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1
00:00:10,533 --> 00:00:14,196
Now, that sign says "applesauce."
2
00:00:14,270 --> 00:00:18,138
No, no, no, I'm kidding.
It says "applause."
3
00:00:18,208 --> 00:00:20,802
Ray, do me a favor.
Could you flick that once?
4
00:00:22,345 --> 00:00:23,937
All right.
5
00:00:24,013 --> 00:00:27,244
Now, remember.'
You're all a big part of the show...
6
00:00:27,317 --> 00:00:30,582
so the better you are,
the better Larry is.
7
00:00:30,653 --> 00:00:33,679
Okay, you see this gentleman?
He's giving me this sign.
8
00:00:33,756 --> 00:00:39,092
It says, "We're on in ten seconds,"
so get ready to have a good time.
9
00:00:39,162 --> 00:00:42,290
All right, here we go.
This is exciting, isn't it?
10
00:00:43,366 --> 00:00:46,893
In five, four, three, two...
11
00:00:54,310 --> 00:00:57,802
Live, on tape from Hollywood,
The Larry Sanders Show.
12
00:00:57,881 --> 00:01:02,011
Tonight, join Larry and his guests,
John Stamos, Helen Reddy...
13
00:01:02,085 --> 00:01:03,848
and the National
Spelling Bee champion...
14
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,185
and me, "Hey, Now" Hank Kingsley.
15
00:01:07,257 --> 00:01:10,693
And now, because he's already been paid,
so we might as well use him...
16
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:15,197
Larry Sanders!
17
00:01:25,341 --> 00:01:27,536
Thank you.
18
00:01:27,610 --> 00:01:29,544
Thank you very much.
19
00:01:37,754 --> 00:01:40,689
Thank you, thank you.
20
00:01:42,158 --> 00:01:44,888
Well, thank you.
Thanks for coming this evening...
21
00:01:44,961 --> 00:01:47,555
and you're so much better
than last night's crowd.
22
00:01:47,630 --> 00:01:50,565
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
23
00:01:54,938 --> 00:01:57,805
Of course, as we get closer
to the election...
24
00:01:57,874 --> 00:02:01,810
Dan Quayle continues
to make a fool of himself...
25
00:02:04,047 --> 00:02:07,380
while George Bush continues
to claim that family values...
26
00:02:07,450 --> 00:02:09,975
will be the big issue
in the election.
27
00:02:10,053 --> 00:02:12,851
Dan Quayle has gotten confused
and just thinks there should be...
28
00:02:12,922 --> 00:02:15,083
more Tru-Value Hardware stores.
29
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,396
Dan Quayle,
who can't spell "potato"...
30
00:02:20,463 --> 00:02:23,296
but I found out you have to blame
the White House staff for that...
31
00:02:23,366 --> 00:02:25,027
because they're still
giving him a picture menu...
32
00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:27,296
and letting him point at
the food he wants.
33
00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:33,072
You can never...
34
00:02:33,142 --> 00:02:37,078
never, never have enough
Dan Quayle jokes.
35
00:02:38,681 --> 00:02:41,479
Rapper Ice-T, of course...
36
00:02:41,551 --> 00:02:44,315
pulled his controversial song,
"Cop Killer," off his album.
37
00:02:44,387 --> 00:02:48,824
He has a new song coming out, however,
called "Die, Crossing Guard, Die."
38
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:54,660
And I'm sure that's gonna stir up
the same kind of controversy.
39
00:02:54,731 --> 00:02:57,427
All the rappers are named Ice Cube,
Vanilla Ice.
40
00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:58,933
They all have ice in them.
Ice-T.
41
00:02:59,002 --> 00:03:00,936
If I was a rapper,
I already have my name picked out.
42
00:03:01,004 --> 00:03:04,337
It would be
"Hey, Put Ice on That."
43
00:03:04,407 --> 00:03:08,036
I know I would hurt myself, and
my big controversial song would be...
44
00:03:08,111 --> 00:03:10,545
"Hey, Mom, Get Off My Back."
45
00:03:14,584 --> 00:03:17,815
Hank, if you were a rapper,
what would your rap name be?
46
00:03:19,789 --> 00:03:21,484
Hank the Rapper.
47
00:03:28,131 --> 00:03:30,065
And on that note, stay tuned.
48
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:33,102
We have a wonderful show.
We haveJohn Stamos, Helen Reddy...
49
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:37,265
and this year's National Spelling Bee
champ, and it isn't Dan Quayle.
50
00:03:38,041 --> 00:03:39,975
Don't flip around.
51
00:03:42,979 --> 00:03:44,810
Okay, we're back.
52
00:03:44,881 --> 00:03:47,850
We just have a few seconds
to wrap up the show. Great show it was.
53
00:03:47,917 --> 00:03:50,647
I wanna thank Helen Reddy,
and, of course, John Stamos...
54
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,052
and spelling bee champ, Hy Fong.
55
00:03:53,122 --> 00:03:55,283
The children are the future
of this nation.
56
00:03:55,358 --> 00:03:57,622
I second that.
I will not be here next week.
57
00:03:57,694 --> 00:04:00,060
I have a much needed vacation
coming up.
58
00:04:00,129 --> 00:04:02,654
But guest-hosting will be
my good friend, Dana Carvey.
59
00:04:02,732 --> 00:04:04,962
And, Hank, this'll be
his first time hosting the show.
60
00:04:05,034 --> 00:04:07,662
- Right.
- So, I assume that you will...
61
00:04:07,737 --> 00:04:11,298
- It will be a pleasure to help him.
- Excellent.
62
00:04:11,374 --> 00:04:16,744
What the fuck does Dana Carvey know
about doing this show?
63
00:04:16,813 --> 00:04:20,249
This show?
