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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,442 This programme contains some scenes 2 00:00:04,467 --> 00:00:08,125 of a sexual nature from the start and strong language 3 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:14,960 - Here. - Oh... 4 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,000 CAR HORNS BEEP 5 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:55,560 CAR HORNS BEEP 6 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:05,360 Ready? 7 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,520 As I'll ever be. 8 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:23,720 Slow. 9 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,239 What? 10 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,519 No, it's good. 11 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,079 - "Good." - You know what I mean. 12 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,639 Surely it ought to be better than "good." 13 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,439 You're telling me, pal! 14 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:43,559 SHE CHUCKLES 15 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,999 - Joy, come on, if we can't... - All right, all right, I'm sorry! 16 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,039 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 17 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,639 I'm just... I'm in a lot of pain, and I'm just feeling 18 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,960 - really self-conscious. - That makes two of us. 19 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,901 Well, if you just, I mean, if you... 20 00:01:54,902 --> 00:01:57,399 More of technique to kind of get in that way. 21 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:58,520 Sorry, "technique"? 22 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:00,640 You know what I mean. 23 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,039 No! No, I'm not sure I do, actually. 24 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,359 I'm not the one with the problem, Joy, so don't try and... 25 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:11,520 - I'm not trying... - ..needle away at my... 26 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:13,680 ...craft. 27 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:15,880 Your craft? 28 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,799 I am sorry, skilled woodsman. 29 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,039 You're right, we really need to work on it. 30 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,439 You know what, how about instead of making jokes... 31 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:27,959 No, all right, all right, all right! 32 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,440 No, I'd like to finish, please. 33 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,685 I think you've been using all this as an excuse. 34 00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:34,679 What? 35 00:02:34,704 --> 00:02:36,144 And I think you have been for months. 36 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,600 I don't think you want to have sex with me, Joy. 37 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:44,680 SHE SCOFFS 38 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,220 ALARM CLOCK CHIMES 39 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,680 Blimey, Neil's keen. 40 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,879 ♪ What would you do if you saw me dying? ♪ 41 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,199 ♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪ 42 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,439 ♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪ 43 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:37,120 ♪ What would you do if you saw me dead? ♪ 44 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,239 ♪ What would you do if ♪ ♪ you know the story? ♪ 45 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:43,479 SHE MOANS 46 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,119 ♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪ 47 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,449 ♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪ 48 00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:52,679 ♪ What would you do if you were the only one? ♪ 49 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,480 - DOOR OPENS - Mum, have you seen my shoes? 50 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,359 What? 51 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,159 Just... I wish you'd... 52 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,679 SHE SIGHS 53 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:02,733 They're in the kitchen 54 00:04:02,758 --> 00:04:04,039 - by the back door. - How come? 55 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,519 Because I polished them. 56 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,660 - Why? - They were covered in shit! 57 00:04:09,979 --> 00:04:11,059 You're mental. 58 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,359 ♪ What would you do ♪ ♪ if you caught me leaving? ♪ 59 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,679 ♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪ 60 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,359 ♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪ 61 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:25,320 ♪ What would you do if I told you look away? ♪ 62 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:29,560 Bye. 63 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:35,319 ♪ What would you do if you heard me screaming? ♪ 64 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,080 - Morning! - Morning. 65 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:45,599 ♪ What would you do ♪ ♪ if you were the only one? ♪ 66 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,440 ♪ Oh, would you hesitate at all? ♪ 67 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:53,199 ♪ Or fear losing me to my misery? ♪ 68 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,542 See you later, ya filthy animal. 69 00:04:55,543 --> 00:04:58,199 ♪ Cos I've already lost you ♪ 70 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,519 ♪ Already lost you ♪ 71 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:06,239 ♪ So I don't really care if you mind ♪ 72 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:11,800 ♪ Got to lay it on the line. ♪ 73 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,399 Oh, Neil, you punctual bugger. 74 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,519 HE GASPS 75 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,060 Morning, Claire! 76 00:05:58,840 --> 00:05:59,879 Ah... 77 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:00,919 Ahhh... 78 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,400 - HE ZIPS UP HIS TROUSERS - Um... 79 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,000 Ahhh. 80 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,359 Oh, just, um... 81 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,279 ...looking for a present for... 82 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:11,999 ...for Rita. 83 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,479 It's, uh... 84 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,120 It's hard to know where to start. 85 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,160 HE SIGHS 86 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:04,839 - Morning, sir. - Morning. 87 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,040 - Morning, sir. - Morning! 88 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:13,799 Morning, Claire. 89 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:14,840 How goes it? 90 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,120 Everything all right? 91 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,440 Thank you! 92 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,559 Here's a question. 93 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,399 How often do you masturbate? 94 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,039 Nice. SHE SCOFFS 95 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,199 I'm interested. 96 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,490 Why? 97 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,413 Once or twice a week. 98 00:07:40,113 --> 00:07:41,159 You're kidding? 99 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,779 I'm, like, once or twice a day at this point. 100 00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:45,080 Well, you're nothing if not thorough. 101 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,439 I think I walked in on my mum having a wank. 102 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,799 Shit! I think that means the world has to pretty much implode now. 103 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,119 I'm just saying. 104 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,759 She's allowed to masturbate! 105 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,919 But I thought old people were supposed to go off sex. 106 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,159 It's, like, Darwin and shit. 107 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,400 Your mum isn't that old. 108 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:05,600 She's pretty old. 109 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:07,919 What's up? 110 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,279 Tom's mum's been flicking the bean. 111 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,319 THEY LAUGH 112 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,119 I'm in. Hit me. Details? 