163
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,773
Why don't you take it, sergeant?
164
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:54,878
You see, we've had this guy
Alex Hacker under surveillance.
165
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,779
And last night he was spotted
166
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,715
going in and out of
the Sanford Arms.
167
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:03,419
Well, if he's still spotted
today, it's probably measles.
168
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,889
No, what he means,
Mr. Sanford, is we saw him.
169
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,991
We suspect that he's
visiting one of your tenants.
170
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:11,027
Have you got that picture,
sergeant, so we can show...?
171
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,331
There. Recognize that face?
172
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,266
No, I've got a great memory,
173
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,268
but I never saw that
face before in my life.
174
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,302
Me either.
175
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:21,771
How many tenants
have you got there?
176
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,073
Well, there's the newlywed
couple over in the bridal suite,
177
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,274
but they couldn't have done it.
178
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,378
They've been in the
room for three weeks.
179
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,812
Then there's your mother.
180
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:32,348
Yeah, and nobody would
want to visit my mother.
181
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,150
I mean, she doesn't
have any friends, you see,
182
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,317
in this neighborhood.
183
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:39,044
She's, uh, el blanco, right?
184
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,358
Then there's George
over there, the ex-con.
185
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,961
Yeah, he works out
there at Hollywood Park,
186
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,362
cleaning up the stables.
187
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,999
His parole officer
won't even visit him.
188
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,801
Now, look, Mr. Sanford,
189
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,403
who Hacker is
visiting isn't important.
190
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:58,763
The thing that matters
is who is Hacker visiting?
191
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,979
Well, if Hacker's a crook,
why don't you arrest him?
192
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,246
We don't have enough evidence.
193
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,348
We've got to wait for
him to make his move.
194
00:10:06,372 --> 00:10:09,207
And that's where you
come in, Mr. Sanford.
195
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,358
We'd like to use your
house for a stakeout.
196
00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:18,094
Naturally, you'd be
reimbursed by the city
197
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,395
for your inconvenience.
198
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:20,630
We're not interested.
199
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,098
There is also a reward.
200
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,532
We're still not interested.
201
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,935
Reward is $1000.
202
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,104
We're not doing
it for the reward!
203
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,929
We're doing it because
we're good citizens, right, son?
204
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,783
Well, what's this guy Hacker
supposed to have done, anyway?
205
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,351
Well, he's a fence.
206
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,520
Now, he is a very
smooth operator.
207
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,122
He often works in disguises.
208
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:49,058
But, well, Sergeant
Perkins can tell you all that.
209
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,860
Go ahead and tell them
all that, Sergeant Perkins.
210
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,495
You told them all that!
211
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:55,564
Oh. Well, then, in that case,
they probably already know.
212
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,100
Then just forget it.
213
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,434
Well, what do you say, Pop?
214
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:01,104
Son, I can think of
500 reasons apiece
215
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,472
why we should do our civic duty.
216
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,174
You got a deal.
217
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,175
Good.
218
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,576
Well, I gotta spit.
219
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,745
That's "split"!
220
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,179
Oh, right. Split.
221
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:14,283
I've got to go across the
way and say hi to el blanco.
222
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,152
That's, uh... That's mi madre.
223
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,386
Right.
224
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,956
I'll be back as soon
as I notify headquarters.
225
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,646
See you later!
226
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,494
Hey, how about that,
Pop? $1000 reward, man!
227
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,496
Do you know what I
could do with my 500?
228
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,066
Yeah, you could throw
me and Miss Wallace
229
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,935
the biggest wedding
Watts has ever seen!
230
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,471
Wedding? You just met
the woman yesterday!
231
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,440
I know, son, but she
swept me off my feet.
232
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:41,978
I mean, any moment now, I
might pop the big question.
233
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:43,379
But, son, listen.
234
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:47,538
When we have children,
I'll always love you the best.
235
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,220
Look, forget about
me. What about Donna?
236
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,321
Donna who?
237
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,356
Donna who? Your fiancée, Pop!
238
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,825
You've been engaged
for five years, man!