He does funny voices.
64
00:04:20,316 --> 00:04:24,776
That's what he does.
"I'm going to give you a pump up."
65
00:04:24,854 --> 00:04:27,015
- You're funny, Hank.
- What is that?
66
00:04:27,090 --> 00:04:30,025
What does he know
about connecting with people?
67
00:04:30,093 --> 00:04:33,426
I hear you.
Just give the kid a chance.
68
00:04:33,496 --> 00:04:36,954
Dana Carvey does skits.
That's what he does. Come on.
69
00:04:37,033 --> 00:04:39,331
I outgrew that horseshit
in high school.
70
00:04:39,402 --> 00:04:43,202
Arty, every time
Larry goes on vacation...
71
00:04:43,272 --> 00:04:46,036
you say you're gonna consider me
to guest-host.
72
00:04:46,109 --> 00:04:49,169
I'll consider you.
Terrific show.
73
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:51,543
You can't wait
till that vacation, huh?
74
00:04:51,614 --> 00:04:52,706
- Great show, boss.
- See ya later.
75
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:58,743
Arty, Sheldon is here,
the network is here.
76
00:04:58,821 --> 00:05:01,551
Come on, let me show you
what I can do out there.
77
00:05:01,624 --> 00:05:04,559
- Give me my shot.
- When?
78
00:05:04,627 --> 00:05:07,061
- Right now.
- Let's go.
79
00:05:13,469 --> 00:05:16,632
- Great show. That was good.
- Did you watch any of it?
80
00:05:16,706 --> 00:05:18,537
Not really. Hee Haw was on.
81
00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:22,510
So listen, here's the plan.
Five nights next week, you host.
82
00:05:22,578 --> 00:05:24,978
- Five nights next week, I host.
- And then we go to the lake.
83
00:05:25,047 --> 00:05:27,811
- Then we go to the lake.
- What are you doing?
84
00:05:27,884 --> 00:05:29,875
I'm just warming up.
I'm doing your show, I gotta do you.
85
00:05:29,952 --> 00:05:32,921
Good thinking. By the way,
Perot dropped out. Sorry.
86
00:05:32,989 --> 00:05:35,480
That really hurts.
That really hurts, Larry.
87
00:05:35,558 --> 00:05:37,355
- When we can go to the lake...
- Yes?
88
00:05:37,427 --> 00:05:39,691
- Do not bring the trades.
- What?
89
00:05:39,762 --> 00:05:41,696
I'm tired of you looking
at the numbers for your movie.
90
00:05:41,764 --> 00:05:44,028
You can't believe what it's doing
in Malaysia. It's through the roof.
91
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,728
- It's so sad.
- It's just so much money. Huge.
92
00:05:46,803 --> 00:05:48,532
So sad. Rub it in.
93
00:05:48,604 --> 00:05:51,368
- Bring your own sleeping bag.
- Why?
94
00:05:51,441 --> 00:05:54,842
- The one sleeping bag thing didn't work.
- First time I heard a complaint.
95
00:05:54,911 --> 00:05:57,937
Last summer, it was, " Oh, the sounds
of the woods." You want a Coke?
96
00:05:58,014 --> 00:06:00,915
Yes, please.
Thank you.
97
00:06:00,983 --> 00:06:06,478
That's very interesting, Marty,
but can you do this with your card?
98
00:06:06,556 --> 00:06:09,218
How much longer
are we to endure this?
99
00:06:09,292 --> 00:06:11,886
I know Hank's
a little unorthodox, Shel...
100
00:06:11,961 --> 00:06:15,226
but you have to admire
his determination.
101
00:06:15,298 --> 00:06:20,099
Our... My next friend
is a good guest and...
102
00:06:20,169 --> 00:06:23,161
I'm gonna take that over, okay?
103
00:06:23,239 --> 00:06:25,139
- Just take your time.
- Okay.
104
00:06:27,076 --> 00:06:30,341
My next guest is a good friend
and a great talent.
105
00:06:30,413 --> 00:06:33,405
Come on, put your hands together
and give a big welcome for Phil...
106
00:06:33,483 --> 00:06:35,280
the writer.
107
00:06:37,787 --> 00:06:39,721
Everybody moves down one.
108
00:06:44,894 --> 00:06:47,727
So, Phil...
109
00:06:47,797 --> 00:06:50,027
what have you been
up to lately?
110
00:06:50,099 --> 00:06:52,033
- Well, Hank, l...
- Uh-huh.
111
00:06:54,403 --> 00:06:56,064
- I saw some friends...
- Okay, great.
112
00:06:56,138 --> 00:06:57,571
- Over the weekend...
- Right.
113
00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,665
- Down in Riverside.
- Uh-huh.
114
00:06:59,742 --> 00:07:01,209
- And...
- Yea!
115
00:07:01,277 --> 00:07:03,745
Hey, beautiful country out there.
116
00:07:03,813 --> 00:07:07,112
Thank you, gentlemen. I think
that we have a good idea of...
117
00:07:07,183 --> 00:07:11,779
Shel, please, go easy on him.
He has a fragile ego.
118
00:07:11,854 --> 00:07:14,789
Don't mention the name
Rupert Pupkin.
119
00:07:14,857 --> 00:07:17,417
So, what do you think?
120
00:07:17,493 --> 00:07:20,360
The first one... it was off.
I know it. I was nervous, you know?
121
00:07:20,429 --> 00:07:25,389
But I felt good about that second one.
I felt centered, and I felt like...
122
00:07:25,468 --> 00:07:27,834
I could go another way
with the whole thing, if you want to.
123
00:07:27,904 --> 00:07:29,963
No, I feel good, I feel good.
