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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,199 - Old man, where that money at? - Leave me alone. 2 00:00:27,199 --> 00:00:28,899 - Give me your wallet! - Leave me alone. 3 00:00:28,899 --> 00:00:30,699 - Come on. Give me your wallet. - Leave me alone, man. 4 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,399 Leave me alone! Leave me alone! 5 00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:33,799 Hey! 6 00:00:33,799 --> 00:00:36,299 You have the nerve to bring weapons 7 00:00:36,299 --> 00:00:38,799 inside my children's playground? 8 00:00:38,799 --> 00:00:40,299 Step off, soccer mom! 9 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:41,600 You step off! 10 00:00:42,299 --> 00:00:45,899 What kind of human beings steal money from a senior citizen 11 00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:47,899 10 feet from a jungle gym? 12 00:00:47,899 --> 00:00:49,600 What, you're gonna slash him 13 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,100 in front of all the toddlers so they can have 14 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,700 recurring nightmares for the rest of their lives? 15 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:56,299 Huh, what're you gonna do, biatch? 16 00:00:56,399 --> 00:00:58,399 Gimme that money, old man! Come on. 17 00:00:58,399 --> 00:00:59,700 Where's that wallet at? Come on. 18 00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:00,799 - Leave me alone. - Give it! 19 00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,200 Now you the bitch. 20 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,299 And you're under arrest. 21 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:16,900 Gross! 22 00:01:19,299 --> 00:01:20,500 Five-second rule. 23 00:01:22,599 --> 00:01:27,099 24 00:01:36,599 --> 00:01:39,099 Manhattan south, homicide squad requested. 25 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,599 Report of criminal fatality at the Neoteric. 26 00:01:41,599 --> 00:01:43,200 325 Water. 27 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:48,599 Hey, victim's a female, white, 40s, no ID, purse or cell, 28 00:01:48,599 --> 00:01:51,799 paid in cash, gave the name Samantha Jones, could be made-up. 29 00:01:51,799 --> 00:01:53,900 You think? Security cameras? 30 00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:55,400 None up here, but plenty downstairs, 31 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,099 even though it's a zoo in the lobby. 32 00:01:57,099 --> 00:02:00,500 Hotel security said they saw her on tape come in around 7:00, alone. 33 00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:02,799 As far as the guy is concerned, a needle in a haystack. 34 00:02:02,799 --> 00:02:05,599 Detective, lights-out for this one, uh, 35 00:02:05,599 --> 00:02:08,099 approximately 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. 36 00:02:08,099 --> 00:02:12,000 Bruising indicates a struggle. The manner of death, ligature strangulation. 37 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,599 Likely weapon is the victim's own scarf. 38 00:02:14,599 --> 00:02:17,699 It makes sense, easier to use than hands, 39 00:02:17,699 --> 00:02:19,800 distributes the weight, the pressure evenly. 40 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,300 - Might not be a big guy. - Or gal. 41 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:24,800 Well, whoever it is, they are scratched up pretty good. 42 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,300 I got a whole mess of skin fragments under her nails. 43 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,300 I'll try to match DNA. 44 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,099 Am I the only one noticing the funk in here? 45 00:02:32,099 --> 00:02:34,900 My allergies have been acting up. Smells like sex or something? 46 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:36,500 I wouldn't remember. 47 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:39,500 No, more like bad cologne. 48 00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:42,099 Like a blend of musk and roadkill. 49 00:02:42,099 --> 00:02:45,099 All right, so no forced entry, she must have known her killer. 50 00:02:45,099 --> 00:02:48,400 Fake name, cash... Hooker and John? 51 00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:50,800 Dress comes from one of those discount chains, 52 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,500 they always cut the tag like this. 53 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:55,699 Simple makeup, no implants. 54 00:02:55,699 --> 00:02:59,000 Samantha Jones... Sex and the City, anyone? 55 00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:04,699 Wrong demo. 56 00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:06,599 No. 57 00:03:06,599 --> 00:03:09,900 More likely she's just a regular suburban gal. 58 00:03:10,199 --> 00:03:12,099 Fifty shades of very dark grey. 59 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,599 All right, let's get the fingerprints, find out who she is. 60 00:03:14,599 --> 00:03:15,900 You got it. 61 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,300 Follow me. 62 00:03:24,199 --> 00:03:25,699 Oh, it's just a typical nightgown, 63 00:03:25,699 --> 00:03:27,000 she could have bought this anywhere. 64 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:27,900 Excuse me! 65 00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:29,699 Mmm-hmm? 66 00:03:29,699 --> 00:03:32,900 It's a camisole and she bought it here. It's their own label. 67 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,800 Jake dragged me in here once, thinking we could act out 68 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,900 some changing room male fantasy. 69 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:39,699 - How'd that go? - Quickly. 70 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,099 Happens. 71 00:03:41,099 --> 00:03:43,699 Well, this stuff's more upscale than the rest of our vic's clothes. 72 00:03:43,699 --> 00:03:45,900 And considering how much she spent on that hotel suite, 73 00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:47,699 must have been a big night for her. 74 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,000 Excuse me! I'm just following up 75 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,900 on my "excuse me!" from 30 seconds ago. 76 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,099 Can we get some help? 77 00:03:56,099 --> 00:03:57,800 It'll be a minute, sweetie. 78 00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:01,199 And FYI, the sale ended last week. 79 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,800 Your attention, please! 80 00:04:08,599 --> 00:04:13,099 I have a bit of a outbreak down below. 81 00:04:13,099 --> 00:04:13,900 Ew! 82 00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:17,100 And I tried on a lot of stuff from here the other day. 83 00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:20,500 I know that we're supposed to keep our underwear on, 84 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:24,000 but I didn't, so, you know, FYI... 85 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,500 Oh, back already, that was way less than a minute, sweetie. 86 00:04:29,899 --> 00:04:32,899 One of these camisoles was bought, I'm guessing it was this week, 87 00:04:32,899 --> 00:04:34,500 given that it's still on display, 88 00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:37,100 by a pretty, middle-aged brunette. 89 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,899 Recognize her? 90 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,600 Let's see if we can find a receipt, shall we? 91 00:04:53,199 --> 00:04:55,699 Christa Chase. Mid-40s, brown hair, blue eyes. 92 00:04:55,699 --> 00:04:57,399 - We need an address. - On it. 93 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,300 Uh, what's with the meter maid convention? 94 00:05:02,699 --> 00:05:04,699 Captain Booty, nine o'clock. 95 00:05:07,899 --> 00:05:09,500 Seems like you have a fan club. 96 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,100 Oh, sorry, I was speaking to your ass. 97 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:15,600 You bought me this bad boy. Remember? 98 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,699 I remember all sorts of things, Jake, 99 00:05:17,699 --> 00:05:20,199 birthdays, every Top Chef winner... 100 00:05:20,199 --> 00:05:22,899 I even remember yesterday, when you weren't my boss. 101 00:05:23,399 --> 00:05:25,300 How exactly is this gonna work? 102 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:26,899 It's gonna work great. 103 00:05:27,199 --> 00:05:29,500 Look, we can coordinate our schedules, 104 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:32,800 we can pick up the boys and bring them here after school, eat together... 