All language subtitles for An Actor Prepares (2018)

Subtitles by explosiveskull

After his early work in the
theater in London and New York,

film audiences first
met Atticus Smith

in 1978's tense drama of
sexual mores, "Never look back."

He won a Golden globe in 1981

for his performance as a tortured
Vincent van Gogh in "Starry night."

And in 1984,
his first academy award for his role

as a shell-shocked,
suicidal army captain

the vietnam epic,
"Charlie everywhere."

He won his second
academy award for his portrayal

of a deaf mute
postman on trial for murder
in "The right to remain silent."

And just last year,
he won the hearts of a younger audience

with his strikingly
comedic performance
as a weary detective partnered up

with a drooling bloodhound
named Slobbers.

I'm talking, of course,
about the beloved comedy,

"Cops and Slobbers."

So, let's bring him out here.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Atticus Smith.

They're saying you're up.
- I know. I'm going.

I never got on very
well with my father.
#He was never much at home, but...

I remember one thing he
said on one of his rare visits,

and that was that... if you
were given a modicum of talent,

you should wear it with
a lightness and a grace.

Well, I seemed to have
failed on that score.

This is terrible.
Who wrote this?

I wrote it? Hmm...

So many friends,
so many legends.

Even people who
fired me in the past.

What I... what I
really want to say

is that I hate these awards.

I mean, lifetime achievement?

I'm not old enough. I mean,
there's some you out there

who are twice as old as me,

and you haven't had your
lifetime achievement awards.

So, let's keep going.
More friends, more films,

because, believe me,
there's life in the old dog yet.

An Actor Prepares

All right, welcome to Women in film,
"Cinema through the feminist lens."

I'm Adam... - Are you a sub?
- No, I'm not a sub, I'm your new professor.

But isn't this supposed to
be from a feminist viewpoint?

Look, feminism is more
than just women's liberation.
#It's also male liberation.

Have any of you seen
my "Anita loos" documentary?

Wasn't that at sundance
this year? - No, it came out in 2007.

What are you working on now?

It's a new documentary, it's
kind of a follow up to my last film.

It's more confrontational.

It calls out a lot of feminists
for not going far enough.

I guess it's kind of like
a trilogy, but within one film.

The second half kind of
contradicts the first half.

It's, uh...

I know, it's hard to explain out of
context.- Is Atticus Smith your dad?

I'm on your Wikipedia page. It says
he's your father. - Shut up, he's famous.

"Father" is kind of a strong
word... - You totally look like him.

He was so hot.
Did you see "Five day fuck"?

The scene
with the butterscotch?

Okay, let's not get
hung up on this, please.

Wait, it says you
were in a movie with him.

Yeah, that was, that was a long
time ago. - "Throwdown at bitch river."

You're credited
as "saloon boy."

Can we just try to get
back on the syllabus here?

Bitch river?
That sounds kind of sexist.

He was so cute!

Middle of nowhere.

August. Sun beating down.

We were shooting...
we'd been up there for six weeks

shooting
"Throwdown at bitch river."

And Dick Harris and I were cockeyed.
I mean, it was hotter than a crotch.

This is gonna make "Lord of the
rings" look like some Indie pile of crap.

I know, I know. - And I saw
him doing coke in the bathroom.

That's hilarious. That's not coke,
that's a chinese herbal supplement.

He's got to snort it through his...
did you see him snorting through his nose?

He's too old to live like this.

Dick, he pulled out
this prop colt .45,

pointed it at him. Well, the guy
went white! He was shitting himself!

He's playing god, literally.
- I know. I negotiated the deal.

Why are you talking like I don't
know what you're talking about?

You took us to the wall
on that one. - I sure did.

It felt good to fuck you.
You have a lot of money.

Hey.
- Oh.

Do you know...

my favorite child is
getting married in ten days?

Married.

Annabel, my little girl.
- You shouldn't have favorites.

Were you doing coke in the
bathroom? - That's preposterous.

Every parent has favorites.

Oh, Jesus, could you hold
this ridiculous thing for me?

My arm's hurting.
- Why does your arm hurt?

I don't know. Probably from
lifting my cock. - Okay, stop.

You can't be doing this in front of all the
studio execs, all right? - Don't be such a suit.

Your dad would be embarrassed.
- Fuck you. The game has changed.

Right. - This is your
"Game of fucking thrones",

you're not even acting like
it's anything at all. - Ow, Jesus!

You all right? Are you okay?
Stop, stop, stop, stop! Are you okay?

urology center
80s give way to 70s.

That will stay for wednesday.

So if you don't like that heat,
the relief is coming in

As we head on through this week.
Here's the extended forecast now.

There are upper 70s
tuesday and wednesday...

Before we go back to Sam,
some news just coming in.

The actor Atticus Smith has
been hospitalized in Los Angeles.

The 70-year-old, three-time
academy award-winning star

Of such films as "The language
of men" And "Four star general"

Is reportedly in stable condition
after collapsing at an event last night.

Mr. Smith was reportedly set
to start shooting the film "God",

playing the titular role.
We will keep you updated... - "God"?

Mr. Smith? - Yeah?
- The doctor will see you now.

Style, grace, power.

He's doing fine. I'm looking at him
right now. He's doing amazing. - What?

The movie doesn't even start filming
till october. - We need him healthy.

What is that? I can't hear you.
There's so much radiation here.

Can you hear me? Hello?
- I know what you're doing!

Hey, everything is great, right?
- Jimmy, stop I can hear you...

Hey, dr. Fischer? - Oh, my god.
- Dr. Fischer, what's the situation?

It's the same. Dr. Georges
probably wants to operate on him

As early as next week.
- No! No! Are you crazy?

Shh, shh, shh. - No, listen to me,
his daughter's wedding is next week.

It's the only person
he loves more than himself

And me and my dad.

What's happening?
Is he okay? - He's up.

Close the door behind you.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Would you mind telling me
where the fuck I am? - Good god.

I haven't seen legs like
that on a nurse since the 70s

when they were allowed to
wear short skirts. - I'm dr. Fischer.

Lie back. - Doctor?
- You've had a heart attack.

Take a deep breath
for me. Relax.

Jimmy!
Good god. - Easy.

There you go.

I don't believe it.
- What's going on? - Easy. Easy.

Who let that Jackass in here?
- Is he okay?

What's he doing
sleeping on a Teddy bear?

Is he hallucinating?
- I don't think so.

It's my goddamn son.

All right, I'm gonna go get him.
- I got a terrible thirst. Can I have a drink?

Yes. - Don't get
him. Don't get... oh.

Hey, Teddy bear.

Adam.
- Just little sips.

Mm.

Thank you.

You don't look that bad.

You look like
Osama Bin Laden's nutsack.

It's a beard.
- No shit.

You in pain?

Have you ever
had a heart attack?

It's like being shot in
the chest with a fat person.

Can you just answer from a scale of
one to ten instead of absurd metaphors?

Absurd?
Look, I was in Morocco

shooting "Love in the sands"
and I saw a 400-pound Arab

being shot out of a
cannon at a circus.

How'd it happen? - I don't know.
Maybe he climbed up a ladder.

Or perhaps they
lowered him in on a crane.

He's not talking about...
- It was 30 years ago for fuck's sake.

He had major
arterial blockage.

So, what, is he dying?
- Excuse my french,

But why don't you
go fuck yourself?

Yeah, I'm done.

Good.
- Oh.

These are for you, by the way.
- Thank you. - Yeah.

Men don't bring other
men flowers, by the way.

They're from Annabel, asshole.

I brought you a flagon of
whiskey and a carousel of whores!

Oh, great, great, great. Well,
show them in then, hotshot!