124
00:07:31,474 --> 00:07:36,036
So, who's it gonna be?
Is it gonna be me or Dana Carvey?
125
00:07:39,248 --> 00:07:42,706
- Schwing.
- Arty, that's good, really good.
126
00:07:42,785 --> 00:07:46,277
Dana, so delighted to have you hosting
tonight. Let me give you the tour.
127
00:07:46,355 --> 00:07:48,050
All righty.
128
00:07:48,124 --> 00:07:50,217
- This is darling Darlene.
- Hello.
129
00:07:50,293 --> 00:07:52,158
- You remember Paula?
- Oh, yes.
130
00:07:52,228 --> 00:07:54,162
In charge of bookings
and pre-interviews.
131
00:07:54,230 --> 00:07:55,857
Yeah, I remember Paula well.
132
00:07:55,932 --> 00:07:58,696
She's the one who reminds me I can't say
"cocksucker" when I'm a guest.
133
00:07:58,768 --> 00:08:01,862
- Now you're the host, so feel free.
- Cocksucker.
134
00:08:01,938 --> 00:08:04,805
Don't listen to her.
She's a kook.
135
00:08:04,874 --> 00:08:07,308
- She's cuckoo crazy.
- You're funny.
136
00:08:10,846 --> 00:08:15,112
This is Larry's office. It's yours now.
Make yourself comfortable.
137
00:08:15,184 --> 00:08:16,776
I couldn't use Larry's office.
138
00:08:16,852 --> 00:08:19,878
Oh, sir, you're a big shot now.
Sit down.
139
00:08:19,956 --> 00:08:23,483
Well, you are right, yeah.
A big shot. I like that. Okay.
140
00:08:23,559 --> 00:08:25,527
And Larry left that for you.
141
00:08:25,595 --> 00:08:27,529
That was nice of Larry.
142
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:32,696
"And the winner is the Estelle Getty
for The Golden Girls.
143
00:08:34,503 --> 00:08:36,903
Have a good show. Love, Larry."
144
00:08:36,973 --> 00:08:40,500
- Nice.
- Barbara Kirsh from the network.
145
00:08:40,576 --> 00:08:42,476
- Hi, Barbara, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
146
00:08:42,545 --> 00:08:45,207
Listen, we have one small request.
147
00:08:45,281 --> 00:08:48,341
- If you must mention your other show...
- Saturday Night Live?
148
00:08:48,417 --> 00:08:51,318
- Don't mention the specific network.
- NBC.
149
00:08:51,387 --> 00:08:53,446
NBC can eat shit and die.
150
00:08:53,522 --> 00:08:57,652
A little promotion on our show
won't help that sinking ship.
151
00:08:57,727 --> 00:08:59,661
Charming as always, Arthur.
152
00:09:01,063 --> 00:09:03,861
Let me see you out, milady.
153
00:09:03,933 --> 00:09:06,800
Don't touch anything
in the fridge and...
154
00:09:06,869 --> 00:09:08,063
- Open or closed?
- Open.
155
00:09:08,137 --> 00:09:09,934
Happy you're aboard, sir.
156
00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:19,204
Man, he's got a lot of awards.
157
00:09:21,117 --> 00:09:25,577
"Special citation
from the U.S. Marine Corps...
158
00:09:25,655 --> 00:09:29,455
for entertaining the troops
during the Gulf War."
159
00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:31,584
Wow. You guys went
all the way over there?
160
00:09:31,661 --> 00:09:35,927
Oh, yeah. We sent a videotape,
but nonetheless...
161
00:09:35,998 --> 00:09:38,558
Hey, good work, Hank.
162
00:09:38,634 --> 00:09:40,158
- Thank you.
- Videotape, good stuff.
163
00:09:40,236 --> 00:09:43,262
Thank you, Dana.
Geez, it's good to see you.
164
00:09:43,339 --> 00:09:45,432
Really?
165
00:09:45,508 --> 00:09:48,341
Look, I know you haven't done
this kind of thing before.
166
00:09:48,411 --> 00:09:50,276
No, not exactly.
167
00:09:50,346 --> 00:09:52,940
So you might be a little nervous.
168
00:09:53,015 --> 00:09:57,850
Yeah, so I thought I'd drop by
and just maybe give you some tips.
169
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,013
All right, yeah.
170
00:10:00,089 --> 00:10:04,492
Because I have been doing this
for four years...
171
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,585
and before that
I was a cruise director...
172
00:10:06,662 --> 00:10:10,928
so, all told, that gives me 12 years
experience getting people to interact.
173
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,195
Yeah. That's good. Twelve years.
174
00:10:13,269 --> 00:10:15,203
The key is...
175
00:10:22,411 --> 00:10:23,503
listening.
176
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:25,444
Yeah, you mean
when the guests just...
177
00:10:32,221 --> 00:10:34,587
- Listening.
- Yeah.
178
00:10:35,791 --> 00:10:40,626
Does that help you at all?
Or should I just go fuck myself?
179
00:10:40,696 --> 00:10:42,789
No, that's a great help.
180
00:10:42,865 --> 00:10:44,355
- That's good.
- You're sure?
181
00:10:44,433 --> 00:10:45,491
Yeah.
182
00:10:45,568 --> 00:10:47,399
Okay, that's great.
You're gonna do great.
183
00:10:47,470 --> 00:10:49,335
- Good luck to you.
- Yeah.
184
00:10:49,405 --> 00:10:51,600
You know... Yeah?
185
00:10:51,674 --> 00:10:53,107
- Listening...
- That's right.
186
00:10:53,175 --> 00:10:55,769
- Is the key.
- That's very good.
187
00:10:57,813 --> 00:11:00,247
One last thing, okay?
188
00:11:00,316 --> 00:11:03,843
And, golly, this is crucial.
