Original subtitles

[soft jazz music playing]

Hey, guys. So my name's Penny

and a lot of you have been asking me how I keep slaying.

Before I tell you that, I need you to click on the like button,

‎and follow my YouTube page.

[electronic music playing]

‎[music ends]

‎[phone chimes]

[high-pitched electronic echo]

‎[phone chimes]

‎[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

-Get out. -Huh?

‎[phone chimes]

You heard me.

I said "get out" or are you deaf?

Are you really being serious?

Oh my god. I got a slow one this time, didn't I?

[shouts] Woman, get out!

Don't act like I forced myself in here.

I don’t care. Just get out. Go. Right now.

No, you’re crazy.

-No, no, no, you're the one who's crazy. -Seriously?

-Exactly. -Why are you being such an asshole?

‎Get out of my house!

What do you think you are? Queen of all queens?

No, I'm getting the fuck out of here.

-Yeah, whatever. -Gladly.

[mocking sounds]

[mocking] "I'm getting the fuck out of here."

[mumbling]

[clicks tongue] [mumbles]

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey. You seem to have forgotten something.

Fuck you, Richard.

Fuck you, too.

Fuck you. You're upsetting me. You can have this.

-Yeah, you can have it all. -Fuck you.

What the fuck?

Ah.

Oga Richie. Oga Rich, sir.

‎Say, no disrespect. ‎I want to ask something.

Why did you kick that girl out now?

You're better off not asking any questions.

Ah, sir, it’s the third one this week.

So?

I don't know.

They’re all hot. Now, why kick them out? They're all fine girls.

Like I said... you're better off not asking questions.

Vamoose.

["Naaa Meaan" playing]

‎♪ ‎Pull up in a 4-door Audi‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎Dropped a milli on my bus and my Audi‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎All this champagne ‎got me feeling rowdy‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎Windows down ‎Cause this shit is kinda cloudy‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎Naaa meeaan? Yeah‎ ♪

All right. Now that you're done, the secrets begin.

How do I keep on fleek?

There are a couple of rules to keeping me on fleek. Right?

Brows. Flick.

Lashes. Flutter, darling.

And hair. Inches on inches on inches.

So this is a bad makeup day for me. I'll have like two layers of makeup on.

But on a good day, where you wanna find your blesser,

you put those layers on.

You need to look like a doll, else it just doesn't work.

[soft jazz music playing]

‎[woman laughs] All I'm saying is ‎AKA belongs to Bonang.

‎Don't you think so?

I dunno.

I guess.

I am team Queen Bee all the way. Wait, I mean, both Queen Bees.

[singing] If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it.

If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it.

If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it.

Oh god.

[woman] Do you ever think about settling down

or are you waiting for "the one"?

Yeah, I guess so.

‎[soft jazz music playing]

I mean, you literally bought yourself a new car an hour ago.

‎And your old one was not even old yet.

Just felt like I needed something new.

So... [inaudible]

‎on his first date with Mommy.

[laughs]

Ah.

[sighs]

[sighs]

Hey, Ma.

Um...

About that money.

‎I'm gonna need it.

Look, I haven’t eaten the whole day and rent is due.

[woman] I’m sorry, my baby.

But you know the situation here at home.

What am I supposed to do? [in Zulu] What am I to do?

Just hold on. I'll try my best.

Okay. Thank-you.

[sighs]

[woman sings in Zulu] Hurry up and bath.

[singing in Zulu] Let's go to a party--

‎-[in English] Hey! ‎-Hey.

Babes, life is so good, hey?

It is so good.

[in Zulu] If you weren’t boring, babes,

[in Zulu] I would take you partying, spoil you.

[in Zulu] But you’re boring.

Speaking of boring, I need the rent, eh.

Oh, yeah. [clicks tongue] I’ll pay it.

Oh.

My mom said she’s expecting it tomorrow or something.

[laughs] Tomorrow or something?

-Bella, this guy is bugging me. -Tomorrow. Okay?

Okay.

[in Zulu] Here is my rent, babes.

And I think next time I go partying, you have to come with me.

'Cause you have everything snatched.

‎[in Zulu] I'm off to bath.

Bye, Betsy!

[upbeat guitar music playing]

[man] Come, come. You're welcome.

‎You're welcome.

[whistles]

[shouts] Pick up your slippers.

This isn't your village.

‎Calm down. Calm down.

Can't behave like this here.

Dot Com, you're living good.

Of course. That is what we do in Jo'burg.

Living large.

I came to see. Now I'm seeing.

[laughs]

-You're not ready. -What?

What do you mean, I'm not ready?

I was born ready. In fact, money makes me ready.

That is very good.

Because with the money, comes the girls. So you need the money.

Hah, I like the sound of that.

Talking about girls, Dot Com, I brought a lot of money.

In fact, one cedi for each girl.

So, this girl takes one cedi, another girl takes another--

[shouts] Shut up your mouth. You're an idiot. Where are you?

-South Africa. -South Africa.

‎So we don't use cedi in South Africa.

What we use here is rand dollar. Say it.

-Whoo. rand dollar. -rand dollar.

Not cedis.

Um.

‎Wait.

-So? -So,

‎welcome to the life of Jo'burg.

[laughs] I am here.

And the slay queens here are [kisses]

top notch.

Not all those stupid slay aunties you have in Ghana.

Huh. All your neat jokes.

Hey. How come you call our slay queens slay aunties?

I mean, the ones we have in Nigeria,

we don't even call them slay grandmothers. They are slay great-great-grandmothers.

Yeah, stupid. Come, let me show you where you'll sleep.

Why do you shout? Calm down.

Come, come.

-Dot Com? -Mm?

Why aren't you staying in the big house?

No, this is my oga's house. My house is there.

-Wait. Your house is there? -Yes.

[laughing]

You're the houseboy. [laughs] You are the houseboy.

I'm no houseboy. It's not houseboy in South Africa.

You can call me proxy owner.

Hmm, my guy, that’s the oyinbo way of saying house boy.

-You're a houseboy. -[in Pidgin] God, hope you're hearing.

[in Pidgin] Hope you're hearing all my heart cry.

I know my god would give me this kind of house in this country.

‎God would do it for me.

See your head?

See the size of your head? That's how you dream.

‎You dream big. It will never happen.

But is it not a dream that brought you to this country?

Don't be unfortunate, idiot.

-Wait. I'm hungry. -Oh!

‎So you can be hungry and talking ‎[mimicking] houseboy.

Listen, the only person I cook for here, is my oga.

Every other person, "I'm O.Y.O." You're on your own.

So go to the fridge or go to the stove and cook something.

Come, let me show you where you'll sleep.

[in Twi] Silly man, I tell you I'm hungry and you're fooling around.

That [copies Emmanuelle's words],

‎that's what you'll eat ‎this afternoon, idiot.

Is that how you treat a foreigner? Huh?

-[phone camera clicks] -[disgruntled groan]

[clicks tongue]

No, Oga, sir. I don't feel this kind of pose.

Maybe you should try something like, you know,

the babes like this kind of pose.

Or this one. Gangster. Superman. Or try something like this.

You're not well. It's only nerd people that pose like this. Nerds.

Or bookworms.

Yes.

And this? I'm not... I'm not gang... Do I...

Only gangsters, they have the big chains on their necks that that droop,

they're the ones that stand like this and pose. Hmm. Hmm.

[in Pidgin] I want to help you, saying babes like things like this.

Look I'm dressed like a formal corporate.

You know what I'm talking about? This, like, GQ pose.

Take that picture, man. Don't let me, um... she-goat!

Ah.

Let's see this one.

[laughs] Now that's what I'm talking about.

Damn, the girls gonna come running.

Hah! [laughs]

[softly] Or run away.

Sorry, sir. I was just--

-Take the picture. -Sorry, sir.

‎She-goat!

[clicks tongue]

Let me give you another pose.

‎-GQ. ‎-Let me show you what's up, man.

[music crescendos and ends]

[man one] I can’t take any more of these dumb slay queens, bruh, I swear.

