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1
00:00:06,219 --> 00:00:07,219
But you know what?
2
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,180
I do worry about
today's society.
3
00:00:11,109 --> 00:00:13,219
And why not?
I have another bit on it.
4
00:00:16,089 --> 00:00:18,149
We spill coffee now
and we sue.
5
00:00:18,170 --> 00:00:20,030
People didn't
used to do that.
6
00:00:20,050 --> 00:00:21,240
We just
love to complain.
7
00:00:21,260 --> 00:00:23,120
The post office is another
good example of this.
8
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,280
People love to complain
about the post office.
9
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,080
They actually
do a terrific job.
10
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:27,150
We love to complain.
11
00:00:27,170 --> 00:00:29,270
People love to say,
"Well, the price of stamps
keeps going up."
12
00:00:29,289 --> 00:00:31,069
Yeah, but what--
13
00:00:31,089 --> 00:00:33,039
like a penny
every 11 years?
14
00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:37,180
I mean...
What is it now,
32 cents? Ooh!
15
00:00:38,219 --> 00:00:40,059
Is it 32 cents?
16
00:00:40,079 --> 00:00:41,209
That sounds high.
17
00:00:45,070 --> 00:00:46,170
You're a funny guy.
18
00:00:46,189 --> 00:00:47,209
I told you.
I told you.
19
00:00:47,229 --> 00:00:50,039
I know, you told me
you were a funny guy.
20
00:00:50,060 --> 00:00:51,190
Larry?
21
00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:54,180
Um... I wanted to ask you
22
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,170
if anybody
knows about us yet?
23
00:00:57,189 --> 00:01:00,039
No. I haven't
told anybody about us.
24
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,190
Oh.
Why?
25
00:01:01,210 --> 00:01:03,060
Well, I think
that's good.
26
00:01:03,079 --> 00:01:04,269
Yeah.
Yeah.
27
00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:08,210
'Cause you know when celebrity
relationships go public,
28
00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:10,150
I don't know, it starts
to ruin everything.
29
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:11,210
Right.
30
00:01:11,230 --> 00:01:13,040
Do you think?
31
00:01:13,060 --> 00:01:14,240
I do think so.
Okay.
32
00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:16,030
I think
that's a good idea.
Okay.
33
00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:19,160
What'd you
do last night?
34
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,260
Huh?
35
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,190
I was-- I was home...
by myself.
36
00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,030
(chuckles)
By yourself, huh?
37
00:01:26,049 --> 00:01:27,129
Yeah,
by myself.
38
00:01:27,150 --> 00:01:29,020
Sounds captivating.
39
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,179
"So as we finish up
our final weeks
40
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,240
"here at 'Larry Sanders,'
41
00:01:35,259 --> 00:01:37,229
"it gives us
an opportunity...
42
00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:41,080
"to have some old friends
and special guests drop by.
43
00:01:41,099 --> 00:01:43,269
And tonight,
we're in for a treat,
ladies and gentlemen."
44
00:01:43,289 --> 00:01:45,199
And then
it's Liza Minnelli?
Man: Right, Sid?
45
00:01:45,219 --> 00:01:47,999
Liza Minnelli.
Comes out.
46
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:50,090
(applause,
laughter)
47
00:01:51,229 --> 00:01:56,179
♪ What good is sitting
alone in your room ♪
48
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,190
♪ Come hear
the music play ♪
49
00:01:59,210 --> 00:02:03,200
♪ Life is a cabaret,
old chum ♪
50
00:02:03,219 --> 00:02:07,129
♪ Come to the cabaret ♪
51
00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:09,210
Good luck, Larry!
52
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:11,119
We're all gonna miss you.
53
00:02:11,139 --> 00:02:15,029
But thanks
for all the wonderful years.
54
00:02:16,030 --> 00:02:17,190
Okay, sorry, sorry.
55
00:02:17,210 --> 00:02:18,280
Thank you, Liza.
56
00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:21,260
♪ Put down your knitting ♪
57
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,280
♪ The book and the broom ♪
58
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,200
♪ It's time for a holiday ♪
59
00:02:27,219 --> 00:02:31,139
♪ Life is a cabaret,
old chum ♪
60
00:02:31,159 --> 00:02:32,999
Larry:
Okay, that's enough.
♪ Come to the-- ♪
61
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,090
I got--
Okay, that's--
62
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:35,250
I'm sorry, I was supposed
to interrupt sooner.
63
00:02:35,270 --> 00:02:37,230
That's enough, Liza.
One number is fine.
64
00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:39,060
Screw you, Larry.
65
00:02:39,079 --> 00:02:42,199
My mother and I
always hated you.