Easy. Stay calm.

Why'd you do that?

Well, thank god he's okay.

Yeah, well, Atticus
always seems to be okay.

Listen, I got to talk
to you about something.

What?

What?

I loathe him. I... - No.
No, no, no. Don't say that.

Do you want history to repeat itself
when we have our own little family?

Are we thinking about that?

Well, we're not...

We're not not thinking of it.

Yeah, I...

Are you okay?
You sound kind of strange.

Adam?
- Yeah. I'm...

How's the score going,
by the way? - Great. - Yeah?

Ian's amazing, like you said.

I brought your old laptop because
mine crashed. I hope you don't mind.

And, oh, I forgot how
fucking awesome crumpets are.

Mmm.

Probably gained a few stone.

I just miss you. I'm sorry.
- Just a week till Annabel's.

I love you.
- I love you, too.

So, I need this
like I need tits.

Oh, my god, I'd love to see you
with big milkies, you know what I mean?

Okay, okay, wait a
second. Wait a second.

We can't insure him. He's fired.
- He's gonna be fine, okay?

You should've brought
roses or something.

A gesture to show...
- Hey, just remember,

I can make one phone call
While I take my morning shit...

Okay. - And get any
actor i want to replace him.

You don't have to think about that.
You're not gonna have to replace him, okay?

Come on, go see him.
Come on, it's fine.

Don't touch me.
I'm coming. - Jimmy!

Jack! This is the head
honcho. It's good of you to...

I'm not gonna beat
around the bush. - Yeah?

I need to protect this
franchise. I need you healthy.

Listen, Jack,
it's just a little operation

and I'm going to be flying.
Isn't that right, doctor?

Okay, nurse will be in shortly.

Thank you, doctor. He's
gonna be great. - Thank you.

I bet she's matches and gasoline
in the sack, wouldn't you say, Jack?

I can hear you.
- You need to follow the rules.

I'm a good soldier, you
know me. - Don't be cute.

Look, sit down, sit down,
sit down, Jack.

You'll wear yourself out standing
there. - Can you keep it clean?

Yeah, sure.
- No drinking, no drugging?

Yeah... - No fucking?
- Oh, come on, I'm an old man now.

Don't dick around with me.

This isn't like it used to be
when we were young and free.

I mean, I have a responsibility
to my shareholders now.

I answer to a board,
and like it or not, so do you.

Yeah, well, all right.
I get it. No tits, toots, or sips.

I need your word, Atticus. - You have
my word! You have Jimmy's word, too.

Yeah, there's no tits, tats
or tips... there's none of it.

That's right, I mean...
come on, Jack, we go back.

We're gonna do this
show... with or without you.

Okay. - Okay, I
got to get back.

Get better. - Good of you to come.
- Thanks for coming by, Jack.

That means a lot. I appreciate it,
buddy. - Give my love to Maybelline.

Yeah, yeah.

So, dad, how are you
feeling now? Are you okay?

Sweetheart, I'm fine. I've never felt
better. You've got nothing to worry about.

Dad, come on, nothing to worry
about? You're in the hospital.

He was doing
coke! - What? - Okay.

Jesus christ, when I get out of
here I'm gonna smash your face.

Your brother is here,
unfortunately.

Do not fight with him.

You've got to keep
your stress levels down.

Are you listening to
the doctors? - Yes, yes, yes,

Dr. Fischer's got me
well under control.

She's gonna have me out

looking bright and
breezy for the wedding.

No, you need to stay put.
- What? You're gonna postpone it?

No, we can't change the date, dad.
Mom's already paid for everything.

But tell her
I'll reimburse her.

For god's sake, it's my money anyway,
technically. Your mother is a bitch.

Is dr. Fischer there? - Oh, wow.
- Dr. Fischer is always here,

Lurking. - Great,
put me on speaker.

Hi, Annabel. - Dr. Fischer,
can you tell me what happens next?

Okay, he has severe
arterial blockage.

He's gonna need surgery imminently
so this doesn't happen again.

I've spoken to our surgeon...
- And I've spoken...

I've spoken to my
surgeon in New York, dr. Zisser.

He's the best
heart surgeon in America,

probably in the world.

And he's gonna de-clog
me after the wedding

in plenty of time for the start
date on "God." Is that right, Jimmy?

If you don't die first.
- He cannot fly.

He had me look into a medical bus.
- Or a fucking ambulance while you're at it.

That's a great idea.
We can turn on the sirens!

Dr. Zisser is very good.
- Well, there we are.

I'm certainly not gonna have anybody
else cut into me, so the decision is made.

Technically, a medical bus is
possible. - So, we have a deal.

But I don't recommend...
- Jimmy can drive me. - I can't do it.

I have other clients.

Goddamn it, you're not
supposed to say you got other clients.

Adam's gonna have to drive you.
- What? No! - Are you out of your mind?

Why the fuck am I getting yelled at?
- Both of you shut up. - I'm sorry,

We're just... we were
just discussing something.

You think this horseshit between the two of
you only affects your relationship. It doesn't.

It bleeds into
absolutely everything.

Dad, the only way
that you're gonna be able

to come to this wedding
is if Adam brings you,

I want you both
there, so you decide.

Bella, you're really backing us into
a corner here. - Yeah, a big corner.

Can you put
Adam on? - Why?

She wants to talk
to me,all right?

Yeah, hang on a sec.

Adam, have I ever
asked you for anything?

Yes, many times.

Honestly, Adam,
I'm standing here,

I'm having this
conversation... in a wedding gown.

Just get over yourselves
and get him to New York.

You saved my life,

and I don't even
know your name.

It's Lucy.
- Lucy. - Mm-Hmm.

What a lovely lucy you are.
- This is clopidogrel bisulfate.

It's an antiplatelet drug.

I want you to take one every
day before the operation, okay?

It's essential.
I told your son,

Given him instructions as well.
- Can I engage on it? - Engage?

No, no.

You cannot engage
with anyone or anything.

There's no drinking, there's no
smoking, there's no fried food,

there's no sugar.
- No sugar?

You mended my heart.

It is with the heart
that we see truly.

The essentials
are invisible to the eye.

Will you stop doing
that, you asshole?

Lucy,

Sorry we didn't meet
sooner. Thank you. - Yes.

Mm, mm! Oh.

Au revoir.
- Yeah, okay, ciao.

What?

You're a very sad,
sad man, aren't you?

Oh, this place smells
like pussy. - Oh, fuck me.

I'm gonna shower up. Pour me
four fingers of scotch, will you?

No ice. - It's 8:30
in the morning.

Well, then buzz room service
and get some bloody marys

And whatever
you want to drink.

Oh.

# Figaro, Figaro,
Figaro, Figaro, Figaro

What the fuck?
- Where's room service, huh?

I didn't call them. - Why not?
- Because I was meditating. - Meditating?

I thought that went
out in the '70s.

Could you put some clothes on,
please? Your crotch is in my face.

Well, I'm sorry you didn't inherit
a dick from my side of the family.

It's a hell of a line.

Good to know you were up-close
and personal with grandpa's dick.

Damn hard to miss.

Look, trust me, I'm good. - Well,
whip it out then, let's have a look.

I'm not having a
dick contest with you.

Well, then I rest my case.

God, can you put your old
haggard cock away, please?

It looks like
a rotten banana.

Looks pretty good to me.

Certainly does the job.

Damn it, this is
Shotgun Willie's bus.

The last time I was on this bus, we
were shooting "Bloody mary morning."

Whose bus? - Willie goddamn Nelson.
- Nope. - He must be playing the bowl.

It's not Willie Nelson's
bus. This is your bus.

And that, my friend,
is Arnold, your driver.