113 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,600 You flat out disgust me. 114 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:21,640 Either he was finishing up, or he was just getting going. 115 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:23,760 Oh, my God. 116 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,879 SHE WHISPERS: He had a catalogue. 117 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,079 - Catalogue? - Yeah, like, a... 118 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,279 As in, like a mail order underwear catalogue. 119 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,599 Oh, Jesus. 120 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,519 I mean, he reached for his belt and I was like, 121 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,280 "What the actual fuck?" 122 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,580 I'm so sorry, Claire. 123 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:47,940 What do I do? 124 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,360 Presumably Janet's got to know? 125 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:53,600 Hmm. 126 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,940 How would you feel, in the first instance, if I had a word with him? 127 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,839 And then, you know, of course, if we... 128 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,279 ...if we feel, actually... 129 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,919 You know, if we decide we feel a line has actually been... then... 130 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:10,959 Yeah. 131 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960 We'll speak to Janet, no question. 132 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,079 SHE SIGHS 133 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,660 I really am sorry, Claire. 134 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,199 Urgh... 135 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,559 Oh, no, gave up years ago. 136 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:23,599 Oh! 137 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:24,759 Sorry. 138 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,120 I knew that. 139 00:09:27,773 --> 00:09:28,813 Freak. 140 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,200 - Will you have some water? - Thank you. 141 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,279 Elaine? 142 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,360 No? OK. 143 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,580 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 144 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,159 It's a... It's a beautiful garden. 145 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,200 Aw, thank you. 146 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,720 Tricky time of year, er, um... 147 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:15,960 Autumn and... 148 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,000 ...winter round the corner. 149 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,080 Coming frost. 150 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,560 So, how do...? Um... 151 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,239 What's the...? 152 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:32,199 I mean, do you want us to, er, get this ball rolling or...? 153 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,239 It's up to you. 154 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,359 I can start by explaining a little about myself. OK. 155 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:37,999 How I like to work. 156 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,799 The last 20 years, 157 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,159 I've been working with a mixture of individuals and couples, 158 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:47,799 using primarily psychodynamic and psychoanalytic techniques. 159 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,879 I like to work with a small number of clients, 160 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,359 often over a period of years. 161 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,119 So, no quick-fixes here, I'm afraid. 162 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,799 And, if after this initial session you decide to move forward, 163 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,479 we should aim to meet at this time and this location 164 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,079 each and every week. 165 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,799 And if you cancel or you're unable to attend a session, 166 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,799 you will, I'm afraid, still be charged. 167 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:08,840 ELAINE SCOFFS 168 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,719 I'm conscious this might sound a little mercenary. 169 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,559 But the purpose, or the aim, 170 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:19,719 is to create a time and a space which is entirely yours, 171 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:20,919 week on week. 172 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,359 A private, safe, well-bounded space 173 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,240 where frank, intimate discussions can take place. 174 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,319 But this might not be what you two are after. 175 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,919 So, um, you know, in that case, let's... 176 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,359 Please, let's have a conversation about that. 177 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,039 But the purpose or the goal of this first session is very much 178 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,220 to see if the three of us might be able to work together. 179 00:11:41,221 --> 00:11:44,460 So, feel free to size me up. 180 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,120 I think that all sounds... 181 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,399 Well, we... 182 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,879 Maybe a bit about us? 183 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:52,919 Mmm. 184 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:56,540 So, this was... I was the one who suggested... 185 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,039 Um... Maybe that's a good... 186 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:05,319 So, some friends of ours, I said to them, I said that Elaine and I... 187 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,919 I said that we've been having a few... And he said, 188 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,599 "Well, have you thought about...?" 189 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,639 Cos him and his wife, they'd been... 190 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,679 You know... Though they called it analysis, 191 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,239 I don't know if that...? 192 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:18,519 Therapy...? 193 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,319 But they said, he said, um, my friend... 194 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,519 ...our friend, um, that it was a godsend. 195 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,599 They're his words. 196 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:29,720 And he is... he is a hard bloke to please! 197 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,519 Um, and then that got me thinking, 198 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,719 "Well, if it can work then why not?" 199 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,319 So, we looked at your website.. 200 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:40,359 Great. 201 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,799 ...and we both really liked the look of that. 202 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,359 - Great. - So... 203 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,439 You will tell me, won't you, if I'm, um, talking too... 204 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:49,999 Or rabbiting on. 205 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,340 I don't, um... I'm not trying to take over. 206 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:56,360 Um... 207 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:10,680 I suppose... 208 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,639 ...in a nutshell... 209 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:16,680 ...um... 210 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,800 ...something seems to have... 211 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,000 ...in... in the past year or so... 212 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,120 ...and I, um... 213 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:46,480 ...I think all I want, really, is for us to just be able to get along... 