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1
00:00:01,852 --> 00:00:03,852
-
2
00:00:04,028 --> 00:00:05,561
Hellooo.
3
00:00:05,663 --> 00:00:07,930
Who wants to meet Armani?
4
00:00:08,032 --> 00:00:09,445
Aww, he's cute.
5
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:11,566
Oh, you already had the baby.
6
00:00:13,517 --> 00:00:15,431
This is your Aunt Darlene.
7
00:00:16,204 --> 00:00:17,452
Don't you want to pet him?
8
00:00:17,521 --> 00:00:19,354
- I can't. I'm allergic.
- Oh, no, you're not allergic.
9
00:00:19,423 --> 00:00:21,778
Mom just said that 'cause she
didn't want a dog in the house.
10
00:00:23,073 --> 00:00:24,360
I could've had a dog?
11
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,593
Yeah, you could've had seafood, too.
12
00:00:25,662 --> 00:00:26,727
It's just expensive.
13
00:00:27,931 --> 00:00:29,073
Damn it!
14
00:00:29,265 --> 00:00:30,398
I love dogs!
15
00:00:32,285 --> 00:00:34,018
So, a dog. Why?
16
00:00:34,087 --> 00:00:37,755
Because today I'm going to
Andrea's fancy fertility doctor,
17
00:00:37,824 --> 00:00:39,023
and he's gonna give us a calendar
18
00:00:39,125 --> 00:00:40,925
for my embryo transfer,
19
00:00:41,263 --> 00:00:42,596
and then I'm gonna have a baby,
20
00:00:42,665 --> 00:00:44,798
and then I'm gonna get $50,000,
21
00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:46,300
and then I'm gonna get a house with a yard,
22
00:00:46,369 --> 00:00:48,068
and since I'm getting a yard,
23
00:00:48,336 --> 00:00:51,904
I can finally get a dog
like I always dreamed of.
24
00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:54,229
Oh, okay.
25
00:00:54,297 --> 00:00:55,964
So you did the last part first.
26
00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:57,365
Well, you've inspired me.
27
00:00:57,467 --> 00:00:58,867
I'm gonna go dive into a swimming pool
28
00:00:58,969 --> 00:01:00,217
and then fill it with water.
29
00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:03,905
You are so damn negative!
30
00:01:04,009 --> 00:01:05,125
It serves you right
31
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:06,783
that while I'm in my nice, new house
32
00:01:06,851 --> 00:01:08,484
with my nice, new dog,
33
00:01:08,586 --> 00:01:11,020
you'll be living here in
this Mongolian cockfight
34
00:01:11,122 --> 00:01:12,775
that's our childhood home.
35
00:01:15,062 --> 00:01:16,995
Anyway, want to be my Lamaze coach?
36
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,360
Oh, yeah, Lamaze classes...
37
00:01:19,429 --> 00:01:21,413
I'd go to those just for
the movie they show you.
38
00:01:22,508 --> 00:01:23,773
It's like "Carrie",
39
00:01:23,798 --> 00:01:25,531
but after the bucket of blood,
they hit her with a baby.
40
00:01:31,455 --> 00:01:34,156
No, I am not giving any more money
41
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,924
to your organization.
42
00:01:37,394 --> 00:01:39,261
And stop with those sad commercials.
43
00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:41,563
I cannot enjoy my snacks!
44
00:01:43,534 --> 00:01:44,766
Mom got caught eating candy
45
00:01:44,835 --> 00:01:47,135
out of the bulk bins
at the grocery store...
46
00:01:47,736 --> 00:01:48,802
not a good time.
47
00:01:50,354 --> 00:01:52,287
This is my new dog, Armani.
48
00:01:52,322 --> 00:01:54,623
We were just leaving to
go to Andrea's doctor.
49
00:01:54,691 --> 00:01:55,757
What are you telling me for?
50
00:01:55,859 --> 00:01:57,820
You know how I feel about this.
51
00:01:58,296 --> 00:01:59,328
I'm a little nervous.
52
00:01:59,397 --> 00:02:01,499
I was hoping you might wish me luck.
53
00:02:01,699 --> 00:02:02,930
You're gonna need it.
54
00:02:03,434 --> 00:02:06,368
Conner babies have
huge heads.
55
00:02:08,893 --> 00:02:11,393
You had an uncle who never even got out.
56
00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:16,104
His legs just eventually grew long enough
57
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,400
to touch the ground.
58
00:02:18,871 --> 00:02:19,803
Will you stop it?
59
00:02:19,904 --> 00:02:21,604
You're not gonna scare me out of this.
