All language subtitles for The.IT.Crowd.S01E03.DVDRip.x264-TAR-eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:37,876 --> 00:00:39,034 Here we are! 2 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,267 Your place... your place... 3 00:00:43,508 --> 00:00:46,209 La maison... de la femme... 4 00:00:47,049 --> 00:00:49,339 El casa del signorita... 5 00:00:52,825 --> 00:00:54,210 Das haus die Frau... 6 00:00:57,564 --> 00:00:58,564 Good night! 7 00:00:59,071 --> 00:01:01,611 I'll just walk you to the door. 8 00:01:01,682 --> 00:01:03,678 - There's no need. - That's okay. 9 00:01:09,690 --> 00:01:10,690 So... 10 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,534 I guess this is "arrivederci". 11 00:01:15,303 --> 00:01:17,303 I'd quite fancy a cup of tea though. 12 00:01:19,656 --> 00:01:20,933 A glass of water maybe. 13 00:01:23,072 --> 00:01:24,516 Perhaps a little lie down. 14 00:01:24,579 --> 00:01:25,589 Look... 15 00:01:26,146 --> 00:01:27,757 I have to tell you something. 16 00:01:27,933 --> 00:01:28,750 What? 17 00:01:28,751 --> 00:01:31,085 I wanted to tell you in the restaurant but... 18 00:01:31,256 --> 00:01:33,580 it... a good time never came up and I... 19 00:01:33,696 --> 00:01:35,993 - I wasn't gonna say it but... - Say it. 20 00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:37,835 I have to. 21 00:01:41,097 --> 00:01:42,097 What? 22 00:01:42,449 --> 00:01:44,060 You've got shit on your head. 23 00:01:47,959 --> 00:01:48,959 What? 24 00:01:50,161 --> 00:01:51,883 There's some shit on your head. 25 00:01:51,964 --> 00:01:52,964 What? 26 00:01:53,028 --> 00:01:54,754 Where? Where? 27 00:01:55,386 --> 00:01:56,804 It's been there forever. 28 00:01:56,892 --> 00:01:59,123 Oh God! Oh God! 29 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:02,989 It's chocolate! 30 00:02:03,245 --> 00:02:04,049 It's chocolate! 31 00:02:04,050 --> 00:02:05,050 It's not shit! 32 00:02:05,095 --> 00:02:05,948 It's not shit! 33 00:02:05,949 --> 00:02:06,949 It's.. 34 00:02:07,447 --> 00:02:08,447 It's my dessert. 35 00:02:09,402 --> 00:02:11,360 I don't know how it got there but uh... 36 00:02:11,361 --> 00:02:12,416 It's on my fingers. 37 00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:14,110 It's not shit! 38 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,324 Thank God for that! 39 00:02:18,526 --> 00:02:21,121 You know, I just spent the last hour 40 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,243 thinking you were some sort of disgusting tramp. 41 00:02:24,324 --> 00:02:25,626 Oh no! 42 00:02:27,377 --> 00:02:28,377 That's funny! 43 00:02:30,545 --> 00:02:32,471 - Oh God look! - What? 44 00:02:32,571 --> 00:02:34,989 It's chocolate! 45 00:02:37,889 --> 00:02:39,555 How about that cup of tea now? 46 00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:45,844 I was a perfect gentleman last night from beginning to end 47 00:02:45,845 --> 00:02:48,939 but she can't see past a little bit of shit on my forehead! 48 00:02:48,962 --> 00:02:50,450 I thought you said it was chocolate. 49 00:02:50,485 --> 00:02:52,531 Yes, chocolate, yes! I meant chocolate. 50 00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:55,591 I forgot to turn this thing on. 51 00:02:56,813 --> 00:02:57,813 Hello, IT... 52 00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:01,098 Hi, uh, something's wrong with my computer. 53 00:03:01,269 --> 00:03:03,565 Have you tried turning it off and on again? 54 00:03:03,566 --> 00:03:05,179 Oh No! No, oh Dear, thanks. 55 00:03:05,713 --> 00:03:06,828 You're welcome then. 56 00:03:08,037 --> 00:03:09,082 It's typical. 57 00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:12,079 The one time I manage to bamboozle a girl in the building 58 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,302 into going out with me and this happens. 59 00:03:14,924 --> 00:03:16,275 She's gonna tell everyone! 60 00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:20,114 Oh come on! She's a receptionist, she'd hardly gossip. 61 00:03:21,391 --> 00:03:23,107 Besides it's a boring story. 62 00:03:23,396 --> 00:03:25,181 Yeah... that's boring. 63 00:03:25,499 --> 00:03:27,443 It's boring, she won't tell anyone. 64 00:03:39,294 --> 00:03:40,294 Hello. 65 00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:48,562 Sorry guys. 66 00:03:54,769 --> 00:03:56,332 She might have told Jen. 67 00:03:59,677 --> 00:04:01,392 No, that's what I'm saying. 