239
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,626
Where's your loyalty to her?
240
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,228
Oh, yeah. Donna.
241
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,030
Well, I'll cross that bridge
242
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,833
when I get the
$500 for the toll.
243
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,135
Right now, I'm going
to warn Miss Wallace
244
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,470
about this guy Hacker.
245
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,328
I'll see you, son.
246
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,549
Compliments of your host, me.
247
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:24,320
Oh, but you shouldn't
have bothered, Mr. Sanford.
248
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,089
Besides, I'm allergic.
249
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,523
You're allergic to flowers?
250
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:30,259
No, aftershave lotion.
251
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,128
Oh!
252
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,530
Hey, was your first night at
Sanford Arms comfortable?
253
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:35,531
Marvelous!
254
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,200
Who's living in the mattress?
255
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,168
Oh, the mattress
is part of history.
256
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,632
See, George Washington
scratched here.
257
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,742
Well, what did you want?
258
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,744
Nothing to worry about,
it's just that the police saw
259
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:50,146
some cheap crook hanging
around here last night.
260
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,715
Really? What was his name?
261
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:55,451
Alex Hacker. You haven't
seen him round here, have you?
262
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,586
Goodness, no!
263
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,688
But thank you for warning me.
264
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:03,359
Well, if you'll excuse me,
Mr. Sanford, I really do
265
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:04,794
have to get dressed now.
266
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,896
Well, go right ahead.
267
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,364
Hey, listen,
268
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:11,567
how'd you like to go out with
me one night for dinner real soon?
269
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,903
I'm afraid I'm busy
tonight. Uh-huh.
270
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:16,139
And tomorrow night. Uh-huh.
271
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:19,842
Well, maybe if this week's
too bad, maybe next week.
272
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:23,134
Oh, uh... I'll be available.
273
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,610
Don't forget it!
I'll let you know.
274
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,761
Hi, Fred! Hey.
275
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:41,363
Say, Lamont told me
about the $1000 reward.
276
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,965
What are you gonna
do with your half?
277
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,301
Bubba, I'm gonna
be very patriotic.
278
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,735
You're gonna buy savings bonds?
279
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,527
I'm gonna spend it
like a drunken sailor.
280
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,408
It sure took you a long time
281
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:54,177
just to deliver a
bunch of flowers.
282
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:58,047
Bubba, maybe that
wasn't all I was delivering.
283
00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,783
You mean that you...?
I mean, did you...?
284
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,051
Don't ask no questions, Bubba.
285
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:05,254
A man does not kiss and
then go shoot his mouth off.
286
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,023
Yeah, I see what you mean!
287
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:11,660
Mr. Sanford, Lamont told
me I'll be bunking with you.
288
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,730
Well, Lamont is full of bunk.
289
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:17,599
Doesn't your room
overlook the Sanford Arms?
290
00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:18,600
That's right.
291
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:19,864
Well, I'll be bunking with you.
292
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,338
Say, the photo lab worked up
293
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,806
these pictures of
Alex Hacker for me.
294
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:26,164
I'd like you to take
a look at them.
295
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,612
Hey, he looks different in
every one of these pictures.
296
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:32,949
Yeah, like I said, sometimes
he works in disguise.
297
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,083
Look, Pop, there's a picture
298
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,284
of him disguised like a woman.
299
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,453
That's not Hacker. That's...
300
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:38,977
That's Miss Wallace.
301
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,091
Yeah, you're right, Fred.
302
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,147
That's her.
303
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,386
She's Hacker!
304
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,567
Oh, no!
305
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,170
No!
306
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,894
No!
307
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,743
No, it can't be!
308
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:01,777
It can't be!
309
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,512
What is it, Mr. Sanford?
310
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:07,516
My pop's got a crush
on the guy next door.
311
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:08,650
I'll suffocate him!
312
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:12,176
I'll shove his
pantyhose up his nose!
313
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:18,827
♪ Would I feel this way? ♪
314
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:21,119
♪ And would I... ♪♪
315
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:32,241
Hey, listen. Tell me
something, Perkins.