66
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:46,170
♪ Come to the cabaret ♪
67
00:02:46,189 --> 00:02:47,219
Larry:
Liza Minnelli, please.
68
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,170
♪ Come taste the wine ♪
69
00:02:49,189 --> 00:02:52,179
And I'll do this?
♪ Come blow your horn ♪
70
00:02:52,199 --> 00:02:54,119
♪ Come hear the music ♪
71
00:02:54,139 --> 00:02:56,049
♪ Come follow me ♪
72
00:02:56,069 --> 00:02:58,139
♪ Your table's waiting ♪
73
00:02:58,159 --> 00:03:00,289
(laughing)
Wait! No, wait!
74
00:03:01,009 --> 00:03:02,139
That's-- that's funny.
75
00:03:02,159 --> 00:03:05,129
I'll call Army Archerd,
tour de force,
new face in town, Sid.
76
00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:07,150
Hilarious. Thanks.
Good job, good job.
77
00:03:07,169 --> 00:03:10,089
Sid...
(laughter)
78
00:03:10,110 --> 00:03:12,150
Nice job,
nice job out there.
79
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,080
I said
it was a nice job
out there.
80
00:03:16,099 --> 00:03:18,209
Can you hear me?
Thank you.
81
00:03:18,229 --> 00:03:20,999
They wanted a freak show
and you gave it to 'em.
82
00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:23,010
What's that supposed
to mean?
83
00:03:23,030 --> 00:03:25,240
It means that
you're a fucking freak.
84
00:03:25,259 --> 00:03:28,069
Look, I should--
I should be playing
Liza Minnelli.
85
00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:30,180
You know?
I know Liza Minnelli.
86
00:03:30,199 --> 00:03:33,019
What you did out there
is a train wreck.
87
00:03:33,039 --> 00:03:36,189
You're not a performer.
What are you?
You're a cue card holder.
88
00:03:36,210 --> 00:03:38,050
Leave me alone, dipshit.
89
00:03:38,069 --> 00:03:39,179
You know
what's really sad?
90
00:03:39,199 --> 00:03:41,199
You don't know
the fucking difference
91
00:03:41,219 --> 00:03:45,029
between being laughed with
and being laughed at.
92
00:03:59,129 --> 00:04:01,179
(knocking)
Yeah, who is it?
93
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,219
Come in.
94
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,100
I'll call you
right back.
95
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,270
Artie, hi.
96
00:04:05,289 --> 00:04:09,019
You have to meet
this psychic.
She's... amazing.
97
00:04:09,039 --> 00:04:11,259
We don't put psychics
on the show.
I know, but--
98
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:15,080
We leave that
and teenage makeovers
to Ms. Ricki Lake.
99
00:04:15,099 --> 00:04:16,189
I know, but
she's unbelievable.
100
00:04:16,209 --> 00:04:18,179
She talked to my grandmother,
she knew her name.
101
00:04:18,199 --> 00:04:21,009
Ah, the old grandma trick.
102
00:04:21,029 --> 00:04:24,159
You know, Kreskin tried
that on me 20 years ago.
103
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,090
He said, "Is there a man
in your life with a 'D'
104
00:04:27,110 --> 00:04:29,200
and an 'A' and a 'D'?
105
00:04:30,199 --> 00:04:32,179
I said, "Yeah, that's my dad!"
106
00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:34,289
I think Larry would be
really funny with her.
107
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:36,249
Just let her
give you a reading.
108
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:41,170
Artie, this is Char.
109
00:04:41,189 --> 00:04:44,269
Well, what a delight
to meet such a charming
and beautiful woman.
110
00:04:44,290 --> 00:04:47,210
Thank you.
We don't have psychics
on the show.
111
00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:49,050
Sit down,
tell him something.
112
00:04:49,069 --> 00:04:50,269
Artie, sit down.
113
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,290
Okay,
give me a second.
114
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:59,030
I see a new woman
in your life.
115
00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:02,030
On most nights,
you'd be batting a thousand.
116
00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,260
Your mother,
did she have dark hair?
117
00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:06,219
And was there
an "A" in her name?
118
00:05:09,089 --> 00:05:10,189
How'd you know that?
119
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,049
Adelle?
120
00:05:12,069 --> 00:05:16,099
See?
And you had a grandfather
named... Jacob.
121
00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:19,290
Grandpa Jake.
122
00:05:20,009 --> 00:05:21,129
Taught me how to fish.
123
00:05:21,149 --> 00:05:24,029
Oh, my God.
124
00:05:24,050 --> 00:05:26,160
Please, let's get back
to the new woman.
125
00:05:26,180 --> 00:05:28,200
I can't quite
make her out.