68 00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:02,642 It wasn't. It was... 69 00:04:02,985 --> 00:04:04,929 It was chocolate. It was chocolate. 70 00:04:05,836 --> 00:04:07,489 I don't know... I don't know... it... 71 00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:09,494 it got on my fingers and then I must have... 72 00:04:09,495 --> 00:04:10,651 Listen... 73 00:04:10,731 --> 00:04:12,568 how did you even hear about this, mom? 74 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,794 Moss... Moss, there's a spider in my office. 75 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:20,302 Could you deal with it? I just hate spiders. 76 00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:27,272 I'm not overly fond of them myself there, Jen. 77 00:04:28,108 --> 00:04:29,223 How... 78 00:04:31,395 --> 00:04:34,765 How big is... Whoa! Hey now! 79 00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:36,290 I'll tell you what. 80 00:04:36,325 --> 00:04:39,300 I actually recommend my good friend Roy there 81 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,578 as the go-to guy on anything 82 00:04:42,042 --> 00:04:43,686 with more than 7 eyes. 83 00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:46,924 He's on a very brief personal call right now. 84 00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,098 Come, Moss. Don't be silly. 85 00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:50,284 You're right, I'm being silly. Wrap it up, Roy! 86 00:04:51,118 --> 00:04:52,844 It's just a spider. It's fine. 87 00:04:53,942 --> 00:04:57,001 Oh look! It seems to have left of its own volition. 88 00:04:57,102 --> 00:04:58,394 Oh, be a man, Moss! 89 00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:00,928 You're right, I'll be a man. I'm a man. 90 00:05:02,518 --> 00:05:04,018 Please don't shut the door. 91 00:05:05,529 --> 00:05:06,529 I won't. 92 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:07,974 Goodbye, Jen. 93 00:05:12,581 --> 00:05:14,012 That was my mother. 94 00:05:14,286 --> 00:05:15,841 How did she hear about this? 95 00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:18,223 Oh, was that the woman who phoned earlier? 96 00:05:18,289 --> 00:05:20,343 'Cause I've just been telling everybody. 97 00:05:20,344 --> 00:05:23,247 Why would you want to go out with Patricia anyway? 98 00:05:23,299 --> 00:05:26,267 I mean, her last boyfriend was Simon from 3rd. 99 00:05:26,654 --> 00:05:28,187 - Jen! - Hey, you! 100 00:05:28,713 --> 00:05:29,713 Hello there. 101 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,534 Have you caught it yet? 102 00:05:31,863 --> 00:05:33,173 Not quite, Jen. 103 00:05:33,814 --> 00:05:35,980 The spider's managed to walk behind me. 104 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,553 And it's between me and the door. 105 00:05:40,178 --> 00:05:41,609 So I can't get out. 106 00:05:43,082 --> 00:05:45,304 Simon from 3rd is the one with the hair. 107 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,854 Oh, him! Oh, he's awful. 108 00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:51,113 He once ate a copy of Loaded for a bet. 109 00:05:52,988 --> 00:05:54,983 - She liked him? - Apparently. 110 00:05:55,241 --> 00:05:56,780 That explains everything! 111 00:05:56,854 --> 00:06:00,020 She likes the kind of big obnoxious guy who eats Loaders. 112 00:06:03,105 --> 00:06:04,105 Hello, Daniel. 113 00:06:04,756 --> 00:06:05,561 How are you? 114 00:06:05,562 --> 00:06:07,016 I'm great, thanks. How are you? 115 00:06:07,017 --> 00:06:08,017 I'm great. 116 00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,934 Well, can either of you tell me... Okay... Okay... 117 00:06:11,354 --> 00:06:15,734 who wrote Missa Brevis in D minor? Was it Mozart or Beethoven? 118 00:06:16,895 --> 00:06:19,978 That was a certain Mr. Mozart, I think you'll find. 119 00:06:20,148 --> 00:06:22,687 Oh right, do you know a lot about classical music? 120 00:06:22,769 --> 00:06:25,047 - Petit pois. - Oh, right. 121 00:06:26,934 --> 00:06:28,848 Mozart, Beethoven, 50/50 ain't it? 122 00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:33,270 Actually, no, you were right. It was Mozart. 123 00:06:33,341 --> 00:06:34,398 Well it's... It was... 124 00:06:34,416 --> 00:06:36,482 Okay, so, let's try another one. 125 00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:40,379 Okay. Here we go. In what year did Mozart die? 126 00:06:40,463 --> 00:06:43,304 - Was it 1780 or 1791? - 1791. 