Hey, I'll call you back.
Hey, brother. - Arnold.

It's a pleasure.
Put it there.

What chapter are you?
- Fourth. - Fourth? - Come on aboard.

Show me the sights, Arnold.
Was this Willie's bus once?

Can I talk to you for a second? - What?
Come here, I need to talk to you for a second.

Can I put the bags down?
- Are you fucking... what is going on?

The studio is fucking pissed, Ok?
They know about the entire trip.

How do they know? - Because
my assistant is a fucking dickhole

who doesn't know how
to keep his mouth shut.

That guy over there,
that is a spy sent from Jack.

He's also a nurse,
so if something goes wrong,

You can lean on him, but the only thing
you have to know, he is not on our side.

I'll be sleeping
on the couch in here.

Uh-huh. - Here's
your wardrobe in here.

Shitter in here.
- Uh-huh.

Refrigerator.
Trash. Coffee.

You got your TV, your
stereo, and surround sound.

Atticus does not
have much family, all right?

I mean, you sold him down
the river fucking years ago,

And he barely sees Annabel. - I sold
him down the river? - Yeah, you did.

He was fucking around on my
mother like the energizer bunny.

That's my fault? - He's a cocksman.
- Oh, that's an excuse now,

That he's a cocksman?
- Yes!

Why amI talking to you
about this? I'm not your shrink.

I barely even know who you are.
- You fucking probably brought it up.

I don't know why we're in this
in the first place. Calm down. Okay.

Stop, listen, okay?

The only thing in his goddamn
life that he has is his work,

and he is this
close to losing it.

So do me a favor, all right?
Take care of him.

'Cause i don't know
how much time you have left.

Do you understand
what I'm saying?

For real, do you
understand? - Yeah.

You ever been in the joint?

I did a stretch at San Quentin.
- Me, too. What'd they get you for?

Grievous bodily.

I did two nights in gen pop
for preparation for "Cross bar."

You were badass in
that, man. - I was. - Yeah.

Gut-Shanked a screw
with a toothbrush.

Ah!

Listen, man.

This kid's really jamming me up.

Could you get me some booze
and maybe a little bit of... you know?

I've got 15 years clean.
- What do you mean?

Clean and sober.

15... why?

Best thing i ever done, brother.
- Oh, come on, cut the crap.

I don't know what they're paying you...
- Not happening. - I'll double it.

The studio gives
me stuntman work.

You have any fucking idea
how much that pays in residuals?

"It came to pass
after the death of Abraham,

God blessed his son Isaac.

Isaac Dwelt by the..."
- Are you reading the bible?

Yeah.
- Why?

Preparation.

For what? Death?

It's research.

There's more to playing God
than learning the fucking lines.

Can you get porn on that?
- One could, I don't.

Let's have a look, come on.

Here, give me the...
what do you press?

I'm looking at mark
and Annabel's wedding registry.

Mark.

What's Mark's background?

He was a jock.
He used to play for the Cubs.

He used to be their
star pitcher or something.

He retired a few years ago. - Yeah,
yeah, I don't need the whole biography.

I mean...

Is he full of shit?

I don't know.

He sent me a birthday
card on my birthday.

I mean, what sort
of dipshit does that?

He wanted to be nice
to his future father-In-law.

My God, what an asshole.

Do you trust him?

I need to tell you something.

Yeah?

Arnold...
- Arnold, yeah.

... the studio sent
him to spy on you.

No shit, really?

What, you knew?

I'm hip to it.
- "Hip to it?" - Yeah.

I can read people, me.

That's a laugh.

$350 for a jam jar?

Jesus, it's obscene. - Well,
what do you care? You're rich.

Yeah, well I'm, not going to shell
out that sort of money for a jam jar.

And forgive my asking, but
doesn't jam already come in a jar?

What do you
do by the way, eh?

For a living?

Seriously, you
don't know what I do?

Well...

maybe I forgot.

I'm a documentarian.
- No!

I make documentaries
about women in film.

Why have you never
interviewed me? I love women.

Ha!

"Ha"?

What does "ha" mean?

Whoa, this is a great campsite. You
used to love camping when you were little.

You never took me
camping. - I did. - No.

I did. - No, you didn't. - Well,
your mother did. - No, she didn't.

Well, she should have done.

They say there are bears here.
- We in bear country? - Yeah.

We sure are.
Don't wander off.

They'll rip you apart.

Yeah?

I fucking hate bears.

They'll eat you up.

Jesus!

Porn's so fucking
extreme these days.

You need to take your pills.

Smacking a woman with the tip of the old
white snake doesn't do it for me, I'll tell ya.

This is like basketball.

Have you got any salve?
I chafe like a chalkboard.

You're not masturbating
with my ipad.

Give it back to me...
- Nope, nope. You can bugger off.

Atticus give it back, please.

Here we are.
Nice cup of tea.

Thanks.
- Hmm, don't mention it.

"Seven angry women."

"A study in 17 parts

on the guiding principle
of the female spirit."

Is this what you're working on?

What do you think?

Well, it's not
a very catchy title.

Well, it's not supposed
to be catchy.

I mean, it's post-post
modernist docu-feminist criticism, so...

Post-what?

You wouldn't understand.
- Yes, but would anybody?

It's a bit muddled.

Oh, shit,
you're right, Atticus.

Your two-second visual
snatch of my work must be right.

I mean, that's 8 years
of my life. 8 years of my life.

But you think it's muddled.

You know what? Fuck it.
Maybe I'll just chuck it, right?

It was just an observation.
- Yeah, thanks for that.

Touchy.

There's a bear in the back! There's
a bear! - Shit, are you kidding me?

There's a bear in the back! - Ah!
In the back of the bus! In the back of the bus!

There's a bear!
There's a bear!

Oh, Jesus.
What time is it?

Hey, where's Atticus?
- I'm here.

Where the hell's Arnold?

I killed him. - What?
- Choked him to death in his sleep,

Buried him under a teepee.
- What are you talking about?

He jumped ship.
- Well, now I gotta call Jimmy.

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
- No. - Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam.

Son...

Listen, I wasn't going
to tell you this,

I didn't want to
lay it on you, but...

you're being such
an asshole, I've got to.

No, wait.

Like Jimmy said, maybe you and
I should get to know each other.

Oh, god.
- Make up.

Put things right between us.

Oh, this should be good.
I'm all ears, Atticus.

What kind of things?

Well, you know, things.
I mean...

Well, I can't think
of anything...

that I can... it's hard to know
where to start. I mean, um...

Wow, that was beautiful.

Thank you. - What I'm
trying to say, listen to me,

I'm trying...

I mean, we hardly know
each other. It's been 15 years.

I'm gonna be gone soon.
- Oh, Jesus.

It's not that I...
the hell did you just do?

Asshole!

I threw your phone
out of the window.

What the fuck, Atticus? I need my
phone! I'm expect... - Oh, calm down.

No, I need my fucking phone! - What's
so important about your phone anyway?

I have to call Clemmy.

Who's Clammy?
- Clem, my partner.

Oh. That's a surprise.

How long have you
two guys been together?

Oh, very funny.
She's my girlfriend.

Well, why don't you say that?
- Because I don't like to infantilize her, all right?

She's not a girl.
She's a woman.

Not that you know the difference...
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Vegas, 21 miles.
- Oh...

Well! - We're
not going to Vegas!

We better get some breakfast, build up
our strength, it's gonna be one hell of a night.

You think there's sugar
in the oatmeal? - Probably.

I loved you
in "Deep stack Johnson."

Did you? - Yeah!
- Thank you. I played a gambler.

He did. - Hmm.
- I was quite good actually.

I'll have the breakfast
plate combo and some f...