214 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,080 ...like we used to. You know? 215 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:10,039 Perhaps, James, you could say a little more about what you mean by, 216 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,300 "getting along like we used to?" 217 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,720 Do you want an example? 218 00:14:15,026 --> 00:14:16,066 Yeah, great. 219 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,600 Um... 220 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,039 Hey, so, what're you doing tonight? 221 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,799 Just cos my dad's pretty much going to be out, and I thought 222 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:32,120 we could finish that documentary on the lactose intolerant Mormons? 223 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,279 Shit, do you like Franzen? 224 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:38,740 I love Franzen. 225 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,439 Sorry, were you talking to me? 226 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,519 I... I was just saying, The Corrections is, like, 227 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,919 - one of my favourite books. - Oh, OK. 228 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,759 Have... have you read Purity? 229 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,369 It's his... It's his new one, his newest one. 230 00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:53,389 I haven't. 231 00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:56,799 It's seriously, seriously, um... I mean, the bits I've... 232 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,139 I haven't actually... I've only just... But the bits I've... 233 00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:00,344 Oh, OK. 234 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,759 What the fuck was that? 235 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,519 It's called conversation. 236 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,460 Oh! I think we might need a bucket to mop up all the semen. 237 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,999 Your coccyx, as you can see here, is looking great. 238 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,559 Oh, well, I've always prided myself on having a great-looking coccyx. 239 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,879 SHE GIGGLES 240 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,279 Any pain still? 241 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,900 Well, some. 242 00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:38,119 And where are we up to with physio? 243 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,679 I'm about to start hydrotherapy. 244 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:40,719 Great. 245 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,359 - Sports? - I don't really do any sports. 246 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,502 I mean, should I? Should I be...? 247 00:15:44,503 --> 00:15:47,639 We generally advise against anything too athletic at this stage. 248 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:48,695 - But... - Cycling? 249 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:49,999 I'd like to start cycling again. 250 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,959 Regular, light, day-to-day activities, absolutely. 251 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,120 What about sex? 252 00:15:56,473 --> 00:15:58,660 As long as the sex isn't too athletic. 253 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:02,760 SHE CHUCKLES 254 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,759 We'll schedule another check-up, and in the meantime... 255 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,340 And these? What about these? 256 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,160 HE KNOCKS 257 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,360 EXHAUST SPUTTERS 258 00:16:48,736 --> 00:16:50,200 ENGINE ROARS 259 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,360 - WINDOW KNOCKS - Oh! 260 00:16:53,633 --> 00:16:54,673 Oh...! 261 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,040 - Sorry. - Stalker! 262 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,399 I spoke to Neil. 263 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,759 Oh, shit. And? 264 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,519 He wants to speak to you himself. 265 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,559 Oh, no. 266 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,319 Offer you an apology in person. 267 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,319 He's... he's been having a bit of a... 268 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,919 Anyway, let's see how you're feeling once the two of you have... 269 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,639 - Spoken? - ..and if you still... 270 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,679 ...think that he shouldn't be wanking himself off 271 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,959 - in the department office? - If you... That's how you still... 272 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,080 ...then, yeah, then... 273 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,719 ...yeah, we'll absolutely speak to Janet. 274 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,279 Yeah, crazy thing is, I don't know why he doesn't just 275 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,620 use the disabled toilet like the rest of us. 276 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,800 Can I interest you in a drink? 277 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:39,320 My treat. 278 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:54,440 ♪ The black above is dense with stars 279 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:02,440 ♪ A million stars climb 280 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:13,000 ♪ Each one in flames like all of us 281 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:22,720 ♪ Glowing, slowly burning out 282 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:32,480 ♪ I am floating in space and time 283 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:42,360 ♪ In a mist of a million lights 284 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,920 ♪ Can anybody hear me? 285 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,080 CAR HORN AND TYRES SCREECH 286 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,720 ♪ Can you hear my heartbeat? ♪ 287 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:02,788 Can you hear me? 288 00:19:02,813 --> 00:19:03,948 Whoa! Whoa! 289 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,319 Nice wheels. 290 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:11,799 Been given the all clear. 291 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:12,962 Thought I'd take the old girl for a spin. 292 00:19:12,987 --> 00:19:14,864 Congratulations, old girl. 293 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,440 - Here, gimme a hand. - Please? 294 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,599 Please. 295 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,079 Does it hurt? 296 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,319 Oh, a bit. 297 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:24,599 How was your day? 298 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,719 Pretty, um, standard. 299 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,199 Yeah. Yours? 300 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,959 Yeah. Think I've probably landed myself a new couple. 301 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,560 - Cool. - Yeah. 302 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:40,058 We were going to Dublin, visit some friends, we're on the plane, 303 00:19:40,645 --> 00:19:42,919 and he says he needs to piss 304 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,240 and he's gone for what feels like an eternity. 305 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:50,439 So I'm thinking, you know, either he's working his way through 306 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,839 a particularly truculent... 307 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,199 ...Harry Plopper. 308 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,925 Harry Plopper? Wow, is that a...? That's... that's really a...? 309 00:19:57,926 --> 00:19:59,799 I mean, Alan, if anything, it's come and gone. 310 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,239 I am so out of touch. 311 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,959 Anyway, suddenly this announcement starts up. 312 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,839 TANNOY: Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking. 313 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,479 I'd like to introduce you to one of our fellow passengers 314 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,519 who has a very special announcement to make. 315 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,999 - You're kidding? - Swear to God. 316 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:19,348 This is a message for Claire Pascal from your boyfriend Adam Cooper. 