127 00:06:44,143 --> 00:06:47,783 Yes! Yes! Bang on! Good! 128 00:06:48,837 --> 00:06:50,892 God! I hope he doesn't come in again! 129 00:06:51,925 --> 00:06:53,200 - Jen! - Yes! 130 00:06:53,695 --> 00:06:57,139 Is Roy off the phone yet? The spider is now upon my person. 131 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,604 You guys don't mind me chilling out in here, do you? 132 00:07:09,686 --> 00:07:11,436 No. Chill out! 133 00:07:12,762 --> 00:07:14,936 So did you see the match last night? 134 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,094 - Oh yeah! - Oh yeah! 135 00:07:17,179 --> 00:07:18,262 - God! - Did we? 136 00:07:18,862 --> 00:07:20,130 What a match! 137 00:07:21,938 --> 00:07:24,345 All of the players running up... 138 00:07:24,826 --> 00:07:25,573 the pitch... 139 00:07:25,574 --> 00:07:28,871 and running down it again. Such athleticism! 140 00:07:29,807 --> 00:07:31,392 What was Rooney thinking over there? 141 00:07:32,378 --> 00:07:35,020 Who knows! That's Rooney! 142 00:07:35,156 --> 00:07:38,197 He is a foolish boy! 143 00:07:39,996 --> 00:07:43,308 Yeah but... that referee... I'm sorry the referee is just an idiot. 144 00:07:43,366 --> 00:07:46,877 Yes, he was certainly the villain of the piece. 145 00:07:48,504 --> 00:07:49,936 Daniel, you're still here. 146 00:07:50,314 --> 00:07:52,360 Yeah, just... just having a little break. 147 00:07:52,361 --> 00:07:54,027 Do you wanna come and join me? 148 00:07:55,318 --> 00:07:56,205 Stop it! 149 00:07:57,931 --> 00:08:00,973 Well, I'd better... I'd better... hit this way. 150 00:08:01,174 --> 00:08:03,873 Oh by the way, guys, if you need any help with any more spiders, 151 00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:05,586 just give me a call, okay? 152 00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:07,794 Yeah, we'll be fine, I think, thanks. 153 00:08:07,872 --> 00:08:09,563 Actually, do you have a card? 154 00:08:10,604 --> 00:08:12,647 That is good. See you. 155 00:08:17,422 --> 00:08:18,422 You like him! 156 00:08:19,525 --> 00:08:20,484 Who? 157 00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:23,865 Oh, that good looking man with "Security" 158 00:08:23,912 --> 00:08:25,146 written on his shoulders? Yes! 159 00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:26,334 Yes, I do. 160 00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:28,156 He seems really nice. 161 00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:29,775 Nice! 162 00:08:29,846 --> 00:08:32,911 'Cause that's what you women want! Nice guys! 163 00:08:33,645 --> 00:08:34,547 Hello, IT! . 164 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,325 What are you talking about, Roy? 165 00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,657 If my date last night proved anything, it's that you, ladies, 166 00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:41,309 you don't want nice guys. 167 00:08:41,344 --> 00:08:43,115 I think if your date proved anything, Roy, 168 00:08:43,116 --> 00:08:46,282 it's that women like men without poo on their foreheads. 169 00:08:46,816 --> 00:08:48,032 That's our type. 170 00:08:49,214 --> 00:08:50,811 That has nothing to do with this. 171 00:08:50,858 --> 00:08:53,758 She clearly just didn't want a gentleman in her life. 172 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,979 I hate to generalize, you know that. 173 00:08:56,228 --> 00:08:58,694 But all women just want bastards. 174 00:09:00,035 --> 00:09:03,662 That women liking bastards thing is a total myth. 175 00:09:03,729 --> 00:09:07,322 I've tried turning it off and on again and nothing happened. 176 00:09:07,391 --> 00:09:08,946 Is it definitely plugged in? 177 00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:11,201 Oh, let me have a look. 178 00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,505 Oh, sorry, that's it, thanks very much. 179 00:09:13,506 --> 00:09:14,561 You're welcome then. 180 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:16,835 It's just not true. 181 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,691 Women don't want gentlemen, they want bullies and thugs. 