No, hash browns and, um...

A couple of those apple things.
- Do you want me to biggy-size that for you?

Absolutely. I haven't
got any cash. You...

Of course. - Do you
want a coffee? - No.

Oatmeal.
- Oatmeal. Okay.

Can I just point out, you're
supposed to be eating healthy,

not clogging up that
filthy black heart of yours?

This is eggs, potato,

sausage.
- Whatever.

I'm not your mother.

My mother drank two dry
martinis every night till she was 96,

and she's your grandmother.
- Yeah, I kinda put that together.

Mm, this is so good.

There's definitely sugar
in this. - You used to love sugar.

Yeah, well, sugar's poison.

See, we're basically being sodomized
by monsanto right now. - I used to slip

a packet of M&Ms into your schoolbag,
remember? When your mother wasn't looking.

Put that in the plus
column, would you?

You know that wasn't
bullshit about feeling old.

This could be
the end of the line.

Look, after the operation,
you'll probably be humping

Some extra's leg in
no time. - No, come on.

Those big operations,
you know...

They really fuck you up.

You're aging. It happens.

We're basically all
just born to die.

I happen to think
that we're born to live.

Oh, that's profound.

Well, listen, I've got
five nights left.

Five nights before
we get to the wedding.

And they cut me open, and...
God knows what will happen.

This is like the last flight of
the shuttle before they retire it.

Oh, god. This could be my last run.
- Please stop talking in metaphors.

You're either for
me or against me.

And god help you
if you're against me.

Jesus, watch it.
- Hey! - Thanks very much.

Who's driving?

How long have I been asleep?

A couple hours.

What? A couple of hours?
Jesus.

Must have needed it.

Have we passed Vegas?
- Yep.

Oh, God.
Pull off at the next exit.

We've got to turn
the bus around and go back.

Sorry, papa bear,
house always wins.

You know, you
used to be a good actor.

Had great promise.

I don't know why
you walked away from it.

Oh, I wonder why.

Mm, so did I.

Lack of balls, boy.
- You're a terrible father.

Oh, come on. For Christ's
sake, lay off me, can't you?

I got one foot in the grave,
I'm living on borrowed time.

Yeah, well, we all are.

Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing
in the world if we did some bonding.

Okay.

How do you want to start?
Should we have a hug in?

What was your father like?

Oh, Jesus Christ,
You're gonna start there? - What?

I was 4 when he died. I barely
knew him. - Yeah, well, well, let's just...

say he was difficult to
talk to and leave it at that.

Did he see any of your
movies? - Well, I don't know.

Do you think he was
proud of you at least?

Where are you
going with this?

Why are you so uncomfortable
talking about your father?

I'm not...

Hey, hey, hey,
we got a situation.

Oh! Hello!
Hey, sweetheart.

Whoa! Ha!

Hi, girlies.
Honk the horn.

I'm not gonna honk the horn.
- Hey! Honk the horn. Honk the horn.

No.
- They waved at me!

Go on, honk the horn.
- No.

Go faster.
#Hit them! Hit them! - No!

Go on, just hit them!
- No! - Just hit them.

Honk the horn and hit them.
- Stop. Stop! - Oh, Jesus.

They're getting away.

We lost them.

That would have been
a great way to bond.

Hey.

I love you.
- What?

Nothing.

Don't go anywhere
because when we return...

I can't believe
we're watching this crap

Sitting in the back
of a fucking bus

In a sears parking lot.

It's a walmart.
- Well, whatever.

I'm supposed to be a star.

I haven't lived in these cramped
conditions since I was in the army.

You were never in the army.

Well, I made so many army
films, I might as well have been.

Listen, I'm gonna
go on a pizza run.

Hi, mr. Smith.
This is dr. Khazar's office.

Calling to set up a follow-up
appointment. Please call us...

Hey. - Hey. Oh, my god.
I'm so sorry I haven't called.

Atticus threw my
phone out the window.

Why are you
researching urologists?

What?

God, I can't believe you're
researching vasectomies again.

Hang on a second, why were
you looking at my search history?

Isn't that kind of a breach of trust?
- You don't you think that clandestine

vasectomy research
is more of a breach?

Vasectomies? - Adam, i thought you
were over this. I thought we were over this.

Are you trying to avoid
having kids with me?

No. No.
- Really?

'Cause it seems like it.

Look, I'm not...
- Listen, I have to concentrate

on my documentary
for the next few days.

Let's just talk at
Annabel's wedding, okay?

I mean, I can't believe
we're back here again.

I promise I won't research
vasectomies anymore, okay?

Hey, Clem, we're going
to do a mix of the first cue.

I gotta go. I'm in the
recording studio. - Okay.

I love you.
- You, too. Bye.

I thought of
tying my nuts once.

Before you were born.

Of course, if I had, I
wouldn't have had your sister.

I'm all for it.

I think...
i think they can be great.

If you want... my two cents.

I'm not very good
at advice, I'm afraid.

Do you ever
shut the fuck up?

# To my

# Aching glow

# You got a hold of me now

# How you rendered

# Slow

# But hotter than
hell to my burn

# I'm looking for
my old mans' shoes

# I'm kicking off
these old town blues

Oh...
# Don't leave me here

# 'Cause I just won't survive

Do you think he has to shout?

"Abraham, give me a son!"

He should have gravitas. He
wouldn't have to shout, God, would he?

He'd have someone to relay it
for him. Perhaps he could telephone.

But, I mean, if you did, then you
could have, you could hear Abraham

Replying through the... you
know, that sort of telephone voice.

That would be quite
modern, wouldn't it?

# He's the spirit
of a young man mourning

# But like the shadow
of a carving knife

# He's not the danger,
but the warning sign

# And we're kicking off easy

# Hey

# Oh, I can't seem to move

# I'm paralyzed

# I'm choking
on my holy mood...

Wow, I haven't been here
since we shot "Throwdown."

I can't believe you
kept it all these years.

This is where
I want to be buried.

I'll have to throw a
rock through the window.

I don't know...
where I left the keys.

We should maybe...

Bobby must have opened it up.
I'll see if he's turned on the water.

Atticus?

Fuck it.

You should come in, Adam. I can't
believe the old cooch pot is still working.

It's beautiful. - You're
drinking? - A little aperitif.

What's the matter with you? You
can't even wait till the operation?

Have you ever seen
a red-throated loon?

They're very rare...
and they're very shy.

And I think...

That's one sitting on the
branch over there. Have a look.

You know what?
Throw your life away.

Everyone should be so
lucky, right? - Adam, come on.

I'm half irish
for fuck's sake.

Anyway, isn't there some kind
of rule about drinking in hot tubs?

Yes, there is.
It says "do it."

I think that's a bald eagle.

I once shot a bald eagle.

Never forgiven myself for it.

Why did you cheat on mom?

Why did you have
to go and tell her?

I didn't fucking tell her.

Oh, come on, Adam,
it's 15 years ago.

Surely, you've got the
balls to fess up to it by now.

You know what? Believe
whatever you want. I know.

You screwed me financially.

You fucked up the family.
- Oh, I fucked up the family? - Yeah.

You know what? Take some
responsibility for what you've done.

You know, you go
around, you hurt people,

you don't know how
it eats them up inside.

Are you talking about yourself?

Yes, of course I am! - Well, why
are you using the third person?

Don't do that.
It's very confusing.

Why am I even bothering
having a conversation with you?

You're incapable of
talking like a human being

because you're a hollow
husk of a man. - Just cool it.

Just enjoy the evening.
- Oh, go fuck yourself

Live in the world, not in your
own bloody head all the time!

Son of a bitch.

Jimmy, it's Adam.

Hey, you don't
fuck with an angel.