126
00:05:28,220 --> 00:05:31,160
It's somebody
with light brown hair.
127
00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:33,260
It's someone
you just met.
128
00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:36,009
There's a "C,"
it starts with a "C"
129
00:05:36,029 --> 00:05:37,119
and there's an "A" in it.
130
00:05:37,139 --> 00:05:39,079
Does that ring
a bell at all?
131
00:05:44,199 --> 00:05:48,039
Is there also
an "H" and an "R,"
132
00:05:48,060 --> 00:05:49,170
Char?
133
00:05:49,189 --> 00:05:51,269
I think Larry
will find you delightful,
134
00:05:51,290 --> 00:05:55,110
and I predict a booking
on Friday night.
135
00:05:55,129 --> 00:05:57,149
Godammit! Where is
that little asshole?
136
00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:59,080
Uh, could you
watch your language?
137
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:00,100
Hurry up!
138
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,140
Excuse me,
you're a writer,
139
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,200
you could pick up
this Magic Marker,
140
00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:03,290
and you could
write the jokes yourself.
141
00:06:04,009 --> 00:06:05,049
Jesus, you have
worse handwriting
142
00:06:05,069 --> 00:06:07,079
than Stephen Hawking.
You know, forget you. Here.
143
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,180
Hey, what's
all the tumult?
Sid isn't here.
144
00:06:09,199 --> 00:06:11,179
Brian, come here.
You must have
good handwriting.
145
00:06:11,199 --> 00:06:12,999
Help me out.
What is that
supposed to mean?
146
00:06:13,019 --> 00:06:15,029
Five minutes
before the show,
totally unprofessional.
147
00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:17,150
But you see,
that is Sid.
148
00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:20,160
Artie:
Hey, folks.
Listen up, will you?
149
00:06:24,149 --> 00:06:27,229
I just... got a call
from Sid's brother.
150
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:29,100
Mm-hmm, five minutes
before the show.
151
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,000
I think--
I think you got to
take some action here.
152
00:06:31,019 --> 00:06:33,199
I mean,
people have been fired
for just, a lot less.
153
00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:36,040
He's dead.
There you go,
good for you.
154
00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:37,230
You got to set an example.
155
00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:40,070
No. I mean,
he killed himself.
156
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:46,240
Beverly: What?
He was fine during
the rehearsal, Artie.
157
00:06:46,259 --> 00:06:48,029
Well, apparently, after that,
158
00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:49,250
he ran home and took
an overdose of pills.
159
00:06:49,269 --> 00:06:53,059
Well, what could've happened
between the rehearsal and then?
160
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:57,039
Well, I know it's gonna
be tough, we've got
exactly four minutes.
161
00:06:57,060 --> 00:06:58,130
Got to do a show.
162
00:06:58,149 --> 00:07:01,009
Let's do this one for Sid.
What do you say?
163
00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:02,119
And not a word
of this to Larry.
164
00:07:02,139 --> 00:07:05,049
Anyway, we have
a great show tonight.
165
00:07:05,069 --> 00:07:06,179
We have, uh...
166
00:07:06,199 --> 00:07:08,019
We have a great show tonight.
167
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,140
My guests are...
168
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,270
It's just--
We have a great show.
169
00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:15,280
Some nights you have
a special, special show
170
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,050
where you have
terrific guests,
and some ni--
171
00:07:18,069 --> 00:07:19,279
honestly,
you just have, you know,
average guests.
172
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,030
But tonight's
one of those nights
when we have...
173
00:07:23,050 --> 00:07:25,220
uh, really good guests.
174
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,190
Beverly, it's not
that you didn't
do a good job.
175
00:07:27,209 --> 00:07:29,229
It's just that I'm used
to the way Sid does the cards.
176
00:07:29,250 --> 00:07:31,270
Wh... where
the hell was he?
177
00:07:31,290 --> 00:07:34,100
(whispers)
Excuse me.
178
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,220
Who died?
179
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,160
Sid. He killed himself
this afternoon.
180
00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:46,070
I didn't want to tell
you about it, you know,
before the show.
181
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:48,220
Well, does
everybody else know?
Pretty much.
182
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,180
So I-- I don't have
to break it to anyone.
183
00:07:50,199 --> 00:07:52,159
No, taken care of.
184
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:55,150
(exhaling)
We need to, uh--
185
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,220
Send flowers?
That's done.
186
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,230
(exhales)
And the--
Funeral?
187
00:07:59,250 --> 00:08:01,040
Tomorrow afternoon.
188
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,080
Right,
so I should probably...
189
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:04,240
Short appearance,
20 minutes, tops.