317 00:20:19,349 --> 00:20:22,959 He starts rattling off all this corny as fuck shit 318 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:27,680 and I'm just thinking, "Please, please let this be a hoax." 319 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,159 Please don't do this, I'm begging you. 320 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,340 Claire Pascal... 321 00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:46,060 ...will you marry me? 322 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,239 It was the worst hour and a bit of my life. 323 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:56,239 He wept, fucking uninterrupted for the rest of that flight. 324 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,199 HE SOBS 325 00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,700 Ugh! 326 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,639 Well, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry, Claire. 327 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:07,599 Here's to not proposing, OR wanking in public. 328 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,348 Or truculent Harry... What was it? 329 00:21:11,349 --> 00:21:13,239 - Ploppers? - Truculent Harry Ploppers. 330 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:17,860 Wait a minute, I don't understand. Are we toasting complicated shits? 331 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:50,880 What time do you call this? 332 00:21:50,905 --> 00:21:52,184 - What? - Sit down. 333 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,160 Why, what's wrong? 334 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,080 Wha... 335 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,160 Tell me about your day. 336 00:22:15,817 --> 00:22:17,239 There was actually a bit of an issue. 337 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:18,469 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 338 00:22:18,494 --> 00:22:19,799 Was somebody misbehaving? 339 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,580 Um... yeah. 340 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,759 - Was it you? - Me? 341 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,866 - Huh. - No. 342 00:22:26,867 --> 00:22:28,159 No. 343 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,319 Oh, come on. You're always misbehaving. 344 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,079 I bet you've been really naughty. 345 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,520 Mm. Hm. 346 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:39,900 Joy, I'm... I'm... I'm quite tired. 347 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:45,660 Well, good. Because I am going... 348 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,400 ...to wake... you... up. 349 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,420 - Arms up. - Can I just... 350 00:22:51,445 --> 00:22:53,199 Can I just ask a question before...? 351 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,304 No more talking. 352 00:22:55,645 --> 00:22:56,844 OK, get up. 353 00:22:56,845 --> 00:22:57,959 I thought you said no more talking? 354 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,740 Disobedience will not be tolerated. Up. 355 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,120 Ah! 356 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:08,279 Mm! Oh! 357 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,719 - Joy. Joy... - Alan! 358 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,080 Joy. Claire walked in on Neil masturbating. 359 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:22,639 I'm sorry. 360 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,239 I know. I'm sorry. I really... I appreciate the... 361 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,359 ...the... the attempt. 362 00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:30,867 But there's an awful lot on my... Playing on my... 363 00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:31,903 The attempt? 364 00:23:31,928 --> 00:23:33,479 You know what I mean. You know what I mean. 365 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,400 It's... it's a lot to take in. 366 00:23:36,678 --> 00:23:40,319 It's... it's elaborate, is all I'm saying. 367 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:41,667 Well, I'm sorry 368 00:23:41,668 --> 00:23:46,959 my effort to try and resuscitate our flat-lining sex life... 369 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,799 Well, you... No, you're just putting words into my mouth. 370 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,708 Well, I was planning on putting something else in my mouth, 371 00:23:51,709 --> 00:23:53,071 but you should be so fucking lucky. 372 00:23:53,096 --> 00:23:55,399 I don't understand what's happening. 373 00:23:55,400 --> 00:24:00,079 So, what, you're annoyed at me because what I'm... I'm... I'm tired? 374 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,839 No! I'm disappointed because you're not prepared to... 375 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,119 What? 376 00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:08,639 You said you didn't believe I wanted the two of us to have sex. 377 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,559 - So? - So I want it on record 378 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,399 that you are the one actively resisting intercourse. 379 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,319 But this isn't sex. 380 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,505 If you, if you'd been in bed and I'd come home 381 00:24:19,506 --> 00:24:22,475 and you'd been in bed and... and you said, 382 00:24:22,476 --> 00:24:26,079 "Er, hello, Alan, shall, shall we have sex this evening?" 383 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,884 I probably would've said "Yes, Joy, let's. How lovely." 384 00:24:28,885 --> 00:24:30,999 But when I come home, after the kind of day I've had... 385 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,799 God, you're so boring! 386 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,652 OK. Well, at least I'm not trying 387 00:24:34,677 --> 00:24:36,079 to start a brawl for no other reason... 388 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,799 I don't wan to have the same old sex. In fact, I refuse. 389 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,521 Well, at least, if we were having the same old sex 390 00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:42,519 we would, in fact, be having sex. 391 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,759 Why don't you want to try something different? 392 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,740 - Because... - Why can't you see 393 00:24:46,765 --> 00:24:49,479 this as an opportunity to try... 394 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,279 I'm more than happy to try something new! 395 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:52,579 I just don't want to try something 396 00:24:52,580 --> 00:24:54,900 completely and utterly fucking ridiculous! 397 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:17,520 ♪ Whispered something in your ear 398 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:27,280 ♪ It was a perverted thing to say 399 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:36,440 ♪ But I said it anyway 400 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:47,200 ♪ Made you smile and look away 401 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,639 ♪ Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby. ♪ 402 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,879 Kick! Kick! Really nice. Looking great, guys. 403 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,479 OK. We're gonna turn it up a bit. 404 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,640 And a double kick. 405 00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:08,599 There we go! Really great. Keep it going! 406 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,039 Looking fantastic, guys. 407 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,480 And double kick. 408 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:14,839 Nice. 409 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,559 Really good. 410 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:20,599 And now we're going to go into a really nice stretch down... 411 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,960 ...and up. 412 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,160 OK. And to the side. 413 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,319 Great. And then back to the other side. 414 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,199 Really good, guys. 415 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,800 Once more. 416 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,980 You guys look great and... 417 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,048 OK. Er... not to alarm anyone, 418 00:26:39,049 --> 00:26:41,719 but it looks as if we might have a little problem. 419 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,679 If we can just leave the pool. If we can move to the side, guys. 420 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,319 Thanks, um, yeah, we're going to take a break there. 421 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,119 Yeah, great. OK, guys?? 422 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:51,920 Great. Thank you. 423 00:26:54,371 --> 00:26:56,159 Well, that was quite an experience. 424 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,399 Oh, yeah. 425 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,399 I've always wanted to piss in a pool. 426 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:01,719 So you're the culprit. 