60
00:02:21,673 --> 00:02:23,406
Well, you're too damn bone-headed
61
00:02:23,474 --> 00:02:24,950
to listen to reason.
62
00:02:25,376 --> 00:02:27,777
What if this is the one baby you can have?
63
00:02:27,846 --> 00:02:29,779
You've just not thinking this through.
64
00:02:30,082 --> 00:02:33,031
I don't want a baby. I have a dog.
65
00:02:33,708 --> 00:02:34,739
You know what?
66
00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:36,369
I'm not coming over here again.
67
00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:38,684
Can you believe that?
68
00:02:39,415 --> 00:02:41,090
And she was the smart one.
69
00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:44,212
You know what?
70
00:02:44,237 --> 00:02:45,682
Even as an adult, I can't hear that enough.
71
00:03:23,773 --> 00:03:26,540
"Roseanne" was taped in front
of a live studio audience.
72
00:03:26,931 --> 00:03:27,948
Okay, we're almost done
73
00:03:27,973 --> 00:03:29,339
with the medical-history sections.
74
00:03:29,441 --> 00:03:30,941
So, next question is...
75
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:34,652
Hep-C, Hep-B,
HIV, STDs?
76
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,549
No, no, no, and...
77
00:03:36,574 --> 00:03:37,897
...not anymore.
78
00:03:39,543 --> 00:03:41,209
Uh, terminated pregnancies?
79
00:03:41,234 --> 00:03:42,197
Zero.
80
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,421
Oh, come on!
81
00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:45,081
Aunt Jackie!
82
00:03:45,649 --> 00:03:47,215
I just know that you were "popular,"
83
00:03:47,317 --> 00:03:48,983
like I was, so I assumed...
84
00:03:50,220 --> 00:03:51,391
Okay.
85
00:03:51,621 --> 00:03:53,488
Hey, ladies!
86
00:03:53,590 --> 00:03:55,590
Sorry, I was at the hormone specialist.
87
00:03:55,615 --> 00:03:56,768
He says I'm gonna have no problem
88
00:03:56,793 --> 00:03:58,259
producing my own breast milk.
89
00:03:58,361 --> 00:04:00,028
I have very porous nipples.
90
00:04:01,398 --> 00:04:02,497
Lucky!
91
00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:05,433
So, before we go in,
92
00:04:05,535 --> 00:04:07,135
I have a small gift for you.
93
00:04:07,237 --> 00:04:08,403
It's just a little "thank you"
94
00:04:08,505 --> 00:04:10,038
for the gift that you're giving me.
95
00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:11,233
Aww.
96
00:04:13,677 --> 00:04:15,843
It's a bedazzled egg.
97
00:04:18,181 --> 00:04:19,514
That's not just an egg.
98
00:04:19,616 --> 00:04:21,182
That is really expensive.
99
00:04:21,284 --> 00:04:23,117
That's a "Fuh-berj" egg.
100
00:04:25,155 --> 00:04:26,788
It's... uh, it's Fabergé.
101
00:04:27,841 --> 00:04:29,238
And what'd I say?
102
00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:31,980
Thank you.
103
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,371
Becky Conner-Healy?
104
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:34,589
Here we go, team!
105
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,707
Here we go! Alright.
106
00:04:37,817 --> 00:04:40,651
Let's get in there and
put the "us" in "uterus".
107
00:04:43,175 --> 00:04:44,774
I don't hear the
pitter-patter of little feet.
108
00:04:44,877 --> 00:04:46,510
Where are the loud, small things?
109
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,012
Oh, it's really funny.
110
00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:50,080
One of the mothers
111
00:04:50,149 --> 00:04:51,882
mentioned an indoor water park in passing
112
00:04:51,984 --> 00:04:53,450
and so I shoved Mark into her van
113
00:04:53,552 --> 00:04:54,918
as they were rolling away.
114
00:04:56,177 --> 00:04:57,376
What about Harris?
115
00:04:57,738 --> 00:04:58,803
I know where
one of them is.
116
00:04:58,905 --> 00:05:00,138
Why don't you give me a break?
117
00:05:02,142 --> 00:05:04,142
Hey. Where are you going?
118
00:05:04,244 --> 00:05:05,410
You know what? Just because I live here
119
00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:06,544
does not mean you have the right
120
00:05:06,613 --> 00:05:08,313
to ask what I'm doing or where I'm going.
121
00:05:08,382 --> 00:05:10,448
I'll go wherever I want
and do whatever I want.
122
00:05:10,484 --> 00:05:11,850
Okay.
123
00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:13,920
But seriously, where are you going?