105 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,399 Sounds pretty good, right? 106 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,300 No, actually it sounds like a stupid, evil divorce nightmare. 107 00:05:38,399 --> 00:05:39,899 Speaking of which... 108 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,699 I got my papers to the lawyers, it's official. 109 00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,300 Ah! 110 00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,800 I'll have Max get a cake. 111 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,399 No, we're good. I got cronuts. 112 00:05:51,399 --> 00:05:53,699 Cronuts, everyone. Come grab a cronut. 113 00:05:54,899 --> 00:05:56,699 And share. 114 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,500 Come and have a cronut, best donut on earth, right? 115 00:06:00,899 --> 00:06:02,600 He's just the best. 116 00:06:02,699 --> 00:06:04,000 He sort of is. 117 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,800 You're being jaked, just shake it off. 118 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,300 Oh, Peter and Christa Chase, 421 Adlers Way, Staten Island. 119 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,100 Peter Chase? 120 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,399 Yes, sir. Problem? 121 00:06:22,399 --> 00:06:25,199 Mr. Chase, where were you last night between 8:00 and 11:00? 122 00:06:25,199 --> 00:06:28,100 Uh... I was here. Watching, uh... 123 00:06:28,699 --> 00:06:31,500 The Yankees. Beltran went three for four, why? 124 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,000 Can anyone verify that, sir? 125 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,000 When was the last time you saw Mrs. Chase, sir? 126 00:06:35,199 --> 00:06:36,500 Why... wha... 127 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,500 Why're you asking me that? 128 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,399 Mr. Chase, we found a body that we fear is your wife. 129 00:06:44,399 --> 00:06:47,199 You'll have to come down with us to make a positive identification. 130 00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,199 Oh, no, no, no... 131 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:51,800 Baby? 132 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:55,800 They told me you were dead. 133 00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,399 What? 134 00:06:57,399 --> 00:06:59,699 Are you not married to Christa Michelle Chase? 135 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,699 We have her living at this address. 136 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,199 Not anymore, I'm Mrs. Chase now. 137 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,100 I told Christa to update her records 138 00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:09,199 but she's not exactly quick on the draw. 139 00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:10,800 She's dead, sir. 140 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,399 She's not my problem anymore. 141 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,899 So, Mr. Chase, when was the last time you saw your ex-wife? 142 00:07:22,899 --> 00:07:25,199 Uh... the lawyers, few weeks ago. 143 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,100 -- And this house was the one you lived in together? 144 00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:29,800 This was my house long before Christa, 145 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,699 hell if I was gonna lose it in the settlement. 146 00:07:31,699 --> 00:07:34,600 Bad enough I got to pay her bills, but even that wasn't enough. 147 00:07:34,699 --> 00:07:36,100 She asked you for more money? 148 00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:40,800 She sued, to void an already signed separation of assets agreement. 149 00:07:40,899 --> 00:07:42,100 I own a fleet of trucks. 150 00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:43,600 What, she deserves to be co-owner 151 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,699 just 'cause I got myself a little extra-curricular? 152 00:07:48,199 --> 00:07:50,100 It's all new furniture and linen. 153 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:55,300 I ha start over. I mean, when it comes to style, Christa was a lost puppy. 154 00:07:55,899 --> 00:07:58,000 Oh, thank God Peter found you. 155 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,899 I sort of have a sixth sense. 156 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,699 I think we only have five for a reason. 157 00:08:05,399 --> 00:08:09,500 So, what were you two honeymooners up to last night? 158 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,500 Just cuddling, you know, watching TV. 159 00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:14,100 Romantic Yankees game? 160 00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,899 Like Peter would watch the Yankees. 161 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,100 Peter Chase was clearly a Mets fan. 162 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,100 And the Mets didn't play last night, the Yankees did. 163 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:28,500 Must have been, uh, first thing that popped in his mind. 164 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:31,000 Lying about your alibi, that's never a good thing. 165 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,200 - So, which one do you like? - Both have motive. 166 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,000 He was afraid of losing half his business. 167 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,299 And she was afraid of losing the zillion bucks' worth 168 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,200 of bougie house crap she just bought. 169 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,600 - Visible scratch marks? - Long sleeves, couldn't see. 170 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,399 But did you catch her broken nail? 171 00:08:43,399 --> 00:08:44,600 Could've happened last week. 172 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,399 Skinny little trophy wives? 173 00:08:46,399 --> 00:08:48,600 So much as chip a nail, they book a mani. 174 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:52,399 Sorry, thought I heard European-style frothing? 175 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,799 Voila! 176 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,000 - Oh! - My contribution to precinct culture. 177 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,899 They had this exact model at the cafe where I learned how to barista. 178 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,799 - Thanks, Mike. - My name's Max. 179 00:09:02,399 --> 00:09:05,700 I love you so much! 180 00:09:06,799 --> 00:09:08,100 Not "love" love. 181 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,399 - Adore. - Just getting worse. 182 00:09:10,399 --> 00:09:11,399 J'adore? 183 00:09:11,399 --> 00:09:15,000 E-ZPass serial numbers for Chase and trophy wife's cars. 184 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,299 If either of them drove into the city last night it'll show up. 185 00:09:17,299 --> 00:09:18,100 Back at ya. 186 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:21,200 Looked at the post office. Christa had her mail forwarded to this address. 187 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:23,899 - Can I touch it? - No. 188 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,899 It's not much, but she sure made it look nice. 189 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,100 I asked her if she could fix up my unit. 190 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,000 Hmm, it looks like she stole your CD collection. 191 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,100 Oh, my God! 192 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,500 - In eighth grade I saw the Like A Virgin tour. - I know. 193 00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,600 Beastie Boys opened and Andrew Cohen 194 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,899 - grabbed my left boob. - Grabbed your left boob. I know. 195 00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,500 She didn't have anything special to wear. 196 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,100 That's what the camisole was about, 197 00:09:55,399 --> 00:09:56,600 starting over. 198 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,700 Divorce hit her hard. She was so lonely. 