427 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,480 - I wish. - Ha-ha! 428 00:27:05,780 --> 00:27:07,279 I'm Marvin. 429 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:08,880 Joy. Hi. 430 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,519 Um, see you next week, then. 431 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:13,600 You will. 432 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:15,870 I'll make sure I bring my goggles 433 00:27:15,871 --> 00:27:17,919 in case you end up pissing up a storm again. 434 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,160 Ha. 435 00:27:28,927 --> 00:27:30,207 How are you doing? 436 00:27:31,033 --> 00:27:32,273 How are YOU doing? 437 00:27:34,173 --> 00:27:36,373 Oh, it's going to be like that, is it? 438 00:27:38,146 --> 00:27:39,266 I'm interested. 439 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,960 - I'm interested in you. - I'm interested in you. 440 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:55,900 Do you know something? 441 00:27:55,901 --> 00:27:57,902 This is not what I thought therapy was going to be like. 442 00:27:57,927 --> 00:27:59,559 - Oh, no? - No. 443 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,160 I mean, how long have we been doing this now? 444 00:28:01,185 --> 00:28:02,145 Long time. 445 00:28:02,146 --> 00:28:04,021 Yeah, I'm still waiting for you to wheel out one of those, 446 00:28:04,022 --> 00:28:06,297 er, what do you call it, lying down things? 447 00:28:06,298 --> 00:28:07,285 Chaise longue? 448 00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:09,127 Is it? I dunno, the thing with the... with the... 449 00:28:09,128 --> 00:28:10,547 ...lying down and I'm looking up 450 00:28:10,548 --> 00:28:12,300 and you got a proper wiry beard going on. 451 00:28:12,301 --> 00:28:14,599 With your fucking pocket watch or whatever, 452 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,679 and I'm telling some story about my dad's pendulous cock and balls, 453 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,479 about how I've harboured some... 454 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,119 ...you know cos I saw it when I was eight, 455 00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:22,956 and I'm still trying to get the image out of my head. 456 00:28:22,957 --> 00:28:24,410 We can talk about your dad's 457 00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:25,538 pendulous cock and balls if you like, Jason. 458 00:28:25,563 --> 00:28:26,980 Well... 459 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,420 Or dreams. That's what people talk about, innit? 460 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,000 Sometimes. 461 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,560 - I don't really dream. - No? 462 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,560 You're more interested in the small stuff, seems to me. 463 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,719 Which might be no bad thing, by the way. 464 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,399 Help me understand what you mean by "small stuff". 465 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,119 What it means, for you, the difference between small stuff 466 00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:58,439 and big stuff, what that is. 467 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,040 Why there needs to be a difference. 468 00:29:02,626 --> 00:29:03,986 Some things... 469 00:29:06,493 --> 00:29:08,173 ...have to matter more than others. 470 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,120 Hm. What matters to you, Jason? 471 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,039 I do have the occasional dream, truth be told. 472 00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:22,919 - Really? - Mm. Yeah, yeah, well... 473 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:23,960 ...sometimes. 474 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:28,720 A'ight, there's this one. 475 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,480 OK, I'm coming home. 476 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,679 I'm coming home, and I get in, 477 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,460 and the power's off. 478 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:44,679 Except the fridge. 479 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,360 Fridge is the only thing that seems to be... 480 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,280 - And who do the shoes belong to? - Fuck knows. 481 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:57,999 Shoes aren't even the weird bit. 482 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,479 The weird bit is when I turn around and... 483 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,220 ...and there's a fucking... 484 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,120 - Goodness. - And she... I mean, she's ripped. 485 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,160 I can feel it. 486 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,199 I can feel my eyes... 487 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,260 ...fucking, starting to, you know... 488 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:20,840 Drifting. 489 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,040 And then what happens? 490 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:28,280 I wake up. 491 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,400 And can you tell? Is it possible to see who the intruder is? 492 00:30:37,193 --> 00:30:38,313 No. 493 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:47,080 But I'm saying, generally speaking, I don't really dream. 494 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,080 - OK, look. - Let me see. 495 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,640 Holy shit. 496 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,399 Have you heard of The Kraus Project? 497 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:08,799 Yeah, yeah, sure. 498 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,159 It's great. 499 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,519 It's a bunch of essays? 500 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:12,906 Yeah, sort of, yeah. 501 00:31:12,907 --> 00:31:15,449 Franzen, like, slaved over translating these long, dense 502 00:31:15,450 --> 00:31:17,119 Austrian essays by this guy called Kraus 503 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,799 who was like a satirist in the early part of the 20th century. 504 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,959 - Is this actually happening? - Have you read it? 505 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,159 Most of it, yeah. 506 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,720 I mean, not all of it but most of it. 507 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,520 Cool. Thanks. 508 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,220 Holy fuck! 509 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,879 Was that me or did some actual flirting just occur? 510 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:39,224 That was some of the dullest flirting 511 00:31:39,225 --> 00:31:41,879 I've literally ever seen in my entire life. 512 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,159 No way. 513 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,039 - She wants you. - What? 514 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,000 You essentially just copulated. 515 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,239 Anyway, so I was, like, "Well, listen, I didn't come 516 00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,839 "to Amsterdam solely to get stoned and hook up with randomers. 517 00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,959 "I can do that at home for free. 518 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,640 "I want to be with you." 519 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,400 And she was, like, "Well, that was never the deal." 520 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,799 And then she said something about 521 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,799 getting stoned and hooking up with randomers 522 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,660 is pretty much the raison d'etre of Amsterdam. 523 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,940 And I thought about making a joke about the Dutch Masters... 524 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,679 ...but then I didn't, so then we just... 525 00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:30,880 ...stood there. 526 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,279 Mum, please spare me the silent therapist thing. 527 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,959 I wasn't aware that's what I was doing. 528 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,720 That's because it's, like, your default factory setting. 529 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,400 Stop. I'm sorry. 530 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,159 I really liked Mel. 531 00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:55,420 Me too. 532 00:32:57,146 --> 00:32:59,280 I would've come and picked you up at the station, you know. 533 00:32:59,305 --> 00:33:00,530 It's cool. 534 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,380 So what's new, how's Dad? 535 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:19,919 Try it now! 536 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,160 ENGINE FAILS TO FIRE 537 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:30,840 Ooh! 538 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,959 Now, look, I don't know how you're going to feel about this, 539 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,820 so I'm just going to put it out there. 