189
00:11:03,919 --> 00:11:06,410
Now, if at any time
you're talking to a guest...
190
00:11:06,489 --> 00:11:09,686
and you don't know
what to say next...
191
00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:12,387
you just give me a glance,
I'm gonna jump right in...
192
00:11:12,461 --> 00:11:14,520
because that's how I carry
half the show.
193
00:11:14,597 --> 00:11:19,500
Now, it's gotta be a little glance,
so the camera won't notice it.
194
00:11:19,568 --> 00:11:23,402
Here's how it goes, all right?
You get in trouble, all right?
195
00:11:23,472 --> 00:11:25,565
Watch this. Ready?
196
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:28,201
You see that? Good.
Now once more.
197
00:11:28,277 --> 00:11:32,338
You get in trouble...
you see that, okay?
198
00:11:32,414 --> 00:11:35,850
Now, you try it. No.
I've got to see if I can pick it up.
199
00:11:35,918 --> 00:11:39,115
Me try it? I'm talking and in a hole.
I don't know what to say.
200
00:11:39,188 --> 00:11:41,520
And then...
201
00:11:41,590 --> 00:11:44,423
No. What are you doing? What?
202
00:11:44,493 --> 00:11:47,326
I can't see that. It's to the left.
That's to the band.
203
00:11:47,396 --> 00:11:48,556
I know.
204
00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:55,297
- I'm in trouble.
- I got you. Hey, now.
205
00:11:55,371 --> 00:11:57,862
- Yeah.
- I'm really looking forward to this.
206
00:11:57,940 --> 00:11:59,965
- This... Yeah.
- You really fooled me.
207
00:12:00,042 --> 00:12:03,478
- I went a little crazy. All righty.
- Okay, all right.
208
00:12:03,546 --> 00:12:07,414
I'm really... You're gonna do great.
That... You need anything?
209
00:12:07,483 --> 00:12:09,007
- No, I got it all in the fridge.
- All right.
210
00:12:09,084 --> 00:12:10,517
- See you on the ice.
- Thank you.
211
00:12:10,586 --> 00:12:12,019
- All right.
- Thanks.
212
00:12:13,055 --> 00:12:16,149
That snotty little shit.
213
00:12:16,225 --> 00:12:19,592
He's not even gonna do the glance.
I'll bet he's like that twit, Leno.
214
00:12:19,662 --> 00:12:22,062
Doesn't think he needs a sidekick.
215
00:12:22,131 --> 00:12:23,723
Gargle.
216
00:12:29,371 --> 00:12:31,931
Tell you one thing...
he doesn't give me the glance...
217
00:12:32,007 --> 00:12:34,942
I'm gonna leave him standing there
with his tallywhacker right in his hand.
218
00:12:36,212 --> 00:12:37,804
How am I?
219
00:12:49,925 --> 00:12:53,691
Live from Hollywood,
The Larry Sanders Show.
220
00:12:56,165 --> 00:13:01,330
Tonight, please welcomeJanine Turner,
Herve Villechaize, Paul Prudhomme...
221
00:13:01,403 --> 00:13:05,134
and me, "Hey, Now" Hank Kingsley.
222
00:13:06,375 --> 00:13:11,870
And now, because Larry's on vacation,
Dana Carvey.
223
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:19,520
Thank you.
224
00:13:29,865 --> 00:13:31,799
I'm not worthy.
225
00:13:42,244 --> 00:13:44,007
I feel funny...
226
00:13:44,079 --> 00:13:47,014
like when I used to
climb the rope in gym class.
227
00:13:49,051 --> 00:13:50,484
Schwing.
228
00:13:51,553 --> 00:13:54,351
I had to get that out of the way.
This is incredible.
229
00:13:54,423 --> 00:13:56,584
This is my first time
guest-hosting for Larry.
230
00:13:56,659 --> 00:14:01,756
And if you're watching, no flipping.
Is this funny? Hank, is this funny here?
231
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:04,526
Is that good? No flipping.
232
00:14:06,936 --> 00:14:11,600
Ja, this is a very attractive audience,
but they're so flabby.
233
00:14:11,674 --> 00:14:13,869
Look at this little man here.
You better not undo your belt.
234
00:14:13,943 --> 00:14:16,377
You might cause a "flab-alanche."
235
00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:20,381
Ja, thank you.
236
00:14:26,088 --> 00:14:28,318
This is fun. Thank you, Larry.
This is a good...
237
00:14:28,390 --> 00:14:31,723
I did guest-host... I don't know
if you ever saw it, but...
238
00:14:34,596 --> 00:14:37,190
Sorry, I had a little Satan twister.
Sorry.
239
00:14:37,266 --> 00:14:38,790
L...
240
00:14:38,867 --> 00:14:41,233
Well, well, well,
so many sluts and whores, oh, my.
241
00:14:41,303 --> 00:14:43,271
Sluts and whores, oh, my.
242
00:14:43,339 --> 00:14:45,773
Well, we're rather scantily clad,
aren't we?
243
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:50,801
We can't wait to get on Melrose
and wag our little bulbous bottoms.
244
00:14:50,879 --> 00:14:53,677
This woman is looking at me, like,
"You shut up, that's not true."
245
00:14:55,718 --> 00:14:58,516
Anyway,
I probably should wind this up.
246
00:14:58,587 --> 00:15:02,421
We've got Herve Villechaize here.
I'm really excited to talk to him.
247
00:15:03,625 --> 00:15:05,058
And...
248
00:15:05,127 --> 00:15:07,925
So stay tuned.
We'll be right back.
249
00:15:09,231 --> 00:15:10,960
Thank you.
250
00:15:11,033 --> 00:15:14,002
That's really amazing.