[man two] Shit. Give them to me.

[man one] Man, I’m serious.

‎I can’t take another conversation ‎with a queen bee.

[man one] You honestly don't have to talk to them.

‎All you gotta do is fuck 'em.

[man one] Man there’s more to life than sex.

[man two] Yeah. And that's all the nasty shit that comes with it.

[Man one] How do you not know all this at your age?

[Man two] My age? I’m 30, not 85. And that's your problem.

You’re boring.

[man one] What's boring about wanting a woman who's not after money?

[man two laughs] What a dream.

[man one] A woman with big dreams.

Yeah, or a big booty.

-Clive. -Bro, you’ll find the one.

And she don't have to be poor, either. Just give it a chance.

Who knows? You actually might find a slay queen that's smart.

[laughs] Yeah, right.

How am I even related to you?

I don't know, bro. I was born with the looks

and somehow you just took the boredom that was left over in the D-N-A.

-[laughs] -Hmm. Shut up.

Nice wheels, by the way.

I just said shut up, man.

[sighs]

Second step. The blesser.

Now when you have your slay package done,

what you're gonna do, is look for your blesser.

You're gonna look for the biggest, fattest, richest,

richest, richest, richest.

[giggles]

Now, you'd rather eat your frog big, than skinny, right?

Let's hope his pockets are big too.

You need to find these blessers, girls. And to find these blessers,

you're gonna go all to the places that the blessers go.

‎And how you find that out, ‎is follow me on my page,

@Penny on Instagram. [giggles]

[rap song in Zulu playing]

Hey. Most beautiful girl in here.

-Really? -Yes. Really.

‎Bruh?

You can look all you want later.

Yeah, right.

‎["Money" by Cardi B playing]

Do you know her?

No. Who?

Her.

‎♪ ‎Front, I'll flip like ten cartwheels‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎Cold ass bitch, I give broads chills‎ ♪

♪ Ten different looks and my looks all kill ♪

♪ I kiss him in the mouth… ♪

So you're just gonna stare at her for no reason?

‎♪ ‎I was born to flex‎ ♪

♪ Diamonds on my neck… ♪

I don't know.

‎♪ ‎I like morning sex‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎But nothing in this world ‎that I like more than checks‎ ♪

♪ Money. All I really wanna see is the money… ♪

[huffs] You are not serious. Honestly.

‎♪ ‎All a bad bitch need is the money‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎I got bands in the coupe‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎Bustin' out the roof‎ ♪

♪ I got bands in the coupe ♪

‎♪ ‎Touch me, I'll shoot…‎ ♪

I thought you were with the hot chick.

Nah, she wasn't hot enough.

‎♪ ‎Get a little cash‎ ♪

♪ You shake it real fast You get a little more ♪

‎♪ ‎I got bands in the coupe‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎Bustin' out the roof ‎I got bands in the coupe‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎Bustin' out the roof ‎I gotta fly, I need a jet…‎ ♪

‎Hmm.

‎So. What's up with you?

What do you mean?

So, I see you've gotten rid of Becky with the good hair.

-I did? -Mm-hmm.

I've been waiting to talk to you all night.

What a coincidence, 'cause I've also been waiting to chat with you.

Just to talk?

We could talk about anything.

Anything.

As well as what to do.

Hmm. Is that right?

So you're, like, just like one of those boring guys in here?

Hmm?

‎Why does everyone ‎keep asking me that question?

Maybe it's true?

I just broke up with someone.

That's it.

Do you know

that

you can find you someone, right here, right now?

-Certainly not here. -[groans]

It's a boring one.

‎[girl sings with the music]

‎[giggles]

You wanna get us drinks?

Okay.

‎[music continues]

‎[music ends]

[woman in Zulu] Hey, piss off! Don't give me that attitude!

You're a waste of time. What kind of man can't pay for food, huh?

I never want to see you again.

‎Waste of my time.

Friend? What's going on?

Friend, can you believe

this guy wouldn't pay for my food?

-[in Zulu] Really? -Imagine.

‎What?

What does he think this is?

[in Zulu] Does he think you're playing games?

-Only the best. -For who?

We had a fight. The food ended up on the floor.

And now I'm hungry and I don't have food.

[in Zulu] Friend, you know I'm broke.

I'm also broke, but, friend,

that has never stopped us.

-Ooh, I like it when you say "us", friend. -[laughs]

Oh, and thank-you for the doggy bag.

Hey, you know you can never guarantee these doggy bags.

You never know where you're gonna end up after dinner.

Oh, well, friend, you know what they say,

-No doggy bag. -[both] No doggy style.

Hey, you're nasty.

But I love it because I'm nasty too.

[sighs] Friend, I'm exhausted. You know these men who won't spend

a budgeting on you, don't wanna buy labels,

don't wanna pay for champagne,

and then they've been promising you a divorce for how long?

-[in Zulu] Playing games here. -[in Zulu] I'm not playing games.

So, I'm thinking…

-Next face, friend. -It's time

-for a new-- -[both] Victim.

Let's see what we've got on the grizzy gram.

‎You know it never fails us.

[in Zulu] Let's get them.

[in Zulu] What do we have here?

‎[in Zulu] Let me see.

Hmm. He looks like he has budget.

Oh, yummy.

[in Zulu] And he's like yellow.

-[in Zulu] Just like me, hey? -[laughing]

[in Zulu] I'll send him a message. What should I say?

[in Zulu] Say…

Hello. Yellow.

Hello. Yellow.

[in Zulu] Then say [kisses]

[in Zulu] Four times.

[in Zulu] No, three times. That's too much.

-[in Zulu] Is four too much? -[in Zulu] Three is perfect.

-Okay. -Okay.

[fast guitar music playing]

‎Send.

-Oh. -[in Zulu] What?

‎[in Zulu] Already replied.

Desperado.

-[laughs] -Desperation.

It's all good because, essentially,

-that's what we bank on. -Ching, ching, ching, ching.

Money in the bank.

Darling!

‎[in Zulu] I enjoy the fruits ‎of your labor.

[in Zulu] You're lazy.

[in Zulu] But you're my friend, aren't you?

[phone buzzes]

‎[fast music playing]

He wants to video call.

-Friend? -What?

‎Have you seen yourself?

-What wrong with me? -Where is your makeup?

In my bag. Get the powder.

-Hey! -Get the powder.

[in Zulu] We're not here to play around.

Okay. Channel yourself. Channel yourself.

Ew! Oh, my gosh.

‎[in Zulu] Am I pretty?

‎Okay.

[in Zulu] Move. Don't let him see you.

[clears throat]

[giggles]

Hi, gorgeous.

[Dot Com] I'll introduce you to some neighbors around here,

‎so you get familiar with the place.

So, where are we walking to?

Uh, just up the road.

Hey, I just don't want to go walking around like I have nothing doing.

Huh?

But you're jobless.

The least you can do with your destiny is to roam around.

What nonsense is that?

I'll find something to do.

Oh. No problem. You can go back.

If you find something to do, go back, no problem.

-And I'm gonna go. -Okay.

But I know how I kept my food.

I know exactly how I kept it.

If you eat it, me and you have problem.

No problem.

I know how you kept your food 'cause you're the one who cooked it.

‎[in Pidgin] Right?

I'll eat that food and wait for you, when you come back,

you prepare other food, then we both eat.

-[laughs] -It's that simple.

-Try it. -Idiot.

You think I won't find my way back.

‎Hope I can find my way back.

[fast upbeat music playing]

Hey!

-Yeah? -Huh?

-Hello. -[in Pidgin] What are you watching?

[in Pidgin] What are you looking for here?

Sorry. Good day. I was just passing.

If you are passing, walk past. Why you watching someone's house like that?

You're watching the house? Are you a thief?

No, I come here to--

[man] Huh?

-I'm sorry, I mean-- -Who are you?

Um, my name is Emmanuelle.

-Uh-huh. -I'm from Ghana.

West Africa. Then I came in yesterday.