190
00:08:04,259 --> 00:08:07,029
Car will be waiting.
Excellent.
191
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:09,250
Sid. Jesus.
What great handwriting, huh?
192
00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:12,220
Wonder if they'll ask me
to be a pallbearer?
193
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,070
Because you know,
I have a bad--
194
00:08:14,089 --> 00:08:16,009
Back?
Oh...
195
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,269
Shoulder?
Okay.
196
00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:20,130
I'm going to hell.
What?
197
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:22,149
I'm going to hell.
I...
198
00:08:22,170 --> 00:08:23,280
I killed Sid.
199
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,240
(scoffs) What are
you talking about?
200
00:08:25,259 --> 00:08:27,139
Stop it!
201
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,190
I killed Sid.
202
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,209
What happened?
203
00:08:30,230 --> 00:08:32,180
I-- I-- I...
I told him
204
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,130
he was a...
a fourth-rate
Larry "Bud" Melman.
205
00:08:35,149 --> 00:08:37,069
Oh, come on.
206
00:08:37,090 --> 00:08:39,280
You guys joke like
that all the time.
Mm.
207
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,100
When did this happen?
208
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,180
At rehearsal,
an hour before his death.
209
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,240
Oh?
210
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:47,119
And then I...
I told him,
211
00:08:47,139 --> 00:08:50,289
he was being...
laughed at, not with.
212
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:54,029
You said that?
213
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,100
Call Rosey Grier.
214
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,010
Ask him if he'll come over
and pray with me.
215
00:09:03,029 --> 00:09:04,259
Okay.
216
00:09:04,279 --> 00:09:07,029
He's a good guy, right?
217
00:09:07,049 --> 00:09:09,219
Mm-hmm,
and very discreet.
218
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,269
That was...
the essence of Sid.
219
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:17,049
He was always
jumping in...
220
00:09:17,070 --> 00:09:19,050
and helping people out.
221
00:09:22,059 --> 00:09:24,099
He was a real hero to me.
222
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,050
So, Sid, buddy,
here's to you.
223
00:09:27,070 --> 00:09:28,210
(applause)
(sighs)
224
00:09:28,230 --> 00:09:31,130
I'm here for you.
We'll get through this.
225
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,059
That was long.
226
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,090
What?
227
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:40,150
Well, introduce me.
228
00:09:40,169 --> 00:09:41,169
Introduce me.
229
00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:42,240
Oh.
230
00:09:44,149 --> 00:09:48,079
I want to introduce
you to... one of Sid's
biggest fans--
231
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:51,080
the great
Larry Sanders.
232
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,140
No, no.
233
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:56,259
Well, I appreciate that.
234
00:09:56,279 --> 00:09:59,169
I usually am only used
to, uh...
235
00:09:59,190 --> 00:10:01,050
hearing the applause
when I'm with Sid,
236
00:10:01,070 --> 00:10:03,260
because usually
when I walk out
to do the monologue,
237
00:10:03,279 --> 00:10:07,019
which I think is, you know,
the most important part
of the show,
238
00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:10,239
and, uh... the funniest.
239
00:10:10,259 --> 00:10:13,259
Anyway...
just a real loss.
240
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,169
But cue card men never die,
241
00:10:16,190 --> 00:10:20,040
they just get... whited out.
242
00:10:21,129 --> 00:10:22,239
No flipping.
243
00:10:22,259 --> 00:10:24,219
Shut up, Phil.
244
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,060
(applause)
245
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:27,290
That didn't go well.
246
00:10:28,009 --> 00:10:30,269
I shouldn't have done
the, uh... the whiting out joke.
247
00:10:30,289 --> 00:10:32,049
Artie:
Oh, it was good.
248
00:10:32,070 --> 00:10:33,240
It didn't work.
But you know why?
249
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:36,239
Because you went so long,
you killed the whole audience.
250
00:10:36,259 --> 00:10:38,109
I didn't know
you were gonna tell a joke.
251
00:10:38,129 --> 00:10:40,059
I thought you were
gonna dry up...
Yeah.
252
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,130
...'cause
it's so emotional.
253
00:10:41,149 --> 00:10:43,269
You know what?
I-- Should I go again?
254
00:10:46,019 --> 00:10:47,239
No.
255
00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:53,149
Man:
I can't believe
Larry actually showed up.
256
00:10:53,169 --> 00:10:54,249
Who are you?
257
00:10:54,269 --> 00:10:57,009
Oh,
I'm Sid's brother, Fred.
258
00:10:57,029 --> 00:11:01,169
Oh...
I'm so s-- sorry, uh...