It's like he's born to do it.
251
00:15:14,069 --> 00:15:16,333
You know, come on,
anyone can do a monologue.
252
00:15:16,405 --> 00:15:18,339
Byron Allen does a monologue.
253
00:15:18,407 --> 00:15:20,307
Let's see how he does
with the interviews.
254
00:15:20,376 --> 00:15:22,674
My main concern really is
just that I catch more fish than him.
255
00:15:22,745 --> 00:15:25,111
Now the beard is...
when did you acquire this beard?
256
00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:28,616
About four months ago,
I got tired of my face...
257
00:15:30,419 --> 00:15:34,355
so I grew a beard
so I don't look like a little boy.
258
00:15:34,423 --> 00:15:36,948
Do you think it would help me?
Some people say I have sort of...
259
00:15:37,026 --> 00:15:39,221
I always feel like I look like
I should be in the window at Sears.
260
00:15:39,294 --> 00:15:41,228
"A II boys' wear, half off."
261
00:15:42,431 --> 00:15:43,864
Do you think I should grow...
262
00:15:43,932 --> 00:15:47,095
How many women think Herve is sexier
with the beard as opposed to...
263
00:15:47,169 --> 00:15:48,966
With the beard first?
264
00:15:49,038 --> 00:15:52,633
He made Herve Villechaize seem funny,
but without making fun of him.
265
00:15:54,576 --> 00:15:57,101
But, you know, he's...
266
00:15:57,179 --> 00:15:59,841
It's not like he's doing
anything special or...
267
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:03,009
I don't think that this is
really Dana's thing...
268
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,947
hosting.
269
00:16:07,022 --> 00:16:08,956
De plane, de plane.
270
00:16:11,427 --> 00:16:15,261
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, Herve.
271
00:16:15,330 --> 00:16:18,493
Pretty insane, but she thought
you were Danish Carver.
272
00:16:18,567 --> 00:16:20,501
- That's impossible, that's insane.
- Hey, Lar.
273
00:16:22,171 --> 00:16:24,139
- Great job last night, great job.
- You think so?
274
00:16:24,206 --> 00:16:28,575
Well, there was a little quarter second
lull between Garth and Hans and Franz.
275
00:16:28,644 --> 00:16:30,635
- Yeah.
- But other than that, it was great.
276
00:16:30,712 --> 00:16:33,237
Thanks for the office.
I threw up in it.
277
00:16:33,315 --> 00:16:34,748
- Oh, where?
- In your top desk drawer.
278
00:16:34,817 --> 00:16:37,115
- Yeah, that's what that's for.
- What are you doing here?
279
00:16:37,186 --> 00:16:39,484
Actually, Arty called me in
for some fucking network meeting.
280
00:16:39,555 --> 00:16:42,319
Yeah, I'm glad you're here,
'cause I gotta talk to you.
281
00:16:42,391 --> 00:16:43,483
- Good. Okay.
- I was gonna call you.
282
00:16:43,559 --> 00:16:45,288
- Catch you when I come out.
- Yeah, that's great.
283
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:46,952
- Really funny.
- Yeah, thanks.
284
00:16:47,029 --> 00:16:48,656
- Really funny.
- You think so?
285
00:16:48,730 --> 00:16:51,699
- Don't diminish yourself.
- All right, I can't tell.
286
00:16:51,767 --> 00:16:53,257
- You're funny.
- You're funny.
287
00:16:53,335 --> 00:16:55,826
- You are.
- No.
288
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,570
Hey, you clods.
289
00:17:00,642 --> 00:17:04,271
Who died?
Hey, I'm just kidding.
290
00:17:04,346 --> 00:17:08,282
If someone did die,
I was making a joke. Sorry.
291
00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:14,118
Larry, CBS has offered Dana Carvey
a talk show of his own against you.
292
00:17:15,224 --> 00:17:17,556
- After one night?
- I saw this coming.
293
00:17:18,627 --> 00:17:22,222
If you saw this coming, Arty,
why didn't you say something?
294
00:17:22,297 --> 00:17:24,265
If I said something every time
I saw something coming...
295
00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:26,995
we'd never get anything done.
296
00:17:27,069 --> 00:17:30,334
All right, let me...
let's digest this a minute.
297
00:17:30,405 --> 00:17:32,771
- Larry, I'm sorry.
- I'm still digesting.
298
00:17:34,309 --> 00:17:37,369
Are you... are you...
299
00:17:37,446 --> 00:17:40,438
Who... Who moved my desk?
What is this?
300
00:17:40,516 --> 00:17:42,780
Mr. Carvey said there was
a draft in this corner.
301
00:17:42,851 --> 00:17:44,751
- A draft?
- He wanted it right there.
302
00:17:44,820 --> 00:17:48,779
And he wanted it over here? Do we know
if he's taking this CBS offer?
303
00:17:48,857 --> 00:17:51,917
I've made some calls,
done some legwork, developed some leads.
304
00:17:51,994 --> 00:17:53,689
- Nothing yet.
- Thanks, Mannix.
305
00:17:53,762 --> 00:17:55,787
Mike Conners, good friend of mine.
He'll be on next week.
306
00:17:55,864 --> 00:17:58,833
For God's sakes. All I c...
Look, we have a problem here.
307
00:17:58,901 --> 00:18:02,064
I can't let a potential competitor
host the show, can I?
308
00:18:02,137 --> 00:18:03,570
- Correct.
- So what do...
309
00:18:03,639 --> 00:18:05,231
Who's gonna tell
the little old church lady?
310
00:18:05,307 --> 00:18:09,334
- Don't look at me.
- I thought you two were friends.
311
00:18:09,411 --> 00:18:11,345
Fine, I'll tell him.