I mean no harm. I'm sorry. I'm just--

-You're from Ghana? -Yes.

So if you're from Ghana, you're just walking on the street

and looking into people's houses?

I'm-- I'm sorry. I just--

-[man] You came from Ghana yesterday? -Yes.

So you're here to visit or to work?

-Oh, I actually came to work. -Huh?

So you want to work in South Africa?

-Yes. Yes. -Do you have a permit?

-Permit? -Yes.

-No. -[in Pidgin] You have no permit?

-But I have two passports. -You have two--

Brother, if you don't have a permit, nobody will employ you in this country.

And if the government catches you, you'll go straight to Ghana.

Nobody will employ you. I'm advising you.

So you better go before you die, that it is if they will give you a pass.

[in Ga] That's right. You must get a permit to work here.

[in Ga] You can't just come like that from Ghana and work here.

You are speaking my local language. You're a Ghanaian.

-Hah, my brother! -Hmm-mmm, don't.

Don't. You need a permit before you can touch me.

You don't touch people like that. Get out.

-Sorry. -Thank-you, very much.

‎[in French] Go on, leave.

All right. Thank-you, sir. [laughs]

[in Ga] I'm working and you're looking, how would I know you're not a thief.

Thief. You don't...You need a permit...

to touch me.

Where is she?

[phone chimes]

[big sigh]

[phone chimes]

Who'd have thought I'd come all the way to Midrand for food,

but the food was amazing.

I like finding gems in places where others haven't discovered yet.

For instance.

Ah. [laughs] That is cute and romantic.

So, tell me. What's your poison?

I mean, would you like to drink red wine?

-I would love some. -Perfect.

Um, let's have your best bottle of red wine, would you.

Hmm.

-Thank-you. -So,

what is a guy like you doing single?

I mean, you seem pretty stable.

And we're not getting any younger.

Well, indeed we're not.

‎I'm just, um, the kind of guy ‎who likes making money.

How about we make love?

[laughs]

I must say, I find your naughtiness quite endearing.

-So don't stop. -Well.

Can you pour, like, water from, like, a calabash?

-Oh, god. -Let it flow--

‎Stop! [laughs]

Ah, yeah, sure.

Please.

Hmm. Looks great.

Thank-you, very much. Mr. Reggie.

-Wait. Did he say "Reggie"? -No, I don't think so.

I heard him. He said "Reggie."

No. No, no.

I'm very sure he said "Richie".

You probably have cobwebs in your ears.

I can help you clean them.

-I'm just joking. Cheers. -Hmm. Okay.

[softly] He said "Reggie."

[Penny] Cool down.

-[moaning] -[Clive] Shit.

[moaning]

[groans]

[Penny moans loudly]

[Penny] Oh, that's so good. Yes. Yes.

[loud exhale]

That was…

-That was amazing. -Right?

Yeah.

[guitar music playing]

I--

‎Dot Com, do I need a permit to work in SA?

Who told you that?

The man who lives next to your house.

He said I can be deported if I don't have a permit

and I'm caught working.

And no one will hire me if I don't have a permit.

[laughs]

Don't mind that man. He doesn't know what he's saying.

So, what are we going to do?

Okay.

Tomorrow, I will take you to a man that will do it for you.

Sharp, sharp, you will receive your work permit.

Ah.

That's right. That's more like it.

Is it the one who did yours--

Emmanuelle, you've only been two days in this country.

You're asking all the questions.

Calm down, it's just a question.

-Just-- -Uh-uh.

Hey, but anyway.

[laughs]

-Guess what happened today? -[Dot Com] What?

Ha! I saw the lady I've been seeing in my dreams.

I never knew I'll find her in SA.

A whole African mama. That kind of humongous...

[excited laugh] I met her today.

Where did you meet her?

Oh. The same house. Where the guy told me about the permit thing.

Emmanuelle? Come.

‎-Um. ‎-Come, just come. Come. Come.

‎Listen. That woman is my woman.

If I hear you talk about her again,

[in Igbo] you take whatever you see from me.

[splutters in Twi] Let go of me!

-Don't, don't start this your behavior. -She is mine.

You started with this when we were kids. Don't...She is not yours.

I saw a lady and I'm telling you

the kind of lady I like. And I've got one. You're telling me she's yours.

I know your problem. You're very jobless. Come.

Hold this. Hold this.

Clean this pool. We have a party. Stupid boy.

Huh? That's not--

I-I-I I see what you are doing.

You insult me, then I'll forget that girl for you.

She's my girl. I saw her first.

You even like slim things. Do you like oboshi?

Nonsense.

["Wrowroho" by Medikal & Agbeshie playing]

‎[music ends]

‎[soft music playing]

-What? -Get out.

-Are you crazy? -You're the one who's crazy

thinking you're gonna stay in my house. Now get out.

What's wrong with you?

-You can't remain here. I said get out. -Okay, baba.

-What's the problem? Do you have a wife? -[shouts] Get out!

Can you please come? This guy is crazy.

What's going on? What did he do to you? What's going on? Tell me.

I'll explain when I get home, okay. I'm so pissed, you have no idea.

Okay, friend, just hurry back home. I'm worried.

Are you still under my roof?

James!

-[in Pidgin] Take this girl away, quickly! -Ah, shut up.

What are you even doing here?

Staying in my house and breathing my oxygen.

[in Igbo] Come, come, come, come.

[spluttering] Throw her out in the streets.

Ah. Want to finish my oxygen?

-This guy. -Nonsense.

[in Pidgin] Seems like this guy is crazy.

Hah. Guy, see your man.

-Do you trust this guy? -[scoffs]

Bro, relax.

Anything that has my name on it flies.

See his tummy. Like a yahoo boy.

-Yahoo boy with tum--. -Can a Southie yahoo scam a Nigerian guy?

Impossi-can't. Calm down.

-Ah. Dot Com. -Hey, Charlie Khumalo, my brother.

-How are you, brother? -I'm good. How you doing, man?

-Good to see you, man. -Yeah, listen. This is my brother, right.

He just came into town, you know.

And he needs work permit paper.

-You know-- [laughs] -For sure, for sure.

-Ha fa na? -No!

Not "ha fa na", "how far nah?".

-Ha fa na. -Mm-mmm.

"How far nah."

How fa naaa.

‎Don't worry. ‎Just forget it before you spoil it.

Sorry, brother. You know,

sometimes I feel like I have some Nigerian in me

‎because of my big, uh,

you know what I mean. Right?

Where is it?

-Anyway. What's it gonna cost? -Listen.

Don't worry, I'm gonna sort you out.

It's only gonna cost you 40,000.

[shouts] No, come on, 40K?

I charge the Chinese and the Pakistanis 80K

‎and they don't complain.

Dot Com, 40K in naira is okay.

No, no, no. Not Naira.

40,000 rands.

And I want all my money in cash.

-Now. -What? 40,000 r...40,000 rand?

It's okay. It's okay. No problem, man, I got it.

-40,000 rand? -Sure.

No problem, so what's the next thing?

All I need is a copy of your passport and you're good to go.

‎That's it?

How long would it take?

No, tomorrow this time, you'd have it.

-Tomorrow by this time? -Tomorrow, this time.

[shouts] Ha fa na!

[laughing] Ha fa na!

Pay him.

[uplifting music playing]

‎[Penny] Top of the morning to you, ‎peasant. The Queen.

She's awoken.

Well, good morning, Queen.

You know why I'm a queen, darling?

Um, because you're a black woman?

No. No. Because I can smell money

a mile away.

Ah. Of course.

Anyway.

‎[in Zulu] Clive sent me pictures ‎of his cars and house.

Life goals.

Hey, I'm so lucky.

Mm. Lucky, you say.

-Okay. -Jealousy is such a bad color on you.

-[in Zulu] It doesn't suit you. -[laughs]

[chuckles]

Anyway, yesterday was yesterday.

And tomorrow is right now, so [in Zulu] where's the rent?

[in Zulu] Friend, can you pay it for me this month?