124
00:05:15,223 --> 00:05:16,222
Alright, fine.
125
00:05:16,291 --> 00:05:18,224
I got a job interview
at Build-A-Bear.
126
00:05:20,377 --> 00:05:22,544
I-I guess it's between me
and some high-school kid.
127
00:05:22,569 --> 00:05:23,768
Fingers crossed.
128
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,340
Hey, Dan.
129
00:05:28,408 --> 00:05:30,516
Did you know you can go on the Internet
130
00:05:30,541 --> 00:05:33,809
and get anybody's address
and also their phone number?
131
00:05:35,330 --> 00:05:36,663
No, but I know if you're looking for work,
132
00:05:36,732 --> 00:05:39,099
don't click on FantasyPositions.com.
133
00:05:40,803 --> 00:05:42,144
There's people working, alright,
134
00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:43,568
but it ain't a job site.
135
00:05:45,633 --> 00:05:47,534
Whom are you stalking, my pet?
136
00:05:48,003 --> 00:05:49,689
That Andrea person.
137
00:05:50,491 --> 00:05:52,457
She's not getting a Conner baby.
138
00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:54,459
What are you gonna do?
139
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:57,303
I'm gonna go tell her
that Becky is 43 years old.
140
00:05:57,385 --> 00:05:59,452
And once Andrea finds out that she lied,
141
00:05:59,554 --> 00:06:01,191
that'll shut the whole thing down.
142
00:06:01,216 --> 00:06:02,295
No, you're not.
143
00:06:02,891 --> 00:06:04,390
Look...
144
00:06:04,492 --> 00:06:05,959
...neither of us wants this to happen,
145
00:06:06,027 --> 00:06:08,261
but she's a grown woman
and she's made it clear...
146
00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:09,529
We don't have anything to give her,
147
00:06:09,631 --> 00:06:11,564
so we shouldn't be standing in her way.
148
00:06:11,975 --> 00:06:14,042
Oh, so what? Now you're on her side?
149
00:06:14,110 --> 00:06:15,743
Did you see the look in her eyes
150
00:06:15,812 --> 00:06:17,045
when she thought she had the money
151
00:06:17,113 --> 00:06:18,675
for some kind of future?
152
00:06:19,308 --> 00:06:22,242
We got no right to tell
her she can't take $50,000.
153
00:06:22,311 --> 00:06:24,678
I'm
not gonna tell her.
154
00:06:24,746 --> 00:06:27,614
That's why I'm going to see
Andrea.
155
00:06:29,413 --> 00:06:30,884
No, you're not!
156
00:06:31,217 --> 00:06:32,783
You're gonna stop interfering with Becky,
157
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:34,318
and you're gonna do it now!
158
00:06:41,813 --> 00:06:43,146
Okay.
159
00:07:04,126 --> 00:07:05,926
What do you want for lunch?
160
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,360
Something that was prepared, cooked,
161
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,585
and sealed at another location.
162
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:12,798
I don't care, honey.
163
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,433
Something quick you can microwave.
164
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:15,875
I can do
that.
165
00:07:22,437 --> 00:07:23,426
Ding!
166
00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:28,396
Okay.
167
00:07:28,795 --> 00:07:30,257
Usually, the next step
168
00:07:30,257 --> 00:07:32,190
is to start monitoring your cycle
169
00:07:32,259 --> 00:07:34,692
to see when you need to
take the hormone shots
170
00:07:34,761 --> 00:07:36,961
so we can move toward fertilization...
171
00:07:37,063 --> 00:07:38,096
I can't wait.
172
00:07:38,198 --> 00:07:39,564
...but here's what I found...
173
00:07:39,799 --> 00:07:41,499
Her eggs aren't acting their age.
174
00:07:41,910 --> 00:07:44,669
Not acting their age in a good way, like...
175
00:07:44,771 --> 00:07:46,204
like Cher?
176
00:07:48,365 --> 00:07:50,241
The eggs are poor quality.
177
00:07:50,694 --> 00:07:51,826
You may be 33,
178
00:07:51,895 --> 00:07:54,700
but you have the eggs
of a much older woman.
179
00:07:55,332 --> 00:07:56,698
What does that mean?
180
00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:58,479
I can still have a baby, right?
181
00:07:58,805 --> 00:08:00,271
Even with interventions,
182
00:08:00,373 --> 00:08:03,241
I'd say you have less than a 5% chance
183
00:08:03,343 --> 00:08:04,488
of ever getting pregnant.
184
00:08:05,772 --> 00:08:07,571
I know you've both been
looking forward to this.
185
00:08:07,673 --> 00:08:08,853
I'm sorry.