182 00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:22,060 I'll prove it to you. 183 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,894 How will you prove it to me, Roy? 184 00:09:24,839 --> 00:09:25,967 Oh! Okay. 185 00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:29,863 I'll put a... I'll put on a classified ad online. 186 00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:31,021 A classified? 187 00:09:31,022 --> 00:09:34,127 Yeah, like a lonely hearts thing but I'll make it sound psychotic. 188 00:09:34,128 --> 00:09:36,430 And I still bet I'll get a bezillion replies. 189 00:09:36,431 --> 00:09:37,378 Oh, dear God. 190 00:09:37,379 --> 00:09:38,379 Come on. How much? 191 00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:43,566 Okay. Yeah, I'll give you 20 quid if you get 1 response. 192 00:09:43,637 --> 00:09:44,494 You're on! 193 00:09:44,611 --> 00:09:45,618 Oh my God, no! 194 00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:49,695 It's all about body fluids with you, isn't it? 195 00:09:52,379 --> 00:09:54,131 Come on, Moss! We need to get to work. 196 00:09:54,132 --> 00:09:55,084 Work? 197 00:09:55,085 --> 00:09:58,307 Yeah, we need to post a classified lonely hearts ad online 198 00:09:58,336 --> 00:10:00,800 that makes me sound like a psycho so that I can prove to Jen 199 00:10:00,835 --> 00:10:03,909 that all women love bastards and therefore win 20 pounds. 200 00:10:04,351 --> 00:10:06,884 Thank God! I thought that thing was broken. 201 00:10:12,152 --> 00:10:15,058 "Shut up! Do what I tell you! I'm not interested!" 202 00:10:16,606 --> 00:10:20,717 These are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad. 203 00:10:21,826 --> 00:10:24,826 "I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself." 204 00:10:25,781 --> 00:10:27,502 "PS: No dogs." 205 00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:31,299 - That's good. - What's yours? 206 00:10:32,076 --> 00:10:33,567 Mine doesn't look any good now. 207 00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:34,688 Go on. 208 00:10:35,546 --> 00:10:37,222 "I'm going to murder you." 209 00:10:39,949 --> 00:10:41,576 "You bloody woman!" 210 00:10:44,414 --> 00:10:46,663 Might want to play a bit hard to get. 211 00:10:48,412 --> 00:10:50,737 If you were a murderer, what would your nickname be? 212 00:10:50,755 --> 00:10:52,047 Mine would be "The Gardener", 213 00:10:52,094 --> 00:10:55,252 'cause I'd always leave a rose at the scene of the crime. 214 00:10:55,775 --> 00:10:57,760 What would your murder weapon be? 215 00:10:58,730 --> 00:10:59,730 A hammer. 216 00:11:02,033 --> 00:11:03,033 Hey, Moss. 217 00:11:06,086 --> 00:11:08,308 "Would you like to go for dinner with me?" 218 00:11:09,678 --> 00:11:12,344 "And then maybe back to my place?" 219 00:11:13,499 --> 00:11:16,711 I'd love to, Jen, but I'm actually helping Roy at the moment. 220 00:11:16,712 --> 00:11:20,049 No. No, no, no. Who does this remind you of, yeah? 221 00:11:20,818 --> 00:11:22,706 "Do you wanna go on a date with me?" 222 00:11:25,244 --> 00:11:26,289 Gandhi? 223 00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:30,422 No, no, the other one. Bono. 224 00:11:31,961 --> 00:11:33,629 No, no, I was doing Roy. 225 00:11:33,737 --> 00:11:35,990 Yes, yes, it's like there was 2 of me. 226 00:11:36,847 --> 00:11:39,124 Come on. Get your money ready. 20 pounds. 227 00:11:40,201 --> 00:11:41,939 Hey! Hello. 228 00:11:44,501 --> 00:11:46,392 It's security. 229 00:11:46,708 --> 00:11:49,021 I hope I'm not in any danger. 230 00:11:49,224 --> 00:11:50,224 Oh my God! 231 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:51,622 It's not shit! 232 00:11:54,248 --> 00:11:55,827 On my head, it's not shit! 233 00:11:56,256 --> 00:11:57,607 It's chocolate spread. 234 00:11:57,931 --> 00:11:59,047 - Taste it! - No! 235 00:11:59,082 --> 00:12:00,021 Look! 236 00:12:00,103 --> 00:12:01,137 Look! 237 00:12:04,848 --> 00:12:06,053 Ringo Starr? 238 00:12:07,653 --> 00:12:09,922 I'll be wondering about that all night! 239 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,507 How do you know about this site? 240 00:12:11,508 --> 00:12:12,508 I'm a member. 241 00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:17,114 Really? You do the whole lonely hearts thing? 242 00:12:17,878 --> 00:12:21,047 I'm a 32-year-old IT man who works in a basement. 243 00:12:21,831 --> 00:12:24,053 Yes, I do the whole lonely hearts thing. 244 00:12:27,192 --> 00:12:30,405 So, as you can clearly see, it wasn't... 245 00:12:32,045 --> 00:12:34,078 excrement, it was chocolate. 