199 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:01,899 Most Saturday nights she was home binge-watching Top Chef. 200 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,500 Her ex-husband was the outgoing one, she said, 201 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,200 so she didn't have a social life. 202 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,200 Looks like she was trying to fix that. 203 00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,100 Passionpairing.com? 204 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:21,799 Um, excuse me, is it all right if the grandmother brings in Christa's daughter 205 00:10:21,899 --> 00:10:24,500 - to get a few things? - Yes, yes, please. Come in. 206 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,899 Of course. 207 00:10:26,399 --> 00:10:28,000 I'm so sorry, honey. 208 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,799 I'm gonna find out what happened to your mom. I promise. 209 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,799 Son of a bitch didn't even mention they had a daughter, 210 00:10:39,799 --> 00:10:41,500 and now he's all she's got left. 211 00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,100 Probably why Christa was getting out there. Looking for a better man. 212 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,600 There you go, passionpairing.com. 213 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,299 "Your soul mate could be just one click away." 214 00:10:49,799 --> 00:10:52,200 Well, let's see if Christa found hers. 215 00:10:52,299 --> 00:10:53,899 Laura! Billy! 216 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:56,899 Workin'! 217 00:10:57,399 --> 00:10:58,600 Captain? 218 00:10:59,299 --> 00:11:00,500 Your leads sucked. 219 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:02,899 The ex-husband's car never left Staten Island last night. 220 00:11:02,899 --> 00:11:06,299 As confirmed by E-ZPass and cell GPS tracking, 221 00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:07,600 same with the trophy wife. 222 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,000 So, if they were home, why lie about watching baseball? 223 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,299 May I present to you... 224 00:11:11,299 --> 00:11:13,299 Chase's pay-per-view invoice from last night. 225 00:11:14,899 --> 00:11:16,100 22 Hump Street? 226 00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:17,899 22 "Hump" Street? 227 00:11:17,899 --> 00:11:19,899 That's why you lie about watching baseball. 228 00:11:19,899 --> 00:11:21,399 All right, any other bad news turds? 229 00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:22,899 - Well, there's... - Just one! 230 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,100 Spoke with forensics. The skin fragments found under our vic's nails 231 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,000 didn't trigger a match in the DNA database. 232 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,399 Assailant is definitely somebody without a record. 233 00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:31,700 That's a needle in a haystack. 234 00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:33,799 Maybe not. New lead. Two weeks ago... 235 00:11:33,899 --> 00:11:35,399 Christa filed a police report for assault. 236 00:11:35,399 --> 00:11:37,600 Charges were dropped, but the alleged perp was another woman... 237 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,600 at her yoga studio. 238 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:40,700 Check it out. 239 00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:44,899 We are warriors. 240 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,000 We are goddesses. 241 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:50,200 Majestic pigeon, on my count. 242 00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,899 One... 243 00:11:51,899 --> 00:11:53,399 Two... 244 00:11:53,399 --> 00:11:54,899 And pigeon. 245 00:11:54,899 --> 00:11:56,299 If you don't mind, Ms. Pulaski, 246 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:59,600 I think it would be better if we step outside to have this conversation? 247 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,200 Actually, I do mind. 248 00:12:02,299 --> 00:12:05,399 I already paid 40 bucks for this session. 249 00:12:05,399 --> 00:12:06,799 40 bucks? 250 00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:08,200 I've got a tire in my backyard 251 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,700 you could swing on for free. 252 00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:11,000 You get what you pay for. 253 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,600 All right, moving on. 254 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,200 Where were you last night? 255 00:12:14,299 --> 00:12:17,100 My daughter's gymnastics meet in Nyack. 256 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,200 Not killing Christa Chase, obviously, that's why you're here. 257 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,399 Look, can you... 258 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:26,600 explain the assault charge that Christa filed against you? 259 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,399 Her aerial band came untied, 260 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,700 she face-planted on the floor like an idiot, 261 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,000 and she blamed me as if I could've done that. 262 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,500 Anyway, she dropped the charges. She kept coming to class. 263 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,299 Maybe she felt intimidated by you. 264 00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:39,200 More like she needed to work out. 265 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:41,399 You know, she really let herself go. 266 00:12:41,399 --> 00:12:42,399 All right, look. 267 00:12:42,399 --> 00:12:45,399 Something obviously went down between you two. What exactly? 268 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,799 We can move this conversation in the precinct. 269 00:12:49,399 --> 00:12:51,299 Charlie Carazzo. 270 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,899 My chooch ex-boyfriend, okay? 271 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,299 The slut was seeing him. 272 00:12:55,299 --> 00:12:59,000 Can the woman in jeans please evacuate the premises? 273 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,100 Namaste. 274 00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:02,500 Your body wringing out, like a wet cloth... 275 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,299 How'd that happen? 276 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:13,200 Charlie Carazzo, VP pre-owned sales, Atlantic Auto. 277 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,600 One prior. Public intoxication and assault. 278 00:13:15,899 --> 00:13:19,200 Booze, plus a temper? Likely profile of our killer. 279 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,000 It's a hybrid, so it's, uh, it's good for the environment. 280 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,100 And that? That'll buff right out. 281 00:13:25,299 --> 00:13:27,000 Oh, boy. Cop! 282 00:13:27,399 --> 00:13:29,100 Hey! Hey! 283 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,200 Hey, Carazzo! Where you going? 284 00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,100 Quick test drive! 285 00:13:38,299 --> 00:13:40,500 How do I turn the car on without a key? 286 00:13:42,899 --> 00:13:44,299 God, I'm old. 287 00:13:49,899 --> 00:13:51,399 We just want to talk to you, man! 288 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,100 The brakes are spongy, the throttle sticks. 289 00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:07,299 Car's a lemon. 290 00:14:07,299 --> 00:14:09,000 We'll discuss it downtown. 291 00:14:13,299 --> 00:14:14,899 I know... I know what it looked like... 292 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,600 But I swear, I swear to God 293 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,700 that, that it was an accident, I swear it. 294 00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:23,899 Walk me through what went down. 295 00:14:23,899 --> 00:14:25,799 All right, um... 296 00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,399 You're doing all right. 297 00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:29,000 Well, um... 298 00:14:29,299 --> 00:14:31,600 First of all I was pretty liquored-up... 299 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:35,399 And I know, I know that's not an excuse or anything, but... 300 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,700 Anyway, I saw on the Internet... 301 00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:40,299 Take your time. 302 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,600 On the Internet that if you shove a firecracker up a squirrel's ass, 303 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,100 it'll take off. 304 00:14:45,899 --> 00:14:47,100 Huh? 305 00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:48,600 Like... 306 00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,000 Airborne. 