186
00:08:09,509 --> 00:08:10,851
I'll give you all a minute.
187
00:08:18,714 --> 00:08:21,127
Look, Becky, I really appreciate
everything you've done.
188
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,194
It's just...
189
00:08:22,194 --> 00:08:23,758
- I'm not getting any younger.
- Sure.
190
00:08:26,432 --> 00:08:28,899
Well, I guess there's really
nothing else left to say.
191
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:29,967
Yeah.
192
00:08:33,773 --> 00:08:35,572
I think we're just gonna
sit here for a moment,
193
00:08:35,675 --> 00:08:37,003
kind of take all this in.
194
00:08:37,028 --> 00:08:38,027
Mm.
195
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:39,431
I understand. Please.
196
00:08:43,549 --> 00:08:44,715
I guess we just walk away
197
00:08:44,817 --> 00:08:46,350
with the things we brought
into the relationship.
198
00:08:46,452 --> 00:08:48,319
But there's also things
we've given each other
199
00:08:48,421 --> 00:08:50,054
that remain with us forever.
200
00:08:51,457 --> 00:08:52,489
Okay, look, I feel terrible,
201
00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:53,824
but I really have to have the egg back.
202
00:08:53,926 --> 00:08:55,059
It's too soon. She'll send it to you.
203
00:08:55,161 --> 00:08:57,261
No, here. It doesn't matter anyway.
204
00:08:57,363 --> 00:08:58,629
Ahhhhhh.
205
00:09:01,470 --> 00:09:03,032
Good luck with everything, Becky.
206
00:09:03,135 --> 00:09:04,796
Yeah, yeah, you too.
207
00:09:05,304 --> 00:09:06,546
Oh, Becky.
208
00:09:07,139 --> 00:09:09,173
I am so sorry.
209
00:09:09,275 --> 00:09:10,457
You alright?
210
00:09:10,876 --> 00:09:12,183
I don't know.
211
00:09:13,179 --> 00:09:14,578
I think I need a minute.
212
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,647
Yes. Take all the time you need.
213
00:09:24,077 --> 00:09:27,162
Okay, um, you're gonna be mad at me.
214
00:09:27,547 --> 00:09:29,998
I took Becky to the fertility doctor today.
215
00:09:30,023 --> 00:09:32,390
But it's okay. She's not
going through with it anymore.
216
00:09:32,415 --> 00:09:33,347
Really?
217
00:09:33,450 --> 00:09:35,083
Thank God. How'd you talk her out of it?
218
00:09:35,151 --> 00:09:37,285
I didn't. The doctor said the
odds of her getting pregnant
219
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,386
are slim to none.
220
00:09:38,455 --> 00:09:40,888
Fantastic. How'd you get him to say that?
221
00:09:40,957 --> 00:09:42,258
No.
222
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:44,609
Roseanne, it's for real.
223
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:46,670
Her eggs are too old.
224
00:09:47,633 --> 00:09:49,566
So you mean she can never have a baby?
225
00:09:49,591 --> 00:09:50,616
Ah, damn.
226
00:09:50,736 --> 00:09:52,035
Hello?
227
00:09:52,104 --> 00:09:53,870
I'm only here to pick up my laundry.
228
00:09:53,939 --> 00:09:56,200
Let her tell you, Roseanne, okay?
229
00:09:59,357 --> 00:10:00,451
Hey, Becky.
230
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,501
Jackie told us everything.
231
00:10:05,401 --> 00:10:06,448
Aunt Jackie!
232
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,106
Roseanne!
233
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,440
We are not discussing this.
234
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:10,842
You don't know what I'm gonna say.
235
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,310
Yes, I do.
236
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,071
You're gonna tell me how
happy you are about this.
237
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,515
I'm happy that you're
not giving a baby away,
238
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:19,317
if that's what you mean,
but that's not what I...
239
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,152
And then you're gonna
tell me how wrong I was
240
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,024
and how I lied and it blew up in my face.
241
00:10:24,049 --> 00:10:25,990
I'm getting punished enough, Mother.
242
00:10:26,443 --> 00:10:27,609
I'm not getting the house,
243
00:10:27,678 --> 00:10:30,011
so I have to take Armani
back to the rescue.
244
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,546
God knows what's gonna happen to him.
245
00:10:31,615 --> 00:10:32,847
- Can you just let me talk?
- And you're just...
246
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:34,738
No! I know what you're gonna say.
247
00:10:34,789 --> 00:10:36,723
"Becky made another stupid decision.
248
00:10:36,791 --> 00:10:38,558
Mom was right. Mom's always right".