246 00:12:34,256 --> 00:12:36,310 I was playing a joke. It was chocolate. 247 00:12:36,311 --> 00:12:38,811 Jen, it's okay, I've got it. Don't worry about it. 248 00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:41,002 Listen, what are you doing tonight? 249 00:12:42,616 --> 00:12:44,838 - I've got a response! - That was quick! 250 00:12:44,867 --> 00:12:47,388 Yeah, why is it taking so long to download? 251 00:12:47,447 --> 00:12:49,414 Something happened with the router this morning. 252 00:12:49,449 --> 00:12:51,262 We're back to pre-broadband speed. 253 00:12:52,327 --> 00:12:53,327 Dear... 254 00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:01,782 But we're on the phone now. 255 00:13:01,842 --> 00:13:03,445 Why can't you just ask me now? 256 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,116 Can't Jen, trust me. 257 00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:06,895 Why should I trust you? 258 00:13:06,896 --> 00:13:08,840 Because I know what's good for you. 259 00:13:10,844 --> 00:13:14,484 Listen, you have to be home between 8 and 9 tonight, are you gonna be home? 260 00:13:14,531 --> 00:13:16,445 Okay, this sounds exciting. 261 00:13:16,471 --> 00:13:19,207 It might not happen, okay? But hopefully it will. 262 00:13:19,219 --> 00:13:21,192 Now I don't know if this is exciting or not... 263 00:13:21,238 --> 00:13:23,395 Jen... Jen, it's exciting! 264 00:13:27,503 --> 00:13:30,504 "...would be very interested in meeting up and talking it over." 265 00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:31,505 "Love, Rebecca." 266 00:13:31,653 --> 00:13:33,597 Oh my God! What did we write again? 267 00:13:33,707 --> 00:13:35,151 It started with "shut up". 268 00:13:36,707 --> 00:13:37,912 There's more. 269 00:13:38,367 --> 00:13:40,867 "I attached a photograph for your approval... 270 00:13:40,868 --> 00:13:42,641 "or not!" Exclamation mark. 271 00:13:42,804 --> 00:13:45,637 All right, let's have a look at you, you mad thing. 272 00:13:49,418 --> 00:13:50,669 Nice hair so far. 273 00:13:51,819 --> 00:13:54,764 - Eyebrows seem normal. - Two eyes. 274 00:13:55,529 --> 00:13:57,271 That's the best amount of eyes. 275 00:13:58,535 --> 00:13:59,681 Nice eyes too. 276 00:14:00,484 --> 00:14:03,092 It has to go around. She must have a shite nose. 277 00:14:05,826 --> 00:14:07,790 Do you remember the Internet at this speed? 278 00:14:07,859 --> 00:14:09,831 Up all night and you'd see 8 women. 279 00:14:12,809 --> 00:14:14,753 - Good nose. - That is a good nose. 280 00:14:14,864 --> 00:14:19,030 The mouth has to be wrong. There's gotta be something wrong with her mouth. 281 00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:21,172 Now that's a good looking woman. 282 00:14:22,024 --> 00:14:23,857 Should I tell Jen we got a reply? 283 00:14:25,226 --> 00:14:26,226 Roy? 284 00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:28,284 Roy? 285 00:14:29,989 --> 00:14:30,989 Roy! 286 00:14:32,642 --> 00:14:33,642 Roy! 287 00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:43,258 Hello, Daniel! I mean, hello. 288 00:14:44,153 --> 00:14:48,096 Jen? Hello, it's Chris Tarrant from "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" 289 00:14:48,159 --> 00:14:50,672 Oh my God! Oh my God! 290 00:14:50,719 --> 00:14:52,072 Chris Tarrant, hello! 291 00:14:52,574 --> 00:14:55,298 Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! 292 00:14:55,408 --> 00:14:57,628 Jen the next voice you hear is gonna be Daniel's... 293 00:14:57,663 --> 00:15:00,077 - Daniel's, Ok. - But before I put you on with him, 294 00:15:00,078 --> 00:15:02,078 he's asked me to ask you a question. 295 00:15:02,180 --> 00:15:03,513 Okay, you can ask me a question. 296 00:15:03,581 --> 00:15:07,848 Yeah, he wants to know if you'll go out for dinner with him tomorrow night. 297 00:15:08,561 --> 00:15:10,799 Oh really? Yes! 298 00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,393 Yes, of course, I will! Of course! Oh yes! Yes! 299 00:15:13,463 --> 00:15:14,463 Yes, of course! 300 00:15:15,826 --> 00:15:17,346 Yes, that's great, Jen. 301 00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:19,725 Now let me fill you in on what's happening. 302 00:15:19,726 --> 00:15:23,114 Daniel's doing very well although he has just used his 50/50. 