307 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,000 - Pfft! - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. 308 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,200 So you're confessing... 309 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,500 to killing a squirrel last night? 310 00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,200 He died? 311 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,100 He died! 312 00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:04,799 Oh, this is terrible! Oh, this is horrible! 313 00:15:05,399 --> 00:15:09,000 That sick idiot had two women fighting over him? 314 00:15:09,399 --> 00:15:12,000 Oh God! Oh, I can't wait to start dating. 315 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,799 Dudes! Pizza! 316 00:15:15,799 --> 00:15:17,200 Pizza! Pizza! 317 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,700 Got it? Come here, guys. 318 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,000 Pay the toll. Pay the toll. Pay the toll. 319 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,100 Thanks for dinner. 320 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,899 It was the least I could do for the warm welcome. 321 00:15:23,899 --> 00:15:25,100 And the sitter fell through? 322 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,100 I might have neglected to find one, yeah. 323 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:28,200 Okay if you're on kid duty tonight? 324 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,799 - I'm on kid duty every night. - Great. 325 00:15:29,899 --> 00:15:33,799 Because I am gonna grab a beer with everyone on the floor, one-on-one, 326 00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:36,600 and your partner is up first tonight. 327 00:15:38,899 --> 00:15:40,700 What? I'll spring for a sitter if you need one. 328 00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:42,000 Oh, lucky me! 329 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,899 You know how hard it is to find a decent, affordable sitter in this city, 330 00:15:44,899 --> 00:15:46,700 let alone at the last minute? 331 00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:47,700 Noted. 332 00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:49,000 Okay, so... 333 00:15:49,799 --> 00:15:52,100 - Who do we like in the case? - Not the ex, not the new wife. 334 00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:54,000 Not the yoga lady with the broken nose, 335 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,799 not her squirrel killing ex. 336 00:15:55,799 --> 00:15:58,100 The best lead in front of us is the dating website. 337 00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:59,299 You figure out who she dated? 338 00:15:59,299 --> 00:16:00,600 Yeah, that's not happening. 339 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:03,799 Um, at least not today. 340 00:16:03,799 --> 00:16:05,600 The corporate headquarters is in Mumbai, 341 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,399 general counsel was Ronald McRude. 342 00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:09,000 I kicked it up to the DA's office. 343 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,000 Why are you on the floor, merl? 344 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,700 - My name is Max. - Uh, not to kill the joy, but... 345 00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:16,200 Compelling a foreign corporation 346 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,600 into breaking terms of service 347 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,000 and revealing the identity of its members? 348 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,600 Not exactly a lay-up. 349 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,200 That's why I'm joining the site. 350 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,600 - I'm sorry, what? - passionpairing.com. 351 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:29,299 If I create a profile similar enough to Christa, with a little luck, 352 00:16:29,299 --> 00:16:31,600 the killer just might ask me out. 353 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,500 "Freshly divorced. Dipping a toe into the dating pool. 354 00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:39,000 "Style is shabby-chic, emphasis on the shabby. 355 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,500 "Lover of early Madonna and late reality TV. 356 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,399 "Infrequent shopper, 357 00:16:44,399 --> 00:16:46,899 "shameless homebody..." 358 00:16:48,399 --> 00:16:50,399 - You forgot "alluring..." - Oh, God... 359 00:16:50,399 --> 00:16:53,600 "Powerful, intelligent, beautiful." 360 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,000 This isn't me. 361 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,799 - It's Christa. - Huh. 362 00:16:56,799 --> 00:17:00,100 You two would've gotten along, she sounds amazing. 363 00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,600 Tell her to give me a call. 364 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:02,700 Daddy! 365 00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:04,700 "Freshly divorced, 366 00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:06,400 "attractive..." 367 00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,299 "Beautiful" is better. 368 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:09,400 Excuse me? 369 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,599 "Attractive"? 370 00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:13,099 Who do you want to date? My Uncle Melvin? 371 00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,400 I'd have to see a photo. 372 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,900 Your approach is all wrong. 373 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:17,700 Did you just crawl from under a rock? 374 00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:19,000 Metaphorically. 375 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,700 Passionpairing's a rad site because it's anonymous and therefore promotes honesty. 376 00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:25,099 Don't beat around the bush. 377 00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:27,099 I'm a hot as hell woman looking to get some. 378 00:17:27,099 --> 00:17:28,200 Period. 379 00:17:28,299 --> 00:17:29,599 I like you. 380 00:17:29,599 --> 00:17:31,299 But this isn't for me. 381 00:17:31,299 --> 00:17:33,500 Oh! I'll get on first. 382 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:34,799 Tie your shoe, Peyton Manning, 383 00:17:34,799 --> 00:17:36,700 you don't want to break your nose. 384 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:37,900 Nicholas, 385 00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:39,799 please move away from the criminal. 386 00:17:39,799 --> 00:17:42,099 If staging a non-violent protest against 387 00:17:42,099 --> 00:17:45,500 the most unconscionable slumlord of the lower east side makes me a criminal, 388 00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,000 guilty as charged! 389 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,299 Listen up, pigs! 390 00:17:48,299 --> 00:17:50,500 No justice, no peace! 391 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,099 Boys, come in here. 392 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,000 Click "multiplier". 393 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,099 It expands the reach. 394 00:17:57,099 --> 00:17:59,400 - And use caps, helps you get noticed. 395 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,900 And bring your gun on these dates, 396 00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:02,700 plenty of sick pervs out there. 397 00:18:14,099 --> 00:18:15,500 Thank you. 398 00:18:16,099 --> 00:18:17,700 I know you don't like me. 399 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:20,200 - I don't have a problem... - That's all right. Why should you? 400 00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,500 I hurt your partner. But... 401 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:25,900 Here we are. And, man-to-man, there are two sides to every story. 402 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:27,799 I respect you as a cop. 403 00:18:27,799 --> 00:18:31,000 And I just hope some day you'll end up respecting me too. Cheers. 404 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,099 "Hurt" my partner? 405 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:38,299 That's a bit of an understatement, don't you think? 406 00:18:38,299 --> 00:18:39,599 Fair enough. 407 00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:42,900 I had the perfect woman and I took her for granted. I blew it. 408 00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:44,400 But... 409 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,599 Was I bad enough to get kicked to the curb for good? 410 00:18:47,599 --> 00:18:49,599 - Is that rhetorical? - No, no, not really. 