[laughs] Laughs in Zulu.

[in Zulu] Babes, you want me to pay it for you?

Yeah, I mean,

‎[in Zulu] What is my rent money ‎compared to

[in Zulu] those rich guys you hang out with?

[in Zulu] Oh, okay. You want me to spend my…

[in Zulu] shoe budget and pay your rent?

[in Zulu] No, babes. Hustle.

[in Zulu] You can be grumpy after our selfie. Come on.

‎Okay.

Smile.

[jazz music playing]

Yo, bro. Bro.

Hey.

Check this out.

Oh, come on, man. Don't show me your lady's bits.

Lady's bits?

This is a nice booty.

Hmm. Is it me, or is that the girl you were hitting on when we got there?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's that?

I don't know. How am I supposed to know? Probably the maid.

The maid?

No, maybe the responsible and humble roommate.

She's cooking.

Penny and I were cooking something on her bed last night.

You're nasty, man.

-Can you ask for the numbers? -No way.

Oh, come on.

Dude, you know I can't go back there today.

I'll look desperate.

[exhales] Even though I'm desperate to hit that ass.

[chuckles]

I'll owe you.

Fine. But, you gotta drive me around today.

Huh? Huh?

Come on. More.

I'm on it, boss.

[both laugh]

-Oh, my gosh. -What, what, what?

Clive says he's coming over. He cannot see me looking like this.

No for real.

[in Zulu] What will he do if he finds me like this? What then?

[in Zulu] I think I should bath and put makeup on

[in Zulu] and you should do the same. Then maybe we can get

[in Zulu] a rich man for you too.

[in Zulu] You know I don't care for rich men.

[in Zulu] Well, I do. Unless you want to be a hobo.

Bye, bye, hobs.

‎[Penny sings in Zulu] ‎Take a bath…

[phone chimes]

‎Nudes?

‎♪ ‎Don't you ever let them tell you ‎You ain't good enough‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎We ain't here to change the game ‎We came to switch it up‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎Swag drippin' head to toe ‎We're about that life‎ ♪

‎♪ ‎Ain't here to play it by the rules ‎We came to get what's ours‎ ♪

‎Send.

Dot Com, any news from your guy?

He gave us 24 hours. Now, it's more than 24 hours

and we've not had anything from him.

-Calm down. Calm down. -Don't tell me to calm down.

The South Africans can be slow with some things.

They're not very fast like that.

-Relax. Give him time. -Please, call him. Call him.

-I don't like the feeling of this thing. -I know you do--

‎-I smell something very fishy. ‎-I heard what you said, now relax.

[clicks tongue]

[jazz music playing]

-Is it going? -Hmm?

His number is switched off. Maybe it's network.

Dot Com call him again. Call the switched off number.

Call something. See.

40,000 rand.

-Hey, Dot Com, 40,000 rand. -Relax.

-Do you know how much-- -I said relax. Have you ever heard

that a South African scammed or 419-ed a Ghanaian or a Nigerian?

‎It has never happened ‎in the history of the world.

It has never happened. That is true. This will be the first to happen.

-Record-breaking one now. -Impossible.

It's never happened.

Dot Com, I'm warning you about this--

It's impossi-can't. It can't happen.

You dare tell me you can't and you won't call the person.

Maybe he's in his village. Network is not...

His number is not going...

Never in my life. Never.

[guitar music playing]

Friend.

I can't believe he did that.

-Why would he do that? -I don't know.

-I mean, he was cute and all, but... -But what?

[sighs]

I don't know, okay.

The restaurant was great. His house was even better.

-I don't know. -And he kicked you out?

Just like that?

Just like that.

Well, I mean, we did have, like, a tiny disagreement,

but it really was nothing, friend.

-About? -It was silly.

Like, the waiter came and called him by another name.

And then he was insisting that I got the name wrong.

-And, yeah, that was it. -That can't be the issue.

Yeah, 'cause then, that would be stupid.

Yeah.

But then, Richard and Reggie sound the same, so.

I mean, other than that, everything was perfect.

Until I had to call you an Uber.

You know what? I'm gonna go chill.

Sorry, ma'am. Sorry.

[in Zulu] Sorry, ma'am. One moment, please?

A doggy baggy?

Did you do doggy style?

No.

‎[clicks tongue]

[upbeat music playing]

-Yeah. -Right.

[groans]

-[Penny] Hey. -How you doin', baby?

-I'm good, how are you? -Hmm.

-I'm good. -I missed you.

[clears throat]

Oh, yes, um. [clears throat]

This is my roommate, Lerato.

I'm not too sure she's gonna be my roommate for long,

but, um, Lerato.

Clive.

Hi.

-Bye. -Hey, hot stuff.

[car door opens]

Driver?

-[inhales] Hi. -Hi.

What's up?

Um, good, I guess.

It's a good day.

Yeah.

There's sun today.

Sorry about that.

It's hot.

Um.

‎Okay.

‎She's gone.

And kaboom, then she ran.

Education.

You were right.

-I needed this. -I told you.

Shame, friend. And you even got me chocolates.

Because I'm an awesome friend.

The friend of all friends.

The bestest who wants me

-to do doggy style for doggy bags. -[laughing]

Imagine.

[laughs] But it's fine, because you'll do the same for me. So chill.

[laughs]

Friend.

That guy from number 5?

[in Zulu] Where is he?

-He could totally buy us breakfast. -Oh, friend.

Why are you speaking so late?

You know, literally five minutes before you came here,

‎I saw him drive out.

Okay, fine. Then, what's our plans?

‎[playful music playing]

Why did we join Tinder?

-For love? -No.

-For love of food. -Oh, yeah.

-Yes. -Oh, yeah.

-I'm talking oyster, sushi… -Yes, champa-pa.

-Champa-pa-do-pa-do. -The life.

-The best. -We deserve…

-The world. -[both] We deserve…

-Girl. -The champonza. Awesome.

[laughing]

-[Emmanuelle] My brother, my brother. -[Dot Com] Enough.

I'm warning you.

Leave my babe alone. Leave my babe. I know what you're doing.

Hey, you don't know what you're doing and I'm also warning you.

If you don't stop telling her those lies

that this house belongs to you, I'll tell her.

-But it belongs to me. -It belongs to your oga.

Not you.

Jesus, did I do a bad thing to bring this boy from Accra, Ghana

to South Africa?

-And house you? -And house me?

Am I not paying rent?

See, if you don't get them this night, you will not see where you sleep.

‎I promise.

Ah. If you don't take time,

I will tell Delilah all the lies you've been lying about this house

That it belongs to you.

Loo-- Loo-- Look at this house. Can you build this one?

I'm not gonna spend much time with you because you're an idiot.

So, I have a party to plan and that's what I'm going to do.

Why are you in a rush? Is it your party?

Isn't the party my party?

Have you ever seen a dead man

celebrating his own funeral?

What does that mean?

-Very good. -Hey!

[sighs]

[exhales] Baby, damn.

Your body is amazing.

Yours feels quite good too.

[chuckles]

So, um,

[smacks lips] what's your status?

Are you single? Taken?

I'm very single.

Okay.

So, are you looking?

I'm looking.

Are you?

Hmm, I mean, not that I'm not looking.

[soft laugh]

[laughs]

Hmm.

Hi.

Uh, hi.

Um…

Could I take you out some time?

Actually, I don't think so.

Just like that?

I mean, there's no point in leading you on.

You're a driver.

Um, I mean, you're busy driving your boss around and stuff.

Oh, really.

Sure.

Makes sense.

All right, then. This is…

It's been great.

Great.

Lerato seems to think I'm your driver.

-Who's Lerato? -Wow.

-We just left the house. -The poor girl?

Why'd you tell her you're the driver?

Well, she assumed it.

And now she thinks I'm not rich.

-That's good. -How the heck does that work?

Money gets you everything.

-Not a down-to-earth girl. -You're crazy, I swear.

You really like that girl?

How do you plan on hiding all the things you have?

Not if she thinks it's yours.