303 00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:25,632 Now, here's Daniel. Daniel, you got 30 seconds. 304 00:15:25,726 --> 00:15:27,466 Starting from... now! 305 00:15:27,632 --> 00:15:29,037 - Okay, Jen. - Hi, Daniel. 306 00:15:29,038 --> 00:15:30,939 Yeah, hi Jen, Jen, uh, okay... 307 00:15:31,192 --> 00:15:32,914 who composed The Wooden Prince? 308 00:15:33,042 --> 00:15:35,409 Was it A) Bartok, B) Chopin? 309 00:15:41,404 --> 00:15:43,830 Did you see "I'm a Millionaire" last night? 310 00:15:43,854 --> 00:15:46,285 "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" it's called. No, I didn't. 311 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,832 Well, you are not going to Adam and beliEVE this. 312 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:52,175 Okay, do these make me look like a bastard? 313 00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,399 Why do you wanna look like a bastard? 314 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,852 I've got that date tonight, she's expecting a monster. 315 00:15:56,853 --> 00:15:58,857 Do these me make look like a bastard? 316 00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,385 They make you look like an idiot. 317 00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,116 - Anyway, did you see it? - What? 318 00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,489 "Do you want to be a Millionaire?" 319 00:16:04,816 --> 00:16:07,195 "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" 320 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,682 "Who wants to be a person who is wrong?" 321 00:16:12,819 --> 00:16:14,040 What's happened? 322 00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,443 - If I may... - Sure. 323 00:16:15,781 --> 00:16:17,503 Guess who was on it last night! 324 00:16:18,132 --> 00:16:20,073 - You! - No, Daniel. 325 00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:22,550 - King of men. - Daniel was on "Millionaire"? 326 00:16:22,551 --> 00:16:23,606 Indeed he was, sir. 327 00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:26,003 And it was the "Do you want to phone a friend"... 328 00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:27,987 - It's just "Phone a friend". - Anyway. 329 00:16:28,853 --> 00:16:30,027 She was the "phone a friend"? 330 00:16:30,086 --> 00:16:32,821 - She was the "phone a friend". - You're the "phone a friend"! 331 00:16:32,822 --> 00:16:33,818 What was the subject? 332 00:16:33,819 --> 00:16:37,207 Classical music is the extraordinary answer to that question. 333 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:41,481 So who of course is Daniel, our estimed temp security guard, going to phone 334 00:16:41,482 --> 00:16:43,204 but Jonathan Miller over here. 335 00:16:43,593 --> 00:16:47,644 Think Daniel was on Millionaire. Too bad it wasn't 50/50. 336 00:16:48,539 --> 00:16:49,539 It was. 337 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,796 - And? - I got it wrong. 338 00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:54,314 I cost 31,000 pounds. 339 00:16:55,404 --> 00:16:56,930 It isn't funny though. 340 00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:58,655 Now I have to go on a date with him. 341 00:16:58,656 --> 00:17:00,652 Wow! The rules on that show have really changed! 342 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:03,025 No, you don't understand. 343 00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:05,616 He asked me out... on the show... 344 00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:07,577 before I got the question wrong. 345 00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:10,213 It was all very romantic. 346 00:17:10,579 --> 00:17:11,579 But now... 347 00:17:11,975 --> 00:17:13,888 I don't think he likes me now. 348 00:17:14,426 --> 00:17:17,182 And I don't wanna go out with the biggest loser in England... 349 00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:18,648 There you are! 350 00:17:18,833 --> 00:17:19,833 Daniel... 351 00:17:20,684 --> 00:17:21,684 - Hello. - Hi. 352 00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:26,092 - Gonna go for this meal then. - Yeah. 353 00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:27,685 Yeah, I can't wait. 354 00:17:27,732 --> 00:17:30,492 I'm gonna take you to one of my favourite restaurants. 355 00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:31,561 Right. 