411 00:18:49,599 --> 00:18:50,799 You know her better than anyone. 412 00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:52,200 You know her better than me, even. 413 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,700 - Uh... - I'm, I'm genuinely curious. 414 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,099 In your opinion, is there a path back for me? 415 00:18:56,099 --> 00:18:59,099 Captain, I thought this was gonna be a work thing... 416 00:18:59,099 --> 00:19:00,400 - No. It is, it is. - I don't wanna get... 417 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,900 Just throw me a bone, Billy. Come on. 418 00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,799 Does she ever even talk about me? 419 00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:06,200 Oh, she talks about you. Plenty. 420 00:19:06,299 --> 00:19:09,099 - That's good. That's good. - You haven't heard what she says. 421 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:10,799 Hey, guys. 422 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,599 We're looking for two to play booze foosball. 423 00:19:13,599 --> 00:19:15,099 - What do you say? - Uh, actually... 424 00:19:15,099 --> 00:19:16,500 Yeah. Sure, let's do it. 425 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,900 Booze foosball. I like it. Never heard it put that way. 426 00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,500 - Hey, I'm Jake. - Jenny. 427 00:19:23,599 --> 00:19:25,000 There you go, you gotta drink. 428 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,700 We're Germany, you're Brazil. 429 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:29,299 You guys gotta drink! You guys gotta drink! 430 00:19:29,299 --> 00:19:30,599 - Here you go. - Cheers! 431 00:19:32,099 --> 00:19:33,900 That's called a goal! 432 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,700 - Shots! Yeah! - Yeah, nice! 433 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,200 What you on your phone for, man? Come on, get off your phone. 434 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,400 You didn't text me back last night. 435 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,099 Uh... battery died. 436 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,599 Really? Big night? 437 00:19:54,099 --> 00:19:56,700 Trying to hang with Captain Kamikaze, yeah. 438 00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,299 Morning, people. 439 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,700 You forgot to put in the grounds. 440 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,799 Coffee's for the birds, I only drink froth. 441 00:20:03,799 --> 00:20:06,400 Okay, so, we gonna catch a bad guy today? 442 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,900 Hopefully, tonight. 443 00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:10,700 Fake Laura has 12 dates. 444 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:12,500 - How's that gonna work? - I've got a plan. 445 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,799 It won't take more than 60 seconds to roll someone up. 446 00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:16,000 That I'd like to see. 447 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,400 I'll come, watch your back. 448 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,700 I don't need my ex watching me slay dragons in a singles bar. 449 00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:22,200 You're babysitting. 450 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,400 Billy's got my back. 451 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:27,599 Hey, I just wanted you to know the bases have changed since you last played ball. 452 00:20:27,599 --> 00:20:29,599 Um, so first... 453 00:20:29,599 --> 00:20:31,099 Second... 454 00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:32,900 What the hell's third? 455 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:34,799 Oh, my God! 456 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,599 Back to it. 457 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,400 This music makes me want to kill myself. 458 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,500 Yikes! 459 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,099 So this is what the rest of my life is gonna look like? 460 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,299 Welcome to my world. All right, game time. 461 00:21:00,299 --> 00:21:02,700 Can we, um, get a little cleavage on, please? 462 00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:03,799 Oh, God... 463 00:21:03,799 --> 00:21:05,200 Yeah. Mmm-hmm. 464 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,099 There you go. Fresh air, ladies. 465 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,000 And it wouldn't hurt to smile. 466 00:21:11,299 --> 00:21:12,700 Good, nice. 467 00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:14,299 I'm exhausted already. 468 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,400 Laura? 469 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:18,900 Nope. 470 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,400 What was that? 471 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,900 No way that twerp has the cojones to strangle anyone. 472 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:25,900 Okay, that was cold. 473 00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:28,000 You could've at least let the guy buy you a drink. 474 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,799 Uh, saved him 10 bucks. 475 00:21:30,099 --> 00:21:31,500 Try 20. 476 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:33,000 The world's gone insane. 477 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,099 So, what's the plan? 478 00:21:34,099 --> 00:21:36,000 Let's see if there's a hothead in the bunch. 479 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,400 And how are we gonna do that? 480 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,700 Lean and mean. 481 00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:40,900 All right. 482 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,500 Let's catch a killer. 483 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,299 Backgammon? 484 00:21:50,299 --> 00:21:51,799 I hate backgammon. 485 00:21:51,799 --> 00:21:54,000 The Jets? Are you kidding me? 486 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,400 The Giants? Are you kidding me? 487 00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:05,000 Wow. 488 00:22:06,099 --> 00:22:07,099 Oh! 489 00:22:07,099 --> 00:22:09,799 These heels are designed for two dates, max. 490 00:22:09,799 --> 00:22:11,700 Not 12 in one night. 491 00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:14,099 I hate dating. 492 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:16,299 Slutty heels don't come with orthotics. 493 00:22:16,299 --> 00:22:18,200 - So where're we at? - Oh. 494 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:19,500 Zero for eight. 495 00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:21,500 Yeah, I heard everything and didn't pick up Jack. 496 00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:24,299 - Other than you're a seriously rude date. - Exactly. 497 00:22:24,299 --> 00:22:27,000 Chances are the killer has anger issues. 498 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,799 That's why I was trying to get their goat. 499 00:22:28,799 --> 00:22:31,200 Say the wrong thing so they'll fly off the handle. 500 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,799 Dates one, three and four 501 00:22:32,799 --> 00:22:34,900 just laughed off whatever I dished. 502 00:22:34,900 --> 00:22:37,299 Zen factor high, so kill factor low. 503 00:22:37,299 --> 00:22:40,299 Date two, Mr. runny nose, had a temper, 504 00:22:40,299 --> 00:22:42,799 but is too allergic to smell cologne, much less wear it. 505 00:22:42,799 --> 00:22:44,799 Date five also got pissy. 506 00:22:44,799 --> 00:22:47,099 But he was nursing a cold sore that had to have been 507 00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:49,099 huge two nights back. 508 00:22:49,099 --> 00:22:51,500 You don't go out with Mount Kilimanjaro on your lip. 509 00:22:52,599 --> 00:22:55,000 - Seriously? - Easy, coug. 510 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,000 You couldn't have spent that much on that dress. 511 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,099 - "Coug"? - Excuse me... 512 00:22:59,700 --> 00:23:01,200 That was incredibly rude. 513 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,700 And her dress needs dry cleaning, 514 00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:04,299 I think you should cover that. 515 00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:08,000 Call my secretary. 