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1
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,259
Hey, Hank,
how's it going?
2
00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:14,059
How's it going?
3
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,100
It's going great.
4
00:00:15,119 --> 00:00:17,009
I was almost killed
on the way here.
5
00:00:17,030 --> 00:00:18,210
I'm on the 101,
and all of a sudden,
6
00:00:18,230 --> 00:00:20,190
the entire cast of
"Miss Saigon"
7
00:00:20,210 --> 00:00:23,150
comes out of nowhere
and tries to sideswipe me.
8
00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:26,210
These Asians, I mean, they
must have a deal with the DMV.
9
00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:29,000
They-they keep getting
the licenses.
10
00:00:29,019 --> 00:00:31,009
Yeah, right. Listen, I am
doing a charity walkathon
11
00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:32,240
this weekend,
and it's 20 miles,
12
00:00:32,259 --> 00:00:35,259
and I'd appreciate it if you'd
pledge a certain amount of money
for each mile that I walk.
13
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,210
Oh, it's an
AIDS thing, right?
14
00:00:37,229 --> 00:00:38,219
Oh, you know
about it?
15
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,200
No, but it's
always an AIDS thing.
16
00:00:40,219 --> 00:00:43,119
Well, how does
a dollar a mile sound?
17
00:00:43,140 --> 00:00:45,080
Twenty whole dollars?
18
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:46,260
Can a cure be
far behind?
19
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,290
Well, I hope,
I pray,
20
00:00:48,009 --> 00:00:50,239
because it's an
awful, horrid disease
21
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,059
and I'll, I'll need
a receipt.
22
00:00:52,079 --> 00:00:53,219
Mm-hmm.
23
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:54,230
Hey, Larry.
24
00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:55,240
Morning.
25
00:00:55,259 --> 00:00:56,249
Morning, Larry.
26
00:00:56,270 --> 00:00:57,270
Morning.
27
00:00:57,289 --> 00:00:59,189
Um, I am doing a charity
walkathon this weekend,
28
00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:01,160
and I need to hit you up
for a certain amount
29
00:01:01,179 --> 00:01:03,019
of money for each mile
I walk, 20 miles.
30
00:01:03,039 --> 00:01:04,229
Happy to.
How's 20 bucks a mile?
31
00:01:04,250 --> 00:01:06,200
Oh, that's great,
that's $400.
Good, great.
32
00:01:06,219 --> 00:01:08,159
What is the cause?
Uh, AIDS, yeah.
AIDS.
33
00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:09,190
Make it 25.
34
00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:11,130
Thank you so much.
35
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:13,280
Beverly, I think it's time
to send that memo out again.
36
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,210
Uh, the one about people
not talking to you
37
00:01:15,230 --> 00:01:17,170
first thing in the morning?
Yes, yes.
38
00:01:17,189 --> 00:01:18,269
Okay.
39
00:01:18,289 --> 00:01:20,029
Uh, here's some
fan mail
40
00:01:20,049 --> 00:01:22,289
I'm sure you'll
find tantalizing.
Oh.
41
00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:24,120
Hey, underwear again?
42
00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:25,180
Yep.
Yep, yep.
43
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,210
Same person?
Yep.
44
00:01:26,230 --> 00:01:28,050
Yep, yep.
45
00:01:28,069 --> 00:01:30,279
It'd be nice to get some
from a woman occasionally,
wouldn't it?
46
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,000
Nevertheless...
47
00:01:32,020 --> 00:01:34,120
Whoa!
Gut' morgen, kiddos.
48
00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:35,200
I had to get out
of my office.
49
00:01:35,219 --> 00:01:36,999
They painted it
last night.
50
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,250
The fumes are
making me loopy.
51
00:01:38,270 --> 00:01:40,210
A few seconds ago,
I saw Meg Ryan's head
52
00:01:40,229 --> 00:01:43,089
floating above
my credenza.
53
00:01:43,109 --> 00:01:44,149
Oh, I gotta sit down.
54
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,040
Pretend I'm not here.
55
00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:48,130
Okay, here are
the tiles from Bob.
56
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:51,040
Oh, those are nice.
They go with your eyes.
57
00:01:51,060 --> 00:01:53,180
Perhaps
with a red grout.
58
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,270
Who's Bob?
59
00:01:54,289 --> 00:01:56,159
Beverly:
Your interior designer.
60
00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:58,240
No, my-my interior
designer's named Bryn Mawr.
61
00:01:58,259 --> 00:02:00,159
Oh, uh, no,
Bob told me
62
00:02:00,180 --> 00:02:02,160
he makes a lot more
money using that name.
63
00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:04,040
Artie:
Pretentious prick.
64
00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:06,140
Uh, he said he needs
to know immediately
65
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:08,059
which one you like best.
66
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,090
It's for the barbecue
countertop out by the pool.
67
00:02:11,110 --> 00:02:13,010
Well, what's the difference
between these two?
68
00:02:13,030 --> 00:02:14,150
They look
the same to me.
69
00:02:14,169 --> 00:02:16,169
Well, he said this one
is from Portugal,
70
00:02:16,189 --> 00:02:19,069
so it'll cost
you 6,000 extra.