356 00:17:35,252 --> 00:17:36,252 I'll pay. 357 00:17:37,073 --> 00:17:39,432 - It really is the least I can do. - Oh yeah... 358 00:17:44,638 --> 00:17:45,638 Oh my God! 359 00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:47,456 Did you see that look? 360 00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:50,835 I have a dinner date with that man. 361 00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,910 If I'm not here tomorrow, I want you to call the police. 362 00:17:54,051 --> 00:17:57,083 Maybe not the best time to mention it, but also you owe me 20 quids. 363 00:17:57,084 --> 00:17:59,246 What? You got a response? 364 00:17:59,644 --> 00:18:01,532 With the one that ended: "No dogs"? 365 00:18:01,795 --> 00:18:02,795 Yep. 366 00:18:02,797 --> 00:18:04,461 Oh my God, brilliant! More money gone! 367 00:18:04,497 --> 00:18:06,950 Now the money that Daniel lost wasn't really yours, was it? 368 00:18:06,951 --> 00:18:09,395 It would have been if I'd married him, Moss. 369 00:18:10,808 --> 00:18:12,109 I need a good restaurant. 370 00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:15,776 Maybe if he likes the food, he won't beat me to death with a shoe. 371 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,455 I thought you said you'd take him to one of your favourite restaurants. 372 00:18:19,502 --> 00:18:20,957 Haven't you got it yet? 373 00:18:21,338 --> 00:18:22,484 That's what I do: 374 00:18:22,683 --> 00:18:23,683 I lie... 375 00:18:23,964 --> 00:18:26,101 I lie and I lie and... 376 00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,190 I lie! 377 00:18:28,098 --> 00:18:30,258 Well, I went to a good place recently. 378 00:18:30,346 --> 00:18:32,189 Nice atmosphere. Food's great. 379 00:18:32,401 --> 00:18:34,299 - Really? - Yes. Why? 380 00:18:34,802 --> 00:18:37,255 Sorry, I just didn't have you down as a restaurant person. 381 00:18:37,256 --> 00:18:38,411 I'm a restaurant person. 382 00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:40,147 Why wouldn't I be a restaurant person? 383 00:18:40,182 --> 00:18:41,310 Cheese string? 384 00:18:42,294 --> 00:18:43,463 No, thanks. 385 00:18:43,529 --> 00:18:44,675 What's this place called? 386 00:18:44,676 --> 00:18:45,676 Messijoes. 387 00:18:45,926 --> 00:18:48,314 - Is that French? - French? No, it's English. 388 00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,738 Okay, thank you, Moss. Yeah, I'll uh... 389 00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:52,850 I'll give that a go. 390 00:18:53,287 --> 00:18:55,709 Okay, I need a place to bring this girl 391 00:18:55,993 --> 00:18:58,465 that says: "I'm a bastard." 392 00:18:58,650 --> 00:19:00,761 Well, I went to a good place recently. 393 00:19:01,002 --> 00:19:03,901 Nice atmosphere. Food's great. It's got a bit of an edge. 394 00:19:03,902 --> 00:19:05,007 Yeah? What's it called? 395 00:19:05,008 --> 00:19:06,008 Messijoes. 396 00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:07,507 What is that? Spanish? 397 00:19:07,589 --> 00:19:11,288 No! Spanish? It's English. Messijoes. 398 00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:33,995 Okey dokey, you get the firecracker nachos. 399 00:19:34,413 --> 00:19:37,861 And you are getting the prawn bites with spicy salsa. 400 00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:46,081 This seems an unusual place for someone like you to want to meet. 401 00:19:48,728 --> 00:19:49,728 Yeah but... 402 00:19:50,831 --> 00:19:54,502 everyone needs a place to come to be alone. 403 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,846 Look at me! Yeah! Look at me! 404 00:20:01,336 --> 00:20:03,261 Get a clown over here, please! 405 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,056 You're a loner? 406 00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:07,894 I'm a loner all right. 407 00:20:09,596 --> 00:20:10,805 I'm just a... 408 00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:13,404 lonely loner 409 00:20:14,216 --> 00:20:16,294 on a lonely road. 410 00:20:18,570 --> 00:20:19,826 Alone. 411 00:20:21,485 --> 00:20:23,029 Do you always wear shades? 412 00:20:23,487 --> 00:20:24,487 Always. 413 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,586 They help me hide the fact 414 00:20:28,192 --> 00:20:29,192 I'm always lying 415 00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:32,001 to women. 