259
00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:04,130
Your brother was
a wonderful man, sir,
260
00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:07,039
and a very funny guy,
261
00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:08,119
a very gifted actor,
262
00:11:08,139 --> 00:11:12,289
who...
people laughed
with and not at.
263
00:11:13,009 --> 00:11:14,999
He told me you always
used to give him a hard time.
264
00:11:15,019 --> 00:11:17,279
Really?
Yeah, he said
you always ragged on him.
265
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,090
I don't...
recall that.
266
00:11:21,110 --> 00:11:23,110
Um... there was
some verbal sparring,
267
00:11:23,129 --> 00:11:25,079
of course,
all in good fun.
268
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:30,180
Uh, you know, "snaps,"
I... I believe
the kids call it.
269
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,080
How's the family
gettin' on?
270
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:34,050
Not so good.
Really?
271
00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:35,160
Sid left kind of a mess,
272
00:11:35,179 --> 00:11:37,119
you know, a lot
of unpaid bills and, uh...
273
00:11:37,139 --> 00:11:39,109
insurance policy
he borrowed money on.
274
00:11:39,129 --> 00:11:40,999
I'd like to help,
but I'm living
on unemployment.
275
00:11:41,019 --> 00:11:42,169
I'll take care
of everything.
276
00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:44,160
The funeral,
the bills,
277
00:11:44,179 --> 00:11:46,179
I'll...
I'll take care of it.
278
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,170
Why?
279
00:11:48,190 --> 00:11:49,190
Well...
280
00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:54,179
Because I loved him.
281
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,060
You know,
I didn't know Sid that well,
282
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,030
but the passing of anyone
touches us all.
283
00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:07,279
So why don't we all
join together in prayer,
284
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,270
saying goodbye to Sid?
285
00:12:09,289 --> 00:12:11,159
Would you bow your heads.
286
00:12:11,179 --> 00:12:13,199
Father, God of Abraham,
Isaac and Jacob,
287
00:12:13,220 --> 00:12:15,120
how we thank you
for the privilege
and opportunity
288
00:12:15,139 --> 00:12:17,999
that you gave us just to have
a short time with Sid.
289
00:12:18,019 --> 00:12:21,239
I think of each person
that's here,
290
00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:24,179
saying goodbye
in their own special way.
291
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,220
Real dinosaurs.
292
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,280
Really?
Yeah.
293
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,160
So, you're
just running
294
00:12:28,179 --> 00:12:30,119
and there's
nothing there
chasing you?
295
00:12:30,139 --> 00:12:31,229
Fake... things.
296
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,290
I mean, you know...
297
00:12:33,009 --> 00:12:34,229
Oh.
Fake dinosaurs.
298
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:36,140
Larry,
this is Laura Dern.
299
00:12:36,159 --> 00:12:37,199
She's gonna be
on the show tonight.
300
00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:39,130
Hi!
Hi. Nice to meet you.
301
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:40,279
Oh, it's so nice
to meet you.
302
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,210
Wow, what a... great thing
that you're on the show.
303
00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,120
I'm so thrilled.
What a delight.
304
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,179
I'm a huge fan.
Are you kidding?
305
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,030
Yeah, a delight for me.
She's gonna
talk about
306
00:12:47,049 --> 00:12:48,069
her trip to Mexico.
307
00:12:48,090 --> 00:12:50,170
The sunburn?
The-- I assume, sunburn,
308
00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:52,140
some story, funny story...
about a sunburn?
309
00:12:52,159 --> 00:12:54,079
Fair... skin?
Yeah, something...
310
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:56,120
Do you guys
know each other?
No.
311
00:12:56,139 --> 00:12:57,259
No.
We've never
met before, have we?
312
00:12:57,279 --> 00:12:58,279
I think
like a hello, at a--
313
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,250
At a function
of some sort, I believe.
Yeah.
314
00:13:00,269 --> 00:13:02,999
Wasn't it at a function, where--
I don't remember, even.
315
00:13:03,019 --> 00:13:04,229
But this is...
This is better.
316
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,120
This is better.
Well, have fun
out there.
317
00:13:06,139 --> 00:13:07,289
Okay, thank you, you too.
Sorry to interrupt.
318
00:13:08,009 --> 00:13:09,149
Oh...
You know, she's...
319
00:13:09,169 --> 00:13:10,269
She's gettin'
it all down.
320
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:13,039
Better than
talking to me.
321
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:14,269
Nice meetin' you.
Ah, you too.
322
00:13:16,190 --> 00:13:17,220
Larry...
323
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,250
Artie.
324
00:13:18,269 --> 00:13:20,069
It gives me
great pleasure
325
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,220
to introduce you
326
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:26,030
to 1998's "Sports Illustrated"
swimsuit cover girl,
327
00:13:26,049 --> 00:13:27,229
Ms. Heidi Klum.