540 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,119 I'm going to smoke a joint... 541 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:49,119 ...and you'd be very welcome to join me? 542 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:54,020 Or if you'd rather sit this one out then that would also be fine. 543 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:59,479 Whatever floats your particular... boat. 544 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,580 Or not. Either way. 545 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:08,439 Oh! 546 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,279 Hi! Hello, Naomi. 547 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,119 - Rita, hey. - Hi, how are you? 548 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,559 - I didn't realise you were back. - It's true. 549 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,839 How... how... how was it? Erm, did you, erm... 550 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,279 - Yeah. - It was, er, Europe, wasn't it? 551 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,759 - Yes. We were sort of all over. - Oh, right. 552 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,140 It was cool. 553 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:25,880 - Cool hair. - Oh. 554 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:29,999 Obviously how you had it before was... 555 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,280 Oh, no. Thanks. 556 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:35,540 Erm... Oh, can I interest you in a cannoli? 557 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,020 "Leave the gun, take the cannoli!" 558 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,718 God. Erm... 559 00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,519 Please, er, it's... 560 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:46,840 Er... 561 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:56,439 Oh, my God! 562 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:57,820 What, too much limoncello? 563 00:34:58,560 --> 00:34:59,719 Perfect. 564 00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:01,800 Ah, great. 565 00:35:04,117 --> 00:35:05,689 - You after Mum? - Er, well, yes. 566 00:35:05,690 --> 00:35:07,520 - Only if she's, er... - She's with a client, but... 567 00:35:07,545 --> 00:35:09,672 Oh, well, erm... 568 00:35:09,673 --> 00:35:10,620 Oh, it's nothing. 569 00:35:10,645 --> 00:35:12,704 Welcome to come in and wait if you want. 570 00:35:14,166 --> 00:35:15,526 Right, thanks. 571 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:17,800 Thanks. 572 00:35:21,522 --> 00:35:28,980 I find it unfathomable that you have never heard of Warren G. 573 00:35:30,380 --> 00:35:33,340 I mean, if this doesn't blow your mind, I mean, 574 00:35:33,365 --> 00:35:35,005 I-I don't know what will. 575 00:35:35,030 --> 00:35:36,870 HE CHUCKLES 576 00:35:36,895 --> 00:35:40,215 MUSIC: Regulate by Warren G & Nate Dogg 577 00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:41,439 ♪ Regulators 578 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,079 ♪ Regulate any stealin' of this property 579 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:45,839 ♪ We're damn good, too 580 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,479 ♪ But you can't be any geek off the street 581 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,879 ♪ You gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean 582 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,479 ♪ Earn your keep 583 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:56,039 ♪ Regulators, mount up! 584 00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,799 ♪ It was a clear black night A clear white moon... ♪ 585 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:01,879 - Yes! - See? 586 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,799 - Yes! Ah! - Mind blown! 587 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,759 ♪ Just hit the east side of the IBC 588 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,839 ♪ On a mission, tryin' to find Mr Warren G... ♪ 589 00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,820 Warren, Warren, where have you been? 590 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,980 Neil apologised. 591 00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:21,719 He did. 592 00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:23,240 - He did. - Did he? 593 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,799 Are you asking me a question? I just... I wasn't sure? 594 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,079 What did... what did I say? 595 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:31,279 "He did." 596 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,679 I'm sorry, I don't know. I think I'm quite... 597 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,180 ...stoned. 598 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:42,559 He said, er, he's been having a little bit of trouble... 599 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:43,759 ...at home. 600 00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,040 - HE EXHALES - Hm. 601 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,700 Maybe we ought to just... let him keep wanking? 602 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,560 THEY CHUCKLE 603 00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:02,319 What time is it, please? 604 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,119 What time do you need to leave? 605 00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,480 I don't know. What time do you need to leave? 606 00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,559 Erm, this is my... 607 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,160 I live here, so... 608 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,759 I suggested trying... something. 609 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:51,679 Suggested we try, erm... "Now, I'm open," I said. 610 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:56,199 If there's anything in-in particular you'd like to try, 611 00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,279 would like the two of us to try... 612 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,479 MAN AND WOMAN MOAN 613 00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:05,039 I'm not suggesting that, erm, that we enjoyed it. 614 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,839 I-I think we both felt that all the screaming and the panting and the... 615 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,319 ...relentless pounding really wasn't our cup of tea. 616 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:15,999 But, erm, one of the women, erm... 617 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:21,054 Well, one of the women in particular, 618 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:23,039 erm... 619 00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:28,519 And, historically, porn isn't a turn on for me, but this, 620 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,959 this one woman in particular, 621 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,700 I... 622 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,479 ...I couldn't... 623 00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:41,140 Joy, erm, I couldn't... I couldn't take my eyes off her. 624 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,559 And I love, I love Neil. 625 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:48,319 God, he's terrific, he really is. 626 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,719 But I-I think sometimes to myself... 627 00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:55,119 I have thought to myself, erm, 628 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,760 what if? 629 00:38:59,753 --> 00:39:01,233 You know? 630 00:39:47,806 --> 00:39:49,446 - Hey. - Hi. 631 00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,319 - Listen, I'm sorry... - I'm sorry about... 632 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,199 I promise I'll try to be more civil next time 633 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,840 you reject me outright. 634 00:40:00,006 --> 00:40:01,180 Um... 635 00:40:01,866 --> 00:40:04,020 I'm joking. That was a joke. 636 00:40:09,053 --> 00:40:10,093 And I-I'm... 637 00:40:13,346 --> 00:40:14,866 ...I'm sorry, too. 638 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,240 I think Neil and Rita might be separating. 639 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:31,920 Shit. 640 00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:40,960 ♪ Freedom 641 00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,480 ♪ Balance 642 00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:52,319 ♪ So many friends 643 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,960 ♪ Wish that for me... ♪ 644 00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:59,719 - Hi. - Hi. How are you? 645 00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:01,000 Wet. 646 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,600 - Joy, wasn't it? - Yeah. Marvin. 