Really.
71
00:02:19,090 --> 00:02:21,240
Lordy, I did some
grand humping in Portugal.
72
00:02:21,259 --> 00:02:23,269
I got a mysterious
itch in Lisbon.
73
00:02:23,289 --> 00:02:25,129
You know, it's getting
more and more difficult
74
00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:26,200
to pretend you're
not here.
75
00:02:26,219 --> 00:02:29,069
I'm sorry,
I still got a paint buzz.
76
00:02:29,090 --> 00:02:30,290
I can't tell the difference.
What do you think?
77
00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:32,169
Well, I'd go with
the cheaper one.
78
00:02:32,189 --> 00:02:34,209
I mean, they look
almost identical.
79
00:02:34,229 --> 00:02:36,249
Is this it?
Is this the cheaper one?
Yeah.
80
00:02:36,270 --> 00:02:38,220
All right, well, let's go
with the one from Portugal.
81
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,080
Because, you know,
if I get the cheaper one,
82
00:02:40,099 --> 00:02:41,199
then I'm always gonna think
83
00:02:41,219 --> 00:02:43,159
there's a better tile
in Portugal.
84
00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:45,110
Okay.
And I'll be unhappy.
85
00:02:45,129 --> 00:02:46,199
Good thinking.
86
00:02:46,219 --> 00:02:48,079
And, uh, just call
my business manager.
87
00:02:48,099 --> 00:02:49,159
Tell him to cut
a check.
88
00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:51,130
You know, I need
to call Frank anyway.
89
00:02:51,150 --> 00:02:53,200
Those, uh, pepper trees
they just put in?
90
00:02:53,219 --> 00:02:54,279
The guy from
the nursery called.
91
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,030
He said that your...
your check bounced.
92
00:02:58,060 --> 00:02:59,100
Well, what is
that about?
93
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,030
Well, the exterminator
called to say
94
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:02,180
that his check bounced, too.
95
00:03:02,199 --> 00:03:04,019
Well...
96
00:03:04,289 --> 00:03:06,269
Is there a financial
statement or something
97
00:03:06,289 --> 00:03:09,099
that Frank
sends each month?
Uh, yes.
98
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,220
Probably, the fucking
business manager
99
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,060
has his head up his ass.
100
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,140
Oh, but don't
get upset about it.
101
00:03:13,159 --> 00:03:16,099
We've got a sketch rehearsal
in ten minutes.
102
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,270
Why don't we stop by
my office
103
00:03:17,289 --> 00:03:20,209
and take a hit off
the fumes, baby?
104
00:03:20,229 --> 00:03:23,159
Okay, why don't you put
on "Dark Side of the Moon"
and I'll be right there.
105
00:03:23,180 --> 00:03:25,070
Okay.
106
00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:27,150
What is this?
What does this say?
107
00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:29,200
Uh, $14.
108
00:03:29,219 --> 00:03:31,089
And what is this?
109
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,260
Net.
Right.
110
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,280
Could you get Frank
on the phone right away?
111
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,060
Okay.
112
00:03:38,129 --> 00:03:40,149
Larry:
I don't know what you've
heard about us, Mister, uh...
113
00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:41,200
Hank:
Bobo.
114
00:03:41,219 --> 00:03:42,269
Larry:
Mr. Bobo.
115
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,189
No, just Bobo.
116
00:03:44,210 --> 00:03:45,220
Well, I don't know
what you've...
117
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,000
(noisemaker clicking)
118
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:48,280
...heard about us,
uh, Bobo.
119
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,290
But we here at Clown Court
take clowning very seriously.
120
00:03:52,009 --> 00:03:53,239
Now, I've looked
over your résumé,
121
00:03:53,259 --> 00:03:56,019
and I've gotta tell you
I'm quite impressed.
122
00:03:56,039 --> 00:03:57,289
Thank you very much.
123
00:03:58,009 --> 00:03:59,289
(kazoo buzzes)
124
00:04:00,009 --> 00:04:01,099
All right,
there's no need...
125
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:02,270
There's no need
doing that.
126
00:04:02,289 --> 00:04:04,189
Why don't you put
that back in the case,
127
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:07,210
and just feel free
to be yourself, all right?
128
00:04:07,229 --> 00:04:08,259
Now...
(distorted voice)
Thank you.
129
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,230
(man laughs)
All right, I can see
what's going on.
130
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,200
You're one of those clowns
who's always on.
131
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:14,139
(bell rings)
Excuse me.
132
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:16,270
Hello.
133
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:19,010
No. Would you hold my calls?
134
00:04:19,029 --> 00:04:21,009
Hold my calls!
135
00:04:21,029 --> 00:04:22,139
(sighs)
136
00:04:23,199 --> 00:04:25,199
Would you like
something to drink?
137
00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:28,070
(distorted voice)
That would be nice.
138
00:04:28,089 --> 00:04:29,169
(laughing)
139
00:04:29,189 --> 00:04:31,079
Oh!
There you go.
140
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,280
Jesus Christ.