249
00:10:38,660 --> 00:10:39,948
Becky, let your mom talk.
250
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,939
No. She said plenty.
251
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:43,307
Now you're getting all riled up
252
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:44,709
and you're not even listening.
253
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:47,011
Well, now you know how I
feel about you all the time.
254
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,546
I've learned in most fights,
255
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:49,886
people just aren't clear enough...
256
00:10:49,911 --> 00:10:52,610
You are a selfish, old woman!
257
00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:54,117
Okay, good. That's...
258
00:10:56,412 --> 00:10:58,863
You don't know what it
was like sitting there,
259
00:10:59,616 --> 00:11:00,948
hearing what they said.
260
00:11:01,017 --> 00:11:02,432
You weren't there.
261
00:11:03,119 --> 00:11:04,385
You don't care about me.
262
00:11:04,487 --> 00:11:05,887
I do care!
263
00:11:06,128 --> 00:11:07,728
That's why I wanted you to keep that baby
264
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:10,931
so you could experience all
the
joys of motherhood
265
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,466
that I'm feeling right now.
266
00:11:13,569 --> 00:11:15,469
And we still have stuff to talk about.
267
00:11:15,571 --> 00:11:17,905
Oh, look, you're finally
wrong about something.
268
00:11:18,007 --> 00:11:19,139
Becky!
269
00:11:20,384 --> 00:11:21,535
Damn it!
270
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:23,193
She'll come around, Roseanne.
271
00:11:23,261 --> 00:11:24,627
It's been a bad day.
272
00:11:24,730 --> 00:11:25,995
Yeah.
273
00:11:26,098 --> 00:11:27,728
And I made it worse.
274
00:11:28,467 --> 00:11:31,134
I need you to go back to that rescue place
275
00:11:31,159 --> 00:11:33,531
and get Becky's dog back.
276
00:11:34,017 --> 00:11:35,216
It's the least I can do.
277
00:11:35,286 --> 00:11:36,552
Why can't you go?
278
00:11:36,621 --> 00:11:38,618
I have an Uber run!
279
00:11:40,224 --> 00:11:42,491
She can't keep it at her apartment.
280
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:46,062
I know. That's why you need
to keep it at
your place
281
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,130
so she can take it later.
282
00:11:48,232 --> 00:11:49,865
I'm getting a dog?!
283
00:11:55,827 --> 00:11:56,793
Hey.
284
00:11:56,818 --> 00:11:58,451
Hey, Jackie, look what I found.
285
00:11:58,553 --> 00:12:00,666
It's a leash for Armani.
286
00:12:00,922 --> 00:12:01,987
DJ used to use it
287
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,423
when he took his blanket out for a walk.
288
00:12:06,825 --> 00:12:10,193
They'd rather put Armani
down than let me love him.
289
00:12:10,295 --> 00:12:12,262
They said that I wasn't fit to rescue him.
290
00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:14,631
What? Why would they say that?
291
00:12:14,909 --> 00:12:16,409
You're the perfect match.
292
00:12:16,477 --> 00:12:19,111
You have no one to love
and no one to love you.
293
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:20,414
Right?
294
00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:22,014
And then they said I was too old
295
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:23,549
and I should get a senior dog
296
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,418
so he wouldn't have to
go through the trauma
297
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,186
of grieving my death.
298
00:12:30,568 --> 00:12:31,858
Are they still open?
299
00:12:32,194 --> 00:12:33,219
Yeah.
300
00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:34,426
Let's go.
301
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:38,197
I just got a text from Becky.
302
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:39,298
Where is she?
303
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,543
She's at work. She told me what happened.
304
00:12:41,598 --> 00:12:43,965
And according to the text,
she's "wasted as duck."
305
00:12:47,143 --> 00:12:49,136
I'm gonna head over there.
Where are you guys going?
306
00:12:49,239 --> 00:12:51,139
To that stupid rescue place.
307
00:12:51,241 --> 00:12:52,741
We're getting Becky's dog back.
308
00:12:52,843 --> 00:12:53,942
I was gonna keep him for Becky,
309
00:12:54,044 --> 00:12:55,577
and they rejected me.
310
00:12:56,847 --> 00:12:59,014
Why? You'd be perfect. You're so lonely.
311
00:12:59,116 --> 00:13:01,216
You got so much free time on your hands.
312
00:13:01,318 --> 00:13:02,450
Your house is empty.
313
00:13:02,552 --> 00:13:04,019
Sometimes you don't talk
to people for days...
314
00:13:04,121 --> 00:13:06,184
Don't bother, Darlene!