328
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:28,280
Happy
to meet you.
329
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,010
Hi, nice
to meet you.
330
00:13:30,029 --> 00:13:31,049
I'm so happy
to be on your show.
331
00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:32,280
Really?
332
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,080
Oh, uh, Laura,
this is Heidi Klum--
333
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:36,110
You're on
the show tonight?
334
00:13:36,129 --> 00:13:37,129
Yeah, she's
on the show tonight.
335
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,249
That's nice. Nice.
336
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,210
Don't forget
the Discover card.
337
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,260
What are you
talking about?
It's right here.
338
00:13:44,279 --> 00:13:47,999
Oh, $2,400...
339
00:13:48,019 --> 00:13:50,109
Fuck me...
340
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:52,219
Wha-- Does anybody
take Discover anymore?
341
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:56,250
I mean... Was this guy
current on anything?
342
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:59,289
Hank, we want you
to do the Liza Minnelli
sketch tonight.
343
00:14:00,009 --> 00:14:02,089
Oh, I can't. I can't.
344
00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:03,280
I mean, that's--
that's Sid's baby.
345
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,240
I-- I could never
fill those shoes.
346
00:14:05,259 --> 00:14:06,269
Brian...
347
00:14:06,289 --> 00:14:07,279
Yeah, sure,
I'll do it.
348
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,230
No, excuse us,
please.
Oh, yes.
349
00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:13,999
What are all these warm,
squishy fuzzies
350
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,139
for Sid all of a sudden?
351
00:14:15,159 --> 00:14:16,169
What do you mean?
352
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:18,200
Don't shit me,
you and Sid hated each other.
353
00:14:18,220 --> 00:14:20,230
Now you're mourning him
like you're Yoko Ono.
354
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,010
What'd you say to Sid?
355
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:23,009
When?
356
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,239
Right after rehearsal,
when you walked away from me
357
00:14:24,259 --> 00:14:26,149
and made a beeline backstage.
358
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:28,139
Probably to tell him
how rotten he was,
359
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,059
and how much better
you'd be in the sketch, right?
360
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,060
No.
361
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,030
No, we, uh,
we just talked
about, uh, cars.
362
00:14:34,049 --> 00:14:35,079
Really?
363
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,240
What kind of car
did Sid have?
364
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,279
We-- we never
got to that.
365
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,140
Ah. Huh.
366
00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:55,210
Hi, Larry.
I'm Char.
367
00:14:55,230 --> 00:14:57,200
Oh, hi, welcome.
Thanks.
368
00:14:57,220 --> 00:14:58,210
Welcome.
Happy to see you.
369
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,290
How's this
gonna work, exactly?
370
00:15:00,009 --> 00:15:01,229
I'll just ask you
questions like...
371
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:05,070
"Are you dating
somebody that's a '''
or an 'L' initial?"
372
00:15:05,090 --> 00:15:07,180
I'm not
dating anyone.
373
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,230
"L-A"
like Laura?
374
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:12,150
Dern?
375
00:15:12,169 --> 00:15:15,069
Ah, the lovely Char.
376
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:18,000
If you could read my mind,
you know that I'm a bad boy.
377
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:21,100
Why don't you wait
in my office?
378
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,290
We got some lovely
Belgium chocolates
in there.
379
00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:26,279
Lori, can you
help out here?
380
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:32,020
(Larry clears throat)
381
00:15:32,039 --> 00:15:33,069
What's wrong?
382
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:34,240
Bump her.
Why?
383
00:15:34,259 --> 00:15:36,999
Because she said
I'm dating Laura Dern and I am.
384
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,109
Oh, what a relief!
385
00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:40,069
That explains why
you weren't making a move
386
00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:41,290
on that
"Sports Illustrated" babe.
387
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,249
Just replace her with someone
who doesn't know anything
388
00:15:43,269 --> 00:15:45,159
about my personal life, okay?
389
00:15:45,179 --> 00:15:47,079
Who the hell
could that be?
390
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,070
Jerry Stiller.
391
00:15:49,090 --> 00:15:50,130
Fine.
392
00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:53,000
You know,
it is gonna be
a little strange
393
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:54,119
sitting there
and not seeing Sid
out there.
394
00:15:54,139 --> 00:15:58,169
Okay, now don't--
don't-- don't...
dwell on that.
395
00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:00,060
You know,
it was wrong
for that girl
396
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,100
to cut things off
so abruptly.
397
00:16:03,210 --> 00:16:04,260
Shirley.
398
00:16:04,279 --> 00:16:05,279
Who's Shirley?