316
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,698
Have you ever been called a pig?
317
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:40,582
In my line of work, who hasn't?
318
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,785
Yeah, I've been called
a pig by a lot of people.
319
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,689
Well, they sure had your number.
320
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:49,158
In four days, you must have
eaten over 500 pounds of food.
321
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:51,560
I told you you'd be
reimbursed by the city.
322
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:52,795
Yeah, but the way you're eating,
323
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:55,420
they're gonna have
to give me El Segundo.
324
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,067
Hey, listen, how much longer
325
00:15:58,091 --> 00:15:59,635
you figure this
stakeout's gonna take?
326
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:00,937
It's hard to say.
327
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,939
Sometimes they last as
long as two or three weeks.
328
00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:05,041
Two or three weeks?
That's ridiculous!
329
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,675
Well, if you had an empty room
330
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,677
next to Hacker's in
the Sanford Arms,
331
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:09,912
I could have stayed there
332
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,647
and maybe even heard
enough to bust him.
333
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:12,681
Yeah.
334
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,051
Too bad his walls
don't have ears.
335
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:17,976
And too bad your
face got a mouth!
336
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,125
I'll be in my room.
337
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,927
That's my room.
338
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,996
Don't you forget it!
339
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:30,788
"Too bad his walls
don't have ears."
340
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,503
His walls don't need ears,
341
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,760
long as my pocket got them!
342
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:43,712
At 4:30 sharp.
343
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,850
Who is it?
344
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,907
Ready Freddy!
345
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,421
Just a minute!
346
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,756
It's that dirty old
landlord again.
347
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:57,193
He probably bought
me a box of candy.
348
00:16:57,217 --> 00:17:00,062
Be there at 4:30
sharp, all right?
349
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:03,054
Just a minute!
I'll be right there!
350
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,237
Be right there! Hold on!
351
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,827
I'm waiting.
352
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,947
Well!
353
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:21,984
Hey, is something
burning in here?
354
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,221
That must have
been my hairdryer.
355
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,089
I just washed my hair.
356
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:28,413
With what, White Owl?
357
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:34,930
Well, I'm very
busy, Mr. Sanford.
358
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:36,298
Was there something
that you wanted?
359
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:38,734
Well, I'll get right down to it.
360
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,270
You see, I know
what business you're in
361
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:42,804
and I got a proposition for you.
362
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:46,208
Well, I have a good
mind to slap your face!
363
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:50,913
And you do and I'll put five
of these on your lip gloss!
364
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,848
And I thought you
were a gentleman!
365
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:55,484
Well, that makes us even.
I thought you were a lady.
366
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,787
Well, you can just get out!
367
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:01,845
Not before we do
business, Hacker.
368
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,794
See, you can drop all that
old "Miss Wallace" jazz,
369
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:06,995
because I know who you are.
370
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:08,019
You're Alex Hacker.
371
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,700
Yeah? How'd you find out?
372
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:12,968
Well, the police told me.
373
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,903
They've been staking
you out for about four days.
374
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,239
Yeah, well, they can
just keep on staking,
375
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,208
because they ain't
got nothing on me.
376
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,277
I'm too smart for them.
377
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:22,778
Yeah, I know.
378
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,980
That's why, when I found out
379
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,648
that you deal in
stolen merchandise,
380
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:29,552
I decided to do
business with you.
381
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:32,788
Really? Well, I
don't deal in junk.
382
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,790
Yeah, well, I got junk
outside there in the yard,
383
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:37,960
but, see, people come to
me with hot stuff all the time.
384
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:42,431
You know: appliances,
color TVs, watches...
385
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,833
Yeah, well, only a fool would
mess with some stuff like that.
386
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:50,672
Yeah. Well, you do buy
stolen stuff, don't you?
387
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,641
Sure, but big stuff.
388
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:53,942
Yeah, yeah. Could
you repeat that?
389
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,811
I got this bad
ear. A little louder.
390
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,714
Sure, but I deal in
quality merchandise.