Oh, good. Well.

If she comes after me,

it's your fault.

‎She won't.

She seems down-to-earth.

If you show her money, I promise you she'll be down in front.

I promise you.

[upbeat music playing]

Hmm. Hottie Honey.

Oh, it's just a handle.

I know, but it suits you. 'Cause you're quite a hottie.

-[laughs] Thank-you. -So sweet.

-So, why Midrand? It's so far. -Oh, yeah, I like to discover places.

‎New places. Where others haven't ‎discovered yet. That's like my forte.

Oh, well, that's nice. Well, I hope the food is great here.

I hope so too, myself. Never tried it,

but it looks like it's gonna be really nice.

-It does. -Richard.

-Hey. -How are you?

I'm...I'm fine.

-And how are you? -How's the job hunting going?

Huh? Job what?

Yes, the last time you were still job hunting.

-Don't know. -[in Zulu] Hey, you. Richard.

You wanted me to look mad.

-No. -[in Zulu] Don't make me crazy, boy!

Come, come, Auntie. You know, let me walk you, let me walk you out.

Come, come, come with me.

[nervous laugh] So come, come. Thank-you.

Come, come.

[man exhales]

[upbeat music playing]

[woman] Hello, boss.

Where's Richard?

Uh, I'm not sure. He's...I don't know.

Go and get him.

-Okay. -And get the bags from the car.

Yes, of course, sir.

[beeping]

I am... very sorry about that.

My auntie, she's um...

Ever since, um...

Since we lost my uncle,

she's been suffering this dementia, you know.

Mental disorder.

She's talking about my cousin, Reggie.

‎That one is a loser.

‎He's been job hunting for, like, ‎three years now, so.

I always put him on my back to help him and assist him,

so she confuses us, you know. She thinks he's me and I'm him.

Ah, you know, you're just so sweet.

I know. I am. I'm like that. [laughs]

-[phone chimes] -One second.

[phone chimes]

Um…

I really must run. I'm so sorry. I have to go. It's, um...

It's, um, business. A meeting, actually.

My, um, my Chinese partners,

‎they're about to back out of something ‎very big, so.

-I really must run, sorry. -So I...

[upbeat music playing]

[clanging]

‎[bang]

[man] Never mind.

[softly] Oh.

[man] Okay.

I told you I don't like this type of incompetence.

That presentation should have been ready, like, last week.

You know what? Your mom would be ashamed of you right now.

I should have fired you. What kind of...

-[sighs] -Make sure that shit is done.

You dumbass.

[man] What? Do you know what I do to people that take advantage of me?

[in Yoruba] Are you crazy?

What nonsense!

Do you really think I got this far

with this kind of incompetence that you're displaying?

No, no. This is not going to work.

[in Yoruba] Stupid idiot.

[in Yoruba] No, look. Don't speak.

[in Yoruba] Don't speak.

Just keep quiet there.

‎[in Yoruba] What's your problem, anyway?

You're a bloody fool.

[in Yoruba] Come, let me tell you something.

‎This thing must be done.

[in Yoruba] All right, wait...

I said, wait, [in Yoruba] just be patient.

[inhales]

[groans]

[fast frantic music playing]

[in Yoruba] Brother, what's going on? I hear you're looking for me.

[in Yoruba] Where were you?

Uh, by the pool. I was just by the pool.

[laughs] You were by the pool.

-Yes, sir. -Oh boy, I wish I could be like you.

Hmm. Take a break from life.

[quick exhale]

Uh, so, um, how was your flight?

[huffs] Same as always, you know.

[in Yoruba] You know how it is.

But man,

traveling is tiring.

‎[in Yoruba] I'm tired of it.

-I have to catch another flight tonight. -Ah.

-Yeah. -[in Yoruba] Brother, you're trying.

‎You're really trying.

-[in Yoruba] It's not easy now. -Hmm.

-Ah. -You know I work hard, Richard.

-I know, I know. -Hmm.

-[in Yoruba] You should try that someday. -[in Yoruba] I'm making the effort.

[laughs]

[in Yoruba] What about the job thing? How's it going?

Well, um…

Like, I've...I've submitted my CV on, you know the Internet,

like, you know, that's what I've been doing with my time.

-Wait. Internet? -Yeah.

[in Yoruba] What's wrong with you? On the 'net? Are you a yahoo boy?

You should be out there, man, looking for work.

Going office to office.

‎[in Yoruba] You're not a child.

It's computer age.

[in Pidgin] Com-, com- what?

-Everything's on the net now. -Hmm.

Okay. On the net. So which websites did you go to?

Uh. Plenty now.

Like Linda Ikeji, you know?

-You say? -Eh, Linda Ikeji. Like Instablog.

Tunde Ednut. [in Yoruba] They're so many.

What is that? Linda who?

[in Pidgin] Is it an HR person? Who? Tunde what?

Blog?

[in Yoruba] This guy, seems like it's really yahoo you want to do.

[in Yoruba] No, no, I don't want to do yahoo.

[in Yoruba] Gmail or Hotmail.

[groans]

[sniffing]

-Richard! -Yeah, bro.

[in Yoruba] Please, come here.

[in Yoruba] Any problem? Is there any...Hope no problem.

Did you sleep on my bed?

Huh?

You deaf? Did you sleep on my bed?

No, now.

Brother Reggie why would I... why would I sleep on your bed?

Oh, well. Why would a grown-ass man be living in my house for free?

Which person smells this... This is... Richard, this is you.

[in Pidgin] You want to tell me I'm crazy?

This is you. I can...This is you. I can smell you here. This is you.

You slept on my bed.

No, I don't know about crazy, but...

This doesn't smell of me now, honestly. This is your smell.

Smell your beard.

-Huh? -Smell your beard.

Now smell the pillow.

[in Pidgin] Isn't that your smell?

Brother, no, no, no.

You know what you need to do? You need to just, first inhale coffee.

Let me just get coffee to clear the smell in your nose first.

You are stupid.

No, honestly--

‎[in Pidgin] Smell it, ‎that's a man's smell.

[in Yoruba] Brother, don't act this way.

-This is-- -[in Pidgin] It's you.

[in Pidgin] Who did you bring here?

[in Pidgin] So you didn't bring anyone here?

[laughs]

[in Pidgin] Because it's a man's smell on that pillow.

-Or did you bring a man here? -Brother, you know me, I like women.

-[in Pidgin] I don't do men. -Richard, this whole...

[in Pidgin] This whole place is smelling like Richard.

[in Pidgin] It's smelling like Richard.

Now Richard, go and wash this thing away.

-Smell it. -No, no, no. This is not me.

[in Yoruba] Brother Reggie, this is not me. I swear.

Stupid boy.

[singing in Ga]

[singing in Ga]

Uh-huh.

[in Pidgin] What's the problem?

I wish you can ask me that again.

See, I've spent over 40,000 rand,

just to get a work permit.

I don't have the permit, neither do I have the money.

Neither can I even report that bastard to the police.

Heh. And I have just less than one week to live in SA.

I am in trouble.

Yeah, you're trouble. "I'm in trouble."

[in Pidgin] Aren't you a man?

‎See, my friend, ‎stop the...why are you stressing yourself?

Huh?

-Why are you stressing yourself? -It's easy for you to say.

My brother.

See, this country, we have a lot of ways.

[in Pidgin] We have plenty ways

of getting these kinds of things. Why do you worry...

Just find yourself an SA girl.

Find yourself a South African beautiful woman.

You got your permit, automatically.

And if you marry her, boom, automatically you get your permit.

You can do anything. You can marry.

You can, um, chase girls.

You can work.

Anything.

[in Pidgin] If the police see you, if the police blinks its eye at you,

[clicks tongue] [in Pidgin] You can tell them to buzz off.

-Really? -Ah. You say, really.

Be...stop being slow and find some

-beautiful lady and marry. -See, that's the problem.

‎I can't just marry someone ‎because of papers.

I can't do that.

Then find some beautiful girl, yeah.

In SA we have a lot of beautiful girls.