141
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,000
(laughing)
142
00:04:35,019 --> 00:04:36,109
Is it me or does this suck?
143
00:04:36,129 --> 00:04:37,159
I mean, I hate this sketch.
144
00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:38,290
Yeah, so do I?
145
00:04:39,009 --> 00:04:41,019
What?
Excuse me.
146
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,260
I mean... I mean,
do I have to get wet?
147
00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:45,139
I mean, big laugh, Hank.
Come on.
148
00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:46,179
Really?
Yeah.
149
00:04:46,199 --> 00:04:47,999
Maybe I should
be wetter.
150
00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:49,039
Funny stuff, Lar.
151
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,210
Yeah, thanks, Frank.
Listen, can I talk to you
152
00:04:50,230 --> 00:04:52,200
in my office about
the financial statement?
153
00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:54,250
Sure, yeah.
All right.
154
00:04:54,269 --> 00:04:56,069
Clowns.
155
00:04:56,090 --> 00:04:58,160
You must get
laid a lot, huh?
156
00:04:58,180 --> 00:04:59,220
It's the shoe thing.
157
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,260
You know,
kick size, dick size?
158
00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:04,109
Yeah, these are
Bruno Magli, size 112.
159
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:05,269
I'll be right back.
160
00:05:05,290 --> 00:05:07,250
Hank:
Okay, Artie, do I have
time to dry off?
161
00:05:07,269 --> 00:05:09,179
Artie:
Derek! Towel!
162
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,050
Well, technically,
I'm responsible
163
00:05:13,069 --> 00:05:14,149
'cause I own the company.
Uh-huh.
164
00:05:14,170 --> 00:05:17,020
But I really didn't have
anything to do with this.
165
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,150
Well, then how did
this happen?
166
00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:20,230
Okay, look. I know, you're
my most important client.
Yeah.
167
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:22,020
I shouldn't have
let anybody else
168
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,150
anywhere near
your account.
169
00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:25,080
The fucking guy.
Who? What fucking guy?
170
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:26,240
Well, he's
a sweet guy, actually.
171
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,269
He came to me from a top-notch
accounting firm, fucker.
172
00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:31,020
Can I have a drink?
How much, Frank?
173
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,230
Uh, a double,
I guess, please.
174
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:34,060
I mean, how much
is left?
175
00:05:34,079 --> 00:05:35,159
Slow down, Larry.
176
00:05:35,180 --> 00:05:37,150
I'm going as slow
as I can.
177
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,020
How much is left?
178
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,110
I told you that it would look
like this in the fourth quarter.
179
00:05:42,129 --> 00:05:43,229
No, you didn't.
180
00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:45,170
Yeah, I did, uh--
181
00:05:45,189 --> 00:05:47,129
When we were at the Ivy...
No.
182
00:05:47,149 --> 00:05:48,219
...I warned you
when you were--
183
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,080
Yes, when you were
tipping the valet.
184
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,160
No, you didn't, Frank.
185
00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:53,060
Well, I tried to tell you
all evening.
186
00:05:53,079 --> 00:05:54,229
You had--
You never told me.
187
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:56,230
Larry, you bought
the place in Tahoe.
188
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:58,030
Right, because
you told me
189
00:05:58,050 --> 00:05:59,280
I could afford
the place in Tahoe!
No, you, I told you--
190
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,070
No, Larry, you're
editing your memory.
191
00:06:02,089 --> 00:06:04,069
I am not editing-- How long
have you been drinking, Frank?
192
00:06:04,089 --> 00:06:07,039
I don't drink.
Well, you just asked
me for a drink.
193
00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:09,000
I don't think
that's the case.
194
00:06:09,019 --> 00:06:10,109
You just asked me
for a drink.
195
00:06:10,129 --> 00:06:12,109
Everything is
under control.
196
00:06:12,129 --> 00:06:14,029
Everything is
under control?
197
00:06:14,050 --> 00:06:15,200
You have the nerve
to come in here and tell me
198
00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:17,290
everything's under control
when I'm fucking broke?
199
00:06:18,009 --> 00:06:20,199
I'd be very careful about
what you say next, Frank.
200
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,190
You know...
201
00:06:25,209 --> 00:06:28,069
you should be making a lot
more money from this show.
202
00:06:28,089 --> 00:06:29,999
If your fucking agent
was doing his job,
203
00:06:30,019 --> 00:06:32,029
we wouldn't even be having
this conversation!
Are you an idiot?
204
00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:34,100
Answer me. Answer me,
you stupid shit.
Are you an idiot?
205
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,030
Get the fuck out of the office!
Come in here like that...
206
00:06:37,050 --> 00:06:39,260
I'm fucking broke,
and you come
in here and call...
207
00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,099
Get-get out!
Get out, Frank!
208
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,190
Get your big fat ass
out of the office
and don't come back.
209
00:06:44,209 --> 00:06:46,069
I don't want
to see it again.
210
00:06:50,029 --> 00:06:52,219
What the fuck's
the matter with him today?
211
00:06:58,279 --> 00:06:59,279
Any luck?
212
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,230
No. He didn't move,
didn't say a word.