You trying to get us
on their shit list?

Now I got to worry
about the stuntmen's union?

Do you have any idea
what you're doing right now?

Atticus did all that,
all right?

He drugged me, then he
threw my phone out the window.

You know what, Jimmy? You need to get
here now. - You gotta get your shit together!

Sorry, I'm...
I'm at a dog show right now.

There's a dog named
Mickey on my lap right now

That smells like chanel,
and my nerves are frayed, man.

Jack just called and said he's
inches away from replacing Atticus

With Donald Sutherland
for God. - I like Donald Sutherland.

What are you... whose side are you on?
Look, I booked him on Charlie's show.

It'll be good, the studio will see
it, and feel like everything is okay.

Yeah, well, he's not okay, all right?
He's drinking like a madman.

My god, then pull the bottle out of his mouth!
- And he's eating a bunch of sugar.

Then feed him diabetic
cookies! - Look, Jimmy...

There's a lot of uncertainty in
my life. I don't know if I can do this.

Listen the only thing
you have to do,

The only thing, is make sure
he gets there clean, sober and alive.

My dog is missing a leg.
I got a three-legged dog

and he's about to
compete in an obstacle course.

A piece of the obstacle course is
literally him jumping through hoops.

Hoop after hoop after hoop.

Do you hear me?
Tell me you're gonna man up!

All right, just get it done, okay?
Good-Bye. Good-Bye.

I want another drink.

Just get me another bottle.

We don't have another drink.

You're a rat.
You're a rat, you are.

What goes on set,
stays on set.

You ought to remember that.
If i teach you anything...

If i teach you anything,
it's that. You're a rat.

You're... go fucking...
go in a hole,

Your rat hole.

Age cannot wither her,

Nor custom stale.

Ah.

I had my first kiss in this car.

Ellie the makeup girl.
I was 15, she was 25.

Yeah.

I paid her a 100 $
to take your virginity.

Wait, what?

She told me
you chickened out.

Bit rude considering
it was a gift.

Come on, let's shit,
shower and shave.

We're wasting daylight.

Ah-ha!
Yeah, she's like a lion!

Put them on the backseat.

Oh, and just for the record,

I did lose my virginity

In the backseat of this
car with Ellie and Isabel.

Yeah, that Isabel.

Good God.

Well, I never knew
that we crossed swords.

With my Isabel? Ah.

Nice work, saloon boy.

# Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh

# Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

# All i got
# All i lost

# I got nothing
said nothing to complain about

# Said oh, oh, hey

# That's right
And I ain't

# Got nothing I can't drop

# To watch the light
on and through the day

# Changing lanes

# Till I hitch a ride
for heaven

# And nothing that I
gain coffee in the rain

# Everything the same

# But life is good...

Hey, it's Clem.
Please leave a message.

Shit.

Hmm.

You know, that might
qualify as the best shit of my life.

Oh, Jesus, you're disgusting.
- Is that my phone?

That is private and
very personal property.

Clementine's not
picking up my calls.

Well, she probably
doesn't want to talk to you.

It wouldn't surprise me.
You did lie to her. - I didn't lie to her.

No?

It's complicated.
- All right.

Well, look, you drive,
all right?

That dump's exhausted me.
But don't get used to it.

Seat belt.
- Fuck off.

240 North van Buren.

God, if this book could talk.
- Are you sure this is a good idea?

Absolutely.
- Who is she?

She was a caterer
on a serial killer movie I did

to pay for the divorce you caused.
- Did you have sex with her?

Does the pope have a balcony?
- Why'd I even ask? - Number 60.

Great.

Wow.
- Oh, this is so wrong.

Oh, yeah.

You wait till you see her.

Hel...

Oh, my god. What are you...
no, I never thought I'd see you again.

Well, well, you're a sight for
sore eyes. - What is he doing? Mm!

Whoa. - Hey. Uh, hello.
- This is my son, Adam.

Remember? I told you
about him. - Oh, Adam, yes.

Apple of your eye. Hi. - Did I
say that? - Yes, you did say that.

No, I didn't.
- You did say that.

Who are you?

Christ, that's not mine is it?

It? She is eight, And I
haven't seen you in 13 years.

Oh, thank god.

You married a damn fine beautiful
woman, D.D. Look at her. Look at her.

Stop. - Oh, hey, now, ain't that the
truth? How do you know each other?

Well, we worked...
- We were lovers.

Shit.

Look, I think
we should be honest.

I try to be truthful
in my life, and...

It was a long time ago,
but we lay together.

You know, I am going
to go check on the food.

Honey, Eliza, why don't
you come with me sweetie?

Yeah, well...

it takes a real man...

to say what you
just said to me...

in my own home.

I respect that.

And...

I loved you in "Jive ass."

Oh, wow!

You're a generous man, D.D.

Your father is one
talented bastard.

Yeah.

D.D., listen,
you're a man of the cloth.

A deacon. Would you
let me pick your brains?

Oh, by all means. - You see,
I'm on a quest, I'm on a journey,

I'm trying
to get closer to God.

I'm trying to
get inside God.

God's a woman. - Yeah,
she may well be, but...

Oh, she may well
be, huh? She is.

What I'm really interested in

Is whether you can
give me any advice

Of the spiritual sort,

I mean,
pearls before swine.

Swine.

I'd be very honored
to listen to it.

Well...

the spirit is like a river.

And all you need to do

is get out of its way and just
let that river flow through you.

Just flow.
- Flow.

That's all there is to it.

You're a wise man. - No,
I'm just a man, just like you.

I hope everyone likes steak.

Oh, he's a vegetarian, but just
throw him some mashed potato.

Oh, man, I never understood
vegetarians. - Nor me, D.D.

This looks great.
Goodness me.

I have to tell you,

The road gives you
an appetite. - Yes.

Bless, this food, oh, Lord,

for our use,
and us to thy service,

and keep us ever
mindful of those in need.

And bless our new friends
you have brought to this table

in love and friendship.

In Jesus' name, amen.
- Amen. - Amen.

We bow our heads,

Great and all-knowing Father,

to praise thee
for thy bounty,

represented today

as meat, mashed potato

and sweet fruit.
Hosanna in the Highest.

Amen.
- Amen.

Tell me,

is there a four
seasons or a red roof inn?

Yes, we have a...
- No, no, no, no!

You'll stay with us.

No. No, we couldn't
possibly impose.

The twins are over-nighting
at their friend Joel's house,

so you can take their room.
- You have twins?

Yes, twins.
- Age? - Oh, no, no.

Oh, they're babies.
- Yes.

Well...
- Yeah.

That's enormously generous.

He's your father, Adam.
Start acting like it.

Just because he's your father
doesn't mean he has to be mine.

I don't have time for your
chickenshit daddy issues, I'm getting...

You need to open your
eyes to this whole paradigm

I'm trying to lay out for you, which
is our father's the goddamn antichrist.

Okay, I'm getting
married in a few days.

Oh, you gotta go? - I gotta go.
- Fine, I don't care. I gotta go, I'm busy.

I don't have time for this.

I mean, those beds,
I hibernated like a bear.

I didn't even turn over,
i was so comfy and cozy.

Anybody would like
some fresh...

What does "A.C." stand for?

I believe it stands for anti-Christ, Eliza.
Can you pass the grits, please?

Thank you.

Your call has been forwarded to
an automatic voice messaging service.

It's natural, isn't it, to be worried
about bringing a child into this world

where there's global warming,
there's overpopulation?

I think those are just excuses. - Polar
bears floating around on tiny fucking icecaps,

That's excuses? No, that's
down to your generation.

Who am I, Henry Ford?

I bet you voted for Ronald Reagan.
- I did not. He's a terrible actor.