416 00:20:39,209 --> 00:20:43,272 Everyone is having having fun, fun, fun. 417 00:20:43,466 --> 00:20:45,966 'Cause everything is nice and everyone is friendly. 418 00:20:45,967 --> 00:20:48,320 Lots of friendly faces having fun, fun, fun. 419 00:20:48,321 --> 00:20:50,928 'Cause everything is nice and everyone is friendly. 420 00:20:50,929 --> 00:20:53,633 - Smile and the world will... - Excuse me! Excuse me! 421 00:20:53,634 --> 00:20:56,967 It's just... It's not... Sorry, it's just not appropriate at the moment. 422 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,013 You're that bloke off the telly! 423 00:21:20,703 --> 00:21:23,708 And you must be the woman he phoned! Brilliant! 424 00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:25,816 Funniest thing I've seen in ages. 425 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,105 God! I'm a bastard! 426 00:21:40,147 --> 00:21:42,187 Yes. So you keep saying. 427 00:21:42,715 --> 00:21:44,899 Trouble... It's basically what I am. 428 00:21:48,211 --> 00:21:49,211 Thank you. 429 00:21:52,414 --> 00:21:53,469 You know something? 430 00:21:54,869 --> 00:21:56,980 I don't think you're a bastard at all. 431 00:21:57,428 --> 00:21:58,428 I am so. 432 00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,783 I am a complete tool. 433 00:22:03,201 --> 00:22:04,176 Oh my God! 434 00:22:04,258 --> 00:22:06,466 No don't, don't! Don't hit him! 435 00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:12,289 I know her. 436 00:22:16,789 --> 00:22:18,417 Hey! What's going on? 437 00:22:18,544 --> 00:22:20,033 Stay out of this, Fonzy! 438 00:22:20,085 --> 00:22:21,447 You're fighting in front of kids! 439 00:22:21,494 --> 00:22:22,410 I don't care! 440 00:22:22,433 --> 00:22:23,455 You're a brute! 441 00:22:23,478 --> 00:22:25,122 This bloke just insulted me! 442 00:22:25,707 --> 00:22:28,654 Hey! Bit more careful with the clown shoe there, Mister. 443 00:22:33,859 --> 00:22:35,421 Just hold your head back. 444 00:22:37,865 --> 00:22:39,086 Oh God! 445 00:22:43,173 --> 00:22:44,561 He caught me by surprise. 446 00:22:46,755 --> 00:22:48,340 When I see him tomorrow... 447 00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:51,789 - That was his last day. - Thank God! 448 00:22:52,132 --> 00:22:53,759 Oh my God, look! 449 00:22:53,836 --> 00:22:55,789 If you're coming, can you just bloody hurry up! 450 00:22:55,790 --> 00:22:57,546 - I'm coming! I... - God's sake! 451 00:22:57,547 --> 00:22:59,380 I just need to take my shoes off. 452 00:23:00,432 --> 00:23:01,888 They look like such fruits. 453 00:23:06,409 --> 00:23:08,488 - I'll call you a cab. - No, no, no, it's fine. 454 00:23:08,511 --> 00:23:09,866 - Taxi! - I'll get my bus. 455 00:23:09,867 --> 00:23:11,811 Don't be stupid, it's cold. Taxi! 456 00:23:12,317 --> 00:23:13,522 - Here. - Oh God. 457 00:23:13,779 --> 00:23:15,529 Here you can have your 20 back. 458 00:23:15,588 --> 00:23:19,180 I don't really think the bet proved anything. Taxi! 459 00:23:33,100 --> 00:23:34,246 Thanks, Roy. 460 00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:36,601 - I just want... - Nice date! 461 00:23:40,311 --> 00:23:43,658 Just a lonely loner walking a lonely road. 462 00:23:48,576 --> 00:23:49,576 Hi, girls. 463 00:23:49,621 --> 00:23:52,805 My name is Maurice Moss. Or Moss for short. 464 00:23:53,180 --> 00:23:54,517 Sorry about the sound quality 465 00:23:54,552 --> 00:23:57,394 but I'm having to do this in the toilet of my mom's house. 466 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,011 She's watching Diagnosis Murder at full volume. 467 00:24:00,173 --> 00:24:01,642 And it drives me up the wall. 468 00:24:02,658 --> 00:24:06,435 Don't worry, though. I'm sitting on the toilet but I'm not using it. 469 00:24:07,813 --> 00:24:08,666 What? 470 00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:09,667 - Moss? - Yes? 471 00:24:10,012 --> 00:24:11,214 What you doing in there? 472 00:24:11,215 --> 00:24:13,135 Number 2s, leave me alone! 473 00:24:13,670 --> 00:24:15,321 Don't forget to flush the toilet. 474 00:24:15,322 --> 00:24:17,021 Don't clog it up like you usually do. 475 00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:20,287 I know! Just stop doing this! You're always doing this! 476 00:24:20,327 --> 00:24:22,049 You're making it going back in! 477 00:24:24,485 --> 00:24:25,807 Now, my type... 34161

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.