213
00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:03,190
He's still got that
pillow on his head?
Mm-hmm.
214
00:07:03,209 --> 00:07:05,279
I don't know, Artie.
It's been over three hours,
215
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,140
and the man
hasn't moved a muscle.
216
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,120
Something tells me we won't
be doing a show tonight.
217
00:07:09,139 --> 00:07:10,199
Oh, shit,
that's not an option.
218
00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:11,210
He's gotta snap
out of this.
219
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:13,140
It's half an hour
till showtime.
220
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,160
I know how to get
him out of there.
221
00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:17,130
I hate to do it.
222
00:07:21,230 --> 00:07:23,120
I have no choice.
223
00:07:24,189 --> 00:07:26,209
Oh, poor Larry.
224
00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:29,020
Lar?
It's me, Hank.
225
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,290
I'm sorry.
226
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,240
I wanted to make sure
you were getting air.
227
00:07:36,259 --> 00:07:39,259
Look, if it's money
you need, you just...
228
00:07:39,279 --> 00:07:41,189
you just say the word.
229
00:07:41,209 --> 00:07:43,249
(laughing)
Not that I'm
rolling in it.
230
00:07:43,269 --> 00:07:46,209
Between my fucking ex-wife
and the ponies,
231
00:07:46,230 --> 00:07:49,230
I'm lucky
if I can swing postage.
232
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:53,280
But, uh, whatever I have,
you know, it's yours.
233
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,120
Aw, not that you're
gonna need it, Larry,
because you know what?
234
00:07:56,139 --> 00:08:00,239
You got... you got
something that's worth
ten times what you lost.
235
00:08:00,259 --> 00:08:02,079
And do you know
what that is?
236
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:04,250
It's your name
and your likeness.
237
00:08:04,269 --> 00:08:06,149
Now you listen
to Hank.
238
00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:10,180
A couple of major
endorsement deals... Whoa!
239
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:14,239
You're gonna be wiping
your ass with $100 bills.
240
00:08:19,279 --> 00:08:21,279
Aw, I...
241
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,210
I know what you need.
242
00:08:26,069 --> 00:08:27,219
You need a hug.
243
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,240
Oh, yes,
come on.
(blinds clattering)
244
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,189
Come on.
245
00:08:31,209 --> 00:08:34,009
Don't resist.
Give in.
246
00:08:34,029 --> 00:08:36,079
There you go.
Doesn't that feel good?
(loud clattering)
247
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,220
Come on. Yes. Yes.
248
00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:42,290
You fucker.
249
00:08:43,009 --> 00:08:44,149
Don't ever do
that to me again.
250
00:08:44,169 --> 00:08:45,259
Oh, sweetheart,
it was showtime.
251
00:08:45,279 --> 00:08:47,079
My hands were tied.
252
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:50,260
So, what are you
gonna do about that
little prick, Frank?
253
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,189
Well, I have a plan.
254
00:08:52,210 --> 00:08:53,270
Good, I'll go over
there and bounce
255
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,120
that little fucker
out the window.
256
00:08:55,139 --> 00:08:56,269
Huh?
Just kidding.
257
00:08:56,289 --> 00:08:58,269
You know, but I do know
a couple of guys
258
00:08:58,289 --> 00:09:00,209
who can be helpful--
one quick phone call.
259
00:09:00,230 --> 00:09:02,160
Don't do anything,
will you, please?
260
00:09:02,179 --> 00:09:05,079
Aw, hell! What is it,
the expense?
No.
261
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,130
Okay, this one's on me.
262
00:09:06,149 --> 00:09:08,049
I don't care
if it's on you.
263
00:09:08,070 --> 00:09:12,130
I have a plan, and I think
it's a little more adult,
if I may say.
264
00:09:12,149 --> 00:09:14,209
(theme playing)
265
00:09:14,230 --> 00:09:17,010
(cheers and applause)
266
00:09:17,029 --> 00:09:18,999
Thank you.
267
00:09:19,019 --> 00:09:20,259
Thank you.
268
00:09:20,279 --> 00:09:22,269
Well, thank you very much.
269
00:09:22,289 --> 00:09:25,039
Thank you.
Thank you.
270
00:09:25,059 --> 00:09:26,239
(cheers and applause)
271
00:09:26,259 --> 00:09:29,059
Okay.
272
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,240
Thank you!
273
00:09:34,019 --> 00:09:37,209
I fired my accountant
this week
274
00:09:37,230 --> 00:09:41,170
because evidently,
he invested my money
275
00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:43,230
in a company that had plans
276
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:47,030
to install tampon dispensers
at the Citadel.
277
00:09:47,049 --> 00:09:49,099
(audience laughing)
278
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,070
(applause)
279
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:55,240
Seriously, my accountant--
but seriously...
280
00:09:55,259 --> 00:09:57,009
Seriously, my accountant,
281
00:09:57,029 --> 00:09:58,129
I don't know who
your accountant is, Hank.
282
00:09:58,149 --> 00:10:00,009
I just found out
my accountant has
283
00:10:00,029 --> 00:10:02,249
a three-tiered system, actually,
for investing my money--
284
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,149
win, place, and show.