315
00:13:06,657 --> 00:13:08,690
I already comforted her.
316
00:13:12,351 --> 00:13:14,897
Hey, girl. Mind if I sit
down and catch up to you?
317
00:13:14,922 --> 00:13:18,924
Mm. Emilio, a margarita
and three shots of Cuervo.
318
00:13:20,461 --> 00:13:22,944
Oh, good. I was worried I
didn't have plans tomorrow,
319
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,002
and now I know I'll be projectile vomiting.
320
00:13:26,086 --> 00:13:28,419
Well, I'll be working here tomorrow
321
00:13:28,488 --> 00:13:29,787
and the rest of my life,
322
00:13:30,118 --> 00:13:33,086
listening to white people
order "fah-jee-tas".
323
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,157
Let me give you some advice
324
00:13:38,226 --> 00:13:40,193
from a 40-year-old
woman with two kids
325
00:13:40,261 --> 00:13:41,561
who still lives at her parents' house,
326
00:13:41,629 --> 00:13:42,729
that was just told this afternoon
327
00:13:42,797 --> 00:13:44,397
she's not
"Build-A-Bear" material.
328
00:13:45,611 --> 00:13:46,643
I have a better idea.
329
00:13:46,745 --> 00:13:48,111
Put one of these in your mouth.
330
00:13:51,216 --> 00:13:52,569
Goodbye, Wednesday.
331
00:13:57,723 --> 00:14:00,490
Ugh. The Conner sisters are failing!
332
00:14:02,446 --> 00:14:04,046
How did we get here?
333
00:14:04,148 --> 00:14:05,214
How about this?
334
00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:06,709
You tell me what's wrong with me
335
00:14:06,777 --> 00:14:08,521
and I'll tell you what's wrong with you.
336
00:14:09,213 --> 00:14:11,058
That's a
terrible idea.
337
00:14:11,515 --> 00:14:12,748
Okay, my turn.
338
00:14:14,231 --> 00:14:17,365
You still act like you're in your 20s.
339
00:14:17,434 --> 00:14:19,234
You go out and get "lit".
340
00:14:19,303 --> 00:14:23,143
You've shopped at Forever 21
for at least
two 21s.
341
00:14:24,212 --> 00:14:26,079
Oh, and you take bathroom selfies.
342
00:14:26,181 --> 00:14:27,581
Ooh! Let's take one.
343
00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:30,450
I can put whiskers on you
and make you look like a cat.
344
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,219
Ready...
345
00:14:34,590 --> 00:14:36,690
Now your drink looks like a cat.
346
00:14:36,758 --> 00:14:39,793
Aww, it's a Meow-garita.
347
00:14:42,201 --> 00:14:43,797
Holy crap, we're different.
348
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:48,568
Hello? You're still open, right?
349
00:14:50,938 --> 00:14:53,243
Excuse me,
ma'am.
350
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:56,355
I don't know what your problem is,
351
00:14:56,457 --> 00:14:59,591
but this woman would be a
damn good owner for that dog.
352
00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:01,993
And it's not fair that
you just took it away.
353
00:15:02,096 --> 00:15:03,095
Like I said earlier,
354
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:05,497
we have rules to protect the dog.
355
00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:07,069
What if your sister dies?
356
00:15:07,094 --> 00:15:09,101
I'll be sad, but I'll move on.
357
00:15:10,757 --> 00:15:12,189
We have nothing else to talk about here.
358
00:15:12,292 --> 00:15:13,257
Come on!
359
00:15:13,359 --> 00:15:15,526
This woman wants a dog,
360
00:15:15,628 --> 00:15:17,295
and that dog needs a home.
361
00:15:17,363 --> 00:15:19,784
How hard is that for you to figure out?
362
00:15:20,516 --> 00:15:22,282
I'm sorry, but there are restrictions
363
00:15:22,384 --> 00:15:23,650
on who can get a dog.
364
00:15:23,752 --> 00:15:26,620
Let's just go, Roseanne.
365
00:15:27,066 --> 00:15:27,998
Fine.
366
00:15:30,169 --> 00:15:31,702
Wait.
367
00:15:33,606 --> 00:15:36,462
Can you just let this sad, old biddy...
368
00:15:37,843 --> 00:15:40,373
...say goodbye one last time
369
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,746
to the only thing that's
shown her affection
370
00:15:42,848 --> 00:15:44,181
in a decade?
371
00:15:45,593 --> 00:15:46,992
Only if you promise you'll leave.
372
00:15:47,061 --> 00:15:48,194
We'll leave.