I didn't vote for him.
I've never voted for anybody.

My God, your
apathy is unbelievable.

Do you want
my advice or not?

Fine. - Do what I do,
follow your true nature.

You should take what you've
learned from Clammy and move on.

I mean, we learn more
from our mistakes

than from our
successes, you know?

So what did you learn
from "Five day fuck"?

Well, now, that was
a successful film,

artistically speaking,
so I didn't learn very much.

Keep your eye out for a pharmacy,
I need to buy some astringent.

Why?

Whoa, that's a big guy.

You know, you could
learn something from him.

He's larger than life,

He's his own man...

And he's jolly.
- Hey.

He's a strongman
made of vegetables.

Okay, I'll give you that.
- I don't give a fuck.

Oh, God.

I'm just trying to
cheer you up a bit!

No, Samuel, this does
not count as a date.

Really? - Adam, don't...
no, no, no, don't do that!

Adam, stop that.

Look, you don't throw
rocks at the giant!

Oh, great! The tire's flat!

Goddamn it, now we're stuck here.
- Well, how did that happen?

You ran over these bottles.

Well, what are they doing
in the middle of the road?

Littering. Jesus, this
country. I mean...

This is supposed to be
a national monument, I think.

If it's not, it should be.
People should take care of it.

Oh, my God.

Why don't you look in the
glove box and get the manual?

How the fuck don't you
know how to change a tire?

I'm an actor, for fuck's sake.
I don't know anything.

Someone literally gives me a
piece of paper at the end of each day

to tell me what I'm doing
the next one. - There's no manual.

Well, how come you can't change
a tire? You're not even famous.

Because I didn't have
a father to teach me.

Oh, boo-hoo.

God, your generation,
you're so squishy.

My father never told
me that... he loved me.

Love?
That's hysterical.

I would have settled for a birthday
card once in the last 15 years. - Oh, well,

you've got your new
brother-In-law for that now.

Well, there's no signal.
- Excuse me. Wait! Excuse me...

Wait. Wait! - Go on,
catch him, catch him.

Wait! Wait!

Go on, Adam.
- Wait! Fuck!

You guys okay?

Hey.

You all right?
- What? Jesus!

You guys don't
have a spare tire.

What?

What do we do?

I don't suppose you
could give us a lift

into the next town
with a garage?

Well, we're camping about five
miles up the road for the night.

We can take you
in the morning.

No, I think...
- Are you sleeping in tents?

Yeah. - Uh, that'd
be fine, that'd be fine.

That's perfect.
- Great. - Yeah.

Yes. - How are you getting on with
that wheel? - I got it. - You got it?

Mm-Hmm. - Whoa, look
at that. We're in business.

You're Atticus Smith.
- Yes. - Yes, you are.

I dressed up as you in "Cops
and Slobbers" for Halloween.

No. - Yeah. - I hope
nobody dressed up as Slobbers.

Mind you, he's
a wonderful dog.

Are you all right? - My boyfriend
dressed up as Slobbers. - Did he? - Yeah.

Did he get the drool?
- Oh, he got the drool perfectly.

We used lube.
- This is a great bus.

Where'd you find it?
- We were on our way to SFO

and we saw this old
hippie selling the bus, so...

Yahoo bought our company last
year and we have all this money,

So we figure we might as
well have a little fun with it.

Why not? - If you know what
I mean. - Yolo, right? - What?

We spent four days at a
phreaker festival in the Salt Flats.

It got weird. - Oh, well, I
wouldn't know anything about that,

but what the hell?
- Who are these guys?

That's Johnny. He owns
the company. He's exhausted.

And this is wisdom,
he's our shaman.

We're paying him.

Fuck it.

That's good.

I think I'll just...

stick to dewar's.
Haven't got any ice, have you?

Soda water or anything?
- Atticus.

Atticus.
- Oh, all right.

Viva Carlos
Casta-fucking-Neda.

Mmm.
- There they go.

Whoo! Whoo!

Hey! Hey!

I see a corridor of fire.

Right, right, good.
- I'm in a corridor of fire.

Right, i want you, you
know, you need to run through that.

You need to run through that.
- I think I'm changing.

I might be an eagle.

I think I'm an eagle.
- Beautiful. - I shot an eagle once.

I ate it too. Don't
think I'll ever get over it.

I'm in a black pit.

I think this stuff's pretty weak.
- It's cold. - I didn't feel a thing.

What's that?

Are those my feathers?
Have you taken my feathers?

Have you been plucking me?
- No, those are your feathers.

Are you okay? You want to sit down?
- No, no, no, it's good. It's good.

Do you want to swap seats?
- It's good. It's good.

You know, I feel like...
- It's good.

Do I need to sign something?
- You don't need to sign anything.

You sure?
- I'm sure.

Go on, little one.
- One, two, three.

Not that you're not sexy, but
you're like my grandfather's age.

Ah. - I didn't hurt your
feelings, did I? - No, no, no.

I'm much too old
to have feelings.

No, no, no.

Okay.

Well, that was a blast.

Hope that sleeping kid
isn't dead.

Oh, Atticus. - What?
- Can you take care of this?

I got to call Clementine.

Jesus, you're
gonna call her again?

Yeah.
- Well, make it short, all right?

And give me
your card. - Oh.

How do you not
have any money?

I'll get my accountant to send
you a check, all right? Will that do?

Morning, gentlemen,
i got some work for you.

Oh, God.

Why are you calling me?
I told you not to.

I know, I know. Look, Clem,
I've just been on this journey...

Your urologist e-mailed.

What, you broke into my e-mail?

No, I'm using your computer
and the fucking thing dinged.

What did it say?
- Something about an appointment.

A follow-up appointment.

Look, Clem... - You know, when we first
met, I loved how progressive you seemed.

I realize now that you
just hide behind all of that.

Hide...
- Uh, no, Adam, I know.

Can you just listen to me...
- I know how your father hurt your mother

And how you promised you would
never hurt anybody. I've heard all of that.

I understand that, but listen to
me, please. - We're human, okay?

Humans hurt each other.
Shit fucking happens!

Fuck, I didn't want to
do this on the phone!

Adam, I am trying to
edit my documentary.

I know. - Do you
understand that?

Look, I'm trying to explain
something to you. - They're gonna go...

They're gonna go
and fetch the car.

So, it'll be about an hour.
There's a bar down the road.

I don't have time for another
one of your long Adam talks, okay?

Why are you being
such a bitch?

Okay, I'm sorry,
i didn't... i didn't mean that.

By the way, you're
nothing like your father.

He doesn't pretend to
be something he's not.

Oh, he's honest?
Fuck y... I mean, fuck.

I'm honest! I'm not pretending!
I'm not pretending to be... - I don't care.

Adam, i don't care, okay? I don't
care if you cut your fucking balls off.

It's not like you ever
had any to begin with.

Oh, I don't have any balls?

They're right here, sweetheart, under
my fucking dick! - Good-Bye, Adam.

Good-bye? What do
you mean, "Good-bye?"

It means good-bye.
- Like "good-bye" good-bye?

Fuck!

You know, I was supposed
to play the lead in "Cruising."

But the studio saw my tests

and they said I took
it too dark, too street.

Double shot of
Jack Daniels bourbon, please.

You just say "give me
a double shot of Jack",

He'll know what you mean.

I mean, I wanted you to
feel the stank on his chaps,

you know what I mean?

Anyway, they went for Pacino.

All right, who wants to fuck?

Adam, this is a gay bar.
- What? - No, thank you.

Didn't you see the sign outside?
It's called "The men's room."

But don't let me stop
you, if that's your mood.

Anyone want to take a
turn with my boy here?