312
00:18:12,581 --> 00:18:16,779
- Where's this draft, by the way?
- Here.
313
00:18:16,852 --> 00:18:20,686
You know... Boy, I do not...
314
00:18:20,756 --> 00:18:23,452
Yeah, there's a little something.
315
00:18:23,525 --> 00:18:26,585
Anyway, are you ready for this?
316
00:18:26,662 --> 00:18:28,823
And then he explodes.
"I'm outta control!"
317
00:18:28,897 --> 00:18:31,263
Yeah, that's a real...
That's the rhythm.
318
00:18:31,333 --> 00:18:33,563
It's a triple...
It's a triple kind of thing.
319
00:18:33,635 --> 00:18:36,195
Hey, let me ask you guys a question,
'cause I'm just kinda curious.
320
00:18:36,271 --> 00:18:41,004
Are you... are you locked
into this show, or what?
321
00:18:53,922 --> 00:18:56,322
Hi. Can I ask you something?
322
00:18:56,391 --> 00:18:59,121
Is it true that Dana may not be doing
the show the whole week?
323
00:18:59,194 --> 00:19:02,357
- That may be the case.
- When was this known? Let me get that.
324
00:19:02,431 --> 00:19:05,059
I got it.
I do not know.
325
00:19:05,968 --> 00:19:09,062
- I have it.
- Did Arthur and Barbara say anything...
326
00:19:09,137 --> 00:19:11,503
about the work
that we've been doing together?
327
00:19:25,787 --> 00:19:27,550
- The Hannibal Lecter thing sounds good.
- Yeah?
328
00:19:27,623 --> 00:19:29,750
We'll write it down.
See ya.
329
00:19:29,825 --> 00:19:31,759
- All right, take it easy.
- Yeah, you too.
330
00:19:35,197 --> 00:19:37,324
Heard the good news.
Congratulations.
331
00:19:37,399 --> 00:19:38,661
- Thanks, yeah.
- That is great.
332
00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:43,000
I was gonna tell you in the hallway
earlier, but I didn't get a chance.
333
00:19:43,071 --> 00:19:45,972
Well, so, you gonna do it?
334
00:19:46,041 --> 00:19:49,670
I don't know. These offers come up
all the time. You know how it is.
335
00:19:49,745 --> 00:19:52,873
- L... You know...
- So, what are you gonna do?
336
00:19:52,948 --> 00:19:57,612
Well, I gotta do
Wayne's World Two in a few months.
337
00:19:57,686 --> 00:20:01,087
Universal's got this deal
for me to produce a show.
338
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:04,319
I'm gonna do a stand-up tour.
So I'm...
339
00:20:04,393 --> 00:20:06,258
- Got a full plate.
- Yeah.
340
00:20:07,663 --> 00:20:10,359
- Things are going good.
- You have to turn it down?
341
00:20:10,432 --> 00:20:14,960
I don't know.
The talk show format, it's...
342
00:20:15,037 --> 00:20:18,905
I think I could do
some innovative stuff with it.
343
00:20:18,974 --> 00:20:21,704
Not that you aren't doing
innovative stuff with it...
344
00:20:21,777 --> 00:20:23,802
- No, huh? Thanks.
- Yeah.
345
00:20:23,879 --> 00:20:28,543
I just feel weird all of a sudden.
Do you... Should I not host the show?
346
00:20:28,617 --> 00:20:30,551
If you want me out,
I understand.
347
00:20:32,888 --> 00:20:36,380
No, it's the network.
They're such... these assholes...
348
00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:38,653
All they're worried about is
you're my competition.
349
00:20:38,727 --> 00:20:41,787
- You know?
- Yeah, well, I understand.
350
00:20:41,863 --> 00:20:44,798
I just... The last thing I want is for
it to get in the way of the friendship.
351
00:20:44,866 --> 00:20:47,096
- Become this thing, you know?
- That's exactly how I feel.
352
00:20:47,169 --> 00:20:48,431
- Good.
- Exactly how I feel.
353
00:20:48,503 --> 00:20:50,937
God knows
I'm not friends with Arsenio...
354
00:20:51,006 --> 00:20:54,203
and I swear to God, Leno tried to hit me
with one of his big cars the other day.
355
00:20:54,276 --> 00:20:56,744
But I won't... I don't think
that'll happen to us, 'cause I think...
356
00:20:56,812 --> 00:20:59,372
- Yeah, good, I agree.
- You know...
357
00:20:59,448 --> 00:21:01,507
- Yeah.
- Good.
358
00:21:01,583 --> 00:21:03,448
- Good. Hey...
- So I'll host.
359
00:21:03,518 --> 00:21:06,351
Don't host. Host.
360
00:21:06,421 --> 00:21:08,821
- I'll host.
- Fine, fine.
361
00:21:08,890 --> 00:21:10,983
- Okay.
- Yeah, I'm...
362
00:21:11,059 --> 00:21:14,654
- Yeah, that's good.
- Yeah, okay.
363
00:21:14,730 --> 00:21:17,358
- Oop, you all right?
- Yeah. Schwing.
364
00:21:23,038 --> 00:21:25,131
Carvey's hosting tonight.
365
00:21:33,949 --> 00:21:36,383
Let's move the dwarf palm
stage left.
366
00:21:39,354 --> 00:21:43,051
Oh, your left. Up.
Keep on going.
367
00:21:43,125 --> 00:21:46,185
Listen, if you find out who's fucking
with these plants, I want to know.
368
00:21:49,398 --> 00:21:51,866
Come on, a little more.
369
00:21:51,933 --> 00:21:54,424
That's it. Hold it, mark it.
370
00:21:54,503 --> 00:21:57,904
I'm sorry to bother you. What, a problem
with the plant alignment again?