399
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,010
His girlfriend.
400
00:16:07,029 --> 00:16:08,079
Girlfriend?
401
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,190
Yeah, yeah. She left him
right before he killed himself.
402
00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:12,040
You didn't know?
He had her stashed
403
00:16:12,059 --> 00:16:13,149
in a little place
in the Valley.
404
00:16:13,169 --> 00:16:14,239
Used to bang her
on lunch.
405
00:16:16,019 --> 00:16:17,019
Lunch.
406
00:16:17,039 --> 00:16:20,019
Yeah,
that's why
Janice left him.
407
00:16:20,039 --> 00:16:21,109
Who's Janice?
408
00:16:21,129 --> 00:16:23,089
His wife.
409
00:16:24,269 --> 00:16:27,249
I thought his wife
was dead.
410
00:16:27,269 --> 00:16:28,269
Sid.
411
00:16:28,289 --> 00:16:32,019
No. I guess he liked
to tell people that.
412
00:16:33,190 --> 00:16:35,170
What a piece
of work.
413
00:16:35,190 --> 00:16:39,140
Can you imagine killing yourself
over a couple of chicks?
414
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:46,149
There's no Sprite
in there.
415
00:16:46,169 --> 00:16:48,249
I'm Char,
the psychic.
416
00:16:48,269 --> 00:16:50,139
I'm on the show tonight.
417
00:16:50,159 --> 00:16:53,029
Have a good time.
418
00:16:53,049 --> 00:16:54,079
Thanks.
419
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,120
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
420
00:16:56,139 --> 00:16:58,089
Do you have somebody
who's close to you
421
00:16:58,110 --> 00:17:00,010
that's an "S" initial?
422
00:17:01,169 --> 00:17:02,189
I don't know.
423
00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:04,040
Maybe it's
somebody deceased.
424
00:17:04,059 --> 00:17:07,109
Yeah,
like an "S-I,"
425
00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:10,050
like a Sid
or a Sidney?
426
00:17:10,069 --> 00:17:12,129
No... nothing.
I mean, nothing--
427
00:17:12,150 --> 00:17:15,140
He-- he wants you
to do the sketch.
428
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,200
Does that mean
anything to you?
429
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,229
Mexico. Wow.
Yeah.
430
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:25,270
Did you go with, uh,
anybody to Mexico?
431
00:17:25,289 --> 00:17:27,079
Larry:
I'll bet
you went alone.
432
00:17:27,099 --> 00:17:29,059
Yeah, I do love
to travel alone.
433
00:17:29,079 --> 00:17:30,149
You travel alone.
434
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:32,000
She travels alone,
that's my instinct.
435
00:17:32,019 --> 00:17:33,169
You were right.
Loner.
436
00:17:33,190 --> 00:17:34,210
Laura:
Yep.
437
00:17:34,230 --> 00:17:36,280
Picked it up like that.
That's me.
438
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,270
We'll have you
on another night.
439
00:17:38,289 --> 00:17:40,249
No, you won't.
440
00:17:44,269 --> 00:17:47,089
You know I have
a place in Mexico.
441
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:48,109
Oh, do you really?
442
00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:49,170
In Cabo San Lucas.
443
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:51,100
Well, this
is a perfect place--
444
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:53,049
Yes, Cabo San Lucas.
Laura: You have
a beautiful accent.
445
00:17:53,069 --> 00:17:55,229
Thank you. I sort
of put a little tilde
on that, didn't I?
446
00:17:57,039 --> 00:18:00,009
We all do
when we... speak
foreign languages.
447
00:18:00,029 --> 00:18:01,119
If you do
travel alone,
448
00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:05,150
I would love for you
to come and visit,
uh, my house.
449
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:07,260
I would love
to cook for you and--
and, um--
450
00:18:07,279 --> 00:18:09,079
Why don't
we take a break,
451
00:18:09,099 --> 00:18:11,219
and, uh, we'll be back
with more of, uh, Laura Dern.
452
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:12,250
No flipping.
453
00:18:12,269 --> 00:18:14,199
(applause)
454
00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,119
Ah, my little
rambling rose,
455
00:18:25,140 --> 00:18:26,200
delightful
as ever.
456
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:30,080
Give my best to your mom
and your dad.
Dern old Bruce.
457
00:18:30,099 --> 00:18:31,139
Okay.
458
00:18:33,130 --> 00:18:34,140
Good, huh?
459
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,150
I don't think
they could tell there was
460
00:18:37,170 --> 00:18:39,270
any underlying
sexual chemistry, do you?
461
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,020
No.
462
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:43,059
None at all?