516 00:23:11,099 --> 00:23:13,599 That was heroic. Thanks. 517 00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:16,299 You're welcome. And you're Laura? 518 00:23:16,599 --> 00:23:17,799 I'm Kevin, 519 00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:19,700 your passion pairing. 520 00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:21,099 Kevin, right. 521 00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:22,500 - Hi. - Hi. 522 00:23:22,599 --> 00:23:24,700 You know what? That rescue deserves a hug. 523 00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:26,799 Oh, okay, hug it is. 524 00:23:27,299 --> 00:23:28,500 Wow. 525 00:23:29,599 --> 00:23:31,099 Distinctive cologne. 526 00:23:32,099 --> 00:23:34,200 - It's too much? - Way too much. 527 00:23:34,700 --> 00:23:35,700 That's kinda harsh. 528 00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:37,500 - The truth often is. - What? 529 00:23:38,099 --> 00:23:41,099 You know what? I'm so glad that you reached out to me. 530 00:23:41,099 --> 00:23:45,299 I saw your profile and I was gonna ask you out two nights ago, 531 00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:47,099 but I was a nervous Nellie. 532 00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:49,099 You probably weren't free. 533 00:23:49,099 --> 00:23:50,900 I wasn't, actually. 534 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,400 I'm just gonna... 535 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,099 bathroom. 536 00:23:55,799 --> 00:23:57,000 We got a live one here. 537 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,700 Same cologne, easily riled. 538 00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:00,000 I'm gonna go get him. 539 00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:12,900 Damn! 540 00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:15,599 - Pardon me. He's gone. - Oh, damn it! 541 00:24:15,599 --> 00:24:17,400 You must be Laura. 542 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,299 Sorry, I met someone. 543 00:24:20,799 --> 00:24:22,200 Okay, then. 544 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,900 You are still here. 545 00:24:29,900 --> 00:24:31,599 Don't you have anyone to post bail? 546 00:24:31,599 --> 00:24:33,400 Bail is for sellouts! 547 00:24:33,700 --> 00:24:36,599 The point of civil disobedience is to be heard. 548 00:24:36,599 --> 00:24:39,200 For once in my life he's gonna have to listen. 549 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,400 I'm not a little girl anymore 550 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,700 who he can placate with material goods. 551 00:24:42,799 --> 00:24:44,400 The slumlord's your father? 552 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,000 You can't pick your parents. 553 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,200 - What's your name? - Sammi. 554 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,700 Sammi, I need your help. 555 00:24:50,700 --> 00:24:52,299 That's ironic. 556 00:24:52,599 --> 00:24:56,500 The man locks me behind bars and now wants my help. 557 00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:58,700 Do I look like "the man"? 558 00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:00,799 What? 559 00:25:00,799 --> 00:25:03,500 I met a guy on passionpairing and I need to get in touch with him. 560 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:04,900 Don't you have friends? 561 00:25:05,299 --> 00:25:06,900 Click through his profile. 562 00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:09,700 There's a button where you can send an emoticon and message. 563 00:25:09,700 --> 00:25:12,099 Naughtier it is, more likely he'll respond. 564 00:25:12,099 --> 00:25:15,400 There's an emoji of wet ruby red lips. 565 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,200 Always works for me. 566 00:25:26,700 --> 00:25:28,200 Where the hell is this guy? 567 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:29,500 Chill. 568 00:25:29,500 --> 00:25:31,299 We agreed on 10:30. 569 00:25:31,299 --> 00:25:32,500 He's got one minute. 570 00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:34,299 Yeah, but you're a sitting duck. I don't like it. 571 00:25:34,299 --> 00:25:35,599 Spoiler alert. 572 00:25:35,599 --> 00:25:38,599 If he tries to strangle me, I'm gonna shoot him in the testicles. 573 00:25:47,799 --> 00:25:49,500 Thank you for coming back out. 574 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,200 - I'm sorry I left earlier. - Yeah, you should be. 575 00:25:58,200 --> 00:25:59,700 You should be nicer! 576 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:03,700 I'm sorry. 577 00:26:04,900 --> 00:26:06,400 You just... 578 00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,400 remind me of a woman. 579 00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:12,099 It didn't end well. 580 00:26:14,799 --> 00:26:16,500 What happened, Kevin? 581 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:20,900 We went out a few times. 582 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:23,799 And I thought we really hit it off. 583 00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:26,000 Then... 584 00:26:26,099 --> 00:26:27,299 Monday... 585 00:26:28,700 --> 00:26:30,299 That was gonna be 586 00:26:30,299 --> 00:26:33,400 the night, until she... 587 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:34,700 Freeze, jackass! 588 00:26:34,700 --> 00:26:36,500 - Come on! On your knees! - Okay! Okay! Okay! 589 00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:38,299 - Get down! Don't move! - Okay! Okay! Okay! 590 00:26:38,299 --> 00:26:39,400 Just take my wallet! 591 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,700 Please, just don't hurt us! Please! 592 00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:43,900 He's a cop, Kevin. 593 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,500 So am I. 594 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:48,599 So this isn't a date? 595 00:26:48,599 --> 00:26:50,900 I'm sorry, we're investigating a murder. 596 00:26:51,299 --> 00:26:53,799 - Christa Chase. - Christa's... 597 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,000 Oh, my God! 598 00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:57,900 Thank you. 599 00:26:57,900 --> 00:26:59,900 Okay, so what the hell happened Monday night? 600 00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:01,099 She blew me off. 601 00:27:01,099 --> 00:27:05,000 She texted me at the last minute that she couldn't make it. 602 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,400 - See? - Do you have an alibi, Kevin? 603 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,400 Can you prove that you weren't with Christa? 604 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,099 Yes, I ended up seeing a boy band in Brooklyn. 605 00:27:12,099 --> 00:27:13,200 Hmm, awesome. 606 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,299 I posted some sick pics I can show you. 607 00:27:15,299 --> 00:27:17,200 I can't believe you weren't a date. 608 00:27:17,599 --> 00:27:20,599 Laura, my people wrote the Kama-Sutra. 609 00:27:21,299 --> 00:27:23,400 You're a nice guy, Kevin. 610 00:27:23,799 --> 00:27:25,099 What you said to that jerk... 611 00:27:25,099 --> 00:27:26,900 No, that wasn't real. 612 00:27:26,900 --> 00:27:29,500 - What do you mean? - The drink spilling, it was staged. 613 00:27:29,799 --> 00:27:31,200 I hired a wingman. 614 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,099 - Excuse me? - The guy, who spilled on you, 615 00:27:33,099 --> 00:27:34,700 he was, um... 616 00:27:34,700 --> 00:27:36,299 a pro. 617 00:27:36,299 --> 00:27:38,099 I pay him 3 grand a month to pick my dates, 618 00:27:38,099 --> 00:27:40,299 my clothes, even my cologne. 619 00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:42,400 Did your wingman pick out Christa? 620 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:43,700 Christa, Laura... 621 00:27:43,700 --> 00:27:45,700 His specialty is seducing dwarfs. 622 00:27:45,700 --> 00:27:47,599 Dwarfs? I'm 5'8". 623 00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:49,400 "Divorced women alone and ready to..." 624 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:50,700 Oh... 625 00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:52,200 I won't say the last part. 626 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,599 Excuse me. 627 00:27:53,599 --> 00:27:55,099 I just threw up in my mouth. 628 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,500 I know it's crass, 629 00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:59,400 but he says he can bed any dwarf he wants. 