647 00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:09,600 The Martian. 648 00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:13,319 Well, I'll see you next week. 649 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:14,360 You will. 650 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:27,320 Hiya. 651 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:49,680 Oh, yes! 652 00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,400 HORNS HONK 653 00:42:19,740 --> 00:42:20,780 Tea? 654 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:26,239 So that's your office? 655 00:42:26,240 --> 00:42:27,999 It is, mm-hm. 656 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:31,279 What happens if you bump into a, you know, client, 657 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,959 someone you're working with, out and about? 658 00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:37,679 - Not a lot. - God, I'd be mortified. 659 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,420 Are you in therapy, Marvin? 660 00:42:39,993 --> 00:42:43,353 I could imagine being hypothetically mortified. 661 00:42:43,739 --> 00:42:45,059 Antonia, my... 662 00:42:46,345 --> 00:42:49,519 ...ex, she wanted us to. 663 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,420 - What did you want? - Not that. 664 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,822 Although if I'd known it could be as relaxed as all this 665 00:42:54,823 --> 00:42:55,770 then who knows? 666 00:42:55,795 --> 00:42:58,180 You're very welcome to take a closer look. 667 00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,200 - Any good? - Oh. 668 00:43:07,510 --> 00:43:09,279 It's great. 669 00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:10,389 Out of ten? 670 00:43:10,390 --> 00:43:12,999 Oh, at least a solid nine and a half. 671 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:14,320 - High praise! - Mm-hm. 672 00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,039 What's the... I don't know what you'd call it, 673 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,878 the most common, like, complaint? 674 00:43:21,879 --> 00:43:24,279 You know, cause for concern. 675 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,620 Hm. It varies. 676 00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:28,880 I bet. 677 00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,319 I mean, I get lack of desire a lot. 678 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,199 Lack of passion. 679 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,045 "How can we get it back? What happened? Where did it go? 680 00:43:36,046 --> 00:43:38,860 "It used to be so natural, now it's almost impossible." 681 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:44,599 I mean, generally speaking, we are very bad in this country at, erm, 682 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,680 discussing our private lives in public. 683 00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,120 We feel tremendous shame. 684 00:43:51,293 --> 00:43:53,013 Too ashamed of our needs. 685 00:43:54,526 --> 00:43:57,926 Which means a lot of the time, by the time people make it to me, 686 00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,000 often their relationship is, erm... 687 00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:03,860 ...haemorrhaging... 688 00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:05,740 ...very... 689 00:44:06,893 --> 00:44:08,093 ...badly. 690 00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:12,760 - Jesus. - Yeah. 691 00:44:16,020 --> 00:44:17,340 What about if... 692 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,560 Sorry. 693 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,520 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 694 00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:11,039 I think I need to change hands. 695 00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:12,599 No, no, no, don't worry about it! 696 00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:15,280 No, it's my bad hand. It's not allowed to be athletic. 697 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:24,879 I don't even know what you do. 698 00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,079 I-I work for the Hertfordshire Constabulary. 699 00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:28,893 - No, you don't. - CID. 700 00:45:28,918 --> 00:45:29,999 No, you don't! 701 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,640 - It's true, I do! - Shit! 702 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,279 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 703 00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,359 Oh! 704 00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:43,120 Ahhh! 705 00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:36,080 I'm staying with my brother. 706 00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:40,080 It's been hardly any time at all, but... 707 00:46:42,060 --> 00:46:43,100 ...I miss her. 708 00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:49,100 I thought I'd feel really angry, but it's not, erm... 709 00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:53,820 It's like a much purer form of sadness. 710 00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:00,480 Oh, do you want? 711 00:47:00,505 --> 00:47:01,545 Oh... 712 00:47:02,786 --> 00:47:05,140 Oh, Alan, can I ask you something? 713 00:47:05,691 --> 00:47:07,771 How would you feel about accompanying me 714 00:47:07,796 --> 00:47:09,956 to a session of kung fu? 715 00:47:10,243 --> 00:47:12,239 I've got a lot of excess energy at the moment, 716 00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:15,719 I'm feeling, and I've always loved Bruce Lee. 717 00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:17,160 Um... 718 00:47:19,099 --> 00:47:22,139 ...Neil, I don't really know anything about martial arts. 719 00:47:22,164 --> 00:47:23,860 Well, it's beginners. 720 00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,378 Website says you just need a tracksuit and, er, 721 00:47:27,379 --> 00:47:29,940 a T-shirt and a willingness to try. 722 00:47:30,953 --> 00:47:33,913 Yeah, anyway, it's, erm... You don't have to give me an answer now. 723 00:47:33,938 --> 00:47:36,660 It's, you know, it's just a thought. 724 00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:51,880 Joy. 725 00:47:54,240 --> 00:47:55,400 Yeah? 726 00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:07,359 Joy, I'm really sorry, but me and Claire, we had sex. 727 00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:11,879 She was having trouble. She couldn't get her car started. 728 00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:13,580 It was raining, and... 729 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:16,839 ...and we smoked a joint 730 00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:19,340 and then we listened to some Warren G 731 00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:21,479 and then she went down on me, Joy. 732 00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:24,380 She went down on me and then we had sex. 733 00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:29,200 Joy, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. 734 00:48:41,180 --> 00:48:43,780 Alan, I tossed off a man from my hydrotherapy group. 735 00:48:49,779 --> 00:48:51,220 What?! 736 00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:53,599 Jesus fucking Christ, Joy! 737 00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:55,239 I mean, when? 738 00:48:55,240 --> 00:48:56,600 This afternoon. 739 00:48:56,625 --> 00:48:58,199 I mean, I mean, how? I mean who, who even... 740 00:48:58,200 --> 00:48:59,919 Well, he offered me a lift home 741 00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:01,879 and, in order to say thank you, I invited... 742 00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:03,239 What, you grabbed his dick?! 743 00:49:03,240 --> 00:49:05,479 You know what? We are both culpable. We've both... 744 00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:08,399 The difference is I've been feeling really guilty ever since! 745 00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:09,398 So have I! What makes you think... 746 00:49:09,399 --> 00:49:11,670 To me right now, you look like the opposite of guilty. 747 00:49:11,671 --> 00:49:12,938 Oh, you mean I'm innocent, then. 748 00:49:12,939 --> 00:49:15,646 There is a world of difference between tossing someone off 749 00:49:15,647 --> 00:49:18,273 - you hardly even know... - Yeah, but don't you see...? 750 00:49:18,274 --> 00:49:19,386 No, what happened, 751 00:49:19,387 --> 00:49:21,889 the difference between what happened between me and Claire is... 752 00:49:21,890 --> 00:49:23,200 - Worse? Is more duplicitous? - No! 753 00:49:23,225 --> 00:49:24,999 Is arguably more of a betrayal? 754 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,039 I opted to toss him off because I was aware 755 00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:28,439 that doing anything more was... 756 00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:29,889 Sorry, you opted? What, you happened to be passing 757 00:49:29,890 --> 00:49:31,243 a selection of penises and you opted...? 758 00:49:31,268 --> 00:49:32,275 You know what? 759 00:49:32,276 --> 00:49:35,100 No, you know what? I think you're behaving... 