No! No, thank you.
- Honey, stop looking.

You know I had to kiss
Ian McKellen on the lips

every night for six
months in "Angels in America."

and the strange thing
is, i got to quite like it.

Old as the greeks.

Same again, please.

Oh, you're going for it.
What's the matter?

She broke up with me.

Who, Clammy?
I thought he already did.

You know, she was the
only good thing in my life.

The only good thing.
Now she's gone.

Okay, it's my turn to drive.
My turn to drive.

No, don't... don't... don't fuck
around. Don't... get your hands off the...

Come on!

Jesus, don't do that in the car.

Let me finish up.
- You'll get it all over the floor.

This is a dream
liner, not a urinal.

Oh, i spilled a bit.
Oh, Jesus!

This place is like a pigsty.

Didn't your mother
teach you anything?

Piss on me.

Cleanliness
is next to godliness.

That's from the bible.

Left here, left, left,
left. Left, hard left!

All right, here we...
watch... here, right here.

This is it.
This is it. Stop!

This is it. We're here.
- Well, where the fuck is this?

I thought we were on a schedule.
- The schedule can "s" my "d"!

I'm taking you to a ball game.
- Ball game? - A ball game.

Come on, death's almost on us. You
never took me, so I'm taking you, papa bear.

All right, all right, all right!
- All right? - Shit, yeah!

All right! - Come on! You get
some tickets, go to the ATM.

All right.
- I'll park up. - All right.

Hey, who's playing?

Great shot. Look at
that man. Whoa! - Whoa!

He's got the ball! Go on!

Kick it in the face!
- Go on you little four-legged angel.

Go on, go on! - Shoot it.
- There you go. - Shoot it!

Yes.
- Get it!

Ladies and gentlemen,
it looks like we have

legendary actor Atticus
Smith in the house.

Come on up to the press
box and say hello, Atticus.

I'm here with national
treasure Atticus Smith today.

Atticus, you actually played
an alcoholic baseball coach

In "bases loaded", if I remember
correctly. - You do remember correctly.

And if I remember correctly,
it was a terrible film.

To the fans out there,
I should tell you that

Atticus is about to
get a new son-In-law,

former Cubbies star pitcher, now
co-owner of The Joliet slammers,

Mark Keane. - Yeah. - That's
got to be exciting for you guys.

Oh, so exciting.
Do you have a daughter?

Yes, she actually
just turned 12.

Oh, well, would you
like her to be married

to some fucking jock?
Yeah? Would you?

I guess I haven't really
thought about it.

Yeah, well, you think
about it for 21 years,

and then you give me
a call. If I'm still around,

I will pick up and we can
have a long conversation about it.

Mark's a very beloved figure here.
- Yeah, well, that's what I keep hearing.

"He's a beloved figure."
I mean, Jesus Christ.

If he's such a beloved
figure in Chicago,

why the fuck doesn't he
live in Chicago? He's a kiss-ass.

A feisty day at the ballpark, and,
Atticus, thank you so much for joining us.

It's been a pleasure. Let's go,
The slammers! - Kick their fucking ass!

# Yeah, to be the best,
you gotta beat the best

# Yeah

# Yeah, that's me,
i solemnly confess

# Yeah, I'm a leader,
you can leave the rest

# Sweeter than a margarita
and conceited, yes

# I'm swagging,
you see I'm swagging

# I had you tore up,
look what happened

# You see what happened

# That's how I do
it, with a passion

# I needed passion

# To get me going, you
imagine, can you imagine

# What I be doing, doing?

# Yeah

# You want it

# Yeah

# Yeah

Oh, my head.

What happened?
I don't remember anything.

You blacked out.

Why are we in jail?

'Cause you killed a guy.

NO FIGHTING
NO YELLING
NO SPITING

PROFANITY WILL
NOT BE TOLERATED
Ah, fuck.

Come on, pull
yourself together.

It's all right, it's all
right, all right, all right.

They picked you up for
soliciting a couple of hookers.

I came in to bail you out and they
got me on an intoxication charge.

I cheated on Clemmy with
a hooker? - Shut the fuck up, man!

You talk too much.
This ain't no private suite.

Ain't that the truth.
He's a real chatterbox, aren't you?

Man, I'm talking
about both of you,

you Jon Bon Jovi
looking motherfucker.

Why don't you
sit the fuck down

before i stick you with
the shiv i snuck up in my ass?

You think I'm afraid
of what you got up your ass?

Oh, you want to
test me, short eyes?

Okay, I don't know what
the fuck that means, okay?

But I don't like it.
- Sorry, he gets a little excited.

You're okay, come on.
Shh, shh, shh, you're all right.

You're all right.
It's fine. It's cool.

Just cool, man.
- Yeah. Shiv up your ass.

That was good.
- Yeah.

I was doing you
from "Cross bar motel."

I thought I recognized it.
- Yeah, did I get all the lines right?

Thought the lisp was
a bit heavy. - I know.

I can't believe I cheated
on Clemmy. - With two hookers?

You didn't cheat on anybody.

You kept your dick clean.

You thought they were
flight attendants, didn't you?

How was I to know
they were cops?

Come on.
- Oh, thank God.

Keep it clean, douchebag.
- Is this the way out?

Here's a telescope
profile of Gloria Steinem...

her childhood,
her work, and her friends.

... always ask me, you
know, "what kind of girl is she?

She seems like a real bitch.

Oh, she must be
very aggressive and pushy."

You know, they have these
whole preconceived ideas

of a girl who gets
to where gloria is in life...

That's room service.
You want to get it?

You know, we got
a long drive ahead.

Do you want to
share this water?

No, that's disgusting.
I'll take a shower.

Hmm. I thought you
were a conservationist.

You can set it
on the table, thanks.

Annabel? - So, why has
dad gone fucking crazy?

What are you talking
about? He's not going crazy.

He publicly insulted
Mark in his hometown.

Come on, you know dad.

By the way, why did Mark
send him a birthday card?

Okay, what? Who cares?

Why are you letting
him ruin everything?

Oh, come on, he
hasn't ruined everything.

Yes! Mark's family
has gone berserk.

Mark is even angry.
You know Mark does not get angry.

Annabel, cut him some slack, all right?
- I can't have him here, not now.

You want to disinvite
dad from the wedding now?

No, I don't want
to, but I have to.

Do you have any idea what
we've been through to get here?

Put him on the
phone, okay? - No.

No? What do you mean, no?

He's sleeping. - What do
you mean he's sleeping?

It's 5:00 p.m.
- Annabel... - Fine.

Then you can
tell him. Good-bye.

I love these little
bottles of soap.

They stop you getting crabs.

Wait, who gets crabs anymore?

I got crabs once.
From a carpet.

# This is a song
about somebody else

# So don't worry
yourself, worry yourself

# The devil's right there,
right there in the details

I don't know
what I'm trying to say.

Well, you haven't
said anything.

God, eight years
and it's all just bullshit.

You mean the movie?

"Seven angry women in
search of Damascus." - Everything.

Me... my life...

my sense of purpose...
all just nothing.

I didn't tell mom.

When I got back from
filming "Throwdown" with you,

I just told her I didn't
want to be an actor anymore.

She could see I was upset
about something, but I didn't tell her.

I guess she just knew.

Yeah.

I can believe that.

God.

What do you want?
What do you want? I'll get it.

Was that your i-pad
you just threw out?

It doesn't mean anything.
I'm just a fucking fraud.

None of it means anything.

But it was an i-pad.
I haven't got an i-pad.

Ah, right on time. - No,
you're about 30 minutes late.

Good, listen, I've been saving
something... - Atticus, listen to me...

No, wait, wait. I've
got something to tell you.