371
00:21:57,973 --> 00:21:59,406
- Yep.
- Damn.
372
00:21:59,474 --> 00:22:02,443
Everybody thinks
this is an easy job.
373
00:22:02,511 --> 00:22:05,503
- Listen...
- Yeah?
374
00:22:05,580 --> 00:22:09,778
Ah, boy, I wanted to ask you
something about my...
375
00:22:09,851 --> 00:22:11,284
You got it. Walk away.
376
00:22:12,354 --> 00:22:14,379
- Your audition?
- Well, no.
377
00:22:14,456 --> 00:22:18,392
I mean, you know, my...
well, my presentation.
378
00:22:21,963 --> 00:22:23,521
Okay, sure.
379
00:22:24,666 --> 00:22:29,933
Well, you and Sheldon said
I wasn't quite right.
380
00:22:30,005 --> 00:22:32,633
And I slept on that note.
381
00:22:32,707 --> 00:22:35,198
And when I woke up,
I realized...
382
00:22:37,279 --> 00:22:38,746
it wasn't very specific.
383
00:22:38,814 --> 00:22:41,248
Let me be more specific.
384
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:48,055
Some of the things you do
are not quite right.
385
00:22:49,591 --> 00:22:51,821
But what?
386
00:22:51,893 --> 00:22:56,262
L-I am open to
any constructive criticism.
387
00:22:56,331 --> 00:22:58,765
Please, help me to help you.
388
00:23:03,305 --> 00:23:05,364
Where the hell should I start?
389
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:09,274
Hank, you speak very slowly.
390
00:23:09,344 --> 00:23:13,303
There's a slow cadence to your speech
that's great in a supporting position...
391
00:23:13,381 --> 00:23:14,814
but you...
392
00:23:20,789 --> 00:23:24,054
- Larry, it's 11:30.
- Yeah?
393
00:23:24,125 --> 00:23:26,889
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
394
00:23:26,962 --> 00:23:29,795
- Aren't you gonna watch the show?
- No.
395
00:23:31,132 --> 00:23:32,565
You know, I don't get it.
396
00:23:32,634 --> 00:23:35,728
You guys are all buddy-buddy when you're
coming up in the clubs together...
397
00:23:35,804 --> 00:23:38,136
but then as soon as there's a hint
of competition...
398
00:23:38,206 --> 00:23:40,231
- your friendship goes out the window.
- You don't understand...
399
00:23:40,308 --> 00:23:44,039
the complex dynamic
of a show biz relationship.
400
00:23:44,112 --> 00:23:47,240
Yeah, well,
I'm gonna watch it upstairs.
401
00:23:47,315 --> 00:23:51,445
Does this stuff at the Franklin Mint
really go up in value?
402
00:23:54,756 --> 00:23:58,419
All right. Hank, didn't you
at one time own a race horse yourself?
403
00:23:58,493 --> 00:24:00,427
- What? Is that funny? What?
- Yes, I did, sir.
404
00:24:00,495 --> 00:24:02,520
And " Hank's Kerchief'
was her name.
405
00:24:02,597 --> 00:24:06,089
Perhaps best known for jumping the rails
at Santa Anita three races in a row.
406
00:24:06,167 --> 00:24:08,727
Lovely old nag. Never did jack for me.
I loved her nonetheless.
407
00:24:08,803 --> 00:24:10,236
I tell you, there was...
Yes, sir?
408
00:24:10,305 --> 00:24:13,638
After the show, remind me to turn you
on to a little thing called decaf.
409
00:24:13,708 --> 00:24:15,699
- Thank you, sir.
- 'Cause Hank is a little hyper.
410
00:24:15,777 --> 00:24:20,237
I'm looking forward to it. Decaf.
I remember once, I drank a pina colada.
411
00:24:24,719 --> 00:24:27,620
- I'm hosting the show tonight.
- What?
412
00:24:27,689 --> 00:24:30,681
That's right. I'm hosting the show
tonight. I was bored on vacation anyway.
413
00:24:30,759 --> 00:24:35,662
Beverly, get me Dana Carvey.
Would you help me?
414
00:24:35,730 --> 00:24:39,860
Okay, but... No, sir, we're not
putting you on the air this week.
415
00:24:39,935 --> 00:24:43,302
Make it look as if you
regard him as a genuine threat.
416
00:24:43,371 --> 00:24:46,898
Besides, we might be twisting
our shorts in knots for nothing.
417
00:24:46,975 --> 00:24:49,341
- He may have turned the offer down.
- I'm telling you, I know Carvey.
418
00:24:49,411 --> 00:24:51,971
He didn't turn down this offer.
He doesn't turn down anything.
419
00:24:52,047 --> 00:24:53,309
I'll bet you right now, he...
420
00:24:53,381 --> 00:24:57,317
Well, hi.
So, what's going on?
421
00:24:58,386 --> 00:25:02,015
Listen, this is a little awkward. We...
Want something from the fridge?
422
00:25:02,090 --> 00:25:05,253
- Something's wrong, right?
- No, nothing is wrong.
423
00:25:05,327 --> 00:25:07,989
But we just need to know if you're
gonna be taking that talk show offer.
424
00:25:08,063 --> 00:25:09,792
Oh, that, I don't know.
425
00:25:09,864 --> 00:25:12,196
Just answer the question,
you little asshole.
426
00:25:12,267 --> 00:25:14,201
What? What's...
427
00:25:14,269 --> 00:25:16,669
I don't wanna put
too much pressure on you, Dana...
428
00:25:16,738 --> 00:25:18,672
but the truth is
it's a business thing.
429
00:25:18,740 --> 00:25:21,106
We need to know if you're taking
the other talk show.