285
00:10:04,169 --> 00:10:06,149
(audience laughing)
286
00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:10,279
He's a good man.
287
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,050
Seriously, he's a big...
He's my accountant
288
00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:15,250
who's just been recognized
by the government and arrested.
289
00:10:15,269 --> 00:10:18,029
(laughing)
290
00:10:18,049 --> 00:10:20,109
But that's your plan
for taking care of Frank?
291
00:10:20,129 --> 00:10:21,179
A little gentle ribbing,
292
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,070
a couple of jokes
you hope he'll see?
293
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,280
You know, I don't really
care if he sees 'em or not.
No?
294
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,050
I'm going home now.
I'm getting a good
night's sleep.
295
00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:29,070
You know why?
Why?
296
00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:31,290
Because I have to work
in the morning.
297
00:10:32,009 --> 00:10:33,149
What's with
the follow spot?
298
00:10:33,169 --> 00:10:36,139
Larry! God, those jokes about
your accountant were so funny.
299
00:10:36,159 --> 00:10:38,089
Oh, good, good,
thanks, yeah.
300
00:10:38,110 --> 00:10:39,170
And about
the walkathon,
301
00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:40,270
you don't have to feel
obligated to...
302
00:10:40,289 --> 00:10:43,069
Paula, come on, I'm not
destitute, for God's sake.
303
00:10:43,090 --> 00:10:44,120
I know, I know,
I didn't mean that.
304
00:10:44,139 --> 00:10:46,029
It's just, you know...
Whatever.
305
00:10:46,049 --> 00:10:47,289
I'm happy to do it.
Okay?
Oh, thank you.
306
00:10:48,009 --> 00:10:49,049
How much was it?
307
00:10:49,070 --> 00:10:51,040
I think it was
25 doll--
308
00:10:51,059 --> 00:10:52,199
You know what?
It was $10 a mile.
309
00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:53,260
That's fine.
310
00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:55,069
It was five dollars a mile.
311
00:10:55,090 --> 00:10:57,010
If it's five dollars
a mile, that's fine.
312
00:10:57,029 --> 00:10:58,179
Thank you.
Okay.
313
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,100
So that's $100 total.
314
00:11:03,289 --> 00:11:05,029
Good morning.
How are you doing?
315
00:11:05,049 --> 00:11:07,129
Good. Would you get
Stevie Grant on the phone
for me?
316
00:11:07,149 --> 00:11:09,059
Sure. Here's a latte.
317
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,190
Stevie Grant.
Oh, I'm sorry.
318
00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:16,050
Larry! Hey.
319
00:11:16,070 --> 00:11:18,120
I just want to say I'm sorry
about what happened.
320
00:11:18,139 --> 00:11:19,159
Phil, did you
get the memo?
321
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,169
No, no memo.
Ah!
322
00:11:21,190 --> 00:11:23,260
I know this is rough,
but my dad's brother
323
00:11:23,279 --> 00:11:25,149
went through
the exact same thing.
Uh-huh.
324
00:11:25,169 --> 00:11:27,029
That would
be your uncle?
325
00:11:27,049 --> 00:11:28,219
Yeah, that's right, yeah.
Ah, mm-hmm.
326
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,140
Well, he owned this,
uh, farm supply,
327
00:11:30,159 --> 00:11:32,139
a huge farm
supply business.
328
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,089
And it went belly-up
in the '80s and, uh...
329
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,200
He was really
a great guy.
330
00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:39,240
Yeah, listen, this doesn't have
a happy ending, does it, Phil?
331
00:11:39,259 --> 00:11:41,129
No, I'm sorry.
All right.
332
00:11:41,149 --> 00:11:43,259
Will you, uh...
God, I suck at
cheering people up.
333
00:11:43,279 --> 00:11:46,049
Excuse me.
Okay.
334
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:47,210
Beverly?
Yes.
335
00:11:47,230 --> 00:11:49,240
What about the memo?
Phil was just talking to me.
336
00:11:49,259 --> 00:11:50,269
Oh, I forgot,
I'm sorry, Larry.
337
00:11:50,289 --> 00:11:52,039
I-I forgot.
Thank you.
338
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:54,109
Um, Stevie said he'll call
you right after his meeting,
339
00:11:54,129 --> 00:11:55,209
uh, this morning, okay?
340
00:11:55,230 --> 00:11:56,230
Who's he in a
meeting with?
341
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:57,290
I don't--
Hey, Chief.
342
00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:58,999
How are you doing?
Morning.
343
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,159
Good, good, good.
344
00:12:00,179 --> 00:12:01,219
Good morning.
Morning, morning.
345
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,020
Did you tell him?
Not yet.
346
00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:04,149
Good, let's go
into your office.
347
00:12:04,169 --> 00:12:06,999
You're gonna
love this.
348
00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:08,179
I would like to know who
he's in a meeting with,
349
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,030
and I would like
to talk to him.
Come on.
350
00:12:10,049 --> 00:12:12,079
Last one in
has to drop trou.
351
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:14,190
Larry...