These are your wheels.

This car is your car.

You mean in your will?

No, no, no, I bought it for you
before we wrapped on "Throwdown."

Just... I didn't have a
chance to give it to you

before everything went
pear-shaped. Look, you see?

All the documents
in your name.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, come on,
it's only a car.

Why don't you go and
buy some wedding presents

while I'm doing the show?
The margarita mixer or whatever it is.

Blender. - Yeah, well,
whatever, as long as

it's not the million-dollar
jam jars, I'm cool.

Atticus, she doesn't
want you to come. - What?

She doesn't want you
to come. - To the wedding?

Yeah.

You took it too far.
Mark and everything...

But we were just joking around.
I mean, I've never met the guy. - I know.

Annabel's just trying
to keep the peace.

She thinks his parents
are freaking out.

It's best for everybody if,
you know, you sit this one out.

Look, she says she'll come visit
you straight after the wedding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get it. Sort of.

Wait, you better
take my jacket.

You can't turn up to the
rehearsal dinner in that piece of shit.

They'll think you're a shmuck.

Actually, you should
probably take mine, too.

If you go in wearing a feminist
t-shirt, Charlie will have a heart attack.

Uh-huh.

Enjoy the car.

You've just turned 70.

Thank you
for telling everybody.

You played such a wide
assortment of roles,

and now you're about
to play God. - Yeah.

What I mean is, have
you reached the level that

you've known or hoped
that you could reach?

Yes. - You've been
famous for most of your life.

It must be difficult.
- Well, you know,

every job has its pluses
and minuses, you know that.

But walking down the street,
eating in restaurants, is it...

I've just discovered
fast food restaurants.

You must be kidding me. - No,
no, I'm not. I'm being serious.

I drove here
from L.A. with my son...

and everywhere you go, there
are these fast food restaurants.

And they're terrific. - You drove
across the United states with your son?

Yeah.
- Why?

Because my heart is shot...

because I'm
probably an alcoholic,

and I could drop
dead at any minute...

and my doctors
wouldn't let me fly.

I really don't blame
you for not wanting him here.

I certainly don't. - Mom,
calm down. - I'm calm, okay?

Hey, I'll be back in a
second. - Okay. - Is it time?

Mm, God. - So, what?
- Oh, Jesus!

You were never gonna
have the operation?

Ah.

You never told me that
you had ballsack cancer.

Testicular.
- Whatever.

How the hell did you know?

How did I know?

Privacy really is dead. You're
like the fucking NSA. - Look, Adam...

Atticus...
- No, wait, listen to me.

I've given this
a lot of thought.

If I do croak...

I want you
to have my nuts.

It doesn't work like that.

I know they're bigger, but they
can probably make them fit.

The pet scan
came back negative.

I'm fine. They just have
to remove the one testicle.

Oh, Jesus, God.
- No, no, that's good news.

I thought the cancer had spread.
They say I'm gonna be fine now.

Oh, well,
that is good news.

Uni-ball, eh? Ha!
- Oh, Jesus.

You've been worrying
about this all the time,

and you should've told me.

You certainly should've
told Clementine.

Yeah, I know.
I wanted to.

God, i wanted to.

I was scared.
- Hmm.

Why didn't you
take your pills?

Because they told me
I couldn't fuck on them.

Oh, Jesus, dad, there's
more to life than fucking.

I'm not sure about that.

But it all goes by so fast.

I can't believe that it...
it might be over.

So, what? You were
just gonna do nothing?

I just want more time.

I know.

What are you doing here?

Have they thrown you out of the
wedding, too? - I came back to get you.

She doesn't want me there.

Well, come on.

When has that
ever stopped you?

Where'd you get this tux?
- Why? You like it?

No, it's a piece of shit.

You look like a
maitre d'. Come on.

# I'll hold

# So near and cold

# You've exhumed

# My love

Hey, why don't we
make an entrance, eh?

Take the roof off.
Bloody sports car.

Okay, slow down.

# I'm sold

# And our story
will grow old

Christ, it's my money
in those balloons, you know?

Good luck.
- Yeah, uh...

Okay.

Mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Sorry we're late, sweetheart.

I...

I can't be...
I'll be right back.

Okay, I'll be right here.

I know you told me
not to come, but...

I'll probably be dead in a
fortnight, so I thought what the hell?

You're a wonderful,
forgiving person

And that makes me worry that
you're not a good judge of character.

What?
- This guy... this guy Mark.

Is he full of shit?
- No.

I mean, does he deserve you?

Yes.
- Really?

Yes. - Really?
- Yes, dad. I'm marrying him.

Well, I mean, I know your...

your mum's husband's
probably a nice guy, but...

You're my only daughter.

I want to be the one
to take you down the aisle.

All right, you got
everything? - Yeah.

Yeah.
- You okay?

Nice to meet you.

You've met before.
Several times.

Have I? - Yeah.
- Hi. - Oh.

Say you're sorry.
- What?

"Sorry."

All right, I'm sorry.

You take care of her or I'll
bust your balls, all right? - Hmm.

Hi, Dorothy.
- Piss off.

Welcome!

Okay, slugger!

Let's see
what you can do, huh?

Ha-ha! Ah!

Oh!

Home run.
- Hey.

Good God, who's that?

Oh, God.
- What?

Excuse me.

Hey, come and dance with me?

Yes. - Yes,
leave your old man.

Don't give a fuck about him.

Well, it hasn't spread,
That's the most important thing.

Oh, really?
- I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.

Why didn't you
fucking tell me?

He was about to fire
you. I had to talk him down.

Yeah, you know,
Jimmy, you can tell Jack

to shove "God"
up his capacious ass.

Really? - Yeah. - I mean, it's
a miracle he still even wants you.

No, I... If I have to
have this fucking operation,

if I survive, then...

I just want to do decent stuff.
I don't want to do crap, okay?

Yeah, fuck him.
- All right. Bye.

Happy?

Yeah.

Thank you, by the way.

What for?

She told me you called her.
- How could I have called her?

You've had my
fucking phone all week.

Been so long, I've forgotten
how to use it. - No, of course.

So, what, you're
not gonna play God?

Nah, the script stinks.

I'd much prefer to
play the devil anyway.

Take it over
to the dark side.

Good.

Yeah, it's good, I think.

You know...

You should go
and comfort her...

before somebody else does.

Me, for example.

Hey, hey, hey.

Careful, tiger.
Careful, careful, careful.

Hey.

I love you.

What?

Nothing.

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Corrected by suadnovic

# Sometimes life
can be hard on you

# And I'll be there
when you feel blue

# When the world
crumbles around you

# You and i
will make it through

# There's a whole world
waiting outside

# So let me
take you for a ride

# There's a world
waiting behind a door

# A never-Ending
universe to explore

# Let us travel far and wide

# There's a whole world
waiting outside

# And even if
we were to part

# I'll always be there
in your heart

# Leave the dark
and cloudy skies behind

# 'Cause it's weighed
too heavy on your mind

# Look at you,
you are one-Of-A-Kind

# A friend like you,
it is so hard to find

# When you're down
on your knees

# Know that our bond
will always be

# Within you heart,
you'll find the key

# To write your own destiny

# And there's a whole world
waiting outside

# So let me take you
out for a ride

# There's a whole world
behind your door

# A never-Ending
universe to explore

# Let us travel far and wide

# There's a whole world
waiting outside

# And even if
we were to part

# I'll always be there
in your heart

# Let us travel far and wide

# There's a whole world
waiting outside

# And even if
we were to part

# I'll always be there
in your heart

# Let us travel far and wide

# There's a whole world
waiting outside

# And even if
we were to part

# I'll always be there
in your heart