391
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:02,218
I fence stuff like diamonds,
furs, stocks and bonds...
392
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,819
What? My ear went
out on me again.
393
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,588
Say that again louder.
Oh, you heard me!
394
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,990
Yeah, yeah. I heard you. I
heard you. And thanks a lot.
395
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:08,991
For what?
396
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,459
Thanks for letting me know
397
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,295
what kind of stolen stuff
that you deal in, Mr. Hacker.
398
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:17,266
And if somebody comes to me
with something special, Mr. Hacker,
399
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,757
I'll get in touch with
you, Mr. Hacker.
400
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,660
Thanks a lot.
401
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,412
Who is it? It's me.
402
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:31,514
Oh, come on in, Bubba.
403
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,149
Hi, Lamont. Where's Fred?
404
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:36,218
I don't know. I think he went
over to the apartment building.
405
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:37,419
What?
406
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:39,721
You mean, even after
he knows that she's a he,
407
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:41,890
Fred is still bringing
him flowers?
408
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:45,449
Oh, no! Not Fred!
409
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,930
I got it!
410
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:50,199
I got it right here!
411
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:51,200
What you got, Pop?
412
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:52,834
Our $1000 reward, son.
413
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,703
Hey, Perkins, come on down here!
414
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,338
Hey, Lamont, get
a pencil and paper
415
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,340
so we can figure out
how to spend this money.
416
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,075
You don't have to
write it down, Fred.
417
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,411
You just have to dictate
it into your machine.
418
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:03,579
No, no. No, no.
419
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,381
We have to figure
out how much we got.
420
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,882
See, this is just
the state's evidence.
421
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,884
I got Hacker's whole
confession on here.
422
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,819
His confession?
How'd you get it, Pop?
423
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:13,622
I bet he sweet-talked
him out of it.
424
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,558
Hey, Perkins, will you
stop feeding your face
425
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,059
long enough to listen to this?
426
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:18,627
Listen. I'll rewind the tape.
427
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,362
Don't bother. Won't
do us any good.
428
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,431
You've been listening
to too many sirens.
429
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,733
I got Hacker's confession
right here on tape.
430
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,268
It's inadmissible evidence.
431
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:28,304
What you did was blow the case.
432
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,838
What I did was your job.
433
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:32,074
Now, while your tapeworm
was working overtime,
434
00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:33,442
so was my tape recorder.
435
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,977
I got Hacker to spill the beans!
436
00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:38,547
This is of no use to
me in a courtroom!
437
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,338
Why? Because you can't eat it?
438
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,988
No, because it's
illegally obtained.
439
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:47,989
Well, what do you mean?
440
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,491
It's inadmissible.
441
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:51,927
You mean Hacker can walk
out of here and can't be touched?
442
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,229
That's right.
443
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,564
As pretty as he may be.
444
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,633
Well, don't feel too bad, Pop.
445
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,235
At least you gave it a good try.
446
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,436
A good try?
447
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:01,970
I gave it a great try!
448
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,572
A thousand-dollar try!
449
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:08,176
One shot, you lost
$1000 and your best girl!
450
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:14,938
How would you like one
of these where you sneeze?
451
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:23,659
Hey, come on, Pop. Cheer
up, man. I know you feel bad.
452
00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:25,327
But at least you're
a good sport.
453
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:27,696
You fixed Perkins
that nice casserole.
454
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,431
Yeah, he sure wolfed it down.
455
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,833
He loves Japanese food.
456
00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:34,002
Japanese food? What was in that?
457
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:35,660
My tape recorder.
458
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:42,411
Look, Pop, it wasn't your
fault and it wasn't his fault.
459
00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:43,812
You didn't mean
to blow the case.
460
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:45,947
I know, son, but I
feel bad about it.
461
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,316
And I feel bad about you.
462
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:48,550
Me?
463
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:50,786
Yeah, I didn't want
to say anything before,
464
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:54,657
but I was gonna give
you the whole $1000.
465
00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:56,492
You really mean that, Pop?
466
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:57,693
Yeah, son.