Heh. They like foreign guys.

Because of their big penises.

-Hmm. -Hah. The girls here?

[in Ga] Don't make me talk too much.

But...

I know I'm a foreigner.

I don't have a big...Mine is very...

[in Pidgin] You don't have?

-No, mine is-- -[in Pidgin] Hey, stop lying to yourself.

Every West African man has a big penis. What are you talking about?

We are good in that department.

-Huh. -Ah.

Wait, do you have a big penis?

-'Cause you-- -Hah, don't. Hey.

‎[in Pidgin] You don't...You shouldn't ask. ‎Go ask the girls.

Here, I'll show you. You know my... Me, I get...

Really?

Grown-ass men like you,

talking about the sizes of their penises.

Is this what masculinity has come to?

No, uh, sorry.

‎It wasn't penis we were talking about, ‎we're talking about pen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe you.

Pen for writing, not penis.

[sighs]

[sighs]

So.

Are you ready to teach me how to get these rich guys,

[in Zulu] or you want a new roommate?

[scoffs] Serious?

Great. I'll cry, but my makeup.

-Ah. -[laughing]

[upbeat music playing]

[laughs]

You look so beautiful.

This is perfect. It is perfect.

‎You are slaying. You are slayage. Now.

Turn around. The slayage starts.

Okay. So the first thing we do,

our hair is always in front of us. Right? Inches.

Inches. Levels. Okay.

Now, how you get this man after he sees your inches,

‎[in Zulu] Watch me, okay?

-Okay. -Turn around.

Get close to his crotch. You arch your back.

Arch your back a bit.

Arch your back.

Inside, not outside. In. In.

‎[in Zulu] Like a bath.

‎[in Zulu] Never in my life.

Grind.

Grind. [louder] Grind.

Come. Turn, turn, turn.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay.

Arch your back.

Arch. Arch.

[in Zulu] I'm hungry. I can't deal with this right now.

[continues muttering]

[Reggie] Boy, so I guess I'll see you in about a week's time.

Okay, boss.

Well done.

Safe journey, bro.

There's nothing inside this thing.

[in Yoruba] All right, brother. Okay.

[in Yoruba] The Lord will be with you. [laughs] Thank-you.

Ah.

[chuckles]

[upbeat music playing]

Yeah.

What are you talking about? Beauty, beauty.

[laughs] I don't know what you heard about me.

[singing] But you can't get a dollar out of me, hah.

[chuckles]

That's what I'm talking about. Let's go

down.

[laughs]

[singing] I'm not, girl, what you need if you need a fat purse.

[singing] I'm no...I ain't making... So, come give me hug.

[grunts] [laughs]

[singing] You feel me.

[groans]

Ha! I'm rocking you tonight, baby.

We're gonna [grunts]

[singing] slow wind, baby. Yeah.

So, how long have you been a doctor?

Ten years now.

Wow. That must feel great saving lives.

-I know, tell me about it. -[woman choking]

[girl] Oh, my word. She's choking.

She needs a doctor.

Please, do something. Do something. She's choking.

You said you're a doctor. Go help her.

-Um. -Please!

Yeah.

Thank-you.

-Yeah. You're welcome. -Thank-you, so much.

Oh, my god. Thank goodness for you.

[laughs] Well, you know me.

Now, the last step.

You will flaunt your old boobs,

so he can buy you your new boobs. [laughs]

You need to be intriguing to him.

So look him straight in the eye, then ignore him.

Flaunt your body, baby.

If you're at a club, twerk, swerk, shake, shake, shake.

["Bakae" by Boity Thulu playing]

♪ I just wanna see If you're really with it ♪

♪ How many badges you really getting How many them got a Louis V in ♪

♪ How many of them Out here getting seizures ♪

♪ 'Cause as soon as they see us In Peruvians ♪

♪ I would rather fight For all these millions ♪

‎♪ ‎And we might all end up ‎With every million‎ ♪

♪ Drop one bigger than your niggers And your bitches, ♪

♪ Now you wanna have a conversation About the lyrics ♪

♪ I will never listen 'Cause I'm all about the business ♪

♪ All about the bitches I'll worry about the critics ♪

♪ Ask Eddy Eggs He'll tell you any different ♪

♪ I would rather jet If you think about tripping ♪

♪ I'm from poor trying a worldwide mission ♪

♪ My impulse Got every little girl winning ♪

♪ Ei! Yes, yes. And I... ♪

[soft music playing]

[Woman] Oh, gosh. [nervous laugh]

Hello.

Hi.

-Hello. -Yes, hello, hello.

Can I get your order?

Yes, please, can I have a-a gravy to go with my dumpling?

Um, I-I-I'm joking. Just...just a Sprite.

A glass of champagne for me, please.

Will do. Coming right up.

Ch-ch-champagne?

Yeah.

Oh. In this economy?

[sighs]

[man] Is that your real hair?

-What? -Is that your real hair?

Of course it's my real hair.

You just never know nowadays. Yes?

[whispers] You never know.

[Reggie] What do you mean, my booking?

I've got a three-hour wait because of my flight delay.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Reggie. Let me see what I can do for you.

Don't worry. You know what? I'll just go to another restaurant and wait.

[in Pidgin] Huh. What kind of nonsense is this?

What?

Um, sorry. I'm so sorry about that. I was, uh,

kind of constipated, you know. That's what happened. Sorry.

Really. I have to run off. You know, duty calls.

Just got a...As a doctor I have to...

But, but don't worry, you can stay. I'll take care of the bill on my way out.

["Wuz Dat" by Boity playing]

♪ Talking money, let's do it Not telling the wheel that I flew in ♪

♪ Selling your soul for some booty And happy you're cool with some rats ♪

Stay with me, okay.

Put your bag down, calm down.

-Okay. -You can't be seen with anyone.

Cool down, sweets. Be mild.

[man one] Ah. Some beautiful angels we can have some good times with, eh?

Take a seat. And thank-you for that.

[man one] Oh, trust me, you do know how to "thank-you."

[in Zulu] You're so beautiful.

So, ladies, um, are you girls ready to have a good time?

-Oh, yes. -Yes. I guess so.

-Oh? -[man one] Lovely.

[in Zulu] Hey, sweetie. Will you show me?

[man one] Hmm.

[in Zulu] So pretty. You all right?

Yes, I'm fine.

[in Zulu] Then why so quiet?

I... It's just that I don't have much to say.

[in Zulu] Are you afraid of me?

No. I...I just don't like being touched.

[in Zulu] A prostitute who doesn't like to be touched?

Excuse me? What did you call me?

I called you what you are. [in Zulu] What did you come here for?

[laughs] [in Zulu] Nothing is going to happen here today.

[in Zulu] Hey, then what are we doing here?

[man two in Zulu] Relax, we can still have a good time.

-Ah, just leave me the hell alone. -Guys, guys.

Take it easy. Take it easy. You're fine. You're fine.

It's all right. It's okay.

Yeah.

[sighs]

So.

What's a girl like, so beautiful, doing on Tinder?

Well, it is the way to go these days. Right?

‎I know.

You found the one now. You can get off.

Just get off.

I mean, not, not get off, get off.

I mean, the app. You can get off the app.

Just delete it. Just...

Sorry, sorry.

-No. No, no. -Oh, yeah.

Hmm. You must taste this. Try.

No, I'm fine.

-I ate. -Hmm, okay.

You're not gonna finish this one?

No, you can have it.

-Hey, guys. -Oh.

-Here's your bill. -Yeah?

-Bill. -Ah, my hands are... Can you just...

-Yeah. Pass, pass. -What?

My, my hands are dirty. Just...

Yep. Yep.

Thank-you.

Is this beef?

Uh. I...Oh.

-[farts] -Oh!

Yeah, I'm lactose intolerant.

-[farts] -Ew!

Excuse me. Uh. Bathroom.

[grunts] [farts]

Hi, guys.

Hey. Hey!

‎[indiscernible dialogue]

[fast-paced music playing]

Hey. Hey! Where are you going?