630 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,099 That no one has ever turned him down. 631 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,799 I got a feeling Christa did. 632 00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:14,700 Walk of shame right into work? 633 00:28:14,799 --> 00:28:16,900 Back in the saddle pretty fast. 634 00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:19,299 Twelve saddles. We filmed the whole thing. 635 00:28:19,599 --> 00:28:22,599 You could watch it on jakeisanidiot.porn. 636 00:28:22,599 --> 00:28:25,900 We've been up all night pulling intel on our newest suspect. 637 00:28:26,500 --> 00:28:28,900 Michael Devlin aka winner wingman. 638 00:28:29,299 --> 00:28:31,200 Who's ready to crush it in dwarf land? 639 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:35,400 In one week, I can teach any man to get any dwarf in the sack. 640 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,599 - What's a dwarf? - Sensitive subject. 641 00:28:37,599 --> 00:28:41,400 If she did her hair up nice, put on a new blouse she picked up at the mom store? 642 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:42,900 Ignore. 643 00:28:42,900 --> 00:28:46,000 We want our dwarf self-conscious and insecure. 644 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,500 He's the antichrist. 645 00:28:47,500 --> 00:28:50,299 Which is why I can see you wanting to pin a homicide on him. 646 00:28:50,299 --> 00:28:51,700 It lines up. 647 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,599 He had access to her profile, 648 00:28:53,599 --> 00:28:55,500 he picked out Christa for Kevin. 649 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:58,200 If he went after her and she resisted... 650 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:01,200 Jake, I am telling you, I feel this one in my gut. 651 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,599 I'm not sure gut's enough to pick the guy up. 652 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,000 Scroll down. 653 00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:13,900 That's interesting. 654 00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:16,700 - "Burn in hell." Submitted by scarredforever. 655 00:29:21,099 --> 00:29:22,599 Okay, wait, you're making a few assumptions here. 656 00:29:22,599 --> 00:29:24,200 I mean, scarredforever could be a dude. 657 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:25,700 It could be Kevin for all we know. 658 00:29:25,700 --> 00:29:27,599 Doesn't sound like a dude to me. 659 00:29:29,900 --> 00:29:31,200 So... 660 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,099 You're gonna sit here and wait for a response? 661 00:29:34,799 --> 00:29:35,799 This is the Internet, Laura. 662 00:29:35,799 --> 00:29:38,200 It's a comment. You don't... it... 663 00:29:38,700 --> 00:29:40,400 All right, I'm gonna go get some coffee. 664 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,099 Let me know if you want something. 665 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,900 - Start where you're comfortable. - Uh... 666 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,799 I'd been on three, four dates with one of his clients. 667 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:53,599 Sweet man. 668 00:29:53,599 --> 00:29:55,599 A little boring. 669 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,200 So, when Michael reached out, I suppose I was flattered. 670 00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:01,099 He was so handsome. 671 00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:03,099 Young... 672 00:30:03,099 --> 00:30:05,500 I couldn't believe he wanted to be with me. 673 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,500 Jenny, what happened with Michael 674 00:30:07,500 --> 00:30:09,400 when you finally got together? 675 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:14,700 We met at a hotel bar and he bought me one quick drink, 676 00:30:14,700 --> 00:30:17,000 and he took me upstairs. 677 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,599 There was just something about him, you know? 678 00:30:21,599 --> 00:30:24,400 His casual assumption that we were sleeping together. 679 00:30:24,900 --> 00:30:27,000 It just rubbed me the wrong way. 680 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:28,900 Did you go home? 681 00:30:30,700 --> 00:30:32,500 He slapped me. 682 00:30:35,299 --> 00:30:37,400 He threw me on the bed... 683 00:30:39,299 --> 00:30:43,500 He said that middle-aged bitches can't afford to be teases. 684 00:30:45,500 --> 00:30:47,799 I was so scared. 685 00:30:50,299 --> 00:30:52,500 So I just let him have me. 686 00:30:58,900 --> 00:31:01,299 I just closed my eyes and let him. 687 00:31:03,799 --> 00:31:05,099 He raped her. 688 00:31:05,099 --> 00:31:06,599 Well, let's get a warrant for a DNA screening. 689 00:31:06,599 --> 00:31:08,500 The evidence is circumstantial. 690 00:31:08,500 --> 00:31:11,099 They could shoot us down, his lawyer could drag it out. 691 00:31:11,099 --> 00:31:13,500 I am not willing to gamble on this. 692 00:31:13,500 --> 00:31:14,599 So what do you have in mind? 693 00:31:14,599 --> 00:31:16,299 I rope him in. Tonight. 694 00:31:16,299 --> 00:31:18,400 Before another woman ends up dead. 695 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,599 It's too dangerous. 696 00:31:19,599 --> 00:31:21,500 You don't get to be overprotective. 697 00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:23,000 You're not my husband anymore. 698 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,200 That wasn't my choice! 699 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:25,700 If you would take me back right now, 700 00:31:25,700 --> 00:31:27,400 I would happily be your husband again. 701 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:28,500 You just say the word. 702 00:31:28,500 --> 00:31:30,299 We are not doing this! 703 00:31:30,299 --> 00:31:33,299 I have mourned the death of our marriage plenty, 704 00:31:33,299 --> 00:31:35,099 but then I moved on. 705 00:31:35,099 --> 00:31:38,500 Guess what? I like not being married to a serial adulterer. 706 00:31:38,500 --> 00:31:41,900 And I like doing the job that I'm really good at. 707 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:45,900 So stop acting like a husband and start acting like a boss 708 00:31:45,900 --> 00:31:48,700 who wants to catch a killer as much as I do! 709 00:31:49,599 --> 00:31:50,900 You'll keep him in public. 710 00:31:50,900 --> 00:31:53,200 Not good enough. We have to catch him in the act. 711 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,400 Laura... 712 00:31:58,400 --> 00:31:59,400 All right, look. 713 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,900 If you're going head-to-head with a probable killer, 714 00:32:01,900 --> 00:32:04,700 then you need wingmen. You need multiple wingmen. 715 00:32:04,700 --> 00:32:06,000 Deal. 716 00:32:07,500 --> 00:32:09,000 Let's go. 717 00:32:24,599 --> 00:32:26,200 Didn't expect to hear from you. 718 00:32:27,099 --> 00:32:28,700 Bring your dry cleaning bill? 719 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,400 Tell you what... 720 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:36,299 I'll pay for my dry cleaning if you pay for my dirty Martini. 721 00:32:36,299 --> 00:32:38,000 Done. 722 00:32:38,500 --> 00:32:41,000 So, what do you do when you're not making a mess? 723 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,599 I'm in import/export. 724 00:32:42,900 --> 00:32:44,900 Business runs itself, so... 725 00:32:45,599 --> 00:32:47,099 Mostly, I play. 726 00:32:48,599 --> 00:32:53,599 Well, that sounds like a complete waste of time. 727 00:32:53,900 --> 00:32:55,900 How about starting a non-profit? 728 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:57,799 Feisty, hmm? 729 00:32:57,799 --> 00:33:00,299 You don't know the half of it. 730 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:03,599 Let's see. What's that? 731 00:33:04,099 --> 00:33:09,200 "Yvette, Carrie, Stacey, Alison, Noelle, Daphne, Alison number two..." 732 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,299 Man, wingman's got game. 733 00:33:10,299 --> 00:33:11,599 "Let's get naked tonight." 734 00:33:11,599 --> 00:33:13,200 "Hot and heavy, down to frolic." 735 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,599 Ugh! This guy's been douche-texting half the women in New York. 736 00:33:15,599 --> 00:33:16,799 Where the hell's Christa? 737 00:33:16,799 --> 00:33:19,900 If I were pig-boy and I just killed my latest dwarf-y conquest, 738 00:33:19,900 --> 00:33:22,900 then I would delete my text history with her, stat. 739 00:33:22,900 --> 00:33:26,400 But, what I doubt pig-boy knows is unless you empty your bin... 740 00:33:28,500 --> 00:33:31,000 Text messages can be recovered. 741 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,299 Remind me never to date you. 742 00:33:32,299 --> 00:33:34,500 "C.C." That must be Christa Chase. 743 00:33:34,799 --> 00:33:38,299 Christa Chase 7:41 P.M. Monday... 744 00:33:38,299 --> 00:33:40,099 "We're on." There we go. 745 00:33:40,099 --> 00:33:43,599 He must've taken a shine to Christa, convinced her to meet him instead of Kevin. 