467
00:21:57,717 --> 00:21:59,428
I figured that I'd
give you something
468
00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:00,696
that I never had before.
469
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,953
What? $1000.
470
00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:06,902
Wait till you hear this!
471
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:08,604
Wait until you hear this!
472
00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:10,038
You didn't hear this, did you?
473
00:22:10,062 --> 00:22:11,640
What?
474
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:14,710
Well, the crime is solved,
it's wrapped up, it's all finished.
475
00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:18,747
You mean my tape is admissible
and your money is acceptable?
476
00:22:18,771 --> 00:22:21,016
No, I'm sorry, Mr. Sanford,
the tape didn't do it.
477
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,518
Well, what did?
478
00:22:22,542 --> 00:22:23,919
Well, about a half an hour ago,
479
00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:26,522
Hacker left the Sanford
Arms dressed as Miss Wallace
480
00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:28,457
and Bubba just happened
to be in the neighborhood
481
00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:29,525
and decided to follow him.
482
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:30,992
No, no. Not Bubba!
483
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:34,129
"Just happened"! I bet he "just
happened" to get the reward too!
484
00:22:34,153 --> 00:22:35,263
Yeah, that's right, Mr. Sanford,
485
00:22:35,287 --> 00:22:37,065
but now, wait till
you hear what he did.
486
00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:39,468
Wait till you hear this! Are
you sure you didn't hear this?
487
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:41,136
Go on and tell us! All right.
488
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,004
Well, Hacker went
to the Pancake Palace
489
00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:45,140
and Bubba observed him
going into the ladies' room.
490
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:47,042
Hacker went into
the ladies' room?
491
00:22:47,066 --> 00:22:48,844
Right, after he took
the "Out of Order" sign
492
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:49,911
off the door.
493
00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:51,513
He knew no ladies
would be in there.
494
00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:52,914
I get it. It was a set-up.
495
00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:54,916
There was a guy in there
waiting for him, right?
496
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,585
Oh, you did hear
this, didn't you?
497
00:22:56,609 --> 00:22:59,388
Well, anyway,
Hacker was in there
498
00:22:59,412 --> 00:23:01,590
and he bought some stolen bonds
and fenced some hot diamonds
499
00:23:01,614 --> 00:23:03,492
right under the nose of Bubba,
500
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,861
who happened to walk
in only seconds later.
501
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:07,463
You mean to say they
didn't notice Bubba
502
00:23:07,487 --> 00:23:08,597
in the ladies' room?
503
00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:10,499
Well, they noticed
him all right,
504
00:23:10,523 --> 00:23:13,769
but they never suspected
he was observing them.
505
00:23:13,793 --> 00:23:15,604
How could they not suspect?
506
00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:18,228
Fred, guess what!
507
00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:32,721
I feel terrible, son.
508
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:34,857
This whole thing has
been very embarrassing.
509
00:23:34,881 --> 00:23:36,458
Come on, Pop.
Don't take it so hard.
510
00:23:36,482 --> 00:23:37,659
I mean, how did you know
511
00:23:37,683 --> 00:23:39,060
that Miss Wallace
was Hacker in disguise?
512
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,129
And a great disguise.
513
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:43,766
Yeah. Well, you fell for
him, Pop. You fell for him.
514
00:23:43,790 --> 00:23:45,166
I mean, he had style and charm.
515
00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:46,368
You saw deeper
516
00:23:46,392 --> 00:23:47,936
than just his
physical appearance.
517
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,772
It could have
happened to anyone.
518
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:51,440
Twice?
519
00:23:51,464 --> 00:23:53,174
What do you mean, "twice"?
520
00:23:53,198 --> 00:23:56,967
Did you see how cute Bubba
looked when he came in here?
521
00:23:58,037 --> 00:24:00,081
Pop, Bubba didn't look cute.
522
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:03,318
That's because you
didn't look deep enough.
523
00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:06,655
See, Bubba has an
extra special quality.
524
00:24:06,679 --> 00:24:07,656
What?
525
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,880
A purse with $1000 in it.
38268
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