373
00:15:48,262 --> 00:15:50,062
We're going to a
real pet store,
374
00:15:50,131 --> 00:15:51,197
where you can buy a dog
375
00:15:51,299 --> 00:15:52,932
and do whatever you want with it!
376
00:15:54,936 --> 00:15:56,093
Okay, you have one minute.
377
00:15:56,118 --> 00:15:57,484
Oh, there you are, baby boy!
378
00:15:57,811 --> 00:16:00,211
Oh, there you are, baby!
379
00:16:00,314 --> 00:16:01,340
Ooh!
380
00:16:01,735 --> 00:16:02,801
Go, Jackie.
381
00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:05,881
What?
382
00:16:05,906 --> 00:16:07,247
We're taking the dog.
383
00:16:07,272 --> 00:16:08,295
Go!
384
00:16:09,042 --> 00:16:10,942
Hey, hey, hey! Do... Do not take that dog.
385
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,510
I will call the police.
386
00:16:12,803 --> 00:16:15,103
Do you have any idea who you're talking to?
387
00:16:15,205 --> 00:16:17,339
That is Officer Jacqueline Harris
388
00:16:17,408 --> 00:16:19,408
of the Lanford PD.
389
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,935
So go ahead and call the cops
390
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,003
and tell them their sister in blue
391
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:28,429
is saving a puppy!
392
00:16:28,531 --> 00:16:29,697
Run, Jackie!
393
00:16:34,504 --> 00:16:37,705
Alright, so how else
did I screw up my life?
394
00:16:37,807 --> 00:16:39,006
Bring it.
395
00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:40,051
Alright, hold on.
396
00:16:40,076 --> 00:16:41,509
There's a lot here to pick from.
397
00:16:41,611 --> 00:16:43,611
I feel if I start with
you "dating your teachers",
398
00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:46,440
I'm giving short shrift
to the tube-top years.
399
00:16:47,729 --> 00:16:49,495
Although I do believe
the two are connected.
400
00:16:51,332 --> 00:16:53,599
My life wasn't supposed
to turn out like this.
401
00:16:54,736 --> 00:16:56,269
Mark and I were gonna have kids.
402
00:16:57,272 --> 00:16:58,237
What?
403
00:16:58,339 --> 00:17:01,675
Yeah. We were trying. Like all the time.
404
00:17:02,110 --> 00:17:04,510
Oh, wow, Becky. I didn't know that.
405
00:17:04,907 --> 00:17:07,184
I just assumed you never wanted kids
406
00:17:07,209 --> 00:17:08,368
'cause you never had any.
407
00:17:08,393 --> 00:17:10,744
No, I just never met anyone after
408
00:17:10,846 --> 00:17:12,212
who I wanted to have them with.
409
00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:14,114
You never meet anybody,
410
00:17:14,216 --> 00:17:15,983
or you never
try to meet anybody?
411
00:17:16,051 --> 00:17:18,485
No, I just never met anybody as good.
412
00:17:18,587 --> 00:17:20,320
I have high standards.
413
00:17:23,185 --> 00:17:24,151
Really?
414
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:25,185
How many people that work here
415
00:17:25,287 --> 00:17:26,920
have you had a one-night stand with?
416
00:17:26,989 --> 00:17:28,856
Geez, you sound like my manager.
417
00:17:31,393 --> 00:17:32,993
So what if I have a little fun?
418
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,161
I'm young.
419
00:17:34,263 --> 00:17:35,229
Mm.
420
00:17:37,085 --> 00:17:39,202
You're like a young old person.
421
00:17:39,635 --> 00:17:41,101
Or like an old young person.
422
00:17:41,203 --> 00:17:43,716
You know, you're kind of...
Kind of stuck in the middle.
423
00:17:44,986 --> 00:17:46,786
I-I don't know if you can see yourself
424
00:17:46,855 --> 00:17:49,022
frozen in the same place since Mark died,
425
00:17:49,124 --> 00:17:50,456
but everybody else can.
426
00:17:52,028 --> 00:17:53,159
You know, Becky...
427
00:17:55,166 --> 00:17:57,080
it's not betraying Mark to move on.
428
00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:01,403
Oh, the Uber is here.
429
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:02,746
Should I cancel it?
430
00:18:02,796 --> 00:18:04,963
No, I should stop.
431
00:18:08,735 --> 00:18:11,369
Hey, your driver's here.
432
00:18:12,839 --> 00:18:15,674
You don't look like Allen in a Chevy Sonic.
433
00:18:16,439 --> 00:18:18,540
I know. He called me.
434
00:18:18,813 --> 00:18:19,812
We have a deal...