746 00:33:43,599 --> 00:33:46,400 She shows up, she gets cold feet, boom, he lashes out. 747 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,799 Dirty tracks. Evidence is circumstantial but pretty damning. 748 00:33:51,599 --> 00:33:53,299 All right, let's have Laura close the deal. 749 00:34:02,299 --> 00:34:03,799 What do you say 750 00:34:03,799 --> 00:34:05,700 we get out of here. 751 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,699 I mean, if you want to. 752 00:34:10,599 --> 00:34:11,800 Done. 753 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:15,800 They're on the move. 754 00:34:17,300 --> 00:34:18,900 Give them a little space. 755 00:34:19,500 --> 00:34:20,800 - Now. - Right. 756 00:34:33,500 --> 00:34:36,099 Picked this place up for chump change when the bubble burst. 757 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,699 __ 758 00:34:51,199 --> 00:34:52,500 She's on 14. 759 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,800 - It's magnetic. - We gotta kill the power. 760 00:35:00,300 --> 00:35:01,699 Come on, come on. 761 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:03,500 Let's move this party along. 762 00:35:18,599 --> 00:35:20,300 How about a striptease? 763 00:35:21,099 --> 00:35:22,599 Knock yourself out. 764 00:35:22,599 --> 00:35:24,199 Not me. 765 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,400 You. 766 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,500 Big boy. 767 00:35:32,300 --> 00:35:34,699 I need a good look at what I'm gonna be riding. 768 00:35:38,199 --> 00:35:40,099 Momma's got a freaky streak. 769 00:35:40,900 --> 00:35:43,599 Yes, this is Captain Jake Broderick, NYPD 2nd precinct. 770 00:35:43,599 --> 00:35:45,400 Look, I need an emergency power shutdown 771 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:47,500 on Orchard between Delancey and Broome. 772 00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:49,500 No, look, I don't have time for a supervisor! 773 00:35:49,500 --> 00:35:51,699 Turn the power off! Just do it! 774 00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:10,500 Whoever it was, scratched up pretty good. 775 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,699 Where's the choreography? 776 00:36:18,699 --> 00:36:19,599 Oh! 777 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:26,300 I'm sorry, whoa, I thought I could do this. 778 00:36:26,699 --> 00:36:30,699 But between the cheap cologne and the Wolverine scratches 779 00:36:30,699 --> 00:36:33,599 I... yikes, I gotta go. 780 00:36:33,599 --> 00:36:34,900 The hell you do. 781 00:36:34,900 --> 00:36:38,000 Unbelievable! Twice in a week. 782 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,699 Don't you know that middle-aged bitches... 783 00:36:39,699 --> 00:36:41,699 "Can't afford to be teases"? 784 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,199 Yes, we can. 785 00:36:43,199 --> 00:36:46,199 And we can also afford self-defense classes. 786 00:36:50,900 --> 00:36:52,800 That is for Christa. 787 00:37:05,099 --> 00:37:08,199 Party's over, coug. Now you're gonna die alone. 788 00:37:08,300 --> 00:37:10,099 Just like you lived. 789 00:37:10,099 --> 00:37:13,699 That would be sad, but for one thing. 790 00:37:13,699 --> 00:37:14,800 What? 791 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:16,699 I'm not alone! 792 00:37:16,699 --> 00:37:18,400 Police! Don't move! 793 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:19,599 Get your ass on the ground! 794 00:37:22,300 --> 00:37:25,400 Now the party's over! 795 00:37:27,699 --> 00:37:28,800 Yeah, you got him? 796 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,000 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh... 797 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,500 I released. 798 00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:36,500 Okay, there we go. 799 00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:38,699 Hey, but stupendous bust. It's really cool. 800 00:37:38,699 --> 00:37:41,300 On a less bright note, a Mrs. Gutierrez from school called 801 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,599 to remind you that extended day care has been canceled 802 00:37:43,599 --> 00:37:45,699 in light of a baby shower for Nurse Schwartzbaum. 803 00:37:45,699 --> 00:37:49,199 Screw Schwartzbaum! I've got to finish this report for the DA. 804 00:37:49,199 --> 00:37:51,800 - Jake? - No pick up, no can do. 805 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,199 - Morning, Mark. - No, it's not my name. 806 00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,699 Your SS prison guard here says you called someone who posted my bail. 807 00:38:03,099 --> 00:38:05,099 - Dad! - Honey, I had to. 808 00:38:05,099 --> 00:38:07,800 Detective Diamond said they were running out of jail space. 809 00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,400 - What the hell? - I'm dropping the charges. 810 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,000 I'll still pay for your tuition, 811 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,400 and I'll pay for your apartment. 812 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:16,099 Just stop having protests in my building. 813 00:38:16,099 --> 00:38:18,500 Of course, the police state and the aristocracy 814 00:38:18,500 --> 00:38:21,000 conspiring against the proletariat. What else is new? 815 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:23,900 Shush! Too loud for the workplace. 816 00:38:24,699 --> 00:38:26,199 I'm not taking your blood money 817 00:38:26,199 --> 00:38:29,500 when you don't even pay your employees a living wage. 818 00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:31,500 You may be able to buy your way around 819 00:38:31,500 --> 00:38:33,599 the canal street workers' rights board, 820 00:38:33,599 --> 00:38:35,800 but you can't buy my integrity! 821 00:38:38,199 --> 00:38:40,300 You drive a hard bargain, Sammi. 822 00:38:41,699 --> 00:38:43,099 But I love you. 823 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,599 I'll take subway money. 824 00:38:48,099 --> 00:38:49,500 That was impressive. 825 00:38:50,300 --> 00:38:51,300 Here. 826 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:54,300 Have you ever done any babysitting? 827 00:38:55,199 --> 00:38:57,599 Only every weekend for nine years. 828 00:38:57,599 --> 00:38:59,099 Call me. 829 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:04,500 Full background check. 830 00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:06,199 Quick word? 831 00:39:06,199 --> 00:39:07,699 Of course, come on in. 832 00:39:07,699 --> 00:39:09,900 - Hey, great job with the case. - Thanks. 833 00:39:10,599 --> 00:39:12,500 Always gonna give you my best on the job. 834 00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:14,099 Off the job, you're on your own. 835 00:39:16,099 --> 00:39:17,800 - Meaning? - Meaning... 836 00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:19,900 I'm your employee, but I'm not your wingman. 837 00:39:20,300 --> 00:39:22,199 Whatever you do outside of the office, that's your business, 838 00:39:22,199 --> 00:39:23,599 just keep me out of it. 839 00:39:23,699 --> 00:39:25,300 'Cause between you and Laura, 840 00:39:25,300 --> 00:39:27,099 I think you know where I come down. 841 00:39:28,300 --> 00:39:30,500 Really? More bro time? 842 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,500 I was just leaving. 843 00:39:33,900 --> 00:39:35,699 Off to pick up your children. 844 00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:38,699 I see you're incredibly busy. 845 00:39:39,900 --> 00:39:42,500 The medical examiner just matched the wingman's DNA. 846 00:39:42,500 --> 00:39:43,900 - Good job. - Thank you. 847 00:39:45,199 --> 00:39:47,400 Anything else, sir? 848 00:39:48,099 --> 00:39:49,599 Actually, Laura, there is. 849 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,500 The other night, when Billy and I went out for drinks, 850 00:39:56,099 --> 00:39:57,000 there was a girl... 851 00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:57,900 ? La, la, la, la, la ? 852 00:39:57,900 --> 00:39:59,699 I really don't want to hear about your sex life. 853 00:39:59,699 --> 00:40:04,699 Okay, there's nothing to hear. Your former "serial adulterer" didn't sleep with her, 854 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,699 because of you. 855 00:40:06,699 --> 00:40:08,800 My hero! 856 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:12,199 I recommend that you take every opportunity you can get. 857 00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:13,900 I'm going to. 858 00:40:13,900 --> 00:40:16,300 In fact, I have a hot date tonight. 859 00:40:16,300 --> 00:40:17,599 With who? 860 00:40:17,900 --> 00:40:19,800 Threesome, actually. 861 00:40:23,699 --> 00:40:30,699 62562

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