-Is he coming back? -I don't know.

Well I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to pay the bill.

Woman. Fuck.

-Ah. -Aha.

Hey!

-I'm a nice everything. -Really?

-Thank-you. -Thank-you, so much.

Hey. So sorry. Do you work here?

Um, yes, sir.

You're pretty.

I mean, what do you do when you're not at work?

So normally, I work here.

And the rest of the time I like resting at home.

Could I...

take you out some time?

Can I have your numbers?

[soft laugh]

-Where are you from? -Alex.

-Just down the road here. -Yeah.

-Right. -Yeah.

Great. You wanna go get dinner, or something?

-Definitely. -Really?

That sounds good.

[Clive] Yeah.

Please. You really need to step on it. Step on the throttle, I beg of you.

My friend, you're even crawling below the speed limit.

I should have just gotten a tortoise to drive me home.

What did you do a U-turn for?

It's right here. Right here. Stop, stop, stop.

Here. I'm not gonna give you any star.

[hip hop music playing]

[Richard] Hi.

Is Reggie here?

He left hours ago.

No. I saw him earlier.

Yeah, but...Oh!

Thank god. That... that means he's left already.

[sighs] Yeah.

Move.

[hip hop music continues]

[in Zulu] Your thighs are so white, it's like they're made of snow.

‎Relax. Relax.

Relax.

-[Lerato exhales] -Hey. Hey.

-[in Zulu] Slow down. -[in Zulu] What's the matter?

[in Zulu] She's never done this before, she's nervous.

[man two in Zulu] Can I get you champagne?

‎[Penny] Cool, friend.

You're cool. Okay. Slay.

[in Zulu] Just give me one kiss. Or do you want cash up front?

Yo, man.

I think she's saying leave her alone.

Who the fuck are you? What the fuck do you want?

[man] Why were you there?

Oh, great. Now you're judging me too?

I'm not judging. I was there too.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, what was I doing with those disgusting men?

I'm not.

Do you know what? You wouldn't understand. Okay?

You're just a driver.

‎You get told where to go and get paid.

Why do rich men have to be such assholes?

-Ouch. -What's your problem?

I'm just listening.

Yeah. I bet that's what you do when Clive tells you what to do.

Actually…

Clive is my older brother, so he kind of has the right to.

Your brother?

Clive is my brother and I'm not a driver.

[sighs]

What the hell is wrong with men? Really?

What did this one do now?

Oh, friend. It's getting crazy now.

No, but who invites you on a date and then runs away from paying the bill?

Oh. Guys.

Maybe he was looking for free food. Like you.

Shut up.

[laughs]

No, seriously. This is really getting out of hand.

I know.

‎[in Zulu] I'm sorry, friend.

Sorry.

We need to get them back.

‎We have to get them back.

We must get them back.

We will get them back.

And we're gonna start with that bastard, Richard.

[in Zulu] That rubbish.

I didn't say I'm a driver. You did.

-Yeah, but you could've told me the truth. -Why?

-You were having so much fun. -I'm serious. Why would you lie like that?

What?

You're not, like, happy I have money?

That's not...that's not all the matters. Okay?

Well, sometimes it seems like it is.

Well, not to everyone.

Like, I thought it would help

find a real woman.

[scoffs] How ironic.

So you lied to find a real woman.

-Well, that's clever. -What does that mean?

I don't know what it means.

Okay? I need time to make sense of it all.

I don't even know if I can trust you.

Don't say that.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ My waist, my waist, my waist ♪

♪ Roll it, roll it, baby, all for you ♪

♪ My waist, my waist, my waist… ♪

Oh, my god.

-You did it. -Told you, man.

-How did you manage to get-- -I'm the king of this city.

-This city's mine. -Oh, my god.

Oh, god. That's my party. That's my party.

That's what I'm talking about.

Oh.

Hi, mama. [laughs]

Whoo! Oh, oh, oh.

-Hey. Hey. Hey! -What?

Hey. Charlie.

-Charlie? -Charlie. [shouting]

[Emmanuelle] Steady. Don't move.

Don't move! Oh! Steady.

[in Twi] Hey, catch him!

‎[Emmanuelle] Thief! Hold it. Hold it.

Thief. Hold it!

-Thief. He's stolen my money. -[screaming]

[screaming and yelling]

Help!

[Emmanuelle] Thief! Stop him.

-[Emmanuelle yells] -[cheers]

[in Zulu] Hey, you.

[in Zulu] Why are you looking at me strangely?

[in Zulu] Because you do strange things.

[in Zulu] At your age.

-Excuse me? -Do you know how young that boy is?

This one. This is what I'm talking about.

-[laughs] -[in Zulu] What's so funny?

You should be ashamed of yourself. You have no sense of decency.

[in Zulu] Do you realize how much younger he is than you?

‎And you're busy cradle snatching him.

He should be running after sexy girls like me.

[in Zulu] And not grannies like you.

[in Zulu] What's so sexy about you, tomboy?

[in Zulu] Whatever.

And then did you know he sleeps with girls and he throws them out the next day?

[in Zulu] Listen to me. Firstly,

[in Zulu] I don't sleep with young boys.

[in Zulu] That boy is not by Ben10.

[in Zulu] He's my nephew.

[dramatic music playing]

[in Zulu] Really, ma'am?

[in Afrikaans] Sorry.

It's just that he did my friend so wrong, ma'am.

[in Zulu] He really did her wrong.

And now she's depressed, ma'am.

‎[in Zulu] What did he do to her?

[clicks tongue]

[in Zulu] Like I mentioned, ma'am,

he picks up girls, he sleeps with them.

And he throws them out, just like that, the next day.

But why does she allow herself...

[in Zulu] Why does she allow men to sleep with her?

She's looking for a husband.

[in Zulu] Ah. Disaster. From that dog? Good luck.

[in Zulu] But I don't understand. How does he accomplish all that

[in Zulu] while he's living under his brother's roof?

[in Zulu] Really?

Are you saying that house is not his? All those things are not his?

[in Zulu] Listen to me.

That boy is a good-for-nothing.

‎[in Zulu] That parasite is jobless ‎and broke.

So his brother doesn't even know that he's using his house,

his cars, and his clothes to attract girls so he can sleep with them?

Girls who are like that, like your friend,

‎[in Zulu] who believe that house ‎belongs to him.

Wow.

[in Zulu] He is broke, he has nothing.

[in Zulu] Now I know why he was acting

‎[in Zulu] so weirdly at the restaurant.

-[in Zulu] Was that in Midrand? -[in Zulu] Yes.

[in Zulu] Yes, that sounds just like him.

[in Zulu] That guy…

He needs to be taught some sort of lesson.

A good one.

[in Zulu] How can I help?

-[in Zulu] Tell me, how can I help? -[laughs]

[in Zulu] I'm glad you asked, ma'am.

‎[in Zulu] I have a plan. I'll tell you.

-Hi. -Hello.

-I got you a flower. -Aww.

You and Emmanuelle are both so sweet. Thank-you.

-Emmanuelle? -Yes.

Come in. Come.

-Emmanuelle? -Mmm-mm.

[huffs]

[romantic music playing]

-Baby. -Hello.

How are you?

-What are you doing here? -Can we help you?

-[Richard] Hmm. -[woman laughs]

-Very yummy. -Oh, how handsome are you?

Ooh!

Coming from a lady looking like you,

that is quite a compliment, I must say. Look at that, all fleshy and sweet.

Look, I know it's kinda early, but--

Too early to party?

It's never too early to party.

I like that. Turn around. Give me some--

Um, can I use the restroom?

Yeah, sure.

-[laughs] -Right there.

-Don't miss me too much. -I'll try not to.

-[Richard] What are you doing? -Oh! [laughs]

Waiting for you.

Do you wanna get kinky?

-Oh, wow. -Do you want me to lick you all over?

Yeah, you can tell how I want it, don't you?

-[laughing] -[woman growls]

Slow down, baby.

‎-[woman growls] ‎-Don't get all tiger on me now.