463
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:45,069
No. I mean, you did
a great job.
464
00:18:45,089 --> 00:18:48,229
But it was like when
you were interviewing
Dan Rather.
465
00:18:51,259 --> 00:18:53,249
You are going to be
very glad that you stayed,
466
00:18:53,269 --> 00:18:57,069
because, uh, you know,
as we wind down here
on "The Larry Sanders Show,"
467
00:18:57,089 --> 00:19:00,049
a lot of very famous,
special people have come by
468
00:19:00,069 --> 00:19:02,159
to express
their well wishes,
469
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:04,210
and here
is yet another one.
470
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:07,160
Ladies and gentlemen,
Liza Minnelli.
471
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,070
Liza Minnelli!
472
00:19:09,089 --> 00:19:12,079
(cheers and applause)
Liza!
473
00:19:12,099 --> 00:19:15,259
(piano playing slow melody)
474
00:19:20,069 --> 00:19:23,069
♪ What good is sitting ♪
475
00:19:23,089 --> 00:19:26,089
♪ Alone in your room ♪
476
00:19:26,109 --> 00:19:31,119
♪ Come hear
the music play ♪
477
00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:38,139
♪ Come to the cabaret,
old chum ♪
478
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,260
♪ Life is a cabaret ♪
479
00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:44,209
Good luck, Larry.
We're all gonna
miss you, sweetie.
480
00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:47,000
Thank you
for the wonderful years.
481
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:51,019
(cheers and applause)
482
00:19:51,039 --> 00:19:52,149
Thank you, Liza.
483
00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:53,230
Thank you.
484
00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:54,290
Thank you, Liza.
485
00:19:55,009 --> 00:19:59,249
♪ Start by admitting
from cradle to tomb ♪
486
00:19:59,269 --> 00:20:03,219
♪ Isn't that long a stay ♪
487
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:07,090
♪ Life is a cabaret,
old chum ♪
488
00:20:07,109 --> 00:20:09,049
Okay, Liza, Liza,
that's fine, thank you.
489
00:20:09,069 --> 00:20:10,149
That's enough.
490
00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:13,020
Liza, that's enough.
That's enough!
491
00:20:13,039 --> 00:20:14,209
♪ Life is a-- ♪
Liza!
492
00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:16,090
Ah, screw you, Larry.
493
00:20:17,230 --> 00:20:19,150
I got to tell you something.
494
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:21,130
My mom and I
always hated you.
495
00:20:21,150 --> 00:20:26,170
♪ Life is a cabaret,
old chum ♪
496
00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:30,050
♪ Only a cabaret,
old chum ♪
497
00:20:30,069 --> 00:20:36,019
♪ So come to the cabaret ♪
498
00:20:36,039 --> 00:20:37,259
(cheers and applause)
499
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:39,249
Larry:
Liza Minnelli!
500
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,080
That was good.
501
00:20:43,099 --> 00:20:45,009
Were they, uh...
502
00:20:45,029 --> 00:20:47,269
Were they laughing with me
or were they laughing at me?
503
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:49,059
Well, at you.
504
00:20:49,079 --> 00:20:51,109
But hilarious.
Really good.
505
00:20:53,289 --> 00:20:56,269
Aw, Sid, you fuck.
506
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,090
You tricked me, buddy.
507
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:09,070
You're gonna
be so happy
that you stayed,
508
00:21:09,089 --> 00:21:12,189
because our next guest
is a very funny man.
509
00:21:12,210 --> 00:21:16,000
He plays George's father
on "Seinfeld."
510
00:21:16,019 --> 00:21:18,019
He's also a part
of the fantastic
511
00:21:18,039 --> 00:21:20,159
comedy team
Stiller and Meara.
512
00:21:20,180 --> 00:21:23,090
Please give a warm welcome
to Jerry Stiller!
513
00:21:23,109 --> 00:21:26,039
(cheers and applause)
Thank you.
514
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,200
And, uh, you know,
I mentioned
that "Seinfeld"
515
00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:41,190
is going off the air,
but, in truth, you have
a whole career happening,
516
00:21:41,210 --> 00:21:43,070
don't you,
separate from that.
517
00:21:43,089 --> 00:21:44,179
There's a life
after "Seinfeld."
518
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,220
But forget about my life.
What about your life?
519
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:50,260
I just ran into a, uh,
a psychic in the parking lot
520
00:21:50,279 --> 00:21:53,219
who told me that you
and Laura are an item.
521
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,150
Is this
the truth?
522
00:21:55,170 --> 00:21:58,040
(applause and whooping)
Is this the truth?
523
00:21:58,059 --> 00:22:02,029
(theme music playing)
37098
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