760 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,719 You are angry and upset, and I can understand that, 761 00:49:39,720 --> 00:49:43,079 but can we at least try and... 762 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:46,820 ...at least try and acknowledge that we are both at fault? 763 00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:53,799 OK, OK, OK, fine, fine. I'm sorry. 764 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,100 You should be. 765 00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:58,039 You fucked a colleague, stoned! You should be sorry! 766 00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,160 Yeah, and that... 767 00:50:00,286 --> 00:50:01,446 HE SIGHS 768 00:50:01,471 --> 00:50:04,500 ...that's what I've been trying to say. 769 00:50:09,787 --> 00:50:11,147 Why did you do it? 770 00:50:11,172 --> 00:50:12,212 Why did YOU? 771 00:50:13,253 --> 00:50:14,513 Honestly? 772 00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:17,760 What else is there at this point? 773 00:50:27,026 --> 00:50:29,306 I don't enjoy having sex with you. 774 00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:41,319 I think, in the last, recently, in the last, I don't know, two, 775 00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:43,180 maybe four... I just... 776 00:50:44,720 --> 00:50:46,920 I haven't really been enjoying our sex life. 777 00:50:49,359 --> 00:50:51,140 I think we've stopped having fun, 778 00:50:51,980 --> 00:50:55,839 and I think perhaps we stopped communicating, in a way, 779 00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:58,279 about what we... 780 00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:01,479 About the things we enjoy or what we want, or might want, 781 00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,480 or might have wanted to try or... 782 00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:08,319 And I think perhaps we're both... 783 00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:09,520 I don't know... 784 00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:16,580 I think, somehow, we've become unacceptably boring in bed. 785 00:51:19,667 --> 00:51:22,587 I-I didn't go looking, if that's what you mean, I wasn't actively... 786 00:51:22,612 --> 00:51:24,040 - Neither was I! - And I feel awful, 787 00:51:24,065 --> 00:51:25,252 I feel fucking awful about it. 788 00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,999 I know. Listen, I'm not angry with you, I don't... 789 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,919 Well, maybe you should be. 790 00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:33,508 Maybe the fact that you're not, maybe... maybe it makes me think, 791 00:51:33,509 --> 00:51:36,680 well, is this something you wanted to happen? 792 00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:43,639 I don't want to re-invent the wheel every time we go to bed, no. 793 00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:45,439 No, nor do I, but, you know, sometimes, 794 00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:47,359 I feel like doing something different. 795 00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:49,199 I have felt like doing something different. 796 00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:52,400 Well, then, I think we just need to be more... 797 00:51:52,793 --> 00:51:54,193 ...organised. 798 00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,239 Why? 799 00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:03,359 Because I feel happier knowing what my day is going to entail. 800 00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:05,749 Yeah, and if that makes me unadventurous, you know what...? 801 00:52:05,750 --> 00:52:07,482 No, no it doesn't make you unadventurous. 802 00:52:07,483 --> 00:52:11,660 All it makes us, I think, is... different. 803 00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,679 Tell me what you did with Claire. What you and Claire did. 804 00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:23,919 I already have, haven't I? 805 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:27,320 - No, in detail. - What? No! 806 00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,600 - You're serious? - Hm. 807 00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:37,000 How did being with her compare to being with me? 808 00:52:38,253 --> 00:52:42,340 I can't even... What... What is this?! 809 00:52:43,739 --> 00:52:46,259 I'd like to enjoy having sex 810 00:52:46,284 --> 00:52:48,884 and, ideally, I'd like to have more of it... 811 00:52:50,240 --> 00:52:51,720 ...outside of this room. 812 00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:54,759 You know, not just below these sheets, 813 00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:58,240 keeping our voices down once or twice a month if we're lucky. 814 00:52:59,973 --> 00:53:01,213 But if you don't... 815 00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:07,020 ...if you don't mind the way it is then I think... 816 00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:09,480 ...I think you need to say something. 817 00:53:15,606 --> 00:53:18,180 Sounds to me like you're saying you've had enough. 818 00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:20,360 Of us. Of me. 819 00:53:20,385 --> 00:53:22,000 - No, that has nothing to do with... - The sex is boring. 820 00:53:22,001 --> 00:53:24,039 We've not been honest. In fact, we've been lying to each other. 821 00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:26,439 OK, yeah, those are all statements of fact, but I'm not... 822 00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:27,919 As is the fact that, for most people, 823 00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:29,229 this would mean the end of their marriage. 824 00:53:29,230 --> 00:53:30,945 I don't give a shit what this would mean for most people. 825 00:53:30,946 --> 00:53:33,605 So then you tell me, how do we come back from this? 826 00:53:33,606 --> 00:53:36,900 OK, I am not saying I've had enough. Look at me. 827 00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:39,660 I am no way near having had enough. 828 00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:42,340 I love you. 829 00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:44,319 I love being with you. 830 00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,488 I love the fact that we've been together as long as we have. 831 00:53:46,489 --> 00:53:47,860 I love that. 832 00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:51,759 But, yeah, we have a problem because... 833 00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:53,479 I love you, too. 834 00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:54,520 So you should. 835 00:54:02,693 --> 00:54:05,860 OK, so when you say you want to have more sex, 836 00:54:07,420 --> 00:54:12,140 do you mean more sex with me... 837 00:54:13,220 --> 00:54:14,620 ...or do you mean...? 838 00:54:17,033 --> 00:54:18,793 Well, do you want to have sex with me? 839 00:54:23,877 --> 00:54:28,040 Well, for crying out loud, let's not! Let's just stop! 840 00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:31,900 Stop? 841 00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:36,980 I don't know, I mean... Maybe? 842 00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:44,799 Stop having sex with each other, you and me? 843 00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:45,974 I don't know, why not?! 844 00:54:45,975 --> 00:54:49,599 I mean, for once in our lives, we could do whatever the fuck we want 845 00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:51,279 and see what happens. 846 00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:55,359 You know, without agonising over it or feeling guilty or... 847 00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:57,919 ...sheepish or punishing ourselves 848 00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,279 for happening to want different things. 849 00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,200 I'm not sure I understand what it is you're getting at. 850 00:55:05,300 --> 00:55:06,839 SHE EXHALES 851 00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:10,999 OK, would you like to have sex with Claire again, yes or no? 852 00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:13,559 I'm not answering that. No! 853 00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:17,759 There is... There is no answer to that question that can end well. 854 00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:18,919 No. 855 00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:23,559 The only way this can end well is if you answer that question honestly. 856 00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:25,119 Would YOU like...? 857 00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:26,639 To have sex with Claire? No. 858 00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:27,880 You know what I mean. 859 00:55:30,073 --> 00:55:31,713 Would I like to see Marvin again? 860 00:55:31,738 --> 00:55:34,178 - His name's Marvin? - Yes. 861 00:55:34,203 --> 00:55:37,820 Yes, I would. And don't steer this off course. 862 00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:49,960 Yes, fine. Fuck, yes. Of course I would. 863 00:55:52,367 --> 00:55:53,927 Then why don't we? 864 00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:56,919 ♪ Come take my hand 865 00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,239 ♪ Walk with me 866 00:55:59,240 --> 00:56:02,199 ♪ Mmm-hmm 867 00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:04,880 ♪ Come take my hand 62064

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