Where is this woman?

Oh, um, Delilah!

Oga just called. He said he's coming next week.

Okay.

Okay? Just like that?

Normally, when I ask you what is it,

you give me millions of answers. Today, okay?

I'm just thinking about my life.

Is this what we have to do for men?

-What do you mean? -Men always want something from you.

Even if they give you the world,

they still expect you to give them your soul.

And who wants that? Lucifer.

The devil.

Not once. Not once will they ever ask

what we women want.

[laughs] [in Ga] Listen to her.

Stop bothering your head.

[in Pidgin] Don't keep suffering. Men will be selfish.

You see, men, you people, the people you call men,

we are very selfish. You see God, we say, he's a man.

God is selfish. Why? He created the world alone.

See Satan. We say, he's a man.

He is destroying the world. Alone.

We are selfish. That is how the world is.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Give me kinky.

Give it to me, baby. Give me that kinky.

[groans] I love kinky.

Love me kinky. [crazy laughing]

Shut up. You are going to stop bringing girls

to a place that is not yours.

What are you talking about?

You know exactly what I'm talking about.

-Stop, stop, stop. -Shut up!

-Stop it! -Shut up!

You are going to explain this to your boss or whatever the hell he is.

-Stop taking those pictures. -[camera clicks]

Look. What do you want? What do you want? Tell me.

-I want you… -[camera clicks]

-to confess. -[camera clicks]

And tell everybody

-what you really are. -[camera clicks]

[fast-paced music playing]

[Richard] James, James, James. Don't let that bitch go.

‎Get that bitch. Get her! Get her!

-Get her for me. James! -Hey.

[cheers]

[Richard] Don't let that bitch go.

[in Pidgin] Oga, this is a big one.

[yells]

-Hi, babe. -Hi. Come in. Come in.

How are you doing?

-I'm fine, thank-you. -Ah, you look lovely.

-Thanks. -I can't believe we've gotten here.

Yeah.

-Oh, I mean, about us. The connection. -[knock on door]

-Oh. -You look lovely in this dress,

‎-by the way. ‎-Thanks, thanks.

-Hold on a minute. -Okay. Don't worry.

I'll be here.

-[Dot Com] Hey, baby. -Hi.

My baby, baby, baby.

God. God. What have I done to deserve this?

-What are you doing here? -What am I doing here?

I was invited.

-[Delilah] Mmm-mm. -I was invited too. Wait.

What is this all about?

-It's not nice, huh? -No, it's not.

I could see what both of you were up to. Flowers and all.

Am I a prize here?

‎Is there a competition on ‎that I know nothing about?

I'll tell you what it is.

He likes you because he wants papers. Yes. He wants papers.

Hey, Emmanuelle, is that true?

You're a traitor.

[gasps] Dot Com doesn't own that house.

-[screams] -He's just a houseboy.

-Dot Com, is that true? -Um, um, I'm a proxy owner.

Oh, don't talk rubbish. What does that mean?

That is just another way of him saying "houseboy."

-You're a houseboy. -What have I done to this boy?

What have I done? Did I do bad bringing you from the village

to South Africa, put a roof over your stinky head.

-Have I done anything wrong? -Where's my money?

The scammers. They scammed the two of us.

-Idiot. -Both of you, get out of here. Now.

-Listen to her. -Get out.

-Get out. -Get out. Get out.

-Both of you, I said. -Both of us?

-Yeah, both of you. -[arguing]

Get out. Get out. I said, get out!

-Stop putting it on me. -It is not--

Get out of here.

Delilah.

Get out of here. Both of you.

-Out, out, out. -I'll see you tomorrow?

No, never. Out of here. Both of you.

-[Dot Com] Delilah! -[Emmanuelle] Delilah.

[relieved sigh]

Two wannabe slay kings.

[scoffs]

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Do you know when I said I didn't love you ♪

♪ I lied ♪

♪ I lied ♪

‎[phone chimes]

♪ Even though I said I didn't need you ♪

♪ I lied… ♪

Wait. How did you guys end up together?

It was written in the stars.

[Penny] Mmm-mm. And now there's stars in your eyes.

Oh. [clears throat] [in Zulu] How did it go with you?

I don't want to talk about it.

[man] Hello?

-[Penny] Hello. -[man] Anyone?

Lerato. Can I talk to you?

[Clive] Dude.

Leave it.

I'm...I'm really sorry.

I mean, I thought I had it all planned out,

‎but it was stupid and didn't work.

I really care about you.

How do I know you're not pretending right now?

Really? With all these flowers?

Flowers are nothing to a rich man.

Mmm.

My time is. And I chose to spend it with you.

Look.

All I need is a chance

to prove to you that I'm not the man that you thought I am.

Please.

-He's in love. -It's so cute.

Okay. Maybe.

[Penny cheers]

-[Clive] Love in here. -[Penny ululates]

Well, I think we need to go somewhere else.

-I agree. -[Penny laughs]

-That is so sweet. -You see him? He's in love. Look at him.

-You want to go again? -Yeah, if you want to.

[upbeat music playing]

Hey, girl. Are you ready for mission Payback?

What? What?

-Sending the photo. -Of what?

Ah. To Richard.

-Oh! -Yes.

-[laughs] -Send.

All right, then. Action.

My name is Chriselda.

I'm 77 years old.

[in Zulu] I'm from deep rural Nquthu.

No, mama.

[in Zulu] Not like that.

You must sound like you know Richard, personally.

-Oh. -Yes?

-Okay. -Okay. Let's start again.

-Action. -[clears throat]

[in Zulu] I was the one who changed Richard's diapers.

[in Zulu] Up until the age of twelve, he used to wet his pants.

[laughs]

-Whoo. -[in Zulu] You know…

‎-[laughs] ‎-[in Zulu] I cleaned his underpants.

[in Zulu] Tiny pee-pee, but massive testicles.

[in Zulu] Traditional healers couldn't give him medicine to make it grow.

-[in Zulu] Nothing. -[laughing]

[in Zulu] I took him to Venda,

[in Zulu] where there's a tree with growth potion.

‎[in Zulu] But still nothing.

[in Zulu] You should have seen him,

[in Zulu] sticking it into every tree he could find.

Nothing.

[laughing]

Hey, mama. [in Zulu] Go on. Go on.

[in Zulu] He owns nothing. No bike, no house.

[in Zulu] It's all a figment of his imagination.

Oh!

Yes. And cut.

[in Zulu] Thank-you, ma'am.

-[in Zulu] No, man. What is it? -Thank-you.

[in Zulu] Thank-you, mama, for helping my friend.

[in Zulu] You two, so desperate for pee-pees.

[phone chimes]

[sighs]

Hello, guys. Um…

My name is Richard and um…

I wanna tell you all that…

everything I've been posting on social media has…

-completely not been true. -[laughing]

[Richard] I've lied about who I am, and what I am.

[cheers]

But you know what?

[dramatic drumbeats]

[clicks tongue]

It's not over.

[fast guitar music playing]

[laughs]

I hope that helps.

‎When you get your blesser, ‎get your money, get paid.

We love you, boo. Love you.

From me, Penny. I love you so much.

I hope you enjoyed the channel. See you next time.

And remember. Slay, bitches.

Or you get eliminated.

Lerato!

Lerato!

Your turn, babe.

["If" by Davido playing]

Are you ready for your new home?

Our new home.

No more end.

No more end.

♪ If I tell you say I love you oh… ♪

So, as you're in the labor room, as I was saying,

and you're screaming and I don't know if the child is a girl or a boy.

I'll be thinking about a lot of stuff.

♪ ...For your body, oh baby ♪

♪ No do, no do, no do garagara for me ♪

♪ No do, no do, no do serere oh ♪

♪ No do, no do, no do shakara owe ♪

♪ No do, no do, no do garagara for me ♪

♪ Girl you're beautiful too My number one tuntun ♪

♪ Sipping burukututu for your love tutu ♪

♪ I go chook you chuku chuku oh ♪