352
00:12:14,210 --> 00:12:17,240
Revenge is sweet,
and I deliver it unto you.
353
00:12:17,259 --> 00:12:18,999
What are you
talking about?
354
00:12:19,019 --> 00:12:21,109
We got him
back for you.
355
00:12:21,129 --> 00:12:23,149
We nailed him.
356
00:12:23,169 --> 00:12:25,029
The two us,
Artie and me.
357
00:12:25,049 --> 00:12:28,269
That little cocksucker Frank
is down. It was beautiful.
358
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:31,019
Oh, he's making too big
of a fucking deal out of it.
359
00:12:31,039 --> 00:12:33,169
We had a couple of pops
to get the juices flowing.
360
00:12:33,190 --> 00:12:35,220
Then, uh, we drove over
to Frank's and...
361
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:39,040
I-I-I drove because
I knew where his casa was.
362
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,059
I was there last
Christmas, you see?
363
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,080
Anyway, in front of the house,
there's this, this, uh...
364
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:46,190
Well, it's a, it's a sort
of an arch, it's wooden,
365
00:12:46,210 --> 00:12:48,020
and it's got roses
and shit all over--
366
00:12:48,039 --> 00:12:49,239
It's a trelis.
It's a trellis.
367
00:12:49,259 --> 00:12:52,039
And this trellis--
this is a gorgeous trellis.
368
00:12:52,059 --> 00:12:54,129
It's just... just gorgeous.
369
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,149
And we stood there.
370
00:12:55,169 --> 00:12:56,199
We admired it
for quite a while.
371
00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:57,270
Then I burned it down.
372
00:12:57,289 --> 00:12:59,119
Oh, shit.
373
00:12:59,139 --> 00:13:02,209
Oh, down
to the fucking ground.
374
00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:04,090
It sounds insane,
you know, but I...
375
00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:05,290
But I had lighter fluid
in the trunk of my car,
376
00:13:06,009 --> 00:13:07,059
and we got the idea...
377
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,120
And then I ran
with it.
378
00:13:08,139 --> 00:13:09,999
Uh-huh, Hank?
Yeah.
379
00:13:10,019 --> 00:13:11,029
(clearing throat)
380
00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:12,269
There's no trellis
at Frank's house.
381
00:13:12,289 --> 00:13:14,089
Ha!
Not now there ain't.
382
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:15,120
(laughing)
383
00:13:15,139 --> 00:13:19,059
There's no trellis
at his new house.
384
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:22,210
There's a trellis
at his old house.
385
00:13:22,230 --> 00:13:24,120
Not at his new house.
386
00:13:24,139 --> 00:13:28,069
The one on Benedict Canyon
that he just moved into.
387
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:30,070
Oh, shit.
388
00:13:30,090 --> 00:13:32,000
Nice going,
you fucking moron.
389
00:13:34,169 --> 00:13:36,229
You know, when that Asian woman
came out of the house screaming,
390
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:39,180
I just thought she was
the housekeeper.
391
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,150
Oh, my God.
392
00:13:41,169 --> 00:13:43,219
Oh, my God.
393
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,220
(tsking)
394
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,050
Well, I gotta go.
395
00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:48,110
(knock on door)
396
00:13:48,129 --> 00:13:51,129
Obviously, this
stays in this room.
397
00:13:51,149 --> 00:13:55,159
(whispering)
Oh, shit.
398
00:13:55,179 --> 00:13:57,159
Uh, I'm sorry,
uh, Larry?
399
00:13:57,179 --> 00:13:58,999
I have Stevie
on line one for you.
400
00:13:59,019 --> 00:14:00,189
Oh, good.
401
00:14:02,190 --> 00:14:03,180
Stevie?
402
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,230
Stevie on phone:
Larry, two things.
403
00:14:04,250 --> 00:14:05,270
First, I'm sorry.
404
00:14:05,289 --> 00:14:07,019
Hey, forget that.
405
00:14:07,039 --> 00:14:08,239
I just need some money
and I need it fast.
406
00:14:08,259 --> 00:14:10,279
I know, that was
my second thing.
407
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,160
I was trying to show
a little sensitivity.
408
00:14:12,179 --> 00:14:14,059
Appreciate it.
409
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:15,250
Kentucky Fried Chicken.
410
00:14:15,269 --> 00:14:17,049
What does that mean?
411
00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:20,040
Spokesman, you, one year.
412
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,179
So I'm the new
Colonel Sanders?
413
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,240
Ha! Funny,
I'll pitch that.
414
00:14:23,259 --> 00:14:25,069
Hey, take this
the right way,
415
00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,110
but I wish you'd
go broke every day.
416
00:14:27,129 --> 00:14:28,279
Hey, what kind of
car do you like?
417
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,160
You know how much money
I got Lindsay Wagner
418
00:14:30,179 --> 00:14:32,119
for those Ford spots?
How much?
419
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,269
Uh, I can't say,
but she needed
420
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,279
one of the trucks
to cart it home.
421
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,180
I'll set up a meeting
with the Lexus people.
422
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,050
Good, all right,
great.