430
00:25:21,176 --> 00:25:22,768
- I don't know.
- I know you.
431
00:25:22,844 --> 00:25:25,074
I know you know.
432
00:25:25,146 --> 00:25:28,741
All right, I can't say.
433
00:25:28,817 --> 00:25:30,944
You can't say?
Oh, Arty, he can't say.
434
00:25:31,019 --> 00:25:33,078
- No, he can't say.
- He can't say.
435
00:25:33,154 --> 00:25:36,954
- What are you doing?
- I'm not taking the deal with CBS.
436
00:25:37,025 --> 00:25:39,459
- I apologize, sir.
- Thank you.
437
00:25:42,230 --> 00:25:46,758
- Why?
- I'm taking the deal at NBC.
438
00:25:51,239 --> 00:25:53,264
I didn't even know
about the NBC thing.
439
00:25:53,341 --> 00:25:56,902
- I saw it coming.
- I hate this business.
440
00:25:56,978 --> 00:25:58,741
I'm telling you, I saw it coming.
441
00:25:58,813 --> 00:26:02,214
And I'm telling you,
I hate this fucking business.
442
00:26:04,819 --> 00:26:07,379
Barbara Hershey's gonna be
your first guest tonight.
443
00:26:07,455 --> 00:26:10,322
- Is she with lips or without lips?
- I wanted to talk to you about that.
444
00:26:10,392 --> 00:26:12,519
One of her lips is thin,
and the other one's still fat.
445
00:26:12,594 --> 00:26:14,858
It's kinda funky.
So don't even bring it up, okay?
446
00:26:14,929 --> 00:26:16,988
- All right. Okay.
- Okay?
447
00:26:17,065 --> 00:26:19,499
- Okay, thanks.
- Have a good show.
448
00:26:20,735 --> 00:26:22,828
I know this is a bad time
and everything, but...
449
00:26:22,904 --> 00:26:24,997
I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry
I didn't mention the NBC deal.
450
00:26:25,073 --> 00:26:27,041
- That's all right.
- I was gonna mention it on the trip.
451
00:26:27,108 --> 00:26:29,133
When we were on the boat,
having a few beers, catching the fish...
452
00:26:29,210 --> 00:26:31,440
I was gonna tell you everything,
so, I'm sorry.
453
00:26:31,513 --> 00:26:34,004
It's okay, it's okay. You still
wanna go on the fishing trip?
454
00:26:34,082 --> 00:26:36,812
Do you have another deal to go?
Do you have another offer to go?
455
00:26:36,885 --> 00:26:40,912
Yeah, I got another fishing trip offer.
Bob Saget called. Huge fishing offer.
456
00:26:40,989 --> 00:26:42,081
It's multifaceted.
457
00:26:42,157 --> 00:26:44,751
- So you'll probably be taking bass.
- Yeah, I'm...
458
00:26:44,826 --> 00:26:47,124
I'm not at liberty to say.
It's gonna be great.
459
00:26:47,195 --> 00:26:49,356
What are you guys...
You guys are okay?
460
00:26:49,431 --> 00:26:50,864
- Yeah.
- Yeah, fine.
461
00:26:50,932 --> 00:26:52,593
You patched things up?
462
00:26:52,667 --> 00:26:55,465
You're talking to us like we're
Martin and Lewis, for God's sakes.
463
00:26:55,537 --> 00:26:57,471
- Yeah, it's fine.
- You sure?
464
00:26:57,539 --> 00:27:00,872
There is someone definitely
to host tonight, right?
465
00:27:00,942 --> 00:27:02,910
- There is someone to host.
- Yes.
466
00:27:02,977 --> 00:27:04,968
All right. Well, very good.
467
00:27:05,046 --> 00:27:09,710
I have to warm up the audience,
so I'll see you out there on the ice.
468
00:27:09,784 --> 00:27:12,719
All righty. Thanks, Hank.
He calls it the ice.
469
00:27:12,787 --> 00:27:14,277
- He's so cute.
- He thinks he's a rapper.
470
00:27:14,355 --> 00:27:16,755
- I know.
- I don't know what that is.
471
00:27:16,825 --> 00:27:19,089
- You know, by the way, the NBC deal...
- Yeah?
472
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,185
Just wanted to let you know,
it's prime time.
473
00:27:21,262 --> 00:27:23,196
It would be hours before
you'd ever be on television.
474
00:27:23,264 --> 00:27:24,697
- So don't feel threatened.
- I wasn't threatened.
475
00:27:24,766 --> 00:27:26,893
- You seemed a little threatened.
- I was never threatened.
476
00:27:26,968 --> 00:27:28,367
- All right, you were never threatened.
- I was never threatened.
477
00:27:28,436 --> 00:27:31,064
I'll prove it to you. Why don't you
co-host the show with me tonight?
478
00:27:31,139 --> 00:27:33,403
There's not room
for two guys at the desk.
479
00:27:33,475 --> 00:27:35,409
Okay, guest sidekick.
Be the guest sidekick.
480
00:27:35,477 --> 00:27:37,411
- What about Hank?
- Thirty seconds.
481
00:27:37,479 --> 00:27:39,913
Arty, tell Hank...
482
00:27:44,552 --> 00:27:45,985
Okay.
483
00:27:46,054 --> 00:27:47,681
It's all taken care of.
484
00:27:47,756 --> 00:27:49,690
Larry, one last thing...
485
00:27:49,758 --> 00:27:52,522
I just wanted to be totally honest here.
You know the overall deal at NBC?
486
00:27:52,594 --> 00:27:56,394
- Yeah?
- Well, it could be late night.
487
00:27:56,464 --> 00:27:58,398
Live on tape from Holly...
488
00:27:58,448 --> 00:28:02,998
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