435
00:18:19,914 --> 00:18:21,780
He doesn't pick up my kids,
436
00:18:21,882 --> 00:18:24,973
and I don't pick up his
"drunk whore of a wife".
437
00:18:25,219 --> 00:18:27,249
His words, not mine.
438
00:18:27,655 --> 00:18:29,140
I need to sit.
439
00:18:31,646 --> 00:18:32,891
Give your mom a chance.
440
00:18:34,104 --> 00:18:35,403
Darlene, let's go pick out a song.
441
00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:37,405
We haven't danced in like forever.
442
00:18:37,474 --> 00:18:38,740
That's because it's creepy.
443
00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:43,177
I'm trying to give your mother
and your sister some space.
444
00:18:43,279 --> 00:18:44,645
Just do it.
445
00:18:50,150 --> 00:18:51,249
Well, I have a couple of things
446
00:18:51,351 --> 00:18:53,517
- I want to say...
- Mom, I can't right now.
447
00:18:55,355 --> 00:18:59,110
Sometimes, I'm a selfish, old woman.
448
00:18:59,135 --> 00:19:00,205
Okay, I can.
449
00:19:01,924 --> 00:19:03,924
I get real stubborn about what I want
450
00:19:04,026 --> 00:19:07,061
and I forget that there are other people,
451
00:19:07,163 --> 00:19:09,581
and apparently they want stuff, too.
452
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:11,332
But the point is,
453
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,345
I-I should've gone to the doctor with you.
454
00:19:15,171 --> 00:19:16,768
I should've been there for you.
455
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:22,142
Thanks,
but it wouldn't have changed anything.
456
00:19:23,415 --> 00:19:25,112
I can't have kids.
457
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:27,994
You said you didn't
want kids.
458
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:30,416
I thought I had more time.
459
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:35,912
Well, maybe the doctor's wrong.
460
00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:38,415
I had a kid in my 40s.
461
00:19:39,488 --> 00:19:41,822
It usually happens when you least expect it
462
00:19:41,923 --> 00:19:44,173
and when you're least prepared for it.
463
00:19:45,294 --> 00:19:47,527
That happened to me every single time.
464
00:19:50,121 --> 00:19:52,867
Well, one of you I wanted.
465
00:19:53,550 --> 00:19:54,585
Which one?
466
00:19:55,886 --> 00:19:56,985
You.
467
00:19:58,555 --> 00:20:00,655
Oh, I've got something I want to show you.
468
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:01,921
Look at this.
469
00:20:02,023 --> 00:20:05,491
It's your, uh, crazy Aunt Jackie
470
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,148
sharing a Popsicle with your dog.
471
00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:10,530
Oh, it's Armani!
472
00:20:10,632 --> 00:20:13,333
She's gonna keep him for
you 'til you can take him.
473
00:20:13,435 --> 00:20:15,268
They look so happy.
474
00:20:15,337 --> 00:20:16,970
Yeah, well, it's all good now
475
00:20:17,072 --> 00:20:20,206
'til Jackie starts asking
him where this is all headed.
476
00:20:21,998 --> 00:20:23,343
You want a drink, Mom?
477
00:20:23,445 --> 00:20:24,777
Oh, I shouldn't.
478
00:20:25,914 --> 00:20:26,946
Okay.
479
00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,354
Ahh.
480
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:32,885
Ooh!
481
00:20:32,988 --> 00:20:34,687
You're driving!
482
00:20:36,214 --> 00:20:38,984
Alright, I'll give it a shot,
but don't tell Mom!
483
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:46,664
How's the dog training going?
484
00:20:46,689 --> 00:20:48,022
No, we don't call it "training".
485
00:20:48,068 --> 00:20:50,129
We call it "behavior sculpting".
486
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:51,425
Watch.
487
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:52,705
Armani, sit.
488
00:20:53,296 --> 00:20:54,662
Good boy!
489
00:20:54,764 --> 00:20:57,431
See? I've taught him to
be an independent thinker,
490
00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:59,526
not just do what people tell him to do.
491
00:21:00,270 --> 00:21:02,264
So he... he's really not trained at all.
492
00:21:02,572 --> 00:21:03,815
Armani...
493
00:21:04,340 --> 00:21:05,840
do you want to lie down,
494
00:21:05,942 --> 00:21:07,842
or do you have other things to do?
495
00:21:10,246 --> 00:21:12,046
See? He's his own dog.
496
00:21:13,850 --> 00:21:15,182
Tell me to stay and watch some more.
497
00:21:15,285 --> 00:21:16,484
Stay and watch some more.
498
00:21:18,788 --> 00:21:20,045
Good job, Dan!
34151