423
00:14:39,070 --> 00:14:40,160
Let's start there,
and then book me
424
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:42,059
for a week in
Vegas, all right?
425
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,270
Caesars or MGM?
426
00:14:43,289 --> 00:14:45,209
Whichever
one pays more.
427
00:14:45,230 --> 00:14:48,000
How 'bout both? Nine shows
a night, every half hour.
428
00:14:48,019 --> 00:14:49,119
You know, it's
like vaudeville days.
429
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,259
Perfect.
Great.
430
00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:51,999
Hey, Artie,
how you doing?
431
00:14:52,019 --> 00:14:53,219
Oh, sweetie, so are we gonna
pick up some chicken
432
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,200
and drive that
Lexus to Vegas?
433
00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:56,250
Heh, you bet.
434
00:14:56,269 --> 00:14:58,259
Hey, listen,
I'm gonna--
435
00:14:58,279 --> 00:15:01,229
So you're doing jokes
and you're doing commercials
436
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,190
and you're playing Caesars,
that's your plan?
437
00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:05,150
Yep, that's my plan.
438
00:15:05,169 --> 00:15:07,189
We're thrilled to have you
as a spokesperson, Larry.
439
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:08,290
And we feel
we've come up
440
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,089
with a very exciting
campaign for Lexus.
441
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,240
Well, I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm
excited to be here.
442
00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:14,279
I brought the copy.
443
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,110
And I just wanted you
to take a look at it.
444
00:15:16,129 --> 00:15:17,149
Tell me if you have
any questions.
445
00:15:17,169 --> 00:15:18,169
Oh, sure.
446
00:15:18,190 --> 00:15:20,200
This is great,
this is great.
447
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:25,190
Uh, would-would you mind
reading it out loud?
448
00:15:27,149 --> 00:15:28,219
"The Lexus LS 400,
449
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,290
redefining the concept of luxury
in our time, the class--"
450
00:15:31,009 --> 00:15:32,149
woman:
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
451
00:15:32,169 --> 00:15:34,049
Would you mind
standing?
452
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:36,120
Just stand up and do it like
you would if you were, um,
453
00:15:36,139 --> 00:15:37,249
actually doing
the commercial?
454
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:40,099
Yeah, yeah, I--
I'll be the camera,
455
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,130
and the coffee
table's the car.
456
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:43,139
All right.
457
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:44,279
Is the car gonna
be a compact, also?
458
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,230
(all laughing)
459
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:48,050
Larry, don't make
fun of the product.
460
00:15:48,070 --> 00:15:49,260
Well, I was
just making...
461
00:15:52,049 --> 00:15:54,069
"The Lexus LS 400,
462
00:15:54,090 --> 00:15:57,040
"redefining the concept
of luxury in our time.
463
00:15:57,059 --> 00:15:59,079
"The classic
body styling,
464
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:02,160
"the fine, detailed leather
interior, the smooth..."
465
00:16:02,179 --> 00:16:04,019
Larry, the leather interior?
466
00:16:04,039 --> 00:16:07,019
Uh-huh?
How do you
feel about it?
467
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:08,219
How do you feel about it?
What are your thoughts?
468
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,110
Does it, does it make you
feel good, do you like it?
469
00:16:12,129 --> 00:16:13,999
I like it.
470
00:16:14,019 --> 00:16:15,069
I liked it.
471
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:16,250
Hot in the summer...
472
00:16:16,269 --> 00:16:18,199
(chuckles)
473
00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:20,120
That's what
I thought.
474
00:16:20,139 --> 00:16:21,169
For the purposes
of the commercial,
475
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:23,120
I need you to
love the leather.
476
00:16:23,139 --> 00:16:24,179
Okay.
477
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,070
To have a profound
emotional response to it.
478
00:16:27,090 --> 00:16:31,000
Love the leather, yeah?
479
00:16:31,019 --> 00:16:32,999
Okay, I got it.
Okay.
480
00:16:33,019 --> 00:16:34,269
(doorbell rings)
481
00:16:38,019 --> 00:16:40,279
(banging on window)
482
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,290
(alarm keypad beeps)
483
00:16:43,009 --> 00:16:44,249
(long beep)
484
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:46,139
(beeping)
485
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,020
Hey, Larry,
how's everything?
486
00:16:53,039 --> 00:16:54,129
What are you
doing here, Frank?
487
00:16:54,149 --> 00:16:55,279
Do you know how
late it is?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
488
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,050
Can I-can I
come in, man?
489
00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:58,180
I really gotta talk
to you about something.
490
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,030
No, no, you can't
come in.
491
00:17:00,049 --> 00:17:01,039
(sighs)
492
00:17:01,059 --> 00:17:02,109
Okay.
493
00:17:02,129 --> 00:17:05,109
It's not some
other guy at the office.
It's me, all right?
494
00:17:05,130 --> 00:17:06,240
I got a drinking
problem.
495
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:11,009
For the last two years, I've
been off and on antidepressants.
496
00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:12,199
I hate my life, Larry.
Uh-huh.
497
00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:15,120
I hate being a
fucking accountant.
Oh, really?
498
00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:17,040
But I want
you to know,
499
00:17:17,059 --> 00:17:19,289
you have to believe me
when I tell you
500
00:17:20,009 --> 00:17:21,999
that I didn't mean
to hurt you, okay?
Fine.
501
00:17:22,019 --> 00:17:23,159
It's the last thing
I wanted to do.
Okay.
502
00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:24,230
I believe you.
503
00:17:24,250 --> 00:17:26,080
Here, take this.
504
00:17:26,099 --> 00:17:27,089
What is this?
505
00:17:27,109 --> 00:17:28,139
It's money.
506
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,260
What is it?
How much is in it?
507
00:17:29,279 --> 00:17:31,029
Is it all of it?
Oh!
508
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,129
How much?
509
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:33,230
Do you think I got
that kind of money?
510
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,230
But it's your fees from
over the years, all right?
511
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:36,290
I obviously didn't
earn 'em.
512
00:17:37,009 --> 00:17:38,239
So this is five percent
of what I lost?
513
00:17:38,259 --> 00:17:41,039
Well, more
or less.
514
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:42,119
Where's the rest?
515
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:44,120
Well, I'm working on it, man.
You're working on it?
516
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:47,050
But for now,
we're square, right?
517
00:17:47,069 --> 00:17:48,289
What do you mean,
we're square, Frank?
518
00:17:49,009 --> 00:17:51,119
Somebody set fire
to my old house.
519
00:17:51,140 --> 00:17:53,150
I got the message.
520
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:57,200
I don't know anything
about that, Frank.
521
00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:59,140
Okay, fine.
522
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,150
I swear to God.
523
00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:03,210
Play it that way.
Fine, fine. Good night.
524
00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:05,150
(whispering)
Oh, my God.
525
00:18:09,049 --> 00:18:10,089
(beeping)
526
00:18:12,230 --> 00:18:14,040
Morning.
527
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,230
Oh, good morning, Larry.
Morning.
528
00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:21,160
Morning, I'd like
to introduce you to, uh...
529
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,120
Did you get the memo?
530
00:18:23,140 --> 00:18:24,220
No.
Oh.
531
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,280
Uh, these are
the, uh, Chins.
532
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,120
Uh, Edward and Allison
and Edward's mother,
533
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:32,040
whose name I'm not gonna
even try to pronounce.
534
00:18:32,059 --> 00:18:33,239
Oh, well, it's a pleasure
to meet all of you.
535
00:18:33,259 --> 00:18:35,029
Anyway, these
are the people...
536
00:18:35,049 --> 00:18:36,269
I'm sure you heard about it
in the news whose home
537
00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:38,159
was vandalized
a few days ago.
538
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:40,080
Uh-huh.
They burned down our trellis.
539
00:18:40,099 --> 00:18:41,259
Oh, awful.
540
00:18:41,279 --> 00:18:43,139
And I was so touched
by their situation,
541
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,260
I asked them to come by
for a little backstage tour,
542
00:18:45,279 --> 00:18:47,069
some lunch,
you know?
543
00:18:47,089 --> 00:18:49,249
Just to show them
that not all...
544
00:18:49,269 --> 00:18:51,169
all Angelinos
are bad.
545
00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:53,190
Absolutely, please, enjoy
yourselves while you're here.
546
00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:55,020
If there's anything I
can do, let me know.
547
00:18:55,039 --> 00:18:57,019
I'm so sorry about
the Margaret Cho show.
548
00:19:00,279 --> 00:19:02,109
Anyhow, that's Larry.
549
00:19:02,130 --> 00:19:03,210
So, uh, if
you follow me...
550
00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:05,060
if you've never seen
a green room,
551
00:19:05,079 --> 00:19:08,249
boy, you're in for
a real true-- uh, treat.
552
00:19:08,269 --> 00:19:10,269
Okay, make a decision.
Okay.
553
00:19:10,289 --> 00:19:13,049
They look identical, right?
Yes.
554
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,079
(exhales)
555
00:19:14,099 --> 00:19:15,289
Then let's go with the
cheaper one because, uh,
556
00:19:16,009 --> 00:19:17,029
why waste the money?
557
00:19:17,049 --> 00:19:18,239
Good thinking.
All right.
558
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,120
Morning!
Sorry I'm late.
559
00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:24,110
Had a little trouble
with me car.
560
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,150
Oh, hey, listen.
561
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:26,240
Frank came by
the house last night
562
00:19:26,259 --> 00:19:28,259
and brought my
money back.
563
00:19:28,279 --> 00:19:29,279
How much?
564
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,110
Some of it.
565
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:32,130
Well, then your
plan is working.
566
00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:33,150
Well, I think so.
567
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:35,100
Congratulations.
Hey, thanks.
568
00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:37,189
Uh, excuse me,
Larry.
569
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:40,020
I had a message on my desk
that Frank's office called.
570
00:19:40,039 --> 00:19:41,099
He's over at Cedars.
571
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:43,029
Apparently, some nut
drove up on the sidewalk
572
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,289
and ran over his foot.
573
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:52,040
(theme music playing)
40914
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